Once again, my story is dedicated to Terri, Deb, and Carol, who each give so freely of their friendship, love, and support.  Thanks, sisters!



PAGES IN TIME

by                   
Leesa Olson

Creative Consultant
Deb Farwell



    I pulled out my handkerchief and wiped the sweat from my brow and from the back of my neck.  I had been traveling for several weeks now and I was ready for the journey to come to an end, especially since my family was waiting for me at the end of the line.  
  
 Four years ago, I had left my home and family to attend college in New England.  These had been some of the best years of my life, and I would miss living in a large city and having access to all of the amenities available there.  I missed my family terribly though, and I was anxious to see them all again.  My brothers had both been children when I had left.  
  
 My brother, Hoss, had been only twelve years old, and although large for his age, he was still very much a child.  He would now be sixteen years old, practically a man.  My father had written that Hoss had completed his schooling this past spring and would now be taking on the job of a man, working the ranch side by side with the other men and soon to be working beside myself.  
 
  My youngest brother, Little Joe, had been a very small, but very active, six year old when I left for school.  The two of us had always had our share of problems getting along, but I loved the kid and I know he loved me in return.  I think he simply resented the fact that Pa would leave him in my charge from time to time when Pa would have to make a necessary business trip. Looking back, I can see that I sometimes was quite hard on the boy.  I expected more of him than a child of his years was capable of doing. He would still be a child, now ten years old, and I hoped it wasn’t too late to try to develop a relationship with him that was more like the one Hoss and I had always shared. Oh, I realize it can’t be exactly the same.  Our age difference makes that almost impossible.  My little brother is a pretty amazing person though, with a zest for life that I admire. Who knows, maybe I’m even a little jealous of his complete enjoyment of the world around him, and I would love to get closer to him.
  
 And then there is my father, Ben Cartwright.  What can I say about this man?  We went through so much together in my early years.  Perhaps it was all the hardship of my boyhood, but I matured quickly and I always seemed older than my years.  Maybe it was this that made Pa and I almost more like friends than father and son.  I was given quite a bit of responsibility early in life because of the tragedies of the deaths of my mother and then Hoss’ mother.  I watched over my young brother while Pa cleared the land for our new home, in what was then a wilderness.  Then I helped my father build our home, at least as much as a boy my age could.  I was looking forward to being with this incredible man again.  I had missed his conversation and advice during the years I had been at college.
  
 I felt the stage jostle to a stop and I knew I was back home at last.  I actually had  butterflies in my stomach over the excitement of seeing my family again.  I stepped down from the stage and tried to spot my family as my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the sun.  
  
 “Adam!”  I heard a voice call.  
  
 I turned toward the voice and was suddenly swept up into a bear hug by my brother Hoss.  I was amazed at the strength my younger brother possessed.  He actually picked me up off the ground and swung me around in a circle.
    
I returned his hug and laughing, said, “Hoss, it’s great to see you!  But put me down, brother, so I can get a look at you.”  
  
 Hoss set my feet back on the ground and then I heard another voice, a deep baritone that I remembered well.  How I had missed the sound of that voice.  
  
 “Adam, Son...” And that was all my father managed to get out before he, too, put his arms around me and welcomed me back home with a fierce hug.  Pa’s hug was gentler than Hoss’ but full of just as much love and warmth.  I’ve never been one to show my feelings physically, but how I welcomed the hugs of my family after so many years apart.  
 
  As I pulled from Pa’s embrace, I saw tears glistening in his eyes.  I had always admired the way my father could so freely show his emotions and I sometimes wished that I could emulate him.  
 
   “So, where’s that youngest brother of mine?”  I asked.
  
 Pa pointed behind me and I turned.  Standing a few feet away, looking uncharacteristically quiet and shy, was Little Joe.  He was taller than he had been the last time I had seen him. It surprised me that he had grown up so much while I had been gone.  He still had that sparkle in his hazel eyes that I remembered so well, and the chestnut colored curls still brushed against his forehead, but he was no longer the very young child I remembered.  I wondered if I looked as different to him as he did to me.
 
  “Joe,”  I said quietly, then I held out my arms, hoping for a hug.
 
  Joe hesitated a moment and then he slowly approached me and allowed me to take him in my arms.  I hugged him gently and then he put his arms around my waist and gave me a quick squeeze in return.  
  
 “Welcome home, Adam,”  he said.  “It’s good to see you again.”
 
  “Thanks, Little Joe. It’s great to see you again, too.  I can’t believe how much you’ve grown up.”  Then I turned back to Hoss.  “And you!  You’re bigger than me now, Younger Brother.  I bet I can’t beat you at arm wrestling anymore.”
 
  “We’ll have to give it a try later and see,”  Hoss said with a laugh.  
  
 “Well, Hoss, why don’t you show off those muscles by getting Adam’s bags loaded in the wagon, so we can get him home,”  Pa told my large brother.  “I’m sure he’s anxious to see the Ponderosa again and  Hop Sing, too.”
 
  Pa and I went to climb on the wagon while Hoss retrieved my baggage.  I noticed that Little Joe elected to help Hoss rather than come with Pa and myself.   It seemed like I was going to have my work cut out for me in rebuilding a relationship with my youngest brother.  

    A short while later, we were making our way home.  Hoss and Joe were seated in the back of the wagon with my luggage and Pa and I were up front.  The fresh mountain air was invigorating. I had forgotten how wonderful it was to inhale this pure air.  And the mountains!  Their majesty was unmatched by any back east.  
 
  Then Pa rounded the curve and there was a sight I had missed above all others.  Lake Tahoe spread out before us with the mountains as a backdrop.  The scene took my breath away.  It had been so long since I had seen it, but sitting there now, it seemed like it was only yesterday that I had admired this view.
  
 “Well, Adam, is it as wonderful as you remembered?”  asked Pa.
  
 “Pa, it’s like a piece of heaven,”  I told him.  Then we looked at each other and both said at the same time, “Heaven would have to go some to beat the thousand square miles of the Ponderosa.”  
  
 We both broke into wide grins.  “Pa, I think you’ve been saying that same thing since we first arrived on this land.”
  
 “Adam,” he answered, “I think I’ll be saying that till the day I leave this earth and see what the real Heaven looks like.”
 
  A little while later, we finally pulled into the yard of the ranch house.  The feelings that leapt into my chest at seeing my home again are impossible to describe.  It had been so long.  The house was still the same though.  Every board, every window, seemed to scream the word “home” to me.  I had helped to build this home, and it was wonderful to see it again.  
 
  I got down from the wagon and started for the front door.  I couldn’t wait to step through the door once again.  I turned the knob and stepped inside.  Everything was exactly as I remembered it.  Even the smell was the same, and the memories of my growing up years flooded my mind for a moment when the warm scent of pine, baking, and faint smoke from the fire place, assaulted my senses.  I was home and it felt good.
 
  Hop Sing came bustling out of the kitchen to greet me.
  
 “Mr. Adam, it good to have you back on Ponderosa where you belong.”  He gave me a quick hug and continued.  “Hop Sing make all your favorite foods tonight.  We celebrate. So good.  All Cartwrights back home like it should be.”
 
  The meal was all that Hop Sing promised it would be.  My family and I had a pleasant evening getting re-acquatinted with each other.  With Hoss, it was almost as if I had never left.  We took up right where we left off four years ago.  Pa was just the same, too. We were able to laugh and talk like we always had.  Only Little Joe was different.  I had to keep in mind that he was very young when I left.  It was understandable that he would be a little bit shy and withdrawn around me for a while.  Everyone made an effort to draw him into the dinner conversation though and by the time the meal was finished, he was opening up to me just a little bit more.  
  
 After dinner, we relaxed in the living room and discussed some of the things we had all been doing during the past few years.  Little Joe stayed right next to Pa the entire evening, snuggled up against his side on the settee.  By the time the old clock struck ten, Joe was fast asleep.  Pa picked him up and carried him upstairs to his bed.  It was nice to see that so many  things hadn’t changed.    
    
