The Ponderosa Pirate

By: Lynne G.

Five year old Little Joe Cartwright had been very busy all morning playing cowboy after he had finished his morning chores.  He and his stick horse had been on a ' cattle drive ' and he was getting tired.

The little cowboy rode his horse over to the corral where he tied up his horse and he slowly walked over to his swing that his oldest brother, Adam had recently made for him and he sat down.

As he sat there swinging high in his swing, he began to think of something else to be.  He had wanted to be a rancher just like his Papa and his oldest brother was.  His middle brother, Hoss was still in school, but if need be, Hoss could handle almost every ranch chore there was.

" Bein' a rancher izza good job, but it's kinda hard.  I's liked bein' a robber cuz that was fun, but Papa dunt fink it was.  I liked bein' animals too, but dunt like their food none.  It was yucky !" the little boy said softly to himself.

" I's sure dun like bein' an injun 'specially when I's dun 'scalped' Adam.  Now that was really fun, but Adam dunt fink so.  Nope he was gonna kill me, but Papa wouldn't let him, cuz Papa wuvs me, and he dunt wants me ta gets hurted."

" There's gotta be sompfin' I's can be dats really fun, but whats?  Ranchin's gotts too many chores, and that ain't no fun," Little Joe said out loud.

This very active little boy had a very over active imagination which could drive his poor family totally crazy.  They never knew from day to day what their little mischief would get into which certainly did keep them on their toes at all times.

Several days later Little Joe decided to be a pirate.  Adam had been reading him a story about pirates and to the little boy,  pirate life sounded like a lot of fun, especially because they didn't have any chores to do.

" Now all I's needs is pirate clothes just like the pictures in Adam's book," the child mumbled to himself.

Little Joe went through Hop Sing's rag box looking for something he could use for a pirate shirt.  He finally found what he was looking for, one of his old torn undershirts. 

With excitement in his big bright green eyes and his treasure in his hand, the little boy squealed," Oh boy, a pirate shirt !"

Once Little Joe had put the rest of the rags back in the rag box, he carried his prize out to the barn so he could paint some red stripes on his shirt, since most pirate shirts had red stripes on them.

Once he was was safely in the barn, he quickly headed up to the hayloft where a can of red paint was.  He wasn't suppose to climb up to the loft because his Papa didn't want him to fall off the ladder that went up to the loft.  Ben didn't know that his baby boy went up to the loft quite offen.

It took the little boy a few minutes to finally get the lid off the paint can, and he was happy to see that there seemed to be enough paint for his shirt.

With paint brush in his tiny hand, and the shirt laid out flat on the floor of the loft, Little Joe slowly began to neatly paint red stripes on the front of his shirt. 

He was sitting there with his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth as he painted.  Once the front of the shirt had it's red stripes on it, Little Joe seemed very happy with his artwork. 

 He knew that the shirt would need to dry before he could paint red stripes on the back of the shirt, so he carefully climbed down from the loft and went outside to swing on his swing.

Around an hour later, he figured that he had better go and see if his shirt was dry, so he looked around to make sure no one was in the yard, and seeing that he was alone, he quickly ran back into the barn and up the ladder to the loft.

He was happy that the front of the shirt was dry, so he turned the shirt around so he could paint the back side.  Again he neatly painted red stripes on the back of the shirt.

Once he was finished with his painting, he put the lid back on the can of paint.  He knew he needed to clean the brush, so with brush in hand, he slowly climbed down the ladder and walked over to make sure no one was around.

Not seeing anyone, he ran down to the creek behind the house and he carefully cleaned the brush.  As soon as the brush was clean, he dried it on his overall's pant leg, and then he went back to the barn and up in the loft to put the brush away.

While he waited for his shirt to dry, he went to find a red bandanna because some pirates wore them on their heads.  After all, pirates didn't wear cowboy hats. 

He knew that Adam had several red bandanna's and he thought that his big brother wouldn't mind if he borrowed one.

Next he needed to find an eye patch because some pirates had them, and he wanted to be a perfect looking pirate.  The only thing he didn't want was to wear an earring, but he was still going to think about that.

