THE THANKSGIVING
 
By: Deborah S.
 
“I hope you know what you’re doing Adam or we’re all dead,” Joe yelled to 
his brother through the loud winds and fast falling snow. Cochise bumped 
into Sport and turned. Joe straightened him up. The three brothers had to 
stay close or they’d lose sight of each other.
 
Adam heard his brother’s words and hoped he did know. The signs weren’t as 
clear as they had been earlier before the snow came down so hard. Adam 
looked at Hoss who somehow knew his brother had doubts. Hoss always knew 
what Adam was thinking. It was that bond they shared between them again. 
Hoss brought Chubb closer to Sport and patted Adam’s leg. “You’ll bring us 
through older brother. You’ve never let us down yet,” he said.
 
Adam smiled a closed smile at Hoss. “Thanks big brother. I just wish 
younger brother here shared your confidence in me as well,” he replied 
shivering. Adam said a small prayer to God to help he and his brothers find 
the cabin. Sport bumped into a tree forcing Adam’s left leg against the 
trunk. “Older brother you all right?” Hoss asked.
 
Adam touched the side of his leg. “Yeah I’m fine. Hurts a little is all. 
Adam looked at the tree trunk. He thought he saw something but the snow was 
drifting too hard. He touched the trunk and felt it. He was right. He 
looked up and said, “Thank you.” There on the trunk of the pine was his name 
carved into it. Below his were Hoss’s and Joe’s. Above his was his Pa’s. 
Adam smiled a big smile. “Over here,” he yelled holding his cold hand up 
pointing. A few minutes later they were in front of the cabin.
 
Hoss and Joe put the horses in the small barn. Adam went inside the cabin 
and lit some lanterns. He held them in his hands by the handle and stood by 
the front door. He called out to his brothers as loud as he could. The wind 
was like a wall stopping each word. The wind and snow beat against hit face 
hard. “Hoss. Joe.” he continued to call. Adam felt a strong hand on his 
shoulder. It was Hoss. He knew his touch. Relief went through Adam’s 
body. They went inside Joe closing the door behind them.
 
Adam put the lanterns down and kept one going blowing out the rest. He 
wasn’t sure how much kerosene they had and how long they’d be there. Hoss 
got a fire going in the wood stove. Thank goodness their Pa had always 
instilled in them to keep the firewood stocked in the cabin in case of such 
an emergency. Hoss closed the door to the woodstove. Within minutes they 
could feel the warmth. They all stood before it shivering. For the first 
time they realized just how cold they were.
 
“Everyone all right?” Adam asked.
 
“I’m fine,” Joe replied.
 
“Me too,” Hoss replied as well. Hoss and Joe knew why their brother had 
asked. In case someone had frost bite it would have to be tended to 
immediately.
 
Once the room was warm enough the brothers stripped down to their birthday 
suits and covered themselves in blankets. Their clothes were too wet to 
wear. They hung them over chairs by the wood stove to dry. “Older brother 
I’ll never doubt you again,” Joe said sitting down at the table.
 
“Well I appreciate your vote of confidence in me Joe but I think we had some 
help,” Adam replied looking up. Hoss and Joe looked up and gave thanks 
silently. Hoss got up and grabbed the coffee pot. He went to the front 
door and the cold wind and snow flooded the room. “Hoss what the heck are 
you doing?” Joe asked.
 
Hoss filled the coffee pot with snow then closed the door. He put the 
coffee pot on the wood stove. He opened a cabinet and pulled something out. 
“Anyone for hot chocolate?” he asked.
 
“Oh you’re kidding me?” Adam asked.
 
“Count me in,” Joe replied.
 
“Never underestimate me you two. See I sometimes come up here to get away 
from the two of you and I have my own hiding places for my stash,” Hoss 
said.
 
“What stash?” Joe asked.
 
“My necessities,” Hoss replied. Adam and Joe looked at each other. “What 
else have you got stashed away big brother?” Adam asked standing up. Joe 
did the same. “Candy,” Hoss replied.
 
“Hot chocolate and candy. Figures,” Adam said.
 
“I know there’s jerky here,” Joe said looking around in the cupboard. 
There’s some flour and sugar here as well.”
 
“Hot chocolate, candy, jerky, flour, sugar. Yum,” Adam replied.
 
“We could make biscuits with the flour and sugar,” Hoss said.
 
“And what else? You don’t just use flour and sugar. Do you?” Adam asked.
 
“Joe you made biscuits before. What’d you use?” Hoss asked.
 
