Resolutions
by
Janice Sagraves

ONE

Always in the past he’d looked forward to the family’s New Year’s Eve tradition of gathering before the fire and sharing resolutions. It always brought them together and continued the warmth of Christmas, but this time was different. This time he knew that what he resolved would only bring dissention in the ranks and the inevitable explosion from Pa. But there was nothing they could do about it, his mind was made up and that was it. He’d thought about doing this many times before, but what had happened to him had opened his eyes. He’d almost lost everything, and it made him realize just how tenuous life is. Yes, he’d come close before but this time was different, this time he’d lost who he is. So tomorrow night he would do what he dreaded and finally have it out in the open, and he could only hope they would forgive him.

*******

Ben Cartwright brought the tray with the brandy decanter and four glasses and put it on the low table in front of the impressive stone fireplace. A fire crackled as it devoured the logs and spread its heat throughout the expansive room.

As usual Adam Cartwright was the first one to come and take his place in his favorite blue chair. This was something the family had always done since settling in this new land. When he and his brothers were children they always got a glass of milk, but as soon at they turned seventeen they were permitted to drink brandy with the adults. He remembered that his first time had been the last time for Marie, since she had died the following summer. There were so many memories locked in this place called Ponderosa, and so many yet to be made.

Hoss Cartwright was next to come down, and he took his place on the end of the settee nearest his older brother. Over the past few days he’d noticed how quiet Adam had become. He knew something was bothering him but he didn’t know how to go about finding out. He’d tried talking to him but Adam – as usual – was tight lipped about it and simply shrugged it off. He wasn’t sure what it could be, but whatever it was it seemed to pray on his mind constantly.

Joe Cartwright – as always – was the last one to take his place. It never seemed to bother him that his family had to wait on him, and he never failed to get words from his oldest brother. But this time he didn’t even get a disparaging look from those dark hazel eyes as he bounced in and sat on the opposite end of the settee. He looked around into Hoss’ full face and knew that he’d noticed the same things he had. Their brother was silent and sullen and preoccupied and – as was true to form – refused to talk about it.

“Here you go, Adam,” Ben said as he handed the first snifter to him, as was his due as first-born. Then Hoss and Joe – in that order – each got one then he poured for himself and sat down in his red chair. “All right, son.”

For a long second Adam didn’t move then he finally looked up from the amber depths of his glass. “Pa, I’ve been thinking that maybe we ought to do something a little different this year. That instead of starting with me we start with Joe and work our way up.”

“Why?” Ben asked as his brow furrowed. “We’ve always done it this way and never seen any reason to do it any differently. So why suddenly now?”

“It’s not so sudden, Pa, believe me I’ve done a lot of thinking about it. I just thought it might be a nice little change this time.”

“Well, I really don’t see why we should. It’s always been this way, and I think it should stay as it always has. It’s family tradition, and I see no reason to alter it.”

Adam took a deep breath and turned his attention to the yellow and orange of the flames. As he’d feared, Pa wouldn’t go along, and his reprieve wasn’t to be granted. He knew that all the wheedling and cajoling couldn’t get his father to change his mind on this so why even try? “All right, Pa.” He took a good bracing jolt of his brandy, nearly emptying the glass. This also went against tradition since they had always leisurely sipped. He could feel every eye burning into him; he didn’t need to see them. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past six,” he gave an edgy titter, “nearly seven, months, and I think it’s time for me to move on.” He looked into his father’s stark blackened eyed. “At the end of next summer I’m leaving the Ponderosa, and I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

Ben Cartwright sat like a piece of cold, hard, immovable stone, his eyes growing darker by the second. His grip tightened on the glass, closely to the point of breaking it. “And when did you decide this?”

“I told you, Pa, I’ve been thinking about it for some time.”

“But why tell us now? Why not just wait until you were ready to leave?” Ben said caustically.

“Because I didn’t think it would be right of me to just spring it on you.”

“As opposed to this?” Ben’s voice was steadily growing harsher.

Joe and Hoss weren’t going to get into this verbal sparring so they put their glasses on the table and started to get up.

“No, you don’t,” Ben snapped as he put the glass roughly on the table and stood. “You stay right where you are. This is a family affair, and you’re a part of it and have as much of a say as anybody.”

Adam had known this wasn’t going to be easy. He looked around at his brothers and saw two completely different sets of emotions. Most times it was easy to tell if Joe was angry or hurt but this wasn’t one of them. His eyes were as keen as their father’s and nearly devoid of the warm emerald that so dominated them. The blood had all but drained from his face, and his mouth was a flat, even line, pinched at the corners. Hoss, on the other hand, was easy to read and exuded pure sadness. His gentle blue eyes seemed to reach out and made Adam feel a little less alone.

“Pa,” Adam put his own glass down and stepped around to his father, “this is just something I have to do. I’d think that you of all people would understand.”

“Oh, you do, do you? And pray tell please tell me why you would think a thing like that? Have I ever given you any indication that I could understand why you would want to leave your family and your home?”

“You left yours to come west with your infant son.”

For a second Ben was disarmed but he rebounded quickly. “That’s neither here or there.”

“Isn’t it?” Adam took his father’s arm firmly. “Pa, you’ve always taught us to live our own lives.”

“And you can’t do that here?”

“No, not now, not after what happened. It made me see that I need to start a new life, and I believe that’s away from the Ponderosa.”

“And why is that?” Joe asked brusquely. “Do you think that changes anything? You’re still a Cartwright.”

“That’s right, Joe, I am, and no matter where I go I always will be.”

“Then why go at all?” Joe came to his feet. “When you got home I thought you were building a new life right here. What happened?”

Adam’s temper was coming closer to the surface, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to fight it back. “Vince Decker happened. And I wasn’t building a new life I was just picking up the pieces of the old one.” Then he turned back to Ben. “Why does this have to be so hard? Sons and brothers leave home all the time without it turning into an argument.”

“Like with Bob Jolly?” Joe blurted. “His father threatened to kill ‘im if he left. He even drew a gun on ‘im.”

“Is that what you wantta do, Joe? Do you wantta draw a gun on me and force me to stay?”

“There won’t be any need for guns,” Ben said forcefully. “You simply aren’t going, and that’s it.”

“Pa, I’m thirty-four, and I think I’m old enough to make my own decisions. You were twenty when you left Boston.”

“But that was different. I didn’t have any family there.”

“Wasn’t Grandpa Stoddard family after you married my mother? And what about me? I had no say in any of it yet you took me out into a rough life anyway.”

Ben blanched slightly and some of the sharpness left his eyes. “I never knew you held that against me.”

“I don’t, Pa,” Adam said, his voice softening some. “If I’d been old enough to ask I would’ve said yes. I’m only pointing out that you had to make my decisions for me then – for right or for wrong – but I’m capable of doing it for myself now.”

Ben just stared at him and felt the apprehension come near to choking him. He had sensed that this was coming for some time and the dread had steadily grown. This was one argument that he wasn’t going to lose, he simply couldn’t afford to. “No, Adam, I can’t let you go. Not again. So please don’t ask me to.”

The futility of the situation blazed up in Adam’s eyes. “Ah, this is useless.” He picked up his father’s glass and took down its contents in one slug then hurled it into the grate. He started to stomp toward the stairs but only got as far as the end of the settee. “Well, aren’t you going to say anything?” he said as he glared down at Hoss.

The poignant eyes rose and looked into his older brother’s face. “I ain’t gotta. You already know how I feel.”

Adam’s angry expression diminished and the glimmer of a smile turned his fine mouth and softened his hard eyes. He put a reassuring hand on his brother’s shoulder and squeezed. Then he stalked to the staircase and – taking two at a time – he bounded on up and went down the hall. A bedroom door opened and closed hard.

The eyes of his family were directed to the top landing and no one moved or said a word. Adam’s pronouncement had come like the opening shot of a war that none of them had been entirely prepared for. They had sensed for a long time that something was on his mind, so this wasn’t a total surprise, but it still jolted.

Off by the front door the big grandfather clock finished striking midnight. It was now officially 1865.

TWO

Adam blew out of the house right after breakfast the next morning and headed straight for the barn. All the snow that had accumulated through the past two months had melted away except for clumps here and there and it was unseasonably mild. He guessed it to be in the mid to upper forties so the coat and gloves felt good.

The morning meal had been a strained affair and about the only talk had been to ask for something to be passed. Hoss and Joe didn’t seem to mind looking at him, and it made things somewhat less uncomfortable, but Pa was a whole other matter. His eyes stayed locked on the plate in front of him and never rose across the table, and Adam guessed that a mélange of feelings was behind it.

He’d decided that some time away from home would give everyone a chance to think, even if it turned out to be no more than an hour or two.

Sport was backed out of his stall and was being bridled when Hoss came in behind him. “Where you goin’, brother?”

“I thought – while the weather’s pretty good – I’d go check on the cattle that were brought down from the high pastures to see how they’re doing.”

“By yourself?”

“That’s the object of my going,” and he threw the blanket onto the horses’ back.

“Well, you want me to come with you?”

Next came the saddle, and he settled it into place then put the left fender over the seat. “No,” he said as he began buckling the cinch, “I think it’s best if I go alone.”

“And what if the snow comes again while you’re out there? We both know it ain’t done with us yet.”

“I’ll take some extra rations just in case, and they’re plenty of line shacks I can stay in.” He gave the cinch a final tug. “I’ll be all right. And this time I don’t think Pa’ll mind me going off by myself.”

“Now that’s foolish talk. He’ll be as much on his head as he always is. Just ‘cause you decided to leave don’t mean he don’t care anymore.”

Adam turned to him and Hoss couldn’t miss the sadness in his brother. He thought about trying to talk him out of this leaving nonsense but he knew that would be a complete waste of time. When his mind was made up Adam was impossible to budge.

“Hoss, this is something I have to do. I hope you understand, and I hope that eventually Pa and Joe will too.”

“I don’t, but then I never claimed to understand you and the way that mind o’ yours works.” He stepped next to his brother and slapped a large hand onto his back. “Now let’s go git them rations.”

With an ornery wink, Adam gave him a friendly punch in the chest then they walked out together.

*******

The big chestnut moved at a sprightly pace as they headed toward Strawberry Meadow. One of the larger herds had been put there for the winter. Others had been scattered about but this one was the closest so he would start there first.

The day was so spring-like that Adam let himself forget that it was only the first of January. There was still a bite to the brisk air but it wasn’t at all like November and December had been. The slate colored clouds chased each other across the equally gray sky and flitted over the sun like playful ghosts. Yellow light came and went and streaked across the ground only to be taken away.

His mind was dwelling on what had occurred the night before. He hadn’t meant to spoil it for his family – though he’d known what he’d had to say wouldn’t go over well – so he’d tried to go last. The look in his father’s eyes would never leave him, the anger crossed with hurt and laced with fear. He knew that Pa had fought against the day that one of his sons would leave the nest, but even baby birds had to fly eventually. And the time for him to spread his wings had come. This was what he thought was right for him, whether his family wanted to admit to it or not, and he knew he had to do it.

He took a deep breath and tried pushing it away but it simply wouldn’t go. The way Joe had looked at him and the intense sorrow he saw in Hoss. And then there was Hop Sing this morning and the way he avoided what they both knew.

“I’m sorry, Pa. I’m sorry, all of you.”

