At
the sound of approaching horses, both Ben and his youngest son glanced up from
their places at the table.
“I
bet that’s Hoss now!” squealed the sixteen-year old as he hurried to push back
his chair. The chair nearly toppled over
in his haste to get outside and meet his brother.
Ben
had to smile to himself, his youngest son’s voice had yet to change completely
and when the boy was excited, as he was now, the voice would become high
pitched and shrill. Ben shook his head
slightly, wiped his mouth and pushed back his own chair. Joe had already reached the door and having
flung it wide in his excitement, ran to greet his middle brother.
“Hi
ya, Hoss,” squeaked Joe, taking Chubb’s reins as Hoss dismounted.
Adam
emerged from the barn, the sounds of Joe’s laughter and greeting alerting him
to the fact that Hoss had returned home.
“Say Hoss, glad to have you home,” smiled Adam as he joined his father
and brothers.
“WOW!
Will ya lookit at this horse?” Joe proclaimed while running his hands down the
neck and sides of the new stallion that Hoss had brought back with him. “He sure is something, Hoss. How much did he cost you?”
“That,
little brother, is none of your business,” muttered Hoss, hoping that his
father would not ask him the same question.
“Whatever I paid, it was worth it, just look at him,” beamed Hoss,
following along with his hands, the same action of his younger brother.
“He
is a mighty good looking animal, son,” noted Ben. “I hope you didn’t over extend yourself,” he
stated softly as he watched his son swell with pride.
Hoss
paused and turned to face his father, a slight twitching action of his lips
told the senior Cartwright that his middle son was trying to find a way around
his statement. Ben noted the glow of
happiness in his son’s crystal blue eyes, and laughed.
“It
doesn’t matter son, if you figured the horse was worth whatever you paid, and
the price was right for you, then so be it.
He is a beauty, though I’m not sure why you wanted to buy an Arabian
stallion.”
“Aw
Pa, he’s a jumpin’ horse, and…well…just lookit him!” beamed Hoss proudly.
“Can
I ride him? Heh Hoss, can I?” begged
Little Joe excitedly as his eyes began to shine in anticipation.
“Whoa…young
man,” Ben quickly said, placing a strong hand on his youngest son’s
shoulder. “This here stallion is way too
much horse for you!”
“Pa’s
right, short shanks…ya best stay clear of’em,” advised Hoss.
“But…who’s
gonna exercise him, and if he’s a jumper, who’s gonna jump him? Ya can’t do it Hoss, not with the size of
your…” Joe stopped, suddenly hearing his own words. He cast wary eyes up at his father and then
his two older brothers half expecting his father to reprimand him.
Ben
started to laugh and gently slipped his arm across Joe’s shoulder, pulling the
young boy closer to him and giving him a hug.
He couldn’t fault the boy for his excitement, but there was no way he
was going to allow his rambunctious son to ride the big stallion that Hoss had
just brought home, let alone jump the animal.
Even now, the big stallion pranced nervously about, his eyes wide with
fright as though given half a chance he would bolt and run. Ben did however
consider his son’s question.
“For
once, your little brother is right, who is going to be riding that animal,
Hoss?”
“I
will,” volunteered Adam. “He sure is a
fine animal, Hoss. I’d be more than
happy to have a go at him. How good is
he?”
“One
of the best, ya should see’em Adam, Mr. Gilmore had his boy put ole Gilley
through his paces and I ain’t never seen a more spectacular sight in all my
born days. It sure ‘nough was
somethin’,” Hoss beamed as he led the new horse to the barn, with Adam trailing
along behind.
Joe
started to follow, but was stopped by his father’s hand pressing down on his
shoulder. “Where do you think you are
going, young man?”
Joe
looked up, surprised, “I was gonna go with them, why?” he asked.
“Joseph,
if I recall, you said something about having to finish some homework, am I
correct?” smiled Ben, gently guiding Joe back towards the house.
“Oh,
yeah, I forgot, sorry,” he muttered, giving his father a half smile.
“You
forgot, why you little scamp, get going!
And remember, if you plan on this being your last year in school, you
better make sure that you finish up with good grades, or else!” laughed Ben as
he watched Joe scurry off to the house.
“I
will Pa, I promise…anything to finally get away from that place, and that old
Miss Abigail Jones.” Joe uttered the
last part of his statement to himself, knowing that his father would not
approve of his thoughts, should he voice them aloud.
Joe
lay awake long after he had retired for the night. When his father had slipped silently into his
room earlier, Joe had faked at being asleep.
His thoughts about the new horse that Hoss had bought had kept him from
sleeping. He couldn’t wait until
everyone had fallen to sleep so that he might slip out to the barn and inspect
the stallion better, without having to constantly be under the watchful eyes of
his father or one or the other of his brothers. As he waited for sleep to claim
the others, his thoughts drifted back to earlier in the day.
Joe
sighed, when he had at last finished his homework and gone back outside to join
his brothers at the corral, he had marveled at the way in which Adam had put
the new horse through its paces. It had
been just as Hoss had claimed it to be, spectacular.
“Watch
him go, Pa!” Joe exclaimed, proudly watching how Adam moved his body together
with the rhythm of the horse’s movements.
“Adam
sure looks good up there, doesn’t he son?” commented Ben, pride in his son
gleaming in his dark eyes.
Joe
glanced sideways at his father and then followed Ben’s gaze back to the horse
and rider. Briefly the smile disappeared
from his face. “I meant the horse Pa,
not Adam. Adam looks just like he always
does, uppity and swollen with pride,” Joe sneered, wishing that he could have a
chance to show his father how he could handle the animal himself. Joe glanced again at his father, surprised to
see Ben’s angry eyes glaring at him.
“That
was uncalled for, young man,” Ben reprimanded sharply. “Your brother happens to be one of the finest
horsemen around.”
Joe
pinched his lips together and dropped his head. “I’m sorry, Pa, I know he is and I didn’t mean
to sound so nasty about it. It’s just
that…well…golly, he ain’t the only man who can handle horses you know. I ain’t no novice.”
“No,
you are not, but you are not an expert either.
Adam has been riding all of his life…”
“Well,
so have I and Pa, it was Adam who taught me…so…I’ve learned from the
best…so…why can’t I just ride him?
Please, Pa…I promise I won’t make him jump anything…please?” begged Joe.
Ben
shook his head. He knew in his heart
just how much the boy was aching to ride the big stallion, but Ben’s inner
fear, a long ago accident, a death and the sudden vision of his child’s body
laying broken on the ground, kept the reluctant father from granting the boy
his wish. “No, absolutely not.”
Joe
jumped down from the fence, fighting to control his sudden urge to cry, and
marched back to the house. “Fine, just
fine, treat me like I was still a baby.”
Joe turned back to his father, his eyes showing his disappointment,
“Don’t think I don’t know why you won’t let me ride that horse. As always, you’re afraid that the same thing
will happen to me that happened to my ma.
Well, it won’t!” Joe turned and
fled from his father, not seeing the stunned looked on the astonished father’s
face.
“What
was that all about?” questioned Hoss who had caught just the last part of the
conversation between his father and little brother.
Ben
shook his head, “That boy. Always
thinking he is old enough and big enough to handle everything that the two of
you can do. I don’t know, son, I think
maybe I am too hard on the boy. He tries
so hard to be a man, but somehow, I just can’t allow myself to let go and see
him as a man.”
Ben
turned and smiled at Hoss and Adam who had dismounted and joined them at the
fence. “He’s my baby, he always will be
and I can’t help it if I have certain fears for him that I never had with the
two of you. He’s so much like his
mother, that it scares me.”
“I
know Pa. I see a lot of Marie in him
myself, especially in that temperament of his. He’s like fire one minute and ice the
next. He can be kind and gentle one
second and in a flash, his temper is akin to hot coals…I swear Pa, I don’t see
how you’ve managed as well as you have,” laughed Adam.
He watched
his father’s face brighten, and he smiled to himself. Yes, Joe could be temperamental at times, but
there was no doubt that the youngest of the Cartwright sons was very much loved
by the three men who stood in silent retrospect of the boy with the fiery
temper.
Joe
pushed back the covers and eased himself out of bed. He quickly slipped his trousers on beneath
his nightshirt and then grabbing his boots from the foot of the bed, tiptoed
into the hallway. Joe paused briefly
before closing the door completely and once he was sure that the rest of his
family was sleeping soundly, the over zealous boy continued on his way.
Quietly,
Joe opened the heavy oak door at the front of the house and stepped out into
the cool night air. He forced his feet
into his boots and glancing over his shoulder, made a dash for the barn. The fact that the door stood slightly ajar,
or the fact that a soft glowing lamp burned inside the barn, never occurred to
the enthusiastic boy. Easily, Joe slid
between the partially opened doors and over to the stall where Gilley was
stabled.
The
horse nickered softly and tossed his massive head up and down. Joe’s smile broadened itself across his face
as he spoke softly to the stallion.
“Easy
big boy,” whispered Joe, gently rubbing his hand up and down the front of the
horse’s face. “You sure are a beauty,”
he cooed.
Gilley
lowered his head and nudged his nose against Joe’s chest, causing the boy to
laugh softly. “I like you too,
Gilley. Man, I sure would like to ride
you. I bet you not only jump well, but I
bet you can run pretty darn fast as well.
Maybe someday, that ole brother of mine will let me try you on for
size.”
“Not
any time soon, little brother.”
Gilley
tossed his head upward causing Joe to jump back and almost into the arms of his
middle brother. Joe spun around on his
heels, glaring at his brother. “What do
ya mean, scaring the life outta me like that?” Joe all but shouted.
Hoss
couldn’t help but grin, the look on his little brother’s face was worth a
hundred dollars. “Sorry Joe,” snickered
Hoss, “I didn’t mean to scare ya like that.”
Joe
gave Hoss a frown and turned his attention back to the horse. “You didn’t scare me,” he mumbled, “ya only
caught me by surprise, that’s all.”
