Ben took in the scene in front of him. Joe, eyes sparkling, was waiting for his chance to ‘help’ the layout on the chessboard, while Hoss studied it in deep thought. Adam was lying on the couch, reading, or rather fingering the pages absently. His eyes were wandering somewhere over the fireplace. His mind was clearly somewhere else.Ben sighed involuntarily. Adam’s skin had lost its tan, and was still too pale for Ben’s liking. But worse was the truth hidden under the blanket over Adam.
~~~The rain lashed down, the strong wind driving
its stinging coldness under Adam’s hat and into his face and he huddled closer
into his coat. After the long journey
from
Adam jerked upright as he felt himself slipping sideways; he hadn’t realised that he had closed his eyes and almost fallen asleep. He pulled the horse to a walk, despite his hurry; he wouldn’t get home at all if he wasn’t careful. The darkness of the forest through which he was riding was absolute, but suddenly Adam thought that he could see movement. He pulled the horse to a stop and called out, but received no reply. He called again but his words were lost amongst the sound of the rain and the wildly waving branches.
He turned and continued steadily along the trail, only a few more minutes and he would see the lights of the Ponderosa. Suddenly he thought he heard voices, calling to him to... to what?, he couldn’t catch the words; he again pulled his mount to a standstill and looked round. He was about to dismount when his horse reared, screaming in terror, and he was thrown to the ground. The terrified animal lost its footing on the slippery path and fell sideways, off the path, landing on top of Adam as he lay stunned. He felt his body explode with pain, first in his head where it had made contact with the ground, then in his back as the animal’s weight hit him, forcing the small rocks he was lying on into his spine. The horse struggled to its feet and, still screaming, galloped off, leaving Adam where he had fallen.
**********
Ben was sitting reading when heard the sound of hooves in the yard, and waited. When no one came to the door he put down his book and went to the door, opening it only a little so as not to let in the wind that was whipping round the house. He saw no one and curiosity led him outside, where he saw a horse he didn’t recognise in the yard. But he did recognise Adam’s valise attached to the saddle. He advanced to the edge of the veranda, hesitating to go out into the rain.“Adam! Adam is that you?” He received no reply and went slowly towards the strange horse, speaking softly over the howling of the wind, calming the animal. The rain quickly saturated his shirt as he led the horse into the stable and tied it in a stall, then took the valise and ran back to the house.“Hoss, Joe!” He looked towards the stairs and his two younger sons appeared, summoned by his call.“What’s up, Pa?” asked Joe, descending the stairs with Hoss behind him.“I think Adam’s in trouble.” He showed them the valise. “A horse just came in with this attached to the saddle, but there’s no sign of Adam.”
Hoss didn’t hesitate. He picked up his hat and gun belt and opened the front door. “Well, what are we waiting for?” Ben and Joe were already behind him, ready to go in search of their missing son and brother.
They had only ridden for a few minutes when they saw the dark shape by the edge of the path, and hurried towards it, throwing themselves from their horses as they came near. Ben knelt down beside his son, whose eyes were wide and staring, unblinking even as the rain fell on his face. Ben told Hoss and Joe to go back for a buckboard, then turned his attention to Adam.
As he reached out with his hands, Ben could see Adam shivering and felt the fever in his brow. “Adam,” said Ben softly, “can you hear me?”
Adam gave no sign that he was aware of his father’s presence, his gaze was fixed somewhere over his father’s shoulder. Ben glanced round; the look in Adam’s staring eyes said that he could see something there, something that terrified him.“What is it, son? What can you see?”
Adam didn’t speak, he just stared at the darkness as it approached and enveloped him.
When Adam awoke he realised that something was wrong and it took him a moment to realise what it was. He was dry and warm. His last conscious thought was of rain falling on his face, and shivering in the darkness.
Doctor Paul Martin leaned over Adam when he saw that his eyes were open."Adam, can you hear me?” he asked, but Adam did not react, he was staring at the far corner of the room seemingly fascinated by the bare wall.
Paul straightened, glanced at Ben and shrugged his shoulders. He felt round Adam’s head for any sing that he had hurt it when he fell, but only found a small lump that he had felt before, no more serious damage.
He tried again, "Adam…” He was pleased to see Adam’s eyes slide sideways to look at him. "Can you hear me?”
Adam nodded."You’ve got some deep bruising to your back and I have to check your legs. I’m going to test them with this pin.” He held it up so that Adam could see it. "I want you to tell me if you can feel it.”
He uncovered Adam’s legs and pricked the skin by his ankle. When he didn’t hear any reaction from Adam, Paul looked up. Adam shook his head and Paul tried higher up the leg, with the same result. Paul frowned and looked up at Ben, who was standing anxiously on the other side of the bed. When he returned his attention to Adam he saw that his eyes were once again fixed on the corner of the room."Adam…” The eyes reluctantly focused on the doctor. “I’m going to try the same test on your arm, OK?”
Paul pricked the skin of Adam’s wrist and felt the slight jump as it contacted with the nerves.“You felt that?”
Adam nodded.
Paul’s frown deepened and he drew a deep breath. “Tell me how you feel.” His tone held a concern that made Ben look at him sharply.
When Adam simply shook his head after a second, Paul patted his arm. “Don’t worry about it, just get some rest.”
Paul packed up his instruments and indicated to Ben that they should leave as he headed for the door. When he looked back he saw that Adam was staring at the corner of the room and his brow was furrowed as though in puzzlement.
Once downstairs, Paul turned to Ben, who had been joined by Hoss and Joe who were anxious for news of their brother.“Ben, I won’t beat around the bush. Adam has seriously damaged his back. I suspect from the extent of the bruising, that his horse may have fallen on him. I don’t know at this moment how extensive that damage may be, but you have to face the possibility that Adam may never walk again.”
The statement was greeted by gasps and then vociferous denials from Hoss and Joe. Ben remained silent, taking in the news, then he motioned for them to be quiet.“There’s more, isn’t there?”
