A SPECIAL WOMAN
By: Deborah S.
 
 
Adam staggered up to the porch of the small cabin. He could barely make it 
up the stairs, he was in such pain. He held his ribs, telling himself, just 
a few more steps to the door. He drug his left leg, which had a bullet in 
it. He reached the door, and knocked, hoping somebody would be home to help 
him. He was at least ten miles from his home, and nobody in between. He 
wouldn’t be able to make it any further. He closed his eyes, then heard 
light footsteps approaching the door. When it opened, he opened his eyes, 
and looked at the woman standing before him. She was a petite woman, who 
looked like she had had a tough life. Adam thought her to be in her 
seventies. When the woman saw Adam, she reached for him, trying to support 
his weight, and helped him into her small cabin. Once inside, the woman 
helped Adam down into her small bed, which was just barely big enough, for 
him to lay down on.
 
“What happened young man?” the woman asked. Adam tried to talk through the 
pain. My horse got spooked by a gunshot. Threw me. I think I broke some 
ribs, and my left leg, has a bullet in it,” he replied. The woman opened 
up Adam’s shirt, and lightly pressed on his ribs. Adam moved his head back, 
breathing heavily in pain. The woman got some scissors, and tore a sheet. 
She wrapped the strip tightly around Adam’s thigh, to stop the bleeding. 
She helped Adam sit up, then wrapped his ribs. When she was finished, she 
helped to lay him back down. She unbuckled, and untied his gun belt, 
taking that off, then removed his regular belt. She pulled off the strip, 
she had just tied around his leg. Next, she undid his pants, then pulled 
them off. She looked at his left leg. “Yep, there’s a bullet in that leg 
all right. Know who did it?” she asked.
 
“No. I don’t know. I didn’t see anybody. I don’t think it was deliberate 
though,” he replied.
 
“Must have been Homer. Lives a ways down the road from here. That man, 
he’s always so quick with the gun, when he’s out hunting. He never stops to 
think sometimes. Well, better go get a knife, and some tweezers, to dig that 
out,” she said getting up, going a few feet away to where her kitchen was. 
Adam sat some, grabbing his leg. It hurt something fierce. The woman 
walked back, and sat alongside the bed. . Adam laid back, his eyes closed, 
breathing deeply. “It’s gonna hurt boy. Gonna hurt real bad,” the woman 
said.
 
“I know, but I don’t have any choice. Just get it over with, please,” Adam 
replied.
 
Adam screamed out in pain, as the woman made the cut. “What’s your name 
boy?” she asked, trying to take his mind off the pain he was in. “Adam 
Cartwright,” he got out.
 
“Ben Cartwright’s son, Adam?” she asked.
 
“Yes,” he replied. The woman continued working. “Heard tell of your Pa. 
Supposed to be a good man, from what I hear,” she said.
 
“Yes, yes he is,” Adam replied. The woman got the bullet out, then poured 
whiskey over the wound. Adam about went through the ceiling. She tied more 
of the clean sheet, around the wound, then covered him. “Glad it wasn’t in 
too deep there boy, for your sake that is,” she said.
 
“Thank you,” Adam said, still breathing hard. The woman stood, walking over 
to wash her hands off at the sink. “I’ve never seen you before,” Adam said.
 
“Nope you haven’t. Ain’t never seen you neither. Folks like me, don’t 
socialize much, with folks like you,” she said.
 
“We aren’t that way, my family isn’t. Um, I didn’t get your name,” he said.
 
“That’s because I didn’t give it to you. It’s Edna. Edna Robinson,” she 
said. Edna sat in the chair next to the bed. “You all right boy. You feel 
faint or anything?” she asked.
 
“I, maybe a little. Could I please have some water?” he asked. Edna got 
up, and got him some water. She lifted him up slightly, so he could drink. 
He drank a little, then she laid him back down. “So Adam Cartwright, you 
married, and have children?” she asked.
 
“No, no I never married. I don’t have a wife, or children,” he replied.
 
“Why not? A handsome specimen like you, why ain’t you ever married?” she 
asked. Adam laid there, not responding to her question. “You’d like to 
tell me it’s none of my business, wouldn’t you? It’s not, but then I’d like 
to know something about you. After all, you are a strange man in my home,” 
she replied.
 
“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you about myself, but you have to promise, 
you’ll tell me about yourself as well,” he said. Edna looked away. “Guess 
you leave me no choice, do you boy?” she asked.
 