    I don’t think I had slept as well in the last four years as I did that first night back home. The fresh air and surrounding silence lulled me into a deep and restful slumber.  It was wonderful being back in my old room again.  Everything was as I left it.  Once I had unpacked my bags, it was as if I had never left.
  
 When I awoke, I felt incredibly rested.  I dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.  I had developed the habit of only eating a light breakfast of coffee and toast during the years in the city.

Suddenly though, I found that I had a ravenous appetite.  The aroma of the fresh country air stimulated my appetite, making me hungry enough to eat as much as my brother, Hoss.  I could already tell that if I didn’t want to gain a ton of weight, I better get right back into the habit of working hard all day.

    After breakfast, I went out to the barn with Hoss.  I wanted to ride around the ranch and get re-acquainted with it.  When I entered the barn, I was greeted by Little Joe.
  
 “Hi Adam, I saddled a horse for you.”
 
  “You did that for me, Little Joe?”  I asked him.  “I really appreciate that.”
 
  He gave me a small smile and started to walk away.  
 
  “Joe?  Would you like to come riding with Hoss and I? We’d enjoy having you.  Just the three Cartwright brothers together again.  How about it?”  I asked him.
 
  “You really want me along?  Sure, I’d love to come.”  I saw the first genuine smile from my little brother since I had gotten home and it was a pleasure to see.  “All right, you go tell Pa you’re coming with us and then we’ll go.”
 
  Little Joe was back in a few minutes and said, “It’s all right with Pa if I go.  Hop Sing is packing us some food before he goes to town for supplies, in case we want to stay out past lunch time.”
  
 Hop Sing came out shortly with our lunch, mumbling as usual.  “No time to make food for lazy sons going riding all day.  Hop Sing going to town to get supplies and visit number three cousin.  Now late.  Here, take food.”
  
 I took the food from Hop Sing and all three of us thanked him.  He mumbled some more as he walked away, but he knew we all appreciated what he had done.  He wasn’t really upset. After all, according to Joe it was Hop Sing who insisted on making the lunch for us.  We all knew he didn’t want his boys going hungry.  

    We toured the ranch for a couple of hours.  I was amazed at how much my younger brother, Hoss knew about the running of the ranch.  Even though he is only sixteen years old, all of the ranch hands we came across while visiting the various ranch operations seemed to have a respect for him.  Several of them told me what a hard worker he is and that he pitches in and does any job that needs doing without complaint.  
  
 As the afternoon progressed and Joe became a little more relaxed with me, I observed that he was still the same rambunctious, free spirit he had been four years ago.  Did he ever walk his pony?  For that matter, did he himself ever walk?  The energy of the kid!  It was never ending.  When I called out for him to slow down and wait for Hoss and myself, I discovered that he still had the same stubborn, argumentative nature he had possessed all those years ago.
  
 “No way, Adam,”  he yelled back at me.  “I always ride this way, don’t I, Hoss?”  And unless my eyes were playing tricks on me, he nudged his pony to go just a little bit faster, in a small show of defiance.
 
  I turned to Hoss.  “Does he really always ride that fast, Hoss?  I would think Pa wouldn’t allow that after the way Marie died.”
  
 “Oh, he does ride that way most of the time, Adam.  But he’s usually careful not to do it when Pa’s around, I’ve noticed. He’s been caught a couple of times and the consequences were none to pleasant, I gather.”
    
“Don’t you ever tell Pa what he’s doing, Hoss?”  I asked him.
    
“Me?  Nah, Adam, I ain’t no tattle tale. Besides, Little Joe’s a right good horseman.”
  
 “Still, Pa doesn’t want him to do it, so we should make sure he doesn’t.”
 
  I made a mental note to do something about Joe’s reckless behavior when I am around, too.  I already knew he wouldn’t like it, but the kid’s safety came first in my book.
 
  When we caught up to him a few minutes later and stopped to eat a bite, I told him what I thought of his daredevil riding and informed him that it stops now.  I was right, it didn’t go over well at all.
  
 “You can’t come back here and start telling me what to do, Adam,”  he said indignantly. “I’ve been getting along just fine without you bossing me around.”
  
 “Joe!”  Hoss intervened.  “You watch what you say to Adam.  He’s right and you know it.  How many times has Pa told you not to ride like that?”
 
  “Ah Hoss, don’t you start.  I’m a good rider, you said so lots of times. You never said nothing much about it till old Adam stuck his nose in,”  Joe whined.  
  
 I could tell that Joe still had Hoss wrapped around his little finger, just like always.  He immediately began to falter when Joe turned that innocent face towards him.
  
 “Yeah, Joe, you’re real good for a kid your age,”  Hoss answered.
  
 I couldn’t stand it.  “Hoss, stop letting the kid snow you.  You know you can’t allow him to get away with dangerous behavior.”  I turned back to Joe.  “You’re right, from what I saw, you’re a very good rider, but the way you were riding was dangerous and Pa doesn’t want you riding that way.  And if Pa doesn’t want you doing it, then you will not do it.  Do I make myself clear?”  
  
 I hated to sound so strict with Little Joe on my second day back, but I didn’t want to see him suffer the same fate as his mother.  If I had to let him consider me mean and unfair in order to keep him safe, then that was something I was willing to do.
 
  Joe stomped off to eat his lunch alone and pout.  It seemed that my intentions to build a better relationship with my youngest brother were off to a shaky start.        

    When we finally headed back towards the house a couple of hours later, the tension between Joe and myself had again eased a bit.  He was speaking politely to me again and he was keeping his pony at a reasonable pace.  He may not be overly fond of me right now, but at least he was riding safely.  It was a start.    
 
  As we entered the yard in front of the house, Hoss became uneasy.
  
 “Hold up a minute,”  He said as he held up his hand, stopping us, as he looked warily around.
  
 “What’s wrong, Hoss?”  I asked him.
    
“I’m not sure.  Something just doesn’t seem right,”  Hoss answered quietly.
    
After what I had seen today about how well Hoss knows the ranch, I was not about to doubt his instincts.  My brothers and I all climbed off of our horses.  Hoss and I withdrew our guns from their holsters. It had been four years since I had held a gun, but it still had the same feel in my hand as it had years ago.  I guess it’s one of those things you don’t forget. I only hoped my aim was still good if the need arose to use it.  I hadn’t had a chance to practice yet.
  
 “Joe, I want you to take the horses in the barn and stay in there with them until either Hoss or I come to get you,”  I told my youngest brother.
  
 Joe started to protest, “No, I want to come with you.”
  
 Hoss spoke up with authority this time, “Joe!  Do as Adam says.  I don’t want no argument from you.  Now go!”  I was pleased to see that Hoss could be forceful with Joe if the situation was serious enough.  Joe took the horses and went into the barn without any more discussion.
 
  “All right, Hoss, Joe’s in the barn.  What’s up?”  I asked.
 
   “I can’t put my finger on it,”  he answered quietly.  “Something is out of place.  It just doesn’t feel right.”  
 
  He looked around a moment longer and then said, “I got it.  Look on the porch, Adam.  The rocker is overturned.  And look at the wagon.  We’ve been here five minutes and Hop Sing hasn’t come out once to unload something off of it.  I don’t know how much you recall from before you went off to college, Adam, but Hop Sing does not leave the supplies sitting there. He always unloads them right away.”
 
  “You’re right, Hoss, I do remember that about Hop Sing.  Okay, let’s see what’s going on. I don’t see any horses around, so it looks like if someone were here, they’re gone now.  But we better be cautious.  You go around to the back door and I’ll go in the front.”
 
