NOTES: Back in the days when I wrote this script dialogue was centered
on the page so that notes could be made in the margin about changes in dialogue,
sets,
scenery, etc. I’m sure that in this day and age that with all the computer
technology that concept may have changed.
Normally, the scenes were numbered so that when shot out of sequence the
director would know which scene they were working on at that particular
time and day.
Therefore, I have retyped my script in the format for easy reading and
a shorter length. Needless to say, this is the first time I have read the
script in over 40 years.
I hope all the fans enjoy this. I enjoyed writing it for Hoss and was devastated
when he passed away and it never was produced, although it was scheduled
to be
shot in the 9th season.
(CU means Close Up, OS means off screen)
Joan Sherman Markowitz
THE PONDEROSA SPIRIT
Written by
Joan Sherman Markowitz
FADE IN:
EXT. MAIN STREET – VIRGINIA CITY – DAY
Hoss and Joe are riding down the street aimlessly.
JOE: This is great. I wish Pa would go away more often.
HOSS: Yeah. No work. Wonder when he’s comin’ home?
JOE: No tellin’. These buying trips can take a long time – but knowin’
Pa… he could be back tonight.
HOSS: I guess so. Let’s go have a beer. I’m getting tired of riding around.
JOE: Now you’re talkin’!
They turn the horses around and head for the saloon, passing the theatre
on the way.
HOSS: Hey, Joe – look at that.
JOE: What.
HOSS: The sign in front of the theatre.
CU SIGN
Which reads: "MADAME KARA – SPIRITUALIST – ALL SEEING, ALL KNOWING – PERFORMANCE
STARTS AT 8:00 PM SHARP".
BACK TO HOSS AND JOE
HOSS: Hey! I have an idea. Why don’t we stay in town, have dinner and see
the show.
JOE: We can’t do that. You know what Pa said. The stock has to be looked
after and that little mare is about to foal.
HOSS: Aw, come on Joe. The stock can wait and the mare don’t need us.
JOE: No…you can stay but I’d better get back. What if Pa comes home early?
HOSS: I guess you’re right. But let’s have dinner first and a couple of
beers. It’s still early.
JOE: Talked me into it.
As Hoss and Joe continue on down the street the CAMERA PANS back to the
sign of Madame Kara and holds on it for a few seconds.
FADE OUT
FADE IN:
EXT. SALOON
Hoss and Joe ride up to saloon, dismount and hitch their horses to the rail
and enter saloon.
INT. SALOON
As Joe and Hoss enter, look around , see an empty table and head for it.
Joe sits and Hoss goes to the bar.
HOSS: Hi, Pete. How’s business?
PETE: If everybody ate and drank like you – it’d be pretty good.
HOSS: Sorry I asked. Gimme a couple of your warm beers and two of your
cold steaks with all the trimmin’.
PETE: (as he pours beer) Two warm beers comin’ up.
HOSS: Thanks Pete.
Hoss goes over to the table, nodding at people as he goes.
HOSS: (he sits down, hands Joe beer) Hey Joe – what kind of an act do you
think this – uh – Madame Kara puts on?
JOE: Well, from the sign I don’t think she does an act like in a regular
show. I think she holds a séance.
HOSS: (stares) A WHAT???
JOE: A séance.
HOSS: (at a loss) What in tarnation is a saynance?
JOE: Séance. I’m not too sure…but I think she talks to spirits.
HOSS: Oh that’s just a bunch of hogwash. How can anybody talk to spirits.
JOE: I don’t know – I sure can’t.
HOSS: I can’t either – but it sure ought to be fun sitting in on that saynance.
JOE: Séance.
HOSS: Yeah. Saynance.
JOE: Just don’t you go bringing any stray spirits home. You know what Pa
said about you pickin’ up strays.
Bartender enters with steaks, puts them on the table.
HOSS: (sheepishly) Let’s eat.
JOE: (As Pete starts to leave) Hey, Pete. Let’s have a couple more beers
here.
Pete nods. Exits.
HOSS: (biting into steak) Hey, this is darn good for a change.
JOE: (doing same) You’re right. They must have a new cook.
HOSS: Maybe we can get Paw to replace Hop Sing.
JOE: Or replace our cows.
Hoss laughs. Pete enters with two more beers, sets them on the table.
JOE: Pete… darn good steaks. Done just right.
PETE: Glad you like them, Joe.
Pete exits toward bar. Hoss and Joe continue eating and sip their beers.
As they are eating they overhear a conversation between two men at the next
table.
CUT MAC AND SAM
Drinking beer.
MAC: Sam, you ever hear of this Madame Kara before?
SAM: Yeah. Saw her in Dodge City a couple-a years ago. She’s a real looker.
Tall and regal.
MAC: What exactly does she do?
SAM: I said I saw her but I don’t rightly know what she was doin’! She
has all these people from the town sittin’ around this here table and then
she goes into some
kind of trance and in this trance she answers questions that the people
ask and also talks to the dead relatives.
MAC: That sounds like a lot of hogwash. Why do they sit around a table?
SAM: I guess she can talk to the spirits better that way.
MAC: Sounds kind of silly to me.
SAM: I guess so – but it will be somethin’ to see again. Maybe she can
tell me where a gold mine is. (laughs)
MAC: Maybe she’s found one – us!!
During this time we can go to shots of Joe and Hoss listening. At one point
Hoss motions to Pete for a couple more beers. Pete returns with beer for
them.
BACK TO HOSS AND JOE
JOE: Thanks, Pete.
HOSS: I wonder if she really can answer folk’s questions and see into futures.
JOE: I doubt if anybody can do that unless they’re clairvoyant.
HOSS: Clair WHO??
JOE: Oh, uh, clairvoyant.
HOSS: Who in tarnation is Clairvoyant?
JOE: Remember that gypsy girl that Pa helped out..
HOSS: (Interrupting) Her name wasn’t Clair, Joe.
JOE: Hoss – just listen! That Gypsy girl could see into the future and
predicted many things that were going to happen and her family kicked her
out of the
homestead for being a witch. Well, that’s being clairvoyant.
HOSS: Oh yeah. Didn’t Paw have a book around on that? I wonder if its still
around the house.
JOE: I don’t think so. I think he gave it to the girl’s family so they
could understand this sense she had and not be frightened by it.
HOSS: It’s gettin’ late. I better get goin’ so I can get a seat up close.
JOE: Okay. But remember what I told you – no strays and stay out of trouble.
We don’t want Pa to think I can’t take care of you. (laughs)
HOSS: (not thinking it very funny) Aw, come on, Joe. (very seriously) I’m
too big for you to take care of .
Hoss gets up and starts to leave saloon.
JOE (calling after him): See you later.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET
Hoss leaves the saloon, mounts his horse, and heads for the theatre. There
are several towns-
People heading down the street towards the theatre. As Hoss pulls up in
front of the theatre
And dismounts he nods a greeting to several of the people. He looks kind
of sheepish as
Though he is too big to attend something like this.
EXT. THEATRE
People milling about. Hoss works his way though the crowd and reaches the
doors. He
enters.
INT. THEATRE
CAMERA PANS to the stage and we see a large round table in the middle of
the stage with
Perhaps twelve chairs around it. A VOICE is heard asking the people to please
take a seat and
to keep the talking to a minimum.
KARA: (VOICE O.S.) There is room for only twelve people at the table. Those
of you who
wish to speak to your loved ones please take a seat.
Hoss tries to sit down in the audience but something compels him to go up
on the stage and
sit at the table. After everybody is seated Madame Kara enters. She is wearing
a beautiful
flowing robe. She nods at the people and sits right next to Hoss. As she
sits down she stares at
Hoss and he starts fidgeting. Kara is a beautiful woman, rather tall and
blonde. Just for a second
Hoss is reminded of his mother. Kara looks away from Hoss and gives her
attention to the rest
of the townsfolk.
KARA: As I look around the table I see some familiar trees. There are those
whom I have met
before at a different time and a different place. It is good to see you
again.
Kara’s voice is quite soft but commands attention. The CAMERA goes around
the table and we
see some of the people smiling at Kara. Yet there is something akin to fright
in their eyes as
though they know what to expect and it scares them..
