The Waif

by Lyn Robinson

Adam had ridden to town to collect the mail and see to some business at the bank. Hop Sing had handed him a list of stores to order while he was there and three urgent items to bring home with him.

It was a beautifully clear day, if bitterly cold, and he enjoyed his ride but all too soon he was in the dusty bustle and noise that was Virginia City. His errands done he had dropped into get the gossip from Roy at the jail. Roy was glad to see him there had been a theft reported, some newcomer to town, insisting that her jewels had been stolen. Roy wasn’t at all convinced, she seemed very clear about the worth of her jewels, but the description of them was far more vague. Apart from her conviction that a young girl she had seen lurking around the hotel was involved, she had no idea of the culprit.

Roy needed to talk things over and Adam had always acted as a good sounding board for the older man. Adam listened quietly and then asked a few questions before sitting back smiling slightly. Roy frowned “You don’t think she had any jewels?”

“I didn’t say anything Roy, but I’d bet you think she has made up a story.”

Roy laughed “You could be right Adam. Sure is something funny going on. I’m real glad you came by. I think I’ll go talk to that young lady again.”

“Need any help?”

“Nope reckon I can handle it from here.”

Adam headed over to the store to fetch the oddments Hop Sing had demanded but as he came out and was heading back to Sport he heard muffled sobbing. It sounded like a young child and as he turned to see where it was coming from he saw splatters of blood on the ground. Concerned what it might mean Adam could no more have turned away than he could have left one of his brothers hurt. He followed the trail into the dark alley and the sound seemed to be coming from under the building. There were steps up to a side door and a space under the steps. Adam bent down to look in and saw a small form huddled back in the furthest corner.

He knelt down and eased himself just inside. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light he saw the child cringe back away from him. It was a young girl and he could make out the black mark of blood on her leg. “Easy now I’m not going to hurt you.” Adam wasn’t at all sure she understood him but he tried again “You need some help just come over here.” The girl shuddered and tried to curl up into an even smaller ball. Adam considered matters he had to get the child out into the light where he could see what was wrong. “Are you hungry?”

She lifted her head at that and Adam said as gently as he could “I’ll get you some milk and food, but you are going to have to come out with me.”

She seemed to consider that but slowly edged forward and let Adam take her hand and help her out. She was thin and looked half starved which made it difficult for him to judge her age but he guessed she was about eight, a short torn dirty dress was her only covering and her leg was still bleeding. Whatever else was wrong her leg needed cleaning and possibly a few stitches, so Adam decided Doc was his first stop. She took a limping step but he could hear the little gasp of pain and he gently picked up the child.

She held herself rigid and pulled back away from him but Adam just held her still “Easy little one. We are just going to see the Doctor, get you fixed up.”

Big dark eyes looked up at him but she made no attempt to say anything. and Adam gave her a smile trying to reassure her. He called for Paul as soon as he reached the surgery and he was in luck the Doc was home. Dr Martin came out drying his hands and considered Adam in some surprise “Just what have you got there?”

“To be quite honest I’m not sure, but she is hurt.”

“Bring her on through and lets see what we can do to repair the damage.”

Adam held the little girl as Doc had a look at her leg. It was a jagged gash and dirty, indeed the whole of the child was filthy. “We need to get her clean or that is going to be infected. It’s not bleeding much now and I think it will be easier if we give her a bath first. I’ll pad it for the moment.”

The girl tensed again as Doc tried to ease the filthy tattered dress of her and then for the first time the men saw the whip marks on her back. Doc looked at Adam in horror “Do you know anything about this?”

“Only what I told you. No wonder the poor little mite was crying.”

“Well first things first, let’s get her clean.” As carefully as they could the two men worked together to wash and dry the little girl. Paul got some salve for the raw marks on her back and put five stitches in her leg before bandaging that, Adam held her still while Paul worked but she still didn’t say a word, just biting her lip. It also became obvious that she was at least part Indian.

Eventually Adam rested her down on the treatment table “Okay if I raid some milk and cookies for her Paul?”

“Sure you know where to find everything. She looks as though she needs food.”

The little girl watched Adam leave the room and seemed to tense up again until he reappeared. Then she relaxed a little and taking the milk began to gulp it as though scared it would be taken away again. Adam gently eased it away from her. “Not so fast little one, no-one will take it from you.”

For the first time she seemed to acknowledge what Adam was saying and he risked a question. “My name is Adam what is your’s?”

“Netta”

“That’s real pretty. Where are your parents?”

She looked down at her lap “Dead”

Paul wasn’t surprised at that but it was going to cause problems and he wasn’t sure that Adam realised the extent of them. “Why don’t you go get her some clothes to wear, let her finish her food.”

“Good idea Paul. You take it easy Netta I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Netta looked very suspiciously at Paul but the food was still there and she hadn’t eaten in days, it was enough for now.

Adam was back twenty minutes later with dress, underclothes, stocking and shoes, jacket and bonnet. He helped her dress and then Paul signalled him over to the window. “Well you have cleaned and fed her, got her new clothes. Now what?”

“I’m not sure Doc. I suppose I ought to take her over to the orphanage.”

“You’ll be wasting your time.”

Adam frowned “I know they are always stretched but they somehow mange to take one more.”

“They will only take children with no relatives.”

“So?”

“I’ve been here before Adam. She’s part Indian and therefore in their mind has relatives.” Adam stared at Doc in disbelief, prejudice raised its head in so many places and in so many guises. Paul gripped his arm “They have to limit the numbers somehow and they do all they can.”

“I know. Doc. There must be other orphanages that would take her?”

“Yes, one or two I can find out details for you, but its gonna take a few days.”

Adam smiled ruefully “Well I guess Hoss and Joe will enjoy the chance to spoil her for a few days and she sure looks as though she could use some attention.”

Paul tried to warn the younger man not to get too involved but he couldn’t help thinking that his warning was coming rather too late.

Adam lifted the little girl up and carried her over to Sport. He warned his horse to behave and then settled her on the saddle before swinging up behind her. Netta quickly relaxed back against him and was fast asleep even before he had left town. The visit to Doc’s had extended his trip to town by several hours and he knew he was going to be late for dinner, but he wouldn’t risk pushing on too hard with the little girl in his arms.

Ben wasn’t best pleased when his eldest son didn’t appear for the meal and Joe murmured to Hoss “Eldest brother is in trouble this time. He’d better have a good excuse.”

“Hope it ain’t that little dark haired girl in the Palace.”

Joe laughed but he tried to hide it as Ben glared at them and they joined him at table. Ben was lecturing them on their responsibilities and why they were expected to be on time. It was a lecture that Hoss in particular had heard many times, although usually it was Joe’s absence that set his father off. He had often wondered why he was the one to get lectured, when he was the one who was on time. Joe was restless but knew better than to bring his father’s wrath down onto his own head and sat quietly until he heard a horse coming in. “I’ll bet that’s Adam I’ve finished so I’ll go see to his horse.”

Before Ben could stop him Joe had headed for the door. Joe went out and then as he saw his brother’s extra burden, he yelled for his father and brother. Suddenly concerned that there was real trouble behind his eldest son’s late arrival Ben hurried out. Adam was glad to see his family he had been wondering how to get Netta down. The way she had been lying against his arm had sent it to sleep and he was scared he would hurt her.

Hoss stared up at Adam “What you got there?”

“I’ll explain when we get inside. Can you take her for me. Careful of her right leg, Doc had to stitch it.”

Ben watched his son dismount stiffly and ordered Joe to take care of Sport. Joe led the horse off but he just untacked him and put him in his stall promising the horse a good brush once he had satisfied his curiosity. Sport didn’t care with food and water available he could wait.

Inside Hoss had placed the little girl down on the sofa and then he sat back and looked up at Adam. Adam went and poured himself a coffee and then took up his favoured position, leaning against the mantelpiece. “I sort of found her, in the alley next to the store. Filthy dirty bleeding, crying and half starved. Someone has taken a whip to her. Doc helped me get her cleaned up.”

“Who did it?” Hoss demanded.

Adam responded but it was his father he was really talking to “I don’t know. I have had exactly two words out of her; her name Netta and the fact that her parents are dead. I thought of the Orphanage Pa, but Doc said it wouldn’t work because she’s at least part Indian and therefore in their terms has family. He is trying to find out details of other places with different rules.” He straightened up and moved over to the child “I didn’t know what else to do, so I brought her home.”

Ben gripped his shoulder momentarily “Of course. While she’s sleeping why don’t you get some food Hop Sing has kept some stew hot for you.”

