The Long Way Back
by
Janice Sagraves

ONE

Every beat of her heart brought a new throb of pain as she watched her husband as he worked at the anvil in front of the barn. Each strike of the hand sledge gripped in his fist seemed to drive the sorrow into her like nails. It had been close to three weeks since the falling out with his youngest brother, and it had wrought many changes in him. The wonderful toothy smile had vanished, and the light in his dark hazel eyes had gone out. His movements had become stiff and protracted, like someone bogged down in thick molasses. His deep, rich baritone no longer rang with the joy of life, and his guitar, books and poetry had become distant strangers. And oh what she wouldn’t give to hear his joyous laughter. But the steadfast obstinacy of his brother, and his unwillingness to forgive had driven it all away. And she feared it would never return unless something drastic changed it and soon.

*******

Ben Cartwright had become a man seized with his own anguish. His family had been rent in two by the discovery of a letter that should have long ago been burned. It was amazing what damage a mere oversight could bring about, and it tormented him constantly. Complacency, as this episode in his life was proving, could be a dangerous thing.

“A penny for your thoughts.”

Gentle fingers touched the back of his hand, and he looked around into the pale gray eyes of his fourth wife. “What?”

A smile turned the corners of Verina Cartwright’s voluptuous mouth. “I said a penny for your thoughts. You have been perfectly silent all morning. And if a wife can’t tell when something is troubling her husband, then she isn’t worth much.”

“I don’t think I have to tell you what it is.”

Her dark brows lowered. “Of course, you don’t. Ever since Joseph found that dreadful…” She laced an arm through his and squeezed.

Ben’s coffee eyes returned to the sprawling vista beyond the rear dining room window. “He’s become so sullen and angry all the time. He tries to use that boyish giggle of his to cover it up. And when I ask him about it, he simply brushes it off or storms out if I press it…, but his father knows.” He turned his attention back to her lovely face and was greeted with understanding. “And I can only imagine what Adam is going through. I don’t know what to do any more, and I’m afraid I could lose all my sons because of this.”

She lightly touched his cheek. “Our sons. My children are yours and yours mine. And even before we wed, I felt that your boys belonged to me. And Adam has been ever since he married my Angelica.”

“Pa, I’m gonna take these on out to the buckboard.”

Ben and Verina looked around as Hoss Cartwright – his bearish arms loaded with valises and larger suitcases – came down the stairs.

“All right, son.” Ben took his wife’s hand, and his gaze briefly met hers. “Have you seen Joe lately?”

Hoss’ broad face went perfectly dour as he left the last step. “I reckon he’s probably out in the barn. After breakfast he said Cochise had a loose shoe, and he wanted to tend to it.”

A spark of hope lit Ben’s eyes. “Did he happen to mention Adam at all?”

Hoss’ brow knitted into a blackened scowl. “Not one blamed word. Fact be I ain’t heard him mention my brother’s name in a coon’s age.” He shifted the burdensome luggage. “Well, I best git on with myself before I drop this all over Creation.” He ducked his head politely then went on out with his load.

Verina noticed that Ben had gone pasty white. His eyes had taken on the color of coal, and his grip on her hand had become like an over tightened vise.

A heavy breath shuddered through him. “Did you hear what he said…? His brother. This is dividing my… our sons.”

Hoss shouldered one of the big barn doors open but stopped the moment he stepped into the building’s shadowy interior. His little brother had his horse out of the stall and had just swung the saddle onto the animal’s back.

“Did ya git it fixed already?” Hoss said, as he thumped his load into the back of the buckboard.

Joe Cartwright whirled, and his eyes had turned to jet. “Dang it all, Hoss, you scared me half to death!”

“Goodernuff.”

Joe’s balled fists went to his hips. “And just what’s that supposed to mean?”

Hoss kept his back to him as he straightened the luggage.

Joe flounced over to him and gave him a shove so that Hoss had no choice but to face him. “I asked you what you meant by that?”

The big man’s eyes glistened like thick, blue ice. “I think you know.”

“This is about him, isn’t it?”

“Adam, his name’s Adam.”

“I know what it is – I just don’t care to say it.”

Now it was Hoss’ turn to flare. “Joe, somebody needs to knock the jodalin’ slats right outta you. An’ I may just be the one to do it.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“You’re actin’ like a kid.”

“Look who’s talking.”

Hoss’ manner softened. “Joe, this ain’t some stranger we’re talkin’ about. This is our big brother. Yours ‘n mine.”

“Which makes what he did all the more painful.”

He put a hand on Joe’s shoulder, and it caught a frigid glare. “Why don’t you come with us? I know Angelica’s gonna throw a big birthday party just like she always does. There’ll be lots ‘o food and folks you know, and a real good time.”

“Are you still going?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Then you don’t need me.”

“Look, cain’t you forgive longernuff to go have some cake an’ enjoy yourself? An’ maybe give Adam another chance. It ain’t like he done what he done just so’s he could hurt you.”

Joe’s face set like sun baked adobe. “I can’t do that. He’s the one that caused all this, I didn’t. So if he wants to make up, he’ll havta come to me.”

“It ain’t his place. You’re the one what made it so dangblamed personal. You act like he done it just so’s he could make your life a pure misery. Well, I know better, an’ you need to git over it.”

“Like you did when he came between you and Reagan Miller?”

Every drop of blood drained from Hoss’ face, and his mouth went to a grim, even line. “That’s right. It took me some time, but I come to my senses, just like you need to. Yeah, sure, it hurt, but I come to see that he was right. An’ while we’re on the subject, cain’t you see what this is doin’ to Pa an’ Miss Verina? Or don’t you even care?”

“I care, but I can’t go slinking back to him, and beg him to forgive me. And this is between me and him, so if I choose not to speak to him about it, well, then, that’s my business.”

“You just got yourself in over your head, an’ now you don’t know how to git out.”

“Can’t you understand, can’t anybody understand that he doesn’t believe in me and maybe never did?”

Something akin to restrained fire took over Hoss’ expression. His arms suddenly telescoped out, and he pushed Joe away and turned back to his chore. “This is a waste o’ time, an’ I got work to do.”

“If that’s the way you want it.”

Hoss’ fingernails dug into the side of the buckboard, and his head dropped. “It ain’t. But it looks like I don’t got a choice.”

Joe stood there for a couple seconds then went to finish with his horse, and Hoss kept his back to him the whole time. Joe brought the fender down from the saddle’s seat; glanced back at his brother then led the sprightly paint outside. The sound of rapidly beating hooves as they left the yard finally made Hoss stop. He turned his attention toward the open doors, and his fingers bunched on the luggage. He couldn’t get through to his little brother. No one could. And he hadn’t even seen Adam yet. The sides of his mouth turned as he wondered if he would have any better luck with that mule. Then, what amounted to less than a smile, faded. He only wished Joe would try.

TWO

The last day of April had warmed up for the advent of May, and only small clumps of snow scattered about remained. Angelica Cartwright had simply needed to get out of the house for a while and into the fresh spring air. And sweeping the front porch was the perfect way to do it. Puffs of dust and debris filled the air as they retreated from the broom, and made the big brown, wiry-furred dog sneeze. When Adam wasn’t around, he was Angelica’s constant companion.

The broom’s bristles continued to swish across the hardwood planks. “Well, if you had stayed in the house, it wouldn’t get up your nose, now would it?”

The dog sneezed again and pawed at its nose.

Angelica laughed – something she didn’t do a whole lot these days – as she continued to work.

Suddenly, Buddy’s head came up with a ‘woof’, and he became frozen. His attention was focused beyond the barn, and he stood like a sentry. She didn’t notice him right away, but when she did, the motion of the broom stopped. Now she could hear the distant clatter of wagon wheels and the thump of hooves as they seemed to draw closer.

“Company?”

Her fingers clenched on the broom’s handle, and her dark violet eyes followed the dog’s gaze. Adam’s birthday would be in five days, and she couldn’t dare let herself hope who was coming to pay a call. She stepped into the main arch of the deep porch and kept her line of sight trained in the direction of the barn. Buddy sidled close to her and pressed his body against her leg. His large chocolate brown eyes stayed fixed on the spot where he had learned someone would come, and he never moved.

An eternity seemed to drag by until a buckboard rattled into the yard.

The broom thumped against the floor. “Mother!”

Angelica dashed out into the yard as Hoss reined in the team, and Buddy trotted along with her. She took in the dear faces like a desperately needed tonic and tears burned. She hadn’t seen her extended family in nearly four months, and they couldn’t have come at a better time. Only one, however, was she not exactly eager to see.

Ben alit and helped his wife from the back of the double seat vehicle. As she came closer, he couldn’t miss the lines of sadness in the face of his daughter-in-law, and it twisted his insides. He knew how desperately she loved his son, and it tormented him to think what this was doing to her. “Hello, Daughter. I hope we aren’t intruding.”

“You could never do that,” Angelica said, as she came around to give her mother a hug and a kiss. “And it will be so good for Adam to have you here. It will be a treat for him when he gets back.”

Ben’s eyes flashed. “He’s not here?”

“No, he went into town to see if we got any mail and said he might stop at Lee Haymes’ place on the way home.” Her eyes flicked toward the barn. “But he promised that he would be back in time for dinner.”

“Then he will,” Hoss said, as he lugged one of the larger pieces of luggage from the back of the buckboard. “Adam ain’t one to go back on his word.”

“No, he isn’t.” Angelica got between Ben and her mother and hooked her arms in theirs. “Now let’s go inside. I know that you’re tired and gritty after that long stagecoach trip. And I want you to see the boys. You won’t believe how much they’ve grown in such a short length of time.”

“I think we will,” Verina said, and squeezed her daughter’s arm. “We both know about growing children.”

For the third time, Ben caught Angelica’s eyes dart toward the barn where they had come in, and he knew why. “Joe isn’t coming.”

Angelica felt like a bottle of agitated champagne that had finally been uncorked. Relief and anger spewed out of her all at once, and she welcomed the release. “Good. This is supposed to be a time of celebration. And if he doesn’t want to come I am certainly not the one to force it on him. Now let’s go see your grandsons, and I’ll have Maggie make some tea. And you can tell me all about the doings in Virginia City.”

Hoss continued to unload the buckboard while they went on into the house, Angelica chattering like a magpie. He would have had to have been a year dead not to see how his sister-in-law’s demeanor had changed at the mere mention of Joe’s name. An air of defiance had filled the words of her answer to his father, and purple lights had glittered dangerously in her eyes. This woman would fight the world to protect the man she loved, even if the world turned out to be his brother.

*******

The big black horse clipped along at a brisk pace, and his mane and tail danced in the breeze. His large hooves assaulted the ground like hammers and beat out the rhythm of his gate. And the raven-haired man in the saddle sat like a ramrod, and little escaped those dark hazel eyes.

Adam Cartwright leaned forward and gave the horse a healthy pat on the neck. A day like this and such a fine, spirited mount between his legs could almost make him forget. Almost.

When something troubled him, Adam usually felt better after a talk with a friend, and Lee Haymes was one of the best. That he owed the man his very life wasn’t lost on him, so when Lee needed something, he was there. And he wasn’t averse to going to Lee when the need was his own. He wasn’t one to beg for anything, but the kind of friendship they shared made certain allowances. Adam was that close to few men outside his family, and four of them, including Lee, lived close by. So when he had to get something off his chest, he never had very far to go.

Lee had known about the blow-up between the brothers almost from the beginning. Adam had never been the kind to run to others with his problems, but after his brush with death at the hands of Vince Decker, that was only one of the changes in him. It had opened his eyes to the fact that we are all in this thing called Life together, and a man shouldn’t be ashamed when he needed help. And since Joe had turned his back on him, he found himself in want of someone to talk to quite a bit. And Angelica – being a woman – didn’t understand what another man would.

“Why is it, when a man is so sure that he’s doing the right thing that it usually turns out to be the wrong thing?” Adam had asked, and taken a slug of his coffee.

“I don’t believe what you did was wrong,” Lee Haymes had said, from the other side of the small dining table. “As I’ve told you for the umpteenth time.”

“I’m sorry, Lee – I don’t mean to be a pure pest. But this thing with Joe has got me so torn up that I don’t know if I’m coming or going. Sometimes I think about just getting on Dusty, riding straight to the Ponderosa and having it out with him for good and all.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Because I’m not looking to get my face busted again.” Adam sighed.

“Don’t you think the relationship between you and your brother is worth a face busting?”

“Of course, I do. I’d let him shoot me if I thought it would help, and I’m not so sure he wouldn’t jump at the chance. But I don’t think it would solve a blasted thing.”

“Well, friend, as I see it, you’re being just as stubborn about this thing as he is. And if somebody doesn’t give in it’ll never be resolved.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that, too.” Adam had smiled, but it hadn’t gone anywhere near his eyes. “You’re just gonna havta give me a chance to build up my backbone.”

He gave the horse another pat. “I guess some people know me better than I give them credit for, hey, ol’ son?”

Dusty nickered in reply and tossed his head. The animal had been a birthday gift from his precious Angel the year before, and was a pure pleasure. When he had been forced to put Sport down, it had left a hollow cavity that he had thought no other horse could fill. But he had been wrong. Dusty, short for Coal Dust, made a man want to get on his back. Maybe a little less of a challenge than the big chestnut had been he still made a fine companion. And loyalty was only one of his many attributes.

Adam directed his gaze back to the bluest sky he had seen in a good long while. It reminded him of his brother’s eyes, and made him realize how much he really missed Hoss right at that moment.

“Thank you, brother. I’ve needed your letters these past few weeks.” He tittered. “You always seem to know the right thing to say…. But this time I’m afraid it didn’t work so well.”

He kept his eyes upward and watched the pure white clouds as they drifted overhead like playful sprites. A golden eagle soared on the thermals high above, its tail and the tips of its wings acting to guide it in flight. And the sun – round as a silver dollar, and the very color of a daffodil – lent its golden aura to all it surveyed and spread its warmth over the land below.

A heavy sigh wracked Adam’s long frame. “What a day.”

With the suddenness of a thunderclap, the horse flushed a covey of quail from a thick growth of scrub. Their wings beat like a hundred fans as they fluttered out in a frightened swarm.

Startled, Dusty snorted and reared nearly to his full length, and his front hooves pawed at the air as if an enemy.

It all happened so fast. Adam reacted, but, caught with his mind in the Heavens – he toppled backward over the animal’s rump and landed in a heap with a dull grunt. His breath gushed from his lungs like air forced from a blacksmith’s bellows. Then the back of his head struck the ground, but only enough to cause a rush of dizziness and a streak of pain to cut behind his eyes.

Dusty, still not ready to get over his scare, took off with a bolt.

Disoriented, Adam tried to sit up, but his body didn’t want to cooperate. Everything from just above the waist down had become numb, as if it no longer existed. He slumped back against the ground, and his fingers dug into the dirt. But as he lay there, he didn’t have time to dwell over why he couldn’t get up before a wave of blackness engulfed him. And the last thing he remembered was the incredibly blue sky.

THREE

As the mists receded and cogent thought returned, Adam wondered how long he had been lying there like a cold, dead fish. And why had he passed out like a swooning school girl? He had been somewhat ill, but, other than the numbness, he hadn’t felt anything. As he continued to become more lucid, he became aware that something snuffled in his hair. With the greatest of effort, he opened his eyes, raised his hand and took hold of the velvety muzzle. Dusty had returned.

He gave the horse a feeble pat. “I’m glad to… see you.”

The animal responded to the touch of his master, and his snuffling intensified.

Adam groaned as he tried to shift over the bumpy ground. “That was stupid…. It isn’t like I haven’t been thrown or clonked on the head before…. No matter. I need to get started again… I promised I would be home for dinner.”