“Beats me. I don’t remember,” Joe replied.
 
The three sat back down at the table. Once the water had boiled Hoss made 
each of them hot chocolate. They sat around the table warming their hands 
around the cups. Hoss took a sip of his and got a strange look on his face. 
 “What’s the matter?” Adam asked.
 
“Dadburnit anyway. I just remembered it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow,” Hoss 
replied.
 
“Just remembered? What have you been talking about all day long for the 
past week?” Joe asked.
 
“Yeah well I forgot the past hour. Dadburnit. We’ll be eatin’ hot 
chocolate, candy, jerky, flour and sugar for Thanksgiving. We won’t be 
eatin’ roasted turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans, 
corn bread stuffing, cranberry sauce, homemade rolls, pickles and olives. 
Thanksgiving’s always been my favorite day of the year,” Hoss said very 
sadly.
 
“Oh I think he’s going to cry,” Adam said. Hoss took another sip of his hot 
chocolate and sniffed. Joe shook his head. “You know Hoss you should be 
thankful you are in here and not out frozen to death,” Joe said.
 
“Right now I wish I were,” Hoss replied.
 
“Hoss perhaps Hop Sing will prepare you another Thanksgiving dinner and then 
the world will be right again,” Adam replied.
 
“Maybe he won’t have to. Maybe the storm will let up and we’ll still make 
Thanksgiving dinner,” Hoss said with hope on his face.
 
“I don’t think so Hoss. You saw how it was coming down,” Joe replied. Hoss 
looked distressed again. “Turkey and all the fixins. Dadburnit,” Hoss 
replied.
 
Ben Cartwright looked out the window above his desk before sitting back down 
in his chair. He had no idea where his son’s were. Just that they had left 
Placerville a few days before to be back in time for Thanksgiving. They 
wired they’d be home that afternoon. It was now nighttime and no sign of 
them. He knew there wouldn’t be that night. He knew they’d have to find 
shelter somewhere or they’d freeze to death. Ben looked up and said a 
prayer for his sons. The thought of Miles Randolph came to his mind. A man 
who lost his family around this time of year in a fire. How he never 
celebrated the holidays ever again. Would this be Ben’s future as well? 
Without his sons he wouldn’t have any reason to celebrate anything ever 
again.
 
Hop Sing walked up to the desk and saw the worry on his friend’s face. Hop 
Sing felt the same worry. “Mr. Cartlight, Hop Sing sure boys fine. You 
know Mr. Hoss. No storm keep him away food Thanksgiving. You see. They 
here tomorrow by dinner,” he said.
 
Ben realized his friend was as worried as he was. Hop Sing truly was a 
member of their family. He forced a smiled and without really meaning it he 
agreed with what Hop Sing said.
 
“So close and yet so far,” Hoss said.
 
“Oh will you please shut up,” Adam said. The three men were sitting against 
each other up on the bed to keep warm. They had pushed it close to the wood 
stove as the walls were letting in the cold. They were still cold. They 
knew what they had to do. “All right if anybody ever asks this never 
happened,” Adam said as the three sat next to each other in their birthday 
suits. They covered up with blankets. Their bodies would have to help keep 
them warm through this night. Adam and Joe sat on either side of Hoss. They 
knew he would keep them warm. “Big brother I’ll never complain about how 
much you eat again,” Adam said.
 
“Yeah me neither. In fact I wish you had eaten more,” Joe replied. Hoss 
wanted to comment but he knew his brothers were grateful to him. That made 
him feel good.
 
The next morning the three awoke. Adam got up and put more wood in the wood 
stove. He had done that several times during the night. He put his clothes 
and coat back on and his socks, boots and hat once he realized they were 
dry. He walked over to the cupboard and took out some jerky. He lit a 
lantern and sat at the table eating his jerky. He would have made more hot 
chocolate but he didn’t want to open the door until after his brothers got 
dressed. Adam got up and looked out the window as the morning light shown 
through. The wind was still howling and the snow still falling. Not as hard 
but not something that wouldn’t be safe to travel in. Adam looked over at 
Hoss and felt sorry for his brother. He knew how much he had been looking 
forward to today. Perhaps Hop Sing would make him another Thanksgiving 
meal. Adam only wanted happiness for his brother. He always had. Had 
always looked out for him.
 