“Sure
Joe, whatever ya say,” Hoss laughed again and then stepped up beside the
younger boy. He raised his hand and
petted the long silky neck of the chestnut stallion. “Ya like’em Joe?” he asked, giving his
brother a tiny smile.
“Sure,
but I’d like’em better if ya was to let me ride him, just once? Please Hoss?
Ya don’t even have to tell Pa that ya let me. I wouldn’t tell either,
will ya Hoss, just once, that’s all and I promise, I won’t ask again.” Joe put on his most angelic expression,
lowered his head just slightly and then turned his eyes upward to glaze
longingly into his brother’s eyes.
Hoss
seemed to be pondering the idea, he could tell by the look on Joe’s face that
the boy was just about to burst at the seams to ride the new horse. Hoss scrunched up his face and scratched his
head, trying to avoid meeting the probing hazel eyes of his younger brother.
“Please?”
He
heard the tiny voice implore of him. Hoss glanced down, saw the questioning
look in those probing eyes and was just about to give in, when a deep rich voice
stopped him.
“I
wouldn’t do it if I were you,” stated Adam from the doorway where he had been
standing, watching his youngest brother browbeat the other brother into
submission. “You know what Pa said about
that stallion being too much horse for the kid.” His words were directed at Hoss, who stood
gazing at him with an opened mouth.
“Aw
Adam, why don’t ya mind your own dadburn business?” glared Joe, giving his
oldest brother an angry look.
“Adam’s
right, Joe. Pa would have my hide if’n I
let ya ride this animal, especially if’n ya was to fall off and get yourself
hurt,” Hoss said, thinking it best to agree with Adam’s statement.
“Fall
off? Oh Hoss, come on, what do ya take
me for? Ya know as well as Mr. Noisybody
over here, that I can ride as well as either one of you, better in fact!”
argued Joe, determined to have his way.
“Joe,
you heard what Pa said, he said you were to stay away from this animal…are you
going to defy him?” Adam had stepped up
to face his brothers and he glared down at Joe.
“Cause if you do, you know full well what Pa will do to you. Sixteen or not, he won’t hesitate to give you
a good thrashing…he’s adamant about this and…”
“But
Adam, just look at this horse,” Joe turned to the horse, his hands gently
rubbing the end of the velvety nose and then turned back to Adam. “It would be worth getting a good thrashing
for, just for the chance to ride him one time.”
Adam’s
angry glare softened and he glanced in Hoss’ direction and together they smiled
at one another. Both boys understood
Joe’s desire, and, admitted Adam to himself, he couldn't blame his younger
brother, Gilley had been everything to him that Joe knew he would be to himself
if he just had the chance to find out.
“Look
buddy, I’ll talk to Pa in the morning…”
“Really
Adam? Honest, ya ain’t just saying that
are ya?” Joe asked, the excitement showing in his happy expression.
“Honest,
but you have to understand, if Pa says no, then there’s nothing more that I can
do for you, understood? And…Hoss has to
agree with whatever Pa says.” Adam
glanced again at Hoss to confirm the agreement.
Joe
turned around to face Hoss, giving his brother a winning smile. “You’ll let me ride him, right, if Pa
agrees?”
Hoss
laughed softly and ruffled the thick array of curls that adorned his little
brother’s head. It was hard to refuse
the boy anything, and Hoss nodded his agreement but added for good measure,
“only if Pa agrees.”
“Aw
gee, thanks Hoss, thanks Adam, you guys are the best!” Joe gave each brother a quick hug and headed
for the door. “Night Adam, night
Hoss…and…thanks!”
Adam
slowly shook his head and grinned at Hoss.
“Why do I suddenly feel as if we’ve been had?” he asked softly.
“Probably
cause we have,” laughed Hoss. “Come on big
brother, let’s go to bed, I’m bushed.”
“So
am I. Debating with that rapscallion is
enough to wear a man down to nothing.”
Adam
waited until Hoss had extinguished the lantern and secured the barn door before
tossing his long arm across his brother’s broad shoulders. “Life is never dull for a moment with that
kid around, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Never. If’n I live to be a hundred and six, and that
boy a hundred, he’d still find a way to sweet talk me. No matter what he does, I jist cain’t find it
in my heart to say no to that boy,” laughed Hoss.
“That’s
because you’re a push-over.”
“Oh,
and I suppose you’re not?” laughed Hoss.
Joe
was at the breakfast table earlier than usual the next morning. Adam and Hoss came down the stairs together
and both were a little more than surprised to find that Joe had beaten them to
breakfast.
“Morning
Hoss, morning Adam,” Joe gleefully smiled at them both.
“Aren’t
you the early bird this morning?” Adam said jokingly.
“What
worm are ya plannin’ on catchin’?” laughed Hoss giving Adam a quick wink.
“Who
me?” Little Joe tried to sound surprised.
“Who
else would they be talking to?” Ben spoke up to ask. He had seen the silent exchange between his
sons and knew enough to know that something was in the making.
No one
uttered a word, each of Ben’s sons was well aware of the dark eyes that watched
their faces. Joe glanced at his plate
and poked at his eggs with the end of his fork.
Adam busied himself with pouring his cup of coffee into his saucer to
cool. Hoss stuffed his mouth with an
overly large bite of ham and chewed very slowly.
“Okay
boys, out with it, what’s up?” laughed Ben.
Two
pairs of hazel eyes, one slightly darker than the other, and one pair of crystal
blue eyes glanced up and as if on cue, turned to face the lone pair of deep
brown, chocolate eyes.
Hoss
started to mumble something, but Ben held his hand up to stop the boy. “Please Hoss, not with your mouth full.”
“Hm…sorry,”
he tried to say.
Ben
glanced at Joe, but Joe had lowered his head and Ben could plainly see that Joe
was watching his oldest brother. Ben
stifled a giggle, so, he reasoned, his oldest son had been selected as
spokesman.
“Well
Adam, why don’t you just spit it out?” Ben couldn’t help but laugh out
loud. “I hope this isn’t going to be
serious, because the three of you look as if you’ve all been caught with your
hands in the cookie jar.”
“Pa…Hoss
and I were talking last night, and Joe…he was there as well…and well…Hoss and I
was wondering if you might change your mind about Joe taking a short ride on
Gilley?” stammered Adam. “Of course I’d
ride along with him, just in case…”
“Just
in case…” repeated Ben, eyeing all three of his sons in one sweep of his eyes.
“Yes
sir, we just feel that Joe should have a chance to…”
“You
feel? That Joe should have a chance
to…what? Get himself thrown off, maybe
break an arm, leg, or maybe both. What
about if he should get himself killed, then what?” Ben had stopped laughing, he had thought he
had made himself perfectly clear last night that Joseph would not be riding the
new stallion.
“Naw…tweren’t
that Pa…we jist think…” Hoss stopped talking and took a deep breath, pressing
his lips tightly together, he knew it had been foolish to even attempt to
change his father’s mind.
“Joseph,
did you put your brothers up to this?” demanded Ben, turning dark, angry eyes
on his son.
Joe
dropped his head without uttering a word.
“Pa,
it was my idea, not the boy’s. All he
did was ask Hoss if he could ride the horse if you agreed. I promised Joe I would ask you and that we
would abide by whatever decision you made,” explained Adam. He wanted his father to know that though Joe
had asked them both if he could ride, it had been his idea alone, to ask Ben
for permission.
Ben’s
eyes swept around the table a second time.
“I thought I had made myself perfectly clear on the matter,
yesterday. Joseph is not to be allowed
on that stallion, do I make myself clear on the matter, now? My answer is the same as yesterday, NO!”
Adam
and Hoss both nodded their heads in submission, knowing not to push any harder
for Ben to change his mind. “Good!” Ben glanced at Joe who had said nothing at
all.
“Joseph?”
Ben said in a clear deep voice.
Joe
raised his head slightly, but enough that Ben could see the defiant look in the
eyes.
“No,
I don’t understand. What harm can it do,
especially if Adam rides with me? I
think…”
“NO! You do not think, I said no and I meant
no.” Ben saw the chin begin to quiver
ever so slightly and he softened his voice.
“Joe, I know you want to ride that animal in the worst way. But not now, please son. Give the animal time to get adjusted to being
around us, to get acquainted with its surroundings and then in a month or two…”
“A
month or two? Pa, that ain’t fair! Why do you always have to treat me like I was
still a little boy?” Joe had pushed back
his chair and stood to his feet, glaring at his father.
Ben
gritted his teeth to keep from losing what little patience he had
remaining. “Joseph, sit down, please,”
he ordered gently. Ben cast his glance
upward and waited with bated breath.
Joe
studied his father’s face, noted how Ben struggled to maintain his composure
and decided it would be in his best interest to do as instructed. Meekly he sat back down and taking a deep
breath to still his own inner turmoil, looked over at his father.
“I’m
sorry Pa, I shouldn’t have raised my voice.
But I still don’t think it’s fair.”
“I
know you think I am being too hard on you son.
I just think that for right now, it’s better to wait. I’ve given you a direct order, and I expect
each one of you to obey it.” Ben looked
up at Adam and waited until his oldest son nodded his head.
“Yessir,”
Hoss muttered. “I’m sorry short shanks,
I didn’t think my buyin’ that stallion would lead to all of this.” Hoss’ expression was one of worry and regret
and one that reached out to his youngest brother.
“It’s
all right Hoss. I’m glad you bought him,
even if I can’t ride him,” he added for his father’s benefit. “I’ll just be happy watching you and Adam
ride him.” Joe flashed his brother a
smile. There was no use taking away
Hoss’ pleasure on his account reasoned Joe.
“Thanks
Joe.” Hoss winked at his brother and the
tension around the table eased, the conversation turned to other things.
“You
mean your Pa won’t even let you ride him?”
Mitch seemed amazed that Joe had not been allowed to even ride Hoss’ new
stallion.
“Nope,
he won’t even let me sit on him, guess he’s afraid I’ll get hurt or
something. You know how he is Mitch,
always scared that the same thing that happened to my ma will happen to me,”
Little Joe sighed deeply, his voice ringing with disgust.
