FIREFLIES

Revised for Summer 2003

BY SADIE SPINNER

Adam Cartwright stretched slowly, testing just how much the muscles in the small of his back were willing to respond. Adam was Ben Cartwright's eldest son; Adam at 14 was slightly taller then some of his friends. His physique indicated he had not come into his own as yet. For the most part, Adam was a serious, somewhat introverted young man, wary of outsiders, and slow to warm up to strangers. Only over the last few years had he emerged under the determined, often tumultuous, effort of his second stepmother, Marie.

This fiery woman who's exceptional passion and zest for life combined with a stubborn streak matched only by that of his father and the child they had between them, had come into Adam's life when he was ten. The unexpected intrusion, as far as Adam was concerned, was unwelcome. Marie, however, was determined to make this work; maybe it was her own youth or maybe it was the desperate fear she caught in fleeting glimpses in those smoldering dark eyes. With steely resolve she promised herself to make him see she was not there to take his Pa away from him, but to take him into her heart and love him.

A very small miracle came next spring. It took the form of another brother, a whirlwind of perpetual motion, namely Joseph Francis Cartwright. Adam wasn’t instantly smitten with him, maybe it was his attitude toward Marie, the harsh words, the way he had acted right before and on the day he had been born. In spite of his resentment all efforts remain detached vaporized the moment this tiny baby looked up into Adam's face with his huge hazel eyes searching Adam's dark eyes, just as with Hoss, Adam was won over. He found the same love and need to be a big brother. With it, some of the anger melted. Adam and Marie still clashed with great intensity. Both were so very stubborn, so certain he or she was in the right. Slowly as he began to secretly study her more, the look on her face, the glow about her, he realized the deep love in her eyes spread out not only to the baby but also to him! It warmed him day by day. At last the icy resentment began to thaw in his young heart.

A little over three years later, Adam was a different young man. Still just as stubborn, clashing, not only with Marie, but also with his father more often than not. In this passing of time, the angry little boy was replaced by a quickly maturing sensitive teen. Marie had miraculously found that part of him he hardly ever let show, the impulsive, exuberant, intelligent boy with the dark eyes that could say volumes without words, the one who had a hunger to learn all there was. She caught him up in her love for reading, finding in him a kinship for books, poetry, and a thirst for knowledge. Adam was consumed with the desire to read. Marie, encouraged this love, nurtured it, even to her chagrin when sometimes it caused him to ignore chores he was supposed to be doing. Marie understood the wonderful freedom for the mind books offered, the way they afforded a respite, a quiet hideaway from worrisome thoughts you couldn't face in the here and now. Marie was thrilled to see him consume book after book, astonished at his capacity for comprehension that seemed too deep for one so young. Adam had to be the brightest child she had ever seen, with the exception of her own little one. This child required herself, her husband, his two brothers, the newly acquired housekeeper and all the hands, just to keep up with him.

Adam proved to be very astute, missing nothing in his quiet unassuming manner. He had begun to develop an uncanny ability to select just the right amount of truth when pressed by his father. Everyone knew to lie was definitely out of the question when dealing with the formidable Ben Cartwright. Although Adam never lied, his ability to mask his thoughts and feelings were traits he was fast mastering. He would simply shut down and that was that! Adam had managed to pull one of his special shifting maneuvers earlier that day. He had, in truth, wrenched his lower back, but to go into detail held certain disadvantages with which he'd rather not deal. Thus to avoid an elaborate lengthy explanation, he chose to feign irritability, and stay home with Joe. Adam secretly enjoyed these intervals.

Ben and Marie always felt slightly suspicious exchanging glances at times like this. Although they were skeptical of Adam's desire to stay home, they always took advantage of a chance to slip away not having to worry about their little bundle of energy. So it was that Adam had the house all to himself. Hop Sing, their housekeeper-cook, was off tending a sick cousin. Ben and Marie had taken Hoss with them to town to do some shopping then planned to spend a few hours with a neighbor.

As he paused on the stairs, Adam privately reflected on Marie, recently becoming aware of just how beautiful his stepmother was. It was a source of deep embarrassment and pride in him. At the same time he felt a tinge of guilt and shame for his behavior when she had come into his life.

"Ummmmmm" He bent forward, then side-to-side, rocking slightly back.

"If Pa finds out about yesterday it is gonna be more than my back that will give me trouble.” Holding this thought for another moment, he shrugged. "Oh, well.”

Adam looked around the room. It was strewn with discarded clothes, toys, cards, and a blanket. Sighing deeply, he quickly cleaned up. Adam had just spent a pleasant morning with his baby brother, Little Joe, who was just three and a half. This little boy, with his dancing, hazel green eyes, soft golden brown curls, a most engaging, guileless, infectious smile, unimaginable giggle, combined with the most exasperating ability for mischief, was now upstairs for his afternoon nap. About the only time Little Joe stopped talking, moving, or having a temper tantrum, was when asleep. Even then, there were nightmares. Adam was accustomed to Joe showing up at his bedside in the middle of the night, needing the soft gentle reassurances of his strong, quiet, big brother. Joe felt there was nothing Adam was not able to fix or make better. After surveying the room once more, he walked over to the bookcase to take down a book he had been denied reading for the last two days due to some small infraction he felt insignificant; his father felt differently. Today Adam was free to indulge in its pleasure. Gently, lovingly he ran his hand over the soft leather; he always got that special look on his face when he got his hands on a new book, contemplating the excitement it contained, relishing the time he could now devote to it. Taking the book to his father’s red, leather chair so he could keep an eye on the stairs leading up to the bedrooms lest his baby brother should wake, Adam listened for any hint of movement. When satisfied all was quiet, a big grin lit his handsome face. Adam pushed his hair from his forehead; settling in, he opened his book and was instantly absorbed and lost to the world around him.

Upstairs the little boy in the bed suddenly began to stir; his nose twitched. He began to move around restlessly. Something was causing him to rouse from his slumber. Little Joe continued to wriggle and turn; his eyes fluttered open, closing to half way. He turned over on his stomach, slid off the side of his bed until his little feet hit the floor. Rocking just a little, somewhat unsteady, he headed for the door. Little Joe pulled it open more asleep than awake, thumb stuck in his mouth, eyes remaining half open he moved to the staircase and went down one step at a time arriving at Adams knee without his older brother even noticing. The little boy stood for a second then simply pushed his way under Adam's arms. Adam obliged, never taking his eyes off the page of his book. Joe curled up in Adam's lap with his head nestled on Adams chest. Adam drew his arms in, encircling his little brother. Still reading, he lowered his face to the top of Joe's head. He drew in a deep breath, there was something about the smell of his little brother when he had just awakened, a sweet aroma, of sleep-- he would never tell any one, of this. He would have been much too embarrassed to admit to such overt and obvious sentiment or feeling. Marie caught him once when their eyes met as she came into Joe's room one afternoon. Marie had found Adam with Joe in his lap, his face buried in the soft hair. He blushed a deep crimson, opening his mouth then shutting it.

