And Along Came
MaryAnn - Part 4
By
June 2003
Revised: March
2004
Disclaimer: I do not own the Cartwright characters but
they do linger in my mind, readily available whenever I choose to imagine. My thanks to David Dortort
for creating the Cartwright family.
I do claim MaryAnn Archer as she is described in this story. She is my invention and she is worthy of my
need to keep her safe.
Note: Please forgive my penchant for believing that
Adam Cartwright never left the Ponderosa.
Pernell Roberts left the TV series after six years but his portrayal of Adam
was so well done that it would be quite impossible for his physical image to
ever leave my concept of Bonanza. Adam
was never portrayed as married on the Bonanza episodes so I have followed
approximately the same timeline regarding age.
For continuity, some events in my story intermingle with some events
from the Bonanza series but only up to the point prior to Pernell leaving the
series.
July,
1863
“You like it?” MaryAnn’s eyes sparkled as she intently took
in every nuance of Adam’s expressive face.
She didn’t want to even blink in case she might miss something.
Adam, now 33 years old, had just stepped
down with MaryAnn from her buggy that had transported him from the stagecoach
line in San Francisco to MaryAnn’s new house located well outside the
city. Pine trees surrounded the house in
front and on the sides but the back of the house opened to a view of the
Pacific Ocean that was so beautiful that even glimpses of it as the buggy was
approaching the house had made Adam lean forward on the edge of his seat to try
to capture the fleeting images in his mind.
Adam stared at the front of MaryAnn’s house
for a few moments before pushing his black hat to the back of his head. He took half a step backward as a warm surge
of pride nearly overwhelmed him and he was caught a little off guard by its
unexpected intensity.
“MaryAnn, I designed this house and…and I
should have known what to expect when I saw it for the first time, but…but I
really had no idea after all. It’s like
a big wind came up, picked up the Ponderosa in
MaryAnn grinned first at Adam, then at her
old friend and now employee who had jumped from the driver’s seat of the buggy
and had placed Adam’s luggage on the ground beside them. Henry smiled at MaryAnn as he climbed back
aboard the driver’s seat and directed the horse and buggy to MaryAnn’s small
stable located a distance away from the house.
Henry and his wife, Alice, both worked for MaryAnn now but they had been
friends for many years. As part of their
employment agreement, Henry and Alice lived in a small cottage on MaryAnn’s
property.
MaryAnn couldn’t seem to keep her feet
still. Or the rest of
her for that matter. For the past
ten years, she had been traveling from San Francisco to Virginia City to visit
her family and to be with Adam every July.
This year Adam had come to San Francisco instead. Once again, it had been almost a year since
she had last been with Adam and she was excited to have him by her side again.
MaryAnn reached out to pull Adam by the
hand toward the house, but he resisted.
Such a feeling of déjà vu had overcome him that his boots seemed
completely unable to move.
MaryAnn calmed and slipped her arm around
Adam’s waist. It was her investment money
that had built this new house but it was Adam who had designed it for her. MaryAnn watched the look of delight on Adam’s
handsome face for a few minutes before she softly said, “Thanks, Adam.” He pulled her to him and touched a soft
gentle kiss to her lips, then turned back to stare at the house.
“This is amazing, MaryAnn. You even put a rocking chair and a table and
chairs on the porch just like at home.
Everything is the same. I just
left home but I feel like I just arrived back home already.”
Feelings of pleasure, pride, and love
flitted across the soft features of MaryAnn’s face. “That’s the way I wanted you to feel,
Adam. I know I do.”
She tugged gently on his hand again and
nodded toward the front door.
“Come. You’re going to like what
you see inside.”
At the door, Adam suddenly pulled MaryAnn
backward and picked her up with one strong arm beneath her knees and his other
arm behind her slender waist. She
laughed in delight.
“You better not drop me.”
“MaryAnn, sometimes you don’t have a
romantic bone in your whole body,” Adam told her as he stepped through the
threshold into the house. “Here I am,
being as gentlemanly and as gallant as is possible for any man to be for his
lady love and, here you are, insulting my very manhood by insinuating that I
can’t pick up a fly-weight like—”
Adam’s laughter and his words were cut off
as his eyes swept the inside of the house and he very nearly did drop
MaryAnn. His eyes widened and he blew
out a low whistle.