Mitch
shrugged his shoulders, “Ya can’t really blame him, Joe…I mean after all…”
Mitch didn’t finish his sentence, but instead turned to check his friend’s
reaction.
“Yeah
I know, Mitch. But I sure do get tired
of being treated like a baby all the time.
All I want is just one short ride on the horse.” Joe turned to face Mitch. “You should see him Mitch, he’s
beautiful. He’s chestnut color and he’s
got a white blaze all the way down the front of his face and he has three white
socks; he’s really something!”
“He
sounds super, how old is he?” Mitch questioned.
“I
think Hoss said he’s about two years old.
His name is Gilley…guess Mr. Gillmore named him after himself,” laughed
Joe. “Ain’t much of a name for a horse
like that. Hey, did I tell you that
Gilley’s just over seventeen hands tall?”
“Wow! I can’t wait to see him. Mind if I come over tomorrow after I finish
my chores and take a look at him?” Mitch asked.
“Sure,
Pa’s going into town, and Adam’s gone up to the lumber camp and won’t be home
until Sunday night,” Joe explained.
Mitch
stopped suddenly and grabbed Joe’s arm.
“Hey, Little Joe…where’s Hoss gonna be?”
Mitch’s eyes had grown large and dark and he wore a mischievous grin on
his face.
Joe
stopped along side his friend and studied Mitch’s expression, noting the sly
look. “I don’t know why? What have you got up your sleeve, Mitch
Devlin?”
Mitch
rubbed his hands together and smiled broadly at Joe. “I was just thinking Joe, if your Pa’s gonna
be gone for a while, and Adam’s not there, well if Hoss takes off, what’s to
keep ya from taking a little ride on the stallion?”
It
was Joe’s turn for his eyes to grow wide.
He was silent for several moments, lost in thought. Suddenly his face broke into a smile. “Nothing I don’t reckon, but…”
“But
what? Nothing, just like ya said. Listen, Little Joe, it would be the perfect
time. Who’s to know? No one, just you and me and what they don’t
know won’t hurt them. What’ll ya say?”
Joe
continued on his way toward the schoolhouse with Mitch following slowly
behind. “I can’t Mitch, if I did and Pa
found out…there would be hell to pay. He
gave me strict orders that I better stay off that horse.” Joe shook his head as he walked along.
“Okay,
but I think you’re missing a golden opportunity. I’d do it in a heartbeat. Golly, Joe, you’re one of the best riders
around, I don’t see why your old man won’t let ya, but since he won’t,” Mitch
giggled softly, “I’d do it when he wasn’t around to find out.”
They
were almost to the doorway, when Joe stopped and turned around to face
Mitch. “You probably would, wouldn’t
you?”
“You
better believe I would, and any other time, you would too. I don’t know what’s gotten wrong with you
Little Joe, use to be, you’d take a dare and not think twice about it,”
grumbled Mitch.
Joe
started giggling; “But you didn’t dare me!”
Mitch
sobered and studied Joe’s expression.
Did his friend want him to make a dare?
It sounded like it. “Okay
Cartwright, I dare…no, I double dare ya to ride that big stallion the very next
time that your Pa and brothers are not around!”
Joe
gulped, why had he all but begged his friend to dare him? Was it because he knew that if Mitch did, he
would be forced into taking the dare?
Joe pushed opened the door and together with Mitch, the two friends
stepped into the classroom.
“I’ll
take that dare,” Joe whispered to Mitch as they parted ways and began moving
toward their assigned seats. Behind him,
Joe heard his friend snickering softly.
That
night as Joe lay in his bed, his thoughts continued to rehash the conversation
that he had had with his best friend, Mitch.
Joe knew that what he was contemplating was wrong, but a driving force
from deep within himself begged to prove to his family that he could ride the
tall chestnut stallion. Joe didn’t take
into consideration the fact that his father had no desire for his youngest son
to have a need to prove anything. The
wrong thought, in Joe’s mind was his own desire to ride the forbidden horse,
and that thought would lead to trouble, for which Joe had given no thought to
whatsoever, or the consequences of his actions.
Morning
came the same time, as always but to Joe, the night seemed to have past far
quicker than usual. With a groan, Joe
pulled himself from his warm bed and dressed quickly. By the time he had arrived at the breakfast
table, Ben was wiping the last crumbs from his mouth, Hoss had just snatched
the last pancake from the serving platter and Hop Sing had just set down
another plate of hot pancakes for the late comer.
“Morning
son,” greeted Ben with a bright smile for his youngest son.
“Morning
Pa,” Joe returned. “I sure hope you left
something for me to eat,” he growled at Hoss.
Hoss
looked up and saw the tiny frown on his brother’s face and pointed to the cakes
that Hop Sing had just set down. “Better
grab’em for I do,” he mumbled, as he pointed with the end of his fork to the
fresh stack.
Joe
laughed and quickly filled his plate before Hoss could make good his
threat. “You leaving already, Pa?” Joe
said as he turned to his father.
“Yes,
I have to meet with Roy this morning before getting the supplies. Then I have to ride up to the lumber camp and
help Adam get things back on track. I
probably won’t be back until after dark,” Ben explained as he strapped on his
sidearm and grabbed his hat from the peg above the credenza.
Ben
went back to the table where he placed a hand on Joe’s shoulder. Joe turned his head upward, waiting for his
father to speak as he chewed the food he had just crammed into his mouth.
“You
can go fishing son, when you finish with your chores. I know you and Mitch were planning to go
today, just be sure you get everything done before you do,” smiled Ben.
Joe
nodded his head and gave his father a smile.
“I will Pa, don’t worry.” Joe
returned the smile, feeling somewhat guilty about what he and Mitch were really
planning on doing.
“What
are your plans, Hoss?” inquired Ben.
Hoss
took a swallow of coffee, wiped his mouth and pushed back his chair, standing
to his feet. “I gotta go over to Genoa
this morning, Pa. Mr. Gillmore told me
about a man over that way, what’s got a mare he was wantin’ to breed with an
Arabian stallion and I thought I might have a talk with’em about using Gilley
as stud. I should be back before supper
time.”
“Well,
good luck. Are you taking the stallion
with you?” Ben asked, unaware that his youngest son had suddenly become very
interested in the conversation between his brother and his father.
“No,
I thought if the man was interested, he could bring the mare here. Mr. Gillmore advised me not to take the
stallion to the mare, but vice-versa.”
Hoss had walked to the door with his father and neither Hoss nor Ben had
heard the wind expel from the youngest Cartwright’s lungs.
“Joseph,
you behave yourself. Hop Sing will be
here if you should need anything,” called Ben as he followed Hoss out the door.
“I
will Pa,” Joe called in return. The door
closed with a slight bang and Joe smiled to himself, unaware of the dark almond
eyes that watched his face.
“Boy
seem pleased with self,” muttered Hop Sing, startling Joe from his
thoughts. Joe glanced up and saw the
piercing look of the little Chinaman.
“Boy best heed father’s words…number three son, mind what papa say and
be good boy!” Hop Sing pitter-pattered
back to his kitchen mumbling under his breath with each step he took.
Joe
had just finished with his breakfast when the front door flew opened and a loud
voice resounded in his ears. “JOE, YOU
UP YET?”
Joe
rounded the corner and surprised Mitch who was still standing in the
doorway. “Do you have to rattle the
walls like that?” he laughed.
Mitch
giggled, “Well, it’s Saturday and you’re rarely up this early, I just wanted
you to know I was here, that’s all,” he laughed. Mitch glanced around the room to be sure that
they were alone. “You ready?”
Joe
gulped, not sure if what he was planning to do was the right thing or not. “I suppose,” he grunted.
“Ya
ain’t backin’ out are ya?” Mitch whispered.
Joe
grabbed his hat and jacket from the peg and glared at his friend. “No, I’m not backing out, I’m just not sure
it I should do it or not, that’s all.”
“Ya
ain’t chicken are ya?” Mitch taunted.
Joe
grabbed his friend by the shoulder and spun him around, glaring angrily. “You know better than that, I ain’t chicken, and
I ain’t backin’ out! Now come on!”
Joe
allowed his hand to drop away from his friend’s shoulder and stomped off toward
the barn. Quickly he saddled the tall
stallion and led Gilley from the barn.
His eyes briskly scanned the yard to be sure that he was not being
watched.
Joe
had to jump to make his foot reach the stirrup and then pulled his body up and
into the saddle. He couldn’t help but
smile, he felt like a king sitting on the back of the magnificent animal.
“Well,
come on,” he ordered Mitch, grinning.
Joe
nudged the stallion gently with his knees, urging the horse into a gentle
cantor. Joe glanced back over his
shoulder and smiled at Mitch who was trying to catch up with him. Together the boys rode in companionable
silence as they made their way from the house.
For more than half an hour the pair rode until Joe finally reined Gilley
to a stop.
“This
is about far enough, by the time we get back, it’ll be near lunch and then I’ll
have to rub Gilley down and get started on my chores. I promised Pa I’d have’em finished before he
got home,” said Joe, leaning up from the saddle and petting the long silky neck
of his stead.
“Aw,
all right,” groaned Mitch. “But I was
hopin’ to see ya jump him, just once,” Mitch said, knowing he was tempting his
friend. “There’s that fence over yonder,
why don’t ya try one time before we head back?”
Joe
glanced in the direction that Mitch had pointed. The fence wasn’t too high and Joe felt sure,
after seeing how high that Adam had forced the animal to jump that Gilley could
clear the fence easily. For several
moments he pondered the idea, knowing in his heart that he should not tempt his
luck. He suddenly turned to his friend,
throwing all caution to the wind and giving in to his desires, Joe smiled down
at Mitch. “Watch this!”
Joe
turned Gilley toward the fence and kicked hard at the stallion’s flanks. Gilley bolted into action and raced toward
his target. Joe felt the wind whipping
at his face; his hat flew from his head as Gilley gained in momentum. As rider and horse neared the fence, Joe
leaned low over the stallion’s neck as he had seen his older brother do. He heard himself laugh out loud with glee as
Gilley’s hooves left the ground. Joe
heehawed as he and Gilley sailed across the fence. He was jubilant, he was flying and then
suddenly he felt the pain pierce his shoulder as he landed with a thud onto the
hard packed earth.
