Remembrance
by
Janice Sagraves

Part 2

~One~

As Joe came down into the lobby of the Sinclair Hotel, his saddlebags over his shoulder, he caught sight of Mrs. Cadence’s trunks being taken out the double doors. “Hey, Tom,” Joe said as he went to the admitting desk. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, you mean about the lady’s trunks?” Tom asked with a smug “I know and you don’t” grin.

Joe wasn’t in the mood for games and it registered in his expression. “No, I’m talking about the punch I’m gonna give in about a minute if…”

“Then why don’t you ask me, Joseph,” came a sugary-sweet voice from behind him.

He turned as Mrs. Cadence walked up to him, adjusting her hat over a fluff of gray-tinged curls. “I didn’t think you were leaving until tomorrow.”

“I wasn’t, but now I’m not leaving for another week. I’ve been invited to stay with the Bannings. It was Mr. and Mrs. Banning’s idea and I was delighted to accept. We got to talking when I came back to the house with Amelia and they said they wanted to show me real Nevada hospitality. They’re wonderful people. And I’m looking forward to getting to know Marjorie and Juliet better.”

“You’ll like them too; they’re more like Siddon than Amelia is.” He reached out and took her hand. “I guess this means we won’t be having breakfast at Tabler’s before I leave.”

“Leave? I guess I suspected it.”

“Last night made me realize that I can’t run away from what’s happened.” Joe snickered and ducked his head. “My brother Hoss said I was running away so I could go back home. And last night showed me that it’s time to do it.” Then his mood brightened. “If it weren’t for you and the Bannings and a couple others I don’t think coming here would’ve changed anything. I owe you a lot.”

“No, you don’t, Joseph, I was…”

“Oh, yes, I do.” He took her hand. “I’d be very pleased to have you come visit me out at the Ponderosa. I’m afraid I can never do for you what you’ve done for me, but I’d like to try. My home will always be open to you.”

“I’d like that very much.”

“Now, I tell you what. Why don’t I just ride along with you? I want to say good-bye to Siddon and Carolyn and thank them for the memoriam before I head out. Just let me take care of my bill.”

She agreed and he went to the desk.

“How long’s it gonna before we see you this time?” Tom asked as he presented Joe with the bill.

“Not near as long. I’ve found out that I have some pretty good friends here. Last night showed me that. If it’s one thing I learned on this trip, is that we take friends and family for granted too much. And we usually don’t find out until it’s too late.” Joe scrounged in his jacket pocket and took out his room key and enough money to pay up. As Tom took it Joe reached out his right hand. “Thanks, Tom.”

Tom took it in a firm handshake. “Don’t mention it. Anything for a friend.”

“I’ll remember that,” Joe said with a mischievous grin and went back to Mrs. Cadence and hooked her arm over his. “All set?”

“All set,” she said with a pert nod.

Then he gave her hand a pat and they went out together.

*****

Joe had been on the road that lead out of Bantree for almost an hour and hadn’t seen another living soul. On his way here he’d avoided the thoroughfare because he was in a solitary mood.

It hadn’t rained in days, but today looked more promising. Now and then a rumble of thunder would sound off, and the sun had hidden itself behind the darkening clouds. A light wind had picked up and made Joe’s jacket feel good.

As Cochise clopped along at a steady pace they soon came to a split in the road, and Joe reined up. Where he was now would take him straight home, but for some reason he felt compelled to take the left fork. He’d been this way many times, but had never seen any reason to go that way. Yet, it was almost as if something was pulling him in that direction. “Oh, why not? It’s not like I’m in any real big hurry. Come on, Cooch, let’s see what’s down this way.” Then Joe gave him a nudge and they headed for new territory.

They hadn’t gone far when Joe spotted a house nestled comfortably in a grove of oaks about twenty or so feet ahead. It wasn’t a big house – he guessed probably two or three rooms and a few out buildings and a fair-sized barn. But the thing that caught his eye was the well. Canteen water a man could live on, but fresh water he didn’t turn away.

A lean, wispy haired man stepped off the porch as Cochise ambled into the yard. “You want somethin’, Mister?” he asked, his amber eyes narrowing.

“A little of your well water,” Joe straightened, stretching his muscles. “And some for my horse, if you don’t mind. We sure both could use it.”

“I don’t see that it can hurt anything,” the man said and eased closer. “My name’s Lee Haymes.”

“Joe Cartwright.” Joe slid to the ground.

Lee’s face instantly brightened. “Of the Ponderosa?”

“That’s right.” Joe ground tied Cochise and stepped to the well. He dropped the bucket in and a splash followed.

“You know,” Lee came over and they shook hands, “I’ve been planning, soon as I’m able, on buyin’ some breedin’ stock.”

Joe glanced at him as he turned the crank on the well and it filled the air with its squeaking.

“And I thought about buyin’ from the Ponderosa,” Lee went on. “I hear you’ve got some of the best in the territory.”

Joe set the bucket on the edge of the well and took down a battered metal dipper. “You hear right.” He dipped it into the water. “So when you get ready you come right ahead – we’re always willing to sell.” He started to drink and it was pure and cold and washed away some of the fatigue.

“I’ve only got a few head now but I want to better my herd.”

The voice was a deep, rich baritone and Joe flinched the moment he heard it. He stood motionless as it jumped him from behind. A child’s voice, maybe a boy, was mixed in with it. Lee Haymes was still talking but Joe didn’t really hear what he was saying.

He hadn’t done this in several days – heard things that he knew couldn’t be. But this sounded so much like Adam, more than the others. Still, he wouldn’t look – there was no sense in it, and he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t if it happened again. He became aware of a pressure on his arm and another voice coming at him.

“You all right, Mr. Cartwright? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

Joe looked into the concerned face of Lee Haymes. “Yeah, I just thought…” He emptied the dipper on the ground. “Ahhh, it’s nothin’. I guess I’m just a little tired. I’ve been…”

But then the other voice spoke again said something Joe couldn’t ignore – “I wish I could, buddy.”

Joe felt like he’d been run through. He spun around, dropping the dipper. A man and boy were standing at the end of the barn, the man’s back to him. He was tall and broad and long limbed. His hair was black with a penchant to curl, and his skin was dark. Joe wanted to see his face but he was afraid, he knew this wasn’t Adam. But he was built and sounded so much like him that it unnerved Joe unmercifully.

Joe couldn’t pull his eyes away, wanting him to turn around and not wanting him to. But then he did, and Joe’s breathing hitched in his chest as he staggered against Cochise, startling the horse. Logic and reasoning told Joe that this wasn’t possible, yet there he was.

“Who… Who is that?” Joe’s pointing finger trembled as he tried keeping his wits together.

“My hired man, but other ’n that I can’t say. My son calls him Stretch for reasons you can see.

The man and boy went into the barn, and Joe turned his full attention to Haymes. “You don’t know his real name?”

“No, and I’m not the only one. I found him about a mile from here near beat to death and half naked a month ago. I was comin’ from town with supplies when I happened onto him. I couldn’t just leave him so I loaded him into the back of the wagon and brought him home.” Lee winced at the memory. “For the first three days and nights me ’n Becky, that’s my wife, thought he was gonna die. But then he started to come around, and he didn’t have any notion who he was or where he come from.

“And he decided to stay here?”

“That was Becky’s idea. She couldn’t bear for me to turn a man out who didn’t have any place to go, and we did sorely need a hired man. I told him I couldn’t pay him much, but he said bed, board and beans was enough.” Lee grinned and shook his head. “And I tell you, he’s no stranger to hard work, that one.” He scowled. “But why do you wantta know so much about him?”

Joe gulped – his heart was beating so turbulently that it almost hurt. “Tell me, have you ever seen him without his shirt?”

“Now why on earth would you wantta know a thing like that?” Lee asked, his eyebrows climbing his forehead.

“Could you just answer the question?” Joe said impatiently.

“All right. Sure I have. Man works hard, gets hot, shirt naturally comes off. But why…”

“Have you ever noticed right about here,” Joe gestured to his right side just below his ribs, “a round white scar about as big as the end of your thumb?”

“How’d you know about that?”

Joe’s eyes pinched together. “Because I put it there.” He slowly looked at Haymes, anguish betraying itself in his face. “I almost killed him. I almost killed my own brother.”

~TWO~

Joe and Lee sat around the worn dining table in the main room of the house as Becky Haymes poured them each another cup of coffee.

She put the pot down and sat across from her husband. “And all this time you and your family thought he was dead.” Her long dark lashes batted furiously.

“Yeah, but then if this is your brother,” Lee leaned an elbow on the table, “then who did you bury?”

“I don’t know. He had my brother’s watch and wallet, was wearin’ his cloths and gun. And he was built and colored so much like him that without his face, pardon me, ma’am,” his green eyes darted apologetically to Mrs. Haymes, “we were fooled into thinkin’ it was him.”

“I’d say that the only reasonable thing to come to is that the man you found…”

“Is the one who beat and robbed my brother and left him for dead,” Joe finished. “And he would’ve been if not for you and your good wife.”

“We don’t turn anyone away, Mr. Cartwright – and especially not an injured man,” she said with conviction.

“So now what’re you gonna do?” Lee took a sip, scrutinizing Joe over the rim of his cup.

“Well, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to stay here.” Joe took a drag of his own coffee. “Maybe my being around him might stir up some memories.”

Becky’s soft brows knitted together. “You aren’t going to tell him?”

“No,” Joe said shaking his head. “I want him to remember on his own and not because he’s being told what to. I mean, if I tell him I won’t really know if it is coming back to him.”

“Makes good sense,” Lee said. “What if I told him you were doin’ a favor for me to repay a kindness? In case he finds out who you are. That is, if you don’t, I mean, if you don’t mind workin’ for me.”

“To be around my brother I’ll do whatever I need to do. And I can think of worse things than working for you,” Joe said with a grin.

“Mr. Cartwright, if you wouldn’t mind soothing a woman’s inquisitiveness, you said you gave your brother that scar. How did you do that?”

Joe’s left hand wadded tightly as his thoughts went back in time. An image came to his mind that he’d tried for years to kill.

“That’s all right, I don’t have to know.”

“No, I need to talk about it. First, you have to know that my mother was French Creole. She was killed when I was just a boy.”

The Haymes’ watched him closely.

“She left me a couple epées,” Joe went on. He could see that they had no idea what he was talking about. “That’s a long pointed sword used in fencing; and I considered myself quite a duelist. I used to play around with ‘em when Adam thought I should’ve been working.” He snorted and shook his head. “We had some pretty good go-rounds about it.”

“But couldn’t that be dangerous,” she asked fascinated and her freckled nose crinkled.

“Not really. You see, there’s a little metal knob on the end called a ‘button’ just so nobody will get hurt. But I didn’t know…” Joe’s voice evaporated.

“Oh, my,” Becky gasped and put her hand over her mouth.

Joe looked at her with a nod. “I’m still not sure how it happened – I caught my foot on something or slipped, but I pitched forward. I…” and he swallowed hard. “I felt it go into my brother. I’ll never forget the look on his face; more surprise than anything.” Joe’s breathing quickened, he didn’t want to go on but he knew he had to. “I pulled it out and got to him. I didn’t expect so much blood and I thought he was going to die in my arms. Then it got infected, and that’s why the scar’s so big, and he almost died of a fever.” He rubbed the heel of his hand between his eyes. “I never had any use for those epées after that. I put ‘em away in a trunk in my room and haven’t bothered ‘em since.” He took a swig of coffee to keep down what was coming up in his throat.

Just then seven-year-old Kip Haymes blustered in. “Who’s the strange horse…” but he hushed as his eyes lit on Joe.

Lee put his arm around the boy and pulled the child next to him. “Mr. Cartwright, this is our son Kip.”

“Howdayado, Kip.” Joe extended his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Kip grasped it and shook it like a man. “Nice to meet you too, sir.”

“Mr. Cartwright’s gonna be workin’ for us for a while,” Lee said as he stood.

“Why does he want to work for us if he’s a Cartwright?” Kip’s wide, leery eyes never left Joe.

Joe grinned. “Your pa did something for me once and this is how I’m payin’ him back.”

“I didn’t know you knew a Cartwright, Pa?”

“It’s a long story, son, and I’ll tell you about it someday. Right now I’m gonna show him where he’ll be stayin’ and introduce him to Stretch. I want you to stay here and help your ma.”

“Aw, Pa, can’t I come too?” Kip begged, his nose wrinkling.

“Not this time. Now you go ahead and do like I say,” and he gave the boy a push toward his mother.

“All right, Pa,” Kip used his most dejected tone without being disrespectful.

Joe thanked Mrs. Haymes for the coffee, took his hat from the table, and then went out with her husband. They went right to the barn and the closer they got the harder it became for Joe to hold himself together. His brother that was believed dead and buried on the Ponderosa was here, alive.

