"To Hold A Memory, Part 2"

by

Rachel Anderson

Adam sat at his desk organizing the books. Two large shipments had come in and recording the inventory had taken several hours, but he was finally finished. An unsettled feeling nagged at him, but he pushed it away. There were still two hours before his work day was over. Busying himself with paperwork, he managed to utilize half an hour but the uneasiness only grew. Was something wrong at home, he wondered? Was it Anne or the baby? Did they need him? With another look at the clock, he grabbed his jacket and hat and strode to the captain's office.

"Sir," he spoke as soon as his presence was acknowledged, "The inventory is recorded, and I need to leave early."

The captain stood abruptly. "Cartwright," he said, walking around his massive desk. "I need to talk to you. There's a shipment coming in that I'm making you personally responsible for."

Adam frowned. "When is it due to dock?"

"This evening, after dark. It's a cargo ship from down south---"The Diamond Queen." There's something you need to know about it."

"What's that, Sir?" Adam asked, impatient to be on his way.

"Well, Mr. Cartwright, when you supervise the unloading of the cargo, don't be alarmed if you see unusual movements or hear strange noises. This shipment is known for such things."

Adam squared his shoulders and faced his employer coldly. "Are you telling me that this is a human cargo ship?"

The captain nodded hesitantly. "Well, someone has to transport the goods, and the wages for a job like this are double. I'll need you to work overtime, so you see, I can't spare----."

But Adam was shaking his head. "I'm sorry to hear you talk that way, Sir," he said firmly, "But I won't have any part of it. I'll turn in my resignation tomorrow morning."

"What?" his superior exclaimed. "Mr. Cartwright, you don't understand! Why, the money you'd make---"

"No," Adam interrupted, "You don't understand. I firmly believe in the value of human life regardless of color or race, and I refuse to work for a company that does not share those values. You would rather profit from the sale of people, and I will not do so---not for all the money in the world." He turned towards the door. "Good bye, Sir."

* * * *

"What are you doing here?" Anne asked forcing herself to stay calm.

"I have a score to settle with Cartwright," he leered at her, an evil grin twisting his face. "One full year is a long time to hold a grudge. A man can think of a lot of ways to get even, A lot of ways." he nodded, agreeing with himself.

Edging closer, he scrutinized Adam Charles. "Is that his kid?" he asked.

"He's ours," Anne replied, tightening her hold on him.

"He's like his Pa. He ain't much to look at." Benson commented carelessly.

Anne did not reply. Inwardly, she was seething, wondering how he had found her and why such things seemed to happen when Adam was not at home.

Benson wandered around the room. "Looks like yer doin' well," he observed. "Me, I ain't had sech good luck. I been workin' on the docks in San Francisco."

Adam Charles stirred restlessly, whimpering softly, and Anne rearranged his blankets.

"Go ahead and feed him if he's hungry," Benson told her, eyeing with an unpleasant familiarity. "It won't bother me none."

"He'll be fine until later," Anne answered evenly, not looking up.

"How long after I --uh left Virginia City did you and Cartwright get hitched?" he asked after a moment.

Anne felt like telling him it was none of his business, but refrained and answered his question instead. "It was---a few days."

He snorted. "Didn't waste much time, did ya? I shoulda took ya when I had the chance back at the Ponderosa. I coulda shot ya in the leg and ya couldn't've gotten away. You'da mended, and you'd be carin' for my son now insteada his."

Anne could not repress a shudder at that. Never. She took a deep breath and expelled it slowly. Ignoring him, however, did not work.

"I'm talkin' to ya," he sneered, "Still think yer too good fer me?"

Anne lifted her eyes for a moment, but could think of nothing appropriate to say. She prayed silently for help, wondering in passing where Jenny had gone.

Benson walked towards her. "Let me hold the kid," he ordered.

Anne held Adam Charles firmly. "No," she replied more forcefully than she'd intended. "You'll frighten him."

He took her hand and tried to forcibly remove the baby from her arms. "NO!" Anne screamed. "Get away from me!" Adam Charles awoke and began to wail. Benson grabbed her arm and tried to pull her out of the chair.

"Take your hands off me!" Anne ordered frantically, then screamed again as he tried to kiss her.

It was at that moment that Adam walked in. To his surprise, Jenny was gagged and tied to a chair in the hall. He heard Anne's scream, and apologizing to Jenny with his eyes, rushed into the living room. He stared unbelievingly at the man standing over Anne.

"Benson, get away from her!" he commanded. Anne felt weak with relief at the sound of his voice. Benson turned slowly and faced his rival.

"Well, if it ain't the one and only Adam Cartwright," he sneered. "Thought I'd pay Anne a little visit. It's been a long time since I've seen her-- too long."

Adam moved forward. "Leave her alone." His hand poised unconsciously for the weapon he never carried anymore.

Benson's eyes caught the movement. "Ain't got yer gun to back up yer words this time, do ya, Cartwright? But I do!" He pulled his coat back, revealing his holster and pistol.

Adam's eyes narrowed but he said nothing. He carefully approached Anne, stooping to pick up the fallen book. Kneeling beside the chair, he slipped his arm around her. Adam Charles stopped crying at the sight of his father and laughed happily, waving a little hand at him. Despite the tense situation, Adam and Anne exchanged smiles.

Benson watched them jealously. " 'Spose yer wonderin' how I found ya?" he drawled.

"Yes," Adam replied cooly, "Suppose you tell us."

"Well, I got me a job workin' on the docks in San Francisco. A while back, a shipment came in from the --------- Shipping Company, England. I didn't pay it no mind; I just unload the boxes, see. But the foreman is a friend of mine, and he brings the packin' slip out and shows me yer name, where ya'd signed it fer shippin'. 'Don't ya know him?' he asks me, 'Ain't he from near Virginia City, too?' 'Yes,' I says and never fergot. It took a long time to get here and find ya, but I got me a good reason fer comin'."

