Joe’s Dilemma

By
Deb Farwell
&
Leesa Olson


When Eighteen-year-old Joe Cartwright answered the knock at the front door, he found their neighbor, Celia Watkins standing there with her eight-year-old son, Jacob.

"Hi, Mrs. Watkins, it's nice to see you," greeted Joe. “Won’t you come in?”
.
"Hello Little Joe, it's nice to see you again, too. Thank-you, I would like to come in for a moment, if you aren’t busy.” Turning to her young son, she continued, “Jacob, you wait out here for a few minutes while I talk to Little Joe; you behave and don't leave the yard."

"Okay Ma, I'll stay right here," Little Jacob answered as he watched her go into the house.

“I was hoping to speak to your father, Joseph,” Celia said to Joe as she entered the main room. “Is he home?"

"No ma'am, he went intoVirginia City this afternoon."

"What about Adam, is he around?"

"Sorry, there's no one here today but me. Anything I can help you with?" Joe asked.

"I really was hoping to ask your Pa or Adam for a favor Joe, but I think you may be old enough to help me out, if you're willing."

"Of course, ma'am, I can help you with anything my pa or brother could," Joe told her. He was just happy she considered him adult enough to confide her problem to him.


Celia sat down as she started to explain her dilemma to the young Cartwright. "As you know, Joe, my husband passed on a little over a year ago. Well, now Jacob is hitting that age where he is starting to ask questions about certain things. I've tried to explain it to him but I'm afraid I'm just not doing very well. I thought maybe a man could do a better job of talking to a little boy about these matters," she said, looking a little ill at ease.

Joe stood there with a blank expression on his face for a moment; then it swiftly dawned on him what she was asking. As he came to understand exactly what she meant, the slow spread of a blush crept from his neck up to his face, making him feel extremely warm and uncomfortable.


"Ma'am, you m...mean you want me to t...tell Jacob about, um, well, you know...the facts...." Joe stammered, very embarrassed now to be having this conversation with a woman.

"Yes Joe...the birds and the bees. Oh! Thank you, for saying you would help me out. I can't tell you how grateful I am," she gushed.

"But Mrs. Watkins, I can't...I mean...I don't know...”

"Thanks again, Joe," she interrupted, not about to let Joe back out on her. "I'll leave Jacob with you for a couple of hours so you can talk. I'll pick him up later.” With that, she was out the door, saying good-bye to her son, and driving away in her carriage before Joe knew quite how he had gotten into this predicament.


                    **********

Me and my big mouth, Joe thought to himself as he went out to find Jacob and figure out how to explain things to him. I should have listened to what she wanted before volunteering myself like that. Didn't want her to think I was some kid though. Man, when will I learn to think before I speak?

Jacob was sitting quietly on the porch when Little Joe approached him and tried to begin what he was sure would be a very difficult conversation. The youngest Cartwright engaged the child in small talk for a few minutes while he gathered his thoughts. Finally deciding he couldn't put it off indefinitely, Joe began; "Well, Jacob, your mom says you've been wondering about some things and she thought I might be able to help you out."

"What things, Joe?" the boy asked, confused.

"Well, stuff about...you know...the birds and the bees. Have you heard that expression, Jacob?" Joe asked, thinking this wasn't starting off well at all if the boy didn’t even know why he was there.

Understanding what Joe was trying to tell him, Jacob said, "Oh, you mean where babies come from. Right, Joe? Will you tell me? Every time I ask my mom, she gets all red and stammers, kind of like you right now. You won't back out on me just like she always has; will you, Joe? I really want to know. A grown up guy like you isn't embarrassed about this, are you?"

Well, that did it for Joe. If Jacob considered him a grown up, then he was going to behave like one and tell the child what he wanted to know. He pulled himself together and took hold of the young boy’s hand.

“Come on, Jake, let’s take a walk to the corral, okay?” Joe asked.


The child jumped up and was happy to walk with his new friend. He wished he had a big brother to confide in all the time; he was certain that Joe would at last reveal all the great mysteries that would satisfy his curiosity.