It was as if Adam had walked in the front
door of the Ponderosa back in Nevada. He
quickly put MaryAnn on her feet and slowly scanned the room from right to
left. Everything was in its place. The office off to the right was exactly where
it should be, there in the next corner was the staircase leading upstairs to
the guest bedrooms, the huge fireplace was in its spot in the middle of the
room, the dining room table was off to the left, the kitchen was tucked to the
left of that, and finally the downstairs guest bedroom was in its place near
the front door. Adam completed his slow
circle.
MaryAnn looked into the hazel-brown eyes of
the tall handsome man who stood before her, the man she loved from the tip of
his black hat all the way down to his very toes.
“Would you like to hang up your hat?” MaryAnn’s eyes were playful.
As Adam glanced over her shoulder, a grin
spread over his face as he spotted the accordion-style hat rack in the corner
behind the door, right where it belonged.
He reached out with one long arm, cupped
his hand behind her neck and pulled her to him.
“Damn, I love you, woman.”
“Remember when you used to think I was only
a girl?”
“I do and I’m glad we both finally grew
up,” Adam’s voice was soft in memory.
Adam was getting that hungry look that
MaryAnn so easily recognized and she quickly placed her hands on his chest and
pushed him backward a little.
“Adam, wait…wait. You haven’t had a chance to see the best part
yet.”
At MaryAnn’s request, Adam had designed
this new Ponderosa a little differently after all. The two narrow walls on both sides of the
original Ponderosa’s fireplace had been omitted from this new floor plan and it
was now possible to walk on either side of the fireplace directly into another
huge room situated behind the fireplace.
MaryAnn’s new fireplace was just as large as the original one but hers
was two sided. A medium-sized fire could
easily warm both of the huge rooms at the same time.
MaryAnn turned Adam around and pulled him
toward the right side of the fireplace to the open entry where the gun rack
used to be in his old house. Just before
they walked into the new great room, which she had begun to think of as the
Sunset Room, she quickly turned so she could see Adam’s face. The west end of the room was encased in a
myriad of small glass panes that climbed their way from floor to ceiling and
the setting sun on the ocean was now turning the room into varying shades of
oranges, reds, and purples.
MaryAnn was not disappointed in Adam’s
reaction. Once again, his boots seemed
unable to move. He reached for her,
turned her around in front of him so she could also watch the sunset, and they
both leaned against each other until long after the sun had dropped itself into
the salty water. Both seemed to know
that no spoken word could do justice to the visual splendor that surrounded
them.
Adam and MaryAnn stood looking in awe
toward the ocean for a very long time.
The only light now penetrating the wall of glass panes came from the
faint twinkle of the first early stars and the wispy glow from the half moon
suspended in the sky.
At last, Adam broke the silence.
“Well, MaryAnn, you told me you wanted
windows so low you could watch a worm crawl by. Although I aim to please, it did occur to me
while I was designing this house that you were just a little crazy. But now I happily take back all of my impure
thoughts about you. Well, a couple of
them anyway. If you’re crazy, then the
whole world should be crazy.”
Still standing with her back leaning
against Adam’s chest, MaryAnn threw out her right arm and pointed to the wall
to their right.
“Uh, Adam, you still haven’t seen the best
part.”
“Shoot, MaryAnn, I designed this house…I
know where our bedroom is.”
Adam had designed the bedroom and an
adjacent new-fangled water closet with the same attention to detail as he did
with everything in his life. The door to
the water closet was located to the right, fairly close to the stairs leading
to the second floor. The door to the
bedroom was located to the left of the door to the water closet.
The entire west end of the bedroom was also
adorned from floor to ceiling with the same small squares of glass
windows. Drapes were installed at both
sides of the glass wall in the bedroom but MaryAnn was to discover that she
never closed them. Her property was
isolated and she could not bear to wake up and not be able to sit up in bed and
gaze out upon the pounding surf.
“You going to pick me up and
carry me over this threshold?”
Adam slowly turned her around to face him
and the corners of his mouth quirked up into a grin.
“Nah.”
With a wicked look in his eye, Adam put a
hand on each side of MaryAnn's neck and walked her backwards into the bedroom.
Just before they reached the bed, he paused
long enough to enjoy that almost stricken look that always came over MaryAnn
face whenever they were at last together again.
It was a look of such profound intensity that he knew it was uniquely
for him. Even after all of these years
of being together, the first thing MaryAnn always did was to slowly tug his
shirtfront to one side and touch her lips gently to the little hollow above his
collarbone. She always seemed to
hesitate while doing this, almost as if she were stretching the moment out as
long as she could. Adam didn’t know
about the sweet pain his proximity had on MaryAnn’s body, but he did know that
he never felt more loved or more valued than at these moments when her hunger
for him was so starkly apparent.