“I never married, because I haven’t met the right girl yet,” he stated.
 
“Oh poppycock. Don’t give me that, I never met the right girl answer. It’s 
more then that. Come on and spill it,” Edna said. Adam looked up at her, 
surprised by her words. “What do you want me to say, that I’m afraid to get 
married? That I’m afraid, that if I do, I will lose her, just like I have 
lost every other woman, who I have ever loved in my life? Is that what you 
want me to say?” he asked.
 
“Well, if that’s the case, that would be the honest answer. So you’ve lost 
all the women in your life, you have loved? Potential wives perhaps?” Edna 
asked.
 
“No, not potential wives. It goes back to the day I was born. My mother 
died having me. Then my father remarried when I was five, and then I lost 
her as well, not long after my brother Eric was born,” Adam said.
 
“What was her name?” Edna asked.
 
“Inger,” Adam replied.
 
“Did your father love her?” Edna asked. Adam looked at her strangely. “Of 
course he loved her. Why would you ask that?” he asked.
 
“Well, maybe he was just trying to find a ma for you is all,” Edna replied.
 
“No, it wasn’t like that. Then he married another woman, named Marie, and 
um, she died five years after giving birth, to my youngest brother, Joseph,” 
 Adam said.
 
“Seems your father can give his heart away pretty easily. Did he really 
love your mother?” she asked. Adam looked at her strangely. “How could 
you even ask that question? Of course he loved my mother. I remember how 
hurt he was, when I was little, over losing her. She was his first real 
love,” he replied.
 
“Don’t get snappy boy. I just wondered is all,” Edna said. She got up, 
going over to her small bookcase, against the far right wall. She pulled 
out a book, and sat down in the rocking chair, looking at it. Adam watched 
her, as her face lit up. “What are you reading?” he asked.
 
“Now who’s being the nosy one?” she asked.
 
“I just wondered. I love books, and I just wondered, what you were 
reading,” he said.
 
“If you must know, it’s called ‘Paradise Lost’. Adam looked at her 
strangely. “That was my mother’s favorite book. She got my name from that 
book,” he said.
 
“You don’t say? Your father tell you much about your mother?” she asked.
 
“Some. He told me about my grandfather as well,” Adam said.
 
“You ever meet your grandfather, Adam?” she asked.
 
“Not since I was a newborn,” Adam replied. He moved, and the pain was 
excruciating. Edna got the whiskey, and gave him some to drink. “Boy, you 
get some rest. You need sleep, not talk. We can do that later,” she said. 
Adam closed his eyes, then put his right fist on his forehead, before 
drifting off to sleep.
 
When he awoke, he could smell something cooking. He looked over, watching 
Edna in the kitchen. She looked over at him, smiling. He smiled back. “I 
made you some chicken soup boy. That’ll make you feel better. Should be 
done in an hour or so,” she said. Adam nodded. Edna sat down on his bed 
again. “I knew an Elizabeth once. She was the most beautiful young lady, 
you had ever seen. She had so much determination, just like her mother. 
She could have been one of the wealthiest women back then, if her mother had 
just not fallen in love, with her father. Her mother came from one of the 
wealthiest families in Boston. One day, as she told it, this young man, a 
sailor, happened into their home, delivering something off the ship, to her 
family.  Their eyes met, and she followed him, to a nearby eatery. He hadn’t 
the money to afford anything there, so she bought him his meal. He was 
grateful to her. They fell in love that day. It wasn’t acceptable though, 
in her circle, to fall in love with anyone, who wasn’t from money, but she 
loved him. Her father gave her an ultimatum. Either him, or her family, and 
their money. She chose him, because she loved him that much. She never saw 
her family again. She wasn’t even allowed at her parent’s funeral. Her 
other siblings made sure of that. Do you know what that does to someone 
Adam, to have their family hate them, and never want anything to do with 
them? Just because they fell in love, with the wrong person?” she asked.
 
“Edna, were you that woman? I ask, because you, well you talk like you have 
no social upbringing, and then you talk, like you do. I would say that, 
that you aren’t really the woman I am led to believe you are. Am I correct 
in assuming that?” he asked. Edna walked back to the book in he bookcase, 
opening it again. “That woman, you speak of, doesn’t exist anymore, so 
there is no point, in bringing her up again,” she said, replacing the book 
in the bookcase.
 