KARA (continuing): For those of you that are new to this table I demand
absolute quiet.
No whispering among yourselves and no snickering. If you do not believe
what you see and
hear I must ask you to keep it to yourselves and wait until the proper time
and leave the table.
I will have no doubters here. Do all of you fully understand that.
She looks around the table and we HEAR a murmuring of assent.
KARA (continuing): Good! We now understand each other. I’m going to pass
around a little
piece of paper to each of you and you are to put your name on it. Then fold
the paper and pass
it back to me. As I look at the name I will look directly at the person
whose name is on the
paper. Don’t be alarmed if I appear to go to sleep in my chair. I’m communicating
with the
spirits. You will hear the voices of your loved one through my mouth. There
are no gimmicks
or wires either over the table or under it. I must ask you to keep your
hands flat down on the
table in front of you.
The CAMERA again PANS around the table and we see the people bring both
hands up on the
table. The camera stops on Hoss’s hands and goes up to his face. He’s looking
at Kara as if
he can’t keep his eyes off of her. I’m sure he’s never seen anything like
this or her. The camera
returns to Kara’s face and she looks at Hoss and her eyes seems to burn
into his and he drops his
eyes. She looks around and sees that all hands are on top of the table.
KARA (continuing): We will now commence. The first name is Carl Owens.
She looks at Carl and then leans back in her chair and looks off into space.
She slowly closes
her eyes and appears to be napping.
KARA: Your brother is doing all right, Carl. There are no problems. He can’t
talk to you
right now as he is beyond our realm right at the moment. Maybe later he
will be able to greet
you.
A moment passes. CAMERA MOVES to the faces at the table during this moment
and we
see some skepticism on the faces. Kara snaps to and goes to the next piece
of paper, opens it
and reads the name.
KARA (continuing): Ann Gregory. (hesitates) You want to speak to your husband.
He is
coming.
CU ANN GREGORY
Her face reflects fear and awe as we feel there is something in the area
other than the mortals.
It’s as though a cold draft came onto the stage although the doors have
remained closed. Kara
speaks and, although it is her voice, it has deepened considerably and there
is a quality to it
that sounds like Ann’s husband as we can tell from Ann’s face. She looks
like a frightened
deer.
KARA (continuing): My dear Ann…don’t be sad. I am well and happy. Please
don’t mourn
me…we will meet again. Goodbye…..
Ann starts to cry – sobbing – and the mood is broken. She gets up from the
table and runs down
the aisle and out the door.
BACK TO KARA
She looks around the table and her eyes light on Hoss. He looks as if he’s
going to break and
run also. He’s not too sure he likes this. He starts to get fidgety. Finally,
Kara speaks to him.
KARA (continuing): Hoss Cartwright.
CU HOSS’S FACE
as Kara continues.
KARA (continuing): I see a beautiful blonde girl, tall and stately. She
is your mother. Her
name is… In… ger. The last name is rather blurred. It’s coming to me slowly.
Berg….
no, that’s not it. Borg…strom. That’s it! Inger Borgstrom.
Hoss’s face shows his astonishment. To his knowledge he’s never met this
woman before
or heard his father ever mention her name.
HOSS: How did you know that?
KARA: Shhhh! I see more. She has a brother. He was also referred to as Hoss.
His name
was …. Gunnar. (abruptly) I am tired now. Please tell the other people waiting
that there
will be no more sittings tonight. Your money will be refunded. Thank you
for coming.
MS TABLE
showing disappointment on the faces of the people who didn’t get a chance.
Kara gets up from
the table as the others slowly rise and start to walk out. Kara goes to
the wings of the stage
and Hoss calls out after her. She turns.
HOSS: Miss Kara
Hoss walks over to her.
KARA: Yes, Mr. Cartwright.
HOSS: May I talk to you for a moment?
KARA: Of course. What can I do for you?
HOSS: How did you ever meet my mother?
KARA: I never met your mother.
HOSS: Then how come you described her so perfectly and Gunnar.
KARA (looking amused) The spirits told me. I saw your mother quite clearly.
HOSS: That’s impossible. My mother’s been gone for many years. Any anyway
there’s
no such thing as spirits.
KARA (looking amused) Aren’t there, Mr. Cartwright?
Hoss looks confused. Here is, apparently, an intelligent woman telling him
there are spirits and
ghosts. He doesn’t know what to think.
HOSS: Shucks, no, Miss Kara. We could see them around us.
KARA: Not necessarily. They only show themselves when they want to.
HOSS (making up his mind): Miss Kara. I know this may sound strange, even
fresh, but could
you come home with me to the Ponderosa? My brother, Joe, would never believe
me when I tell
him about you. We have a real nice place. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.
KARA (pause): Mr. Cartwright. It sounds interesting. I will be happy to
go. I always wanted
to see this country but never had the time.
HOSS: Do you have to do another show or can we leave right away?
KARA: No, that was my last performance in Virginia City.
HOSS: Good! You go pack and I’ll hire a rig.
KARA: It won’t take ma long to get ready. Call for me at the hotel.
Hoss turns away and exits theatre. Kara watches him go and a slow smile
starts on her face. It
Was easy of wind Hoss around her finger. It won’t be so easy with his father.
But she has her
foot in the door and her problem seems to be a little easier. She looks
around the theatre and
then exits.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE THEATRE – NIGHT
We see Kara leave the theatre and walk down the street toward the hotel.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Hoss is riding down the street towards the livery. As he rides he gets
the feeling someone is following him and he occasionally glances behind
him. We see nobody
but he kicks his horse to make him move a little faster. He reaches the
livery and dismounts.
EXT. LIVERY – NIGHT
Hoss ties his horse to the rail and walks into the stable.
INT. LIVERY
Hanson, the owner, walks up to Hoss.
HANSON: Well, howdy, Hoss, what can I do for you?
HOSS: I’d like to rent a carriage, Mr. Hanson.
HANSON: Sure, Hoss. What kind. Two people or four. (silence) Hoss?
HOSS (preoccupied): Oh – what, Mr. Hanson?
HANSON: I asked you what kind of a rig did you want – two people or four.
HOSS: Oh, two people. I’ll get it back to you tomorrow.
HANSON: Keep it as long as you want it. That’s two dollars a day, Hoss.
Hoss reaches into his pocket and pulls out a couple of bills and gives them
to Hanson.
HANSON: Just have a seat, Hoss. The rig’ll be ready in a minute.
HOSS: Okay.
Hoss sits down on a bench. A cold chill goes over him and he shivers. He
glances up and down, sees nothing and shrugs. He can’t stay still though.
He gets up and
starts to pace up and down. Finally, Hanson calls him and Hoss goes out
of the stable and to the side of the building.
EXT. LIVERY – SIDE ENTRANCE – NIGHT
Hoss walks over to the rig.
HANSON: Here she is, Hoss – all ready to go.
HOSS: Thanks, Mr. Hanson.
Hoss starts to climb into rig.
HANSON: Oh, Hoss – do you want me to keep your horse here until you return
the rig.
HOSS: No, thanks, Mr. Hanson. I’ll just hitch her on the back.
Hoss climbs in and goes to the front of the livery. Stops and climbs down.
Goes to his horse, unties it and then ties it onto the back of the rig.
He again climbs in the
rig and turns the horses around and heads towards the hotel.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Hoss driving the rig towards the hotel. Usual activity that goes on at
night Virginia City. He reaches the hotel and pulls up. He jumps down.
EXT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Hoss ties up the horse to the rig and enters the hotel.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY
He looks around, but doesn’t see Kara. Usual extras milling about in hotel.
He sits down and as he does Kara comes down the steps with a boy carrying
her bags.
He goes over to her and takes the bags from the boy. He reaches in his
pocket and hands the boy some change.
KARA: Were you waiting long, Mr. Cartwright?
HOSS: No, ma’am. Just got here. Shall we go.
KARA: All set. I settled my account earlier.
They leave the hotel..
EXT. HOTEL – AT RIG – NIGHT
Hoss puts the bags in the rig and then helps Kara in. He hops in and they
start off. They ride in silence for a little while as they go through town.
