THE FALL 

DAY TWO

Adam lay in bed. His left fist on his forehead. He tried with frustration
to move his legs but they wouldn’t move. He closed his eyes not knowing if
he would ever move his legs again. For the first time in his life he was
afraid. Really afraid. He feared a fire knowing he wouldn’t be able to move
and would be helpless unless someone could get to him in time. Perspiration
formed on his forehead. He put his hands together over his stomach. They
were like ice.

Why did he let himself be distracted when he heard Laura and Will? Why?
The question kept going over and over in his mind. He knew better. If only
he could live that moment again. If only he could go back in time and live
that one moment one more time he wouldn’t be in this bed wondering if he
would ever walk again. If only. If only.

Why was Laura with Will when she told him that she had a headache? He
didn’t understand that but right now he didn’t care. All he cared about was
what was to become of him and Laura. Why would she want a man who couldn’t
move? He closed his eyes tightly. He heard the door to his room open and
opened his eyes seeing Laura carrying in a tray of food for him.

“Adam I broug ht you your lunch,” Laura said setting the tray on the
nightstand next to his bed.

“I’m not hungry,” he replied coldly.

“You have to eat. The doctor left strict orders you were to eat. If you
don’t eat I’ll go downstairs and get your father to come up here and make
sure you do,” Laura said.

“I said I’m not hungry,” he replied emotionless.

“Hop Sing made you a t-bone steak and fried potatoes. I know that’s one of
your favorites,” she said stuffing the napkin into his nightshirt. Adam
pulled the napkin out and threw it. “I told you I wasn’t hungry. Leave me
alone,” he replied breathing heavily.

“All right I’ll leave you alone. I understand how you must feel,” Laura
said.

“No you don’t know how I feel. You have no idea how I’m feeling right now.
How could you?” he asked.

“You act as if only you are going through this. This is effecting my life
as well in more ways then you could ever know,” she said leaving the room.

Adam closed his eyes again. When he opened them Peggy was standing next to
him. “Hello Adam,” she said.

“Hello Peggy,” he replied flatly.

“How are you feeling?” she asked sitting down next to him on the bed.

“I’ve been better,” he replied.

“Can you move your legs yet?” she asked. Her words hurt so badly but he
couldn’t show it. He loved Peggy and wouldn’t hurt her for the world. He
knew she was just a child and didn’t know what she was saying was hurting
him.

“No I can’t move my legs yet. The doctor said it would be awhile,” he
replied. Peggy placed her right hand in his. He closed his eyes as she
closed her hand around his. He felt like crying but he couldn’t. Not with
her there. He couldn’t let her see him cry.

“When you get well can you and me have another horse race?” she asked. He
blinked back the tears. “Yeah I’d like that,” he replied.

“Adam if you never walk again I’ll still love you,” Peggy said as she hugged
him. He put his arms around her. How he loved this little girl but he
wished she would leave his room. He couldn’t deal with this now. Peggy sat
up. “Would you like to play some checkers or something?” she asked.

“As much as he would love to play checkers with you Peggy, he needs rest
now,” Ben Cartwright said as he stood in the doorway.

“I guess so. I’ll let you sleep Adam so you can get better faster. Maybe
you’ll be walking tomorrow and we can have our race,” she said. Peggy
kissed Adam on his cheek then skipped out the door. Ben closed it and
walked over to his son. He sat next to his crying son. “Oh Pa please send
them away. I can’t deal with this and having to look at Laura and Peggy
makes it even worse. They just remind me of what I can’t be,” Adam said.

“What is it you can’t be son?” Ben asked.

“A man,” Adam cried.

Ben closed his eyes tight then put his head down. Why had this happened to
his son? Why? He knew there had to be a reason but what was it? He
couldn’t find any answers to that question. He took Adam’s right hand in
his. “Son do you know how thankful I am you are alive?” Ben asked.

“Why?” Adam asked.

“Why? Because you’re my son and because I love you,” Ben replied worriedly.

“Go away Pa. Just go away and leave me alone. Please go,” Adam said
turning his head to the left. He couldn’t even turn over. How he hated
laying on his back. Ben stood and walked towards the door. “I’ll leave the
door open and if you need yell,” he said.

“Don’t leave the door open. I don’t want anyone to see me like this,” Adam
replied.