“I think it’s very sad, that that happened to you. I know my father, no 
matter how much money we have, would allow me to marry whomever I fell in 
love with, whether she had money or not,” Adam said. Edna walked over to 
stir her soup. “Your father sounds like a wonderful man,” she said.
 
“He is that.  Edna, you said you knew an Elizabeth once. Who was she?” he 
asked. Edna slowed her stirring, then replied, “Just a girl, I once knew is 
all.” She heard something, and walked to the window. “It’s Homer. I’m 
going outside to give him what for, and then I’ll have him go and get your 
Pa, to bring you home,” she said, then walked outside.
 
When she was outside, Adam fought the pain, and made his way over to the 
bookshelf. He grabbed the book he wanted, then slowly worked his way back 
to the bed. He laid down, then looked at his leg. He hoped he hadn’t 
started it to bleed. It looked like it hadn’t. He opened the book, and a 
handful of pictures fell out. He looked at them. Now he knew who Edna was, 
and why she had asked so many questions of him.
 
Edna came back in, dishing up the soup for Adam. She sat on the edge of the 
bed, spoon feeding him. When he was finished, he laid back down. Edna 
walked back into the kitchen, placing his bowl, and spoon, in her sink. “I 
have to go and tend to some things boy, so I won’t be here when your Pa gets 
here. Too bad, because I would have liked to have met him,” she said, 
going over to put her coat on.
 
Adam sat up sideways, leaning on his right arm. “You mean you can’t afford 
to have him see you, isn’t that what you mean? You’re afraid, he may have 
seen a picture of you, and recognize you, aren’t you Sarah?” he asked.
 
Edna stopped right in her tracks. “Why did you call me Sarah?” she asked.
 
“Because that was my grandmother’s name. The grandmother that left her 
family, and that her husband, and daughter thought, had taken her life. 
They thought that, because of her family disowning her. It hit her hard, 
and she couldn’t handle it. Why Sarah? Why didn’t you ever go back, and 
let them know, you weren’t dead?” Adam asked.
 
“How did you know?” she asked.
 
“I found your book, and more importantly, I found the picture of you as a 
young girl. You with my grandfather. Then you with my mother, and then two 
of my mother. One as a young girl, and the other, I would presume, a few 
years before she met my father. The artist, who drew them, did an excellent 
job. I don’t understand why you are here, and living like this though,” 
Adam said.
 
Edna put her coat back on the rack, then sat in the chair by the bed. She 
hung her head low, looking at her hands in her lap. “I couldn’t go back, 
because I couldn’t be Sarah Stoddard or Sarah Richards anymore. I felt like 
I had nothing to live for, when my parents both died from the fever.  I had 
let them down so. I loved them, even though, they couldn’t love me. All 
those years with Abel, and Elizabeth, I waited for one day, that they would 
come knocking on our door, and tell me, that they forgave me. They never 
even saw your mother. I was so heartbroken Adam. I lived with such guilt, 
for so long, because it was all my fault. The day they were buried, I 
buried Sarah Stoddard as well, and Edna Robinson was born. I’ve lived many 
places, those many years. Nobody knew who I really was. When I heard about 
Elizabeth’s marrying your father, I wanted to go back, and see her, and ask 
for both her father’s and her forgiveness, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t 
go back to being Sarah Stoddard, because she was also Sarah Richards. When 
I heard of Elizabeth’s death, I was devastated. All I had left of her, was 
you. I saw you once, when you were just a wee baby, in your father’s arms. 
Not long after he left Boston. I followed the two of you out here, and I 
have lived here these many years, just to be near you. I’ve watched you 
from afar, wanting to tell you who I was, but knowing I couldn’t. I thought 
your father would have poisoned you against me with words. I couldn’t lose 
you as well. I would rather not have you know who I was, and love you from 
afar, then to have you hate me, and want nothing to ever do with me,” she 
said. Sarah buried her face in her hands, and sobbed.
 
Adam forced himself to sit up. Tears in his eyes, he took her hands from 
her face, holding them. “I could never hate you Grandmother. You must have 
felt so all alone back then. Nobody to confide in. You had Grandfather, I 
know, but he was off to sea most of the time. My mother would have felt 
sorry for you, and you wouldn’t have wanted that. Have you ever tried 
contacting any of your brothers and sisters?” he asked.
 