As they passed the barn, a very large, pregnant cat came sauntering out. Joe squatted down beside the feline, releasing Jacob’s hand, as he began stroking the calico’s back.

“C’mere, Jake, I want you to feel something,” Joe said as he coaxed the cat to lie on its side.

“Boy, that cat is fat Joe. Is it gonna have babies?”

“Yes Jacob, it is, here let me have your hand.”

Joe placed the small boy’s palm on the cat’s tummy. “Now, hold real still and you can feel the little kittens in there moving around.”

The lad’s eyes got huge and a broad grin broke out on his face as he looked up at Joe.

“Wow, Joe...is that really babies I feel moving around? How can they be alive? How do they breathe in there? Is there lots of them? How do they come out? How did they get in there? Can I have one when they are borned?”

“Whoa... one question at a time young man; you sure are curious about a lot of things.”

Jacob looked disappointed in the answer he was given. He wasn’t learning any more from Joe than he did his mother. Joe felt guilty about the boy’s crestfallen face and resolved to try his best to answer all the boy’s questions.

“We’ll get all these questions answered today, I promise you. And yes, if it’s okay with your ma, you can have one of the kittens. You can even have first pick.”

“Thanks Joe, you’re the best.” Jacob replied with a beaming smile and a look of admiration on his face as he looked up at the handsome cowboy.

The two walked hand in hand, as they looked over the barnyard animals and the horses that were in the breeding pen. Joe tried to determine just what Jacob did and did not know. He wanted to make sure the boy knew how to distinguish which animals were males before taking him on a ride to the pasture. One thing he wasn’t sure of, was if he should explain to the boy what the proper name was for what they were looking at. He sure didn’t feel comfortable trusting the youngster to know when and when not to use those words.

“Hey, I have an idea,” he told Jacob as they finished their walk. “Let’s saddle my horse, Cochise. I want to take you for a ride.”

Jacob just shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sure Joe, that will be fun, I guess.”


                    **********

A short while later, Joe and Jacob were both up on Cochise and heading towards the east pasture. It didn’t take long for Jacob to take advantage of the opportunity to ask more questions.

“Joe, did your Ma and Pa use ta kiss?”

“Yes, I can remember them kissing, what makes you ask that?”

“I was just wondering...is that where babies come from?” Jacob asked.

“No, it isn’t, Jacob,” Joe answered, almost choking on his reply. I wonder why he seems so relieved at that answer, Joe thought. I wonder what he’s thinking. “Did someone tell you that?”

“No, not exactly, Joe. Ma won’t ever tell me anything, so how am I supposed to know what’s true? Do you know Sadie Brown? She kissed me last week and I sure was scared she was gonna have a baby or sumpthin. Have you ever kissed a girl, Joe?”

“Yeah, I’ve kissed a girl, Jacob,” Joe answered with a chuckle. Many, he thought, but I ain’t telling you that.

“Did you like it, Joe? I didn’t like it, she’s stupid. If’n I coulda caught her I’d a belted her for sure!”

This brought a gale of laughter from Little Joe. “Well, Jake, let me tell you this. When you get older you will find out kissing isn’t so bad, but you should not ever hit a girl. Not for any reason, you understand that, Jacob?”

“Okay Joe, I won’t belt them, but I sure don’t like girls. You must like girls, if you kissed one. Did you kiss on the mouth? Yuck! That would be terrible, at least stupid old Sadie only got me on the cheek. I sure am glad that isn’t how ya make babies. Did you like kissing a girl, Joe?”

Joe groaned, wondering why every question led to ten new ones. “Yes, I liked it, and so will you when you get older. It just takes a long time to learn to like girls, that’s all.”

“How old were you, Joe? How old do you think a boy and girl ought to be to start kissing? Will I like em next year, Joe? Will I be old enough to start liking kisses then do ya think?”

Joe thought back to the first real kiss he remembered. He was only 11 and Mary Weaver had caught him behind the barn and planted a big one on him, then she had run away. He figured she must have been as scared as he was at trying it. He never told her, but he had liked it...liked it enough to decide girls weren’t so bad anyway.