Adam raised his eyebrows. "Oh? What is it?"

Benson chuckled and watched Anne for a moment before replying, "I'm gonna take you down, Cartwright and collect what's mine." He drew out his pistol and cocked it, taking careful aim.

Anne closed her eyes and reached for Adam's hand. Adam Charles leaned toward his father, but Adam gently pushed him back and rose slowly to his feet.

"Would you shoot an unarmed man in his own house?" he asked calmly.

Benson considered his words, then with a click, replaced the weapon in his holster. "Nope," he said decidedly. "I'm not gonna tell ya how or when or what I'm gonna do. But I will be back." He looked hard at Anne for a moment. "You'd better be ready."

With that, he retraced his steps to the door, leering at Jenny as he passed her in the hall.

Anne leaned limply back in the chair and allowed Adam to take the baby. He held him with one arm and hugged Anne to him with the other. "My poor Darling," he whispered, "Is it any wonder that I worry when I leave the house? You've had more than your share of encounters with unsavory characters." He leaned closer and kissed her gently.

She shook her head and rested it on his shoulder. "I could hardly believe it when I saw him here. Adam, do you think he meant what he said about---about you?"

He nodded soberly. "Yes, I think he does. I knew him, sort of, and he holds a grudge until there's no reason to hang onto it any longer. He'd like nothing better than to get you after all. I've got to think of something to stop him."

Anne sat up straight and smoothed her skirts. "I know you will," she said with confidence, squeezing his arm lovingly. "You know, it's strange. Jenny let him in, and I haven't seen her since."

Adam's face registered shock. "Jenny!" he whispered, "Oh, no!" He handed the baby to her and hurried out to the hall. Apologizing profusely, he untied her and removed the gag. She was fuming, but not at him.

"Oh, that man! He just like other crook. A friend of yours, he say. Humph! I am so sorry I let him in. Please forgive me, Mistah Cartwright."

"It's okay, Jenny, you didn't know. Everything's going to be okay." Adam assured her.

Jenny quickly started in the direction of the kitchen, and Adam motioned for Anne to follow him to their room. Sitting down on the bed, he spoke with determination. "I've made up my mind, Anne. We're leaving."

"We're what?" she exclaimed.

"With Max Benson here, I can't rest easy until I know there's an ocean between us and him. His threats are real, and I won't stand by and let him hurt you or the baby. We're leaving for America tonight."

Anne's mouth dropped open, his words sinking in. She nodded, knowing he was right. Laying baby Adam in his cradle, she wrapped her arms around Adam and whispered,

"You know what's best. He threatened your life, and I'm not going to let him take you away from me. I'll start packing."

Adam kissed her gently. "I knew you'd understand. We can't take everything--just what we really need. I'll go to the office right now and book passage for us. And, Anne," he continued quietly, "I quit my job today. I'll explain later."

Anne followed him to the door, locking it behind him. "Be careful, Adam Darling" she cautioned. She was almost finished packing when he returned and she hurried to open the door for him.

"We board in 3 hours," he told her quickly. "I bought a ticket for Jenny, too. Benson knows she works for us---she's not safe here, either. I'd better go tell her right away."

Anne nodded, wondering if Adam was still secretly hoping to match her up with Hop Sing. With a slight smile and shake of the head, she finished packing.

Adam wrote a letter to the neighbor who had expressed interest in purchasing the cottage if they ever decided to sell. To avoid leaving a trail for Benson to follow, he did not mention where they were going, only that he would contact him later. Jenny delivered the note, and packed her belongings, gathering what food they could take with them.

Dusk was falling when the last bag was loaded onto the horse-drawn cab, and they were on their way. With one final look at their first home, Anne settled back and relived the day mentally. Max Benson had found them and had come to get even with Adam for marrying her. Now they were fleeing their home in search of safety on the Ponderosa. It's me, she thought to herself. I'm the reason all of this is happening. She sighed and leaned against the side of the cab.

Adam turned to look at her. "Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded, but kept looking out the small window. He leaned closer. "Something's bothering, you, Anne. What is it?"

"I'll tell you later," she whispered.

After checking their bags and helping Jenny find her cabin, they settled into theirs. Anne sat wearily in a small, hard chair while Adam cradled their son in his arms and faced her.

"All right, Anne, what were you so troubled about earlier?"

Sighing softly, she replied, "It's me, Adam. Just look at how much trouble I've put you through. Ever since we met, you've had to fight and defend me. How peaceful your life would've been if---if you'd never met me." She focused on the floor and missed the shocked expression that crossed his face. He was beside her instantly.

"Anne, don't say that! I've loved every minute of my time with you. What good is a peaceful life to me if you're not a part of it? I love protecting you because I love you. Don't you understand that?" His voice was low and intense. He lifted her chin, and Anne brushed away a tear.

"I'm sorry," she said brokenly. "I don't doubt your love at all. It's just been such a difficult day--." She stood and faced him, a tear trickling down her cheek.

He nodded and took her hand. "I know it has," he replied sympathetically. He laid Adam Charles between a couple of pillows, and kissed her tenderly, taking her in his arms. "This can be our second honeymoon," he whispered.

Anne smiled up at him, her eyes illuminated by unshed tears. "You're wonderful," she said dreamily. "I'd like that."

* * * *

Ben stood at the telegraph office, trying to put his thoughts into words. How could he tell Adam and Anne that Joe's wife Alice and their unborn child had been killed in a fire? He rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes. He had to tell them something. Finally, he scribbled a brief message and handed it to Jim.

