Love, Oh Love, Oh Careless Love
By Debbie B
Thanks to Michael Landon for recording this wonderful song
Joe slipped into the dark shadows of the trees and watched as his ladylove
slid from her horse. As Joe watched, Matt Cunningham stepped from his
own shadowy hiding place into the soft moonlight and when Isabella Rose stood
face to face with him, her arms entwined themselves about her lover’s neck.
The tears that Joe had fought so hard to control, slipped silently down
his face as he watched Isabella turn her face upward, her rosy lips ready
to meet the lips of the man who held her in his embrace.
Joe wiped the dampness from his face, his heart shattered into a million
pieces. He had cried for four days, ever since Isabella had humiliated
him in front of all his friends at the Bucket of Blood Saloon. The memory
of those shocking, eye-opening words, spit at him from the woman whom he
had given his love, brought fresh tears to his eyes while he stood alone in
the darkness.
Joe turned away from the scene before him, unable to allow his heart to
suffer any more misery. He vowed that he would give himself the right
to cry tonight, but afterwards, he would cry no more. He had turned
his back on his father and brothers, all for the love of this woman who had
used him, toyed with his emotions and who had ended up breaking his heart.
His father had been right, his brothers had warned him, but he had paid
no heed to their words. He had thought his family too righteous, too
judgmental, and too critical of Isabella. Pa had told him that she
was too old for him, he too young for her. Adam had warned him that
this woman was too worldly, he too innocent, and Hoss had said nothing more
than to take it slow, get to know Isabella first, before giving away his
heart.
He had ignored them all, turned his back on his pa and his brothers.
Now, heartbroken and humiliated, he had no other recourse than to admit to
himself that they had been right. Some how they had known all along
that he was out on a limb and that one day soon, his heart would suffer the
consequences of his careless love. Joe mounted his horse slowly, his
usual spring bounce approach to mounting his steed forgotten in his heartache.
The need to face his family bore down on his soul, the urge to throw himself
into his father’s comforting arms, pulled him toward his home.
Family, that was all any man truly needed, he told himself. There,
he was loved unconditionally, he was respected, revered almost, but mostly
and most comforting of all, he was never judged harshly for his mistakes.
Joe gave one last glance over his shoulder, Matt had lowered Isabella to the
ground, his body covered hers, his lips locked onto hers, and Joe turned away,
no longer able to feel the love for this woman that he had felt before.
“He’s not in his room, Pa,” Adam explained to his worried parent.
Ben paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, the tips of his fingers
hooked into the waistband of his trousers. The anxious father looked
up into the dark eyes of his oldest son.
“In fact Pa, Joe’s not even here, he’s gone,” Adam continued, not looking
forward to giving his father the last result of his observation. “His
clothes are gone.”
Ben’s hands moved to his hips, an angry scowl exchanging places with the
worried look he had but moments ago worn. “What in blazes are you trying
to tell me, that your younger brother has run away?” demanded Ben, his voice
deep with emotion.
“Aw, Pa, Little Joe ain’t run away,” began Hoss, always the first to speak
up in defense of his younger brother.
“Hoss is right Pa, Joe’s just moved into town and we all why,” Adam said
and then wished he had rephrased his last statement.
Ben’s eyes turned a deep shade of ebony and his thick silver brows moved
to the center of his forehead, and Adam knew that his father struggled to
keep his wrath from overflowing.
“Just who does that scamp think he is, defying me like that?” Ben roared.
“Pa, calm down, please,” muttered Adam, but stopped when Ben turned his
dark eyes onto him.
“Don’t tell me to calm down! That boy will be the death of me yet,
what with his smart mouth and defiant ways. You just wait and see what
I do to him when I get him home, go saddle my horse!”
Ben grabbed his hat from the peg behind the door and began strapping on
his gun and holster.
“Pa, please, wait just a minute,” Adam took his father by the arm and gently
turned Ben around to face him.
“Listen Pa, as much as I hate to admit it, Joe isn’t a kid anymore.