KARA: Why so silent, Mr. Cartwright?
HOSS: Please call me Hoss.
KARA: All right. Why so silent, Hoss?
HOSS: Just thinkin’, Miss Kara.
KARA: What about?
HOSS: I just can’t figure out how you know so much about my family. It’s
downright eerie!
KARA: I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Hoss. There are some things that
are unexplainable.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE – NIGHT
There is a full moon and it’s one lovely night. At times Hoss glances behind
him and peers out into the darkness as though something were following them.
Kara
notices this but says nothing about it.
KARA: This is beautiful country, Hoss. These trees are magnificent.
HOSS: They sure are. My Paw says you should never cut one down until another
one’s been planted.
KARA: That sounds like a very good rule.
They enter the lake area.
EXT. LAKE AREA – NIGHT
The moon is shining down on the lake and it shimmers and sparkles. Kara
is awed by the beauty.
HOSS (beaming): Paw’s very proud of the Ponderosa.
KARA: And well he should be. It’s too beautiful for words. Does he own
all this land? (she sweeps her hand around).
HOSS: Yes, Ma’am. As far as the eye can see and farther.
KARA: It must have taken years to develop and grow.
HOSS: He did it all by himself. Joe and me was too little to be of much
help. My older brother, Adam, helped a lot.
KARA: That’s right. You do have an older brother. I forgot about him. Is
he at home also?
HOSS: No, Ma’am. He’s traveling through them foreign countries across the
sea. No tellin’ when he’ll be home He likes it over there. We prefer the
ranch life.
KARA: I don’t blame you.
HOSS: Hey, what did you mean when you said you forgot about Adam? I never
mentioned him.
KARA: You didn’t have to, Hoss (smiles faintly).
Hoss starts to reply and then clams up. The rest of the ride is made in
silence each with their own thoughts.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
EXT. PONDEROSA RANCH HOUSE – NIGHT
They arrive. Hoss leaps down and helps Kara out of the rig. He then takes
the bags and leads Kara into the house.
INT. RANCH HOUSE
Joe is sitting on the sofa reading when Hoss and Kara walk in. Joe looks
around and his eyes bug out when he sees Kara.
JOE (astounded): Well, what have we here? Hoss, I told you to stay out
of trouble.
HOSS (sheepishly): I did, Joe. I’d like you to meet Madame Kara. This is
my brother Joe.
KARA: I’m very glad to meet you, Mr. Cartwright. I hope that you don’t
think I’m trouble.
JOE (caught): Oh, no, Ma’am…It’s just that with Hoss… Well, I’ve heard
a lot about you. Your work sounds very interesting.
KARA: It is interesting. We can talk about it sometime. I’ve heard a lot
about you too.
Joe is very impressed by Kara’s beauty. He’s making the most of it.
JOE (almost simpering): I hope some of its been good.
KARA: Oh, definitely. Your brother is quite a fan of yours.
HOSS (embarrassed): You must be tired, Miss. Kara. I’ll show you to your
room.
KARA: Find, Hoss. I am rather tired. It’s been a long day. (to Joe) If
you will excuse me, Mr. Cartwright.
JOE: Only if you will call me Joe.
KARA (laughing): All right, Joe.
Hoss and Kara exit up stairs. Joe sits as though stunned. Hoss comes back
down the stairs.
JOE: Wow! Wait’ll Pa sees her. I didn’t know you had such good taste, Hoss.
You must have some hidden charm I never noticed.
HOSS: To both statements I don’t. But I had to bring her here. I’ll tell
you about it after I take care of the horses.
JOE: Need some help?
HOSS: No – I think I can manage it.
He exits.
CUT TO:
EXT. HOUSE
Hoss walks over to the rig with his head down, deep in thought. He gets
to the rig and without looking up reaches for the reins to untie them from
the fence. No
reins. Startled, he looks up. The horse is not connected to the rig nor
to the fence. He is just standing there. He looks to the read of the rig and
sees that his horse is
unsaddled but still tied to the rig. He looks down and sees the saddle
on the ground next to the horse. The look on his face is of absolute astonishment.
He takes
both horses into the barn.
INT. BARN
Hoss beds down the horses, making sure there is water and feed, then leaves.
EXT. PONDEROSA – NIGHT
He walks towards the house shaking his head. All of a sudden he brightens.
Joe must have unsaddled the horse and undone the rig. His step is lighter
and brisker as
he goes towards the house.
INT. HOUSE
Hoss enters. Joe is still sitting on the sofa. Hoss walks over to him.
HOSS: Thanks, Joe. That was a big help.
JOE: What was a big help.
HOSS: Why, undoing the horses.
JOE: What horses?
HOSS: Aw, come on, Joe. The horses outside.
JOE: I haven’t been outside.
HOSS: You must have been.
JOE: Why must I have been?
HOSS: Somebody must have unsaddled my horse and unhitched the rig.
JOE: Sure… you did.
HOSS: I didn’t. It was already done. You must have done it.
JOE: But I didn’t.
HOSS (completely nonplussed): Is Hop Sing around?
JOE: He went to bed hours ago.
HOSS: Quit kidding me, Joe. Horses just don’t unhitch themselves.
JOE: According to you these did.
HOSS: The heck with it. I’m going to bed.
JOE: I think that’s a good idea. You need the rest. You’re not looking
well, brother Hoss. I think the séance was too much for you.
HOSS: If I wasn’t so tired I’d tell you about what Madame Kara told me.
JOE: What’d she tell you.
HOSS: You wouldn’t believe me. Aren’t you going to bed?
JOE: I want to finish this book. Goodnight, Hoss.
HOSS: ‘Night, Joe. See you in the morning.
Starts to turn away.
HOSS (turning back) (continuing): Hey, by the way! Did the mare have its
foal?
JOE: Not yet.
Hoss turns again and goes up the stairs to his room. Not ten seconds go
by when he rushes back down the stairs. Joe looks up astonished.
JOE: Thought you were going to bed?
HOSS: Who turned down my bed?
JOE: Don’t look at me. I don’t go around turning down people’s beds.
HOSS: It wasn’t turned down when I took Madame Kara upstairs. She sure
didn’t do it.
JOE: Maybe her spirits did it.
HOSS (seriously): That’s not very funny.
JOE: I thought it was. Go to bed.
HOSS: I’m scared.
JOE: What the devil are you scared about?
HOSS: Madame Kara scares me. The séance scared me and now this house
scares me.
JOE: Don’t be silly. Go to bed and we’ll talk about it in the morning.
(smiles) Do you want me to tuck you in?
HOSS: No! (mad) I’m sure the spirits will do it!!!
On that line he storms up the stairs.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. LIVING ROOM – PONDEROSA RANCH – NIGHT
C.U. Joe sitting on couch drowsing, holding the book in front of him on
his lap. All is quiet throughout the house. All of a sudden the book is flung
from him. He
nearly jumps five feet into the air.
JOE: Who’s there?
He looks around, sees the book on the floor quite a distance from him.
He walks over to the door, sees it firmly latched and then goes over to
the windows. They
are tightly shut. He walks over to the book, picks it up and then sits
down again.
JOE: Must have been dreaming.
He settles down again with the book and starts reading.
C.U. BOTTOM OF STAIRS
CAMERA starts goin up stairs as though someone were walking up them. CAMERA
stops in front of Hoss’ door and the door flies open. Hoss is in bed sound
asleep. All of a sudden the covers come flying off him. Hoss bolts up in
bed. He sees the open door.
HOSS: What in tarnation!!! Who’s there?
He gets out of bed and starts searching the room.
HOSS: Come on out, Joe. Quit playing games. I know you’re in here.
He looks under the bed and sees nothing.
HOSS: Boy, he sure got out of here fast.
He goes to the open door, peeks out, looks around and then starts to go
down the stairs. When he gets to the bottom he sees Joe still reading.
HOSS: What’d you pull the covers off me for?
JOE (startled): Now what are you talking about?
HOSS: You know darned well what I’m talkin’ about. Don’t try to tell me
you didn’t come up and pull the covers off me.
