TIES THAT BIND
By JC
Author’s note:
One thing I discovered when I first
ventured into the realm of Bonanza fan fiction, and that is nothing boils some
people’s blood more than the subject of a Cartwright sister. To them, she is a
sacrilege, or at best, an unnecessary evil to be avoided at all costs because
she would only upset the intended balance of fatherly/brotherly love. Obviously, I disagree. Writing a sister does not mean I would change
the series formula to include her if I had the power, because I would not. However, in fanfic, with careful placement, I
believe she can be successfully integrated into the Cartwright fabric as long
as she enhances the original characters. Are the interactions credible? Does
everyone ring true? That is the litmus
test she must pass.
To the casual observer, this is a
story about a Cartwright sister. But
those who care to look deeper will find, at its heart, a family at a
crossroads, facing a decision that will ultimately affect each member. It is a story about respect, responsibility
and unselfish love, as relationships are tested and reaffirmed one memorable
Ponderosa summer.
~*~*~*~
“Pa, can’t I
go too?” Dark eyes beseeched the man
mounting the big buckskin.
“This is
man’s work, Jilly,” came the response, not from her father, but from fourteen
year old Joe.
Jilly
scowled. “Oh yeah? Then how come you’re goin’ little brother?”
“I’m not your
little brother and you can’t call me that, miss smarty pants!”
“Well, you’re
the littlest brother in this family and I guess I can call you that if I want
to!”
Her brother smirked at her from atop his
spotted pony, and she mimicked his expression in return. Ben Cartwright
suppressed a smile at this exchange between his two youngest children, so alike
and yet so different. Three years apart, they could be best friends and worst
enemies in practically the same breath.
Ben’s tone
was firm. “Now young lady, that decision has already been made, and there’s no
need for further discussion.”
Jilly looked
down at her boots. When Pa said “no further discussion”, you didn’t argue, not
if you knew what was good for you.
His voice
softened. “Tell you what. How’d you like to get started on that new Dickens
novel tonight after supper?” he said brightly.
“Sure, Pa,”
Jilly sighed in resignation.
“All right
then.” He smiled. “We’ll be back before dark.” Ben nudged his horse into a trot
next to Joe and Cochise. “Mind yourself,” he called over his shoulder.
Joe turned
and waved, flashing a lop-sided grin. He looked a little too pleased with
himself, Jilly thought, and that made her even more cross. She kicked at the
ground, sending up a swirl of dust. “You think you’re somethin’, Joseph Francis
Cartwright. Well, who needs you anyway?”
Truth be
told, Jilly was more hurt than angry.
She and Joe had always done everything together. For as long as she
could remember, she had been his shadow and he her companion through all kinds
of weather. But lately things had been different. For one thing, the girls in
school had gotten giggly over him, and that had plumb gone to his head as far
as she could see. And he acted just as silly as they did, not at all like the
brother she thought she knew, the one who didn’t break promises. Joe was
supposed to have been her partner in the sack race at the church picnic last
week, but instead he spent the whole afternoon showing off for Anna Mae Shivers
while she made cow-eyes at him. Cow-eyed Anna Mae. Disgusting! How could he do
that? All he said was “you’re still a kid; you’ll understand when you grow up a
little.”
Well if
that’s what growing up means, then no thanks, Jilly thought glumly. “And no
thanks to you, Joe Cartwright!” she said aloud to no one.
~ * ~
The thud of
an ax on wood lured Jilly to the side of the house. Hoss looked up from his
chopping and grinned when he saw her but didn’t stop.
“Hey, Sissy.
Don’t get too close now,” he grunted between strokes. “One of these pieces
might fly off and hit ya, and I sure wouldn’t want that. You wouldn’t either.”
Jilly
obediently kept a safe distance while she watched him work. At 20, Hoss was
bigger than Pa, maybe even the strongest man in the world. While Joe had been
her playmate, Hoss had always been her protector. She felt safe whenever she
was with him. He always made her feel better, and she wanted his company today.
“Hey, Hoss.
Wanna go fishin’?” she asked hopefully.
Hoss’s ax
kept swinging. “Well, ya know there ain’t nothin’ I’d like better, but just as soon
as I finish with this kindlin’ I gotta go help Hank put in those new fence
posts.”
“What about
after?” she persisted.
“I imagine
we’ll be workin’ ‘til sundown and probably won’t even finish at that.”
“Oh.” She
didn’t even try to keep the disappointment from her voice.
Her brother
paused and looked up, blue sky reflected in even bluer eyes. He smiled patiently at her. “Hey, I know
what. How about we make a fishin’ date for tomorrow afternoon? We’ll get Hop
Sing to pack us a lunch, and we’ll make it a picnic too, just you and me. How
‘bout that?”
Jilly
couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Sure Hoss, that’d be great. Tomorrow.”
He winked at
her and resumed his task. “Be sure and stay back now…”
~ * ~
Adam sat at
the desk, pencil in hand, his head bent over a ledger. With an exaggerated
sigh, Jilly plopped down into Pa’s leather chair and swung a leg up over the
arm. Adam looked up and frowned.
“Jillian,
don’t sit like that. It’s not becoming to a young lady.”
Jilly put
both feet on the floor and sank back into the chair facing him. Fifteen years
separated her from her oldest brother, who sometimes acted more like her
father. Hoss said it was because he
always had a lot of responsibility growing up, helping Pa and watching out for
his younger siblings, and he probably couldn’t remember what it was like to be
a kid because he didn’t have much time to be one. But sometimes Jilly believed
it was mainly because Adam liked to boss people.
She studied
his dark features, similar to her own. His hair was the color of hers, almost
black, the same color Pa’s had been when he was a young man. His eyes were also
brown, though Adam’s were lighter with flecks of gold, and they shared the same
thick ebony lashes. People commented on what a striking pair they made, this
brother and sister, Ben Cartwright’s “bookends”. But they didn’t seem to have much else in
common.
It hadn’t
always been this way between them though. When she was younger, she used to
curl up in his lap with a book every night after supper. She would read aloud
until her eyes became too heavy, and then Adam would take over. His voice was often the last thing she
remembered before slipping into dreams. And it was Adam who taught her how to
ride. He was a thorough teacher and she a quick and willing student. Jilly
always loved to please her oldest brother, but these days she felt she hardly
ever succeeded.
A cough
penetrated her reverie. “Excuse me, but would you mind not doing that?”
“What?” Jilly
looked up in surprise at his tone.
“That foot-tapping,”
Adam said flatly. “It’s very…distracting.”
“Sorry.”
Jilly hadn’t even noticed. She plucked an apple from the bowl of fruit on the
table. After the second or third crunchy
bite she caught her brother staring hard at her, his brows knit together in
annoyance. Boy, he must really be having trouble with that ledger, she thought.
“Don’t you
have something to do?” he asked, more politely this time. “Some chores, maybe?”
“Done.” Jilly
replied, nonchalantly.
“How about
school work?”
“It’s summer.
There is no school.” That he knew, of
course.
“Then, why
don’t you get a head start on next year?” he suggested, a little too sweetly
perhaps.
“I’m already
ahead of everybody else my age.” It was
true, and he knew that too. But Jilly also knew she was pushing, something she
wouldn’t have dared do when she was younger. Just how far would she be willing
to go?
“Well, it
seems to me,” Adam growled through clenched teeth, “that such an extremely
intelligent girl ought to be able to entertain herself constructively for a few
hours while everyone else is WORKING.”
Jilly met his
frosty gaze evenly as she calculated a reply. Okay, far enough, she decided.
Anything further would have surely landed her on the wrong side of Adam
Cartwright, somewhere she had no desire to be. She gathered herself up with as
much feigned dignity as she could muster and walked out the door.
“AND DON’T
SLAM THAT….”
~ * ~
Jilly ran her
long fingers up and down the pony’s right front foreleg. The swelling was
hardly noticeable anymore; Hoss had assured her that
~ * ~
“Mistah
Adam you eat now!”
Adam
dropped the pencil he had been idly twirling for the past several minutes and
stretched his arms over his head. Maybe the break would do him good. So far, it
had not been a very productive morning. There was a discrepancy on the payroll
ledger, nothing major, probably nothing more than a wrong entry, but finding
the source of the mistake required tedious attention to detail, and Adam
couldn’t seem to keep his mind on the numbers before him. He regretted his conversation with Jilly that
morning. But it wasn’t just today. The whole tenor of their relationship had
changed for the worse over the past few months, and Adam felt mostly to blame.
He
knew he was hard on Jilly, but he felt he had to be. Indulging her as he did
when she was younger would be much easier for both of them, but Pa did enough
of that. In Pa’s eyes, she would always be his little girl. But Adam worried
that Jilly was growing up faster than any of them realized, and in a world full
of men without a woman to teach her all the things a young girl needs to know,
what was she growing into?
After the
riding incident, Adam vented some of his frustrations to Hoss, whom he knew
didn’t always understand his attitude toward their sister. “You know I don’t
love her any less than you do, but we have to face the fact that she is growing
up fast, and so far, wild as the wind.
She’s too smart for her own good, and when the rest of her catches up
with her head, I’m afraid Pa’s gonna have big trouble on his hands.”
Hoss had not
argued with him on that point. The argument was bound to come over what to do
about it. Adam had his own ideas, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to
convince
But what a
waste it would be if they didn’t, Adam thought. Jilly had gifts most people he
knew didn’t have, and to neglect them would be a travesty. She could go to
college, perhaps even study abroad, and become a woman of grace and refinement.
He wasn’t willing to put limits on what she might accomplish given opportunity.
If she stayed around here, she might wind up married to some sweet talking
saddle slick by the time she was sixteen and have a houseful of kids by the
time she was his age. For some people perhaps that was enough, but Adam wanted
more than that for Jilly and he truly believed, given the chance, one day she
would want it for herself.
~ * ~
Jilly watched
in satisfaction as the stone skimmed the water one, two, three, four times.
Hah! Even Joe couldn’t beat that, she said smugly to herself. The memory of him
riding off with Pa that morning still rankled her. Life wasn’t fair. Being a
Cartwright wasn’t much fun sometimes, especially if you happened to be the
youngest and a girl.
She had
decided to come down to the stream even though she and Hoss weren’t
fishing. No one said she couldn’t, but
then, Jilly didn’t give anyone the opportunity. When Hop Sing called her for
lunch she said she wasn’t hungry, which was mostly true; however it was mainly
the prospect of sitting at the table with Adam for which she had no appetite.
But she had taken the last two biscuits leftover from breakfast and wrapped
them in her bandana in case she changed her mind. And she was out the door and
out of earshot before the cook could begin his ranting.
