Some Days Are Diamonds

By Sadie Spinner

April 9, 2003

"C.. Com'on, Hoss, don't eat that."

Adam Cartwright found himself saying these words for the hundredth time in the past hour as he wrestled a twig from the chubby fist. Adam was in charge of his baby brother Eric who was affectionately dubbed Hoss, a name that meant big friendly man. Although Hoss was far from a man, the fact he'd recently celebrated his first birthday inevitably created both delight and dismay for Adam. Hoss was now toddling, making Adam's job twice as hard. It was imperative that Adam be very alert, he had to be extra vigilant for along with the things his brother could find to put instantly in his little mouth, there was the real and present danger of him toppling into any one of a thousand things, getting hurt, possibly seriously. One of the most dangerous, if not the most dangerous place was the hearth of the small cabin. All this was understandably an enormous undertaking for Adam who was not quite seven himself.

"No! ..No! .... Hoss, don't touch."

Sighing, he rescued his little brother yet again for the second time in ten minutes. Adam hefted Hoss into his arms. The weight staggered him as he half carried half dragged the toddler away from the fireplace poker.

"Oh boy," he grunted as the squirming, protesting baby made it all the more impossible.

"Nuno, nunnoo! ."

The blond head shook in defiance and protest at being thwarted in his attempt to grab the poker. Along with walking Hoss had discovered the wonderful power of the word "No." He babbled angrily pushing away any attempt by Adam to dissuade him.

"Here, Hoss, play with this," he coaxed dancing a rag dog, hoping to entice him.

The chubby face frowned; the blue eyes were determined. Fortunately as Adam danced the toy on the floor and made funny little noises, Hoss's face broke into a wide smile plainly showing those bright new front teeth with just a little gap, that made his smile all the more appealing. He giggled then laughed and made his wobbly way over to where Adam was squatting. Under his breath, Adam muttered a prayer of thanks. Hoss reached and grabbed the toy for himself. Then squatting in front of his big brother, he beat the floor with the toy in an imitation of Adam as he babbled furiously. Adam's eyes lit up. He laughed too, and his beautiful dimples showed plainly something they rarely did. Another disaster was narrowly avoided for the moment. Adam flopped down next to the hearth looking around the little cabin. It wasn't very big but it was theirs alone, Pa, himself and Hoss. Pa had just finished it. God had been good to him the really cold weather hadn't yet taken hold. As he watched his baby brother stuff the toy in his mouth, Adam wondered when Pa would be back. As he left that morning, he had promised to be back as soon as possible. Adam, while feeling very grown up at being left to watch Hoss, was always so worried when Pa was gone for any length of time. Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted as a huge blond ball threw itself into his lap.

"Aaahhhhhhhh!"

Adam fell back narrowly missing the hearth as he did. Hoss wrapped his arms around his neck, hugging tightly.

"Th . . . Th . . . Thanks, Hoss," he muttered as he vainly tried to pull the baby from him while avoiding the wet attempts at kisses.

Hugs and kisses always made Adam feel funny. He wished he knew why. Hoss's hugs weren't so bad, but when Pa hugged him, he always felt as though he didn't deserve it. On top of it, lately, Pa had seemed tired and little distracted. Adam was sure it had to do with him. He just wasn't sure what to do about it. Pa seemed angry more often lately. Adam was having a hard time staying on his good side. He was doing his best but it seemed every time he turned around, Pa was scolding him for something.

Having finally succeeded in dislodging Hoss, he pulled him down into his lap.

"Here, sit here for a minute, will ya?" but alas, it proved hopeless.

Hoss squirmed and wiggled. Having just discovered his newfound freedom in walking Hoss always protested vigorously any and all attempts to hold him down. Turning around in Adam's lap, he pushed himself up to stand in front of his big brother swinging his chubby arms while shaking his head "nhuu no, no, no." His little face twisted into a pudgy pout.

"Okay, . Okay . . . Just don't get into anything," Adam muttered.

Suddenly the cabin exploded in a blinding light. At that same instant a huge thunder crack brought Adam instantly to his feet. The cabin shook on it’s very foundation. The dishes rattled in the small cupboard. It had been raining on and off for the last three days making Adam's job all the more troublesome. The fact they were unable to go outside was beginning to rub on his nerves. When Adam felt his heart finally slow down, he looked around for Hoss who was no where to be seen. It had been merely seconds that he had closed his eyes.

"Hoss! Hey, Hoss!" He felt the fear rise in his chest "Oh No, where did he get to?"

