UNDER THE FULL MOON
BEN
“Just this one night boys, and we’ll all be home in our soft beds again.”
HOSS
“Boy Pa, you don’t know how good that sounds. It seems these cattle drives
get longer each time.”
JOE
“You can say that again. My backside could tell you how long it’s been that’s
for sure.”
(Everyone laughs)
HOSS
“You can say that again little brother. My backside doesn’t even want to
think of another full days ride home. How about you Adam, your backside
bothering you?”
ADAM
“Why do you think I’m laying on my side?”
(All Laugh)
JOE
“Sure would be nice if we could travel home in a real padded buggy, wouldn’t
it?”
HOSS
“Sure would.”
ADAM
“Yeah well that isn’t going to happen.”
HOSS
“Adam, now why in the world do you have to be so dang logical?”
BEN
“All right now boys, it’s late and I’m tired and we have a long days ride
ahead of us in the morning, so I suggest we get some sleep.”
JOE
“Hey Pa?”
BEN
“Yes Joseph?”
JOE
“I can’t remember the last time we slept like this together.”
BEN
“Well we don’t usually all go away on a cattle drive, but this time I thought
it best we all go.”
HOSS
“Why is that Pa?”
BEN
“Well I’ll tell you later.”
JOE
“When Pa?”
BEN
When I feel it’s time.”
HOSS
“Pa, you ain’t gonna die or nothing like that are you?”
BEN
“No Hoss I ain‘t gonna die or nothing like that.”
HOSS
“That’s good. Kind of scared me there for a moment.”
BEN
“Didn’t mean to scare you son.”
JOE
“Pa, can I ask you a question?
BEN
“Joseph can it wait until morning? I’m really tired right now.”
JOE
“Please Pa?”
BEN
“What’s your question?”
JOE
“Do you miss our mothers? I mean do you, do you ever think about them anymore?”
BEN
“I think about each of them at times. A memory will come back to me and
I’ll think about your mother, Hoss’s mother and Adam’s mother. When I look
at each of you boys, sometimes I see your mothers in you. In your faces,
your expressions, your words.”
HOSS
“Are we like our ma’s, Pa?”
BEN
“You are all so much like your mothers. Each one of you so much so that
it’s as if God purposely made you that way so that your mothers would all
go on in you.”
ADAM
“I remember long ago when Hoss was just a little boy, we would be sleeping
under the full moon like this and you’d tell us that our mothers were the
moon watching over us at night, making sure no harm came to us. That the
full moon, like tonight, was heir love shining through. You know I still
can’t look at a full moon and not think about that. Somehow when I’d be
alone on the trail I always felt like I wasn’t alone with that full moon.
Sounds silly doesn’t it for a grown man to feel that way?”
BEN
“No, it doesn’t sound silly to me at all. I remember when my mother died
and my father told my brother John and I that the sun shining was our mother’s
love surrounding us with her warmth. Somehow I always think of my mother
when I’m riding into Virginia City or by myself on The Ponderosa when I
see the sun. No matter how long she’s been gone, I still miss her.
I guess a child always misses their mother.”
ADAM
“I know I do. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like had my mother
lived. If we’d have come out West, or if we would had stayed in Boston.”
BEN
“I’ve wondered that myself son many times before. Wondered what it would
be like to have Elizabeth alive all these years. Wondered if we would have
come West. Funny how coming West wasn’t so important to me while she was
alive. Maybe because I had you to think about, or whoever you were, coming
into our life. Nothing meant more to me then your mother and our child.
One moment you were someone I thought about and the next moment I was holding
you in my arms. Without your mother it was a very wonderful and very scary
feeling. I remember looking down at your little face and hands thinking
I wished I had never made your mother that promise to go West, but I did
and I had to keep it.”
ADAM
“I’ve never been a father before so I don’t know what it’s like to hold
your own child in your arms. I do know that she must have loved you very
much, because she wanted you to fulfill your dream and you promised to,
and you kept that promise to her, because you loved her that much. I used
to think only of myself and how I lost my mother, but hearing you talk just
now, I almost feel more sorry for you than for myself. You were a young
man in your early twenties and you must have felt like your life had ended
that day.”