"I know, I love it too," she said quietly while lifting Joe from him and doing the same as Joe giggled. She was sure not to look at Adam in order to spare him further embarrassment. Marie, simply said, “I call it the sweet smell of innocence. Thank you for getting him."

Adam had shrugged

"S ok." He muttered, quickly escaping.

"Don't worry; I won't let on,” she had called softly after him.

Thus alone in the great room, Adam let himself indulge in deeply strengthening his bond with this little child who so entwined the strings of his heart, so different from Hoss, so very impossible.

On one hand Hoss made it his life's ambition to do everything to please Adam, was quite sure Adam could have walked on water if he so chose. On the other hand Little Joe seemed to have made it his life's work to do everything in his power to bedevil Adam, to cause him all kinds of grief, to cause problems that constantly kept him in hot water with their father and Marie.

As Adam continued to drink in the sweet aroma of his sleeping brother, he became acutely aware of another less pleasant sensation as he felt a warm liquid begin to fill his lap.

"Aahhhh nooooooo!" he growled; it was now quite evident just what it was that had awakened Little Joe. Adam had been having such fun earlier in the day he never took Joe to the outhouse before putting him down for his nap. Now Adam found himself reaping the consequences as a deep puddle of warm pee filled his lap! He was faced with yet another dilemma. Should he sit there and maybe let the puddle seep down between his legs into the leather of the chair, his father’s favorite chair, or, stand up immediately and let the warm liquid spill down the front of his own pants inevitably running into his boots and ultimately his sox. Adam wisely chose the later, not wishing to have to explain to Pa about the stain on the seat of his chair. Sighing, he put the book down on the hearth and stood up holding Joe slightly away from himself. Joe never moved. Adam was not surprised to see Joe had gone back to sleep. He grimaced as he looked down the front of his own pants. Sure enough, they grew darker as he felt the cool tickle of pee. It ran down the inside of his legs into the tops of his boots. Adam closed his eyes for a moment, gathering Joe back to his chest he carried him to the kitchen. Standing the sleeping child on a chair balancing him upright with one hand lest he fall, Adam managed to reach the pile of clean cloths he had folded a short time ago. With a warm, wet cloth he deftly completed a job he did not even have to think about; it was by now second nature to him. Getting Joe into a clean nightshirt, he carried his brother back to bed and tucked him in. Adam retreated to his room to get out of his own wet pants.

"Uggh!" He snorted, as he pulled off his boots to see the stain down his sox.

Washing, he redressed himself, slipping on his old boots. Checking again on Joe he carried his wet things down to the kitchen, glancing at the red chair as he passed, whistling softly.

"Could have been worse, nothing got through. Serves you right! Pay more attention!" He admonished himself, heading into the kitchen to put all the wet clothes in a tub of water outside the kitchen door. Returning to the chair he hesitated, then picking up his book Adam headed back up stairs into Joe's room. Settling in the rocker by the window, he resumed his reading. He had read undisturbed for close to another hour. Becoming aware of someone staring at him, he looked up, and found Joe sitting up with his thumb firmly in his mouth quietly watching his big brother. Their eyes met; Joe's eyes sparkled, and in spite of the tight grip on his thumb, he grinned widely.

"Hiya, buddy," Adam grinned back closing his book. "How was your nap?"

"Kay" Then Joe noticed himself; a perplexed expression crossed his angelic face, curls tumbling over in all directions from sleep. He looked up at Adam, wide eyed.

"Happened to me?” he asked in a whisper.

Adam gave a little snort of a laugh.

"Just the usual."

"Huh?"

Joe's eyes grew wider yet; he quickly checked under the covers.

"No, little buddy you didn't wet your bed." Adam reassured him, Joe had been doing quite well with telling someone if he had to go. Still when he got very busy playing or forgot to go before nap time, he had a mishap. He worried Papa and Mama would get cross with him. Adam came over to the bed pulling Joe into his lap.

"It’s ok," He smoothed the curly locks. "Let's get you dressed then how 'bout you give me a hand with my chores. What do ya say?"

Joe nodded emphatically; he loved to go outside with Adam.

For the next few hours, Joe "helped" Adam with some chores. First they filled the wood box. Adam would load Joe up with 2 or 3 large sticks.

"Are you sure you can carry all that?"

"Yep."

"Boy, you sure are getting strong!"

"Fanks, Adam!"

Joe would wobble and weave over to the box, deposit his "logs", and run back to copy Adam as he brushed his hands together, then dust off his pants. Every move Adam made, Joe shadowed as best he could. Adam, smiling to himself, made his moves just a little slower and more deliberate, knowing Joe was watching all the time. Next they went into the barn and checked on some of the horses. Adam adeptly kept Joe within arms reach at all times around the horses. Joe seemed to think he could just walk up to any horse whenever he wanted to. Two horses needed more water. Adam took two buckets out to the pump filling one then putting a small amount in the bottom of the other, turning to Joe "Here ya go, buddy."

Joe put both little hands around the handle of the bucket. With great huffs, and puffs, he carried the sloshing bucket to the barn with Adam.

"Fewwww thanks, that was a big help!"

"I’m big now!” Joe announced proudly.

"W-e-l-l, you sure are on the right path."

Adam leaned back on the barn wall, crossing his ankles, and arms. Joe did the same.

Adam sighed "Aahhhh" as he brushed his hair from his face.

“Ahhhh." Joe followed suit.

"Hey! What da ya say, we go see if there is some lemonade, an’ maybe a cookie inside. Then, we can weed the garden, sorta’ like a surprise for Hop Sing. Do you think he would like that? I'll bet your Mama would too!"

Joe looked very serious for a moment then nodded.

"I fink... yes." He refolded his little arms looking positively grown up.

"Deal?" Adam asked straightening up, then bending down to offer Joe his hand. Joe slipped his tiny hand into Adams larger hand.

"Deewl!"

Adam laughed and scooped him up tickling him; they headed for the kitchen as Joe giggled and squirmed. They found the lemonade and cookies Hop Sing had made before he left.

"Just, one, little buddy," Adam cautioned, knowing how easy it was to ruin Joe's appetite. He had no intention of making trouble later.

"Kay." Joe sighed, resignedly.

They took their snack outside; Joe walked ever so carefully carrying his own glass and cookie. Adam walked slowly right beside him, a huge prayer on his lips that Joe would not drop the glass, holding his breath while his heart beat rapidly in his chest. When they reached the veranda safely, Adam began to breathe again. He set his plate down. Taking Joe's glass, he sat him on the step.

