THE SECRET
By: Deborah S.
 
Ben carried Adam out of Sally and John’s house. All Adam had, to remember 
his stay there, were the new clothes on his back, and Abel, the dog Sally 
had made him from scraps, for his third birthday. Adam looked over his 
father’s shoulders at Sally, who was crying at her door. Adam reached his 
hands out towards Sally, tears falling down his cheeks. He loved Sally, and 
didn’t understand why, he and his Pa couldn’t stay with her.
 
Ben didn’t stop, until he was half a mile away from the house. He set Adam 
down, and wiped his brow, with his bandana. Adam stood there crying. Ben 
kneeled down. “Don’t, don’t cry Adam. Please son, it’ll be all right. 
We’re together again. I love you son.” he said.
 
“I love you too Pa, but I love Sally too,” Adam replied.
 
“I know you do son, and I’m sorry, but Sally can’t come with us,” Ben said.
 
“Why not?” Adam asked.
 
“Because son, Sally belongs with John, and you belong with me,” Ben 
replied.
 
“Why can’t Sally belong with us?” Adam asked.
 
“Because son, she is married to John, and she has to stay with him,” Ben 
replied.
 
“But he’s had her for a long time. You always said people should share what 
they have. How come John can’t share Sally with us?” Adam asked, as he 
tilted his head.
 
“Son, it just doesn’t work that way. If your mother were still alive, would 
you expect me, to share her with someone else?” Ben asked.
 
“Yes,” Adam replied.
 
“You would?” Ben asked.
 
“Sure Pa. You’d share my mother with me, wouldn’t you?” Adam asked. Ben 
picked him up, hugging him. “I sure would have son, but that’s different. 
She was your mother,” Ben replied.
 
“I don’t understand Pa,” Adam said. Ben sat down on a tree stump, holding 
Adam on his knees. “Pa, how come you left me? How come?” Adam asked. Ben 
hung his head, and replied, “Adam, sometimes adults, parents, have to do 
what they think is right, for the child. I thought by leaving you with John 
and Sally, that it was the right thing to do. They could feed you, and give 
you a home, that I just can’t give you yet. I just, I love you Adam, and I 
did what I did, because of my love for you. I just loved you too much, to 
leave you there. I know it’s confusing to you son. I don’t expect to 
understand, what I’m trying to tell you. I just hope that someday, you’ll 
understand why I did it,” Ben said.
 
“Did you have to go away like mommy did? You said she loved me, but she had 
to go away. Is it like that Pa?” Adam asked. Tears came to Ben’s eyes. 
“No son, it’s not like that. Your mommy went to Heaven. That’s why she 
left us.
 
“Did you go to Heaven for awhile Pa?” Adam asked. “No son, you, you don’t 
go to Heaven, while you’re alive,” Ben replied, tears falling down his 
cheeks. Adam looked at him. “Don’t cry Pa. Please don’t cry, he said, 
wiping a tear from his father’s cheek. Ben smiled, then hugged Adam. “I’ll 
never forgive myself, for leaving you like that. How could I have done such 
a thing?” Ben asked. Patting his father’s upper back, Adam replied, “Pa, 
you told me, that sometimes, even when people don’t want to go away, they 
have to. You came back Pa.” Ben closed his eyes. “Yes son, I came back, 
and I promise you, that someday, we’ll have a home, with lots of beds, and 
plenty of food to eat. I promise you that son,” Ben said.
 
A buckboard came down the road. Ben put Adam down, then stood up. Adam 
picked up Abel. The buckboard stopped in front of them. “Well friend, you 
want a ride?” the man on the buckboard asked. Ben smiled, then picked up 
Adam. Adam clung to his father. Ben carried Adam onto the buckboard seat. 
Adam sat in his father’s lap, clinging to him. “Adam, this is Doug Wilkins, 
a good friend of mine. Doug works for this rancher, and has gotten me a job 
there as well. That’s where I’ve been son. The man I’m working for, Frank, 
has a wife, very much like Sally, and a son your age, named Tommy. We’ll be 
living in their home, and Louise will take care of you, just like Sally 
did,” Ben said.
 
“There’s nobody like Sally,” Adam replied.
 
“I know you love Sally son, but you’ll love Louise also, and Frank, her 
husband, you’ll love him too. You’ll have lots of fun with Tommy.” Ben 
said. Adam looked at Doug, who smiled at him. Adam didn’t smile back. He 
didn’t like Doug.
 
