LITTLE JOE AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY

BY LORI HENRY

January 28, 2002

This story is inspired by and based on the children=s story by Judith Viorst entitled Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Six-year-old Little Joe Cartwright yawned and stretched his small arms and legs, savoring the last few minutes in his comfortable bed before getting up and beginning his morning chores. The warm sun streaming through the window felt good on his bare legs and feet. Joe pushed himself up into a sitting position then reached over to retrieve his beloved teddy bear, Bo, who had somehow managed to creep over to the other side of his double bed. He pulled the teddy bear close to his chest, gave it a squeeze and a kiss then placed it on his pillow. To his surprise, when he tried to release the toy, he found his hand was firmly stuck to the bear.

AHuh?@ thought Little Joe.

Grinning, Joe shook his hand until the weight of the teddy bear and the shaking motion liberated the stuffed animal from his sticky hand. Childish laughter filled the room as Joe watched Bo fly through the air and bounce into a corner. Little Joe shifted his attention from the bear to his hand, wondering why it was so sticky. Sugar-coated red stripes and fragmented pieces of peppermint stick as well as a few dark brown curly hairs clung to his palm. Suddenly, Joe remembered sucking on a peppermint stick before falling asleep last night. AOh, no....,@ whispered Joe. AI fell asleep holding the candy.@

Joe leaped out of bed, tripped on his toy train, and landed face first on the hardwood floor, the impact causing an explosion of pain in his knee and chin. Holding back the urge to cry, Joe quickly jumped to his feet and climbed up onto the stool Adam made for him so he could see his reflection in the mirror above his washbasin. The image that greeted his large green eyes brought forth a woeful wail, for firmly tangled and stuck in his brown wavy curls were bits and pieces of broken peppermint stick.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he choked back the sobs that threatened to consume him.

AWhat am I gonna do? Pa=s gonna be awful mad,@ said Joe to his reflection as he frantically tried to dislodge the candy from his hair. Joe pulled and pulled on the sticky candy to no avail. Each frenzied tug and yank resulted in a burst of painful protest from his tender scalp. Frustrated and defeated, he retrieved his pocketknife from the dresser and began cutting the candy out of his hair. Soon, a pile of wavy sugar-coated locks littered the floor around the stool. Joe scowled at his image then shrugged. AGuess this will have to do.@

Joe turned to his teddy bear Bo and asked, AI don=t think anyone will notice the difference, do you?@

Bo prudently remained silent while Little Joe quickly dressed then jerked the blankets up to hide the sticky mess on his sheets. Little Joe could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

Gently easing open his door so not to make a sound, Joe peeked out into the empty hallway then turned to Bo, who was still lying on the floor and said, AI hope I can sneak downstairs and get my hat before Pa or my brothers see my hair.@

Little Joe took a deep breath, then like a bronco exploding out of the shoot, he launched himself into the hallway. In his rush to get out of the house, he narrowly missed crashing into his twelve-year-old brother Hoss as he was coming out of his room.

Hoss leaped backward and cried, AWhoa there, little buddy! Slow down!@

ASorry, Hoss,@ yelled Joe as he zipped around the corner then bounded down the stairs. He stopped briefly at the front door to grab his hat off the credenza, slam it onto his head then dash outside. Joe heard his father=s deep baritone voice coming from the barn so he squeezed between the rails on the corral and ran behind the barn to get to the chicken coop. It was his job to collect the eggs each morning before breakfast. Due to the problem with the candy stuck in his hair, Joe was going to be late this morning bringing the eggs to Hop Sing, therefore delaying breakfast. He hoped Hop Sing and his pa wouldn=t be too mad. Joe picked up the basket outside the coop then paused before opening the door. There was one particular chicken that he swore hated him. He had tried numerous times to tell his father and brothers about the evil chicken but nobody believed him. Each time he complained about the vile bird attacking him, his brothers would laugh at him and tease him unmercifully for days.

The devil chicken was nowhere in sight. Joe cautiously opened the latch and stepped inside. He knew the chicken had to be somewhere in the coop. Probably lying in wait for me, thought Little Joe. His heart pounding in his small chest, Joe tossed out a few handfuls of feed for the birds then quickly collected the eggs from the empty nests. Joe was reaching into the last nest when out of the corner of his eye he spotted one shiny beady chicken eyeball staring at him from the shadows. Joe swore he heard an evil cackle come from the bird before it launched itself at him in a frenzy of flapping wings and angry squawks. Joe raised his arms to protect his face and staggered backwards. He cried out for help as he swung the full basket of eggs at the enraged chicken. He managed to hit the bird once before it scurried into the shadows beneath the hen house. Adam and Hoss both heard their little brother=s cry for help and came running. Adam arrived first, his gun gripped tightly in his fist. His brown eyes were hard and set, his lean body slightly tensed for the unknown. AWhat happened, Joe. Are you alright?@ asked Adam, circling the chicken coop while scanning the area for any danger.

AI=m alright now, Adam,@ replied Joe, feeling a bit foolish.