But not all things go according to
plan. A short time after Adam had
tumbled MaryAnn backward onto the bed, she heard him say quietly in her ear,
"Something’s wrong here, MaryAnn. I
don’t know what it is, but something just isn’t right.” Adam’s puzzled voice was low.
MaryAnn looked up at him. “What?”
Adam sounded stressed and more than a
little disturbed. “I don’t know,
MaryAnn. Something just isn’t
right. I don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe…maybe I’m just tired from the trip.”
MaryAnn sat up with an astonished look on
her face. Then, she began to look around
the room as if she also was beginning to think that something was amiss. After a few minutes, she broke into a fit of
giggles.
Adam was beyond belief. “Damn, MaryAnn. I can’t believe you would laugh about
this. It isn’t funny. I’m only 33 years old and this…this has never
happened to me before.”
She could barely stop laughing long enough
to choke out the words, “I think…I think I know what the problem is, Adam.”
“What?
What? And stop that damned
laughing!”
She tried to get serious for Adam's
sake. She didn’t succeed but she did
try. Between quick gulps of air, she
managed to tell him.
“Uh…Adam, you and I have never…uh…made love
under a roof before.”
“So?”
“Or…or in a bed for that matter.”
Adam suddenly sat bolt upright. “That’s it!
That’s it!”
He jumped out of bed, almost stumbling in
his need to hurry. He threw his robe
around his naked body, tossed another robe around MaryAnn’s, pulled a blanket
off the bed, grabbed her hand, and pulled her toward the back door.
Nearly limp from laughing, MaryAnn managed
to say, “Wait. Wait. Where’re we going?”
“C’mon, MaryAnn. I
spotted a path from your back door down to the beach.”
The stars above them were twinkling and
abundant. The breeze coming off the salt
water was cool and refreshing. The sand
beneath them was soft and still warm from the day. The noise from the surf breaking off shore
and the soft swooshing sound the salty water made as it was swirled back out to
sea very nearly drowned out the low voices and soft laughter of the man and
woman who loved each other with all of the pride and passion that is available
to those who have the courage to live unequivocally and on their own terms.
Life had handed MaryAnn a lemon when she
found out at a young age that she would never be able to conceive a child. And she had to take that lemon because life
doesn’t bother to ask our opinion on such matters. But what she did with that lemon was up to
her and MaryAnn knew that she had enough determination, enough power of reason,
and enough courage to never allow the bitterness of that lemon to destroy her
soul.
Adam spent nearly two weeks with MaryAnn in
San Francisco. During that time, she
asked him to buy himself a new shirt, new jeans, new boots, a new hat
(everything black of course) and a brand new gun belt and gun.
When the day came for Adam to leave to
return to Nevada, MaryAnn hung his old black jeans and black shirt on a wall
peg near their bed. She placed his old
boots on the floor near the foot of the bed.
She then buckled his old gun belt and gun (bullets and all) around one
of the bedposts at the head of the bed.
She stood back and let her gaze sweep over
the room. “Now this bedroom looks right.”
Adam held her in a soft embrace as they
stood in the doorway of the bedroom and his voice was low. “I couldn’t agree more.”
As they were leaving the house, Adam flung
out his arm and sailed his old black hat toward the hat rack behind the front
door. They both watched as that old worn
Stetson snagged itself a peg, rocked itself gently back and forth for a few
moments, and then settled itself snugly into its new home. For all the world,
it looked like it had been hanging there for years.
The
next year, 1864
Spring was not quite here and things were
tense at the Ponderosa.
Although months away yet, Ben knew that
Adam would be going to San Francisco to spend another July with MaryAnn and Ben
didn’t much like it. In fact, he didn’t
like it at all. Ben could no longer use the
excuse that he needed Adam to toe the line until Hoss and Joe were safely
raised into manhood. That had already
happened long ago. Adam was 34, Hoss was
28, and Joe was 22.
No, Ben could no longer use that excuse.
Every year just before spring was always
hard on all the Cartwrights. They were
sick of winter and thoroughly tired of each other. This morning found all three of the
Cartwright boys in the barn at the same time, which was unplanned and
unfortunate.
Adam looked at Joe with total disgust,
“Damn it, Joe. Pick up that
pitchfork. It doesn’t belong on the
ground!”
Joe’s green eyes narrowed and an angry
challenge instantly flew out of his mouth.
“You think you’re man enough to make me?”
Adam threw the harness he had been mending
to the floor, stood up, and advanced on Joe.