JOE: You’re having nightmares, Hoss. I haven’t budged from this sofa since
you left, except to check the door and the windows.
HOSS: What’d you do that for?
JOE (not wanting to mention the book): I…uh…felt a draft and just wanted
to check to see if they were closed.
HOSS: Were they?
JOE: Yes, they were. Now what are you getting at?
HOSS: If the door and windows were shut tight how could you feel a draft?
JOE: I don’t know. Maybe it was my imagination.
HOSS: Well, it wasn’t my imagination when the covers came off.
JOE: You probably kicked them off in your sleep. You’ve done it before,
you know.
HOSS: I know. But this is the first time they ever flew off!
JOE: There’s always the first time. Maybe you’re developing a stronger
kick.. Keep practicing… you never know when there might be a prize for cover-kicking.
In
the meantime, go back to bed and forget it.
HOSS: I sure wish Pa’d come home. There’s somethin’ funny goin’ on.
JOE: The only funny thing goin’ is your mind. I’m going to bed whether
you are or not. I can’t finish this book with all your interruptions. You
can sit up the rest of
the night if you want. Good night!!!
Joe gets up and goes up the stairs to his room. Hoss walks around the room,
goes to the window, looks out. He sees nothing, shrugs, and goes up to his
room.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. PONDEROSA – DAY
It is now the next morning and it’s a beautiful day. The birds are chirping,
the sun is shining and Hoss has circles under his eyes. Joe and Hoss are
at the breakfast
table just starting their breakfast when Kara comes down the stairs. Joe
and Hoss jump to their feet. Joe reaches her chair first and pulls it out
very gallantly and with
a sweep of his hand and a bow seats Kara. Hop Sing enters from the kitchen
and Hoss introduces Kara to him.
HOP SING: Velly pleased to meet missy. What will missy have for bleakfast?
We have eggs, hot biscuits, bacon…
KARA (breaking in): Just a cup of coffee and a biscuit, please, Hop Sing.
Oh, and juice, if you have it.
HOP SING: We have. Comin’ right up.
He exits into kitchen.
HOSS: That’s not much of a breakfast to start the day off, Miss Kara.
KARA: I rarely eat much breakfast, Hoss. I’m overdoing it eating the biscuit
– but it sounded so good.
HOSS: Hop Sing makes the best biscuits in all of Virginia City and then
some.
JOE (laughing): Hoss must know. He samples every one of them from here
to Virginia City and then some.
HOSS (sheepishly): Aw, Joe. That’s not true.
KARA: But, Joe, Hoss is a growing boy. He needs his energy. Speaking of
energy… you look like you could use a little bit this morning, Hoss. Didn’t
you sleep
well? You look a bit peaked.
HOSS: I…
JOE (interceding): Hoss had spirits chasing him all night and he didn’t
get much sleep trying to catch the little devils.
HOSS: Cut it out, Joe.
Hop Sing enters carrying tray of biscuits, eggs, juice, coffee, etc. He
goes around the table giving the food to the Cartwrights and Kara.
KARA (biting into biscuits): Hop Sing, these are delicious. Very light
and tasty.
HOP SING: Thank you, Missy Kara. If you want anything more just holler.
Hop Sing exits.
KARA: Now Joe…just what in the world were you talking about? What spirits?
JOE: I think your little séance kind of undid my older brother.
KARA: What has the séance got to do with it?
JOE: I think he thinks that you conjured up spirits to haunt him.
KARA: Oh, that’s nonsense. The spirits I talk to aren’t flesh and blood.
They can’t come through another world.
JOE: Hoss thinks they can.
HOSS: Why don’t you let me talk for myself, Joe. (to Kara) Madame Kara,
I don’t think that there are spirits floating around. I don’t know what to
think. All I
know is that something funny is goin’ on and it just seems to be happening
to me, not anybody else, and I don’t like it.
KARA: What seems to be happening to you?
HOSS: Well… it’s hard to explain and you probably won’t believe me anyway.
KARA: Try me.
HOSS: Okay.. here goes. The horses unhitched themselves, my blankets came
flying off of me. The bedspread was off the bed when I went upstairs, and
I
remember making the bed myself yesterday morning, and I don’t remember
turning the spread down last night.
KARA: Those aren’t unusual things. Maybe somebody did them for you.
HOSS: Joe says he didn’t. And Hop Sing wouldn’t unhitch the horses – besides
he was in bed when the blankets few off me. You certainly wouldn’t do it…
would
you??
KARA: Of course not. Did you ask Hop Sing about these incidents?
HOSS: No. I just know he didn’t.
KARA: why don’t you go in the kitchen and get me some more coffee and while
you’re there you can ask him.
HOSS: Okay.
Hoss gets up and exits to the kitchen.
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN
Hop Sing is at the table drinking coffee and reading a paper. Hoss sees
the biscuits on the stove and as he reaches for one it jumps off the stove
and lands
in Hop Sing’s coffee, splattering the coffee all over Hop Sing. Hop Sings
jumps up from the table and knocks the cup off shattering it on the floor.
He looks up
and sees Hoss standing there with his mouth open and starts cussing him
out in Chinese. He looks for something to grab to hit Hoss with. At this point
Hoss runs out
of the kitchen and makes a beeline for the door.
INT. DINING ROOM
Joe and Kara look up in astonishment as Hoss comes running from the kitchen.
Then Hop Sing comes running out after Hoss with a broom in his hand. Joe
tries to
intercept Hop Sing to find out what happened. Hop Sing dodges and makes
the door and out he goes after Hoss. Joe and Kara follow them outside.
EXT. PONDEROSA RANCH HOUSE – DAY
Joe and Kara’s POV. Hop Sing is chasing Hoss around the yard with the broom
hollering at him.
HOSS: I didn’t do it, Hop Sing. Put that thing down and I’ll try to explain.
HOP SING: You the only one in the kitchen. Biscuit didn’t fly by itself.
HOSS: Yes, it did. Calm down and let me explain.
HOP SING: I’ll calm down after you clean up what used to be clean kitchen.
HOSS: I’ll be glad to. Now put down that broom.
Hop Sing stops brandishing the broom like a weapon and lets Hoss come close
to him. Just as Hoss reaches him up comes the broom and clouts Hoss over
the
head. Hoss lets out a yelp and the chase is on again. We HEAR a horse in
the distance and Joe and Kara look down the road. Ben comes riding in. As
he rides in
Hoss runs to Ben and tries to hide behind his horse.
BEN: What in tarnation is going on around here? I go away for a few days
and havoc breaks out.
HOSS: Tell Hop Sing to stop chasing me, Paw.
CAMERA moves to Joe and Kara. Joe is laughing to beat the band and Kara
has an amused expression on her face. She is studying Ben very carefully.
CAMERA
goes back to Ben as he dismounts and leads his horse up to Hop Sing who
is still brandishing the broom.
BEN: Hop Sing, will you please put my horse away and give him some oats.
Hop Sing takes the horse and leads him to the barn. Hoss breathes a sigh
of relief.
BEN: Now, would somebody please tell me what’s been goin on while I was
away.
JOE HOSS
Well, Hoss attended a …. I went to a séance and…
BEN: Now, hold on just a minute. One at a time. First things first. Will
somebody please introduce me to this young lady before we all get embarrassed.
JOE HOSS
This is… Her name is Madame…
BEN: I said one at a time. Hoss – seeing as how you seem to be the one
in the most trouble you may speak first.
HOSS: Paw…I’d like you to meet Madame Kara. Madame Kara, my Paw, Ben Cartwright.
BEN: It’s a great pleasure – uh – Madame…Kara.
KARA: Just call me Kara. It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Cartwright. Your
name is well known throughout the country.
BEN (beaming): Well, it’s nice of you to say so. To what do we owe the
pleasure of your visit, Kara.
KARA: Your son, Hoss, was kind enough to invite me to your home. I have
a show of sorts in Virginia City and…
HOSS (interrupting): She gives seances, Paw. She knew so much about you
and my mother that I had to invite her out.
BEN: Knew so much?
HOSS: Yeah. She….
