" OH LITTLE JOE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW ?"

Part one.

By Lynne G.

This day started out just like any other day on the Ponderosa for the Cartwright family.  As the family sat down for breakfast, Ben Cartwright greeted each of his sons, seventeen year old Adam and eleven year old Hoss.  For some reason the baby of the family hadn't made it to the table yet.  As Ben was ready to go upstairs to find his five year old son Little Joe, the little boy came running down the stairs looking like a mess.  His hair was all messed up, the buttons on his shirt weren't buttoned correctly, and his shirt wasn't tucked into his jeans.  Ben had to chuckle at the sight of his little imp.  Ben rebuttoned his shirt and tucked the shirt into the boys jeans. 

" Moanin' eberyone," shouted the little boy as he neared the table.  " Good morning Little Joe, they all said. 

After breakfast, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe headed outside to do their chores.  When Little Joe had finished his chores, he headed outside to play.  When he was back outside he looked around to see if anyone was around, and when he saw the coast was clear, he ran off towards the hen house.  Once he had arrived at the hen house he again looked around to see if anyone was near, then he went inside the hen house.

As Hoss and Adam were doing their yard chores, they suddenly heard the sound of a sick rooster coming from the area of the hen house.  " Boy that rooster dun't sound so good, does he Adam?" Hoss said as he was looking towards the hen house.  " No he doesn't.  I wonder what's wrong with him?" questioned Adam.  Still the rooster was making very strange sounds. 

Hop Sing was busy hanging the freshly washed laundry to dry when he too heard the sound of a sick rooster, which was worrying him.  Ben had just walked out of the house when he too heard the rooster sounds.

As Ben, Adam, Hoss and Hop Sing got near the hen house, they could see and hear the rooster, and it looked and sound just fine.  About that time they all heard the sick sound again.  They were confused, since they only had one rooster.

As they opened the door to the hen house, they all stopped and stood there with their mouths open at the sight in front of them.  For there stood Little Joe totally naked making rooster sounds.  By now Adam and Hoss were almost falling over in laughter.  Poor Hop Sing didn't know what to think, while Ben put his hands over his face and he said," God help me please."

" WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING IN THE HEN HOUSE NAKED JOSEPH ?" Ben asked loudly.  " Hi ya Papa.  Imma a woota and I's twin' ta way an egg," said a very serious Little Joe.  Ben was now laughting as was Hop Sing.  They just couldn't help it. 

" Sweetheart, first of all, you are not a rooster.  Little Joe, only hens [ girl chickens ] lay eggs, not roosters," explained Ben.  " Uh, oh.  I's guess I's not a woota den," said Little Joe.  Ben quickly got his little boy dressed.  Adam and Hoss were still laughing like crazy.  " That little boy thinks up the craziest things, and then when he tries to explain why he is doing what he is doing, it's just too funny," laughed Adam.  Hoss agreed with that statement. 

The next morning Hop Sing got tired of waiting for Little Joe to return from the hen house with the eggs he had been sent out to gather for breakfast.  So he goes to the hen house to see what is taking Little Joe so long to gather up the eggs.  This time he see's the little boy sitting on the floor looking very serious.  " What you do?" asked Hop Sing.  " Hi Hop Sing," said the little boy very sheepishly.  Hop Sing pulls the little boy up to a standing position and he see's two broken eggs.  A very confused Hop Sing asked him, " Why you sit on eggs?  Eggs broke now."  I" was twin' ta hatch em, but day dun gots all busted when I's satted on em," said Little Joe looking up at Hop Sing with his big green eyes.  Hop Sing wanted to laugh, but he didn't.  He turned Little Joe around and he saw broken eggs all over his little bottom.  He proceed to lead the boy out of the hen house and into the ranch house.

" Mr. Cartlight, Mr. Cartlight, Hop Sing find little boy in hen house sitting on eggs.  Eggs broken all over little bottom," Hop Sing told Ben.  Adam and Hoss started to laugh at their little brother, while Ben was almost laughing too. 

" Joseph, come here please.   What were you doing in the hen house sitting on eggs for?" asked Ben, still trying not to laugh, as he turned his little boy around to see his egg covered little bottom.  " Well, it's wike dis Papa.  I's was twin' ta hatch em, but whened I's satted on em, day dun gots busted," said Little Joe as he looked at Ben with his big bright green eyes.  Ben couldn't help it and he started to laugh along with Adam and Hoss.  " What's so funny?" asked Little Joe who was almost in tears by now. 