He’s not a boy, he’s a young man and he thinks he’s in love. Pa, the
kid is nineteen he isn’t twelve anymore. Give him a chance to stand
on his own two feet. I know, we are all aware of the fact that he’s
gonna get hurt, and I hate to see that happen. We all know how it feels
to be hurt by someone that we think we love, it’s happened to all three of
us. But Joe has never had it happen to him and no matter how much we
want to protect him from that kind of heartache, we can’t step in,” Adam explained.
“He’s right Pa, Joe has to learn how to deal with it in his own way,” Hoss
added.
“Don’t you see Pa, if you make him come home, he will resent you for it,
he will turn away from you. But if you permit him to do this on his
own, and then he comes home, he would have learned something from it.
Pa, remember when I wanted to go away to college? Remember how you felt,
and how I felt when you wouldn’t give me the chance to prove to you that
I was ready? Well, that’s how Little Joe feels right now, he wants to
prove to you and us and to himself that he is ready for this kind of challenge.
He’s trying hard to please all of us, and yet he has the need to please himself
as well. It’s only natural Pa, the kid’s growing up.” Adam took
a deep breath and continued.
“Joe’s gonna be hurt, we all know what kind of woman Isabella Rose is, but
he has to find that out on his own. Pa, you have tried to teach him
all of his life to stand on his own two feet, don’t cut him down now, not
when he is so close to being the man he really thinks he is, let him do this,
for himself, please Pa.”
Ben took a deep breath and glanced from one son to the other. “Tell
me something son, where is it written that a man’s sons should be wiser than
he?”
Adam smiled, his dimples making his face to look so boyish to his father.
“Pa, for the last thirty-one years of my life, from the day I was born, you
have taught me everyday what it takes to be a man. You have given me
the foundation by giving me your love, your wisdom, understanding, encouragement,
and respect. When I was ready to fly, you let me try me wings and because
of you, I not only was able to fly, I could soar. Joe deserves nothing
less than what you have given to Hoss and I.”
“Pa,” Hoss wanted his turn to share his thoughts with his father and to
add to Adam’s request to give their younger sibling his much deserved freedom
of choice.
“Little Joe’s had the same upbringing as older brother and I have had.
He’s a wild, restless spirit that yearns for his freedom. If’n ya was
to go fetch him home, ya’d a be ropin’ that spirit, breakin’ it like the boy
breaks his mustangs. It ain’t right Pa, to squelch his spirit, cause
Joe’s the way he is because of that untamed zest for life and because of
the three of us. He’s a part of all of us Pa, we’d only be hurtin’ ourselves
if’n we went after him. Let him fall if’n he has’ta, he knows we’ll
all be there for him when he finally gets back up on his feet. He knows
he can count on us, let him prove it to us and to himself. He’ll be
all right, Pa, cause he’s your son.” Hoss smiled, showing the gap between
his teeth and then laughed when Ben slipped both arms around each of his
son’s shoulders.
“Thank you Adam, and you Hoss. I know you’re right, Joe needs to do
this in his own way, regardless of what we think. I only hope he does
remember that we love him, far more than what that woman does,” smiled Ben,
“and, I hope he knows just how lucky he is to have brothers like the two of
you.”
“He might forget it for a little while Pa, but Joe knows,” added Adam with
a smile of his own.
Joe smiled into the face of the beautiful Isabella Rose. Never in
his life had he ever seen a woman more beautiful, except for his own mother,
and Joe ruled that not to count, for all young men thought their mothers beautiful.
He leaned down and placed his lips over hers, and his body trembled slightly
as she returned his kiss.
Joe had brought her to his favorite place, up near the lake where he had
gone all of his life when things troubled him or when he had just wanted to
be alone, away from his older brothers who constantly pestered him.
He often came here when he had been in trouble with his father, or when his
father had one of Ben’s infamous little discussions with him, when his butt
needed a reprieve from his father’s hand. Joe smiled; thank goodness
he was now too old for his father to turn over his knee. Joe had a pretty
good suspicion that Ben would not be happy with him when he found out that
his youngest son had moved out of the house and into town, despite Ben’s
ranting that he stay away from Isabella.