“Thanks Pa.” Adam met his father’s gaze and both knew he wasn’t thinking only of the food. Even so when he got to table Adam found he had little appetite. He looked over at his big brother “Hoss could you set up the truckle bed in my room I don’t want her waking up alone, she’ll be scared.”

“Sure brother. On condition you actually eat that stew, stop just stirring it round.”

Adam smiled affectionately at him but did manage to eat rather more, warmed by his brother’s concern. Joe was bubbling over with questions, but for once he heeded the warning look his father gave him and left Adam in peace.

Adam was sitting over coffee when Hoss reappeared to say the bed was all ready and Adam went and carefully picked up the sleeping child. She stirred slightly and seemed to study him but then gave a contented grunt grabbed tight to his shirt and snuggled into him going straight back to sleep. Ben watched that but he was even more aware of the tenderness in his eldest son’s expression as he looked down at the child. He knew this little waif had touched his son’s heart and he couldn’t help fear for the future. Adam was all too likely to be caught in the middle and get hurt.

Adam hadn’t even thought that far he just knew that this little child deserved more out of life than she had had so far and he was going to do his best to make sure that it happened. He was tired but he wasn’t sleepy and sat for quite awhile in the darkness, just listening to her gentle breathing, and dreaming of the day when it would be his own child there.

The following day she woke very early and couldn’t understand where she was. The comfortable bed and clean warm blankets felt so good she was sure she was dreaming and then she looked up and saw the dark clad figure smiling down at her. Her first instinct was to hide under the blankets but then memories of the previous day came back and she allowed herself to look up and met those kind eyes she had seen yesterday and she gave a little half smile.

“I hope you feel a little better after some sleep Netta. Bet you’re hungry.”

She nodded slowly and Adam passed over some clothes “Do you need any help?” She shook her head so he just reminded her to wash her face and hands and left her to get dressed. Five minutes later he poked his head round the door to see if she was ready and found her sitting on the bed staring wide eyed round a room with more things in it than she had ever seen.

Adam came over “Let’s go downstairs and you can meet the rest of my family and the best cook in Nevada.”

She looked very scared but she took the hand he offered her and keeping very close to him went downstairs to the big room, which seemed populated with huge people to the scared little girl. Even Joe looked large to her and Ben and Hoss were enormous and she pressed closer to Adam’s side, somehow his size didn’t scare her. Adam could guess why she was scared, but he kept things very matter of fact and led her to the table sitting her next to him. Then he motioned his family to join them and told Netta, who each one was. As he spoke he poured some milk and put eggs bacon and biscuits on her plate. She looked up at him questioningly and Adam smiled “Just relax Netta and you eat your breakfast. If you want some more when you have finished that there’s plenty more.” Then he settled to eat his own breakfast, glad to see the little girl following suit.

Once they were finished Adam asked his big brother for help in changing her bandages and he held the little girl while Hoss carefully soaked off the bandage and replaced it and put fresh salve on her back. She could hardly believe how gentle the big man was and when he had finished she lent back against Adam “What is his name?”

“Hoss”

“Ain’t never heard that.”

“Well he’s pretty unique, his heart is as big as he is and you can always trust him.”

Netta nodded and looking shyly over at Hoss she said “Thank you”

“You’re very welcome little lady.”

Now he had her talking a little Adam needed to try and find out more about the child and asked “Can you tell me a little more about your parents?”

“Why? They are dead.”

“Well just maybe there are other relatives Netta.” She shook her head “None that want me.”

“Well then just to satisfy my curiosity.” Adam said with a grin and she couldn’t resist the twinkle in his eyes. She slid closer to him and Adam put his arm round her but he could feel the little girl tense up and it was almost a whisper as she said “My mother was Dancing Moon. She was a Paiute.”

Adam smiled down at her “I kinda figured that.”

“You don’t mind?”

“I grew up with some very good friends amongst the Paiutes. What about your father?”

“He was a miner. He died in the cave in the Kentuck about six weeks ago.”

“So you have been living on the street for six weeks?”

“At first I had a few dollars, sold Pa’s clothes and gun but it didn’t last and no-one would hire me. I can work hard, clean and wash.”

“That’s alright Netta. I’m sure you can help out but we’ll sort that out once you’re fit. How old are you anyway?”

she straightened slightly and said “I’m nearly full grown I’m ten.” That did surprise Adam but he guessed that the little girl had seldom been well fed in her life and that did tend to stunt growth.

He asked “Just how did you get hurt?”

She shivered and Adam tightened his grip on her shoulders “No-one is going to hurt you again, I promise.”

“I’m not a thief.” She looked up at him big eyes glistening with tears and Adam dropped a kiss on her forehead “I know that sweetheart. Just tell me what happened.”

She snuggled even closer to him and he had to strain to hear her as she began her story. “I was hanging around the back of the hotel. Sometimes they throw out food. Then this woman came down. She was real pretty and she seemed sorry for me she offered me food up in her room.”

“So you went up to her room.” She nodded and held onto his shirt with an iron grip as she tried to bring herself to tell the rest of her story. Adam pulled her a little closer “I know you didn’t do anything wrong Just tell me and it won’t haunt you any more.”

“She gave me an apple and then she said if I wanted anything else I had to do something for her. I had to tell the sheriff that I had taken her jewels and given them to a man. My Mama she wouldn’t let me tell lies. I tried to tell her but this man he came out and he had a whip.” the tears came trickling down her cheeks “He said he’d make me obey and he kept hitting me.”

Adam tried to hide the surge of fury he felt not wanting to upset the little girl anymore as she went on. “The woman, she gripped his arm, said it was enough, and I tried to run, but I fell against the trunk in the corner and it was sharp, torn edge and it cut my leg. They seemed to lose interest in me and I got out back to my alley and next day you came.”

Adam wiped her face “Don’t cry sweetheart you’re safe here.” She looked up with a blinding smile “I don’t know why, but I know that.”

Hoss had sat by and listened and his anger was very clear to his brother but he did his best to hide it from the child and going over to Adam he murmured “What are you going to do?”

“I need to tell Roy what’s going on. He was worried about this woman, unless I’m very much mistaken. He needs to know he has reason, before he goes looking for a non-existent thief.”

“You going to town?”

“I think I have to.” Adam knelt down in front of Netta and took her hands “You will be fine right here. Hoss will look after you and I’ll be back later this afternoon.”

She looked a little hesitant and then looked up at Hoss who smiled at her and she nodded as Adam took her hand and put it in his brother’s huge hand “I told you heart as big as he is.”

“I’ll be fine”

Adam was glad she had accepted at least one other member of his family but he made the best time he could to town, wanting to get back. He was in luck Roy was in his office and listened with interest to Adam’s story. He had already heard about the young girl Adam had rescued from Doc Martin and was perfectly willing to accept Adam’s version of her story. If Adam believed her then that was good enough for him. It all fitted the facts as he knew them.

“What do you think Adam?”

“I’d guess the jewels are already sold and the proceeds long gone but I doubt if they actually belong to the young lady, maybe her mother’s or something. From the sound of things if you get her on her own and push her, with what you now know she will break.”

“Certainly worth a try. You gonna stick around and help?”

Adam showed the anger that was still in him “I don’t think I’d better. I might not be able to keep my hands of him.”

“You ain’t wanting to push that whipping against him?”

“I’d love to but I am realist enough to know that with Netta being a half-breed there isn’t any chance. I just have to trust that a man like that will someday get what is coming to him.”

“You make sure it ain’t you giving him his comeuppance Adam.”

“You have my word on it Roy much as I’d enjoy it. I need to get home I still have a very scared little girl on the Ponderosa and I’m the only one she really trusts although I think Hoss is rapidly joining me.”

“That ain’t no surprise. You take care and tell that big bear of a Pa that it’s time he came in and gave me a game of chess. I’ve been practising.”

Over the next days Adam slowly learnt a little more about Netta She had lived with the Paiutes for nearly six years and then her mother had died of the spotted fever. Adam guessed it was in the bad attack of measles which had killed quite a lot of the local Indians about four years earlier. The group she had lived with had blamed her for the sickness, as she and her mother were the first to fall ill and she was the only one to survive. Netta thought that they were right, her father had been sick when he came to visit but he had only taken a mild attack. She had not argued when they insisted that she go to her father. She had been dumped on his doorstep and he had fed and minimally clothed her in exchange for someone to cook and clean for him but had made no attempt to put her into school. She was a breed and he never let her forget it.