Hoss arrived just as Adam was sliding his gun back into his holster. Hoss=s eyes widened and a smile began to take shape on his face when he saw all the broken eggs on the ground. AHey, Adam...I think I know what happened.@

Adam turned around and took a long look at his little brother. Joe stood in the middle of the chicken coop surrounded by broken eggs. Adam covered his eyes with one hand and shook his head. ANot again, Joe! Pa is going to be hopping mad when he sees what you=ve done.@

ABut Adam....,@ cried Little Joe. AThe devil chicken....it attacked me!@

ANot the enraged chicken story again! You better stop making up stories or Pa=s gonna tan your hide! When he sees all these broken eggs, your devil chicken is going to seem like a saint!@

Little Joe stomped his foot and glared at Hoss who was rolling on the ground howling with laughter. Tears sliding down his cheeks, Joe hollered, AStop laughing at me, Hoss!@

Feeling sorry for his little brother, Adam said, AQuit laughing Hoss and let=s give Joe a hand cleaning up this mess before Pa sees it.@

Joe sniffled, wiped his tears away with his sleeve and asked, AWhat are we going to tell Pa when I come back without any eggs?@

AYOU,@ said Adam, placing emphasis on the word You Aare going to tell Pa the truth!@

Joe hung his head and kicked at the gooey egg-coated dirt. AHe=s gonna be awful mad at me.@

Adam kneeled down and gently took hold of Joe=s arms. AYou should have thought about that before you decided it would be fun to break all the eggs.@

Joe=s eyes flashed angrily. AI didn=t break the eggs on purpose! The devil chicken attacked me! I was scared. The eggs fell out and broke when I hit the chicken with the basket.@

Exasperated, Adam rolled his eyes and heaved a big sigh. AWhich chicken tried to hurt you, Joe?@

Little Joe looked around then pointed at a large black hen clucking contentedly in the corner. AThat=s it, right there!@

Hoss picked up the complacent bird, winked at Adam, then abruptly thrust the chicken into Joe=s face and yelled, AIs this the bird that attacked you?@

Joe shrieked and jumped behind Adam. AYeah, that=s the one,@ said Joe, peeking out from behind his big brother=s legs. ALet=s tell Hop Sing that we want to eat it for dinner tonight!@

AThat=s a great idea,@ laughed Hoss. AI=ve got a hankering for some of Hop Sing=s chicken and dumplings.@

Adam smiled at Joe and said, AWe=d better hurry and clean up this mess and get back to the house before Pa comes looking for us; wondering why we=re late for breakfast.@

The three Cartwright boys quickly cleaned up the mess then slipped in through the kitchen door. Little Joe explained to Hop Sing the incident with the chicken and offered an apology for breaking the eggs. Feeling sorry for Little Joe, Hop Sing quickly joined the trio as an accomplice to the Aenraged chicken@ incident. Joe thanked Hop Sing then quickly washed his hands and joined his two brothers in the dining room.

Ben Cartwright, the patriarch of the Cartwright clan, lowered his newspaper and frowned at his three errant sons. AGlad the three of you decided to join me for breakfast,@ said Ben, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

ASorry, Pa,@ said Adam. AWe had a little problem this morning......but its all taken care of now.@

Still frowning, Ben nodded then turned his attention from his oldest son to his youngest son, who was still wearing his hat.

AJoseph? Why are you still wearing your hat? A gentleman does not wear his hat at the table. Please take it off right now.@

Joe glanced at his pa and two brothers who were waiting for an explanation. Embarrassed to let his family see the mess he had made of his hair, Joe lowered his head so his pa couldn=t see his eyes then slunk down in his chair until only his hat could be seen. Right at that moment, Joe wished he could make himself invisible or at the very least, a large hole would open under the table and swallow him up.

Curious, Ben asked Adam and Hoss if they knew what was wrong with their little brother. Both boys shrugged then leaned forward, ready for a good story.

Annoyed by Joe=s silence, Ben issued the youngster an ultimatum. AJoseph, if you don=t remove your hat this instant, I will do it for you! And sit up straight!@

Little Joe knew his father meant what he said so he slowly wiggled and squirmed until he pushed himself upright in the chair. He swallowed hard, steeling himself for the teasing he knew he was about to receive and whipped off his hat.

Hoss, who was right in the middle of chewing some food when he saw Joe=s hair, suddenly spewed blueberry pancakes across the table. Adam=s reaction was a bit more subtle, he clamped his hand over his mouth in an futile effort to stifle the side-splitting laughter that threatened to explode from his lips.

Loud guffaws and shrieks of laughter filled the dining room. Totally at a loss for words, Ben just rubbed his jaw and shook his head.

AWhat happened, Joe?@ called Hoss through spasms of laughter, ASomeone try to scalp you in your sleep last night?@

Not to be left out, Adam added, AIt looks like Joe stuck his head in a thresher.@

Ben=s efforts to present a stern, disapproving facade failed miserably. Although he didn=t approve of the teasing, he found it extremely difficult to keep a straight face. The sight of Joe=s bizarre haircut and Adam and Hoss=s contagious laughter broke down his composure and soon he was laughing hysterically alongside his two oldest sons.

Curious at to what was so funny, Hop Sing entered the dining room. AWhat so funny, Mr. Cartwright?@

At first Hop Sing couldn=t locate the source of the Cartwright=s mirth until his eyes settled on Little Joe. Hop Sing smiled at the red-faced youth then added his voice to the gleeful chorus.