Paul nodded. “I am concerned that Adam has not chosen to speak.”
Ben immediately picked up on the strange phrasing. “Hasn’t chosen…?”
“Yes. There is no physical reason for his silence.” He shrugged. “It could be shock, of course, but Adam had been badly injured before, even fallen from his horse before, but it had never affected him this way. No, this time there’s something more at work.”
Ben looked at his sons and back to the doctor. “What can we do?”
“Keep him warm and comfortable. Apart from that, do what you always do, give him love and affection, let him know that he has nothing to fear from speaking.”“Why should he be afraid?”
“I don’t know.” Paul picked up his hat. “I’ll come back tomorrow to check on his back, but as to the rest…”
Ben nodded. “Thanks Paul, for all you’ve done. Leave the rest to us.”
**********
Ben took in the scene in front of him. Joe, eyes sparkling, was waiting for his chance to ‘help’ the layout on the chessboard, while Hoss studied it in deep thought. Adam was lying on the couch, reading, or rather fingering the pages absently. His eyes were wandering somewhere over the fireplace. His mind was clearly somewhere else.
Ben sighed involuntarily. Adam’s skin had lost its tan, and was still too pale for Ben’s liking. But worse was the truth hidden under the blanket over Adam.
Ben couldn’t comprehend his son’s unbelievable patience. At first cooped up in his room, completely dependent upon others, then confined to his wheelchair and as far as the yard, often left alone for hours, and invariably completely dependent on them, he exhibited heavenly patience and stoic calm.
The first days had been very difficult; the first nights, as well.
They had to come often to check on him, and help him in everything. Sometimes, he just offered an apologetic smile as they were changing the sheets. At other times, the patient apologetic smile informed them in advance that the sheets needed changing. He hadn’t uttered one sound of complaint; Ben came to wishing Adam complained every minute, just to hear his voice, but Adam never made any sound. Paul could only spread his hands in a helpless gesture. It was possible Adam would never speak again. It was probable he would never walk again.
Suddenly, Ben noticed Adam’s gaze come back to reality, and his hand grope for something on the floor. Adam threw his father a fleeting smile, concentrating on finding the necessary item and pushing the blanket down far enough. Then all of a sudden Hoss was there and helped him quickly, efficiently and as naturally as though he’d been doing that all his life.
Adam smiled at him gratefully. It wasn’t the first time Hoss guessed his needs and tended to them in a matter-of-fact, efficient manner that held no room for pity or sympathy. As though it was the most normal thing on earth. It was more comfortable for Adam if someone else was helping him, though he was coping quite well as of late.
“Did he cheat meanwhile?” Hoss indicated Joe with a move of his head.
The youngest was clearly affronted, “I don’t cheat, you ox! Besides, I’d never take advantage of Adam’s needs!”
Adam laughed soundlessly at that, and shook his head in answer to Hoss’ question. He hadn’t noticed Joe move anything on the board; his youngest brother had been gazing at them all the time, ready to help should the need arise. Ben observed them pensively. He waited for Hoss and Joe to settle back over the chessboard, then quietly sat at Adam’s side.
“Son?” he began tentatively. Adam patiently waited for him to continue; this was a sort of “Yes, Pa?” on his part.
“Son, I know there is still some time till the round-up, but I’ve been thinking... You see, we will all be gone, and... shouldn’t we arrange for some kind of nurse for you?”
Adam shook his head forcefully, and gestured impatiently for something to write with. Yes, he did get impatient sometimes. <NO NURSE!!!>, he wrote quickly and showed it to his father, all the time shaking his head with force.
“I believe you’ve made your point,” stated Ben indulgently, then grew serious. “But think it over, son. Somebody has to help you.”
Adam stubbornly underlined his former statement, and showed it again to Ben.
“Adam...”, Ben seemed at a loss as to further action. “How do you see it, then?”
Adam pursed his lips in thought, studying his father’s face, then his hand moved on the paper. <I’ve learned to cope this far. There is time. I can learn more.>
“Adam, I know you can learn to cope better, but it’s still...” Ben sighed, unable to communicate his feelings.
Adam impatiently wrote down his answer. <I am not yet as capable as an average invalid, true, but I aim to excel the latter, and cope without requiring much attention from others. Tell Joe to put back that pawn.>
Ben gazed at the text first with pain, then surprise. “Joe, Adam told you to put that pawn back,” he said as he’d been asked to.
“Me?” Joe was the picture of innocence, but Adam wagged his finger at him seriously, so he reluctantly replaced the pawn in question. Hoss glared at him with a scowl, then nodded gratefully at Adam and proceeded with the game.
Meanwhile, Adam had another message written. <Paul is positive I can manage. It requires only exercise. I want no strangers in the house. Just leave Hop Sing here and I will be fine. The chair is problematic in the kitchen.>
Ben looked at him, suddenly suspicious. “You haven’t been to kitchen to cook anything, have you?”
Adam shrugged his shoulders, writing. <I haven’t, really. Hop Sing threw me out, and besides I need more space for the chair. No way can I turn around in there. NO strangers, Pa, PLEASE.>
Ben gazed at him for a while, then, eventually, surrendered. “As you wish, son. There will be no strangers in the house.”
Adam nodded. He was obviously set on that point. <You can leave me just a few trusted hands,> he added. <I still can’t go further than the yard.>
“All right, Adam, I will.” Ben straightened his back. “Getting late, isn’t it?”
The pencil was again leaving a thin trail of writing on the next page. <Ask Paul to come tomorrow, please, I could already start with the exercises. I believe I can make good progress till the round-up. Hoss can settle me for the night when they’ve finished the game.>
“I’ll ask Paul,” agreed Ben. “Hoss, settle Adam once the game is over.”
“Okay, Pa, Adam,” Hoss nodded and gestured to Joe. “Check, your move.”