Sarah looked up. “I don’t know if any are still alive. If they are, why 
would they want anything to do, with someone like me?” she asked.
 
“Time sometimes has a way of healing things, and making people change. I 
have two brothers, and I know that no matter what they did, I would always 
love them. Now be it that we were not raised as you were, but would it hurt 
to write to them, and let them know, that you are still alive? 
Grandmother, if they don’t want anything to do with you now, then they have 
the problem, not you. Would you be any worse off, then you are now? What 
if by some small chance, they do want something to do with you? Remember, 
you were afraid I wouldn’t. Please, for me, would you try?” Adam asked.
 
“Yes,” Sarah said weakly.
 
“I want you to come and live with us on The Ponderosa, forever, or for as 
long as you like. Please. We have plenty of room, and I would like to get 
to know you,” Adam said.
 
“I would like that very much. I’ve been alone too long,” she replied. They 
both heard horses. Sarah got up, looking out the window above her sink. 
She saw horses, and a wagon. “It’s Homer, and your father, and I presume 
your brothers. Are one of your brother’s Chinese?” she asked. Adam 
laughed. “No, but our cook is,” he replied.
 
“One of your brothers is a big man. The other one is a lot smaller,” she 
commented.
 
“The larger one is my brother Eric, who we call Hoss. The smaller one is 
Joe, who we call Little Joe, which you can see why, next to Hoss,” he said.
 
Ben knocked at the door. Sarah let him in. He quickly greeted her in 
passing, going directly to his son, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Are 
you all right son?” he asked.
 
“I’ll be all right Pa,” he replied. Adam told him about how he became 
injured, and how he found his way here. Ben checked his wound. “You got the 
bullet out?” he asked. Sarah nodded. He then felt Adam’s forehead. He 
felt a little feverish. Ben wasn’t sure, so he kissed his forehead every so 
lightly. “Yeah, you have a fever son. Joe, ride into town, and get the 
doctor, and have him meet us at home,” he said. Joe ran out the door.
 
Hoss and Ben carried Adam to the wagon, placing him in the back, covering 
him. Ben sitting next to him. Sarah, holding her book, which contained her 
pictures, looked at Adam. “Come on up Sarah. Pa, this is Sarah, and she 
has something to tell you on the way home, that you just aren’t going to 
believe,” Adam said.
 
Hoss drove the wagon home. Chubb tied to the back. Hop Sing next to him on 
the seat. They both listened as Sarah told her story. Ben was amazed. “I 
can see Elizabeth in you so clearly now. Not completely, but there is some 
of her in your face. I wish you had told us long ago who you were, but I 
understand your feeling afraid to do that, not knowing what our reactions 
would be,” he said.
 
When they arrived home, Adam was carried up to bed by Hoss and his father. 
His father stayed by his side, until his fever broke.
 
As time went by, Sarah and Adam had very long talks. He loved her so, and 
enjoyed her so much. She loved to hear him read to her from ’Paradise 
Lost’, as well as other books. She especially loved hearing him read poems. 
His voice was so smooth, and so beautiful. He even played his guitar, and 
sang to her. One day while doing this, Hoss walked in, all hot, tired, and 
dirty, from working so hard. “Boy, remind me to get a couple of broken 
ribs, and a gunshot to the leg, so I can live your life,” he said. They all 
laughed.
 
A MONTH LATER, Adam came back from town. Sarah was reading in the leather 
chair. He couldn’t believe, that this was the same lady, he had first come 
to know a month ago. She looked so beautiful, even for her age. She had 
her hair swooped up, and wore a beautiful deep blue silk dress. She had 
class written all over her. He walked up to her, not wanting to tell her, 
what he held in his hands. . Not because it was going to hurt her, but 
because, he knew, it was going to hurt him.
 
He sat down in front of her chair, holding the letter from her family. “I 
have a letter here, from your family. Would you like me to read it to you, 
or do you want to read it yourself?” he asked.
 
“Oh Adam, please read it. I’m too nervous,” she said, putting her hands to 
her face. Adam nodded, sitting down on the hearth. He opened the letter, 
then began to read.
 