Again he didn’t really hear what Lee Haymes was saying to him. But he was most definitely aware when they stepped into the barn. The palms of his hands were sweaty, and his mouth had gone dry and swallowing was difficult at best.

Lee called his name, and the big man known as Stretch came over to them.

“Stretch, I’ve just taken on some help. This is Joe Cartwright.”

Intense hazel eyes met with Joe’s, and the fine mouth quirked into a friendly, toothy grin. “Joe,” he said as his hand shot out.

Joe was almost afraid to touch him for fear he would disappear. He gawked stupidly at the proffered hand then suddenly took it and pumped it solidly.

He had to fight the strong impulse to jerk Adam to him and hold him, feel him in his arms. But now was neither the time nor the place; his own brother didn’t know him and making a show of affection would be inappropriate at this stage and it was tearing Joe in two.

“You’ll be sleeping out here in the barn,” Lee said. “But I’ve only got one cot and I’m afraid Stretch’s already laid claim to it.”

“And I’ll fight anybody who tries to jump that claim” he said with an impish twinkle.

“It doesn’t matter. I can sleep anywhere, even on the floor.” Joe couldn’t tear his gaze from his brother’s face.

“Well, I think we can come up with somethin’ a little better than that,” Lee said.

“Uh, Joe,” Stretch started, “you can let go now.”

Joe jumped and apologetically released the cherished hand.

“I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow. Stretch can show you around and help you get settled.” Then Lee started back to the house.

“So, let’s take care of your horse first, and then we’ll find you a place to sleep.”

“Sure thing,” Joe said and contained a giggle as he followed his brother outside.

Joe’s eyes stayed on the long legs as they walked toward the little paint, and when they stopped he almost ran right square into Adam. He looked up into the face of annoyance and came close to choking on his own breath. He’d seen that look before and usually directed at him.

But then Adam’s attention was drawn to the horse, and Joe thought he saw something he couldn’t place streak through his brother’s eyes. Then he gave the animal a pat on the neck. Cochise brought his head around and nuzzled him in recognition, and Adam returned the favor with a scratch between the eyes. Joe couldn’t count how many times he’d seen Sport get that same affectionate scratch.

“Let’s get him bedded down for the night, and then we’ll get you taken care of,” broke into Joe’s reverie.

Joe took hold of the bridle without a word. If he said anything now it might lead to what it wasn’t time for.

Cochise, now unsaddled and settled into his very own stall, munched contentedly on oats. He wasn’t concerned with what was going on around him and gave it all the attention it deserved.

Joe helped Adam stack a hay bale on top of the first one next to the cot. They didn’t notice Kip peering around the big door, watching Joe suspiciously.

“So, Joe, what’re you doing down this way? Just passing through?” Stretch puffed.

“No, I live three days ride from here. I was on my way back there from Bantree.”

They scooted another bale next to the end of the stack.

“Well, if you’ve got your own spread,” Stretch swiped the back of his hand over his forehead, “then why’re you working here?”

“Lee did me a favor once, and I thought it was time I repaid it.” Joe crouched and took his end of the fourth bale.

“Musta been some favor.” Stretch grunted as he took the other end.

Joe’s throat tightened. “It was.”

They slammed their load down on top of the third bale then leaned bushed against them.

“There it is, such as it is,” Stretch said slapping his hand against it. “Not exactly a feather bed, but it’s better than the floor.”

“Don’t I know it.” Joe took his hat off and began fanning himself. “What about you? Lee didn’t tell me much.”

“Don’t know much to tell, except that if it weren’t for the Haymes I’d probably be dead now.” Stretch shrugged noncommittally.
“And that isn’t always a bad thing,” he went on pensively.

A chill ran through Joe – it was like sitting next to a stranger.

~THREE~

Joe sat on his makeshift bed as he watched his brother sleep. The soft lantern light spread a warm glow over the still form on the cot, casting shadows across his face. Adam’s chest evenly rose and fell and his heavy breathing made sweet music in Joe’s ears.

In all his years, Joe had never had a feeling like this. It was hard to explain except to say that it was the purest joy he’d ever known. For almost one month he and his family had thought this treasured life had been snuffed out by the cruel blast of a shotgun. Now, here he sat watching him deep in the slumber of exhaustion.

He took of his shirt and tossed it aside then blew out the light and lay back on the blanket that covered the hay so it wouldn’t scratch. Putting his arm between his head and the pillow, he looked out into the night. The big main door had been left partly open so fresh air could circulate.

Now Joe knew why he’d been hearing the things he had and why he’d been so compelled to come this way and stop here. Somehow, even though he hadn’t been aware of it, he was coming to find his brother. He didn’t understand it and probably never would, but something had brought him here to get Adam.

Tomorrow he’d ride back into Bantree and send a wire to Roy Coffee. He could trust Roy to tell Hoss and keep his secret and to make sure that Mike at the telegraph office kept quiet. It wasn’t time for Pa to know yet; he’d only want to come out here, and Joe knew he wasn’t up to it. And, anyway, he’d only get in the way of what Joe had to do – try to bring Adam back to them.

Joe turned onto his side, facing Adam, his arm still under his head. He could see the black shape of his brother in the scant light that filtered in from outside. Now maybe he could sleep without those awful dreams invading it and waking him in a cold sweat. Slowly, contentment wrapped its warm blanket around him and sealed his eyelids.

Two of the Cartwright brothers slept side-by-side as they hadn’t in a while. A distant rumble of thunder announced the soft rhythm of rain on the roof, but no one heard it.

Joe hadn’t been asleep long when a chilling scream cut through. He came straight up off the hay bales and landed on the hard-packed dirt floor with a grunt.

As he collected his wits and rose he could make out Adam thrashing about – he appeared to be fighting someone, and Joe had an idea who. His voice was angry and strained as it warded off his attacker. Another scream ran through Joe like a ramrod as he sat on the edge of the cot trying to get a hold of his brother’s flailing arms.

“Adam!” Joe bit his tongue and cursed under his breath. “Stretch! Stretch, wake up, you’re having a dream!”

But Adam continued to fight and pitch about in an effort to protect himself. Joe could feel the perspiration covering his brother’s skin as he gripped his arms. It appeared that Joe hadn’t been the only one having nightmares.

“I said back off!”

“Stretch, wake up,” Joe said firmly and gave him a hard shake. It did no good, and Adam’s resolve to fight only grew stronger making him even more difficult to handle. Joe hated what he was about to do, but he couldn’t think of any other way. Without hesitation, he slapped Adam dead across the face.

Joe felt him go slack and the struggling stopped. His rasping pants injured Joe as surely as a bullet would, and he wished he could hold him until it ceased. “Stretch, are you all right?”

A weak but still rich voice came through the darkness, “Joe, is that you?”

Joe felt like he’d been slapped himself. “I’m right here.” He got up and re-lit the lantern and came right back. He was surprised by the drawn face he was looking at. “Boy that was some heck of a bad dream you had.”

“They always are.”

Joe had been right – this wasn’t the first and it undoubtedly wouldn’t be the last. “You were thrashin’ around pretty good. What were you dreaming?”

“Nothing,” he said and blinked as he tried to focus against the light.

“I’m sorry,” Joe crooked a sardonic grin, “but nothing doesn’t raise you a foot in the air and drop you in the floor.”

“What I mean is – I never remember, just the results…. I pitched myself in the floor once…. And if they’re that bad… I don’t care to.” His voice was thin with fatigue and it was all he could do to hold his eyes open. “And I usually… go right back to…,” but his words faded, and Joe realized he was already asleep.

He reached out and pushed back the black wisp that had characteristically fallen over his brother’s sweaty forehead. Joe was also experiencing a new kind of pain, watching Adam relive the terrible thing that had happened to him and wondering if there was anything he could do about it. The one good thing was that, when he awoke, Adam didn’t remember what he’d dreamed and hopefully never would.

Joe stood and pulled the blanket from the foot of the cot over his brother and tucked it in around him. “Sleep tight, brother.” The muscles in his jaw tensed as he looked down at Adam. “I’ve gotta get you home to Pa.”

Joe stepped to the doorway and looked out into the wet night. The soft rain still fell but the lightning and thunder had abated. A fresh, clean smell scented the air and fought its way into the barn.

Leaning his hand on the door, he rubbed at a knot in his neck. Why did life get so complicated sometimes? What if Adam didn’t remember? There were no easy answers to this – but Joe had to figure it out. Adam was, after all, his brother.

*****

It was early the next morning right after breakfast when Joe lit out for Bantree. The rain had stopped but it was still plenty wet and soggy and overcast. Joe glanced at the sky and hoped he didn’t get caught in a downpour.

Along the way he had plenty of time to think and plenty to think about. He already knew what he was going to tell Roy, but there were a few others he wanted to tell. What would he say to them? “The truth,” he said to himself.

As decided, the first place Joe went when he got to town was the telegraph office, and then from there he went to the Banning house. He rode up to the front portico and tethered Cochise to a nearby bush. He hadn’t completely figured out how he was going to break this without putting everyone into total shock, but he felt it better they find out this way.

With a deep breath, he straightened his jacket and jerked his head to fix the bunched muscles in the back of his neck. It didn’t really help, but then he didn’t expect it to. “Here goes,” he muttered and rapped the brass knocker.

Almost immediately the door opened and a broad grin split Giles’ weathered face. “Joe, I sure didn’t expect to see you back here so soon. I thought you were on your way home.”

“I was,” Joe said as he stepped into the foyer. “But something’s come up. Is Siddon in his study?”

“He sure is. But, Joe…”

“I’ll go right there.” He rested a hand on Giles’ shoulder. “I want you to go round up Carolyn, Mrs. Cadence and Amelia and send them in. And you too.”

Giles was obviously puzzled by this request but agreed and went off. Joe headed down the hall for Siddon’s study, his pace quickening with each step. Removing his hat he knocked on the ornate door and was vigorously told to come in. Joe went in, leaving the door open.

“Joe,” Siddon said as he came up out of the wide desk chair, “what’re you doing here? I thought…”

“It’s a long story, Siddon, and I’ll tell you part of it when the ladies get here.”

“The ladies? Joe, what’s going on?” Siddon came toward him. “You look like the fox that got into the chicken house.”

But before another word came Carolyn and Amelia Banning and Mrs. Cadence were ushered in by Giles. Needless to say they were all very much surprised to see him.

“Close the door, Giles, and you stay.” Once Giles had done that Joe went on. “I’ve got something to tell all of you but first I think you’d better sit down.”

“Joseph, what is the meaning of this?” Mrs. Cadence demanded, resting her hands on her hips.

“I’ll tell you if everybody’ll just please sit down.”

Once everyone had taken a seat, with Siddon in his usual place on the corner of the desk, Joe went and crouched in front of Amelia. He took her hands gently in his and looked deep into her questioning eyes. “Adam’s alive,” he said softly. He watched as first astonishment, and then disbelief crossed her youthful face.

“What?” and “Are you sure?” bounced off the dark paneling in a flurry of voices.

“I found him working on a small ranch just past the left fork of the main road.”

“How’d he get there?” Siddon asked. “And why didn’t he let somebody know?”

“He’d been attacked and robbed,” Joe said as he looked around at him. “This man found him half beaten to death and took him home with him. He and his wife took care of him and now he’s living and working there.”

“But, Joe, I don’t understand why…” Siddon started.

“Because he doesn’t know who he is.”

“Amnesia,” Mrs. Cadence breathed.

“I’m afraid so,” Joe said as he glanced around at her. “He doesn’t know anything about himself or where he comes from.” He sighed, and Amelia’s hands quivered in his. “He didn’t even recognize me.”

“Oh, Joe,” came from Carolyn.

“What’ll you do now?” Siddon asked. “I don’t know much about amnesia, but I do know it’s nothing to play around with.”

“I’m gonna try to help him to remember, no matter how long it takes,” Joe said with determination. “He’s my brother and I can’t do any less.” He looked around at Amelia and saw the tears and the hint of a smile.

Then Amelia threw her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, “He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive.”

Joe’s arms tightened around her. “Yes, honey, he’s alive.”

Once Joe left the Bannings he headed back into town, he had two more people to tell. First he went into the lobby of the Sinclair hotel and found Tom Piedmont at the desk.

Tom gave him a funny look as Joe motioned him over. “What is it, Joe? I’m pretty busy.”

“Get somebody to take it and come with me. And don’t give me any backtalk, this is important.”

“If you say so,” Tom shrugged. Then he found someone to take over for him and went out with Joe.

They left the boardwalk and walked up the street until they came to The Wooden Nickel saloon and went straight inside. The main street of Bantree was nice and quiet until it was suddenly filled with one loud, Steven Balasco-sized war whoop.

*****

Roy Coffee was in a dither; he could hardly wait to get to the Cartwright house and find Hoss. He nudged the bay with his heels. “Come on, will you.”