Once they got to the ranch, Louise came out, and greeted them, Tommy at her 
side. Ben got off the buckboard, and set Adam on the ground. Adam clung to 
him, as Tommy did with his mother. “Hello Adam. Your father has told us all 
about you. We’re just so happy you’ll be living with us for awhile,” 
Louise said smiling. Adam thought she looked nice, but she wasn’t Sally. 
“Adam, would you like to come inside, and play with Tommy’s toys?” Louise 
asked. Adam looked at Tommy. “I don’t think so,” he replied. Ben kneeled 
down, and looked at Adam. “Son, Tommy’s been waiting for you to come play 
with him. What do you say?” Ben asked. “I guess so,” Adam replied.
 
It didn’t take long for Adam and Tommy to become best buddies. The next few 
months, they did everything together. They were inseparable. They even 
shared the same bed at night, which meant Ben could sleep, not having Adam 
moving all night long. That didn’t mean, Adam didn’t get up a couple of 
times during the night, to make sure his father was still there.
 
Adam loved it at The McDonald’s, except for Doug Wilkins. Adam didn’t like 
him at all. Every night, he would take Adam’s time away from his father, by 
playing chess with his. He hated him, and hated the time, he took from him, 
and his Pa. Adam wish he’d go away, and never come back. He wish someone 
would send him to Heaven, where you can’t come back from.
 
 
THIRTY-ONE YEARS LATER
 
Ben Cartwright came home, very excited. His sons, all gathered around the 
living room, wondered what was up. “What is it Pa?” Hoss asked.
 
“What is it?” Ben said excitedly. “What it is, is this good friend of 
mine, from way back, when Adam was three to five years old, is coming for a 
visit. I got his letter today, and he’ll be arriving tomorrow. I can’t 
tell you, how long it’s been, since I’ve seen him. I lost contact with him, 
and fortunately, he heard of me, and The Ponderosa. He took a chance, that 
I am that Ben Cartwright.
 
“Pa, you still haven’t told us who he is,” Hoss said.
 
“Well, his name is Doug Wilkins. You remember him Adam, don’t you? If you 
don’t, I understand, being that you were so young and all,” Ben said.
 
“Doug Wilkins? The name sounds familiar to me, but I can’t picture him, or 
place him,” Adam replied.
 
“What do you mean you can’t place him? You remember the McDonalds, don’t 
you? You have to remember The McDonalds. We lived with them for two years. 
 You have to remember Tommy. The two of you were inseparable,” Ben 
stated. Adam shook his head, trying to remember. He put his right hand to 
his forehead, rubbing it. He had a headache all of the sudden. “I’m sorry 
Pa, but I just don’t remember The McDonalds at all,” Adam replied.
 
“Well, you remembered Sally and John, when Sally told you the story about 
them,” Ben said.
 
“I remember Sally and John. I’m sorry Pa. I just don’t remember the 
others,” Adam said, still rubbing his forehead.
 
“You have a headache son?” Ben asked.
 
“Yeah, yeah it just came on,” Adam replied.
 
“Well anyway, Doug was my very best friend back then. We worked on The 
McDonald’s ranch together, and he was the one, who made me realize, that 
Adam needed his father, more then he needed anything else,” Ben said.
 
“Pa, if you enjoyed it there so much, why did you leave?” Joe asked. 
Ben’s expression got serious. “Well, one day, Tommy just up and 
disappeared, without a trace. It hurt too much, for them to have Adam 
around, reminding them of Tommy. I felt uncomfortable having Adam there, 
with not knowing, what happened to Tommy. I wrote to his parents not long 
ago, and they told me, that they were still waiting, for Tommy, to someday 
come home. They believe that somebody abducted Tommy, and have raised him 
for their own. More then likely, a family that couldn’t have children. 
They are hoping, that someday, Tommy will remember them, and come home to 
them,” Ben stated.
 
“How sad,” Hoss said.
 
“Very,” Ben replied.
 
 
THE NEXT DAY, Ben picked Doug up at the stage. “Why Doug Wilkins, I’d know 
you anywhere,” Ben said, shaking his hand.
 
“Ben Cartwright, you haven’t aged a bit, except there’s snow on your top 
now,” Doug said. Ben looked at Doug. “Well, I see some snow on your top as 
well Doug,” Ben replied, laughing.
 
One the way home, Ben and Doug talked about the old days on The McDonald’s 
ranch. Ben told Doug about Hoss and Joe, and their mothers. “I never 
thought you’d marry again Ben. Not how you spoke about Elizabeth. You truly 
loved her, but I remember telling you, that someday, you’d marry again. 
Guess I was right, huh?’ Doug asked.
 