That was a
couple of hours ago. She had thought it would be cooler by the water but it was
still hot. And her head was beginning to ache. She sat down on the bank and
took a bite of one of the biscuits. Stale. She wished she hadn’t come so far,
as she was not looking forward to the long walk home.
~ * ~
The ledger
lay open to the same entry Adam had been working on all morning. Jilly’s
intentional absence at lunch had merely been an annoyance at first, and not all
that surprising. It was simply her way of making a statement, he reasoned.
Well, if she wanted to cut off her nose to spite her face that was her
business, and she could just go hungry until supper.
Adam had made
up his mind not to look for Jilly. He wouldn’t play her game. However, he found himself straining his ears
for the sound of her footsteps at the door, hearing only the tick of the clock
instead, and after a couple of hours annoyance gave way to an uneasiness he
could not dismiss. He told Hop Sing he needed to stretch his legs and get some
air, but they both knew what he meant.
Adam had
assumed she was holed up somewhere, waiting him out. He figured he’d find her
up in the barn loft reading a book or playing with the cat, but a search of the
environs yielded no trace of his sister. It hadn’t really occurred to him that
she might have gone off without telling anyone, yet it appeared that was
precisely what she had done. “Well, my
girl, you’re going to regret this little escapade,” he thought angrily,
buckling his gun belt.
Jilly’s horse was still stabled, so wherever
she was she had gone on foot and couldn’t be far, but which direction? After a
few seconds deliberation, Adam pointed his horse toward Washoe Creek. He’d find
her; he just hoped Pa didn’t get home first.
~ * ~
Jilly opened her eyes to the sensation of
someone pounding an anvil inside her head. The sun was noticeably lower. She
hadn’t meant to fall asleep; she had only wanted to rest a bit before walking
home. “Oh no,” she groaned. “I’ve got to go!” A wave of nausea washed over her
as she sat up. Jilly held her head in her hands until it somewhat subsided and
then forced herself to stand. Besides her head, her neck hurt too. It took
every ounce of her strength to put one foot in front of the other but she had
no choice.
Jilly didn’t know how long she walked because
she had no concept of anything except pain and the need to get home. Exhausted
and feverish, she leaned against a boulder and closed her eyes. An unexpected
sound met her ears. That can’t be, she thought. Jilly followed the sound back
through the trees to its source.
It was a waterfall, all right. Dead Man’s
Falls. Jilly recognized the outcropping; Hoss had pointed it out to her once.
For the first time that day, fear rose in her chest as if to choke her. How
could she have walked all this way, in the opposite direction from her
home? Jilly sank to her knees. She had
never felt so ill in all her life. Maybe she would die. No one even knew she
was here. She’d been so foolish.
Jilly’s last thoughts were of her family and
filled with regret. “My poor Pa,” she whimpered. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive
me.” Then consciousness flowed mercifully into oblivion.
* * * * * * * * * *
A patch of blue caught Adam’s eye. Jilly’s
bandana. His hunch had been right. He
looked up at the sound of an approaching rider.
“Glad I
caught up with ya. Hop Sing told me you were out looking for Sissy,” Hoss said
anxiously.
Adam held up the bandana. “Well, she came this
way; she can’t be far.”
“Reckon why
she’d come all the way out here by herself anyway?”
Adam scowled,
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because she’s willful and undisciplined and
thoughtless and…”
“Did you have
a fight with her?” Hoss asked.
The very idea that I would fight with an eleven
year old is ridiculous,” Adam retorted.
“Well, you
can get pretty riled at her sometimes.”
Adam let out
an impatient breath. “I’ll tell you what
riles me, Hoss – the fact that she’s cost me almost a whole day’s worth of
work! Speaking of work, what are you doing back so soon?”
“Oh, a couple
extra hands showed up so we got through early,” said Hoss.
“Well, it’s
probably a good thing you’re here,” said Adam. “Otherwise I might just be
tempted to tan that girl’s hide when I find her.”
Hoss nodded in
understanding. They both knew it was easier for Adam to mask his feelings with
anger than give voice to the worry that was gnawing inside.
~ * ~
The setting
sun cast long shadows through the trees as the brothers neared the falls. Hope
was fading with the daylight, still neither Hoss nor Adam were willing to
suggest they turn back. They couldn’t go home without Jilly. But where was
she? Adam’s stony visage belied the
panic rising within. “Please God, a little help here,” he prayed silently.
“Adam, look!”
Something
shiny glinted in a sliver of sunlight. A reflection? Hoss and Adam raced toward
it, but whatever they saw was quickly lost in the murky twilight. Adam dismounted and proceeded on foot. His
gaze landed on something pale ahead in the grass. Jilly was wearing a yellow
shirt, wasn’t she?
“She’s here!”
Adam knelt beside the crumpled figure on the ground and began frantically
checking for injuries. “She’s alive – bring water!”
Hoss tossed
his canteen to Adam. He soaked Jilly’s bandana and bathed her face in an
attempt to revive her. “Wake up honey, come on now,” he coaxed, patting her
cheeks gently. No response.
Hoss placed a
large hand on his sister’s forehead. “Adam, she’s burnin’ up!”
“I
know.” He pursed his lips into a grim
line. “Help me get her up on Sport. I’ll take her home and you go get the
doctor.”
Hoss gently
lifted her up to him. “I reckon Pa’s back by now.”
Adam nodded,
and the knot that had formed in his stomach tightened a bit. “Yeah, I’m sure he
is.”
Hoss and
Chubb disappeared into the gloom headed toward town and hopefully, Doc
Martin. Jilly moaned, and Adam secured
his grip on her limp body. In spite of
the warm night, he felt a chill run through him. “Hoss, please hurry.”
~ * ~
Ben and Joe
sat silently at the table picking at their supper, but their minds were not on
food. They had arrived home at dusk in
high spirits after their trip to
Ben felt
Joe’s worried eyes on him even before the boy spoke. “Pa, where, are they? Why
aren’t they back?”
He tried to
reassure him with more confidence than he felt, forcing a smile. “I’m sure they’ll be riding in here any
minute.”
Joe looked
unconvinced. “Somethin’ awful’s
happened. I just know it.”
Ben’s smile
faded. “Joseph, there’s no need to
borrow trouble. Better eat your supper
before it gets cold.”
The sound of
hoof beats propelled them from their seats and onto the porch. “It’s Adam!” Joe cried.
Relief and
dismay consumed Ben at the same time when he saw the figure slumped in Adam’s
arms. “Let’s get her inside,” he said tersely, cradling his daughter as Adam
handed her down to him.
“Adam, what
happened?” asked Joe anxiously
“She wandered
off by herself. Hoss and I found her out by Dead Man’s Falls, burning up with a
fever. He’s gone into town for the doc.”
Adam and Joe followed
Ben upstairs to Jilly’s room, where he laid her on the bed. He dipped a towel
in the washbasin and gently swabbed her face and neck. Ben could feel the heat
emanating from her body without touching her. Hop Sing entered with fresh water
and a compress for Jilly’s forehead. She did not stir or make a sound. Ben
sensed that she was somewhere far away.
“She’s gonna
be all right, isn’t she?” Joe’s voice was tight.
Adam put a hand on Joe’s shoulder. “We’ll know
more after the doc gets here.”
Ben only
nodded. He didn’t need a doctor to tell
him his daughter was one very sick little girl.
~ * ~
Time crawled
until Hoss returned with Doc Martin. The brothers waited downstairs while he
examined Jilly and conferred with Ben.
Joe paced the room restlessly.
“Sit down,
Little Joe. You’re gonna wear yourself out,” said Hoss.
“What’s
taking so long?” he asked angrily
“I’m sure
Doc’s just being thorough,” Adam said calmly.
Joe looked as
though he might cry, then turned away and hung his head. He said something Hoss
couldn’t quite make out. “What’d you say, Little Joe?”
Joe spun
around, his face full anguish. “I said it’s my fault. That day when Jilly fell
off her horse, we were racing. I know I should have said no. And then she got
thrown, and I was so scared because she was just lying there, but she said she
was okay and made me promise not to tell.”
Hoss and Adam
exchanged glances. They had already suspected as much. “Well, they say
confession is good for the soul,” Adam said dryly, “but what does that have to
do with anything now?”
“It was my
fault she got hurt that day. Maybe it was worse than we thought; maybe she hit
her head too hard….”
Adam put both
hands on Joe’s shoulders. “Look at me,” he said firmly. “I agree; you were
wrong that day. You should have acted
more responsibly. Jilly has a fever,
which means she’s sick, but she’s not injured. So forget about the accident.
That has nothing to do with today. Today is not your fault.”
Hop Sing came
in with a tray of food and coffee. “I think Ben could use some of that,” said
Doc Martin, descending the stairs with his bag.
“How is she?”
asked Adam.
“No change.
Her fever is still very high.”
“What do you
think it is, Doc?” asked Hoss.
“I’m not really
sure at this stage. She’s not able to tell me anything so I can only go by what
I see. There’s no rash but I can’t rule out scarlet fever just yet. We should
know something within a couple of days. In the meantime, just try to keep her
comfortable.”
“She’ll be
all right, won’t she?” asked Joe.
The doctor
hesitated for a moment. He looked tired and sad. “Son, I wish I could tell you
what you want to hear, but I can’t. There’s so much I don’t know. Sometimes the
best I can do isn’t good enough. But there is a higher power whose hands are
stronger than mine. And it’s ultimately up to him, not me.”
“You want
coffee, Doc?” asked Hop Sing soberly.
“No thanks,
I’ve had coffee up to my eyeballs today.” He sighed. “I’d better be going; I’ve got another stop
to make on my way back to town. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Silence hung
heavy in the room. Joe sat on the stairs
with his head in his hands. Hoss chewed
his lip and stared out the window at nothing.
Adam leaned against the desk. The unfinished ledger seemed to mock him.
He closed it quickly and put it away, stifling a strange and sudden impulse to
rip out the pages and throw it as hard as he could.
* * * * * * * * * *
Adam paused
at Jilly’s door. His heart ached at the sight of his father slouched in the
chair next to her bed, his face lined with worry. He knew Ben could stare down
his own uncertain future without fear, but his family was another matter. How
many times had he been forced to stand by and do nothing, except watch and
pray? Too many times in too few years, Adam thought sadly.
Ben shifted,
acknowledging his son’s presence with a glance as he entered the room.
“Pa, I know
you’re tired. Why don’t you let me sit with her so you can get some sleep?
Ben shook his
head. “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep
tonight.”
Words stuck in Adam’s throat he felt he needed to say. He took a deep breath
and exhaled. “Pa, I’m sorry. I know I let you down.”
Ben raised his eyebrows in question. “How do you figure that?”