"See, I'm big nuff’ now!" Joe crowed." Papa n’ Mama gonna¼"

"Ahhh... Little buddy, this is a big brother kind a special secret kind a thing." Adam found himself mumbling.

Joe blinked, cocking his head as he bit into the chewy, soft, oatmeal cookie.

"Wreely?" he whispered, his hazel eyes growing huge in wonder.

Adam looked appropriately serious, his face masked, as he studied his own cookie, just peeking out of the corner of his eye at Joe.

"Yup," Adam replied.

Joe thought very hard for a minute then asked, "How's come?"

"Because, ummmm, don't you like secrets little buddy?"

"Uhh-huuh!" “whats is a seqwrit?”

"Well, sometimes brothers share secrets no one else knows. It's.....It's.....part of being brothers!" Adam finished, flashing Joe a smile, one of those rare, full Adam smiles, just for him.

Joe put down his cookie and glass. Getting up he slowly went to his big brother who, while sitting, was eye level with him. Joe reached out and took Adam's face in his baby hands looking deeply into the dark eyes; a suspiciously strange, yet curious expression crossed his face. Adam was not quite sure Joe had gotten his message.

"Adam."

"Yes."

"Know whats?"

"What?"

"You's my berry, bestest, biggest brrrover," he said profoundly with such earnestness.

"I am?"

"Uhh Huuh."

Joe nodded gravely, his soft curls bouncing with a dramatic effect. For an instant he was so very still.

"That's good, 'cause you are my favoritest littlest brother!"

Suddenly Joe spun away and ran towards the end of the yard, giggling wildly. It only took a moment for Adam to realize his face was all wet and sticky!

"Hey you!" Adam yelled and took off after Joe. They raced around the yard in mock battle for a long few minutes then sank down in the cool grass just past the barn. Adam slid down flat on his back closing his eyes. Joe crawled over and up onto his middle, straddling Adam's torso. He put his hands down on Adam's chest and leaned way over so he was just inches from Adam's face. Adam opened one eye then the other. Joe peered down on him.

"What ya want now? Pest!" he asked squinting in the sun. Joe raised his brows, eyes twinkling merrily.

"Nuffin."

Adam drew his knees up behind Joe like a chair; Joe leaned back. They sat quietly enjoying the sunshine for a while. Adam felt the sun on his face sliding a little lower in the sky.

"Hmm, gotta finish our work, little buddy."

Joe leaned all the rest of the way down so he was lying on top of his brother, his head just under Adams chin. The soft hair tickled Adam, causing an involuntary lump to swell in his throat. He reached around Joe, wrapping him in his arms, pulling him close; there was no need to say anything. In an instant the moment was gone. Joe scrambled up; then they headed back to the house. To Little Joe Cartwright, these fleeting, quiet, moments with his brother, Adam, were to be cherished. Papa hugged him; his beautiful Mama hugged him. Big Hoss really hugged him, but a very special Adam hug was better than almost anything!

When they reached the veranda, Adam collected the glasses and plate. Joe pushed the door open for him. In a short time they were back outside, this time in the garden where Adam patiently instructed Joe, making sure he did not crush anything or pull the wrong plants out. That could be a disaster. So he pointed to a particular weed and told Joe that was his special job, successfully keeping him occupied for about 30 minutes while Adam hoed and weeded. As Adam stood up slowly, his back was to Little Joe, who was tackling a tall, thick weed at the opposite side of the garden. Joe heaved and strained with all his might, his face all scrunched up with fierce determination concentrating all his effort. He grunted, and tugged, his little hands barely reaching around the stalk, Joe gave it all he had. He stomped his heels, pulling and pulling. For a short time it looked like the weed had won. Just as Adam turned to see what all the grunting was about the roots let go with a whoosh. Adam looked on with a sense of doom as the plant erupted from the ground and both plant and little boy went sailing backwards. Joe landed flat on his back with a resounding thud! For the instant, Adam shut his eyes in expectation of a piercing scream. None was forthcoming; he opened them to see bits of sand, dirt, small pebbles and plant remains raining down on Joe. Before he could cross the distance and reach him, Joe sat up shaking his head, watching in fascination as the debris flew in all directions from his hair. Adam came to kneel by him as he looked up with a great triumphant smile.

"I get-ted it out, Adam!" Joe gleefully exclaimed.

Adam just sank down on the dirt, covering his face with his hands. "Oh, boy," he thought.

"You got it, and if you're hurt, I'm gonna Get IT!"

"Saaa matter Adam?" Joe was patting him on the shoulder.

"Little Joe! You gotta’ be more careful!" Adam scolded him, his voice unintentionally sharper then he meant to be. Joe hung his head; he gave a little nod as his eyes filled.

"Kay, Adam," he replied in a very small voice. "Dum head ol’ weed," he sniffed kicking at it.

Realizing he had over-reacted, Adam consoled him "Weell, any way, did ya get hurt?"

"Noooo silly..." Joe grinned at last, then giggled.

"Yeah, but you got dirty, didn't ya?"

Adam began to dust Joe's clothes off, getting as much of the dirt off as he could picking the plant matter and root out of the curls, frowning slightly to himself.

"Jess a lil." The little boy twisted trying to escape his brother's efforts.

When Adam felt Joe was sufficiently dusted, he took him by the hand.

"Come on; time to go get ready for supper and see what there is."

"Aww, but Adam, I wuz gettin' good at weedin'!"

"Sorry, my nerves can't take any more weeding."

They went back to the kitchen. Adam heard the grandfather clock chime. "Wow, I had no idea it was that late. Wonder where Pa is?" He kept the thought private lest he get Joe all worked up; he continued to mull it over for a few more minutes. As he came back from his thoughts, he was aware Joe was no longer standing next to him.

"Joe!!...Little Joe?" he called. "Answer ME!"

There was only silence and the tic of the clock as he came into the great room.

"No funny stuff, now. I mean it!!!!"

His voice had an irritated edge to it. Just when things were going good to! He muttered, "Might have known."

"JOE! You answer me! OR ELSE!!!!" There was still no answer. Adam stood still listening for another minute until he detected the slight crunch of feet hurrying across the yard and up on to the veranda. He flung open the door with a stern scowl on his face and his hands on his hips. Adam glared down on the small, breathless boy before him who was holding up his overalls.

"I I I 'memberd myownself." he offered hastily, then continued, "B.. b..b but¼th' buttons is hard...an...an...y you wuz hol holler en'...” he stuttered. "I.. I.. I'm s s sorry, Adam." His lip trembled. He blinked rapidly. Once again Adam cursed himself silently for his overreactions.

"It’s¼it’s ok, little buddy, but you scared me! You gotta’ let me know when..."

Joe interrupted. "I I did! I pullded yer hand...an’ an’ yer' leg...an’..an’..I hadda go!"