Hoss Cartwright crossed the yard headed for the house; since Joe had been gone he’d hardly strayed from it since he didn’t like leaving Pa. After his brother had left, their father had sunken further into despair. And it certainly wasn’t that he didn’t trust Hop Sing alone with him. In fact, the little Chinese cook probably handled him better than anyone.

As he entered the porch he heard the clop of hooves behind him and someone calling his name. He turned to see the sheriff come past the barn, and it was obvious that he had something on his mind.

“Afternoon, Roy. What brings you out here?”

“I got a wire from Joe in Bantree,” Roy said as he got down and led his horse over to the big man. “I thought you oughtta see it.”

Hoss’ face hardened. “A wire from Joe? But he said he was on his way home. And he sent it to you and not me? Nothin’s wrong, is it?”

“You’d best read it for yourself,” Roy said as he took it from his shirt pocket and handed it to him.

Hoss scowled, his blue eyes flitting to Roy as he took it from its envelope and unfolded it. It read:

Sheriff Roy Coffee
Virginia City, Nevada

Have found Adam alive. Doesn’t know who he is. Trying to help him remember. Must keep secret from Pa. Tell Hoss dead man not our brother. Joe

Hoss couldn’t believe what he was reading, so he reread it and then read it again. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry so he did the next best thing. He gave a howl and threw his arms around Roy and lifted him off the ground in a massive bear hug.

“Doggone it, Hoss, put me down!” Roy huffed, gripping Hoss’ arms. “It ain’t gonna do no good if you squash me.”

“Ain’t that somethin’, Roy? Adam’s alive!” Hoss beamed his full face a portrait of sheer bliss.

“Yeah, well, you get any louder and Ben’s gonna know too.”

Hoss grimaced as he glanced toward the house’s top story. He thumped Roy down, and the sheriff reeled back, tugging at his rumpled vest. “Yeah, you’re right, Roy. But I wonder why Joe don’t want him to know Adam’s alive?”

“Well, maybe he thinks your pa ain’t up to it yet,” Roy let his gaze wander up. “I ain’t never seen Ben Cartwright like this.”

“Maybe, but I think it’s more ’n likely ‘cause Pa’d wantta go out there,” he followed Roy’s line of sight, “and if’n I know my pa, he’d be all for tellin’ Adam who he is.”

“Well, wouldn’t that be the best thing to do?”

He looked at Roy and his nose wrinkled. “I know some how my little brother thinks, mind you, only some. And I’m thinkin’ he wants Adam to figger it out for hisself. It ain’t the same to be told what to remember.”

“And he just may be right at that,” Roy said with a nod. “Leastways, like this, you’ll know Adam really is rememberin’.”

“Now, see, Roy,” Hoss said as he warmly put an arm around his shoulders. “I knew you’d come around to the Cartwright way o’ thinkin’. Now, there’s a fresh baked blackberry pie in the kitchen we can cut to celebrate. And I wantta tell Hop Sing the good news.”

“Now, Hoss, you know what Joe said. Do you think that’s such a good idea?”

“Don’t you worry none about ol’ Hop Sing. If’n I tell him not to say nothin’, you couldn’t drag it out of him with a twenty mule team.” He gave Roy a friendly smack against the chest.

“Well, then I think I oughtta tell Doc Martin. He won’t say nothin’ if I tell him not to.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Then they started for the house and Hoss’ soft voice wafted back, “Adam alive. Well, don’t that beat all.”

They went on inside and for several minutes things remained quiet, but then a gleeful squeal cut the silence followed by a steady stream of excited Chinese.

~FOUR~

Stretch stood in the stall currying the big dapple gray gelding Lee Haymes had given him to ride, but his mind really wasn’t on what he was doing. In the next stall Joe Cartwright was doing the same thing with his little paint and talking softly to the animal.

Something struck Stretch as familiar about the horse from the moment he’d seen it. And the more he watched Joe the more he felt he should know him too. But he couldn’t place what it was. Maybe the way he moved, the sound of his voice, or those emerald green eyes that he sometimes caught boring a hole through him.

Joe Cartwright watched him like a hawk, but the velvet eyes would dart away when he realized he was caught. For some reason he held a fascination for the kid, and he was puzzled as to why. If the boy knew him then why didn’t he just say so?

Stretch began brushing the horse in earnest but he soon got the sense of being scrutinized. He stopped and looked up – Joe was watching him, arms on the top of the stall divider with his chin resting on them. Stretch was more than a little vexed and his hands went to his hips. “What?”

“I was just thinking. I’ve been here for three days, and I know very little about you.”

The familiar eyebrow raised and Joe had to hang onto himself. He’d almost forgotten how much Adam looked like Pa when he did that.

“Well, then, that makes two of us.” Stretch went back to brushing the horse. “And you probably know more than I do.”

“You can’t remember anything?” Joe hoped he wasn’t making a mistake taking this route, but he couldn’t back out now.

“Now why do you wantta know? And why do you even care?” Stretch asked leaning forward against the gelding.

“I just think it’s a terrible thing not to know who you are, is all. I mean, if it was me…”

“Well, it’s not you,” Stretch snapped. He threw the brush down and stomped away.

Joe went after him and caught his shoulder from behind. Adam spun on him, arm raised with fist clenched tight, and Joe shrank back at his grim, threatening expression. Was his brother about to hit him or someone else?

Stretch paled and his features smoothed when he saw what he was about to do. “I’m… I’m sorry, Joe.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “You haven’t done anything to me. I’m sorry.” He didn’t know why he could conceivably want to hit Joe Cartwright and it disturbed him. There were a lot of things he didn’t have the answers to, and he wondered if he ever would. His head was beginning to throb.

Joe could see the pain shadowing the dark face, a thing he noticed about his brother a lot these days. And he guessed that it wasn’t always physical. “You need to sit down,” and he firmly steered Adam to the cot and eased him down onto it. “Wait right here.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Joe ran over to his gear and got his canteen, then hurried back to his brother and sat next to him. “Here,” he said as he handed it to him. “Maybe this’ll help.” Joe never looked away from him as he took a swig of water. He wished he could do more to make easier what Adam was going through but he didn’t know that much about what was wrong.

Adam massaged his right temple then took another drink and leaned forward on his knees.

Without much thought Joe began rubbing his brother’s back in circles like their father always had to comfort his children. “Is that better?”

Stretch nodded wearily.

“You know if there’s anything I can do to help or you just need somebody to talk to you only have to ask. I’m always ready to listen.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Stretch said with an ironic smile and patted him on the leg.

Joe felt like a hand had closed around his heart. He wanted to hug Adam hard enough to crack his ribs.

Suddenly, Kip burst in and rushed over to them. “Hey! What’d you do to Stretch?” he blurted as his small hands bunched into fists.

“It’s all right, Kip, Joe’s just being a friend. And we need all of those we can get.” Stretch took another jolt from the canteen.

Joe recognized that Kip was jealous of him being with Stretch so much. Until he’d come it had only been the two of them, now Kip had to share his friend. Joe grinned crookedly – he’d once been jealous of Ross Marquette for the same reason.

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Joe shot a fleeting look in his brother’s direction that didn’t go unseen. “After we get our chores done, the three of us oughtta go down to the stream and see if we can catch some fish for supper.”

They couldn’t miss the boy’s face light up at the mention of going fishing.

“You know, Joe, that’s not a half bad idea,” Stretch said on a wink.

“Well, I’ll have you know that I do get ‘em from time to time,” Joe said with mock offense.

“And my ma fries the best fish in the territory,” Kip gasped with excitement, his jealousy apparently put on the back burner for the time being. “I’m gonna go ask Pa right now.”

The boy ran back out as the brothers watched.

A pair of roguish hazel eyes rolled in Joe’s direction. “And you can clean them. I mean, it was your idea.”

Joe was so happy that he would’ve been willing to clean every fish between there and Sacramento. He broke out with the giggles and they were quickly joined by a hearty laugh as the two of them sat on the cot. Adam put his arm around Joe and pulled him next to him, and the laughter continued. Joe was with his big brother again.

*****

Hoss could still hear Hop Sing’s shriek of delight as Chubb clopped along the dirt trail not even wide enough for a buggy and bordered to one side by massive aged pines. It wound its way up toward a steep bluff that overlooked the Ponderosa.

A golden eagle soared and dipped, its wings outstretched with only the tips moving for control, as it rode the thermals overhead. Hoss almost envied birds their freedom and sometimes wished he were as unbound.

The path went through rocks and snags as the big Morgan gingerly picked his way. Hoss had chosen this location because it was so difficult to get to. He’d been coming here nearly every day for almost three weeks until the episode at the grave site when Pa had struck Joe. After that, Pa had descended into an even deeper depression, and Hoss hadn’t been comfortable being away from him for long. Now this would probably be the last time – it wasn’t necessary anymore.

The black finally left the pathway and came up on top of the grassy bluff. It was pretty much bare except for five trees clustered to one side.

Hoss dismounted and ground tied him as he walked over to a large post. It was about two feet around by seven foot tall and tapered toward the top. The bark had been removed and the surface rubbed smooth and the front looking outward had been planed flat.

Hoss looked at the words carved deeply into it: Adam Stoddard Cartwright Son, Brother, Friend 1830-

Even after he’d completed it Hoss had never been able to bring himself to put in the year his brother died – every time he tried his hands shook. Now he knew why. He rubbed his fingers across the lettering.

His eyes began to burn. “Bring him home, little brother,” he murmured. “Bring him home to Pa.”

He would leave the monument, and when the time came someone could fill in the proper date. But for now his brother was still very much alive, and he prayed he would be for many years to come.

With one last look at his tribute, he turned and went back to Chubb. Easing into the saddle, he looked at the vistas around him; here one could see for miles. But then that was the object of putting the memorial here. He wanted it looking out over the beauty his brother loved.

With a gentle prod and a tug of the reins Chubb started back down. There were two things Hoss wanted to do when he got home: talk to Ned Beech and have some biscuits.

*****

Kip sat on the bank of the stream, Adam and Joe on either side of him; each with a fishing pole. Sleeves and britches legs were rolled up and feet were bare on all three. The boy’s light coloring really stood out between the darker brothers.

A dragon fly skimmed the lazy late afternoon air and tree tops were filled with birdsong. A light summer wind rustled in the leaves overhead and mingled with the gentle swish of the current.

At the edge of the water by Stretch was a small string of five fish, and he was adding another one. “That’s makes six. I think two or three more ought to do it.”

“Joe,” Kip wiggled his toes in the grass, “what’s it like on the Ponderosa?”

Joe’s eyes flicked briefly to Adam; here was an opportunity to maybe wake up some memories in him. “Well, Kip, part of it’s not much different from what you’ve got here, just more of it. There are the Sierra Nevada Mountains and on one side it’s rimmed by Lake Tahoe. Have you ever seen it?”

“Uh-uh. I’ve never been away from here except to go to Bantree with Pa, and sometimes Ma goes with us.”

“It’s one of the most beautiful places you’ll ever see,” Joe sneaked another peak at his brother. “It’s all so blue. And sometimes late in the day or early in the morning…”Joe let his thoughts wander, “it’s hard to tell where the water ends and the sky starts. The mountains turn a soft gray and just sorta disappear.”

“And have you got a lotta cows?” Kip asked, eyes shining.

“We’ve got a lotta cows,” Joe said, pulled from his daydream. “And we’ve got a saw mill and a grain mill. And a house that, well…”

“Tell me about it. I hear it’s big.”

“It’s big.” Joe had only been a boy at the time, but he could still remember his brother working feverishly on the plans for it. One corner of his mouth curved slightly.

Stretch sat motionless, silently staring at the water as Joe went on describing his home. It was like something in the back of his mind was trying to come through but couldn’t’ quite make it. He could almost see what Joe was telling Kip but not really. Suddenly, Kip’s excited voice broke through his solitude.

“You got one! You finally got one! Wow, it’s Old Bo! Nobody’s ever been able to catch him!”

Stretch looked around. Joe was standing on the bank struggling with the biggest fish he’d seen around there.

“Hang onto him, Joe! Hang onto him!” Stretch yelled as he leapt to his feet.

But at that moment Joe’s foot slid, and he went into the water, pole and all. Stretch dashed around Kip, who had forgotten about his own pole. “Keep his head up, Joe!”

As if on command, Joe’s head popped up.

“The fish, not yours!” Stretch stormed almost irritated. He came down the bank just as Joe stood up, the fish wriggling from the line at the end of his hand.

Joe’s hair was wet down on his face, and his clothes clung to him, but he was proud of himself. “I got him,” he said breathlessly.
“I got Old Bo.”

Stretch sat back hard on the bank and leaned his arms on his knees. “I’m not so sure about that. It looks more like he got you.”

Sopping wet, Joe started to laugh. Kip was already doubled up on the ground but Stretch only shook his head and watched Joe drip.