It had only been a week ago they were out in the yard. As the air was warm enough, he and Hoss had been allowed to go out and get some sunshine. After playing awhile Adam sat on the small porch to lean against the post. The sun felt so good on his face that he closed his eyes just for a minute, in reality, five minutes. During Adam's short lack of supervision it only took seconds until Hoss spied the wood. Intrigued and anxious to try his latest accomplishment, climbing, he toddled over to the woodpile and attempt to climb up on it. Adam awoke with a start a very thunderous assault ringing in his ears. A loud squeal followed almost simultaneously with an ear splitting yowl mixed and twisted together. The unmistakable clunk and bump of logs rolling off the pile completed the cacophony. After scrambling to his feet, the sight before Adam filled him with terror. Hoss was sprawled out yelling for all he was worth at the base of the woodpile. Logs of various sizes were scattered around him; he was holding his head and kicking wildly.

"Adam!" Obviously serious consequences were connected to that word. His father arriving at that exact moment had shouted as he came barreling out of the nearby woods where he had been clearing small brush and young saplings, heading over to his youngest son in one singular motion. Adam stared wide-eyed as his father gathered Hoss into his arms, soothing and whispering to quiet the child.

Ben made a quick check and noticed nothing more than a little scratch on Hoss's forehead. Adam moved forward slowly, then ran to where his father was kneeling with Hoss. The fury in his

father's face made him instantly sick to his stomach. He felt his blood drain; he became light

headed and felt like he was going to pass out.

"What is the meaning of this?" Ben growled, his brown eyes burning.

The boy stuttered, "I . . . I . . . we . . . we . . . " He could not find his voice.

"Get into the house," his father said in a voice that filled Adam with dread.

Unable to speak, he nodded then ran blindly into the little cabin. As Adam came back from his thoughts, he heard a giggle.

"Hoss!" he demanded "Where are you?"

The memory of the stern lecture and powerful thwack from last weekend flooded his mind.

"It's not funny!" he threatened while he stomped his foot in frustration.

In response to his demand he got a silly string of baby babble. Adam followed it to find Hoss in the kitchen all scrunched up delightedly playing in the ash bucket he had left there because it had been raining too hard to take outside.

"Awwww, noooo, jee-whizz Hoss, Pa's gonna kill me!"

Shaking his head in dismay Adam clumped over to Hoss, pulling him from his hiding place, only to discover not only was he covered in ashes and soot, he was also quite wet.

"Not again!"

Adam dragged his protesting baby brother toward the main room.

"Look at you! And how am I s'posed ta' clean up that mess? " He yelled.

Hoss's lip quivered. Big tears formed in his eyes. He rubbed his chubby fist into his eyes successfully making matters that much worse.

"Nooooo, don't . . . do."

Hoss began to cry in earnest. Adam put his hands up to his own face and shook his head wearily.

"D....Don't cry, Hoss," he sighed, patting his little brother on the shoulder. "I. I'm not mad at cha' . . . sorta' . . . How 'bout I get you clean and we get some bread and jam?"

Hoss brightened instantly. He smiled. Adam hoisted the chubby baby onto his hip facing away so as not to get himself too wet or dirty. Grabbing a clean diaper from the basket, and another set of dry things he went back to the floor near the fireplace where it was the warmest and put his brother down to change him. Hoss, however, had different ideas. The promise of bread and Jam foremost in his baby mind, he kept pushing Adam's hand away flailing his chubby arms at the

same time wriggling and squirming

"Hold still, darn ya!"

Hoss twisted onto his side. Adam wrestled him back. "Hold still, I said!" Hoss rolled to the other side. Adam forced him back. Hoss continued to flail his arms and kicked in protest.

"Quit it, will ya!" Adam was fast losing his patience.

Hoss arched his back and bucked, his pink cheeks puckered in an angry pout, he screeched his protest till his little face was bright red. He was usually such a sweet, easygoing baby. Adam hardly ever had this kind of trouble. Adam was for a boy of almost seven, very good at changing Hoss when he had to be. But today was not destined to be Adam Cartwright's day or so it seemed. He was doggedly trying to get the wet diaper off his brother.

"If ya don't' hole still . . . I'm gonna swat cha'," he threatened scowling as he knelt there desperately trying to control the wiggling, uncooperative baby. At last he succeeded and when he released his grip for an instant, it was all Hoss needed to get away from him.

Scrambling to his feet, Adam caught him in the nick of time and wrestled him to the floor just managing to pin him near the door. "Got-ya’ . . . Now stop yer fussin!" he scolded, exhausted and breathing heavily. In spite of his fierce determination, tears welled up in those dark hazel eyes, wetting his lashes as his hair spilled over his forehead in disarray.

"Why oh why, can't ya' jus’ be still fer one minute? Ok, that's it! No treats fer you!"

Adam leaned back on his heels, folded his arms, then glared as sternly as he could in imitation of Pa. The toddler struggled to his feet in front of him. "Uhuh.Uhuh" he nodded yes. His Big blue eyes were wide and challenging Adam's resolute dark eyes. For another few moments they glared at one another then Hoss threw himself on Adam.

"Okay . . . okay already"

Adam caved in and hauled his brother back to where he had left the clean diaper and other things. Hoss was quiet as Adam prepared to finish the job.

"Boy, I sure wish Pa would hurry back," Adam complained out loud to himself.