“Jilly was my
responsibility today, and I ignored her. I practically ordered her out of the
house.” It hurt to hear the words out loud.
“Adam, no one’s blaming you for what happened.
Jilly has a mind of her own, as we all know. She knew better than to run off
like that without so much as a word to anyone.”
“But she was
angry with me, and I knew that. I just let her go. I didn’t do anything.”
“Of course
you did. You found her and brought her home. Thank God for that.”
“Maybe I expect too much of her. She’s just a
kid.”
“I used to
think the same thing about you. I seem to recall you were a pretty mature young
man at that age. Ben’s expression softened. “Son, don’t punish yourself. I know
how much you love your brothers and your sister. They know it too.”
Adam looked
wistfully at the figure on the bed. “I’m not sure she does,” he said softly.
Hoss appeared
in the doorway. “Pa, reckon you could go talk to Little Joe? He’s in his room,
and I think he’s pretty upset.” Ben
nodded and went out. Hoss moved to
Jilly’s bedside. “She looks a lot smaller when she’s asleep, don’t she?”
Adam thought
so too. “I guess it’s her mouth that makes her seem so big sometimes,” he
mused.
Hoss chuckled
softly. “She’s always been a caution, ain’t she? You remember that time she talked us into
havin’ a funeral for that ol’ dog? She couldn’t have been more’n about six.”
“She was
five, and his name was Stub.” Adam smiled ruefully at the memory. It was the
one summer he came home during college. The animal wandered onto the ranch,
ancient and half-starved, and Jilly adopted him. Old age took him in the end,
but he died fat and happy. Jilly insisted on a real funeral, so they all
dressed in their Sunday clothes (much to Joe’s displeasure) and assembled solemnly
for a graveside service that afternoon while Pa was in town.
“She was so
serious about it, but it was all I could do to keep from laughin’ at the look
on your face when she asked to say a few words over ‘the dearly departed’. What was it you said anyhow?”
“Alas, poor
Stub, I hardly knew you….” Adam had been taken aback by her impromptu request,
but a paraphrase of Shakespeare somehow seemed appropriate for the occasion,
and it satisfied Jilly.
“That’s right,” Hoss laughed. “Then she sang that
song... I’ll swear….” His voice trailed off.
He cleared his throat and continued softly. “I sure wasn’t expectin’
that. I don’t reckon I’d ever heard
anything like it.”
Adam
remembered. Up to that moment, the ceremony had been rather tongue in cheek,
but the mood changed abruptly when Jilly opened her mouth and began singing,
oblivious to her brothers. Amazing grace,
how sweet the sound… How sweet,
indeed.
The object
Adam had been fingering absent-mindedly since retrieving it from his shirt
pocket downstairs fell from his grasp. It was the silver comb from Jilly’s
hair, the one he had bought in
~ * ~
Dr. Martin
returned the next morning as promised. Jilly’s fever had not abated. “It could
last for several days,” he said. “I’d like to see her awake. As long as she’s
unconscious she can’t take nourishment, and after a while that becomes a
problem in and of itself.”
“What do you
suggest we do?” asked Ben.
“I don’t
really know of anything. The brain is a mysterious organ. She may be able to
hear you even if she can’t respond. Just
talk to her, let her know you’re here with her. It may not help, but it
certainly won’t hurt to give her a little coaxing.”
Ben nodded,
running a hand over his unshaven face. “The hardest part is waiting and feeling
helpless.”
The doctor
smiled sympathetically. “Why don’t I stop by Mrs. Shaughnessy’s and ask her to
come over and help you with Jilly? A sponge bath might make the girl more
comfortable.”
Mabel
Shaughnessy arrived that afternoon and took charge of her patient with an air
of authority. A tall, raw-boned widow in
her fifties, with red hair no bun could tame, she was no stranger to the
Cartwright household. During those
difficult months following Marie’s death she had proven herself indispensable
to Ben, even moving in temporarily to help care for Jilly. Since then she had
returned whenever they had a need, her pleasant practicality and dependable
strength always a welcome comfort in times of trouble.
Shaughnessy shooed Ben out of Jilly’s room,
admonishing him. “I’ll bet you didn’t sleep a wink last night. Why don’t you go
lie down? Have you eaten anything today? I’ll have Hop Sing fix a tray for you.
Now, I’ll be busy in here for a while so you might as well take advantage of
the time I’m here. And don’t worry about falling asleep because I promise I’ll
wake you if there’s any change at all.”
Ben was too
drained to argue; besides, he knew his daughter was in good hands. He retired
to his room and hardly knew when his head hit the pillow.
~ * ~
Jilly was lost somewhere in the desert
with no clue how she got there. Her head ached, her throat burned and she’d
never felt so hot. She walked for miles and
miles meeting nothing but sand and rocks under a burning sky. Sometimes she
thought she heard voices in the wind, but they were too distant and muffled to
follow. She tried to call out to them
but her own voice would not cooperate.
Just when she thought she could go no
further, she came to a stream. She knelt beside it and plunged her face into
the cool water, until it was all soaked up. The desert transformed into a sweet
smelling forest. An unusual sound pricked her ears. Someone was singing. It was such a pretty tune. She found herself
humming along, though she couldn’t recall its name or where she might have
heard it. The sound drew nearer. Leaves stirred, and a white horse emerged into
the clearing, bearing a handsome knight. “Gay is the garland and fresh are the
roses I’ve culled from my garden to bind upon thy brow…”
He stopped before her. “Greetings,
fair maiden. Are you in distress?”
Oddly, Jilly didn’t feel particularly
distressed. “I’m lost, I think. At least I don’t know where I am.”
The corners of his mouth curved
slightly. “Well it seems to me that if you did know where you were, you
wouldn’t be lost, so what is there to think about?”
She supposed that made sense, but it
wasn’t very helpful. “Where am I?”
“Wherever you are, naturally.”
Jilly frowned. What kind of answer was
that? Now he was just having fun with her. She eyed him suspiciously. “Do I
know you?”
The knight looked thoughtful. “It’s
quite likely. The question is do you know who you are?”
How absurd! “Of course I do. I’m…,” she faltered. She
could not remember her name, or anything about herself. Her memory was barren,
like the desert in which she had wandered. A swirling impenetrable darkness
descended upon her, and suddenly she was afraid….
~ * ~
Ben woke
startled to realize he had slept almost six hours. He rose quickly and went to
Jilly’s room. Shaughnessy was gone, but her labors were evident. Jilly, freshly
bathed and dressed in a clean cotton gown that smelled of lavender, her dark
waves brushed smooth except for a few stray curls around her face, looked as
though she might only be sleeping, and her peaceful expression reminded Ben so
much of her mother that his heart ached anew.
~ * ~
...Jilly couldn’t see but she could
hear. Voices. Not phantoms of the wind, these
were real flesh and blood voices, warm and alive with human emotion. They embraced her, dispelling the shadows as
they held her close through the night.
She ceased her wandering and sank into a dreamless sleep….
~ * ~
His daughter’s
tousled hair lay fanned out on the pillow; Ben brushed a damp curl from her
forehead. It was only slightly warm; the fever had broken that morning and
Jilly had opened her eyes after nearly three agonizing days of prayerful vigil
and attendance by her family and the ever-faithful Shaughnessy. It had not been
scarlet fever after all, and though Jilly was understandably weak and would be
confined to bed for a while, Dr. Martin had declared her out of danger. Ben’s
eyes lingered lovingly on the face of the youngest Cartwright, so innocent in
repose. Watching the rhythmic rise and fall of the little chest, the grateful
father thanked God once more for giving him back his child.
* * * * * * * * * *
“You better
watch out Little Joe, she’s gonna beat you this time.”
Joe hunched
over the checkerboard, his face screwed up in thought. “Not this time, Hoss,”
he said, shaking his head. “I’m the man with the plan.” He looked across at
Jilly. “It’s your move, funny face.”
Jilly drummed
on the table as she studied the board. She placed a finger on one of her red
pieces and cast a discreet sideways glance at Adam who was watching from the
sofa. His brow furrowed slightly; she casually withdrew her hand, selecting
another. Adam’s mouth twitched. Jilly
completed the move and smiled over at Joe.
Joe’s expression evolved from concentration to
revelation to glee as he proceeded to jump all but one of her remaining pieces.
He let out a whoop. “Well, I guess that takes care of business! Did you see that Hoss?” he said giddily,
shaking his big brother’s shoulder. He pointed at Jilly. “Hey, she’s speechless
for once!” Then to his sister, in a fit
of giggles, “You should see the look on your face!”
Jilly stared
open-mouthed in disbelief. She turned
slowly to face Adam, now standing behind her. He leaned toward her ear.
“Cheaters never prosper,” he said in a low voice. Then he stood up and stretched. “I think I’ll
turn in now. Goodnight all.” He walked
quickly toward the stairs without looking at Jilly.
“Adam!” she
called.
He twisted
around just in time to duck the apple she had sailed at his head; it glanced
off his shoulder instead. He turned
toward his assailant with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Nobody pelts me with fruit and gets away
with it!”
Jilly tried to
make a break for the door but Adam caught her. “Oh no, you don’t, you’re not
going anywhere!” He picked her up and
slung her over his shoulder as if she was a sack of potatoes. “Pa, what do you
think I should do with her?”
Ben laughed
from behind his newspaper. “You caught her, she’s yours. I think I’ll stay out
of this one.”
“Put me
down!” she yelled.
“You be quiet
up there,” Adam warned her. Then,
winking at his brothers, “What about you fellas? Got any ideas?”
Hoss nudged Joe,
grinning. “There’s plenty of room in the barn, you could haul her out there.”
“Hoss!”
“Well Sissy,
you did try to cheat,” he said apologetically.
“And then she
tried to kill Adam!” Joe chimed in.
“Assault with a deadly apple,” he giggled.
“He tricked
me!” Jilly protested.
“My girl, you
fell victim to your own devious mind. You’re in no position to criticize,” said
Adam.
“She’s in no
position to do anything,” laughed Joe.
“You three
think you’re so funny, don’t you?” she scowled.
“And you
don’t? Well, I know how to make you
laugh,” Adam said. He tossed her onto the settee and reached toward her
menacingly.
“No Adam,
please don’t….” Jilly cowered. In a moment, she convulsed in a fit of laughter
as he tickled her mercilessly. “Help,
help!” she shrieked.
“You heard
the lady, a little help here fellas. I could use some, here, I’ll hold her….”
Adam plopped down beside her and scooped her into his strong arms. She balled
herself up as best she could to protect herself from the onslaught of her brothers
as Joe and Hoss hooted over her head.
“Had enough?”