~FIVE~

“Then Joe went in,” Stretch was saying, “and I knew I was going to have to fish them both out.”

Joe just groaned and ducked his head.

“You should’ve seen it, Pa,” Kip could hardly talk for giggling. “He was so wet, and Old Bo was trying to get away.”

“But we had a good day, and they and Old Bo turned into a mighty fine meal.”

“Why thank you, Stretch,” Becky said as she took her and her son’s empty plates, and the men came to their feet as she rose.

“Yes, ma’am,” Joe started, happily rubbing his stomach, “Kip wasn’t stretchin’ the truth when he said you fried the best fish in the territory. And I’m not either when I say I’ve never eat better.” He shot a good-natured look at Kip, and the boy grinned furtively. “It was well worth the dunkin’.”

“Didn’t I tell you, that’s the main reason I’m glad I wound up here?” Stretch gave Lee a clever wink.

“It always means a lot to a woman to hear that somebody likes her cooking.” She picked up another plate and stacked on the first two.

“I’ve always known she was a good cook,” Lee puffed. “It’s one of the reasons I married her.” He put his arm around her slim waist and kissed her hard on the cheek.

Kip put his hand up to muffle a snicker.

Becky blushed. “Lee Haymes, not in front of company, and your son is sitting right there,” she scolded, her blue eyes flashing in mock ire as the suggestion of a smile danced over her lips. She wrenched away from him and went into the cooking alcove.

“Why don’t we go on out to the porch and see if we can settle this fine supper with some fresh air?” Lee asked as he snapped his suspenders. “And I could use a pipe.”

Stretch and Joe agreed heartily.

“Kip,” Lee mussed his son’s hair, “I want you to help your ma with the dishes.”

“Aw, Pa, that woman’s work. Can’t I come with you, Stretch and Joe?”

“You know, son, I gettin’ mighty tried of all these ‘Aw, Pa’s’. Now do as you’re told.”

The boy dropped his head in dejection and mumbled a polite, “Yes, sir.”

After Lee retrieved his pipe and tobacco pouch from the chest by the front door the men went outside, full and satisfied.

The evening sun hung low in the sky back of the barn. Aromas of fried fish, coffee, cornbread and wild greens still floated on the air. A light gust played with the trees and ruffled hair as three pairs of content eyes took in their surroundings.

“This is a fine place you’ve got here, Lee,” Joe said with an approving nod. “And some day I think you’ll build it into a fine spread. You’ve already got off to a good start.” He glanced back at the house.

“Yeah,” Lee said as he opened the pouch and began filling his pipe, “I sure couldn’t’ve got this far without my Becky, and Kip’s been a real big help too.” He tamped the tobacco into its bowl with his thumb.

“Well, I tell you right now,” Stretch started, “it’s been awfully good to me. A man without a name or a place is like a ship in a storm without a port. And this is a good port.” He went sullen. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a few things in the barn that need taking care of.” And he headed for the steps.

“I’ll be right there.”

Stretch waved over his shoulder but kept right on going. The minute he disappeared inside the barn Joe’s sunny disposition quickly dissolved.

“Things not goin’ so good?” Lee asked as he clamped the pipe in his teeth.

Joe shook his head and hung his thumbs in his belt. “I don’t know. I hoped he might start remembering down at the stream today. I could see he was thinking hard about something.”

“What were you talkin’ about?”

“Kip asked me about the Ponderosa. I described Lake Tahoe. That’s always been one of Adam’s favorite places.” Joe’s mood lagged as the hopelessness of the thing crowded in on him. “And then that boy of yours asked about the house. And I figured that’d be the one thing he would remember, seein’ as how he helped build it and all.” He just shook his head and glanced at his feet, his mind trying to hold back what he feared – that his brother wouldn’t remember.

“But nothin’ came back.” Lee drew on the pipe as he touched a lit match to the tobacco.

“If it did he hasn’t said anything to me about it, but then Adam’s always been kinda closed mouthed. He’s not one to talk about what’s bothering him. Gettin’ something out of him is kinda like pulling teeth. Ah, well,” and he shrugged. “There’s always tomorrow. Well, I guess I’d best get out there and see if he needs help with anything. If he does and I don’t I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Joe thanked Lee again for his help and started off for the barn. As he went his spirits began to lighten. It had only been three days since he’d gotten there, so he shouldn’t expect too much so soon.

He looked up as he stepped inside and a shaft of cold cut through him. Adam was in the stall with Cochise. He was gently stroking the horse’s spotted coat and talking quietly to him. And the animal was responding to the tender touch and warm familiar voice. Joe couldn’t make out what he was saying, but the soft, low baritone brought thoughts of his childhood when it had comforted him in much the same way.

Joe wanted to go to him and put his arms around him. He wanted to hold him like he never had and know in his heart that everything was all right. But right now he couldn’t do that, and it was killing him by inches.

*****

Hoss was just finishing his supper when a sturdy knock came at the front door. He was getting up when Hop Sing came out of the kitchen. “I’ll git it, Hop Sing.”

He trudged to the entry and opened the door – it as Chris McCutcheon. “You wanted me to let you know when Ned Beech got back. Well, he just rode in. He’s in the barn.”

“All right, Chris. You come with me. I wantta have a little talk with him.”

When Hoss and Chris came into the barn, Ned was taking a hackamore down from its peg on the wall. He whirled at the sound of his name. “Oh, Hoss, it’s you,” he said with a tense chortle. “You scared the wits outta me.”

Hoss knew right off that something wasn’t exactly right. As long as he’d worked there Ned Beech had never called him anything but Mr. Cartwright; said it wasn’t seemly what with him being the boss and all. He’d also noticed that Ned had gotten a bit jittery. At first he’d just thought it was because of what had happened, but not now.

Chris stayed by the door while Hoss went to him. “Ned, I’ve been wantin’ to talk to you about Adam’s horse.”

“Ad… Adam’s horse?”

“You said you found him at the line shack up by Gobbler’s Ridge.”

“That’s right.” Ned’s eyes darted uneasily from Hoss to Chris and back to Hoss. “Somebody’d left him up there with his gear. I told you that.”

“Yeah, you sure did. And didn’t you say somebody’d been in the shack?” Hoss hovered around him menacingly.

“That’s right. Say, what’s this all about? I thought you believed me.”

“I did, till two things happened,” Hoss rumbled.

“Two things?” Ned started backing up until the wall stopped him. “What two things?”

“You just lied to me – you never said nobody went inside.” Hoss continued to close in on Ned. “And secondly,” he gave a long pause, “Joe found our brother Adam alive.”

Chris reacted like he’d been busted in the face. “Alive? Adam’s alive?” he burst out as he shoved himself away from the doorjamb.

“That’s right, Chris. Alive and well, though he don’t know who he is right yet.” Hoss drove his fists against the wall on either side of Ned’s head and left them there. “Now, you wantta tell us who got killed? And who done it, if’n you got any ideas along those lines.”

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” he stammered. “I told you I found the horse at…”

“Ned,” and Hoss hit the wall again for emphasis, “I ain’t in no mood to be lied to again. Now who’d you kill?”

“I had to I…” Ned’s words cut off with the realization that he’d said too much.

“That’s what I thought,” Hoss said frostily.

But before Hoss could say or do anything else, Ned ducked under his arm and bolted for the door.

Chris stepped in front of him and came around with a roundhouse punch to the belly. Ned doubled over as his breath whooshed out, and he was finished off with a cross to the chin. Chris had never enjoyed hitting anyone more than he did Ned Beech. For nearly a month he’d let them believe that Adam was the one they’d found like that. He’d watched them grieve and said nothing. And Chris wanted to pound him into the ground like a fence post.

As he moved in Hoss placed a hand against his chest and stopped him. “That’s enough, Chris. He still ain’t told us who he used that shotgun on.”

Hoss grabbed Ned by the lapels of his vest and jerked him to his feet. Chris stayed close, just in case.

“All right,” Hoss said through gritted teeth, “you’re gonna tell me who’s buried under my brother’s name.” And he gave him a shake. “Ain’t you?”

Fear flicked in Ned’s eyes. “Vince Decker, his name was Vince Decker,” he wheezed. “And he was mean clean through.”

“That still don’t tell us why you killed him.” Hoss’ knuckles were turning white. “Or why you let us go on thinkin’ he was Adam. Well, you’re gonna tell me ‘n ol’ Chris here right now or I’m gonna thump on you till you cain’t see straight.”

“Then it’s my turn,” Chris snarled, fingering the stock of his pistol.

“I knew him down in Arizona. I was just driftin’ around then, and I made the bad mistake o’ takin’ up with him in Tucson.” Ned gulped. “One day him and two others robbed the bank there and killed a teller. I was standin’ with the horses when they come runnin’ out. Folks thought I was part of it, and I had to light out with ‘em.”

“Are you tellin’ us you didn’t know what they was gonna do?” Hoss asked incredulously.

“I know it was just plain dumb and stupid, but that’s how it was.”

Chris’ nose wrinkled with distaste. “You surely think we’re dumb and stupid to believe that.”

“No, no, that’s how it happened.” He shook his head. “And I got away from him soon as I could. Then I wound up here and thought he’d forgot about me.”

“Till he showed up here,” Hoss said moving closer to him. “And what’d he want? Money?”

“He found out about me workin’ on the Ponderosa, and he wanted me to help him rob the high-and-mighty Cartwrights. Said he wouldn’t tell nobody about Tucson if I did. And that’s when…” Ned glanced at his feet. “I knew that horse right off and the clothes. I asked him where he got ‘em. He said he waylaid a feller comin’ outta Bantree – robbed him, took everything, then pistol whipped him to death with his own gun. He was even laughin’ about how the feller put up a good fight, but it didn’t do him no good. That’s the way Vince was, he liked to shame ‘em before he killed ‘em.”

Chris’ face had turned beet red, and a nearly blind man couldn’t have missed the rage in Hoss’ expression.

“And I knew it was Adam,” Ned went on. “I said I’d meet him out in the North pasture. So when he come I was waitin’ back in that stand o’ pines with a double-barrel. He got down and was comin’ toward me when I cut loose.” Ned sulked into silence.

“Go on,” Hoss said giving him a jerk. “I know you ain’t done yet.”

“When I was gettin’ ready to bury him I saw how, without his face and wearin’ them clothes he coulda been took for Adam – same color, same size. So when…”

“So when we found him and thought he was Adam,” Hoss sneered, “you decided not to say nothin’. It was safer to just let us think it was. ‘Cause you had no reason to kill a Cartwright and nobody’d ever think you done it. And that’s why you stayed on. ‘Cause if’n you’d just up ‘n rode out folks woulda started thinkin’ maybe you did do it.”

Chris’ hand clenched over his pistol.

“I’m real sorry about that, but I thought your brother was already dead so I figgered…” Ned’s head dropped.

“Well, it don’t matter now,” Hoss said and shoved him toward Chris, “’cause me ‘n Chris are gonna take you in to Sheriff Coffee, and we’ll just see what he thinks.”

“Come on, Beech,” Chris said, yanking him around. “You know, I never much liked you anyhow. Now I know why.” He gave Hoss a dry grin then went out with his prisoner.

Hoss heard Chris say – “So Adam’s alive. Well, whadaya know.” With a flash of amusement he went out.

*****

Ben had long since given up trying to figure out why his life had gone so horrendously wrong. One son was dead and he’d driven another away.

He never left Adam’s room anymore except to occasionally slip into Joe’s. Food had become scarcer and scarcer until his clothes were loose on the once hearty frame. He’d heard Hoss telling Hop Sing out in the hall the other day that he was killing himself, but he didn’t care. His family was all but gone and, as far as he was concerned, his life was already over. Death would simply be the period at the end of the sentence.

Sitting in the blue chair by Adam’s bed with the guitar in his lap, he plucked at the strings. Tears flooded the hollow eyes and ran down gaunt cheeks past wan lips. He enfolded his arms around the instrument and hugged it to him; wishing he could hear his son play it just one more time. Would this agony ever stop? Would he ever stop seeing Adam in the back of that wagon with his face wiped out? Would he ever stop seeing Joe’s wounded green eyes after he’d struck his son in the face?

His eyelids pressed together and a ragged breath ran through him. He leaned his head back against the chair and looked at the ceiling. “Please make it stop.”

~SIX~

Joe didn’t know what time it was when he awoke. The barn was chilly and someone had brought the blanket over him. He blinked and looked over at the cot but couldn’t tell if Adam was there. Sitting up, he turned his attention to the doorway and saw that a tall, broad-shouldered figure stood, Joe thought, looking out.

Quietly, Joe got up, the cool straw sticking to the bottoms of his bare feet as he padded softly over to his brother. “Another bad dream?” The question came as a loud whisper in the stillness.