Ben closed the door behind him.

DAY THREE

Doc Martin came to examine Adam. Adam lay on his bed uncaring as Doc Martin
was examining him. The doctor was concerned about what he was seeing. He
walked downstairs and took Ben aside. “Ben I don’t like Adam’s attitude
here. It’s not good. He’s given up without a fight. That’s not like him
Ben not the Adam I know,” Doc Martin said.

“He won’t eat and won’t talk with anyone for very long,” Ben said.

“How about Laura? Has she been able to get through to him?” Doc Martin
asked.

Ben shook his head. “He doesn’t want to speak with her either,’ he replied.

“Ben this isn’t abnormal to go through this kind of anger but I can’t help
but wonder if there’s not something more to this?” Doc Martin said.

Laura walked out of the kitchen with Will and saw the two men talking.
“How’s Adam?” she asked. Doc Martin didn’t want to worry her. “He’s
dealing with some bad times but he’ll be walking down that aisle before you
know it I’m sure,” he lied.

“Good,” Laura replied almost coldly. Ben looked at her with narrowed eyes.
He figured Laura must have just been worried.

Doc Martin turned his attention to Ben again. “Ben I have some exercises I
would like you and the boys to help Adam with. If you’ll follow me upstairs
I’ll show you what to do. You can fill Hoss and Joe in on what to do also,”
Doc Martin said.

When the two men went upstairs Laura and Will looked at each other. “He’s
going to walk real soon Will you’ll see,” Laura said as Will looked at her
before leaving the room. Laura hung her head low.

A FEW DAYS LATER Adam was laying in bed trying his hardest to move his legs.
Hard as he tried they wouldn’t move. Sweat poured down his face. “Move
damn you,” he said. He kept trying but to avail. They just sat there as if
they didn’t belong to him anymore.

“Adam you want to play some ball?” Peggy asked skipping into his room.

“I would love to but I can’t,” he replied.

Peggy sat down on his bed. “Adam when are you going to walk again?” she
asked.

“I don’t know Peggy,” he replied.

“Adam don’t you get tired of staying in bed? I know I do when I’m sick and
have to stay in bed,” Peggy said.

“Yes I’m tired of it. I’m very tired o f being in this bed Peggy,” he
replied.

“Adam I’ve been counting to one hundred again. This time I’m not waiting
for my daddy to come home but for you to walk again. I know one of these
times when I hit one hundred you’ll come running down the stairs,” she said.
Adam didn’t reply. “Adam are you going to finish our house?” she asked.

Adam closed his eyes. “Peggy Dayton,” Laura said. “You know better then to
disturb Adam. He’s supposed to be resting.”

“It’s all right Laura,” he replied.

“Adam you’re too soft on her. Now you young lady go play outside,” Laura
ordered.

“All right mommy. Bye Adam,” Peggy said as she skipped out of the room.

Laura wanted to walk out of the room but knew she had to spend some time
with Adam. She really wanted to spend time with Will but she couldn’t say
that. Laura sat down in the chair next to the bed. “How are you feeling?”
she asked.

“How do you think I feel?” he answered.

“You don’t have to be sarcastic,” she said.

“I’m sorry. I’m just. Laura I’ve been thinking. I think you and I should
call off our engagement. I can’t be a husband to you in that way now and I
don’t know if I ever will be able to ,” he said. Laura wanted to tell him
about her and Will so badly. She wanted to break the engagement off as well
but she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t hurt him like that. She remembered
the doctor saying that Adam’s mental state was as important as his physical
state in his recovery. “Nonsense. Adam you’ll walk again. I know you will
and I’ll have no more talk about calling off our engagement,” she said
looking down.

“You don’t seem like you really mean the words you say,” he replied putting
his left hand under her chin and bringing her head up.

“I’m sorry I’m just tired I guess,” she lied.

“Is something wrong Laura? You seem distant lately,” he asked.

“Do I? I’m sorry. It must be the worry I have for you,” she lie d again.

“Is that it Laura? Is that the truth or is there something you aren’t
telling me?” he asked.

“What else could there possibly be Adam?” she asked.

“Laura why were you with Will that morning after you told me you had a
headache? If you had only gone to church with me that morning none of
this,” he cut himself off.

“None of this would have happened? Now you’re blaming me for your fall is
that it Adam?” Laura asked loudly.