Vaguely Adam remembered while he had been thinking Joe was fussing, but he was too involved with his own mind to make the connection. Adam began to chuckle as he bent down and helped Joe get his overalls back on.

"Little brother...you are growing up!" He ruffled Joe's hair. "Let's see what we can find for supper, as it appears to be just you an me."

"Where's Papa n’ Mama n’ Hoss?" Joe asked worriedly. His bottom lip began to quiver once again; he shifted back and forth shuffling his feet.

"Oh, they'll be along, come on, it will be fun."

Adam picked up Joe going back into the kitchen. As he attempted to wash the squirming face, then grubby hands he asked, "What do you think we should have?"

"Bread n' jam!" Came the reply.

"Sorry!"

"But I like bread n’ jam!"

"So do I, but your Mama would skin me alive if I gave you bread and jam for lunch and supper." Adam explained as he sat his little brother on the table.

"Hey! How about ham and fried potatoes, or ham and apple fritters?"

"HAM, N’ FRITTERS!!!!" Joe whooped with delight. Adam ducked his head at the volume Joe's voice could attain.

"Little Joe, please!" Adam covered his ears, Joe giggled, and Adam looked at him.

"Ok, but you sit still! And for heaven sakes, don't fall off the table!!"

Joe leaned way over and looked down at the floor.

"Adam?" he asked still looking down.

"Yeah?" Adam answered as he retrieved the pans he wanted to use.

"This, nover--brover--seqwrit?"

Adam turned to see Joe swinging his legs and leaning way over the edge.

"Yes," Adam whispered, "and if you fall... the magic is broken. There are no more brother secrets."

Adam’s voice had a mysterious sorrowful tone as he spoke. Joe raised his eyes and swallowed hard; he sat perfectly still.

"Good."

Adam got a big bowl and handed it to Joe.

"Here, this is your job."

"What?" Joe hung onto the bowl as if his life depended on it.

"Just hold and wait."

"Kay."

Adam began to add the ingredients, finishing with the apples. He saved a slice for each of them, popping his in his mouth; he chewed then said, "Ok, see how carefully you can mix that."

Here is the recipe for Adam’s golden apple fritters:

1 cup sifted flour

1-1/2 tsp. baking powder

2 tbsp. sugar

1/2 tsp. salt

3/4 Cup milk

1 egg

4 large apples peeled cored and sliced.

1. Sift dry ingredients.

2. Add egg and milk and sliced apples. Coat apples well.

3. Drop into a skillet with 1/2 inch hot shortening (Adam would have used lard).

4. Fry until golden brown and turn to fry other side.

5. Remove and drain then sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar.

Joe dutifully hugged the bowl between his legs, and with great concentration using both hands, tried to stir the thick lumpy batter. Once, twice, he got the big spoon to go around, and then it bogged down; he pulled on it. To his astonishment, the spoon suddenly came out with a sucking whoosh! Batter flew everywhere.

"Ooohhh.. Ooops."

Adam turned around. "What dose Whoops.... Ohhh Nooooo! Joe!! You didn't..."

Joe gave Adam a sheepish, lopsided grin.

"S sowwrry."

Adam quickly repaired the damage; taking the spoon, he stirred down the mix.

"There, now go very slowly... Ok?" Joe nodded and did exactly as he was told. Adam heated the lard. With Joe holding the bowl, together they made a big batch of apple fritters. When the fritters were done and cooling a little, Adam fried the ham. He put Joe into a chair, set the table and took his place.

"Yah gotta’ say fank you, God!" Joe reminded his big brother.

"Right!" Adam snapped his fingers; then with a quick grace, they began their meal. The two brothers talked and laughed; Joe ate all his ham and a great deal of fritters that Adam liberally doused with maple syrup especially for him. Adam preferred sugar and cinnamon. After getting all the sticky mess off Joe's face and hands Adam realized it was growing late. As he glanced out the window, something caught his eye, a blink of gold barely lasting a second; he went to the window. His brow shot up. His eyes grew wide.

The first fireflies of summer were just rising from the tall grasses in the meadow beyond the yard. The evening mist was floating in fairy like spirals from the earth warmed by the day’s sun. Dusk was beginning to settle in, the sky shifting from clear blue. As the breeze temporarily halted, a warm humid haze built in the distance. The colors creeping into the sky were coming slowly, and then became more vivid as the angle of the sun changed. Soft pink boiled into fiery rose with orange tips; lavender turned to mauve. The mist continued to roll across the meadow; the fairy like spires heading ever upwards from the grass, dancing, twisting, and eventually dissipating as they cooled. The last rays of the setting sun were reflecting off the distant mountains turning the haze rosy, lavender-blue.

Adam spun around so quickly he startled Joe.

"Adam?" he gasped at the look on Adam's face.

"Come on! We have to hurry!" Adam scrambled over to the shelf.

Frantically searching until he found an empty jam jar with a lid. "Perfect!" he whispered.

Adam grabbed Joe in his arms. He hurried out heading for the meadow hoping to beat the setting sun. Alarmed Joe grabbed onto his neck with a death like hold. All Joe saw was the house fade into the gathering twilight. Joe pressed his face into Adam’s shirt, confused and frightened, he began to tremble. At the first hint of his shudder Adam stopped, gently pulling him from his death grip.

"Whooa, easy buddy, it’s it’s ok, honest," he whispered gently. "I just wanted to show you something wondrous."

Joe had his eyes shut tight; he was sure there was some terrible reason Adam had for running out of the house at night. Adam brushed the hair from Joe's forehead as he put him down and squatted down next to him so he was eye level.

"Open your eyes, Little Joe."

For another instant Joe remained immobile, frozen with fear. When he did open his eyes, he frowned.

"What?" he pouted.

They had reached the fringe of the meadow; Adam lifted him in his arms one more time and took a deep breath.

"This!" was all he said in a hushed tone, walking into the middle of the meadow. Adam stopped every now and then to just listen. He stood stock-still, putting his finger to his lips he signaled Joe to remain quiet. Meadow larks were beginning their sweet trill. Crickets harmonized with them. The katydids and the big ole' bullfrogs in the pond joined in the evening choir. Adam made a full sweep, giving Little Joe a panoramic, 360-degree view. The frown on Joe's face slipped into a look of wonder. His eyes stretched wide; he sucked in a sharp sudden breath. Turning, he faced Adam. Big hazel eyes met beautiful dark eyes. Adam held his gaze for only a moment then he indicated the enchanted sight before them, for that is what the meadow had become, a veritable fairyland, truly magic and so very spellbinding. The fireflies continued to emerge from the grass floating silently; their fascinating little lights blinked on and off. Joe's first thought was they must be fairies and pixies, for that is what they appeared to be with the way their silent wings were fluttering, obviously each holding a tiny lantern in their hands.

"Adam," his little breath came out in a soft whispered gasp. "Look...! Fairies!"