He shook his head hard and the muscles in his jaws knotted. With a not so gentle nudge Sport picked up speed. If this was so right then why did he feel this way?

*******

Ben was in the barn straightening up what had gotten out of sorts through the previous two months. A hackamore had fallen from its place on the wall, probably jarred there by the fierce winds that had buffeted the barn. As he started to put it back, he froze and simply stared at it, his fingers clenching. Why was his son doing this? He’d always known – feared actually – that some day his sons would leave home, but Adam’s timing stunk. He’d only had him back for a short time and still wasn’t over what it had done to him. As he looked at the thing in his hands an uncharacteristic fit of temper ran over him, and he whirled and gave it a vicious fling.

The hackamore struck the wall only inches from Joe’s head as he stepped inside. His feet seized to the ground, and he watched as it dropped to the floor. He recognized in his father all that was roiling around inside, since he was experiencing much of the same. But some of his anger and feelings of being abandoned had been dulled or taken away by more lucid thinking. The night – since he hadn’t been able to sleep a whole lot – had allowed him to reflect on what his brother had said. And a long talk with Hoss this morning hadn’t hurt. “Cleaning up a little, Pa?”

Ben’s face went pasty when he saw that he had almost hit his son. “I’m sorry, Joe, I didn’t know you were there.” He turned back to his chore in an effort to hide what he knew had to show in his expression. Shame in the emotional turmoil inside him had nothing to do with it, but it did all boil down to him not showing any sign of weakness.

Joe casually picked up the hackamore and walked toward him. “You dropped this,” he said as he handed it to his father. “Things do kinda get outta sorts through the winter, don’t they?” His green eyes nonchalantly scanned around him.

Ben hung the hackamore back on its peg then stood like a tree, neither moving nor speaking.

“Maybe you could use some help?”

Ben finally spun on him and the look that greeted him made Joe gulp. For the first time since he’d thought his son was dead, there were those lupine eyes, though maybe not as intense as they had been then. With them returned the image of a grassy, summer-green spot overlooking the lake and a new grave. Joe’s hands wadded as he fought back the raw emotion.

“Joseph, beating around this isn’t going to change a thing! If you want to talk about it then talk about it! If not I have work to do!”

“I think we do need to talk about it, don’t you?”

Ben felt like a bottle of agitated champagne from which the cork had just been pulled. All that he had been holding inside spewed out yet hadn’t made it into words. He wasn’t sure how to go about it, but he was sure he didn’t want to. He rested a hand on Joe’s shoulder and a soft smile gentled his features. “I’m sorry, Joe, I shouldn’t have barked at you, but I do need to get back to work.”

“That’s just an excuse not to talk about this, and we both know it. Pa, this isn’t gonna go away and it isn’t gonna get any better or easier. At the end of next summer Adam is leaving, and I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do to change that stubborn Yankee mind.” He took a deep, ragged breath. “So it looks like we’re just gonna have to live with it even if we don’t accept it. If we love Adam we can do that much for him.”

Ben looked into the face of his youngest son. Until right this instant he hadn’t realized how grownup he’d become. He had matured into a sensible young man – albeit still hot tempered – and he believed that much of that maturity had come through the past summer. All of the responsibility of running the Ponderosa and handling all their business ventures and keeping the family together had fallen on his shoulders. And now he was talking common sense to his father. The corner of Ben’s mouth crooked at the role reversal.

“I don’t think this is the time or place, son.”

“Then when and where if this isn’t? Nothing’s gonna change it, Pa, if it’s out here, in the house or in the mayor’s office in town.” He put a strong hand on his father’s shoulder. “But I’m not gonna force you to talk about it. I figure you will when you think you’re ready. Just don’t wait too long.” Then he went to Cochise’s stall and backed him out and started getting him ready to ride.

“Where’re you going, Joe?”

“Oh, I thought I’d check the fence line out on the East range or maybe give Adam a hand,” he said offhandedly without looking around.

Ben grinned and shook his head. Joe had almost gotten by with it but he’d just given himself away. No matter how old they got Adam would always be the big brother that Joe and Hoss looked up to and – whether any of them wanted to admit it or not – looked after just as he always had them.

THREE

A storm was thinking about blowing up by the time Adam reached Strawberry Meadow. The sky had grown more glowering and the clouds were moving even faster than before. The sun – which had flirted with them all morning – was no longer in attendance and the wind now whistled in the trees. On occasion a glimmer of light would illuminate the darkened sky to be followed by a distant rumble of thunder.

Adam glanced up and knew that if he got caught in this and wasn’t home when Pa thought he should be he’d have a conniption fit. Plus, the notion of being struck by lightening didn’t exactly thrill him.

He made a quick assessment of the herd and – feeling that they were doing all right – he figured he should head on back to the house, the others could wait until later. He was just about to turn his horse when a bolt of lightning struck the tree no more than a couple feet from him. Bark splintered and a large branch tore lose and hit the ground. With a shrill whinny, Sport reared just as the cattle bolted. Adam hung on but it wasn’t enough and – caught by surprise – he toppled backward and landed with a thud.

Joe wasn’t happy about the turn of the weather, and he was glad he’d come looking for his brother. It wasn’t like Adam had never been out in a storm before but Joe felt anxious just the same. He was about to Strawberry Meadow when Sport shot past him like his tail was on fire. But what ran through him was the fact that the horse was riderless. His thoughts were flooded with reasons why and none of them relieved his mind. The impending storm continued to flicker and crash around him and the ground thundered but he hardly noticed as the wiry paint raced as fast as his pulse.

Cochise was reined in as he came past a jumble of rocks. Adam was limping toward them and rubbing the right side of his rear-end. The disgusted look on his face told Joe that he was something less than happy. He slowly dismounted and met his brother half way.

The hazel eyes shot him a withering look as Adam hobbled past him. “Not a word, Joe. Not one word.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking loud.”

Leading Cochise, Joe followed after him, trying to sequester his amusement. “Do you want to try to find Sport?”

“He’s probably half way back home by now,” Adam grumbled. “You know how he hates lightning strikes.”

“Can’t say as I blame ‘im.” But then Joe stopped and looked around him. “Where’re the cattle?”

“I don’t know, and at this moment in time I don’t care,” Adam said as he continued on. “I think I landed on a rock, and I’m probably gonna turn every shade of blue known to man.” He glanced around at his little brother. “Well, are you coming or are you gonna stay here and get struck too?”

Joe hastened to join him and Cochise dutifully followed.

After all the noise and complaining the storm didn’t amount to anything more than a show and soon became little more than distant thunder. The lightning was hardly noticeable and not so much as a drop of rain fell. The wind still tussled in the trees but even it had become more reserved.

Since starting out together no words had been exchanged, and Joe hadn’t looked at him much. Adam could see that he was lost in thought, and he didn’t have to be hit over the head with it to know what about. Joe had always been like an open book to him and hiding his feelings had never been one of his strong suits. “I’m afraid I kinda knocked things into a cocked hat last night, didn’t I?”

Joe’s gaze lit on his brother’s face.

“After I set off my charge nobody else got to tell what they’d resolved to for the coming New Year,” Adam went on. “I’m ready to listen if you want to tell me your resolutions.”

“I’ve only got one now,” Joe ducked his head and watched his feet, “all the others are unimportant.”

“And what’s that?”

After a long second Joe finally looked at him. “To spend as much time with my oldest brother as I possibly can and to try seeing things his way. I know there’s nothing we can do to change your mind and that we’re just gonna have to live with it, but Adam I don’t want to. I don’t want you to go, none of us do. And after what happened last summer…” His voice trailed off, and he looked back to his feet.

“I know, buddy,” Adam said as he rested a reassuring hand on his brother’s back. “But don’t you see that’s why I have to do this. It made me sit up and realize how precious little time we have in this life, and we never know exactly how long that is. And even though I lived only a short time not knowing who I was, it was an eternity to me. There’s life outside the Ponderosa, and I want that. I need it.”

“Well, you can still go places; it doesn’t mean you have to leave home.”

“You still don’t understand. The Ponderosa belongs to all of us, and I need something that’s mine, something I’ve made my own.”

“But where would you go?”

“I don’t know yet. That’s one of the reasons I’m waiting until September. I might travel, I might go back to Boston and settle down, I might even change my mind, I just don’t know.”

“You said that’s one of the reasons. There’s more?”

“Only one. One very important one. I want to spend the time with my family. I don’t think I can ever completely understand what all of you went through anymore than you can my side of it, but I think we need the time to try.” He moved his hand to his brother’s shoulder and his grip tightened. “Now I know you had a resolution before I pulled the rug out from under your feet. What was it?”

“It was to try to get to know Ellie Parkington better, but now I think I’d rather get to know my own brother.” The light sparkled in his green eyes as he smiled.

They walked on toward home and their voices in warm, brotherly conversation carried on the breeze. The sky had lightened again, though the threat of a full-blown storm still lingered. Cochise ambled along behind and Adam’s hand rested on his brother’s shoulder.

*******

As the front door opened and his son’s voices entered the house Ben came up from the green tufted leather desk chair. He had been fruitlessly endeavoring to keep his mind occupied with something else. “Where have you two been?” he asked as he rushed past the stove. “Sport came home almost an hour ago, and Hoss took some of the men to look for you.”

Adam settled back on his heels and cast his eyes first to Joe then to the ceiling.

“And don’t you give me that look, Adam Cartwright!”

The dark hazel snapped to his father’s face. Joe could see what was coming, and he wasn’t aware that he was sidling protectively closer to his brother’s side. Then he found himself drilled with his father’s severe coffee eyes.

“Joseph, would you mind leaving us alone? Your brother and I need to talk.”

Reluctant to leave Adam alone – especially with their fuming father – Joe looked to him.

“You’d better go on, Joe,” Adam said and gave him a pat on the back.

With an uncertain glance at their father he went back outside, but he deliberately left the door ajar. He’d never felt any cause to come to Adam’s defense against Pa, but for some reason this time he did. He started for the barn and had barely left the porch when his father let go with the opening salvo.

“What are you trying to do? Drive me to an early grave?”

Joe stopped dead, and his eyes scrunched shut. He knew retaliation was coming, and he didn’t have to wait long for it.

“I’m not trying to drive you anywhere, but have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re driving me away? Your constant hovering over me is about to send me straight up a wall! I can’t even go to the outhouse anymore without you knowing about it and when I’ll get back! Can’t you just leave me alone?”

The parlor went deathly silent. Joe turned around and waited for his brother to burst from the house and rush past him, but it didn’t happen. In fact, nothing happened. Hesitantly at first, he went back inside. His father stood as he had been and Adam was nowhere to be seen. Then he noticed Pa’s face. He was white as milk, and his eyes stood out like coal chips.

“Pa?” he said as he gently took his father’s arm.

“Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost my son. Sometimes I feel like I’m living with a stranger.” He looked around at Joe, and his eyes were haunted. “Sometimes I don’t know the man you brought home, and it disturbs me.”

Now it was Pa he felt needed his protection. “Where is he?”

“He went to his room,” Ben said as his gaze went to the top landing. “He had the funniest look on his face, almost like he was frightened.”

“Do you want me to go talk to him?”

“No, just leave him alone.” A cheerless smile turned one side of his mouth. “I don’t mean to hang over him all the time like I do but I…” Ben bowed his head and put a hand over his face.”