Joe dismounted and tied Cochise’s reins to a low hanging branch. He
slowly made his way to the small opening that hid his hideaway from prying
eyes and lowered his body onto the pile of soft pine needles. Joe wiped
the moisture from his eyes, and leaned back against the trunk of a huge Ponderosa
pine, closing his eyes tightly against the memory that had shattered his heart.
Her words had been cruel, cutting him to the very core and it took all the
courage he could muster to walk away from her rather than to throw himself
at her feet and beg her to love him. Joe reflected back to that day,
now almost a week ago.
“Little Joe Cartwright,” laughed Isabella as the men gathered around them
to watch the fall of the youngest Cartwright.
Everyone, the men that is, that had known Isabella, knew her for what she
really was. All but one and that was Ben’s youngest son. He was
going to learn, the hard way.
“You really think I could love you?” taunted Isabella, who had allowed one
of the older men to pick her up and set her on the bar where she could face
the lovesick boy.
“I thought you did,” muttered Joe, not caring who heard him.
Isabella laughed loudly and Joe turned to look into the faces of the crowd
when they joined in her laughter. It was then that Joe first realized
that he had an audience. The young woman tossed her head backward and
she held her arm across the front of her stomach as her laughter filled the
room.
“You have to be kidding, Little Joe. You are nothing more than a boy,
a kid!” she giggled.
Joe felt the redness creep from beneath his shirt as it made its way upward
to his face and he dropped his head to hide his embarrassment. How could
she say such things? He had believed her every word when she had whispered
words of love in his ear when he had kissed her. He believed she had
been sincere, but now…now she was destroying him and in front of everyone.
“When I want a man, I want a real man, not a little boy, Little Joe!” she
rebuked him, adding emphasis to his name in a most mocking manner.
“How can you say that? I thought…”
“YOU THOUGHT? Did you men hear that? Little Joe thought…thought
what dearie,” she turned her attention back to the young man standing before
her, “that I, Isabella Demont, could love a boy? A child?” she sneered.
The room erupted with gales of laughter and Joe felt himself being elbowed
by those standing closest to him. He wanted nothing more than to lash
out, to strike the beautiful face of the woman whom he had given his heart
too, but his upbringing would not allow him to do so. He glanced around
him, every face in the room had their eyes turned toward him, and suddenly
Joe felt as if he were the little boy that Isabella spoke of and not knowing
exactly why, he wanted his father.
Joe stepped back from Isabella as she slid down from the bar and into the
arms of one of the men who stood nearby. Brazenly, she let her body
mold to the cowboy and when his lips pressed against hers, Joe ran from the
building, the laughter of the onlookers ringing in his ears.
Joe hurried to the hotel where he had been staying since leaving home more
than two weeks ago. His hands trembled as he fought to get the key in
the lock and it took him several tries before he was successful in getting
the door opened. Once inside, Joe jerked his jacket from his body and
flung it across the room, nearly knocking over the lamp that sat on the chest
of drawers on the opposite side of the room.
Angrily, he paced the room, unaware of the tears that clouded his eyes and
threatened to spill over. Three times he walked the length of the small
room and on the fourth about face, stopped at the wall and slammed his fist
into the oak panels of the thick wooden door. Pain shot from his knuckles
up into this arm and moved quickly into his shoulder. Joe groaned; his
tears finally succeeded in flooding his eyes to the point that they rolled
slowly downward and dripped from his chin. His weeping caused him to
turn to the bed where he lowered himself to the edge, rubbing the soreness
in his fist. Giving in to his heartache, Joe lay down and turned his
face into his pillow where his sobs could be muffled from those persons on
the opposite sides of the walls.
How could he face his friends? He had been humiliated and embarrassed
in front of everyone. How could he face his family? What would
he tell them? He had no doubt that before morning, everyone in Virginia
City, and the surrounding area, would know what had happened in the saloon.
He could see them now all of them, laughing at him, poking fun at him and
calling him names. Would he ever be able to hold his head up again or
walk down the street without someone remembering?