The next day Little Joe saw Charlie, the foreman, so he ran over to Charlie as fast as his little legs could go.

" Charlie, Charlie !" the child shouted as he ran over to Charlie, who had stopped when he heard the little boy call out to him.

Charlie had worked for the Cartwrights ever since Ben had bought the Ponderosa.  He loved Little Joe and the little boy could talk Charlie into doing almost anything he wanted.

" Hi there Little Joe and how are you today?" Charlie asked as soon as he saw the little boy.  " Izza just fine, and how's ya taday Charlie?" the child replied back with a big grin on his little happy face.

" Izza needs ta ask ya sompfin' very 'portunt.  Can ya's make me an eye patch pleazzze, so izza can puts it over my eye?" Little Joe begged using all the charm he could.

" An eye patch ?  What do you need an eye patch for Little Joe?" Charlie asked knowing not to be surprised at what the little boy could come up with.

" Izza needs it fer when I's playin' ya know's...ta look real tough," the child explained.  Charlie looked down at the impish look on the boy's face and he replied, " Oh, I see.  Sure, I'll be very pleased to make you an eye patch son.  After all, looking real tough is very important.  When do you need it Little Joe?"  Charlie had to cough so as not to laugh outloud at the look on the boy's dirty little face.

" Ummmm, real soon.  Fank ya Charlie,' Little Joe said as he gave Charlie a big hug and he ran off to play.  Charlie stood there shaking his head back and forth as he chuckled.

That evening as his family sat in the livingroom, Little Joe made an announcement to Ben.

" Papa, I's dunt wanna be no rancher no more !"   Ben laid his newspaper on his lap and looked at his little boy, and he thought to himself, " Oh no ."

Taking a deep breath, Ben asked, " Why don't you want to be a rancher sweetheart ?"  He was almost afraid to hear what his baby boy would say.

By now both Adam and Hoss were very interested to hear what their little brother's answer would be. 

" Well ya see's Papa, bein' a rancher has way ta many chores and that's ain't no fun !" Little Joe started to explain.

Adam leaned over to Hoss and he whispered, " Oh this should be mighty interesting."  Hoss smiled and nodded back at Adam.

As Ben carefully looked at his youngest son, he asked, " Oh, I see.  Would you care to tell me what you want to be then?"

Taking a deep breath and puffing out his little chest, Little Joe looked at Ben and replied back, " I's gonna be a pirate cuz they hab lots of fun and they ain't gotts no chores ta do."  He felt very proud of his answer.

Adam and Hoss hid their smiles and laughs by coughing at what their baby brother had just announced.

Ben shook his head and said, " You want to be a pirate ?"  " Uh huh ," Little Joe mumbled as he smiled at Ben.  Ben looked up at Adam and Hoss who were both about to break out in laughter.

" Little Joe, son, there aren't any pirates around here.  Pirates have to have other pirates around them and they need a pirate ship too," Ben explained.

" Izza gonna be a one pirate.  Dunt need no more, just me Papa," the child declared.

" Pa, do you think we need to warn Sheriff Coffee that there is a pirate on the loose around here?" Adam asked.  " That might be a good idea son," Ben responded trying not to laugh outloud.

" Hey Punkin, ya ain't gonna hurt us are ya?  Ya know that pirates are rather mean," Hoss spoke out.  " Nah, Izza good pirate fer now ! the little boy announced.

" Papa, I needs some shoes cuz pirates dunt wear cowboy boots," Little Joe told Ben.  " Yes, I suppose you are correct about that.  I think there is a small pair of shoes that belonged to Adam when he was a little boy.  I'll look for them tomorrow," Ben explained.

" Oh boy !  I's hope theys fits me, but if'n they dunt, I can go barefooted ta ya's know," the child declared.  " Yes, I guess you could," Ben replied as he hugged his baby son.

" Adam, couldja makes me a sword cuz pirates hab swords ya knows ?" Little Joe added.