“I’m just having a bad day today,” mumbled the younger player, brooding over the chessboard. Noticing movement beside him, he turned to take Adam’s outstretched hand. “Yeah, it could have been worse,” he agreed with a smile.
Three or four moves later he almost cringed at Hoss’ triumphant “Check-mate, brother!”, but winked at Adam. “I have to let him win sometimes,” he mouthed almost soundlessly.
Adam laughed again, voiceless spasms of muscles, and held on to Hoss’ neck as he lifted him.
“Time for bed, brother.” The big man carried him effortlessly and started upstairs. “You know, I’ll miss settling you for the night at the round-up.” He felt his brother laugh, and grinned in answer. Well, he WOULD miss it.
Joe put the chessboard away and looked up at his father.
“Yes, son?” Ben noticed the young man’s gaze. “What is it?”
“I was just thinking,” Joe seemed considerate and serious now. “I don’t know how he does it, Pa, but when Adam is around, I seem to forget, more and more often, that he’s not fine in some way.”
Ben’s lips quirked, then a slow, loving smile blossomed. “It’s wonderful, son.”
“But I will still worry on the round-up,” confessed Joe. “Do you think he’ll be okay?”
Ben couldn’t help smiling. “I think Adam will manage out of pure stubbornness, son.”
**********
Ben woke up with a start. He remembered hearing Adam’s laughter in his dream; it was even more realistic tonight than it had been on the round-up.
Adam had been sleeping when they came back, three weary, worried men, each yearning to catch a glimpse of Adam and assure themselves he was all right. On the stairs they noticed two parallel sets of boards, set apart by the same distance as the wheels of Adam’s chair. They guessed, correctly, that it was to make for a smooth passage for the chair; Adam’s idea, Hop Sing informed them. They were more puzzled by the rope that was tied securely to the banisters, and another that was fixed to the floor of the landing.
They peered into Adam’s room but he was sleeping soundly, worn out by his exercises. They decided not to wake him; they would see him in the morning.
The laughter from Ben’s dream sounded again. So close. He sat up. This couldn’t be Adam, he told himself; must be the remnants of sleep. Besides, somebody would have woken by now. He reached for his robe with sudden decision. He was awake anyway, he would check on Adam. Maybe the boy needed something.
He winced when the door creaked a bit; he manoeuvred around Adam’s chair and put the lamp on the nightstand. Adam was deeply asleep, a smile playing on his lips. Ben gingerly sat on the edge of the bed, pushing the pillows slightly further, just to look at his boy for a while. Adam responded by stirring, then opened his eyes just a slit and shifted onto Ben’s lap, falling back asleep immediately.
Ben stiffened at first in surprise, then carefully adjusted the covers around Adam; his son had to be in the middle of a dream, he guessed.
The door creaked open, and Hoss winced at the sound, appearing in the doorway.
“You fine?” he mouthed. Ben nodded, letting his hand rest on Adam’s head.
“Didn’t even wake up,” he smiled, indicating Adam.
Hoss tiptoed into the room and stood looking down at Adam. “Thought I heard something,” he said quietly. “Well then, I’ll go back to bed if everything’s okay.”
“You fine?” Joe’s curly head wiggled out from under Hoss’ arm. “Thought I heard something.”
Adam’s head jerked up suddenly, and he looked around still half asleep.
“Shhh, it’s fine, go to sleep,” Ben stroked his hair gently. “Go to sleep, son.”
Obediently, Adam’s head fell back on his father’s lap, but his hand waved around for something. Hoss and Joe simultaneously caught it to feel a brief squeeze; then, the hand slipped back down.
The brothers exchanged glances, and smiled at each other. “Guess he wanted to greet us,” stated Hoss. Joe grinned even more broadly.
Ben smiled at them, but nevertheless shooed them sternly out of the room. He took Adam’s hand to reassure him that he was safe and not alone.
**********
Dawn had broken and the work day was beckoning when Ben managed to free himself from Adam’s grip without waking his son, and tiptoed to his own room. Hoss and Joe were also ready for breakfast. As Adam still slept, they decided not to disturb him yet.
Relaxed, clean and shaven, they finally sat down to breakfast, when they heard something upstairs. Adam beamed at them from the top of the staircase.
“Hey, you guys DID come home last night!” he stated joyfully.
Cutlery clattered in Hop Sing’s hands. “Mr Adam speak!” he exclaimed.
Adam stopped to think, then lit up. “So I do.”
He quickly turned the chair around so that he had the stairs behind him, and controlled his descent with a good hold on the rope. His family watched, stunned and fascinated, as Adam came slowly down the stairs, using the ropes to control his descent, and as he reached the bottom he turned to face them, and grinned.
“What, cat got your tongues? Am I supposed to do the talking for you three as well?”
The three exchanged slow glances, and a tumult of joy broke out. Adam wriggled partially out from their hold and asked, laughing, “Could somebody take me to the table, please? I’m pretty hungry. We can go on with it after breakfast, okay?”
Ben absorbed each sound with exhilaration. It was this laughter that had woken him, he was sure. “Let’s eat!” he ordered happily, and Hoss grabbed Adam from his wheelchair and swung him around and to the table.
“Somebody take my chair!” demanded Adam. He used the normal chair when by the table, but liked having his wheels beside him. They sat down in euphoric mood, words spilling as though from an overflowing jug.
“I haven’t felt lonely, Pa,” Adam dismissed his father’s worries, and inquired from over his plate, “How did the round-up go?”
“Oh, very well, we lost few head, but it went really smooth,” answered Ben, when a knock on the door interrupted them. Jack, one of the new hands, came to say they were all back without any problems. He assessed Adam up with interest.
“Thank you,” Ben started rising, but Adam waved him back to his seat. “Joe and I can handle this, you haven’t finished breakfast.” He turned to Jack. “We’ll give you the wages in a moment.”