  Hoss nodded and started around the outskirts of the yard to get to the back of the house. It was an entrance that was seldom used, and I thought it would give Hoss an advantage if anyone who didn’t belong there, happened to still be in the house. I waited until I figured he had time to get to the back door and then I approached the front door.  I took a deep breath and then shoved the door open.  Hoss came through the back door at the same instant.  
    
The furniture was in disarray.  There was shattered glass everywhere from various knick- knacks.  We couldn’t hear a sound in the house.  It seemed obvious that whoever had caused the damage was long gone.
    
“Pa!  Are you here?”  Hoss shouted.  There was no reply.  We both walked further into the house and began looking for our father.  There was no sign of him anywhere.  My heart beat harder in my chest.  
  
 “Adam, look at this,”  Hoss called me over to Pa’s desk in the alcove.  When I saw what had caught his attention,  my heart nearly stopped.  There on the desk was a small puddle of blood. Hoss and I were both certain that the blood belonged to our father.
  
 We suddenly heard a small gasp of surprise and turned to see Joe standing there with his eyes riveted to the blood.  
  
 “Where’s Pa?”  he asked quietly.  “What happened in here?”  
 
  “We don’t know yet, Little Joe.  You were told to wait in the barn,”  I answered him.
 
   Of course, he became immediately defensive. “I wanted to check on Pa.  I figured if I didn’t hear any shots or anything by now, it was safe to come inside.  Where is he, Adam?” Joe asked me, with rising tension in his voice.
 
   I could tell that I needed much work on the way I spoke to a child.  It had been a while since I had been with such a young person on a day to day basis.    I softened my tone when I addressed him again.  “It’s all right, Joe.  I understand why you came inside. Try to calm down a little and we’ll see if we can figure out what happened and where Pa is, okay?”  
 
  He looked on the verge of tears.  Hoss stepped up and put an arm around him, which seemed to visibly calm him. “Little Joe?  Don’t you worry none. We are gonna find out what happened to Pa and bring him back home.  I promise.”   Hoss was rewarded with a slight smile and he gave Joe a small hug. I do envy his easy way with our young brother.
  
 I wanted to tell Hoss that he shouldn’t make a promise that he wasn’t sure he could keep, but I didn’t want to chance upsetting Joe again.  
  
 Suddenly, we heard a crashing sound coming from the direction of the kitchen.  
  
 “Hoss, you keep Joe here.  I’ll check it out.  I mean it this time, you two stay here,”  They both nodded and I again pulled my gun from its holster and then stealthily headed for the kitchen.  
  
 When I reached the corner leading to the kitchen, I took a deep breath, then rounded the corner quickly with my gun at the ready.  I carefully lowered the gun when I saw that the only person in the kitchen was Hop Sing.  He was tied hand and foot, with a gag in his mouth.  He had kicked over a stool, spilling the dishes resting on it, in order to get our attention.
  
 I hurriedly went over to Hop Sing and removed the gag from his mouth.  Hop Sing immediately started talking excitedly in his native tongue.
 
  I tried to stop him as I was untying his hands and feet.  “Hop Sing, slow down.  Try it again, in English please.  Now, what happened?  Do you know where Pa is?”
 
   Hop Sing took a breath to calm himself and then tried to explain.  “Vely bad men.  Shove way into house when Hop Sing unloading supplies.  Mr. Ben was at desk working on books. One man tie Hop Sing up while other two men go in to Mr. Ben.  Don’t know what happen in there, but bad men take Mr. Ben.  One man come back and tell Hop Sing to tell sons not to try to find father.  Said if they get away safe, they let father go in few days.  Hop Sing no trust them though. Look like vely bad men.”
 
  “Hop Sing, there’s blood on Pa’s desk.  Did you hear a shot?”  I asked him.
 
  “No, Hop Sing not hear any shot.  Hop Sing did see men go past window in kitchen door though. Men were almost dragging  Mr. Ben.  Something vely much wrong with him.  Afraid maybe he hurt vely bad,”  Hop Sing told me sadly.
 
  I knew my brothers would be getting worried by now, so I helped our friend and housekeeper to his feet and holding his arm, assisted him into the living room.
    
“Hop Sing!”  Joe shouted as we came into the room.  He rushed up to him and threw his arms around his waist.  “Are you okay?  Do you know where Pa is?  What happened?”
    
“Slow down, Little Joe.  Hop Sing all right.”  He patted the boy on the head and put an arm around his shoulder.  
    
I thought maybe I should send Joe out of the room before telling Hoss about Pa.  “Joe, why don’t you go in the kitchen and get Hop Sing a glass of water?”  I asked him.  
 
  Joe wasn’t easily fooled though. He stepped away from Hop Sing and faced me defiantly. “No way, Adam.  I know you’re just trying to get rid of me so you can talk about Pa.  Well, I wanna hear what happened to him, too.”
 
   Hoss spoke up on Joe’s behalf.  “Adam, I figure Joe has a right to know what’s going on. After all, it’s his pa too, that we’re talking about here.”
 
   I couldn’t fight the both of them, so I filled them in on what Hop Sing had told me in the kitchen.  
 
   “Now, we have some decisions to make,”  I told them.  “The men said not to try to follow after them and they would let Pa go when they get away.  Now, do we do that or do we go after them anyway?  Hop Sing said it looked like Pa might be badly hurt. Plus, he didn’t like the looks of them.  He doesn’t believe the men will let him go like they said.”    
 
  Hoss didn’t even have to think about it. “I say we go after them.  There’s no way they’re gonna let Pa go.”
 
  “I’m with Hoss, let’s get started right now.  Pa’s hurt and needs us,” Little Joe added vehemently.  
  
 “Hop Sing agree.  Sons must rescue father.”
  
 I added my vote, “That’s what I think, too. All right, let’s get ready as quickly as possible so we can pick up their trail before it gets cold.”    
  
 Hop Sing went to get some grub together for us, while Hoss and I chose a couple of rifles and some extra ammunition from the gun cabinet.  Little Joe went to get our bedrolls and jackets for us since we weren’t sure how long the rescue would take.  
 
  I was surprised when Joe came back with four bedrolls.  “Joe, we don’t need that many, Kid.  There are only two of us.”
 
  “Well, one is for Pa after you find him.  If he’s too far away, he’ll need one on the way back.  And the other one is for me.”
  
 There was no way I was taking a child Joe’s age on a mission of this sort.  “Joe, you are too young to go with us and that’s final.  You are staying here with Hop Sing.  Don’t even try to argue with me about this.”
 
   Joe turned to Hoss with the intention of appealing to him.  Hoss was on my side in this though.  “I’m sorry, Little Joe, but I agree with Adam this time.  It’s just too dadgum dangerous and you are too young.”
 
   Joe stomped his foot and said, “I’m going!  He’s my father, too. I want to help save him.”
 
   “Joe, we don’t have time to argue about this. Now, you are staying with Hop Sing. Not another word about it.  Do you understand me?”  I said with as much authority as I could.
 
  Hoss added, “Joe, Pa would have our hides ifn we was to take you with us on something like this. Now, you be good and do as Adam says, okay? We can find Pa a lot faster ifn we don’t have to worry about keeping you safe.”
  
 That last comment from Hoss seemed to stop Joe’s argument.  He crossed his arms and plopped down on the settee, pouting.
 
  When we were finally ready to leave, Joe followed us to the door.  He tugged on Hoss’ arm and beckoned him to bend down.  Hoss knelt next to our young brother and Joe said quietly, with tears in his eyes,  “Don’t forget what you promised, Hoss.  You said you would bring Pa home.”  
 
  Hoss took Joe in his arms for a hug good-bye and told him, “I remember, Little Brother. Don’t you worry. We’ll do our best.”
 
  “I know you will, Hoss. Be careful.  You too, Adam,” he said, turning to me.  
  
 “We will, Joe,”  I answered.  “You try not to worry too much.  And be sure to mind Hop Sing.”  
    
He nodded and Hoss and I stepped outside to begin the search for our father.