There was no way Joe was ever going to come out ahead in a fight against
the much taller and larger Adam, but there was something in Joe’s personality
that would never recognize that fact.
Hoss was in no better mood than either Adam
or Joe. He stepped between them and put
an angry hand to each of their chests.
“Back off, both of ya and I mean right
now! Joe, I’ve heard about all the sass
I wanna hear from you and, Adam, I’ve heard enough of your bossy ways to last
me at least five winters.”
Adam tried to go around Hoss. “This is between Joe and me. Stay out of this, Hoss.”
Hoss balled up the front of Adam’s black
vest in his large mitt and jerked Adam to a stand still. “You’re having a helluva
time hearing, Adam. What did I just tell
ya about bossin’?”
Joe was pushing against Hoss’s other
restraining arm. “Adam’s
right, Hoss. Stay out of our
business and get outta the way.”
Then Adam’s smart mouth kicked in again. “Yeah, Hoss, what’re you worried about? It’s not like the kid actually has the
ability to hurt anyone.”
All hell broke loose as Joe made a dive
under Hoss’s arm and slammed his fist into Adam’s ribs. Adam caught his breath then his own fist
connected with Joe’s jaw, snapping Joe’s head back.
It wasn’t long before all three Cartwrights
were bloody. Hoss finally managed to
gain the upper hand. As Hoss held Adam
roughly against the wall of the barn, he jabbed his finger at Joe and told him
to get out of there before he was forced to do some serious damage to both of
their hides. Joe saddled Cochise and
rode furiously out of the barn. The road
to Virginia City was barely passable because of heavy mud but Joe angrily rode
off in that direction.
Hoss was so angry that he waited until Joe
was well on his way before releasing Adam.
He waited a little longer than was necessary. Hoss had his dander up and it gave him a
small amount of satisfaction knowing how mortifying it was to Adam to have to
wait for Hoss to release him. It never
ceased to amaze the even-tempered Hoss how muddled both of his brothers got
when they lost their tempers. Did Joe
really think that he was big enough to beat Adam to a pulp? And did Adam think that Hoss wasn’t big
enough to beat him to a pulp?
Adam gradually calmed down but, for once,
it was Hoss who stayed angry.
“Adam, you got any idea the problems we woulda had if Pa had heard all this
ruckus and had come out to the barn to investigate?”
Adam just flapped one arm, indicating that
he hardly cared.
That small gesture suddenly made Hoss even
madder. He pushed Adam toward a couple
of grain sacks propped against a stall.
“Sit down, Adam. I got some
things I wanna say.”
Adam’s own temper flared again and he
whirled on Hoss, his voice ominous. “You
asking me or telling me?”
Hoss shoved Adam backward onto one of the
sacks and leaned his face in close to Adam’s.
“I’m telling ya!”
Adam went quiet for a full minute and a
look came over his face that reminded Hoss of Joe when Little Joe was younger
and was trying to dig himself out of a mess of trouble.
“Remember, Hoss. I was nice to you back in the days when it
was me who was bigger than you.”
“That
and my good nature are probably the only two reasons why I’ve let ya live so
long, Adam,” said a stern Hoss.
Then they looked at each other and the
tension went out of both of them as they started to chuckle.
“Adam, what’s going on? Ya seem so dad blamed unhappy. Pa has been upset for years about you and
MaryAnn and I can’t figure ya out at all.
Don’t ya love her? Ya act like ya
do.”
Adam nodded his head toward another grain
sack beside him. “Sit down, Hoss. I love MaryAnn more than I ever thought it
was possible for one person to love another, but…well, you already know that
she won’t marry me. I told you that a
long time ago. What I haven’t told you
is that MaryAnn eventually told me why
she won’t marry me. I...I guess it’s
long past time that I should have told you that part too. I know you care about me and that you worry
for me.”
Hoss listened quietly and without
interrupting until Adam had finished.
“I’m really sorry, Adam. You and
MaryAnn are both such good people and you just seem to belong together. I shoulda figured
that there must be a special circumstance involved. I sure never would’ve figured this one out
though. This explains a lot of
things. I have ta give MaryAnn credit for
sticking to her guns though about wanting you to marry somebody else so you can
have kids. It seems real important to
her. Gawd,
Adam, I can’t even imagine what it would be like ta have someone love me as
much as MaryAnn loves you.”
Adam’s demeanor was quiet as he draped his
long arm over Hoss’s broad shoulder.
“I’m not sure you would want this, Hoss.