At the mention of their father, a delighted squeal erupted from the baby as Hoss swung up his feet and turned to look toward the door. He did so just as Adam was leaning in to fit the sides of the diaper together. The unmistakable sound of shoe meeting face was apparent as Hoss's foot made unexpected contact with the side of Adam's top lip knocking his head back. He let go of the pin, diaper and, unfortunately, his brother.

"Eeee.Ooww!" he cried as he felt his tooth smash against the inside of his lip and the instant sensation of it swelling.

Adam blinked furiously, but to no avail; new tears got past and ran down his face.

Hoss, completely unaware of the damage he had just inadvertently caused his beloved big brother was happily babbling and patting his welcome home at the front door where he expected to find his father.

Adam sat back and placed his head on his arms folded over his knees. "I give up." He muttered. Then his innate stubborn streak kicked in. "No! I ain't letting' him win."

He wiped his sleeve over his eyes and once again got to his feet to doggedly drag Hoss away from the door. It took another ten minutes before Adam got the best of the equally determined

little rascal.

"There now, stay out a' trouble . . . will ya?" he begged as he washed off the chubby face and hands as Hoss stood in front of him

"dadem-da-m-n-bed?'" he asked hopefully, vigorously nodding agreement. Adam had hoped he would have forgotten the promise, but his little brother never forgot when a snack was offered.

"Okay, but I shouldn't " he spoke very sternly.

Hoss looked up at him lovingly and trustingly, Adam sighed and trudged back into the kitchen to fix Hoss his snack, it was almost nap time for his little brother and Adam really needed time for himself today. After he finished cleaning the baby yet again, Hoss yawned and blinked then leaned into Adams shoulder. Adam having been steadily worn down shrugged resignedly as he once more lifted the toddler into his aching arms.

For an instant he wished he were an only child again, until the unbidden memory of Inger flooded his young heart. In spite of the fact she was his stepmother, the truth remained Inger was the only "mama" he knew, and she had been killed almost a year ago. It hurt so badly, but when he looked down on Hoss somewhere inside it felt like she was still with him. She wasn't all gone. Pa was still hurting something awful that was plain enough to see even for a boy going on seven. Adam hoped he would get better real soon. That's why he tried so hard with Hoss, so his Pa wouldn't have so much to worry about. As Adam looked around the tiny cabin, he wished with all his heart Inger was there with them. Hoss's weight began to take its toll as he sank into Adam's shoulder drifting deeper into sleep his chubby fist stuck into his mouth he began to suck contentedly. The rain continued to hammer on the roof; there was no sound except the rain and the soft breaths of his baby brother on his shoulder. The thunder now just a distant rumble.

He felt a chill run down his back; the fire needed attention but he was not allowed to "play" with

matches. Adam felt more than a little miffed; he was absolutely sure he knew how to tend the fire, but his father had given him explicit instructions about matches and fire in no uncertain terms, letting him know the consequences of disobeying this rule

With a little defiant shake of his head, he turned to take Hoss to his crib. Suddenly the front door swept open and his father blew in along with a great gust of wind and rain. It took Ben a few minutes to get out of his oilskin and look up. He halted in mid motion; a puzzled expression crossed his face and instantly changed to an expression of worry at the sight of Adam standing in the middle of the room clinging to Hoss.

"Adam?" The word had a distinct hint of displeasure to it.

"What is the matter?" Ben crossed to the boy in two strides

"H.. Hoss f..Fell asleep. Before I..I could get him to his crib." The words were whispered softly for he was not able to look up into the disappointment combined with displeasure he knew would be directed at him in those deep brown eyes.

"Here, let me take him," Ben replied gently. "Your arms must be getting tired"

Carefully he reached out and relieved Adam of his burden. He could tell by Adams expression and posture his oldest son was on the verge of being totally overwhelmed.

Ben cradled his baby in his arms and went to the bedroom to place the peacefully sleeping Hoss

in his crib it was more a small cot with bars running along the sides and slats at the foot and head to prevent Hoss falling out or worse escaping unnoticed during the night or nap time. Tenderly covering him with a blanket, Ben kissed the little face. He stood up and turned, surprised to find Adam right behind him with a dry shirt.

"Pa . . . Yer' all wet. H..h..Here¼this is dry." Adam handed his father the shirt retreating quickly without waiting to hear his father's comment.

Ben shut his eyes then blinked.

"Thank you, Adam," he replied softly, slightly dismayed by Adam's silent and swift departure.

After changing into his dry shirt, Ben went back into the main room to find Adam reading a book. It was a gloomy day, and the small cabin did not lend itself much in the way of light, so he had managed to drag his small chair closer to the one high placed window to see better. Going straight to the table, Ben lit the lamp, then over to Adam where he gently took the book from him.

"You mustn't read without the proper light, son," he quietly reminded him. "It is bad for your eyes."

Ben pushed Adam's hair from his forehead in a loving gesture, his trained eyes instantly noticing the telltale sign. He leaned closer. Adam tried to look away and down.

