MY ADDUM

Adam Cartwright painfully walked up to the door of the house of his friends John and Daisy Putnam. He knocked supporting himself on his right side.
“Who is it?” Daisy asked.

“It’s Adam Cartwright, Daisy,” he replied. Daisy opened the door greeting him with a warm smile. “Adam how wonderful to see you,” she said.

“It’s wonderful to see you as well,” he replied closing his eyes tight from pain.

“Adam is something wrong?” she asked.

“I hurt my left foot pretty bad. I don’t think I can make it the extra ten miles home right now. Could I stay here?” he asked.

“Of course you can stay. John’s asleep in Amanda Elizabeth’s room with her. We’re trying to get her used to a bed. She’s figured out how to climb out of her crib,” she replied.

“Don’t wake him. If I can lean on you some it’ll help,” he said. Daisy put her arms around his stomach and helped support his weight as best she could. They got a few feet into the living room when Amanda Elizabeth came out of her room. She put her hands to her face and screamed. This is something she always did when she first saw Adam arrive. “My Addum. My Addum,” she said excitedly running up to him. Daisy caught her before she ran into him expecting him to pick her up in his arms as he usually did.

“My Addum,” she said reaching for him.

“Amanda Elizabeth, Adam is hurt. You can’t run in his arms today,” Daisy said.

Adam leaned against the kitchen table holding his left foot out. Daisy could tell he was in a lot of pain. “Addum hurt,” Amanda Elizabeth said.

“Yes Adam’s hurt. He hurt his foot,” Daisy replied.

“Hurt foot. Addum hurt,” Amanda Elizabeth replied.

“Give her to me Daisy,” Adam said.

“No Adam. You aren’t in any condition to hold her right now,” she replied.

“I can hold her for a moment,” he said. Daisy put Amanda Elizabeth in his outstretched arms. “My Addum,” she said hugging him. He hugged her back.

“You have a kiss for me?” he asked her. Amanda Elizabeth gave him one of her open mouthed soggy kisses she was famous for right on his left cheek.
“Addum hurt,” she said.

“Addum’s hat,” she said taking off his hat. Something she always did. She dropped it to the floor. He looked down at it. “Addum’s hair,” she said patting the top of his head.

“Yes Adam’s hair,” he replied.

“Addum’s eyes,” she said pointing to his eyes.

“Yes Adam’s eyes,” he replied.

“Addum’s nose,” she said pointing to his nose.

“Yes Adam’s nose,” he replied.

“Addum’s mouth she said putting her finger in his mouth,” she said.

“Yes Adam’s mouth,” he replied.

“Addum’s ear,” she said pointing to his left ear.

“Yes Adam’s ear,” he replied.

“Addum’s scratchy beard,” she said rubbing his face.

“Yes Adam’s scratchy beard,” he replied.

“Addum’s hairy chest,” she said pointing to the top of his chest.

“She never forgets to do that one does she?” he asked blushing.

“No she sure doesn’t. She keeps asking her father where his hairy chest is,” Daisy replied.

“Daisy I think you’d better take her,” he said handing Amanda Elizabeth to her. “My Addum,” she said reaching her arms out for him again.

“I’ll hold you later sweetheart,” he replied.

“Addum read,” she said. Every time Adam came to visit he’d always sit down with Amanda Elizabeth in his lap and read to her. He always tried to bring a new book with him each time he came.

“I’ll read to you later sweetheart. Oh,” he said in pain. John came out of the room. “Do I hear my best friend’s voice?” he asked.

“You do and your best friend has hurt his left foot pretty badly. Can you get him into our bed?” she asked.

“No don’t inconvenience yourself for me. I can go in the bed in Amanda Elizabeth’s room,” he replied.

“Are you sure?” Daisy asked.

“Yeah I’m sure. Just please someone get me in that bed,” he said.