Adam couldn’t understand a man doing that to his own daughter but he was more interested in the Paiutes and asked her how she had liked living with them. In many ways her memories were coloured by the presence of her Mama and she was enthusiastic as she described her life with them. Ben sat by and listened as she told his son about her early life, but he didn’t say anything until she was in bed.

“What are you going to do Son?”

“I really don’t know but before I can make up my mind I think I have to speak to Winnemucca and find out the Paiutes’ position. She is half Indian.”

“The Paiutes aren’t any kinder to half-breeds than the white men, especially a girl with no family.”

“You’re probably right Pa, but maybe her Mother does have relatives who might take her in. Maybe not in the small group she was with or even there now they have recovered from the measles epidemic. I think I have to find out.”

“The Paiutes aren’t very friendly at the moment. You’re taking a risk.”

Adam turned slightly and smiled at his father “Not that big a risk. I’m trading on the fair way you have treated them over many years.”

He turned back to stare into the fire “I just want to do the best for her.”

“And for you?”

“Adam smiled faintly “Oh for me, well then I would just keep her but I don’t have that right, unless it really is the best for her. You know how cruel white people can be.”

Ben got to his feet and walked over to grip his son’s shoulder “If you decide that that is best for her you know you have my support and that of your brothers.”

Adam lent back against his father for a moment “Somehow I never doubted that and I wonder if you even realise just how special that is. For me and for Hoss and Joe. That we can always rely on support. Thanks Pa I only wish I could really find the words to tell you what it means.”

Ben squeezed his shoulder again “I think you just did.” He headed onto bed warmed by his son’s words. It was so rare for Adam to bare his feelings and he was so thankful that all his sons had such compassion for the less well off and were willing to put others first. He felt as though he must have done something right in bringing them up and he was immensely proud of them all.

Adam was late to bed but he was still up early and he was surprised to find Netta was already downstairs. She was standing looking at a book he had left open on the table the previous evening. She didn’t dare touch it but Adam could see the longing in her eyes. He slipped onto the couch behind her “You like books?”

“I have never had one. I cannot read.”

“Well I can always do something about that. If you would like to learn?” The way her eyes lit up gave Adam his answer and he smiled down at the child. He lifted her up onto his lap and got one of his large picture books and showed her how to turn the pages gently. She was fascinated and didn’t want to put the book down for breakfast, but Adam insisted that they join the rest of the family.

After the meal she almost dragged him back to the books to the amusement of the rest of the family, but within a few days she was spelling out words and the whole family were caught up in her excitement. She was bright and was soon reading simple stories. Ben thought he had seldom seen his son so contented, as he sat with Netta on his lap helping her with the odd word she couldn’t read or understand.

Despite his contentment, or maybe because of it, Adam still felt he had to check out the Paiutes. For now he could protect the young girl but he had already seen the side-looks at them when they took her to church. Maybe only the fact that they were in church had prevented the snide comments from being more than murmurs under the breath. When he had checked out the possibility of her going to school it had been made very clear that half-breeds weren’t welcome, despite the fact that both he and his father were on the school board. Doc had come up with an orphanage outside Sacramento, a mission school that would take Netta, but he had been unable to answer Adam’s questions about the conditions at the orphanage.

Netta had been with them for nearly five weeks now and the longer she was there the harder it was going to be on all of them if other arrangements had to be made. Adam had grown to love the young girl, but he couldn’t help feeling that if he kept her it would be for his benefit and she would have all the problems. The only trouble was finding a situation where she wouldn’t have the same problems, but without his protection.

His mind made up he decided to go and see Winnemucca. At least then he would know if there was a viable option involving her Mother’s people. Then he would have to make a decision. Ben was loathe to let his son go alone. There had been all too many incidents where the normally peaceful Paiutes had been forced into retaliation by the actions of miners and other newcomers to the area. He had suggested that Adam take one of his brothers but Adam refused. If there was real trouble, two could be killed as easily as one and he was out to avoid trouble. He only wanted to talk and his best chance was to do as they always had and face the Indians as equals, not show any sign of fear.

Ben had to go along with his son, but he knew he wouldn’t rest easy until Adam came home. They were all careful not to tell Netta where Adam was going just that he had to go and do some business for his father. However she picked up on the tensions between the men and the day after Adam left she was up early and only picking at her food. Late on in the day Hoss found her out by the corral staring up towards the lake as though she could make Adam materialise. “Hey now Netta he’ll be back in a couple of days.”

“I miss him Hoss.”

“Well I always like it best when we’re all home but Adam he’s often away. Ranch means a powerful lot of business all over and Adam, he’s best at negotiating and the like”

“He is coming back?”

“Of course he is. Now you come on in, time for a bath and then bed young lady.”

Adam had ridden up towards Winnemucca’s camp but he camped late in the evening not wanting to go in until daylight. As he rode in the following morning he could feel the eyes on him and his back was tingling, knowing that some young buck could go off half cocked at any moment. He was very careful to keep his stance relaxed and his face impassive, not showing any of those concerns. Half a dozen younger braves moved closer trying to hustle him, but he let Sport prance and show his displeasure and the braves moved backwards away from the large angry stallion.

Adam moved over to the chief’s tent and dismounted. He knew enough of the Paiute language to greet Winnemucca with the appropriate ceremonial, to show respect for the ageing chief. To his relief he was invited to sit and smoke a pipe and he knew the chief would at least listen to his questions. There was a murmur of disaffection from some of the braves, but none of them would go against their chief.

After the formalities had been completed Adam asked about Dancing Moon. He could sense Winnemucca tense up at that. “She is dead. She brought sickness to the camp.”

“That was hardly her fault.”

“Maybe not but many died it is not forgotten.”

“She had a daughter.”

“We sent her to her father.”

“He is now dead, the child is alone.”

“Word is that she is with the Cartwrights.”

“She is but she is half Paiute. Does she have relatives here?”

“She is bad medicine brought sickness.”

“Four years ago she was a six year old child. Winnemucca you can’t blame her for that.”

“She is not Paiute, her father is of your people. Has she no relatives there?”

Adam smiled faintly as the chief turned his question back on him “None that I know of.”

“The same is true here.”

Adam knew that if Winnemucca wasn’t prepared to take her in then none of the Paiutes would and he could only accept the ruling. “I had to check for the child’s sake”

“You have your answer, now go in peace.”

One of the other braves, Running Bear, who had lost his wife and children to the measles, had been gradually losing his temper as he realised what Adam was suggesting. He suddenly sprang forward barring Adam’s way to his horse “You want to bring sickness among us again. You would bring that child, that evil spirit, back here where she killed so many.”

Adam did his best not to react as the brave poked at him with a heavy stick “I mean you no harm.” The brave showed his total disbelief at that but Winnemucca moved forward “Go now Adam Cartwright.” he reiterated loudly “Go in peace” and Adam knew that the chief was giving his protection for the moment, but it wasn’t advisable to push his luck.

He rode slowly doing his best not to let anyone see how nervous he felt, but he had seen the hatred in the younger brave's eyes. At least he had part of the answer. There was no way that the Paiutes were going to be part of the solution.

Ben came home just in time for dinner and was surprised to hear the sound of someone chopping wood. He went round the back to find his youngest son attacking the pile of wood with venom. Ben frowned taking in the smart shirt and best trousers that Joe was wearing and went over to his son “I thought you were taking Sarah to the dance tonight?”

“I was until she discovered we had a half breed living here. Then suddenly I am not a suitable person to take her to the dance according to her father and I think her too.”

Ben bit his lip trying to think what to say to his youngest son, seeing the fury on his face. “I’m sorry Joe.”

“Yeah and then I saw Roy and he can’t do anything to that pair who tried to get her to lie and hurt her. She’s a half breed and a child, no-one will take her word against that pair so they get away with it. They’ve left town or I might have made them pay myself.” Joe gave a big sigh “Real good day Pa!”

“It’s not her fault Joe.”

Joe stared at his father as though he had gone mad “I know that! I’m not mad at her.”

“Your brother really didn’t have a choice.”

“For once I’m not mad at Adam either. If anyone I’m mad at myself. I really liked Sarah, I thought she was nice. Funny it’s not until something like this happens that you find out just how narrow minded and cruel some people can be.”

“I’m sorry you’ve split up with her son.”

“I’m not! I’m just sorry I wasn’t a better judge of character in the first place.”

Ben smiled broadly and put his arm round his youngest son’s shoulders. “Sometimes Joe you surprise me, and that pleases me immensely. I’m very proud of you son.”