Adam looked at Joe. He thought back to the night before when Joe had doubts 
in him. Why had that bothered Adam so? He knew he wasn’t perfect but maybe 
being the oldest brother he felt he couldn’t let Joe down. The truth was he 
himself had doubted himself right then as well. What if Sport hadn’t bumped 
him against the trunk of that tree? He knew the answer to that. Right now 
they’d all be dead. Adam thought of his Pa and what he must be going 
through right now. He wished he could get word back to his father that they 
were still alive. How? If they could do that they would be able to get 
home themselves. Adam looked in the cupboards again with more light coming 
in. He found some coffee. He found more jerky as well.
 
Awhile later Hoss and Joe awoke seeing Adam seated at the table. “About 
time you two sleepyheads woke up. You can put your clothes on now,” Adam 
said.
 
Hoss and Joe got up and shed their blankets. “Boy that’s a pretty site,” 
Adam said looking at the two of them standing there in their birthday suits. 
 Hoss and Joe laughed. “How long you been awake older brother?” Hoss 
asked putting his long johns back on.
 
“Oh a couple of hours now. I found some coffee and more jerky. I was going 
to make some coffee but I didn’t want to open the door and freeze you guys 
so I decided to wait until after you dressed,” Adam replied.
 
“You didn’t find any ham and eggs and potatoes going through those cupboards 
did you older brother?” Hoss asked.
 
“Sorry,” Adam replied.
 
After Hoss finished dressing he looked out the window. “Roasted turkey, 
dressing, cranberry sauce,” Hoss said. Adam walked up to him patting his 
right shoulder. “You forgot the pumpkin pies,” he said grabbing the coffee 
pot. Hoss’s lower lip started to quiver. “Pumpkin pies,” he said.
 
The three sat around the table drinking coffee and eating jerky. “You know 
I know this isn’t a normal way to spend Thanksgiving but we truly have so 
much to be thankful for,” Adam said.
 
“Yeah I know,” Joe replied.
 
“I did,” Hoss said frowning and sniffing. Adam rolled his eyes and shook 
his head.
 
“Adam’s right. We have much more then most people have. We have love and 
we’re so lucky we have each other,” Joe said.
 
“But?” Adam asked seeing the look on Joe’s face.
 
“There’s just one thing I would change,” Joe said.
 
“What’s that?” Adam asked.
 
“I wish my Mother were still alive. I think of her often but around the 
holidays it’s more so,” Joe said putting his head down feeling a little 
ashamed by letting his brothers know this secret.
 
“Little brother I do the same thing but with my Mother and yours as well. 
How about you Adam?” Hoss asked.
 
“Sure I do. I think about my Mother, Inger and Marie. I remember Pa 
telling me when I was a little boy about my parents first Thanksgiving 
together. I can’t remember too much about that story anymore. Just that he 
said it was filled with so much love and how thankful they were to have each 
other. I remember when I was young wishing for my Mother to come back to us. 
 Then when I found out I caused her death I wondered how Pa could even 
stand to look at me,” Adam said his eyes tearing.
 
“How’d you find out Adam?” Joe asked.
 
“This boy. We lived with his family just before Inger came into our lives. 
Pa confided in this boy’s father and he told his wife and son. I was only 
five. I thought all the anger and tears I had seen in Pa had in actuality 
been directed at me. That I was the cause of all his heartache. I decided 
to run away. I did and I was so scared when nighttime came along. All the 
noises I never noticed in the night when Pa was with me to protect me. That 
was the longest, scariest night of my entire life. Pa found me the next 
morning and spanked me good. I think he felt bad afterwards but he was so 
scared. He held me close afterwards. He told me how much he loved me. How 
it wasn’t my fault my Mother had died. How much she loved and wanted me,” 
Adam said looking down.
 
“He’s right,” Hoss replied.
 
“Words don’t help Hoss,” Adam said with such hurt in his eyes and voice it 
stunned both Joe and Hoss.
 
“Adam what do you know about your Mother?” Joe asked.
 
“Not much. How could I. She never even held me Joe. All I’ve heard is how 
she loved and wanted me and that she died giving me life,” Adam said walking 
over to the window. Joe and Hoss looked at each other. They wanted to take 
the pain away from their brother but didn’t know how. Their hearts both 
ached for him. Each of them had lost their own Mothers but not the way Adam 
did. Their older brother had to endure so much. Losing his Mother the way 
he did and never bonding with her. Then seeing Inger die right in front 
of his eyes while holding Hoss as an infant had shaped Adam as well.
 