Joe
groaned as he pulled himself into a sitting position and quickly looked around
him. Gilley was standing just yards from
where he had landed, Mitch was no where to be found but when he looked up
behind him, he found something he had not expected to find.
Hoss
stood over him, his massive shadow blocking the sun from his little brother’s
eyes. His eyes were dark with anger, his
lips pressed into a thin straight line as he glowered down into the startled
face of his kid brother.
“Just
what in thunder do ya think ya was adoin’?” shouted Hoss.
Joe
gulped, temporarily forgetting the pain in his shoulder as he staggered to his
feet. “I…I…I…”
“Yeah,
I seen what ya did, ya dang fool kid!
Dadburnit Little Joe, don’t ya know Pa will have a fit when he finds
out?” shouted Hoss, turning Joe around and dusting the back of his trousers
off.
“Ouch!”
moaned Joe.
Hoss
froze as he stood gazing into the hazel eyes that had suddenly filled with
tears. “Ya hurt short shanks?” Hoss
asked with concern.
“I…I…it’s
just my shoulder, I must have sprained it.
Hoss…ya ain’t gonna tell Pa what I’ve done, are ya? Please Hoss…I’m begging ya…please don’t tell
him,” pleaded Joe.
The
boy was more frightened than hurt, but he wanted to be sure that Hoss would
keep his secret. He had thought that a
good thrashing would be worth getting a chance at riding the Arabian stallion,
but now, with the throbbing pain in his shoulder, Joe wasn’t too sure
anymore. And he had suddenly begun to
regret his decision.
Hoss
had pulled Joe’s shirt up and examined the shoulder that Joe said was hurting
and sighed in relief that he found nothing more than an ugly bruise
forming. “Doesn’t seemed to be broken,
but ya sure gonna have an ugly bruise,” the middle brother commented.
Hoss
pulled Joe’s shirt back down and turned the boy around to face him, holding
both of his hands on each of Joe’s shoulders.
“I saw what ya was fixin’ to do and I almost shouted at ya to stop, but
I was scare to, I didn’t wanna spook Gilley.
Then, when I saw ya fall off, I was scared ya might have kilt your dang
self. Short Shanks, I swear, I oughta
tan your hide right this minute. But I
think I’ll let Pa do it instead.”
Joe
could do nothing to stop his eyes from filling with tears and when he dropped
his head, they ran down his cheeks. Hoss
heard his brother sniff his nose and with his big hand holding Joe’s chin
cupped firmly between his fingers, he tipped the boy’s head upward. He could see the fear in the hazel eyes, and
knew that Joe was aware of what would come later.
“I
oughta know better than to do this Short Shanks, but if’n ya promise me that
you’ll never do a dang fool thing like this again, I won’t tell Pa. I’ll probably live to regret it,
but…well…dadburnit…I know how much ya wanted to try riding ole Gilley and I
can’t say that I blame ya none. But ya
gotta swear on your mama’s grave that ya won’t never do it again,” demanded
Hoss, already having doubts as to why he was trying to save the boy from a much
deserved thrashing.
Joe
buried his head into Hoss’ vest and flung his arms around his brother’s
middle. “I promise, Hoss, I
promise. I won’t let ya down, honest…I
cross my heart.” And Joe did just that,
the tears now stopped and his face broke open with a wide smile. “Thanks Hoss, you’re the best!” beamed Joe.
Hoss
pressed his lips together and gently bobbed his head. “Just don’t make me regret it. And don’t let me down, Little Joe, you
understand?”
“I
won’t Hoss, you can trust me,” smiled Joe.
Hoss
ruffled his brother’s thick mane of dark curls.
“Sure I can…I see how trustworthy you are,” Hoss muttered, shaking his
head harder. “Come on, you might as well
ride him home. Go fetch’em, we’d better
get him back to the barn afor Pa finds out what ya dun.”
Joe
didn’t have to be told a second time. He
rushed to gather Gilley’s reins and slowly pulled himself up into the
saddle. He pinched his lips tightly to
keep from crying out from the pain in his shoulder. Joe twisted his shoulder just enough to try
to work the soreness out, but even that caused the pain to shoot across to his
other shoulder and down his back.
Hoss
had watched with growing concern as Joe had mounted up and then saw his brother
twisting around to try to stabilize the pain.
Hoss eased Chubb along side Gilley.
Gilley danced around, not liking the other horse coming so close.
“Hold
him, Joe, don’t let’em get away from you,” ordered Hoss.
“Whoa
boy,” Joe said softly, gaining control of his mount.
“Ya
sure ya gonna be all right, little brother?
I mean, ya shoulder, does it hurt badly, cause if it does, we might need
to go see the doc.”
“NO! I mean, it’s fine, just sore, honest, Hoss,”
Joe was quick to put his brother’s mind at ease.
“Okay,
but when we get home, you’re gonna take a good hot bath, it’ll help with the
soreness and then I’ll rub some liniment on your back.” Hoss turned then and urged Chubb toward
home. “Come on, let’s ride,” he called
over his shoulder.
For
the rest of the weekend, Joe was forced to ignore the constant pain in his
right shoulder and to carry on as if nothing were wrong. Hoss had been true to his word and had not
tattled on his brother. He had even
helped Joe with his chores in order that Joe might give his shoulder time to
heal properly. By Monday morning, most
of the soreness had faded away and when Joe left for school, none had been the
wiser about what had taken place early on Saturday morning.
“I’ll
see ya tonight, Pa,” Joe called as he rode out.
“Bye Hoss,” he smiled at his middle brother as Hoss came out of the
barn, “thanks again,” he whispered in passing.
Ben
had stepped beside of Hoss, thus Hoss had no chance to respond other than to
smile and nod his head.
“He
seems in an awfully good mood,” commented Ben, smiling at Hoss.
“He
should be,” muttered Hoss softly as he turned and walked back into the barn.
Ben
stood silently, wondering at his son’s words and then shrugging off the
statement, returned to the house, where Adam waited, his head bent over the
ledgers and trying to make sense out of his father’s entries.
“Why’d
ya run off?” shouted Joe.
“I’m
sorry Little Joe, but when I saw Hoss riding up, I guess I just panicked,”
offered Mitch, his head bowed low.
“And
ya asked me if I was chicken? Well, old
friend, I guess we know who’s chicken now, don’t we!” continued Joe. “I dang near break my neck, just to satisfy my
best friend and then that so-called friend, turns tail and runs, leaving me to
face the music all alone. Some best
friend you are!”
Joe
turned from the other boy and headed for the schoolhouse, kicking stones with
the toe of his boot as he ambled along.
Mitch stood alone, watching as his friend walked away. When he could stand it no longer, he ran to
catch up with his best friend.
“So,
did ya get a thrashin’ or not?” he asked, never looking at Joe.
Joe
glanced over at Mitch and smiled in spite of himself. “No, Hoss didn’t tell on me.”
“What?”
Mitch all but shouted as he grabbed Joe’s arm, halting their steps. “You’re jokin’, right?”
“Wrong,
he promised not to tell if I promised not to do it again,” smiled Joe as he
continued on toward the building.
“You
lucky son-of-a-gun,” laughed Mitch, hurrying to catch up to Joe. “Hey Joe,” said Mitch in a voice so soft that
Joe stopped and turned to face him. “I’m
sorry about what I did…runnin’ off I mean.”
Joe
slung his arm across his friend’s shoulders and laughed, “Aw…that’s okay, I’d
probably would’ve run too, if I had been you.
Forget it,” smiled Joe, never one to stay mad at his best friend for
very long.
Later
that afternoon, Joe and Mitch sat with a group of their classmates. Joe couldn’t help but smile as he listened to
Mitch singing the praises of the Arabian stallion’s jumping ability.
“It
was only a fence railing, Mitch, you make it sound as if we jumped Pike’s Peak
or something,” laughed Joe.
“I
bet he could have,” Mitch snickered loudly.
“So
Cartwright, when ya gonna give the rest of us a chance to see this fine Arabian
jumpin’ horse that you’re so proud of?” asked Lucas Tatum, a fellow classmate
of Joe’s and not one of his favorite people.
“You
can come out to the Ponderosa anytime ya wanna and see him…” started Joe.
“No,
I mean, when are ya gonna show us how ya can ride and jump him?” snapped Lucas
in a cocky voice.
Joe
glanced at Mitch, who was smiling at him and nodding his head. “He’ll show ya, just name the day and time,” spouted
off Mitch.
“Mitch!”
shouted Joe.
“What’s
wrong Cartwright, ya ain’t been lyin’ to us now have ya? Ya really do have one of them Arabian jumpin’
horses don’t ya?” taunted Lucas.
“Yeah,
Little Joe, you ain’t just funnin’ with us, are you?” asked another of Joe’s
friends.
“No,
he really does have a bonafied Arabian stallion, a pure-bred jumpin’ horse,”
Mitch was quick to defend his best friend, “I seen him jump with my own eyes!”
“Mitch,
the horse isn’t exactly mine…”
“Then
ya lyin”!” sneered Lucas as his face spread into an evil looking smirk and
glanced around at the group of boys, knowingly.
“I’m
not lying. We do have the horse, he
ain’t mine though, he belongs to Hoss, my brother. Hoss bought him a couple of weeks ago from a
man somewhere around Genoa, honest,” Joe explained in his own defense.
“Okay,
prove it, show us how he jumps!” Lucas Tatum dared.
Joe
cast anxious eyes at Mitch, wishing that his friend had not brought the subject
of Hoss’ big stallion up in conversation.
“I
wish I could, but…I’m not allowed to ride him,” Joe muttered in a low voice,
keeping his head lowered and not wishing to look into the blue eyes of his
tormentor, Lucas Tatum, who had taunted him since they had started school
together, years ago.
“I
thought you said you had already ridden him and jumped him,” stated one of the
boys in an accusing tone of voice.
Joe
glanced at the boy, “I did, but I wasn’t suppose too,” he confessed.