BEN: I can’t see staying out here and discussing it. I guess Hop Sing has
cooled off enough by now to be allowed into the house. Remind me to ask
you about that
too, Hoss.
HOSS: Yes, sir.
They all troop into the house. Kara leading. Joe is still snickering to
himself.
INT. LIVING ROOM
BEN: Please make yourself comfortable, Kara. Would you like some coffee?
KARA: I would love some, Mr. Cartwright.
BEN: Please call me Ben. Joe, would you please get Madame Kara a cup of
coffee.
Joe goes into kitchen.
BEN: Now, Hoss, you have some explaining to do. Why was Hop Sing chasing
you? What did you do to him?
HOSS: I didn’t do anything.
BEN: You must have done something.
HOSS: I went into the kitchen to ask Hop Sing something and saw some biscuits
on the stove. I reached for one and it jumped off the stove and landed in
Hop
Sing’s coffee.
Joe returns with the coffee, hands it to Kara and sits down.
BEN: You mean one slipped out of your hand.
HOSS: No, I mean one jumped off the stove with no help from me.
BEN: Are you sure you’re all right? You don’t have a temperature?
HOSS: I’m all right, Paw. And I’m tellin’ the truth.
BEN: Did Hop Sing see this biscuit jump off the stove all by itself.
HOSS: No. He was reading.
BEN: Then it’s only your word that the biscuit jumped all by itself?
HOSS: Yes, sir.
BEN (yelling): HOP SING!!
Hop Sing comes in from the kitchen and stands in front of Ben glaring at
Hoss now and then.
HOP SING: You called Mister Cartwright?
BEN: Yes, Hop Sing. Did Hoss throw a biscuit at you this morning?
HOP SING: Yes, he did.
BEN: Did you see him throw it?
HOP SING: No. But I sure didn’t throw it at myself. If Hoss didn’t throw
it, who did?
BEN: That’s what I’m trying to find out. The whole affair seems rather
childish to me.
HOSS: I told you, Paw – nobody threw it. It threw itself.
BEN: This is getting us absolutely nowhere. Thank you, Hop Sing.
Hop Sing exits.
BEN: Now, Hoss. What was all this about a séance and what were you
doing in town when there was work to be done?
HOSS (sheepishly): Joe did the work.
BEN: So now you’re letting your brother do your chores.
HOSS: But, Paw!
BEN: No buts! You know….
KARA (interrupting): Excuse me. Maybe you would rather discuss this in
private. I’ll go freshen up before lunch.
BEN: Thank you. We’ll call you when lunch is ready.
She exits and Ben watches her with interest as she goes up the stairs.
JOE: If you don’t need me, Pa, I’ll go check your horse.
BEN: Fine, Joe. (to Hoss) What’s got into you? You shirk your work and
expect Joe do it all.
HOSS: Paw, if you’d just listen to me. There’s something about Miss Kara
that’s spooky.
BEN: Come on, Hoss. Kara is just an entertainer. She puts on an act and
that’s all there is to it. There’s nothing spooky about that.
HOSS: Then how come she knows so much about my ma and you and the rest
of the family?
BEN: That’s not so hard to figure out. We aren’t exactly strangers in Virginia
City.
HOSS: I guess you’re right, Paw… But besides the biscuit jumping off the
stove other strange things have happened.
BEN: Like what?
HOSS: Well, my horse unsaddled itself.
BEN: Oh, come on, Hoss – you don’t believe that.
HOSS: I don’t know what to believe anymore. Joe said he didn’t do it and
Hop Sing doesn’t know how to unsaddle a horse or at least he pretends he
doesn’t
know.
BEN: Maybe one of the cowhands did it.
HOSS: I only went into the house for a few seconds. If anybody was out
there they couldn’t have done it in that short a time, and I didn’t see
anybody around. Also,
the rig was unhitched and nobody, but nobody is that fast.
BEN: Where was Joe at the time.
HOSS: He was in the house.
BEN: How much beer did you drink last night?
HOSS: Not enough to imagine these weird things.
BEN: Hoss, you must have dreamt them.
HOSS: Yeah, but Paw, is it possible for a guy to dream when he’s wide awake.
BEN: Hoss, you do that most of the time.
Before Hoss can answer that one Hop Sing enters and announces lunch.
HOP SING: Mr. Cartwright, lunch is ready.
BEN: Thank you, Hop Sing. Hoss, go tell Madame Kara that lunch is ready.
Hoss exits up stairs.
CUT TO:
INT. DINING ROOM
They are just finishing up lunch. Hoss is still stuffing himself.
BEN: I hope you enjoyed your lunch, Kara.
KARA: Ben, it was just delicious. If I stay here much longer I’ll be as
big as Hoss.
BEN: That could never happen.
KARA: Thank you. By the way, your ranch is just beautiful. Hoss pointed
out parts of it on the ride in.
BEN: There’s a lot of it you haven’t seen. Why don’t you take a ride with
me while I check over that the boys have or haven’t done. (looks at Hoss).
Sometimes I
wonder when I take a trip whether its better for the boys to do what I
tell them or not to do it.
BOYS (in unison): Aw, Pa!!
BEN: You may both be excused.
Joe and Hoss get up from the table and go into the living room.
BEN (continuing): Kara, would you like to take that ride now?
KARA: I’d love to.
BEN (calling to Joe): Joe go hitch our rig and then take the rented rig
back to town.
JOE: Okay, Pa.
BEN: Hoss – go check the progress on the mare, then check the cattle on
the South range.
Boys exit house.
KARA: I’ll go get my wrap.
BEN: I’ll be right here waiting.
Kara goes up stairs.
CUT TO:
EXT. PONDEROSA – DAY
Joe is tying the reins to the fens.
BEN: All set, Joe?
JOE: Yes, Pa. Have a good time.
Joe looks wistfully at Kara as she crosses over to get into the rig. He
jumps forward to help her into the rig before Ben has a chance to do it. Ben
walks around to
the other side and gets in.
BEN: Don’t dawdle in Virginia City. Get back and help Hoss.
JOE: Okay. See you later.
Joe gets in other rig and rides off, his horse tied to rig. Ben cuts the
horse off in the opposite direction.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
EXT. HILLS AND LAKE – DAY
The rig is parked on a hill overlooking the lake. The view is different
from previous one and it’s breathtaking.
KARA: It must make you proud to have such a beautiful ranch and such fine
sons to help you run it.
BEN: Yes, it does, Kara. I sure couldn’t run the ranch without them..
KARA: You’ve done very well in raising your boys without a woman in the
house to help you. Don’t you sometimes think that you need a little feminine
touch?
BEN (going along with the flirting): Well, that thought occasionally crosses
my mind – especially when I’m in the company of a beautiful woman. (changing
the
subject) Enough of about me. Why don’t you tell me about yourself and how
you happened to become a spiritualist.
KARA (laughs): That’s a long story, Ben. It might bore you..
BEN: Nothing about you could bore me.
KARA (smiling): Okay. You asked for it. My family came to this country
from Sweden. They lived in a small village there and the villagers felt
that the women in our
family were blessed with the power of clairvoyance. When they came to this
country they didn’t want people to know about this power. My father was
a chef and
my mother raised my brothers and me very simply. But she used to tell me
stories of the family power. I became intrigued with it and studied books
that had been
written on the subject. Then I decided I wanted to see as much of the country
as I could. The only way I could earn a living while traveling was to practice
spiritualism. People hear what they want to hear and I’ve done quite well.
But, occasionally, I do get clairvoyant feelings. In fact, I felt this way
when Hoss cam to
the theater. By his reaction I could tell that what I sensed was accurate.
I told him just enough to wangle an invitation. I have to follow up on my
feelings.
BEN: Well, I’m delighted you did.
KARA: Besides, I wanted very much to meet you.
BEN: And now that you did?
KARA: I am also delighted.
BEN (embarrassed): Well…..it’s getting pretty late. I think we ought to
head back.
