This is part four of the story “Sacrifices”. Same disclaimer as part one. Paiute Lanugage is in Lucinda Handwriting Font. Again, thanks to all who reviewed.
Understanding
By: Becky H.
Wood
smoke…Pa’s stoking the fire. Hop Sing
will be starting breakfast soon. But I
still have time to sleep…
Raven
watched as the boy smiled, his eyes moving under the closed lids. She knelt beside him, touching his shaved
head gently. Most of the wounds had
begun to close already. He was a strong,
healthy boy.
Joe
tried to turn away from the touch, but something tugged at his right
ankle. Pain shot up his leg as his thigh
muscle began to cramp. Half awake, he
clutched at his leg, biting his lip as the pain centered on his scar.
A
hand against my forehead…”A..adam?”
“No, Laughing Eyes, it is..”
He
blinked back tears and looked at her, confused.
“It …it wasn’t a dream?”
“No.
You are here, with me, in Red Eagle’s lodge.” Her hands began to run down
his arms touching him softly. “Where
do you hurt?”
“My..my
leg—the muscle cramps sometimes.”
“You need willow bark for the pain. I will make you a tea..”
“No.
It will pass. It always
does.” Joe studied her. In the morning light, he could see that Raven
was older than Adam, but didn’t look as old as Red Eagle. Her large, dark eyes regarded him with
concern. She cares about me? Why? Because of Naavik? He was her son. Yes, that must be the reason, for my
friendship with White Bear…His eyes are..were
so like hers…
“You are married to Red Eagle?”
“Yes.
And you are just as Naavik described you….I
will trust that he was right about your hair being as curly as a buffalo’s.” She smiled as his hand moved tentatively over his
scalp. Her expression darkened as he
winced when his fingers encountered one of the deeper gashes. “The warriors
should not have been so rough with one so young. Red Eagle did not intend you to suffer.”
As
she spoke, her gentle hands dabbed medicine along his hairline, soothing the
stinging pain still present. Her concern
touched him, and he suddenly felt all the sorrow again afresh for his lost
friend. Naavik
should be the one in this lodge, being comforted by this woman, his
mother. He turned away from her, his
eyes filling. “I..I’m sorry. So sorry. Naavik did not
deserve to be treated so cruelly by the miners.
He deserved to be here, with...”
He
stopped when she placed her fingers on his lips. “It is the past
now. But it still lives fresh in my
heart…and it is still too painful to speak of…”
“I’m sorry..” He swiped under his eyes, again looking away.
Oh husband. I understand now why you want this one. He loves, loved our son, and he is just as soft-hearted as you are, my Red Eagle, and as our son, Naavik was…oh my son…oh how I miss you…
Raven
turned his head back to face her. “Are
you hungry?”
“Thirsty…and I need to”…She watched, fascinated, as the
color rose from his chest to his face, his skin reddening. “…need to go..outside, to relieve myself…”
“No.”
“What!
Why? I have to…”
“You cannot be outside. You are not yet one of us.” She handed him a pot, and he looked at it,
then up at her, the confusion easy to read on his expressive face.
“Use this.
I will take it outside when you are done.”
This
time the color spread to his ears as well.
She reached forward to touch one, sure that it would be hot. He flinched away. “I..I don’t think I can –while you’re here with me..”
She
nodded and rose to leave, her movements economical and graceful. “I will wait
outside. Tell me when you are done.”
Joe finished quickly, slightly hampered by his weak leg and the tether attached to his ankle. It stretched from his right leg to the center post of the lodge.
Raven
came back to find him trying to untie his tether. She pushed his hands away. “No! You must trust me. If you leave here now, you will be killed
just as an enemy would who wandered into our camp.”
“But I must!
I have to find my family…My brothers are hurt, and my father…He stopped, and swallowed
heavily, trying to control his shaky voice.
“My father—I can still hear him screaming for
me in my head.”
A
shadow over the doorway made them both turn.
“Your father does not cry out for you. He knows your fate. He, like I, heard you give your life for his,
for those who traveled with you.”
“My family…”
“Was left unharmed, as I promised. I took but one life.”
“I..I need to be
sure, have to be sure! I must go back so
that they know that I am all right..”
“Your family will soon accept your death..”
“My…what? My death?”
Shocked,
Joe stepped back, closer to Raven. Did he plan to take my life still? I want to live! How will I get away? Oh, Pa! I need you…
Red
Eagle crossed his arms. “Your
place is here now. Your life belongs to
me.”