Lucas
snickered loudly as he looked from boy to boy and then back to Joe. “Wonder what you’re pappy would say if’n he
were to find out that ya snuck behind his back and rode the ole nag?” laughed
Lucas.
Joe’s
eyes darkened in anger and he glared at the other boy. The look went unobserved by Lucas as he
continued to taunt the worried, youngest Cartwright. “Either ya show us how the nag jumps or I
tell your pa.” Lucas turned his eyes to
check Joe’s reaction to his threat and couldn’t help but laugh to himself. It wasn’t often that he had the upper hand on
Joe Cartwright, but this time, things were going his way. He could tell by the anxious look in the
hazel eyes, that Joe was taking the threat seriously.
“What’s
it gonna be, Little Joe?” Lucas added emphasis to Joe’s nickname. “What’s gonna happen when that big oaf of a brother
of yours finds out that ya been riding and jumpin’ his stallion behind his
back?”
“Ya
don’t gotta worry about Hoss, he already knows!” snapped Mitch.
Joe
groaned, furious at his best friend for not knowing when to keep his mouth
shut. Mitch had just given Lucas more
information to use against him. When he
heard Lucas burst into boisterous laughter, Joe spun around and faced him.
“Why
don’t you shut up?” snarled Joe to Lucas.
“So,
Hoss knows too and covered your butt by not ratting on you? That’s not bad Little Joe, not bad at
all. Now, either you jump the horse for
us, or I tell your old man your secret, plus your brother’s,” smiled
Lucas. “You wouldn’t wanna get your
brother in trouble too, now would you?”
Lucas’
eyes seem to glow with pleasure and it took all the will power Joe could muster
to keep from wiping the smirk off the other boy’s face.
“I’ve
a good mind to pound you into the ground right now,” snapped Joe.
“But
ya won’t, will ya? Cause if’n ya do,
you’ll hav’ta explain to your old man why ya was fightin’. I happen to know, Cartwright, that your
father don’t take kindly to his boys takin’ part in a brawl. So’s, what’s it gonna be? Ya gonna ride or not?” laughed Lucas.
Joe
took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
He wasn’t sure how it had happened, but Lucas Tatum had managed to get
the best of him this time and as far as Joe could see, there was no other way
out but to ride the stallion one more time.
Hoss’ words echoed in his ear along with the promise he had made to his
brother. But Joe shook his head free of
the disturbing thoughts, he would take his chances and protect his brother from
the lie that they had concocted about his injured shoulder and told to their
father.
“All
right, Tatum, you win. But when this is
over, just watch your back, cause I aim to beat the crap outta you!” snorted
Joe, turning on his heels and stomping back to the classroom. Lucas’ wicked laughed reached his ears as he
flung open the door and turned for one last look at the group of boys, which
were quickly following, trying to catch up with him.
The
group of boys hounded Joe the entire week to set a date and time that they
could watch him put Hoss’ jumper through his paces. Joe had tried to stall for as long as he
could, but when Lucas threatened to go to his father the very next afternoon,
Joe set the date.
“Saturday
after noon. Pa and Hoss will be in town;
Adam had to go back to the lumber camp so I reckon I’ll meet you over at the
old Wilson place. There’s a good fencing
there that we can set up to make the jumps with. I’ll be there about twelve-thirty,” Joe
informed the group on Thursday during the lunch break.
“I
been thinkin’ Cartwright,” leered Lucas.
“My old man has a pretty good jumper too. Oh he ain’t no purebred Arabian jumpin’
horse, but he ain’t bad. I’ve had a
notion of tryin’ him out myself. I think
I’ll ride him over to Wilson’s on Saturday and we can have ourselves a little
contest, what’cha say?”
Joe
glanced around at his friends who were all nodding their heads. “Fine by me,” Joe said at last, turning and
walking away. He was totally disgusted
with the group of boys, with his best friend, Mitch, and with himself for
allowing this so-called contest to take place to start with. Joe suddenly wished that he had a way to back
out, for he knew that he was headed for trouble of his own making. But the Cartwright pride ran wide and deep
within the boy's heart and soul, and Joe realized that there was no turning
back. Saying no, or the fact that he
could, had not entered his mind…until much, much later.
The
railings were set in place as Joe sat mounted on the big stallion’s back and
tried to hold the nervous animal under control.
Lucas was mounted on his father’s big black gelding and appeared to be having
as much, if not more, trouble controlling his horse, as was Joe. Each time that the gelding inched closer to
Gilley, the stallion would snort and toss his massive head, unnerving Joe more
each time.
It
had not been easy to slip away from the house in time enough to meet with the
group of spectators that had been gathering to watch the jumping contest. Ben and Hoss had been delayed nearly an hour,
Adam had shown up unexpectedly and further delayed his departure. Joe rushed around the barn, pretending to be
busy with his chores until finally Ben and Hoss bid him good-bye. Joe tossed his hand in the air at his
departing family members and gave a sigh of relief. Minutes later, Adam came from the house and
mounted Sport.
“See
you in a couple of days little buddy.
Stay out of trouble,” he warned in good spirits as he kicked at his
horse’s sides and waved bye.
Joe
swallowed the lump that had suddenly risen in his throat and wished that he
could stay out of trouble, for in the back of his mind, he was very aware of
the dark cloud that hung over his head.
Joe waited another half-hour before leading Gilley from the corral and
saddling him. Joe wanted to be sure that
Adam had ridden far enough so as not to witness his riding away from the house
on Hoss’ horse.
“It’s
about time,” mouthed Lucas. “We was
beginnin’ to think you weren’t gonna show up, what kept ya?”
“I
had things to do,” snapped Joe, hating himself already for allowing this person
to con him into doing what he was about to do.
“Let’s
get this over with then,” someone called out.
“I’m
ready when Cartwright is,” Lucas called out.
Joe
looked around him at the small crowd that had gathered. He was surprised to see some of his father’s
friends there with their sons. Joe
groaned, there was no way that he could pull this jumping contest off now and
his father not find out about it.
Suddenly, Joe’s vision was blinded as tears rushed to fill the depths of
his eyes. He brushed them away, willing
himself not to cry, but his stomach began to churn, and Joe could taste the
bitter hot acid that slowly made its way up his throat and into his mouth.
“Joe,
you go first,” called Mudd Taylor. Mudd
was an older classmate of Joe’s who had gotten the nickname, Mudd, years ago
after he had stumbled and fell into a grimy, thick puddle and came out covered
with the dark wet earth. Joe couldn’t
help but smile at the sudden memory, but just as quickly as it materialized, it
vanished.
“You
ready Little Joe? You gotta clear both
hurdles and then come back here and wait until Lucas makes his jumps. Then we’ll raise the bars and you go
again. You gotta keep jumping until one
of the horses touches or knocks down a
bar. The one who jumps the highest
without knocking down no bars, wins the contest,” explained Mudd.
Joe
nodded his head in understanding and waited until Mudd gave the signal. Mudd’s arm raised over his head and dropped
quickly. Joe kicked Gilley in the sides
and the big stallion leapt forward at a run.
Easily, the stallion cleared both hurdles and returned to the starting
point. Joe glanced over at Lucas and
smile.
“That
was easy,” sneered Lucas. “Hell, my old
pony could have done that!”
Mudd’s
hand came down a second time and Lucas was off.
When he returned he glared at Joe.
“See, ya ain’t got nothin’ special.”
“Just
you wait, I’ll show you,” snapped Joe and turned to give the go-ahead to
Mudd.
The
bars had been raised higher, again Gilley cleared the bars with no problem,
followed by Lucas and his father’s big gelding.
The crowd had begun to cheer the boys on and for a while Joe forgot that
he was here, when he should have been elsewhere. The fact that he had disobeyed his father,
broken a promise to his brother and was on the verge of disgracing himself,
never entered his mind.
Twice
more the bars had been raised. Joe was
having to encourage Gilley into a faster pace and lean low over the horse’s
neck, but still Gilley jumped each hurdle effortlessly, as if the bars had been
laying on the ground.
When
the bars had been placed at the highest level, Joe glanced at Lucas. The other boy had begun to sweat, tiny beads
of water had broken out on his forehead and Joe saw Lucas gulp. Joe knew that Lucas was worried, it showed in
his eyes and on his face. The gelding
had nearly faltered on the last jump and Joe, confident that Gilley could clear
the bars, smiled at Lucas.
“Now
we’ll see whose horse is a true champion.”
Joe could not help from gloating, as he nodded his head at Mudd to give
the signal, something his father had said to him years ago, suddenly entered
his head. ‘Pride, cometh before a fall.’
Mudd gave the signal, Gilley sprang forth, and from somewhere behind him, Joe heard his name shouted out.
“JOSEPH!”
Lucas,
who was not paying attention, pressed his knees into his gelding’s flanks, and
the big horse shot forth behind Gilley. The race was on, Lucas tried to pull
the fleeing animal under control but the horse had a mind of its own and had
set its course of the horse in front of him.
Within
seconds, the gelding was running side by side with Gilley. Together they cleared the first hurdle. From the corner of his eye, Joe caught of
glimpse of Lucas as he struggled to reset himself in his saddle from where he
had nearly fallen when he and his mount jumped the first set of bars.
Joe
urged Gilley on, the gelding was running neck and neck with Joe and his horse
as they approached the next hurdles. Joe
could feel Lucas’ leg brushing against his own, and cut his eyes to the side to
glare at the his opponent.
“Pull
him over!” shouted Joe.
Lucas
ignored Joe’s warning and again Joe felt his leg being crushed against the side
of the gelding. The bars loomed out in
front of them. Lucas’ horse was crushing
into his leg as Joe tried to move the big stallion aside but it was too
late. Joe felt Gilley’s body leave the
ground and suddenly, it seemed as if the big horse stopped in mid-air. Joe’s body was flung through the air and
crashed to the ground.
Joe
groaned, the pain shot through his leg and shoulder, sending trillions of pain
filled projectiles throughout his entire body.
Joe barely had time to glance up, his eyes widened in horror, he opened
his mouth to scream, and then his world went black.