BEN
“Yes my life did end in a sense that day, but it began also with you. If
I hadn’t had you Adam, I don’t know how I would have gone on. Your Grandfather
gave me the words I needed to go on, but you gave me the incentive to go
on. I had to keep living for your sake.”
ADAM
“I remember vaguely those first years. Times weren’t easy for us, especially
you. Was there ever a time you wished you’d stayed in Boston?”
BEN
“I’d be a liar to answer no to that question. Many a time I wished I had,
because both you and I would have always had a home with your Grandfather.
You would have had a roof over your head and a soft, warm bed at night to
sleep in, and plenty of good food to fill your stomach. Do you wish we had
stayed there son?”
ADAM
“I don’t think it’s a question of whether I think you should have stayed
there or not. I think it’s more that you were meant to fall on hard times
and meet Inger. If you hadn’t met Inger, I sometimes wonder…..”
BEN
“Wonder what son?”
ADAM
“If I would be a different person now. A hardened person. She, she gave
me a mother’s love that I’d never known before. Not that you didn’t show
me love, but you are a man and men show love differently then a woman does.
I always look back on our time with Inger as if God had sent an angel to
earth and when she had done her job here, he needed her back in Heaven.”
BEN
“Yes she was an angel.”
ADAM
“Pa?”
BEN
“Yes Adam?”
ADAM
“Was my mother anything like Inger?”
BEN
“Your mother was a wonderful woman just like Inger was, but two different
women. Your mother was a sweet, caring woman but she had a side in her that
stood up to me. I remember when we were first married and she disagreed
with me for the very first time. I stood there in amazement, because women
did not speak back to their husbands. What a husband said was the final
word on everything. Well your mother had a mind of her own. She wasn’t going
to be one who walked in her husband’s shadow but one to create her own shadow.
I came to admire her for her for that. It took awhile, but in time I realized
I married a very strong woman and one who was ahead of her time. One who
had her own opinions about things and wasn’t afraid to stand up for what
she believed in. Sort of like her son, wouldn’t you say?”
ADAM
“Yeah I’d say so. Just like Hoss is like Inger huh?”
BEN
“Just like her.”
HOSS
“Pa, did my mama ever stand up to you?”
BEN
“Your mother had a way of getting her point across in such a sweet and loving
way that you never really knew if it was her idea or yours. Like coming
out West she wanted to tend to a horse. The way she got me to agree with
it, well she was a wonderful, sweet and caring person Hoss.”
HOSS
“Pa, do you think my mama would have been proud of me?”
BEN
“Without question son. She would have been very proud of you and the man
you have become.”
HOSS
“Pa, what happened to Uncle Gunnar? Why did he turn out so bad such a bad
person when my mama was so good?”
BEN
“Your Uncle Gunnar never knew what he truly wanted in life. He never found
out who he really was. He always listened to what other people had to say
and always thought that he had to do what they did to be happy. I don’t
know why he was that way, but I do know he assumed no responsibilities and
let your mother support him through their store. I always consider people
like your Uncle Gunnar to be lost souls who never find their way in life.”
HOSS
“Pa, do you think Uncle Gunnar went to Heaven. I mean he was a bad man Pa
and he killed a lot of people, but he saved my life and two others by sacrificing
his own. Do you think Pa that maybe that counts for something?”
BEN
“Who are we to say what happens after we leave this world? I would think
his dying to save three lives must account for something.”
HOSS
“But he lived a terrible, evil man.”
ADAM
“Hoss I’ve seen you at the pond and I know you’re thinking about your Uncle
Gunnar. I know you are trying to sort this out. I think in his own way he
would like to be remembered by you how he died and not how he lived.”
HOSS
“Thanks Adam. I think you’re right.”
ADAM
“No thanks needed. I know what it’s like to love someone and lose them.
I know what it’s like to find out that someone you know and care about isn’t
the person you thought, but they died the person you knew them inside of
you to be.”
HOSS
“You thinking about Ross?”
ADAM
“Yeah I’m thinking about Ross. When I left Delphene and came upon Ross,
I thought I’d come against the devil himself. He was the enemy and it was
either kill him or be killed, but it wasn’t too hard, because the man I
was shooting at, I didn’t know anymore. Then as he was lay dying he became
Ross again. He didn’t understand why or how he’d been shot. I realized that
somewhere inside of his mind he was there all the time, and it was my bullet
inside of him that was ending his life. It wasn’t Ross who was shooting
at me. I don’t know who he became, but I do know that God must understand
when people can’t help what they do. Someday, the doctor told me, maybe
they’ll understand what it is that happenes to people when they get like
Ross did.”