Why had she led him on so? He had given her his heart; he had loved
her unconditionally. He knew of Isabella’s reputation. His father
thought that he was blinded by his love for the beautiful lady, but he knew
better. To him, her past had not mattered; he had loved her in spite
of it.
Joe closed his eyes, her face danced before them.
“You are so sweet Little Joe, where have you been all of my life?” she had
cooed to him as he held her in his arms. “I have never known anyone
like you.”
Joe leaned his head down and placed a kiss on her lips. His arms embraced
her and he felt his heart beat rapidly, his desire for the sensuous woman
nearly driving him beyond his control. Isabella Rose returned the impassioned
kiss with one of her own. Her head reeled with pleasure and she swayed
slightly to better position her body against his. He wanted her, she
was sure, and she enjoyed the feeling of his body entwined with hers as she
moved seductively, toying with his desire to posses her. She had played
the game before, he was not the first, nor would he be the last. Isabella
thrived on it, seduction was a game she loved, and she had never failed to
be the victor.
Suddenly the boy pushed away, his face flushed, his brow beaded with tiny
droplets of water as he backed away. She had smiled at him, and advanced
toward him, her hand outstretched as she let her finger tips trace the outline
of his lips. She had almost laughed at the look of lust in his eyes
and she knew that given a little more time, she would be able to have her
way with him. Isabella wondered briefly what it might be like to conquer
one of the mighty Cartwrights. Her unexpected laughter startled both
of them and Little Joe seemed to snap out of his trance as he quickly brushed
his lips across hers and backed out of the door.
“I love you, Isabella,” he had stammered as he found the doorknob and opened
the door.
“I’ll be back,” he promised, and he had returned, many times after that
first night.
Joe turned over onto his back. He had wanted her, he remembered, more
than any thing in the world, but he had always been a gentleman. His
body had begged for him to give in to his desires, and though he came close
to tossing aside everything that his father had taught and preached to him
about a man being able to keep his emotions under control and though he longed
to satisfy his desires, Ben’s words of wisdom was a constant reminder of his
honorability.
The night dragged on for the heartsick young man. His first real taste
of true love and where had it left him? Alone and heartbroken, alienated
from his family and alone locked in a hotel room. His family had warned
him, but he had turned his back on those who had truly loved him and walked
out on them. Joe shivered from the coolness of the night breeze that
blew gently at the curtains hung over the opened window. Down below
he could hear the music and all the laughter and shouts that came from the
barroom down the street and he moved to pull back the drapes and peer outside.
The man who had held Isabella in his arms staggered from the doorway and ambled
down the street, stumbling in his inebriated condition toward the livery
where Joe felt sure his horse was stabled.
Joe sighed, he had wanted to slug the bastard, but discretion was the better
part of valor, his father and brothers had always told him. Why at that
exact moment he had remembered the words, he would never know, but he had
walked away, his head held high and his eyes focused on the barroom doors
just ahead of him.
Somehow, Joe managed to fall asleep and when the rooster crowed the next
morning, Joe stirred from his slumber. His eyes laden with sleep, Joe
forced himself from his warm bed and aimlessly stood before the mirror, gazing
at his reflection. He looked like hell, he thought. His hair was
mused, his face needed shaving and Joe knew he could use a bath. How
many days had he wallowed in his self-pity, three, maybe four? He couldn’t
remember for sure.
Joe ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed at the stubble on his face.
It was time to move on with his life, he had cried himself to sleep for the
last time. She wasn’t worth it, throwing away his life would prove nothing.
He could never have her, he didn’t think he even wanted her now. She
had used him for her own gain, and then had cast him aside as if he had been
nothing. Joe heard himself groan; he had been a fool, giving up his
father and brothers for a careless love. He was going home, and if
need be, he would beg his family to forgive him and if he had too, Joe swore
he would get down on his knees and plead with his father to let him come
home. He knew now that his father and brothers had been right about
what would happen, they had known all along that he was in for a heartache,
and they had been right.