Joe walked up to Adam and put his hand on his shoulder. “Adam if your 
Mother could come before you right now what would she say?” he asked. Adam 
bowed his head. “It’s not going to ever happen Joe. Why even bring it up?” 
 he asked walking back to the table. Adam sat down and took a sip of his 
coffee. Joe sat down as well.
 
“I’ve heard Pa talk about your Mother once. A long time ago. I look at her 
picture on Pa’s desk sometimes when I’m sitting there. The woman in that 
picture and the woman our Pa has told me about would never hate you. Adam 
you know she couldn’t hate you or blame you for her death. I think the 
problem is that you hate and blame yourself for her death,” Joe said.
 
Adam got up and walked outside. “Adam what the hell do you think you’re 
doing?” Hoss asked.
 
“Leave me alone,” Adam replied pushing Hoss away. Hoss grabbed him and 
forced him back into the cabin. Joe closed the door.
 
Once inside Hoss yelled holding his older brother firmly, “You want to tell 
me what all that was about?” he asked shouting. Adam didn’t reply. “You 
want to kill yourself Adam is that it? Want to make the pain go away from 
you forever? Adam look at me damn it ,” Hoss shouted. He brought Adam’s 
chin up. “Look at me I said,” Hoss shouted some more. Adam looked at him.
 
“You saw Emily Wilson’s newborn son. You helped Doc Martin deliver him. 
You held him right after his birth because Emily had died giving Joshua life 
just as your Mother did. Emily wasn’t able to hold Joshua either. Do you 
think Emily would want Joshua to go through his life blaming himself for her 
death? Do you think that tiny innocent baby you held in your arms 
deliberately killed his Mother? Do you? DO YOU?” Hoss shouted louder 
shaking Adam’s shoulders.
 
“No,” Adam replied softly. Hoss let go of his brother and lowered his voice. 
 “Of course not Adam. He no more deliberately killed his Mother then you 
did. I know you saw my Mother die before your eyes,” Hoss said closing his 
eyes. “I can’t even imagine what that must have been like. Elizabeth gave 
you life but my Mother was your first real Mother wasn’t she Adam?” Hoss 
asked.
 
“Yes,” Adam replied. Joe sat at the table wiping the tears from his face.
 
“Tell me about my Mother, Adam. Tell me about the kind of woman she was. I 
want to hear what you have to say about her,” Hoss said directing Adam back 
to the chair at the table.
 
Adam thought for a few moments before replying. “I remember when Pa and I 
first met Inger. It was in her store. I had been ill and she gave Pa some 
medicine for me. I liked her from the moment I met her. There was 
something about her. A kindness, a warmth, a sort of caring. She had a 
beautiful face and a beautiful smile. I remember she smiled almost all of 
the time. The medicine she gave me was in the form of a soup. She spoon fed 
me the medicine. I don’t know if it was the medicine itself or the love she 
brought to each spoonful that made me feel better.”
 
Adam continued after drinking some coffee. He placed his hands over the cup 
to keep them warm. “I remember their wedding night. All three of us were 
in our wagon. They kept calling my name trying to see if I were asleep yet. 
 I couldn’t sleep because I was so excited about having a Mother. It was 
as if God had forgiven me,” Adam said with tears in his eyes.
 
He continued, “Inger knew she was pregnant when we started off West. She 
didn’t tell Pa because he wouldn’t have gone. She always put everyone else 
before her needs. Once I had a blister on my foot and while riding a horse 
I got something from the horse threw that blister. I had this hard thing 
develop in my throat. We stopped in a town to take me to a doctor. The 
doctor said that what had developed in my throat was poison and if it broke 
I’d die when it reached my heart. Inger laid next to me every night for 
fear of my dying for I can‘t tell you how long. I don’t think she slept 
much. She used to sing me to sleep every night. I looked forward to her 
beautiful voice. I never saw her as anything but my Mother. For the first 
time in my life I was truly happy.”
 
Adam looked over at Hoss. “When you were born she was so happy. I remember 
her holding you and you were so big. The love and happiness on her face as 
she held you. When Pa saw you for the first time I saw the same look on his 
face. Pa told me once that my Mother smiled when he saw me for the first 
time. I wondered when I saw Inger smile holding you if my Mother knew she 
was going to die after she had me. Only she would know. Inger ooked at me 
right after you were born and handed you to me. “Adam this is your new 
brother” she said. It was one of the happiest moments of my life,” Adam 
said.
 
“Adam think about her smile when you think of your Mother. Concentrate on 
that. Your Mother was just as happy as my Mother I’m sure,” Hoss said 
putting his hand on Adam’s. Adam looked down at his brother’s hand on his. 
Joe put his hand on top of Hoss’s and looked at Adam who looked back at Joe.
 