“Joe,
can you hear me son?”
Joe
moaned, his pain riddled body arched in agony.
“Joseph,
open your eyes, son, please.”
Joe
tried to obey the words, but some one must have glued his eyes shut, for he
could not open them.
“Pa?” It was his voice. He felt the tears sting his eyes and wished
more than anything else that he could open them and see the face of the man who
held him so tenderly.
“I’m…so…sorry.” Joe heard himself muttering. Could his father understand his words, did Pa
know what he had done? Joe could not
stop the tears now, he was too weak, he hurt entirely too much to control them.
“Shh…don’t
cry son. We’ll get you home soon.”
Joe
felt his body being lifted from the cold, hard ground. “OH…DON’T…IT HURTS!” he screamed. Suddenly his eyes popped opened and he tried
to focus on the faces that loomed in front of him.
“Please…it
hurts,” he sobbed, groping the air for a handhold.
“Set
him down,” ordered Ben as he knelt next to his son. “Joe, you’re going to be okay, son, but we
have to get you home so that the doctor can take a look at your shoulder and
your leg.”
“Pa…”
cried Joe, clinging to the front of his father’s vest. “I didn’t mean…I’m sorry…Pa…I’m sorry,” wept
Joe.
Ben
pressed his lips together to keep from showing his pent-up emotions. “Joe, we’ll talk about it later, right now,
we need to get you back to the house.
A
sob caught in Joe’s throat as he continued to cling to his father. “Pa…Gilley…is he okay?”
Ben
raised his head and glanced at Adam who knelt with him. “Pa…please…” Joe tugged on Ben’s vest, drawing
his father’s attention back to himself.
“Joe…”
hesitated Ben.
“Oh
God…Pa no…please tell…me he’s…not hurt…please PA…PLEASE!” sobbed Joe
hysterically.
“Joe,
calm down, please son, you’re only making matters worse,” whispered Ben as he held
his son tenderly.
“Tell…me
the…truth,” Joe continued to beg.
Joe
tried to free himself from his father’s arms and raise up, but the pain quickly
sent his body into spasms and he cried out in agony.
“Let’s
get him in one of those wagons, Adam,” instructed Ben as he helped his older
son lift Joe’s body for a second time.
Joe
fought the urge to scream again. When he
could, he raised his head, biting his lower lip to help from crying out, and
quickly glanced around him. “WAIT!” he
shouted.
Ben
glanced down at his son, saw the frightened look that had entered the tear
filled eyes and followed with his eyes to where Joe had pointed.
“Oh
please…Pa…tell me…that’s not…Hoss’ stallion?” cried Joe as he was lowered into
the back of the wagon.
Ben
quickly jumped into the back with his son and leaned down close to Joe. “I’m sorry Joe, but we had to…destroy the
stallion. His leg was broken in two
places.”
“OH
GOD NO!” wailed Joe. “WHAT HAVE I
DONE!” Joe cried uncontrollably and
nothing that his father could say or do could bring a measure of comfort to the
distraught boy. Joe’s crying ended just
before they arrived back at the ranch and then only because the pain had become
so intense that Joe had passed out.
The
night had proved to be a long one. Doc Martin
set the bone that had broken in Joe’s shoulder.
The leg, though badly bruised had not been broken, much to everyone’s
relief. On Joe’s back, both the doctor
and Ben had been surprised to see the faded remains of the bruise from the
first accident. Neither could explain
the bruise and since Joe was under heavy medication, it was pointless to ask
him.
Joe
moaned and cried out for first his father, then Hoss and then Adam. He wept bitter tears of sorrow and pain, he
begged for forgiveness and though Ben whispered words of comfort throughout the
hours, Joe’s mind refused to allow his body to relax and let him get the rest
that his body needed to begin the healing process.
By
morning, Ben was drained, Adam wasn’t faring much better, so when Hoss entered
the room, neither noticed until the big man had approached the bed.
“Pa,”
whispered Hoss softly.
Ben’s
head snapped up and he quickly stood to his feet, meeting Hoss halfway across
the room. “Shh…he’s finally resting,”
muttered Ben as he backed Hoss away from the bed so that they could talk
without waking the sleeping boy.
Adam
watched, his eyes focused on his middle brother’s face. He could read the quiet fear and worry that
was evident in his brother’s expression.
“What
happened? Is he all right?” Hoss asked.
Hoss
had not returned home after finishing in town the afternoon before when he had
gone with his father to purchase supplies.
He had instead gone to the lumber camp to give his older brother a
much-needed break, therefore he had not known about the accident, nor what had
caused his little brother to be in bed with a broken shoulder.
“Let’s
go into the hallway,” urged Ben.
“Hoss…Hoss!”
Hoss
stopped and turned back to the bed. Joe
had awakened and had seen his brother as he was stepping from the room.
“I’m…sorry…Hoss…I…I…didn’t
mean…for it to…happen…please…I’m sorry.”
Joe’s eyes had filled with tears and he wept softly.
Hoss
glanced quickly at his father and then at Adam.
“What’s he talkin’ about?” Hoss questioned.
“Let’s
go…” began Ben.
“No
Pa, tell me now…what’s happened?” snapped Hoss, sensing that something bad had
taken place in his absence and that his father was hesitant to tell him.
“There
was an accident, Hoss,” said Adam, standing to his feet and crossing the
room. “Joe had…”
“I’m…sorry…I
didn’t…mean…for him…to get…hurt,” Joe muttered from the bed.
Hoss
stepped around his brother and made his way to Joe’s bedside where he sat down
on the side of the bed.
“Joe,
what have you done?” Hoss demanded, fear beginning to creep into this heart.
“Gilley…”
Joe’s voice cracked and he began weeping.
“Oh…Hoss…please…say you…forgive me…”
“Gilley? Dadburnit…someone tell me what’s goin’ on!”
Hoss all but shouted.
“Hoss
calm down, it was as your brother said, an accident…I admit, Joe shouldn’t have
taken the horse…”
“What? What do ya mean take the horse, not MY
horse?” Hoss jumped to his feet and spun around, facing his father and Adam.
“Take
it easy son, not in front of the boy…”
“Boy!” Hoss turned around, his heart pounding in his
chest. “Don’t tell me, you’ve been
riding my horse again, Joseph!” growled Hoss.
“I…I’m
sorry Hoss…please…don’t be mad…at me!”
“We
had to destroy the horse son, I’m sorry,” muttered Ben.
Hoss
froze, his blue eyes wide with unspoken anger as they slowly filled with
tears. He gazed down at his brother,
whose own eyes were still overflowing with tears of his own. As if in slow motion, Hoss raised his head
and glared at his family.
“What
happened?” he said in a voice that belied the smoldering fire burning deep
within.
“I’m
not sure exactly how or why things happened like they did, but it seems that
Joe took the stallion out, after all of us left yesterday. He met up with some friends over at the old
Wilson place and had a little jumping contest.
Somehow Joe and Gilley got themselves tangled up with the other horse
and rider and all four of them went down.
The other boy and his horse weren’t hurt, unfortunately Joe suffered a
broken shoulder, and Gilley…well…I’m sorry Hoss, but his leg was broken in two
places, and we had to put him down.”
Hoss
stood as if he were a statue, the tears rolled freely down his cheeks and he
said not a word for several moments.
“Hoss…”
whimpered Joe, frightened by his brother’s silence.
Hoss
jerked his body around and before anyone knew what was happening or could stop
the big man, Hoss grabbed Joe by the front of his nightshirt and all but pulled
the boy from the bed.
Joe
screamed as the pain in his broken shoulder seared his body.
“How
could ya! Ya lied to me, Joe. Ya broke ya promise and lookit what ya dun!”
screamed Hoss.
“Let
him go Hoss, now!” shouted Ben as he and Adam pried the big man’s fingers loose
from Joe’s nightshirt.
“I’m
sorry, I’m sorry…Hoss…I’m sorry,” sniffled Joe repeatedly.
Hoss
released his fingers and Ben helped to ease Joe back into the soft
pillows. Joe’s eyes never left his
brother’s face as he watched Hoss’ expression of anger deepen and settle across
the fine lines of his brow. He watched,
terrified as Hoss’ tears made a steady stream down his rotund face.
Hoss
pointed his finger at Joe, practically waving it under his nose. “I’ll never trust ya again, Joseph. Never, ya hear me good, boy, from now on,
just stay away from me!” With that, Hoss
spun around and stomped out of the room, never looking back at the boy who
screamed his name repeatedly.
Ben
had gathered his hysterical son into the folds of his arms and tried to comfort
him. “Shh…please sweetheart, it will be
okay…just give him time…”
“No…no…oh
God, Pa…I didn’t…mean for this…to happen!
He hates…me!” Joe freed himself
from the arms that held him and in spite of the pain that gnawed at his body,
Joe turned his head and buried his face in the pillows and wept, until
exhausted, he feel into a troubled sleep.
The
days passed slowly for all of the Cartwrights.
Hoss had made himself scarce, Adam busied himself with doing everyone’s
chores, Ben remained by his youngest son’s bedside, and Joe had wrapped himself
in his sorrow and pain. He was sullen
and quiet, crying out often in his sleep for the brother, whom had walked out
on him, the one that Joe was now convinced hated him. His brother’s hate embedded itself in the
younger boy’s heart and soon Joe began to hate even himself. He blamed himself, though he realized that he
had been totally at fault and admitted as much to his father, his pleadings
that Hoss come to him, failed to materialize the middle brother.
“Hoss,
please, just let me explain…” began Joe late one afternoon when he had ventured
downstairs and found Hoss standing alone in front of the fireplace, carelessly
poking at the dying embers.
“What’s
there to explain?” Hoss growled. “Just
leave me alone.” Hoss placed the poker
back on its stand and started for the door.
Joe,
his arm in a sling, worked his way around the furniture in an effort to catch
up with his brother. “Please, Hoss…I’m
sorry, honestly I am…for everything,” Joe cried, fighting to keep his tears
from spilling over the rims of his eyes.