    The criminals left a trail that was rather obvious, even to someone as out of practice as myself, so it was quite easy for someone as good as Hoss to follow, at least for a while.  As young as he is, he seems to have a natural instinct for tracking. It did get a little more difficult the further along we got, but at least we were reasonably sure we going in the correct general direction.  
  
 We had been searching for several hours without coming upon the outlaws.  We grew more worried about our father’s fate with each passing hour.  
  
 Hoss began to get fidgety after a while.  
  
 “What’s the matter with you, Hoss?”  I finally asked him.
 
 “I ain’t rightly sure, Adam.  I just have this strange feeling we’re being watched or followed or something,”  he answered.
 
  “You think the outlaws sent someone to double back and make sure they weren’t followed?” I asked worriedly.  I realized that if the bandits knew they were being followed, Pa could be in even more danger.
  
 “I don’t know, Adam.  It’s just a feeling I have,”  Hoss said, while looking around nervously.  
  
We had no choice but to continue the way we were going.  However, after a short time, I began to have the same feeling as Hoss.  Someone was definitely watching us.  
  
 “Hoss, we need to find out who is following us.  I have an idea.  You keep going like you don’t suspect anything.  I’m going to veer off and circle around behind whoever it is.  If it’s one of the outlaws, we can at least stop him from reporting back that we are on our way.  If it’s just an innocent traveler, well, then we can put our minds at ease anyway.”
 
  “Good idea, Adam.  All right, let’s do it,”  Hoss answered.  Then in a purposely loud voice he said, “Okay Adam, I’ll keep following the trail.  You head on back to the ranch for reinforcements.”  He wanted to assure that our spy kept following him, instead of myself.
 
  I turned my horse and headed back in the direction of the ranch house, making sure I made a wide sweep around to come up behind whoever was following Hoss.  I went slowly and quietly so as not to spook our unwanted intruder.  After I figured I had gone back far enough to get behind the other rider, I turned and began going again in the same direction Hoss was.  I followed quietly for some time and at last saw movement up ahead.  I removed my gun from the holster and carefully drew closer to the other rider.  When I could at last see him a little better, I was surprised that I only saw a horse with no rider.  I dismounted and slowly crept closer to the spot where I had noticed the presence of the other horse. Suddenly I heard a rustling in the bushes and I took careful aim.
 
  My heart nearly dropped to my knees when out of the bushes stepped none other than my youngest brother, alongside his horse.
 
  “Joe!”  I shouted and was secretly glad to see that it looked like the kid’s heart dropped to his knees also.  I approached him yelling, “What the hell do you think you’re doing out here?  I could have killed you, Joe!”
 
He noticed my drawn gun, which I quickly replaced in its holster.
  
 “I...I...well, I’m sorry, Adam.  But I just couldn’t sit back at the house waiting and not knowing what is going on.  I wanna help you and Hoss find Pa.”
 
   I let out a loud long whistle to signal to Hoss that I had the matter under control and then turned back to Little Joe.  
 
   “You are just too young, Joe.  I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is. You could be putting Pa in more danger by coming with us, because now we have to keep part of our attention on you,”  I told him, with obvious frustration in my voice.  
 
  By this time, Hoss had made his way back to us.  He was as shocked as I had been to see Joe standing there.
  
 “Short Shanks, what in the world? What are you doing way out here?”  He asked.
  
 “I wanna help find Pa.  I won’t go back, so don’t even tell me to,”  Joe said with a touch of defiance.
  
 I hadn’t seen Hoss angry with Joe often in our lives, but he was angry now.  “Why you little....I oughta tan your hide myself.  Can’t you just do what you are told for once in your life?”
 
  “I’m sorry, Hoss, but I just had to come with you.  I had to,”  Joe said desperately.
  
 I was ready to tan the boy also, but there wasn’t much we could do about him being here now, except to take him with us.  It would waste too much valuable time taking him home and neither Hoss nor myself wanted him riding back all that way by himself.
 
  “Hoss, I guess we have no choice but to take him along with us.  But Little Joe, you have got to promise to do exactly as Hoss and I tell you, without question.  Do you understand me?”
  
 Joe looked up at me, the worry he felt about his pa evident on his young face, “I promise, Adam.  Don’t be mad at me, Hoss, I had to come.  I’ll mind what you both say, I really do promise.”
 
  Hoss, never one to stay upset with anyone, least of all Joe, accepted Joe’s promise, “All right, Joe, I’m gonna hold you to that promise, you know.  We better get moving.”
  
 We all mounted our horses again and as we started on our way, I remembered something and asked Joe, “What were you doing off your horse and walking around anyway?”
    
“Oh, that?  Well, I uh, had to go, uh, you know, Adam.”  
    
Hoss and I smiled at each other over his head and Hoss said, “Yeah, Joe, we know.  Come on, let’s see if we can find our Pa.”    

    After a couple more hours of searching, we were beginning to wonder if we would ever find the outlaws and Pa.  We had lost their trail numerous times, but Hoss always managed to pick it up again.  My middle brother really seemed to have quite a talent for tracking.
  
 At last Hoss gave an excited shout, “Adam! Joe!  I think we’ve finally found them.  Look, right up ahead about a quarter mile--do you see that smoke?”
    
Hoss was right, there was a thin wisp of smoke slowly rising into the sky.  The outlaws must have felt fairly certain that they weren’t being followed if they lit a campfire.  That fact could bode well for us and give us the element of surprise.  
  
 We rode a little closer to where we saw  the smoke, and dismounted from our horses.  Hoss and I each took a rifle and the extra ammunition we had brought with us. We tied the horses’ reins to a nearby bush and quietly began to climb up the rocks surrounding the outlaw’s campsite.  It was a hard climb, especially as it was fairly dark now.  Little Joe slipped and slid quite a few times, but I have to give the little guy credit--he never complained once.  He just kept climbing right along with Hoss and myself.  
 
 At last, we reached a point where we could hide safely behind the cover of rocks and yet still look down and see the campsite.  We all knelt down, observing the activity below.  
  
 “Do either of you see Pa?”  I asked my brothers.
  
 Suddenly Little Joe said excitedly, pointing below, “I see him!  There he is!”  
  
 I quickly grabbed Joe, putting my hand over his mouth as I did so.  “Shhhhh.  Joe, we can’t chance them hearing us up here.  You have to keep quiet.  Can you do that?”
  
 Joe nodded, so I took my hand from his mouth, but still kept him close in case he got excited again and forgot to whisper.  
  
 I looked where Joe had pointed and sure enough, there was Pa, near the campfire, sitting with his hands and feet tied. It was difficult to tell for sure by firelight but it looked like he had a bandanna tied around his forehead.  After the blood we had seen at his desk back at the ranch, we were relieved to see that the injury didn’t appear serious, at least not as far as we could tell from where we were sitting, although with the darkness of the night starting to descend, we couldn’t be sure.
  
 “He looks like he’s okay, don’t he, Adam?”  Joe whispered to me.
  
 “Yeah, Buddy, he does,”  I answered him, patting him on the arm.  
 
  “Adam?”  Hoss got my attention and I turned to him.  “What do we do now that we found them?”
 
  “Well, it’s getting pretty dark now, so I guess we should try to get some sleep. They aren’t likely going anywhere tonight and our chances of rescuing Pa may be better in daylight.  What do you think, Hoss?  Does that sound all right?”
 
  Hoss nodded his agreement.  We didn’t feel like climbing back down for the bedrolls in the dark, so we just hunkered down and got as comfortable as we could.  It was a fairly warm summer night anyway. Joe snuggled up close to Hoss and after a short prayer asking for God to watch over Pa and keep him safe, he was soon dozing.
    