Concerned expression on Kara’s face. Has she gone too far. Only time will
tell. Ben gets the rig going. It hits a bump and throws Kara up against
Ben. She clings to
him and gives him a semi-seductive look. Ben puts his arm around her. Looks
at her as if he’s going to kiss her then changes his mind. Straightens her
up with his
arm, then takes reins in both hands and says
"Giddap." The rig then takes off.
CUT TO:
EXT. SOUTH RANGE
Hoss and Joe rounding up cattle. Joe is looking for strays. The scene is
peaceful and serene. Some of the cattle are grazing. All of a sudden one
of the cows stands
up on her hind legs and does a form of a bunny hop right in front of Hoss’s
eyes. He practically falls off his horse.
HOSS: Joe! Joe! Come quick!!
JOE: What’s the matter? What are you hollerin’ about?
HOSS: Did you see that?
JOE: Did I see what?
HOSS: One of the cows stood on her hind legs and danced.
JOE: Hoss, I think the heat has gotten to you.
HOSS: I saw it with my own eyes.
JOE: Then you had better get another set of eyes. I think yours are all
worn out.
HOSS: Don’t be so funny. I saw that cow stand on its hind legs and jump
up and down.
JOE: Hey, diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, did your cow jump over
the moon????
HOSS: I tell you, I saw it. Stick around and maybe she’ll do it again.
JOE: I haven’t got time to sit and watch for cows dancing. I have to look
for strays before it gets too dark and the light is fading now. I’ll see
you later at the ranch.
Joe leaves and Hoss sits on his horse looking as though he had been kicked
in the stomach. Hoss rides up to the cow that danced, gets off and looks
cow right in the
face. The cow winks at him and moves off. Hoss stands there dumbstruck.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. PONDEROSA – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Ben is sitting in his favorite chair sipping coffee. He’s reading a book.
At closer look we see the title, "GHOSTS AND APPARITIONS." Front door opens
and Joe
walks in. Ben turns.
BEN: Where Hoss?
JOE: I imagine he’s out dancing with cows.
BEN: What in the world are you talking about?
JOE: Oh, Hoss is seeing things again. Nothing worth mentioning. I imagine
he’ll be along shortly.
BEN: Well, go wash up. Dinner will be ready pretty soon.
Joe exits up stairs. Ben goes back to book and the front door opens and
Hoss comes charging in.
BEN (without looking up): You’re late. What held you up?
HOSS: Paw, you’ll never believe this.
BEN: Try me.
HOSS: I saw a cow stand on her hind legs and dance and then she winked
at me.
BEN: You’re right. I don’t believe you. Go and wash up for dinner.
Dejected, Hoss turns and starts up stairs.
CUT TO:
INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
The family at the dinner table. Hop Sing is serving to Hoss. Kara is telling
Joe about her ride around the ranch. Hoss starts to tuck napkin under chin
– other end
flies up and his him in face which makes him jump and knocks tray from
Hop Sing’s hands. Hop Sing’s attention was on Kara as were the rest of the
family and
nobody notices the napkin hit Hoss. Noodles land on Hoss’s head. Hop Sing,
without a word, picks up bowl and places it non-too gently on top of noodles.
JOE (laughing): That looks very becoming, Hoss. Think you could stay like
that until the Easter Parade?
BEN: Now what happened, Hoss?
HOSS: Paw, if I was to tell you, you wouldn’t believe me again.
BEN (to Hop Sing): Go get some more noodles and we’ll try again. Just steer
clear of Hoss’s area.
Hop Sing exits and enters kitchen.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM
They are no sitting around drinking coffee and brandy. Joe and Hoss are
on the sofa. Ben and Kara are wandering around the room. Ben is showing Kara
some of
his books and knickknacks that have meaning for him. They are not paying
any attention to the boys. They seem to have eyes only for each other. Boys
seem to be
aware of this.
HOSS: Well, Joe – what’s on the agenda for tomorrow?
JOE: Did we finish up the south range today? Are your strays all accounted
for?
HOSS: I think so. Maybe we should check the fences. We haven’t done that
for a long time. Also, there are a couple of horses to be broken.
JOE: Do you want to just break them or do you want to teach them how to
dance?
Before Hoss can answer that one Joe turns away to stoke the fire. He turns
back and reaches for his brandy. There is no brandy in the glass.
JOE (to Hoss): You’re got your own brandy – leave mine alone.
HOSS: What are you talking about?
JOE: I went to take my first sip and it was gone.
HOSS: Well, I didn’t touch it. Maybe the Ponderosa spirit is thirsty.
JOE: What Ponderosa spirit? What in the world are you talking about?
HOSS: Oh, forget it. I’ll get you some more brandy.
Hoss gets up and goes to bottle taking Joe’s glass with him. Ben and Kara
re-enter scene and Kara suggest that they get a breath of fresh air.
KARA: It’s such a beautiful night. Let’s go out on the porch.
BEN: Sounds wonderful. Coming boys?
JOE: No, Pa. I had enough fresh air on the range today.
BEN: Hoss?
HOSS: I’m with Joe.
Ben and Kara exit out door.
CUT TO:
EXT. PORCH – NIGHT
BEN: It certainly is a beautiful night.
KARA: The moon is full and bright. These are the kind of nights I missed
living in the city. Even in Virginia City the moon doesn’t seem the same.
BEN: Speaking of cities. Where do you go from here? Are you following any
sort of pattern?
KARA: Yes. Prior to coming here I was in Reno. Now I go to Carson City,
El Dorado, and Placerville. Then on to Sacramento and San Francisco.
BEN: Sounds like quite a tour.
KARA: I have a breathing spell between Sacramento and San Francisco.
While Kara has been talking she has edged considerably closer to Ben. Ben
starts to put his arm around her making the attraction very mutual. All
of a sudden the
door of the house flies open and Hoss comes bounding out.
HOSS: Paw, do you have a book on ghosts?
BEN: Hoss, don’t you have any manners?
HOSS: Yes, sir! Well, do you?
BEN (exasperated): Yes, I do. I was reading it earlier. What in the world
do you want it for?
HOSS: I’m just curious about something. Where is it?
BEN: I put it back on the shelf just above the desk.
HOSS: Thanks, Paw.
Hoss races back into the house.
BEN: Ghosts!! What my sons won’t think of next.
KARA: Well, that is in my line you know. We do conjure up spirits from
another world.
BEN: Do you really believe in that?
KARA: There are times when something unexplainable happens, but most of
the time its done with wires and mirrors and a good advance man.
BEN: Why are you telling me this? I thought you people never gave away
secrets.
KARA: Because I want to be perfectly honest with you.
BEN: And why is that?
KARA: Well, if you don’t know I won’t try to explain it right now.
Ben gets the picture. He puts his arm around her.
BEN: I didn’t mean to be coy. You are a very lovely woman and I’m flattered
that you would even think something like that about me.
They move in for the kill.
KARA: Ben
BEN: Kara
They are about to kiss when the door again flies open and Hoss comes charging
out.
HOSS: Paw!
BEN: Now what is it?
HOSS: I found something in this book about a chicken ghost!!
BEN & KARA (in unison): A what??
HOSS: Chicken ghost….A poultrygeese.
BEN: You’re still not getting through to me.
HOSS: Here…look.
He shoves the book at Ben and points to the word he is trying to pronounce.
HOSS (continuing): Here it is in black and white. A poultrygeese.
BEN (laughs): He means a poltergeist.
Kara reacts quite visibly. Ben looks at her concerned.
BEN: Are you all right?
KARA (abruptly): I’m rather tired. Would you mind if I retired early?
Ben is nonplussed to say the least.
BEN: I’m sorry. It has been a long day. Get a good night’s rest and we’ll
see you in the morning.
KARA: Thank you. Goodnight, Ben… Hoss.
HOSS: Goodnight, ma’am.
Kara goes into the house.
BEN: Now, Hoss – let’s talk about your poultrygeese.
HOSS: Let’s go get some coffee first.
BEN: Okay – sounds good to me.
They go into the house.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Hoss goes to the kitchen to get the coffee and sits down beside Joe.
BEN: Joe, do you know what your brother is driving at?
JOE: Beats me, Pa. He hasn’t confided in me.
Hoss enters with pot of coffee and cups. Puts them down on table and proceeds
to pour coffee for the three of them.
