OH LITTLE JOE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW Part Two.

By: Lynne G.

Things had been pretty much back to normal lately with Little Joe.  It had been almost three weeks since the five year old boy had tried to be anything except himself, which could be bad enough for his family.

He had been playing in the yard when he got an idea in his head, which made him giggle.  He decided to lay down on the ground, on his back with his legs slightly spread apart, with one leg gently bent.  He had laid one arm above his head, while the other arm was laying next to his side.  His head was slight turned towards his left, his eyes were closed and he just laid there not moving.

He didn't have long to wait, as about five minutes later Adam and Hoss rode into the yard.  The first thing they saw was their baby brother laying on the gorund, not moving.  They jumped off their horses and ran over to the fallen child.  " Little Joe, baby," shouted Adam as he felt for a pulse on the childs neck.  He felt a good strong pulse.  " Punkin, open yer eyes baby, PLEASE, " begged Hoss.  Little Joe opened his eyes, looked at his two very worried brothers and he quietly said, " " I's pwayin' deaded,"  " YOU WHAT ?" shouted Adam, now very angry at his little brother.  " I's dun tolded ya I's a pwayin' deaded," the little boy said.  " That ain't funny Short Shanks," scolded Hoss, as he and Adam went to tie the horses up, and then they headed towards the house.  Little Joe continued to lay on the ground not moving. 

As Adam and Hoss went into the house, they both shouted for Ben.  " What do you want?  asked Ben.  " Pa, your baby son is playing dead in the yard.  We rode into the yard and there he was laying there on the ground not moving.  It scared us to death.  We thought he was hurt.  It wasn't one bit funny either," said Adam.  " NO it wasn't.  Is that what he said he was doing-playing dead?" asked Ben.  " Ya Pa, that's what he said," Hoss said.  " I see.  I had better go and have a talk with a certain little boy," Ben told his two older sons as he walked towards the front door.

As Ben walked out to the porch he saw his little son still laying on the ground.  At first Ben wanted to run over to the child to see if he was alright, but he remembered what the child was doing. 

" JOSEPH," shouted Ben.  Little Joe could tell by the way Ben shouted his name that he was in BIG trouble, and that scared him, so he was afraid to move or open his eyes, and he just laid there not moving.  " JOSEPH, OPEN YOUR EYES NOW !" shouted Ben.  A very quiet, " Hi Papa, I's can't, cuz Imma deaded," Little Joe softly said.  Ben grinned at that statement, and he thought," why that little imp."  So he decided to play along with his little son. 

Ben picked up the little boy and carried him into the house.  Little Joe still hadn't moved at all, and he laid very limp in his fathers arms.  When Ben carried him into the house, Adam, Hoss and Hop Sing were standing there, and at the first sight of their father and their very limp looking little brother, they got a little worried until Ben winked at them, so they decided to play along too. 

" Pa what happened to Little Joe?  We thought he was only playin' a joke on us," asked Hoss as he ran over to Ben and Little Joe.  " I'm sorry boys, Hop Sing, but Little Joe is dead,"  Ben sadly said.  " OH NO !!" shouted Hop Sing and Adam while they tried not too laugh.  By now Little Joe wasn't sure at what to do next, so he just laid limp in Bens arms. 

" Mr. Cartlight, bring little boy to sattee and lay him down," said Hop Sing.  Ben laid his very scared little son down on the sattee, and he, Hop Sing, Hoss and Adam stood there looking down at the youngest Cartwright.

" He was only a baby," said Adam trying to sound very sad.  They made crying sounds.  " The first thing we need to do is to get him undressed and bathe him.  Then we can put his best clothes on him.  Hop Sing, please go and heat some water for his BATH ," Ben said with a big smile on his face.

At hearing the word " BATH,"  Little Joe suddenly sat up and shouted, " NO BAF !!!!!  I's dunt want NO BAF.  I's not deaded no moe.  NO BAF !!!"  " Pa, look, it's a MIRACLE Little Joe came back to us," yelled Hoss.  " I's not deaded," cried the child as tears ran down his face.  " It's no fun bein' deaded," the child softly said.