The hand scanned him, then asked curiously, “You’re the cripple?”
The family froze; only Adam sized Jack up questioningly.
“They said there was yet another brother, a crippled one. You that?”
Adam cleared his throat. “You know, the word ‘cripple’ can be taken as an offence.”
Jack gazed at him pensively for a time, then meekly asked, “Then what do you say?”
“You don’t say anything,” explained Adam gently, shifting into the wheelchair. Jack immediately went to his aid, lowering him into the chair carefully. “Thanks,” Adam smiled at him, then noticed his father get up.
Ben waved Joe back to his place and said, “I’ll take care of the wages. I’ll be right back.” He went to stand protectively behind Adam.
“I have to confront it sooner or later,” said Adam softly, but his father didn’t seem convinced of it.
“I’d rather do that, right now,” stated Ben simply, wanting to spare Adam the humiliation. If Jack started from ‘cripple’, the others might not be so moderate. Adam shrugged his shoulders and reached for his coffee.
“To the couch, please,” he gestured to Jack. “So, Joe,” he turned to his brother, “what do you say about the round-up? How well did it go?”
“‘Well’?” snorted Joe, following him with his own cup. “It was a dirty, dusty, smelly, soaking and cold piece of work, if you want to know.”
“Now, that doesn’t sound like anything out of the ordinary,” commented Adam. “On the couch, please.” Jack obeyed. “I don’t expect the job to be clean, warm and comfortable, at least so far it had never been so.” He turned again to Jack, “The blanket, please.”
“Sorry, Adam, but you know how you feel afterwards,” apologised Joe contritely, seeing Adam’s point.
“The weather was pleasant enough, ‘though,” added Hoss, sitting down at the fireplace. “And like Pa said, we lost few head.”
“That sounds more optimistic,” smiled Adam. “The pillow, Jack, lift me up a bit; thank you.”
The man wrinkled his face in thought. “How’d ya know my name is Jack?”
“Isn’t it?” Adam sipped his coffee slowly, tasting it.
“Sure is, just...”
“Somebody must have mentioned it,” said Adam indifferently. “I’m Adam, by the way. Are you staying on the ranch, or is it over after round-up?”
Jack shook the proffered hand. “I’m thinking of staying, Mr Adam.”
“It’s simply ‘Adam’,” the man corrected him gently, then gestured towards a book lying nearby on the coffee-table. “Could you give me the book, please; thank you.”
“Got to get my wages, sir... uhm, Adam.” Jack fidgeted a bit.
“I’m sure you’ve earned it,” answered Adam pleasantly, dismissing the man with a nod. When he left, Hoss spoke up quickly, startling Joe, who had also opened his mouth to speak.
“Adam, we didn’t know they thought anything like it, I swear...”
“You should have,” answered Adam matter-of-factly. They looked at him guiltily. “This was bound to happen,” he smiled to sweeten the sour grapes a little. “They might have thought that ever since my accident. Not all, maybe, but most of them won’t bother to seek anything normal in the dissimilar. I’m rich, I don’t work, and I’m useless – nothing they can identify themselves with. Some may think I have money without working for it – a rich man’s sonny. A rich man’s CRIPPLED sonny – so I’m also useless, whether to work or play. I know I’m not,” he forestalled their heated protests, “I’m only saying what they would say. I’m like a wreck for them.”
“Nobody thinks so, Adam,” Hoss shook his head in an unusual rebellious manner. Yet the gesture was familiar. Joe. That was Joe’s manner, Adam realised. “Just think of all the poker friends of yours,” continued Hoss, “all the girls that are sweet on you – just how many guests have you had when we were away?” he finished triumphantly.
Adam scrutinised him sympathetically. “Roy and Paul, Hoss. And they fall in neither category.”
“Ya seen the cripple?” inquired John.
Jack grimaced. “Don’t call him that. He’s a real nice guy. An’ he said, saying ‘cripple’ was offensive. Don’t call him that.”
“A cripple’s a cripple, and a rich useless cripple is even worse,” snorted John. He was Jack’s older brother, and felt no sympathy whatsoever for people who were rich without working for it, however hurting they might be. “A rich man’s crippled wreck of a sonny.”
Jack shook his head. “’Taint right, Johnny.”
“Standing up for the cripple?” snorted Johnny, when he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. He had already been introduced to Charlie, the foreman.
“Adam Cartwright,” each word neatly emphasised, “is a better man than any of you here. And if I hear ‘cripple’ once more, you’re out of job.”
“Well, he is,” John rested his hands on his hips.
“Well, then you are...”
“Charlie!” barked Adam sharply from behind them. The foreman startled and immediately turned to his employer. Such a tone was rarely used, and never without reason.
John stiffened involuntarily at the voice, then relaxed as he realised he wasn’t the culprit here. He scrutinised the cripple curiously; sure enough, he had his legs hidden under a blanket, and was pillowed up all around. His skin held a sickly pallor to itself, and he seemed too thin, and fragile like the china cups John had once seen. There was some kind of delicacy about him.
“I won’t let them call you a cripple, Adam...”
“Well, I am,” the man ended the issue flatly. “My father wanted to speak to you.” He wheeled out of the way. John and Jack gaped at him unashamedly, curious as to how the cripple would move around. The man on the chair threw them a cursory look, and followed Charlie on his chair, pushing the wheels into movement with his arms.
“That’s the cripple?” mumbled John. “Some sight.”
“Yeah... hey, don’t call him that,” Jack pushed at his brother’s arm, displeased.
**********
Hoss straightened, working out the kinks in his back, and scrutinised the fence-line. As good as new, he decided. That would be it for today.
“I’m afraid you’re not finished yet,” called a familiar voice from not far away. Adam waved at him from the buckboard seat.
“Don’t tell me you got another job for me, brother.” Hoss lit up at the sight. “I thought you were confined to the yard.”