“Hurts that bad huh buddy?” John asked finding his friend and helping him to the bed. Daisy guided John by holding his left arm. Once on the bed Daisy pulled off his boots. Adam thought he was going to go through the roof. He laid down on his right side. Daisy placed an extra pillow under his foot.
“Does that foot feel better?” she asked.

“No,” he replied. He moved his foot to several different positions hoping one would find one that would make it feel better. He stretched his leg out and found that brought him the most comfort. Daisy covered him then sat in the chair next to him.

“Adam can I ask you something?” she asked.

“Sure,” he replied.

“Do you know of anyone with the last name of Stoddard?” she asked.

“Stoddard? Why do you ask?” he asked.

“Because every month someone with this last name is putting money in our account. We have no idea who he could be. At first I thought maybe you or someone in your family were doing it but the bank manager told me it’s someone named Stoddard who has the money wired to our account,” she said.

“Maybe it’s a relative or yours or John’s,” he replied.

“I don’t know of anyone by that name. It could be either a first or last name,” she replied.

“Just enjoy the money and don’t give it too much thought,” was his suggestion.

“This person has also set up an account for Amanda Elizabeth. The bank manager told me it was a college fund. Now why would they do that? I mean I could see you being you’re Amanda Elizabeth’s Godfather and all but why would anyone else?” she asked.

“Something sure smells good,” he said trying to change the subject.

“It’s vegetable beef soup. I’ll be done in about an hour,” she replied.

“Sounds good,” he said closing his eyes.

“Adam I know you’re in pain and you’re tired but can I ask you something?” she asked seriously.

“Sure,” he replied.

“One thing I don’t know about John is how he went blind. The circumstances behind it. I don’t bring it up to him because I figured if he wanted to talk about it he would. I was hoping you would tell me,” she said.

Adam could tell she needed to know. That she had to know everything he knew about John’s going blind in order to put that to rest. He moved his foot and winced in pain before beginning his story.

“When we were young and still in school we used to talk about what we wanted to do with our lives. I was going to go off to college and become the world’s most famous architect. Everyone would know my name and everything I designed would immortalize me,” he said laughing. She laughed also. “We were young you know,” he said kind of embarrassed.

Adam continued. “Anyway John’s dream was to go to sea. To see the world from every port. I think it was from all those stories about the sea my father had told him. He wanted to go right out of school but couldn’t. His parents, as you know, were older when they had him. He was their only child. When his father died he couldn’t leave his mother. She died just before I came home from college.”

“Adam there’s something I’ve never understood. Why did you come home? John told me you got the offer of a lifetime from an architectural firm in Chicago,” she asked.

“I did because of my father. He went back East to attend my college graduation. I was going to tell him about the job offer and was so excited to see the look on his face. I didn’t ever tell him about that offer,” he said sadly.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Not because of what he said but because of what he didn’t say. My father would never have asked me come home no matter much he needed me. By those words he didn’t say I knew he needed me. Raising Joe and Hoss alone and running a ranch as big as The Ponderosa was taking it’s toll on him. I could see how much he had aged from the time I left to the time I graduated. He didn’t have the money he has now back then. He wasn’t able to hire the amount of people it takes to run a ranch the size of ours. I decided I could always find an architectural job if I wanted it. My father and my family needed me more and I owed this to him,” he said.

“Why did you owe it to him?” she asked.

“You don’t know the struggles we went through when I was very young. I remember far too often eating when he had nothing. He sacrificed for himself for me all those years so I felt I could sacrifice some myself. He told me a few years ago that he’s so glad Hoss wasn’t his first born,” he said laughing.

“Why?” Daisy asked smiling.

“Because he said if he were he’d have never gotten anything to eat and would have starved to death,” Adam replied. Daisy laughed. She knew firsthand how big an eater Hoss was when he’d stop by their place for a visit and stay for a meal.