Adam looked at Ben before he answered his little brother.  Ben nodded so Adam answered back, " Sure, I'd be happy to make you a sword little buddy.  " Oh fank ya Adam !" the child squealed as he jumped up and down with excitement.

" Well boys, it looks we will soon have our very own pirate here on the Ponderosa," Ben declared.  " Sure does," Hoss replied as he smiled.  Adam agreed to that statement.

The next day Adam made a wooden sword with a flat tip on it for his little brother.  The little boy was thrilled with his sword and he gave Adam a big hug.

No one knew about Little Joe's red striped shirt or his eye patch or the borrowed red bandanna.  Adam's old shoes were a little too big for Little Joe, but he didn't care, since he loved to go barefooted too.

About the only thing that Little Joe didn't have was a beard to make him look like a real pirate.  " Hummm, how's I's gonna gets me a beard ?" the child said outloud.

He had thought about using some ink from Ben's desk, but he knew that he wasn't allowed to play with ink.  " Nope, Papa wouldn't like me usin' his ink," he thought.

" I knows I can use mud !!  What a good idea thats is !! "  Little Joe squealed with delight at his wonderful idea.

The next morning after he had finished all of his chores, Little Joe quickly went to put on his pirate clothes.  He was so excited that he could hardly control his excitement.

Adam had also made a sheath for the sword that attached to the little boy's belt so the little boy could have his sword with him.

The only ones home that morning were Hop Sing and Little Joe. Hoss was at school, Ben and Adam had errands to do in Virginia City.

Little Joe went outside unseen by Hop Sing and he made up some mud which he rubbed on his little face.  Now the Ponderosa Pirate was ready to make his grand appearance.

He made his way to the kitchen where Hop Sing was busy.  " Hi ya matie.  Ya gotts any treasure fer me?" the pirate asked.

As soon as Hop Sing turned around he was shocked to see what was standing before him.... the Ponderosa Pirate.

" What you do?  Where you get eye patch, and striped shirt?"  Hop Sing asked as he tried not to laugh at what he was seeing. 

There was Little Joe, dressed in a pair of jeans, red striped shirt, eye patch on one eye, a red bandanna tied covering his head, a sword on his belt, and a mud beard on his face.  The topper to his pirate look was a ring of wire that the little boy had hung around his right ear.

" Golly Hop Sing, Izza gotta hab all this stuff cuz imma pirate now.  Charlie dun maded me the eye patch.  Ain't it great?  I maded the red striped shirt and pirates gotta hab beards ya know,"

" Hey Hop Sing, ya gotts sompfin' I's can hab fer a treasure chest?  Gotta hab a treasure chest ya knows," Little Joe explained.

Hop Sing had to cough several times to stop himself from laughing outloud at how silly Little Joe looked and with the drying mud on his impish face.

One of the other things that looked so funny was the way the little boy's curls were sticking out from under that red bandanna covering the child's head.

" Hop Sing no have treasure chest.  Maybe can find box you can use," Hop Sing suggested.  " Oh goodie !" the little pirate squealed with delight.

When Hoss returned home after school that afternoon, he and Adam went down to the lake to get their old row boat that needed some repairs to it.

After they had returned home with the row boat in the back of the buckboard, they gently took it out of the buckboard and set it down on the ground.

Hop Sing had found a small woodened box for Little Joe's treasure chest.  He had put some cookies in the box which had totally delighted the Ponderosa Pirate.

" Oh fank ya Hop Sing.  Now I's gotts a treasure chest and some treasure ta !"  An excited little boy declared as he ran outside with his treasure chest safely in his little arms.

Hop Sing laughed as he went back to work in the kitchen.  " Little boy look too funny !" Hop Sing mumbled as he worked.

As soon as Adam and Hoss saw their baby pirate brother running towards them, they both couldn't believe their eyes, and they both started to laugh loudly.

" Oh no, here comes our Ponderosa Pirate.  He looks so funny !" Adam said as he was almost rolling in laughter as was Hoss.  They both had tears running down their faces from laughing so hard.

" Hi ya maties.  I gotts a treasure chest now !" the pirate announced.  Then he saw the row boat and he now he was really even more excited.