You have no idea how happy I am when I’m with her every July and how
unhappy I am without her the rest of the year.
Besides, Hoss, your time is coming.
I hear that Bessie Sue is still nuts about you.”
Hoss grinned. “Yeah, she is, ain’t she?”
Then Hoss got serious again. “You gonna tell Pa why MaryAnn won’t marry
you?”
“Yes, just as soon as I go inside. He knows that she won’t marry me but I should
have told him MaryAnn’s reason after I found out. As much as he likes MaryAnn, I think he has always
held it against her because she won’t marry me.
You know how defensive Pa can be about the three of us.”
“You sure got that right.”
“Hoss, nobody can blame MaryAnn for this,
especially me. She told me way back when
I was 17 years old that she wouldn’t marry me, but I guess I…I hoped that
someday she would change her mind. That
isn’t her fault, that’s mine. When I
tell Pa that MaryAnn can’t have children and that’s the reason why she has
always wanted me to marry someone else, maybe he will be more understanding about
our situation.”
“Ya gonna tell Joe?”
“Right after I apologize to
him, Hoss. Right after I apologize to him.”
Ben wasn’t worried about town gossip
because Adam always conducted some ranch business while he was in San
Francisco. As far as anyone else knew,
the sole purpose of Adam’s trips to San Francisco every year was because of
business. Ben wasn’t worried about
gossip but the welfare and happiness of his oldest son would always remain a
worry for him. All
three of his sons, for that matter.
That July, Adam once again journeyed to San
Francisco and came back to the Ponderosa a happy but more introspective man.
In August, Adam got into a tangle with some
Indians and his life was saved by a beautiful woman named Ruth Halverson. But that romance ended when Ruth decided to
continue with the only life she had known after she was captured as a young
girl.
For a while, Adam thought about trying to
find Ruth again but he never quite got around to it. He was a bit heartened though because he
thought he had finally been able to fall in love with another woman besides
MaryAnn. Well, a little, anyway. The thought occurred to Adam that his
attraction to Ruth might have been because she and MaryAnn shared the same hair
color. Was he just seeing MaryAnn in
Ruth? He would never know and the
thought was best laid to rest.
The
next year, 1865
Adam was now 35 years old and he was in
love. With someone
other than MaryAnn. Well, he
thought he was in love. He tried real
hard to be in love. Her name was Laura
Dayton, she was very attractive, she was widowed, and she had the cutest little
daughter named Peggy.
Adam had not said anything to MaryAnn when
he had been with her in San Francisco in July because he didn’t think that he
was going to ask Laura to marry him. But
he later found himself asking Laura to marry him after all.
Adam wrote to MaryAnn and told her all
about his upcoming plans to wed, then he set about building a house for Laura,
little Peggy, and himself right there on the Ponderosa. Adam did have one problem though; he kept
falling asleep whenever he was around Laura.
Adam thought that he was the only one who was bored rigid whenever the
child-like Laura was around. Nobody had
the heart to tell him that everybody referred to her as “that ninny Laura”
behind her back. MaryAnn had decided
early on that it would be best if she just kept her own opinion about Laura to
herself.
One day while Adam was busy building their
new house, Laura and Adam’s cousin Will unexpectedly showed up at the building
site. Because Adam had been daydreaming
about MaryAnn and wasn’t paying much attention to what he was doing, Laura and
Will’s sudden arrival startled him and he fell off the roof. Later, he had to force himself out of his
wheelchair before he was even completely healed just to prove to Laura and Will
that he really didn’t mind if the two of them ran off and got married. Adam was astonished at the sense of relief
that flooded over him as he watched the buckboard carry Laura and Will away
from the Ponderosa. Now that was a close call.
But Adam had been very fond of little Peggy
and he came to realize how right MaryAnn had been all along. He did want children and he knew he would be
a great father.
Two
years later, 1867
Adam, now 37 years old, had again spent the
last two Julys with MaryAnn.
It was now September and Adam was returning
home from Tucson by stagecoach where he had been looking over a new breed of
cattle there. The trip was hot, dusty
and tiresome. His only other coach
companion consisted of an elderly preacher who fancied himself
to be a philosopher of sorts.
Reverend Williams was a congenial sort and,
as is often the case with a total stranger, Adam suddenly blurted out his
situation with MaryAnn. Now, you would
think that the Reverend, being a reverend and all, would have castigated Adam
for his unholy alliance with MaryAnn, but he didn’t. The Reverend had come to his calling rather
late in life. He was a kind man and he
listened intently as Adam talked.