    Hoss and I had slept fitfully that night, getting very little rest.  When we woke early in the morning, I felt stiff all over. I stretched and tried to get the kinks out of my muscles.  Finally, I crawled over to the opening in the rocks to see if there was any activity in the campsite.  One of the men was stoking the fire and then placed a coffee pot on it.  The other two seemed to be just waking up.  They were slowly emerging from their bedrolls. Pa’s chin was resting on his chest and it appeared he was still in an uncomfortable sleep.  
 
  “What’s goin’ on down there?”  Hoss asked me quietly.
 
   “They’re just waking up and getting some coffee going, looks like,”  I answered. “It may be a good time to make our move.”

    Little Joe woke up and stretched.  He looked confused about where he was for a moment but then I could see realization in his eyes as he remembered.  He sat up and looked around.

    I figured out what he was looking for and pointed towards a bush a few yards away.  He got up and walked behind it.      Hoss and I both went over and watched the activity in the campsite.  We each had our gun drawn, trying to calculate exactly when to make our presence known.  In the next instant, that decision was taken out of our hands and all hell broke loose.
 
  Little Joe came back from behind the bush and as he approached Hoss and myself, he suddenly tripped.  As he fell against the rocks we were hiding behind, his hand hit loose rocks and sent them cascading down toward the men below.  
 
  The nervous men below immediately pulled their guns and began firing at us.  
 
   “Get down, Joe!” Hoss shouted, as he grabbed the boy and shoved him behind a rock to safety.  We both began firing back at the men who were holding our father hostage, being careful with our aim so that we didn’t hit Pa.
    
The gunfight was short but brutal. Within minutes, all three outlaws were lying on the ground.  I hated that my brother Hoss had to kill men at such a young age, but it couldn’t be helped.  In order to save Pa, it had to be done and he handled the situation like a full grown man.  As the three of us started down the incline towards the campsite and Pa, one of the gunmen, right in front of our eyes, sat up slightly, aimed his gun at Pa, and pulled the trigger.  As Pa collapsed, Hoss and I both emptied our weapons into the man.  
 
  Poor Little Joe was screaming his lungs out at what he had just witnessed and started to run for Pa.  “Pa!” I grabbed him as he started past me and held him tightly.  
 
  “No, Joe.  Stay here, let me go check on Pa,”  I told him as he fought me and tried to get to Pa.
 
   “Let me go, Adam!  I need to get to Pa!”
 
   I knew that Pa being shot at that close range was bound to be bad, and I didn’t want my young brother seeing him in the condition he was probably in.  I had to stop him for his own good.  
  
 “Stop it, Joe. You stay here with Hoss while I see how Pa is.  Do this for me, Joe, please.” I held him close a moment and I could feel his body trembling.  “Joe, I need to check Pa now.  You go to Hoss, all right?”  Joe stopped fighting and I handed him over to Hoss, who also seemed to be trembling at the sight of what had happened to Pa.  
    
As Hoss held Little Joe close, I reached out and touched the child’s cheek, trying to offer him some little comfort.  His eyes met mine for just a moment and I could read the pleading in them, wanting me to reassure him that our father was going to be fine.  I could make no such promise until I saw Pa for myself though, so I turned and hurried to Pa’s side.
  
 I reached out a shaking hand and turned Pa onto his back.  He was so still.  I was terrified.  I put my hand on his throat and felt for a pulse.  I had trouble finding it at first and then, with immense relief, I felt it.  It was weak, but steady.  
  
 I called to my brothers, “He’s alive!  Hurry, get down here.”
 
  Both boys let out a yell of happiness and ran to join me by Pa’s side.  
 
   As they knelt next to Pa, I said, “His pulse is a little weak, but he is hanging on.  Let’s check the wound and see what we can do for him.  Then we will need to get him home as quickly as possible.”
 
   I ripped open his blood soaked shirt where the bullet had entered.  We all gasped as we saw the wound. It was in his lower left side and it looked bad, with a lot of bleeding.  I knew Pa’s pulse was weak and the pasty color of his skin told me we needed to work fast.
    
I issued orders.  “Joe, find a canteen so I can clean this out.  Hoss, find something we can use for bandages. Hurry!”
  
 Within moments, they had found the things I asked for. Joe handed me the canteen while Hoss was busy tearing a shirt he had found in a saddle bag, into strips.  
I poured water on the injury and washed away the blood, cleaning the wound as best I could. Then I took the makeshift bandages from Hoss and padded the wound, hoping that would help stop the bleeding. I then wrapped another strip of cloth around Pa’s body to hold it in place.  I laid Pa back carefully and tried to wake him up.     
  
 “Pa?  Can you hear me?  Come on, Pa, wake up.  We need you to open your eyes now,”  I said to him.  There wasn’t a sign that he heard me.
 
  Little Joe started trying then.  He knelt next to Pa and took his hand in his.  “Pa!  Please Pa, don’t leave us.  You have to wake up so we can get you home, so the doctor can look at you.”  Tears began falling from his eyes.  As he leaned over Pa, a couple of his tears fell on our father’s face.  
 
   Pa’s eyes began to flutter a little bit, so I told Joe, “It’s working, Joe.  Keep talking to him.  I think he’s coming to.”
 
  Joe continued to beg Pa to wake up and Hoss and I joined his pleas.  At last, Pa’s eyes opened and he looked up at us.  
 
  “What happened, Boys?  Where are we?”  he asked, while looking around, confused.
  
 “Don’t you remember, Pa?”  asked Hoss.  “Some men broke into the Ponderosa.  They stole the money from the safe and took you with them as a hostage.”
  
 Pa’s eyes cleared a little and he answered, “Oh yes.  I remember now.  Well, what happened here?  I remember a lot of shooting.”
  
 “It was all my fault, Pa,”  Joe sobbed. “You wouldn’t have been shot if it hadn’t been for me.  I’m so sorry.”
  
 I didn’t like seeing the kid so distressed.  Yes, he had tripped and that started the shooting, but he hadn’t meant to, and Hoss and I had been planning to try something along those lines anyway.  I had to try to ease his mind though.
  
 “Joe, it wasn’t your fault.  The only ones whose fault this is are laying over there.  If they hadn’t broken into our home and taken Pa with them, then none of this would have happened, so stop blaming yourself and lay the blame where it belongs,”  I told him.
 
  Pa spoke to him also. “Your brother’s right, Joe.  Listen to him.  It’s over now and I just want to get back home.”
 
  “That’s right, Little Brother, now why don’t cha come with me to get the horses so’s we can get Pa back home like he wants?”  Hoss spoke up.
 
  Joe looked at Pa with questioning eyes.  Pa nodded and Little Joe stood up and went with Hoss to retrieve the horses.  He still had his head down in a defeated manner, so I was afraid that he was still blaming himself, in spite of what Pa had told him.

    The boys brought the horses around to the campsite and we started preparing to get Pa home.  We had Pa lay still and relax while Hoss and I put the bodies of the outlaws next to each other and covered them with blankets.  We placed rocks on the edges of the blankets to hold them down.  There wasn’t time to bury them right now, we needed to get our father home.  Joe watered the horses belonging to the dead men, while I recovered the saddle bag holding the money the men had stolen from us.  Finally, we were ready to get Pa up on a horse.  He wasn’t strong enough to ride unassisted, so Hoss and I placed him on the front of my horse.  I climbed on behind the saddle and put my arms around him and took the reins.
  
 “All right, Hoss, you know what to do.  Ride into Virginia City as quickly as you can and send Dr. Martin to the ranch.  Then find Sheriff Coffee and send him out here to deal with these dead men.  Show him the way if you need to.  Now, hurry Hoss, but be careful,”  I told him.  I turned to my youngest brother. “Little Joe, let’s get Pa home.”

    We had to ride slowly in order to save Pa as much jostling as possible, but we were still making better time than we had getting to him.  At least this time, we knew where we were going and were able to take a shorter route back to the house. We stopped periodically to give Pa some water and to check his bleeding and rebandage if necessary.  He remained in a dozing state most of the time, which was probably a blessing for him, but worried Little Joe and myself.  
  