“Adam tell me how my Mother died. I’ve heard Pa’s story but I want you to 
tell me your side please.” Hoss asked.
 
Maybe the hands of his brother’s on his gave Adam the strength he needed to 
tell the story, he didn’t know. He never talked about it ever. “We came 
upon this station. We were under attack by Indians. I was so worried about 
Pa’s being killed. Inger handed you to me and made sure we were safe in a 
corner. It wasn’t long after that that she lay there dying before me,” Adam 
said tears coming to his eyes again. He took a deep breath and sniffed.
 
“I knew she was dead by how Pa was acting. I held you tight and I wanted to 
shelter you from all the pain you would have to someday endure knowing your 
Mother was dead. I held you as Pa dug her grave. Every shovel full of dirt 
they threw on her cut through my heart. After that I took care of you for 
the most part while Pa drove the wagon. The ladies in the wagon train 
helped some but they had their own families to tend to. I’m sorry I don’t 
know remember more. I was so young. I do remember something about her 
tending to a horse but I can‘t remember,” Adam said.
 
A smile came to Adam’s face. “I remember one time we stopped at a river. In 
the river was this small soft blue colored stone. Almost like glass. 
Inger picked it up and handed it me. Told me to keep it always and that it 
would bring good luck. I don’t know why she believed that. Maybe 
something from her past. I forgot all about that rock,” Adam said.
 
Hoss was thankful to what Adam was telling him no matter how much it hurt. 
He could see that in his brother’s face. Maybe that made Adam remember one 
more thing. “I remember when I found out Inger was expecting you, I was so 
mad at Pa I remember yelling at him. Not because I didn’t want you Hoss but 
because I didn’t want Inger to die like my Mother did having me. I didn’t 
know how babies were made back then but I knew that Pa had something do with 
it somehow,” Adam said.
 
“What did Pa do when you yelled at him?” Joe asked.
 
“Nothing. I think he understood why I behaved that way. He went in to see 
Inger and told me she wanted to see me. I sat next to her in the wagon. 
She told me that a wonderful thing was happening inside of her. That I was 
going to have a brother or sister. That we were going to add to our family. 
 When she realized I wasn’t buying it she placed my hand on her stomach. 
I didn’t know why but after awhile I felt you move. She said to me, “Adam 
things happen sometimes in childbirth you know that so I can’t deny that to 
you. I wouldn’t do that. I just know somehow that I am going to have this 
baby without anything happening to me and it’s going to be a boy. Don’t 
tell your father that it’s going to be a boy because he’ll get his hopes up 
too much. I know how much he wants sons to help him build his dream along 
side him.” I never feared her giving birth to you again. Something in her 
voice assured me she really knew,” Adam said.
 
Adam thought of something else. “I remember I had a friend about my age on 
the wagon train who was ill. Inger I think would sing to him and are for 
him. She always put others before herself. I remember he died and she 
comforted me in the back of the wagon. She held me tight when the wagon 
rolled over his grave. Her face against my head and her right hand on my 
head and her left hand on my chest,” Adam said.
 
Joe took his hand from atop his brothers. “Tell me about my Mother. I 
remember her rocking me and singing to me and telling me things but I don’t 
remember much,” he said.
 
Hoss began. “Marie was the only Mother I knew. She was a real good Mother. 
She’d hold me and read to me. I remember Adam’s reading to me a lot back 
then too. I remember coming home from school crying because someone made 
fun of me again for being so big and ugly,” Hoss said looking down. Adam 
and Joe looked at each other with hurt in their eyes.
 
Hoss continued. “I remember this one bully at school Adam got into fights 
over me. He was the biggest dang kid in school. The stupidest as well. He 
flunked so many grades that he was much older then the rest of the kids. I 
remember the first time he and Adam fought over me. Adam got it good. He 
was so banged up Pa had to come to the school to get him. I remember the 
doctors being there as well. The next time Adam got him but good. He never 
bothered me again but there was always some new kid showing up who would 
start it all over again. I remember Marie’s holding me and comforting me. 
Telling me I was beautiful and that everyone was different body wise. We 
aren’t meant to all look the same. That’s not how God intended us to be. 
If we all looked the same it would be a very boring world. How those words 
comforted me. Just hearing her sweet voice speak them and reassuring me that 
I wasn’t some monster,” Hoss said looking down. Adam and Joe hurt inside 
for their brother’s pain he was feeling.
 