Joe gathered his things and quickly made his way down the hall to the bath.
He would bathe, shave and put on clean clothes before going home. He
wanted to attempt to wash away the unclean feelings that still plagued him,
for he felt dirtied, used and he cringed at the thoughts that he had brought
it all upon himself. Maybe Isabella Rose Demont had been correct, he
was still a boy, playing at being a man. The thought unnerved him.
Ben was just coming from the barn when Joe rode into the yard. He
stopped and watched his youngest son as Joe dismounted and tied the reins
around the hitching post. Ben walked slowly toward his son, noting
the slump to the shoulders, the sad expression on the handsome face, the
lack of sparkle to the hazel eyes. Joseph looked broken, thought Ben.
Adam had come from Virginia City two nights ago with the news of what had
happened to the boy. He had ventured into the saloon late on the same
night that his younger brother had been persecuted by the woman whom he had
so innocently given his heart to, and the talk of his persecution had reached
his ears. Joe’s so-called friends had made it a point to tell Adam of
Joe’s abasement and when all had been said and done, Adam had gone looking
for the youngest Cartwright.
Adam had found Joe at the hotel and had stood outside of his brother’s room
and listening with a heavy heart to the uncontrollable weeping from inside
the room. Adam had not let his presence be known to his brother and
had stood guard at his door until the next morning. The oldest brother,
who had argued at such lengths with his father to allow his youngest brother
to stand on his own two feet, now ached for the emotional battle that the
boy was being forced to endure.
Adam returned home and explained in detail to both Ben and Hoss all of which
he had been told. Ben had yearned to go to his son. Thinking with
a father’s heart for his distraught child, Ben had fought the urge to see
and hold his son, he had held back his desire to comfort and reassure Joseph
and had instead, allowed the boy his time to grieve and to come to terms
with his dissolution in his own way and in his own time. Now Joe stood before
his father, his heart on his sleeve, tears in his eyes, looking so much like
the little boy that he tried so hard not to be.
Ben found his voice first. “Welcome home son.”
Joe swallowed the lump that squeezed his throat and slowly raised his head,
seeing his father’s dark eyes looking into his own. It was all he could
do to keep from throwing himself into the arms that had always brought him
such comfort and reassurance.
“Pa…” began Joe, his voice quivering.
“I’m sorry…you were right, all of you. Isabella was…just as you said
she would be.” Joe blinked his eyes and the tiny beads of water began
their downward descent. “I loved her…but…she didn’t love me. She
never did, she just used me…I was a fool.”
“Joseph,” Ben whispered and stepped closer to his son.
Joe had dropped his head, ashamed to face his father, but when he felt his
father’s loving touch, Joe stepped into Ben’s embrace. Ben’s arms closed
around the trembling shoulders and for several minutes, he allowed his son
to cry himself out.
When Joe finally was able to regain control, he stepped back and looked
into his father’s eyes, unsure of what to say.
Ben broke the strained silence. “Joseph, there is no reason for you
to feel like a fool. When a man gives his heart to a woman, he doesn’t
expect it to be cast aside and trampled on, but on occasions it happens.
In this case, it was destined to be, but under no circumstance should you
think of yourself as a fool.”
“But I can’t help it Pa. I guess deep down inside I knew you and Adam,
and Hoss, were telling me the truth about Isabella, but I wouldn’t listen.
You were right, all of you, I guess I am still just a boy.” Joe’s chin
began to quiver and he stepped back from his father.
“If loving someone makes you hurt like this, this terrible pain in your
heart, this feeling of utter uselessness, then I don’t ever want to be a
man. I’ll just stay a boy and I’ll never let myself fall in love again.
When love comes knocking at my door, I’ll shut it and I’ll lock it.
I don’t want that kind of love ever again. It hurts Pa, it hurts!”
Ben gathered Joe into his embrace for the second time and pressed his head
against his heart. He sighed deeply, wishing he had some words of comfort
for the ache that his child was bearing.