“Yeah, yeah, you were right,” Ben replied.
 
“Say Ben, whatever happened to Adam? I remember he was on the sickly side 
at times. Is he still alive?’ Doug asked. Ben looked at him strangely. 
“Adam wasn’t too sickly as a child. He and Tommy just shared all their 
germs. That’s normal. Why would ask such a thing?” Ben replied.
 
“Oh, I guess I was wondering. You talked about Joe and Hoss, and not Adam, 
so I just figured, maybe he had died is all. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to 
offend you in any way. Speaking of Adam, did he remember who I was?” Doug 
asked.
 
“No, no he didn’t. Funny, he can’t even remember the McDonalds, but he can 
remember the family he lived with before them. It’s strange, because Adam 
has a marvelous memory. It just escapes me, why he can’t remember you, or 
The McDonalds,” Ben replied.
 
“Did he remember Tommy?” Doug asked. Ben shook his head. “No, no, he 
didn’t remember Tommy either,” he replied.
 
“Well good,” Doug said.
 
“Good?” Ben asked. Doug thought for a moment. “No, I didn’t mean good, 
because he didn’t remember Tommy. I meant, good that he is healthier then 
he used to be,” Doug replied.
 
“Well remember, he gets better nutrition now, then he did there for awhile,” 
 Ben said.
 
When they arrived in the house, Hoss and Joe came to greet them.  “Doug, 
this is my second son, Hoss,” Ben said. Hoss and Doug shook hands, and 
greetings. “Doug, this is my youngest son, Joseph,” Ben said. Joe and 
Doug shook hands, also exchanging greetings.
 
Adam stood in the front yard, listening, as the front door was opened. 
Just hearing that man’s voice, angered him, but he didn’t know why. He 
didn’t want to go inside, so he turned back towards the barn. “Adam?” his 
father asked. With his back to his father, Adam closed his eyes, upset he 
was caught. Adam turned around, and walked into the house. Doug looked at 
Adam, but Adam wouldn’t make eye contact. Putting his hand on Adam’s arm, 
Ben said, “Doug, can you believe, this is the little boy you once knew?”
 
“Why Adam, it’s so good to see you again,” Doug said, extending his hand 
for Adam to take. Adam just stood there. He started to breathe harder. For 
some reason, he wanted to take this man apart, limb by limb, but he didn’t 
understand why. “Pa, I have a headache. I think I’ll go up and rest, and 
see if I can’t get rid of it,” Adam said, walking towards the stairs.
 
“Adam has had a headache for two days, and can’t get rid of it. He’s 
usually very friendly,” Ben said. Doug forced a smile, as he watched Adam 
climb the stairs. “A headache can be a terrible thing to have,” he 
replied.
 
Hoss looked at Doug’s face, and looked where he was looking. Hoss saw his 
brother go up the last few stairs. Adam wasn’t acting like himself, and 
Hoss needed to find out why. He made his excuses, and went up to Adam’s 
room. Adam was looking out his window, when Hoss walked in. “Adam, you 
and I have been brothers for a long time now, and I know when there’s 
something not right. What is it with that man downstairs, and you?” Hoss 
asked. Adam continued to look out the window. “I don’t know. I just know, 
that I don’t like that man, and I don’t turst him,” Adam replied, with 
clenched teeth. Hoss walked up to him, putting his hand on Adam’s shoulder. 
 “I’m all right,” Adam said, his hand rubbing his forehead. “I just wish 
this headache would go away.”
 
“Why don’t you lie down brother?” Hoss asked.
 
“Yeah, maybe I should,” Adam replied. Hoss helped Adam to the bed. Adam 
put his right fist on his forehead. “Why can’t I remember those people, 
Hoss? Why can’t I remember Tommy?” he asked.
 
“I don’t know Adam. Why don’t you clear your mind, and think only of Tommy. 
 Sometimes that helps me to remember something,” Hoss said.
 
“I guess it’s worth a try,” Adam replied. He tried to clear his mind, but 
the image of Doug Wilkins, kept popping up. Finally, he cleared his mind 
enough, to think of Tommy. “Gray walls,” he replied.
 
“What?” Hoss asked.
 
“Gray walls. All I can think of, when I think of Tommy, are gray walls,” 
Adam replied. Hoss looked at Adam, and asked, “Adam, what gray walls? What 
could gray walls, possibly have to do with Tommy?”
 
“I don’t know. I just see gray walls,” he replied.
 