Adam winked at Charlie, who sat on the driver’s seat proudly. “It seems like I got a parole today. Joe can’t see to the shack at the North Patch, and Pa sent me to ask you if you could...”
“I think, brother, Pa really meant to send Charlie.” Hoss winked at Adam, grinning widely. “Wonder how you convinced him to go yourself.”
“It’s just my charm,” sighed Adam, batting his eyelashes. Hoss snorted and cast a look backwards; the few hands had gathered by the last post, most gaping openly at Adam and his legs.
“John ’n’ Jack,” Hoss waved the brothers closer. “One more thing to tackle. The rest can go back to the ranch. Let’s go, Charlie.”
The foreman scratched his nose, squinting against the sun. “Guess that means me dealing with the shack, too, huh?”
“Eight hands are better than six,” Hoss grinned at him good-naturedly. “Besides, someone has to bring our architect over.”
Adam lit up at that. “Oh, goody, I get to work! Hoss, may I ride double with you? Please?”
“Anything you ask, Adam.” Hoss hadn’t considered that before, but found it a splendid idea. “John, Jack, mount up. We’ll repair a shack a bit north of here. Adam’s the boss,” he explained briefly.
“We’re gonna listen to the cripple?” asked John, to assure himself there was no mistake.
“Please do, John,” Adam smiled.
John turned to him, gaped at him mutely, then stammered with embarrassment, “Yyes, Mr Cartwright.”
“Adam.”
“Yyes, Mr Adam.”
**********
Time passed, and Ben noted with pleasure
that nobody on the ranch treated Adam any worse. His only concern was the
reaction of
Suddenly Ben heard Adam laugh sincerely from the buckboard. John bore an embarrassed grimace on his face, and Jack tried to suppress a smile.
“Sorry, Mr Adam,” John grimaced some more, deeply ashamed. “I’m really sorry, Mr Adam, I just forgot you were crippled.”
Adam laughed harder at that, unable to stop. Paul recognised the vent to let off some nerves, but he knew as well that Adam was both happy to hear it, and amused at John’s nervous fidgeting and grimaces.
Ben was glad Adam found some company to spend time with, although his son claimed he hadn’t been particularly lonely – maybe the books kept him company. However, the news that Ben held in his hand right now, was something he secretly hoped for to enrich Adam’s social life.
“Joe,” he turned to his youngest son, who was reading the telegram over Ben’s arm. “My friend, James Henderson, is coming with his family to visit.” With an indulgent smile, he added, “He has two daughters – and he’s also bringing his niece with them.”
Joe’s eyes twinkled. “What age are they?” he asked as innocently as he could manage.
“At least one is close to your age,” admitted Ben, then cast a long look at his son.
“Joseph, I’d like the girls to spend some time with Adam,” he said seriously. “You can hold back a while, can’t you? Do it for your brother’s sake. There are enough girls in the neighbourhood.”
The twinkle died off, and Joe grimaced behind his father’s back. Why? Why did he have to pull back when there was fresh entertainment in the offing, new faces, somebody to talk to but his brothers and the silly girls who were usually uncomfortable with a brother of... due to Adam’s condition.
**********
“Come in!” Joe answered the knock on his door
sharply. He was still brooding over the
“Something wrong, Joe?” Adam noticed his brother’s foul mood, and stopped in the doorway.
“Yes, something is wrong!” yelled Joe. The sight of his brother made everything pour out of
him like a waterfall. “Three girls are coming with the
Adam’s increasingly troubled expression turned into a startled one. “Do you have to...?” he hesitated, then said worriedly. “Yes, I guess you have to mind me. I’m so sorry, Joe. I know I’ve been quite a burden for the last couple months or so... I’ve really tried to get independent, I really have... I’m sorry, Joe, I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t help your having a crippled brother...” Adam began backing from the doorway. “I will walk, Joe, I’ll walk some day, I promise, I just can’t make it any faster...”
One of the wheels got caught somewhere, and he yanked at it with visible frustration. The wheel held on stubbornly. Adam yanked at it again, and again, but with no visible result. Embarrassed to ask, he felt his cheeks go crimson, but hesitatingly turned to Joe.
“I’m sorry, Joe... can you... could you help me... to my room? I’ll understand if you’d rather not...”
Joe silently wheeled Adam from the problematic spot and to his brother’s room. Adam slipped deftly onto the bed and turned on his back.
“Thanks, Joe... don’t worry about the
“Anything wrong?” Joe sounded concerned.
“Just tired, Joe,” said Adam softly, turning his head away. Joe had to strain to hear him whisper, “I’m just tired of being the cripple.”
Joe felt a corkscrew strike and turn slowly in his heart.
“Hey,” he sat down beside Adam and gently stroked his arm. “Everybody has a worse day once in a while... just like me today,” he grinned forcibly, hoping to make light of the heavy-weighted words. “I wonder how you managed to be optimistic each and every day for so long... I would have burst...”
Adam gave a short laugh. “Wetting your bed when you’re over thirty and not being able to help it teaches you humility. Yeah,” he turned back to Joe, smiling again, “I guess it’s just a bad day. Would you stay with me a while?”
“Sure,” Joe lit up. “Anything I can get you? A book? Some snack?” He pushed at Adam’s legs, trying to get comfortable. “Shift a bit.”
“Very funny,” drawled Adam. Joe looked up at him, then realisation hit.
“Uh... sorry, I keep forgetting.” He smiled remorsefully. “I guess that’s it about minding you. Sorry, I just needed to lash out at somebody, and you were the first one to come in the line of fire.”
“I’m lucky to have survived, then.” Adam winked at him. “May I take advantage of your remorse and selfishly ask you to stay with me a while? Someone living around this room would make a nice change once in a while.”
Joe cast a dubious glance at the books – Adam must have meant that.
“Do you want a massage?” he offered, happy to be forgiven his worse than childish behaviour, and to be given a chance to undo his wrongs.