ANot you too, Hop Sing,@ moaned Little Joe, shaking his head.

ALittow Joe look like lop-sided porcupine,@ remarked Hop Sing between bursts of laughter.

Little Joe had all he could take. First the problem with the candy stuck in his hair then the attack by the enraged chicken, and now this. His eyes flashed angrily as he jumped to his feet and yelled, AStop laughing at me!@

His brothers laughing at him was bad enough but to have his own father laughing at him was even worse. Ben could see Joe had had enough ribbing so with only a look, he expertly silenced Adam and Hoss. Satisfied there would be no more laughter, Ben looked at Joe and asked, AWould you please tell us what happened to your hair?@

In a very small voice, Joe said, AI was eating candy in bed last night and fell asleep. When I woke up it was all stuck in my hair. It was stuck so bad I couldn=t pull it out. I had to use my pocketknife to cut it out.@

Finished with his confession, Joe flopped back into his chair and stared down at his lap, waiting for the lecture he knew was forthcoming. The seconds ticked by and still no harsh words came from his father=s mouth. Ben tried to frown at his mischievous son but the indulgent smile in his eyes gave him away. He reached over and ruffled Joe=s badly chopped hair and said, AThere will be no more eating candy in bed, young man. And....if for some reason this does happen again....no more cutting your hair. We probably could have washed it out. Now finish your breakfast, we have a lot to do today. We need to pick up the mail and some supplies in Virginia City and we need to get you a new pair of boots.@

Still smarting from the enraged chicken incident and the teasing he received from his family, a sullen Joe announced, AI think I=ll move to Australia.@

The rest of the meal proceeded in silence, an occasional snicker heard alongside the gentle chiming of silver utensils on fine china.

Joe breathed a sigh of relief when the meal finished with no mention from his father about the absence of eggs on the table this morning. Little Joe helped his brothers harness the team to the wagon then hurried back into the barn to saddle his pony while Hoss saddled up his father=s horse.

Adam was waiting on the seat of the wagon when his father approached, carrying a list of the things they needed for the ranch. AWhere=s Joe?@ asked Ben.

AIn the barn,@ replied Hoss, leading Buck out to his father. AHe wants to ride his pony into town.@

AWould you go tell him he doesn=t need his pony? I want him to ride in the wagon with you boys.@

AI already told him, Pa,@ said Hoss, shaking his head. AHe won=t listen to me. He=s dead set on riding his pony today.@

His patience quickly thinning, Ben marched into the barn to retrieve his irascible son. It wasn=t long before the door opened and Adam saw his little brother being swiftly herded toward the wagon by their father. Adam grinned, poked Hoss in the ribs and motioned toward the barn with his head. Both boys were thankful they weren=t in Joe=s shoes.

It was a good thing Ben was walking behind Little Joe for if he had seen the faces Joe was pulling, the youngest Cartwright would have been in even bigger trouble.

ABut Pa...,@ whined Joe. ARiding on the wagon makes me feel sick. I have to ride my pony.@

Ben refused to be bamboozled by his tenacious little boy. Feeling his anger beginning to rise, Ben glared at Joe and hollered, AGet into the wagon....NOW!@

The sound of his father=s thundering voice sent Joe flying toward the wagon. Hoss reached down, grabbed his little brother=s arm and pulled him up onto the seat between Adam and himself. With nothing more left to say, Ben mounted his horse and spurred him forward, taking the lead. Adam pulled his hat low over his eyes to hide the smile on his face from his father and Joe, then lightly flicked the reins, setting the horses in motion.

Angry and sullen, Joe sulked for the first few miles then he subjected Hoss and Adam to a continuous litany of complaints about the injustices done him that day. Hoss was about to toss Little Joe off the wagon when Adam cleared his throat and winked at him. Hoss grinned and nodded, knowing his big brother was up to something. Adam quickly spotted what he was looking for in the bumpy road ahead. When the wagon bounced over the next large hole in the road, Adam deliberately propelled himself sideways, slamming Joe into Hoss=s solid form. Joe was too engrossed in his feelings of persecution to notice that Adam had done that deliberately. After being bumped and squashed several more times, Joe finally got the point and stopped complaining. Little Joe could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

By the time the Cartwrights rolled into Virginia City, the morning=s unfortunate events had faded from Joe=s memory. Riding into town was always an exciting adventure for a young boy. Joe quickly spotted a group of boys he knew from school playing marbles in the alley alongside the General Store.

APa, Pa...,@ called Little Joe, jumping up and nearly falling off the wagon.

Ben reined in Buck and turned in the saddle. The long ride into Virginia City had helped to calm him and wipe away the aggravation he felt towards his youngest son. Ben saw the boys playing near the General Store then smiled and gave Joe permission to join them. Little Joe didn=t get to see his friends very often during the summer months when there was no school; a few hours playing with the boys would do him good, thought Ben. Joe immediately spotted his best friend Mitch hunkered down in the center of the group, a large pile of marbles by his side. Adam brought the team to a halt in front of the General Store, secured the reins to the hand brake then using the spokes of the wheel like a ladder, climbed down. Joe nearly knocked Adam to the ground in his haste to get off the wagon. ASorry, Adam,@ called Joe as he disappeared into the throng of noisy boys.