Hoss had been helping Netta read another book. She wanted to surprise Adam when he got home and Hoss had reassured her that his brother would be back soon. In fact it was about an hour after dinner that they heard a horse come in. Joe went out to see his brother dismounting and offered to look after Sport for him. Adam was tired and hungry and willingly accepted, if rather surprised.

He didn’t have long to think about it. As he walked through the door, he was nearly knocked over, as Netta squealed loudly and threw herself at him. Adam caught her and swung her up in his arms. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and then asked if she had been a good girl in his absence. She nodded energetically “You can ask Hoss or your father. I have.”

Hoss nodded “Sure has Adam but why don’t you let him get some grub Netta. He looks half starved.”

She wriggled free and ran towards the kitchen “I’ll tell Hop Sing.”

Ben studied his eldest son who looked very tired but more at peace than he had been. Ben could only wait until Adam was ready to tell them what was on his mind. Adam ate rapidly and then was content to sit with Netta on his lap and hear her read the new story she had been preparing with Hoss’ help. She was content to cuddle up to him secure now that he was home and made no protest when he announced it was her bedtime. She hadn’t slept well while he was away and was happy to go to bed and have him sing her to sleep.

By the time he had settled Netta and washed up Adam had made up his mind. He needed to talk to his family. He was surprised to find his little brother home but happy to take advantage of it. When he came down he took up his familiar position leaning against the mantelpiece and considered his family. Ben put down the book he’d been reading and Hoss and Joe stopped their checkers game. They all knew him very well.

Adam smiled at the expectant looks on their faces “Okay as you’ve obviously guessed I have made some decisions and I need to tell you.”

Hoss looked at him “You want Joe and me to go tend the stock?”

“No What I have to say affects all of us. Unless I miss my guess little brother you have already been affected. Weren’t you supposed to be with Sarah at the dance tonight?”

“I was until I discovered that I don’t really like her, she’s not as nice as I thought.”

“I’m sorry Joe”

“Not your fault, the fault is in her.”

“You’ve been doing some growing up while my back was turned little brother. Thank you.” Adam smiled affectionately at him “But it does underline the need for us to talk.” He sighed “At least I got some answers from Winnemucca. There is no place for Netta with her mother’s people. They blame her for bringing measles amongst them. She caught it from her father and you know how many Paiutes died but she survived. Doubtless because of her white blood but they don’t see it that way. They think she is a bad spirit.”

Joe protested “She could only have been about six.”

“I know that Joe but they were scared by a disease they have never seen before. Anyway the reason doesn’t really matter, the fact is she cannot return to the Paiutes. Doc has found an orphanage for mixed blood children outside Sacramento but...” He turned to stare into the fire “I just can’t do it. I thought I could and maybe that first day I could have done, but not now.”

The two younger brothers grinned in delight at each other but they waited for Adam to go on without pushing him. Slowly Adam straightened his shoulders “When the Circuit Judge come to town in three weeks I intend to formally adopt her.”

Joe whooped with delight “That’s great Adam. Guess that’ll make me an Uncle and she’s a real cute kid.”

To his surprise Adam seemed more upset than pleased. “It’s not that easy Joe. You’ve had a taste of what it will mean. I don’t care about her parentage but the people of Virginia City do care. I may need to take her back East, where people won’t know she’s part Paiute and maybe won’t care as much. It’s the effect on her, and on you three. I don’t want any of you to be hurt.”

That bald statement stunned his family and Joe was the first to react “You can’t!”

Adam met his brother’s angry gaze “I don’t want to Joe but I may not have a choice.”

Ben felt as though there was an iron grip round his heart at the idea of losing his eldest son but he wasn’t going to let it happen without a fight “It’s not like you to run away Adam.”

“It isn’t just me this time Pa. It’s Netta and my brothers.”

“All the more reason to stay here. We have some influence and a lot of friends round here.”

Adam sighed heavily “You may not have as many friends as you think when they find out what I’m doing Joe had already lost one.”

Joe moved to his brother and gripped his arm “Adam any so-called friend who turn their backs on us because you take in a young child are not worth having.”

Adam bit his lip and felt the tears fill his eyes “Just when did you become so wise little brother?”

“Wise enough to know that you are exhausted. Go get some sleep big brother and then you might think more clearly, remember just how much stronger we are when we act together.”

Hoss came over and taking his brother’s arm said “Joe’s right. Bed for you right now.”

Ben watched his eldest son being escorted upstairs by his brothers and he had never been more proud of all three of his sons.

Despite his near exhaustion it was a long time before Adam could go to sleep. He had always loved and respected his family but never had they shown the reason more clearly and he knew they were right. He had to stay and fight the prejudice here in the land which had such a firm hold on his heart with the people he loved.

Even though he was late going to sleep, relaxed he slept better than he had in days. When he was woken, by the quiet pattering around of small feet, he lazed back anticipating the day ahead eagerly. Netta came over and knelt down by his bed studying him carefully and Adam turned his head and smiled at her. “You are awake”

“Yes little one. Just summoning up the energy to leave my nice warm bed. Why don’t you go downstairs and see if Hop Sing has some coffee for me. I’ll be down in a few minutes.” Netta gave him a quick hug and rushed out.

Adam waited until they had all had breakfast and then took Netta out and over to the corral. There with the view up to the lake he had the confidence to speak to the young girl. “Do you like it here Netta?”

She took his hand and smiled up at him “I love it here.”

“I have tried to find any relatives you might have but I couldn’t find any.” She stared up at him very solemnly and Adam knelt down to get to her level “What would you say to staying here permanently? I would adopt you and become your new father.”

Netta hardly dared believe what she was hearing and she whispered “You’d really be my Papa?”

“I would love to be your Papa sweetheart.”

She couldn’t answer him but put her arms round his neck and hugged him as though she would never let him go. Adam found his eyes misting up again and he felt warm inside “Shall we go tell the others that they are going to be Uncle Hoss and Uncle Joe and Grandpa.?”

Netta pulled back and looked worried “What will they say?”

“They knew I was going to ask you and they are absolutely delighted little one.” That gained him a radiant smile and another hug and Adam got back to his feet. He swept her up in his arms and headed in to share his good fortune with those he loved. No-one got very much work done that day as they relaxed and enjoyed Adam’s happiness and that of the excited little girl. After lunch Hoss and Joe decided it was just the right time to introduce Netta to the small pony they had been training for her. They hadn’t even told Adam what they were up to and he was delighted with their surprise. He knew he would never forget the delight on the little girl’s face or the self satisfaction on his brothers’ faces. Ben watched his eldest son even more than he did the little girl and he couldn’t remember a time when Adam had been so relaxed and content.

Much later, when an exhausted but very happy little girl was fast asleep, Adam managed to get each of his brothers on their own. He tried to say thank you, but both of them were insistent that they had enjoyed the training and even more Netta’s reaction so thanks weren’t needed. For once Adam gave up on words and pulled each of his brothers close and gave them a hug to say thank you.

Ben had given up on his book and just enjoyed himself watching his sons interactions. When Hoss and Joe went up to bed, Adam sat down on the table and stared into the fire but he was very aware of his father’s presence “My brothers have grown into very remarkable men”

“Just like their eldest brother”

Adam turned round to look at his father and smiled “Guess we must have got something from our old man.”

“A little less of the old. I may be a Grandpa now but I can still handle all my sons, even if one is now a Papa.”

“She’s very special.”

“That she is son and she has a very special Pa.” Ben gripped his son’s shoulder “Don’t stay up too long you look tired.”

“I won’t but it has been about the best day of my life and I just want to remember it for a little while.” Adam smiled, his dimples showing and the smile lighting his eyes, so he looked years younger. As Ben settled for sleep the vision of a very contented eldest son stayed so clearly in his mind that Adam could have been sitting there.

The Judge wasn’t due for three weeks and the family spent the time adjusting to their new member and teaching her to ride. Joe with great delight introduced her to the chores of collecting eggs and filling wood baskets that had been his at the same age. Hoss taught her how to care for her pony, while Adam taught her to ride.

Joe did murmur to Hoss on one occasion, when he had managed to spill milk all over his eldest brother without more than a warning of be careful, that if he had known a daughter would mellow Adam so much, he would have provided one years ago. Hoss laughed but in fact all of them were enjoying seeing Adam so relaxed and happy.