BEN: Now, Hoss. What’s on your mind?
HOSS: Well, you know Paw…all the strange things that have been going on
around here – this goose could be the answer.
BEN: Hoss, you’re the only one that anything’s happened to. Besides, you
don’t really believe in ghosts, do you?
HOSS: I didn’t before I met Madame Kara.
BEN: You don’t think she’s a ghost?
HOSS: Of course not, but….
BEN (interrupting): Did you check everybody in and around the house to
see if they were playing tricks on you?
HOSS: I sure did.
BEN: And…
HOSS: They didn’t know what I was talking about.
JOE (sheepishly): There’s one thing I haven’t mentioned to anyone.
BEN: What’s that, Joe?
JOE: Well, the other evening… the night that Hoss says these eerie things
started happening to him… the night he brought Madame Kara home… Well, something
peculiar happened to me.
BEN: Well, tell us what it was.
HOSS: Yeah, Joe.
JOE: It’s not much really. I was just reading that evening and the book
flew out of my hand. It happened twice. At first I thought it must be a draft…a
rather large
one… but I checked all the windows and they were closed tight and so was
the door. It all seemed so silly I didn’t want to say anything about it.
HOSS: So you just let me think I was going crazy ‘cause everything was
happening to me and nobody else saw them.
BEN: There has to be a logical explanation for these things and I can’t
quite make myself believe that a poltergeist would be in this house. What
would it be doing
here and how did it get here? (looks towards stairs) No – it couldn’t be.
She admits to being a fake. (shakes his head)
I’m just being silly.
HOSS: What’d you say, Paw?
BEN: Oh, nothing… Let me see that book again. I didn’t get to that chapter
when I looked through it.
Ben sits in his favorite chair and reads out loud.
BEN (continuing): "Poltergeist – a noisy spirit. Never seen. Freakish sounds
and actions makes his presence felt. He generally isolates one person to
persecute.
Sometimes picks on others in same household. Generally haunts people rather
than places. Sometimes polter-
Geists are conjured up by mediums." Mediums!!! Then it’s quite possible
Madame Kara is a carrier of the poltergeist.
HOSS: You don’t think a nice lady like that….
BEN (breaking in): It has nothing to do with being nice or not nice. If
she is a carrier there’s not much she could do about it.
HOSS: A carrier?? Does that mean she has a disease?
JOE (in disgust): Don’t be ridiculous, Hoss. It means…it means…. What does
it mean, Pa?
BEN: It just means that through some psychological way the poltergeist
has attached itself to her.
While they are digesting this we
CUT TO:
INT. KARA’S BEDROOM
She is frantically looking through her books, some of them quite old. She
is mumbling to herself as she thumbs through them.
KARA: A poltergeist! Could it be possible? I think I recall something in
these family diaries about my ancestors being carriers. (pause) Let’s see
– here’s a passage
by grandmother Ingrid entered October 10, 1786. (reads) "During the séance
at the Bergstrom house a most unusual thing took place. The Bergstrom’s
eight year
old son was suddenly the object of many strange occurrences. Objects began
to fly about him and some even struck him. It lasted for a couple of hours
and then
stopped as suddenly as it had started. The only explanation to which I
could attribute these evens is that I brought a poltergeist into the Bergstrom
home and it
attached itself to the lad."
She sits and ponders what she has just read.
KARA (continuing): Well, perhaps I have brought a poltergeist into this
house and it has attached itself to Hoss. All the events in the diaries have
poltergeists
attaching themselves to children. But Hoss is so childlike at times perhaps
the poltergeist couldn’t tell the difference. Anyhow the question now is
what to do about
my little spirit. Does he stay with me if I leave or does he stay permanently
with Hoss. I’ll have to talk to Ben and see what he thinks. I’m sure he
doesn’t want this
little fellow around here for all times. Well, no sense in mentioning it
tonight. Tomorrow’s soon enough.
She clears the bed of the books and stacks them on the desk. She turns
to take the bedspread off and sees it folded neatly at the foot of the bed.
KARA (continuing): Well, thank you, Mr. "P." I sure do appreciate that.
Maybe you are handy to have around at that.
She points to the light and it goes out.
KARA: Good night, sweet Poltergeist.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM
Ben, Joe and Hoss are sipping coffee and discussing what should be done
about Kara.
BEN: I don’t think Kara will laugh at us as she seemed quite upset when
poltergeists were mentioned. I have a feeling it’s not the first time she
ever heard the word,
but it may be the first time it ever appeared around her. In a way, it’s
kind of funny ‘cause she thinks she’s a fraud.
HOSS: Well, let’s get her down here right away and see if we can clear
all this up. I don’t much like being the butt of jokes being played by something
I can’t see.
BEN: It’s pretty late. Kara is probably asleep by now – its nearly midnight.
Why don’t we just leave it until tomorrow. I’m sure the poltergeist has
to get some sleep
also.
JOE: Midnight sounds like a great time to look into something like this
– it’s the witching hour.
HOSS: This guy can’t tell time then. He’s been witching me at all hours.
BEN: Come on, let’s turn in.
He gets up and goes to the door to lock it. The boys walk around the room
checking all the windows. As they are walking around the grandfather clock
starts to
strike the hour. Each bong is counted by the boys and after the twelfth
bong the clock rocks back and forth a couple of times much to the astonishment
of all.
Hoss almost faints and runs up the stairs. His parting remark is
HOSS: Joe, I think it’s later than it’s ever been.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. PONDEROSA – EARLY MORNING – HOSS’S ROOM
Hoss is sound asleep. There is a towel and wash basin on his dresser. All
of a sudden the towel rises, dips itself in the basin and, wringing wet,
heads for
Hoss’s face. The towel hits Hoss right square in the face lightly and he
leaps up as the towel keeps smacking him, not hard but enough to "annoy"
him. He makes a
grab for it but it eludes him smacking at various parts of his anatomy.
Hoss leaps out of bed and starts to chase the towel, running out of his room,
wet, with no shoes
and just his night shirt on. It makes a pretty ridiculous picture, as he
chases the towel down the stairs yelling like a banshee.
Joe runs out of his room and sees Hoss chasing the towel down the steps.
The towel abruptly changes position and goes over Hoss’s head and behind
him – it
begins to pop him on the fanny. Joe starts laughing. Hoss is yelping. Hearing
Joe he yells.
HOSS: Joe, help me catch this devil.
Laughing, Joe runs down the stairs also clad in whatever he sleeps in.
"KEYSTONE KOP’ MUSIC WITH PENNY WHISTLES at appropriate places, such as
when the towel makes a furtive move. The towel, almost as if it sees Joe,
wraps itself around his foot making him trip, then unwraps itself and begins
to fly around
some more.
INT. LIVING ROOM
They are now downstairs and the towel seems to die and falls to the floor.
Hoss leaps for it and just as he is about to land on it it flies away and
he hits the floor with
a thud. For good measure the towel pops him on the back of the head. Hoss
gets up, makes a grab for it and slugs Joe who is about to catch the towel.
They start
chasing it around the room both going in the same direction.
JOE (to Hoss): You go that way and I’ll go this way. We’ll head it off
at the desk.
They race around in opposite directions, but in a circle, each going towards
the towel which is now hovering in one spot. Each is keeping his eye on
the towel which
is about six feet high in the air. The boys are running at top speed. Ben
enters scene but it’s too late for him to yell a warning. He puts his hands
over his eyes as the
boys – running full blast, plow into each other knocking themselves out
cold. The towel just floats down and covers both their heads. Ben goes to
the kitchen, returns
with a bucket of cold water and pours it over both of them. Kara is standing
at the foot of the stairs and she can’t help but laugh. Ben is roaring.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER THAT MORNING
Joe is sitting on the sofa with an ice pack over his eye and Hoss is in
the chair with a steak over his. Ben has the towel draped over his arm. Kara
is upstairs.
BEN (to Hoss): Would you care for a baked potato with your steak?
HOSS: Aw, Paw!