“Our Dearest Sarah,  I can’t tell you, how wonderful it was, to hear from 
you, after all these years. We all thought you were dead, so you can 
imagine our joy, when we found out, that you were still alive. We feel so 
very sorry, for all you were put through, because of father. Mother never 
agreed with him, on what he did to you, but she could not go against his 
wishes. Unfortunately for you, she died, when father did, and Greg and 
Grant took over, where father left off. They were the oldest, and the only 
two, who wanted you banned from the family. They are both gone now, but 
Emily, Anne, Katie, John and I, are still alive, and want you to come back 
home, and take your rightful place along side us. Please say you’ll come 
Sarah. We all love you. Your sister, Hannah,” Adam finished, folding the 
letter back up, then placing it in the envelope. He hung his head, knowing 
once again, he was about to lose, another woman he loved. A special woman.
 
“Oh Adam, isn’t it wonderful? My family, they want me back. I can’t 
believe this. I’ve dreamed of this moment for so many, many years. My 
family is accepting me again. Oh Adam, I’ve never been so happy in my whole 
life,” she said. When Adam didn’t reply, she looked at him. How her words 
must have cut through his heart. “Oh Adam, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she 
said.
 
“Um, someone should make arrangements in town for you, to take the next 
stage out,” he said getting up, going upstairs. Once inside his bedroom, he 
picked up the picture of his mother, holding it to his heart. He felt like 
someone had died. The only person, he had ever known, from his past, was 
going out of his life forever. He knew, because even though she hadn’t said 
anything, he knew she didn’t have long to live. Doc Martin, his father, and 
Sarah tried to hid it from him, but he knew. Tears filled his eyes, which 
he wiped fast, when he heard her walk into his room.
 
“Excuse me for not knocking,” she said. He put the picture of his mother 
down, and looked ahead at his wall. Trying not to cry, he closed his eyes, 
and clenched his teeth together. She walked over to him, and put her arms 
around his waist, hugging him from the back. “I’m sorry I said, that that 
was the best thing, that had ever happened to me. I guess I was being 
foolish. Nothing in this world, could ever be more important, then you are 
to me. I hope you know that, but I also know, that you are a very smart 
man, who knows why it is so important to me,” she said.
 
“Yes I know,” he replied. Sarah turned him around, wiping his eyes, she 
looked at him. “You look so very much like my Elizabeth. You are her, just 
with male features. I don’t want to leave you Adam, but I need to see my 
family, and I don’t want to die here. I don’t want you to remember me that 
way,” she said.
 
Adam couldn’t stop the tears anymore. “Can they come here instead, so I 
would still have time with you?” he asked.
 
“No Adam. I need to see home again. I need to walk through the front door 
of my house, and be home again. I can’t die here. Please understand,” she 
said walking towards his door.
 
“Don’t go, please don’t go,” he said crying. Sarah walked out his bedroom 
door, while tears rushed down Adam’s cheeks.
 
The next morning, she was ready to go. Adam hadn’t come out of his room, 
since she had left it, the day before. He refused to see anyone. How much 
did he have to endure in his lifetime? He looked out his window, watching 
his brother Joe, hitch up the buggy, that would take her out of his life, 
forever. He heard a knock on his door. He didn’t reply. He just stood 
there, tears in his eyes. “Adam? Adam? Sarah is getting ready to leave 
now. She would like you to say good-bye to her, son,” Ben said. Adam 
didn’t reply.  Sarah came by a few minutes later, asking him to say good-bye 
to her as well. He didn’t reply to her either. He had said enough 
good-byes in his lifetime. A few minutes later, he could hear her walking 
down the hall. He watched outside, as Hoss carried her luggage to the buggy, 
placing it in the back seat. He watched her leave, with his father, and 
go out of his life forever. She turned back once, to see him watching her, 
waving at him. He didn’t wave back.
 
Fifteen minutes later, he ran to the barn, saddled up Sport, and rode after 
her. He pulled Sport in front of the buggy, making his father stop. He got 
off Sport, handing the reins to his father to hold. Sarah got off the 
buggy, and into her grandson’s arms. He held her tight, not wanting to let 
her go, but knowing he had to. He looked at her and smiled. “I hope you 
find what you’ve been looking for all these years, back home. I’ve very 
happy for you. I really am,” he said.
 
“Thank you so very much Adam,” Sarah said, holding him tight as well. “I 
love you Adam,” she said. Adam got back on Sport, turned him towards her, 
taking a final look at her, and replied, “I love you too Grandmother,” then 
took off on Sport.
 