Adam shook his head and smiled indulgently at his kid brother.

AOh, to be young and carefree again,@ whispered Adam as he mounted the boardwalk, following Hoss and his father into the store.

AHey, Joe....what are you doing here?@ called Mitch. AYou here with your pa and brothers?@

AYeah,@ replied Joe, elbowing his way closer to his best friend. AThey=re in the store picking up supplies.@

Mitch pointed to his pile of marbles and said, AJoe, look at all the marbles I just won. You wanna play me?@

Joe stood silent, chewing on his lower lip as he coveted the pile of colorful marbles. Mitch was the best marble player in the territory. Joe had tried several times to beat him but had never succeeded. Joe slid his hand into his pocket, his fingers closing around the few marbles he had left from his last encounter with Mitch. Greed overcame his common sense and before he could stop himself, he heard his voice shouting AYes!@ At first, Little Joe matched Mitch shot for shot then suddenly Mitch began to lose. Joe=s confidence quickly grew until he found himself in possession of all of his best friend=s marbles. A loud boisterous round of cheers erupted from the mob of boys. Joe was the first boy to beat Mitch at marbles in a very long time. Mitch, sore at loosing the game, stood and loudly announced to the crowd of boys, ALittle Joe isn=t my best friend anymore! Johnny Phillips is my best friend now and Frankie Dillon is my next best friend. Joe Cartwright is only my third best friend!@

Joe couldn=t believe what he was hearing. Smarting from Mitch=s betrayal, Joe yelled back, AI hope you sit on a tack....and the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice-cream cone the ice cream falls off the cone and lands in Australia!@

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Adding insult to injury, Mitch pulled a bag of candy from his pocket and proceeded to share it with his new best friends; all except Little Joe. This was more than Joe could stand. He lost his temper and swung at Mitch, punching him in the nose. Mitch=s head snapped back and he cried out as he lost his balance and landed on his rear. Mitch jumped to his feet, wiped the blood from his nose on his sleeve then retaliated with a short hard punch to Joe=s mouth, splitting his lip open and knocking him down. Joe pushed himself to his feet then lowered his head and rushed Mitch like a charging bull, catching him in the stomach with his shoulder, sending both boys sprawling into the dirt in a wild tangle of arms and legs.

Adam and Hoss had almost finished loading up the wagon when they heard the screams and commotion coming from the alley where Joe and the boys were playing. Hoss arrived first and when he saw that his little brother was involved in a fight, quickly called for Adam to come and help him get Little Joe. Adam threw the last bag of flour into the wagon, wiped his hands on his pants then went to see what new mischief Little Joe had gotten himself into now. From his raised position on the boardwalk, Adam could see two boys scuffling in the dirt.

AC=mon Adam, help me pull them apart before Pa gets here,@ called Hoss.

In no hurry to help, Adam stood by the edge of the stairs, leaning casually against a pole, his arms folded and an amused smile on his face. Ben was paying for the supplies when he heard the shouts and commotion coming from the street. He rushed out of the General Store in time to see his youngest son right in the middle of the ruckus. Adam jumped out of the way when he saw his pa come stomping toward him, looking as mad as a peeled rattler. Ben stepped into the alley just as Hoss was pulling Little Joe off of Mitch.

AJOSEPH FRANCIS CARTWRIGHT! What in tarnation is going on here?@ bellowed Ben in a voice so loud and authoritative that the shockwaves were felt by the men working in the mine tunnels deep beneath the city.

An unearthly silence settled over the alley. The other boys just stood there, slack-jawed, eyes wide and paralyzed by fear. One boy shouted, ALet=s get out of here!@ then took off running; the other boys wisely following.

Joe struggled weakly in Hoss=s grasp then decided it was best to settle down. Ben frowned at Mitch then turned his attention back to Little Joe. AWell? I asked you a question, boy!@

Joe shrugged out of Hoss=s grip then just stood there, his small fists clenched by his side, his posture defiant. Seconds ticked by as Joe glared at Mitch, daring him to break the boy=s unspoken code of honor by ratting him out.

Mitch didn=t dare look up at Joe=s pa. He continued to stare down at his dusty boots, wishing he where anywhere else but here. Finally, he stepped forward and whispered a hasty apology for not sharing the candy with Joe as well as telling everyone Joe wasn=t his best friend anymore. Before Mitch ran off, Joe apologized for loosing his temper and punching Mitch in the nose. Ben watched Mitch disappear around the corner then turned back to Little Joe. Judging from the guilty expression on his son=s face, Ben guessed that Joe was the one who had started the fight.

Throwing up his hands in disgust, Ben grabbed the dirty, bloody boy by the collar and herded him up the street to Doc Martin=s office. Not knowing if their pa wanted them to wait at the wagon or come along too, both Adam and Hoss followed their father and brother to the doctor=s office.

Doctor Paul Martin greeted Ben and Little Joe as they entered his office. Paul shook Ben=s hand then glanced down at the dirty boy with the funny haircut and a bloody lip.

