BROTHER?


By María Laura Gambero

Everything happened in such an unexpected way that caught me completely off guard.  Well, there was not such a way to expect something like this.

Pa introduced me to the men he had hire in town, but I did not pay much attention to a lean handsome man standing by Joe´s side. We had been working real hard for days moving the cattle and those men Pa managed to hire were badly needed; therefore there was no time to think or talk about insignificant details that had nothing to do with our activities. Clay Stafford was a good worker and that’s all I cared about.

Neither Pa, nor Hoss and myself realized that that new hand had a special interest in Little Joe, as generally my little brother stroke up a friendship with the hands of the ranch.  As I had say, we have a lot to do and there was nothing odd in their relationship.

But all of a sudden, what seemed to be a normal situation, turned into an unimaginable matter.  As one fact led to another, I had to tell all of you that once again the situation turned around a poker table, where Clay after being accuse of trickery, killed a miner that was blaming him for his lose.  Pa and Sheriff Coffee agreed that Clay should leave town or he would end up dead.  But my hot tempered brother did not think the same and however he tried to make Pa and Roy Coffee change their minds he couldn’t; therefore, Clay was asked to leave the Ponderosa; for his own good, of course.  It was quite obvious that Clay did not want that to happen, but he behaved as a polite educated man that offered no resistance against my father’s resolution.  And his departure was the trigger that pushed him to reveal the real motive of his visit. The news exploited in Joe’s mind and forced all of us to face the most odd family matter I could remember. Clay Stafford came to be Joe’s brother.  

Meanwhile Pa talked with Joe and Clay, Hoss and myself were left apart.  Openly, Hoss manifested how irksome he was for being put aside from a family matter.  I decided to stay calm, and sarcastically I asked him why he was so sure that was a family matter.   He looked at me with annoyance as if he did not understand my disposition.  God knows that I was as uneasy and troubled as Hoss was. Never in my entire life, my father had left me apart of any family matter; but there was no point to increase Hoss´s annoyance and uncertainty with my own emotions and suspicions.  That was why I simply dropped a slight comment about the truthfulness of Clay’s statement.  Once my comment left my mouth, I saw Joe coming out of the house and I regretted my own words.  Fortunately, my younger brother did not hear me, because if he had, he would have jumped over me, freeing his complete frustration and confusion against my persona.   The kid looked so confused and troubled that nearly broke my heart.  I did not like the situation; I did not like to see my little brother in that kind of state because of a supposed brother that came from the air. Jealous? could be, but it was not that what was bothering me at that moment. I sensed troubles and I could bet that the same was happening to Hoss.

That same night, I waited in my room until my brother and Clay were asleep.  I did not have the chance to speak with my father about Clay and I’m looking forward to doing it.  Although I noticed how much the whole situation upset him, he struggled to show himself calm for Little Joe’s good; or perhaps, for the memory of Marie.
I found my father staring at the fireplace, deeply buried in his thoughts.  He looked at me over his shoulder an asked me if Hoss and Joe were already sleeping.  I answered that they were and only managed to add that it was too late.  By the way he was looking at me, I assumed that my father was expecting my appearance, so feeling myself more easy I seated at the blue chair wondering how to say what I had in mind without seem to be insensible regarding Joe’s feeling. My father snorted and mentioned something about adding Clay to his thoughts and worries.  I moved my gaze away from him, suddenly irk, as I could not incorporate Clay that way.  As soon as I heard my father speak about him as if he was one of us, my skin bristled. I could not even think about it.  I mumbled something about how unexpected this happened and my gaze crossed with my father’s. I moved my eyes away from him, but the tension and the annoyance of my voice gasped his attention.  With frown puzzled face, he sat over the coffee table facing me while he asked what I mean with that comment. I studied him for a moment. He looked lost and I understood that he needed my opinion. I grimaced and wandered my gaze around before answering.  First of all, I warned him that he might not like it, but he said nothing.  With tact and caution, I told him that Hoss and myself thought that he should confirm what Clay had said.  I truly felt very uncomfortable doubting Clay’s identity, but there was no way I could cover my feelings about it and someone had to be rational. Something was telling me that the harmony of my home was threatened, but above all I’ve got the feeling that my little brother’s feelings were in danger.  My father remained in silence as if my words took him by surprise.  He looked at me tracing my features and by the way he was studying me, I realized that he needed someone to push him to make that decision. I saw it in his eyes; he had doubts too.

As days have gone by, I got the chance to know Clay a bit better.  I have to accept that he was a nice guy, but he was not the best company to my adventure enthusiastic brother.  Hoss and myself remained together, close to Joe, but not too close to interfere between him and Clay. But we were alert as well as my father was.  