Mounting Buck, he headed straight for the Ponderosa. Candy had gone to try to help Joe deal with the magnitude of his loss, and there was no one else at the ranch but Hop Sing and a few ranch hands. His thoughts whirled. The past months had been an emotional roller coaster---Hoss's death, Joe and Alice's wedding, the birth of Adam Charles, now Alice's and the baby's deaths. He breathed deeply of the pine-scented air and let Buck take him home.

* * * *

Nearly a month after boarding the ship in England, the young Cartwrights and Jenny stood on the dock in New Orleans. Jenny had been very ill on the ship and declared she may as well forget about ever returning to England---she just knew she'd never survive a trip like that again.

Anne patted Jenny's arm sympathetically, as Adam whispered to her, "Maybe there's hope for Hop Sing after all!" Anne gave him a reproving look and followed him to the stagecoach.

The ride West of the Mississippi was lengthy, but uneventful. They stopped frequently, but because there were 3 adults, usually only picked up one other passenger. If it happened to be a man, Jenny would sit beside Anne. Adam enjoyed watching his wife and son, and didn't take time to complain about the inconvenience of public transportation.

Finally they crossed into the Nevada Territory. Adam could feel the excitement as he recognized old familiar landmarks, and pointed them out to Anne and Jenny. He was again seated beside Anne, and reached for her hand. "Anne, we're almost home! It doesn't seem nearly 2 years since we left."

She agreed with him and added, "They'll be surprised to see us since we didn't take time to cable ahead."

Adam nodded. "It won't matter. Pa handles surprises well. He's been hoping we'd come home anyway. What will really be news to him is the fact that we're home to stay!"

She smiled at him, squeezing his hand.

They jostled past a sign reading Virginia City: 10 miles. Adam leaned forward and smiled.

"We're almost there, Jenny!"

Her mouth was drawn in a thin line. "That is good. I no wish to complain, but I have never been so tired." Anne gave her a sympathetic smile.

The stage braked to an abrupt stop amid swirling dust and the shouts of Virginia City bystanders. With their bags surrounding them, Anne and Jenny stood guard while Adam procured a wagon and horses at the livery. Baby Adam fussed, and Anne stroked his forehead soothingly. He had travelled remarkably well, but Anne knew it hadn't been easy for him.

There were no familiar faces in the small crowd that gathered, but they hadn't expected to see any either. Once the wagon was loaded and Adam helped the ladies climb up, he stepped into the sheriff's office letting Clem know he was in town. Clem's usually sober face broke into a smile.

"I'm glad to hear it, Adam. I think your family needs you right now."

Adam smiled, nodding. He had guessed as much, reading between the lines in his father's letters. Conscious of Anne's and Jenny's weariness he promised to stop in again sometime, and left the office. As he stepped out the door, Clem half rose, then sat back down, sighing. Adam would find out about Joe's loss soon enough from Ben. Maybe it was best that way.

Anne reveled in the rugged beauty of the Ponderosa, the dearest of her memories centering on the drives and walks she'd shared with Adam before they were married. He seemed to know her thoughts and leaned toward her, whispering, "Memories, Anne?"

She nodded, adjusting Adam Charles in her arms. "So many good ones to hold onto. I don't ever want to forget them."

He smiled, understanding, slipping his arm around her shoulders, "I know what you mean," he said, urging the horses on faster. Home was just ahead.

The lovely surroundings relaxed Jenny somewhat, though she couldn't help wondering exactly what she would do out here in the wild. The uncertainty made her feel apprehensive.

* * * *

Ben heard the wagon rattling up the road and set his coffee cup down with a thud. Joe and Candy were on horseback. If that was a peddler or a wagon load of Gypsy's---! He grabbed his hat and opened the door, prepared to send whoever it was back down the road.

He stopped mid-stride and rubbed his eyes in disbelief. "Adam !" he shouted, running to meet them. "Anne! Welcome home!"

Adam leaped down, taking Adam Charles and handing him to Ben who exclaimed over him with delight. "He looks exactly like you did as a baby, Adam!" Adam grinned and helped Anne and Jenny down. After introducing Jenny to his father, he looked around.

"It's too bad we didn't cable ahead---we're both anxious to meet Alice, and she and Joe could've been here if we'd let you know in advance."

It was as if a dark cloud descended upon Ben. His shoulders drooped slightly and he asked hoarsely, "You didn't get my message in time, did you?"

When Adam shook his head, Ben filled them in on the sorrowful news. Anne gasped, her face pale, and Adam moved to stand beside her. She sobbed against his shoulder, aching for the brother she barely knew and the sister she never would.

Adam was stunned. He could only imagine the pain Little Joe was feeling. His arm tightened around Anne. "Where is Joe?" he asked quietly around the lump in his throat.

"I'm not sure," Ben replied, sighing. "He left very distraught and troubled. Candy went after him."

"Good," Adam said, "If anyone can help him, it's Candy."

They entered the house and Adam inadvertently looked around for Hoss. He caught himself, and shook his head. Hoss would not be welcoming them home anymore. Jenny stood back, feeling very shy and uncomfortable.

"Hop Sing!" Ben called, holding Adam Charles proudly. "Hop Sing, will you come out here and see who just arrived!"

They heard a pot bang in the kitchen, and Hop Sing cheerfully emerged, wiping his hands on his clean white apron. He stopped in surprise, his eyes lighting up.

"Mistah Adam!" he exclaimed, "Anne, good to see you! And this must be the leetle Mistah Adam!" he tickled the baby's chin and laughed delightedly. "Hop Sing think Mistah Adam very fortunate man!"