" JOSEPH, it is very mean to play dead.  Do you realize that you really scared your brothers when they saw you laying on the ground not moving.  They thought you were badly hurt.  I don't ever want you to play dead like that again.  Do you understand me young man?" Ben said to his youngest boy.  " Yes, Papa.  I's so bery sawwee.  I's was ownwee pwayin'.  I's ain't no baby Papa."  Papa, does ya still wuv me?" asked Little Joe with tears till running down is cute little face.  By now Ben's heart was melting, and he said," Oh sweetheart, I love you so much, and I will never stop loving you as long as you live."  He then picked up Little Joe and hugged him tightly and he kissed the child's head.  " That goes for us too Short Shanks.  We really love you little brother," both Adam and Hoss told their little brother.  "I's wuv ya too," Little Joe told his family.

A week later while the Cartwrights were on their way home from Virginia City, Ben, Adam and Hoss were talking about Stoney, an old man who lived in Virginia City, and he was known as the town drunk.  Little Joe was listening to the stories about Stoney, but he wasn't sure if he should laugh or not, so he did make some mental notes in his head.

A couple of nights later as the family was eating their dinner, Little Joe noticed that they were spooning some sauce onto their roast beef.  So when Ben put some sauce on Little Joe's plate, the little boy watched as the sauce sat there in a puddle.  He looked around at his family, and he got a cute little grin on his face, raised his little hand in the air, and he brought his hand down and he hit the sauce.  Sauce went flying in every direction, with his family also getting hit with the sauce.  " JOSEPH, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?  LOOK AT THIS MESS !" yelled Ben.  Hoss and Adam were glaring at their baby brother.  " WHAT GO ON HERE?  WHY SAUCE ALL OVER TABLE AND FAMILY?" shouted Hop Sing. " I wish I knew Hop Sing," Ben said as he looked at Little Joe.  " JOSEPH !" Ben shouted again.  " PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS."

" Well ya see Papa, member when we was coming home da udder day, when's ya was talkin' bout Stoney?  Well ya kepted sayin' hittin' da sauce, so I's hitted da sauce," said a very serious Little Joe.  By now Ben, Adam and Hoss were laughing.  " Family not normal," Hop Sing said as he walked back to the kitchen mumbling away in Chinese.  That made Little Joe laugh.

Ben was having a hard time trying to talk to his little son." Sweetheart, 'hitting the sauce' is just a term people say when someone has been drinking too much.  You don't really hit sauce."  " Oh, ya dunt hit sauce den, huh?" asked the child.  " That's right Short Shanks," Hoss said with a big smile on his face.  " Imma sawwee I's hitted da sauce," apologized Little Joe.

Another day, Little Joe decided that he wanted to be a bull fighter, so he went to find something red.  After he had found a red napkin, he ran outside to one of the pastures that was close to the house.  He crawled under the fence and walked over to where about a dozen steers were grazing.

" Kay, now wizen up ya moo cows, cuz Imma bow fight wiv ya.  Now, when I's wave dis here wed napkin, ya gotta wun ta me, so I's can wave dis ober yer head.  Kay, now wun !"

The cattle just kept on eating.  Little Joe stood there and he put his little hands on his hips.  As he stood there watching the cattle eat grass, he wondered what grass tasted like, so he got down on his hands and knees and he got a mouth full of grass and he started to chew it.  What he didn't know was that his family and some of the hands were watching him, and they were trying not too laugh at him, but when they saw him start to eat the grass, Ben shouted at him.