Their conversation was interrupted when
their stagecoach stopped at a small way station and a comely woman with
light-brown hair dressed in unattractive dark clothing joined the stage. As the woman sat opposite of Adam and next to
the Reverend, Adam couldn’t help but notice her rather large, gold wedding
band.
Adam and the Reverend tried to include the
new passenger in conversation but, although she seemed pleasant enough, she
didn’t seem interested in small talk and instead chose to look out the window
as the stagecoach bounced and swayed along the dusty, bumpy road.
Without giving it much thought, Adam and
the Reverend lapsed back into their previous discussion. Eventually, enough had been said between them
that the woman passenger’s curiosity was piqued and she asked Adam what he was
talking about. Although hesitate, Adam
briefly explained that he loved a woman named MaryAnn but that she could not
have children and she wanted him to marry someone else so that he could have
children. He explained that he had not
been successful at falling in love with another woman but, in any case, he
wasn’t likely to find a wife who would be accepting of his love for MaryAnn
anyway. And, he explained, he was never going
to give MaryAnn up.
The woman, whose name was Tracy, suddenly
smiled. “I’ll marry you.”
Adam
stared at her. “Excuse me?”
“I just told you that I would marry you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Please, be so kind as to not say that
again. I’m offering to marry you. That is, if I am acceptable. I mean…uh…if you think I would fill the
bill.”
Excu….Sorry.
Isn’t that a wedding ring I see on your third finger, left hand? And, by the way, there is no bill to
fill. No offense, Mrs…Mrs…whatever your name is.”
“Tracy.”
“Okay, Mrs. Tracy. The Reverend and I were just talking and I
didn’t realize that you were listening.
Now that you are, all three of us can talk about something else.”
“Tracy is
my first name. And I’m widowed.”
Adam
groaned. “Oh Lord.”
“There really isn’t any reason to
swear. You were talking so gentlemanly
up until now.”
“I am a gentleman! Why…why are
you wearing a wedding ring if you’re widowed?
I must apologize. I seem to have
lost my manners completely. I’m…I’m
sorry for your loss.”
“My husband and my two-year-old son died of
consumption nearly three years ago. I
decided I needed to get away from the memories and am going to visit an aunt in
Carson City.”
“Oh.”
Tracy
smiled. “So, do you want to marry me?”
“I…I…I…Excuse
me, but I like to do my own proposing.”
“Okay. Well?”
“Well
what?”
“Well, are you going to ask me to marry you?”
Adam was having a little trouble keeping up
with this fast-moving stranger sitting across from him. “Let’s just say I’m a bit intrigued. Why do you want to marry me? I mean, we’re strangers. You don’t know anything about me. And, this is the West where there are at
least ten men to every woman. Why me?”
“I have been listening to you for some
time. You seem intelligent and that is
very important to me. You seem to be
well brought up, you have very kind eyes, and I...I like the way you look.”
“You still don’t know anything about me and
I don’t know anything about you.”
“Then I’ll tell you. I’m 32 years old, I was born in New York and
I came west with my husband who was a banker.
I shall likely never love another man as much as I loved my Lawrence but
I ache to have more children. I am getting
older and must not waste much more time.
Many men have approached me since Lawrence died but, until now, none
have caused me to notice them. I notice
you. I may not love you but I believe
that, with a man like you, it is possible for love to grow.”
Adam blinked. “What about MaryAnn? It isn’t just a passing thing between the two
of us. I have loved her for at least 20
years and it isn’t likely that I will ever stop loving her.”
“I have
lost much in life. I can empathize with
your MaryAnn.”
“She
wouldn’t want anyone’s pity.”
“Empathy
is not the same as pity. Trust me, I do
know the difference.”
“Are you
always this...this outspoken?”
Tracy smiled. “No, and I can hardly believe myself
now. Maybe…maybe its
just time for me to move forward again.
It seems I’ve been standing still a very long time. Will you tell me a little about yourself?”
“I…I live on a ranch outside Virginia City
with my father and two younger brothers.
We are all very hardworking. My father has seen to that.”
“And are
you a good person?”
“Yes, Ma’am. Uh…sorry. That sounded like the answer to a quiz.”
“Well, I think we’re off to a good
start. We have some time before we get
to Carson City to get to know each other a little more.”
The Reverend, who had been quiet during
Adam and Tracy’s verbal exchange, suddenly jumped into the fray, “You may not
have as much time as you might think. I
have taken a liking to both of you but I get off the stage the day after
tomorrow. If you decide to wed, I shall
be delighted to marry you when we reach my destination.”