Adam smiled. "Mistah Adam agree with Hop Sing," he replied and everyone laughed. He motioned for Jenny to come over. "Hop Sing, Anne and I brought our cook, Jenny with us for a visit. Jenny, this is Hop Sing."

Hop Sing smiled and bowed. "Hop Sing much pleased to meet you," he said courteously.

"Thank you," Jenny replied shyly. "I am pleased to meet you, Hop Sing."

"You want to see kitchen?" Hop Sing asked. Jenny looked at Anne, who nodded reassuringly. Jenny followed him into the kitchen, and Ben turned to Adam.

"You didn't bring her here on purpose, did you, Son?"

Adam grinned and winked at Anne. "Why not, Pa? She'd be good for Hop Sing."

Ben smiled. "She might be at that," he remarked. "Maybe I could hire her to do the housekeeping while she's here. That is, unless Hop Sing wants her to help him in the kitchen!"

Adam Charles started fussing and Ben handed him back to Anne. "He's a fine boy," he told them proudly. "Would you both come upstairs with me? There's something I want to show you,"

He swung the door to Adam's old room open and motioned them on in ahead of him. In the corner stood a beautifully handcrafted cradle. Adam noticed it first.

"It's beautiful, Pa. Who's it from?"

Ben only smiled, tears shining in his eyes. "Look at it closely." he said softly.

Anne was immediately attracted to the exquisite carving on the headboard. A playful colt pranced among the flowers, with birds soaring overhead. She looked up at Adam. "Did Hoss make this?" she asked Ben.

He nodded, clearing his throat. "He was almost finished with it the night he---the night we found him," he paused, his voice husky. "Joe put the finishing touches to it."

Adam felt the smooth wood and traced the etching thoughtfully. "I wish we could thank him," he managed.

Anne slipped her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "So do I."

* * * *

In the days that followed, Adam worked constantly with his father. He noticed the stooping shoulders, the added wrinkles---and it troubled him. He lifted as much of the weight from Ben's shoulders as he could.

Anne enjoyed watching them work together. Adam had gone back to wearing the black shirt and trousers she'd first seen him in, and again buckled on his gun belt. She thought he'd never looked more handsome and frequently told him so. He seemed happier too and more relaxed. Anne was relieved that they were in a secure place where he didn't have to constantly worry about her safety.

Jenny began fit into the household quite well. She worked with Hop Sing in the kitchen, and Ben did hire her as the housekeeper. Jenny found herself enjoying her work and the wide open spaces---and, much as she hated to admit it, Hop Sing's companionship.

"We might lose our cook," Adam confided to Anne one morning after breakfast. They could hear Hop Sing and Jenny conversing in Chinese and laughing in the kitchen.

"I wouldn't be a bit surprised if we do." She rocked Adam Charles while he nursed, adding, "In that case, I'd better brush up on what I know about cooking."

Adam grinned cheerfully. "You can practice on me anytime you want to." He bent to kiss her, and left the house whistling.

* * * *

A full week and a half had passed since Adam and Anne arrived at the Ponderosa. Joe and Candy were still away, and their absence was keenly felt. Prayers rose daily from the hearts of those who loved them best and missed them most.

Adam carried a forkful of hay to the horses, and looked up to see two horsemen riding in on the Virginia City road. They were a good distance away, but---

"Pa," he called to Ben, "Is that---" he strained his eyes for a better look. "Is that Joe and Candy?"

Ben stepped up on the lowest fence rail. "I can't tell yet."

As the riders approached, they could make out the unmistakable black and white markings of one horse they knew well---Joe's mount, Cochise. Adam quickly left for the house, not only to surprise his youngest brother, but also to think a little harder about what to say to him. Joe would still be hurting---that much he knew.

Ben greeted the two wanderers warmly and stayed to help care for their weary horses. Candy's eyes told him that his task had not been an easy one, and Ben could understand why.

The three walked to the house in silence. Joe opened the door and walked in, then stopped dumbfounded. "Adam?" he whispered. He moved across the room to shake hands with his oldest brother, but found himself instead in Adam's strong embrace. Joe struggled to control the raw emotion that tore at his heart.

"It's good to see you, Adam," he said at last, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Adam noted the haggard expression on Joe's face and felt compassion for him. "It's good to see you, too, Joe."

Joe looked around, and his eyes fell on Anne. "Well, Adam, I see you didn't come alone this time." His attempt at a joke failed, but Adam seized on it.

Moving to Anne's side, he said, "Joe, you remember Anne, and this ---." he gently lifted the cooing baby, and placed him in Joe's arms. "this is your nephew, Adam Charles."

Tears stung Joe's eyes, and he blinked them back with difficulty. He managed a wobbly smile. "He's got your eyes, Anne," he said softly. "But unfortunately for him, Adam, the rest of his features look like yours!"

Adam grinned, one hand resting lightly on Joe's shoulder. "I'm afraid he'll have to live with it."

Candy got his turn holding the baby and was immediately captivated. "He's really somethin' special," he remarked, handing him back to Anne.

She smiled. "Thanks, Candy. We think he is, too."

Hop Sing called them to supper and brought in the platters of food. Jenny followed with the pot of coffee and poured cups for each of them. Joe and Candy looked at each other in surprise.

"Is she----?" Joe asked as soon as she'd left the room.

"Not yet," Adam replied, smiling. "That's Jenny; she was our cook in England and came with us. So far, she and Hop Sing seem to be working well together. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."

Candy grinned. "I'll have to hand it to you, Adam. We've been hard pressed tryin' to find him a lady around here, and here you bring him one all the way across the Ocean!"

