It Isn’t Worth It

By Firi

Ben Cartwright stood in the doorway of his home looking out at his oldest son in the barn. The lamplight shining in the room behind him made his tall, strong figure appear even more intimidating in the dark night. A man of wealth, wisdom, and strength, one could say Ben Cartwright was one of the most fortunate men alive. He owned the largest ranch in the Nevada territory, had been married three times to women who had loved him with their entire hearts, and been blessed with a son from each wife who loved him deeply as well. Yet on this night, Ben had a troubled mind and heart. He knew his family loved him but after today he wondered as he watched his son, did his family know how much he loved them?

Two days before, a greedy sheepherder by the name of Jeb Drummonds had tried to run his large flock across the Ponderosa. Knowing the devastation the fluffy grassburners would wreak, Ben had ordered Jeb and his sheep out. The crafty, little man had agreed to leave the next morning and, always wishing to believe in the good nature of a man, Ben had believed him. Later that night, Adam had questioned his actions of running Drummonds and his company out on their own instead of going to the law. Hardly even giving his son’s words any thought, Ben’s temper had quickly fired up, but Adam had remained calm and respectful. Then when they had discovered Drummonds was not only still on the Ponderosa but trying to keep moving across it, he had been furious at Drummond’s audacity and when Adam had again tried to get him to go to the sheriff…

Ben closed his eyes as the things he had said to his son came back to him.

“You going soft, boy?…Now you listen to something from me, I cleared that land that Drummond’s running his sheep through. I worked it ‘till my hands cracked open and the sweat blinded my eyes and I planted that grass…”

A smack resounded through the peaceful quiet of the night when Ben pounded his fist into the doorframe.

“You fool.” he vehemently whispered to himself. “How could you so easily have forgotten who was with you every moment of the day working just as hard as yourself? How could you have forgotten the cuts and blisters on his young hands? The way his young back bent? How could you…

Ben paused then softly corrected himself with a bitter smile, “How could I have forgotten?”

What had happened after he had so harshly lectured his son? He had ridden off with his sons, all three of them, behind him, willing to back him in whatever decision he made. Drummonds was waiting for them when they arrived, with a keener plan than Ben’s. He had tried to run Drummonds out again and his fury and impetuousness had gotten his son captured.

“And he didn’t even want to be there in the first place.” Ben chastised himself. “Why couldn’t I have listened to the boy?” He sighed as his eyes followed his eldest son’s movements across the yard.

“Boy? When am I going to realize that “boy” is a better man than I could ever hope to be?”

He had been forced to leave Adam with Drummonds that night. The following morning he finally did what his son had rightly suggested earlier and sent for the sheriff. Then he rode with Hoss to stall Drummonds until Joe could come with help. When he had ridden up behind the wagon that held Adam prisoner, his eyes had anxiously studied him for signs of injuries but had been relieved to find none.

Drummonds had given his new advantage a lot of thought and had a paper all ready for him to sign that would turn fifty thousand acres of the Ponderosa over to Drummonds in exchange for Adam’s life. When Adam heard the demand and saw his father reach for the paper, the words he said would be burned in Ben’s memory forever.

“Pa, don’t. Fifty thousand acres, it isn’t worth it.”

Adam had looked straight into Ben’s eyes and showed no fear of what could happen to him. Though his heart was heavy, Ben looked back and said…

“Isn’t it?”

Then he signed.

“It isn’t worth it….It isn’t worth it…” The words ran over and over in Ben’s mind. How could Adam think he held his land above his own sons? Ben slowly moved from his observation position and walked towards the barn.

Drummonds had held the paper up and gloated over his new gain. Adam couldn’t take the man’s sickening exultation and defiantly leaped on Drummond’s back with his hands bound. Ben instantly helped his son up then they stood side by side at gunpoint waiting for Drummond’s first shot, but lady luck decided not to desert the Cartwrights. One young man of Drummond’s crew finally realized his boss was not the man he thought him and killed the wicked man before he could take anymore lives.

“Adam?”

At the sound of his name, Adam turned from his task and looked at his father. “Hey Pa. I’ll be in in a minute. There were some things I needed to do out here before turning in.”

“That’s fine, son. I was actually wanting to talk to you alone if you’re not too busy.” Ben said. There was something his voice that alerted Adam’s senses that something was wrong.

“I’m not too busy, Pa.” he said and took a step towards Ben.

“Thank you, son.” Ben prepared to plunge into the talk he so desperately wanted to have with his son, but the words wouldn’t come to him. After all, how do you say you are sorry for making someone you love think you would rather have them dead?

“Pa?”

The soft-spoken word and a hand on his arm brought him out of his musings. Meeting Adam’s concerned gaze, he finally managed to ask, “Why?”

Realization entered Adam’s eyes but instead of answering, the young man countered with another question, “Why what, Pa?”

“Why did you tell me it wasn’t worth it?”

The question was asked. Now Ben waited uneasily for the response. Adam glanced away for a moment but then calmly looked Ben in the eye.

“Because I remember the pain and the heartache that brought you here, Pa. I remember hearing the tears you would cry outside our wagon after Inger’s death when you thought I was asleep. I could see the pain that drove you everyday, and watching that hurt almost more than her death. One night I promised myself I would never be the reason you lost anything else that was dear to you.”

The love that shone in Adam’s face and the emotion in his words was so strong that Ben could feel tears gathering in his eyes. Reaching out and taking his son firmly by the shoulders, Ben said, “Don’t you know that I would rather lose all of this land and every cent to my name than lose you?”

Adam placed a hand on top of Ben’s. “I know that, Pa. I never wanted to cause you anymore pain. I didn’t want you to lose this land, but I knew you would have rather done that though. Pa, I trust you. I always have. If you hadn’t agreed with Drummond you would have still found a way.”

A tear made it’s way down Ben’s face as he pulled his son to him. Although Adam was usually guarded with his feelings, he willing submitted to the embrace and placed his arms around his pa. They stood that way for a moment. Then Ben pulled back and wiped the many tears away from his face, but he had one thing more to say.

“Son, I’m sorry for the things I said to you yesterday. You’re right, I did slave for this land, but you left out, like I did, who stood by my side and slaved with me. I don’t know what I ever did to have a son like you, Adam. You’ve sacrificed so much for me in your life, and you still do. I don’t think it’s worth it.”

A bit of a smile appeared on Adam’s face.

“Isn’t it?” He asked.

Placing an arm around Adam, Ben smiled a little too and together they walked to the house.

~Fin

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