Joe was frantic, it had been two weeks now since the accident and though
he had tried numerous times, Hoss still would barely speak to him and oft as
not, ignored him completely.
“Why
can’t you forgive me? Hoss…I was wrong
for taking your horse, God, don’t you think I’ve regretted it a million
times? HOSS, STOP! PLEASE…JUST TALK TO ME!”
The
door slammed loudly and Joe was left standing alone, his heart in his throat as
he began to weep. Almost immediately,
the door opened causing Joe to quickly raise his head, hoping that Hoss had
somehow found it in his heart to return and to hear him out. His hopes were dashed for instead of his
brother Ben stood in front of him, confused by the tears that he saw rolling
from the end of his youngest son’s chin.
“What
in the world? Joseph?” Ben said as he
placed his hands on either side of Joe’s trembling shoulders.
It
was all that Joe needed, he fell into his father’s arms, weeping and sobbing
uncontrollably. “Oh Pa…he hates me…he
hates me…”
Ben
wrapped his arms around his son and held him tightly. “No, no, Hoss doesn’t hate you son, he’s
only…”
Joe
pushed back from the comforting embrace and raised his tear soaked face upward
to look into his father’s eyes. “He’s
only what? Hurting? Mad?
What? I know you’re only trying
to make me feel better, but it won’t work, Pa.
Hoss hates me for what I did,” sobbed Joe.
Joe
swiped the sleeve of his shirt across his eyes and turned from his father. “I know what I did was wrong.” Joe had moved to the table in front of the
fireplace and sat down. Sadly his eyes
met his father’s.
“I
should never have taken his horse, not the first time or the last time. It was stupid. I know that now…I knew it then…but I…” Joe
glanced at his father and then quickly dropped his head. “I couldn’t make myself stop…I was scared…”
Joe’s chin had begun to tremble again and he couldn’t go on.
Ben
sat on the edge of the table, slightly behind his son and placed his hand on
Joe’s good shoulder. “Scared, of what
Joe? I don’t understand.”
Joe
turned slightly toward his father and with eyes that begged for understanding
he tried to explain to his father what had prompted his behavior.
“Mitch
dared me to ride Gilley, that’s when I took him out the first time. It was wrong, I know…” Joe cut his eyes up to
check his father’s reaction. Ben was
watching his son’s face but said nothing, just nodded his head.
“I
only rode him a short distance and then I was going to start back but Mitch
wanted to see me jump a fence first. I
did…and that’s when I fell off.”
“Is
that how you came to have that bruise on your shoulder?” asked Ben quietly.
Joe
nodded, “Yes sir.”
“Go
on, please.”
“Well,
when I was getting up, I couldn’t find Mitch, he had run off. But I did find Hoss, and boy was he mad at
me, he started yelling and shouting at me.
I thought for sure he was going to thrash me right then and there.” Joe paused and sniffed his nose. “I wish now he had of, maybe I wouldn’t have
been such a fool the second time,” muttered Joe.
“Anyway,
I beg him not to tell you and he said he wouldn’t if I would promise never to
do it again, take Gilley out, I mean.
And I did promise, I gave him my word and Pa, honest, I never intended
to break my promise, honest I didn’t. It
just happened,” Joe sighed, brushing away the accumulation of tears that had
started to gather again.
“Then
why did you break your promise?” questioned Ben.
Joe
shook his head slightly from side to side.
“It was stupid, just plain stupid.
Mitch and I was eating lunch at school on the Monday after that and
Mitch started bragging about what a great jumper Gilley was, you know how Mitch
is,” said Joe, giving his father a knowing look. Ben smiled and urged Joe to continue.
“That
darn Lucas Tatum started hounding me then, in front of all my friends, to prove
to them what a good jumper the stallion was.
I tried to put him off, but then Mitch let it slip that I had taken
Gilley out against your wishes. Lucas
started threatening to tell Hoss but then Mitch opened his mouth again and said
that Hoss already knew and hadn’t told on me.
That’s all it took, Lucas said either I showed them how Gilley could
jump or he’d tell you that Hoss and I both…” Joe gulped and glanced at his
father’s face. “Lied to you about how I
really hurt my shoulder and about the fact that I had sneaked Gilley out while
you were away.”
“I
see,” Ben said.
Joe
positioned himself in front of his father, his head bent low. Ben gently cupped his son's chin and tilted
the curly head upward. His eyes were
soft with understanding, he knew by rights he should be angry with the boy and
should enforce some type of punishment.
Ben studied the sad eyes that fought against meeting his; the boy had
suffered enough over the last several days.
No punishment that he could render to the boy could be worse than what
his son had inflicted on himself. With
his other hand, Ben brushed back the wild locks of curls that seemed to always
be falling onto the boy’s brow.
“Joseph,
you know what you did was wrong, don’t you?” Ben asked softly.
“Yessir,”
Joe replied, finally meeting the dark probing eyes. He was surprised to find the depths void of
the anger that he believed to be present.
Slowly, Joe began to relax.
“I’m
really sorry,” Joe whispered, his eyes beginning to swell with tears once more.
“I
know you are son, but that doesn’t change the fact that you lied, not only to
me, but to your brother as well and that’s not to mention the fact that Hoss
lied to me too. Joe, I wish that you had
come to me, especially after the first accident. Sure, I would have been angry with you, I
might have even seen fit to give you a good thrashing, but…” Ben had to pause
and smile at the sudden change of expression on the boy’s face.
“I
wish you had of,” muttered Joe. “It
couldn’t have hurt any worse than this.”
The tears released themselves, silently rolling over the rims of Joe’s
eyes.
Ben
moved his hand from Joe’s quivering chin and slipped his arm about the
trembling shoulders. Joe laid his head against
his father.
“Pa…what
am I going to do? Hoss won’t give me the
time of day…every time I try to talk to him, he walks away. Doesn’t he know how that makes me feel?” Joe
said.
He
voice had begun to crack and when he looked up, he was surprised to see the
brother in question, standing behind his father and himself. Instantly, Joe was on his feet. Ben turned to see what had prompted Joe’s
sudden movement and was as shocked to see Hoss as Joe obviously was.
Hoss’
face was beet red, and Joe could see the anger in his blue eyes. When the bigger boy took a step forward, Joe
backed up. Ben stood to his feet,
placing his body between his two sons.
He too could see the wrath building in his normally soft spoken, gentle
natured son.
“Hoss…”
Ben said his son’s name in more of a warning, for Ben was not sure what Hoss
might do.
Hoss
ignored his father and stepped around him.
“You think just saying that you’re sorry, excuses ya for what ya did,
Joseph? Well, ya wrong, it’s only words,
there’s no truth to’em,” growled Hoss.
“But
I meant it, honest Hoss, I am sorry!” Joe said.
“Are
ya? Or are ya just sorry cause ya got
caught?” Hoss shouted.
Joe
was shaking his head no.
“Tell
me something, Little Joe, what would ya have dun, if’n ya hadn’t fallen and got
ya self hurt? Would ya have owned up to
what ya did? No, ya would’ve acted like
nothin’ happened, that’s what ya would’ve dun,” Hoss roared.
Joe
was still shaking his head. Ben had
stepped back, allowing his sons time to vent their anger at one another, but
kept a watchful eye, just in case one might try taking a swing at the other.
“No,
no, please Hoss, honest, I didn’t mean for Gilley to get hurt, honest…”
Hoss
took another advancing step, causing Joe to back up into the blue chair and
fall into the cushion. Hoss towered over
his brother, placing a hand on each side of the arms of the chair and giving
Joe no means by which to escape. Joe
pushed his head back against the headrest; Hoss’ face was inches from his
brother’s.
“Ya
still don’t get it, do ya boy? It ain’t
about the horse. I could buy ten Arabian
stallions, all seventeen hands high, if’n I’ve amind too. But it ain’t about the stallion, Joe, it’s
about us, you and me. Ya lied to me Joe,
ya out and out told me a lie, and then ya used me, to cover ya own hide. Ya promised me, short shanks, ya promised on
ya mama’s grave that ya would not do it again, and then ya turned right around
and betrayed me! I trusted ya, Joe,
plain and simple and ya used that trust to get what ya wanted in the first
place. How do ya think that makes ME
feel?”
Hoss
had begun to shout and Ben could see Joe scrunching up his face as Hoss spat
his words into his brother’s face. He
started toward Hoss, but Hoss swung an arm out to halt his father’s
approach. Hoss turned his head and
looked up at Ben.
“Let
me have my say, Pa. He wanted to know
why I can’t forgive’em, I’m gonna tell’em,” snapped Hoss and then directed his
attention back to his brother who still cowered in the chair.
“Ya
hurt me Joe, like no one ever hurt me before.
Right here, in my heart, ya done broke my heart, Joe! Saying I’m sorry don’t cut it, not anymore,
not with me it don’t.”
Joe
had fought against the tears for as long as he could. His heart was shattered, he could not believe
what he was hearing, his brother, his best friend, his confidant, was refusing
to forgive him.
“Hoss…please,
tell me what I can do? I…I’m sorry…I
wasn’t thinking…I didn’t mean to break my…promise…it…it…just happened cause…”
“CAUSE?”
ranted Hoss. “Ya always got a CAUSE,
don’t ya kid? Well, not this time!” Hoss pushed himself upright and glared at
Joe. “Don’t bother tryin’ to explain, ya
ain’t got nothin’ I wanna hear. Just
stay away from me, Joe. I’ve washed my
hands of ya.”
Hoss
spun around on his heels and marched out the door. Joe’s chin dropped to his chest, he was
beyond crying and he had resigned himself to his fate. Hoss hated him, he had said as much when he
had told Joe that he had washed his hands of his kid brother. Ben moved closer to Joe and sat on the edge
of the table while gently raising Joe’s chin with his hand.
Ben
was startled at the hollow, empty look in the eyes of his youngest son. Joe met his father’s gaze.
“I
told ya he hated me, now maybe you’ll believe me,” whispered Joe, his tone void
of any emotion.
“Pa?”
Ben
looked up from his desk where he had been working on the ledgers, surprised to
see his youngest son standing on the landing, mid way of the staircase.