On the other side of the kitchen door, Jenny caught the drift of their conversation, and her cheeks burned. Was that why Adam and Anne wanted her to come with them to the Ponderosa? She steeled herself, and prepared to see Hop Sing as only a fellow employee.

* * * *

As the days passed, Adam looked for an opportunity to talk to Joe alone, but his youngest brother seemed to realize it and avoided him. He found himself working more and more with Candy, as Joe began doing the one-man jobs himself. Adam was deeply troubled about Joe. True, they'd had their share of disagreements and outright fights growing up, but the family ties had never been broken. Now Joe was hurting more than he ever had before, yet he refused to let his family help him through it.

Adam mentioned it to Ben one evening after a particularly trying day.

"When your mother died, Adam, I still had you. It was the same with each of your brothers. But with Joe," he stopped and brushed his hand across his eyes. "he lost them both. That's a loss I don't understand."

Adam nodded. "I know, Pa. But I want to talk to him---or at least listen to him. He needs to let the pain out so he can start to heal inside." He hesitated, then told Ben how close he'd come to losing Anne when Adam Charles was born. Ben listened intently, gripping his son's shoulder when he was finished.

"Thank God, she made it, Son. I'm so glad for the three of you." His words were heartfelt.

* * * *

Adam and Anne tucked their baby in for the night---a privilege they enjoyed together. Stepping back from the cradle, he slipped his arm around Anne's waist and looked off out the window.

"Anne," he began slowly, "If you had a friend who had been through a very difficult experience, but they wouldn't share it with you and let you help them, what would you do?"

Intuitively, Anne guessed that this friend was named Joe. She thought carefully before answering.

"I think I'd try to plan something we'd both enjoyed when things were going well. I'd hope that doing something together would melt the ice and enable us to communicate---at least, I'd pray it would." Biting her lip, she looked up at him. "It's Joe, isn't it?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it's Joe. I've never seen him hurt so deeply before. Everyday I see it in his eyes, especially when he looks at you or the baby. I've got to help him, Anne---he's my little brother." He pulled her close and kissed her forehead gently. "I can't imagine how it would be for me if I were in his place."

Anne nodded, closing her eyes in a silent prayer for Joe..

Voices below startled them.

"Joe, you can't leave now! It's pitch dark out there---!" It was Candy, pleading with Joe. "Joe, wait---please!" The front door closed with a resounding thud. Adam drew a deep breath and looked down at Anne.

"I've got to go after him." He lifted her chin, kissing her tenderly. "Pray for him, Darling, " he whispered as he grabbed his jacket and stepped out into the hall. Ben opened his door, and Adam could see the worry reflected in his eyes.

"I'm going after him, Pa. I'll try to bring him back."

Ben nodded, gratefully. "Thank you, Son. I'm really glad you're here."

Candy sat dejectedly in a chair, his face buried in his hands. He looked up as Adam came down the steps.

"He wouldn't listen, Adam. I couldn't make him listen this time."

"You tried, Candy, that's all I can do." Adam reached for his gun belt and buckled it on. "You're a true friend to Joe. I'm glad he has you."

A thin smile drifted across Candy's usually cheerful countenance. "I'm sure he went to his part of the Ponderosa----that's where he was building the house. If he's there, you'll find him."

"Thanks, Candy." Adam picked up his hat, and stepped out into the warm evening. He saddled and bridled Sport more out of habit, his thoughts concentrating on what to say once he found Joe. Mounting up, he rode off into the night.

Anne could barely see him in the darkness, but her heart went with him. She prayed for his safety and success, and for the brother he'd gone to help. There was no point in trying to sleep so taking out her knitting, she began working on a little sweater for Adam Charles.

There was only a sliver of a moon, but through the clearing just ahead, Adam could see two forms---Joe and Cochise. Slipping off Sport, he tethered him to a tree and made his way towards his brother. He was within 20 yards of him and opened his mouth to call out, when he heard a pistol cock. Adam froze.

"That's far enough." Joe said harshly.

"Joe," he spoke with urgency. "Joe, it's me----Adam."

"I don't want to talk to you, Adam. You shouldn't have followed me. Go back home." Joe's voice was cold and hard.

"I can't," Adam replied firmly. "We need to talk, Joe. Please put your gun away."

He could almost hear Joe considering his words. After what seemed like an eternity, Joe uncocked his pistol, sliding it back into his holster. Adam slowly let out his breath, and advanced cautiously.

Joe stood silently beside the cross that marked his beloved Alice's grave. Adam broke the stillness.

"Tell me about Alice," he invited, his voice barely above a whisper.

Haltingly, Joe described his wife ~ what he loved about her and the joy she'd brought to his life. He talked about how they'd met and what fun they'd had together. About their wedding and the new home he'd so enjoyed building for her. His voice broke, and falling to his knees, Joe choked out,

"I can't go on without her, Adam. It hurts too much. I wasn't here for her when she needed me. What else do I have to live for? If you've got all the answers, tell me!" Bitterness and deep pain laced his words.

Adam closed his eyes and tried to find an answer. "Joe, I wasn't here for Hoss. That bothered me terribly. But there's nothing I can do to change that now, and neither can you with Alice. She didn't blame you. You can't---"

"Blame myself?" Joe looked up, his tear filled eyes blazing. "But I do, Adam. Every day I blame myself."

Adam slowly lowered himself to the ground and hugged his knees. "Joe, blaming yourself doesn't make it your fault---."

"If you've come out here just to lecture me, Adam, you're wasting your time. I wish you'd leave me alone."

"No." Adam was as surprised as Joe to hear himself say the words so forcefully. Joe glanced over at him, recognizing the firmness he'd respected, feared, and often despised as a younger man.

The time dragged by as the silence between them mounted.