“Son,” Ben said at last. “Someday, when you least expect it, you will
look up and there she will be. You might not know it at first, but in
time, you will come to realize that this person is someone whom you love dearly,
with all of your heart and what you are feeling right now, will be forgotten.
In fact, when the perfect young woman gives her heart to you, you will even
question yourself as to what made you think that you could have ever loved
someone like Isabella Rose. Joseph,” smiled Ben, “God has a way of
helping us forget our foolishness and our broken pride, and someday son,
God will send to you, the one He has chosen to be your true love.”
“You are young son, but you have taken a giant step at becoming a man.
We all make mistakes, but we learn from them and we move on with our lives.
I expect that you will do the same, am I right?” smiled Ben.
Joe wiped away the tears and returned his father’s smile. “I guess
so, Pa. I have learned one thing though.”
“What’s that?”
“I don’t ever want to hurt someone like she hurt me. I don’t think
I could ever be as cold and callous towards another human being like she was.
It was cruel, and mean. I suppose you’ve heard about what happened
in the saloon?” Joe questioned.
“We heard,” said Adam who had joined his father and brother in the yard.
“Needless to say, we didn’t like what happened, but being a true Cartwright,
we figured you could weather the storm,” smiled Adam, resting his hand on
Joe’s shoulder.
Joe nodded his head and then faced his brother. “I’m sorry Adam, for
calling you a liar. I was wrong, you were right, and I apologize.”
Adam grinned, a mischievous gleam coming into his eyes. “So…” he paused
and then pressed his fingers tightly into the flesh of his little brother’s
shoulder where he still maintained his handhold. “What else is new?”
“WHAT!” Joe nearly shouted and then fell silent when Adam began to laugh.
“Joe, how many times do I have to tell you, it takes age and wisdom before
a man can understand what makes a woman tick?” smiled the older and wiser
brother.
“Yeah Joe, and Adam still ain’t got it figured out, otherwise, he wouldn’t
still be single,” laughed Hoss from behind.
Adam turned on his middle brother, making Joe to start giggling.
“I am single because I choose to be,” muttered Adam.
“Ya single because no decent woman would have ya,” snapped Hoss. “Take
that Mary Ann gal…she told me…”
Ben slid his arm about Joe’s shoulders and smiled. Whispering he turned
his youngest son toward the house, “Let’s let your older and wiser brothers
fight this out amongst themselves. I’m hungry, how about you?” whispered
Ben.
Joe wrapped his arm about his father and allowed himself to be led inside.
“I’m starved and if we hurry, we can get to the table before Hoss figures
out that it’s supper time.”
Joe allowed his father to enter the house in front on him. Glancing
back over his shoulder, he smothered a giggle, Adam and Hoss were standing
nose to nose arguing about the women in their lives. Joe scratched his
head, closed the door and silently vowed never to look at another woman as
long as he lived.
His vow was broken a week later when he stood with his father on the platform
of the stage depot and waited for Ben’s longtime friend, Jeremiah Peabody,
to arrive. Little did the youngest Cartwright know how Jeremiah’s only
daughter would affect his life, for love was about to wrap its fingers about
the heart of the most desirable young man in Virginia City’s history, and
Joseph’s ideals about love, would forever change his life.
The End
December 2002
Careless Love
Love oh love, oh careless love,
Love oh love, oh careless love,
Love oh love, oh careless love,
I’ll tell you what careless love can do
It’s gone and broke this heart of mine
It’s gone and broke this heart of mine
It’s gone and broke this heart of mine
It’ll break that heart of yours sometime
I cried last night and the night before
I cried last night and the night before
I cried last night and the night before
Gonna cry tonight and cry no more
I love my brothers and my papa too
I love my brothers and my papa too
I love my brothers and my papa too
I left them all for loving you
You see what careless love can do
You see what careless love can do
You see what careless love can do
Make you leave your brothers and your papa too
Well I’m home again won’t roam no more
Don’t want no careless love no more
Don’t want no love, no careless love
When that love comes knocking I’ll shut the door
Oh Love, oh love, oh careless love
Don’t want that careless love no more.
Don’t need that careless love no more.
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