Here
Piggy, Piggy!
By DebbieB
“Here Piggy, Piggy,” Joe cooed as he crouched on his haunches and inched slowly closer to the old fat hog.
Behind him he could hear snickers and when he turned to look, Hoss and Adam were watching him from the behind the fence.
“You’re not going to catch her that way,” Adam advised his younger brother.
“Oh yeah?” Joe shouted. “I would if the two of you would stop gapping at her and keep quiet!” he huffed. “This ain’t exactly easy you know!”
“Here Piggy, Piggy,” he cooed again. “Come to Joey…I ain’t gonna hurt ya none.”
“Oh, I’m sure am ashamed of ya, little brother, lying like that to that poor ole pig. She knows as well as I do that she’s destine for the barbeque pit,” laughed Hoss.
The pig took that moment to race passed Joe to the far corner of the pigsty.
Joe stood to his feet, his hands firmly planted on his slender hips.
“Dadburnit, Hoss, now look what you’ve gone and done!” stormed Joe.
“Me? I didn’t do anythin’…it’s all that cattle-bawlin’ noise ya makin’ that scarin’ that dern hog!” Hoss insisted.
“Well if either one of you think you can do a better job of grabbing that pig, be my guest!”
Joe waved his arm out before him in an invitation. Adam laughed and shook his head.
“No way buddy, you volunteered for this job. It’s yours…remember you’re the one who told our father that even a simpleton could catch a pig…” Adam laughed again.
“Adam’s right, Little Joe, ya said it was as easy as takin’ candy from a baby…and ya said…”
“Aw…shut up, Hoss…I know what I said. So what? Maybe I was wrong…” Joe smiled sweetly at the two. “With a little help, I could…”
“Oh no ya don’t, ya ain’t pullin’ the wool over my eyes!” Hoss quickly broke in to say. “I got work to do!”
Without further ado, the big man turning, snickered softly, and headed for the barn.
“Adam?” piped Little Joe.
“Nope…have fun, kid,” he smiled with a crooked grin, leaving Joe to fend for himself.
Joe glared at the old sow. His lips were pinched tightly together and he snarled when he spoke.
“You are going to be our July 4th supper, one way or the other, even if I have to wallow in the mud to catch you!” he promised, declaring himself loudly. “Now come here!”
The old sow stood her ground, glaring back at Joe in defiance. When Joe stalked closer, the pig backed up. Joe hunkered down, close to the ground and eased forward. The pig snorted and pawed the mud with her front foot.
“Snort…oink, oink.”
“Don’t try talking your way out of this, SusieQ…” whispered Joe. “Easy, Piggy…easy now, I almost have you…..AHHH……! @%*^!! You worthless bag of bacon!” shouted Joe as he pulled himself up from the sticky, gooey, mud in which he had fallen.
“Okay sow bait, now you’ve done it…you’ve made me mad!” stormed Joe, ignoring the stench that seeped through the fabric of his clothes and into his skin.
He charged the pig, chasing the old fat sow around and around the pigpen. He slipped again, tried to stand up and lost his footing, falling face down into the water soaked earth.
“@#$%^&…*(%@!!”
“JOSEPH!”
Joe stopped, squatting in the mud, surprised to see his father standing before him, glaring at him with dark eyes.
“I detest that kind of language young man! You need your mouth washed out!” declared Ben Cartwright, not-so-proud father of the filthy young man who sat back on his haunches and smiled sheepishly up at him.
“Sorry, Pa,” Little Joe apologized.
“Well, I forgive you…this time,” said Ben, suddenly overcome with laughter. “Joseph…son…you look…ridiculous!”
“Oh gee, Pa…thanks for the compliment!” Joe retorted sharply. “Is that all the three of you have to do, stand around and watch me make a fool of myself?” he inquired of his father and two brothers who had come from the barn to see what all the racket was about.
They laughed, grinning at one another.
“No son, I’ve just come to tell you that we don’t
need the
pig after all. Mr. Anderson has
volunteered one of his…”
“WHAT! After all of this??” ranted Joe, standing and looking disgustedly down at himself.
“That’s right Little Joe,” grinned Adam. “That’s what I was trying to tell you before, but…being as ‘pig-headed’ as you are…you didn’t give me a chance to tell you…so…I decided to let you learn your lesson the hard way!” laughed Adam, who was joined by Hoss and his father.
“Well thanks for nothing, Adam.” Joe strolled over to the fence, a mischievous grin on his face. “I’ll remember this day…”
Joe climbed out of the pigsty and with a last glance over his shoulder, walked, or hobbled toward the house. A nice hot bath and a scheme was all he had on his mind.
“Ya better watch’em, Big Brother,” Hoss warned.
“He’s got that look in his eye,” cautioned Ben.
“What look…all I could see was mud,” Adam said as he scratched his head.
“The look that says, ‘I’m gonna git ya’…”
“Oh….THAT look!” Adam muttered, suddenly aware that Joe would not let his little joke die easily.
“Doom’s day…” giggled Hoss, watching Adam begin to squirm uncomfortably.
“That’s enough, Hoss…I think Adam sees the error of his way…a bit late…but nonetheless,” laughed Ben, walking away.
“@$#^%*&!” whispered Adam.
“I heard that…and now I know where your brother learned such language!” Ben called over his shoulder. “And all this time, I thought YOU were such a good influence on the boy. How wrong I have been!” Ben snickered, he loved his sons…no matter what language they spoke.