Never had Joe seen such a sight as now before him. Entranced, he watched in disbelief as they continued to rise, in what must surly be hundreds of thousands. They were everywhere. Like twinkling stars come down from heaven, they graced the evening air with a breathtaking demonstration.

Joe missed the spectacle of the firefly last year, he was only two and was asleep long before they rose, plus for some reason Adam didn't know, very few fireflies existed last year. It had been a long dry spring and summer. Perhaps that had something to do with it. This year had been a beautiful rainy spring and now the summer brought lush green fields overflowing with rich grass and multitudes of wild flowers. Adam reached up still holding Joe on his arm. As a firefly floated by he cupped it in his hands.

"Look, little Joe. See it's not a fairy. It’s called a firefly."

"Do's they burr'n?" came the question.

"No," Adam laughed softly.

"Ares' theys hot?"

"No."

"Why, is theys firefwies then?" Joe demanded.

"Because they light up!"

" Because Why?"

"I'm not sure."

"How do's they wight up?"

"C can't really say, little brother."

Joe was very serious as he bombarded Adam with questions, all the while watching his big brother's face intently. Adam lowered himself to the ground, setting Joe on his feet. The little boy kept one arm firmly around Adams neck, carefully opening his cupped hands just a crack Adam invited Joe, "Here, peek in."

Nestled in the dark confines of Adam's hands, the little firefly blinked and glowed.

"Will it bite?"

"No," his big brother reassured him in a soothing voice.

"Hows' come?"

"They just don't," Adam patiently continued.

"Are's theys fwrendly?"

"Sure they are."

"hummm," Joe commented..

"It’s just the way God made them, maybe it’s the way they say hello to other fireflies."

This was the best explanation Adam could come up with right now. Joe peeked into Adam's hands once more.

"Oh, uh huh."nodding satisfaction as he took in his brothers explanation

"Joe, hand me the jar, will ya?"

"Why?"

"So we can put him in there."

"He's a boy? Hows' come?"

Adams head was beginning to spin.

"I just guessed."

"Oh."

"If we put hi- uh it in the jar we can see it better."

Adam slid the little firefly into the empty jar adding the cap. Joe held the jar in his hands marveling at the little creature.

"Can we gets nover’ one?"

Before Adam could answer, his mind was suddenly catapulted away to another meadow, far from here yet so very familiar. He felt almost eerie as he saw a small boy with black hair running in the meadow. A strange sensation washed over him; this little boy- it- it was himself! Adam swallowed. He was running with wild abandon through flowers; it was also near dark. There was a wagon in the distance near the edge of the meadow; a stream gurgled near by. A man was standing by the wagon, his hand raised in response to his voice; it was—Pa! Like a dam bursting, the long forgotten memory flooded his being; he watched as he ran breathless towards his waiting father.

"Adam, you be careful now and watch out for rabbit holes." his father was calling, a thin smile on his pale face. "Pa! Pa! I gots one! I gots one!"

"I gots one!" A voice rang in his ears. This was wrong, memories weren't loud, and it became more demanding. In a flash Adam was back, bewildered by the fact his lashes were wet, his vision blurry. Still the voice called.......Joe, it was Joe!

"Look! Adam! Look!" Joe panted as he approached. "I getted’ one, mys' ownself!"

"Good job, little buddy!" A cold shudder ran over him. He helped Joe put the catch in with the other then added a few strands of meadow grass.

"Adam, you 'pose ta be helpin’ me, member?" Joe asked slightly wounded by his brother’s lack in attention.

"Gee you're so fast. There won't be any left for me." Adam teased.

"(Tisk) Adam, yer silly. Thers' a whole bunchs of 'em! Look!!"

Adam blinked hard a few times.

"Yeah, your right! There sure are. Lets go!"

Adam had hardly taken three steps when it happened again. He was in yet another meadow, squatting down next to someone.

"Hoss?" he questioned. He and Hoss were together among thousands of fireflies.

"B but, Adam, please, I don' wan' 'em in that ol' jar."

"C-comon’ Hoss, this way we can see them better."

"Noo, I kin see um lots' better this way," his hand swept out in front of them.

"This is better!" Adam insisted, his voice a little impatient.

"Gulp, B-but—they'll die!" Hoss pleaded in a low voice. Big blue eyes filled with tears. His wispy blond hair stuck out like straw in all directions; it was a mixture of dandelion puffs, sweat and grime. His chubby face was flushed; his lower lip quivered as he vainly tried to stifle a sniffle just as one fat tear slipped away and ran down his cheek. Adam was defenseless against his little brother’s tears.

"Awww, ok, Hoss, I guess you're right." Adam shook his head as he opened the jar and released the captives.

"See, I tol’ ya! It’s better."

With that, he slipped his chubby hand slowly and confidently into that of his beloved older brother, squeezing gently. Adam squeezed back. Only the hand he felt wasn't chubby, it was tiny. Startled, he looked down. It....it was Joe watching Adam, puzzled by his distant expression.

"Hey, you're not givin’ up? Are ya? Or do you want me to win the contest?" Adam challenged, his voice a little husky.

"Nuuhuuh!"

Laughing, they jubilantly raced off together; Adam halted for one more moment as he watched Joe zigzag through the deepening twilight. Pausing he looked off into the far distant mountains at some unseen spot. Although the entire vision had lasted no more than two or three minutes, it had exacted a powerful reaction in him.

"Wwow! I guess there really is magic in fireflies,” he spoke in a hallowed voice scarcely out loud.

Adam could find no single, logical explanation for the events he had seen and felt. As another slight tremor ran through his soul, he quivered. Then shaking it off, he set out in search of little Joe somewhere ahead of him in the misty meadow chasing down and catching any and all fireflies he found. By now the entire meadow and surrounding pines and trees were ablaze with twinkling, blinking, fireflies. They danced and ebbed, floating in silent splendor ever upward, filling the air. The meadow glittered and shimmered with increasing intensity as innumerable fireflies filled the darkening sky. For a small instant, Adam wished Hoss were there. Then a twinge of guilt picked him, for he realized he was glad no one else was with them. The meadow passed from twilight into evening, as both boys were gloriously tired, slightly sweaty, and ready to drop. Joe clung to the jar with both hands as evening quickly faded to night. Adam and Joe had raced wildly around the meadow back and forth too many times to count, successfully collecting a veritable lantern of fireflies.

"Can I keep um’ n' show Mama n' Papa?" Joe asked in a hush as if to speak any louder might break the enchanting night.

"Sure."

"N Hop Sing, n’ Hoss? He be susprized Huh?"

"Bet he will too!"

Joe gazed into the lights blinking in the jar.

"Joe, we can only keep them a little while though."

“Hows' come? You said...!"

Adam was positive Hoss's reaction to the captured fireflies was not going to please Joe.