" JOSEPH, SPIT THAT OUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW !" Ben said as he ran over to his little imp.  Little Joe looked up at Ben with a sick look on his face, and he said," YUCK, dis tastes awfo," as he kept trying to spit it out.  " Son, what are you doing?" asked Ben.  " Imma gonna be a bow fighter, but dem moo cows dunt wanna pway wiv me.  All day dun is eat gwass, so I foughted I'd twi it too," the little boy said as he was looking up at Ben with his big bright eyes that always melted Ben's heart. " Well, do you like it ?" asked Ben.  " Nope.  Tastes YUCKY !" he said as he made another funny face.  " Joseph, I don't EVER want you to eat grass again.  It's not good for you and it will make you sick.  Do you want to be sick, son?" asked Ben.  " Nope!"

" You are too little to be a bull fighter.  These are cattle, not bulls.  You only fight with bulls.  So, NO MORE bull fighting," Ben told his little son.  " Kay, Papa," said the little boy.

" I fink Imma gonna be a horsey cuz day hab fun wunnin' fast," said Little Joe to himself.  The little boy went out to the barn and headed into an empty stall.  He stood there making a whinny sound, and then he looked into the food crib at the food, so he put his head in the crib and took a mouth full of food, and he began to chew.  He quickly spit it out because it tasted so bad.  " Dis stuff awfo," he said still trying to spit  the awful tasting food out of his mouth.  He ran out of the stall whinnying like crazy and over to the water trough.  He stuck his head in the water and started to drink.

About this time Ben walked out of the house and the first thing he saw was his little boy with his head in the water trough.  " JOSEPH !!" shouted Ben as he walked towards the his son.  " Hi ya Papa," said the little boy with a wet face and hair.  " Why were you putting your head in the trough for?" asked Ben.  " Cuz Imma horsey, and I ated some horsey food in da stall and it tasted awfo!  Den I's wicked da sot wick too, YUCKY !!" said the little boy making funny faces.  " JOSEPH, how many times do I have to tell you, that you aren't an animal.  You are a little boy.  NEVER eat the horses food it will make you sick and don't ever lick the salt lick either," Ben told his son.  " Kay, Papa, buts I was dinking water out of dis here twough," the boy said.  " Joseph, I don't EVER want you to drink the water from the trough either.  That water isn't clean.  The horses drink out of it and their faces aren't clean.  There are germs in the water, which will make you a very sick little boy.  If you get thirsty when you are outside, use the pump and drink only that water or come in the house and get a drink," Ben told his son. 

" Kay, Papa, but if horseys gots dudy faces we need ta wash em wiv a wash cwoff, so days dunt get da water dudy," said little Joe.  Ben laughed as he picked up his baby son and gave him a hug and kiss.  " I guess you are right sweetheart, they should wash their faces," Ben said.

One evening the following week when Ben, Adam and Hoss walked into the house when they noticed Little Joe sitting in one of the small carpets in the room.  The little boy sat there with his little arms folded across his chest, and he looked like he was in deep thought. 

" Hey little buddy, why are you sitting on the carpet like that?" asked Adam.  " Member when ya weaded me a book bout magic cawpets, and dat they fwi wound da woom, but dis here cawpet dunt wanna go no where.  It jest ways here not mobbin'," said a very serious Little Joe. 

Adam thought to himself," Oh great, how do I explain this one?"  " Well Little Joe, you have to have a magic carpet for it to fly.  We don't have magic carpets in this country.  They are only found in a land far, far away from here.  You also have to be a very important man to even own a magic carpet, like a king," Adam told the child who was looking up at him with his big green eyes wide open.  Ben and Hoss were having a hard time not laughing.  " Oh kay.  Fank ya Adam.  I's guess no magic cawpet fer me den, huh?" the little boy said.

Several days later, Little Joe decided to be an indian, so he ran around the yard on his stick horse yelling," Oooh, wooh wooh" over and over, while quickly moving his little hand across his mouth as he yelled. 

" Hey Little Joe, do you have to be so loud?" shouted Adam.  " Ah Adam, leave him alone and let him play.  He ain't botherin' us none," Hoss told Adam.  " Dunt yell at me Adam, cuz I's an injun.  So dunt mess wiv me yer I's a gonna scalp ya.  UGG !!" 