Adam asked her politely. She let out a breath. “I think that’s a yes, boys,” He
relaxed his grip on her. “Sorry Jilly, but it’s our sworn duty as your brothers
to keep you on the straight and narrow and off the road to perdition. Sure
would hate to see a good girl go bad,” he said winking. “Now behave yourself.”
Jilly
couldn’t help but smile, and he smiled back, really, for the first time in a
long time it seemed, like the Adam she used to know.
Hop Sing
called from the dining room. “You want apple pie, you come eat before Mistah
Hoss and Little Joe finish.”
Adam pulled
her to her feet. “Come on, we’d better hurry.”
“Wait,” she said,
motioning him closer. He leaned over and she kissed him on the cheek.
He smiled.
“What was that for?”
“For the good
times we’ve had together. For being my brother.”
Adam put his
arm around her and gave her a squeeze.
Jilly shook
her head, chuckling.
“What’s
funny?” he asked.
“Road to
perdition, huh? That’s a good one.”
“Yeah, I
thought it was pretty good myself.”
“You sound
more like Pa every day.”
“You take
that back or I’ll tickle you again.”
* * * * * * * * * *
“Hey
everybody, Pa’s home!” called Joe. “Alright, let’s eat. I’m starved!”
“Pa, you made
it back just in time,” laughed Hoss. “I don’t know how much longer we coulda
held Little Joe back from the table.
“Hey, I’m a growin’
boy,” Joe protested good-naturedly, already seated and unfolding his napkin.
Ben chuckled,
shaking his head. His youngest son’s latest growth spurt was a source of
amusement to the family; so far, the only thing that had grown was his
appetite.
Adam took his
seat next to Ben. “Did you get the mail, Pa?”
“Yes, that
book you ordered came in. And speaking of mail, I got a letter from Miles and
Margaret Hightower. Looks like they’ll be paying us a visit soon.”
“Ain’t they
the folks with all them girls?” Hoss asked innocently, grinning at Adam.
Adam rolled
his eyes. Miles Hightower was an old
friend of Pa’s from the army. He and his
wife Margaret had three daughters, Barbara, Alice Ann and Gertrude, called
Trudey. The Hightower girls were well known in
Ben
suppressed a smile. “Well, I hate to disappoint any of you, but apparently
Trudey got married a couple of months ago. So we’ll only have two guests this
time.”
Adam let out
the breath he had been involuntarily holding with such a force that the whole
table erupted in laughter.
“When are
they coming, Pa?” asked Jilly excitedly.
“Day after tomorrow. That doesn’t leave much
time for getting ready. I’ll need you
all to pitch in.”
A lively
discussion of plans and preparations followed. “Company” on the Ponderosa was
always a festive occasion, and Jilly anticipated their guests’ arrival
eagerly. Little did she know how much
her life was about to change.
~*~
“OW!” Adam
flinched as Hoss rubbed bear grease into the stinging wound on his shoulder.
“Sorry,” said
Hoss. “But you ought to know better than to turn your back on a wild mustang.”
“Yeah, Adam,”
said Joe. “What’d you go and do a fool thing like that for?” he asked, his
voice feigning concern while his eyes betrayed amusement.
Adam shot a
dark look at his youngest brother, who seemed to find a sadistic humor in his
uncomfortable situation. He was tired and irritated and soaked in sweat after trying
to get a saddle on that black stallion all morning. The fact that the horse had
bitten him only added insult to injury. (Actually, it was the other way
around.)
“I don’t see
what’s so funny about this. That horse has a devil in him.”
“Sure he does,”
said Joe, a little too agreeably, with a knowing look at Jilly.
“I’m telling
you, he’s got a real mean streak!” said Adam, his voice rising.
“Black Star’s
not mean,” said Jilly defensively. “He’s just scared. How would you feel if
someone took you away from your home and dropped you in a strange place with
strange people? He just needs a friend.”
Adam pointed
a finger at her. “You stay away from that horse.”
Jilly arched
her eyebrows in surprise at his tone. “What do you mean?”
Adam stood
up, buttoning his shirt. She knew exactly what he meant. Jilly and horses were
like ticks on a hound. And she’d already taken it on herself to name this one.
“You heard me. I don’t want you anywhere near that animal until I break him.
He’s dangerous.”
“Adam’s right,
Sissy,” said Hoss over his shoulder. “An animal like that is just plumb
unpredictable.”
“JOSEPH!
JILLIAN!” Pa’s voice bellowed through the open window.
Joe and Jilly
grimaced at each other. They had only half finished mucking the stalls when the
commotion in the corral lured them away.
Joe sighed. “Well, I guess the fun’s all over now. Come on,” he said,
tugging her braid.
Jilly
followed him out the door then ducked her head back in. “I’m really sorry he
bit you, Adam, but you should try being nicer to him next time.” She shut the
door quickly before he could respond.
Adam’s eyes
narrowed. Who did she think she was, telling him how he ought to handle a
horse? “Can you believe that?” he said
to Hoss.
Hoss
shrugged. “Might be worth a try,” he said nonchalantly, avoiding his brother’s
dumbfounded gaze directly.
Adam groaned.
“Suddenly everybody’s a critic” He flexed his shoulder. It was sore, but not
enough to keep him from using it. He nodded his appreciation to Hoss. “Thanks.”
Hoss grinned.
“Anytime, brother.”
Adam leaned
against the porch railing contemplating the unruly beast in the corral. He was
one prime piece of horseflesh all right. Adam decided to give him a wide berth
for a while, and hoped Jilly had sense enough to do the same. She was a smart
girl, but he just couldn’t tell about her sometimes. He hoped today hadn’t
given her any big ideas.
* * * * * * * * * *
Black Star
had been watching Jilly as she worked, but she had tended to her chores
pretending not to notice. Acknowledging him for the first time that morning,
she met his eyes from across the corral as they appraised one another. He was
bigger than
She paused at
the gate but swallowed the urge to open it and go inside. After all, Adam and
Hoss had both warned her to “stay away from that horse,” as if she hadn’t been
around horses her whole life. Jilly sighed. Older brothers were such a bother
sometimes. Lucky for her they weren’t around. Joe and Hoss had gone with Pa to
Jilly hoisted
herself up onto the fence railing and carefully swung her legs over. No harm in
just sitting here, she thought. Besides, Black Star wouldn’t hurt her, no
matter what any of them said. “You just need a friend, don’t you boy?” she said
softly, keeping her eyes on his. She continued to speak to him gently, her
voice barely above a whisper as he watched her. Then slowly, almost
instinctively, she eased herself down inside the corral, one foot on the
ground, then the other.
Black Star
stood motionless. Jilly remained still as well, her hands loose at her side,
palms open. “I’d never hurt you, you know,” she said soothingly. “You
understand me, don’t you?” Jilly took a step forward, then another. The horse
took a step back. “It’s ok, boy. I just
want to be your friend.” She held out her hands cautiously. “See? I’m not here
to hurt you.” She spoke softly, edging closer. Black Star shifted, his ears
relaxed, and Jilly sensed he was not afraid of her. She was near enough to
touch him but decided not to rush the introduction. Suddenly the horse jerked his head up and
tensed his neck, flaring his nostrils and focusing his attention on something
behind her. A voice called her name. Dadburnit, she cursed silently. She hadn’t
heard Adam come home.
“Don’t turn
around, just back up slowly to the fence.”
“But Adam….”
“Not a
word. Just do what I said.”
His voice was
dead calm, but Jilly knew that tone and what lay beneath it, and her stomach
sank like a rock. As she stepped back,
Black Star moved with her, stopping short of the fence.
“Now climb
out of there.”
Jilly kept
her eyes on Black Star as she lifted herself up and over. She’d taken a risk
but figured it would be worth whatever punishment awaited her if she got
caught. Standing in front of her big
brother now, she wasn’t too sure. Adam looked bigger and angrier than she’d
ever seen him.
“What, in
heaven’s name, were you doing in there? I told you yesterday to stay away from
that horse! He could have killed you!”
“But Adam,
didn’t you see…?”
He
interrupted her. “What I saw was a little girl being willfully
disobedient. What’s gotten into you
lately? Every time I turn my back, you’re into some mischief! Well, let me tell
you something, sister, I don’t have time to be a nursemaid,” he said hotly.
Jilly could
feel the color rising in her cheeks. “I don’t need a nursemaid!”
Adam grabbed
her by the shoulders, shaking her. “Then why don’t you grow up?”
“How can I
when everyone around here treats me like a baby!” she retorted.
Adam let go
of her and threw his hands up in the air. “I can’t even talk to you!”
Black Star,
who had been pacing nervously, tossed his head and whinnied. Adam and Jilly watched as he reared up and
delivered a crashing blow to the ground with his powerful forelegs.
Adam scowled.
“Now you tell me honestly, do you really think he’s not dangerous?”
Jilly
squinted up at him. “I think he doesn’t like you yelling at me.”
Adam squeezed
his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, a quirky habit he exhibited
only when he was extremely annoyed or upset. He blew out an exasperated breath.
“All right, we’ll take it inside. After you.”
They
single-filed back to the house in stony silence. Jilly had no defense for her actions, she
knew miserably well. She had gambled and
lost and would just have to take whatever was coming to her. She was not a
baby.
Adam closed
the door and hung his hat on the peg behind it. He turned to Jilly. His eyes
were less angry, more solemn. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. But things are not as
simple as the way you see them. You can’t just go off and do whatever you
please no matter what anybody says. What if everyone did that? The world would
be a pretty messed up place. That’s why we have rules, to protect ourselves and
other people.” He paused and rubbed the back of his head. “I know you didn’t
think Black Star would hurt you, and I’m very thankful he didn’t, but that was
a real possibility you chose to ignore. Suppose he had hurt you, or someone
else who might have had to go in after you? You didn’t think about that, did
you?”
Jilly hung
her head. She honestly had not.
“Well, we
might as well get this over with,” said Adam glumly.
“What?”
“You’re going
to have to be punished, you know that?”
Jilly’s mouth
dropped open when she realized what he meant. It had been quite a while since
she’d been spanked, and that was by Pa, but never by Adam. If she hadn’t
regretted her actions before, she did so now….
“Go get
yourself cleaned up before Pa and the others get home,” said Adam afterwards.
Jilly started
slowly up the stairs, and then she paused and looked back. Adam was pinching
the bridge of his nose again. She wanted to say she was sorry, for truly, she
was, but wounded pride wouldn’t let her. He must have felt her eyes on him,
because he glanced up. The look on his face tore at her heart.
“I never want to do that again, understand?”
His voice sounded strange, almost sad.
All she could
manage was a nod.
“Jilly?”
She turned
around again.