AWhat happened to you, Little Joe?@ asked Doc Martin, kneeling down to get a better look at Joe=s lip. AIt looks like you tangled with a grizzly bear and lost.@

Doc Martin smiled at Little Joe then stood and escorted Ben and Joe into his examining room.

AWe=ll wait outside,@ called Adam, spotting a pretty girl he had been interested in for a long time walking up the street. Ben grinned and winked at his oldest son before disappearing into the exam room.

Doc Martin lifted Joe up onto the exam table and called, AClara, bring me a damp cloth and some iodine.@

Clara, Doctor Martin=s nurse, placed a bowl of warm water and a cloth on the table beside Joe then opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a small brown bottle. Joe eyed the bottle suspiciously while the doctor gently held his chin and wiped the blood and dirt from his face.

AThere....now you look like the Little Joe I know,@ said Paul.

Ben walked around the table and placed his hands on Joe=s shoulders. AHow is he, Paul? Is he going to need stitches?@

Paul shook his head and said, ANo, Ben....its just a superficial wound.@

Eager to make his escape from the doctor, Joe asked, ACan I go now?@

ANot until I put some medicine on your lip,@ answered Doc Martin. AI won=t lie to you, this is going to sting.@

As soon as the doctor touched his lip with the iodine, Joe gasped and tried to pull away. Tears welled up in his big green eyes as he clutched his father=s hand.

AAll finished. Now you can go,@ said Doc Martin, ruffling Joe=s chopped curls.

Joe jumped off the table, rushed out of the exam room and was out the office door before Ben could thank the doctor. Joe hit the sidewalk at a full gallop, nearly colliding with Adam. AWhoa.....slow down there, little buddy,@ exclaimed Adam, lassoing Joe in his arms and lifting him off the ground.

APut me down!@ hollered Joe, kicking and twisting in Adam=s arms. AI=m not a baby anymore!@

Adam could see the tears in Joe=s eyes so instead of further antagonizing his little brother, he set him back down.

AThanks, Paul,@ called Ben, closing the door to the doctor=s office then locking eyes with Little Joe, a stern expression on his face. Joe knew he was gonna get it. Ben saw the terrified look in Joe=s eyes and felt sorry for the boy. With one son already a man and another one not far behind, Ben often forgot that Joe was still just a little boy and little boys were notorious for getting into trouble, especially this one. Instead of scolding Joe, Ben swallowed his anger and asked, AWhat has gotten into you, boy? Why were you fighting with Mitch. I thought the two of you were thicker than feathers in a pillow.@

Hiding behind Adam=s legs, Joe grasped his brother=s gun holster with one hand and his pant leg with the other then hesitantly peeked out. AI=m sorry, Pa. I shouldn=t have punched Mitch, but by golly he made me really mad! He said I wasn=t his best friend anymore because I beat him at marbles.@ Joe looked down, kicked the back of Adam=s boot heel and continued, AThen he shared his candy with all the other boys but me....I just lost my temper, Pa.@

AYou lost your temper,@ repeated Ben, rubbing his chin.

AYes, Pa, I know I shouldn=t have done it but I couldn=t help myself.@

AYou should have seen him, Pa!@interjected Hoss, an enthusiastic tone in his voice. AEven though he=s smaller than Mitch he sure had him pinned on the ground and was wailing on him something awful.@

Ben frowned at his middle son for condoning Joe=s inappropriate behavior. Hoss gave his pa a sheepish look then turned away.

Ben brushed some dried mud from Joe=s jacket then gently guided him across the street toward the General Store.

AI=m glad to hear that you and Mitch both apologized to one another.@

Joe thought for a moment then looked up at his pa and said, AI think I=ll give Mitch his marbles back. Having him for my friend is more important to me than a bag of marbles.@

AThat is a very grown up thing to say and do, I=m proud of you Joe,@ said Ben giving his son=s shoulder a gentle squeeze. ANow let=s go see about buying you a new pair of boots.@

Ben escorted Little Joe to the boot maker=s shop while Adam and Hoss climbed up into the wagon to wait. Before entering the store, Joe crossed his fingers and thought, I sure hope nothing else bad happens today cuz I=m having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The boot maker had a limited supply of boots available for young boys. A light brown pair with fancy stitching immediately caught Joe=s eye.

AThese are the boots I want,@ exclaimed Joe.

Ben checked the size and reluctantly told Joe they were too small. Sensing another confrontation with Joe looming on the horizon, Ben asked the boot maker if he had another pair in Joe=s size.

The owner of the shop shook his head and said, AI=m sorry son, all I have in your size are a pair of plain dark brown boots.

AI don=t like them and you can=t make me wear them!@ shouted Little Joe.

Ben picked up his petulant son, firmly sat him on the bench and pulled off his old boots.

APut these on right now and I don=t want to hear another complaint about them!@ There was annoyance in Ben=s voice.

When Joe opened his mouth to protest again, Ben gave his youngest son such a disapproving look that Joe wilted beneath his glare.

The boot maker tried to hide his smile while Ben paid for the boots. Ben thrust Joe=s old boots under his arm then abruptly turned on his heel and stomped out the door, Joe meekly bringing up the rear. Ben was about the send Joe back to the wagon to wait with his brothers while he conducted some business at the bank, but at the last moment changed his mind. Joe was less likely to get into any more trouble while in his charge rather than with his two indulgent older brothers.