Little Joe had smeared dirt all over his face to use as war paint, but he wasn't happy with the way it looked, so he went into the ktichen to see if Hop Sing could help him.  " Hop Sing, hab ya gots sompfing I's can use fer waw paint?  I's an injun now," said Little Joe.  Hop Sing help little boy," said Hop Sing as he smiled at the little imp.  Hop Sing mixed together some things he had in the kitchen and put them into some small bowls for the boy to use when ever he wanted.  " Fank ya Hop Sing," said the excited little boy.

The next evening Little Joe put some war paint on his face, and he announced," I's on da waw paff  now.  Me gonna scalp em white man. UGG !" the little boy said.  He walked into the livingroom very quietly and over to where Adam sat reading in his chair.  Little Joe stood next to Adam and he reached out and ran his fingers through Adam's hair.  " Will you stop messing up my hair," Adam said angrily.  Little Joe stood there looking at Adam and he said," UGG, me big injun and I'sa gonna scalp ya white man."  " Go away you little pest!" shouted Adam.  " Ya no talk ta injun dat way.  Ya's gonna getted scalped if'n ya dunt stop yellin' ats me," the boy warned.

That next day, Little Joe played indian all day and he was having having a fun time.  At dinner that night, he decided to eat like an indian, so he used his hands and fingers to eat.  He grabbed his food with his hands shoved the food into his mouth, making a big mess.  " JOSEPH, stop eating like that.  Use your fork please," Ben said.  " Me big injun.  Injuns eat wiv dar hands and fingers.  UGG!"  " JOSEPH-fork please," said Ben again.  " Kay, Papa."

After dinner, Little Joe watched Adam doze off while reading, so the little boy snuck out to the kitchen and took one of Hop Sings sharp knives.  He hid the knife as he came back into the livingroom.  He looked around to see what his family was doing.  Ben was very involved in his newspaper, Hoss was snoring in his chair, and Adam seemed to be asleep too.

Little Joe walked very quietly over to Adam and stood there looking at him to make sure he was a sleep.  Adam was sound to sleep.  Little Joe very gently took the knife out of its hiding place, and he then very gently grabbed a handful of Adam's hair above his forehead on the top of Adam's head.  He took the knife and cut off a handful of hair.  " Oooh wooh wooh! Oooh wooh wooh !"

Adam woke up screaming.  Ben jumped up dropping his newspaper, and Hoss was startled from his sleep.  " PA, LITTLE JOE TRIED TO SCALP ME !" shouted Adam as he felt his head.  Little Joe stood there holding a handful of Adam's hair.  " Me scalp em white man.  Oooh wooh wooh!" chanted Little Joe.  " I'm going to KILL him Pa.  LOOK WHAT HE DID TO MY HAIR!" yelled Adam.  Hoss was now laughing.  Ben stood there in shock at the sight of his oldest and his youngest sons.  Adam was madder than a hornet, and his hair was sticking straight up where it had been cut off.  Little Joe on the other hand, proudly held up his prized scalped hair in his little hand. 

" JOSEPH, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT KNIFE, and WHY DID YOU SCALP YOUR BROTHER?" shouted Ben.  " UGG, me big injun take em knife fom kitchen and scalp em white man, cuz he mean ta me,"  Little Joe said.

Adam jumped up and headed towards his little brother shouting, " I'M GOING TO KILL YOU LITTLE BROTHER !"

Little Joe took off running and screaming for help.  He was scared now, thinking that Adam was going to kill him.  He ran out the front door and into the yard screaming for help. 

By now the ranch hands had all come out of the bunkhouse at the sound of the screaming child.    Charlie grabbed the screaming and trembling child and held him.  Adam ran up to Charlie yelling he was going to kill Little Joe.  The child was terrified.  Ben and Hoss ran out after Adam trying to calm him down.