“I haven’t been to sleep. And the longer I lay there the wider awake I got.” He took a heavy draught of the night air and rubbed the back of his neck.

Joe rested his hand on his brother’s back; even in the coolness he was sweaty. “Are you all right? Every night it’s been that nightmare, now this.” Joe’s hand moved to Adam’s shoulder and squeezed. “I told you the other day that if you ever needed to talk I was ready to listen.”

“I know, Joe, and I appreciate it. I just can’t understand why you’ve taken such an interest in me.”

“Because I like you,” Joe almost strangled on the words. “I like to think we’re,” Joe hesitated, “friends and sometimes we all need somebody.”

“I know, but I’m a complete stranger, and you don’t know me from Adam.” He went silent and stood stone still.

Joe could feel Adam’s body tense.

To hear his brother say his own name without knowing it gave Joe a jolt. Now he’d have to watch himself or he’d do the same. Not another word came from the doorway, and one could have heard a feather drop. He could almost hear Adam thinking. “You okay?”

“Yeah, Joe, I’m all…” the deep mellow voice trailed off again. He abruptly spun and rested his hands on either side of Joe’s neck. “That’s enough about me,” he said suddenly chipper. “I think we’d better get to bed. Or have you forgotten that we’ve got fence line to mend out in Pepper’s Meadow tomorrow?”

Joe groaned, and Stretch would’ve given money to be able to see his face. He steered Joe back to bed. They lay down almost simultaneously, and Stretch put his arm behind his head. He couldn’t get over the nagging feeling that he should know Joe from someplace, but he had no idea where, or even if he did. Maybe he’d figure it out some day, but right now he had to get some sleep. The fence line waited, and now he wanted to groan.

*****

Both brothers had shed their shirts in the late morning sun. They were well muscled and work tanned but Adam was naturally darker. His heavy black hair stood out in contrast to Joe’s soft brown curls. And while Joe was shorter with more even proportions, the word to best describe Adam was ‘long’; long fingers, long arms, and long legs.

Joe was grateful it was a rail fence and not barbed wire, he hated that gosh awful stuff – it bit. He hefted his end of the pole into place while his brother did the same with the other end. They leaned forward resting their arms on it, gloved hands crossed in front of them, puffing. The Cartwright stance was unmistakable, and sometimes they did look like brothers.

“You know,” Joe shot his brother a distasteful look, “after all these years I’ve finally come to the notion that ranch work stinks.” He pushed his hat back on his head.

Stretch wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. “I’ve gotta go along with you there, especially on a day like this.” He glanced at the sun and squinted.

“Or in the middle of December with snow blowin’ and bitin’ your face.”

Stretch winced. “Now there’s something I wish I could forget,” and he snickered.

Joe went to Cochise and came back with his canteen. He unstopped it and took a good swig then reached it to Adam.

“Don’t mind if I do.” He took it and was taking a drink when the drumming of hooves made them look around.

It was Lee Haymes, and he was in a hurry. He reined up in front of them and obviously wasn’t happy about something.

“What is it, Lee?” Stretch tugged the brown hat Lee had given him down in front.

“Ah, those durn mangy cows got out again.”

Stretch grimaced and moaned. “That’s the fifth time in a month. And I can’t figure out how they’re doing it.”

“Me either,” Lee said with a disgusted sneer. “But it sure burns me up. Sometimes I’m half a mind to take a rifle to that rangy bull. I know he’s the one that’s leadin’ the others outta there.”

“Well, I guess we ought to go put ‘em back.” Stretch turned to Joe, removing his gloves. “You watch yourself around that bull, Joe,” he warned as he took his shirt from the ground, gave it a shake, then started putting it on. “He’s got a foul temper and if he can hook you with a horn, the more’s the better.”

Joe was doing the same with his shirt. “I think I’ve handled a few of those in my day,” Joe said confidently with a haughty grin. “Don’t you worry about me.” He caught himself about to say ‘brother’.

“Just the same, you be careful,” Stretch said as he put his foot in the stirrup and moved gracefully into the saddle.

“Oh, don’t be such an old mother hen,” Joe chuckled. It was good to have Adam worrying over him again. Before he’d resented it but now he took it as a valued gift. In one smooth motion he was mounted. “Now what say we go put those beeves back where they belong?”

With a unanimous agreement, they headed off in a thunder of hooves.

When they rode into Curry Bottom the cows were contentedly munching grass and sweet clover. The bull, standing at the center of the small herd, eyed them warily. His long horns curved out from the sides of his head, dipped in slightly, and then out at the tips into stiletto-like points. His rusty-brown coat was filmed with dust, and his dark gaze stayed focused on the riders.

After stopping briefly for instructions from Lee, they split up. He went straight down the middle while Stretch cut around to the right – Joe to the left.

Shouting and whooping and slapping lariats against saddles the men closed in on the cattle. The animals began to mill then move, but the bull stood his ground and gave a snort.

The cows went willingly, more than happy to be driven home. Lee headed them out with Stretch not far behind him.

Through experience it had been learned to drive the cows, and the bull usually followed his herd. But today he wasn’t in the mood to be co-operative. He jerked his head and snorted as he pawed the ground. Joe gave him a last cautious look then followed several feet behind his brother.

Everything was going smoothly until, for some reason, the bull zeroed in on the little paint. Joe didn’t see it charge as he brought Cochise around, but Stretch, who had glanced back to check on Joe, did and his blood went to ice.

“Joe! Behind you! Look out!” and Stretch turned his horse and kicked him into a run.

Joe looked to his right and caught sight of the bull edging closer. He jerked the reins but before Cochise could turn a horn hooked under the saddle’s right fender. With a toss of its head, Joe’s leg was thrown up and out, almost unseating him. Cochise squealed and bolted forward as the bull’s horn grazed his side just barely bringing blood. Joe hung onto the saddle horn and his horse’s mane but he could feel himself slipping. He knew he was going to fall so he kicked his left foot free of the stirrup.

His teeth rattled as he landed hard on his side. Sharp pain ran through his shoulder and hip as he hit in some rocks. Gasping against the hurt, he rolled onto his back. He had to get up or lay there and maybe get gored, but as he looked around his heart nearly stopped – the bull was running toward him, head down and horns ready. He reached down for his gun, and it dawned on him that he’d left it back at the barn.

Joe feared he was a dead man. With one last effort to get out of the way he braced himself for the impact, of flesh being torn and bones shattered. But then the legs of the big dapple appeared between him and eleven-hundred pounds of rampaging death. A rifle cracked, and the bull decided that maybe it was a good idea to be elsewhere.

He was just getting his wits back under control when a dark, anxious face hovered over him.

“You all right, brother?” Stretch asked and helped him as he staggered to his feet.

“Yeah,” Joe wheezed, “I’m all right. Just a little…” But then his eyes rose – wide and hopeful. “What did you call me?” He couldn’t miss his brother’s perplexed look.

The black brows knitted down. Stretch’s mind began to rush around inside his head like a train. What had he called him? Then it started to come and he couldn’t stop it – he didn’t want to. “I know who you are.”

Joe was breathing so fast he thought it would suffocate him. His heart skittered in his chest and he could hardly stand still. Anticipation was growing by the second and threatened to run away with him.

“Joseph…” Stretch tipped his head to one side with an ornery grin, “Frances Cartwright – my little brother.” His fingers dug into Joe’s arms. “I’m a Cartwright. I am a Cartwright.”

Joe didn’t try to hide his boundless delight. He reached out and took Adam’s face in his hands. “You better believe you’re a Cartwright,” he beamed giving Adam a shake. Then he tilted his head back and shouted to the sky, “He’s a Cartwright!”

With a howl and forgetting about the pain in his own body Joe leapt onto his brother, and they hit the ground. He was laughing so hard that neither of them noticed Lee rein in and leap from his saddle.

“Hey, are you two all right?”

Joe looked up at him, his arm around Adam’s neck and a joyous grin plastered all over his face. “He’s a Cartwright!”

*****

Supper was just finished when Joe leaned back in his chair and made his announcement. “Me and Adam’ll be headin’ out before it gets dark,” he said, his eyes going from mother to son. “We’ll stay in town tonight and start on from there early in the morning. It’s long past time he got back to the Ponderosa.”

Kip’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Who’s Adam?”

Adam looked at him straight, dreading this. A bond had formed between him and Kip, and he figured this was going to hurt the boy as much as it was him. “I am. That’s my real name, and Joe’s my brother.” He put his hand on his little brother’s shoulder and squeezed. “I’ve been away for a while, and it’s time for me to go home.”

Kip’s expression crumpled. “You mean you’re not gonna stay here with us?” his voice was thick with disappointment. “You’re just gonna leave?”

“Stretch has a place of his own and a pa,” Lee said gently.

“His name’s not Stretch!” Kip cried and ran out.

“Kip!” Lee sighed and started to get up.

“Let me do it,” Adam said softly. “Seeing as how I’m the reason for it, and I know how he feels.”

Lee nodded, and Adam got up from the table and went outside. He found Kip in the barn, sitting on the edge of the cot crying, though trying hard not to. Adam sat next to him. “You know this doesn’t mean I can’t come back. From what Joe told me, I come up here quite a bit on business and to see friends.”

Unwilling to be placated, the boy turned his back to Adam.

“Kip, look at me.” But when he didn’t Adam turned him to him. “No matter how far away I am we’ll always be friends, nothing can ever change that. But I’ve got a family and a home that I have to go to.”

“But you don’t have to,” Kip said desperately as he sniffled and scrubbed at his nose. “You can stay here. I know Ma and Pa want you to stay. I want you to stay.”

“I can’t. Think about it; what if you didn’t know who you were, where you came from, or where you belonged? Not even your own name. And then one day it all started coming back.” He rested his hand on the child’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t you want to find out all you could?”

Kip shook his head. “I’d want to stay with my friend.”

“No, I think you’d want to know about your family.” He could see he was having trouble getting through. “I tell you what, some day how about you and your pa and ma come visit me at the Ponderosa. Would you like that?”

“The Ponderosa?” the boy asked in disbelief. “You really mean it?”

“I mean it.”

Kips eyes glittered. “Would I ever. Could I ride a horse?”

“Of course you could. I’m sure we’ve got plenty. And maybe you could even stay for a while if your folks said it was all right.”

The boy threw his arms around him and put his head against Adam’s chest. “I love you, Stretch.” Kip looked into the dark hazel eyes, a little embarrassed. “I mean Adam.”

“I love you too, buddy. And you can still call me Stretch,” Adam said and tousled the wispy hair, feeling a tug at his own heart. “Now let’s go back into the house so your ma and pa don’t think we’re still upset, okay?”

Kip agreed wholeheartedly. Then, with Adam’s arm around him they started for the door.

The boy looked admiringly up at him. “Are you really and truly a Cartwright?”

“I really and truly am,” Adam said, hiding his amusement.

“Wow,” Kip said with awe as they walked out.

~SEVEN~

It was about an hour after supper when the brothers came out of the barn with their mounts saddled and ready to go. Cochise’s side, though not too badly scratched, had been tended to. Lee was letting Adam take the big dapple, but it was promised that he’d get him back along with his gear.

Kip stood next to his mother, and it was apparent that his heart was breaking, even though he was acting like a grownup.

Adam and Joe shook hands with Lee and thanked him for all he’d done.

“And when you get ready for that breedin’ stock, you just come on to the Ponderosa and we’ll set you up,” Joe said.

“When I get enough money together, I’ll do just that.”

“As far as that goes, it’s already paid for, so you come any time,” Joe said seriously.

Lee’s brow furrowed, and he glanced at Adam, who grinned knowingly. “Thanks, but I don’t take charity.”

“It’s not charity. If it wasn’t for you and your wife Adam would be dead. And I’d say my brother’s life is well payment enough. In fact, we owe you more. So when you want that stock all you have to do is come and get it. We’ll even help you drive it home.”

Lee’s mouth hung open with disbelief. He looked at them directly and could see that they weren’t kidding. “You mean that?”

“We mean that,” Adam said with a grin.

“I guess it’d be impolite to turn you down, wouldn’t it?”

“It sure would,” Joe said, giving his arm a friendly slap.

Adam moved down to Becky and Kip. Her cheeks were wet, and she didn’t try to hide the fact that she was going to miss him. She took a small cloth bundle from her apron pocket and handed it to him. “It’s biscuits with butter and honey. I know it’s not a real long ride, but a man gets hungry, and he should have something to eat.”

He thanked her, but it wasn’t enough. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him as if he were family. “You both be careful. It’ll be getting dark before long,” she said with a glance at Joe. “If you get hurt I won’t be there to patch you up.”

“We will,” Joe assured her and rubbed the cut on the side of his head. “And we’ll take care of the biscuits right enough too, ma’am.”

Adam stooped in front of Kip. “What did I say about us being friends?”

“That no matter where you are we always will be and that nothin’ can ever change that.”