“You’re just afraid of losing him again.” Joe’s grasp tightened on his father’s arm, and his eyes drifted up. Maybe Pa was right, maybe he had brought home a stranger. Goodness knew that sometimes it seemed that way.

FOUR

In the last couple days meals had become quiet with very little in the way of conversation, and supper had been no exception. Joe and Hoss had focused mainly on their food and Adam hadn’t even come down to eat. Ben’s appetite had taken a serious hit after the skirmish with his eldest, and he only picked at his. Afterwards, his sons went straight to their rooms and Ben took to his favorite chair by the fire.

As he eased into its overstuffed seat his eyes came to rest on a rectangular mahogany chest on the table by the hearth. He picked it up and lifted the lid. Lovingly, he rubbed trembling fingertips over the carved ivory bowl of the pipe Adam had given him for Christmas. It was a beautiful thing, and he knew it had been given with love and the highest regard for his father.

His eyes clamped together and pressed out tears that ran down his cheeks. Nothing was like the pain in his chest, and he wished it would go away and leave him in peace. “Can’t you just leave me alone?” Adam’s harsh words rung in his ears, and his fingers bunched on the pipe. With a deep breath he gave it one last look then closed the chest and put it back on the table.

He turned his attention to the flames that flittered among the logs and recalled his unbridled joy when his son had come back home to him. But had he truly come back. In most ways he was the Adam he had raised and loved, but in others he was different. He was more like his little brother when it came to enjoying life, and he still had that acid tongue but it was more biting than it had been when it was unleashed. He and his brothers were growing closer as they had been when they were children, and he had a relationship with Hop Sing that Ben almost envied. It had only been not quite seven months, and he knew he would have to give himself more time. But like the sand through an hour glass, it was quickly running out.

With a sigh he brought himself back to this world and looked toward the stairs and felt the sudden need to talk to his oldest son. Pushing himself out of the chair, he started on up. His sons’ doors were closed, and he walked to the end of the hall to Adam’s and knocked but got no answer. “Adam,” he said softly as he knocked again but still got no answer. “Adam.” He wasn’t one to intrude on the privacy of others but he felt worry nagging at his mind. He quietly opened the door and became instantly aware that the dark room was like ice. “Adam,” and his voice went up an octave.

“I’m out here, Pa.”

Ben’s eyes darted to the window and for the first time he realized it was open. With quick steps, he went to it and stuck his silver head out. “Adam, what’re you doing out here? And without a coat. Are you trying to get sick again?” He ducked back inside and jerked the top blanket from the bed them climbed out and wrapped it around his son. “There, that’s better.”

“Pa, I’m sorry.” He looked around remorsefully at his father. “I had no call to talk to you that way. If I had twenty-five years ago you would’ve put me across your knee and given me a necessary talking to. And I would’ve deserved every lick.”

“It’s all right; I know you didn’t mean it.”

“But it hurts just the same, and I could cut off my right hand for what I said to you. I didn’t mean a word of it, and I don’t know why I even said it. I know the only reason you hang over me the way you do is because you’re afraid of losing me again.” He shook his head and shifted and looked out toward the mountains. “I don’t know why we say hateful things to those we love so much. And there’s nothing to justify it…. I’d think you’d be glad to be rid of me.”

Ben felt his heart twist. “Oh, no, son, I could never want that no matter what you said. I know things haven’t been easy for you since you got home. I don’t know what it was like when you were away from us, and I don’t ever want to. You’re very special to me. All my sons are special. I hope you don’t blame me too much for not wanting you to leave your home…, to leave me.”

Adam looked around at him again. “I don’t blame you. You have been, are and always will be the best father anybody could be privileged to have. And you have nothing to feel guilty for, and if I ever hear that you are I’ll just have to bust you one.” His mouth spread into a mischievous grin.

“Thank you, son.” Ben took a deep breath and the frigid air chilled his lungs then he moved back to the window. “Well, I’ll go and let you think some more.”

“No, Pa, stay with me for a little while longer. We need to just be together even if we don’t say anything.”

“All right, but let me go get my coat. I don’t know about you, but I’m cold.”

But as he started back inside Adam held open the blanket and Ben knew he was being invited in. He didn’t have to think about it and eased back out and sat next to his son and brought the cover around him. The warmth of his son’s body so close to him instilled a feeling of peace and wellbeing inside him. He watched as the dark eyes set on the faraway, and he dreaded the day his child would go there. Then he felt a strong hand wrap around his and squeeze it. He looked into his son’s face as it turned to him, and he knew that no matter where Adam went in this wide world they would always be together.

*******

Adam sat in his bed with his arms wrapped around his knees and stared into the darkness. He was so tired that he figured he would drop right off to sleep but it wasn’t happening. He absentmindedly rubbed his right hip as he tried working it all out in his mind. He’d thought his decision to leave the Ponderosa had been the right one but now he wasn’t so sure. It had felt right until he’d told his family about it the other night and putting it into words had brought what he was planning to do home harder than he’d expected.

“Oh, what’s the use,” he said as he flopped back on the bed with a wince. “This isn’t helping a thing so why not just try to get some sleep?”

He turned over on his right side facing the window and immediately wished he hadn’t. The discomfort from where he’d fallen was more acute, and he knew it was something else to impede his going to sleep. As delicately as he could he turned onto his other side and it began to relent some. He’d known he’d taken a pretty good whack when he’d been thrown and figured to bruise, and he wasn’t going to be disappointed. Moving around until he found a comfortable position he settled back. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad by morning, but either way he wouldn’t tell Pa, the poor man had enough to worry him right now.

With a grunt he shifted again and there was a slight pang in his leg. His mind was such a jumble he knew he was just wasting his time lying here and thought about getting up. Then he began thinking about the time he’d spent on the roof wrapped in the blanket with his father. It was like it had been on the trail when they were coming west. He could remember the two of them sitting – Pa’s back against one of the wagon’s wheels – and he against his father as they watched the night sky, and he would explain celestial navigation to his young son. The corners of his mouth turned and contentment and calm began to take over, and his eyelids grew heavier.

The room grew silent and only the sound of his deep breathing gave it life. He had decided that in the morning things would be better. But for now sleep was the only thing he concerned himself with as the night revolved around him.

FIVE

It was still dark when Adam awoke but his inner clock told him that it wouldn’t be for much longer. He blinked in an effort to clear his eyes of sleep as slumber’s haze gradually diminished from his head. As he became more lucid he was aware of stiffness in his right hip and leg. As he threw the covers back and managed to sit on the side of the bed it was even more noticeable. Now he understood what it was like to be a poker. And it hurt, oh boy, did it hurt. It was misery to lean forward in what should be the simple act of lighting the lamp. But this morning nothing was simple.

Getting to his feet wasn’t the easiest of chores and walking to the dresser was no small feat. As he slipped the nightshirt off and tossed it aside he decided to take a look at what he’d done to himself. He pulled down his under drawers and turned so that could see his reflection in the mirror and got a bit of a shock. The right cheek of his butt was the deepest of purple shot through with dark pinkish red that spidered out from a center, no doubt the impact point. The strong coloring had spread onto his hip and faded out onto his upper thigh. He gingerly laid his hand against it, and the skin was hot.

He groaned with disgust as he pulled the drawers back up. “This isn’t gonna be easy to hide.” Then a glimmer of hope came. “Maybe Hoss and Joe can help me keep this from Pa.” It wasn’t anything life threatening but Pa’s tendency for worrying over his sons had been heightened. He’d always gone off half-cocked where his boys were concerned but now it was fifty times worse, and most of it seemed to be directed at him.

He went ahead and got dressed and it took him longer than usual. Looking out to make sure Pa wasn’t around, he stepped into the hall and slipped across to Hoss’ room and hoped his brother was still in there. He knocked and to his relief he got an answer. “Hoss, it’s Adam, I need to come in,” he said lowly.

After about a minute the door opened, and his husky brother stood before him half dressed, half not. His thick, hairy legs stuck out beneath his shirttail and only the bottom two buttons were done, showing a well furred chest. Adam tried keeping the pain out of his expression but he wasn’t sure how successful he was.

Hoss knew the minute he saw him that something wasn’t exactly as it should be, and he felt more than saw it. Adam had always been pretty good at keeping his true feelings and any hint of discomfort hidden if he so desired, and now was no exception. “Somethin’ wrong, brother?”

“Can I come in,” Adam said, keeping his best straight face. His leg was about ready to drop off and take a good portion of his backside with it, and he needed to sit down.

“Sure, come ahead on.”

Adam made a beeline for the big wingchair and delicately lowered himself into it as the door closed. It felt good to sit even though that hurt too. He carefully scooted back into the seat trying not to leave any part of his anatomy hanging on it and put his weight more onto his left hip.

Hoss walked over to him, finishing his shirt. “You don’t look so good. What’s wrong?”

“Go get Joe.”

“Adam.”

“Go get Joe.”

Adam’s fingers dug into the chair’s arms as Hoss rushed out still in a state of half nudity. After a couple minutes he returned with their little brother in tow and Joe was only slightly more dressed.

“Adam,” Joe said softly as he placed a hand lightly on his wrist.

Adam’s misery filled eyes opened and took in the two anxious faces bent over him. “You know that spill I took yesterday out in Strawberry Meadow? Well, it didn’t do me any favors.” He started to stand and pain striped across his face. Strong hands on either side of him gripped his arms and helped him up as he got his feet under him.

“I’m okay now.” As they stepped back he began undoing his belt.

His brother’s faces dropped as his britches and under drawers did.

Joe’s face pinched and his lip curled. “Ouch.”

“Dang, Adam, you look like a big ol’ grape.”

“I feel like one that’s been stomped.”

Joe reached out and lightly touched it. “It’s hot.”

“I know,” Adam said with a wince as he covered himself again and started re-buttoning his fly.

“Joe, you best go git Pa.”

“Joe, you stay right where you are,” Adam snapped. “I don’t want Pa to know about this.”

“But why?” Hoss asked with a frown.

“You know how he’s always been about us, and now he’s even worse.”

“And how’re you gonna keep that from ‘im?” Joe said as he gestured broadly to his brother’s behind.

“By keeping my britches pulled up, Joe,” Adam said with smirk.

“You know what I mean,” Joe said gruffly.

“That’s why I came in here. I want you two to help me. You both know what it’s gonna be like if he gets wind of this. Remember Christmas?”

Joe paled, making his eyes look even greener. “All right, you’ve got a good point, but why would he get so shook- up over you having a purple butt?”

That telltale lone eyebrow rose, and his mouth pulled into a knot. “I got hurt, Joe, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t like seeing Pa like that. And I’ve been the cause of so much of his grief lately that I don’t want to add anymore.”

“All right, but before either one of us says yes to this thing I want you to promise to let Doc Martin take a look at that.”

“There’s no use of that, Hoss,” Adam objected. “It’s just a bad bruise, and it’s not like it’s never happened before.”

“Just the same, if’n you want me to go along with this you’ll let us send somebody into town for the doc an’ let ‘im take a look at it.”

“That goes for me too,” Joe said as he crossed his arms over his chest and defiantly jutted his chin out.

Adam knew when he was defeated. When his brothers ganged up on him he knew he was in trouble and this time they wouldn’t back down. “If it’ll make the both of you happy,” he said with a nod. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to sit back down.”