" Ben, what is going on?  Why is Little Joe screaming for help.  He's scared to death," Charlie said.  " Charlie, Little Joe tried to scalp Adam," said Ben.  " WHAT DO YOU MEAN TRIED ?  HE DID SCALP ME !  JUST LOOK AT MY HAIR!" shouted Adam.  Little Joe was still holding Adam's hair in his hand.  " Looks like he did scalp him some Ben," Hank said.  The hands were having a hard time not laughing.  After all Adam's hair looked very funny.

Ben took Little Joe from Charlie and he held his trembling little boy, who had tears running down his face.  " Adam, you and Hoss please go in the house.  I need to have a talk with your little brother," Ben said.

After Hoss and Adam had gone into the house, Ben carried Little Joe over to the rocking chair on the porch and he sat down and he put the little boy on his lap.  " Little Joe, I am very disappointed in what you did to you brother.  You could have hurt him very badly and you could have cut your hand very badly too.  You know you aren't suppose to play with knives, don't you?"  Little Joe just nodded.  " You know that you are going to have to be punished, don't you?"  Again the little boy just nodded.  " I want you to apologize to your brother for what you did.  Then we will go up your room for a little discussion.  Now let's go into the house," Ben said.

Adam was still very upset at what had happened.  A very sad Little Joe walked up to Adam, and laid his tiny hand on Adam's knee.  Adam just glared at him.  " Adam, Imma so sawwee dat I scalped ya.  I was ownwee pwayin'.  I wuv ya Adam," Little Joe told Adam with tears running down his little face as he handed Adam back the hair that he had cut off of him.  Adam didn't say anything to his baby brother, as he grabbed the handful of hair from the little boy.  He got up from his chair, said 'good night' and he headed up the stairs, and he slammed his door loudly.  Hoss turned to his little brother and said," hey, Punkin, ya really did scalp big brother some, didn't ya?"  " Yup, but I's dunt fink he wiked it none," said Little Joe softly.

That night, Little Joe woke up screaming," dunt kill me Adam," over and over.  Ben, Adam and Hoss raced into the little boys room to try to calm him down.  Adam ran into the room first and when he saw his baby brother having this nightmare and screaming, he sat down on the child's bed, and he picked him up and tried to calm him down.  By now, Little Joe was crying and trembling.  Adam forgot about being upset at the boy as he calmly talked to the child and slowly rubbed Little Joe's back.  " Oh, little buddy, I'm not going to kill you.  I promise I'd never do that.  Come on now baby, settle down.  Everything is alright, he kept telling the Little Joe.  " Ya sure ya ain't gonna kill me Adam?" asked the little boy.  " I'm sure little buddy.  I love you more than anything baby.  How about I take you back to bed with me?  Would you like that?" asked Adam.  " Kay"

Adam picked up his little brother and began to carry him to his room.  Ben made sure his baby was OK.  Little Joe was almost asleep again.  He had his head laying on Adam's shoulder and his thumb in his mouth.   Adam put the child in bed and covered him up.  Then he crawled into the other side of the bed, and soon he was sound to sleep again. 

After that, Little Joe continued to play indian, but he never scalped anyone again.

THE END.

Footnote:  I got the idea for Little Joe playing dead from my cousin, Paul Jr.  When PJ was five years old, a neighbor boy, who was several years older than PJ, had an old bike that his father had accidentally drove over with the family car.  He convinced PJ to go over to the road along the river, and lay down on the side of the road with the broken bike laying next to him. So being only five years old, and not knowing any better, PJ did what he was told.  

As he laid there, several cars stopped to see if he was alright, since they thought that he had been hit by a car.  

PJ was so scared at what was happening, that he just laid there not moving  and he didn't open his eyes at all.  My aunt Teresa came running up too him and that scared him even more.  When my aunt found out it was all a joke, PJ was punished big time, and so was the neighbor boy.  PJ NEVER did that again.   

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