He levered his arms so that his elbows were bent and pushed. The resultant pain that nearly cut him in two took his breath. It radiated from his middle through his entire body and touched every nerve. The grace period was over.

He cursed and pondered what he had managed to do to himself this time. That something definitely wasn’t right was blatantly obvious. All he had to do now was find out what the problem was.

With a gentle hand, he moved Dusty’s head away and commenced with his endeavor. He bent his legs and again pushed but this time refused to give in to the pain. His teeth clamped down on his lower lip to prevent his crying out to the point that blood rimmed his teeth. Breaths came in rapid pants. His stomach churned with nausea, and he fought to keep its contents where they belonged. With further effort, he leaned forward and something gouged into his right thigh. This stopped his movement forward.

His fingers probed his side and stopped when they found what they sought. With more than a modicum of dread, he lowered his eyes, and sucked in a gulp of the cool air. Then he reached around behind and the same thing came through his back, and he swore.

A piece of broken tree branch – roughly sixteen inches long, four around and jagged at both ends – had been run through him like a lance. More protruded in front than in back and he was glad he couldn’t see behind him. He tried to pull his coat away and found himself pinned inside it.

“Another coat ruined.”

He wrapped his hands around the front end of the stick and started to give a tug when a thought exploded in his head. If he managed to pull it free he would, in all likelihood, bleed to death before he even made it back to the house. As it was now, however, the wood acted as a stopper in a bottle. He would be a fool to remove it, so he took his hands away.

Then another thought assailed him, and his gaze rose to the horse that cropped grass just about a foot away. He had to get back into the saddle and head home.

Now came the fun part, he had to get to his feet and pull himself onto Dusty’s back. This would be a monumental task, and he knew it, but he had to get home, and there was no other way. Sure, he could lay there and wait for someone to find him, but he would probably be dead as a hammer by the time they did. And that he couldn’t do to Angelica and his sons or his father and Verina and Hoss. His eyes began to sting as the notion that Joe wouldn’t really care came to him.

His bucked himself up and stiffened his spine. “Well…, here goes nothing.”

His body screamed at him as he struggled to get his legs under him. The severe pain made his weakened them, and his knees wanted to collapse but he couldn’t let them. Finally, when he righted himself, his head began to whirl like a cyclone. The ground seemed to undulate beneath him like a storm tossed sea, and everything else moved along with its motion. And this included his stomach. He swallowed hard and grimaced at the idea of having to walk. But maybe he could…

He clicked his teeth and whistled, and this aggravated the throbbing in his skull. The horse’s head came up, and his ears perked forward as he looked around in Adam’s direction.

“Dusty, come here. Come to me, old son.” He clicked his teeth again. “Come on, boy.”

It didn’t take much coaxing to convince the big black. With a nicker, he gave his head a toss and trotted over to the man whom he had grown to trust.

Adam took hold of the bit. “Good man.” He gave a satiny jowl a good pat. “Good man. Now I only wish you could help me into the saddle.” He laughed faintly but it held no mirth. “But I guess I can’t ask you to do everything for me.”

Now he found himself faced with a most daunting task that, at any other time, he wouldn’t have even given a second thought. But with half a tree run trough him, it had become more arduous than he cared to dwell on.

“Well, no sense harping on it. In Hoss’ words, just git ‘er done.”

With his brother’s words to bolster him, he put his foot into the stirrup, and it was no easy thing. He gathered the reins up, took hold of the saddle horn with both hands and dreaded it. For a fleeting second he thought of how Angelica would react when she first saw him in such a disreputable state then his leg swung up and over the horse’s back. It was done, and the effort had almost killed him.

He exerted a hold on himself that gave him a reputation as unbending in his convictions and sat erect like a statue of some general. His brain shrieked at him to let go some, but it was his only way to assure himself that maybe, just maybe, he could get home before he toppled out of the saddle.

“All right, Dusty, let’s go back to the house.”

With a nudge of his knees, the horse eased into a walk that didn’t jostle too much, but still caused discomfort. He thought his backbone would snap, but he couldn’t relax, not at this point. His will was the only thing that kept him going, and he couldn’t relinquish command of it. Not yet, at any rate.

*******

Angelica paced the floor like an expectant father. Her family sat before the fire – each with a baby – and watched as she stalked back and forth. Now and then she would stop to look out the window or at the tall, ornate English grandfather clock that sat near the dining room.

Ben couldn’t let this go on any further. He pulled himself up from the chair nearest the hearth and handed his namesake to the child’s grandmother.

Angelica’s anxious agitation was contagious, and the closer he got to his daughter-in-law, the greater hold it got on him. He spoke to her, but she didn’t hear or if she did she was too consumed by anxiety to notice. Then he said her name and touched her arm. The distraught eyes that turned on him struck him like a slap in the face.

“Why don’t you come sit down with us, Daughter?”

“Aren’t you the slightest bit concerned?”

Ben had to admit that he felt a certain bit of trepidation – which he kept to himself – though he couldn’t say with all certainty why.

“It has been over an hour since we had dinner,” Angelica continued. “Adam promised that he would be back in time.”

Ben forced a smile. “Probably he and Lee got to talking, and he simply lost track of the time.”

“No.” The single word came like an abrupt stop. “He promised me that he would be home, and my Adam is not one to go back on his promises, unless something comes up that is out of his control. Oh, Father, I am so worried. This isn’t like him.”

Ben stepped in front of her and firmly took her shoulders. “Even though it’s most likely nothing, would you feel better if we went looking for him?”

“Would you?” Her voice trembled like a frightened little girl’s.

Ben took her face in his hands, and his smile widened. “If you’ll promise me that you’ll settle down while we’re gone.”

“I will try, but I can’t promise anything.”

Ben kissed her on the forehead and hoped that his expression reassured her. “That’s good enough. We’ll find him and bring him home to a good scolding.”

“Just bring him home.”

“Come on, Hoss. Let’s go find that wayward brother of yours.”

Angelica stood – hands wrung together at her waist – and watched as the two men got into their coats and hats. Then a cold chill ran through her as they buckled on their gun belts, and her apprehension mounted.

Ben returned to her and placed a hand against her cheek. “Try not to worry.”

“I will try, but there are no guarantees.”

“I can’t ask for more.”

She rubbed at the gooseflesh along her arms as they went out. “Just bring him home.”

Boots thumped over the porch floor as Ben and Hoss crossed to the main arch and stopped.

“What is it, Pa?”

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of Angelica,” Ben turned to his son, “but I’m worried, too. And I can tell you nothing more than it’s a feeling.”

“Then that makes three of us.” Hoss rested a beefy hand on his father’s back. “Now let’s go find Adam.”

FOUR

The stiffness of his back that Adam had held himself to had slackened only slightly. And the fatigue that had settled into his body – along with that insidious pain – only augmented the unrest in his stomach. He had fought against the nausea since the beginning of all this, but now he felt as if he would finally lose the battle. But not without a valiant fight.

Dusty was a runner, he didn’t like to walk for such extended periods, and he chafed at being held to it. When given his head, he could fly like a Washoe Zephyr, but today that would be certain death to the man on his back.

Adam could sense the animal’s agitation between his legs, but he had more important things to concern himself with. And his A-number-one priority was staying alive long enough to get back to his wife and sons. Not that he would give in once he got there, but if he could see them just one more time, he could go with a little less regret.

A splash of bright sunshine filled the landscape as the sun came from behind the billowy clouds that had become tinged with gray. Adam glanced up and it nearly blinded him, but not before he could see that the sky had darkened.

“Rain. Oh, that’s just all I need.”

The time to throw caution to the wind had come. He knew – actually more feared – that if he got caught in a chilled spring rain that would most likely end him. In his current condition, he wasn’t so sure that he could bear up under pneumonia. Each man had only so much fight in him, and his was being spent just in trying to get home.

His right hand clenched on the reins and the other took the horn in a death grip. He couldn’t afford to fall off now. His teeth clamped against his lower lip in preparation for what would come. Then he gave Dusty a nudge and held on for dear life.

The horse moved fluidly into a brisk trot. The resultant jarring was torment, just as Adam had suspected it would be. If someone had sliced into him with a butcher knife it couldn’t have hurt any worse. He doubted he would be able to hold himself to this for very long at a time so he would do it in intervals. So eventually, hopefully, it would get him home. But, if push came to shove, he would stop to take cover until the rain ceased. He was used to getting wet, nothing new in that, but he wasn’t used to dying. And he wasn’t ready to give it a try.

*******

The men had been broken up into two parties. One, led by Chris McCutcheon, the Angel’s foreman, had gone into town, on the off chance that Adam had gotten hung-up there. While the other, led by Ben and Hoss Cartwright, headed on to Lee Haymes’ place. Either way, they expected that one of them would find him.

Ben and Hoss rode out in front. Alphonse Sweet, Fonse to his friends, and Juva Bailey made up the rest of the party. It wasn’t class distinction that had separated them, but the two hands had caught the worry in the Boss’ father and brother. For this reason, and this reason alone, they rode behind and in silence.

“I haven’t felt this way since…” Ben’s voice fell off.

“Since Adam come home after that bad June ‘o ’64,” Hoss said, as he studied his father’s face. “I s’pose somethin’ like that don’t never go away. It may seem to at times, but it just don’t. Well, if’n it’ll make you feel any better, I’m feelin’ it, too.”

His father’s dark, bottomless eyes turned to him, and Hoss could remember when he had seen them so despairing.

Ben’s broad chest swelled with a heavy breath. “It doesn’t…. And if this is in both of us… then… then there must be something to it.”

“That ain’t necessarily so. We’re probably just overreactin’ like folks usually do when it comes to those they care for.”

The muscles in Ben’s jaws knotted. His head dropped, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oh, why couldn’t Joe have come with us?” Then his head jerked up, and his eyes blazed with indignant fire. “I swan, sometimes he can be the most unbending person I’ve ever met.”

The sides of Hoss’ mouth quirked. “You sure about that?”

Some of the smolder left Ben’s eyes, and he allowed himself a faint smile. “I guess you’re right. When it comes right down to it, his oldest brother can out stubborn him any time when he sets his mind to it.” Ben took his hat off and ruffled his fingers in his thick, silvery hair then put it back on. “And that’s why I don’t understand Adam’s giving up so easily. Close to a month and he hasn’t tried to contact Joe once. It isn’t like him.”

“Maybe I can shed some light on that…. We’ve been writin’ to each other since this all happened, and his letters have been enough to tear the heart out of a grown man. You know what a pretty way Adam has with words.”

“I do indeed.”

Hoss shifted uncomfortably in his saddle. “You know that lucky piece that Adam give to Joe?”

“The old Roman coin that he brought back from San Francisco that time?”

“That’s the one. Well…, when Joe didn’t know he was around, Adam seen him throw it into his campfire. And the way Adam told how he felt just plumb nigh killed me. As he put it, he felt like his heart had been squeezed of life then throwed into the dirt and stomped on.”

Until that moment, Ben hadn’t completely understood how badly this incident had hurt his oldest son. That Adam had been injured by it he would have been ignorant not to know. But until now, he hadn’t fully realized just how badly and how deeply that injury had gone.

“Why haven’t you told me this before?”

“I guess I just didn’t want to add any more to your grief. I know that Adam ain’t the only one that’s been hurt by all this.”

“So do I, son.” Ben reached out and put a comforting hand on Hoss’ shoulder. “So do I.”

The light twinkled in the big man’s gentle eyes as a smile barely tipped them. And the understanding between a father and his son needed no further explanation. And besides, they had something far more important facing them than talk. They had to find Adam.

*******

Angelica had become like a cat in a cactus bed. She would no sooner light somewhere than she would pop right back up to go look out a window. And the stately clock had gained more of her attention than usual. Even the presence of her sons couldn’t keep her mind from it. But the boys had been put down for their nap, and now there was nothing to even slightly quell her apprehension.

Maggie O’Shea, the family’s housekeeper and cook, watched her girl spring from the tall-backed blue chair near the fire. She had lost track of her count, but it was maddening to say the least. She knew what fueled it, however, so she wasn’t about to chastise the young woman for loving her husband too much.

“Miss Angelica,” she said, in her hearty Irish brogue, “poppin’ up like a jack-in-the-box every other minute isn’t goin’ to help or change a thing. Now why don’t ya come back and sit down or, better still, come into the kitchen and help me with the cookin’.”

But her words washed off her girl as water would from a duck’s back, and Maggie felt she had only wasted her breath. So she decided to take the leprechaun by the ears, so to speak.

The second she took hold of her mistress’ arm and started to tug, a blistering glare greeted her, but it wouldn’t make her back down.

“This isn’t helpin’ a thing and yer only wearin’ us both out. Now come away from that window and stop worrin’ yerself into such a dither.”

“Leave me alone, Maggie.”

“I would if I thought ya were accomplishin’ somethin’. But the only thing this is accomplishin’ is to waste time and wear ya down to a nubbin. Now please, Miss Angelica, don’t make me havta tell Mr. Adam about this when he gets home.”

With the mere mention of his name, the ire in Angelica’s face softened. “He wouldn’t like that a bit, would he?”

“No, mum, he wouldn’t. Now I sure could use some help in the kitchen. Supper won’t cook itself, ya know. And we can talk.”

Angelica agreed and allowed herself to be towed away, but not without a backward glance.

Maggie could sense a minute trembling in the arm she held, and it only added to her sorrow for her girl. And if this turned out to be more than it appeared on the surface, then Heaven help them all. For Miss Angelica would be incorrigible. And if – the Good Lord forbid – Mr. Adam was taken, well, she wouldn’t think about that until she was driven to.

FIVE

The sky had darkened forbiddingly, and the sun had gone behind the gunmetal clouds as if to take refuge from the coming storm. The wind had picked up. It twisted in the trees and riffled the tall grass into a yellow green wave.

Conversation had long since evaporated and the small knot of men rode in silence. Ben’s eyes drifted up to the sky, and he didn’t care for the looks of it. No, sir, he didn’t care for the looks of it one bit. A light rain wouldn’t be a hindrance to travel, but a serious blow would slow them down or drive them into cover. He didn’t know for sure that Adam was in trouble, but something inside his head nagged with the notion that he was. And Ben couldn’t ignore it, no matter how much he wanted to or tried to.

“Pa.”

Ben’s head lowered, and he looked around to Hoss, whose face had gone perfectly grim. “What is…?” Then he followed his son’s line of sight, and his heart leapt into his throat.

A large ebony horse – which moved at a slow deliberate pace – headed toward them, and the man in the saddle wore a maroon coat and black hat. Ben reined Buck to a halt, and the others did the same on either side of him. They waited as the pair drew closer.

“Adam,” came on a breath, and Ben’s pulse raced.

It didn’t, however, take long to realize that something wasn’t as it should be. And Ben’s initial relief turned into something far more palpable. He urged Buck forward.

As they pulled up around Dusty, the horse came to a stop of his own accord. Adam’s eyes were closed, and he didn’t appear to be conscious of those around him.

Ben softly spoke his son’s name and brushed the back of his hand. Heavy lids rose and fatigued dark eyes greeted him.

“Oh, Lord.”

Once again Ben followed Hoss’ gaze. This time his breath surged through him like a cold wind and he winced as the sensation of pain flooded his own side. Adam had been impaled by what appeared to a fairly small tree branch. The dark red color of the coat hid any blood, but Ben knew it was there.

“Adam, son…, what happened?” That was a stupid question – he could see what had happened. “Are you all right?” Another stupid question.

“Pa…,” the sides of Adam’s mouth curved, “I’m glad to see you.” A deep breath caused pain to stripe over his drawn face, and his fingers knotted on the reins, and the horn. “I need to get home…. I need to get to my Angel, and my sons.”