“Back to John. A few days after I arrived home I came over to see John. To tell him how sorry I was for the loss of his mother. I know how much he loved her. He wasn’t the same John. He wasn’t telling the jokes he always told and I thought it was because of his loss. He seemed down. That wasn’t him either but I could understand. Then I noticed he was tripping over things. I asked him if he were having trouble seeing. I thought maybe he needed glasses. He told me to mind my own business. We went inside the house and he closed the curtains . I asked him why he was doing that. He told me that he always closed the curtains when it was getting dark. I knew something was wrong. Really wrong. I took him back home with me and he confessed to my father that his site was going. My father had always thought of John as a fourth son. Even though money was tight he arranged for me to take John to San Francisco to see one of the world’s best eye doctors. My father paid for everything. That’s when John was told he was going to go blind and soon. A matter of days maybe weeks the doctor told him.”

“How did he take it?” she asked.

“We went back to our hotel room and he just lay on his bed and didn’t talk.
Just looked at the ceiling I woke up during the night and he was doing the same thing. The next morning I was dressing to go buy our tickets home. He told me he didn’t want to go home. That he wanted to see the ocean. It was something he had always wanted to see. Being we were so close to Monterey I took him. We didn’t have much money and I didn’t know how we’d get back home what with the stage fare there and hotel money and food. I knew though that we’d find a way. The most important thing was he see the ocean. I remember first seeing the sand dunes and behind them the ocean. It was overcast and the ocean was gray. John smiled seeing it for the first time. It was flat and calm. We rented a buggy and we drove to this place called Point Pinos. There was this one spot on the ocean where there were lots of rocks and the tide had gone out. We went down and picked up sea shells and sand dollars. I remember watching the waves crash against the rocks and spraying up like a fountain. We climbed back up and saw the Los Pinos Lighthouse. The light was going round and round. Being a dark day it showed up really well. John wanted to get close to it. He went to the back of the light house and walked through the gate. I tried to tell him we shouldn’t go. It was private property. He told me that that was my problem. That I never would do anything that I shouldn’t do. He told me to live for once. I followed him up to the door. He knocked on it and this Chinese servant answered. John told him that he had always wanted to see the inside of a light house. The poor man didn’t know what to do,” he said.

“You must have been embarrassed,” she said.

“I was but I knew how important it was to him. I knew if I could just get the chance to explain the situation then maybe they’d understand,” he replied.

“Did you get the chance?” she asked.

“Well the person running the lighthouse was a woman,” he said.

“A woman?” she asked.

“Yes. She was a doctor’s widow and this is what she wanted to do with her life. I can’t remember her name but she seemed to know we weren’t there to cause any trouble. She took us inside and gave us some hot tea and some pie. I’ll tell you we were starved. We hadn’t eaten in a long time. She realized this and made us some lunch. John went to look out the living room window at the ocean. I told the woman his story and why we were there while he was gone. I knew it would be my only chance to do so. She asked us to stay with her for the time we were there. I graciously accepted her invitation because that way we’d at least still have some money to get us part of the way home. We stayed in the room upstairs to the right of the stairway. There was this one room at the top of the landing that looked out over the ocean. It was a beautiful site. The ocean was so peaceful and calming. I finally realized why my father wanted to go out to sea. The next day I took John to Carmel. We went to the mission and then to the beach. We climbed down the hill and through the sand to get to where the ocean began and the land ended. John looked out at the waves and the ocean for hours.
Just stood there taking it all in knowing this memory would have to last him a lifetime. I remember when this dolphin jumped out of the waves he got so excited. Then in time the fog came in and it grew much colder. I told John it was time to go back. We had a long ride back to the lighthouse. He refused to leave. You couldn’t even see the ocean anymore the fog was so thick. The waves crashing against the shore were almost eerie not being able to see them. I realized at that moment that that would be John’s life.
That he wouldn’t be able to see what he was hearing,” he said.

“Keep going Adam. Please,” Daisy said knowing by his face it was getting difficult for him to recall.