“Put on a
dress.”
~ * ~
Jilly seated
herself gingerly in her chair next to Adam at dinner; he wondered if anyone
else noticed. Pa had been pleased and
proud when she presented herself to Mr. and Mrs. Hightower in her best dress
with her most gracious manners, and they were obviously taken with her. She did
look pretty with her dark hair loose from the braids and tucked behind one ear
with a silver comb. But all afternoon she’d been very subdued, speaking only
when spoken to, and that was not Jilly. Of course, Adam knew why and regretted
the circumstance, but if it kept her on her best behavior, at least some good
would come from it. Still, it bothered him a little that she wouldn’t even make
eye contact with him.
“Pa, would
you please pass the salt?” Jilly asked.
The shaker
was on the table between Ben and Adam. “Your brother is sitting right next to
you; why didn’t you ask him?”
Jilly stared
at her plate but didn’t answer. Adam set the shaker down next to her. “There
you are.”
“Thanks,” she
muttered, not looking at him.
“You’re
welcome,” he replied evenly.
Ben cocked an
eyebrow toward Adam. “Is there something going on that I should know?”
Adam looked
at Jilly. “No, not at all.” He turned to Ben and smiled. “Everything’s fine,
Satisfied,
Ben turned his attention back to Miles and the price of beef in
* * * * * * * * * *
Jilly arrived
at the breakfast table out of breath and fifteen minutes behind everyone
else. She had overslept, again. After
the fever, it seemed a long time before she was back to full steam; some days
she still woke up tired. And last night’s sleep had not come easily. But Pa
expected punctuality at mealtimes, especially with company in the house.
She ignored
Joe’s smug grin as she sat down and looked apologetically at her father.
“Sorry, Pa,” she said meekly, smoothing her hair and pulling her suspender
strap up onto her shoulder. She crossed her fingers that he wouldn’t send her
back upstairs to change into a dress.
Ben regarded
her passively. “Well, we’re just delighted you could join us this morning,
Jilly. Miles, how about some more coffee?”
Jilly
breathed an inward sigh of relief and helped herself to a serving of scrambled
eggs. “Pass the salt, please.”
Adam laughed.
“Why do you always do that?”
“Do what?”
she asked.
“Ask for the
salt before you even taste your food. Maybe it doesn’t need it.”
Jilly
shrugged. “I like salt.”
Here,” said
Joe amiably. “Have all you want.”
“Thanks,” she
said. She turned the shaker upside down and the lid fell onto her plate, along
with half the contents.
Jilly felt
her face go red. “Joe Cartwright! I ought to box your ears for this!”
Joe tried his
best to look innocent. “I didn’t do anything!”
“You’re a
flannel-mouth liar!” she said, swatting him on the side of the head.
“Jillian!”
said Ben. “Mind your manners and your tongue, young lady!”
“But Pa, he
ruined my breakfast!”
Ben glowered
at Joe. “Joseph, what on earth possessed you to do such a thing?”
“Pa, it must
be broken I guess….” Joe said weakly, rubbing the side of his head.
Adam picked
up the shaker and screwed the lid on tightly.
“Seems all right to me.”
Ben frowned.
“Since the two of you don’t seem to know how to conduct yourselves in front of
company, you can just finish your breakfast in the kitchen.”
“Now Pa, that
don’t hardly seem fair…” said Hoss. “…punishin’ poor old Hop Sing like that.”
“I’m finished
anyway, Pa,” said Joe.
“I’m not
hungry anymore,” Jilly said crossly.
“QUIET!” Ben
closed his eyes and looked to Jilly as though he were praying for what he
frequently called Almighty Guidance. She and Joe sat very still with their
hands in their laps and waited. When he spoke again his voice was lower but
just as firm. “I want the two of you to apologize to Mr. and Mrs. Hightower for
your behavior this morning.”
“Sorry ma’am.
Sorry sir,” said Joe sheepishly to their guests, whose collective gaze focused
on Jilly.
“Me too,” said Jilly, blushing further under
their scrutiny.
“Now to each
other,” said Ben.
Jilly glared
at her brother. This was his fault. She’d only given him what he deserved for
that little prank. But she’d never get out of there without an apology, and
that’s all she wanted to do at the moment. “Sorry,” she mumbled grudgingly.
“Likewise,”
he muttered, rolling his eyes.
“All right,”
said Ben calmly. “You may be excused. Go do something…constructive, hmm?”
The two
bolted for the door like a pair of jackrabbits, but Jilly turned and ran back
to the table, grabbing the biscuit from her plate before she was off again.
Adam and Hoss grinned at each other; Ben just shook his head. “There go the two
main reasons why I have all this gray hair,” he said jokingly to his guests.
“It’s not always easy keeping them reined in. I hope you’ll excuse them.”
“My word…” said Margaret whispered to her
husband. “Did you see...?”
He nodded. “Incredible.”
Margaret
quickly recovered herself. “Oh Ben, we’re used to children, young girls
especially.” Her blue-gray eyes crinkled in a smile. “We think Jilly is
lovely…she reminds us so much of our Claire.”
Ben looked
puzzled. “Claire?”
“Claire was
our second oldest,” Miles explained, “a year behind Barbara. She died when she
was just about Jilly’s age. Typhoid.”
Ben’s eyes softened
in sympathy. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s all
right, really,” said Miles. “We often talk about her; it’s our way of keeping
her close to us.” He smiled at his wife and she patted his hand. “The others
are grown and gone now, but Claire will always be our little girl. She could be full of pepper sometimes,” he
laughed softly, “but a sweeter child never walked the earth.”
Ben nodded
his understanding, smiling. “Sugar and spice.”
“Don’t forget
the salt,” Adam said wryly. He raised the shaker in a mock toast. “To young
girls everywhere.”
The others
laughed in unison. “Here, here!” said Miles heartily.
~ * ~
That evening
after supper, the family gathered in the great room. Ben handed Miles a
brandy. “Would you like some coffee,
Margaret?” he asked politely.
“No thank you
Ben. My hands are already occupied.” She held up a delicate weave of pastel
yarns.
“What are you
making?” Jilly asked, sitting down next to her.
“I’m
crocheting a blanket for my next grandchild.” Alice Ann was due to give birth
in a couple of months. Margaret smiled at Jilly. “Would you like me to show you
how?”
Jilly nodded.
Margaret gave her a crochet hook and some yarn and guided her hands through
several steps until she had made a chain. “There you go. See how easy it is?”
“Look, Pa!”
she said, beaming. Ben smiled at her delight.
“My, what
lovely long fingers you have,” said Margaret. “A musician’s hands if I’ve ever
seen any. What I wouldn’t give for a pair like that.”
“Do you play,
Margaret?” asked Ben.
Miles answered.
“My wife is quite an accomplished pianist. She taught all of our girls.”
I could teach
you too,” Margaret said to Jilly. “Why, I bet you’d pick it up in no time. Here
let me show you something else….”
Ben watched the
two of them on the couch together with a fresh pang from an old wound. Marie.
He had long ago mourned the loss of his third wife; now he mourned the loss of
Jilly’s mother, realizing how much their daughter had missed growing up without
her.
* * * * * * * * * *
Hoss loaded
the last of the luggage into the buggy. “Mr. Hightower, I reckon we’d better
get goin’ if you’re gonna make that stage.”
Miles shook
Ben’s hand warmly. “We’ve had a delightful time, old friend. The Ponderosa is
spectacular and you’ve been a most gracious host.”
Ben smiled.
“It’s been wonderful seeing the both of you again. I’m just sorry you couldn’t
stay longer.”
“Well, so am
I,” said Miles. “A man could get used to a place like this. But duty
calls. And if I don’t get to that board
meeting who knows what that sniverblot
“Miles,
really!” said Margaret disapprovingly
“Sorry dear.”
He winked at Ben, laughing. Then he turned to Jilly. “Young lady, I just want
to say that I have enjoyed the pleasure of your company immensely. Wait a
minute; I think there’s something behind your ear…what’s this?” He held up a gold dollar.
“How did you
do that?” she asked, wide-eyed.
“It’s a trade
secret among bankers, I’m afraid I’m under a solemn oath not to reveal it to
anyone else,” he grinned, handing her the coin.
Margaret
kissed her on the cheek. “We hope you’ll visit us in
“Oh, yes ma’am,”
she nodded enthusiastically.
“God bless
you, Ben,” said Margaret, embracing him. “We’ll look forward to hearing from
you, soon I hope.”
Ben put his
arm around Jilly as they waved their farewells, his thoughts on the
conversation earlier that morning…
“Ben, Margaret and I have a
proposition for you,” said Miles, “and we sincerely hope you’ll consider it
once you get over the shock.”
Margaret looked excited. “We stayed up
late last night discussing it, and we think it would be a great opportunity for
Jilly, and helpful to you.”
“We’d like for Jilly to come and live
with us in
Ben was too stunned to speak. Margaret
took his hand. “I know you weren’t expecting this Ben, but think of what it
would mean for Jilly. She’d have an excellent education, all the cultural
advantages of the city, plus she’d have a mother to take care of her. I know
you’re a wonderful father,” she said gently, “but even you can’t give her that.
And at her age she needs a mother more than ever before.”
“I…I don’t know what to say,” Ben
stammered. Such a decision had always seemed far in the future; he hadn’t
foreseen having to make it so soon. He didn’t know if he was ready.
“Ben, we don’t expect an answer right
away. Of course you need to time to think about it.” Miles put his hand on
Ben’s shoulder. “I don’t envy you, my friend. I know how hard it is to let go
of a daughter. But I promise you we would love and care for her as one of our
own.”
Ben had no doubts of that. Miles and
Margaret were two of his dearest and most trusted friends. But he needed time
to think, and he would talk to Adam of course. He had to be sure that whatever
decision he made was the best one for Jilly….
“Pa, didn’t
you hear me?” asked Jilly.
“Hmm?”
“I said,
what’s a sniverblot?”
He ruffled
her hair and chuckled. “I’ll explain it to you later.”
~*~
That night
Ben told Adam about the Hightowers’ offer. “What do you think, son?”
Adam traced
the rim of his coffee cup with his forefinger, his brows drawn together in thought.
Like his father, he had known this day would come. But he hadn’t expected the
decision to be dropped so quickly into their laps out of the blue. He leaned back in his chair and sighed. “Pa, I think you should say yes.”
Ben looked at
him gravely. “You really think so?”
“It’s never
going to be easy, is it?” he said. “But this way she’ll be with people we know,
friends who really care for her. And she’ll only be in
“It will have
to be soon, you know that?”
Adam nodded.