" Hey, my pirate ship !" Little Joe shouted as he quickly climbed in the row boat.  He laid down his treasure chest and he stood in the bow of the boat as if he was on ' look out ' duty.

He looked over at Adam and Hoss and he said, " ya's my prisoners."  He took out his sword and pointed it at his brothers.

" Looks like we are his prisoners Hoss.  I hope he won't hurt us.  He has a rather mean look on his face, don't you think Hoss ?" Adam nervously said.

" Yeah, he sure does big brother.  Ya just never know what a pirate will do to ya," Hoss replied as he was trying not to laugh at the Ponderosa Pirate standing before he and Adam.

" Mr. Pirate, what are you going to do to us?" Adam asked.  " Well, if'n ya makes me a plank fer walkin' on, then I makes ya walk the plank.  Ya know, like them planks on them pirate ships that's in yer books Adam," Little Joe explained.

" Oh I see,  Of course I will make a plank for you.  Oh, by the way Mr.Pirate, what is your name?" Adam asked, almost afraid to hear what his little brother would say next.

As the little boy stood there trying to think up a name for himself. he smiled and said, " My name is Brown Beard, cuz I gotts a brown beard."  He pointed to his mud beard that was beginning to itch his face.

" This beard is startin' ta itch my face !" Little Joe declared as he was trying not to scratch his face.

" Yes, I would imagine it is getting itchy.  Dried mud can do that," Adam said.

" I's just 'membered of sompfin' I needs.  My handcuffs ta puts on ya," The Ponderosa Pirate announced.

" Brown Beard, pirates don't use handcuffs.  They use ropes to tie their prisoners wrists with," Adam explained.  "  They does?" the boy questioned.  " Yup, they sure do Brown Beard," Hoss added.

The three boys turned around as soon as they heard the front door open and they saw Ben walking towards them.  Ben hadn't seen his little pirate yet.

As soon as Ben saw Little Joe he started to laugh loudly.  " Oh my goodness, it's our Ponderosa Pirate !"  " I's Brown Beard, Papa," Little Joe told his Papa.

" So I can see.  Well, Brown Beard, Adam Hoss, it's time to get washed up for dinner now !" Ben suggested.

" But Papa, I can't get washed up cuz my beard will go away and pirates needs beards," the little boy tried to tell Ben as he started to scratch his face.

Still trying not to laugh at the expression on his baby son's face, Ben said, " Yes I know you will loose your beard, but you can make a new one tomorrow, and it looks like your beard is making your face itchy."  " Sure is !" the child declared.

Ben helped his little pirate get washed up for dinner.  Little Joe felt much better with his mud beard gone.  At least he didn't itch anymore.

The next day, Little Joe made himself another mud beard.  He couldn't wait for his two brothers to get home so they could walk the plank.  He loved the wooden plank that Adam had made for him and the way Adam had attached it to the row boat.

The Ponderosa Pirate had a lot of fun walking his own plank.  His kitties also walked the plank.  To the kitties it was like a game to walk the plank and jump off.

Adam had also made a special flag for the pirate ship.  He had drawn a skull and cross bones on the flag which was now hanging proud on a flag pole that Adam had attached to the boat as well.

Little Joe loved the flag.  That made his pirate ship perfect and he couldn't wait until Adam got home so he could thank him for the flag too.

As the Ponderosa Pirate ran around the yard playing, Sheriff Roy Coffee stopped by for a quick visit with Ben since he was in the area.

" Hi ya matie Sheriff Coffee !" Little Joe shouted as he ran out of the barn.  Roy couldn't believe his eyes when he saw a little pirate running towards him with a big grin on his dirty little face.  Roy started to laugh as soon as he saw the little boy.

" Well, who do we have here ?" Roy asked as he looked at the pirate grinning at him.

" Imma Brown Beard the pirate and ya's my prisoner.  Ya gotts ta walk the plank !" Brown Beard stated as he pointed his sword at Roy.