“I didn’t say that Laura. Don’t put words in my mouth. I wanted to know
why you ended up with Will that morning? Why you told Hoss you’d pick him
up?” Adam asked.

“Are you accusing Will and me of something?” she asked frightened.

“I didn’t say that. I just asked you a question,” he said.

“I don’t remember why I ended up with Will. It was just one of those things
I guess,” she said standing.

“Laura do you love me? Do you still want to marry me?” Adam asked. Laura
looked down at her hands. She put them together rubbing her thumbnails
together. “How can you ask such a thing?” she asked.

“Because I notice things Laura. I sit up here and I begin to think. Lord
knows that all I can do is think. I don’t want pity Laura. I won’t marry
anyone who pities me. I want to know if you love me or not?” he asked.

Laura walked over to the window and looked out. “Of course I love you,” she
said closing her eyes.

“If you don’t want to marry me please say so now . I won’t hold it against
you. I’ll understand,” Adam said. Laura turned towards Adam. “You keep
bringing up if I want to marry you or not. If I love you or not. Every
single day Adam. Well if you have so many doubts about my love for you then
why don’t you just call off the wedding yourself,” Laura said running from
the room.

Adam shook his head. He tried again to move his legs. Nothing.

“Adam you wouldn’t call off the wedding to my mommy would you? You wouldn’t
would y ou Adam? You’re going to be my daddy aren’t you Adam?” Peggy asked.

“Peggy I didn’t know you were there,” he said.

“I was walking by when I heard you two talking. You wouldn’t leave my mommy
would you? She needs you Adam. We both need you. Please don’t ever leave
us Adam,” Peggy said running out of the room.

Adam closed his eyes. His mind was telling what to do but his heart
wouldn’t let him. He loved Peggy and wanted to be a father to her. He
wanted this family. He had planned and dreamed of it for so long now.

A WEEK LATER Doc Martin suggested they get a wheelchair for Adam. It would
do him a world of good to leave that bed and see the world again. Know that
even if he never walked again there would still be a life for him out of
that bed.

When the wheelchair was ready Ben went upstairs to tell Adam. He looked in
and saw his son with deep concentration on his face. “What is it son?” Ben
asked walking into the room.

“Pa I prefer not to try out the wheelchair today. I’m too tired,” Adam
said.

“Adam I’ll have Hoss carry you downstairs and set you in the chair,” he
replied.

“No Pa not today please. I promise tomorrow,” Adam replied.

“All right. What is it son?” Ben asked sitting down on his bed.

“It’s something I have to deal with myself. Something I have to figure out
for myself. I need some time to do that,” Adam said.

“Is it something I can help you with?” Ben asked.

“Pa when you met my Mother and you fell in love with her what was it like?”
Adam asked.

“It was the most wonderful feeling I had ever felt for your Mother. I
couldn’t wait to get back from sea to see her. Just the thought that she was
waiting for me when I came back was such a wonderful feeling. I remember
when I asked her to marry me. I had no doubts that this was indeed the
woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The woman I wanted to
have many children with. I co uldn’t stand to leave her each morning to go
to work. I looked forward to seeing her at lunch and after work. In bed
we’d, well we’d you know a lot, but then we’d talk. We were best friends
and we could talk with each other about anything. Why do you ask son?” Ben
said with such happiness in his eyes it made Adam more sad.

“Pa do you think Laura is a strong person?” Adam asked. Ben narrowed his
eyes as he thought. “I wouldn’t say she’s a strong person. I would say
she’s come a long ways thanks to you. Is something bothering you about
Laura, son?” Ben asked.

“I just asked is all,” Adam replied. Ben patted his son’s right leg. “Well
son if you’re too tired today we can do the wheelchair tomorrow. You get
some rest,” Ben said before leaving.

Adam sat there knowing he wasn’t tired and wasn’t going to rest. He had a
lot to think about. Laying in this bed all these weeks had given him the
opportunity to think things out. He knew now after hearing his father’s
words he didn’t love Laura. Not the kind of love one needs to marry someone
and build a life together on. He didn’t know how to go about telling her
though. He didn’t want to hurt her. He was afraid she would revert back to
the way she was when Frank first died if he hurt her. He didn’t want that
to happen. He didn’t want to hurt Peggy either. What was he to do? Marry
her even if he didn’t love her? As long a he couldn’t walk he wouldn’t have
to hurt her or Peggy. For the first time since his accident he was happy he
was paralyzed.

