HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL (WHN to "The Hopefuls")
By: Jaye Mier
 
 It was late when the Cartwright men made their way back to the ranch.
 With a silvery half moon shining high in the sky, the trail was easy
 to follow when on open ground. Occasionally, it wound through patches
 of forest where, under the cover of the tall Ponderosa pines, the
 ghostly light flickered and danced, making the ground appear to move
 slightly beneath them. The stillness of the night was broken by the
 reassuring, rhythmic thump of four sets of hooves making contact with
 the dry ground.
 
 Adam rode slightly ahead of the other three, with Ben following
 several lengths behind. Each man was lost in his own thoughts. Light
 chuckles could be heard coming from the rear as Hoss and Joe rode
 side by side, discussing the events of the day.
 
 Adam's thoughts were in a whirlwind as his normally rational and
 responsible mind tried to sort out the feelings that were crowding in
 on him. Excitement - yes, that the world could still present him with
 such a surprise package. Fear - that no matter what he decided to do,
 someone would be hurt by his actions - if not his Pa and brothers,
 then Regina herself. Dread - that if he didn't follow what he knew
 his heart was telling him - well, how many chances can a man expect
 to get before they all run out? Frustration - that was a big one. Why
 can't things ever just be simple?
 
 "Time, that's the problem. There isn't time to weigh all sides of
 this situation. She'll be leaving in the morning. Whatever I decide,
 it has to be soon. No...it has to be now."
 
 Finally, he allowed himself to admit one small feeling that was
 struggling to work its way up to the surface...hope.
 
 **********
 
 "Hey, Hoss. Did you see the coweyes that Adam was making tonight at
 Regina?" Joe was giggling under his breath.
 
 "Now, you just hush up about that, Little Brother."
 
 "But, I mean...it's not like she's pretty or anything. What's he
 looking at her for?"
 
 "I said hush, Joe. Adam hears you and you might just find yourself
 flat on your back with a fist in your eye. Besides, I thought Miss
 Regina was right purty."
 
 "Uh, uh. Looks like a schoolmarm to me."
 
 "Joe, you ought to be old enough by now to know that it ain't the
 purty ribbons and fancy paper, it's what's in the package that
 counts. What's that Pa says? 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'
 or somethin' like that?"
 
 "You really believe that, Hoss?"
 
 If the moon would have been brighter, Joe would have seen the small,
 sad smile on Hoss's face. "I'm countin' on it, Joe; I'm countin' 
 on it."
 
 There was a slight pause as Joe considered what his brother had said.
 
 "I don't know, Hoss. I sure do like those pretty ribbons and fancy
 paper! Like unwrapping 'em, too!"
 
 **********
 
 "Trouble - that's what this night has turned out to be," Ben thought
 as he followed behind his son on the trail. "Sam Board...what was
 Adam thinking this time?" Hoss and Joe had found a moment to pull Ben
 aside and fill him in on what they knew about Sam Board from the talk
 at the Bucket of Blood.
 
 People always assumed that it was Hoss who picked up strays, and that
 was true. There wasn't a deer, rabbit, or fox that needed help that
 he didn't bring home. Adam, on the other hand, always seemed to find
 the strays in humankind and went out of his way to help them;
 sometimes with disastrous results.
 
 "I just hope this isn't one of those times."
 
 Ben let his thoughts turn to the wagon train that was now camping on
 the banks of the river. Jacob Darien and his daughter, Regina. It's
 not that he couldn't appreciate the spirit and tenacity of these
 people. To sell all they had and come all the way from Ohio to seek a
 new land...yes...that was something that Ben Cartwright could
 understand. But there were so many other things about them that he
 couldn't understand. Accept? Yes. Respect? Yes; but understand...not
 really.
 
 And what of Adam tonight? It hadn't gotten past him; the looks he
 shared with Regina throughout the evening; how he would gently put
 his hand on her arm and then move it when someone would look their
 way; the time they spent together behind the wagon. What exactly was
 going on between them and how did it happen so quickly? Yes, Ben
 thought, here was trouble of a different kind.
 