"I know, but they need to go back home. Ok?"

"Kay." Joe sighed a little crest fallen.

Adam sank down against the trunk of a great Ponderosa pine at the edge of the meadow. Joe came and sank down at his side. As his little brother did so, Adam draped his left arm across his small shoulder down over his chest.

"Adam?"

"Hummmm?"

"This ah..uh- brover- um- you know-?"

His brother did not answer right away.

"Is it?"

"Is it what?" He dreamily asked as he watched the night steal over them intensifying the magical display. Everywhere he looked there were hundreds of thousands of fireflies and they were still rising in uncountable multitudes.

"Sigh’ a brover seqwrit? Member?" Joe persisted, getting more comfortable.

"Yeah, Little brother, I suppose it is," Adam answered through a yawn without looking down.

Adam could feel his little brother's heart thumping in his chest from excitement and exertion; he instinctively hugged a little tighter. For now, both just sat; Joe rolled his head back and forth on Adams chest, a huge yawn overtook the little boy. His big brother reached over with his right hand, and gently began to run it through the thick curls. They were somewhat tangled and just a little damp. It was a slow lazy, soothing motion as if, unconsciously seeking to hold onto the moment.

All too soon Adam felt Joe's heart rate slow. His breathing became deeper; his body relaxed. Adam caught the jar as it slipped from Joe hands; he was asleep. The stars were growing brighter. Adam once again lowered his face into Joe's soft hair. This time the sweet smell of sleep had a hint of fresh earth, and the tiniest tang of musty sweat. He found himself drinking deeply of this sweet moment, to be sure that, come what may in the future, he would always be able to close his eyes, and in his mind be carried back to the smell of his baby brother, to an innocent time when life was good. Then a disturbing cloud stabbed him in the heart; he clenched his teeth, shutting his eyes tight.

"N-o!" He hissed through gritting teeth. “No.” He felt a tightness clamp down on his chest; panic squeezed the breath from him. With great effort, he fought it off. Taking the jar he opened it setting the fireflies free; he saw them float away into the starry sky. It was as if they took the dark fear with them to dissipate into the night. A cool shiver twitched him; he became aware of the damp settling over the land into his cloths already moist from sweat. Gathering Joe into his arms, he stood up, balancing Joe against his shoulder as the spectacular show of the fireflies melted away in the night like a shower of shooting stars. Adam traced the path they had made back to the house guided by the moon's light as it rose over the rim of the mountains.

At the last minute he remembered what had happened earlier in the day so they made a detour to the outhouse. It took a bit of maneuvering, but he managed to wake Joe enough for him to go, then he slipped Joe's shoes and overalls off, carrying them and Joe into the house. Undecided, he stood for a short time. Heading into the kitchen, to put the empty jar on the table, he retrieved a cloth dipping it in the pot of warm water Hop Sing always had going. Adam juggled it, the overalls, shoes and Joe in his arms as he went up stairs. As he reached Joe's room, the night breezes began to stir; they ruffled the edge of Joe's curtains. The sweet smell of honeysuckle mixed with fresh pine drifted in; it tickled his face. Adam stripped Joe of the rest of his clothes carefully wiping his face and hands with the warm cloth. Joe mumbled as Adam got him into his nightshirt, tenderly tucking him in. He kissed the little forehead on top of the curls; it left a slightly salty taste on his lips.

"Good night, little brother, pleasant dreams."

Joe wrinkled his nose, giggled and popped his thumb in his mouth; a soft sigh followed. In the glow of the lamp, Adam saw a hint of smile around the thumb.

"Oops...oh, gee, I guess I should have washed his hands a little better." He admitted to himself. (More likely he needed a bath) Lowering the lamp he stopped to pick up his book then headed out leaving the door slightly ajar.

Adam went down stairs pausing at the landing; his eyes scanned the room below him. All was as it should be. Yawning, he stretched lightly, continuing on down leaving his book at the blue chair. He went into the kitchen. Doing a quick scan, he wrestled with uncertainty, but reason won out. With a long sigh he hurried quietly out to finish night chores. Hoping Joe would not waken, he finished in record time and returned to the kitchen. Smiling, he went to the stove, got the coffeepot and made fresh coffee. As he set it to boil he thought of his father and Marie, sure they would welcome a cup of coffee upon their return. While he waited for the coffee to boil he grabbed a cold fritter and took a big bite. His eyes wandered absently, at which point he saw it; there was a big splat of dried fritter batter on the cupboard door that he'd missed earlier when he had cleaned up.

"Hummm." He studied it, hands on hips, the last of the fritter still half in, half out of his mouth. "Ohhhweewll." He muttered, knowing full well that to speak with such a mouthful of un-chewed food was something he would never think of doing if his father or Marie were present. His father and Marie, he was caught off guard as he paused to reflect on her. Once again, a small shiver ran over him.

Marie sure was the last thing he had ever pictured, or wanted, yet as he stood there he could not imagine life without her. She was so complicated. He was still not really certain where his heart needed to put her in his life. She represented so many things to this young man. Marie was the epitome of femininity, beautiful, delicate, and able to get his father to do almost anything. Marie laughed like no other woman or girl he ever met. Her eyes lit up when she smiled; they fairly glowed when she was angry. She had the most amazing temper Adam had ever seen except for his father, who tried to keep his in check. There were those who would say Adam, when finally roused, was equal to them. Adam winced when he recalled the times he evoked his father's wrath, but Marie made his father's rage pale in comparison when she got absolutely riled. Her small frame belied surprising strength, her vice like grip was something to be experienced, and he had. Yet, Marie could change in an instant.

In contrast to Marie's fiery side, her gentle side came to light especially when dealing with his tenderhearted brother Hoss, who had a love for all creatures. Marie was able to understand Hoss's feelings and enthusiasm for all God had made even though she wasn't too quick to warm up to every critter Hoss claimed needed his help.

Also, there was the way she and Hop Sing got along. Marie was the first to bridge the gap with him; they had formed a special kind of friendship and understanding. Hop Sing was totally devoted to Marie and Little Joe. When the tiny baby had arrived, he captured Hop Sing's very heart.

Adam also found her, much to his surprise and gratitude, his staunchest ally in his quest to go to college. They shared their love of books and had lots of lively debates on the things they read, although they often had different thoughts on what the writer was saying. They talked of faraway places to go and see. Marie sang beautifully, with a sweet bell like voice. She knew lots of songs, fun, warm and sweet, so many more than Inger.

His brow knitted; it was the first time in ages that he thought of both these women at the same time. It gave him an odd feeling in his stomach, at first slightly guilty, as if the thought made him disloyal to both or either one. Then he recalled Marie's explanation of love. She explained how it grew with the need, that loving one did not diminish the love of another or change or lessen the memory of love.