THE NEXT FEW DAYS Adam was more like himself. He was enjoying more freedom
the wheelchair brought him. That one day he was playing ball with Laura and
Peggy he felt more like himself. It was the happiest he had been in a long
time. It was wonderful to see Peggy laughing and enjoying herself. He
loved her so.

Awhile later he decided to go off by himself around the yard. It felt so
good to even have this little independence. He came around the front of
the barn and heard voices. At first he had a hard time making them out but
then recognized them as Will and Laura’s. Was he hearing them correctly? He
heard Laura say something to Will. He heard it as plain as day. “I’ll
always love you Will,” she said.

Adam went back behind the barn so Laura wouldn’t see him when she left. He
realized his instincts were right. That Laura didn’t really love him. Now
he knew why. She loved Will. He felt Laura felt she owed Adam something
for all he’d done for her and that’s why she stayed. He pushed his
wheelchair into the barn. Will looked off at the doorway where Laura had
run out moments earlier. “Yeah I heard,” Adam said.

Awhile later when Adam was near the front porch. He knew one thing. He had
to stand. He knew the real reason he hadn’t yet was because if he had he
would have had to tell Laura he couldn’t marry her. He didn’t want to hurt
her more then she’d already been hurt. Now he had to do it because she had
a chance at real love. A chance to be really happy in life with the man she
truly loved. He loved her enough to give her that chance. The will inside
of him made him stand. When she kissed him good-bye just before she ran off
towards Will, Adam closed his eyes. The realization that he had lost the
family he had wanted for so long hit him at that moment. Once again he had
lost a chance at love.

A FEW DAYS LATER Adam sat in his blue chair. He was quiet and had been
these last few days in deep concentration. Ben sat on the coffee table
facing him. “Son you didn’t love Laura did you? Not the way I loved your
Mother and not the way a man should love the woman he marries did you?” Ben
asked.

“You knew didn’t you?” he asked.

“I suspected as much. Not so much what your feelings were but what Laura’s
were. I have been married three times to three women I have loved and who
have loved me. I di dn’t see that kind of love and caring in Laura towards
you these past few weeks. It was almost like her emotions for your
recovery were being forced. Now I know it’s because she loved Will and not
you. I know she cared enough about you to stay here and help you to recover
though,” Ben said.

“I guess,” Adam replied.

“You know Adam remember I’ve always said things happen for a reason? Well I
believe this happened because you weren’t meant to marry Laura. I think
this injury gave you the opportunity to think things through and come to the
realization that you weren’t in love with her. Also that she wasn’t in love
with you as well son. Not the kind of love you two could base a happy
marriage on. I think your love for Peggy was clouding this fact about
Laura. Am I right?” Ben asked.

“Uh huh,” Adam agreed. “Why couldn’t I see it Pa? I was so confused I
prayed for guidance,” he said.

“Your prayer was answered Adam,” Ben said.

“There’s just one thing I need to do. Pa will you drive me over to Laura
and Will’s place? I need to talk with Peggy,” he said.

“You know I will son,” Ben said getting up.

AWHILE LATER they arrived at Laura and Will’s house. Ben helped his son
down from the buggy and helped him up the stairs and to the front door.
Adam was getting stronger each day but still had a ways to go.

Will answered the door. He looked at the two men and invited them in. “I
guess you heard Laura and I got married yesterday?” Will asked.

“Yes we heard,” Ben said helping Adam into Frank’s old chair.
“Congratulations,” Ben said shaking Will’s hand.

“Thank you Ben,” Will replied feeling funny. “I’ll go get Laura.”

“No,” Adam replied quickly. If you don’t mind I came to see Peggy.”

A few minutes later Peggy came downstairs. Ben and Will left the room so
they could talk privately. “Hello Peggy,” Adam said.

“Adam my mommy told me you could walk. I knew you would Adam,” she said
hugging him. He closed his eyes as he held her. She moved back and stood
before him. “Adam why didn’t you marry my mommy?” she asked.

“Peggy adults sometimes have so much on their minds that sometimes it’s hard
for them to sort through everything. Sometimes we get confused and don’t
know what we really want or what’s best for us. Sometimes we do things so
we don’t hurt someone we care about. Do you understand what I’m saying?” he
asked.