We were very relieved to finally reach the house and even more so when we saw Dr. Martin’s carriage parked in front.  At last Pa would receive the care he was desperately in need of.  We could only hope that it was coming in time.  
  
 Hoss, Dr. Martin, and Hop Sing came out when they heard our horses arrive in the yard. The four of us removed Pa from the horse as carefully as possible and carried him gently into the house.    The doctor instructed us to carry Pa all the way up to his room where, he could better work on him. Once we had him settled in his bed, Doc chased all of us out except for Hop Sing.      “Hoss, Adam, you wait downstairs while I examine your father and see what you can do to comfort your little brother.  He looks on the verge of shock and exhaustion.  Get some food into him and in yourselves as well,”  the doctor told us.  “I’ll let you know how Ben is as soon as I know something.”
 
  As Hoss and I descended the stairs, Little Joe came through the front door. The doctor was right, the kid looked bad. He had been through a terrible ordeal that had drained him.    “Where ya been, Little Brother?”  Hoss asked him.
 
  “Oh, I stabled all the horses like Adam told me to,”  he answered.  “How is Pa? Can I see him?”
    
Hoss walked over to him and ruffled his curls.  “Good job, Little Joe.  I can always count on you to take care of the horses, can’t I?”
  
 Joe looked up at Hoss with big questioning eyes, “You know you can, Hoss, but how is Pa?”
 
  “Doc is with him now, Joe, he’ll let us know as soon as he can,”  Hoss told him.
 
   I spoke up then, “That’s right, Little Joe, he’s in good hands, and while Doc takes care of him, he said he wants all of us to get something to eat.  So why don’t you come in the kitchen with me and we’ll see what we can rustle up, okay?”  
 
  He shook his head and leaned into Hoss.  “I’m not hungry, Adam.”
 
   I went over to my brothers and knelt down to Joe’s level. “Doc said he’s worried about you, Little Joe.  Now, you don’t want him having to worry about you when he should be taking care of Pa, do you?”  He shook his head. “All right then, won’t you come with me into the kitchen and help me get us something to eat?  You don’t have to eat much, Joe, but I need your help.  I haven’t been in Hop Sing’s kitchen in four years, so I don’t know where he keeps anything.  I bet you’re in there all the time.  Will you come help me?”  I thought that even if the boy wouldn’t eat much, at least we could get his mind focused elsewhere, if even for a short time.  I held my hand out to him and he slowly slipped his small hand into mine.  
 
  As we walked into the kitchen together, I felt good that my youngest brother had agreed to come with me and I trusted that once we got something cooked up, I could persuade him to eat a little bit. I want to build a brotherly relationship with Little Joe, much like the one Hoss has with him.  Perhaps him taking my hand and coming with me is the first step. Four years is a long time for a boy Joe’s age and I know I must be patient.    
    
    A short while later, I was sitting at the table with my brothers.  We had managed to put together a light meal of soup and sandwiches, and while none of us ate a lot, we did manage to take the edge off the hunger.  
  
 At last, Dr. Martin came downstairs with the news we had been anxious to hear.
  
 “Boys, I’ve got your father stabilized for the moment.  However, the bullet is still in his abdomen and I’m going to have to get it out.  His chances of making it through the surgery are quite good, he’s a strong, healthy man, as you all know.  I wanted to let you know what’s happening before I get started.  I’ll be back down just as soon as I finish getting the bullet out. Oh, and I’m happy to see that you boys took my advice and got something in your stomachs.  Everyone is going to need to be at their best in order to take turns taking care of Ben once I finish this operation.”  With that the doctor turned and went back upstairs to take care of Pa.
 
My brothers and I settled in the livingroom to await the doctor’s return with hopefully good news.  Hoss managed to get Joe involved in a game of checkers to try to get their minds off of what was going on upstairs.   I could tell neither of them had their heart in the game though, they just went through the motions.  I was doing the same thing with the book I was holding.  I had read the same page three times and still had no idea what it was about.  

    Finally, after a couple of hours, Dr. Martin again came downstairs.  Hoss was gently snoring on the settee.  Little Joe was stretched out, sleeping with his head on Hoss’ leg.  Both boys must have been in a light sleep, because they opened their eyes and sat up the moment the doctor cleared his throat to speak.  We all stood up and went to surround the doctor and hear his report on our father.
  
 “Well, boys,”  he started.  “Your father made it through the surgery just fine.  However, there was a little more damage than I anticipated.  That’s what took so long.  There was some bleeding inside and I had to do a little more sewing than I figured on.  I have it all under control now. Barring infection, and with a couple of weeks rest in bed, I expect him to make a full recovery.”
 
  We all breathed a sigh of relief at this news.  
 
  “Thanks, Doc,”  I said, shaking his hand.  “You don’t know how much we appreciate all you’ve done.”
 
   “Adam, I’ve known this family since before Little Joe was born, I know just how much this news means to you.  It means a lot to me, too.  Your Pa is one of my oldest friends.  Now, if I could get a cup of coffee and then a bed, I think I’ll get some sleep.  I want to spend the night so that I can check on Ben from time to time.”
 
   “I’ll get you that coffee, Doc,”  said Hoss.  “And you know where the guest room is whenever you’re ready for bed.”
 
   “That I do, Hoss, that I do,”  Doc said.  Then he noticed Little Joe sound asleep on the settee.  The boy had obviously succumbed to the exhaustion he was feeling, after hearing that Pa would be all right. “Hoss, show me to that coffee and then, I suggest someone take the little guy to bed for some much needed rest.  If you don’t mind, Adam, I told Hop Sing I would send you up to take first watch with your father.  Hop Sing needs to get some rest after assisting me with the operation.”
 
  “I don’t mind at all.  To tell the truth, I’ll feel better if I can watch Pa for a while anyway.  Hoss, as soon as you get Doc settled, you get some rest, too,”  I answered, then I picked up Little Joe and carried him upstairs and put him in his bed.  The boy never moved once I laid him down.  I couldn’t resist reaching out and touching his curls on the side of his head, the way I had seen Pa do a thousand times over the years.  I wasn’t sure he would allow me to do such a thing when awake, so I took advantage of his restful state to do it.  
 
  He turned slightly into my hand and I heard him whisper, “Pa”.  I was relieved that he would still have his pa with him after the fear we had of losing him this day.  I was relieved that we all would still have him with us.

    Hoss, Hop Sing, and I all took turns sitting with Pa around the clock over the next couple of days.  Luckily, infection didn’t set in and he was awake more and more often.  He was still very ill, but was making progress each day.  Little Joe was allowed in for short visits, which were good for him and Pa both.  
  
 On the third day after the surgery, I was sitting with Pa when my brothers came in.  As soon as Joe saw Pa sitting up in bed and actively carrying on a conversation, he made a dash for the bed and would have landed right on Pa if Hoss hadn’t had good reflexes and grabbed the boy as he launched himself at Pa.
 
  “Whoa!  Hold on there, Short Shanks.  Pa may be up and talking, but ya still can’t go jumping on him,”  Hoss told him.
 
  Joe looked so disappointed that I had to tell him, “Hey, Kid, you can’t jump on Pa, but I imagine it would be okay if you went on over and sat next to him on his bed, provided you do it carefully.  Don’t you think so, Pa?”  
 
   Pa patted the bed and said, “I think that’ll be just fine. In fact, I would enjoy it. Come on, Joe, sit with me for a while.”
 
   Joe carefully sat down as close as he could to Pa without hurting him, looking very pleased.  
 
   Pa decided it was time to take charge and lay down the law to all of us. “Well, boys, I think it’s time you got down to the business of running this ranch, don’t you? You have been sitting around with me long enough.  Adam, you get to work on the books and make sure the men are doing their jobs. Hoss, I’m sure you have plenty of work to do, too.  Little Joe, have you been doing your chores?”
  