"You know, I always dreamed about building a home over there on the knoll," Joe pointed to an area barely visible. Adam could make out a few grotesque timbers---stark reminders of what had once been a lovely home

"It's a nice place for a home," Adam commented carefully.

"I'd give anything to have Alice back," Joe continued hoarsely. "For the past weeks, when I close my eyes, all I see is her face. All I hear are her screams for help---." he broke off, his shoulders shaking with sobs. "Adam, you don't know what it's like!"

Adam gripped his brother's shoulder sympathetically. Gradually Joe quieted, and Adam spoke.

"Joe, you're right, I don't know. But I came very close to losing Anne when the baby was born. Even though I was right there with her, there was nothing I could do for her---except pray." He paused, collecting his thoughts. Joe lifted his head, the tear stains gleaming in the scant moonlight. "Joe, we all face terrible things in life, and we wonder why---and how we can make it through. Answers don't always come easily, not even to me." he squeezed Joe's shoulder. "But Anne helped me to see that it takes more than man's strength to get through life---it takes God's strength, Joe."

Joe nodded and drew a deep quivering breath. "I'm gonna need it to get through this," he whispered, brushing away the tears. "Before you came out here tonight, Adam, I didn't want to live anymore. I felt I couldn't face another day without Alice. I didn't intend to draw on you. I brought my gun for---another reason." Adam watched his brother's face, scarcely daring to breathe. Joe sniffed and rubbed the back of his neck. "How did Anne say you could get that strength?"

Dawn was breaking when Adam and Joe rode into the yard. Both men were weary, but each felt lighter, their respective burdens left behind on the prarie.

As they cared for their horses, Joe turned to Adam. "Thanks again, Adam. It used to get to me that you were able to figure things out and know what to do." he brushed his horse in silence for a minute, then continued, "But tonight, I needed you---more than I thought. Friends?"

"Friends." A warm smile lit up Adam's tired face.

The house was dark except for a few dying embers in the fireplace. Both men crept quietly up the stairs, emotionally and physically spent, and anxious to get some rest.

Adam stepped into his old room and closed the door with a smile. Anne sat in the rocker, her knitting lying inertly in her lap. He shook his head and crossed the floor to her.

"Anne Darling, I'm back!" he whispered, kissing her cheek.

She roused sleepily, wrapping her arms around him. "Did you find Joe? How is he?"

"He's okay. He came back with me." He hesitated. "He'll still need time---and space, but he's starting to heal."

Anne smiled up at him. "I knew you would help him," she said simply.

* * * *

"WAAAAAAHHHH!! "

Anne awoke with a start. she glanced quickly at Adam, still sleeping, and quietly got up. Lifting the baby out of his cradle, she hushed him swiftly.

"Shhh, little one, you don't want to wake your Pa," she crooned softly. He stopped crying and fixed alert brown eyes on her face, beaming at her with an adorable smile. She hugged him gently, whispering, "I love you so much!"

"He's got a good voice for singing."

Anne turned, startled. Adam, half-raised in the bed, was smiling. She sat down beside him.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'd hoped you could sleep in a little."

Adam shook his head. "I never was much for sleeping in. Hop Sing didn't like it."

Anne smiled and leaned toward him. Taking both her and the baby in his arms, he kissed each of them, lingering a little more than usual with Anne. He squeezed her shoulders gently.

"After talking to Joe last night, I realized how utterly devastated I would be without you. I've never taken you for granted, Anne," he said, looking deep into her eyes, "and I never will. I love you."

Anne's eyes were dark with emotion. "I love you, too," she whispered as he pulled her close again.

She rose to her feet and prepared to change Adam Charles. When the three of them were presentable for the day, they joined the rest of the family for breakfast.

Joe was quiet, but there was a marked difference in his demeanor. On purpose, he chose to sit beside Adam, volunteering to feed Adam Charles his oatmeal. The strain he'd been under had visibly lifted. Ben was both surprised and pleased. Catching Adam's eye, he gave an imperceptible nod which Adam returned unobstrusively.

Candy, too, was relieved. He missed the old Joe who was quick of wit and temper. Perhaps with the new Joe, the maturity of accepting the past and moving on would make them even better friends. He hoped so. It would be nice to work with him out on the range again.

* * * *

Adam stood beside his father watching Adam Charles creep along with Anne. His little feet had grown sturdy, but the ground was uneven, and Anne's helping hand was necessary to keep him balanced upright.

Ben shook his head. "He sure brings back memories," he mused. Adam turned to look at him, and Ben went on, "You learned to walk out on the praries. How well I remember your first steps. I think we were both proud of your accomplishments!"

Adam chuckled. "I'm sure we were." He held out his hand to his son who carefully advanced, now without his mother's assistance. Another step, then another----at last he reached his father and gave him a happy smile, gurgling delightedly. Adam and Ben exchanged smiles. "Like that?" he asked, lifting him up in his strong arms.

Ben nodded. "Exactly like that."

Anne joined them and slipped her arm around Adam. "He's really doing well!" she remarked with satisfaction. "Before we know it, he'll be running so fast we'll have trouble keeping up!"

Both men agreed with her. "It's a joy to have you here," Ben commented. "I've dreaded asking, but I can't keep putting it off---when do you have to leave?"

Adam and Anne glanced at each other. She raised her eyebrows and at his smile, turned to Ben.

"We don't," she replied softly. "Adam and I talked it over---we'd like to build a home and stay here."

Ben brushed away the mist that suddenly gathered in his eyes. "I'm so glad," he said huskily, breathing a sigh of relief. "So very glad. What made you decide to move back?"