“We’ll git you there, big brother.”

Adam looked around at Hoss and appeared to notice his brother for the first time.

“Can you ride, son?”

Adam sniggered, but it came out as more of a snort. “I think that’s what I’ve been doing.” Any trace of amusement quickly darted away. “I can ride…. I have to.”

“All right,” Ben took hold of his arm, “but we’ll ride close on either side of you just in case.”

Adam only nodded.

Dusty started off again, Buck and Chubb close on either side of him. If Adam started to fall, his father and brother would catch him. The two ranch hands fell in behind the black and kept to its slow pace.

Juva leaned closer to Fonse and spoke in little more than a whisper. “The Boss don’t look so good.”

Fonse’s eyes stayed locked ahead. “I know that, Juva…. I know that.”

*******

Since they had found Adam, and they hadn’t made very good progress. Adam’s growing fatigue and the incessant pain – though he did his level best to conceal it – endeavored to bring him from the saddle. The flanks of Dusty, Buck and Chubb rubbed together and it unnerved the younger, less seasoned horse to be caught in the middle. It was all the three men could do to curb his urge to bolt.

The sky had turned a somber charcoal, and the clouds hung like dense black cotton. Large drops of rain had begun to spat men and animals, and the wind had increased twofold. It swirled around them like a vortex that threatened to suck them from the ground.

Hoss tugged his hat down in front and adjusted his coat collar up around his neck. “Pa, we need to git him under cover. He cain’t afford to git wet, and we cain’t afford to let him.”

“I know that, son. But I’m not that familiar with the ground around here.”

“Up ahead,” Adam rasped. “Cave.”

“Can you lead us to it?” Ben asked, and his grip tightened on his oldest son’s arm.

One could see Adam’s fight against the slump that had overtaken him. He raised his head and blinked to clear his vision. “Just help me hold Dusty.”

In a rapid beat of hooves, Fonse and Juva brought their mounts up even with the front three.

“Mr. Cartwright, we know which cave he’s talkin’ about. How about we go on ahead and get camp set up?” Juva said, and his eyes flicked to the Boss. “We can have a fire built and coffee cookin’ by the time you get there.”

“I think that’s a splendid idea, Juva,” Ben said, and his eyes briefly met with Hoss’. “Go.”

Without any further talk, Juva and Fonse turned their heels into their horses’ sides and took off as if shot from a gun.

“Adam, do you think you can pick it up and stay in the saddle? The sooner we get there, the better.”

“I don’t know, Pa, but I’m game to try.”

“Good. Hoss, get a good grip on Dusty’s bit, and keep Chubb close in. I figure if we do that, we can keep him from running away from us.”

Without so much as a word, Hoss did as his father had told him. “All right, Pa, ready.”

“Okay, Adam, let’s do this thing.”

As one unit the horses moved into a lively trot. Dusty, his eyes wide, tossed his head and snorted at the closeness of the other two. Buck and Chubb, though, were like rocks of stability and kept their younger companion closed in.

Adam was grateful for the strength of his father and brother on either side of him. He knew that if he should fall, it would take the greatest effort to get him back on his horse again. It wasn’t like he would just give in, what with so much he had to return home to, but his own strength had gradually ebbed since the accident, and he wasn’t so sure how much he had left to summon up should he need it.

*******

The rain had gotten heavier since it had started maybe half-an-hour earlier. It formed a gray shroud that hung over everything and added its omnipresent voice to the stillness.

Angelica stood in a dark corner of the porch, little Addy clutched to her bosom like a precious lifeline. No one had to tell her that her husband was in trouble, and the rain only seemed to intensify that conviction.

Without any fanfare, Verina came out of the house. She carried Hiram – the youngest and smallest of the triplets – and led Benjy by the hand. “Angelica.”

“We’re here, by the swing.”

Verina and her raven-haired grandsons went to where their mother stood with her back pressed against the rough log wall. “We thought you and Addy could use some company.”

But Angelica simply stood there and jostled her oldest son. His small head rested against her shoulder as she stroked his heavy hair. His mouth opened wide in a yawn, and one petite fist clutched the front of his mother’s blouse.

“Why don’t you sit down on the swing with the boys while Maggie finishes with supper? I brought a blanket to keep all of you warm. You could wait out here for the men folk to return.”

Angelica slowly looked around at her, and the gloom of the porch only deepened the violet of her eyes. “I would like that, and I know the boys would enjoy it.”

The chains of the swing creaked as Angelica sat down and the boys were gathered close to her. Verina unfolded the blanket and tucked in around them. Only three black-capped heads stuck out to give evidence of the babies’ presence.

“Would you like for me to have Mr. Gibson light the lamps?”

“No thank you, Mother. We will be fine.”

“All right. I’ll be only a shout away.”

Verina’s shoes echoed across the planks, and the sound of the closing door signaled that she had returned to the confines of the house. The little boys snuggled close to their mother, and Addy’s head ducked beneath the cover and out of sight. Angelica’s eyelids lowered as she let her sons smooth away some of her apprehension. But only with the advent of her Adam would it vanish and die completely.

The increasing storm thrashed the house in its relentless attempts to get at the little family, but the cavernous porch held it back. The evening sky had darkened very quickly, and the approach of nightfall only made it more so.

Slowly, Angelica opened her eyes and looked beyond the arches into the maw of nature’s temper fit and thought of her dearest one out in this. She could only hope and pray that his father and brother had found him, and he was all right. But in the deepest recesses of her soul, she feared for the worst. She couldn’t understand what gave rise to such a suspicion, only that Adam never went back on a promise. And he had promised that he would be home by dinner. Now it would soon be supper then bedtime, and he still wasn’t, and it settled the uttermost disquiet into her. A loud boom shook the air, and she felt the boys squeeze against her, and her arms held them closer.

“Find him, Father Ben. Find him and bring him home safely to us.”

SIX

Lightning lit the sky like the paths of streaking comets, and thunder crashed like cannon. The rain had turned into a sheet that hung like a dense curtain beyond the cave’s mouth. Two campfires illuminated the small cavern and held the night’s fury at bay.

Next to the rearmost fire, away from the entrance, Adam had been bedded down. He lay on his undamaged side, eyes closed, as flat as they could get him, and a blanket covered him for added warmth. They had been afraid to try to remove his coat, so he still wore the garment. The smell of boiling coffee, frying bacon and horse vied with one another for command, and so far the hot brew was winning.

Off to the side, Fonse and Juva took care of the animals, and their voices filled their corner with a low murmur. Their glances toward the Boss said it all, and they kept to themselves.

“I don’t like the way he looks,” Hoss said, as he hunkered before the foremost fire, a steaming tin cup clutched in both hands. “He’s just the color of stove ash. An’ he’s so dadblamed still. If’n I didn’t know better…,” The rest of the thought died a merciful death, and he took a drink.

Ben glanced back at his eldest. “I know. He said he just wanted to lie down and give in to it for a while. When I asked him give in to what, he just said the fatigue. I know this is wearing him out, but I can’t imagine what it feels like. Nobody can who hasn’t experienced it.”

“It’s one thing to git shot an’ to have a bitty piece o’ lead in you or to go straight through. But this for dang sure ain’t no bullet.” Hoss just shook his head, and his eyes flicked to his brother. “Poor little Angelica is gonna be an incorrigible wreck when she sees ‘im, that’s for pure certain. She dotes on him like nothin’ I ever seen, an’ she ain’t gonna be able to handle somethin’ like this.”

“Angelica will be just fine, and she’ll do what needs to be done.”

“Sure she will, but that ain’t what I mean…. I just have a hard time with a woman’s tears.”

“I can’t say much for any man who doesn’t.” Ben picked up the extra cup that sat on the stones that ringed the fire and poured it half full. “Maybe I can get some of this into him to help to warm him up.”

“All right, Pa. An’ if’n you need any help you just sing out.”

“I will, son.”

As Ben drew closer to his first-born, the chill that had permeated his body when he had first seen Adam’s injury returned. And even the heat from the cup couldn’t chase it off. He stooped and at first thought that his son had thankfully fallen asleep, but worn-out eyes greeted him.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“Just resting…. I’m gonna need all the strength I can store up for in the morning…. I don’t know about you…, but I’m not looking forward to getting back on that horse.”

“Hoss suggested that we rig up a travois and fasten it on behind Chubb. It might be a bit bumpier, but we won’t have to worry about you falling out of the saddle.”

“We’ll see what the morning brings…. I’d prefer to ride in of my own accord…. If Angelica sees me on one of those things…”

“She’ll know that her husband needs her help. Don’t sell the girl short. You know, the smartest thing you’ve ever done is to bring her into the family. Now, I brought you some coffee.”

“I don’t want any.”

“Then how about some nice, crisp bacon.”

“I can’t get anything down…. Since this happened my stomach has fought me every step of the way…, and if I put something on it…, it won’t stay there for very long.”

“Very well, son, maybe something for breakfast.”

“We’ll see.”

Adam’s eyes closed again, and a heavy breath caused a grimace. Ben reached out and touched his son’s arm.

Adam’s eyes didn’t open. “I’m all right…. I havta be…, for my family.”

Tenderly, Ben pulled the blanket up over Adam’s shoulders, and his son didn’t move or look at him.

“Thanks, Pa.”

“Always, son.”

Ben started toward the fire and Hoss but stopped half way and looked back. An oppressive foreboding had become firmly ensconced inside him, though he fought against it with all his might. In all his fifty-seven years on this Earth, he had seen wounds of this nature before. Internal organs could be damaged, blood was always lost, and sometimes infection set it. And he knew that any one or two or all combined could take Adam from them. The coffee shivered in the cup as his hand began to tremble. He struggled with his mind and body in a desperate attempt to keep himself in control. Adam needed him, and they both couldn’t afford for him to fall apart now.

*******

The big clock in the parlor had just struck midnight when Maggie came through the dining room. She held a lit lamp before her to create a path in the dark. A long, gray tinged mahogany braid hung down her back and complemented her peach-hued robe. Her slippers scuffed over the floor to the edge of the room where she stopped.

She didn’t know exactly what had awakened her. It wasn’t the storm, since, like her father, she could sleep through the loudest Fourth of July fireworks display. No, it was something far less tangible but nonetheless it existed. Her nutmeg eyes searched the parlor in a long sweep but picked out nothing that didn’t belong. Nothing, that is, until her gaze returned to the huge stone hearth. The fire had been banked for the night, but now it gave out a little more glow than usual. Her eyes squinted against the blackness, and this time she made out a figure. She raised the lamp and started quietly forward.

“Miss Angelica.” In the soft yellow light she could make out that the young woman held the poker in a tight fist.”

“Shhh. I just got the boys back to sleep.”

With unerring instinct, Maggie turned to the wine colored settee. On it, the boys huddled together under their mother’s shawl, and held each other in their small arms. In spite of the tempest that raged around outside, they were deep in slumber, and it curved the sides of her mouth.

“I don’t need to ask why yer up,” Maggie said, and stepped closer to her. “In yer place, I know I would be, too. But ya know it doesn’t help a thing.”

“It helps me…. If I go to sleep, I’m afraid that I will see what I don’t want to. And, anyway, I’m way too restless for it.” She looked around at the housekeeper. “But you should…”

“No, mum. I’ll stay with ya, and the little ones. I’ve found through this life that talk can make a long, black night not so long or so black…. And maybe even a spot o’ tea would help.”

“That would be very nice. Thank you, Maggie.”

“It’ll only take two shakes. And I’ll bring a plate o’ gingersnaps.”

But Maggie knew she would get no answer. Her girl had turned her attention back to the glowing logs, head bowed as before. Maggie thought to give her a pat but decided not to and scuttled on back to the kitchen.

In the embers of the wood, Angelica could almost see him. In fact, she wanted to see him so badly to assure herself of his safety, that it caused physical discomfort. Her hand clenched tighter on the poker, and a hot flush of excitement stoked her inner fire. The mere thought of him gave her a thrill like nothing ever had, and she knew nothing else could. Tall and dark, excruciatingly handsome, and virile beyond the simple definitions of the word, he embodied everything that any woman who was a woman could dream of. And he was hers, and she intended to keep it that way to the best of her ability. Her hand squeezed involuntarily on the long rod of hammered iron. If Joe Cartwright ever dared to come before her she would give him a piece of her mind that he would never recover from. And maybe she would even let him have the flat of her hand. Her eyes twinkled in the soft light, and she delighted at the thought. “Be on your guard, Joseph Cartwright. No one hurts my Adam and doesn’t regret it. I promise you that.”

*******

Ben Cartwright lay in his camp bed, his head and shoulders nestled in the wool lining of his upturned saddle. Unlike everyone else, however, he hadn’t fallen under sleep’s spell and knew he couldn’t. He rested on his side and faced his oldest son. His eyes traced over the dark handsome face, thrown into stern shadow by the flicker of the flames. A pinch of pain tugged at the corners of Adam’s eyes, and his father knew that, even asleep or unconscious, whichever the case, he still suffered. But something else disturbed Ben, and he had to know if he was right.

He threw back his blanket and inched closer to his son. With gentleness so often exhibited by a parent, he placed his hand against Adam’s forehead then the side of his face. His heart leapt like a frightened deer from the weeds. A fever had begun to manifest itself in his son’s body. Not so much yet, but he knew what it could and most likely would build in to. And, though he didn’t want to, Ben knew this was only the beginning of a nightmare.

SEVEN

By the time dawn’s light drove back the black veil of night the storm had ended. Water dripped from everything and stood in pools and puddles, some large enough to drown a cougar. The damp, heavy air lay over all like a sodden quilt and fought its way into the small cave. But there its advance was held off by the gallant flames of the campfires.

When Adam finally opened his eyes, he realized that he wasn’t alone. Ben sat, cross-legged, before him, and Hoss crouched beside their father. Fonse and Juva stood behind them, and he was at the center of all the attention. He tried to speak, but his throat had become parched and scratchy through the night, and his teeth stuck to the insides of his mouth. Finally, after some effort, he managed to get out one rough, barely audible word. “Water.”

Fonse dashed to his saddle and came back with his canteen, which he handed to Ben.

In his haste to attend to his son’s needs, Ben neglected to thank the man. Delicately, he raised Adam’s head, placed the canteen to his lips and tilted it slightly up.

The water was stale and flat, but it was cool and wet and erased the dryness. But it also agitated the queasiness of his stomach that had gone dormant as he slept. It gurgled and complained and made its disgust quite apparent. Maybe if he lay perfectly still it would settle down again. He pushed the canteen and his father’s hand away and let his body go slack. Then he felt like someone had dumped a load of rocks on him. He still had to get back on that horse.

“Good morning, son. How do you feel? You look some better since a night’s rest.”

“You’re a poor liar, Pa. I can just imagine what I look like.”

“Would you like something to eat before we get started?”

The mere thought of food sent Adam’s innards into spasms of nausea, and he tried to swallow it down. “I couldn’t eat a bite…. I just want to get started home.”

Without any consideration of what his action could bring, Adam tried to push himself away from the dirt-packed ground. The resultant pain that ran along the entire length of his body was like someone cutting into him with a sharp, keen knife. His head snapped back, and he went rigid as it sucked the very breath from his lungs. Everything came at him in such a rush that he cried out before he could stop it.

Through the wave of agony that temporarily blinded him, Adam didn’t feel his father’s and brother’s strong grips on his arms. Nor did he notice when he was eased back onto the ground. His breathing came in quick pants, and his fingers involuntarily clawed into the dirt.

But as he lay there, the pain gradually began to taper off to leave only a heavy throbbing. His vision began to clear, some of his senses returned and the nausea lessened. He looked first to his father, then to his brother. “Hoss.”