“Oh, I was a lot older than you, Jake; I don’t guess most people kiss till they have a real good girlfriend that they have known for a long time. I think my Pa told me I should be old enough to shave if I wanted to kiss a girl.” Good thing I didn’t listen to Pa, Joe thought, or I still wouldn’t be kissing those girls. With silent laughter he thought of Adam; he was sure Pa must have said something much different to his oldest brother, as Adam would have started shaving at a much younger age than he had.

Before Jacob could come up with any response, Joe announced they had arrived.


                    **********

He was pleased to see quite a few heifers and a couple of bulls milling around. It was spring and Joe was in the hopes that perhaps the bull would do what comes naturally to him every spring and maybe he could give Jacob a lesson in the birds and the bees, or bulls and cows, as the case may be, in that way. They dismounted from Cochise and walked around stretching their legs for a while.

Suddenly Jacob was tugging on Joe’s sleeve excitedly trying to get his attention. “Joe?”

“Yes, Jake?” Joe replied.

“Those animals over there...look at them! They are the bulls, right Joe?"  Suddenly the boy’s eyes widened and he continued in a whispered voice, “Look at that other bull over there, look how big his thingy is."

Joe turned to see what Jacob was looking at and groaned. Oh, God...can this get any worse? The bull in question was quite enlarged and ready to mate a cow.

"Joe... do men get that big when they grow up?" the boy asked with a mixture of both fright and wonderment in his voice.

Dear God, please give me girls when I marry was Joe’s foremost thought as he tried once again to come up with an answer that a small boy could understand.

“No, Jacob. God just made some animals like that, all of them are different, depending on the beast.” Joe was now sweating profusely and hoped the answer was good enough.

Jacob started to giggle which made Joe even more nervous. “Joe?”

“Yeah, Jake,” he said with trepidation.

“Guess the birds and bees must be pretty little, huh?”

Joe had to chuckle at that himself. “Yes, I reckon they must be. So, you know how to find all the males now, right Jacob?

"Sure Joe. You already showed me how the ones we looked at on the ranch have the same stuff as me; don’t cha remember? Are all boy animals the same? Do they all have those ... those...whatever you called them?" Jacob asked, not being able to remember how that word had been pronounced.

"Yes, Jake, that's right, the same as boys and men do."

"You mean no girls have them at all?"

"No, just the guys."

"Oh... I see," Jacob said with a thoughtful expression on his face. "I think I understand... is it the same with the other part, Joe? Just guys have it?"

"Yes Jake, just the males have it."

“Well...what do girl animals have?"

Joe was turned towards Cochise, tying him to some brush, and was glad Jacob couldn't see his face right now, as his new coloring was now quite crimson. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment and silently cursed his current problem.

"Well Jake... they are built different so that... ah... the men can give them the seed to grow babies."

"Huh???" Jacob asked, total confusion encompassing his small face.

Damn, damn, damn... thought Little Joe.

"Listen, Jake, maybe the best way to explain is to look over yonder. See how that bull we were just looking at is on top of the cow now?”

“Yeah, but what are they doing, Joe? Is the bull hurting the cow? The cow is so much smaller; maybe you should stop the bull.”

Joe again wondered how he had gotten himself into this, but he tried to find the right words for the child. “Well... no, he ain’t hurting her. The bull, well... he wants to be a pa and the cow wants to be a ma. I guess they, er, well... decided they want a baby, so that’s um; well... that’s how they get one. They are having sex. That is what it is called and the cow has an opening for the bull to put in his... um...his...."

"Ya talking about his thingy, Joe?" said Jacob, as he realized what was happening between the cow and the bull.

"Yeah, well, when a male and a female have sex, a seed from the man is placed in the woman and that is how the baby starts to grow." Joe pursed his lips and silently prayed, No more questions... please...no more.

"Oh!" stated Jacob with wonderment in his voice. He thought for a minute before continuing. “Joe, is that how people get babies, too?”

“Well, yeah, Jake, I guess that’s pretty much how people get babies, too.”

“You mean folks go out in a field and do THAT to get a baby?” Jacob asked, wild-eyed.

Again Joe was struggling, but he answered, “Well, um, kinda, but not in a field...well...not usually,” Joe gulped.