“Adam rode to the little old cabin, where he had first met Sarah. He walked 
inside, walking over to the rocking chair, by the bookcase, sitting down in 
it. He looked over at the bed, and the kitchen. It seemed so much longer 
ago to him, then it was, that they first met. He noticed a book in the 
bookcase, and pulled it out, looking at it. It was the diary of Sarah 
Richards Stoddard. Adam opened the book, and read what was written on the 
first page. “Today I saw my grandson, for the very first time. I made sure, 
that nobody would recognize me, so I could see him. He was so small, and 
so beautiful, even though I got just a glimpse of him. He was six weeks 
old. His name is Adam Benjamin Stoddard Cartwright, I heard people say, and 
he’s the most important thing in my life. He is the son of my late 
daughter Elizabeth, who was the most important thing in my life, until her 
death. I hope this little boy, will someday know, how much I love him. I 
wish I could be with him, but I can’t. I have to do, what I need to do. I 
hope someday, he’ll understand. I hope someday, I’ll get a chance to meet 
him, and tell him who I am. I hope someday, I’ll hear him call me 
Grandmother. I hope someday, he’ll understand why I had to go,” Sarah 
Richards Stoddard.
 
 
“I understand Grandmother,” Adam said, closing the book. He took the book 
with him, and rode home. The house felt lonely, as he walked in, knowing he 
wouldn’t see Sarah there.
 
TWO MONTHS LATER, he got a letter from Sarah. It read:
 
My Dearest Adam,
 
I arrived safely in Boston, but was very tired when I got here. My sister 
Hannah, was there to pick me up at the train station. When I arrived home, 
it’s as if all my tiredness left, as I walked up those bricks stairs, which 
led to my home. The inside was much like I remembered it to be. Just a few 
of the furnishings had been changed. Father’s picture was still over the 
mantle in the parlor. I can look at it now, without feeling badly. My 
siblings made me realize, that I had done nothing wrong.  My father had, and 
my two older brothers as well.
 
We have been going out almost every night, but tonight we are staying in, as 
I am very tired. This big city life, has caught up to me, I guess. I have 
my book ’Paradise Lost’, and every time I look at the words, I hear your 
dear voice, speaking them to me. I wish you could be here with me. I want 
my siblings to meet you so very badly. They would love you, I told them. I 
also told them, how very, very handsome you are. One of our friends, has a 
beautiful daughter, who lost her husband. She is very close to your age, 
and bound and determined to meet you someday, from my description of you. 
Her name is Elaine. She’s a lovely girl, but a little too thin, in my 
opinion.
 
Will you please come to see me Adam? I want to show everybody, my 
Grandson.
 
My 75th birthday is September 27th. My family is throwing me a big party, 
inviting relatives I haven’t seen in years, and friends. My greatest gift, 
would be to have you there.
 
I love you.
 
Your Grandmother,
 
Sarah
 
 
ADAM ARRIVED IN BOSTON on September 27th. He walked up the brick steps, to 
the front door. The door was opened by a man, Adam believed to be the 
butler. He showed Adam into the parlor. There were so many people there, 
Adam couldn’t even see Sarah. He did see, that he was underdressed in his 
black suit, compared to the other men.
 
An older woman came up to Adam. “You have to be Adam. I’d know you 
anywhere, from Sarah’s description of you,” she said.
 
“Yes, I am Adam, and you are?” he asked.
 
“Oh, your Aunt Hannah. I’m sorry dear. I forgot to introduce myself to 
you,” she replied. Adam smiled at her. Looking at Hannah, she looked a lot 
like Sarah, in her gold satin dress. Hannah brought Adam into the center of 
the room. “Everybody, everybody, I would like you to meet Adam Cartwright, 
Sarah’s grandson,” she said.
 
Everyone began to crowd around Adam, welcoming him. He had never shaken so 
many hands before, or kissed so many gloved women. He looked around for 
Sarah, but didn’t see her. A young woman nodded at him. He thought that 
had to be Elaine. Yes, she was real thin, that was for sure, but she was 
still very lovely. He walked over to her. “You must be Elaine,” he stated.
 
“Yes, and I guess your grandmother told you about me. I’m sure she told 
you, I’m too thin, right?” she asked. Adam laughed. “Where is my 
grandmother. I don’t see her,” he said.
 
“Oh she went upstairs. Said she had a headache, and wanted to lie down for 
just a minute. I think she was disappointed you weren’t here is all,” 
Elaine said.
 