 **********
 
 Hoss couldn't remember the last time that he had such an enjoyable
 evening, full of good food and good company. "Here, Pa, let me put
 Buck up. You go on into the house," he said as he took the reins from
 his father.
 
 "Thank you, son. I think I'll do just that."
 
 Ben rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms above his head trying
 to work out some of the kinks and stiffness that seemed to worsen as
 the years went by. As he moved toward the house, he indulged in just
 one backward glance to his oldest son.
 
 Noticing the change in Adam's mood from earlier in the evening, Hoss
 decided to strike up some conversation as they brushed and watered
 their mounts.
 
 "Hey, Adam. Whereabouts did you meet up with Miss Regina? 
 Adam...Adam!"
 
 "Huh? Oh. I was in town when they came through.
 
 "Yeah? And was that about the same time as you ran into Sam Board?"
 Joe asked, the edge in his voice plain for all to hear.
 
 Adam scowled to himself. He didn't want to talk about Sam Board and
 it was obvious that his family didn't feel comfortable with Board
 around. He was grateful for the man's help in town when the drunks in
 the street were harassing the Dariens. He had offered Sam the job
 before he knew his real identity and saw no reason to change his
 mind. Adam was not the kind to put too much stock in idle gossip. As
 far as he knew, Sam wasn't wanted by the law and the accusations of
 cheating at cards had not been proven. A man had a right to a fresh
 start. The fact that Sam didn't seem to want or need his help and had
 decided to move on just didn't seem important to him at the moment.
 He had other things on his mind...
 
 Adam let out a sigh, "Goodnight, gentlemen. I'm going inside."
 
 As Hoss and Joe exchanged bewildered glances Adam turned and walked
 out the door.
 
 **********
 
 Although the hour was late, Ben found it impossible to unwind and
 poured himself a generous portion of brandy. After stoking the fire
 he settled in his chair and contemplated the storm clouds he saw
 rolling in on the horizon...storm clouds that had nothing to do with
 the weather.
 
 The door opened and Adam came in, casually tossing his hat onto the
 sideboard. As he took off his gunbelt and carefully rolled it up he
 noticed his Pa sitting beside the fire.
 
 "Adam, care to join me in a brandy, son?"
 
 Adam turned toward the staircase, "No, Pa. I don't think so. It's
 late and I'm tired. Goodnight."
 
 "Goodnight, son. Sleep well."
 
 Ben exhaled a deep breath that he wasn't even aware he had been
 holding. As he stared into the dancing flames, he pondered his eldest
 son. Adam was so self-contained, so introspective, some might even
 say moody. His mind drifted back to the women with whom Adam had been
 romantically involved. Sue Ellen Terry...well, that really had no
 place to go from the start. Tragic ending to a poor girl's life.
 Still, Ben didn't think that Adam had felt real love for the girl.
 Pity, probably. Desire, definitely; but love? No, not love.
 
 Virginia Keith? The three years off and on that Adam spent with Ginny
 before he went off to college and after he got back were pleasant;
 uneventful. Lem Keith, however, was never very accepting of him,
 knowing that he could never control Adam the way he planned to
 control his son-in-law. Apparently, the relationship wasn't worth the
 effort of constantly butting heads with a domineering father. Ginny
 and Adam parted as friends.
 
 Ruth. That was a different story entirely. That his son was truly in
 love with someone for the first time, Ben couldn't deny. He saw the
 desperation on Adam's face when he realized that Ruth had left with
 the Shoshone. He lived with the desolation his son felt for months
 afterwards. Yes, when Adam truly fell for a woman, he fell hard - and
 fast, like a burst of flame. Unfortunately, each time the flame would
 burn itself out just as quickly and leave the smoldering ashes of his
 son's broken heart behind.
 
 **********
 
 In his room, Adam took off his boots, unbuttoned his shirt and
 shrugged it off his shoulders. As he lay back on his bed, he again
 tried to analyze his feelings for Regina. Feelings that came around
 the corner and knocked him off his feet before he even saw them
 coming. What was it about her? Did she have incredible beauty? He had
 to admit that she didn't; that's not what had him so intrigued. Was
 it the fact that she was so different from other women he knew? He
 let out a frustrated sigh. No, it was some of these differences that
 gave him most cause for concern.
 