“Yeah, brother.”

“Maybe… maybe the travois… isn’t such a bad idea.”

Hoss rested a big hand on his brother’s hip and grinned. “We’ll git right on it. So you just lay easy, an’ we’ll git you fixed right up with the best travois ever.” He got to his feet and turned to the two men. “Fonse, Juva, we’re gonna need lots o’ long, strong limbs."

“And you can use my lariat,” Fonse volunteered.

“Mine, too,” Juva threw in.

Ben watched them as they went out into the morning sunlight then turned back to Adam. He didn’t think he had ever seen his son so pale and it unnerved him unmercifully. “You know, I figured that you would get back on your horse and ride home, no matter what.”

“I thought about it…, but I’ve learned that some things are far more important than stubborn pride…. It won’t do Angelica and the boys any good… if I fall off and kill myself…. And my Angel is a strong, capable woman.”

“You’re very proud of her, aren’t you?”

“More than simple words can say…. Pa, promise me… that if worse comes to worse…, you’ll take care of my family.”

Ben felt like he had just been kicked in the gut by a mule. Did Adam think he was going to die? And did he think his son was going to die? He reached out and took Adam’s hand. “You know I will, but we won’t talk of death and dying now.” He hold tightened on the cool, elegant fingers. “We’re going to get you home, and we’re going to fight this.”

“Sure we are, Pa.” Adam’s eyelids fell. “Sure we are.”

*******

The sun had moved half way across the morning sky by the time they were ready to start out. A fine specimen of a travois had been constructed, only it had been hooked up to Buck instead of Chubb. There had been a bit of an argument as to who would have the honor of pulling it. But, in the end, Ben had won out. No one had been able to overcome the tenacity of an adamant father.

Hoss finished tying the rope that secured his brother so that he didn’t fall off. “Not too tight?”

Adam shook his head and smiled faintly. “It’s fine, but I’m definitely not going anywhere.” He gave his brother a weak slap on the arm.

Ben came over to them as he finished buttoning his coat. “You ready to go, son?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“An’ if’n you need for us to stop for any reason, you don’t be afraid to yell out.”

“I won’t.” Adam, who lay on his uninjured side, slumped slightly forward, and his right arm dangled over the side.

Dark coffee eyes met with clear blue ones and conveyed more than any words. Adam had never been one to give in to pain – even in its severest form – so for him to do so now told them just how bad it was.

Juva and Fonse flanked the big buckskin as they started out, while Hoss brought up the rear leading his brother’s horse. The small party sought out the most even ground they could find to give Adam the smoothest ride they could. They moved along a stand of pines close to the edge of a small stream. The splash of the water as it ran playfully over the rocks fought to remove some of the grimness from the situation. But the occasional cry of stifled pain defeated its purpose as they continued on.

About twenty or so minutes after they started out, Buck caught his left fore foot and lurched and gave the travois a hard jerk. The resultant pain stabbed into Adam like a pickaxe, and he choked back the agony as his fingernails dug into the rough wood. His eyes squeezed together, and he waited for the pain to subside.

Hoss instantly saw his brother’s pain wracked face. “Pa!”

Ben turned in his saddle. Then his eyes immediately lowered to his oldest son, and he knew that Buck’s stumble had caused pain. He pulled the big buckskin to a stop and swung down to the ground. Hoss joined his father at his brother’s side while Juva and Fonse stayed with the horses.

Ben touched his son’s sweaty forehead. “Adam…, is it very bad?”

“I’ve had… worse. It just makes me… so sick.”

“Maybe we should stop for a while.”

Adam’s eyes flashed open and shot to his father’s face. “No…. Keep going.”

Ben shared a quick glance of uncertainty with Hoss. “All right, son, but if you need to stop…”

“I will.” Adam’s hand closed around his father’s wrist. “I will…, I promise.”

Ben gave him a reassuring pat then he and Hoss got mounted again. The horses moved on like wraiths that skirted the trees, and Adam gritted his teeth as he jounced along behind his father. That Adam needed the attention of a doctor, a man would have been a fool or blind or both not to know. So they wanted to stop as few times as possible.

Dinner was jerky and water. They were fairly close to the house now, and taking the time to cook something wasn’t in the cards.

Ben’s eyes trailed to the sky. The threat of more rain wasn’t as imminent as it had been the day before, so he hoped it would hold off until they got home, if it came at all. He glanced back at his sons, and his heart flipped. Hoss had his eyes set right on his brother and left everything else up to Chubb. His two oldest sons had a special bond that guided them through the roughest seas and over the sharpest rocks. A woman had briefly come between them and threatened to tear them from each other. But, in the end, love and common sense had triumphed. His thick, black brows knitted into a heavy scowl. Now it had happened again, only this time with Joe. At the thought of his youngest, the heat rose in his blood and seared him into the kind of anger that made him want to lash out. Joe had become so unforgiving, and it infuriated him to the extent of discomfort. Since Adam’s return from college, Joe had not been as close to his oldest brother as Ben would have liked. And to watch Adam continually try was hurtful indeed. But now everything had come to a head. His gaze dropped to the travois, and he hoped that Joe hadn’t waited too long this time. If he had, he could lose more than his brother. He could lose himself, and even Hoss.

EIGHT

A sense of foreboding had built in Angelica until it thought to asphyxiate her. That something was wrong – no one needed to tell her. The contingent of men that had been sent into Bantree had returned the night before without Adam. In fact, they hadn’t even seen him since the previous morning. But the group led by her father-in-law, which had gone toward Lee Haymes’ place, hadn’t, and it unnerved her to no end. If everything was as it should be, then why had it taken them so long to do something that should have taken a couple hours at the most?

Verina sat on the settee, a cup of coffee in her right hand. She hated to see her daughter so unsettled and torn up, but there was nothing she could do about it. She looked to the boys as they played with their blocks before the fireplace. Buddy, his large, shaggy head raised and ears perked forward and his eyes focused forward, lay close to them. Such a scene of idyllic harmony should have comforted her, yet it only suited to augment her own unrest.

Angelica had just started the return leg of her pacing back toward the dining room when the front door opened. Her heart nearly stopped until she saw that it was only Maggie, a small rug in one hand. Her breathing eased back into a more normal rhythm until – on closer inspection – she noticed the stark whiteness of the woman’s face. “Maggie…, what is…? What…?”

“They’re back, mum…, and ya need to come outside.”

Angelica’s throat clogged as her hands went to her mouth. She had been right. Something was wrong? “Mother, stay with the boys.” Then she rushed to Maggie faster than her legs wanted to carry her and followed her back outside.

The two women quickly crossed the shadowy recesses of the expansive porch. Angelica’s pulse raced like a steam engine, and the suspense of what lay beyond the arches grew paramount with each step.

When they finally stepped out into the sunshine, Angelica’s whole existence seemed to fall away as she saw the small party of men. A silent supplication moved her lips, and she shot toward them.

Ben, the first to dismount, had just stepped down as his daughter-in-law reached him. As he turned to those deep pools of violet, the desire to hold her against this rose in him. “Daughter,” was all he could say to her.

With a sharp jerk, she turned from him and went to her husband’s side.

Angelica fell to her knees beside the travois, oblivious to the sodden ground. Adam lay perfectly still on his side, eyes closed. She wanted to touch him so badly that it made her fingers ache for him, but she found herself at first afraid to. That his body had been ravaged was plain for her to see, but by what she couldn’t know. She suspected that whatever it was the blanket that covered him to his shoulders concealed it. Her hand moved like a breeze and lightly smoothed back the heavy black hair. She softly said his name, and it took a couple seconds for her voice to be answered. His eyelids fluttered open and a smile – frail though it was – lit his pale face.

“Angel.”

She touched the corner of one of his eyes as if by doing so she could draw out the pain that dwelled in their depths. She hoped that she didn’t betray her fear, for now Adam needed all the strength she could give him. And so did she.

So wrapped up in her husband’s plight, she didn’t notice Hoss’ large, comforting hand on her shoulder. “Miss Angelica, we need to git him inside.”

Reality had just slapped Angelica in the face. She pulled herself heavily away from him, stepped back and watched as Adam’s father and brother, and the two ranch hands worked to get him up. As the blanket was removed, her breath caught, and she saw nothing except the jagged piece if wood that protruded from her husband’s side.

“Saint’s preserve us,” Maggie said, and made the sign of the cross.

That Adam – a normally robust and vivid man – needed so much help in the simple act of getting up, attested to his weakened state. He obviously tried to assist his father and brother, but his best efforts were pitiful at best. And the moment he tried to stand between them, his knees began the buckle. Hoss started to gather him into his massive arms.

“No, Hoss…, I can walk.”

“The heck you can.”

“Please, Hoss…, I need to.”

The fact that Hoss didn’t care for the idea shown in his expression, and his eyes shot to his father. Ben only nodded.

“All right, brother, but you lean on me, an’ you lean hard.”

“I will.”

“Maggie, go turn the bed down,” Angelica barked out, “and bring clean towels and hot water!”

“Right away, mum.” Then the housekeeper whirled and raced back inside.

Angelica stayed close, her gaze riveted to her husband, as they started for the house.

“We’ll take care of the horses,” Juva said, but no one seemed to hear him.

The toes of Adam’s boots scuffed over the wet ground, and Hoss exerted every bit of his strength to keep his brother upright. Boots clomped and the hems of Angelica’s muddy skirt and petticoats drug over the planks. She went ahead of them and inside first.

Verina stood close to her grandsons, whose attention had been diverted from play by all the frenzied activity. Her hands instantly covered her mouth. “Oh, my Sweet Lord.”

“Dahdee,” Addy said, and started to toddle for his father. But his grandmother grasped his arm and stopped him. He didn’t like it, and his small, dark face puckered as he tried to pull free. “Dahdee,” and this time it was laced with tears.

Verina scooped the little boy into her arms, got down into the floor and gathered his brothers close to her.

Angelica ran into the bedroom, and Ben and Hoss followed with Adam.

“Sit him on the side of the bed,” Angelica commanded. “And I am going to need help in getting his coat and shirt off without hurting him.”

“I think it’s best if’n we just cut ‘em off,” Hoss said, as he and his father eased Adam down onto the soft mattress.

Angelica shot out the door. “Maggie, bring the kitchen scissors!” She dashed over to Adam and knelt in front of him. Her deft fingers began to unbutton his coat until a light touch on her cheek stopped her. Her eyes rose to that beloved face and she had to stifle back a whimper.

“My Angel.”

Angelica held fast against the tears. She didn’t have time for such foolishness. The corners of her mouth crooked, and she tried to project an air of reassurance, but it was every bit put on for his benefit. She didn’t feel reassured in the slightest, but she didn’t want Adam to know of her fright.

“What is taking her so long,” Angelica grumbled. She turned her head to shout just as Maggie rushed in with the heavy-bladed scissors.

Hoss eased his brother’s arm out of the sleeve, but Adam still winced. “Sorry, Adam.”

Angelica cut straight across the front to the ugly, bloodied piece of wood then on around to what came through the back. Ben finished easing off the garment and tossed it to the floor in a heap. He turned around just as she had started to cut through the dark green shirt then it too wound up in the floor.

“Now let’s get him back onto the bed,” Ben said, and started to lift his son’s legs.

Angelica stood back while Ben and Hoss eased Adam back and onto his left side. Then she moved in and Maggie came to the bed with the pan of water and clean towels.

“Hoss, we’re all right here. I want you to go into town and get a doctor.”

“All right, Pa, an’ I’ll ride fast.”

Hoss started out, but his father gripped his arm like a steel ring.

“And I want you to send a wire to Joe.”

“Whadaya want it to say?”

“I don’t care, just so it gets him here.”

“Don’t you worry none about it. I know what to say. You just concentrate on Adam.” Then the big man went out into the parlor. Time was a’ wastin’.

NINE

Dr. Graham Montgomery liked his quiet time, which came too infrequent to suit him. After nearly three years of war he relished his solitude, and he didn’t care to have it interrupted. He had just started to park his butt in the ladder backed chair before the fire – a cup of bourbon-laced tea in one hand – when someone began to bang frantically at the front door. He cursed under his breath then pushed himself up with a grunt.

“Why do they always seem to come right with my libation?” he grumbled, in his soft southern accent.

He sat the cup and saucer on the fireplace mantle with a hard clink then went into the entryway.

Through the lace curtains on the door, he could make out what was obviously a very large man. But, other than that, he didn’t recognize his visitor. This had better be important, he thought. He grasped the knob and jerked the door open. “Mr. Cartwright.”

There wasn’t time for amenities. “Doc, you need to git out to the Angel fast as you can git your things together. My brother Adam’s been hurt an’ bad.”

Graham gulped. He knew and liked Adam Cartwright and his wife. In fact, the man was – besides Mr. Banning, of course – the first to welcome him to Bantree, and they had become very good friends. “How bad is bad?”

The doctor could see some of the blood go from the big man’s face. “He got throwed from his horse… an’ run a stick clean through him.”

Graham felt his life’s fluid drain from him and his breath lodge in his chest. “All right. Why don’t you come inside and wait by the fire? This won’t take long.”

“Thanks, Doc, but I gotta send a wire first. An’ if’n we don’t connect up when you’re ready to leave, you just go on ahead an’ I’ll catch up.”

“All right, Mr. Cartwright.” The doctor forced a grin. “It’s not like I’ve never been out there before.”

Discourteously, Hoss turned and bounded off the porch. But Graham wasn’t offended, for he knew what motivated the rudeness.

A shiver ran through him, and he gave the door a slam. Time was of the essence, and he had to hurry. A life depended on his haste.

Rodney Jenks had held his job in Bantree for going on six years now, and they were glad to get him, or so he had been told. Many had complimented him on his speed with a telegraph key, and the clarity of his messages at such speed. But he hadn’t let it go to his head. He knew that vanity could cloud a man’s judgment and ability, and he was too proud of his talent to mar it with egotism.

Rodney lounged in the rickety chair, his thin legs propped on the desk. He hadn’t gotten a letter from his sister in Chicago for nearly three months, and he wanted to savor each word.

The door slammed open, and Rodney’s head jerked up. At the look on Hoss Cartwright’s face, legs came down from the desk and the letter was temporarily forgotten. “Good morning to you, Mr. Cartwright.”

“Gimme a piece o’ paper an’ a pencil.”

“Sure thing, Mr. Cartwright.” Rodney pushed a pad and pencil across the desktop. “Here you go.”

Hoss didn’t even thank him as he hunched down and began to write. Rodney tried to read the words as they left the pencil – reading upside-down was another talent he had cultivated – but the man’s large hand blocked him.

Hoss slammed the pencil down and pushed the pad forward. “I want this sent fast as your fingers can work that key. It needs to git to Virginia City quick as you can git it there.”

Rodney picked up the pad and read. His rusty eyes grew to the size of half dollars then rose to Mr. Cartwright. “Is this true?”

“I hope not, Rod. I seriously hope not. Now go ahead and send it.”

Rodney inhaled heavily and laid the pad back on the desk. The rapid click of the key sounded through the silence of the office like an irate cricket. With each stroke a word formed then a sentence and finally the message.

Rodney took another onerous breath. “Was that fast enough?”

“That was fine. Thanks, Rod.” Hoss gave him a slap on the arm, paid then rushed out.

Rodney picked up the pad and let his eyes run over the words again. “I hope not, too.”

*******

Angelica lay on the bed facing her husband. It had been almost an hour – she knew for the clock in the parlor had just struck – and he hadn’t moved in close to that long. His slow, heavy breathing assured her that he was still alive but of nothing else. She reached out and tenderly pushed back the characteristic black wisp that had fallen over his forehead. Slowly, his eyes opened, and the weariness that looked back at her made her want to fling her arms around him and hold him. She managed a frail smile for his sake. His lips moves silently, and she read the words on them. “I love you, too,” she mouthed back, and felt as if her world was crashing down around her.