Over all the noise, Adam asked where her bedroom was. Elaine showed him to 
it, because the house being so big, he wouldn’t have found it. Adam knocked 
on the door, and heard a faint, “Come in.” He walked in, seeing Sarah 
laying on her bed. “You know, you’re going to wrinkle that beautiful dress, 
young lady,” he said. Sarah opened her eyes, and smiled. “Nobody has a 
voice like that, except my Adam,” she said. “I just can’t believe you came. 
 I’m so happy Adam. Did you meet everyone?” she asked.
 
“Everyone on the East coast, I think,” he replied, sitting down on the side 
of her bed. “I brought you something,” he said, taking her diary from the 
inside of his jacket, and handing it to her. “Oh my, did you read this?” 
she asked.
 
“Uh huh. I hope you don’t mind, but it was a way to get to know you better, 
and feel closer to you,” he replied.
 
“No I don’t mind. What did you think?” she asked. Adam smiled. “I think 
you are quite a woman. I think you had to endure, more then you could. I 
know how I would feel, if my family disowned me. Once I shot Little Joe, by 
accident of course, and I thought he was going to die, and it would have 
been, all my fault. All that kept going through my mind, was I wished that 
I could trade places with him, and be the one, who got shot instead. I also 
wondered, how my father, and my brother Hoss, would have ever, been able to 
look at me again, if he had died. I knew if he did, I could never walk in 
that house again, or face my father, or my brother again. Even though 
someday, I think they would have forgiven me, I would never, have forgiven 
myself. I had planned to go away if that happened, and never come back. 
Well, all that changed, when Joe’s fever broke, and he was going to be all 
right. I was afraid though. Afraid of losing my brother, my father, and my 
other brother, and my home. It was all, almost unbearable for me,” he said.
 
“Then you understand Adam, why I had to leave? You do understand, don’t 
you? Do you think your grandfather would have understood, or my Elizabeth?” 
 she asked.
 
“I think they would have. I think if anybody would, they would have, loving 
you the way they did. They must have seen on a daily basis, what that did 
to you,” he replied.
 
“Your mother loves you very much, she told me,” Sarah said. Adam looked at 
her strangely. “When did my mother tell you this, grandmother?” he asked.
 
“Just now. She whispered it in my ear,” she replied. Adam ran downstairs 
to Elaine. “Is a doctor here?” he asked.
 
“Yes, Dr. Morrison. He’s one of the best around. Why?” she asked.
 
“Find him, and bring him up to my grandmother’s room,” he said, then ran 
back up to Sarah’s room. Once inside, he knew. He walked up to her bed, 
sitting on the side of it. “Read to me from ‘Paradise Lost’ again, Adam,” 
she requested. Adam picked up the book on her nightstand. Opening it, but 
not looking at the words, he recited it from memory, trying to hold back his 
tears. He stopped speaking, when realized, that she was gone. The doctor 
checked her pulse, while Adam sat there, looking at her, tears running down 
his cheeks. “Come on son. She’s gone,” he said. Adam didn‘t move. “I 
haven’t finished reading to her yet,” he replied. “Come on son,” the doctor 
said, leading Adam out the door.
 
A few days later, was her funeral. Afterwards, he walked into her room, 
sitting down on her bed, not wanting to attend the gathering downstairs. 
He planned to leave in the morning, so he picked up her diary, and 
‘Paradise Lost’, to keep forever. Adam opened up her diary, reading the 
first thing, he had ever read in it. He went back to his room, both books, 
never leaving his side. When he left to go home, he felt sadness. While on 
the train, he opened up the diary again, to that front page again. It read:
 
 
A few months ago, I met my grandson, Adam. He is 34 years old now, and so 
very handsome, and has the voice of an angel. How happy he has made me, 
these last months, I have gotten to know him. How special it was, that he 
came all this way, to attend my 75th birthday party. It showed how much he 
loved me, and how important I was to him. I love him so very much, and will 
always love him, for all eternity. I hope, when he remembers me, he won’t 
remember me the last time he saw me, or the first time, but how he sees me, 
in his heart. I hope to him, I will always be, a very special lady,
 
Sarah Richards Stoddard
 
Adam felt chills, knowing she died right after he had given her, her diary. 
He had read that first page just hours before this, and it hadn’t left his 
side since. He looked up, and said, “Sarah Richards Stoddard, you will 
always be, a very special lady, to me,” he said.
 
THE END

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