Adam explained the various situations and Ben listened in amazement. He was especially surprised to hear about Max Benson's audacity to follow them to Europe, and shocked to learn of Anne's moments of danger. Adam pointed out the slight scar barely visible near her left eye. Ben shook his head. It would be good to have them home where such things did not normally occur.

Anne filled him in on the details concerning Adam's job. Ben nodded with understanding, and told them of the time Adam's grandfather, Capt. Abel Stoddard, had turned down a job as captain of a slave ship in New England for similar reasons.

"He'd be proud of you, Son." Ben assured him.

The conversation drifted back to the home they planned to build and before long, Adam and Ben were discussing timber and such. Anne smiled, and excusing herself and Adam Charles, returned to the house.

Ben's reaction to their plan to stay was echoed by Joe and Candy, who were glad to share the ranch duties with Adam. Jenny listened quietly, not knowing quite how to feel. Was she trapped or was it time to consider a new path in life? At the time, she wasn't sure, but decided to simply do her best with each task, and play the rest by ear.

* * * *

It was their first Thanksgiving all together at the ranch since Anne had become a Cartwright.

A couple of ranch hands joined the family for dinner, along with a few other friends. After the dishes were cleared away, and they waited for dessert, Ben stood to his feet, clearing his throat..

"This year, I feel like my basket of blessings is literally running over. I have a wonderful family and I'm proud of every one." He paused, glancing at each in turn. "We have friends who are faithful and loyal---I couldn't ask for better. God has truly been good to me this year, and many of you have been the hands He worked through. I guess I just want to say, Thank you."

Before long, several others spoke up, mentioning what they were thankful for. Joe was next to his father, and the last to speak.

"I'm thankful for my family---my brother Adam and my friends. I couldn't have made it without you."

Anne reached for Adam's hand and squeezed it gently. She knew how much those words meant to him.

Once everyone was finished with dessert, Ben suggested some music and dancing. One of the guests drew out his violin and struck a lively tune. Joe reached for Adam Charles , winking at Anne. As she and Adam whirled away, Joe brushed a sudden tear away and smiled down at his nephew. With time it wouldn't hurt so much, but for now, he'd just be thankful he could feel the pain and allow his heart to heal. Adam Charles reached up a tiny hand and touched his cheek as. Joe hugged him close.

Anne glanced over and motioned slightly with her head. Adam followed her gaze and turned back to her with a smile. "He'll be okay, Anne," he whispered. She nodded, resting her hand lightly on his shoulder as the music slowed.

* * * *

The snow fell thick and fast, fascinating young Adam Charles who stood on a chair beside his grandpa, looking out the window. It was his second Christmas, but he didn't remember the first, so this one was extra special for him. They had drawn names as a family, including Candy who seemed just like one of them. It was supposed to be a secret, but somehow, everyone ended up knowing whose name everyone else had drawn.

Young Adam Charles knew the true Christmas story ~ both of his parents had seen to that, and Ben planned to have him tell it at their Christmas party. He didn't let the youngster know that, but did have him practice telling it to him on various occasions.

Joe felt Alice's absence keenly and spent quite a bit of time by himself. He had drawn Anne's name and although he knew the perfect gift for her, yet the haunting memory of his own dear Alice brought the pain of losing her so unexpectedly back to the forefront of his thoughts.

He rode into Virginia City with Adam and Candy to buy gifts, each man going in a different direction. They met again for lunch at the cafe, and halfway through the meal, Adam realized they were sitting at the same table where he and Anne had had their cup of coffee after the court case ended. He picked up his coffee cup, and smiled to himself. Joe and Candy looked at each other and picked up their cups as well, looking at the beverage curiously.

"Umm, Adam," Joe finally spoke up, "Was there something special about your coffee?"

Adam glanced up at him. Shaking his head, he shared the memory with the two. Joe nodded, instantly sober.

"I know what you mean. Memories are all I have left, and they really mean alot to me."

Both Candy and Adam smiled sympathetically at the younger man, knowing that he was working through the process of letting go. They were proud of him, and their expressions told him so.

Finishing their shopping quickly, they mounted up and returned to the Ponderosa. It was snowing hard again, and the wind was picking up. The stately pines held their snowy dress well, bowing slightly under the weight.

Anne watched from the window. It would be dark soon, and the men would be tired, cold, and hungry. She played games with Adam Charles to keep herself from worrying about Adam and the other two. Ben sat in his favorite chair, a book in his hand, but he wasn't reading. He was watching Anne and his grandson play together, listening to their laughter, and remembering his own treasured memories.

The door banged open, and the three snowy men entered the great room. Anne jumped up to meet them, barely recognizing Adam under all the layers of clothing and snow, but his warm brown eyes were unmistakable. She hung his hat up on the peg while he unbuttoned his heavy overcoat. The others took off parkas and boots, making their way over to the crackling fire to get warm. Hop Sing and Jenny brought steaming mugs of tea, and set the table for supper.

Adam sat down by the fireplace to soak up its warmth and gently pulled Anne down beside him, giving her a quick but tender kiss. Adam Charles joined them, climbing up on his father's lap and snuggling into his arms.

Covertly watching them, Joe felt the tears gathering in his eyes and picked up the newspaper to disguise his emotions. He took a deep breath, trying hard to control the pain that welled up within his heart. Knowing he was losing the fight, he quietly arose from the chair and slipped upstairs to the solitude of his room.

Candy looked away, feeling a recurring loneliness for a family of his own. He smiled to himself, wondering if his dreams would ever come true.

The snow continued to fall all through the night, making any navigation impossible. Adam watched it from the bedroom window the next morning.

"When I was a kid, I used to wish the snow would build up to the roof, so we could climb out of our windows and slide down to the ground from there."

Anne joined him, slipping her hand in his. "Did it ever?" she asked with interest.