“That’s right. Good friends don’t forget each other just because they’re apart. Now, put it there, friend.” Adam reached out to him.

Kip did the same and Adam pumped the small hand once then pulled the boy to him and hugged him tight. Kip held on like he never intended to let go.

Adam stood; it was grieving him more to leave the boy than he was letting on and went to the gray. Joe already sat aboard Cochise waiting for him. Adam swung into the saddle. He knew that an important chapter in his life was here. His eyes connected with the sad ones that were so much like his mother’s and tipped his hat. Then he and Joe turned their mounts and started out of the yard. They exchanged waves with the Haymes’, then kicked their horses into a gallop and headed up the road for Bantree.

Lee and Becky went into the house, but Kip stood on the porch until Adam was gone from sight. He let the tears go and run down his cheeks. “Good-bye, Stretch,” he murmured and then ran into the barn.

Becky was right about it not being a lengthy ride to Bantree, but after a long, hard work day it felt like it.

It was bordering on getting dark when the brothers rode into town. Adam sat slumped in the saddle – head down and hat low over his face, he was dead in his boots, and he just wanted to find a soft bed and drop into it. And he didn’t want to be recognized, he wasn’t in the mood for the inevitable questions and back-slaps.

They went right on through until they came to the Banning mansion. Adam whistled through his teeth as they came up the curved drive and stopped in front of the house.

“This is some house. Have I ever been here before?”

“A few times.”

They got down together, tied up and went onto the portico. Adam leaned back against the wall as Joe used the knocker. Before long the door opened, and Giles’ face lit up when he saw them.

“We didn’t know when to expect you. The room’s all ready though. Come on in.” He closed the door as they came into the foyer. “Mr. Banning’s in his study.”

If Adam had ever been in such a grand place he sure didn’t remember it. But right now he didn’t care. Right now the only thing he was interested in was a bed with pillows.

“Why don’t you go on with him while I take care of things down here?” Joe suggested as he put his hand on Adam’s back.

“Beds?” Adam asked with a weary, hopeful smile.

“With feather and down mattresses,” Joe said.

Adam turned to Giles and put his arm around the man’s shoulders. “Take me to one.”

Joe watched as they started upstairs then he went down the hall to the study. This time he announced himself verbally along with his knock. The door opened, and Joe read the anticipation in Siddon’s face.

“Where is he?”

“He went upstairs with Giles. When I see that he’s settled in I want to send a wire to Hoss to let him know we’re on our way.”

“How much does he remember?”

“So far only me. But it’s a start.”

Before the conversation got any further they were joined by Carolyn, Mrs. Cadence and the three Banning daughters. Joe saw the same eager anticipation in them as well, but most especially Amelia. She asked him the same question her father just had.

“He’s upstairs.”

“I want to see him, Joe,” Amelia said, her words shaking with excitement. “I have to see him. Please, Joe.”

“It’s been a long, hard day and then the ride here. He’s awfully tired.”

“Please, Joe,” and her eyes pleaded with him.

“I think we all need to see him for our own peace of mind,” her mother put in.

Joe looked at them and knew he couldn’t beat them all and really didn’t want to. He knew what Adam meant to this family. He agreed and they all trooped upstairs. Giles was just coming out of the bedroom.

“How is he?” Joe asked.

“I think he was asleep before his head hit the pilla. I took his boots off, covered him and got him settled. Dog beat as he is, he’ll probably sleep the night.”

“I hope so,” Joe thought. He thanked Giles, and then he and the others went quietly into the room as the man went back down.

Adam lay peacefully on the bed with a blanket to his waist and one hand hanging off the side. He didn’t even know anyone had come in and never moved.

“He looks so worn-out, Joe,” Carolyn said softly, tears filming her eyes.

“He’s had a rough time of it, but if it weren’t for the people he was with, he wouldn’t even be alive,” Joe said.

“And I want to know who they are,” Siddon said forcefully. “We all owe them a lot for this.”

“Such a good looking young man,” Mrs. Cadence said. “I must meet you father, Joseph.”

Amelia stepped to the foot of the bed, her gaze never leaving Adam and rested her hands on the footboard. “I don’t think I could bear to know what he’s been through, Joe. I’ve never seen him look so tired. He looks almost like he’s…”

Joe came to stand behind her as she started to cry quietly and put his arms around her and held her close. “He’ll be all right now, you just wait and see.” His emerald eyes floated to his brother. “We’re all gonna be all right.”

*****

It was well after dark when Roy Coffee and Paul Martin came to the house. Roy brought the telegram but didn’t stay long since he needed to get back to town but Paul stayed. After reading it a second time Hoss and the doctor went straight into the kitchen, which erupted in Chinese delight when Hop Sing was told that Adam and Joe were on their way home.

“Now I want you to fix up a big bowl o’ that stew. Pa’ll eat now,” he said, waving the piece of paper in the air.

“Yes, sir, Mista Hoss. He have no leason not to eat anymore. I make velly big bowl.”

“Good man,” Hoss said and slapped him on the arm.

“I’ll wait down here with Hop Sing,” Paul said. “But if you need me you call out and I’ll be right there.”

“All right, Doc. And thanks for comin’.”

“What’re friends for? And I wouldn’t be much of one or a doctor, for that matter, if I hadn’t.” Paul smiled and put a reassuring hand on his arm. “Now go to your father.”

Hoss was a man with a mission, and this time he wouldn’t take anything from his father. He had something to say and, by durn, Pa was going to listen.

He went right to Adam’s room and knocked but he got no answer. “Pa, let me in, ‘cause if’n you don’t I’m sure gonna break this door down if’n I havta.” Still he got no answer so he tried the knob. It didn’t seem to be propped with a chair so he opened the door back hard.

Light filled the room from the hall. Hoss was taken aback by his father’s drawn appearance – he hadn’t realized how badly he’d let go since he drifted around like a ghost that was seldom seen and only fleetingly when he was.

Ben was sitting in the blue chair, the guitar on the bed. He glared at his son, the familiar fire burning in his coffee eyes. “How dare you come in here like that. I told you never…”

“I know what you told me, Pa, and now I’ve got somethin’ to tell you,” Hoss said firmly as he went to stand in front of him. “And it’ll be better without that door between us.” Hoss crouched, his face softening and his gentle blue eyes reaching out to his father’s grief. “Pa, Adam’s comin’ home. Joe’s bringin’ him home.”

Why was Hoss saying such a thing? Was he trying to hurt him even more? “Hoss, this is cruel. Your brother’s dead. I…” his voice clogged with the terrible memory. “I saw him – we all did.”

“No, we didn’t, we only thought we did.” He tenderly placed one of his big hands on his father’s arms and a surge of breath ran through him. “The man we saw wasn’t Adam. Joe found him, and he’s bringin’ him home. They ought to git here in three days.”

Ben’s mind wanted to accept what his middle son was telling him but he wasn’t sure if he could, or even should, it was all so impossible. “Home? Adam?” he asked weakly, his eyes misting over. “But why didn’t he let us know? Why…”

“I’ll tell you what I can after we git you cleaned up and some of Hop Sing’s good hot stew into you.” Hoss helped Ben out of the chair. “I don’t think you want Adam seein’ you like this?”

“Adam and Joe.” Ben leaned against Hoss and totally let go, welcoming the closeness that had been devoid from his shattered life for too long. As his son held him up he began to weep. He never expected, beyond his wildest dreams, to have all his sons together again.

~EIGHT~

Joe awoke next morning wrapped in his brother’s arms. He’d slept in the same bed in case of another dream. But this was the first time Adam hadn’t awakened screaming since Joe had found him with the Haymes.

Joe hated to disturb him but they needed to get going. They had some long, hard riding ahead of them, and he wanted to get his brother home to their father as soon as possible.

He eased out of his brother’s warm, comforting grasp and leaned over him. “Adam,” he said and jostled him lightly. “We need to get goin’, so wake up.” He shook him harder and Adam grunted. “Adam, we’ve gotta get on the road, so come on.” Joe gave him a little punch in the chest.

Joe thought he was still asleep until the low baritone said – “Unless you want to get hit for your trouble you won’t do that anymore.” One dark eye opened and peered at him through a fan of black lashes. “I haven’t had my coffee this morning.”

“Grumpy, as usual,” Joe said as he sat on the edge of the bed and began pulling on his boots.

“I haven’t figured out what’s usual with me yet, so don’t go filling my head with ideas. I don’t think you’d like the end result.”

Joe snittered to himself – the same old Adam.

Adam sat up and groaned, resting his head in his hands. “I feel like I’ve been dragged through a knot hole backwards.”

“When we get outside in the cool morning air…”

“I’ll feel worse,” Adam cut in, “because I’ll have to get back on that horse.” He clomped into his boots, wincing at the sound they made. “I think when I get back home I’m gonna stay away from them for at least a month.” Then a funny grin turned his lips. “Home. That sounds pretty good.”

“It sure does. Now let’s go,” Joe said and gave him a whack.

Adam’s mouth drew in. “I told you what’d happen if you did that again.”

“You can beat me when we get home.” Joe snatched his hat from the footboard and stuck it on his head. “Right now we’ve got some travelin’ to do.” Joe strode to the door and went out into the hall.

Adam grabbed his hat from the dresser and followed him. But before he closed the door he gave the room another good look and whistled. “These are some digs.” Then he left.

As Adam came out Joe was talking to a portly but not unattractive woman. He’d never seen her before that he remembered but these days there were quite a few things he didn’t. He wondered if she was someone Joe had met while looking for him. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to the lady, Joe,” he said as he walked over to them.

“Mrs. Hiram Cadence, this is my brother Adam.”

“It’s very nice to meet you finally. I’ve heard quite a bit about you from Joseph.”

“Nothing good, I assume. But then that’s the way he is,” Adam’s face wrinkled up, “I think.” Then he took her hand warmly in his. “Now I know that such an attractive woman isn’t named Hiram.”

“It’s Verina.”

Ever the gentleman he raised her hand and kissed it. “I’m glad to’ve met you, Verina Cadence. But according to Joe,” and he gave his brother a smack, “we’re in a bit of a hurry so I’ll wait over here while you two finish your good-byes.”

When Adam had gone to stand by the banister she leaned closer to Joe and whispered, “He’s utterly charming, Joseph.”

Adam’s head snapped around, and he smirked wickedly. “Why thank you, ma’am.”

Joe frowned. “With ears like a cat. But he is right about us being in a hurry. We do need to get home.”

“I understand.” She gave Adam a quick glance. “You want to get him home to the rest of the family.” She took his hand. “It’s been one of my greatest pleasures getting to know you Joseph, and some day I would like to get to know the rest of the Cartwrights.”

“We’ll be waiting.”

He put his arms around her, and she kissed his cheek and they finished with their ‘good-byes’. Then he watched her as she went back to her room and closed the door. He’d seen the tears come into her eyes, and he suspected she wanted to cry privately.

He rejoined Adam, and they started down the stairs. About half way they met Amelia coming up with a tray. “I was just bringing you your breakfast.”

“Thank you, but I’m afraid we don’t really have time.”

“Speak for yourself, brother,” Adam said as he snagged a piece of crisp bacon, his eyes right on Amelia. “I could eat a herd.” He drank her in as he took a bite. “My but you’re pretty. What’s you’re name?”

“Amelia.”

“A pretty name for a pretty girl, I’ll remember it.” Then dejection came into his face. “Ah, alas, I’m sorry to say that Joe’s right, and we are in a bit of a rush.” He took two more strips. “And if you want some, brother, you’ll have to get your own.” Then he thanked her and kissed her on the cheek then started down the rest of the way.

Joe gave him a funny look, thanked Amelia again, grabbed a biscuit and then went after Adam. When he caught up to him he gave his brother a look as if to ask, “What are you doing?”

With a sly grin, Adam gave him a knowing wink and a punch in the shoulder, and then they went on to Siddon’s study.

*****

It hadn’t been full daylight long when Adam and Joe left the outskirts of Bantree behind them. After leaving town Adam lapsed into silence and nothing Joe could say or do would bring him out of it.

“Adam, are you all right? You haven’t said two cents worth of words since…”

But before Joe could finish Adam nudged the dapple into a trot and went on ahead of him. Joe could see that he’d lost his bright, witty companion from this morning and maybe for good. He could only guess at what was running through his brother’s thoughts that had driven the words away.

It took about an hour to find out. He could see the left fork that led to the Haymes’ ranch and Kip up ahead. Joe watched as Adam rode right past it, deliberately looking away as he did. He kicked Cochise faster and came up alongside him. “Would you like to go by and see him?”

“I thought you were the one that was in such an all-fired big hurry.”

“Well, I don’t think a short stop…”

“No, Joe, it was hard enough the first time.”