Adam turned his attention back to Tracy, “Let me get this straight. Are you telling me I don’t have to give up
MaryAnn if I marry you?”
“That’s right, Adam. You don’t have to give up MaryAnn. Remember, I also know what it’s like to have
a great love and I would not wish to deny you your great love. But, there would of course have to
be…uh…parameters.”
“Parameters?”
“Adam, if you and I marry, you must promise
to always treat me with respect and kindness.
I also would promise you no less.
You have said that you always spend each July with MaryAnn in San
Francisco. I see no reason why that
cannot continue. I do hate deception but
we must continue to arrange things so that there is never a hint of
scandal. We have not only our
relationship to consider, but we need to be careful for the sake of our
children.”
Adam glanced back over his shoulder as if
he had missed something. “You and I have
children? When did we have children?”
Tracy’s
face lit up. “Has no one ever told you
how breathtaking you are?”
“Uh….” How in
hell am I supposed to answer that?
Tracy then lowered her head slightly and
looked at Adam. “And now I must ask you
a delicate question. I have been told
many times that I am attractive. You
have seen me at the way station when I joined the stagecoach. Am I pleasing to your mind? Please do not worry about offending me if you
think not. The…physical aspect of
marriage is terribly important to me.”
The Reverend suddenly looked out the window
and mumbled, “I wish I were somewhere else.”
Adam
glanced at the Reverend, then shifted his gaze back to
“What? I’m sorry but I seem to have forgotten how I
phrased my question.”
“Yes, you are very attractive and you have
a straight forwardness about you that is very
pleasing to my own rational way of thinking.”
“Are you sure that you would never leave me
for MaryAnn? Tell me now, not four years
from now after we have children.”
“I would not marry you if I did not intend
to keep my promises to you. Except for
MaryAnn, I will remain true to our marriage.”
“One further request, Adam.
Although I shall likely never love you as much as I loved Lawrence, I
have a feeling that I may someday come to love you quite a lot. In light of that, I think it might be easier
if we do not discuss MaryAnn. In return,
please know that I will never withdraw my support of your love for her. Does that seem fair?”
“Uh…I think it’s going to be very easy to
love you, Tracy.”
Then Adam reached across the small space
separating them and took one of Tracy’s hands in both of his.
“Tracy, it seems like you and I have
already reached an understanding but, just to make it official, would you do me
the honor of becoming my wife?”
Adam sent the following telegram to his
father:
T – E – L – E – G –
R –A – M
BENJAMIN CARTWRIGHT:
TRIP DELAYED BUT HAVE GOOD REASON. STOP.
TELL HOSS AND JOE THERE IS NO CARTWRIGHT CURSE. STOP.
MET WONDERFUL WOMAN. STOP.
MARRIED HER BEFORE SHE GOT AWAY. STOP.
WE WILL BOTH BE ON STAGE SATURDAY AT NOON. FULL STOP.
ADAM CARTWRIGHT.
T – E – L – E – G –
R –A – M
Adam then sat down and wrote the following
letter to MaryAnn.
Dear
MaryAnn,
This
is difficult to write and yet I know that it is what you have always wanted for
me. I got married on my way back from
Tucson. Her name is Tracy. She is nice, MaryAnn.
I
wish I could be there to hold you while you read this. Please don’t cry.
Tracy
has told me that she will never likely love me as much as she loved her first
husband who died of consumption, along with their small child. Because of her love for Lawrence, she has
promised me that she will never withdraw her support of my love for you.
Tracy
wants children very much. And, MaryAnn,
you were right all of these years….I do want children. You knew that about me long before I did.
I
will come to San Francisco to be with you next July and, after that, all of the
future Julys that life has to offer us.
I love you more than it is possible for words to convey.
This
is what you have always wanted for me but that can’t make this any easier for
you. Pretend that I’m holding you
because, in my mind and in my heart, I am.
Please don’t cry.
I will love you forever,
Adam
MaryAnn sank to the floor as she read
Adam’s letter and her tears flowed long into the night. As the first faint light began to creep into
a new day, an exhausted and very lonely MaryAnn found herself walking on the
beach, struggling to regain her focus.
She told herself that she was strong enough
to make this work. She could do
this. Adam had to be married to someone
else in order for him to have the children that MaryAnn had always wanted him
to have. This is the way it had to be.
As MaryAnn walked, she found herself
marveling that, in a world where she often had wished more women were allowed
to be as sane as herself, Adam had actually found
another sane woman. But was this the
part that was causing her so much pain now?