“John refused to leave. I pulled him back because the water was now hitting our feet. He pushed me down. I got up and I tried to drag him. He refused to go. I figured out why. He wanted to die there. He wanted to stand there and let the tide come in and take him out to sea forever. To end his life because in his mind his life was about to end anyway. I couldn’t let him. I understood but I couldn’t let him. I hit him knocking him out. I drug him all that way back to the hillside and climbed it dragging him behind me. I got him in the buggy and started to drive back to the lighthouse. He came to and didn’t speak to me. He never said another word to me or anyone else until much later when we were back home. I had to wire my father to send money for part of our expenses home. I hated to do it but I had no choice. When we arrived home I took John to my house and after telling my father the story he agreed I had done the right thing in bringing him there. John stayed in his bed not talking to anyone. Just looking at the ceiling. I didn’t even know when he actually lost his site because he didn’t talk. One day Hoss found this dog. He called him Old Blue. Hoss was always bringing some stray home. Well Old Blue turned out to be a blessing in disguise. John took to him and he to John. He found he could still love and be loved. I went in one day and I told him that things happened for a reason. That he may not understand the reason now but someday he would. He spoke his first words to me in weeks. He told me thank you.

“Thank you Adam for telling me. I think I understand now. May I ask a favor of you?’ she asked.

“Of course,” he replied.

“Our third anniversary is coming up in a few months. If I can save the money will you take Amanda Elizabeth to your house and watch her while I take my husband back to the ocean in Carmel? I want him to go back again. I want to know that just because he’s blind doesn’t mean he can’t feel the wind on his face and the waves breaking against the shore,” she said.

Adam fought back his tears before replying, “I will watch her. Also please let this be my gift to you. I think if I write the lady at the lighthouse she’d let you stay with her. I think she‘d enjoy seeing John again and meeting you as well,” he replied.

“Thank you Adam,” she said taking his hand in hers. Just then the door opened. “Addum doll,” Amanda Elizabeth said holding her doll out to him. He smiled.

“Amanda Elizabeth, Adam will play doll with you later. Right now he needs to sleep,” Daisy said..

“Shhhhh,” Amanda Elizabeth said putting her finger up to her mouth. She kissed his cheek and whispered, “Addum sleep.” She took her mother’s hand and led he out of the room closing the door behind her. Adam smiled as he wiped his cheek then closed his eyes again.

The following morning he awoke to find Amanda Elizabeth sound asleep next to him. Her little body was curled up against his. Her face against his chest. Her thumb in her mouth sucking away. He smiled. Daisy quietly walked in . He smiled up at her. Whispering Daisy said, “I’m sorry Adam. I didn’t know she was gone until this morning. I didn’t want to wake you so I left her here. I hoped you wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” he whispered.

“You know Adam you’d make a wondering daddy. I’ll bet you’d like all boys wouldn’t you?” she asked.

He smiled then whispered his reply. “I want a little girl first.”

“Really?” she asked.

“They’re special,” was his reply.

“So are little boys,” she whispered back “but I know what you mean.”

“I’ve experienced boys. I’d like to experience a girl,” he replied.

“You are so masculine Adam that I see you fathering twelve boys,” she whispered smiling.

“Thanks. I think it’s important for us masculine men to father daughters as well. We strong, masculine type are perfect to protect daughters against those boys out there,” he replied.

“What type of boys?” she asked wanting to laugh.

“Boys like my brother Joseph,” he replied. Daisy had to laugh. She couldn’t stop herself. Amanda Elizabeth woke up. She kissed Adam’s cheek and hugged him saying, “My Addum.”

“Adam I’m telling you if you can find anyone who loves you as much as this little girl you should marry her,” Daisy said picking up Amanda Elizabeth.

“Want Addum. Want Addum. Want my Addum,” Amanda Elizabeth said reaching towards him.

“Maybe you should just wait for this young lady. Thirty-three years difference isn’t too bad,” Daisy joked walking to the door.

“By the time we had our twelve son I’d be ninety,” he replied laughing.

A few hours later Amanda Elizabeth was sitting in bed with her Addum. He was playing rag dolls with her trying to change it’s clothes. He was so focused on this that he didn’t hear someone come to the front door.