Hoss was instantly at his side while Joe dashed back to his room to finish getting dressed. He helped his brother back into the chair and stayed close by.

Adam didn’t like feeling helpless and so dependant. Last month he’d gotten sick and now he’d been tossed and done a real job on himself. He looked up into Hoss’ soulful blue eyes. “This is a heck of a way to start the New Year.”

*******

“All right, it’s done,” Joe said as he blustered back in. “Burt’s on his way.”

“Good,” Adam said. “Now one of us has to get Pa out of the house after breakfast, and I don’t think I’m up to it.”

It took Joe a few seconds to realize that he was at the center of his brothers’ attention. “Why does it always have to be me?” he said as he ruffled his hair. “Why can’t Hoss do it?”

“Because I need Hoss here and you’re expendable,” Adam said and grinned sweetly.

“Oh, thanks, and just how am I supposed to do that?”

“You’ll figure somethin’ out, little brother. You always manage to.” Hoss gave Adam a quick glance.

Joe raised his upper lip, and his head doddered.

“Yeah, but that brings us to another problem. Breakfast. The minute Pa gits a look at you limpin’ around like a lame colt he’s gonna know somethin’s wrong. He ain’t blind, you know.”

“Hoss is right. When he sees you he won’t need anybody to tell ‘im you got hurt pretty bad out there yesterday.”

Adam’s brow knit, and he went pensive on them. Pa was as sharp as they came and putting this over on him was going to take some finesse. And when it came to finessing, when the three Cartwright brothers banded together you could find yourself in a peck of trouble. However, Pa was wise to their tactics, and they knew they would have to put a lot of thought into this, but they didn’t have a whole lot of time to do it in.

SIX

Adam sat at his little writing desk counting the minutes until he could get back onto the bed. The small chair had a hard seat with no padding and it was sending spasms of sheer torment through his already tortured butt. He had several sheets of paper in front of him and was making an architectural sketch. Pa – as well as the rest of his family – knew how he was when he got wound up in something like this. He would spend hours drawing and figuring and forget about such mundane things as eating and sleeping.

A light knock came at his door followed by Pa’s voice, and his spine stiffened. “Here we go,” he said softly and hunched over his work. The knock came again a little louder but still he didn’t answer. That was another thing about him when he got really immersed in his renderings: his hearing didn’t work.

Then he heard the door open behind him. “Adam.” Still he continued to concentrate on his drawing. He soon became aware of Pa standing next to him but he acted as if he still hadn’t noticed. Then a gentle pressure on his shoulder, and his name made him finally look around.

“Oh, hi, Pa. I guess I just didn’t hear you. I’m sorry. I got so busy with this I kinda lost track of everything.”

“Breakfast is on the table.”

“All right, Pa, I’ll be down in a few minutes, just let me finish with this right here.” Adam’s pencil worked over the paper.

Ben watched him dubiously. He thought about suggesting that it wait but he knew his son, and he knew how he was when he got into this. Adam’s mind didn’t work like anybody else’s and what he enjoyed the rest of his family hardly took notice of. “All right, son,” he said and gave him a pat on the arm but Adam didn’t even seem to be aware.

The door closed and Adam relaxed and let the pencil drop. So far his plan was working; he just wished it would work a little faster.

Ben came down the stairs and started toward the dining room. Hoss and Joe were already working at their breakfasts when he joined them.

“Ain’t Adam gonna eat?” Hoss asked as he shoveled in a bite, and his eyes darted away.

“Joe, I want you to fill a plate and take it up to your brother. He’s doing his drawings this morning, and you know how he is when he gets into that.”

Joe’s eyes flew to his brother but he was careful not to let their father see him.

“Pa, let me take it,” Hoss said as his attention was temporarily diverted from his food. “He can have his way with Joe better ‘n he can me.

“All right, son,” Ben said as he poured himself a steaming cup of coffee.

Hoss grabbed the empty dish from Adam’s place and started filling it.

Ben watched him for a few seconds, the cup poised halfway between the table and his mouth. “Don’t you think you should finish yours first?”

“Nah, I’ll just take mine on up with his an’ eat with ‘im. If’n I’m there talkin’ to ‘im he won’t have much interest in them drawin’s o’ his.”

Ben continued watching him over the rim of his cup as he took a sip then his gaze turned on Joe then back to Hoss. “Is something going I should know about?”

“What makes you say that, Pa?” Joe said as he almost got strangled on a bite.

“I raised you. Now would somebody like to tell me what’s going on?”

“Ain’t nothin’ goin’ on, Pa,” Hoss said as he took up both plates. “Joe, you can bring up the coffee, I ain’t got enough hands.” Then he retreated for the stairs.

“I’ll be right there, Hoss.” Joe took another bite but kept his wits about him. He had to try not to be in too much of a hurry but – at the same time – he didn’t want to appear too disinterested. Pa would catch onto anything, if he hadn’t already. Joe washed it down with coffee then stood and started filling the cups. “I guess I’d better get these up to ‘em before somebody comes after my scalp. I’ll be right back, Pa.”

Ben’s suspicious gaze stayed locked on his son’s back as he went after Hoss with the two cups. He grinned and took a sip then he finished taking up his breakfast.

Hoss got up to answer the door as Adam – now transferred to the bed – continued to work on his honey and butter filled biscuit. “Do you think he’s too suspicious?” Hoss asked as his little brother slipped inside.

“What do you think? He’s Pa.” Joe said as he handed over the coffee. “But I played it real easy. I don’t think he suspects anything.”

Adam groaned and forgot about his meal, and his fork clattered against the china. When his little brother was this confident he knew it was time for concern. Joe had more faith in his own prowess than anybody else did, and Adam had to admit that he had matured in that direction since he’d returned home. Still, he knew Joe, and he knew Pa and that together didn’t exactly fill him with assurance.

“It’s all right, big brother,” Joe said and gave him a healthy, encouraging smack. “Now I’d better get on back downstairs before Pa comes up here.”

Joe ducked back out and closed the door behind him. Hoss sat down and started in on his meal again but Adam had lost interest in his.

“Hoss, I’m afraid we may be in trouble.”

*******

Hoss stood on the top landing of the stairs and watched as Joe and their father started out. He caught a wink from his brother then he went out after Pa and closed the door. Hoss waited several minutes before going back to Adam’s room. “They’ve gone out to the barn to git their horses. Joe talked ‘im into goin’ with ‘im to check the fence line in the East range. It weren’t so easy but you know how persuasive our little brother can be.”

Adam shifted his weight onto his left hip and settled back into the soft pillows. “Good. Now if Joe can just keep him out there until Paul comes and goes.”

“I still don’t know why you’re so all fired set on keepin’ this from Pa. It ain’t like you was shot or nothin’,” Hoss said as he sat back in the chair. “You just banged up your settin’ part.”

“I know, but I think Pa’s done enough frettin’ for a while, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess he has at that…. Adam.”

“Yeah.”

“Whydaya wantta leave? I mean, this has been your home for most o’ the years you’ve been alive, so why go an’ leave it?”

“Because I have been here most of my life, and I simply think I need to do something else with the years I have left, however many that is.”

“Like what? I know you ain’t been so happy here since you got back from college, but I always thought you was happy enough with me, Joe an’ Pa.”

“It’s not that I’m unhappy, in fact, I’m not, but I learned the hard way that if we plan on doing something it’s best not to put it off too long. I almost did.”

Hoss got up and moved to the window and looked out into the deceptively sunny day. He knew it was as cold out there as his heart felt at this moment. He’d feared for some time that this would come – that his older brother would go away – but he’d always hoped that his mind would change before then. “Where would you go an’ what would you do?”

“I haven’t really decided on that yet, but so far going back to Boston seems to come to mind more than anything. It’s been a long time since I’ve been there, and I think I’d like to see it again.”

“But would you want to live there,” Hoss said as he turned around, “maybe for the rest o’ your life?”

Adam went silent and his eyes went to the floor. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about this before, but this was the first time he’d heard it put into words and it made him think even harder on it. ‘…maybe for the rest o’ your life?’ The thought of possibly not seeing his family again wasn’t so appealing, but simply being in Boston didn’t mean that they couldn’t come see him or he them. And there were always holidays and birthdays.

“Just because I’m not living here doesn’t mean we’ll never see each other ever again. As long as there are stagecoaches and trains and other ways to travel there’s nothing says we’ll always be apart.”

Hoss sat back down and wrung his hands together in front of him. “I know, but I just don’t want my big brother to be that far away.”

Slowly, those unhappy blue eyes came up to Adam’s face, and he thought he would suffocate.

“I don’t want ‘im to go.”

Adam’s fingers wadded in the bedding, and he fought to keep his feelings from showing. He’d made up his mind to do this thing, and he couldn’t back out now, no matter how painful it was.

SEVEN

Joe and Ben had been riding fence line out in the East range – checking it for breaks and anything else that would require repairs – for maybe an hour. Finally, Ben rode over to his son and Joe could see that his mind was set on something, he knew the look; he’d seen it many times through the years.

“We’ve done all we can out here, and I’m going back to the house.”

“Well, don’t you think…?”

“Joseph, I said I’m going back to the house. I let you talk me into this against my better judgment.”

“While we’re out here maybe we should…”

“Enough!” Ben roared.

Joe flinched in the saddle as if he’d been physically struck.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to keep me from, but I should’ve known it from the beginning.”

“I’m not trying to keep you from anything; I just thought this’d go faster with two people. Hoss and Adam had things they needed to do, so I asked you. Is that so wrong?”

Ben eyed him suspiciously. “Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter now; I’m going back to the house. Now you can either come with me or you can stay out here, it’s up to you.” He brought the big buckskin around and started off.

Joe watched him go then kneed Cochise and rode off after him and hoped the doctor was gone by the time they got there.

*******

With some hard riding it didn’t take long for them to get back to the house. As they came into the yard they saw that Paul Martin’s buggy was parked near the porch.

Ben went snow white – his jaw clamping – and he shot Joe a withering look that could melt a cast iron stove. “Joseph,” he said through gritted teeth and dismounted quickly and dashed for the front door.

As Ben burst into the house with Joe not far behind, the doctor was coming down the stairs with his battered black leather medical bag. Father and son stood perfectly still as Paul came over to them.

“He’s all right, Ben. He just got a nasty bruise in a place where it’s best not to get nasty bruises,” Paul said with a smirk. “And I don’t think he’s going to be sitting a horse for a bit.”

“Which one?”

The doctor’s blue-gray eyes flitted toward the upstairs. “Your oldest. Now, if Joe’ll see me out I’ll be on my way.” He took Joe by the arm and half dragged him outside as Ben bolted for the staircase.

Once they reached the buggy Joe pulled his arm away. “What was that for? You know the way out by yourself, or at least you should by this time.”

Paul eased into the seat. “I was saving a life,” he said with a wry grin, “if only temporarily. Your brothers told me what you three were up to. Now you’d better go on back in and face it, and if you need me anymore you know where to find me.” With a snittering laugh he took up the reins and slapped them against his horse’s back and started off past the barn.

Joe looked toward the second story and swallowed hard then started back inside.