Hoss continued. “I remember the night Joe was born. I was afraid she 
wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore because I wasn’t her son. I 
hated Joe. I wouldn’t look at him. A couple of days after he was born 
Marie brought Joe into my room for me to see. She placed him in my arms and 
told me that now she had three wonderful sons. She hugged me and kissed 
me,” Hoss said his eyes tearing.
 
He continued. “I remember the last Christmas we had with her. I wanted this 
rifle so badly but Pa said I was too young. Another year maybe for 
something like that. Adam had many rifles. I was jealous that I couldn’t 
have one but he could have several. I took Adam’s favorite rifle out to 
prove to Pa that I was man enough to have my own. I rode my horse Charlie 
out where Pa had told me not to go because of the cliffs. I held that rifle 
in my hand as I rode along. Charlie slipped and I grabbed his neck. The 
rifled slipped out of my hand and down the cliff. There was no way to get 
it. Plus watching it bang against the rocks as it went down the cliff I 
knew there was no point in that. When Adam found out he was so mad at me 
he could have skinned me alive. That Christmas Marie bought me my own 
rifle. Not to use until my Pa said I was old enough but to have my own 
rifle. She also bought Adam the most expensive rifle she could find to make 
up for the one I lost. Do you remember that Adam?” Hoss asked.
 
“Yeah I do,” he replied.
 
“I never forgot about that. It was the best Christmas of my life,” Hoss 
said.
 
“Adam you don’t talk much about my Mother. Why? Of all of us you would 
remember he the most I would think,” Joe asked.
 
Adam took a deep breath before continuing on. “It’s not that I disliked 
your Mother, Joe but I wasn’t that close to her. Not anything she had done 
but because I didn’t want to hurt that way again. I wouldn’t allow myself 
to be close to her. She knew why I’m sure. I liked how she was such a good 
mother to you and Hoss. She made Pa happy again and I was glad for that as 
well. It wasn’t until about the time she died that I allowed myself to 
have feelings for her. She helped me through my first crush on a girl and 
bought me my first razor. She even had it engraved with my initials for me. 
 She told me she loved me and I told her I loved her as well. Then not 
long after that she died too,” he said.
 
“Adam I know you have had to endure more the two of us but wouldn’t it have 
been worse if you had never known the love of my Mother and Marie? Wouldn’t 
it have been worse to have never known a Mother’s love?” Hoss asked.
 
“In putting it that way, yes.  The wounds have healed but the scars are 
still there,” Adam replied.
 
“I understand,” Hoss replied.
 
“Hey you two, listen. I don’t hear any wind,” Joe said. They all got up 
looking out the window. The wind and snow had stopped and the sun was 
shining. “Hey big brother you might just make that turkey dinner,” Joe said 
slapping Hoss on his back. Hoss smiled a big smile and rubbed his hands 
together. He stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth and said, “Hot 
dang.”
 
Ben Cartwright stood outside waiting for his son’s to come home. He wrapped 
his arms around his coat trying to keep warmer. He couldn’t remember if he 
had slept last night or not. All that was on his mind were his sons. It 
was Thanksgiving Day and he hoped beyond hope that it would be just that. A 
Day of Thanksgiving for he, his sons and Hop Sing. Ben walked back into the 
house and stood by the wood stove. The smell of different foods cooking 
filled the air. The smell of turkey and ham cooking as well as pumpkin pies 
was everywhere. As good as it smelt he had no appetite. It was going on 
three now. He knew it would be hard for his sons to travel in the deep 
snow. If only he knew they were alright. Ben was so deep in thought he 
didn’t hear Hop Sing come into the room.
 
“Mr. Cartlight you go up room and take nap. You tired,” Hop Sing said.
 
“I can’t go up to bed. I wouldn’t sleep anyway. I’ll just close my eyes on 
the sofa,” Ben replied. He walked over to the sofa and laid down. Hop Sing 
brought him a pillow from the downstairs bedroom. Hop Sing’s heart was 
aching too. For both his friend and for himself.
 
It didn’t take Ben long to fall asleep. He felt someone covering him. He 
tried to open his eyes. “Shhh Pa go back to sleep,” he heard Adam’s voice 
whisper. Ben opened his eyes and saw Adam kneeled down beside him. Ben sat 
up taking Adam in his arms. “Adam,” he said. Ben looked around and saw 
Hoss and Joe. He stood and gave them both a hug as well. “I should have 
known no storm would have kept Hoss away from a Thanksgiving meal,” he said 
laughing lightheartedly.
 