"How did this happen?" Ben's eyes narrowed just a little.

"Here it comes," Adam thought. "It..It was a accident."

"What was? " Ben inquired his voice softer yet but tinged with suspicion.

"I..I was tryin to get Hoss changed. An....an..w-well.

Um..Uh.. Well he sort a' kicked me."

Adam was quick to add in his brother's defense. "B..But he¼he didn't mean it...honest¼he's jest' a baby," he finished with a shrug.

Not daring to look up, his fingers playing with the corner of his book, he waited trying hard not to quake under his father's examination.

"Sort of kicked you?" His father asked, one dark brow raised high on his forehead.

Adam just shrugged again and nodded. "Don' hurt much."

"Doesn't." Ben corrected

"Nah." Adam answered misinterpreting Ben's meaning.

Ben smiled. Adam was always trying so hard to be grown up; his heart ached with love for this, his firstborn son. Even when he was so very difficult to understand at times, always keeping things deep inside, his father often fought an inward battle to know which approach to use.

Ben found he could almost always read his eyes if he could see them. But not if Adam didn't want him too. While Ben was trying to digest this, Adam slid off the chair and went into the kitchen. He carefully filled the coffeepot with water from the wooden bucket.

"Pa, I filled the coffee pot for ya," he called coming back into the room.

Ben was staring off into thin air. Adam came over and tapped gently at his father's arm.

"You better have some coffee, you got really wet out there."

Ben smiled thinly then looked down into those serious dark obviously somewhat troubled eyes. Reaching out he went to tousle Adam's hair. The boy avoided him and went back to the mess by the hearth.

"I gotta clean up." He stated matter-of-factly as he gathered up the wet clothes and diaper from the floor.

Ben sighed and headed into the kitchen, took the pot to the stove, added the coffee and set the pot to boil. Adam reappeared just as Ben noticed the ash pail and the sooty mess surrounding it. Adam caught his breath as he saw his father's expression react to the mess. He had forgotten it in his struggle with Hoss, and then fixing him his snack. As his father turned to him, Adam swallowed hard looking down at the floor.

"I...I was just gettin' ta' that," he explained.

"What happened here?" Sigh!

Adam felt the weight of the world suddenly settle on his shoulders. Resolutely he dumped his armload of clothes and went immediately to clean up the mess. Ben opened his mouth to say something when Adam turned to him, his dark eyes almost black; his face set in that determined way of his.

"I know, I wasn't 'sponsible. I didn't get these outside."

He stood tall squaring his thin shoulders, then grasped the handle to move the heavy pail so he could clean.

Ben was surprised to find himself mildly annoyed yet at the same time couldn't help feel a great twinge of guilt. After all, Adam did more than most boys twice his age.

"Here, you sweep, and I’ll carry it out . . . This time."

"No, sir. I'll do it," Adam replied.

Ben stood back as the boy put all the sooty ash he could back into the pail. With that done Adam rubbed his sweaty palms on the side of his pants and then scratched at his ear leaving rather glaring reminders on both. He glanced up at his father before he took the pail and made his way to the front door, struggling with every step the entire way.

At least twice Adam almost tripped, then regained his balance, glad his Pa hadn't seen it. He was grateful not to trip and spill the entire pail. Ben had followed Adam's progress with his eyes until the boy rounded the corner, trying to decide whether Adam's actions were defiant or just determined.

Often lately Ben felt they were becoming increasingly interchangeable. The smell of fresh coffee distracted him. Going to the stove, he pulled the pot off the heat and poured a cup. From out of nowhere, a shiver ran down his back. Tired, he sank into the chair. After a few swallows of the strong, hot coffee, he covered his face in his hands. As Adam returned with the pail, Ben subconsciously felt the sun on him through the little kitchen window.

"It's stopped rainin, Pa."

"Oh... Yes. So it has." Ben turned to look at his little boy.

A light film of soot covered his hair and his upper lip now sported a nice red and purple spot.

Ben cleared the sudden lump in his throat.

"Ahem. Well, that's good news."

He couldn't find anything right to say to the boy and it infuriated him.

Adam hesitated as if unsure of what to do or say in answer, then turned going back into the main room to get his book. Adam was feeling very uncomfortable. He didn't know why or what it meant.

For an indeterminate length of time Ben sat and stared into his coffee cup. "Ben - go to him." he heard a voice in his head.

"Huh?"

The room was silent but for the soft hiss of the wood in the stove and the steady thump of his own heart. Slowly getting stiffly to his feet, Ben stretched and crossed into the main room. Adam was curled up in the one big chair they had. His book in his lap, his head rested on the arm of the chair, his fingers loosely fell on the edge of the pages. He was asleep. Ben silently walked over lifting the book.

"Hard day already? I imagine." his father chuckled.