Adam was resting on the bed on his side propped on his elbow, and Hoss was sitting in the chair that had been pulled up. They were playing two-handed poker for matchsticks when the door burst open to reveal a flustered Ben Cartwright. “Hi, Pa,” they said almost in unison.

“Don’t you ‘Hi, Pa’ me,” Ben said as he stomped over to them. “What do you mean by keeping this from me? Hasn’t my heart taken enough in the past few months?”

“You weren’t supposed to be back yet.” Adam slapped some cards down. “I’ll take two.” He looked up at his father as Hoss dealt them to him. “It’s not that serious, it just looks worse than it is and hurts like the dickens. And it was because of your heart that we did it this way, and don’t blame Hoss and Joe, I talked ‘em into it.”

“Speaking of your brother.” Ben stuck his head out into the hall. “Joseph Francis Cartwright get up here!”

“I’ll see your ten and raise you ten,” Hoss said as he pushed some of the sticks across the blanket.

“Yeah, Pa,” Joe said timidly as he came in.

“I call, so whadaya got, older brother?”

“Read ‘em and weep,” Adam said as he fanned his cards out on the bed. “An Ace high straight.”

“Dang!” Hoss said as he slammed his down. “You got all the luck.”

“Yeah,” Adam said morosely as he rubbed his backside where it wouldn’t hurt, “not all of it good.”

“Do you two mind?” Ben snapped. “Adam, I can’t believe you did this, and I can’t believe the two of you went along with it.”

“Pa, there was no harm intended and the deceit wasn’t malicious. I just didn’t want you to be upset, and Joe and Hoss agreed with me, because we knew you would be.”

“Of course, I would be. You’re my son, and I don’t like seeing you hurt. I don’t like seeing any one of my sons hurt. Adam, do you think so little of me?”

This hit Adam like a rock, and he forgot about the cards and his ‘nasty bruise’. He sat up and the pain sucked his breath away but he tried to conceal it. He bounded from the bed and the right side of his butt throbbed and kept time with his heartbeat, but still he didn’t let on.

Ben could see the pain glittering in his son’s dark eyes. Maybe it wasn’t so serious but he could tell that it hurt mightily. He saw the muscles knot in Adam’s jaw and guessed that only part of it was from his injury.

“Joe, Hoss, go back downstairs, we’ll talk about this later.”

“If Adam doesn’t need us,” Joe said staunchly.

“It’s all right; Pa and I need to talk.”

A look passed between brothers that spoke louder than any words, and Ben caught it right off. The bond among his sons had grown stronger and – he believed – would continue to. As a family they had been through much together, and he liked to think that it had strengthened them. He smiled to himself as the door closed, and he was alone with his eldest. “Why don’t you sit down, son?”

“I’d just as soon stand, if it’s all the same to you.”

“All right,” Ben said as he took a seat in the chair. He watched as Adam stalked back toward the bed. “Were you worried about me being upset or my fussing over you?”

Adam grinned lopsidedly as he began to simmer down some and ran his fingers back through his heavy black hair. “To tell the truth, Pa, a little of both. You have to admit that you could bother a man to death. And before you ask, no, you’re not the reason I’m leaving, it’s time is all. It was almost past time, and I just don’t want to put it off any longer.”

“Well, since you put it that way I don’t feel like I’m at fault though I still don’t like it, I never will,” Ben said as a gentle cast tinted with sorrow came over his rugged face. “And I know that trying to talk you out of it would be an utter waste of time so you can expect my full support.”

“Why the change of heart?”

“Because you’re my son.”

“Thanks, Pa,” and that single eyebrow rose, “but I’m can’t help wondering if I’m gonna get off so lucky with my brothers.” He shook his head and snickered. “Or Hop Sing, for that matter.”

“I could talk to them about it and ask them not to.”

“Don’t do that. I think it’ll be fun to see what lengths they’ll go to. I know how inventive those two can be, and that devious Oriental mind should make things interesting.”

Ben stepped to his son and took his shoulders in a firm grasp and looked straight into those eyes alive with intelligence. Giving his consent and promising not to interfere was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He wanted to tie his son to a chair if that was what it would take to keep him there, but he knew it wouldn’t help. This was something Adam felt he had to do, and Ben had always tried to back his sons in their endeavors. Of course, with some of the shenanigans Hoss and Joe got into it wasn’t always easy.

“It’s okay, Pa.”

Ben’s full mouth curved slightly as he looked at his son, then he threw his arms around him and held on as if to never let go. He felt the muscular arms encircle him, and their touch filled him with an ache like he hadn’t known in a while. “I love you, son.”

“I love you too…. It’s gonna be all right.”

They continued to just stand there locked in each other’s embrace as the world went silent.

EIGHT

Adam’s night was restless; it had been difficult to find a position that didn’t exacerbate the pain until he’d finally turned onto his stomach. Then his racing mind had picked up the gauntlet and kept him awake. No one had to tell him how hard it would be for Pa to back his leaving the Ponderosa, but he knew that once Ben Cartwright’s word was given it was solid as bedrock. His brothers and Hop Sing, however, had made no such promise, and he had steeled himself for what could be headed toward him.

After no more than two or three hours sleep he gently worked himself to his feet, got dressed and went down to breakfast. The chair where he usually sat he eyed dubiously as he approached the table. “Good morning,” he said brightly.

The salutation was returned by his family and only Hoss seemed more interested in what was in front of him. Adam poured himself some coffee then began filling his plate, paying particular attention to the biscuits.

“So, what have you got planned for today?” Ben said as he lifted his cup.

“Anything as long as it doesn’t require sitting, especially on a horse,” Adam said with a mild grimace.

“Why don’t I get you one of the soft feather pillows from the guest room?” Joe said eagerly.

“No, I think I’ll visit with Hop Sing. Then I’ll get started on whatever I can find around here to do today.” He gathered up his plate and cup and went into the kitchen.

Hop Sing was at the small table having a cup of tea while the family ate. He always had a light breakfast before starting theirs so he would have more energy and time to devote to the family and his duties. While they were eating he would have some tea and two or three rice cakes.

“Could you stand some company this morning?” Adam asked as he came in.

The obsidian eyes came up as his boy put his meal down on the table. “You not eat with family?”

“I thought we could talk, and I am with family.”

A smile touched the corners of his eyes. “What you like talk about?”

“I’m sure we’ll think of something,” Adam said and started in on an egg.

Hop Sing didn’t have to be told why his boy was there. He was sensitive to other people’s wants and needs – always had been – and he was doing it now. He had stepped into the edge of the dining room the eve of the American New Year when raised voices had made their way to his ears. Concern had caused him to venture out, and that was when he’d heard that the first-born was going to leave his home. With sadness in his heart he had gone back into the kitchen to contain it lest someone see that he knew. He had lost interest in his food as he watched the Number One Son relishing his own and knew that it would be one of the last times.

“So, what have you got planned for today?” Adam asked repeating his father’s question.

“Same thing Hop Sing always do. I cook and clean and make sure evelything shipshape. Why you ask?”

“It makes a good conversation starter, and I’m truly interested,” Adam said as he tore off a piece of biscuit and sopped in his gravy. “So you have nothing special?” He popped the morsel into his mouth.

“Why you want know?” Hop Sing said then he turned his head sideways and looked at him from the corners of his eyes. “You up to something?”

“Like I said, I’m just making conversation.”

“No, you say you making starter.”

The mischievousness left the dark face and it became more serious. “I’m just here to talk…, and I think you know what about.”

Hop Sing’s breathing staggered – he did know. He diverted his attention back to his tea and rice cakes.

“We both know that in September I’ll be going away from here, so don’t pretend that you’re not aware of it.” He took a drink of his coffee but his eyes stayed on the little man over his cup. “I’ve talked to Pa, Joe and Hoss about it, but not you and I think it’s time. Don’t you?”

The mournful black eyes rose. “No, but that never stop first-born.”

“You know me so well,” Adam said as an impish gleam sparkled in his eyes.

“Have twenty years to learn.” His gaze lowered to his hands. “Now maybe have twenty years or more to miss. Only have memolies.”

“Memories can keep us warm when we’re cold and make us laugh and raise our spirits when we’re sad. I have some good ones attached to this place – this house and its people – that’ll see me through the coming years.”

“Not all good.”

Adam’s expression darkened. “No, the bad ones are always sprinkled in among the good ones just enough to remind us not to take the more pleasant aspects of life for granted.” He sniggered. “But we always seem to do just that.”

“This light, but this also part of what make us human. Also human part not want to lose those we care for.”

“You’ve been like a second father, and you’ve always been there for us when Pa couldn’t be. I don’t know what I would’ve done this past Christmas if you hadn’t been.” Adam put his fork down and came around to Hop Sing. “As far as we’re concerned you’re a fifth Cartwright and always will be.” Then the corners of his fine mouth turned up. “Hop Sing Cartwright, I like that.”

At no other time since he had come to this family had he felt such love and pride. Before him stood one of his boys, and he would soon venture away from those who loved him and into the world to make his own life. It had been many years in coming but he understood this was the time and why. Hop Sing stood and held out his hand in a gesture of friendship and Adam only looked at it. Then – in an uncharacteristic move – the first-born threw his arms around the little man and held on tight. Hop Sing felt his burning tears finally release, and he gently patted the broad back.

Hoss stood in the doorway watching them. He knew he should back out and leave them alone but he just couldn’t make himself do it. The light caught in the moisture filming his eyes and emotion painted his cheeks. Then – with force in his step – he walked over to them and flung his arms around the two, and Hop Sing found himself in danger of being pleasurably squashed.

*******

Adam noticed the instant he stepped outside that this day was a might chillier than the last few. He snuggled his coat around him and tugged his hat down around his ears. The sky had darkened with the progression of the morning, and he suspected that the portent from the other day that had caused his precipitous run-in with a rock was now upon them.

Hoss and Joe had ridden out to complete the job he had started and Pa was in the house getting into something.

He walked across the yard toward the barn, his step more subdued and not as brisk as usual. This was the second day after the one of his accident, and he hadn’t seen his horse since, and he didn’t want Sport to feel neglected. Though, with Hoss around, he was sure he didn’t.

“Good morning, son,” he said as he stepped inside.

At the sound of the familiar baritone the big chestnut’s ears pricked in that direction. Adam went straight to the stall and rested a hand on the animal’s hindquarters so he would know someone was there. “You’re looking well,” he said with a hearty pat on the withers. “You’re shiny a wet nugget in the sunshine so I’d say somebody’s been currying you.” He stroked the glistening coat and it was like satin. “It might’ve been Joe but I’d say more than likely it was Hoss. But I’m sure nobody’s ridden you. You’re pretty much a one man horse, although you and my little brother seem to get along. I tell you what, since we won’t be going riding for a bit why don’t we go for a walk?”

He took a rope lead from where it hung on the wall and fastened to Sport’s halter then brought him out. Adam went outside with the sleek horse ambling along behind him then they went around the side of the house past the kitchen and around back. Here the ground was pretty well even and stretched all the way to the mountains that were hazy and misted with the heavy, damp air. It was laden with the pine scent that seemed to wrap around them.

They stopped not far from the rear facing dining room window. “Since I don’t feel like doing a whole lot of walking why don’t I just let you do it? I think you’re able to without me.” He undid the lead and gave Sport a swat on the rump.