 "Will I ever really find someone that I can love and who will love
 me...no strings attached, no complications?" he thought dismally. At
 that he smiled a little to himself. "Not if you keep trying to
 analyze every relationship like a mathematics problem, you won't!"
 
 Adam got up, went over to his bureau and took out a small box from
 the top drawer. He opened it and carefully drew out the worn, leather
  bound Bible. It smelled of earth and felt good in his hands, solid
 and comforting. As he opened it, he read the inscription written on
 the first page. "Olaf Halverson, daughter, Ruth." The family tree of
 a family that had ended in tragedy. He gently set the book aside and
 unwrapped a small parcel covered in paper. His mind went back to that
 hillside by the lake where he picked the prairie grass to weave into
 the ring that he now held in his hand. As he turned it over and over,
 he relived those few, wonderful days just over a year ago. He had
 loved Ruth with all his heart. Was it a betrayal of her love to feel
 what he was feeling now for Regina? He drew in a quick breath and
 knew suddenly and with the calmness of certainty that what he felt
 for Regina was the same as what he had felt for Ruth; true love, deep
 and undeniable. With this certainty as his shield came the knowledge
 of what he now had to do.
 
 **********
 
 "Hey, Pa, you still up?" asked Joe as he and Hoss bounded noisily
 into the great room.
 
 "Thought I might enjoy a brandy by the fire. Care to join me?"
 
 "Maybe later, Pa. Joe and I are gonna go get a bite from the kitchen.
 I swear I'm feelin' a mite peckish and that shore 'nuff was a tirin'
 ride!"
 
 Joe just shook his head in disbelief. Not only had Hoss just eaten a
 large meal with the wagon train, but the ride from the Darien camp
 couldn't have been over five miles.
 
 "Count me out, big brother. I don't want Cochise complaining when I
 climb into the saddle tomorrow! 'Night, Pa."
 
 "Goodnight, Joseph." Ben sat back into his chair and casually picked
 up the book that was on the large table in front of him. It was, of
 course, one of Adam's. This again brought his thoughts back to his
 eldest son.
 
 Hoss came round the corner from the kitchen with a plate stacked high
 with bread and meat. "Pa, I'm gonna take this here sandwich up to my
 room. I'll see ya in the mornin'."
 
 "Goodnight, son."
 
 "'Night, Pa."
 
 **********
 
 About a half an hour later, Ben was awakened in his chair by a gentle
 tap on his arm.
 
 "Hmm, what? What's that?"
 
 "Shh, Pa. It's just me. I was wondering if we could talk."
 
 "Oh, Adam. Sure, son, what's on your mind?"
 
 "Here it comes," thought Ben nervously. Adam rarely went in for soul-
 baring and when he did, it usually meant that he had a burden that he
 felt he couldn't carry alone or a problem he just couldn't solve. Ben
 felt privleged that Adam would come to him at these times, but he
 also had a sense of foreboding. After what he saw today, this
 couldn't be good news.
 
 Adam sat at his customary place on the table with his feet balancing
 against the hearth. This was going to be difficult. "How can I
 explain my feelings to him, what I know I have to do, when it sounds
 crazy and irresponsible, even to me?"
 
 Ben watched his son for several moments. Unconsciously, Adam was
 going through his ritual of nervous habits; scratching behind his
 ear, clearing his throat, pinching the bridge of his nose; things he
 almost invariably did when he was uncomfortable or unsure about
 himself or, Ben thought, when he's getting ready to break the "bad
 news."
 
 "Pa..." A long pause.
 
 "Yes, son?"
 
 "Well, you see, it's like this..." An even longer pause.
 
 "Yes, son?"
 
 "It's just that..."
 
 Inwardly, Ben had to chuckle. This was his college educated son.
 Probably the most well-read man in the territory and he was having
 trouble stringing more than a few words together. "Patience," he told
 himself, "patience."
 
 Adam took the plunge. "Pa, I've made a decision. I'm going to travel
 with the Darien train to Slatersville. I'll be leaving in the 
 morning."
 
 Ben's head snapped up and his eyes opened wide at what he had just
 heard coming from his son. Whatever he had expected, it wasn't this.
 