Adam had been cleaning off the crusty stain as he thought; his mind changed directions as he swallowed the last of his fritter. He brought into focus the vision of Joe at supper tonight, animated, grinning, stuffing the sticky fritter in his mouth as he talked. He remembered how he had gently scolded him, to swallow before he spoke. Joe had laughed at him.

"Adam, you're vwery, too much like Papa!” he had teased.

"Oh, you think so, little boy?” He had a mock scowl, glaring at Joe. Joe had giggled.

"Yep, jes’ like um!"

"Well, seems somebody has to try to keep you in line!” Then they both laughed at the likeness. Adam’s mind jumped back to the look on little Joe's face when he had grabbed him and left the wet sticky spots on his cheeks. With that devilish laugh of his, he dashed off.

With his brother Hoss, the underlying, silently communicated feelings were always there. Hoss respected Adam's need for quiet, never invaded his need for space. At times Hoss understood Adam far better than Adam did himself.

True, most people would always contend it was Hoss who shared the deep kinship with Joe, instinctively knowing each other partly because Adam always seemed to be above them, bossing them. At times when Adam was in a black mood, both younger boys stayed a healthy distance from him if at all possible. Joe and Hoss would share this closeness for the rest of their lives. He knew Hoss would forever try to protect his "little" brother from the world, himself, and everyone around them including Adam, and often as not, Pa. Adam knew Hoss relied on his unshakable faith in Joe, no matter what he was up to, even using his mighty strength if needed.

Adam's bond with Joe was so very special and very different than the bond shared by Joe and Hoss. A quiet, deep unspoken bond was always there even though Adam would always appear Joe's total opposite. In years to come, Adam would have to step in frequently and be Pa, for Joe, not always with the results Adam would like. Through it all, for Adam, his precious littlest brother was worth the frustrations.

His love for both his brothers was so deep and consuming. He would rarely be able to speak of it, to try to explain, or even sometimes to show them. He was such a private person; the depth of these feelings ran so far into his very core that it shook his whole existence with the slightest hint they might be in any danger.

Shrugging, he shook off the doom once more, the danger of his true self being exposed like a raw nerve, touching his innermost heart.

The smell of merrily boiling coffee roused him. Adam finished his scrubbing, impressed at how hard fritter batter could dry. The warm aroma of fresh brewed coffee energized him; he had one more task, the wet cloths left outside. He finished rinsing them; shaking them out he put them over the line knowing that when Hop Sing returned, they would be cared for properly.

Adam took a cup down and poured himself a steaming cup of coffee. He had recently decided he was old enough to choose coffee over milk even if he wasn't really all that fond of it just yet. He headed back to the great room to pick up where he left off with his book and await the return of his family. Retrieving the book he wiggled into the chair by the fire. Squirming to get more comfortable, his back was now ready to punish him for the day’s activity that he had agreed not to do.

"Ouch!" Came the sharp startled response to the jab of knotted muscles. He shifted, settling another way. Opening his book, he scanned the pages then began to read. Adam got about 5 pages into it when a thought began to gnaw at the back of his mind propelling him back to yesterday's activity. His encounter with Young Wolf turned into a wrestling match leading to his predicament with his back. So deep in this quandary, he was not aware his family had returned.

Ben stopped short when he saw the obvious troubled look on Adams face, instantly fearing what might have transpired with Little Joe. Alarmed, Ben crossed the distance between them in a few strides. Marie came in right behind her husband, and immediately placed the basket she was carrying on the sideboard. Pulling off her cape she likewise sped to Adam's side.

"ADAM!!" They asked simultaneously, half afraid to hear him answer. He did not look up seeming not to hear. Hoss, meanwhile rambled in, and in his typical way shut the door a little harder then he had intended. With the bang of the door, Adam shot to his feet, never expecting to be face to face with his parents. His eyes were owl wide, a sure sign of trouble. Adam's eyes were the only windows to the completely guarded heart of the boy.

"A-adam?" Ben swallowed and whispered. Marie grabbed his arm, shaking him. He blinked then returned from wherever he was in his mind, quickly recovering his composure.

"Oh. Hi, Pa! Marie!" he blushed, "Sorry."

"Everything alright?" Ben asked carefully.

"What? Oh sure!"

Adam was himself again, controlled, cool, steady.

"I said, is everything alright?" Ben, over his initial fear, was becoming just the slightest bit suspicious.

Adam yawned, lazily shaking his limbs. "Sure, why?"

"I don't know? You tell me!"

Adam looked from his father to Marie, as if for the first time he really saw them.

"You want some coffee? I-I made a fresh pot."

Marie looked to Ben then Adam. " I'm going to check on Joe."

Turning she hurried up the stairs. A small hurt frown played on Adam's face. Ben cocked his head, watching Adam, so handsome, and getting so tall and grown up looking. A pang caught him off guard. Adam stood staring at the floor, dark eyes unreadable, under his thick lashes, hands in his back pockets, shoulders slightly hunched. A tweak of smile pulled at the corners of Ben's mouth.

"Adam, I would love a cup of coffee," he said quietly. The boy glanced up and nodded; as he turned, Hoss came from the kitchen.

"Hey! Who made apple fritters?"

Typically, Hoss's nose had detected the faint aroma as soon as he had entered; he headed to investigate, hoping to avoid being there when the confrontation that loomed between Adam and Pa took place.

"Apple fritters?" Ben echoed.

Adam smiled shyly. Stepping past Hoss, he went into the kitchen, got the plates, cups, pot of coffee and the last of the fritters on a tray, returning just as Marie reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Joe's, fine, sleeping soundly." Relieved, she looked at both Ben and Adam.

When Marie had entered Joe's room her heart was fluttering with anxiety; she found him curled into a little ball, thumb firmly entrenched in his mouth, covers on the floor. Re- tucking him in, she kissed him. Much calmer, she went back down stairs.

"Thank you." Ben sank into his chair as he took the cup from his son. Hoss waited rather impatiently for permission to have the fritters. Marie’s hand brushed Adam's hand as he handed her the cup.

“We- we’re sorry Adam."

One of his black brows rose sharply.

"Y-you looked so upset, so perplexed, and serious- when we came in, w-well we just thought....."

Adam regarded them one more time, trying to figure out what was going on. Then it hit him like ton of bricks. He was so busy fretting over his father finding him out that he never realized the message his facial expression was sending.

"It's ok.” He shrugged, giving them one of his Adam grins, pleased with the turn of events, having managed to shift the direction off himself and what possibly or most certainly would be a sticky situation. When his face lit his dark eyes sparkled with pleasure. Marie's heart skipped a beat; she smiled back, for she so loved her eldest son when he smiled like this. Ben on the other hand, knowing this boy only too well, carefully filed away the moment to later bring out and examine more closely.

“A-hem!" A voice broke into their respective thoughts.