The big chestnut sprinted off, jerking and tossing his head. His mane and tail waved and danced in the wind as his long legs made through the tall grass. He stopped and looked at his master, giving him his best silhouette with head erect and ears perked forward. Then in a flash he darted toward Adam and – swerving at the last second – circled around behind him and shot past him. Again he stopped and just looked at the man he had trusted all these years.

Ben had been catching up on his paper work since right after breakfast. With the time he had taken out for Thanksgiving and Christmas things had kind of piled up on him. It couldn’t be said he was having a good time at it but it was something that had to be done. He came across a vague expenditure that he thought had something to do with the running of the kitchen so he decided to ask Hop Sing about it. As he started through the dining room the hint of motion outside the back window caught his attention. As he got closer he saw what it was. Sport was behaving like a big overgrown colt. He would run and dash around Adam and stop in front of him then his son would make the slightest move and the horse would be off again. It wasn’t hard to see that they were enjoying themselves, and while it gladdened a father it saddened him as well.

Had he not been so mesmerized with what was going on he would have heard the horses outside. He didn’t even notice when Hoss and Joe blustered into the house. However, they noticed him right off.

“Pa, what’re you doin’?” Joe asked.

“Watching your brother play,” Ben said without looking around.

The brothers exchanged looks of sheer puzzlement then joined their father before even removing their coats. From the second they saw what was going on it registered on their faces with the purest delight.

“Well, I’ll be dadburned.”

“Hop Sing hasta see this,” Joe said as he rushed for the kitchen. When he quickly returned the little cook was close behind him and they squeezed in between Ben and Hoss.

Adam wasn’t aware of the fours sets of eyes focused so intently on him, he was simply having too much fun. He allowed his mind to drift away from what was before him for a short time. For right now, though, he was just enjoying himself like he had when he was a boy. Adulthood would return all too soon, so for now he just let it be him and his horse.

NINE

Ben stood before the mammoth fireplace staring down into the crackling flames and once again saw his son as he had earlier that day behind the house. Even though they were grown men a part of them had never quite grown up. This he had known about Hoss and Joe but Adam surprised him, but then much about his oldest surprised him these days. He had suspected that an inner child lurked inside that one just waiting to be let out. Adam, however, had always been disinclined to allow that part of him to show for fear – Ben believed – of looking weak or being hurt in some way. Yet every now and then he caught hints that it existed, though it was usually restrained. But now that seemed to not concern him at all, and he was enjoying life as much as anyone Ben had ever seen.

As he stood there he heard heavy footfalls and turned to see Hoss with a piece of chicken left over from supper. “Hungry again?”

“I think you’d be better to ask still.”

Ben grinned and looked back into the fire. It continually confounded him at how much his middle son could eat. He soon became aware of Hoss’ towering presence next to him.

“I had fun watchin’ Adam today. He don’t cut loose enough, though he does more ‘n he used to, an’ I like seein’ it.”

“Except where red pepper’s involved?”

Hoss winced and smacked as his mouth involuntarily watered. “Yeah.” Then he grew reflective and the chicken leg was forgotten. “Pa, do you think he’ll go ahead an’ do it? Do you think he’ll go ahead an’ really leave the Ponderosa?”

“Well, you know how your older brother is when he makes up his mind to something. It would be easier to move the mountains than to change it.”

“Maybe, but you’re still gonna try, ain’t ya?”

“I promised him that I wouldn’t and that I’d give him my support in whatever he decides to do.” Ben’s eyes narrowed. “Are you?”

“I ain’t decided yet.”

He put a firm hand on Hoss’ shoulder. “I know you’ll do the right thing. If it’s one thing I can always be certain of, it’s my sons standing by each other. There’ve been things come up but in the end you’ve stuck together as brother’s should.”

“Yeah,” Hoss said distantly like his mind was miles away.

That devious expression came that always alerted Ben to the fact that Hoss was plotting. Joe’s, however, was more subtle but the machinations of his mind were even craftier. But when it came to Machiavellian thought processes their brother had it on both of them so this should prove interesting.

“I guess I might as well go on up to bed,” Hoss said with a languid yawn that Ben knew was put on for his benefit.
“I got a lotta work ahead o’ me.”

Ben caught the implications in his words instantly. “All right, son. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Pa,” Hoss said as he refocused his attention on the chicken then started on upstairs.

Yes, unless things changed, this was going to prove to be a lively nine months. Ben turned back to the fire and felt the sense of defeat creep up on him again.

Joe was buttoning his nightshirt when a discreet knock came at his door. He frowned and his bare feet patted the cold floor as he went to answer it. “Hoss, what do you want? I thought you’d be headed to bed.”

“I will in a minute,” Hoss said as he pushed his way in. “But first we gotta talk about what we’re gonna do about Adam. Close the door. You know we cain’t just let ‘im go.”

“I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do,” Joe said as he pushed the door together. “And I don’t think we should even try. Suppose it was you, would you want him to try talking you out of it if your mind was made up?”

Hoss bit the side out of the chicken leg as he thought it over. “If’n I thought I was hurtin’ everybody else I would.”

“Who says he’s hurting anybody?” Joe said as he raised one foot from the floor and warmed it on top of the other. “And what about Adam? What about us hurting him? If we make him stay won’t we doing it to him?”

Hoss’ jaw dropped in mid-chew and the leg lost out again. “Never thought about it that way.” He took a deep, heavy breath. “I spose you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. I know it won’t be easy but we don’t want to let Adam down.” Joe’s brow knit. “He wouldn’t let us down, and he wouldn’t try to change our minds if this was what we really thought was right for us. Would he?”

Hoss was thinking hard about it and it showed in his face.

“Well, would he?”

“No, he sure wouldn’t, an’ I think we should do somethin’ special for ‘im.”

“We will, though I don’t know what yet.”

“That’ll be the easy part. Keepin’ ‘im from findin’ out’s gonna be the hard part.”

“I know, I know, but I think we’re up to the challenge.” He put a confident hand on his brother’s shoulder. “After all, he’ll be up against both of us.”

“He always has been, an’ it never done no good.”

The silence in the room was the sound of Joe’s crest falling. “Well, we were both younger then,” he said as he brightened some.

“Joe, last May ain’t been that long ago, an’ I don’t think we’ve learned so much in that short o’ time. I mean, we are talkin’ about Adam here an’ unless we git Pa on our side I ain’t givin’ out much hope.”

“Well, then we’ll just get Pa on our side. When we tell him what we wantta do he’ll help us.”

“But it still ain’t gonna be easy,” Hoss said as he shook his head. “Adam ain’t the easiest person to put somethin’ over on.”

Joe’s bright enthusiasm tarnished. “I know that,” he said crustily, “but I’m not going down without a fight.”

“I’m glad you see it that way ‘cause that’s sure what it’s gonna be, an’ you can count me in.”

“Good,” and he gave Hoss a robust slap on the back, shifting from foot to foot. “Now we’d better turn in so I can sleep on it, and figure out what it is we want to do.”

Hoss agreed and went out into the hall eating his chicken. As soon as he was gone Joe hastily closed the door and blew out the lamp then dove into bed. By this time his feet were like ice balls and it sent a chill through the rest of him. He fluffed up his pillow then snuggled down under the layers of covers. Hoss was right that it would be easier with Pa’s help and maybe he could even get Hop Sing to lend a hand. He still didn’t like the idea of Adam going, but he knew there was nothing he could do, and he felt he shouldn’t even try. His mind began trying to formulate a plan but it was too late, and he was too tired. Gradually, his feet thawed out, and he felt safe and warm all over. His eyelids lowered and sleep sealed them for the night. For now his scheming would have to wait.

*******

Again Adam was on his stomach, the blankets and quilts brought over him with only the top of his head and his eyes and nose visible. His day hadn’t been what he would usually call productive but it had been fulfilling. His antic behind the house with Sport had been the most fun he’d had in a long while. Once he’d caught sight of those watching him from the window but hadn’t let on. There used to be a time when he would have been self-conscious about being seen acting like a schoolboy but now it didn’t matter. He was who he was and if others didn’t like it that was their problem. And this was, after all, his family, and he knew that they weren’t ashamed of his behavior so why should he be?

He burrowed his head deeper into the pillow and tried not to think about what he was going to do; if he did it would only keep him awake. This had been the only real home he’d ever known and the thought of leaving it tended to unnerve him a little. Always when he’d left in the past to go to San Francisco or New York or wherever there had been the knowledge that he would return to the Ponderosa. And while it bothered him some, the thought of going off and making his own life excited him, and he found himself eager for it to get started even though he hated the idea of parting from his family.

With a deep breath he seemed to sink deeper into the soft mattress and drowsiness nibbled at him. He was warmer now than he had been in many a day and it was not just from being swaddled in bedclothes. His father and brothers maybe didn’t like what he was going to do, but he knew they would back him on this. He realized that his brothers knew in the backs of their minds that they couldn’t change his but because of who they are he expected them to try. As for Pa – even though he had given his word to support his decision – Adam looked for subtle comments from him.

“My family,” he said softly into the darkness with the hint of a smile then drifted off to sleep.

TEN

The sun had yet to show its shining face when Adam roused to start his day. Today he would do more than he did yesterday and give his saddle a good going-over. He’d been a little lax with it lately – which wasn’t like him – so after breakfast he would get at it, though he’d have to do it standing up.

He threw back the covers and started to get up but as he did his foot hooked, and he lost his balance. In the gloom he couldn’t see the floor coming ever closer and for that he was glad. In an effort to catch he got twisted around, and his hand caught the desk chair. They both hit at the same time, and he landed exactly on what he didn’t want to.

The pain shot through his backend and made him about half sick with its severity. He knew only too well that if he kept this up it would never get better. How could it if he kept thumping and thrashing it?

“Why is it,” he muttered into the lightening black, “when you hurt yourself – no matter how hard you try not to – you keep hurting it?” He took a deep breath and thought about just lying there for the rest of the day. “Ouch.”

Hoss was just starting downstairs when he heard the clamor and knew exactly where it had come from and dashed for Adam’s room. Light from the hall spilled in as he flung the door open, and the sight ran through him like a sharp spike. “Adam.”

Forlorn dark eyes turned to him but other than that Adam didn’t move. “Morning, brother.”

“You all right?” Hoss asked as he crouched next to him.

“I will be once the throbbing stops.”

“Oh, you landed there,” Hoss said with a grimace.

“Afraid so.”

A shadow fell over them as Ben and Joe filled the doorway.

“Pa, Joe,” Adam said casually. “Come on in and join the party.” The pain was beginning to lessen but one last sharp twinge sent a wince flitting over his face.

“Are you all right, son? What happened?”

“I guess I was just a little too eager to get out of bed, and I got twisted up in the blankets.”

Hoss helped him up but there was no way of doing it without setting off the pain again. Once he was finally to his feet they left him to get dressed. By the time he got downstairs breakfast was already on the table and again he took without sitting down.

Adam went out shrugging into his coat and headed straight for the barn. He wanted to get started on his saddle then putter around and get at some other chores he’d neglected. Bidding Sport a good morning he went about getting together everything he would need. He was just putting the saddle on one of the stall dividers – since it would be better to have it at chest level than bending over – when Joe came in.

“I see you’ve finally decided to get around to that,” Joe said cheerfully.

“Yeah, I’m afraid that for the last few days I’ve been rather sorrowful.”