Adam shook his head wearily. He did look tired. “Read me some,” he asked.
“Which title?”
“Oh, choose some... hey, watch that!” He shifted to swat Joe’s elbow from his thigh muscle. “You have sharp elbows!”
Joe looked at him, stricken. “You... feel it?” he gulped.
“Of course I do, I just can’t move them!” Adam gestured irritably towards his legs. “Watch it next time buddy – What – !” His surprised exclamation died in the bear hug Joe gave him. Pulling free, he noticed with astonishment tears in the green eyes.
“You feel your legs, Adam!” Joe blinked rapidly. “I... thought...”
“Don’t think too much, buddy,” said Adam indulgently, obviously teasing. “I told you I’d walk. Now, go get the book. I’m tired, and I want to doze off with a good book read to me.”
Joe never revealed to Adam the sleepless night he spent.
**********
“Hello, James,” Ben hugged his friend heartily. “You look great.”
“So do you, Ben, just more grey than I remember
you,” laughed
The woman smiled warmly at Ben. “It’s so nice to see you again, Ben.”
“The pleasure is all mine.” He kissed her hand, and turned to the other three ladies.
“This is Diana, my oldest.”
“And Katharina, my niece.” Dark-haired, with a matter-of-fact expression and demanding presence. Her dress was plain in comparison to those of her cousins; it was of a neutral dark green colour.
“That’s quite an invasion, I’m afraid,” laughed
Ben smiled in response, and directed them to the buckboard. “I just hope your family won’t be bored with our wilderness.”
“Bored?”
Ben smiled slightly at that, but kept silent. Three handsome, two of them fit.
“I remember your eldest a bit,” continued
This time Ben couldn’t suppress the sigh. “Fine, generally. He... he’s had an accident. He’s... confined to the ranch for a time, due to that,” Ben hesitated, but decided not to say anything ultimate yet. He wasn’t really thinking of Adam as... Adam wasn’t... It wasn’t... Surely, all would be fine.
“Then two convalescents will meet – Diana had
just defeated a grave illness,” answered
The pink dress in the backseat puffed quietly, as close to snorting as she could manage. The green dress was still matter-of-fact. The blue one, in turn, was clearly somewhere else with her mind.
“Shall we go for a picnic?” suggested the pink dress. Daisy, as Ben remembered.
“We certainly shall,” he answered. “Just as soon as you’ve rested after your trip.”
Hoss blushed shyly, and Joe grinned triumphantly at the three young ladies in front of them. They were chatting while having a cup of coffee. Adam wasn’t present; he had excused himself with a headache from coming downstairs in the early morning, and had remained in his room the following hours. After the light lunch, Ben excused himself to go upstairs and check on his son.
The drapes were pulled shut, and the room was drowning in darkness. Adam had his head under the pillow, shutting out all the outer world. He started, feeling a hand on his back. “It’s you,” he muttered, relieved, recognising his father. “Sorry, Pa, but I’m not much company right now. Could Hop Sing bring me something for my head later?”
“Certainly,” Ben brought his voice down, seeing Adam wince. “That bad?”
“Mmm,” Adam’s head went under the pillow again. “Just something later, okay?” he mumbled from there.
Ben gave him a short massage on the back, and started wearily downstairs.
“Shall we go?” Daisy fidgeted impatiently.
Mrs Henderson smiled warmly at Ben. “Is Adam coming?”
“I’m afraid not,” Ben waved Hop Sing closer. “A bad headache. Joe, Hoss, take the ladies to the buggy.”
Katharina, until now immersed in conversation, pulled gently Diana’s arm – her cousin was again paying little attention to what was happening around her.
“Joe, you are a tremendous rider,” Daisy fluttered her lashes charmingly. “Could you show me how to sit a horse so gracefully?”
Joe puffed his chest out with pride. “You have so much grace, Daisy, that you don’t really need a teacher.” He sent her his lady-killer smile. The lashes worked harder, and Daisy sank further into the embrace of the tree, a picture of a beautiful innocent child.
“Oh, Joe, I don’t think I could ever have so much confidence when on a horse as you do. Tell me... could I ride your horse – with you –.” She seemed embarrassed to ask. “ – I mean just to feel how you control the horse...”
“I think I will choose a nice gentle horse for you to ride, and you will learn to control it easily,” offered Joe.
“Oh, you could?” Daisy clapped her hands with joy. “That would be wonderful! Will the horse really listen to me?”
“Certainly, Daisy, I’ll choose the best one.” He sat beside her and flashed his killer smile again. “I know horses, and I know how to choose a good one for you, don’t worry.”
“You do? Oh, that must be terrific, to... to know all about horses... to know what to do in all... all situations...”
“It takes a bit of practice, you know, but it’s nothing special really.” Joe sat more comfortably.
“But it is.” Her blue eyes were glued to his face. “It IS so special, Joe.”
“No,” he shook his head and gently touched her hand, “YOU are special.”
**********
Adam carefully wheeled over to the staircase. The house was quiet; obviously they weren’t back yet. Hop Sing’s medicine had helped, and he was thinking of some reading downstairs. He turned the chair slightly on the landing, and continued his descent. He was almost at the bottom, when suddenly his hand slipped on the rope and he lost his grip.
He hit the floor painfully, losing his breath, and only after a second did he realise what had happened. The chair lay beside him on its side, but too far for him to reach it; he wouldn’t lift it, anyway. Wish Hop Sing hadn’t gone to town...
Diana suddenly stood and went to stand beside the horses, a far away look in her eyes. She cast a cursory glance at the others – nobody was paying attention to her right now. Katharina discussed something sombrely with Hoss; Joe flirted with Daisy – hopefully, he wasn’t in love with the child. The parents were nowhere in sight. She decided nobody else needed to be bothered; she would go to the ranch herself. It didn’t seem as though the man was injured badly after the fall. Adam. A pleasant name.