“My..my
family will never stop looking for me!
My father and brothers…”
“SILENCE. You are dead to them. They will bury what I left for them.”
Joe cringed back at the shouted words, his eyes wide.
“Stop! Both of you!
Stop this now!” Raven glared at Red
Eagle. “I will have
peace in this house. Come and sit. Talk like father would to his son.—as that is
what you desire, husband.”
After
a tense moment, Joe sat, still staring at Red Eagle. “Explain. What did you leave for my family?”
“We came upon you after killing a deer. I stripped you of your clothes and placed
them around the deer carcass in the fire.
After it cooled, your charred boots and the scattered bones looked
convincing enough.” His voice was cold; his eyes
hard.
Raven
placed her hand on the boy’s shoulder, her eyes wide. I will not question your actions, husband,
as it is not my place…but I cannot reconcile what you did to the man I know…has
Naavik’s death changed you so?
Joe
had buried his face in his hands. His
voice was muffled. “My
Pa…He will be hurt…so hurt by this…” He looked up, and Red Eagle
almost looked away at the naked pain in those expressive eyes. “Please let me go
home…please let me go to him. Please!”
“A Paiute brave
does not beg. And you will stand up when
you speak to me.”
Joe
straightened, shaking off Raven’s hand. “I
am not a Paiute brave..”
“Does your promise, your word, mean nothing? Or are you a liar? You gave your life to me. You cried out for me to take you, to spare
your family.” Red Eagle stared at the trembling boy. “Well? Are you a man of your word? Or are you a lying child?”
Joe’s
chin came up—his eyes flashed. “I
keep my promises. I..I
didn’t expect you to be so cruel to my family…I thought, thought that you
would…”
“Kill you?
You accuse me of being cruel…” Red Eagle began pacing in a
tight circle. Joe turned his head to
follow his movements.
“They think that
you are dead—they can now go on with their lives. They are alive because I held back my
braves…alive because I chose to honor your words as you honored my son. Cruel? Would you rather have had your father shaken
awake, rather have had him watch while I dragged you away to an unknown
fate? Would you rather your father and
brothers spend their days hunting you and their nights in sorrow? Spend their energy fruitlessly searching for
you when I will not let you be found? You will not leave this place without my
permission.” He studied the boy, whose
head was down, his fists clenched, breathing in shuddering gasps. Such spirit…he will make a worthy son.
“If my people allow, we will be your family now, your tribe.”
Joe took a deep breath and tried to stop shaking. “I…I have no choice? No say in how my life is spent? You have used my own words to snare me…I chose death so my family could live; you did spare my family…and me…and I owe you that…debt of blood—But to pay that debt I must now be your son? You are not the father God gave me…you are not the father that I imagined Naavik would have…” Joe looked toward Raven, who had tears in her eyes. “He was…was a good friend, a brother. What would he think of what you are doing?” Joe stepped toward Red Eagle, so close that they were nearly touching. “What would Naavik think of you now?”
“You will not speak of Naavik!”
Joe tried not to step back at the raised voice and blazing eyes, but he was afraid of this man, and did not resist when Raven took his arm and led him closer to the fire. He looked back when Red Eagle flung open the heavy skin door.
“You will wait here. I will speak to the council.” He glared at Joe until the boy gave a slight nod, and then he left without another word.
All I have are words—and they are pitifully
inadequate. Paul Martin sighed, and
took the opportunity to watch unnoticed, as Ben leaned over Adam’s bed, gently
stroking his forehead. There is no
medicine on earth I can offer him to heal his family. It will take God’s own miracle to bring life
back into the remaining Cartwrights.
This home has suffered a mortal wound, and it is dying before my
eyes. Oh Joseph, I will miss you—you
stubborn, recalcitrant boy, you were a joy to know, lad…
Ben had come out into the hall, and he gave the doctor’s arm a shake. “Paul!”
“Sorry, Ben.” He answered the unspoken question that he read in the worried father’s eyes. “Hoss will be all right. A bad knock on the head, no more. As long as he stays down until the headache and dizziness passes, he should be fit as a fiddle in a few days. No lasting damage.”
Paul had to look away at the anguish in his old friend’s face.
“And Adam?”