Yes, he knew. Summer was almost over. In order for Jilly to begin the new
school term she would need to be in
“Well, I
guess it’s settled then,” said Ben, rising wearily. “I’ll talk to Jilly in the
morning. No sense putting it off.”
“Do you want
me with you?”
Ben shook his
head. “No, I think I’d better talk to her alone. She might not take it well,
and maybe it will be easier for her if there’s no one else around.”
Adam wondered
if his father knew what he was in for.
Somehow, he doubted it. Poor
In a lighter
moment, Adam might have laughed at the irony of the situation. Margaret Hightower had finally snagged a
Cartwright, one nobody would have ever guessed.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Jilly, come
and sit down for a minute. I’d like to talk to you about something,” said Ben.
Uh-oh,
thought Jilly. She wondered if Adam had told him about the incident with Black
Star. “Am I in trouble?” she asked timidly.
“No, of
course not sweetheart.” Ben leaned forward and patted her knee. Jilly looked at
him expectantly. He furrowed his brow and paused as if it was difficult to form
his thoughts into words, and then he smiled. “Mr. And Mrs. Hightower have
invited you to visit them in
“Oh Pa, could
we? When?”
“Soon, very
soon,” said Ben. “They’d like for you to stay a while.”
Jilly’s face
fell. “But it’s almost time for school.”
Ben
hesitated. “Well, um, you could go to school in
Jilly wasn’t
sure she liked the turn this conversation was taking. “Oh, but I wouldn’t be
staying that long.” She met her father’s
eyes warily, disturbed by his hesitation. “You don’t mean stay there and go to
school in
“Well, for a
while, just to see how you like it,” said Ben. “And I’m sure you will,” he
added brightly.
“How can you
think I would like it,” she protested, “leaving my home and my family to go
live with strangers in a strange town!”
“Honey, Miles
and Margaret aren’t strangers. They’re some of our oldest and dearest friends,”
said Ben reassuringly.
Jilly was not
reassured in the least. “They’re your friends, not mine.”
Ben sighed
and ran his fingers through his hair. He took her small hands in his. “Jilly,
please, I want you to listen to me very carefully. You’re my child, my only
daughter, and I love you more than life itself. I would never choose to have
you apart from me for one minute if I didn’t truly believe it was for your own
good. This is a wonderful opportunity for you, and it would be selfish of me
not to let you go. I’ve talked it over with Adam and he agrees with me.”
Adam. Jilly
fumed. She might have known he had something to do with this.
Ben kept
talking, cajoling, entreating, everything he could think of to persuade her,
but it was as if a stone wall had gone up in front of Jilly’s heart and she
would not be moved. Finally, he gave up.
“Jilly, I’m sorry you feel the way you do but I’ve made my decision
because I feel it’s best for you. Believe me when I say this is going to be
hard for all of us. And you can make it harder or you can make it easier. It’s
up to you.”
That was it
then. No further discussion. Jilly was defeated. Hot tears coursed down her
cheeks; she could hardly bear to look at her father. “May I be excused?” she
asked haltingly. Ben nodded.
She ran
blindly from the room and literally, into Hoss, who had just walked in with
Adam. “Whoa Sissy, where’s the fire?” he chuckled.
Jilly ignored
his playful comment and whirled on her oldest brother, her dark eyes brimming.
“You talked Pa into sending me away! He always listens to you. Well, you got your wish, and I hope it makes
you happy to know that you’re ruining my life! How could you do this to me?”
Adam reached
for her but she pulled away. “I don’t want you,” she said coldly. “I wish I’d
never been born into this family!” Jilly raced up the stairs sobbing, her angry
steps punctuated by the slam of a door.
Hoss was
visibly shaken. “Adam, what in the world was she talkin’ about?”
Adam tried
not to show it, but he felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. He didn’t
trust his own voice long enough to explain. “Ask Pa,” he said stiffly, shutting
the door behind him.
~ * ~
Jilly lay on
her bed feeling as though her entire world had crumbled at her feet. It seemed
like a bad dream. Maybe if she closed her eyes for a while everything would be
okay when she opened them again. But she knew better. Pa was sending her to
~ * ~
“Anybody know
what’s eatin’ older brother?” Joe stood in the doorway with an irritated frown.
“I just asked him a simple question and he nearly bit my head off!”
Ben motioned
him inside. Hoss shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor.
“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” asked Joe.
Ben explained
the situation with Jilly though somewhat daunted by the mounting anxiety in his
youngest son’s face.
“I can’t
believe this!” said Joe heatedly. “How can you just send her away?”
“Hush up,
Little Joe. You’re not helpin’ anything,” said Hoss. “You know Pa is only doin’
what he thinks is best.”
“I don’t know
how anyone can think it’s best to ship her off to live with strangers. Pa, this
is Jilly we’re talkin’ about. We’re her family, not the Hightowers!” Joe’s eyes
filled. “You always said we take care of our own.”
Ben put a
hand on Joe’s shoulder. “Son, I know how you feel. I know you’d do anything in the
world for Jilly. We all would. But she needs things we simply can’t give her.
Should we be selfish, keep her here and deny her those things just because we’d
all miss her?”
Joe’s bottom
lip trembled. “It just feels wrong. It doesn’t seem fair.”
Ben sighed.
“Joe, as you get older I’m afraid you’ll find there’s so little in life that is
fair, and so many painful decisions as a result. Sometimes we have to sacrifice
what we want for what’s necessary,” he said quietly. “It’s not easy giving up
today for tomorrow. But the best way is often the hardest.”
~ * ~
Ben knocked
softly on Jilly’s door but got no answer, so he opened it and peered inside.
She lay curled up on the bed clutching a gold frame to her chest. Ben sat down
gently beside her and removed it from her grasp. The beautiful woman in the
picture smiled up at him, as though she were poised to laugh. How he loved that
laugh. His daughter had the same one.
“Pa?”
He smiled
down at her. “Well now, you’ve been asleep a long time. Are you feeling better?”
“I don’t
know,” she moaned. “Everything feels all turned around and upside down, like I
don’t fit in my own skin anymore. Pa, what’s wrong with me?”
Her father
patted her hand. “Sweetheart, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just
growing up, that’s all. Sometimes it hurts.”
Jilly sat up.
“Why do things have to change? Why can’t they just stay the same?”
“That’s the
way of life,” he said, putting his arm around her. “Nothing ever stays the
same. A new day dawns every twenty-four hours, different from the one before.
And every day we grow and change too, the way God intended. Time doesn’t stand
still, and neither do we.”
She looked
mournfully at him. “But it’s so sad.”
He nodded.
“Yes, sometimes it is. But it can also be happy. Change can be a good thing,
though sometimes you don’t see that until you’ve had a chance to walk down the
road and look back from a distance.”
Jilly traced
her finger around the face in the frame. “Things would be different if my
mother was here.”
“Yes, things
would be different for all of us.” He
sighed, remembering his beloved Marie, and how happy she was when Jilly was
born, and all the hopes and dreams she held for her little girl. “But since she’s not here, we just have to do
the best we can. I know in my heart what she would want for you. And I don’t
intend to let her down.” Ben looked at her solemnly. “I’m your father, Jilly. I
make the decisions for this family, not Adam. Do you understand?”
She lowered
her eyes. “Yes sir.”
Ben held her as
she sobbed softly against him. “It’s alright, darling,” he whispered through
his own tears. “Everything will be alright, you’ll see.” After a few moments cleared his throat and
kissed the top of her head. “Why don’t you get yourself washed up for supper?
Your brothers don’t want to eat without you.”
~ * ~
Supper was a
dismal affair in Adam’s opinion. He had apologized to Joe for snapping at him
earlier, but the boy moped through the entire meal, obviously upset over their
sister’s impending departure. Pa and Hoss made valiant attempts at
light-hearted conversation but the mood at the table quickly dispelled their
efforts. He himself hadn’t helped any, but he just couldn’t think of anything
to say. Jilly hardly touched her food, even though Hop Sing had prepared her
favorite, chicken and dumplings. When he asked her why she wasn’t eating, she
burst into tears and asked to be excused. The four of them finished quickly in
silence, and Adam had welcomed the chance to relieve himself of further company
by tending to the stock.
A full August
moon hung high in a blanket of stars, and a whisper of a breeze stirred the
fragrance of lilac. Drawn outdoors on such nights, Adam lingered on the porch
in the velvety stillness as the house behind him slowly darkened.
The front
door creaked, and he turned to see a lithe figure clad in a nightgown. “Hey,
what are you doing up? I thought you went to bed a long time ago.”
“I couldn’t
sleep,” said Jilly. “I’ve been waiting for you to come in. I wanted to talk to
you.”
He patted the
step next to him. She sat down. “What’s on your mind, kid?” he asked.
Jilly
regarded him sorrowfully. “You know.”
Adam brushed
a strand of hair from her face. “Yeah, I suppose I do.”
“I’m sorry I
said those things to you this morning. It was wicked of me. I don’t know why I
said them. You must think I’m horrible,” she said pitifully.
He smiled
sympathetically. “Not even close. You were just upset.”
“Don’t try to
make me feel better. I know I’m awful sometimes. You said yourself I’m always into
mischief.”
“Well, you
can be a pain in the Ponderosa sometimes.” He nudged her jokingly. “But no one
around here thinks you’re horrible, least of all me.” He put his arm around
her. “I know you,” he said softly.
“Jilly, it’s alright to be scared.”
She looked up
at him. “What makes you think I’m scared?”
“Well, it
would be the most natural thing in the world, to feel that way the first time
you leave home. I was.”
“You?”
He could tell
she didn’t believe him. “Yes, me.”
“I can’t
picture you ever being scared. You’re always so brave,” she said.
“People have
funny ideas about bravery sometimes. Did you ever think about how much courage
it takes to do something that scares you?”
“Didn’t you
want to go?”
“Yes I did.
But I was still scared. I didn’t know a soul where I was going, and it was a
long way from
“Huh?”
“Pick one.”
“Hmm…that
one,” she said, pointing.
”Which one?”
“Down from
the North Star, second to the left.”
“I see it,”
he said. “Okay, it’s yours.”
She
half-smiled. “You’re giving me a star?”
“I thought
maybe we could share it,” he said. “And whenever you look at it, you can think of
me thinking of you, and I’ll do the same. Deal?”
The half
smile became a full grin. “Deal,” she said. Then she turned serious again.
“Adam…what if they don’t like me in
He studied
her face, bathed in moon glow, starlight reflecting in her eyes. “My girl,” he
said tenderly, “you might worry about some things, but that should never be one
of them. Trust me.”
She shivered
slightly and he pulled her closer, rubbing her shoulder. “Cold? Should we go
inside?”
Jilly nestled
under his arm and shut her eyes. “Not yet. I like it here.”