“Maybe you saw something, when you were three, that was so traumatic to you, 
that your mind won’t allow you to remember it,” Joe said, coming in the 
room. “Hope you don’t mind my eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help but 
notice, how you acted downstairs. Then when I saw Hoss come up here, I 
realized, he noticed something not right as well.”
 
Adam sat up. “You know, sometimes you two, can be pretty good brothers,” 
he said.
 
“Only sometimes?” Joe asked. Adam smiled. “Hey Adam, do you think maybe, 
that Doug Wilkins, has maybe something to do with these headaches you’re 
having?” Hoss asked.
 
“Hey yeah. Remember Adam didn’t even have a headache, until Pa mentioned 
Doug Wilkins, and The McDonalds. Hey, hey, remember that guy in Virginia 
City, who was up for murdering that woman, who he claimed he didn’t, and he 
said that little five year old girl witnessed it. Remember she couldn’t 
remember a thing, until something sparked her memory? Some word, that 
caused her to remember the whole thing, and got the man off?” Joe asked.
 
“Hey yeah, I remember that. Adam, all we have to do, is find something, that 
will spark your memory,” Hoss stated.
 
“As easy as that, huh? That‘s like looking for the a needle in a haystack,” 
 Adam said.
 
“Adam, whatever it takes, we have to try,” Hoss said.
 
“You can count on us to help, older brother,” Joe said. Adam smiled. “A 
guy couldn’t ask, for two better brothers,” he replied.
 
“Wait a minute. What if Adam saw something a long time ago, that maybe Doug 
Wilkins did, that he wanted to make sure, that Adam didn’t remember?” Joe 
speculated, walking around the room.
 
“Joe, he’d have to have a pretty good reason, to come all this way, to see 
if I remembered something, that he may have done. Why now? What reason 
could he possibly have? No, it just doesn’t make sense. Maybe I’m just 
being silly. Maybe there’s nothing to remember. Maybe we’re just all making 
too big a deal out of this whole thing. After all, people do get headaches, 
and it doesn’t mean, that someone did something to cause it. Maybe we’re 
letting our imaginations get away from us. It could just be, that this man, 
came to see our Pa, for old times sake, after all these years,” Adam said.
 
“That’s why he asked if you had died?” Joe asked.
 
“What?” Adam asked. Joe sat in the chair, next to Adam’s bed. “When you 
two left the room, Pa told me, that Doug asked, if Adam were still alive. 
Then Doug came to his own defense, and commented on, your having been a 
sickly child. Said he was just wondering, because Pa hadn’t mentioned you, 
but he had Hoss and me. Now what do you make of that Adam?” Joe asked. 
Adam sat on the side of his bed, Hoss next to him. “I think if Doug Wilkins 
gives me a good reason, for wanting me to keep something quiet, that may 
have happened in the past, I think I’d better watch my back,” Adam replied.
 
“Adam, do you think Doug would kill you?” Hoss asked.
 
“In a heartbeat. Don’t ask me why, but it’s how I feel,” Adam replied.
 
THAT EVENING AT DINNER, the meal went smoothly. Doug was lighthearted, as 
was his father. Hoss and Joe tried to respond to Doug’s remembrances of the 
past, while Adam sat there, studying Doug. He had to know, why he felt the 
way he did, about his man. “By the way Ben, there’s something I wanted to 
announce this evening. If all you gentlemen would raise your wine glasses 
in a toast.” Doug stated. They all raised their glasses, except Adam. He 
finally did, only to hear, what the man had to say. “You may not be aware 
of it gentlemen, but you are seated at a table, with a man, who is more then 
likely, going to win the next Senatorial race,” Doug announced.
 
“Why Doug, you old devil you. I remember your wanting to go into politics, 
for as long as I’ve known you. The only thing I’m surprised at, is why you 
waited so long?” Ben asked.
 
“It doesn’t matter how long the wait, Ben. What does matter, is that I’m 
not going to let anything, or anyone, come between me, and that seat,” Doug 
said, giving Adam a look. Adam realized right then and there, that Doug 
Wilkins, for whatever reason, was there to kill him. He had the feeling, 
that if he weren’t careful, he would succeed. “Excuse me Pa, but I have to 
tend to Sport. He hurt his leg today, so I need to put some liniment on 
it.,” Adam said, excusing himself from the table. He went to the barn. 
Sport wasn’t hurt. Adam just had to think. He had to remember. Nothing 
came. He was forcing himself too much, and he knew that, but he couldn’t 
help it. He had to remember. Remembering may be the only way, to save his 
life.
 