ACan we go home now?@ asked Joe in a faint voice, his head and shoulders slumped forward to avoid meeting his father=s angry eyes.

ANot just yet, Joseph,@ replied Ben. AI have some business to conduct at the bank, then we can go home.@

Ben swore Joe was deliberately dragging his feet and kicking every obstacle in the street on the way over to the bank. By the time they reached the door to the bank, Joe=s new boots looked like he had been on a long trail drive.

Shortly after removing their hats when they stepped inside the bank, Ben looked down at Little Joe=s unruly chaotic hair and quickly slammed his son=s hat back into place. Joe breathed a sigh of relief, at least no one in the bank could laugh at him now.

The bank manager, Mr. Jerome Caldwell, greeted Ben and Joe then escorted them into his office. Ben ordered Little Joe to sit in one of the chairs by the desk and not say a word.

AYes, sir,@ obediently answered Joe.

Little Joe watched his father and the bank manager disappear into the main part of the bank then turned his attention to Mr. Caldwell=s desk. Joe=s curious eyes settled on a small shiny gold bottle resting near a stack of papers. He just had to know what was in the pretty bottle. The inquisitive boy stopped swinging his legs and listened for any sound that would signal the return of his pa or Mr. Caldwell. Joe held his breath and eased himself off the uncomfortable wooden chair. He cast a furtive glance around the office then stealthily crept around to the other side of the desk. The pretty gold bottle beckoned to him, it wanted to be touched, it wanted to reveal its mysteries to the boy. Little Joe carefully lifted the small vessel, gently cradling it in his hands. Common sense told him to put it back but the irresistible urge to open the bottle triumphed. Slowly, Joe opened the small hinged lid and peeked inside. Expecting to find some wonderful treasure, Joe was disappointed to find it full of black ink. As Joe reached out to replace the bottle on the desk, it slipped through his fingers and landed on the desk, the lid flipping open and ink splattering all over the important documents on Mr. Caldwell=s desk. Little Joe gasped and watched helplessly as several puddles of ink suddenly sprouted insidious tentacles that stretched and grew, pulled by gravity toward the edge of the desk.

AOh, no....!@ thought Little Joe.

Frantically, he looked around the office for something to clean up the black liquid. Suddenly, Joe heard his father=s voice and the voice of the bank manager approaching the office. Scared as a rabbit in a wolf=s mouth, Joe dove beneath the desk and pulled his knees into his chest. He shut his eyes tight and clamped his hands over his ears to muffle the fierce tongue lashing he knew he was about to receive.

AJOSEPH!@ bellowed Ben=s deep baritone voice.

Frightened, Little Joe reluctantly crawled out, his small head slowly appearing from behind the desk. Jerome Caldwell stood there speechless, a look of shock and dismay frozen on his face.

Ben turned to the bank manager and said, AI apologize for the boy=s mischievous behavior. I assure you he will be properly punished.@

Ben=s apology was followed by a cold, steely stare that turned Joe=s blood cold. Ben Cartwright didn=t have to express the bedlam of emotions he felt toward his unruly accident prone son, it was all summed up in the single word that exploded from his lips, AOUTSIDE!@

This loud exclamation was followed by a finger forcefully pointing toward the open office door.

Grateful to escape his pa=s and the bank manager=s wrath, Little Joe dashed out of the office,

bolted through the bank then out the door. He didn=t stop running until he reached the wagon.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

All the way home, Little Joe didn=t say one word. He sat huddled and mute between his two older brothers, trying to hide from his pa. When Hoss glanced at Joe, he saw he had pulled his hat down over his face. Hoss tapped Adam on the shoulder and said, AI wonder what happened at the bank. Pa looks maddern= a rained-on rooster.@

Prudently, Adam responded, AI don=t think I want to know. Whatever it was, I=m sure Joe was the cause of it.@

They arrived back at the Ponderosa an hour before dinner. Joe scrambled over Hoss, leaped off the wagon and disappeared into the house. Hoss dropped the tailgate of the wagon and began unloading the supplies while Adam followed his pa into the barn. Ben=s taut facial muscles had finally relaxed so Adam figured this was a good time to ask what had happened back at the bank. Ben felt his temper flaring again so he took a deep breath, regained his composure then told Adam what HIS brother had done in Mr.Caldwell=s office.

Adam hated to see his little brother in so much trouble. AYou gotta remember, Pa....he=s just a boy,@ offered Adam. AA klutzy one, mind you, but still just a boy.@

A smile slowly forced its way to the surface, replacing the stern look on Ben=s face. He laughed as he clapped his eldest son on the shoulder and said, AI seem to remember two other Cartwright boys getting into trouble all the time, too.@

Adam laughed, reflecting on some of the mischief and mayhem that he and Hoss had inflicted on their pa and the citizens of Virginia City; long before Little Joe had been born.

ADon=t worry, Adam. I=m not mad at Joe anymore. Go on and help your brother finish unloading the wagon while a speak to the foreman then I have some work at my desk that needs my attention before we sit down to supper.@

Adam and Hoss finished unloading the wagon while Ben went in search of the Ponderosa foreman.