“You won’t get any arguments from me,” Joe said with a broad grin as he brought Cochise from his stall.

“Didn’t think I would.” Adam took the lid from a small tin of paste and began rubbing a cloth in it. “So where’re you headed.”

“While the weather’s still holding I thought I’d go check on the Maddens and see if they need anything since you’re not quite able. Maybe even take ‘em a bag of flour and a side of bacon.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Adam said as he worked the paste onto the seat of his saddle and up onto the cantle. “But I think I’d better warn you that Suzanne is a proud woman.”

“Don’t worry; I know how to get around that. I figure this could just be an advance on Jake’s wages,” Joe said with a sly wink.

“That’s not bad,” Adam said as he jabbed a finger at him then went back to work.

As he concentrated on his chore he became aware of a presence close by him. He looked around into the serious face of his little brother and it wasn’t hard to see that something else was definitely on his mind. “Something else?” and he went back to loading more paste onto the cloth. When he didn’t get an answer, however, he stopped and looked up. Now he noticed that whatever was on Joe’s mind was of great importance. “Joe, what is it?”

“I’ve decided that I’m gonna give you my support in this just like Pa.”

“You are?”

“I figure you’ve given this a lot of thought, and you know what you’re doing.” He took his hat off and ruffled his fingers in his dark unruly hair. “I guess I’ve always known that some day you’d go for good, even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself. When you left for college I was afraid you wouldn’t come back then, but you did, and at first I was satisfied. But later I could see that you weren’t, at least, not like you had been, and when I got older I realized that some day, some time, you would go.” Joe snorted. “I just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.”

“Joe, I’m getting close to thirty-five.”

“If you were a hundred-and-five it’d still be too soon. But, like I said, I’m gonna support you. It’s your life to live, and your mind to make up and it wouldn’t be right of me to interfere. Too much,” he winked then put his hat back on then held his hand out. “But this doesn’t mean I won’t say a few things along the way.”

Adam just looked at him then laid the cloth and tin aside and gripped it firmly. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.” They shook on it then Joe jerked his brother to him and hugged him hard enough to last for a while.

Adam held on and seriously began having second thoughts. Boston was so far away from those he loved. He’d thought it didn’t matter, and he’d tried convincing himself that it didn’t and that letters and wires were enough but now he wasn’t so sure. If he’d left a year ago they probably would have been but so much had happened to him since then – since June – and now he just didn’t know. He was bound and determined to find out, though, and if he was wrong he could always come back home.

*******

Joe’s mind worked furiously as he rode toward the Madden place, he still wanted to do something special and give Adam a proper sendoff when the time came. He’d worked on it until he fallen asleep but he still hadn’t come up with anything fitting. He hadn’t talked to Hoss about it yet this morning, and he hoped that maybe he would come up with something by the time he got back. He grinned as Cochise trotted along, the flour and slab of bacon bouncing from the saddle horn.

He gave a sigh of resignation and looked around him at this wild country. It was beautiful but it harbored vicious, brutal men like the one that had very nearly taken his oldest brother from them and for no other reason than he enjoyed it. Decker could have simply taken the horse and what Adam had on him and ridden away – it was done all the time – but the pleasure of beating a man more than half to death and humiliating him in the bargain he couldn’t pass up. Joe had met men like that before but he’d been fortunate not to be on the business end of them. Adam, however, hadn’t been so lucky and it had left its mark. He believed that this was what had finally made Adam’s decision to leave come when it did, and if not for that his brother may have been content to continually put it off. But now the die was cast and that stubborn Yankee would never back down from it. Where he would eventually wind up was anybody’s guess but Joe suspected it would be Boston, the place of his birth and where he attended college. The ties were strong there – even though Adam had no family in that city since his grandfather’s death six years earlier – but from the way he talked about it Joe had always figured he would return some day.

He thought he felt a spatter of rain on his cheek and looked up into the somber sky. It must have been his imagination or a stray drop that had lost its way for he felt nothing else. All the same though, he urged Cochise faster just in case it had been more than a daydream.

*******

Hoss’ mind was awhirl. He’d been figuring since the night before on what they could do for Adam. It had to be something memorable and something extra special. They couldn’t just send him out into the world unprepared.

The sudden urge to talk to his older brother hit him and his broken rein could wait. He put the bridle down and started for the house with purpose in his step, he had to let Adam know where he stood and maybe he could get some ideas without Adam knowing. He went straight to Adam’s bedroom door and knocked and the deep baritone answered him. “Adam, can I come in?”

“Come on in.”

Hoss did as he was bid and closed the door behind him. “Adam, we gotta talk.”

“All right.” Adam could always tell when Hoss had made up his mind about something, and this time was no exception. “I’m listening.”

“I ain’t gonna try talkin’ you outta leavin’.”

This was as big of a surprise as Joe making the same admission earlier that morning. His brothers had indeed changed while he was gone. “And when did you decide this?”

“I been thinkin’ about it for a bit. I mean, I still don’t want you to go but I just don’t think it’s right o’ me tryin’ to make up your mind for you, especially on somethin’ like this.” He rested his hand firmly on his brother’s shoulder. “You can count on me. I’m standin’ with Pa an’ Joe on this.”

“I thought sure you and Joe were gonna try talking me out of it. What changed your mind?”

“Nothin’ really changed my mind,” he went on with conviction. “But I had a good talk with our little brother last night an’ he made he see that it weren’t our place to keep you from doin’ what you want to. I mean, you wouldn’t try talkin’ us out of it if’n we wanted to, would you?”

“Not if it’s what you really wanted, and you thought it was right for you.”

“No, sir, you ain’t got nothin’ to worry about,” Hoss said as he gave him a couple pats. “Now you can just go back about what you was doin’?” Then he turned and went right back out.

Adam was more than a little dumbfounded, even though he knew he shouldn’t be. A long time ago he’d learned not to be surprised by anything his family did, yet every now and then they sprang one on him. He hadn’t expected them to get behind him on this, no, what he’d expected had been a fight tooth and nail the whole way. And Pa was the one he had believed would give him the worst time. Adam just stared at the door as a little bud of suspicion took root in the back of his head. This was too easy and not at all the knockdown-and-drag-out battle he’d been waiting for. First it was Pa, then Joe and now Hoss. Would Hop Sing be next? He laughed to himself and shook his head then went back to what he’d been doing when he was interrupted. He was in for something, and he could hardly wait to see what.

ELEVEN

Hoss was having the most wonderful dream about chocolate cake, chicken pot pie, fresh corn on the cob and all the doughnuts he could eat. Then Joe was there trying to pull him away from the table. “Hoss, get up, you’ve had enough,” he kept saying.

“Ah, lemme alone Joe,” and he batted him back.

“Hoss get up,” and Joe kept tugging. “Hoss, wake up.”

Slowly, Hoss realized he was in bed but he could still hear his annoying little brother.

“Hoss, wake up, I need to talk to you.”

Hoss rolled onto his back and looked at Joe through one squinted eye in the glow of the lamp he held. “Joe? What time is it?”

“That’s not important.”

“It may not be to you but I got work to do tomorrow. Pa wants me to go into town to…”

“I know and that’s why I havta talk to you now while Adam’s asleep.”

“While Adam’s asleep? Joe, what’re you up to?”

Joe leaned down close to him and lowered his voice even more. “What if we got Adam something special to take with him when he goes? Something to always remind him of us?”

“Like what?”

“I have something in mind but I don’t want to talk about it right now so I’ll tell you on the way to Virginia City. Now you’d better get some sleep,” he said and gave Hoss a pat on the arm. “We’ve got a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.” Then he pushed himself away from the bed and bustled out of the room.

Hoss groaned and sank into the bed. “If’n I live to be a hundred I’ll never figger that boy out.”

*******

Adam had been watching his brothers all morning, and he knew they were up to something. It wasn’t Joe so much that gave them away, but Hoss acted like a grasshopper in a hot skillet. Not nervous really but more like he had a secret he was bursting to tell. He had a good idea what it was all about but he decided to let them have their fun. It wouldn’t hurt anything to let them think they had put something over on him – for a short time anyway – and it would be more enjoyable to let them spring it on him, sort of.

He grinned and sipped on his coffee as he watched his brothers drive away in one of the large wagons and head out past the barn. They hadn’t tried hiding the fact that they were on their way into town, but when he’d asked why they had clandestinely said it was an errand for Pa. He hadn’t pushed the issue and let them go without giving himself away.

Ben came out onto the porch buttoning his coat. He was on his way to get his horse when he saw his oldest son leaning against one of the posts. Adam had been relatively quiet all morning as if something was on his mind. “What’s so interesting?” Ben asked as he stepped next to him.

“Hoss and Joe just left,” Adam said without looking around.

“I sent Hoss into Virginia City and Joe wanted to go with him, and I saw no harm in it.”

“Of course not.” Then he finally turned to his father. “Do you know what those they’re up to?”

“Would you want me to tell you if I did?”

Adam grinned over the rim of his cup. “No,” then he took a drink. “But I have a good idea what it has to do with.”

“They haven’t said much of anything to me about it, but so do I.”

“Well, if it makes them happy then it makes me happy.”

“I know that, son,” he said then put his hat on. “I’m going to see John McGruder about that brood mare he wants to buy. If Ann has baked one of her mince pies maybe you’d like for me to bring you a piece. I know she’d be delighted to send it to you.”

“I’d like that a lot. Thanks, Pa.”

Ben grinned and gave him a pat on the arm then started for the barn. Now Adam’s attention was turned on him. He took a sip as his father left his sight, and his mind said a silent thank you for the family he had been graced with.

*******

It was late, in fact it was almost supper and Joe and Hoss still weren’t home and Ben was having a small fit. Adam – who was trying to contain his own apprehension – and Hop Sing had their hands full. His father couldn’t sit still and when he did he always popped right back up. It was good that it wasn’t so terribly cold outside since the door was constantly being opened, and he would peer out into the night. Adam hated seeing him this way. He knew this was what it was like when he and Joe had been headed home from Bantree. It had also been the same for him this Christmas as it was now, and Pa’s agitation only amplified it.

The front door jerked open again and Ben stepped out past the threshold, and Adam went out after him. “Pa, do you want me to go look for them?”

“Wouldn’t that be painful?” Ben said as he looked slowly around at him.

“Not as much as losing them, and, anyway, it’s not as bad it has been.”

“Liar,” Ben said with a slight grin. “Maybe you should send some of the men, but I want you here with me. If I…” But he was cut off as the big wagon rumbled into the yard. Flames blazed up in his coffee eyes as he saw them perched on the seat.

No one had to tell Joe and Hoss that their father was livid; they only had to use their eyes. Adam’s expression spoke more of relief than irritation. They pulled up in front of the barn and Hoss reined in the team as Joe jumped down.

“What took you two so long?” Ben thundered as he stomped over to them, followed closely by Adam.

“Well, it took longer that we expected it to,” Joe said defensively.

“We had to go to Carson City,” Hoss said as he got down and came to his brother’s aid.

“Carson City!” Ben roared. “What was in Carson City that you couldn’t find in Virginia City?”

Joe and Hoss exchanged looks then turned back to their father.

“Well, now, we couldn’t exactly git…” Hoss drawled out but a withering look from Joe stopped him.