“No not really,” she replied sitting down on a stool in front of him.

“Peggy sometimes people think they love each other. They are around each
other so much that they get confused. They begin to wonder if what they are
feeling is what they really do feel for each other. I want you to know that
our decision to not marry had nothing to do with you whatsoever. It’s
important for a married couple to love each other. You see they have to
live everyday together. They have to show their love to one another in many
ways and well,” he said

“You mean like kissing and hugging?” Peggy asked.

“Among other ways yes,” he replied.

“What other ways?” she asked.

“Never mind. Anyway Peggy if you don’t truly love someone then showing them
you love them is difficult. Peggy you remember how it was between your
mommy and daddy don’t you?” Adam asked taking her hand in his.

“Yes I remember. I remember they used to fight a lot then my daddy would go
away for a long time,” she replied.

“Peggy that’s what happens when two people marry who don’t really love one
another. You brought them happiness I hope you know that. I never told you
this but the day your daddy died he told Hoss and me he wanted to get home
quickly to see you,” Adam said.

“He did?” Peggy asked.

“Yes and you know your mommy loves you don’t you?” Adam asked.

“Yes I know,” she replied.

“I love you too Peggy,” Adam said.

“I love you too Adam,” Pe ggy replied.

“Oh this is tougher then I thought,” Adam said.

“Adam does Will love me?” she asked.

“Yes honey Will loves you. He’ll be a good daddy to you,” Adam said.

“I wish you were my daddy instead,” she replied.

“Peggy just because I’m not your daddy doesn’t mean I can’t love you. I
mean we’re cousins now and cousins love one another right?” he asked.

“I guess so,” she said.

“I’ll always be there if you need someone to talk with. When I get better
if you’d like we can still have that race,” he said.

“All right Adam,” she said hugging him. He hugged her back closing his eyes
and trying not to think about his loss.

Laura, Will and Ben walked into the room. “Hello Adam,” Laura said.

“Hello Laura,” he replied.

“Will, Ben, would you mind taking Peggy outside? I’d like to talk with Adam
for a moment,” Laura said. When they left Laura sat down in the chair next
to his. “I’m glad to see you getting around,” she said.

“Thank you. It’s good to stand on my own two feet again - literally,” he
joked.

“I’m really happy Adam. For the first time in my life I am really and truly
happy,” she said.

“I’m glad for you and Will. Really I am and I’m sure Peggy will come around
in time. It’s all so new to her right now,” he replied.

“Adam I hope you know I never intended to hurt you,” she said.

“I never thought that,” he replied.

“Adam what happened between us? I’ve tried to reason it out but I can’t.
In order for me to move forward with Will I need to know,” she said.

“Honestly Laura I don’t know myself. I only know I realized these past few
weeks that I wasn’t in love with you. I just didn’t know how to tell you
without hurting you,” he replied.

“I didn’t want to hurt you either. I felt if I told you my true feelings
you’d never walk again. I wanted you to walk Adam,” she said.

“I guess we were both two people who felt the ne ed to help one another. We
became a habit and mistook that habit for love. I’m sure we aren’t the
first or the last to confuse that with love. The important thing is we
found out in time,” he said.

“I hope you do find someone someday that you will truly love Adam,” Laura
said.

“I will. I just haven’t found her yet,” he replied. She looked in his
eyes. “She’ll be a lucky woman I can tell you that,” she said.

“Thank you,” he replied.

“I meant that,” she said.

“I know you did. If you will call my father I think it’s time we go. Doc
Martin doesn’t want me to overdo it,” he said.

“I’ll go get him,” she said as she walked to the door. She stood by it and
looked at him. “Good-bye Adam,” she said.

“Good-bye Laura,” he replied.

Once home Ben helped Adam take off his clothes and get into bed. “You all
right son? I hope you didn’t overdo it today,” he said.

“No I’m fine Pa. For the first time in a long time I think I’ll sleep,”
Adam replied.

Ben stood. You get some sleep now. I’ll wake you when dinner’s ready,” he
said. He watched his son from the doorway turn on his left side. Something
a short time ago he couldn’t do. “I love you son,” he said.

“I love you too Pa,” Adam replied. Ben closed the door.

THE END

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