The mouth-watering aroma of Hop Sing=s chicken and dumplings drifted from the kitchen into the study, hypnotizing Ben, causing his stomach to rumble. Ben glanced at the small clock on his desk and thought Atime for dinner and not a moment too soon.@ Hop Sing had just finished setting a bowl of lima beans on the table when the Cartwright men and boys all sat down to eat.

Hop Sing glanced at Little Joe who was still wore a fine layer of dirt and sported a bruised face and swollen lip. He shook his head and rattled off something in Chinese about Joe coming to the table looking like he had been rolling in the dirt. Hop Sing brought out the chicken and dumplings, set the platters on the table, then walked around the table and stopped behind Little Joe=s chair. A devious smile on his face, he leaned down and whispered into the boy=s ear. ALittow Joe enraged chicken problem all gone. No more broken eggs.@

Puzzled, Little Joe followed Hop Sing=s gaze until his eyes rested on the platter of steaming chicken in the center of the table. Hop Sing smiled and nodded then patted Joe on the shoulder before hurrying back into the kitchen. Adam and Hoss smiled knowingly, for they too had been in on the plot to permanently end Joe=s chicken problems. Joe laughed while he helped himself to a large serving of the cooked cantankerous bird for this wasn=t just any chicken dinner, it was a victory feast, one he was never going to forget.

Oblivious to the machinations of Hop Sing and his sons, Ben heaved a sigh of relief when he heard Joe laugh and saw the happy smile on his son=s face.

Little Joe dove into his plate of chicken with uncharacteristic gusto. His enthusiasm and delight quickly faded when Ben placed a spoonful of lima beans on his plate.

AAWWW Pa! I hate lima beans!@ hollered Joe. AI=m not gonna eat them!@

Ben set down his coffee cup and glowered at Joe. The black cloud that had followed him around since Joe started the fight with Mitch, quickly returned.

Adam and Hoss looked up from their dinner and silently watched and waited to see what would happen next. Joe=s reward for his outburst was a withering glare from his pa as well as a lengthy tongue-lashing in Chinese from Hop Sing, who had left the kitchen and come into the dining room when he heard the small boy=s tantrum. The sight of their oriental cook ominously shaking a large wooden spoon at Little Joe tickled Hoss=s funny bone. He turned to Adam and said, ALooks like Little Joe=s got more troubles than Job had boils.@

Small laugh lines appeared at the corners of Adam=s eyes followed by a wide grin. He nodded at Hoss and said, AJoe looks as unhappy as a woodpecker in a petrified forest.@

Ben transferred his glare from Joe to his two other sons. AThat=s enough from you two!@

AYes, sir,@ answered the older Cartwright boys, in unison.

Ben turned back to Little Joe and handed down his judgement. AAs for you, young man...you will not leave the table until you finish all of your dinner.....and that includes the lima beans!@

ABut, Pa....,@ stuttered the miserable little boy. ANo buts, Joseph! I want you to eat your dinner and stop complaining!@

True to his word, Ben made Little Joe remain at the dinner table long after the others had finished their meal. It was approaching Joe=s bedtime when Ben relented and granted the teary-eyed boy a pardon.

With sad puppy dog eyes, Little Joe trudged up the stairs to his room to take a bath before going to bed. Hop Sing had just finished filling the large steel bathtub with warm water when Little Joe stepped into his room. He glanced at his bed and was pleased to see that Hop Sing had removed the sticky sheets and replaced them with clean linen as well as laying out a freshly laundered night shirt on the chair by the tub. He smiled briefly at Hop Sing then sat down on the floor and pulled off his new boots. He held up one boot and turned it around in his hand. Screwing up his face, he thought, AI guess these boots aren=t so bad after all.@

Alone with his thoughts, Joe looked down at his torn and bloody shirt. He felt a twinge of guilt followed by a wave of remorse for what he had done to his best friend. He quickly shrugged out of the battle scarred garment and tossed it aside. Joe pulled off his pants and was about to toss them on top of the dirty shirt when he felt the weight of the marbles in his pocket. He slid his hand inside the pocket and pulled out the full leather bag. Silently, he made a mental note to return them to Mitch in the morning. Heck, if Mitch still wasn=t sore at him, maybe they could go fishing after they finished their chores. Lastly, Joe wiggled out of his underwear and pulled off his socks. Before stepping into the warm water, he grabbed Bo off his bed and sat him in the chair facing the tub. AAt least you don=t get mad at me,@ said Joe to his teddy bear.

Joe quickly scrubbed away the day=s dirt and sweat as well as all the frustration from his terrible day. He saved washing his hair for last because he hated this part of his bath most of all. Before soaping his head, he reached up and ran his hand through his uproariously bungled haircut. He shrugged his small shoulders then vigorously soaped up his head. Ready to rinse off the lather, he took a deep breath and disappeared beneath the surface of the water. While under the water, he forcefully blew out the air in his lungs, giggling in delight at the funny muffled sound. Suddenly he burst to the surface, pretending to be a sea monster. He snarled ominously, raked the air with his claws then smacked the surface of the water, collapsing and sinking his toy boat; there were no survivors.