She caught sight of movement in the doorway from the corner of her sight and looked around. It was her mother.

“Hoss is here with the doctor.”

Relief washed over Angelica, but it was touched with a sense of dread. She didn’t know what the doctor would tell her, and it scared her to death just to think about it. And while she knew she had to be told, a part of her didn’t want to be.

She looked back to Adam, and his eyes were once again closed. What will I do? she thought. What will I do if I lose him?

*******

Ben stalked the parlor of his oldest son’s house like a prowling cougar, and the only one in a worse state was Angelica. Hoss and Verina watched them from the settee, helpless to do anything to sate their anxiety. The boys slept on a quilt spread before the hearth, and Buddy lay curled up close to them.

The tick of the grandfather clock and each crack of the fire reverberated as if amplified threefold. Even the soft breathing of the sleeping boys came like the whispers of a giant.

Ben glanced to the bedroom. Dr. Montgomery had been in with his son for well close to two hours, but it felt like an eternity. He fought to drive back all kinds of dire thoughts that made even his bones shudder. He couldn’t let himself think about what was going on behind that closed door. Pain, blood, suffering, and maybe even death. Why must you think that way, he thought. Then he stopped and dropped his head into his hands. Please, not my son. Please not my son.

Gentle fingers ran through his silvery hair, and he looked up into exquisite pain. He said her name then threw his arms around his daughter-in-law.

Angelica held herself as close to him as she could, and tried not to weep. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, she wanted to like she hadn’t in the longest of times. In fact, nothing had moved her to want to cry so badly since her father had died. But she knew that weeping would come later, for one reason or another, so she held herself, at least outwardly. On the inside, however, she wept like she had been sorely beaten.

*******

The piece of paper and its accompanying envelope fluttered to the floor to land at Joe Cartwright’s feet. His hands held frozen in air, and his emerald eyes still drilled into the space where the page had been.

“Bad news?”

When Joe didn’t seem to be in this world any longer, Sheriff Roy Coffee picked up the paper and read it. Joe, Come at once. Adam dying. Hoss.

Roy’s breathing staggered. He had known the Cartwrights since the sons were boys. And any time he could reimburse them for all they had done for him through the years, he would. He reached out and took the young man’s arm in a firm grip. “Joe, you all right? Anything I can do?”

Joe, after a long second, finally looked at him. “Roy, I need a favor.”

“Anything, you know that.”

“When you go back into town, I need for you to send a wire to Bantree to my father.”

“I sure will. What do you want it to say?”

“Only four words…. I’m on my way.”

TEN

The sound of the bedroom door being opened came more like the report of a gun. All eyes went in that direction as the doctor closed it behind him.

Graham Montgomery, his sleeves rolled past his elbows, stood like a defeated man. His shoulders drooped, and his slim frame slumped. Lines of fatigue and stress were etched into his face, and his acorn brown eyes had been dulled by the experience. Usually a handsome man, his ordeal and that of his patient had made him less than attractive.

“Doctor,” Ben spoke, and his arm stole about his daughter-in-law’s shoulders. “How is he? Is he…?”

“He’s alive.” Graham moved with dragging steps until he stood at the center of the anxious family. “But it was a struggle to keep him that way, and it’s far from over.” He ran his fingers back through his thick hair. “I got that piece of wood out, and that was a battle I hope I never have to fight again.”

“Did he… Did he suffer greatly?” Angelica asked, falteringly.

“I used chloroform to put him out, so he never felt a thing. He slept through the whole operation, I’m happy to say.” He snickered. “But he wasn’t too gone on the idea, until I convinced him that the pain could kill him and mentioned your name in the same breath.”

“Then he’s going to live?” Angelica asked, a glimmer of hope lighting her face.

“I don’t know. This is far from over. I cleaned him up inside as best I could and closed up those awful wounds…” Graham looked about him at the fretful faces, “but he’s going to get sick. Of that there’s no doubt in my mind.”

“How sick?” Ben asked.

“That I can’t say. Hoss told me on the way here that a fever was already building before you even got him home.”

Ben’s eyes darted to Angelica. “That’s right. I noticed it that first night. And he’s suffered terribly with nausea.”

“I’m not surprised. It’s not normal for a human being to be punched full o’ holes that way. So when it happens, you’ve got to expect the body to react. But there is one thing in our favor. The limb tore through the fleshy part of his side. Thankfully, no internal organs were damaged.”

“Thank God,” Verina said, softly.

“Yes, ma’am.” Graham stretched his arms out in front of him and tried to straighten his back. “We’ll keep a close watch on him, and make sure he’s never left alone. And I’ll stay here as long as I can. What with Dr. Robey in St. Louis, even less of my time belongs to me than usual.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Ben said, and held Angelica closer.

“I’ll have Maggie make up a room for you,” Verina said, as she joined her husband and daughter.

“Can I… see him now?” sounded like the squeak of a timid mouse.

Graham stepped forward and took Angelica Cartwright’s hands in his. “Just before I put him to sleep he asked to see you when it was over.” His fingers tightened around hers. “He’s going to need you like he never has before. Are you up to it?”

A torch lit purple sparks in her eyes. “For him, I can and will do anything.”

“Good,” Graham said, with a nod. “Now I’ll take you back.”

“We’ll come in later,” Ben said, and kissed Angelica on the forehead. “This will be your and Adam’s time.” He took her face in his hands and looked straight at her. “Go to him.”

Verina stood next to Ben, and his arm eased around her ample waist as they watched the doctor lead Angelica to the bedroom. Hoss came to stand with them.

“Adam ain’t no quitter.”

“I know that, son…. I know that.”

The second Angelica entered the room, she thought that all her bodily functions would cease. The covers had been pulled up to Adam’s waist, and his broad chest raised and lowered in heavy, laborious breaths. He was pale as a ghost, and it made the raven black hair on his head and body more pronounced. His eyes were closed, and the dense fans of lashes rested against pallid skin. Air staggered into her lungs, and she hardly noticed the comforting hand of the doctor on her back. He gave her a small push, and it started her legs to moving.

Angelica glanced to Maggie, who stood at the head of the bed. The woman dipped a cloth into the washbasin on the night table and lightly wiped the perspiration from Adam’s face. Maggie smiled and nodded then went to the doctor. Angelica looked around as the door closed, and she saw that she and Adam were alone.

With only slight hesitancy, Angelica sat delicately on the side of the bed. With the touch of a feather, she lifted one of the fine hands, calloused from years of hard toil, and not as brown as usual. His manicured nails made her grin. Adam, for as long as she had known him, had always been fastidious about the upkeep of his hands. He would abuse them at ranch work, but they were never neglected. She had seen him sit for nearly an hour clipping and filing and buffing. And now it produced a small sob.

Her hand trembled as she smoothed his sweat-dampened hair. The glow from the lamp cast an amber sheen over it that glistened like new money. She let her fingers trace down the side of his face to run along the strong jaw line then up over that perfect mouth. Then she leaned forward and kissed him, and the touch of his senseless lips brought forth the urge to wail into the stillness. But she didn’t.

Her hand now ran along the side of his neck and down onto his chest. She recalled the many glorious nights when it had been her pillow. And she had felt the coarse, tight hair beneath her cheek, as she did now beneath her fingertips. She moved her hand until it rested over his heart, and she could feel it beating, though maybe not as strongly as she would like.

She bent down and whispered into his ear, though she knew he didn’t hear it. Then she rested her head against his shoulder and turned her face to his neck. She closed her eyes and let her fear and anguish melt away for this moment. Then she felt his arm encircle her waist, and it was Heaven.

*******

Night had moved in like a soft-pawed black cat to steal over the land and all that lived on it. A wolf howled then would stop to be answered by another off into the distance. The rain clouds had cleared out and billions of tiny, white dots of light twinkled in the inkiness. A more perfect spring night could not be found anywhere, but it hid a lot with its dark cloak.

The big log dwelling – usually ablaze with lights – stood in total darkness. Heavy draperies and curtains blocked out what little light emanated from inside. The two large porch lamps had not even been lighted, as was a customary chore for the ranch hands, so that the house stood in shadowy silhouette against the star littered sky.

Inside the bunkhouse, the usual banter of the men who worked on the Angel did not exist. The men’s voices were low and subdued, when they spoke at all. The man they called Boss, the man they held in such great admiration, that any one of them would lay down his life for, had been dreadfully injured. That he could die, they every one knew, and it had an effect on them much as being beat down with an axe handle.

Yes, it was indeed a beautiful night, but on the Angel Ranch there was no one to enjoy it. That grief could become a fixture all was patently aware of, and, for now, it occupied every mind there, save for one. And his struggle simply to stay alive had only just begun.

ELEVEN

The agile black-and-white paint tore into the yard past the barn to be reined in so hard that it lurched back on its rear hocks, and its tail dragged the ground. Joe bolted from the saddle and dashed onto the deep porch and straight for the solid pine door. He slammed it open and stepped inside only to stop dead in his tracks. The expansive parlor was devoid of furniture. At the middle of it, however, was a mahogany casket on its bier with two tall candelabras at either end. The huge stone fireplace stood dormant, and there was no one else about.

With apprehension like none he had ever known, Joe crossed the room, and his boots barely resounded over the hardwood floor. As he drew closer, he gulped and felt as if he would smother, and forced himself to keep moving. His heart ran like a frightened mustang and throbbed in his ears like Paiute war drums. But he didn’t stop.

The polished mahogany wood was cool beneath his hands as he rested them on the rim of the casket. As he looked down inside at the person lying so still and pale, he thought his heart would explode. Tears misted his eyes, and his cheeks tingled. He wanted to reach out, to touch the pasty hand, but he simply couldn’t make himself do it.

“Oh, Adam…, I’m so sorry.”

“Apologies will do no good now.”

Joe looked up into the harsh, rigid face of his father, all life and blood drained from it. The usually warm coffee eyes were like cold, unforgiving chips of coal, and they glared deep into him.

“He can’t hear you,” his father went on. “But I think if he could he would forgive you. He always did.”

“Pa, I…”

“No, Joe, it’s too late for contrition. This is something you must live with now, and I hope you’re satisfied. You made him suffer, and now it’s your turn. And I can’t say that I’m sorry.”

Joe’s head snapped around at the sudden presence of profound, mournful sobbing. Angelica, dressed in widow’s black from head-to-foot, wept into a handkerchief of the same color as her dress. Her lovely face was distorted by grief and bore little resemblance to the delicate beauty that was his oldest brother’s wife. Her upswept dark brown hair seemed to be dusted in gray ash, and her violet eyes were only saddened wells of ebony.

Joe looked back to his father and saw only unrelenting anger and hatred. Then he directed his eyes once more down into the casket. All at once he could no longer resist one last touch, and he put his hand on both of Adam’s, which had been crossed over his stomach. The cold sensation of dead flesh against warm jolted through Joe like icy rods, and he pulled back. He wanted to say something, but anything he said would be worthless to ears deafened by death. So he simply pivoted on one foot and went back out onto the porch.

The door’s closing behind him seemed to signal the final severance from his family. He had blown up, overreacted actually, over something that should have been laid to rest as his brother would now be. But he hadn’t done that. Instead, he had behaved like an adolescent jerk, and, as a result, he had done more harm than Adam ever had.

He crossed and stopped to stand in the yard and looked up into the darkening evening sky. The moon still hung low, and a star here-and-there showed its shiny face. It was going to be another beautiful Nevada night, but it would be lost on the Cartwright family. And it was entirely his fault and no one else’s.

An onerous breath swelled his chest, and he blinked hard to clear his eyes. “What have I done?” He fought against breaking down to cry like a little boy. He stiffened and jutted his chin out. “This needs to be set right.”

His mind whirled in his head as incoherent thoughts tumbled through his brain. How could he undo this? How could he possibly…? Then a notion struck him a severe blow. His eyes lowered to the Colt that hung on his left hip, and his hand dropped to it. As he watched he thumbed the leather loop from the pistol’s hammer and brought it up in front of him. He rubbed the cold, impersonal metal then his gaze returned forward to focus on the barn. He raised the weapon and pressed the business end of the barrel against his temple. His index finger slipped into the guard and began to slowly squeeze the trigger.

His eyelids clamped shut and tears oozed out to run down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Adam. I’m sorry everybody…. I didn’t mean to…”

The pistol shot shattered the night into fragments as if it were glass.

Joe sat bolt upright, his fingers dug into the partially frozen ground. He heaved and gasped, and his lungs seemed to fill with choking smoke. The blanket fell around his waist and over his legs. A cool breeze tussled in the sodden, dark brown curls that lay matted against his head. And his heart seemed to beat against his ribs until it hurt.

As his wits slowly reformed, he saw that darkness still enclosed him. The miniscule campfire burned low and did little to hold it back. Immense, aged pines stood in black, reproachful profile around him. And as the wind blew through their boughs they seemed to taunt him.

With a jerk, he came to his feet. In the cold, he had stiffened up like a dead log, and he staggered. A couple feet away, Cochise nickered, but it did nothing to ease his anxiety.

Joe let his head fall with a groan and slapped his hands over his face. It had been only a dream, but it had been so vivid, so real. His father had looked at him as if he wished that he, Joe, were the one lying in the casket instead of Adam. And Angelica’s grief had been like a white hot knife that had sliced into him.

“It was a dream, wasn’t it?” He raised his face to Heaven. “Please let it be only a dream.” He sighed and his hands rubbed over his hair. “I havta get to Adam.”

He crouched and held his watch close to the last dying remnants of the fire. He made it out to be a little after one o’clock in the morning. It wouldn’t be light enough to see where he was going for a while yet, but that didn’t matter. He had to get started. He had to get to his brother. And he prayed that Adam would still be alive when he did.

He snapped the watch shut and put back into its pocket. Then he took some sticks from the bag he had brought from home and threw onto the fire. Flames and sparks shot up as they voraciously gobbled at the new fuel. Now he could see a little better what he was doing.

He dismantled his camp bed and began to roll the blanket. “Wait for me, brother. Please, Dear Lord, let him wait.”

It didn’t take him long to get everything packed up, and his horse saddled. He found some snow, which he used to kill the fire. It sizzled and hissed and sent up a death plume of smoke to attest to its demise.

He grasped the horn and cantle then slipped his foot into the stirrup and rose gracefully into the saddle. He sat straight and looked around him to get his bearings. Once he had, he brought the animal’s head around and started him out at a walk. It wouldn’t do Adam any good if he rode off in a blaze of hooves and killed himself. Don’t break your fool neck yet, he thought.

*******

The sun stood high overhead by the time Joe was finally forced to take a break. He had stopped a few times to answer the call of nature and allow the horse to drink but nothing more. He needed to reach his destination as quickly as he could, and if he had to push man and mount, then so-be-it.

Cochise snuffled at the edge of the small stream that trickled over rocks while his rider delved into the right pouch of the saddlebags.

Joe tugged at the drawstring of the grease stained muslin bag. He took out three strips of sun dried venison jerky then put the rest back into the pouch. He got the canteen from where it hung on the horn then took his booty and perched himself on a large rock.

He shifted his butt to get comfortable as he tore off a bite with his teeth. His jaws worked automatically.

His eyes ran along the distant horizon, its line intermittently broken by rock and tree and knoll. Then they rose to the pure azure of the sky where puffy white clouds drifted lazily. It had been a day much like this – though quite a bit warmer, since it had been summer – when they had buried the man Vince Decker under the mistaken belief that he was Adam.