Adeptly gathering the boy in his arms folding him feather lightly to his chest, Ben carried him into the bedroom and settled him gently on the bed, knowing full well what a light sleeper the boy was. If he woke, Adam would be furious with him for such an act. After all, he wasn't a baby; he was almost seven! He would be sure to tell his father in no uncertain terms, Hoss was the baby, not him!

Ben pulled the little afghan carefully up over his child. He desperately wanted to brush his hair

back and kiss his forehead, but he knew that would probably be a mistake right now.

"Adam, you're growing up so very fast." he thought to himself, then softly, sadly he added,

"Seems you've always.........." He forced himself not to finish; instead hastily and silently he backed out, retrieved his coffee cup and quietly stepped out the front door into the sunshine.

There were still dark clouds boiling and brewing in the distant hills. The thunder vaguely lingered. The air, however, was filled with the clean smell of fresh rain. His world sparkled. He surveyed his homestead. It was not big, but it was a good start. He knew he had made the right choice. This was the place to raise his sons. With fresh air, wide-open spaces to play in, tall trees and a beautiful lake. He made a decision right then. When his boys woke up, they would all go fishing. After all, the weather wasn't going to hold out much longer. In a few months the snow in the high country would descend, the lake would freeze and winter would be in charge. But for today, for this moment, nothing was more important than those little boys.

"Afternoon, Boss." Ben was startled out of his thoughts by Jake

"Oh, I didn't hear you ride up."

"Anything the matter? Boss." Jake drawled as he dismounted looking worriedly around.

He hadn't been working for Ben long but he liked this man and was anxious to help him get started.

"No," Ben laughed softly, "Just thinking."

Jake nodded, "Thinkins' good."

A breeze kicked up around them.

"Hmm, it's gettin' chilly," Ben rubbed his arms.

"Yup, won't be too long now."

Ben looked at Jake, then at his empty cup. "Com' on Jake, have a cup of coffee. We can talk inside."

"Sounds good to me. Say, where is your foreman anyway?" he teased, referring to Adam.

"Well, ya see Jake,"

Ben was starting to say as they came through the front door.... He stopped short. Adam was standing in the middle of the room, fist clenched, jaws set, a deep scowl on his little face, his dark eyes blazing. Jake raised his brows and turned into the kitchen quickly.

"Why'd you do that?" Adam demanded.

The look in his eyes both amused and saddened Ben. But the tone of his voice was a different matter.

"Are you speaking to me, young man?" Ben would not tolerate disrespect or insolence no matter what.

"I hope not!"

Adam bit his lower lip and fought his desire to answer

"Well?"

Adam drew in a slow, deep breath.

"You didn't have to put me to bed. I'm not a baby," he stated, angry and embarrassed.

"You were tired, you fell asleep, and a chair is not the proper place to get your rest,"

Ben answered his challenge as evenly as he could not wanting this to escalate. He had a bad feeling as the seconds ticked by.

Adam straightened up, squaring his shoulders.

"Oh no," Ben thought as he saw the boy's stance get more rigid.

"You...... fall asleep in the chair all the time." Adam heard himself say.

"What was that?" Ben snapped as he took a step closer to Adam.

Adam took a step backwards but did not flinch or appear to be ready to back down.

"S.... S..Sometimes," Adam amended his brash statement He tried not to look at his father.

Ben stood in front of him at his full height. What had happened in the last ten minutes? He'd just got finished telling himself... Slowly he folded his arms across his chest. Ben was a big man powerfully build and the physical work required to build his dream had enhanced his body greatly.

Adam sighed; he hadn't meant it to come out the way it did, he scratched the side of his nose.

"Are you looking to get spanked?" Ben asked.

Adam's head shot up. The look on his face was quite comical, then his stubborn streak which Ben felt he had inherited from his mother, however, anyone watching this confrontation might have had a different opinion, kicked in.

Adam's face scrunched up into a deeper scowl, his fists tightened, he opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Jake, seeing where this was going, interrupted before they both said things they would regret.

"Scuse me, Boss, but I got a lota things we need to be talkin' about," Ben shot an angry glare at his foreman, fully aware of what he was attempting.

"In a minute, Jake," his voice was controlled but the anger was unmistakably close to the edge.

"Yeah, well, coffee's gonna get cold," Jake commented turning back to the kitchen, holding his breath.

Ben blinked pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger thankful for Jake's

intervention, fearing the fact the battle of wills he and Adam seemed more and more drawn into, was about to get out of hand.

However, he had no intention of letting Adam get away with defiance or insolence, Ben turned his attention back to his son.

"Because one more remark like that from you little boy, and you will end up over my knee. Is that clear?"

Adam's body turned on him; he began to tremble, hot tears filled his eyes. He was now madder at himself than he was at his father. Ben caught the glisten; it was just for an instant. That was the signal. Firmly but with no real edge to his voice, Ben continued.

"Go get your jacket and see if you can dig us up a nice can of worms before it gets too late or cold."

Adam was caught completely off guard. "Huh?"