Adam carefully rubbed his face where it had met the floor, and gingerly shifted. He felt slightly confused after his fall, but no serious injuries. He cautiously turned to look at his legs. The bent knee moved an inch; he relaxed with a sigh, and decided to wait. He closed his eyes; it was good to know someone was coming to help him. He lay still waiting, he would hear the click of the latch when she came.
Diana. A nice name.
**********
“Hi.”
Adam smiled at her from the floor. “Hi.”
She went over to his chair and lifted it, then kneeled down by his side.
“I’m fine,” he assured her. “I just can’t get up.”
“I’ll decide whether you are fine or not,” she stated calmly. He liked her deep voice. “What way did you fall?”
“I haven’t moved much,” he indicated his legs with a move of his head. “I fell more less the way I’m lying.”
“Anything hurt?”
“But my pride?” He gave her a half-smile. “I hit my cheek, and there might be some bruises on the ribcage soon; that would be it, I think.”
She answered with a slight smile of her own. “Light-headed?”
“Not really.”
She turned to look around, then decided, “You’d better rest on the couch; the fall itself was quite a shock, I take it. Show me your eyes.”
She checked his pupils and head; no concussion, no lumps. “Let’s take you to the couch,” she smiled encouragingly.
“I can get to it myself,” he forestalled her movement – she wouldn’t drag him too far. “You will just have to help me on.” True to his words, he crawled almost effortlessly to the couch and then looked expectantly at her. “I’m afraid I might be heavy,” he noted uncertainly.
“Pull yourself up,” she suggested. “I’ll take your legs.”
He smiled briefly, and did as he was told; he did his best to help her lift his legs, but still the effort left her panting, if only slightly.
“Any special wishes?” she asked with a smile. He thought for a moment, gazing at her; she had the bluest, clearest eyes he had ever seen, and single strands of her hair, free from the restraints of the bun, flowed down onto her shoulders in soft waves. He couldn’t put his finger on the colour for a moment; blonde... golden... yes, exactly – golden, with the reddish touch gold jewellery acquired with age.
“I was thinking of reading some,” he admitted.
“The choice being?” Her eyes found the bookshelves, and she waited only for his decision.
“I wouldn’t dare read anything else in a lady’s presence but poetry,” he said with a straight face.
“I am flattered,” she laughed. “Any particular poetry?”
“Do you like Shakespeare?” he asked, smiling now.
“No, not really.” She went over to the shelves. “I’d rather say I love him.”
This time it was him who laughed. She liked his laughter. She searched among the volumes until she finally chose one, Shakespeare, but not poetry.
Back at the couch, she reached for the blanket and covered him. He seemed surprised when she then made him sit and seated herself behind him. “You need to lie properly,” she said. “Lean against me. We must make your back comfortable.”
After a moment of hesitation, he carefully rested against her. She handed him the book, reaching around his arms. He looked at the title and raised his eyebrows. She put the book in his hands, opened it at a page and started reading,
“Angels and ministers of health defend us!
Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damned,
Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell,
Be thy intents wicked or charitable,
Thou com’st in such questionable shape
That I will speak with thee.”
Adam pushed himself up and turned to her. Their eyes locked, then he lowered himself back into her arms; he felt strangely happy in this embrace. She seemed to feel content with it, too. They felt so... close for a moment. So natural.
“Would we be happy together?” he mused, succumbing to the mood.
She followed his gaze. “They won’t tell you such things,” she said. “They say only what they are allowed to say...”
Suddenly both of them startled with the realisation of what she had said.
“You see them?” Adam lowered his voice in appalled astonishment.
“Y...YOU see them?” she answered, her voice trembling. After a second she asked softly, “They... have asked you for help, too?”
Adam took a deep, careful breath; his eyes were already showing the answer. They gazed at each other for a while, then tentative smiles began to show.
“WOULD we be happy together?” he asked hopefully, with more conviction, this time looking at her.
**********
Ben and James burst into the house simultaneously. Diana and Adam raised their heads in mild surprise, looking at them over the back of the couch.
“Diana!” boomed
The young woman blushed slightly, for the first time since coming to the Ponderosa.
“I’m so sorry,” Adam interrupted
“What happened to you?” Ben immediately spotted the red mark, slowly darkening, though not quite a bruise yet. Adam smiled sheepishly, and let his father examine his cheek.
“I... uhm... my hand slipped on the rope,” he admitted, properly
ashamed. He winced at the horror in Ben’s eyes, and hurried to calm him down.
“Diana was there, she helped me... I didn’t hurt myself, just the chair fell
over. I’m fine,
The horror in Ben’s eyes faded somewhat, but didn’t completely vanish.
“Diana was here, I wasn’t alone.” Adam patted his father’s hand with a knowing look. “I’m sorry I scared you, but I’m fine now.”
Meanwhile,
“How is your back?” he asked Adam eventually.
“Fine, Mr Henderson,” Adam smiled again. “Oh, I’m sorry... Nice to see you again,” he greeted the guest properly. “My back is fine, but Diana insisted I should be made comfortable to recover from the shock of the fall.” His hand rested on hers that lay on his shoulder.
Ben noticed something from the corner of his eye, and gazed disbelievingly at the ring on Diana’s hand. Adam noticed that after a second. “We decided we were destined for each other,” he explained, like you explain your choice of a shirt to wear.
Ben and James looked at them strangely for a long moment, Ben stricken
to see
Just then, Daisy came through the door, assisted by Joe, took the room in and remarked with interest, “Oh, a cripple’s chair!”
Joe’s smile died in that instant. Hoss, who had come just after them, paled and looked at her with horror. On the couch, Adam coughed lightly, and Diana bit her lip. Both could have bet that would be Daisy’s first statement, and fought hard not to laugh out.
“Daisy!” The reprimand came from Mr and Mrs Henderson, aided by the sombre Katharina.