 “Well, no, I reckon I might be a little behind on them, Pa,”  he answered.
  
 “All right then, I suggest you get them caught up. Adam will be in charge until I am on my feet again, so I want you to mind what he tells you, understand Joseph?”
  
 “Aw, Pa!  I gotta listen to Adam?  He’s been gone a long time, he probably doesn’t even know what to do anymore.  And remember the last time he was in charge of me?  Seems to me I had to run away cause he was so mean!”  Joe whined to Pa.
  
 “You still remember that, Little Joe?”  asked Hoss.  “Why that was way back before Adam went off to college.  You weren’t but six years old.”
  
 Pa spoke up then, “As I recall, Joseph, Adam was mean because you behaved so badly that week.  Does that ring a bell with you?”
 
  “Um, I don’t seem to remember that part so well, Pa,”  the kid hedged.  “But Pa, what if Adam is mean again, like before?”
  
 “That won’t be a problem, Joseph, because you are going to behave yourself this time.  And don’t forget, I will be right upstairs, in case your behavior does become a problem.  Got it?”  Pa stated firmly.
    
“Got it, Pa.”  He still didn’t look too happy at the prospect of me being in charge though.  Well, I have to admit, I didn’t blame him.  I had been rather tough on him the last time.  But heck, I was a kid myself then.  Hopefully, I would be a little more mature now and better able to handle one little boy.  As much as I hated the fact that Pa had been hurt, I thought maybe this would be the opportunity I had been looking for to get closer to my youngest brother.  

    The next couple of days went fairly smoothly, considering the fact that I hadn’t done ranch work in years.  Everything I used to know about running the Ponderosa was quickly coming back to me.  Hoss was a big help with the general questions I had about the workings of the ranch and Pa was right upstairs, willing to answer any questions I may have about the book keeping aspect.     Little Joe was surprisingly well behaved the first day or two.  However, he was getting more relaxed with me now, and starting to fight my authority just a bit.  I was determined to keep my composure and not loose my temper with him.  I did not want to make the same mistakes I had made a few years ago when taking care of him.  
 
  It started out with small things--he would do an assigned chore, but only with a minimum of effort, then he started to forget to do a chore all together.  I would calmly remind him of it and he would do it, granted, grumbling about it, but doing it nevertheless.  Then after a couple of days of that, he started completely ignoring any assignment I gave him.  When reminded of it now, he would become outright belligerent with me and refuse to do it.  

    His favorite line was, “You aren’t my boss and I don’t have to do what you say!”
 
   I think he knew fully well that I didn’t want to bother Pa with his behavior while he was still recovering from his injury, so he was taking full advantage of that fact.  Well, he was right, I didn’t want to involve Pa in his behavior, but there was another adult in the family who had known Joe since he was a child and I decided to ask for his advice.
 
   I walked into the kitchen and found Hop Sing busily working as always.  “Hop Sing, can I speak with you a minute?  I have a problem you may be able to help me with.”
  
 “Hop Sing always ready to listen and help, if able.  What number one son need?”
  
   I explained the situation to the man who had helped raise my little brother.  I told him how the kid was walking all over me and refusing to obey.
  
 “I don’t know what to do, Hop Sing, I don’t want to bother Pa with this and Joe knows it.  Pa doesn’t need to worry about anything, except getting well again.  I don’t want to be as strict with the kid as I was before leaving for college.  If you recall, that made him run away from home back then, but I also cannot allow him to keep blatantly disregarding what I tell him.  I haven’t been home even a week, and I don’t want to make the boy dislike me by being strict with him. Any ideas,  Hop Sing?”
  
 Hop Sing thought for a few moments before answering me.  Finally, he said, “Problem not so hard to solve. When you were young man, taking care of little boy, you too strict and tough with boy.  You punish him harshly then, too much for six year old. Now, you let boy do what he want and not stop him.  No discipline at all.  Let boy walk on you.  Number one son must find medium place.  Not hit and punish too harshly, but not let get away with everything either.  Little Joe not know it, but he need discipline. Usually that is father’s job, but right now--your job.  Find happy medium.”  With that, Hop Sing returned to his kitchen chores and left me to contemplate his advice.  
 
  “Thanks, Hop Sing,”  I said to the wise housekeeper and then I left him to his work.

    I thought about what Hop Sing had told me.  It was such simple advice, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.  He was right, I was letting Little Joe misbehave with no consequences given for it.  I must take him in hand without going overboard and without alienating him from me for good.
 
  When Little Joe came inside the house that evening, I was ready for him.  I greeted him at the door and said, “Hi, Joe, did you have a good day?”
 
  He looked a little surprised that I had asked, but he replied, “Yeah, Adam, it was fine.”
    
 “So, did you get all your chores finished?”  I asked.
    
He avoided my eyes and shrugged, “Sort of, I guess.”
    
“Well, if you’re not sure, I guess you need to go back and try a little harder to get them done, don’t you think?”
    
 He attempted to walk around me while saying, “They’re good enough, Adam.  I’m gonna get cleaned up for supper and then I’m gonna go see Pa.”
 
  I reached out and took his arm, stopping his retreat.  “Not yet you’re not, Joe.  You are going to finish your chores and you’re going to do them right.”
 
  “You are not the boss of me, Adam!”  He shouted, for what was probably the twentieth time that week.
 
  “Yes, I am the boss of you, at least until Pa gets better, I am.  Now, you are going back out to do your work,”  I could feel myself getting angry so I tried softening my words.  “But, I’ll tell you what.  I’ll go with you and give you a hand this time. All right?”
  
 He looked at me in surprise, but nodded his head.  We went back out, and working together, got his chores caught up in no time.
  
 When we came back inside, he was in a much more cheerful mood.  He went upstairs to clean up and to stop in Pa’s room for a quick visit before supper.  

    Of course, it would have been optimistic for me to think Joe’s behavior would change for the better from that one incident.  He was back to his same tricks the next day.  I went out to check on him and found Hop Sing collecting the eggs, a job that was supposed to be my little brother’s.
  
 “Hop Sing, why are you doing Little Joe’s job for him?”  I asked.
  
 “Hop Sing need eggs, little boy no do work, so I get eggs myself,”  he answered.
  
 “Joe skipped his chores again?”  I asked, surprised.  “I thought we straightened that problem out last night.”
 
  Hop Sing gave me a knowing look and said, “You think boy’s behavior change in one night?  Oldest son been away from children a long time.  No, you must be consistent with Little Joe.  Show him who in charge.  Be firm, but not harsh.”
 
  Hop Sing had been helping to raise my little brother for a long time, so I took his advice to heart.  I went off in search of Little Joe and found him behind the house playing.
 
  The kid just about jumped out of his skin when I called him.  “Little Joe!  Get over here!”
 
  He slowly walked over to me.  I honestly think he was trying to see how far he could push me by being as slow as possible.  “Yeah?”  he said, with a touch of attitude.
 
   “Your chores aren’t finished.  Hop Sing was even doing some of them for you. Now get to them.”
 
   “I’ll get to them later,”  he said and then started to walk away.
 
  I grabbed his arm to stop him and said, “You’ll do them now.”  I was careful to keep my tone firm without raising my voice, but it wasn’t easy.  
 
  He tried to jerk his arm out of my hand in a gesture of defiance, but I didn’t turn him loose. Instead, I pulled him around and sent him in the direction of the barn, with one firm swat to his backside.  
  
 “Hey!  You can’t spank me!  I’ll tell Pa!”  he hollered.
  
 “I didn’t spank you, I swatted you and I can do that, if you will remember. And if you would like to discuss this with Pa, then come on, let’s go see him right now,”  I decided to call his bluff on that one.
 