The work of the ranch did have to carry on but the younger brothers willingly took on anything which meant being away overnight so that Adam could spend time with his new daughter. Adam had already filed all the papers with the court and only required the final clearance from the judge and none of them anticipated the slightest problem with that.

In town word had spread that he was adopting a half-breed. No-one dared say anything to his face apart from his real friends, who congratulated him. Plenty of people talked about him behind his back and a few began ostracising the Cartwrights but most people just accepted it. They fell into three groups, those who liked the Cartwrights and were pleased for them, those who didn’t care either way and those, who disliked the idea, but were too aware of the power of the family to show their displeasure. The net effect was far less comment than Adam had expected and he began to think he had been worrying unnecessarily.

Adam was ever more intrigued by this little girl. She had a very quick mind and like a sponge soaked up everything he taught her, sometimes coming up with questions that gave him pause, much to his delight. As she became more confident in her position in the family she became more openly affectionate to all of them including Hop Sing, but it was Adam she always turned to first. Ben could never remember his eldest son being so relaxed and open to all his family. The little girl seemed to have unlocked his heart and he found it far easier to show his brothers just what they meant to him. Ben was delighted if slightly amused. He had always believed that it would take a woman to strip away the shell that his son had been building since Inger died so many years ago, he had just expected the woman to be considerably older.

Adam found himself looking at everything through her eyes, seeing the family and land he loved afresh and he was content in a way he had feared that he would never achieve. Netta was so excited as she learnt her way round the ranch, learnt how to handle her horse and learnt the whole new world available to her in books. For the first time in her life people cared she had enough to eat, but far more important cared how she felt. She knew she could ask Adam anything and he wouldn’t laugh at her or casually knock her away, he would try to explain. She hardly dared believe that this man, so strong, handsome and caring could bother with her, but she had come to accept that he did love her and it gave her a confidence she had never known. For the first time in her young life the future looked good.

Once or twice as Adam moved around the ranch or took her for a short ride, he felt uneasy. It felt as though someone was watching him but he couldn’t see anything and put it down to his natural pessimism. So often in his life those he loved had been lost to him, that he hardly dared trust in this wonderful new role as father to a delightful little girl continuing. Then she would turn to him and ask something or just smile so trustingly at him that he could put his fears to one side and revel in the present.

The Judge was due in Virginia City on Monday and on the previous Saturday Adam decided that Netta’s riding had improved sufficiently that he would take her to the lake for the first time. When he announced as much at breakfast the rest of his family exchanged looks and Adam lent back in his chair and grinned. In this he could read them like a book. Each of them wanted to come along and see the little girl’s reaction when she saw the lake for the first time, but none of them wanted to intrude. For a minute he studied them savouring the moment, with a twinkle in his eye, waiting to see who would be the first to break. He was laying odds with himself that it would be Joe but in this case he was wrong, it was his father. Ben knew his son very well and he read the expression correctly. Adam wasn’t about to put them out of their agony by inviting them along but equally he would be very happy if they did so. Ben put his cup down “I don’t know about you two, but a ride up to the lake this afternoon sounds like an excellent idea if you don’t mind some company Adam?”

Adam watched the eagerness on his brothers faces and broke into a broad grin “Netta and I would love to have the company, the more the merrier.”

Hoss and Joe were quick to announce their intention of going too and Netta realising all her favourite people were coming, ran from one to the other with quick hugs, before settling on her father’s lap. “Could we take a picnic?”

“Well you’ll have to go ask Hop Sing if he has time to get a big enough picnic together to cater for your Uncle Hoss but if he can, then I don’t see why not.”

Hoss growled at his brother “You push your luck Adam” but as he couldn’t hide the grin it didn’t work and taking Netta’s hand the pair descended on Hop Sing.

All four Cartwrights enjoyed the ride to the lake with the excited little girl but it was her sudden silence as she saw the view for the first time that really moved them. She dismounted slowly not taking her gaze from the view. Then as though scared she moved closer to Adam and grabbed his hand as though wanting protection He held her close to his side. Eventually she looked up at him her eyes alight “Do you think heaven looks like that Papa?”

“I think it will have to go a long way to beat it.” Adam said swinging her up into his arms and kissing her forehead. “Now maybe we had better have some of that good food Hop Sing packed before your Uncle Hoss fades away.”

She giggled at that and slithering down ran over to the basket and started pulling it towards the point. Joe moved to help her and within minutes they were all sitting eating and luxuriating in the view. It didn’t take much effort after the meal for Netta to inveigle all three brothers into a game of hide and seek and Ben lazed back happy for all his family.

Later in the afternoon Ben pointed out they did need to get back and Hoss went to help Joe get the remains of the picnic packed up while Adam and Netta moved over towards the horses when suddenly the peace of the afternoon was shattered. Adam wasn’t aware of anything until suddenly his shoulder was on fire as an arrow took him but Netta had seen it before he had and she launched herself at her Papa. Between the arrow and the sudden shock of the ten year old hitting him, Adam fell and cracking his head on a rock he knew no more. The other three weren’t so lucky. Before they could even move they saw Adam fall and then a second arrow took the child in the back and she collapsed across her father’s body. Joe was the first to react and he drew his gun and emptied it into the bushes from which the attack must have come. They heard a dull thud and Joe ran over towards the bushes. His only thought to make things safe for his family while Ben went to kneel down by his eldest son. As Joe ran forward it seemed to release Hoss and he moved forward to join his father. “Are they ....”

Ben was frantically trying to check for pulses, he could find one in his son’s neck but not in the little girl. Not wanting to admit what his eyes and his hands were telling him, Ben kept trying until Joe came over to them. Joe had hit an Indian and he pulled the dead body out into the open. The man was a Paiute and Joe even knew his name it was Running Bear, once with Young Wolf he had been a friend of his eldest brother, now he might well have killed him. He seemed to have been acting alone and with no further threat Joe discounted him for the moment, wanting to know just how much damage had been done.

Joe looked from his father to his brother “Netta, how is she?”

Ben finally accepted the truth and shook his head “Nothing we can do for her. Hoss help me lift her off your brother. Adam at least is still alive.”

Joe felt the tears prickling his eyelids and he couldn’t help the comment “I wonder if he will want to be when he finds out she’s gone.”

Ben looked up almost angrily “We’ll face that later Joseph, for now we need to get your brother home and get the Doctor for him. Please go and get Doc, we’ll see you at the house.”

Joe nodded but before he could tear himself away he lent down to check his brother’s pulse for himself and gently brushed Adam’s hair back, as he said a prayer for his survival. Only then did he hurry over to Cochise and set off for town at a run.

Hoss angrily brushed tears away from his cheeks that wasn’t going to help his brother and lifted the limp figure of the small girl who had been so happy and excited just a few short minutes earlier. Then they could see the ugly arrow sticking out of Adam’s shoulder. His brother was covered in blood but how much was his and how much Netta’s wasn’t clear. Ben forced himself to concentrate on the immediate problem and that was saving his eldest son’s life. they had to try and get the arrow out and bandage him up so they could move him back to the house.

Ben tentatively pulled at the arrow but that only had one effect, the pain brought Adam round. For a moment he couldn’t understand what was happening but then memories surged back and he looked for Netta. Ben was blocking his view but somehow he could see the truth on his father’s face and ignoring the pain he surged up pushing his father away, so that he could see the pathetic little body pierced by the deadly arrow. In that moment he knew that he had lost again and he screamed his protest to the world yelling “Noooooooo.......” before collapsing back into merciful unconsciousness.

Joe hadn’t gone far enough to miss hearing his eldest brother’s despairing scream and he moved on towards town, not even aware of the tears falling down his cheeks. For now all he could do was bring Doc to tend his brother’s bodily ills. What any of them could do to help him through the loss of this beloved child Joe couldn’t even imagine, but he needed his eldest brother so a way had to be found.

Hoss was badly shaken by the cry but Ben put a hand on his arm, “He’s passed out again and at least he knows the worst. I need your help son.”

Hoss nodded and on his father’s orders he set himself to try and pull the arrow from his brother’s body while Ben held his son still. Hoss did his best but it felt as though the arrow was caught on something and wouldn’t move. All that happened was a gush of blood from the wound and Hoss sat back “I can’t shift it Pa. Gonna have to leave it for Doc or I’ll do more damage.”

“We need to pad it somehow he’s losing too much blood.”

“Gonna hurt.”