“Adam’s had an accident,” added James. “It’s understandable that he needs time to recover, and can’t impair his back.”
“Oh,” she scanned Adam curiously, then smiled politely, “I’m Daisy.” She thought the man looked pleasant.
“Adam.” He bowed his head somewhat. “Pleased to meet you.”
“Truly,” muttered Diana so that even Ben didn’t hear her. Adam’s mouth twitched strangely, but he kept a straight face.
“I think we are back just in time for dinner,” Ben invited everybody to the table to finally disperse the awkward atmosphere. With Hoss’ help, Adam shifted into his chair at the table, and moved the wheelchair so that it was next to where he was seated. Diana smiled gratefully at the huge Cartwright brother, seating herself next to Adam. Hoss smiled back immediately; he liked her much more without the faraway look in her eyes.
“I hope your head is better now, Adam,” Mrs Henderson smiled at the eldest of the brothers. She thought he was too pale and too thin, but that was to be understood after an accident. He certainly had a disarming smile.
“It’s much better, thank you, Ma’am.”
“I wish you could have had the picnic with us,” continued Mrs Henderson. “You must have felt rather abandoned...”
“Oh, in no way, Ma’am,” he protested, glancing at the young woman beside him. “Diana and I have had a wonderful meeting with Shakespeare. I couldn’t find more pleasure...”
Joe groaned softly, and Adam took a deeper breath, trying to control his muscles. “A matter of taste, of course, but we both like Shakespeare, as it were. I’ve had a delightful time, Ma’am, and haven’t felt abandoned for a second.”
Mrs Henderson had noticed that her eldest daughter seemed more aware than usual, but it took her breath away when Diana smiled her soft, full smile that they had missed so much since Diana’s illness.
“It is I who has had a delightful time.” Almost everybody startled at her voice – except Adam, none of them had heard a word of her at the Ponderosa yet. She had a surprisingly low, embracing, velvety voice.
“The honour is all mine,” Adam reacted with a smile all the way up to the dimples.
For a second, time stood still between them, as they felt a magnetising closeness...
“I don’t like Shakespeare much,” announced Daisy. “Although the sonnets are pleasant. Don’t you think so, Joe?”
“Ehm,” Joe coughed slightly to cover being caught off-guard. “Brother Adam is the expert on Shakespeare here. He was certainly a great writer,” he admitted non-committaly.
“Wasn’t he?” agreed Daisy politely.
“Daisy hadn’t read much Shakespeare.” Katharina cocked an eyebrow at her cousin, her cool, sombre mien darkening the air around her, as it seemed. Just like Adam, Joe thought. Could have been twins. Daisy, for that matter, had a springtime air around her. Maybe a bit childish, but nice.
**********
Childish, Joe decided. She was awfully childish.
At another dinner, Daisy was chattering merrily about
Joe had had to fight laughter, having overheard a discussion between Hoss and Katharina in the barn over a horse’s injured leg. For all the smart-alec-‘I-know-best’ attitude, Katharina was as devoted to animals as Hoss. She was just more commanding than him. Her familiar matter-of-fact manner dismissed Hoss’ shyness, long-forgotten after the first exchange of opinions on the possible treatment of an animal’s wound. She had been the first and only woman not to intimidate Hoss, realised Joe with shock.
Diana, well, she was a different story. Joe certainly did come to like her; once the ethereal spell was over, he noticed the soft shiny waves of hair, the noble colour of aged gold, and incredibly clear blue eyes, sometimes sharp, more often patient and soft. She was a handsome woman, not such an obvious beauty as Daisy – or as Daisy would be one day, thought Joe – but warm, full of grace and charm, and attracting men who would only cast a second glance at her. Those who wouldn’t, weren’t looking for inner beauty, surely.
Diana had an ease around Adam, too. Katharina was certainly a helpful person, but soon felt closed in by the four walls, and couldn’t sit for hours reading Shakespeare. Diana could. And Daisy was too childish to help.
He was startled out of his thoughts when Adam cleared his throat and tapped with his fork on the glass, asking thereby for the floor.
“We have something to announce,” he said, putting an arm around Diana. “We’re getting married.”
Daisy squeaked with surprise, and Joe, Hoss and Katharina exchanged looks – Katharina’s of course a know-it-all one. Ben and the Hendersons had already known about the engagement, yet the blunt statement surprised them.
“Are you... sure? I mean...” Mrs Henderson cast a quick discreet glance at Adam’s wheelchair and blushed. “When... Have you decided on any... details?”
“I know what I’m doing, mother.” Diana’s eyes were a steely cool, yet she was smiling. “We’re in love. And Adam won’t use the chair forever.”
Adam cleared his throat. “I can’t hear congratulations.”
At that, suddenly a jubilant tumult broke out. Daisy was first to come to wish them luck; she had noticed the recent change in her sister, and welcomed it with a child’s simplicity; she thought Adam was nice, as well, though he didn’t seem as manly to her as the others, who did walk. Katharina whole-heartedly agreed with Adam and Diana’s decision, and told them so in no uncertain terms, commanding Hoss over to kiss his future sister-in-law as a brother should. Joe simply hugged them, but the energy of the hugs spoke for itself.
The parents had, of course, words of blessing beside congratulations. At last, Mrs Henderson gently stroked Diana’s cheek, whispering, “I know that you know what you are doing. I wish nothing but the best – for both of you.”
**********
Adam lay on his back staring towards the ceiling, then turned on the side, watching his wife.
“Help me undress,” he asked. She smiled in answer and sat down on the bed.
“Have you seen the doctor today?” he enquired.
“Yes.”
He noticed the laughter in her eyes. “And?”
“And I think you should start learning to walk.” She threw a meaningful look at his chair. “It’s about time you did.”
“Diana?” He furrowed his brows, uncertain for a moment.
She leant over him and kissed his forehead. “We’re going to have a baby.”
THE END