"Well, we certainly can't fish without bait. Can we?"

"Fish?"

"That's what I said...... Now run along. Hoss won't sleep much longer and we have to be all ready to go by the time he wakes up." Ben finished, relaxing his stance. A warm smile played across his face. This was one time he didn't mind backing down first

"Y-yes, sir,'"

Adam nodded; not quite sure what had just happened, except he just narrowly escaped what surely would have been a painful conclusion to the afternoon.

Still looking bewildered, he got his jacket and not daring to look at his father, went out, shutting the door quietly. Ben stared at the door for a long few minutes. Shaking his head, he went to the kitchen.

"Thank you, Jake."

"Naw, it's ok, Boss, but I gotta say that boy is the second most stubborn person I know," he grinned over his coffee.

"Oh, and me being the first?" his boss chided.

"Yup." Both men laughed softly.

"He's a real special little kid, Ben. Don't knows I seen many kids his age who can do what he does or even think the things he can."

"Yes," Ben admitted, unashamed pride hi-lighting his words.

"He is quite a boy." then sighed "But there are times......." He shook his head and left that thought unfinished.

"Well, we better get down to business," Jake offered to change this very awkward subject.

"Hmm," Ben mused. "All right, lets get started."

Ben and Jake talked quietly about what was left for today including the activities and preparations in the up coming days.

Outside, Adam paused in scraping the dirt from the manure pile in search of fat worms. He dragged his sleeve across his eyes; they would not stop watering. He was not crying, he told himself; it was the air. It was chilly and it made his eyes water. In dragging the sleeve across his eyes, the button caught the lump on his upper lip.

"Ouch! Hells Bells!" The sound of his own voice caused him to bolt to his feet looking all around, but no one was there. His heart was pounding for the moment his vision blurred. The crunch of stone behind him made him spin around.

"How many ya' got?" It was Jake. He smiled at the boy, his eyes twinkling, aware that he had surprised Adam, and by the boy's face, he had been thinking or muttering something he did not want anyone to know

"Nuff, I guess," he blushed.

"Well, have fun," Jake ambled over to his horse, mounted up and rode out.

Adam stood and watched Jake until he had ridden out of sight, his eyes still watery, the breeze ruffled the fringe of hair on his forehead, suddenly he became aware of an odd sensation.

Blinking away the water in his eyes, he noticed one of the more determined worms had managed to get over the lip of the empty can and was now searching the outside of his hand for the best escape route. Adam wiped his face then stuffed the errant worm back into the can.

As if what had already transpired wasn't enough, another wrinkle in his day presented itself. Adam found his nose beginning to run. He snuffled a few times wrinkling his nose in an effort to stop the drip; he had no handkerchief. Problem one- if he went in the house and Pa heard him sniffling, Pa might think something was wrong and maybe not let him go fishing. Problem two- if he wiped his nose on his sleeve, Pa would notice and not let him go fishing, with no time to

figure the best solution he drew in a big sigh. Carefully he carried the can over to the porch, placing a small rock over the opening to deter any other attempts of escape. Quietly he opened the door and went in hoping not to be scrutinized.

"Adam? Is that you, son? I'm here in the kitchen; come here boy."

The tone was warm and no trace of anger or annoyance showed. Try as he may, he could not help it; he had to snuffle. Hoping his Pa did not hear it, Adam slowly approached the entrance to the kitchen, just as his father looked up.

"Have much luck?...."

Adam nodded hoping that by not speaking he could avoid another sniffle, or worse the little sneeze that tickled maddeningly at his nose.

"Good boy,.....Oh.. By the way... What would you like me to fix for you? It might be a while till dinner, depending on how good a fisherman someone is . . . "

"How about a jam sandwich? Unless of course you prefer . . . say . . . an onion and bean sandwich?" his dark eyes peered seriously at the child, however the corners of his mouth twitched.

"Come and get my handkerchief and blow your nose, I heard you snuffling, did you forget one again?"

Adam looked at his feet, shrugging his shoulders.

"Guess so, Pa."

Obediently he crossed and reached into his father's pocket and retrieved the white handkerchief. Turning he did as his father bid him.

"That better?"

"Yes sir"

"Try to remember, ok?"

"Ok . . . Pa?"

"Yes, son?"

"A bean and onion sandwich?"

Ben looked up at the little face all scrunched up in distaste at the thought, but not quite sure his

Father was teasing or not. Lately Pa did not seem much inclined to humor.

Adam was shaking his head in disbelief, eyes wide as he slid into one of the kitchen chairs, hands on either side of his face, the telltale signs of his hunt very plain around the palms and his fingernails.

"There, almost done."

As Ben stood up, the sound of a small voice could be heard from the bedroom, along with the creek of the crib as the youngest Cartwright, now awake pulled himself up, and rocked back and forth.

"Da..dum...da-dudm" came the little singsong voice, as he leaned out to try and see into the room.