Ben stared down at his eldest son “Nothing can hurt him as much as losing Netta.” He gently brushed Adam’s hair back from his forehead and almost deliberately straightened his shoulders as he faced the current problem, tearing off his own shirt and with Hoss’s help managing a makeshift pad round the arrow to try and prevent Adam losing even more blood. “We need to get him home where we can treat this properly.”

“You want me to go get a wagon?”

“With that arrow in him I don’t think it’ll help to be bounced around in a wagon. Help me get him on Buck and I’ll get him home, if you lead Buck.”

Hoss nodded and as carefully as he could lifted his brother but even so the pain caught Adam from the depths of unconsciousness and he moaned and tried to move away from it. Hoss hated hurting his brother but all he could do was to tell him to take it easy and move as smoothly as possible over to his Pa’s horse. Adam was vaguely aware of his big brother’s voice even if he couldn’t make out the words and he tried to hide the pain but as Hoss eased him up into the saddle he caught the arrow and Adam screamed in pain and passed out again. Ben was there to steady his son and seeing the anguish on Hoss’ face at hurting him, he tried to reassure his big son “We can only do our best to get him home. He knows you didn’t mean to hurt him. Just steady him for me while I get up behind him.” Hoss did as he was asked and then went to get Chubb, but he hesitated for a moment. Ben said “Come on Hoss we need to get him home.”

“Just a minute Pa.” Hoss went back over to Netta and picked up the little girl’s body and holding her close he swung aboard Chubb. “I can’t leave her here Pa. She was Adam’s daughter.” Ben wasn’t surprised and concentrated on holding his son upright as Hoss led the way back to the house.

It wasn’t very far and Ben was immensely grateful for that. Adam was a big man and it was a considerable strain on the older man to hold his dead weight in the saddle. Hoss took the little girl in and laid her on the couch and then came back out to take his older brother from Ben. He carried Adam straight up to his own room, scared by the pallor he could see and the fever he could feel.

Hop Sing had come out to find out what had happened and he was standing over by Netta’s body just about in shock as Ben walked in. He looked up “What happen?”

“A renegade. Joe got him but not before he did irreparable damage.”

“How bad is Number One Son?”

“Arrow in his shoulder and a broken heart” Ben said his own head bowed. Hop Sing saw that and went to pour his boss a brandy. Ben was glad of it and then went up to join his sons while Hop Sing put water on to boil and collected the medical supplies.

Hoss had placed his brother on his bed and managed to cut off Adam’s shirt. The wound was still trickling blood at an alarming rate and he was scared for his brother’s life. Hoss had seen Adam recover from worse wounds, but this time he wasn’t sure just how strong Adam’s will to live would be. Now he had seen the child, he had given his heart to, dead in front of him.

Ben saw the fear on his big son’s face and gripped his shoulder “Your brother is a very strong man, he’ll come through this.”

“Sure Pa.”

Between them Ben and Hop Sing fashioned pads to stop the bleeding and wrapped Adam warmly. Then all they could do was use cold compresses for the fever and try to persuade Adam to drink a little water, while they waited for Doc.

Joe found Doc was out at a farm some five miles south of town and he had to ride on over there. Doc was just finishing the job of setting the oldest boy’s broken leg when Joe rushed in. He could see from Joe’s face that there was something terribly wrong. The tear stains were obvious on the young man’s face and he looked more drawn than Doc could ever remember, except when he’d been physically ill. “Just be a couple of minutes Joe. Why don’t you go get my buggy ready and I’ll be with you.”

Joe was glad of something to do and hurried out to get the buggy as though that would get help to his brother faster. The family all knew Joe, he was the same age as their boy Matt with his broken leg, indeed the two boys were friends and yet Joe hadn’t even noticed him. Matt’s mother stared at Doc in concern “Whatever can be wrong at the Ponderosa? That boy looks as though he’s seeing into hell.”

“I don’t know Camilla but I’m about to find out I’d guess word will spread pretty quick usually does about the Cartwrights. Matt here will be fine.”

“You get going Doc and give Ben and his sons our best wishes. Sure hope it isn’t as serious as it looks.”

Doc got in the buggy and asked Joe what was wrong. Joe couldn’t face talking about everything and just said “Adam’s hurt got an arrow in the shoulder and hit his head. Bleeding real bad.”

That answer puzzled Doc in several ways, it didn’t explain the anguish on Joe’s face. He knew the brothers were close but if it was just a shoulder wound Adam should pull through and anyway why an arrow? There hadn’t been any Indian trouble for several years. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to get any more answers from Joe as he kept Cochise just ahead of the buggy not wanting to face even such a good friend as the Doc.

They made good time back to the Ponderosa and Hoss standing looking out of his brother’s window saw them coming and was downstairs with the door open before Doc could get out of the buggy.

Doc followed him in and then stopped dead when he saw the little girl on the couch. He went to move towards her but Hoss put his hand on the Doc’s arm “There ain’t anything you can do for her. She’s far beyond your help I just pray my brother ain’t.”

“Where is he Hoss, his own room?”

“Yeah” Hoss let Doc go on up and turned to his younger brother for mutual comfort. As he walked up the stairs Doc realised that he now knew the reason for Joe’s mood and he just prayed that the wound wasn’t too bad. He was one of the few outsiders to have some idea just how much the little girl had come to mean to the oldest Cartwright and knew just how badly Adam took things.

Ben was relieved to see Doc come in and he moved away from the bed to let Doc examine his son. Doc usually had everyone out of the room while he treated his patient but this time he was going to need some physical strength and he asked Hop Sing to go and get Hoss and warned Ben he was going to need his help too. The arrow head was caught under the collar bone and they were going to have to edge it out, hopefully without doing anymore damage.

Joe had no intention of sitting downstairs alone wondering what was happening. so he came in behind his brother. Doc was concerned at the large lump he had found on the back of Adam’s skull from where he had fallen and he didn’t dare risk any pain killer or anaesthetic. He explained that to the rest of the family and, though worried about Adam, they trusted Doc implicitly. Doc needed Hoss and Ben to hold Adam still while he tried to work the arrow out. He let Joe move in close to the head of the bed, where he could at least wipe the sweat from his brother’s face and try to reassure him. Adam was vaguely aware of all the voices and forced his eyes open just as they moved closer to him. Doc murmured quietly to Ben “That’s a pity but with a bit of luck he’ll pass out.”

Ben lent over his son “Try and relax Adam we have got to take the arrow out it’ll be over soon. Bite down on this.” He placed a piece of cloth between his son’s teeth and with a light kiss to his forehead moved to take his position and hold his son. Doc began to try and ease the arrow and Adam couldn’t help the screams welling up in him, he bit down as hard as he could, dimly aware of a cool cloth on his face but mainly of the excruciating pain in his shoulder. He was writhing trying to get away from the pain but his father and brother held him still. It seemed to last forever but then they felt him relax a little and Doc said with satisfaction “Nearly got it and he’s passed out again.”

It was fully five minutes later before he could finally pull the arrow clear. Even then he had to clean out the wound, remove the bits of shirt carried into it an do what he could to repair the damage. He was concerned at the amount of blood his patient had lost but he was also well aware just how strong Adam was. Having finally bandaged up the wound Doc straightened his back “Okay I think he’ll do. Need some careful nursing over the next few days. As much fluid as you can help replace all that blood, some of Hop Sing’s best soups. He isn’t going to be using his arm for a while, still he’s very right handed, I suppose it’s a miracle it was his left shoulder.”

Ben stood staring down at his son very sombre “You sure he’s going to be alright.”

“You’ve seen him recover from far worse.”

“Netta is dead.”

“I know I saw her downstairs. Does Adam know?”

Ben looked down at his son but scared that he might be able to hear even if he did appear to be out for the count, he turned to Hoss “Stay with your brother.” He led the way downstairs and Hop Sing brought over coffee “To answer your question Doc. Adam knows she’s dead but I’m not sure whether he remembers how yet. She threw herself at him after he was hit to get him out of the line of fire and took the second arrow meant for him. When he does remember I’m scared he will just give up.”

“You know your son better than anyone Ben. I can tell you how to treat his physical pain but you and his brothers are going to have to support him through the rest. If it’s any comfort to you I think his body will react and get better despite him.” Doc hoped he was right, he knew what the loss of his eldest son would do to Ben and his other sons.

Once Doc had left Joe was wandering around restlessly. Then he suddenly made his mind up and came over to sit down on the fireplace in front of his father. Ben had been staring into the fire just wishing he could turn the clock back to lunchtime and wasn’t even aware of his youngest son until Joe put his hand on his father’s knee “Pa”

“Yes Joseph?”