“Joe, I just thought of something.”

“What’s that, Jake?” Joe asked warily.

“Well, look at those cows.”

“Yeah, what about them?” Joe asked, looking at the heifers and wondering what the boy could possibly have a new question about.

“Well...animals got no clothes on...so does that mean that people don’t have clothes on when they make babies?” Jake asked.

“Um....”

“Well? Does it?” Jacob persisted.

“Hey, you wanna go see if Hop Sing is around yet to make us some lemonade?” Joe tried valiantly to change the subject.

The small, inquisitive mind would not be swayed though. “No, thanks, I’m not thirsty. So does it, Joe?”

“Well, um, I reckon it does, Jake.”

Jacob thought of something else. “Hey Joe, did your ma and pa do that to get you?”

Joe’s mind filled with pictures of his parents and he grimaced. He did not want that image to remain in his mind, so he decided it was time to end this visit to the pasture and get back to the house. “I reckon they must have, Jacob. Come on, it’s time to get back.” With that, Joe took the boy back to Cochise and they started for home.

As they were riding away, Jacob naively said, “Have you made babies yet, Joe?”

”NO!” Joe exclaimed abruptly as he kicked his pinto's sides and hurried back to the ranch house, relieved that Jake couldn’t see the bright red of his face as he sat in front of him.

                    **********


After Joe and Jacob had arrived back home and stabled Cochise, Joe decided that like it or not, he better get back to the uncomfortable conversation and explain some important details he had left out.

“Hey, Joe, what’s that noise?”

Joe listened and heard what Jacob did. He picked up the child and walked towards the back of the barn. Sure enough, there was the cat they had played with earlier. Joe sat on a hay bale a short distance away, where they would not disturb the cat but could still observe it. The cat had produced five little kittens and was about to birth another.

“Jacob, sit here on my lap and you can see how the kittens are born. You have to be real quiet, okay? I’ll try and explain it to you as you watch.”

“Okay, Joe,” Jacob said, as he snuggled into Joseph’s lap.

The two sat and conversed as they watched the last two kittens being born. Joe had at last settled into a comfortable talk with the boy and was confident that Jake now had all his questions answered.

“Thanks, Joe, that was really neat, wasn’t it? When can I hold one? When do they open their eyes? Is the momma cat gonna be okay? Does the daddy cat come and help take care of them?”

Joe laughed as he tousled the boy’s hair. “Yes, it was neat and you can hold them in a couple of weeks, okay? The momma will be fine, and a good pa always helps the ma, you remember that. Now, let’s go get some lemonade. I want to talk to you a little more.”

As they started walking, Joe felt he better address one of Jacob’s earlier questions. “Jake, remember back there, when you, um well, when you asked me if I had...” Joe had to stop and cough a couple of time before continuing, “if I had, well, made babies?”

Jacob nodded.

“Well, I left out something important. Before folks make babies, they have to find someone they really love a lot, and then, they need to get married first. Since I’m not married, that’s why I have not made babies. Understand?” Joe explained.

“Yeah, I understand, Joe. So then, the animals are married to each other?” Jacob asked.

“Um, well, no, it’s different with the animals. I mean... well... they don’t have to be married, but well...people do,” Joe stammered.

“Why?” asked Jacob.

Joe had about had all he could take of this conversation and he answered, “Why? Well, because... you’re just supposed to, that’s all. Um, hey, I know--why don’t you ask Reverend Hastings about that some time? I’m sure he can tell you!” Joe was pleased with himself for thinking of an easy way out. He wasn’t sure how pleased the reverend would be if the boy actually asked him and happened to mention who told him to do it, but Joe would deal with that if and when it ever came up. For now, he hoped that the subject was closed and he and Jacob could talk about other things.


                    **********

When Celia Watkins returned a short while later, Joe and Jacob were sitting on the porch, having lemonade and cookies. They were deep in conversation and very comfortable with each other, all signs of Joe’s earlier embarrassment having vanished.

Jacob spotted his mother and ran to her. "Ma! You're back! I had a great day. Little Joe, he’s the greatest! He answered all my questions and he says I can come back and talk to him anytime I want. Thanks for bringing me here to talk to him."