A tiny groan left Joe, and he forgot about eating. His head dropped against his arms, which had been propped on his bent knees. How could he have been so shortsighted? How could he have forgotten what it was like for everyone when we thought Adam was dead? He could feel anger and hatred and disgust roil up inside him. But it wasn’t directed at his brother. No wonder Hoss got so he wouldn’t look at me, he thought. And it surprised him that his father and Miss Verina did. And Hop Sing sure let him know how he felt. His snicker held no amusement as his head raised. “I’m surprised he didn’t put poison in my food.” He huffed. “Maybe he should have…. Goodness knows I deserved it.”

He tore off another bite and thought he would choke on it. It was only fitting that he was left alone in his misery. After all, hadn’t he done the same to Adam?

*******

Darkness had long since fallen when Joe was forced to stop. The moon had entered its new phase, and it was black at the inside of a cow. Cochise, whose eyesight was considerably better than his rider’s, had to stumble three times before Joe finally got the message and called a halt before one or both of them got killed or maimed.

He had groped around until he had managed to put together a meager fire, which only lit a small area. It didn’t do much to warm a body unless you were willing to sit on it, but it would have to suffice. Joe took out his watch and checked the time. It was only a few minutes past midnight. He cursed under his breath as he closed it and stuffed it into its pocket. His first full day on the trail had ended, and he had entered into his second. He had left home late, and – in his estimation – he had made pretty good time so far, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy him. Oh, how he wished he could sprout wings.

He hunkered closer to the tiny flames and held his hands over them for warmth. Cochise nickered, and Joe looked up to where the horse had been tethered. He hadn’t bothered to unsaddle the animal, something he just didn’t do, but he had felt it necessary to save time when he got ready to light out.

“Sorry, Cooch.” He rubbed his hands together, and the friction helped to heat them. “But we need to get a quick, early start.”

The horse nickered again as if it understood.

“Thanks, buddy.” Joe’s eyes clamped together, and his heart pinched. He was going to Adam as fast as he could…. He only hoped it was fast enough.

TWELVE

A lamp burned low on the dresser on the other side of the room. Angelica sat in a chair at the side of the bed, her eyes riveted to her husband’s wan face. This was her third night of watching and waiting. Watching him fight for every breath and waiting for the last one. She closed her eyes and shivered against such an idea.

Adam had slipped into unconsciousness the previous evening, and his fever had continued to steadily climb. A shine of perspiration lay over his skin and would return as soon as it was wiped away.

With the lethargy of an exhausted miner, Angelica pulled herself from the chair. She took the cloth from the washbasin on the night table and wrung the excess water from it. Then she sat down on the side of the bed. She washed his face and neck and pushed back the already damp hair. She ran the cloth down over his broad chest and it sent a rush through her. From the very beginning, the touch of this man – whether it was his hands on her or hers on him – had sent currents of electricity coursing through her body. His power and life drew her in like a moth to a flame that went willingly to its end. In all her twenty-eight years she had never known such a marvelous creature, and she hoped that she wasn’t going to be forced to give him up. Someday she knew she would, but please, not now.

The door whispered open behind her, but she was only aware of one thing. Soft footfalls and even the faint swish of fabric over the floor couldn’t draw her attention away from him.

“How is he doing?”

Angelica didn’t look around. “He’s already so hot, and getting hotter. It frightens me.” She washed one of the long, muscular arms then froze. “I’m afraid I’m losing him, Mother. I’m afraid I’m losing my sweetheart.”

“We don’t know that, dear.”

“Don’t we? Look at him. Just look at him, and tell me when you have ever seen anyone so white.”

Verina could remember exactly when she had, but she wasn’t about to tell her daughter that it had been her dead father. She laid a gentle hand on Angelica’s shoulder. “Adam won’t stop fighting, and you mustn’t either.”

“I won’t. For him I can’t. But since what happened with his brother, I wonder if he will fight. Since he got back home that night and told me what had happened with Joe…, I have never seen such a change in one person. He doesn’t laugh, he doesn’t sing, he doesn’t do any of the things he loves. I haven’t heard him play his guitar in the longest time.” She smiled and wearily massaged her temples. “And the boys do love it when he plays.”

“He will again.”

Angelica clasped his hand, and her fingers intertwined with his. “I only hope he gets the chance.”

Verina wanted to assure her daughter but wasn’t able to. She was, after all, a mere mortal woman, and not an all seeing, all knowing oracle. She wanted to believe, oh, how she wanted to believe, but she couldn’t confirm what she didn’t know. And wishes and fervent hopes could never be called the truth.

She stopped to stand behind Angelica and looked down on her deathly ill son-in-law. The Cadence family had been graced when this strong, dark man became a part of it. Verina thought very highly of all the men her daughters had taken as husbands, but this one, above all, was the one that made her spirit soar. Even from their very first meeting, when he had barely known who he was, she had quickly realized that he was something special. And when her Angelica had fallen hard for him, it had been something that had been beyond her wildest and most desired dreams.

“As long as he knows that we love him, he will fight.” Her arm went around her daughter’s shoulders. “Adam Cartwright is not the kind to just give up, not as long as he has you and the boys. It’s not in Ben to raise a quitter.”

“I hope you are right, Mother. I hope with all my heart that you are right.”

“I know I am. But right now all we can do is trust in the doctor, believe in Adam, and have faith in God.”

Angelica kissed the back of Adam’s hand then clutched it to her breast. She reached out and rested the backs of her fingers against his feverish cheek. “If you can hear me, Adam, I want you to pay close attention to what I am about to say.” She leaned closer to him. “You are the love of my life, and if you go away my life will end just as surely as if someone had plunged a knife into my heart. I can’t go on if I should lose you, and, further more, I wouldn’t want to.” Her head dropped against his chest.

Verina could feel her begin to tremble and knew that she was crying in silence. She made a weak attempt at a comforting pat, but she knew it did nothing to quell the fright and anguish Angelica was living with. She wished she could do more, but she was helpless.

She sat down in the chair, and her pale gray eyes set on Angelica and Adam. If, Heaven forbid, he should die, she dreaded the reaction of her daughter. Angelica had always been a strong-willed, strong-minded girl. Hiram used to say she reminded him of a proud, spirited horse that desired its own way. And when she got the bit firmly clamped in her teeth it was best to let her have her head. But doing so, if events went in the wrong direction, frightened Verina beyond words. A love burned in this couple that even she hadn’t attained with her Hiram, though much as she had adored him. Angelica had once told her that the strings of their hearts had been tied together with a knot that even death couldn’t undo.

Adam moved in fevered restiveness and Angelica, with the most minuscule of moans, put her arms around him and snuggled closer, if that were possible.

Verina clutch ed her hands together in her lap and sighed roughly. If Adam passed away from them they would lose them both, for she knew that Angelica couldn’t live without her heart.

*******

Ben sat on the settee, his eyes fixed on the fire that snapped in the huge stone hearth. The boys’ cradle had been brought from their parent’s bedroom and placed close to keep them warm. Buddy, the family’s faithful and devoted companion, lay close, and his large shaggy head rested on his paws. Ben couldn’t help the infinitesimal laugh that bubbled up from inside him. Hoss had once commented that the animal cheated the ground. That he put down four feet and took up eight.

A small grunt drew Ben’s attention from the dog, and he looked to the cradle just as Addy sat up. And he knew that he had better do something before the child woke his brothers.

Ben pushed himself wearily from the settee and went to pick up his grandson. The dog’s round, chocolate eyes rose, and his tail thumped the hardwood, but other than that he didn’t move.

The boy was warm and calming in his grandfather’s arms. He pushed the child’s head down against his chest, and the touch of the heavy black hair stirred him. Addy yawned and rubbed a petite fist into his eye. Ben’s hand slipped up under the baby’s night garment and felt the diaper. As usual, dry as a bone.

Ben rested his cheek against the top of the child’s head. “Why don’t we walk a little bit? I’ve found that it’s a good way to bring back sleep.”

Ben’s boots thudded solidly on the floor as he paced back-and-forth, and his hand drew circles on the little boy’s back. Addy, though he fought gallantly, couldn’t keep his eyes open.

Hoss came out of the kitchen, and he carried a tray with sandwiches and a pot of hot coffee. His eyes went straight to his father as he sat it on the dining table. His father looked natural with a baby in his arms. He shook his head then turned back to the table.

Ben had just turned his back to the dining room when a voice caught him from behind.

“I thought you might like some coffee and somethin’ to eat.”

Ben turned to face Hoss, who had a sandwich on a plate and a steaming cup. “As you can see, my hands are rather full at the moment.”

Hoss put the food and coffee on the table that sat before the settee and held out his arms. “Let me have ‘im. I cain’t never git my hands on these little fellers enough.”

Ben relinquished Addy to the care of his uncle, and the boy hardly roused.

Hoss cuddled the child close to his chest. “Somethin’, ain’t they?”

“They certainly are.” Ben rubbed his hand over the baby’s back. “And so much like their father.” His eyes wandered to the bedroom door, and a dark shadow settled over his face.

“Me, too, Pa. Now why don’t just go ahead an’ set down an’ eat.”

“Aren’t you going to?”

“I will. But right not I got my hands full.”

Hoss watched Pa as he sat on the settee and started in on his sandwich, and his effort could only be called lackluster at best. Satisfied, he resumed his father’s pacing, his arms securely around young Addy.

The child shifted slightly and tucked his head under his uncle’s chin. Hoss could feel the little guy’s hair against his throat, and it made him smile. His brother’s sons were like his own in the way that he loved and treated them. But they weren’t his, and that pained and grieved him. Maybe someday, if he were extraordinarily lucky, he would find someone like Angelica. And maybe Bessie Sue was that woman. They had known each other for a long time, and everyone knew that she definitely had eyes for him. And when it came right down to it, she was a good woman and not so hard to look at. He could do worse.

As he came around, his eyes flicked toward the bedroom. The sense of selfishness suddenly flushed over him. A drama that could turn into a tragedy was going on behind that door, and this wasn’t the time to be thinking of himself. With the dawn could come the end to a life that they all held so dear, and it was no time to be thinking of Hoss Cartwright.

Hoss turned again, but this time stopped as his mind went to Joe. He wondered what effect his telegram had had on his little brother. Had it been the one that he had desired? Was Joe on his way there at that very moment? Or had he – in his self-centered anger – decided that Adam simply wasn’t worth it? He hoped that that wasn’t the case, and he thought he knew Joe well enough to believe that it wasn’t. But he had never seen Joe as furious with anyone as he had been with Adam. And it scared the bejabbers out of him. He wanted to believe that their little brother wasn’t that vindictive, but only time would tell him if he was right.

He resumed his walking as his arms tightened around the boy, Adam’s boy.

THIRTEEN

The sun poked above the horizon as it always did. The birds sang as they always did. Predators hunted prey as they always did. And life went on as it always did. But this morning one life was held by the menace of being snuffed out by a fever that burned and raged like a wildfire that threatened to consume its victim. And inside the big log house, things weren’t as they always were.

Dr. Montgomery came down the stairs, his hair ruffled into dishevel. His clothes gave the obvious sign of having been slept in, and his shoelaces flopped as he took each step.

“How’d you sleep, Doc?”

The doctor’s eyes searched until they found Hoss Cartwright, who stood before the fireplace with a cup of coffee.

“Fitfully. How about you?”

“I didn’t.”

As Graham left the last step, he tripped on one of the loose laces, but his hand on the banister kept him from falling.

“You’d best take care o’ that, Doc, before you pitch yourself into somethin’.”

“I fully intend to.” As Graham sat down in the tall-backed blue chair his eyes went to the cradle. “Where’re the boys?”

“Pa an’ Miss Verina took ‘em out into the fresh air. Just like everybody else, they was awake early.” Hoss took a sip. “But I think it was as much to git themselves out into it as the boys.”

Graham started to tie the right lace. “A little fresh air never hurt anybody.”

“That’s a fact.”

The parlor once again took up its silence as the doctor finished with his shoes, and the big man worked on his coffee. But it was quickly disrupted as Maggie came out to open back the draperies and curtains to admit the morning’s light.

“Breakfast will soon be ready,” she said, as she turned back for the dining room.

Graham leaned back in the chair with a puff. “I thought I smelled ham.”

Hoss stood like a big, stone bear with his head bowed over the fire. “I don’t think anybody’s too hungry this mornin’.”

Her wadded hands went to her hips. “That may be the case, but goin’ without food won’t help Mr. Adam one bit. And we all know that he wouldn’t want ya starvin’ yerself on his account, now would he?”

Hoss’ head came around, and his eyes become bottomless. “I s’pose you’re right, Miss Maggie. But they ain’t no need to bring it to table. We can just come in there an’ fill our plates.”

“As you like. But I would ask that you let me know when the ladies are ready to eat.”

“We’ll do that, ma’am. Thank you.”

Maggie watched them for a few seconds longer then whirled and flounced back into the kitchen.

“I was just thinkin’ about somethin’, Doc.”

“What?”

“Do you know what today is?”

Angelica sat on the side of the bed. She ran the wet cloth over Adam’s face, and still he had yet to be disturbed by it. Her chin quivered, but she continued to wash away the perspiration.

Then her voice came on a soft breath. “Everyday I count my blessings.” Her hand ran over his neck and across his shoulders, and her gaze followed it. “I give thanks for this majestic, wild country that surrounds me, the fine house I live in, three beautiful baby boys,” her eyes rose to his face, and her hand continued, “and the glorious man that I am so privileged to call husband.” She looked back to what she was doing as she washed over his chest. “Every wish I have ever dreamt of has been granted, and I couldn’t possibly think of any more save for one.” She froze and tears glistened in her eyes. “That we have many more years together. That this isn’t the end…. But that isn’t a wish.” Her voice cracked. “That’s a prayer.” She leaned forward, and kissed his prefect mouth. “Happy birthday, my beloved.”

Her shoulders began to quiver, and she muffled her crying. Her hand went to her mouth, and her eyes closed. She wanted to scream out so that they could hear her all the way across the ocean.

The door opened behind her, and she bucked herself up. With a savage swipe, she wiped the wet from her cheeks, and returned to her task.

“Is he any better?” Verina asked, as she delicately balanced the tray and closed the door.

“I wish I could say yes.”

“I brought you some breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“That may be the case, but your not eating won’t help him in the slightest. Who will tend to him if you make yourself sick? And you must think of the boys, too? Now come sit in the chair and eat. I can sit with him until you finish.”

Angelica tossed the cloth into the basin, and reluctantly did as she had been ordered. Verina put the tray in her daughter’s lap and unfolded the napkin for her. She removed the lid that covered the plate and grazed a light hand over Angelica’s cheek.

Angelica sniffed the enticing aromas that rose from the tray, and it did spark some of her appetite. Still, she knew that every bite she took would be force-fed.

Verina sat beside her son-in-law and ran her fingers over his hair. This also he was not aware of. “I do so lament the fact that your father isn’t able to know our Adam. He would love him as much as we all do.” Her eyes flitted back to Angelica. “Well, none of us love him as much as you do. But he certainly would think very highly of him.”

Mechanically, Angelica’s knife sawed though her ham. “I know he would, and Adam would think very highly of him.”

Verina tittered. “They would make quite a pair. Hiram could be very clandestine when he wanted to. And our Adam, by nature, can be very furtive.” She shook her head. “It fills me with regret that it’s something that we will never experience.”

Angelica’s fork hovered over her meal. “Do you know what today is?”

“Sunday, the fifth, isn’t it?”

Angelica nodded. “And a very special day.”

The significance of the day was slow to dawn on Verina, but then the light of realization took life in her full face. She gasped. “In all this I had completely forgotten.”

“I only… I only hope it isn’t the… last one.” The fork struck the plate with a hard clink, and Angelica’s head fell. This time she didn’t hold back on her weeping. She shook all over, and her tears dropped into her food.