Adam looked around, and Joe saw that familiar, toothy smile slowly materialize. Then he playfully punched his little brother in the arm and urged the gray on ahead. Joe grinned – Adam was truly on his way back. And he wished he hadn’t hit his brother this morning, now he was probably going to be beaten to death before they got home.

They rode on that way with about ten feet between them till right before the noon break when Adam suddenly reined in. Joe drew up even with his brother’s horse. Adam sat like a rock in the saddle, staring at the pommel and didn’t even seem to notice him.

“Adam,” Joe said softly but got no sign that he was even heard. “Adam, what is it?” He laid his hand on Adam’s arm but still his brother didn’t move.

Finally, Adam looked up at him and Joe almost gasped. He’d never seen his brother look so forlorn, and he could see the anguish dancing in his dark eyes.

“Adam, what on earth is it?”

“My mother’s dead.”

Joe felt like he’d been physically truck in the chest. Now the bad memories started, and he could only wonder what would come next. He reassuringly squeezed Adam’s arm, and his face warmed. “So is mine.”

Adam nodded, and Joe gave him a pat, then they rode on side by side.

*****

They made camp a little earlier than they intended, but Joe saw that Adam was completely exhausted and didn’t think it would hurt anything. They could always make up any lost time tomorrow.

Adam crouched, staring into the fire and absentmindedly poking it with a stick. Joe sat leaned back against his saddle with a cup of coffee, watching him. Again his brother had gone silent. There’d been no conversation while they ate and there was nothing now. Joe took a sip and looked up at the blackening sky.

“He tried to kill me.”

Joe’s head dropped, and his eyes flew to Adam. He had a good idea who his brother was talking about.

“I’d never seen him before in my life, don’t even know what his name was, and he wanted me dead.” He continued to jab at the flames. “He took my clothes, took my gun, took my money and my… watch. And he took Sport.” Golden sparks drifted up into the night air. “Then he tried to take my life. If it wasn’t for the Haymes’ he probably would’ve succeeded in that too.” He snorted derisively. “He even robbed me of who I am.”

Joe drank and watched and listened. He’d hoped his brother would never remember this but maybe it was for the best that he did.

“Is that why it took so long to find me?”

Joe went empty, like someone had blown his insides out with a shotgun. He wasn’t sure if he should tell Adam about this, but he knew he would probably find out anyway, so now was as good a time as any.

“We weren’t looking.”

Adam froze and then slowly looked around at him. Joe could see the question in his brother’s face, “Why?”

“We thought you were dead. Somebody killed that man and buried him on our land.” Joe took a deep breath and bucked himself up to go on. “We found him wearing your clothes and with your watch…”

“And you thought it was me,” Adam said without emotion. “But how could you…” His eyes narrowed. “You couldn’t tell it wasn’t me. What happened to his face?”

Joe sipped and took it down hard. “A shotgun. And then he’d been in the ground for three or four days when we dug him up…. We’ve got your watch and Sport is safe at home.” The image of his father weeping when the horse was returned came back.

Adam tossed the stick into the fire and stood up. “Did I have a nice funeral?” He looked dead ahead and never at Joe.

“One of the nicest I’ve ever been to and the best head stone money could buy.”

Adam turned toward him, his face reddened from the heat. He watched Joe then nodded and went to where he’d laid out his bedroll. He crawled into it and got comfortable for the night with his back to his brother.

Joe continued working on his coffee. Adam’s reaction to what he’d just found out disturbed him. There was no anger or sign of relief. There was only quiet acceptance of what had happened to him.

*****

The sun was just peeping over the horizon as Joe sat watching Adam toss in his sleep. He’d thought the nightmare had ended, but apparently something was torturing his mind.

Abruptly, Adam came wide awake and sat straight up, the blanket falling away from him. His breath came in fast, ragged jerks, and his hands were digging into the dirt. “I killed him…. I killed my best friend.” Then his hands went to his face. “Ross, I’m so sorry.”

“That wasn’t your fault.” Adam looked around and Joe hurt for the trapped, agony-filled face. “You had no choice. He was crazy. He killed Delphine and he would’ve killed you. He didn’t even know you there at the last.”

And then a kind of peacefulness entered the injured hazel eyes. “But he didn’t die a stranger.” A soft smile flirted with his mouth. “Somebody told me that.”

“That’s right,” Joe said evenly and remembered hearing about Hoss’ comforting words. The road home for his brother had begun in more ways than one, and he would be there for him. And he had to get him back to the Ponderosa so he could be surrounded by those who loved him when the hard memories like this one returned.

~NINE~

Adam had grown even more silent and sullen than before, and Joe didn’t want to be too far away. He kept Cochise abreast of the big dapple and waited for his brother to say something. Adam looked ahead and rarely around him. Joe could almost see him thinking and wondered what dark memories were assailing him now. There were so many – the loss of Ruth, Young Wolf wanting to kill him, seeing Inger die in their father’s arms while he held his baby brother, losing his third mother. There were so many things to remember and so many of them painful.

They rode that way to the noon break, and Joe was beginning to grow concerned over his brother’s state when a low chuckle came.

“Did Hank marry Miss Abigail?”

Joe grinned as he tore a bite from his jerky. “Yeah, and they’re really quite happy.”

“Good,” Adam said then went to his horse and got a piece of jerky from his saddlebags.

*****

Nothing looked familiar to him even though Joe told him that he’d traveled this road many times. Adam was finding that remembering people and events was coming easier than remembering places. He could recall meeting a flashing-eyed beauty named Regina Darien but not exactly where. And he knew about Virginia City but he guessed he’d have to be told where it was.

For the first time since leaving Bantree he really wanted to talk. “Joe, I keep hearing about my family, but I don’t remember a whole lot about them. Bits and pieces come but nothing I can really put together to make a complete picture. And who’s Roy?”

Joe smiled at the thought. “Roy’s an old friend. We’ve known him since we were children. He’s…”

“Sheriff of Virginia City,” Adam added. “And Paul Martin is the doctor and we’ve known him almost as long.”

The horse’s heard the warning rattle before the men did. Cochise shied and nickered nervously and the dapple reared. Adam clung to the saddle as his hand went instinctively to his hip. Like lightning the gun cleared leather, and the snake was nailed dead-on with the first shot. The animals settled and Joe gave Cochise a pat. Adam brought the gray over by the paint and leered at the gun in his hand then turned the look on Joe. “Something else you forgot to mention.”

“Hey, brother, somebody had to teach me.”

Adam found this development troubling to say the least. How many men had he killed with one of these? He returned it to its holster and eased the horse on. The quiet, sullen mood returned. He had a lot more to think about and talk just got in the way.

*****

Joe knew that by staying to this road they would pass Reno and a certain mansion where he wanted to stop. It would be late in the day when they got there but he knew the people living in it would be hurt if they didn’t. And he felt it would be important for Adam to see another place he’d been and more familiar faces.

Adam had gone ahead of Joe again. He’d become less concerned about his brother going off on his own that way and figured he just needed the solitary time to think.

They passed Reno and decided not to stop at a place so small that if you blinked you’d miss it. Joe hadn’t told Adam where they were headed in the hopes that he would remember on his own.

It was crawling toward eight o’clock when they reined up in front of the big house.

Adam frowned as he took it in. This one was maybe even a little grander than the Banning mansion but it didn’t ring any bells. He focused on it in a concerted effort to remember but it wasn’t happening. And, anyway, he was getting a headache. “I suppose I’ve been here too?” He couldn’t miss the disappointment track across his brother’s face.

“A few times.”

Adam’s brow creased even more. It was always a few times.

Joe got down and tethered his horse. “Why don’t you wait here? You’re gonna come as a little bit of a surprise, and I want to get ‘em ready.”

“A little surprise? Don’t you mean a big shock?”

“I guess I do.” Then he went up onto the expansive porch and to the door. He pulled a cord and fancy chimes went off inside.

Adam dismounted as the door was answered, and Joe exchanged words that he couldn’t hear with a woman in a black uniform and white apron and cap. He stood at his horse’s head and patted its silky neck then stretched his arms and tried working some of the fatigue from his back. It’d be good to finally get where they were going, he was beginning to feel like a sideshow attraction being exhibited from town to town. “Come one, come all and see the man who’s trying to remember who he is,” he said to himself with a hint of sarcasm.

Adam wasn’t certain how long he’d been standing there when Joe came back out and motioned him on. He looped the reins through the ring of a decorative hitching post then loped up onto the porch. Once inside he found himself in a large, marble-floored foyer. He took his hat off and looked around as a big man and a dark red-haired woman entered from a door off to the right of the grand staircase.

At once he recognized these people. Not so much who they were but just that he knew them. The woman came to him with tears welling in the depths of her aqua eyes and placed a warm hand against his cheek. “Welcome back, darlin’,” she said with a soft Irish accent. Then she threw her arms around his neck, and he thought she would break it.

The man came forward and extended a large hand. “It’s good to see you again, Adam.”

As Adam took his hand the voice registered. “It’s good to see you too, Swede.”

*****

Annie would have it no other way that they spend the night. Her dearest friend had returned from the grave, and there was much to talk about.

This time the brothers had separate rooms, and Adam was glad for the privacy, something he hadn’t known for a while. He sat in a large ruby wing chair taking his boots off when a knock came at the door. With a huff he raised his weary body and answered it. It was Annie, and she had a tray with a thick sandwich, a chunk of chocolate cake and a tall glass of milk.

“You didn’t get here for supper so I brought you somethin’.”

“Well, I don’t…”

“Nonsense,” she said and came on in. “You’re thin as a bat’s wing, and somebody needs to put some meat on those bones.”

He grinned as she put the tray down on the bed table.

“Now come on over here and set yourself down. You can eat while I talk.”

She’d already parked herself on the edge of the bed and was waiting for him. Gently but firmly, he gripped her arms and eased her up and into the chair.

“You should take the chair.”

“It’s your house.”

“But you’re the guest.”

“And don’t argue with me.”

“Yes, Adam.”

With a satisfied grin he sat down on the bed and started in on the sandwich of tender roast beef. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was, and he almost inhaled it. The milk made a good chaser.

Neither said anything. His attention was on the food and hers was on him. His eyes came up as he polished off the last bite and washed it down. As he sat the empty glass back he became aware of her intense scrutiny.

“I thought you were going to talk while I ate. What happened?” He picked up the plate with the cake and fork.

“I never thought I’d see you again in this lifetime, and it was good to just watch you. Joe, told me about…” She started to tear up but fought them back. “No, I’m not goin’ to cry. I have you back, and I’ve done enough of that already.”

“You’ve all been through a lot, and I think you’re entitled. I mean if…”

“Adam Cartwright, if you’re goin’ to take the blame for this, I’ll have to,” she said as her eyes flashed, and she raised a fist.

“At least let me finish eating first.”

She grinned and leaned back in the chair. “I can do that.”

The cake went almost as quickly as the sandwich, and he wished he’d saved a little milk. As he put the plate back onto the tray she got up and sat down next to him. Her warm, soulful eyes met with his, and he found himself almost wishing she wasn’t married.

“Adam,” she said quietly, “when I thought you were dead I knew I’d lost somethin’ more valuable than all the silver in the Comstock. And standin’ there watchin’ them put you in the ground was like…” Her voice choked with emotion.

He pushed a shock of auburn hair back from her face. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that now because I’m right here. And I’ll be back from time to time.”

He scooted closer to her and let his arm slip around her waist. She leaned her head over against his shoulder, and her eyelids lowered, squeezing out the tears. Then he rested the side of his face against the top of her head and put his hand over hers.

A warm glow began to build inside him as memories of Annie started flooding back. They sat there wrapped in the friendship and love that had almost been taken away, and for the first time he felt like he was truly on his way home.

*****

It was barely dawn when Joe came downstairs. He hadn’t found Adam in his room so he assumed he was already waiting for him. But when he reached the last step there was no Adam champing at the bit to go. As he started toward the back of the house he became aware of voices and the occasional spurt of laughter. They seemed to be coming from the dining room so he followed his ears.

He found Adam, Annie and Swede at the large, intricately carved table. Adam had a plate filled with eggs, gravy, bacon, fried potatoes, and a biscuit filled with butter and honey in front of him and was digging in. Swede was finishing his coffee, and Annie sat as close to Adam as she could get, watching his every move.

“Mornin’, Joe,” Adam said casually as he saw his little brother.

“I thought you’d be ready to go,” Joe said as he came into the room. “If we don’t get…”

“Oh, no,” Adam said around a bite and waggled his finger in the air. “You drug me away from the Banning’s hungry as a she-wolf. Well, it isn’t going to happen here. We’re not going anywhere until I get my fill.”

“That’ll put us late.”

“Then it’ll just have to. Now sit down and fix yourself up a plate. Starved as I am I can’t eat all this. So eat hearty, little brother.”

Joe, for one of the few times in his life, took his brother’s advice and dished himself up a fine breakfast.