"Well, I'm glad you had a nice time, Son. Joe, I can't thank you enough for this. It's such a relief to me that you were willing to explain things for me," Celia told him, with much gratitude evident on her face.

"I was glad to do it, Mrs. Watkins. Jacob and I had a nice afternoon talking."

As Celia and Jacob drove away, Joe was feeling very grown up and proud of himself for handling what could have been a difficult topic in such a mature manner, until he heard Jake say to his mother as the carriage was leaving the yard, “Hey Ma, guess what? Joe said you and Pa was nekkid when you made me!”


                    **********

As Ben rode into the yard, he saw Celia and Jacob driving away. Luckily, he had missed Jake’s last comment to his mother as they were leaving. He dismounted from Buck and approached Joe.

"Hi Son, what were Celia and Jacob doing here? They didn't need me, did they?" Ben asked.

Joe quickly recovered from the shock of what he had heard Jacob say to his mother and turned to his father. "Well, as a matter of fact, Mrs. Watkins was looking for you at first. But I handled it, Pa, don't worry," Joe answered, sauntering towards the house, again feeling quite proud of himself.

Ben noticed Joe's arrogant walk and he decided he better find out what had gone on in his absence.

He followed his son into the house. "Joe, why don't you tell me what Celia needed your help with?" Ben asked.

Joe sat down on the settee and started to stretch his legs out on the coffee table, but he quickly caught himself and lowered them to the floor. He was feeling like an adult right now and didn't want to be brought down by his father telling him to take his feet off the table. Ben didn't miss this action; Joe seldom thought to take his feet off the table by himself. He sat down next to Joe to wait for him to tell him about his afternoon.

"Well, Joe?"

"Well what, Pa? Oh, that! Mrs. Watkins just needed me to explain the birds and the bees to Jacob, that's all," Joe said in the same arrogant manner in which he had walked into the house. "She left him with me for a couple of hours and I explained everything."

"What? You, Joe?" Ben asked incredulously. "Son, I think you better tell me everything that you told Jacob."

"Why Pa? Have you forgotten after all these years?" Joe asked innocently.

"Don't get cheeky with me, Young Man," Ben said, while trying not to smile at Joe's new found bravado. "Now, start talking."

"Well, Pa," Joe began, as the haughty look left his face, "at first I was really embarrassed and I couldn't believe what I had gotten myself into. I volunteered to help Mrs. Watkins before I found out what it was she wanted...she was looking for you or Adam to help her when she first got here."

Ben nodded, that was just like his young son to jump into something before learning all of the facts.

"Anyway, she left, and I was stammering around with Jake, when he called me a grown up guy and said he figured I wouldn't get embarrassed like his mom when he asked me stuff. I knew then that I had to be the adult Jacob expected, so I got myself under control and started explaining it all to him."

"Joe, why don't you tell me what you told Jacob, all right?" Ben asked gently. He was anxious to hear how Joe handled the situation and hoped he wouldn't have to make a trip to Celia's house to straighten things out.

"Well, like I said Pa, it was hard at first. I didn't know what to say to him. Then I remembered how you explained all of that to me as a child. Remember how, when I was around Jacob's age and started asking questions, you took me by the hand and we walked all around the ranch? We started in the barn with the dogs and cats. Then you took me to see the chickens and the horses and finally you even put me on the front of your horse and took me out to the pastures to see the cattle. You explained how the animals reproduce and we even saw a few of them, you know, um reproducing. I had seen it before of course, but never really thought about what they were doing. You explained it so well and without any embarrassment and I decided to try to explain it to Jake the same way. I took him around the ranch just like you did with me; we even rode on Cochise out to one of the pastures."

Ben was touched. "You remember us doing all of that, Joe?"

Joe nodded. "I sure do, Pa. That was one of the best afternoons we ever had. Remember? I even got to see a calf being born that day. It was amazing. Then when you and I were coming home, I sat there leaning back against you with your arms around me, still feeling happy about seeing the calf being born, when you carefully explained to me about men and women. You told me about how men and women are different from the animals we saw and said that's because we find someone we love more than anything, even ourselves, before we get married and start having children. You told me about how you and my mother had that kind of love for each other and wanted to have me to show that love. You said it was the same with Hoss’ and Adam's mothers. I decided right then that I wanted to be just like you, Pa and someday find someone I love that much and marry her and have children with her."