" Sweetheart, you can't sit on eggs to get them to hatch.  Only the hens can do that.  You are too heavy to sit on eggs, plus, you aren't a hen.  You are a little boy, son," explained Ben.  Little Joe just stood there and looked at his laughing family, and he smiled that famous smile at them. 

On Thursday, late morning while the Cartwright were busy doing yard chores and barn chores, Sheriff Roy Coffee rode into the yard.  " Hi Ben, boys," greeted Roy.  " Hi Roy,  what brings you out this way?" asked Ben.  " I was in the area so I thought I would stop by for a visit," said Roy.  " Great, can you stay for lunch?" asked Ben.  " Sounds good to me.  Thank you Ben.

After lunch, Little Joe went ouside to play, while Adam and Hoss headed to the barn to finish up their chores in there.  Ben and Roy stayed in the house talking.  Ben told Roy about Little Joe wanting to be a rooster, then a hen, and then trying to hatch some eggs while sitting on them.  They both laughed at that. 

Little Joe walked over to the pig pen to watch the pigs for a while.  As he watched them rolling in the mud, he said to himself," Hum, dat wooks wike fun."  So he goes into the pig pen, sits in the mud and soon he is rolling in the mud with the pigs.  He was also making piggy sounds that sounded more like a snoring-snorting combination.

Ben and Roy walked out to the porch and sat down to have more coffee and talk some more. 

Back in the barn where Adam and Hoss were working, Hoss stopped working, looked at Adam and said," Hey Adam, sure sounds like something is kinda snorin' or snortin'."  Adam stopped working to listen, and he said," Your right Hoss. What in the world is making that noise?"   " Come on and lets find out," said Hoss as he and Adam left the barn to find out where that sound was coming from. 

By now Ben and Roy could also hear the snoring/snorting sounds.  " Ben, what is that noise?" asked Roy with a strange look on his face.  " I'm not sure Roy," said Ben with a puzzled look on his face too. 

Adam and Hoss followed the sound to the pig pen, and they stood there in shock at the sight of their baby brother rolling in the mud making snorning/snorting sounds. 

Little Joe didn't see his brothers standing there, so when Adam asked, " WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING IN THE PIG PEN?"  Little Joe stopped rolling in the mud and he looked up at his brothers, totally covered in mud with only his big green eyes and his white teeth showing, as he smiled at them.  Adam and Hoss couldn't help it, but they started to laugh at the muddy little imp in front of him.  " I's a piggy taday," Little Joe told them as he snorted at them.

Adam and Hoss stood there laughing and shaking their heads.  " I fink I wike bein' an nanamoe," said Little Joe as he started to roll in the mud again.  " Oh brother.  Now he's a pig !  Hoss, you stay here and keep an eye on him for a couple of minutes," laughed Adam.  Hoss nodded as he continued to watch his baby brother, and laugh. 

Adam walked over to where Ben and Roy were sitting and he said," Pa you had better come with me, because you aren't going to believe what YOUR baby boy is doing now."

" OH NO.  What is he up to now?" questioned Ben with a worried look on his face as he got up.  " This otta be good," said Roy with a big grin on his face as he followed Adam and Ben. 

As they walked over towards the pig pen, they could hear the snoring/snorting sounds even louder.  When they reached the pig pen, Ben and Roy just stood there and stared at the little mud covered child. Roy was laughing hard and he said," Oh this is just too funny Ben.  He's just priceless."  Ben got a sick look on his face and said," OH NO !!"

" JOSEPH FRANCIS CARTWRIGHT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" shouted Ben, who wasn't too sure if he should be laughing along with Adam, Hoss and Roy, since his baby son looked quite funny with the only clean things on him were his big bright green eyes and his white teeth.

" I's a piggy Papa.  I wike bein' an nanamoe," Little Joe said proudly as he stood up dripping in wet mud.  " Little Joe, why do you want to be an animal?" asked Ben as he was looking at his little boy, who had just the cutest little smile on his face.  " Cuz day hab wots of fun, wike pwayin' in da mud," said the little boy.  Little Joe stood there looking at Ben, Adam, Hoss and Roy when he had an idea.  " Hey why dunt ya come and we can all pway in da mud?  It's fun !" he said, while jumping up and down in the mud.  " The only thing you are going to be doing now my little mud pie, is have a BATH !" said Ben. 