The answer to the telegram that my father sent to New Orleans arrived one week later.  I have to accept that I was not glad to hear the confirmation.  Clay Stafford was Marie’s son and everything he had said was true.  It was quite odd to realize that there was a part of Joe’s life that had nothing to do with Hoss and myself.  How could that be possible?  We had seen that kid born and grew up and it was difficult for me to accept that there was someone else that equaled our brothers condition.  Okay, my mind understood that Clay could never be like us, but my heart had troubles to understand it.  Neither my father was ease to learn that he was Marie’s first born, but what disturbed him most, was the kind of life Clay had chosen.

Hoss dared to ask Pa, if he was thinking to ask Clay to leave the Ponderosa, to which my father answered that it was our duty to give him the benefit of our doubt.  Perhaps, he had changed; perhaps they were isolated facts.  But I had no doubts regarding him. For me that man was tricky and I’m not happy to see him around our place.  Hoss glanced at me and in silent communication I understood that he was thinking the same.  Anyway, we added no comments and with our silence we clearly show him how annoyed we were.

As my father told me the following day, Joe was deeply disturbed when he told him about Clay’s past life; he even blamed my father of judging Clay unfaithfully.  That kind of confrontation was exactly what my father wanted to avoid.  In some ways, Pa was afraid that my brother Joe, seeking to know his new brother better, would move apart from us and chose to follow Clay.  In some ways, he was doing something quite similar. My father told me lately, that Joe had spoken with Clay but instead of speaking about what he had promised Pa to do, he suggested his new brother to travel to Mexico together.  I was not please to know that, but far less pleased me to know that my father knew all this from Clay, instead of Little Joe.

As Little Joe was sent to town to fetch the money for the payment day, Pa had to wait his return to talk to him about his odd behavior. My father was looking forward to speaking with my little brother in order to settle things down and persuade him to stay at the Ponderosa.  It was almost midday when the sound of the bell surprised us.  My father opened the door and as soon as he saw Joe lying on the ground, he called us.  I was the first one to step out followed a few steps behind by Clay and Hoss.  Joe was hardly beaten and seemed to be nearly unconscious. Hoss and myself took him to his bedroom upstairs and stayed by his side while my father healed and dressed his wounds.  We heard him tell Pa that the miners had beaten him in order to make Clay understand that the next time they would not fail.
Well, everybody around the Ponderosa knew that my patience had its limits and I easily reached that limit when a member of my family was hurt.  If it were not for my father and my brother Hoss, I would have been really able to walk downstairs and explain Clay who Joe’s big brother was. I was blind with rage thinking that that man, who was brother of my brother, did not stop to think that with his attitude and behavior he was pushing my little brother to risk his life.  For Joe’s own good as well as my father’s, I agree to go with Hoss to pay the hands for their weekly work.  But before I left I made myself perfectly clear about my opinion about the whole matter.

Later that day, when I reached home I was not sorry to know about Clay’s departure, but my heart nearly broke when I see the desolation of my brother’s face. He seemed to be so emotionally beaten when he told Hoss and me that Clay had no intentions to have the kind of relationship that the three of us had. With unshed eyes he also mentioned that Clay had told him that he was a nuisance for him.  

There would not be a better occasion to play my big brother rol before Joe´s eyes.  I sat at the edge of his bed and looking straight into his sore eyes I told him that those words were the only lie that Clay had told him.  Joe looked at me puzzled.  I smiled at him. A smile that only that kid could bring to my lips.

“ I would have done the same if that reassure me that you would be out of danger,” I told him softly. “ I’m sure that Clay feel that meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to him.”

“ Thanks Adam,” he said with emotion.

I nodded and winked at him.  After that Hoss and I left the room, letting him rest. Paradoxically, I came to understand Clay the day of his departure.  I like it or not, Clay was also Joe’s brother and beyond the strange way that they came to know each other, Clay never took advantages of Joe.  In my opinion, Clay only wanted to know the only member of his family that was still alive; the only bond to his lost mother.  I had to admit that if I were he, I could have possibly acted the same. I would never know.  But my family was together and my baby brother was resting and safe.  That was all I needed to be calm.

“ Adam, Were you jealous about Clay?” Hoss asked as if he wanted to share something else with me.

I looked at him from the corner of my eyes, and slapped his huge arm lovingly.  But I did not answered, because if I did so it would have been like to admit my weak side.  And I would never do that.  Jealous? Well I am, but that would be a secret between you and me.

The End.
September 2002


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