Ben was moved by all the things Joe had told him. He couldn't believe that Joe remembered so many details of a conversation they had engaged in more than eleven years ago.

"I'm sure I didn't do as good a job with Jacob as you did with me, Pa, but I did my best. You were a good teacher. You still are." Joe’s embarrassment now seemed in the distant past in his mind.

Ben put his arm around his son and pulled him close for a hug. "I'm sure you did just fine, Son."

Ben reached up and wiped some dirt from Joe's forehead. "I'm proud of the way you handled things with Jacob. I think he was right. You are a grown man."

Even though Joe was sitting next to his Pa with his arm around him and his father brushing dirt off his face like he was a child, he had never felt more proud or more mature then he did in that moment.


                    **********

That adult feeling was dashed from Joe’s mind the next day, however. The family all rode intoVirginia City for church just as they did most Sundays. As the family dismounted from their horses, Joe noticed Mrs. Watkins quickly approaching. Expecting thanks for the way he had handled her son, he wore a large smile on his face.

The self-confidence he felt was quickly wiped away when Mrs. Watkins went straight to his father, paying no attention to him, and said, “Ben, if you don’t mind, I’d like to have a word with you after church, before you leave for home.” The woman then quickly strode away, averting Little Joe’s questioning glance and entered the church without waiting for a reply. Ben turned and gave Joe a quizzical look. His youngest son simply shrugged innocently and started toward the building.

As the family entered the house of worship, the minister greeted them. He also had something to say to the Cartwright patriarch. With an intense look at Joe, the reverend asked Ben if he could speak to him after the services. The preacher then went to the front of the church, to the pulpit, to begin the services, again leaving Ben with a quizzical look on his face. The look on Joe’s face was anything but quizzical. He knew exactly what each of the two people wanted to talk to his father about.

As soon as the church service ended, Joe told his father, “Pa, I’m not feeling so well. Is it all right if I head on back to the ranch while you visit with folks?”

Ben looked at his son and realized the boy was looking a little pale. “Sure, go on home, Son,” he said with a pat to the young man’s shoulder. “Hoss is probably ready to ride along with you. He’s always anxious to get out of his Sunday suit, you know.”

Joe was quiet all the way home. Hoss attempted to engage his little brother in conversation several times and finally gave up. As soon as the two brothers arrived at home and stabled their horses, Joe went inside the house and straight up to his room.

A short while later, Joe heard his father’s voice calling from downstairs, “Joseph! Could you come down here, please?”

Figuring it wouldn’t be a good idea to keep his father waiting, Joe left his room and went down to face his father and the dressing down he was certain he was about to receive. He had felt like such an adult yesterday but now he was feeling like a very young child about to be chastised.

Joe approached his father with his head down. When he reached him, Ben said, “Look at me, Joseph.”

Joe looked up and was surprised to see a smile on his father’s face. “Pa?” He said quietly. “Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Mad? Why would I be angry with you, Joe? I just wanted to tell you again how proud I am of the way you handled yourself yesterday in what could have been a difficult situation. After church, Mrs. Watkins told me how much you helped her and Jacob out. She said she was admittedly shocked at something Jake told her when she first picked him up, but after he told her everything, she realized you had done quite a good job.”

“Really, Pa?” Joe asked, dumbfounded.

“Really, Joe. Then after she was finished, the reverend told me that Jacob had approached him on your suggestion and he was impressed with the way you had handled things also. He said you made it a point to tell Jacob a man and woman should be married before having children and that you had even told the boy to talk to him about it if he had any questions. The reverend thought that was very mature of you and I must admit, that I agree with him. I’ll say again what I said yesterday, I’m proud of you, Son,” Ben told Joe, as he reached for him and gave him a quick hug.

As his father released him from the hug and walked away, Joe had a huge smile on his face. This being an adult thing wasn’t such a bad deal.

The End


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