“Now, Adam, you were tellin’ us about the bull,” Annie said in eager anticipation.

“Oh, yeah, the bull,” Adam said and forked down another mouthful.

Joe’s eyes squinched. “You’re not telling them about my almost getting gored, are you?” he asked as he pulled out a chair.

“Sure am. Now go ahead and sit down. You might learn something.”

“Like what a big, brave hero my brother is?”

“Now, there you go. I just knew that some day you’d come to respect me.”

Then Adam went back at his breakfast and on with the story, and Annie was hanging on very word. But Joe didn’t really hear any of it or taste that much of his food, for that matter. He was too deep into watching his brother and just reveling in the fact that he was alive. They’d all come so close to losing something irreplaceable. Then the corner of Joe’s mouth crooked as Adam’s last words played back. He’d always respected his oldest brother but was only now beginning to realize it. Suddenly, everything tasted better.

*****

It was late in the morning when Joe and Adam finally mounted up. Annie and Swede stood on the porch holding hands.

“Now you don’t stay away so long this time,” Annie admonished. “Either of you. We can have a party and invite the whole family.”

“Sounds good to me,” Adam said as he got comfortable in the saddle. “I can see my little brother itching to get started so I guess we’d better get going.” His smile warmed as his eyes connected with Annie’s, and he gave her a wink.

Turning their horses, the brothers rode down the drive. They waved to their friends then kicked the animals into a gallop. Now began the last leg of the journey home.

~TEN~

Joe was doubtful that they would make it home today and Adam didn’t seem any too concerned about it. In fact, he’d grown pensive again though he continued to ride alongside his brother.

“You’re quiet again.”

But if Adam heard him he didn’t let on. Joe understood that he had a lot on his mind but he got tired of being ignored so much.

“Annie sure was glad to see you.” Joe watched him and nothing seemed to register. He puffed and settled himself down in the saddle and accepted the fact that Adam didn’t want to talk.

“She thought I was dead, Joe.” He sighed and pushed his hat back. “How did you feel when you found me with the Haymes’?”

“I thought my eyes and ears were playing tricks on me. I thought I’d seen my brother dead, and then I saw him buried. How do you think I felt?” Joe said, anger tinting the last six words. But he instantly regretted being mad as the dark somber eyes turned to him.

“I went for close to a month not knowing who I was, and as far as I was concerned I was dead. I had no name, no family, and no past. If the Haymes’ hadn’t let me stay there I would’ve had nowhere to go, Joe. I understand what you and everyone else went through thinking I’d been killed but has anybody, have you, thought about what it was like for me? What it’s still like? I can’t even figure out who Hoss is?” Now Adam had turned angry and nudged the horse on ahead.

What Adam had just said jolted Joe hard. He couldn’t remember Hoss. He couldn’t remember his own brother. And what about Pa? What if he never remembered them? “No,” he muttered and shook his head.

Joe gave Cochise an easy kick and brought him up with the dapple. “Adam, I’m sorry. But if you’d seen the way…” He could still see their father at the gravesite and Hoss getting sick on biscuits and Hop Sing so quiet when they returned from the funeral. “If you’d seen the way those who care for you grieved. Annie told me there’s no other hurt like it, and she’s right. But there’s no other joy like what I felt when I first met Stretch. When I sat on those hay bales and enjoyed just watching him breath. Adam, we’ve all been put through a wringer, and I can’t say who’s had the worst of it. But it’s almost over now and we’ll soon be home.”

“Home,” Adam spat out. “I don’t even know where that is. If you don’t show me I don’t think I could find it to save my life.”

As Adam started to give his horse its head Joe reached down and grabbed the bit. “Adam, don’t ride off again. We need to talk.”

“Let go, Joe.”

“If we don’t talk about this nothing’s ever…”

“I said let go.”

The fierceness to Adam’s eyes chilled him, and he did as he was told. Adam worked the horse into a gallop and left his brother in a cloud of dust. Adam was different. He’d become moody, and Joe never knew what to expect from him. He wondered if it was because part of him was Adam while part of him was still Stretch. And maybe he was having trouble dealing with some of the memories that were reasserting themselves.

“Come on, Cooch, let’s catch him.” And he urged the little paint into a run.

They soon came around the bend in the road where Joe had lost sight of his brother. As he did he reined in, and his heart came up into his throat. There stood the dapple off into the grass but there wasn’t a sign of Adam.

Joe got down, the blood rushing in his ears. He looked around him as he called Adam’s name but got no answer. Panic was trying to control him but he fought it back. Going off half cocked wasn’t going to accomplish anything.

He could hear the small stream where he’d watered before splashing off to the left and wondered if maybe Adam had gone there. He took off as fast as his legs would carry him through the trees and underbrush. As the small body of water came into view he stopped in his tracks. Adam sat hunched on the bank with his elbows resting on his knees, and his face in his hands. Joe walked over to him and quietly sat down next to him. “Adam.”

At first Adam seemed to not know he was there. Then he took his hands away and looked around.

Joe found it hard to believe this was his brother. The face he was looking into had none of the self assured confidence Adam was known for. He was looking into the face of a frightened man.

Joe put his hand on Adam’s back. “Talk to me, brother. We need to get this straightened out before we get home.”

“There’s that word again.” Adam picked up a pebble and tossed it into the water. “Before you came, I dreamed of finding out where I belong. Of finding out who I belonged to, I guess. But now that I have I’m…”

“Afraid,” Joe finished as he began rubbing his back like Pa would. “Well, that’s only natural. You’re going to a place you don’t know, to strangers.”

“But that’s just it, Joe. They’re not strangers, they do know me.” Adam groaned and put his face back in his hands. “Maybe I would’ve been better off if I’d stayed where I was.”

“I don’t think Pa would go along with that. I know that his dream has been to get his oldest son back. But you see, while you always knew that some day yours could happen, he knew that his couldn’t. He knew that his son was dead and there could never be any better.” Adam looked up at him again, and his pain and fear reached out. But at the same time Joe thought he caught a light in the dark hazel eyes.

The hint of a grin quirked the corner of Adam’s mouth, and he rested a hand on Joe’s knee. “Come on, Joe,” he said softly. “Let’s go home.”

?????

The day would soon be over and still Joe and Adam weren’t home. In two hours the sun would go down and they would stop for the night wherever they were.

Ben had been like a cricket on a hot stove all day. The prospect of seeing Adam again and being able to tell Joe he was sorry had grown in momentum with each passing minute. Now he paced and stalked the parlor, and every time he heard something outside he went to the office window and looked.

Hoss came out of the kitchen with a sandwich and a glass of water. A frown wrinkled his forehead as he saw his father. “Pa, you need to settle down. You ain’t eat enough to keep a pup alive all day. I brung you a sandwich, so why don’t you come on over here an’ eat it?”

“I’m not hungry.” He turned to his son with wide, fear-darkened eyes. “Why aren’t they here? Maybe something’s happened. You said they’d be home today.”

“Now don’t go barrowin’ trouble, Pa. We both know that sometimes the ride from Bantree can take four days, if’n things slow you down. Now come ‘n eat.”

“Like what, Hoss? What could’ve happened?”

“Whatever, but it don’t have to be a killin’ thing. Now if’n you don’t eat I’m gonna tie you to a chair and feed you myself.”

Some of the same old chastising fire returned to Ben’s eyes, and Hoss was glad, even if it was aimed at him. Since finding out that Adam was alive, he and Hop Sing had gotten Pa cleaned up and shaved and some food into him. That first night he’d gorged himself on the hot stew and slept like a dead man in his own bed. But now he was a nervous wreck and Hoss wasn’t worried because he knew why. “Pa,” he said and raised the plate.

Grudgingly, Ben went to him and started to wolf the sandwich until Hoss grabbed his arm.

“It ain’t gonna do Adam and Joe no good to git home and find their pa sick from eatin’ too fast. So just slow it.”

Ben did as his son said and Hoss thought he caught a trace of a grin.

“I’m supposed to be the father here.”

“Well, you ain’t actin’ much like one an’ somebody has to. They’ll be here, don’t worry.” He handed his father the glass.

*****

The sun would be going down in a little less than an hour when the big dapple and the little paint were reined up in the edge of a clearing. Adam and Joe had pushed themselves and their horses in an effort to get to the Ponderosa before night fell. They were tired but they’d made it.

Adam whistled through his teeth as he saw the house. It was a large-two story, rough hewn log structure. Immense pines ringed it in and the mountains completed the breathtaking panorama. “This is the finest one yet. Don’t we know anyone who lives in a hovel? I suppose I’ve been here a few times too.”

“Quite a few since you and Pa built it. This is home.”

The butterflies from earlier in the day were back. Adam’s fingers clenched around the reins and a part of him wanted to turn right around and ride away. But the part that had longed for somewhere to belong kept him from it. “Somebody knew what they were doing when they designed it.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I designed it?” Adam asked dubiously. Then a wicked smirk curved his fine mouth. “I’m not bad.” Then he gave Joe a thump in the shoulder and eased the horse on.

Joe snorted and shook his head then caught up with him.

Hoss sat in the red leather chair by the cold hearth watching his father continue to fidget. “Pa, you carryin’ on like a caged cougar ain’t gonna git ‘em here any faster. So why don’t you set down? You’re wearin’ yourself out and wearin’ me out just havin’ to watch you.”

“I can’t, Hoss. It’ll be dark soon and…”

But the sound of horses outside silenced him. Ben sensed that this was it and couldn’t make himself look this time. He turned pleadingly to his son.

“All right, Pa,” Hoss said as he got up. He went around behind the desk to the window and drew back the red curtains and looked out into the yard. After several seconds he turned back to his father with a smile of complete satisfaction. “It’s them, Pa.”

Nothing really looked familiar to Adam until his gaze locked onto the small china man standing at the end of the house. He dismounted and handed his reins over to Joe then walked to the little man wringing his hands in his apron.

The little cook was all aquiver – his lost boy had been returned to him. The void that his absence left was now filled and the family was whole again. Now Hop Sing could thank his ancestors properly for watching after him while he was away.

Adam looked down at him as the corner of his mouth crooked. “You got any biscuits, Hop Sing?”

“I make plenty biscuits now you home. And have plenty honey and butter. Tonight Hop Sing make biiig supper. Have Mista Adam’s favorites.”

“That sounds mighty good to me.”

Hop Sing grinned then turned it into a scowl and went back into the kitchen muttering in Chinese. The first-born was home and he would leave the family to be reunited.

Adam laughed, some of the flutter in his stomach ceasing, and he shook his head and turned around. A big man with kind blue eyes stood at the edge of the porch. His hands were thrust into the front pockets of his britches, and he seemed almost embarrassed.

Adam walked over to him and took in the face. He knew this face, and he knew the gentle nature of the one it belonged to. A warm smile reached his eyes as he figured it out. “Hoss.”

“Hello, brother.”

They just stood there, and then Hoss made the first move as he swung his arms around him. “Welcome home, Adam,” he said gently, slapping him on the back. He shut his eyes, and the tears ran down his face. A warm ember burned in his chest and was spreading its warmth to the rest of him. It had never felt so good to hold his brother. Now his life could start again.

“It’s good to be home,” Adam said feeling the security of the large arms that enfolded him. Then he spied a silver-haired man standing in the doorway.

He wrested himself loose from his brother’s grasp and stepped around him. The man’s clothes hung on him and he was sallow. His nearly-black eyes sat back in deep hollows. Adam started toward him, and the butterflies returned with a vengeance.

Hoss went to stand by Joe as he slipped from the saddle, resting his arm around his little brother’s shoulders. They glanced at each other with the purest pleasure.

Adam stopped in front of the man taking in every aspect of him, and then recognition ignited in the dark eyes. “Pa,” and then came that slightly wicked grin that made Ben’s soul sing. “You look terrible.”

“You never looked better,” Ben’s voice wavered. He threw his arms around his son and held him as if to break him. He felt the strong body, vigorous and very much alive and the powerful heart beating. Adam was here with him again. Ben understood that part of him wasn’t Adam yet but with time, patience and love he would be whole once more.

Adam knew that this was his father holding him, and it gave him a sense of home and of being loved and protected. His grasp tightened around this man he called ‘Pa’ and contentment welled up inside him as the butterflies went away. He’d finally found the place where he belonged and those he belonged to.

Ben looked to his youngest and only looks were exchanged, words were unnecessary. All was forgiven and what was in the past would stay in the past. Joe grinned and tipped his hat and Ben smiled, glad to have his family back.

Ben let himself sink into his son’s embrace and feel the muscular arms around him. The joy of this day would never leave him – it would always be there for as long as he lived. “My son,” he whispered and let his eyes close. “Adam, my son.”

THE END

PART 2

Some characters and parts of this story aren’t mine. No infringement is intended and it is simply for the enjoyment of Bonanza fans.

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