   It only took him a moment to think about that.  Then he headed to the barn to do his neglected chores.      This routine went on for the next few days.  Joe would try to skip his chores and I would find him and make sure he did them.  As the days went by though, I noticed that he was doing more of his chores each day without me hunting him down.  By the end of the first week of Pa’s convalescence, he was finally doing his assigned work without needing reminded.  I had started adding an extra chore each time he forgot one and that quickly changed his ways. It had taken extra work on my part, always having to make him do what was required of him, but it had been worth it if it got him obeying me without a major fight.  
    
I watched Joe come in with Hoss at supper time on the last day of that first week.  They were laughing and playfully punching each other.  I now had Joe’s obedience most of the time, although he still argued sometimes, that would probably never change.  What I wanted now was Joe’s affection, the easy camaraderie he shared with Hoss.  I knew it couldn’t be exactly the same as what he and Hoss shared or what Hoss and I shared.  The age difference was too much to allow that, but I did want a closeness with the boy.  Well, I had been home less than two weeks, and I did have him basically minding me now, maybe the rest would come in time.

    Later that evening, I went upstairs for my nightly talk with Pa, just as I did every evening. Pa enjoyed being kept abreast of what was going on with the ranch, as well as with my brothers and myself, and I enjoyed the time alone with him.  Of course, we all visited him several times during the day also, but this time with just Pa and me was special. I always had one last visit after the boys went to bed. Little Joe had been sent to bed quite some time ago and Hoss had gone up a while back, too.

    I was surprised when I went up and found Little Joe snuggled next to Pa.  My father was reading a book while Joe dozed with his head on his shoulder.  Pa looked like he was having a little bit of difficulty holding the book while one arm was around Little Joe.
  
 “Pa, I’m sorry, I didn’t know he was up here.  I sent him to bed a long time ago,”  I told him.  “Here, I’ll take him to bed for you.”  
 
  I started to pick Joe up, but Pa stopped me.  “It’s all right, Adam.  Joe does this every night.  He usually doesn’t fall asleep like this, but he always talks with me and gets a hug before going to bed.  Let him stay for a while.  You can put him to bed when you go.”
  
 “All right, Pa, as long as he isn’t making you uncomfortable,”  I told him.
  
 Pa looked down at him for a second and said, “None of my sons has ever made me uncomfortable by resting on me.  You used to do this, too, once in a while, you know.  Of course, you had stopped by the time you were around six or seven.  You grew up so fast, Son.  I was always sorry about all of the responsibility you were forced to accept at such a young age.  You came through for me back then and you are doing the same thing now.  I’m sorry you had to take over running the ranch and watching your brothers so soon after coming home.  You’re doing a fine job though.”
 
  “It’s certainly not your fault, Pa.  It’s not like you wanted to be kidnapped and shot.  Taking all of this on has forced me to get right back into the operation of the Ponderosa though. Hoss is a big help and we’ve gotten very close in the last couple of weeks, just like we used to be. So that part has been good.  I am sorry you got hurt though.  But then, that has given you and I a chance to have a lot of heart to heart talks each evening, too”
 
   Pa didn’t miss much.  He grabbed right onto something I had mentioned. “So, you said you and Hoss have become as close as you ever were.  What about this little guy here?”  he asked, indicating my sleeping brother. “Are the two of you getting along all right?”
 
  I thought for a few moments.  I wasn’t sure how much to reveal of my feelings about wanting to be close to Joe.  Finally, I answered, “Well, I’m trying, Pa.  You don’t know how much I want to be close to him.  He just won’t let me in.  I know it isn’t his fault. He’s just a young boy. How much does he remember from before I left?  I’m practically a stranger to him and then this happens to you, and I’m suddenly having to boss him around, see to it he does his chores and eats properly, all of that.  I’m sure he resents it, and me.”
  
 “He’s been giving you a hard time, Son?  Tell me if he is and I will put a stop to it first thing in the morning.”
  
 I didn’t want to get him in trouble, especially since he was pretty much obeying me now. “No, Pa, he isn’t giving me a hard time.  He’s doing his work really well and minding what I say.” It really wasn’t a lie, he was obeying me now. I just saw no need to mention the rocky start we had in the beginning.  If he got into trouble with Pa over it, he was sure to resent me even more. Besides, Hoss wasn’t the only one who wasn’t a tattle tale.
 
  Pa looked thoughtful.  It was surprising how well he could still read me, even after four years apart.  He knew something was still bothering me.  “All right, Adam, he isn’t misbehaving for you.  I’m not entirely sure that’s true, you forget how well I know this boy, but if you say things are fine, I’ll take your word for it.  What is the problem then?”
 
  “It’s just what I was telling you, Pa.  I want to be close to Joe.  I see the way he is with you and Hoss, and even Hop Sing.  And when he was a little guy, he was close to me, too.  I want that back.  The only thing Joe seems to remember about me really well, is that last summer before I left.  Remember when I watched him and Hoss for a week while you went away on business?  And I ended up spanking him and he ran away?  Well, that is his most vivid memory of me.  Now, I admit that I was too rough on him way back then.  I am trying not to make that mistake now.  But on the other hand, I can’t let him walk all over me and get away with misbehavior.  I love this kid way too much to let him get out of control, just like you do, Pa.  I just wish he could understand why I am tough on him.  He has so much potential and I want him to grow into the wonderful man I know he will be one day.  I know I come across as gruff and uncaring sometimes.  If I could show my feelings the way Hoss and you can, maybe it would be different.  That just doesn’t come as naturally to me, but it doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there, you know?”
 
  Pa looked at me with understanding, “I know, Adam.  I’ve always known how much you care.  Hoss does, too. Joe is just more demonstrative with his affection and I suppose he takes it as unfeeling when you have trouble showing your love with hugs and affection. Your brother does love you though, Adam, never doubt that.  It will take a little longer for him to feel close to you again though. Give it time.”
  
 “You’re right, Pa.  I do need to give it time.  I haven’t even been home two weeks yet. And now, it’s getting late and you need your rest, so I’m going to put this little guy to bed so you can do just that.”  I walked over and picked Little Joe up from Pa’s bed.  “Thanks for the talk, Pa.  You were a big help.  I feel better now. Good night.”
  
 “Good night, Adam.”
 
   I carried Joe into his bedroom and put him in his bed.  Luckily he was already in his night shirt.  I wasn’t sure if I could still change him into his night clothes without waking him up, the way I could when he was younger.  
 
   I was pulling the blanket up to his chin when he whispered to me, “Do you really love me, Adam?  You’re tough on me because you care about me?  For real?”
 
   I looked at him in surprise, “Little Joe Cartwright, are you telling me you were awake during the entire talk Pa and I were having?  Why didn’t you say something?”
 
  “I didn’t want to interrupt you.  That would have been rude.  Wouldn’t it, Adam?”
 
  I think I was secretly happy he had heard the conversation.  At least now he was aware of feelings I couldn’t tell him about.  “Yes, Little Joe, that would have been rude, I suppose.”
 
  “I knew it.  So, is it true, Adam?  You didn’t answer me.” He seemed to be anxiously awaiting my answer.
 
   I looked him in the eye and quietly said, “Yes, Little Brother, it’s true.”
 
   I turned down his lamp and started to leave the room.
 
   “Adam?”  he stopped me.  “I love you, too.”
 
   I walked back to his bed and gently ruffled his curls, as I sat down beside him.  He threw his arms impulsively around my neck and we shared our first genuinely heartfelt hug since I had been home.  It felt nice.  Maybe this hugging thing wasn’t so bad after all.
 
  "Oh, and Adam?  Thanks for not telling Pa how bad I was about doing my chores at first,"  he whispered gratefully.
     
   "You're welcome, Joe,”  I whispered back.
 
  As I left his room,  I had a feeling things would be better between us from now on.  I wasn’t fooling myself that we wouldn’t still have problems.  The age difference and our personality differences were just too great not to have some difficulties over the coming years.  But at least now, we both were assured of our love for each other, and that was a start, a good start.


The End
July 2002

Thanks for the title, Terri!   


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