“Hello Ben,” Daisy said. John got up from the kitchen table and walked over to where Ben stood extending his hand. Ben took it letting John know where he was. “Hello Ben. Good to see you,” John said.

“Good to see you too John. Daisy,” he replied.

“Ben sit down at the table and I’ll get you some coffee and a cinnamon roll,” Daisy said.

Ben sat down. “Well I can see I showed up at the right time. I’m here looking for my oldest son. He was supposed to be home yesterday but never showed. I noticed his horse is in your barn. I take it he was too tired to ride those extra ten miles and decided to let me and his brothers worry about him all night,” he said.

John sat down next to Ben at the table. “Actually Adam hurt his left foot pretty badly. He was in a lot of pain when he came here. I don’t think that pain was nearly as bad as the pain of playing rag dolls with Amanda Elizabeth though,” John replied then laughing.

“This is have to see. May I?” Ben asked standing up. Daisy nodded her head in approved and led Ben to the closed door to Amanda Elizabeth’s room.
There on her bed was his oldest son trying his darndest to get the doll’s dress on. Ben closed the door laughing silently.

“That oldest son of mine can figure a solution to everything that comes up on the ranch but he can’t figure out how to get the dress on a rag doll,” Ben said.

“He’d better learn. That oldest son of yours wants daughters,” Daisy replied.

“Daughters? Really? Huh. A granddaughter huh? I think I’d like that,” Ben said looking into the future. “First I have to get him married. He is so picky. If I had been like my sons not one of them would have been born.”
Daisy and John both laughed.

“I’d better go and see him. Let him know I’m here,” Ben said entering the room.

“My Addum,” Amanda Elizabeth said when she saw Ben.

“Yes your Adam. He’s my Adam too,” Ben said approaching the bed.

“My Addum,” Amanda Elizabeth said hugging him.

“She sure loves you son,” Ben said.

“Hi Pa,” Adam replied.

“My Addum,” Amanda Elizabeth said again.

“Amanda Elizabeth he’s my son. He’s my little boy. I’m his daddy,” Ben replied.

“My daddy,” Amanda Elizabeth said pointing to John.

“Yes that’s your daddy isn’t it? I’m Adam’s daddy,” Ben said.

“Addum’s daddy,” Amanda Elizabeth said reaching for Ben. He picked her up and held her. Ben looked down at his son’s frustrated look on his face. “Can’t get the dress on son?” he asked. Daisy and John burst out laughing.
Daisy went over to Ben and took Amanda Elizabeth from him. She closed the door leaving father and son alone.

Ben sat down in the chair. “I heard you hurt you left foot. It still as bad?” he asked.

“Yeah it’s pretty bad. I can’t stand on it,” Adam replied.

“How’d it happen?” Ben asked.

“I was getting off Sport and it twisted in the stirrup as I was getting down,” he replied.

Ben went around the bed and lifted the covers checking his son’s foot. “Where does it hurt son?” he asked.

“Below the ankle,” he replied.

“I think you just sprained it good. Maybe pulled something. If it doesn’t get better with bed rest we’ll have Doc Martin look at it,” Ben said covering his son back up. “That little girl sure loves you. Someday she’s going to be so happy they named her after you and your mother. That was quite an honor son,” he said.

“Yeah I know. John remembers my telling him about my mother back when we were younger. He knew how special she was to me,” Adam replied.

“You look tired son,” Ben said looking down at him.

“I am. I didn’t get much sleep last night,” he replied.

“Why don’t you get some now. Do you think you can ride home or should I ask John and Daisy for their buckboard and have it returned to them tomorrow?” Ben asked.

“I think that would be best,” Adam replied. Ben walked to the door. “So were you worried about me Pa?” Adam asked.

“Worried about you? Nah. I was just riding out this way and thought I’d stop in,” he replied smiling. “Get some rest now son,” Ben said before closing the door.

The three adults talked at the kitchen table while Amanda Elizabeth played on the floor. “Ben I have something to ask you. Have you ever heard of anyone around here by the name of Stoddard?” Daisy asked.