The fact that he had actually married a sane woman? Wasn’t this the kind of woman that MaryAnn
had always wanted for Adam? MaryAnn drew
in a deep shaky breath. She didn’t
remember feeling at all this way when Adam had written a few years ago that he
was going to marry Laura Dayton.
MaryAnn’s thoughts turned to Adam again and
she began to think about his future children.
Oh Adam, I wonder if your sons
will have your long, sensuous body. Oh
God, I do hope so. Will they have your
hazel-brown eyes, those rock-steady eyes of yours that really look at a person
when you talk? Will your sons inherit
your canyon grin and your incredible voice?
Isn’t
it odd, Adam, that I always think of you with sons and never daughters? I don’t
know why. Well, maybe I do know. Maybe it’s because I’ve never lost that image
I have of a very young Little Joe running to you so he could feel safe again
after Marie died. And I’ve never
forgotten that look of delight and protectiveness that came over you whenever
he did that. You’re going to be a great
father, Adam.
MaryAnn didn’t realize it but, as she
walked, she was no longer looking down at the sand but straight ahead.
MaryAnn wasn’t worried about how Adam would
raise his sons. She knew that he would
make sure that his sons were raised with the same values that she and Adam
shared. She knew that he would teach his
sons to interact honestly with others, to value justice, to have integrity, to
keep promises given, and to value the virtue of earned pride. She knew also that he would teach his sons to
honor those worthy of honor, to respect those worthy of respect and, most of
all, to always choose to think.
MaryAnn’s step quickened as she thought of
the yet-unborn women who would grow up to love the sons of Adam. She wondered if these future women would
worship the tall, muscled body and proud, strong character of their Cartwright
as much as MaryAnn loved her
Cartwright.
MaryAnn hoped that the yet-unborn women who
would someday love the sons of Adam would grow up to be intelligent women,
women who would be capable of thinking their way through life. She hoped these future women would grow up to
be honest and kind and, above all else, passionate about life and love. Passionate enough to earn
them the right to enjoy the love of a Cartwright.
MaryAnn stopped walking. She lifted her head higher as she realized
that she finally was able to hear the roar of the ocean once again. The roar of her own blood rushing through her
ears had finally quieted. She turned to
look out at the ocean. Her long, slender
body was straight, her head was thrown back, and the start of a small smile was
beginning to tug at the corners of her mouth.
MaryAnn by nature was a happy person and
happiness had begun to seep back into her heart again. She suddenly ran out into the salty surf and
found herself calling out as loud as she could to the crashing waves.
“Yes!
I can do this! Adam Cartwright will live on in future
generations. It will happen. This is exactly what I want and I am strong enough for this. I can
do this.”
MaryAnn had no way to know how hard it was
going to be.
(Sung by Pernell Roberts)
The birds sing out
and the grass is growing high.
The field warms in
the sun.
Spring’s coming on
and the ice melts down
as it runs through the streams to the sea
far away, MaryAnn.
Now the grass
growing high and the singing of the birds
might charm the hearts of some.
But all I feel is
the cold spring rain
that says my love has gone
far away, MaryAnn
When she was here, my
heart was bright and warm,
but now it grows so cold.
A man needs the
love of a soft gentle girl.
Summer’s gone,
winter’s now coming on.
Hurry home,
MaryAnn.
Soon the grass will
die and the birds fly south
and the ground ring hard as stone.
But her smile will
melt the ice in my heart
when I see my love coming home,
on the hill, MaryAnn
But her smile will
melt the ice in my heart
when I see my love coming home,
on the hill, MaryAnn, MaryAnn, MaryAnn.
References and Acknowledgements:
The reference
to Ruth Halverson comes from the Bonanza episode, The Savage,
written by James Neilson.
The
reference to Laura Dayton comes from the Bonanza episodes:
(1) The Waiting Game, written by Ed
Adamson
(2) The Cheating Game, written by
William L. Stuart
(3) The Pressure Game, written by Don
Tait
(4) Triangle, written by Frank
Cleaver.
Note:
I have taken a small liberty with the timeframe of Laura’s pending
marriage to Adam. The
tombstone of Laura’s first husband (Frank Dayton) states that he died in 1861
and later episodes involving Laura mention that another year had passed before
Adam and Laura decide to marry. I
have Adam and Laura becoming engaged to marry in 1865 (instead of 1862).
The song
“MaryAnn” comes from the CD, Pernell Roberts Sings Come All Ye Fair.
End
of Part 4