He shook his head. "No, but it got pretty close one year. I must've been about 15 because I think Joe was 3," he paused, remembering. "Little Joe and I climbed out and slid off the roof down onto the snow and the rest of the way to the ground. But Hoss," he chuckled at the memory, "Hoss hit the snow like a bull moose and fell straight down. We had to dig him out. Pa was not happy!"

She laughed merrily. "I wish I'd known you back then," she said. "You had so much fun with your brothers."

Adam nodded. "We did have fun, but we also had alot of fights, too. Hoss was usually the mediator between Joe and myself---if Pa didn't step in first."

"Hoss was very special," Anne said softly, thoughtfully. "I remember the time he took me horseback riding when I first came; he was wonderfully kind and considerate to me."

Adam turned to face her, a slight smile on his lips. "From time to time I've wondered about that ride, and I've been curious, Anne---what did you two talk about?"

Anne frowned, thinking back. "He took me down to Lake Tahoe and pointed out various landmarks on the ranch." A smile turned up the corners of her mouth, and Adam felt his own smile growing in response. "I do remember now that we talked mostly about you."

"Me?" Adam questioned in surprise. "What about?"

"Well, Hoss volunteered all kinds of information about your education, travels abroad, and how much everyone respected and looked up to you." She paused and glanced away. "He---also said that most women considered you to be one of the Territory's most eligible bachelors---and a very good catch."

Adam chuckled. "Did he now? That's interesting; Hoss ~ the matchmaker! He obviously didn't scare you off!"

Anne shook her head. "No, but you almost did during dinner---declaring out of the blue that I was yours the next day. I was too surprised to even think at that moment!"

He grinned at her. "I remember the look on your face," he replied. "You just stared at me for a brief instant, then smiled a little. At first, I wondered if I'd ruined everything, but I guess I didn't. Look at us now!"

Anne stepped closer and put her arms around his neck. "You didn't ruin anything," she said softly. "I liked knowing you wanted to spend time with me. You made me feel beautiful and desirable. After my experience with Max Benson, you were my knight in shining armor."

Adam's eyes had grown dark with intensity. He drew her close. "You are beautiful, my Darling," he said with feeling, bending to kiss her tenderly. Looking down into her eyes, he whispered, "I still love spending time with you. I love you, Anne."

"I love you, too, Adam Darling," she murmured, returning his kiss with affection and love.

* * * *

Christmas Day dawned bright and fair, with no hint of more snow, but that wasn't the problem. It was the accumulation they already had that would prevent their friends from joining them this year. Deep snow drifts made any traveling impossible. Adam Charles had so looked forward to more children being there and was very disappointed. Candy promised to play games with him later, and the little boy cheered up at that.

They went ahead with the small program Ben had planned, and began with Adam Charles relating the Christmas story. He stood beside his father and told it sweetly and clearly, bringing tears to the eyes of his loved ones. They followed his recitation with several carols, and then exchanged gifts.

Joe presented Anne with a framed picture of Adam taken some years before. She was enthralled with it.

"Thank you, Joe! It's wonderful!" she exclaimed with delight. "Look, Adam," she remarked, turning to face him, "You haven't aged at all!!"

He smiled and examined the picture closely. "I don't know about that," he replied speculatively, "I think I have a few more worry lines---since I met you, Anne."

Anne shook her head. "Bless your heart, Adam," she said softly, taking his hand.

The day ended with more carols, and Hop Sing and Jenny served popcorn and hot chocolate. Adam Charles was very sleepy, and Anne excused herself to put him to bed.

She turned from tucking him in and just about ran into Adam. With a little gasp of surprise, she leaned her head against his chest and laughed softly. "I didn't hear you come in! You gave me quite a scare!"

Adam grinned. "Growing up with Hoss and Joe, I learned to be very quiet." he sobered and looked down at her. "I have another gift for you."

Anne tipped her head to one side. "You do?" she asked.

He nodded and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small package. He handed it to her, and stepped back, folding his arms to watch her open it.

Anne carefully took the wrapping paper off and opened the small box. Inside was an exquisitely beautiful pearl necklace. Her eyes widened as she looked up at Adam.

"Oh, Adam, it's beautiful!!" She put it around her neck and turned her back to him. "Would you fasten it for me, please?"

Adam carefully fastened the small clasp, kissing the back of her neck as he did so and turning her around to face him.

"It looks lovely on you, Anne." he said softly. "It belonged to my mother---I never got to see her wear it," he paused and swallowed hard. "She'd want you to have it---and so do I."

Anne smiled with understanding and squeezed his arms. "Thank you, Adam," she whispered. "I love it!"

He lifted her chin and kissed her tenderly pulling her close, the love in his heart overflowing for the young woman he held in his arms.

"The years keep getting better and better, don't they?" she murmured against his shoulder.

Adam nodded. "It's because our love gets stronger and stronger," he said gently. "Anne, you've become a part of me, and I love you very much." He released her slightly and looked down at her.

Anne smiled up at him. "Oh, Adam," she whispered, "You are so wonderful . I love you, too---more than you'll ever know." Their lips met again as time melted into insignificance.

* * * *

The years they would share would not always be full of roses ~ both knew that. But it would be a full life together. The love and friendship that had brought them to this point in their lives promised to make the thorns found on the stem of each rose a little less painful. It was with this mutual understanding that Adam and Anne Cartwright faced the uncertain future with hope, security, and trust in God. Life was good, and they cherished every moment spent together.

THE END

Author's Note: While most of the characters and locations are derived from NBC's popular Western Bonanza (1959-1973) created by David Dortort, the story penned here is purely my own personal work. It has not been my intention to detract in any way from the original intent of the show's producers.