All three looked at Hoss, who was smiling his best smile indicating the fritters with his eyes. Ben, Marie and Adam exchanged glances, all three laughing at the same instant.

"Go ahead." Ben nodded.

Hoss fell on the fritters as if he hadn't eaten in days. Adam watched the wispy blond hair that lay on his forehead, the big beautiful blue eyes that shown with glee and pleasure in anticipation, his round face. A fierce sensation welled up in Adam's heart. He sighed, sitting back on the hearth.

"Will you join us, son?"

"Nahh, I had my fill earlier." Adam smiled, leaving them for Hoss.

"So, how did today go?"

Adam sipped his coffee making a face; it had gotten cold.

"Here." Ben refilled his cup. Recently he had also become aware of Adam's newly acquired preference, silently chuckling at the grimace, knowing full well that it was the bitter taste of coffee and not the fact that it had cooled down.

"Thanks Pa," he said softy.

"The house is still standing. I take it your little brother behaved for a change?"

"Sure, Why?"

"What did you two do all day?"

Adam shrugged. "Oh, stuff." He vaguely replied not looking up.

"What kinda’ stuff?" Hoss inquired through a mouthful of fritter; worried he missed out on something.

"Hoss, not with your mouth full," Marie softly rebuked. At that, a small smile flittered over Adam. He noticed that Hoss was blushing; his face had fallen.

"Just stuff, Hoss. Nothin’ special."

Hoss accepted his words with a small shrug of his own and returned to his fritters. Ben really made a note to find out about today, but it was acutely obvious they would get no more from his tight-lipped son tonight.

"How is your back feeling?" Ben changed tactics.

"Fine." Came the expected reply, as he emptied his cup. Marie smiled secretly into her own cup. She knew it would be much easier to get the information from her littlest son tomorrow. Joe was much more pliable and easy to cajole if she worked at it. Flashing her eyes to Ben, he caught on. Hoss had polished off the fritters, smiling with great satisfaction.

"Thems' was real fine, Adam!" he declared.

Adam hadn't missed the unspoken thoughts between his parents, but what he and Joe did today was his and Joe's to share and not for anyone else. He hoped to keep it that way. After all, brothers had their right to privacy, didn't they? Then using his father’s own tactics, he shifted subjects. "By the way, I never expected you would be this late. I wish you had told me before you left. I was getting concerned, and Joe got quite upset, but I was able to re-assure him." He tried not to sound too smug, but the words had his desired effect anyway. Ben looked uncomfortable; his brow creased. Marie shifted in her seat. Hoss watched Adam’s expressions with great admiration.

"We ran into a small problem. You know that pine tree that was hit by lightning that I was meaning to take down, the one by the crossroad? Well, Mother Nature did it for me and laid it right across the road. It caught us by surprise. I almost didn't see it in the dark.

After I chopped some of the smaller branches, I had to unhitch the team to drag it to the side. Even with your brother and Marie's help, it took us far longer than I thought it would to get back on the road. I'm sorry you were worried. I apologize for upsetting you and Joe."

"It's alright Pa. I'm just glad that's all it was¼ cause you have every right to¼visit as long as you wish. Things were fine here, honest!" Adam stood up waving off any further comments. "Guess I’ll take these back to the kitchen. Hop Sing gonna be back tonight?" he called over his shoulder.

"Gee, I don't know?" Marie answered thoughtfully. "Why?" But Adam was already in the kitchen.

"Just wondering," was all he said as he came back into the great room. "Well, I for one am ready for bed."

Suddenly Ben realized just how tired he was and how late it had gotten.

"I think that's a good idea for all of us."

Hoss was half-asleep on the settee. Adam reached down hauling him to his feet.

"Come on, little brother, time for bed."

With years of practice he guided his "little" brother up the stairs, stopping at the landing, he half turned.

"Night, Pa....Night¼" He hesitated, “Mama,” he added in a shy, soft voice.

A huge lump swelled in Marie's throat, her eyes ached with the tears she held at bay.

"Good night, son," Both Ben and Marie finally managed to get out.

"Ben?" Marie questioned in a trembling voice. Ben just reached over and pulled her into his chest, wrapping her firmly in his powerful arms, tenderly holding her there for a long time. His heart was over flowing, he did not know if he would be able to contain himself. The pride in his eldest son threatened to reduce him to sobs of happiness. He was finding it hard to take a normal breath; his love for his family made his own eyes shine. This must be a sign life was at last going his way.

Reluctantly, Ben and Marie released their embrace. Marie went to the sideboard where the basket and parcels from the day's shopping were waiting. Ben followed, sighing tiredly; he continued outside to unhitch the team and bed them down for the night. He was just a little annoyed with himself when he realized this detail had nearly slipped his mind.

Later that night Ben woke suddenly from a deep sleep. He lay still, heart racing; he strained to listen. What could it have been? There was nothing he could detect; the house was silent. Slowly, carefully he rose, putting on his robe. He quietly padded out into the hall. Standing there he tried to determine anything out of the ordinary. Instinctively he went to each of the boy's rooms. Joe had, as he knew, kicked off his covers. He re-tucked him in, smiling, he went to see Hoss, and was pleased to see he was not on his back. That meant no snoring for a while. Even at this age, that boy could raise the rafters with his snores. Satisfied, he went on to Adam's door, pausing for a moment, his heart thumping. At first he only peeked in, then carefully swung the door silently all the way open. The room was flooded with rich silver moonlight. It spread over the floor spilling across half of his son's bed. He watched his son sleep, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. Adam was on his back, his hair falling softly over his forehead in an ebony fringe, his lashes fanning out on his cheeks, one arm raised over his head the other arm across his chest. Ben backed out carefully, quickly retreating to his own room.

"What's wrong?" came a soft whisper from the bed.

"Nothing, sweetheart, absolutely nothing," replied Ben.

Disrobing quickly he slipped back into bed. Marie snuggled up next to him, her head on his chest, her hair spread out over his arm like a chestnut spider web.

As Adam drifted off to sleep in the silky night, the last thing he remembered was the look of wonder on the face of his little brother, out there among the hundreds of thousands of fireflies. Adam watched as Joe raced in and out of the sweet grass and multitudes of fragrant wild flowers in the misty meadow. It was a good thought, for he had no way of knowing how very special that day would be for him in the future. He didn't realize how many times he was going to need to pull it from the far recesses of his mind to find comfort, to remind himself, to help loneliness, homesickness, and pain of loss. Along with the sweet smell of innocence, no matter how old Adam Cartwright would grow, he would always be able to instantly transport himself back to today, a special, innocent, lazy, Big Brother-Little Brother day and the magic of the firefly!

THE END

* I wish for all of you the chance to experience the magic of a meadow filled with fireflies, green grass and warm breezes, the taste of cool lemonade, and the innocence of childhood summers.

Sadie Spinner

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