“Speaking of which,” Hoss said as he walked into the kitchen. A few moments 
later Hop Sing was chasing him out of the kitchen yelling at him holding a 
rolling pin up in his right hand.. When Hoss wasn’t looking, the rest of 
them could see the smile on Hop Sing’s face. He too was glad they were home 
safely.
 
The four Cartwright’s sat down to dinner at 5:00. Ben was about to say 
grace when Adam stood up. “Excuse me for a moment,” he said walking into the 
kitchen. He returned with Hop Sing and pulled out the chair next to Hoss 
for him. “Hop Sing you’re family and family eats together on Thanksgiving,” 
Adam said as he sat down.
 
Ben nodded and Joe and Hoss smiled. “Let’s say grace,” Ben said folding his 
hands and bowing his head. “Dear Lord, we are thankful for many things this 
day. Thankful for all the blessings you bestow on us through the year. My 
heart is mostly thankful right now for my family around this table. Thank 
you for that. A-men,” Ben finished. “A-men,” they answered.
 
As usual Hoss filled his plate up to capacity and went back for thirds. 
Nobody could understand how he could eat so much. After dinner they all sat 
around the fire drinking some wine. Ben in his chair, Adam in his blue 
chair, Hoss, Joe and Hop Sing on the sofa. The boys filled their father and 
Hop Sing in on their adventure and where they stayed during the storm.
 
“What did you talk about?” Ben asked.
 
“Oh just things,” Adam replied.
 
“What kind of things?” Ben asked.
 
“Oh you know Hoss. We talked about turkey dinners and pumpkin pies most of 
the time,” he said looking over at his brothers. They understood. That was 
their special time together to talk about their Mothers and keep them in 
their hearts their own way. Ben stood up. “A toast gentlemen. All four men 
stood up. To those we love who can’t be here with us but who are always in 
our hearts. To Elizabeth, My Love. To Inger, My Love and to Marie, My 
Love. “Here here,” they all replied raising their wine glasses up before 
drinking to the toast.
 
When they went up to bed Adam came into Hoss’s room. Hoss was laying on his 
back. “I was just about to blow out the lamp here brother,” he said. Adam 
sat on the edge of the bed. “I wanted to give you something,” he said 
taking Hoss’s left hand. Adam placed something small in it and closed his 
hand around it holding his own hand over Hoss’s.
 
“What is it?” Hoss asked.
 
“It’s the soft blue clear rock that Inger gave me for good luck. I think 
you should have it now,” Adam said trying to fight the tears in his eyes.
 
Hoss opened his hand and looked at the tiny rock. His eyes filled with 
tears. This was something his very Mother had touched. “I didn’t know you 
still had it,” he said.
 
“I didn’t say because I wasn’t sure if I could give it up or not. I’m 
giving it to you now. I think Inger would have wanted you to have it,” Adam 
replied.
 
“Adam I don’t know what to say,” Hoss said tears falling down his cheeks.
 
“That’s what’s nice about you and me Hoss. You don’t have to say anything. 
I know how you feel,” Adam replied. Hoss took his brother’s hand and 
squeezed it.
 
“Hey Adam?” Hoss said as Adam stood.
 
“Yeah?” he replied.
 
“I really enjoyed hearing about my Mother. I know it wasn’t easy for you to 
talk about her death but I had to know how you saw it. I think you 
understand just like I understand why you wanted to keep what we discussed 
in the cabin to ourselves. I always wanted to talk like that with just the 
three of us but never knew how to go about it. Seems this storm settled 
that huh?” Hoss said.
 
“Yeah seems like it. Well you get to sleep. You must be very, very tired 
after having to use all that energy to eat and then digest what you’d eaten 
tonight,” Adam said smiling.
 
“Good night older brother. I think for tonight I’m going to sleep with this 
stone under my pillow. I want to feel close to my Mother tonight,” Hoss 
said with tears in his eyes again. Adam’s eyes began to tear as well. “I 
think that’s a good idea Hoss. Sweet dreams big brother,” Adam said holding 
the door before he closed it.
 
Adam walked into Joe’s room. Joe was sitting up reading in bed. Adam sat 
down on the edge of the bed. He pulled something from his pocket. “Joe I 
want you to have this,” he said handing Joe a box. Joe opened it up. It was 
the razor Joe’s Mother had given to Adam so long ago. “Adam I can’t take 
this,” Joe said looking at it.
 