 "What? Boy, this is nonsense. Use your head!"
 
 "Pa, I'm not a boy, and what I'm feeling now has nothing to do with
 my head!"
 
 Ben could clearly see that Adam was already on the defensive. "Adam,
 son...I could see tonight that you had feelings for Miss Regina...."
 
 "More than 'feelings,' Pa. I haven't felt this way since..." he
 hesitated as a slight shudder went through his body.
 
 "Since Ruth?" Ben ventured.
 
 Adam's nod was so slight that Ben barely caught it. He rarely
 mentioned Ruth's name or what happened on that long ago "Mountain of
 the Dead." This was more serious than he originally thought. Best to
 try a different tack. Arguing was almost always counterproductive
 with his eldest son... and besides, Ben usually lost the arguments!
 
 "Son, you're a grown man and what you do is your business. I just
 want you to think about a few things first."
 
 Adam forced himself to sit still and listen to what his father had to
 say. After all, he did come down here to ask his advice, didn't he?
 Or did he really just come down to present his father with his
 decision, already made with no discussion? Was he inwardly hoping
 that his father would logically talk him out of this? He nodded
 slightly, indicating for him to continue.
 
 Ben went on. "Adam, they have a whole different way of life than us;
 a different set of beliefs."
 
 "Pa, they're good people."
 
 "Yes, yes, son. They're good people. No one's disputing that. But
 just because they're good people doesn't mean that they are the same
 kind of people. They think differently than us. They live differently
 than us."
 
 "Pa, do you think I don't realize that? That I haven't argued with
 myself over this decision?"
 
 "Adam, son, from what I've heard, they don't believe in violence of
 any kind."
 
 "And what's so wrong with that, Pa? Since when do we advocate 
 violence?"
 
 "It's not that we advocate violence, son, but I've brought you boys
 up to protect and defend what's yours. To use your gun in self-
 defense or defense of each other. I won't change that belief now."
 
 "Pa..."
 
 "No, Adam, hear me out. You saw the way the wagon train was lined up
 tonight. End to end, one after another. These people have no concept
 of the kind of violence that occurs in this territory. Anyone with
 any sense would have circled those wagons and prepared a watch for
 the night. It's just an example, son, of our different ways of
 thinking - of living."
 
 Adam had to sigh. Like father, like son. This was the same comment
 that he made to Regina this afternoon by the lake. Suddenly, he found
 himself responding to his Pa by echoing what she had said to him.
 
 “Pa, everyone has a right to do things their own way, don’t they?”
 
 “Yes, of course they do, son. But please, don’t be naive about this.
 One of you will have to make a big adjustment if it’s going to work.
 Are you prepared to meet her more than half way? If not, you’d better
 reconsider this.”
 
 Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them he
 turned to face his father.
 
 “Pa. I feel that I need to do this. I’m afraid that I’m being given
 one last chance and if I don’t take it, I may never get another. I’ll
 travel as far as Slatersville. That will give us time to get to know
 each other better and see if there’s any possibility for a future. I
 need to do this, Pa. Please don’t stand in my way.”
 
 Ben could feel his son pleading with him for understanding. The
 moment he had been dreading all his life was now staring him in the
 face. Either he let Adam live his own life, let him go with his
 blessing, or risk losing him forever.
 
 “Son, I have no intention of standing in your way. If you have to go,
 though, I’d like to go with you to the camp...say my goodbyes to
 Jacob and Regina.”
 
 Adam felt an enormous weight lifted from his shoulders. “Sure, Pa...I
 think I’d like that.”
 
 There was an uncomfortable moment of silence while Ben replayed the
 conversation in his mind, wondering what, it anything, he could have
 done to change its outcome. Suddenly a thought occured to him.
 
 “Oh, Adam, what about Sam Board?”
 
 “Don’t worry, Pa. Sam took off earlier and I don’t think we’ll be
 seeing him again.”
 
 “Well, I can’t say as I’m sorry about that, son. Goodnight.”
 
 Adam grasped his father's shoulder with his hand. A brief contact in
 which he tried to convey his thanks. “’Night, Pa.”
 