" UH, AH, NO.  I's dunt want NO BAF !!!" shouted Little Joe as he ran around the pig pen.  " Hoss, please and ask Hop Sing to heat up LOTS of hot water," asked Ben.  Hoss nodded and took off towards the house still laughing at his baby brother. 

Little Joe managed to get out of the back area of the pig pen, and he tried to out run Adam, Ben and Roy.  By now he was giggling loudly.  As he made it towards the barn, he turned around to see where Adam, Ben and Roy were when he tripped and fell down.  He rolled in the dirt to try to get away from his family, but they had finally captured him.  " Got you-you muddy little IMP !!" yelled Adam.  " WED ME GO ADAM !  I'S DUNT WANT NO BAF !!  NO BAF, NO BAF !!!" shouted the little boy.  No one wanted to touch the filthy little boy.  " Well Ben, Adam, Little Joe, I need to get back to town now.  Thanks for lunch and the entertainment," laughed Roy.  " Thanks a lot Roy for leaving us with this muddy mess here," said Ben.  " That's right, and he's all yours too my friends," Roy said as he rode off still laughing.

Adam and Ben decided to try to undress Little Joe outside instead of making a BIG mess in the washroom, which would have made Hop Sing extremely upset.  " Will you hold still Little Joe !" shouted Ben.  " DUNT WANT NO BAF !  NO BAF !!" shouted the wiggling little boy.  " YES BATH !" shouted Ben.  " NO BAF, NO BAF !!" shouted Little Joe again and again.  " Adam try to hold him still so I can get these muddy clothes off him," Ben asked.  " That's easier said than done Pa, " Adam said while still laughing.

They were FINALLY able to get all of Little Joe's muddy clothes off him, but as they were ready to get him into the washroom, the slippery little boy took off running around the yard totally naked and still shouting, " NO BAF !" over and over.  Ben and Adam were exhausted after struggling with the muddy child.  " Pa, just let him wear himself out," suggested Adam.  " That's a good idea son," agreed Ben.

About that time, Charlie, Hank and several of the hands rode into the yard, stopped their horses and they watched Little Joe running around the yard yelling, " NO BAF " over and over.  By now they were all laughing.  " Hey Ben, looks like you little one forgot his clothes," laughed Charlie. 

Hoss came out of the house to see what all the yelling and laughing was about.  When he saw his baby brother running in the yard, he started laughing too.  " Pa, the you know what is ready in the you know where," Hoss told Ben.  " Thanks Hoss," said a tired Ben. 

" Hey Punkin, whats ya runnin' around without yer clothes on fer?" asked Hoss who was laughing.  " DUNT WANT NO BAF ! NO BAF !!!" yelled the now tiring Little Joe.  " Adam, go get em," said Ben softly to Adam.

Adam FINALLY caught up with the wiggling little boy, picked him up and carried him to the washroom and put him in the tub.  " NO BAF, NO BAF !!" Little Joe kept shouting over and over.  " Yes bath," both Adam and Hoss said, while trying to keep the little boy in the tub.

Ben told Charlie, and Hank and the hands about Little Joe in the pig pen, which brough even more laughing.

It took Ben, Adam and Hoss to keep Little Joe in the tub for his bath.  Hop Sing had brought in some towels and some clean clothes for Little Joe.  After the little boy was washed, dried and redressed, Ben picked him up and carried him into the livingroom, where he sat down with a very sleepy Little Joe on his lap.  Little Joe laid his head against Ben's chest, put his thumb in his mouth, closed his eyes, and he was soon in a deep sleep.  Ben then carried him up to his room, laid him on his bed, covered him up with a nice warm quilt, and gave him a kiss on his check.  Ben thought to himself as he walked down the stairs, " Oh what a day !"

The next day while Little Joe was helping Hoss stack wood, he was thinking of what animal to be next.  After lunch, the little imp went ouside to play while his family wanted to relax for a few minutes after they ate. 

Little Joe started to run around the yard flapping his little arms up and down out to his side, and he was shouting, " tweet, tweet," over and over.