The mandatory sinking of his toy ship complete, Joe yawned then sat back in the tub and told Bo all about his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Bo was a good listener....always ready to lend a fuzzy sympathetic ear.

Ben had come upstairs to check on his son when he overhead Joe telling his teddy bear all about his bad day. He paused outside Joe=s bedroom door, his hand resting on the door handle as he listened to Joe=s sad emotional recount of the day=s events. Ben laughed, nearly giving himself away when he overheard Joe very seriously tell the bear about being attacked again by the devil chicken and then breaking all the eggs. ASo that=s why there weren=t any eggs for breakfast this morning,@ whispered Ben to himself.

Ben lightly rapped on the partially open door with his knuckles then pushed the door open.

ATime to put on your nightshirt and hop into bed.@

Joe turned around at the sound of his father=s voice. Ben couldn=t help smiling at the wet boy with the funny looking hair. Joe relaxed when he saw his pa smiling. For a moment he had thought he was going to be scolded for splashing water on the floor as well as all the madness and mayhem he had caused that day. The sight of Joe=s sunken toy ship lying on the bottom of the tub brought back a few memories from Ben=s sailing days, reminding him of the terrible storms he had survived. With a gleam in his eye, Ben reached into the water and brought the unfortunate vessel back to the surface. Holding the dripping toy over the tub, Ben suspiciously eyed the substantial amount of water surrounding the tub. Sheepishly, Little Joe bit his lower lip and shrugged his shoulders. Ben tried to frown at Joe but a hearty grin broke through his formidable facade.

AMust have been a terrible storm,@ laughed Ben.

Happy that he wasn=t in trouble, Joe enthusiastically responded, ASure was, Pa. There was even a big scary sea monster.@

Ben rubbed his chin thoughtfully. AHmmmmm......the passengers and crew on the ship must have been scared something awful.@

Pleased that his pa was playing along with his game, Joe giggled, a look of innocence and delight on his young face.

AWell, young man....we=d better get you out of the tub before the sea monster comes back and decides to eat you!@ Ben suddenly growled and hit the surface of the water with his hand at an angle, sending a small tidal wave crashing into the unsuspecting boy.

Little Joe=s eyes widened and he shrieked in pure delight as he leaped out of the tub like a cat with its tail on fire.

Still laughing, Ben grabbed the little rabbit, wrapped him up in a thick fuzzy towel then scooped him up in his arms and deposited him on the bed. Ben waited while Joe dried off then helped him pull his nightshirt over his head.

Ben surveyed Joe=s chopped haircut, shook his head and sighed. AWhat are we going to do with your hair? Maybe Hop Sing can trim it up a bit....make it more even.@

As an afterthought Ben firmly added, ANo more cutting your own hair....alright?@

Joe looked at his pa with his big green eyes and said, AYes, sir....I won=t ever do that again!@

Ben grabbed Joe=s hair brush from the dresser and attempted to tame the thick brown curls. No matter how he brushed Joe=s hair, a few damp wavy locks still stuck out from the side of the boy=s head and curled upward, reminding Ben of the horns on a cow.

Admitting defeat, Ben replaced the brush on Joe=s dresser beside the picture of his late mother, Marie while Joe playfully bounced up and down on his bed. Ben drew back the sheet and

blankets. With one final bounce, Joe landed cross-legged in a sitting position, right in the center of his bed, ready to be tucked in.

AOoooops, I forgot Bo,@ said Joe.

ACan=t go to sleep without Bo,@ Ben smiled warmly, handing Joe the bear.

Joe settled the bear under the covers beside him then looked up at his father. APa?@

AYes, son.@

AI=m sorry for all the bad things that happened today. Are you still mad at me?@

Ben sat down on the edge of the bed, adjusted the blankets around Joe=s small body then ruffled his unruly hair. It was amazing how much the boy resembled his mother.

Ben=s voice was soft when he responded. ANo Joe, I=m not mad at you. I love you very much! However, I=m not too happy with your behavior today. How one small boy can get into so much mischief in one day, I=ll never know.@

Self-conscious, Joe pulled the blankets up until only his eyes were showing. Ben gently adjusted the blankets so he could see Joe=s face again.

ASome of the things that happened today were not your fault; you were just having a really bad day. Some days are like that. Everyone has a bad day once in a while. I=m just glad we don=t have these kinds of days very often. Remember, about a month ago......when Hoss fell down the stairs then tripped over his feet in the yard and fell in the muddle puddle?@

ABoy, do I ever. That sure was funny,@ answered Joe with a chuckle.

AWell, Hoss was having one of those bad days I was telling you about.@

AToday must have been my turn, huh, Pa?@

Ben winked at Joe and said, AI guess it was your turn.@

AI sure hope I don=t have any more of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.@

AMe neither, Joe....I think you=ve had more than your share of bad things happen to you today.@

ADo you think anything else bad will happen to me?@

AI=m willing to bet that you=re safe now that you=re tucked into bed,@ said Ben, leaning over and placing a kiss on Joe=s forehead. AGoodnight, son.@

AGoodnight, Pa, I love you,@ called Joe, snuggling into the safety and comfort of his bed.

AI love you too, son.@

Before leaving the room, Ben blew out the oil lamp and whispered, ASweet dreams, Little Joe.@

THE END

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