Adam leaned
his head against hers. “Me too.”
* * * * * * * * * *
“Wake up,
sunshine! You ain’t plannin’ to sleep all day, are ya?”
Jilly opened
her eyes to the sight of her big brother’s smiling face bent over her. “What
time is it?” she asked sleepily.
“It’s nearly
seven o’clock,” said Hoss, straightening up. “I figured we better get an early
start before it gets too hot.”
“Too hot for
what?” She sat up and yawned.
“For fishin’
of course. We had a date from way back, remember? Now I got us a picnic all
packed so we can have our breakfast down at the creek. You hurry up and get
dressed,” he said good-naturedly. “You’d look a might strange fishin’ in your
nightgown.”
Sunlight
dappled through the majestic Ponderosa pines, their scent invigorating the
crisp early morning air. Jilly closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Sitting
beside her brother as he skillfully maneuvered the buckboard through the trees,
both of them laughing as he sang, “Where have you been, Billy boy?” in his
playful, inimitable fashion, the world seemed carefree, without fears or
worries. If only it could stay this way, she thought longingly.
“Whoa,” said Hoss, pulling up on the reins as they
neared a clearing. Jilly looked at him questioningly. They were nowhere near
the creek. “I thought we might stop here
for a few minutes. I wanna show you somethin’.”
They climbed
out of the buckboard and ascended the rise of a small hill. When they reached
the crest, Jilly gasped at the scenery below, a view she had never seen before,
a stunning panorama of sky, trees and mountains reflected in brilliant
blue-green waters.
“It does
kinda take your breath away, don’t it?” said Hoss, putting his hand on her
shoulder.
Jilly nodded
in appreciation. “Can we have our breakfast here?”
Hoss grinned.
“I was hopin’ you’d say that.”
They spread
out a blanket and unloaded the picnic basket of ham, biscuits, potatoes, fruit
and some of Hop Sing’s delicious powdered doughnuts. Jilly laughed at the
quantity of food Hoss had packed but soon realized she was hungrier than she
thought, and together they made a sizable dent in the supply by the end of the
meal.
Afterwards,
Hoss lay on his back, hands beneath his head, eyes half-closed. Jilly sat
facing the lake, her knees hugged to her chest, entranced by the view. Surely, there was no more beautiful place in
the whole world than this one, right here in her own backyard. How could there
possibly be?
“I dreamed
about my mother last night,” Jilly said pensively, staring into the distance.
Hoss squinted
one eye at her. “What about her?” he asked, settling on his elbows.
“I don’t
know. I mean, I don’t really remember anything about my dream except that she
was there. I couldn’t see her face, but I know it was her,” she said, plucking
idly at some grass. “I suppose if I did
see her face, it would be the one from the picture.” She paused. “I guess it’s
sad, but that’s all she is, just a picture in a frame. I don’t have any
memories of her. All my memories are of
you and Pa and Joe and Adam,” she murmured. “You’re all I know, you and the
Ponderosa.” She met his sympathetic gaze
with tears in her eyes. “Hoss, I don’t know if I’m ready to go away.”
He sat up and
moved closer to her, his expression pained and full of concern. “Sissy, I know
this is hard for you, but I also know Pa would never let you do anything that
would hurt you.” He put an arm around
her. “Now I’m not smart like him and
Adam, and I don’t know much, but I do know a thing or two about animals. You
take baby birds, for instance,” he said. “They don’t know they can fly, even
though they’re born to it. But that old
mama bird, she just pushes ‘em out one day, ‘cause she knows they’re ready.
It’s probably a shock at first, but can you imagine how they must feel when
they find out they’ve got wings? Instead of hittin’ the ground they go soarin’
off into the sky.” His blue eyes sparkled. “I reckon that’s how it is with some
people. Sometimes they need a little push to help ‘em realize what they can
do.” He smiled down at her lovingly. “I
think a gal like you could do almost anything.”
Jilly wiped
her eyes, smiling in return. Whenever
Hoss said he didn’t know much, he usually ended up saying something wise in a
way she could easily understand. “I
don’t know about that,” she said, hugging him, “but I think you’re one of the
smartest people I know.”
“Me? Aw
shucks,” Hoss blushed at the compliment, grinning from ear to ear. “Well, I
guess we better get a move on if we’re gonna do any fishin’ today,” he said,
putting on his hat. “I’m feelin’ pretty lucky, how ‘bout you?”
Jilly had to
admit, at the moment she felt like she was probably one of the luckiest people
on earth.
~ * ~
Their luck didn’t
extend to fishing though, at least not until the end of the day. And it was
Jilly who turned out to be the lucky one.
Hoss whistled in admiration at the size of the trout on the end of
Jilly’s line. “Don’t that beat all?
We’ve been out here all day without a bite and just about the time we’re ready
to pack up and leave, you go and land Ol’ Jake!”
“Who?”
“Ol’
Jake. I’ve nearly caught him several
times myself, but he’s a smart ole dodger, always managed to get away from me,”
said Hoss, shaking his head. “Yes sir,
he’s been real lucky, right up until today.”
The sight of
the big fish, struggling before her, touched Jilly’s heart. She looked
plaintively at Hoss. “Could we put him back?”
His face
registered surprise. “You really wanna do that?”
Jilly’s eyes
went back to Ol’ Jake. “Yeah, I do,” she said softly. “Seems like he’s lived
here a long time. Let’s just let him go home.”
Hoss unhooked
the prize catch and looked the fish square in the eye. “All right, you ornery
cuss, looks like this was your lucky day after all. But you watch out next
time,” he hollered, tossing him into the water, “‘cuz if I catch ya, it’s for
dang sure I ain’t throwin’ ya back!”
On the way
back to the house, they stopped at the corral. “Looks like Black Star’s gettin’
used to his new home,” said Hoss as they watched Adam slip the bridle over the
stallion’s head with no resistance.
“Maybe,” said
Jilly, climbing onto the railing, though she thought to herself, a person might
get used to a toothache, that didn’t mean he liked it. “But I bet he misses his
old one.”
Adam led the
horse over to them. “So how was the fishing?”
“Sissy caught
a big’un,” Hoss said grinning, “but she was in too generous a mood to keep
him.”
“Is that a
fact?” A smile played on Adam’s lips. “Here,” he said to her. “I thought you
might want to say hello to your friend.”
“Don’t you
mean goodbye?” Jilly stroked Black Star’s nose. “I’m leaving tomorrow, you
know,” she said solemnly.
Her brothers
exchanged glances over her head.
“I guess you’ll
be selling him now that he’s broken,” she lamented.
Adam patted
the stallion’s neck. “Well, that was what we had planned, but Hoss and I talked
it over and decided to keep him. He’s sort of grown on me, now that we’ve
reached a mutual understanding. Besides,” he said casually, “pretty soon you’re
going to outgrow that pony of yours. We thought you might like to have this
one.”
Jilly’s eyes
went wide. She looked from one face to the other mutely.
Hoss winked
at her. Adam chuckled. “Hoss, I think we stumped her. She can’t think of
anything to say.” He leaned over and
chucked her under the chin. “Better close your mouth before the flies get in.”
It was almost too much on this last day. Jilly
swallowed hard. “Can I ride him?” she asked hoarsely.
Adam shook
his head. “I don’t think you’re ready for each other yet,” he said gently. “But
when you are, he’ll be here.”
Hoss smiled.
“We’ll take good care of him for ya.”
“Did you hear
that, boy?” she murmured, leaning her head against his. “You’re gonna be mine.
How about that?” Black Star nodded as if in agreement to the arrangement.
Hoss laughed.
“Come on, doll face, let’s go get cleaned up. I’m as hungry as a bear!” He
patted her on the back as she fell in beside him.
“Hold on,”
Adam called after her, “I think you dropped something.” He bent down and
retrieved an object from the ground. It was a small bottle filled with dirt.
“What’s this?” he asked, examining it curiously before handing it back to her.
Jilly took it
from his hand and wiped it with her sleeve before returning it to her shirt
pocket. “Nothing really,” she said, not looking at him. “Just home.”
~ * ~
Jilly emerged
from the bathhouse, refreshed by the long soak she in which she had indulged
herself.
“Well, it’s
about time!” Joe sounded as irritated as he looked.
“Oh, did you
need in there?” she asked innocently. “I thought you had a bath last month.”
“Very funny,”
he said, making a face at her. “For your information, I had one yesterday, miss
smarty pants.”
“Then what are
you whining about?” she asked, laughing at his annoyance.
“I just
wanted to talk to you,” Joe said sullenly. “You were gone all day.”
Immediately
Jilly regretted her flippancy toward him. “Sorry,” she said, smiling. “I’m here
now.” She sat on the step and looked up at him. “What do you wanna talk about?”
Joe cleared
his throat and looked a little uncomfortable.
“Um, here, I got you a present.”
He held out an object wrapped in a dark green bandana.
Jilly untied
the knot and grinned when she saw the contents. “How thoughtful,” she said,
holding it up. “My very own salt shaker.”
“And I made
real sure the lid fits good and tight,” he said, pointing to the top.
She smiled at
him. “Thanks, Joe.”
He sat down
beside her, his green eyes serious. “I’m really gonna miss you, funny face.”
Jilly bit her
lip. She could feel the sting of tears but she did not want to cry. If she did,
Joe was bound to, and that would only make things worse. Besides, they had time
yet before goodbye. “Probably not half
as much as I’ll miss you, little brother” she said affectionately. “But first
we’re gonna have a great time together in
“You bet we
are!” exclaimed Joe, slapping his knee. “I can’t wait to see the
Jilly laughed
out loud. Next to his sense of humor, the thing she admired most about this
brother was his unsinkable optimism. She was more than thankful they would have
these next few days together. “If you think Pa’s gonna let you anywhere near
that place you probably think pigs can fly.”
He shrugged
his shoulders. “Well, a fella can dream, can’t he? By the way, that’s my new
neck cloth,” he said, referring to the bandana in her hand.
“It is? Gee,
thanks, it’s real nice.”
“Jilly, it’s
not part of the gift.”
“But you gave
it to me, Joe.”
“I didn’t
mean to…I just used it for wrapping. You can give it back now if you don’t
mind.”
“Oh, but I do
mind. I think I’ll just keep it.” She
stood up to go.
“Hey, I paid
$2.00 for that!”
“Well if you
want it, you’ll have to catch me,” she said over her shoulder as she took off
running.
Shouts and
laughter lured Ben to the window. He smiled, watching the two playful
youngsters through misty eyes. It was moments like this he knew he would miss
so much after tomorrow.