“He’s fighting, Ben. He’s young, and you got him to help as quickly as you could. With God’s help and Hop Sing’s good nourishing meals, I believe that he’ll recover. Now, I’m going downstairs to check on John, Abigail, and Kathleen. I’ll send Hop Sing up with some food. You need to eat, Ben. And then get yourself some sleep…you’re about to fall over.”
Ben nodded slowly, and turned to reenter Adam’s darkened room.
Paul shook his head sadly. He moves as if he’s underwater. As a physician, I diagnose shock—this is
absolutely the worst shock a father can experience, the death of a child. He turned to go downstairs. Oh my
friend, I pray that you and your family will survive…
I want to survive; I want to live…to make it back home somehow. Yet I…I owe Naavik a debt of friendship, and his father a debt of blood…he saved my family…I must repay him, but how else do I except the way he chose? Oh, God! Please! I want to go home…Joe was still as she rubbed the ochre on his face, painting it in the designs that adorned the inside of the lodge. Although his inner turmoil showed clearly on his face, he did not resist her actions.
He closed his eyes, feeling Raven catch his overflowing
tears before they could smear her careful pattern. Where are you, God? Why do you feel so far away? I…I know that you love me…what would you have
me do? Why…why is this happening to me?
Joe felt the air like a weight on his skin. He stiffened, saw the hair standing up on his arms. He felt warmth flow over him, and overwhelming love. God? What is happening? Joe closed his eyes. Suddenly, as if someone was speaking aloud, he heard his last prayer prayed in his bedroom at home echo in his mind.
‘God, help me to be more like
the great men you used. Like Daniel in
the lion’s den, who believed you would keep him safe…like Joshua, who believed
that with your help he could take occupied land…like Joseph…Joseph, who trusted
you even when he was far from home, taken and abused and accused falsely…Help
me to trust you just like they did, so that you can use me too. Amen.’
What are you telling me, Lord? That you have a purpose for me here? That…that I need to trust you, now? I…I want to. Oh, God… help me! Joe’s face relaxed. He had made his choice.
Red Eagle had returned, unnoticed by the two, and watched
as Raven prepared the boy. The council would
hear him at the naming ceremony. A
decision would be made tonight. My
choice will prevail. I will be patient
as the boy figures out what I already know.
He has no choice. I control him
now.
He was shaken from his thoughts by the look of…peace? Yes…it was peace…that had come over the boy’s
face. Why? Resignation he could understand, but why
peace? This boy, this child—the more I see of him, the more I speak to him,
the more I want him in this tribe, in my lodge, I want his allegiance…and his eventual
recognition of me as his new father. He
will be a magnificent son…you chose your brother well, Naavik…Like
you, he is strong and brave…
Must be brave for
The full import of his thoughts and where they were
leading caused Hoss to break down, sobbing.
He tried to be quiet. He didn’t
want to disturb either Pa or Hop Sing.
These early morning hours were the worst for him. Lying awake, with too many
questions and not enough answers.
God! Why did this happen?
He heard an owl hoot softly, and suddenly he needed to be out, out of his room, out of this house of mourning.
He could be silent for such a big man, and he took advantage of his stealth, moving out of his room and into the hall. Hungry for the night breeze on his face and the cold light of the stars, he still stopped and peeked in Adam’s room. Pa had assured him that his older brother would be all right, but Hoss had to see for himself.
Adam’s fingers were intertwined with Pa’s. Both sleeping, thank God. Pa was in a chair pulled close to the bed. Adam was still pale, but Hoss could see that he was deeply asleep and that his fever was gone.
In the yard, Hoss breathed deeply, staring upwards at the
vast heavens. I am twenty years old,
and I have always believed in you Lord.
Seen you in all your creation around me, know that you exist, believe
that you care for me. But you seem so
far away now, God. How do I find
you? I need…need to know your peace
now. Need you to help me help my Pa and
my brother. Need you to give me the
words to comfort them, to tell Adam that his baby brother is with you now, tell
him that we’ll not see Joseph again on this Earth. How do I do that, Lord? Please help me…please.
A horse’s whinny broke into his thoughts, and Hoss swiped
at his face. Can’t
seem to stop the cryin’ God. He looked toward the barn. Sounded like Cochise just now…Lord, that horse
is grievin’ too.
Can’t seem to settle down, restless like me, missin’ Joe. Have to get someone to ride him
tomorrow.
It was nearly dawn before Hoss turned back to the house, his heart strengthened, and his spirit more at peace than before. He would do all that he could for his family, and he knew that God would help his all be good enough.
To be continued…