"Uh Oh, I'd better get in there." Ben wiped his hands on the dishtowel, so he could go get Hoss.

"It's ok. I'll get um', Pa."

Adam stood then turned quickly and went to retrieve his baby brother. The conversation along with his father's surprising mood had left him feeling just a bit confused, with an odd little flip-flop in the pit of his tummy.

As he came into the room Hoss grinned his wide baby grin, his two new front teeth seemed bigger than normal; as his attention returned too diligently working, having just removed both his shoes now concentrating on getting his sox off.

"Hey . . . Noooo . . . don't do that!" Adam drew in his lips, hands on hips.

"What-d ya go an do that for?"

Hoss giggled and threw his shoe then his sock over the side of his crib. He waved his hands then clapped.

"Something wrong?" came the voice at Adam's back.

"Noooo . . . but this is the Tenth time today he did this."

Adam turned and looked up into his father's face, with such a look of disgust Ben just laughed out loud.

"You don't say!"

"Its'not funny, Pa." Adam gathered the sock and shoe going over to the crib where Hoss was

standing now, his arms outstretched. "DA...daum!"

"Why don't you go get the knapsack and put a few clean diapers in it and maybe a change of cloths and I'll get this little rascal back into his shoes and socks, because we are not going to get much fishing in if we keep dillydallying."

Shooting one last angry look back at his baby brother, Adam went to do as his father asked, muttering under his breath.

"Well now young man, let's see about you getting your shoe's back on," lifting the baby he grunted, "Boy . . . ! You grow bigger every time I pick you up."

"Ha . . . ah . . . Papa . . . " Hoss squealed and hugged tight to Ben's neck,

Adam waited a little impatiently, but he was careful not to be too obvious. After all Pa was in an awfully good mood and he wasn't about to chance another confrontation like earlier, still not quite sure how he had avoided what had been plainly showing on his fathers face. Ben came back into the kitchen, Hoss on his arm.

"Ready, Adam?"

Adam nodded eagerly.

"Ok then, let's get at it," Ben took the sack containing the food and Adam took the nap sack as they headed out Adam paused to collect his and Pa's fishing pole and the can of worms.

The sun was warm, the sky all but blinded one it was such a brilliant blue from one horizon clear

to the other. Not a trace of clouds anywhere. The air was fresh and the scent of pine was

everywhere, the weather here in the High Sierra's was constantly changing, for the time being the storm that passed earlier was quickly forgotten. Adam walked a few steps ahead of his father; he had been silent for the last couple of minutes. His head lowered, his little shoulders were slightly sagging, and Ben wondered what it could be. He had hoped the boy would enjoy this; had he missed something? Hoss was babbling on in his arms, making it almost impossible to walk straight as he wiggled and squirmed. Ben snorted and shifted his burden, still training his eyes on Adam's back for a clue as to what the boy might be thinking.

"Um . . . Pa," Adam halted, not turning to look back.

"Um . . . I . . . I'm sorry 'bout . . . "

"Aahhh yes, so that's it," Ben thought . . . "Finally."

Adam had been stewing about his actions earlier and it was eating at him. He could never be comfortable until he was sure he was on good terms with his Pa.

He had to know this thing was not still between them.

"Nothing to be sorry for, son. It 's over, but thank you for the apology. You are forgiven, if that's what is worrying you? But see it does not happen again. I will not tolerate disrespect or insolence. You know better, don't you, and next time, there will be a spanking."

Ben had come up alongside Adam; he reached his hand out and touched the boy's hair.

"Now we will have no more talk of this. We are going on a family fishing trip, and I expect you and your brother to catch enough fish for dinner," he announced sternly.

"What???? But Paaaa . . . " Adam looked up open mouthed.

"Yes, Adam? ....Oh, . . . that's right, Hoss hasn't learned to fish yet. Guess it's up to you."

Adam shook his head and walked off. Sometimes his Pa said the silliest things, Hoss fish! ... why for heaven sakes Hoss could barely walk. Whatever was he thinking!

Ben's eyes danced as he watched his eldest son shake his head in disbelief. Softly he chuckled and hugged Hoss a little tighter. They walked farther on.

The sunshine peeked in and out of the branches. Adam raised his head and saw they were getting

closer to the pond. In spite of himself, he took a few hops and skips. Suddenly he felt good inside so very; very good it had been a long time since he felt this kind of good.

The water in the pond was a little murky from the recent heavy rains. It soon became apparent there was not going to be a lot of fishing done; it didn't matter though, not to Ben or Adam and

certainly not to Hoss who was mainly interested in getting away from his father and exploring.

Adam fished for a while, and when nothing seemed to be biting, he left his pole and trudged to

where his father was resting on the blanket. Throwing himself down next to his Pa, he stared at the blue sky over head.

"No luck?"

"No sir,"

"Hummmm, "

"I ain't given up yet though."

"You aren't giving up" Ben automatically corrected without thinking.

"Nope. I sure ain't!"

"You aren't" Ben repeated his correction.