“We need to do something about Running Bear”

“What are you suggesting?”

“I think we need to take him back to Winnemucca and explain what happened. Before it causes trouble with the Paiutes. I want to take him myself.”

“On your own?”

“I’ll be fine Pa. Less likely to cause trouble if I go alone. I just can’t sit here and worry. I need to do something and maybe Winnemucca can explain why it happened. Nothing that has happened today makes any sense.”

Ben studied his youngest son and saw the tears close to the surface and the deep worry for his brother and grief for the little girl. He knew Winnemucca very well and the old chief knew Joe and wasn’t likely to hurt him. If it made Joe feel a little easier it couldn’t do any harm. He nodded “May help to ward of further trouble, but you be real careful Joe."”

Joe promised and headed up to collect his bedroll as he wouldn’t get back until the following day. He slipped in to check on his eldest brother and found Hoss changing the cold compress. Joe felt his brother’s forehead “Fever’s still high.”

“Yeah but Doc said he expected it.”

“I’m taking Running Bear back to his people you take care of Adam and Pa.”

Hoss sighed heavily “Sure I will but you make danged sure you’re careful, I can’t take more than one of my brothers hurt at a time.”

Joe punched his brother “Sure I will.” An hour later with a pack of food from Hop Sing and a pack horse for the body Joe returned to the lake. At first all he could see was the blood and in his mind's eye the terrible events of the afternoon seemed to run past him again only in slow motion. He was no more able to help his brother than he had been then. Joe knelt down and touched the drying blood and couldn’t help the tears for the little girl and for the brother he idolised. He offered a prayer for both and slowly won back to control. He washed his face and then moved over to the man who had caused such disaster, even if he had paid the ultimate penalty. It took Joe all his strength to lift the Indian up onto the packhorse and get it tied on. The horse wasn’t exactly co-operating, spooked by the smell of blood, but eventually Joe was in the position to move on.

He pushed hard but there was no moon and he was still some ten miles short of the Indian village when it became too dark to move on. Joe made camp glad of the stew Hop Sing had given him which just needed re-heating. He tried to sleep but was very restless, far too worried about his brother to really settle. He was glad when it was dawn and he could move on.

As he rode into the village Joe could feel the eyes on him and his back was prickling knowing anyone of them could react, given the obviously dead body he was toting. He had trusted in Winnemucca’s control of his people and he was proved right, but the old chief was waiting as he moved in. Joe dismounted and moved over to the Chief. “I brought Running Bear home Winnemucca.”

“How did he die?”

“I killed him” Joe heard the rumble of discontent and quickly went on “I was protecting my brother he had already put an arrow in Adam’s shoulder and killed the little girl Netta.”

That seemed to make sense to the chief and he nodded “We will talk. Come sit by the fire.”

Joe did as he was told and went through the formalities as his father and brothers had taught him. Knowing that by doing so he was showing respect to the Indians even if he was chafing at the bit it get an explanation from Winnemucca. Eventually the old chief said “Your brother came to ask about the child.”

“I know. When you made it clear there was no place for her here Adam was going to adopt her.”

“I thought he might.”

Joe risked a question “Why did Running Bear attack?”

“He has been talking of destroying the evil spirit for a long time, but more frequently over the last few months.”

Joe frowned “The evil spirit?”

“The child Netta, she brought sickness to the Paiutes and she alone survived.”

“You think she was the target not my brother?”

“Oh I am sure he wished to destroy Adam Cartwright. By coming here, he raised many memories but his first aim would have been the child.” Winnemucca sighed heavily “I had tried to make him understand that she was not to blame but I knew I had failed.”

“I did not want to take his life but I had to defend my family.”

“We all do that and Running Bear had been looking for his peace for a long time. There is no blame. We thank you for bringing him back to his people. Give your father my best wishes. The Cartwrights and the Paiutes have been friends a long time and we will remain so.”

Joe smiled faintly “The Paiutes are always welcome on the Ponderosa.” Then taking his leave he headed home to see how his brother was. Just maybe he could ease Adam’s pain a little.

At the house Ben, Hoss and Hop Sing had split the vigil over Adam between them. His fever stayed obstinately high and he hadn’t really come round, just moaning occasionally as the pain intruded when he tried to move. They fought the fever with cold compresses and forced as much liquid as they could down his throat, water, milk, thin broth. Ben prayed for his son but he knew just how hard it was going to be when Adam did come round and had to accept that Netta was gone. He wondered if on some level Adam knew that and his body was reacting to put off that acceptance. It was a bad wound but he had seen his eldest son recover faster from other seemingly worse wounds. On the other hand Doc had had a real problem in removing the arrow and maybe it was the trauma of that removal that was taking its toll on his son. Either way he seemed to be weakening and Ben was on the verge of sending for Doc again. The only reason he didn’t, was the knowledge that Doc was due back to check on his patient the following morning.

Ben had just replaced the compress for the thousandth time when he heard his youngest son’s voice from the door. Joe had got home to find the house seemingly empty. Hoss had gone out to tend the stock and Hop Sing was catching up with some much needed sleep, so he headed upstairs to check on his eldest brother. The shock was clear in his voice as he saw Adam still unconscious and obviously very feverish “Dear God Pa isn’t he any better?”

“Joseph it’s good to see you back son, your brother will be fine.” The fear on Ben’s face belied his words and Joe moved forward to check for himself.

He felt the fever as he laid the back of his hand against his brother’s cheek and there was almost a thread of anger in his voice as he demanded “Just what are you doing Adam. Time you came round brother.”

Whether it was the cold of his brother’s hand or the anger in his voice, something penetrated the mist that Adam had lived in, it seemed forever. He hadn't been able to summon the energy to do anything before but now his little brother needed him and he had to fight back. To Ben’s delight, Adam slowly opened his eyes and murmured “Joe.”

Ben moved up close “Welcome back son, just take it easy.” He signalled his son, on the other side of the bed, to lift Adam’s head a little to make it easier for him to drink and fed Adam some water.

Slowly Adam won back to some sort of control and took in the fact that he was at home in his own bed with his father and youngest brother. His voice was weak as he asked “What happened?”

Ben had no intention of upsetting him if he could avoid it and just said “You were hurt but you’re safe here and on the mend. You’ll be fine.”

It worked momentarily but then Adam’s eyes fell on the truckle bed and as he thought about Netta his memories surged back. Too weak to hide how he felt he couldn’t stop the tears falling down his cheeks “She’s dead.”

For once Joe was more in tune with his brother than their father and he gently wiped the tears away “She’s free now Adam. No-one will ever hurt her again. God will look after her now.”

Adam broke down totally then great wracking sobs which tore at his whole body but he almost welcomed the pain in his shoulder. Pain that he deserved for failing to protect the child he had wanted to give his name. Joe just sat next to him cradling his brother’s head against him and let Adam cry, until eventually his weakness released him into sleep. Ben watched his oldest and youngest, in time he would try to give his son comfort but for now Joe was doing all that could be done.

When Adam finally slept Joe laid his brother back on the pillow and then went to his father for his own comfort. He was too old not to know that some questions couldn’t be answered but even so he demanded to know why a merciful God could do such a thing to an innocent child and to his brother. Ben had no answer for him but the two men drew comfort from each other, as they watched Adam as he slept.

Over the next weeks as Adam so slowly regained his strength, it was a question each of the Cartwrights asked many times in the dark of the night. Never again did Adam break down, least not where his family could see, but he had withdrawn back into himself.

He was healing but very slowly and he seemed disinterested in everything, barely even picking up a book. Ben had been sufficiently worried to ask Doc about it but Doc could only advise them to go along with Adam. Let him talk if he wanted to otherwise give him time and space to heal, he was still very weak.

They had buried Netta up by the lake near Marie while Adam was still unconscious. Adam had asked once about that but just nodded when his family told him what they had done. It was what he would have done if he had been capable and he was grateful for that but he couldn’t talk about her not yet. Even thinking about her was tearing him in two and he knew he would break down if he tried to speak to anyone else. He had cost his family enough and he wouldn’t put them through any more. Not realising that keeping it bottled up was worrying them far more and taking its toll on his physical state.

Hoss and Joe accepted their Pa’s ruling that they didn’t try and push Adam and all three, four including Hop Sing, were infinitely gentle with the injured grieving man. As Adam sank deeper and deeper into himself, barely eating and not talking to them for days on end, first Joe and then Hoss began to doubt that they were doing him any favours.