BEN: Now, I think we should sit down and have a serious discussion. Our
little friend has pulled enough shenanigans on us. We’re got to figure out
a way to get rid
of it. I think our answer lies with Madame Kara. I believe she brought
it here. I’m not sure that it will leave with her. That’s something we have
to find out.
JOE: I’m with you, Pa. Enough is enough.
BEN: Do you boys feel like breakfast this morning?
HOSS: I lost my appetite when I woke up this morning.
JOE: Me too. Is there coffee?
BEN: Yes. Wonder what Kara would like.
Kara comes down the stairs.
KARA: Did I hear my name mentioned?
BEN: Ah, good morning. Would you like some breakfast?
KARA: I think just coffee. I’m not very hungry.
BEN: Then we’re all agreed. (he rises) Coffee coming up.
He exits into kitchen. Hoss and Joe eye Kara as she sits down next to Joe
on the sofa. Joe gives her plenty of elbow room as if she were the one that
caused his pain
– and in a way she did.
KARA (trying to break the ice): Well, you two boys certainly do believe
in strenuous exercise the first thing in the morning. Where do you get all
your energy?
Both boys look a little sheepish. At this point, Ben comes in with the
coffee tray and sets it down on the table.
BEN: Dig in. I found some coffee cake if anybody is interested.
Hoss makes a dive for one.
BEN: Thought you weren’t hungry.
JOE: You know he’s always interested in food.
HOSS: All that exercise made me hungry.
JOE: You get hungry when you’re sleeping.
BEN: That’ll be enough, boys. I’d hate to be the one to bang your heads
together this time.
Kara laughs.
BEN (continuing) Boys, go find something to do outside. I want to talk
to Madame Kara.
BOYS: Okay – see you later.
They exit out front door.
KARA: Ben, before you say anything more I want you to know I’ve appreciated
and enjoyed being here very much, but I don’t want to overstay my welcome
and
there is my tour that’s due to start.
BEN: I wouldn’t worry about overstaying your welcome. But there is something
else I would like to talk to you about. I hate to bring it up but it has
to be brought
out into the open and now is as good a time as any.
KARA: It’s about what happened this morning, isn’t it?
BEN: Yes. Do you have any idea what it’s all about?
KARA: To be perfectly honest with you…Yes, I do. I’ve been doing a little
reading in my grandmother’s diary. She mentioned poltergeists several times
but I just
can’t believe that I could have brought one into your house. It’s never
happened before.
BEN: You’ve never run into anyone like Hoss before. Thank heavens there’s
only one of him.
Kara laughs.
KARA: I’ve gotten very fond of Hoss, as well as the rest of the family.
BEN: The feeling is quite mutual. But we’re getting off the subject.
KARA: Have you made any decisions?
BEN: Well, yes, I have. I don’t know if it will work but we have to try.
You could go ahead with your tour. That would give us each time to think
about our
relationship with each other and also you might figure out a way to get
rid of the poltergeist.
KARA: And if the poltergeist shows up after I leave.
BEN: Then we’ll all move out.
They both chuckle.
KARA: I’ll go pack. I believe there’s a stage in the morning. I’ll stay
at the hotel tonight. If nothing happens here during the night then we can
assume the poltergeist
went with me.
CUT TO:
EXT. VIRGINIA CITY HOTEL – EVENING
Ben and Kara pull up in front in the rig. They get down and enter the hotel.
INT. HOTEL
Ben registers Kara.
BEN (to clerk): Take good care of the lady. See that she gets anything
she wants.
CLERK: Yes, sir, Mr. Cartwright.
BEN (to Kara): I’ll see you in the morning.
KARA: Good night, Ben… and thank you for everything.
She leans over and gives him a light kiss. Ben grabs her and makes it a
joint effort. Ben leaves the hotel.
EXT. HOTEL – NIGHT
It has started to drizzle. Ben climbs in the rig and gets moving fast to
miss the hard rain that starts to come down halfway between town and the
Ponderosa.
CUT TO:
INT. PONDEROSA – NIGHT
Ben walks in the house. The boys are sitting in the dining room, having
just finished dinner.
BEN: Joe! Hoss! You around here anyplace?
HOSS: We’re in the dining room. Did you get caught in the storm?
BEN: I sure did. I’m soaking wet.
JOE: I’ll get you a cup of coffee.
Joe goes into kitchen. Ben takes his coat off. Joe comes back in.
JOE: Here you are, Pa.
BEN: Thanks. Anything happened after I left?
JOE: Yeah. Hoss did some work this afternoon.
BEN: Well, that’s some improvement. You know what I meant. Has the poltergeist
been acting up?
HOSS: No. Things have been pretty quiet.
BEN: Well, that’s good news, I guess.
HOSS: You guess. I’m sure it’s good.
JOE: By the way, where’s Madame Kara?
BEN: I took her to town. She’s leaving on the stage tomorrow for her tour.
We thought it would be for the best. If it’s quiet tonight it will mean
that the poltergeist
went with her and we won’t be bothered anymore.
HOSS: I’m gonna kind of miss her around here. It was kind of interesting.
BEN (solemnly): I am too, Hoss… I am too. I’m going to bed. I think you
boys ought to do the same. Tomorrow’s a heavy day.
The wind is howling and there is lightening and thunder and the rain is
pelting down. They all go upstairs.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. JOE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Joe is tossing and turning, not asleep.
INT. HOSS’S ROOM
Hoss is laying in bed with the covers pulled over his nose, his eyes wide
open.
INT. BEN’S ROOM
Ben is staring at the ceiling.
SPLIT SCREEN – INT ALL THREE ROOMS
All are shown in their own rooms and a really loud crack of thunder sounds.
They all jump and run to the hall saying "what was that?" Then they look
at each other
sheepishly, return to their rooms and assume the same position as before.
All is quiet. Then there is a slow but steady step, step, step (MUSIC could
be dum de dum
de dum –DRAGNET type). The sound of someone coming up the stairs. Joe looks
a little green – Hoss looks terrified, and Ben looks concerned.
Cautiously they each move toward their doors and peek into hall. They see
Hop Sing in his nighttime regalia carrying a lamp.
BEN (with relief): Hop Sing, what in blazes are you doing?
HOP SING (shaking): Hop Sing scared. With storm and all crazy things happen
here I thought it be good idea if I sleep in Mr. Adam’s room. Be near more
live
people.
BEN: You mean we’ll all go together when we go. Okay, Hop Sing, you can
stay here tonight.
HOSS: Paw?
BEN: What, Hoss?
HOSS: Can I stay in your room tonight?
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL – CORRIDOR IN FRONT OF KARA’S ROOM – MORNING
Ben knocks on door. Kara opens it.
KARA: Good morning. I see you didn’t sleep much either. What happened?
BEN. Nothing, I’m afraid. Are you ready?
KARA: Yes. There’s a stage in twenty minutes.
BEN: How long will it be before you’ll be back through here again?
KARA: Too long, Ben. You won’t remember me.
BEN: I’ll never forget you.
KARA: Come to think of it. I guess you won’t. I’ve certainly given you
plenty to remember. Well, let’s go. I have to check out.
CUT TO:
EXT. HOTEL – STAGE COACH
Passengers are loading up. Ben helps Kara in and as stage pulls out Kara
waves to Ben and blows him a kiss. She then looks around at her fellow passengers.
There
sitting across from her is an eight year old boy dressed in his Sunday
best with a little hat and tie – the little boy is played by Dan who is
reduced to the size of a child
(if this is possible). Kara looks at him and gasps. As she does the hat
pulls over his ears and his tie slaps him in the face.
KARA (to herself): Oh, no!!
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
INT. PONDEROSA RANCH – DAY
Ben, Hoss and Joe lounging around living room. Hoss is standing in front
of book shelf.
HOSS: I know you’re goin’ to miss having the little lady around but I sure
am glad I won’t have to put up with any more nonsense from that poultrygoose.
As he says that a big heavy book edges out of the shelf, falls on Hoss’s
head and knocks him out cold. The book lands on Hoss’s face. Ben and Joe
look at each
other. The title of the book shows "GHOSTS AND OTHER SPIRITS." They gasp
and then start laughing,
THE END
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