" Mr. Brown Beard you ain't going to hurt me are you?" Roy asked trying to look and sound very scared.  " Nah, Imma a good pirate.  Ya's just gots ta walk the plank is all," the boy told Roy as he pointed to the plank.

" Ok, here goes !" Roy replied as he walked the plank and jump off.  Little Joe was giggling.  " See, that ain't so bad is it?" Little Joe asked.  " No it wasn't. Is your Papa home son?" Roy asked.

" Yup, he's in the house.  Ya can go right in," the boy replied, as he went back to being a pirate again.

Roy walked into the livingroom and called out to Ben.  " Hi Roy, what brings you out this way?" Ben asked as he motioned for Roy to sit down.

" Thanks Ben.  I was out this way so I decided to stop in for a quick visit.  I must tell you that you certainly do have a cute little pirate in your yard.  He told me that I was his prisoner and he made me walk the plank," Roy said as he was laughing.

" I'm sorry about that Roy.  That boy and his imagination.  Would you like some coffee?" Ben asked.  " That sounds wonderful Ben, and Ben, there is no need to be sorry.  That little boy is such a little cutie and a real character," Roy declared.  " Isn't that the truth," Ben laughed.

Hop Sing brought out some freshly made coffee and cookies.  " Thank you Hop Sing," both Ben and Roy said.  " Hop Sing always know when to bring in coffee and cookies," Hop Sing said as he returned to the kitchen.

As soon as Adam and Hoss rode into the yard, they quickly took their horses into the barn to take care of them.  They were soon joined by the Ponderosa Pirate.

" Good, my prisoners is home.  Dunt ferget, ya gotts ta walk the plank when ya gets dun in here," Brown Beard reminded them.

They both looked at the little pirate and smiled.  " Don't worry, we haven't forgotten about that little pirate brother," they both said, as they continued to smile.

After Adam and Hoss had walked the plank, they began to chase their little brother around the yard.  Hoss finally was able to capture the little pirate and he held him under one of his strong arms.

" Hey big brother, what should we do with our little prisoner ?" Hoss asked as he held onto the giggling pirate.  " Let's make him walk the plank !" Adam suggested as he was laughing at the pirate's silly giggle.

The Ponderosa Pirate was giggling loudly as he walked the plank and jumped down from it and he ran around the yard again with his two big brothers chasing him.

" Sounds like something silly is going on in the yard !" Ben declared.  " It certainly does.  I love that little boy's giggle.  It makes you want to laugh along with him," Roy said as he was smiling.

" Well Ben, I need to be heading back to town now.  Thank you for the coffee and cookies and for your little pirate.  Golly, my little deputy has turned into a pirate.  That is certainly a first," Roy laughed. 

 " You are very welcome Roy.  There isn't a dull moment around here with that little boy in our lives for sure," Ben laughed.

Ben and Roy watched the Cartwright brothers taking turns walking the plank then jumping down on the ground.

" Bye boys !" Roy said as he was leaving the yard.  " Bye Roy !" they all replied.

" Papa, ya gotts ta walk the plank now !" Brown Beard announced as he walked up to Ben and pointed towards the plank.

" Yes sir !" Ben said as he saluted his little pirate, which caused Little Joe to giggle again.  The little boy thought it was funny to see his Papa walk the plank and he giggled even louder.

" So you think your Papa looks funny walking the plank do you ?  We'll my little pirate, I am going to capture you !" Ben threatened as he grabbed hold of the pirate who was trying to flee. 

 He tucked his giggling little pirate under his arm and he went back on the plank, walked it and jumped down still holding his son under his arm.

The four Cartwrights were having a fun day of walking the plank and jumping off. 

" Well boys, I don't know about you three, but I'm getting tired and it must getting towards dinnertime, so why don't we all go and get washed up before Hop Sing threatens to go to China," Ben suggested.  " Can't let Hop Sing go back to China !" Hoss teased.

Ben carried his little Ponderosa Pirate into the washroom to get him washed up good for dinner, and again, Little Joe felt good with his mud beard washed off.  " That mud beard sure itch !" the little boy declared, which cause everyone to laugh.

The End.

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