The Never-Ending Song
Early one
March morning, just as the sun was rising over the mountains surrounding
“Not
again!” Joe groaned, pulling the candlewick bedspread over his head, in a vain
effort to try to muffle the cacophony. Unfortunately, his sticky-out ears meant
that he was unable to create a perfect seal, so the soundproofing qualities of
the fabric were rendered negligible.
In the
corner of Joe’s room, the small, shaggy figure of Paw bear, the Giggly Sisters’
faithful companion, twitched agitatedly in his sleep. The wee furry animal
always bedded down in a corner, reasoning that right angles remained at 90
degrees, even when rooms rotated in an uncontrolled and highly confusing
fashion. Paw had abstracted a copy of
“Dadburnit!” The hearty tones of Hoss were guaranteed to rouse anyone who was still
asleep. “Adam what’s wrong with you?” he demanded, heaving himself out of bed,
and crossing the hall to throw open his brother’s bedroom door with stunning
accuracy. “That last note were awful!”
Distracted,
Adam twanged a most discord note on the guitar, and glared at Hoss. “That last
note was perfect,” he responded, in a hurt tone. “Remember, I had singing
lessons.”
By now, the
whole family were peering into his room. The Giggly Sisters were clad in most
alluring cashmere dressing gowns, which were much nicer than the scary maroon
one that Ben habitually wore.
“Singing
lessons or not,” said the redhead, “that last note was decidedly sharp!” She
shook her vibrant tresses. “Why did you have singing lessons?”
“I have a very
nice voice,” Adam said. “It would have been a shame to waste it.”
The sisters
exchanged glances at this. They were both musical, but neither of them had had
to have singing lessons. Indeed, the redhead had a glorious top soprano voice,
and was facing an important audition for a solo in Fauré’s Requiem, and had been
practicing like mad. Perhaps this was what had inspired Adam to rouse the
household.
There was
another haunting wail from behind the sisters, and they all belatedly realised
that the sound hadn’t come from Adam at all! It had been Paw!
"That
bear's ruining my concentration!" Adam said, launching into yet another
chorus of "Early One Morning." It was his favourite song and he loved
to accompany himself on the guitar. Hoss looked rather fretful as he recalled
his brief foray into the world of music. Only Hop Sing had appreciated his
unusual talent for the violin, while Pa and Joe and been downright rude about
it, even going so far as to sleep in the barn.
"Why
did you wear that halter around your head in Maestro Hoss?" asked
the blonde, but Joe didn't want to talk about it, although he blushed bright red.
"And
whatever happened to your double bass, Hoss?" the redhead enquired
cheerily.
"I musta misplaced it, for it just plumb disappeared one day.
You'd kinda think it was difficult to loose a big ol’
thing like that, but…" Hoss shook his head sadly, while Joe and Ben looked
like guilty schoolboys caught scrumping apples.
Just to
introduce a little variety, Adam segued neatly into "Sweet Betsy from
Pike", another all-time favourite of the Cartwright family. Paw rolled
over onto his back and his wee feet twitched convulsively, as though he was in
extreme pain. Although it was still dark, the blonde noticed that the curtains
were not drawn, although the blind was pulled down. It did seem to be slightly
excessive to have a blind, net curtains and a pair of curtains at one window
and she wondered if the Cartwrights used curtains for decorative, rather than
utilitarian purposes, as they always seemed to be open. Maybe Ben was reluctant
to spend too much money on fripperies?
The redhead
nudged her sister in the ribs and added, "Ever wondered why they have net
curtains in the first place? The Ponderosa's in the middle of nowhere, after
all! Who could possibly see in through the windows?"
Another
interesting thought occupied the blonde: did the curtains move around merrily
with the rest of the furniture when Joe's bedroom went off on another exciting
trip or stay where they were or even change into a brand-new pair instead?
She'd have to pay more attention in future.
Joe looked
rather forlorn and disconsolate, for alone of the brothers, he had never had
the opportunity to have music lessons. The redhead sensed this, and patted his
arm. It felt so nice that she squeezed it, too. “Don’t worry,” she assured him.
“You have a really nice singing voice. Did I ever tell you my mythical husband
thought you were Elvis?”