“Stoddard? No not that I can recall,” he replied.

“Oh I was just wondering,” she said disappointed. If anyone would know it would have been Ben Cartwright.

“The only Stoddard I ever knew was Adam’s Grandfather and Mother,” he said.

“Adam’s Mother was a Stoddard?” she asked.

“I didn’t know that,” John said.

“Yes. Didn’t you know that John? I would have thought Adam would have told you,” Ben asked.

“No Adam never told me his mother’s maiden name. He always referred to her as my mother. Never Elizabeth. I asked him once what her first name was and that’s how I learned about Elizabeth. I knew how much she meant to him and that’s why I insisted we name Amanda after him, my best friend, and Elizabeth after his mother who meant so much to him. He really missed her.
He used to talk about Inger a lot and would say that she was the only mother he knew. He missed his mother though terribly. He used to blame himself for causing her death. I told him things happen for a reason. I remember your saying that a lot Ben when I would be over there all those many years,” John replied.

“Excuse me,” Daisy said leaving the table and walking into Amanda Elizabeth’s room. “Adam are you awake?” she asked.

“Huh?” he replied sleepily.

“Adam I need to talk with you,” she said sitting down in the chair.

“Huh?” he replied opening his eyes.

“Adam your mother’s maiden name was Stoddard wasn’t it?” she asked.

“My father told you that?” he asked.

“Yes only after I asked him if he knew anyone by that name. You’re the one who has been helping us aren’t you?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.

Adam sat up shutting his eyes from the pain of moving his foot. “I wanted the money to come not from me but from my mother’s memory. When I was a little boy around three my father told me my mother had died. I knew I didn’t have a mother but I didn’t know that people died. He used to tell me she couldn’t be with us. I thought maybe she had to stay home while we went out West. When I found out that people died I was shocked. I was scared. I started to cry. He took me on his lap and he said to me, “Adam your mother watches over us from Heaven. She smiles down on us and that’s what the sunshine is in the sky.” I asked him what it mean when it rained. He told me that it was her tears falling because she couldn’t be with us. He went on to tell me that she still loved me and always would and to never forget that. That as long as we remembered her, she would never be gone completely. John was my best friend and still is. He was the only boy in school who didn’t give me a bad time about what Marie had been before my father married her. He accepted her for the person she was as my step-mother. He helped me through some tough times in dealing with things from my past. He was the one who helped me through Marie’s death,” he replied.

“Losing your mother and Inger. He’s told me about that,” Daisy said.

“I know you and John make a decent living on this farm but there’s always extras people need especially with a child. I wanted to do this in memory of my mother. I can’t explain it except to say that I think it’s something she would have wanted to do. It’s my way of having her touch the world still. Of having her be remembered,“ he replied.

Daisy was crying. She put her left hand up to her nose. “Oh Adam you don’t realize how much your mother still touches this world through you. Do you have any idea what a wonderful man you are?” she asked.

THE END

For your information Point Pinos is what Pacific Grove today used to be called. The lady in the lighthouse and her Chinese servant were taken from actual accounts. I have been in that lighthouse and watched the light turn at night. The woman was a doctor’s widow. Her name escapes me for the moment but she lived there from her forties to sixties. It was the life she wanted to live.

The place in Point Pinos (Pacific Grove) where they look for shells is a spot we drive to every time we go there. Sometimes we’ll pick up something for lunch and eat in our car as we watch the waves crash against the rocks.
My husband and my daughters love to go down and look for shells and sea life as I stay in the car and watch the waves crash against those rocks.

The beach at Carmel is one I have been to many times with my family.
Standing on that beach and looking out at the ocean and watching that dolphin jump that time. To see the fog come in and not be able to see the ocean but just hear the waves crashing against the shore was truly haunting.

Whenever we go over to the ocean the first sign of it is past the sand dunes. Like they say authors sometimes take from real life. This is an example of that very thing.

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