Inside the house, Adam, Hoss and Ben all looked at each other at hearing the very loud " tweet, tweets" coming from the yard.  " OH NO, here we go again !" said Adam.  The three Cartwrights got up from their chairs and walked to the front door-opened it and walked out to the porch.  They started to laugh when they saw Little Joe standing in one place-flapping his little arms as fast as he could, and jumping up and down and shouting, " Tweet, tweet." 

" Little Joe, what are you doing?" asked Ben.  " I's twin' ta fwi, cuz I's a budy, but I's can't get off da gwound," said the little boy as he was getting breathless. 

" Well son, what kind of bird are you?" asked Ben.  " Dunno Papa," said the child.  " Hey little brother bird, don't fly away now," laughed Adam as he watched his little brother.  " I's wunt, cuz I's can't get off da gwound Adam, and I's tired now," said Little Joe.

The next day in the late afternoon, while Little Joe was having his nap, Ben was in Virginia City on business, and Adam and Hoss were babysitting, and in the middle of a chess game, they didn't hear their little brother who had just woke up from his nap. 

As Ben rode into the yard, he could hear loud " tweet tweets" so he got off Buck, tied him up and went looking for the tweeting little boy.  As he walked towards the sounds of the tweets, he looked up at the roof, and his heart was just about in his mouth, as there stood on the roof by the bedroom window was his little son madly flapping his arms and tweeting away.  " OH MY GOD !!  Little Joe, please baby stop moving your arms," begged Ben in a very calming voice to his baby son.  " Hi Papa.  Imma gonna twi ta fwi off day woof now," said Little Joe.  " No son, don't try to fly off the roof sweetheart.  Papa wants you to go back in your window now.  Go slowly now baby please," said Ben.  " But Papa, I's wanna fwi off the woof pweaze?" begged Little Joe.  " No sweetheart.  Only birds can fly, because they have wings.  You have to have wings to fly.  You are a little boy with arms-not a bird with wings," Ben gently told his little boy.  Little Joe stood there listening to Ben, and he said," Kay papa.  I's wunt twi ta fwi now,"  " Good boy, Little Joe. Now go slowly and carefully back to your window and climb back in," Ben told the boy.

"ADAM, HOSS GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW !" shouted Ben as didn't take his eyes off of Little Joe for one second.  Both Adam and Hoss ran outside to see what Ben was yelling about.  " What do you want Pa?" asked Adam.  " Do you two know where your baby brother is right now?" asked Ben.  " He's having his nap.  Why did ya ask that fer Pa?" asked Hoss.  " Your baby brother is standing on the roof at this very moment and he wants to fly off the roof," Ben told his two older sons.  Both Adam and Hoss looked up at the roof, and there was their baby brother standing there.

" OH MY GOD !" shouted Adam as he took off running towards the house, and up to his little brothers room.  Ben and Hoss next saw Adam in the window of Little Joe's room.  He reached out to grab the little boy around the waist, and he said," Got you, you little IMP!"  He pulled Little Joe back into the room and he just held him tight and thanked God the child was safe.

Ben and Hoss didn't realize that they had been holding their breath until Adam pulled the child back into the house.  They then ran to the house.

Adam came down the stairs carrying his baby brother in his arms as Ben and Hoss ran into the house.  Ben grabbed his little boy and held onto him tightly and kissed him.  " Oh baby, I thought you were going to fall off the roof.  You scared papa so much.  I don't ever want you out on the roof again.  Do you understand son?  Sweetheart, you could have been killed baby," Ben quietly told the child.  " I's sawee Papa, but I's jest wanted ta fwi wike a budy," cried Little Joe, who was now scared.  " I know honey, but people, especially little boys can't fly.  " Kay Papa.  I's be good, but I ain't no widdo boy.  I's a BIG boy," said Little Joe as he put his little hands on Ben's face and he turned Ben's head towards him so he could look into Ben's eyes as he talked.  " I's wuv ya papa," and then he gave Ben a kiss on his check.  Ben's heart was melting and he said," I LOVE Little Joe."

After Little Joe had gone to bed for the night, Ben, Adam and Hoss made a list of everything Little Joe had tried to be lately.  First he was a bear, then a robber, then a rooster, a pig, and now a bird.  " I wonder what he will want to be next?" asked Adam.  " I don't even want to think about that one bit," Ben said as he slowly shook his head.  Hoss just laughed. 

That seemed to be the end of Little Joe's wanting to be a robber, or an animal of some kind, at least the family hoped it would be, but that was not to be.

THE END OF PART ONE.

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