Verina rushed to her and held her against the dreadful pain and uncertainty. “Oh, sweetheart, I wish there was more I could do.”

“Just hold onto me, Mother. Just hold onto me.”

“I am not going anywhere as long as my children need me.” Her eyes strayed to the bed, and she wanted to do the same as her daughter and let go. It simply couldn’t end this way.

*******

Amelia McCutcheon, now in her eighth month of pregnancy, sat before the parlor fireplace of the little house she and her husband called home. Her golden head bowed over her knitting as the wooden needles clacked against one another. The flames in the hearth popped and cast a red glow over her.

The clock on the mantle struck seven, and she looked up. For the first time she realized that she was alone. She called her husband’s name but got no answer. She laid her work in the basket by the rocking chair and had a struggle to pull herself up.

“Chris.”

“I’m out here.”

She noticed the front door slightly ajar.

Chris McCutcheon stood near the top of the front porch steps, his teal eyes directed out across the yard. One hand gripped a post, and he was hatless. The sunlight cast over his caramel-colored hair to set it ablaze. Except to breathe, he didn’t move.

Amelia went to stand beside him. “What are you doing out here? I thought you had gone to work without touching your breakfast again.”

“I just couldn’t go it. I ain’t eat a whole lot since this happened to the Boss.” He finally looked at her. “You shoulda seen ‘im when they brought ‘im in. White as a ghost he was. And if it weren’t for my frettin’ about you so much I’d probably just stay.”

“Mrs. Gates will be with me until the baby comes so I’m never alone. Daddy saw to that. So if you want to stay, stay.” She cupped his chin in her hand. “Adam means a lot to me, too. I mean, he did bring me you, didn’t he?”

Chris just looked at her then swung his arms around her. “He can’t die, Amy. He just can’t.”

FOURTEEN

The family was settled around the fireplace after supper – such as it was – when the front door burst open, and all heads came around. Buddy shot to his feet and put himself between the boys and the intruder with a low growl.

“Joe,” Ben said, as he stood from the chair, “I knew you would come. You made good time.”

Joe only stood there, his knuckles whitened on the handle. He was dirty from the long, hard travel and stress had engraved deep lines around his mouth and eyes.

“I see you finally come to your senses, boy. I just hope you didn’t wait too long.”

Ben gave his middle son a sharp look.

“I ain’t gonna make it easy on him, Pa. He ain’t earned it. Leastways, not yet.”

Joe pushed the door shut and came into the room. “Where is he?”

“In there,” Ben said, and nodded toward the bedroom.

Joe rushed forward and had just taken hold of the door knob.

“Make peace with him, son…. You might not get another chance.”

The instant Joe stepped into the bedroom he caught purple fire. Cold, unforgiving eyes set on him, and he could almost feel them cut into him. But his attention quickly ran to the one lying in the bed. He had never seen Adam so motionless and pale and it stabbed through him like icy spikes.

“Why are you here?”

“I came to see my brother.”

“Then go back out into the parlor. There is your only brother. You said so yourself.”

He stepped closer to the foot of the bed. “Angelica, I…”

“Don’t say anything. Just get out of here. You turned your back on him because he kept you from marrying that trollop, and now you come skulking back like a mangy cur. Buddy has more loyalty than you do. Did you come to see him die? Will you be disappointed if he doesn’t?”

Joe turned to face her. “You can’t actually think that.”

“Can’t I? You have given me no reason to believe otherwise.”

“I know you don’t think much of me.” He tittered derisively. “To tell the truth, I don’t think too highly of myself either. But can’t you give me a chance to make amends for my pigheaded stupidity?”

“Like the chance you gave him?”

“Angelica, can’t you...?” He reached out and took her hand, but she quickly jerked it from his grasp.

“Go away, Joe. We don’t want you, and we certainly don’t need you.” She stood, and her fiery face was only inches from his. “Go.”

The flat finality of that single word dealt Joe a hard clout. He deserved her animosity and loathing, and it was almost as strong as that which he held for himself. But he couldn’t just walk away. “Please, Angelica.”

Her arm shot out rigid and straight, and her finger jabbed toward the door. “I said, go.”

He just stood there. A ragged breath ran through him, and he nodded dejectedly then turned and left.

She sat back in the chair and took up Adam’s hand. “I won’t let him hurt you again.”

Joe closed the bedroom door behind him, but only stood there. His shoulders slouched, and his back took on a defeated curve. He removed his hat and ruffled his hair.

“Joe.”

Joe looked up and his father and brother stood before him. “She threw me out, and made it plain for me to stay away from Adam…. And I can’t say that I blame her…. Oh, boy, have I made a fine mess of things. I couldn’t be satisfied with destroying one family, I had to ruin two.”

“Angelica’ll come around,” Hoss said, and put a hand on his little brother’s shoulder.

Joe shook his head. “No, she won’t. You didn’t see the way she looked at me. It made me feel all dead inside. I’ve never seen such hatred in one person’s eyes.”

“She will when she knows how much it took to make you come.” Ben smiled. “It’s called love.”

“No, she won’t, and she never will. My brother is gonna die, and I’ll never be able to tell him that I was a fool, and that I’m sorry. Now I’ve gotta go take care of Cochise.”

Joe pulled away from them and stomped out.

Ben became almost panicky. “Go after him, Hoss. Don’t let him leave.”

“I won’t, Pa, if’n I havta hog-tie ‘im an’ lock ‘im in the barn. He’s come this far, an’ I ain’t gonna let ‘im back out now.”

The big man trounced out after his brother to leave his father standing alone.

Ben felt hollow. Was Joe right? Had this destroyed their family? Maybe and maybe not, but he did know that if Joe left now that there would be no chance of undoing it.

A soft voice said his name, and he looked around to where Verina sat in the floor with their grandsons. And at once the flame of hope took life in him once more.

“Wheredaya think you’re goin’?”

Joe gave his saddle’s cinch a final tug and lowered the fender. “Back to the Ponderosa. It’s obvious that I’m not wanted here, and I won’t make Angelica any more miserable than she already is. I think I’ve hurt her and Adam enough, don’t you?”

“An’ what about Pa? Whadaya think this’ll do to him. Whodaya think told me to send that wire?”

Joe whirled on him, the green nearly gone from his eyes. “Pa?”

“That’s right. He wanted all his sons here. Joe, this ain’t just about you. In fact, right now, it shouldn’t be about nobody but Adam. He’s the one we should all be concentratin’ on.” Hoss went to him and took hold of his shoulder. “Joe, you’re my brother, an’ I care a good deal about you, but so is Adam. An’ sometimes you can be so downright selfish that it’d madden a coyote. You gotta stop thinkin’ about yourself all the time.”

“I don’t.”

“Well, most the time then. An’ I ain’t goin’ any leaner ‘n that. The family ain’t all about you. I know you love Adam. I mean, you’re here, ain’t ya? You just got mad when you found out about that Hutchins gal, got yourself all worked up, then didn’t know how to git out o’ hornet’s nest you’d made for everybody. But now you got your chance, Joe, don’t mess it up.”

“And what would you have me do? Get down on my hands and knees and crawl?”

“If’n that’s what it takes. Joe…, if’n he dies you’ll havta live with this the rest o’ your days, an’ it’ll gnaw at your bones like a starvin’ wolf. An’ another thing. This gives you the opportunity to show how much of a Cartwright you really are.” Hoss gave him a friendly slap. “Now why don’t you go put your horse in the barn, an’ think about what I just said?”

Joe nodded then led Cochise away. Hoss watched them go, but still couldn’t help feeling at a loss. He knew Joe, and he knew that stubborn Cartwright pride. But he also knew of the love that they shared as a family and, willful or not, he knew that Joe wouldn’t let that come between him and their brother. Anyway, he hoped. Joe was a man now, but even with manhood, some traits didn’t change. Hoss could only let himself believe that love would override these as it always had in the past. And he tried not to let himself think that it wouldn’t. But, just in case, he would stand here until his little brother came back out.

*******

Joe, who had freshened up from his long, grimy trek, sat at the dining room table with Hoss. He hadn’t eaten since earlier in the day and that had only been jerky so, as Hoss liked to put it, he was starved unto death. Maggie, who had been cajoled into making up something for him, came out of the kitchen. And it didn’t take a second look to know that her Irish as up.

She sat Hoss’ food down before him nice and gentle like. But she thumped the cup and plate down so hard in front of Joe that the coffee sloshed, and the sandwich bounced onto the table. Joe looked at her and couldn’t miss that her eyes were darker than usual and keen as saws.

“And if ya want more, ya can just get it yer own bloody self. The kitchen’s closed for the night.”

“Maggie,” Verina chided, from the parlor.

But it made no impression on Maggie, and she whirled and flounced back to the kitchen.

“Don’t let Maggie git your goat. She’s just upset like the rest of us. Now go on while the bread’s nice ‘n fresh, an’ your coffee’s hot.” Hoss grimaced at the mention of cold coffee.

Joe picked up his sandwich of lean pork and took a healthy bite. It tasted better than he had expected it to, and made him eager to devour the rest of it. Hoss, on the other hand, had his gone before Joe was even half way finished.

Joe had just poked the last bite into his mouth when something tugged at his pant leg. He looked around as one of the boys pulled himself to stand.

“Well, hello.” Joe gathered the child into his lap. “Which one are you?”

“That’s Benjy.”

Joe looked at his brother dubiously. “How can you tell?”

“I had Adam learn me. He’s bigger ‘n Hi an’ his teeth ain’t so straight as Addy’s.”

Joe looked into the baby’s face as a smile spread over the petite visage, and light twinkled in the dark eyes. He could see Adam in every feature: the heavy black hair, the high cheekbones, the dense lashes, and that finely sculpted mouth. All at once Joe felt as if he had been caught under the trampling hooves of a herd of stampeding cattle. He wrapped his arms around the boy, and clutched him close. Then he hid his face against the child and wept piteously. And Hoss tried not to look, lest he be moved to do the same.

FIFTEEN

Angelica, who had finally dosed off in the chair, gradually became aware of sound. At first, she couldn’t be sure what she heard, but as wakefulness came, she realized it was a voice. Her attention went immediately to the bed, and she rushed to her husband’s side.

Adam had become restless, almost frenzied, in his delirium. His fingers clutched at the covers, and his head rolled on the pillow. His words were coarse and what he said jumbled and incoherent.

“Shhh, shhh, settle down.” She tried her best to soothe him. “It’s all right. Shhh.”

She put her hand to his forehead, and her heart plummeted. This was the hottest he had been, and it frightened her to death.

“Adam, Adam, sweetheart, it’s all right. You’re all right.”

“Joe, where’s Joe?” shot through her loud and clear.

She felt as if she had been punched, and her blood simmered as her fury seethed. She tried again to hush him, but he wouldn’t be satiated.

“Joe…. Must find Joe…. Must tell him… Must tell him I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Adam, please don’t.”

His thrashing became more frenetic, and it scared her like nothing ever had. She tried to hold his arms, but he was too strong for her.

“Must find Joe…. Must go find Joe…. I’m sorry.”

She knew only one thing to do. She raced to the door and flung it open. “Help, someone please help.”

Ben and Hoss ran into the bedroom while Joe held back with Verina and the boys.

“Adam.” Ben sat down next to his son. He took the cloth from the basin and tried to bathe Adam’s face while Hoss held him down. “Son, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Joe! Where’s Joe?”

“I’m right here, brother.” Joe moved closer and slipped Adam’s hand into his. “I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Joe!”

“I’m right here. I’ve got you, and I’m not letting go.”

Adam’s fevered eyes suddenly opened and connected with the emerald ones that looked down on him. His body slackened, and he stopped struggling. Then something almost quizzical cast over his face. “Joe?”

Joe bent over him, and his grasp tightened on the cherished hand. “That’s right, brother. It’s Joe.”

“You did… You did come.”

“Of course I came. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“I didn’t… I thought…” Adam just looked at him for what seemed to be the longest time then his eyes sunk back into his head and closed.

Ben touched his son’s face and placed a hand over his heart, and his expression said it all. “Hoss, ride into town and get Dr. Montgomery.”

“All right, Pa. An’ I’ll burn the wind.”

Hoss spun from the room with a rapidness that seemed impossible for a man of his bulk.

Angelica came to stand beside her father-in-law. Joe gave her a wary glance. He tried to pull his hand away, but his brother gripped it like a vise.

Joe’s attention turned back to his deathly ill brother. “He won’t let go.”

Angelica reached out and placed her hand over his and Adam’s. “He doesn’t have to.”

Joe looked at her, and there was something gentle and benevolent in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. But he knew, deep inside, that it was for someone else for she looked not at him. He hadn’t earned it, at least, not yet. And though he doubted that he ever would, that wouldn’t stop his trying.

*******

In what felt like an eternity of waiting, Adam had become so still that it scared everyone. The only thing that gave any sign of hope was that his breathing had become not so labored. He was fighting, but the fear was that it wasn’t enough to stave off death.

Verina had taken the boys back into the parlor, and she and Maggie kept them entertained. Right now, no one needed little boys under foot.

Ben had relinquished his spot on the side of the bed to Joe, who still clutched his brother’s hand. Angelica had been put into the chair, where she sat like a sphinx, her hands crossed in her lap. Her eyes drilled down on the back of her brother-in-law’s head, and her mouth had set.

“How long has Hoss been gone?” Joe asked, and looked around to his father.

“I figure almost an hour.”

“Then he should be back. What’s taking so long?” Joe became almost frantic. “He should’ve stayed”

“He has other patients who need him, too. And with Elias gone, he can’t neglect them.”

“Maybe Hoss couldn’t find him.”

Ben rested a steadying hand on Joe’s back. “Don’t borrow trouble, son. Just give it time.”

“That may be time that Adam doesn’t have.” Joe turned back to his brother. “I’ve been such a hardheaded idiot. I blew something all out of proportion that should’ve been laid to rest a long time ago. It was like getting upset that your horse was stolen ten years after it happened. It didn’t matter any more.”

“It just hit you hard to find out the way you did, and you felt betrayed. Maybe he could have and should have done it differently, but that is neither here nor there, and of no consequence now…. Adam and I have talked about it, and we both knew that he should tell you, but the time never seemed to be right. And that was the mistake, because I’ve never had a quarrel with his getting that girl away from you. ”

“He didn’t tell me because he knew how I would react, and what sensible man wouldn’t put that off if he could…? I don’t blame him, not any more. I can see now why he did it. I guess I just got mad over the way he did it, and that he didn’t tell me.”

“You had a right to be upset.”

“Maybe, but not to the length I went to. I let my anger blind me to what’s really important. I can finally see that it wasn’t that Adam didn’t trust me. He was just being overprotective, as usual.” He snickered. “That’s just Adam’s way, and I need to get used to it after all this time.” Then his mood once again darkened, and his head lowered. “But how could I have forgotten what it was like when I thought I had lost him? All those empty days, and endless nights of wanting something I knew I could never have…. My brother back.” He looked up at Adam. “And then came that wonderful day that I thought could only happen in a dream…. For as long as I live, I’ll always remember that exhilarating feeling when I first found him. I was living a miracle, and there was nothing like it…. Then when I realized that he didn’t even know me, the bottom fell out of everything. But I couldn’t let that keep him from me. I knew I had to try to get him back.” He heaved a sigh. “No matter how long it took, if it was the rest of our lives.”

Ben stepped closer to the side of the bed. “And you did. He’s told me what a perfect pest you made of yourself, and of the time he almost flattened you…. I will be eternally grateful to you for that, and there aren’t words that can adequately express it. I can only show it with my love and admiration for my youngest son.”