“I want you to have it. You can have my initials taken off and yours put 
on. I think the fact that it came from your Mother is why you should have 
it,” Adam said.
 
Joe’s eyes filled up with tears. “It’s the greatest gifts anyone has ever 
given to me,” he said hugging Adam. He hugged Joe back. “I love you Adam,” 
Joe said.
 
“I love you too Joe,” Adam replied. Joe looked at the razor. I wish I had 
something to give you to make you remember your Mother,” Joe said. Adam 
patted Joe’s arm. “Adam did you really want to die today when you ran 
outside?” Joe asked.
 
“I was just dealing with a lot of emotions Joe. I didn’t want to die. If I 
had I would have struggled with Hoss more. It isn’t easy for me sometimes 
but I’m a survivor. I’m fine,” Adam replied smiling.
 
“Adam, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Joe said putting his hand on 
Adam’s right shoulder. “Good night Joe,” Adam said standing up.
 
“Good night Adam,” Joe replied.
 
Adam closed the door to Joe’s room and walked back to his own. There 
sitting on his bed was his father. “Can you turn around Pa,” Adam asked. 
Ben obliged and Adam took off his robe and got in under the covers. “I’ve 
seen it all before Adam,” Ben said smiling at his son’s vanity.
 
“I know Pa,” Adam said smiling. Ben looked at his son. “I have something 
for you. Something that I have waited to give you until the right moment. 
I think this is it. Ben handed Adam an envelope. Ben got up and left. 
Adam watched as he left.
 
Adam looked at the envelope in his hands. The name Adam was on it. He took 
out the letter. The paper looked old. He opened it carefully and began to 
read.
 
My Dearest Adam,
 
Though you are not born yet, I know who you are. I feel it that you are 
going to be a boy. I fell in love with the name Adam in the book ‘Paradise 
Lost’. I am going to tell your father about my choice for your name when he 
returns home from work this evening.
 
Oh my son how I long to see you and hold you for the first time. I have 
waited so long for that moment. I even have a picture formed in my mind of 
what you will look like. You will have dark hair and my eyes, my nose and 
mouth. You will be the most beautiful baby boy ever born.
 
I am so weak and tired my son that I worry I may never be able to tell you 
how much I love you and how much I want you so I am writing it now. Oh my 
precious baby boy I want nothing but to shelter you from everything bad in 
this world. No Mother can do this entirely especially one who can’t be with 
her child. You see Adam I’ve known for awhile that I wouldn’t make it. 
Even if you weren’t coming I still wouldn’t. I have asked the doctor to keep 
this news from your father. He would worry so and spend every free moment 
with me until he smothered me. I can’t do that to him or myself. I don’t 
want him to remember me as a sickly, fragile female. I want him to 
remember me for the life in me, not the death.
 
I feel the pains that I know will bring you closer to this world. Pretty 
soon I’ll have to send for the doctor. Pretty soon I will see my precious 
baby boy for the first and last time. I haven’t the strength to even cry 
right now.
 
Please promise me you will never blame yourself for my death. Please. 
Please remember me with only love in your heart and not guilt. Remember me 
as the woman who gave you life and who loved you more then her own life. 
Please Adam promise me these things.
 
I have loved you from the moment I knew about you. I love you now and will 
love your for all eternity.
 
Your Mother,
 
Elizabeth
 
 
Tears ran down Adam’s face. He put his hands over her handwriting. He had 
never seen his Mother’s writing before. He folded the letter up and placed 
it back in the envelope then under his pillow. Ben walked over to the bed. 
 Adam wiped the tears away from his cheeks. Ben handed him a hanky to blow 
his nose on which Adam did.
 
“Why did you decide to show this to me tonight?” Adam asked.
 
“Because Joe and Hoss told me what happened today. I never read the letter 
before but I knew you needed to. I think I was right, wasn’t I?” Ben 
asked.
 
Adam sniffed. “Yes,” he replied. Adam didn’t offer the letter for Ben to 
read so he didn’t want to ask to read it. As his father was about to leave 
his room Adam called to him. “Pa would you like to read the letter?” he 
asked.
 
Ben looked at his son from the doorway. “I’ll tell you what son. You sleep 
with it under your pillow tonight. I can read it tomorrow. How’s that,” he 
replied smiling.
 
“Thanks Pa. Happy Thanksgiving Pa,” Adam said.
 
“Happy Thanksgiving son,” Ben said before closing the door. Adam blew 
out the lamp. He laid down on his left side with his left hand under his 
pillow holding onto the letter.
 
THE END

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