Adam was enjoying himself at their expense and it wasn’t lost on them.

“I don’t see that it’s so funny,” Joe blurted as his eyes darted cuttingly to Adam.

“Sorry, Joe,” Adam said as he smoothed back his heavy hair. “I guess I’m just glad you’re home. Now while you three iron this out I’m gonna go see if supper’s ready yet.” Then he turned and started back to the house, his snicker wafting back and bringing sneers to his brothers’ faces.

As soon as he was inside Joe and Hoss moved in on their father.

“Do you think he believed it?” Joe asked.

“Believed it? Joseph, I wasn’t putting on an act, I’ve been worried sick about you two. What took so long?”

“Well, we had to go to two places to find everything we was lookin’ for,” Hoss said.

“All right. Now,” Ben said with a glance back, “did you get what I sent you for?”

“Yeah, Pa, we got it,” Joe said as he took a small tissue-wrapped item from the inside pocket of his jacket and handed it to their father. “And wait until you see what we found in Virginia City.” He moved around to the back of the wagon.

Ben came around by his son as Joe – after a quick look around – threw the tarp back and Ben’s eyes widened. “Oh, Joe,” and he reached out to touch it.

“You think he’s gonna like it?” Hoss asked as he stepped next to his father and looked into the wagon bed.

“I know he will. I just know he will.”

*******

“Pa,” Adam said just as they were sitting down to supper, “we have some unfinished business.”

“What kind of business?” Ben said as he took his place at the head of the table.

“Our resolutions,” Adam said without hesitation as he gently settled onto the pillow in his chair.

Hoss and Joe looked at each other.

“I’m afraid I kinda threw everybody off balance the other night, and – like you said – it is a family tradition,” Adam went on and took a sip of his wine to ease his dry throat. “And I certainly don’t want to be the one to change that. It simply wouldn’t be fair to the rest of you.”

The three of them silently watched their father as he went quiet, and his concentration drilled in on his plate. After several seconds of the complete silence Ben finally looked into the ardent emerald eyes to his right then the tender blue ones and last the shrewd hazel ones. The smile that they had come to know spread warm light over his face. “I think that’s a splendid idea, son, and I think tomorrow tonight at the usual time would be perfect.”

Ben took in the precious faces around him and his eyes lingered on his oldest. Letting Adam go was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. He still had a problem with his son being off alone, especially when he himself didn’t know if he was all right. Joe and Hoss had asked him how he could let Adam go so easily. “It isn’t easy,” he had answered, “and I can only because I love him.”

Heads lowered and Ben said the blessing. They had much to say thanks for, no small thing of which was each other.

TWELVE

They had done this many times before but this one was special and they had to look their best. Joe was at the standing mirror in his room tying his tie while Hoss stood behind him slicking his hair down.

“Joe, would ya mind? I cain’t see what I’m doin.”

“Then go to your own room and your own mirror.”

Hoss glared at him like he could pulverize his own brother and continued fussing with his hair. “Will Adam ever be surprised when he sees what we got ‘im.” Then he froze and stared at his brother’s reflection. “You don’t think he suspects anything? When he suggested that we go ahead an’ do our resolutions I ‘bout fell over. His timin’ couldn’t’ve been better.”

“Are you sure it was timing or Adam-intuition?”

Hoss glowered at him. “Ah, Joe, why you gotta always go an’ spoil everything?”

“Because I know our older brother and so do you. I mean why last night of all nights to suggest this?”

Hoss’ face scrunched.

“That’s right,” Joe said tersely, “so don’t look at me that way.”

There was a knock at the door. Joe nearly came out of his skin and Hoss looked like he’d just swallowed a toad.

“Do you think he heard us?”

“We don’t even know it’s him,” Joe said in a gruff whisper.

“An’ we won’t if’n you don’t go see who it is.”

“Well, why don’t you go?”

“’Cause it’s your room.”

Joe crept over to the door and eased it open and a head with a long black braid poked in. Before he could say anything Joe grabbed Hop Sing’s arm and jerked him inside and closed the door.

“What’re you doing up here?” Joe rasped.

“You tell me to let you know when evelything leady.”

“Good. Now you’d better go on downstairs, and be careful not to let Adam see you.”

“All light, Mista Joe.”

Hop Sing slipped back out, and Joe checked to make sure the coast was clear. “I don’t see a sign of him. I think it’s all right.”

Joe finished with his tie and Hoss licked his hand and ran it over his hair then he joined his brother at the door. They gave each other the once over then went out into the hall. As they reached the top landing, however, they both froze solid and their faces fell.

Adam was standing in front of the fire wearing his black broadcloth coat, pristine white shirt and string tie. His hair was just so, and he was the very picture of a gentleman.

“How’d he know?” Hoss said as his nose wrinkled. “Nobody told ‘im to git all duded up. That would o’ give away the surprise. An’ since we ain’t never done it this way before, how’d he know?”

“He always knows. You’d think we’d quit trying to put something over on ‘im?”

“Come on join me,” Adam said brightly as he spied his brothers. “Pa should be down in a little bit.”

Hoss and Joe just looked at each other then did as their brother said. It was the truth that they had never been able to put anything over on him – much as they had tried – and this was no exception.

“You look right dapper, big brother,” Hoss said in an effort to hide his chagrin. “What’re you all dressed up for?”

“I could ask you two the same thing,” Adam said as he turned to them.

“We thought this was a very special occasion.”

“Oh, and what made you think that?” Adam asked with a knowing leer. “This isn’t any different than all the other times we’ve done it.”

“Sure it is, we even…” but his little brother’s elbow in his ribs cut Hoss short.

“What he means is…”

“I know what he means,” Adam said, and his smirk broadened.

“I see my sons are ready,” came robustly from the stairs.

They looked around to see their father coming down. Ben Cartwright was well groomed and dapper in his own right. His dark dray coat and maroon brocade vest set off his silver hair, and his coffee eyes glistened in the warm light. He had all his sons together, and he was a man in his element.

“Are we ready?” he asked as he left the landing.

“I don’t know, Pa, you’ll have to ask them,” Adam said as he got between his brothers and rested his arms on their shoulders.

“We’re ready, Pa,” Joe said as he gave Hoss a devious look.

“Good.” Ben went to the liquor cabinet and got a decanter of his finest Napoleon brandy and put it on the sterling silver tray with the fine crystal snifters that Hop Sing had put out. “Now we can get started,” he said as he came toward them with the whole thing then put it on the low table in front of the fire. “This is a special night, one that will live as long as we do.” He filled each glass and handed to his sons beginning – as always – with his eldest. “But I think before we get to our resolutions there are a few things that need to be taken care of.” From his vest pocket he took the tissue paper-wrapped item that Joe had brought from town the day before. “This was to be for your birthday, but I think I can find something else by then.”

Without a word, Adam put his snifter down on the table and took it. With a glance at his father, he removed the paper and found inside a silver money clip, and imbedded in it was a Chinese coin. The hazel eyes shot to his father. “Isn’t this your lucky piece you picked up in Hong Kong before I was born?”

“I figured with my son leaving home that he would need the good luck it has always brought me,” Ben said with a nod.

Adam rubbed his thumb over it and felt his heart swell. He blinked to hold back the tears that rose to the bottom rims of his eyes. “Thank you, Pa; I’ll take good care of it.”

“Just take good care of yourself, is all I ask.”

“I will,” Adam said as his hand closed around the piece.

“All right, Hoss, you can go get it,” Joe said.

“Now maybe I’ll find out what you’ve been up to,” Adam said.

Hoss dashed out of the house as they watched and it remained silent until he came back. He was carrying what look like a long rectangular box draped with an Indian blanket.

“Put it on the table in front of the fire,” Joe commanded.

As Hoss put it down Adam eyed his brothers warily then looked to his father. Pa knew what it was but he wasn’t telling so his attention went back to them.

“Go ahead,” Joe said and gave Adam a nudge. “Take the blanket off.”

With a frown of uncertainty Adam pulled the covering off and it revealed a dark red leather bound trunk with shiny brass fittings. He ran his fingertips lightly over it and felt the tears becoming more of a threat. Joe stepped next to him and held out a small ring with a single key.

“Open it,” Hoss urged.

Adam glanced at his family then eased onto the settee with a slight grimace. He undid the lock and tenderly raised the lid. It was lined with eggshell-colored damask and on the inside of the lid was a polished brass plaque.

“We found the trunk in Virginia City but we had to go all the way to Carson City to git the brass piece done. The best man to do it was there,” Hoss beamed

“Read it out loud,” Joe said and gave him a poke in the shoulder.

Adam batted away the mist and leaned closer. “January 1865. May your…” His voice threatened to break. “May your travels be many and your troubles be few. And may you return safely home to us when the time comes. Hoss and Joe.”

Adam sat still and quiet and only stared at it then closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. A strong, reassuring hand squeezed his shoulder, and he knew it was his father without looking around.

“We all have the same resolution,” Ben said softly, “and that’s to stand with you and to make this the best year we can.”

*******

The rain had cooled things off considerably and the night was colder than the previous ones. It was still and even the wind didn’t seem to stir and the only sound was the light pattering.

Adam stood with his arms crossed over his chest looking out into the endless wet black. His tie was undone and hung loose, and his shirt collar was unbuttoned. Much had happened this night, and his feelings were only just beginning to settle. As he stood there thinking about so many things the door opened behind him and the sound of boots came closer.

Ben stopped next to his son, and he could see the wheels turning behind the expressive eyes. Adam had always been one for keeping his emotions hidden as much as possible, but tonight they had overwhelmed him, and he’d made little attempt to do so.

“I think this rain will probably bring a change in the weather.”

“Probably,” Adam said without looking around.

For several minutes they stood quietly as father and son and looked out into the night. Ben’s gaze slowly drifted back to him, and he drank in the strong features drawn into stern concentration. Elizabeth would be so very proud of him – of their son – and he hoped she could see him now.

“We don’t want you to go, son, and we certainly wish we could talk you out of it,” Ben’s voice halted for a second, “but the decision is yours to make, and your family is behind you.”

Adam finally looked around at him and a smile tinged with sadness didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks, Pa, that means an awful lot to me…. My family means an awful lot to me.”

“And you mean the world to us, and no matter how far apart we are or how long it is before we see each other again we’ll always be close. Our hearts and our minds will always be together.”

“I know that, and it’s the only thing that makes it possible for me to go but this is something I have to do.”

“I know.” Ben said as his lips faintly turned up as he reached out and squeezed his son’s shoulder. “How much did you know about what we’ve been up to?”

“Well, let’s just say that my suggesting we do this last night wasn’t mere coincidence.”

“I thought as much. Now are you coming to bed?”

“In a little bit. You go on.”

“All right.” His fingers tightened. “Good night, son.”

“Good night, Pa.”

He watched as his father went back into the house and the door quietly closed then he turned back to the darkness. So much had happened to him since that June day when he had ridden out of Bantree. It had affected him and those that cared for him and that he cared for in many different ways and this was only one. As long as he lived he would never forget the glow on his brother’s faces as they presented their gift or his father’s comforting words. As he stood there pondering what was before him tiny white flakes mixed with the rain caught in the soft light from the porch lamp as they fell to earth. But in spite of the increasing cold he was warm, and he would take that warmth with him wherever he went for his most precious gift was the love of his family.

THE END

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