 **********
 
 After Adam went up to bed, Ben paced the floor of the great room.
 “What was I to do? He’s right, he’s a grown man. I can’t keep him
 here against his will.”
 
 Still feeling a great deal of unease at the prospect of Adam leaving
 with the wagon train, possibly never to return, Ben found himself
 outside the door of his middle son. The snores coming from the other
 side of the door were soft, but still audible. Maybe Hoss hadn’t been
 asleep for very long.
 
 Softly Ben turned the knob and walked in. What he saw amused him
 despite the worry that was eating at his stomach. Hoss was in his
 nightshirt, reclining against the headboard of his great bed. In his
 hand was a sandwich that he had apparently made a valiant effort to
 consume before sleep caught up with him. There were crumbs on his
 chest and a smile on his face.
 
 “Hoss, Hoss, wake up, son.” Hoss’s snoring stopped abruptly.
 
 “Pa? What’s wrong?”
 
 “Sorry to wake you son, can I have a word with you?”
 
 Hoss wiped the sleep from his eyes and the crumbs from his mouth.
 “Sure, Pa. You feelin' poorly?”
 
 Ben sat down on the edge of the bed. “Hoss, did you notice anything
 different about your brother Adam tonight?”
 
 Hoss scratched his head, “Well, I suppose he was a mite quieter than
 usual, but that ain’t so surprisin’ considerin’ it’s Adam.”
 
 “What about at the Darien camp? Anything then?”
 
 Now Hoss was getting the picture. His Pa didn’t often come to one
 brother to discuss the private life of another unless he was truly
 upset or worried. He thought back to Joe’s comments about how Adam
 was making “coweyes” at Miss Regina.
 
 “Aw, Pa. Adam and Miss Regina was just gettin’ to know each other. I
 don’t see as how you got any cause to worry.”
 
 “I’m sorry, Hoss. I know it’s really not my business, but your
 brother has decided to travel to Slatersville with the wagon train.
 He’s leaving in the morning. I just wish I didn’t think he’s making a
 terrible mistake.”
 
 Hmm...traveling with the wagon train. Once again, his brother was
 able to hide his true feelings from his family. Hoss didn’t
 understand what made Adam act this way. Didn’t he realize that all
 his family wanted was for him to be happy? Hoss was no happier than
 his father that Adam felt he had to leave but he determined right
 then to support his brother, no matter what the personal cost.
 
 “Pa,” he began.
 
 Hoss knew would have to tread lightly. He cleared his throat and
 started again, “Pa, I think them Ohio folks was real nice. They
 seemed to care a lot for each other, and Miss Regina, she seemed
 right taken with Adam.”
 
 “Hoss, you don’t understand. They’re so different from us. Their
 customs, their beliefs. I’m just afraid that Adam will find that
 he’ll be asked to sacrifice too much of himself for her. By the time
 he realizes it’s a mistake, he’ll get hurt...again.”
 
 There was more to it than what his father was saying, Hoss was sure
 of that. Yes, he agreed that they were different. But wasn’t
 everybody different? Wasn’t it the differences that made things
 interesting, worth paying attention to? Deep down, these were good
 people and Hoss had no intention of judging them. His Pa had been
 around a lot longer than he had and he owed him his respect and so he
 wouldn’t argue the point. He knew what his father really feared was
 not who he might be losing Adam to, but the fact that he was losing
 him at all.
 
 Hoss felt for his brother. Some folks tended to think that, just
 because Adam didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, that his feelings
 didn’t run as deep their own. He knew that just wasn’t true; far from
 it.
 
 “Pa, you reckon you can do without both of us for a few days? I
 figure I might just ride along with Adam for a spell. Kinda keep an
 eye on things. I ain’t so sure I’m too comfortable with that Sam
 Board hanging around, either.”
 
 “I’d be grateful for that, son, I truly would.”
 
 **********
 
 Ben turned back and looked over his shoulder from the top of the
  rise. Stretched out before him was the wagon train. He could see the
 low dust cloud and hear the creaking of the wheels and hooves on sod
 as it began the final leg of its journey.
 
 “Bring him home, Hoss. Bring your brother back to me.”
 
 
 
 
 
 
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