“Joseph,
I thought you were asleep. Come on down and join me,” smiled Ben.
It
had been nearly another week since the incident between his two younger sons
and Ben had grown more worried with each passing day. He had tried talking to Hoss, but Hoss had
turned a deaf ear to his pleadings and seemed bound and determined that he
would not allow himself to forgive his younger brother.
Ben
had watched as the perplexing emotions ran their course over Hoss’ face. Ben had seen the longing in the blue eyes
that told his father that Hoss was aching to have peace of mind and silently
Ben prayed that somehow his sons would find their way back to each other.
“Couldn’t
you sleep?” Ben asked, motioning for Joe to have a seat.
Joe
shook his head no and lowered himself into the chair in front of the desk. He could barely bring himself to meet his
father’s eyes.
“Something
on your mind, son?” questioned Ben. He
saw Joe gulp and nod his head slightly.
“You
know how you and Adam are…always telling me that…I should stay in school…get a
good education?” Joe glanced sideways at
his father.
Ben
studied his son closely, wondering where this conversation was headed. It was no secret that Joe hated school and
had begged for the last year to be allowed to drop out. Ben had finally conceded and promised Joe
that if he finished this year with high marks, he would allow his son to drop
out and begin working full time on the ranch with his brothers and himself.
“Yes,
I vaguely remember Adam and I both telling you that, why?” Suddenly Ben felt his heart jump into his
throat.
“Well,
I was thinking…that maybe you and Adam were right…and that I…should…stay in
school I mean. So I was
wondering…perhaps I might do like Adam…and go away…to college. I could study engineering or may architecture,
like Adam…”
Ben
stood to his feet and moved around his desk so that he stood in front of his
son. Ben knelt down, but it was still
hard to see his son’s face, for Joe had lowered his head. Gently, Ben cupped the quivering chin and
raised Joe’s head so that he might see into his son’s face.
“Joseph…I
never thought you would be the one to want to go away…especially to
school. If I believed for one minute
that you were serious, I would be thrilled with the idea of you wanting to
further your education, but son…are you positive that this is what you want to
do…or are you running away?” Ben questioned in a soft voice.
Instantly,
Joe’s eyes filled with water.
“Please…Pa…let me go…I wanna do this…”
“Joseph?”
Ben muttered, “you can’t mean that.”
“Pa…I
can’t stand it here…not like this…” Joe began to weep; his voice shattered and
became broken. “Oh Pa…I wish I’d broken
my neck in that fall, at least that way, I could have died quickly. I wouldn’t have to die so slowly…and
painfully…cause that’s what’s happening to me…this is killing me…I can’t stand
it anymore…please Pa…I gotta go…I can’t face…him another day…”
Ben,
with growing fear in his heart for his youngest son, gathered the boy into his
arms. Joe wrapped his around his father
and buried his face into the fold of Ben’s neck. Neither was aware of the big man standing at
the top of the stairs with tears rolling gently down his face. Hoss turned and retraced his steps to his
room, his little brother’s words still ringing in his ears and searing into his
heart, as he closed the door softly.
The
next morning, Ben sat alone at the table.
Adam had remained at the longing camp and Hoss had eaten an early
breakfast and disappeared to the barn.
Joe slipped quietly into his seat, glanced swiftly at his father and
began to serve himself.
“Morning
Pa,” he half muttered when he saw Ben watching him.
“Good
morning, son,” smiled Ben.
Joe
poked at his food with his fork and scooted it around his plate. He wasn’t really hungry and just the thoughts
of having to eat made him nauseous.
“Pa,
can I be excused? I have chores to do,”
asked Joe, placing his fork on the plate in front of him.
“You’ve
hardly eaten a bite…”
“I
ain’t hungry…please…can I be excused?” Joe asked again in a soft voice, not looking
up to see the worried look in his father’s eyes.
“All
right, son.”
Joe
scooted back his chair and stood up.
“Pa…” he began meekly. “About
last night…what I said about wishing I was dead…well…I don’t want ya to worry
about me…I mean…I wouldn’t do…” Joe stopped, glancing at his father.
Ben
forced his lips into a smile. “I know
you wouldn’t son,” he said in a low voice.
God, he prayed, he hoped his young son would not even consider doing
something so foolish.
“I
just wanted ya to know, that’s all…”
Joe
rushed from the house. He wondered what
his father would think of him if he had known that his son, had, before last
night, had those very ideas in his head.
His father had no inkling of how very much his heart ached with the
sorrow of knowing how badly he had hurt his middle brother and how that middle
brother’s hatred of him, had destroyed his world.
Joe
brushed the sleeve of his shirt across the front of his face and ran to the
barn, totally unaware of the barn’s occupant.
He shoved back the door and slipped inside the dimly lit enclosure. Cochise nickered lightly at his master and
Joe stopped to scratch the velvety tip of the pinto’s nose.
“Hey
old friend,” whispered Joe softly, unaware of the troubled blue eyes that
watched him from the dark corner of the barn.
“You’re just about the last friend I have left in the whole world,” he
muttered. “Did ya that ole Hoss hates
me, hmm…did ya know that? Well, it’s
true, he does. I can’t say that I blame
him, hell, he can’t hate me any more than I hate myself and ya wanna know
why? Cause I was stupid, that’s why
Cooch, just plain stupid. I let myself
get suckered into something I didn’t know how to get myself out of…and all on
account of a stupid dare. Wanna know
something else? I didn’t even win the
dare, I lost…I lost a lot too,” Joe began to sniffle. “I lost my brother Cooch, I lost Hoss.”
Joe
leaned his head against his horse’s head and fighting to control his emotions,
whispered, “it hurts Cooch…you’ll never know how much that dare cost me…it’s
almost worse than when my mama died.”
Joe lost the battle with his emotions and began to cry softly. “God, Cooch, I wish I could just go away
somewhere, some place where they couldn’t find me, and just die…I wanna die
Cooch, but…I’m afraid of what it might do to…Pa.”
Hoss
dabbed at his own tears. He hadn’t
really known, until the night before, just how much he had hurt his
brother. The knowledge that the boy
wished he were dead had haunted his dreams.
Last night he had spent the entire night tossing and turning, unable to
will away the terrifying scenes that his mind conjured up of his brother lying
dead in some remote place where no one but God knew where he was. Hoss slipped silently from his hiding place
and in behind his younger brother. Joe
had no idea that Hoss stood behind him, had he known, he might have run.
Hoss
placed both of his massive hands down on Joe’s shoulders and forced the boy to
turn and face him. Joe’s eyes widened in
shock at seeing Hoss. He tried to wrench
his body free from Hoss’ grip, but Hoss held firmly.
“Stop
it Joe,” Hoss ordered, his voice thick with emotion. “Don’t fight against me. It’s over Short Shanks.”
Joe
stopped struggling and immediately felt Hoss’ fingers ease their hold, but he
made no move to pull away from his older brother. He was watching Hoss’ face and the tears that
had filled the depths of his brother’s blue eyes. Hoss was crying, Joe had never really
witnessed his brother crying before and the sight held him spellbound.
“I’m
sorry Joe…I never meant to make ya wish ya was dead, never,” whispered
Hoss. “I was hurt…real hurt by what ya
dun, and I reckon I wanted ya to hurt like I was adoin’, but I swear, I didn’t
mean for it to go this far. And then
last night, I heard ya tellin’ Pa that ya wanted to go away, cause of me…well,
it hit me right then, what I’d dun to ya.
I was wrong short shanks, I don’t ya to go away, and I sure don’t want
ya wishin’ ya could die, can ya ever forgive me?” pleaded Hoss at last looking
down into Joe’s face.
Joe’s
throat had grown thick with emotion as well and he found it impossible to
speak. He nodded his head and when Hoss
pulled him into a bear hug, Joe automatically wrapped his arms around his
brother’s thick middle and began to cry.
“I’m
sorry too, Hoss…I’m sorry,” he wept.
“No,
it was all my fault, Joe, I should have never brung that stallion home,” Hoss
declared.
“No,
it was my fault, Hoss, really. I should
have known better than to take the horse anyway, Pa already warned me to stay off
him,” countered Joe.
Hoss
raised Joe’s chin and then shook his head.
“No, Short Shanks, it was my fault, I should’ve told Pa the truth to
start with….”
“I
shouldn’t have asked you to lie for me in the first place, it was my
fault…”stammered Joe
“None
of it would have happened if Mr. Gillmore hadn’t of sold me that horse.”
“Hoss…”
Joe suddenly smiled, his eyes began to twinkle and he looked up into his
brother’s eyes. “Then it was Mr.
Gillmore’s fault!” he said wiping the tears dry that had lingered on his face.
Hoss
started laughing loudly and gently slapping Joe on the back. “You’re right, Short Shanks, it wasn’t your
fault, or mine, it was Arty Gillmore’s fault!”
Hoss
and Joe both began laughing so hard that the tears of regret were quickly replaced
with tears of joy. Neither brother
realized that they now had an audience.
“Now
that the two of you have stopped arguing about whose fault this entire mess
was, do you think that you could possibly find time to get some work done
around here? This is a working ranch, or
have the two of you forgotten that?” smiled Ben from the doorway where he had
been watching the debate between his middle and youngest son.
“Sorry
Pa,” the brothers said in unison and then began laughing again.
“Oh,
what’s the use, I can see right now, I’ll not get a nickel’s worth of work
between the two of you. Why don’t you
boys take the day off and just go fishing?”
Ben tossed his arms up in mock frustration and walked out of the
barn. The look of complete relief that
he wore on his face would never be seen by the pair of happy brothers who were
already tearing apart the barn in search of their fishing poles.
Ben
cast one last glance over his shoulder toward the barn, as he reached the front
door and sighed happily. Hoss and Joe
were just coming from the barn, the looks of misery that had been on their
young faces for far too many days, was gone now. In misery’s place were joy and happiness and
the gift of brotherly love.
“Thank
you Lord, for letting my sons find their back to each other, and for restoring
harmony to our lives,” whispered Ben as he shut the door to his home.
March 2003