Things came to a head on the Saturday nearly six weeks after Netta died. Hoss and Joe were gong to the dance in town and trying to persuade Adam to go with them. He had finally dispensed with a sling that week and although his arm was still weak and the wound tender, he was much better. They had known their brother insisting on carrying on as normal when he was far weaker physically than he was now. Now he didn’t even get cross when they pushed him, just seemed not to hear them, and walked slowly up to his room, moving like an old man.

The two younger brothers headed for town, but by mutual consent, they ignored the dance and instead headed for the Bucket O Blood. They took a table in the corner and ignored everyone else as they tried to work out someway to get the brother they loved back. To lubricate their thought processes they worked their way through a number of beers and maybe it was the drink, but by the time they headed home they had a firm plan for the next day.

The plan looked just as good the next day and after breakfast, they had a quiet word with their father and then helped Adam into the buggy. He hadn’t been riding since his injury. Adam went along with them assuming that as it was Sunday they were going to church and indeed Ben, on Buck, did cut away to the church. Hoss driving the buggy and Joe on Cochise headed off in the opposite direction, up towards the lake. Adam roused at that and made a protest but his brothers ignored him.

In church Ben offered a fervent prayer that his brothers were right and the lake and their presence could break through to his eldest son. For now he could only trust in them. He might have been in church physically but his mind was up by the lake with his sons.

Adam wasn’t sure if he was furious or scared, but whatever it was it had stripped away the false calm that he had hidden in for days. His mind was in turmoil memories both happy and sad racing through his mind and even his stomach seemed upset and he felt thoroughly sick as Hoss pulled the buggy up near the point. Adam couldn’t have moved even if he wanted to. He felt too weak to stand unaided.

Hoss looked at his little brother scared that it was too soon to force their brother to face up to Netta’s grave and all that it meant but Joe wasn’t about to give way now. He had argued and fought against his eldest brother all his life but he had always relied on him known that Adam was there for him, trusted in his logical brain and his skills, planning or fighting, or a shoulder to cry on. He wanted that brother back.

Joe tied Cochise up and joined his brothers “Come on Hoss help Adam down. We are going up to the point.”

Adam seemed to shake and his voice was barely a whisper as he said “No” but Joe just squeezed his good shoulder “It’s past time Adam. She was going to be your daughter and our niece we need to mourn her, nor forget her.”

Adam didn’t seem to be able to think and for once he trusted his brothers to think for him. He made no more protest as Hoss helped him down and then with one brother either side he moved up to the small grave, still obviously new, next to the grave he had been visiting for nearly twenty years.

When he reached it his legs seemed to give on him and he slipped down on to his knees. He stared at it for a moment and then for the first time in weeks sobs wracked his body. His brothers stayed close by him one either side glad to have broken through his shell and as he swayed Hoss knelt down and took his brother in his arms. While Joe stood behind them lightly resting his hand on his eldest brother’s shoulder, to let him know both his brothers were there.

Eventually Adam fell quiet but he still rested his head on Hoss shoulder needing the warmth and strength the big man provided. Joe risked leaving them for a moment and went back to Cochise for his canteen. He wet his bandana and gave it to Adam “Wash your face and you’ll feel better.”

Adam did as he was told and then said “Give me a hand over to the point.” Hoss eased him up and the three brothers moved out to the outlook point with its view of the lake. Adam stared at it remembering Netta’s reaction to the view. He looked up, tears filling his eyes again, as he said “She wanted to know if heaven looks like this, guess she knows now.”

Joe gripped his brother’s arm “I can’t claim to know how bad you’re hurting Adam but we are hurting too she was our niece. She was lovely little girl and didn’t deserve any of this.”

“All my fault.”

Hoss sighed used to his big brother’s propensity for taking the troubles of the world on his own shoulders but he couldn’t understand how Adam laid this one at his own door. “Just how do you work that out brother?”

“If I hadn’t gone to see Winnemucca....”

Joe decided that now Adam was listening enough to take in what he had found out. “Adam while you were ill I took Running Bear’s body back to his people.”

Adam turned to look at his little brother with more interest than anything else had aroused in weeks. “Why?”

“I’d killed him and I wanted to explain to Winnemucca head of any more trouble.”

As Adam frowned and proclaimed “That was one hell of a risk little brother” he sounded more like himself than he had since Netta died and to his surprise his brothers grinned at him. Seeing the query on his face Hoss explained “Bit late to nag him for it Adam, that was six weeks ago.”

Adam gave a half smile “Okay. How did Winnemucca react?”

“He didn’t exactly seemed surprised. He said that Running Bear had never got over the death of his wife and children from measles and that he had blamed the evil spirit, which he believed lived in Netta. He had been talking of killing it and her for several months, long before you even met her. Your trip to the Paiutes got you added to his list older brother but she was already on it and Winnemucca was sure that she was the prime target.”

Adam was taken aback by what his brother has said he had never thought that Netta was killed deliberately, he had believed she was killed because of him. He didn’t doubt that his brother was reporting accurately what Winnemucca had said. Adam knew the old chief well and had a great deal of respect for him and his knowledge of his own people.

He still felt responsible and said “If I had left her in town ..”

Hoss, severely practical, said “She’d have died of starvation and loss of blood months earlier. Adam it ain’t right what happened and it’s always gonna hurt the way it ended but you gotta remember those weeks she lived with us. For the first time in her life she was looked after and loved. You gave her more in those few weeks than many kids get in a lifetime. Your time and attention, taught her things she wanted to know and best of all gave her a Papa who loved her. We all felt it, knew her happiness. It lit up our house for those weeks. Far too short a time but real precious.”

Adam lent back against his big brother and shut his eyes for a moment. He could see Netta in his mind’s eye but now it was the happy dancing child, as she learnt to ride, learnt to read, the awe on her face when she saw the view he was looking at now. He had learnt to trust his big brother when it came to right and wrong. Hoss had the most instinctive morality of anyone Adam had ever met and if Hoss didn’t believe it was his fault, maybe in this again he had to trust his brother. He relaxed and weak and tired after too many sleepless nights he fell asleep. As his breathing deepened and became more even his brothers realised and Hoss eased himself into a more comfortable position with Adam resting on his lap. Joe sat down next to his brother and very quietly said “Do you think he’ll stop blaming himself.”

“In time. I reckon but I think we have broken through that shell maybe now he can really start to recover.”

“I want him back Hoss.”

“I know, so do I.”

They fell quiet and sat with him for nearly two hours before Adam stirred. Joe had made some coffee and as Adam rather stiffly eased himself up Joe brought over the coffee. “Thanks little brother.” Adam looked from one brother to the other “Thanks to both of you I’m sorry I have been so hard to live with over the last weeks but I think I feel a bit better now.” He managed a smile, which if it didn’t exactly reach his eyes, wasn’t totally forced. “Maybe we ought to get back before Pa starts sending out search parties.”

Ben had been pacing around restlessly but he trusted in his younger sons to look after their brother. Even so he was very relieved to hear the buggy come in. Hoss and Joe went to take care of the horses and Adam came in on his own. Traces of emotion were still clear on his face but to Ben he looked more himself than he had for weeks.

Adam lent on the chair for a moment “We were longer than I expected. I know I have been worrying you Pa but honest there’s no need now. You have raised two very wise young men but don’t tell them I said so or I’ll never live it down. I want to talk to you later but for now I am exhausted and for once I think I will sleep.”

“Do you want some food?”

“Maybe later but for now I just want my bed.” Adam gripped his father’s shoulder momentarily and then headed upstairs. Ben watched and relaxed as he saw his eldest son moving with something much closer to his normal grace.

Adam slept through until morning and then for the first time at breakfast began to take an interest in the current position on the ranch and what jobs needed doing.

It was three days later before he found the right opportunity to talk to his father. He had been much more his normal self, even if at times he slipped into his own thoughts.

Then with both of his brothers off to town he was at home alone with his father, still too weak to want to do anything but have an early night after a days work. “You know Pa, if I had known the day I found Netta in that alley just how it would turn out I wouldn’t have changed anything. As Hoss said she lit up our house for a few weeks gave me a lot and maybe my mother is looking after her for me now.”

Ben watched his son go up to bed and knew that his belief that his son was a strong man had been proved right again. Just maybe the breach that the little girl had made in the shell Adam had built around his heart would make it easier for his son to find love and a family of his own. Meantime they all had some memories of a very special child and even with the disaster of her death, he had been warmed by the way his sons had helped each other. In time the sorrow would fade but the happy memories never would, nature’s compensation.

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