~ * ~
Exhaustion
finally overtook Jilly at supper; Adam caught her just as she was about to
tumble out of her chair. He carried her
upstairs to her room and laid her on the bed.
Her bags were mostly packed, he noted, except for a few things laid out
on her dresser, among them the picture of her mother, the silver comb he had
given her, a hairbrush and ribbons, her little bottle of “Ponderosa” and an
empty salt shaker (which he thought was rather odd, but funny). He covered her
with the blanket and lingered for a moment, watching her sleep, something that
had become a habit for him every night since she had the fever. The thought
entered his mind that this was the last night, but he forced it away. Not now,
he told himself. Don’t think. Better get to bed. Tomorrow’s a long ride. He leaned over and kissed her. He regretted
he wouldn’t be here when she woke up but it couldn’t be helped; he only hoped
she would understand.
* * * * * * * * * *
Jilly stood
in front of the mirror, critically appraising her appearance. She wasn’t used
to wearing a bonnet, and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to stand it all the
way to
Ben appeared
behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “You’re a beautiful young lady,
even more so when you smile.” He smiled
at her reflection, and she obliged him in return. “It’s time to go,” he said softly. “Are you ready?”
She took one
last look around the room that had been hers for the past eleven years. Don’t
cry, she said to herself, not here, not now. She took a deep breath. “I think
so,” she said to her father. “Yes.”
Joe and Hoss
were waiting for them outside along with Hop Sing. Jilly turned to the cook. “Goodbye, Hop Sing,” she said sadly. “You won’t forget me, will you?”
“Hop Sing
watch Missy grow from little tiny baby,” he said solemnly, folding his hands in
front of him and bowing to her. “Nevah
forget.” He dabbed at his eyes with his
apron as he waved goodbye.
Jilly waved
back, watching him grow smaller and smaller, along with the house she grew up
in, until both disappeared from view.
~ * ~
“I can’t wait
any longer, Mr. Cartwright, I got a schedule to meet,” said Charley.
“I
understand,” said Ben to the driver. “I guess Adam must have been detained.
Come on, Jilly, we’d better get aboard.”
Joe bounced inside the coach, impatient for
the journey to begin. “Hurry up, funny face, you’re holding up the stage!” he
yelled out the window.
Jilly
couldn’t bear the thought of leaving without saying goodbye to her oldest
brother. She looked anxiously at Hoss.
“Why isn’t he here? Do you suppose something happened to him?”
Hoss bent
down to comfort her. “Sissy, don’t worry about Adam, he can take care of
himself. He said he’d be here; there must be a really good reason why he
ain’t.” He caressed her cheek. “We’re
gonna come see ya in San Francisco first chance we get, and we’ll have us a big
ol’ time, I can promise ya that.”
Jilly wrapped
her arms around his neck and buried her face in his broad shoulder, stifling a
sob. “I love you, Hoss.”
Hoss held her
gently, patting her back. “I love you too, Sissy,” he whispered huskily, “more
than you’ll ever know.” After a few seconds, he pulled himself apart from her,
slowly, as though it hurt, and dried her tears with his handkerchief. Then he walked her over to the stage where
Joe was hanging out the window. “Little Joe, you better behave yourself in the
big city,” he warned.
“Don’t you
worry about me Hoss, you just make sure Hop Sing doesn’t catch you in the
kitchen,” laughed Joe.
Hoss turned
to Ben, “Don’t worry about nothin’ ‘round here Pa. Me an’ Adam’ll take good of
everything while you’re gone.”
Ben smiled.
“I know you will, son. I just wish Adam had gotten here in time to see Jilly
off.”
“Me too,
Ben clapped
him on the back in farewell and climbed into the seat next to Jilly. Hoss
closed the door and stepped back as the stage began to roll. Jilly waved from the window, looking forlorn.
Hoss held up his hand in return, watching through blurry eyes until she was out
of sight.
They had no
sooner pulled out of town before Joe began poking around in the picnic basket
Hop Sing had generously stocked for the trip.
“Go easy on that food, Little Joe,” Ben laughed. “I’m sure Hop Sing
intended for it to last at least until we get to
Joe, taking full advantage of the fact the
three Cartwrights were the only passengers on the stage, lounged lazily on the
opposite seat with a half-eaten drumstick “Hey Pa, I’m a growin’ boy,” he
grinned, mumbling through a mouthful of chicken.
Jilly
acknowledged their bantering with a polite smile, but her mind was somewhere
else, wherever Adam was. She leaned her
head against the side of the coach and stared bleakly at the road stretched out
behind them, the road that led back to the only home she had ever known and all
the people she loved.
A rider
appeared around the bend, apparently in a great hurry, Jilly mused. There was
something familiar in the horse’s gait.
She leaned out for a better look, and her heart leaped into her throat.
“STOP!” she cried to the driver. “You have to stop NOW!”
Ben caught
his daughter by the waist for fear she would topple out the window. “Jillian!
What in the world do you think you’re doing?” he demanded.
“Pa, it’s
Adam! Tell him to stop!”
Ben peered
down the road at the approaching rider, and then bellowed up to Charley. The
surprised driver had no idea what was going on, but he instinctively responded
to Ben’s authoritative manner. The
horses slowed.
Jilly wasted
no time waiting for the stage to come to a full stop before she hit the ground
running.
“You came,”
she said breathlessly.
Adam
dismounted. “Did you really think I wouldn’t?” He regarded her with a mock
frown, shaking his head. “You do have a lot to learn, kid.”
Jilly smiled
up at him, her eyes glistening. “I’ll learn, Adam. I’ll learn everything.”
The corners
of his mouth curved slightly. “Well, don’t get too smart. I wouldn’t want you
to change too much because there are some things I like about you.” He reached into his vest pocket. “I have
something for you. Close your eyes.”
Jilly obeyed.
Adam placed something in her palm. She
opened her eyes, and the tears that had been welling there had no course but to
fall. Unable to speak at first, when she did find her voice it came in a
whisper. “Your mother’s locket.” She looked at him incredulously.
“The chain
was broken,” he explained. “I asked Mr. Kaufman to get a new one for me in
“Adam,” she
hesitated, “are you sure you want me to have this?”
He drank in
the earnest young face before him -- the luminous eyes, the cupid’s bow mouth, the
sometimes defiant chin with the cleft like his own – and wondered how many
hearts lay somewhere in the world destined to be broken by it. Quite a few, he imagined.
“Oh yes, I’m
sure.” He took the locket and fastened it around her neck, fumbling a little
because his fingers were shaking. “You’re the first girl I ever loved, Jilly,”
he said softly. “You’ve had my heart since the day you were born. And no matter
where you go, no matter where I go, that will never change.”
She looked at
him soberly. “I promise I’ll make you proud of me, Adam.”
He drew his
thumb across her cheek, wiping a tear. “You don’t have to do that, my girl. I
already am.”
Jilly threw
her arms around him. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”
He squeezed
his eyes shut and held her tightly. “Then we won’t,” he whispered.
Ben, who had
been watching them both with enormous fatherly pride, sniffed and cleared his
throat, signaling the need for their departure.
Adam smiled
down at her. “Well, I guess you can’t
keep
Jilly
grinned. “I won’t forget.” The stage lurched forward. She leaned out the
window. “I love you, Adam!”
He waved her
off and watched the stage vanish through the trees with more than a bit of an
ache in his chest, knowing that the little girl who was leaving on it would not
be coming back. There was no reason to will back the tears any longer. “So
long, Jilly,” he whispered. “Goodbye, kid.”
~ * ~
Jilly
fingered the gift around her neck lovingly, smiling once more at the thought of
the giver. She would miss her family, but they would always be a part of each
other no matter what. The ties that bound them irrevocably extended far beyond
the edges of the Ponderosa; they were stronger than time or distance, as deep
as eternity itself.
A rumbling
snore from her father beside her brought Jilly back to herself. She and Joe
looked at each other and grinned. “I think you’ve had that seat to yourself
long enough, little brother. Scoot over and hand me that picnic basket before
you eat everything in it.”
Joe held up
his hands in friendly protest. “Hey, I only had two pieces of chicken and three
cookies, maybe four…okay, five at the most…and stop callin’ me little brother!”
“Well, if
you’ll stop calling me funny face, I might think about it,” she said, poking
him.
He regarded
her thoughtfully. “Okay, I guess I can do that. It doesn’t really suit you
anymore anyway,” he said. “You’re actually kind of pretty.” He grinned impishly. “For a sister, that is. But you’re still a
smarty pants.”
“Yeah, well,
at least I’m smarter than you.”
“Hey, you
better be nice to me. I’ve still got
all the food.”
”Not for
long.” She reached across him as though to snatch the basket, but surprised him
by tickling him instead. Joe let out a whoop that woke their father, who glared
at them with one fierce eye, sending them both into fits of silent laughter
until they could contain themselves no longer. Even Ben could not resist
joining in their merriment.
Afterwards,
Jilly felt lighter than air, as though a tremendous weight had lifted from her
soul. Maybe
It was her turn
to fly, and she was ready.
~ * ~
EPILOGUE
A few weeks
later, the following letter arrived at the ranch addressed to the Ben
Cartwright Family:
Dear Pa,
Adam, Hoss and Joe,
I hope you
are all well. I am fine. I’ve made a lot
of friends at my new school, and my teacher Miss Somervell is very nice. We had
our first writing assignment the other day. I got to read mine to the class.
Miss S. said it made her look forward even more to meeting all of you, so I
guess she liked it. Aunt Margaret thought you would like to read it too,
and Uncle
Miles wants to post it this afternoon so I have to hurry. But I promise I will write more later, as I
have much to tell. I love you all.
Yours always,
Jilly
MY FAMILY
My real name is
Jillian, but no one ever calls me that unless I’m in trouble, so most of the
time I’m Jilly and glad of it. I grew up on a ranch in
I used to
think growing up meant being big enough to saddle your own horse, but now I
know it’s more than that and a lot harder. I probably learned more this summer
than any other time in my life. Like, being afraid doesn’t mean you aren’t
brave, and sometimes other people know you better than you know yourself. The best gifts aren’t always new or
expensive, and home is more than just a place, it’s also people who care about
you.
Some people
say we’re rich, and I guess we are, but not because of how big our Ponderosa is
or how many cows we own or how much money we have in the bank. Pa says a person
can have all that and more and still be as poor as a pauper, and he’s generally
right about those kinds of things. I think what makes us rich is how much love
we have for each other. It’s what makes
us strong and holds us together even during the worst times. And no matter
where we go or how far apart we may be, we’ll always feel that love, so even if
we lose everything else we’ll never be poor. Other than that, I’d have to say
we’re a pretty regular family.
P.S. Our name
is Cartwright.
***THE END***