Joe looked around at him. “Admiration? After what I’ve done?”

“That belongs in the past with all the other mistakes we’ve made. And we won’t talk of it any more.”

The door suddenly burst open. “They’re back,” Maggie said, excitedly.

“Finally,” Joe said, and blew out a breath.

Graham Montgomery came in, his black leather medical bag in his right hand. “If Hoss had gotten there a few minutes later I would’ve been gone to supper.” His eyes ran ahead of him to his patient. “He said Adam was in trouble.”

“His fever has gotten terribly high,” Ben said, as he stepped aside for the doctor. “Then he began to call out and thrash in his delirium.”

The doctor went to the bedside and placed the satchel on the night table. “He seems quiet enough now,”

“Yes,” Ben said, as his gaze went to his son, “too quiet. He hasn’t moved since Hoss went after you.”

Montgomery took out his pocket watch and checked Adam’s respiration

“Well?” Joe asked.

“This could be good or it could be bad. I won’t know yet until I make a more thorough examination. Now why don’t you wait in the parlor while I…”

“I am not going anywhere,” Angelica stated, emphatically.

“Daughter, I think…”

“No. I won’t leave him. If he is going to die, I want to be at his side where I belong.”

“All right, Mrs. Cartwright.” As he peeled out of his coat, Graham’s eyes went to the brothers’ hands. “And maybe you should stay, too, Joe.”

Without a word, Ben and Hoss went back out into the parlor, and Ben pulled to door closed behind him.

Verina got up from the settee and went to stand before her husband. She took in his face, and worry filled her own. “Ben?”

He took a deep breath then let it out laboriously. “The doctor won’t know until he examines him…. He thought Joe should stay, and Angelica absolutely refused to leave.”

“And I would do the same in her place.”

Ben managed a half-hearted smile then put his arms around her. She reached out to Hoss, and his large hand engulfed hers. Now they waited. Now they prayed.

SIXTEEN

It seemed a century before the doctor came out. The family gathered before him, but it was as if they feared to ask the inevitable question.

Graham’s lips spread into a weary imitation of a smile as he rolled down a sleeve. “The fever’s broken, and he’s breathing easier. I think he’s going to be all right, but time will tell us better.”

With a gasp, Verina’s hands flew to her mouth. “Praise be.”

Ben put his arm around her. “When can we see him?”

“Any time, but why don’t we give Angelica and Joe a few minutes with him first?” Graham finished with his other sleeve. “I dawns on me that I still haven’t had my supper yet.”

“Well, there’s plenty of roast pork and corn bread in the kitchen,” Hoss said, as he draped a big arm over the doctor’s shoulders. “An’ ice cold buttermilk. It’s been in a snow bank out back o’ the house.”

Graham smacked. “Just lead me to it.” But before he left he grasped Ben’s arm. “The worst of it’s over. It may not be a fast or easy road to recovery, but I have every confidence in him. And Angelica and Maggie will be here when I’m not.” He gave Ben an encouraging nod then went off with Hoss.

Ben turned to Verina and took her face in his hands. “He’s going to be all right.”

“Yes, dear, we all are now.”

She took him in her arms and allowed him his father’s tears, and even some of her own.

Joe hadn’t moved from his perch by his brother. He still held onto his hand, and his eyes were locked on Adam’s emotionless face. Angelica knelt at the head of the bed and ran her fingertips over the heavy black hair.

Adam could feel life beginning to awaken inside him. His world was still black, but it was his. And he still lived. Or he thought he did. His lungs swelled and oxygen swirled into him to confirm the fact. He swallowed then attempted to open his eyes.

“Hello…. How do you feel?”

His gaze lit on the most beautiful face he had ever seen. He took another heavy breath. Answering her seemed to be such an effort. “Tired.”

“I’m not surprised. You put up quite a fight. And I’m happy to say that you won.” She leaned closer until her lips were only inches from his. “But if you ever, ever frighten me like that again I’ll….” Her soft, melodious voice fell off.

“I’ll… do my best… not to”

“You had do better than your best, Mr. Cartwright.” She placed her hand against his cheek and looked down into those exhausted eyes. “I simply can’t stand this. I’m only a woman, and I can’t handle it.” With a tiny moan she kissed him then put her head on his shoulders and her lids lowered.

Adam could feel her tremble against him, and it bolstered his seriously depleted strength. He wanted to put his arm around her but it seemed held in place by some force. He turned his attention from her to see what it could be. “Joe.”

“Welcome back, brother. You gave us a bit of a turn.”

“How long have… you…?”

“I got in yesterday.” The color of shame tinged Joe’s cheeks. “But it should’ve been sooner…. After the way I acted, you may not want me here…. Adam, I… Can you…?” He closed his eyes and drew his head away as if looking inward.

Adam fought to raise his other arm. He laced his fingers into the dark brown curls, and they locked around the soft strands. “I do.”

Joe’s head dropped, and his upper body began to shake ever so faintly. His quiet, restrained sobs circulated through the room like gentle spring breezes.

“It’s all right…, buddy.”

Ben and Verina stood in the doorway, arms around one another. Their eyes were filled with tears of love and gladness. They wouldn’t lose their Adam after all. And they had gotten their Joe back, to boot.

*******

It had been three days since death’s near miss. Adam’s strength had rebounded wonderfully, but he was still too weak to get out of bed. And he got the treatment of a sultan. Everyone waited on him hand-and-foot, and someone was always at his beck-and-call. Maggie had even brought in a small bell for him to ring should he need something. But, grand though it was, he chafed under the constant attention and fussing over him. His independent nature didn’t allow for such mollycoddling, and he champed at the bit to get back into life and living on his own terms.

The tinkle drifted out through the bedroom door, which was now always left ajar unless someone was with him. When no one came, the tiny glass clapper sent forth another diminutive peal.

After a minute or so, Angelica’s head poked inside, and he noticed that her hair was in a bit of disarray.

“I’m not used to ringing twice. You’re all slowing down.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. But the boys are into everything this morning. I think they’re showing off for Grandma and Grandpa.” Then the blood left her face, and the violet went almost black. “What’s wrong? Are you sick again?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Come in and close the door. We need to talk about something I’ve been giving a lot of thought these last couple days.”

A crash out in the parlor, and the sound of agitated voices temporarily diverted her attention from him. “Adam, I…”

“Let them take care of it. My father has been handling three boys a lot longer that either one of us, and I think he can handle it.” He patted the mattress next to him. “Please, Angel. Come sit.”

She glanced back out to the parlor then did as he asked. He patted the mattress again, and she came and sat beside him.

Her eyes took his in then narrowed. “I hope that whatever it is isn’t as serious as you look.”

He took one of her hands and studiously examined each beautiful, tapered finger.

“Now I know something is wrong. Please tell me what it is. Are you in pain? Does something hurt you?” She lightly touched his side, and it made him flinch. “Adam.”

His eyes rose to her face. “Angelica…, I came close to dying. And it opened my eyes for me…. I worry about what will happen to you, Addy, Benjy and Hiram if something should happen to me?”

She started to speak, but he covered her lips with his fingers and shushed her.

“I need to know that if I’m not around that you and the boys will be taken care of. So I want you to promise that if I should… that if you should find yourself a widow… I want you to sell the ranch, and go back to Bangor.”

She pulled his hand away. “I don’t want to hear you talk that way.”

“Promise me.”

Her jaw set. “No. I could never go back there to live. I thought I could, but now I know that I couldn’t, and wouldn’t want to…. It’s not my home any more. Now I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Even though we need to?”

“I have you back and right now that’s all I want to think about.”

He cupped her chin in his hands, and the glimmer of love shown in his eyes. “You’re very stubborn, you know that?”

“I’ve learned from a very good teacher.”

“I think your father influenced you long before you ever met me.” His gaze roved over her, and his longing grew.

He pulled her closer, and their lips touched. It was magic, as always, and it charged every cell in his body, and ran through him like swift water. He enfolded his arms around her and held her tight to him. It caused pain in his side, but he couldn’t let go of her, not matter how badly it hurt.

The door opened and drew their attention. Adam huffed.

“I’m sorry, mum, but Addy just hit Benjy with a pillow. And the little fella’s cryin’ as if killed.”

SEVENTEEN

Three more days had passed, and Adam had gotten out of bed that morning to take his first tentative steps. It wouldn’t be long until he was right again. And Ben decided that the time had come to return to the Ponderosa. Work and the running of the massive ranch beckoned, and he knew he couldn’t put it off any longer. They would leave on the stage the next day, as much as he wished they didn’t have to so soon.

He had decided to raid one last cup of coffee from the kitchen before he turned in. He took a bracing jolt as he came out into the dining room and let the steam rise into his face.

“Pa, can I talk to you?”

Ben looked up at his youngest son. “Of course, you can. We can talk while I drink this.” His eyes focused on Joe as he took a sip. “You look like it very important.”

Joe crooked a halfway smile. “It is.”

“All right. We can sit right here.”

They pulled out chairs and seated themselves across from each other.

“Okay, Joe, what is it?”

Joe seemed not to know how to begin. The words stumbled until he finally found the right ones. “Pa, I would like to stay. Not for too awful long, I don’t want to leave you and Hoss shorthanded forever.”

Ben watched him over the rim of his cup. “How long then?”

“I thought until some time next month. I’m not sure just when.” Joe put his hands on the table in front of him. “The last time I was here I was a bit of a bastard. I suppose Adam’s already told you about it.”

“Not one word.”

Joe snorted. “That doesn’t surprise me. When he wants to – which is usually – he can be tight as the bark on a tree…. I hit him, and said some things to him that most people wouldn’t even say to a dog…. But I did to my own brother…. I had to almost lose him to make me see what a jackass I’ve been.”

“Have you told him you want to stay?”

“No, I thought I’d surprise him, and I don’t think he’ll mind. I think he’ll agree that we need this time together to heal the wounds.” He shook his head. “It’s not him I’d worried about, though.”

“Angelica.” Ben took a sip.

Joe nodded. “She made it plain when I first got here that she didn’t want me around. And the look in those eyes when she first saw me. I could almost see my own death in them.”

“If looks could kill.” Ben took another sip.

“Exactly.” He tousled his hair. “I like to think that some day I’ll find a woman that loves me only half as much as she does Adam. You know, I think she would actually kill for him.”

“I don’t just think it.”

Joe’s eyes rose to his father. “I’ll ask her, but I’ll make sure I keep close to an open door. I may need to make a fast exit.”

“I will forgive you this time, Joe,” Angelica said, her long hair loose about her shoulders, as she stepped from the parlor, “but let it be with the understanding that if you ever treat him like that again I will shoot you.” She gave her robe sash a tug for emphasis.

“Do you mind?” Joe asked.

She shook her head. “I agree that you and Adam need this healing time. And it will give you the chance to get to know again the brother you almost threw away.” She turned her focus on Ben. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, Father, I only came down to get some milk for the boys. But I’m glad I did. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some handsome men waiting for me.” Then she went into the kitchen.

“I wonder how much she heard.” Joe whispered, across the table.

“Enough,” her voice said back, just at the kitchen door swung shut behind her.

Father and son sat in silence while Ben worked on his coffee until she came back out with a glass of milk.

“Good-night, Father.” She kissed him on the cheek.

“Good-night, Daughter.”

She pulled back from him then went out right past Joe without a word or even looking at him. He hadn’t been completely forgiven, and he knew it. And he knew that he would have to work hard to get her forgiveness, if he ever did.

*******

Adam stood beneath the main arch of the front porch and watched as Hoss put the last pieces of luggage in the back of the buckboard. This was the first time he had been out of the house in two weeks, and it felt good. He still didn’t have the strength to get into his work clothes, but his robe comfortably held back the morning chill. Angelica’s hands tightened in his arm and steadied him, and he was glad for it.

“Well, that should do it,” Hoss said, robustly, as he put in the last valise and smacked his hands together. “But if’n we don’t hurry, we’re sure gonna miss that stage.”

“We won’t miss it,” Ben said, briskly, as he and Verina came out past Adam and Angelica.

“I wish you could stay a while longer,” Adam said, and leaned against Angelica, “but I understand why you need to get back. A ranch can be a demanding mistress.”

Angelica’s wicked eyes flashed. “Just make sure that’s the only one you ever have.”

Amber lights flickered in the dark hazel. “I know better than not to.”

“Of course you do.” With a saucy jerk of her head, Angelica turned to her mother. “Having all of you here through this has been a blessing. But I’m afraid that we didn’t get to have our party.”

“Oh, we can do that any time,” Ben said, and took his son’s arm. “Just because it’s a little late doesn’t mean it still can’t be a birthday party. And now we have something else to celebrate.” Then he went more serious. “The fact that we didn’t lose that life.”

“I really hate to break this up,” Hoss said, and came forward. “But if’n we don’t go now, we’ll most definitely miss that stage.”

“All right, son.” Ben’s eyes lingered with those of his first born. “You’re very special to all of us.”

Adam suddenly looked downcast. “Even Joe?”

Ben’s mouth turned into a cunning smile. “Maybe most especially Joe.” He caught a sharp violet glare. “Well, second especially. Now you take care of yourself. I don’t want to hear from Angelica that you’ve been pushing yourself too hard, too soon. You have Chris and the men, and some mighty good friends.” Ben glanced at his daughter-in-law. “And a good wife that I know will do anything in the world for you. So if you need help, you ask.”

“I will, Pa.”

Embraces and farewell kisses were exchanged then Ben helped Verina into the buckboard and got in beside her. Hoss was at the reins. A few more good-byes were exchanged then, with a snap of the leather traces and a click of the big man’s teeth, they were off. Waves continued until the vehicle disappeared past the barn.

“I hated to see them go. I’m afraid I messed up everything for everybody.”

“We don’t feel that way. It’s times like these that strengthen a family. And besides that, we received a wonderful present for your birthday…. You.”

He looked around at her and tenderly caressed her cheek. “I’m the one who got the gifts.” Then a curious expression crept over his features. “That reminds me. Joe didn’t go with them. In fact, I haven’t seen him all morning. Have you?”

“Oh, I’m sure he’s around somewhere. Now let’s go back into the house. It’s a little cool out here, and I think I’m catching a chill.”

As if guiding a child, she steered him back into the house.

“Well, it’s about time. I was beginning to think I was gonna havta eat dinner all alone, what with the boys having theirs in the kitchen with Maggie.”

Adam’s eyes shot straight to the dining room where Joe sat at the table, a filled plate before him.

“Join me,” Joe went on. “If I can help it, I prefer not to eat by myself. I think that good company makes good food taste better. Don’t you?” He shoveled a bite into his mouth.

“Joe, you didn’t… Why didn’t you go…? I don’t get it.”

“It’s simple, brother. I thought we needed to spend some time together. As somebody put it…,” his eyes darted to Angelica, “it’ll give me the chance to get to know the brother I very nearly threw away, all over again. And I can hardly wait to get started, but first let’s have something to eat.”

Joe dashed up and helped his brother into his chair at the head of the table. He pulled Angelica’s chair out for her then returned to his own. He picked up the platter and held it out to Adam. “Ham, brother?”

“I think I just will,” Adam said, and speared a slice with his fork.

Brother. How splendid that word sounded, and how splendid that Adam was his. Having not seen him for close to a month, then to find him so pale with the specter of death hovering about, still shook Joe and maybe always would. He had acted like a total imbecile, and maybe it hadn’t been an act, he had to admit, if only to himself. Joe grinned clandestinely. Well, he wouldn’t make that mistake again. He had Adam back, and he would hang tenaciously onto him. For who knew when the inevitable day when he would have to give him up would come? He certainly didn’t, and he was going to make the most of the time he had left with his brother. No matter how long or short. He owed Adam that. He owed himself.

THE END

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