With renewed vigor and energy Adam marched back to the edge of the pond now fiercely determined to catch at least one fish. Had he chanced a peek back over his shoulder he would have caught the exasperated snort that escaped his father followed by the knowing grin.

Time however decreed the fishing expedition over. Up the valley, the re-gathering mist hovered about the mountains; there was the threat of new rain coming. The clouds were a dark gray against the green and gold of the mountains. The sun was behind Ben and his boys, and as it slid lower in the sky it lit up the distant hillside. Where the green and gold showed it sparkled; where the clouds hung, it reflected a blue gray.

Adam made his way to his father now perched on a fallen tree. Hoss sat in his lap happily pulling at the buckles on his vest and trying to put his father's neckerchief in his mouth. Neither Ben nor Adam remembered the yet undisclosed contents of the sandwiches as the time had passed so quickly. The secret would remain just that for they never did take time to open them up and eat.

Adam looked at his father's face and turned to see what it was his father seemed so preoccupied with in the distance. He put his pole down and leaned against his father's knee. Ben reached out and lifted Adam up onto his knee, his arm firmly and warmly around the boy's waist. In spite of the fact Adam instantly stiffened, he did not let go but hugged the child closer, all the while his mind played out a scene from the not so distant past.

It had also rained for thee days; they had not made any progress at all. The ground was just too

slippery and the mud too deep for the team to move safely. They went to bed with the sound of yet another thunderstorm crashing down upon them.

Ben, Inger and their boys were crammed into the little wagon, as the storm raged around them. Ben held her tight, yet she did not seem terribly frightened, the baby slept peacefully in his little bunk. Adam found it hard to sleep also this night, and he lay awake listening; storms did not usually frighten him but the way the wind hammered against the canvas and the rain drummed so loudly overhead and all around was very scary. He tried to breathe evenly but was unable to stifle the gasp, as a great thunderclap shook the wagon. For a brief instant longer he debated then trembling, scrambled over to where his parents lay, Inger took him in between them and cradled him there.

In the morning, they awoke to a glorious sunrise, the air clean; the world around them sparkled. The sun was a yellow glowing ball. Everywhere the earth looked clean and new with every leaf

greener then the next, the brown earth like chocolate, the sky a magnificent cornflower blue.

Delicate powder puff pink clouds greeted the sunrise, above the treetops. Inger quietly slipped out of the wagon and gratefully welcomed the bright new day with a thankful smile, drawing in a huge deep breath of sweet early morning air. Ben slipped out behind her, wrapping her in his warm arms.

"Oh Ben, isn't it yust beautiful," her lilting Swedish accent floated on the morning.

"Yes, but not as beautiful as you. I can't believe this amazing change in the weather."

"But Ben, the days they cannot always be as beautiful as this one. We do need rain as much as sunshine," she reasoned. Leaning her head back on his strong chest, she smiled and closed her eyes.

"Hummmm"

"What?"

"I voss yust remembering something my Mamma always said after a long rainy spell."

"Oh, and was she as wise as you?"

"Yah, "

"She would have had to be, because look at you,"

Inger blushed and laughed.

"Just what was it she said, my wise one?"

Inger stood up and stepped out of his embrace, opening her arms to encompass the world before them, she whispered "Mamma always told me . . . Some days are Diamonds . . . Some days are yust stones . . . " ducking her head she smiled gently.

The boy wiggling self-consciously on his knee drew Ben back, along with the tugging at his neck, his other son playfully yanked on his neckerchief. The day was fast slipping away. Not willing to go unchallenged the sun prepared to slide behind the rim. Thus in leaving, a last valiant burst of light caught the clouds, the rain suspended therein shimmered. Suddenly a magnificent rainbow materialized right before their eyes.

"Look Pa, A rainbow!"

Adam sat up, his face filled with wonder, as the colors grew in intensity. It seemed to go from one side of the world to the other. Hoss stopped in his attempt to eat his father's neckerchief and looked up even though he had no idea what they saw he sensed it, growing very still and quiet. Then he clapped his chubby little hands together and laughed out loud.

.

"Mama, she loved rainbows," Adam said barely audibly. "Huh . . . Pa"

Ben hugged his sons to him, this time Adam did not pull away but leaned into his fathers warm

embrace. While resting his head back into Ben's broad chest he brought his small soft hands up to cover his father’s strong work worn one squeezing ever so lightly. Ben felt Inger all around him, felt her smile in the brilliant colors of the rainbow. Yes, some days were Diamonds. Sadly enough though, some days were stones. There were also days like today, ones that might be called a Diamond in the rough. Ben bent forward and placed a gentle loving kiss on the top of his sons’ head's, then lifted his face up to heaven. Eyes glistening he closed them for a brief moment in which he offered a silent thanks for both his lost loves, his new land and his wonderful, precious, very special sons.

The End

* Some days are Diamonds some days are Stones, title taken from a song by John Denver, no infringement intended

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