HOSS
What you’re telling me is that Ross died a friend, and Uncle Gunnar died
the man I thought he always was?”
ADAM
“Yes. No matter what your Uncle Gunnar did in his life, he died the man
you thought he always had been. Remember him that way, but understand Hoss
that you can’t wipe out the memories of what he was, just like I can’t wipe
out the memories of Ross and how he was and what he did, but their endings
make those memories easier to handle. You know what I’m saying?
HOSS
“I know.”
BEN
“Well young men I think we’d better get some rest.”
JOE
“Hey Pa?”
BEN
“Yes Joseph?”
JOE
“Am I like my mother?”
BEN
“Oh yes. You have her looks and her personality. You are just like her.
You are my one son who knew a mother’s love for five years and you’ve always
known a different life from the one your brothers started out with. You
were the lucky one.”
JOE
“I know I was lucky Pa compared to Adam and Hoss, but I still miss her so.”
BEN
“You always will son. It doesn’t matter if she had lived until right now,
you’d miss her just as much, because she was your mother and a mother is
someone very, very special. She gave you life.”
JOE
“Pa, mothers are special but so are fathers. I know of one father who I
feel did a pretty good job raising and showing his three sons love.”
HOSS
“You got that right Joe.”
ADAM
“I think it says something about the father who loses three women he loved
and can still find the strength, courage and love to give to his sons and
raise them to be the wonderful men they are today. Especially his oldest
son, who we all know is not only the smartest of the three, but the most
handsome as well.”
(They All Laugh)
BEN
“Adam, thank you for the compliment and I am too tired to get into your
compliment to yourself mister smart and handsome. Handsome. I’d forgotten
how I looked in your cradle the day you were born and told your mother that
you would be a handsome man someday. Someday. How did someday come so fast?
What happened to my little boy? All my little boys? One day they were boys
and the next day they were men keeping their father awake all night long.
Boys? Adam? Hoss? Joseph? Ben you’re talking to yourself you know. They’re
all sound asleep.”
(Looking up at the full moon in the sky, Ben smiled before closing his eyes
to join his sons in slumber).
HOSS
“Hey Pa?”
BEN
“Hoss I thought you were asleep.”
HOSS
“I almost was but you never told us why you wanted to come on this trip
with us.”
BEN
“You haven’t figured it out?”
HOSS
“No.”
JOE
“Neither have I.”
BEN
“Are you awake too?”
JOE
“I heard you two talking.”
ADAM
“I figured it out.”
HOSS
All right smart and handsome, why did Pa insist on coming along instead
of staying home?”
ADAM
“Because he wanted a night to remember just like this one under the full
moon, isn’t that right Pa?”
BEN
“Yes that’s right. It’s been a long time since we’ve done anything like
this and I wanted to have the memories of this night to keep forever. I
know this must sound silly coming from me but it’s true. I really looked
forward to this. The men who helped us on the cattle drive have all gone
their own ways and it’s just the four of us now. I looked forward to being
alone with my sons and talking. (No answer.) Are you awake? Are any of you
awake? Are you? Now don’t you pretend to be asleep like you did the last
time and start talking again? Are you really asleep? Well I guess I’ll go
to sleep now as well. I’m going to sleep now and that means no more talking.
(Ben smiled as he closed his eyes. Once they thought their father was
asleep, all three boys sat up looking at one another).
ADAM
“Sometimes fathers just don’t understand how obvious they are.”
HOSS
“To think we didn’t know why he wanted to come.”
JOE
“Yeah, he doesn’t know how well we know him.”
HOSS
“I don’t think he knew we knew. I thought we covered that up real good.”
ADAM
“Yeah we’re good aren’t we?”
HOSS
That’s for dang sure.”
JOE
“None better.”
ADAM
“I suggest we all get to sleep now, because I’d rather wake up a grizzly
bear than Pa.:
HOSS
“That’s for dang sure again.”
(All three sons lay back down in their bedrolls and fell asleep. Ben sits
up and smiles. He’d let them think that they were the smart ones when all
along he had THEM all figured out.)
THE END