“Adam?” Ben asked by the door. “You’ve been out here a long time. You all 
right son?”
 
“I’m fine Pa. Pa, do you remember a building, or something, with gray 
walls, back when we lived with The McDonalds?” Adam asked. Ben thought for 
a moment. “No son. I don’t remember anything with gray walls,” he replied. 
 “Adam, don’t wait too long, or Hoss will eat your piece of pie,” he said, 
walking out the door, then stopping. “You know Adam, the only thing that 
would have had gray walls, would have been a well, but then, all farms had 
wells. Remember, don’t be too long,” Ben said, then left.
 
Adam stood there, his head hurting more. “A well. Four gray walls. A 
well. Of course. Wells have grays walls, but what about it? I don’t 
remember,” he said.
 
“What don’t you remember, Adam?” Doug asked in the doorway. “I heard you 
talk about gray walls Adam. What about them, and wells?” Doug demanded. 
Adam wished he’d put his gun belt on, before he went outside. “You’re a 
threat to me Adam. It’s too bad too, but I had to see for myself, if you’d 
remember me, and our secret. Yes Adam, we had a secret. Don’t you 
remember?” Doug asked.  Adam shook his head, then rubbed his neck. “You 
see Adam, I had to make sure, that you wouldn’t remember our secret, and if 
you did, I had to put an end, to you Adam. You see, once I ran for office, 
you’d see my picture in the paper. All you’d have to do, is see my picture, 
and remember. You see Adam, there aren’t any statute of limitations for 
murder,” Doug said.
 
“Murder?” Adam asked. Doug walked closer to him, pulling a revolver from 
his sleeve. “Yes Adam, murder. Don’t you remember? You saw me kill Tommy 
McDonald,” Doug stated. Adam closed his eyes. His head hurt worse. He 
started to see visions in his mind. “You murdered Tommy?” he asked.
 
“Yes Adam, but what I didn’t know, was you were watching. You saw me throw 
Tommy down the well, on the abandoned Peterson farm. Nobody thought to look 
for him there. How stupid they were, to believe me, when I told them, that 
I had seen Tommy, in the opposite direction. Adam closed his eyes. “You 
ran Adam. I saw you, and you ran. When I caught up with you, I told you, if 
you ever told our secret, I’d kill you, and your Pa. Well so sad, that I 
have to kill you anyway now,” Doug said, pointing his revolver at Adam. 
“How will you explain, having to kill me, to my father, and my brothers?” 
Adam asked.
 
“Oh, that won’t be too difficult. You see Adam, I’ll just tell them, that 
you threatened to kill me first. You see, I took the liberty, of removing 
your gun from it’s holster. After I shoot you, I will have time, to put 
your gun in your hand, before your family gets here. You have been acting 
strangely towards me Adam, since I got here, and even before, from what I 
understand. Pity, it’s comes down to this, but you leave me no choice. You 
see Adam, you should have kept our secret locked in your mind,” Doug said. 
The pain in Adam’s head grew worse, as he remembered what terrified him, so 
many years ago. He put his head back. He could barely open his eyes. 
There was no way, he could fight for his life. Adam fell back, into the 
hay. Doug stood over him, his finger on the trigger, the gun pointed 
straight at Adam’s head. Adam heard a shot, then felt nothing, as he 
blacked out.
 
Adam stirred on the sofa. His family, and Doc Martin around him. Ben wiped 
the sweat off his face, with a cool cloth. “He’s coming around now,” Doc 
Martin stated. Adam tried to open his eyes. “Son? Son, can you hear me?” 
Ben asked. Adam opened his eyes, seeing his father, looking at him. “I’m 
all right Pa. I’m confused. Why aren’t I dead?” he asked.
 
“Well, Hoss and Joe told me about Doug. They were concerned, when he had to 
go outside. I’m sorry son. I’m so sorry. I should have realized, 
something was wrong,” Ben said.
 
“Pa, how could you have known? What happened to Doug?” Adam asked.
 
“I shot him. I shot him, just before he pulled that trigger. His gun was 
aimed at your head. I don’t even remember doing it. I just reacted, to 
someone, trying to kill my son,” Ben replied.
 
“At least Tommy can be laid to rest, and at least, his parents will now 
know, that Tommy is never coming home. Oh my God, Pa. He killed Tommy. He 
killed Tommy,” Adam said, crying hysterically. Ben hugged his son, tears 
rolling down his cheeks as well. “It’s all right son. He’ll never hurt 
anyone else again,” Ben replied.
 
THE END

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