“Really?”
Joe said, sounding impressed. He had no idea who Elvis was, but the redhead
made it sound really good. “Wow!”
“That’s
true,” said the blonde. “So don’t worry about not having had music lessons. Not
everyone needs them. After all, apart from learning to play piano, I didn’t
have singing lessons, either.”
“We could
have a musical evening,” suggested Ben eagerly. “We could hire a piano, and you
girls could play and sing, and Adam could do his turn, too. I’m sure the ranch
hands would love it.”
The sisters
exchanged glances at this. The thought of having to listen to Adam droning on
was quite disturbing. And the redhead had her audition to worry about. “Why the
ranch hands?” asked Hoss. “They wasn’t too pleased
when they had to listen to me. They don’t understand culture at all.”
“Quite
right, Hoss,” said the redhead, and Hoss blushed with pleasure. The redhead
wouldn’t have described Hoss’s rendition of “Home Sweet Home” as culture, but
she was sure she wasn’t going to be singing to the ranch hands.
Adam was
now on verse 4 of "Sweet Betsy from Pike" and Paw was rolling his
eyes until only the whites showed. Joe was still rather upset that he appeared
to have suffered on the musical education front. "It's not fair! Why was I
the only one not to get some sort of music lessons?"
Hoss raised
an eyebrow quizzically, but Joe was on a roll now and there was no stopping
him. "Don't look so innocent, Hoss! You obviously had music lessons,
because you were able to read sheet music when you got that violin, weren't
you?"
Adam was a
little perturbed that none of his family were displaying much interest in his
unique vocal stylings and felt that he had done very well not to be distracted
by Paw's histrionics. However, Joe's petted lip was the final straw.
"We
tried!" he said testily. "Heaven knows, we tried!"
Ben felt it
best to intervene. "We lowered the music stand as far as it would go son,
but it was still too high for you for you to see the notes clearly."
"You
always were a bit shorter than the rest of us," Hoss added, less than
helpfully.
A sudden silence
fell, broken only by the blonde stating "Small, but perfectly
formed," in tones that brooked no argument. Adam reached the end of his
song, whereupon Paw gave a sudden, gasping breath, righted himself and trotted
over to Joe for a consoling hug.
"Why
is that bear wearing a bib?" Ben asked, faintly dreading the answer. He
was not disappointed when Joe replied, laconically "Because he's
teething." As non-sequiturs went, this was a beauty.
It was now
almost breakfast time and it looked as if it was going to be a beautiful day.
Ben went downstairs and into the yard, where he enjoyed the magnificent
spectacle of a stock-shot of the rising sun. He did admire the way in which
these clever boys in post-production used these technical innovations, which saved
so much time and money. And, let’s face it, they knew
the viewers would never notice.
"Pa?"
Adam's voice aroused Ben from his reveries. "When are you going to tell
Joe? You can't keep it a secret forever you know. One of these days, he'll find
out and there’ll be trouble!”
"I
know, I know!" Ben said desperately. "It seemed like such a good idea
at the time and I'm sure that's where he got the necessary skills to do his
swing mount from."
Adam
crossed his arms and stared long and hard at his father. "Oh, I've no
doubt Joe has benefitted immensely, but I still maintain he's not going to be
happy to learn that while Hoss and I had music lessons, he was learning
ballet!"
“Ballet?”
Joe repeated faintly, having followed his father and brother out of the house.
He looked horrified.
The sisters
exchanged significant glances, and both took a closer look at Joe’s taut, pert,
butt. It really was quite difficult to concentrate, but they managed it. “That
explains it,” they chorused. “That’s why his butt and legs are so stunning.”
Joe looked
round at his butt as best he could. “Is it?” he asked.
“Oh, no question. Ballet dancers have the best butts in the world.” The redhead nodded
knowingly. She goosed Joe briskly.
Perhaps
ballet lessons weren’t so bad, Joe thought. And since the
girls liked his butt… He squared his shoulders. “Shall I teach you some
pliés, Adam?” he
asked, innocently. “It does wonders for the size of your behind.”
The End
Giggly
Sisters Productions
March
2003