Ten year old Little Joe Cartwright was starting to get very angry with his
oldest brother, twenty three year old Adam and the boy was losing his patience
with his brother.
Adam had returned back home from college several months ago and he was now finally back into the swing of things at the ranch. It took him longer than he thought, and there were times when he wondered if he would ever get back to normal life on the Ponderosa again.
The main problem Little Joe was having with Adam was that he didn’t like his oldest brother bossing him around when their father, Ben Cartwright was away from the ranch. Ben had been gone away on business for the last couple of weeks and he wouldn’t be home for a few more weeks, so the boy decided that he needed to do something that would keep Adam from bossing him around everyday.
As the days went on, Little Joe had finally figured out what his brother needed-a girlfriend which would keep him busy so he wouldn’t bother him anymore. He knew that he needed the help of his other big brother, sixteen year old Hoss, since he could convince Hoss to do anything he suggested, well almost everything.
“Hoss I tell ya, we gotta do somethin’ ta keep big brother busy so he won’t keep bossin’ us ‘round all the time, so here’s what we need ta do”, the youngster began.
Hoss suddenly began to get nervous. He knew from past experiences that when his baby brother had an idea about something, then trouble was right around the corner. “Wait just a dadburn minute here little brother. What do you mean ‘we’? That should be ‘you’ and not me!” Hoss declared as he glared at the boy in question who was smiling back at him with a pleading look on that sweet innocent looking face of his.
Turning on the charm for which he was so famous for, Little Joe looked up at Hoss, batted his long eye lashes at Hoss and did his very best to look even more innocent. “Oh, but Hoss, please just hear me out, cuz ya just might like this wonderful idea I got,” the boy pleaded as he continued to look up at his brother. Hoss continued to glare at the boy and sighed.
Knowing that he had Hoss’s attention, Little Joe felt at ease and he continued on with his big idea. “Now what ‘we’ are gonna do is find a girlfriend for our dear older brother!” Little Joe announced feeling very proud of himself.
“A GIRLFRIEND! Ya gotta be foolin’ me Short Shanks!” a shocked Hoss cried out. “Nope, I ain’t foolin’. Ya see Hoss, if’n Adam has a girlfriend then he just might be nicer ta us. Think big brother, think, wouldn’t it be nice if old Adam was nicer ta us? Huh, huh?” the boy suggested as he hoped that he had just planted that thought in Hoss’s head.
Hoss just stared at his little brother not really sure if he had heard him correctly or not. “How can we do that? You don’t like girls and they make me nervous, so I’m telling ya little brother, we got a real problem on our hands,” Hoss declared.
Thinking for a couple of seconds, Little Joe knew he had to come up some kind of answer. “That maybe true older brother, but since we LOVE our older brother and want only the best for him, we will….will have ta make the sacrifice. We can help each other get through this Hoss. We can do this Hoss, just trust me!” Little Joe suggested as he gave Hoss one of his most charming looks and smiles. Hoss thought, “TRUST YOU! HUH!”
Little Joe was on a roll now. “Ok, so here’s what I’ll do first, cuz it just might help. I’m gonna ask Adam…ummm…um...yeah, what would his dream girl be like? Ain’t that a great idea Hoss?” The boy said as he felt very proud of that idea.
Surprisingly, Hoss thought that that idea just might work. “Ya know Punkin that just might help. Then we could find him a girl that is like that,” Hoss happily replied as he looked down at his baby brother. Little Joe smiled back at Hoss knowing that he once again had poor Hoss under his control.
“Hey Hoss, what would yer dream girl be like? Just wonderin’ is all,” the boy asked. “Hey dun’t go getting’ any ideas fer me little brother,” Hoss nervously suggested. “Oh Hoss dun’t worry. I would never do that ta ya, ya know,” the boy quickly said as he wanted to reassure his brother.
Knowing that he had better answer his little brother, Hoss thought for a couple of minutes before speaking.
“Well, she would have to love animals, be a really good cook, she doesn’t gotta be really good lookin’ and she has ta have a good sense of humor too,” Hoss finished saying as he smiled.
“What’s sense of humor mean Hoss?” Little Joe asked as he wasn’t sure if he had heard that term before. “That means she is funny and loves to pull pranks and she loves to laugh, just like you little brother,” Hoss explained to the boy as he ruffled up the boy’s thick curly hair.
“Thanks Hoss. I guess I dun gotta sense of humor then, huh?” Little Joe replied with a big grin on his face. “Ya sure do Punkin!” Hoss added.
A couple of days later, Little Joe went looking for Adam and he found him in the barn polishing his saddle.
“Hey Adam, can I ask ya a question please?” the boy asked very sweetly. Looking up at his young brother, Adam smiled. “Sure little buddy, what would you like to ask me?” Adam replied as he had no idea what was going through the mind of his baby brother especially when the boy had that look on his young face. “Ummm, ok, I was just wonderin’ what would yer dream girl be like?” the boy mumbled as he continued to look at Adam who in turn was surprised by that kind of question coming from the boy.
Still surprised, Adam took a good look at the boy’s eyes looking for some kind of mischief. “Why in the world would you want to know something like that for?” Adam asked as he was still looking into the boy’s big bright green eyes, but he didn’t see any mischief written in them.
Trying to act perfectly normal, well as normal as he could be, Little Joe replied, “I just wondered is all.” “Well, let me ask you little brother, what would your dream girl be like?” Adam asked, turning the tables on the boy who stood in front of him and putting him on the spot.
“Me? I dun’t like girls! They’re yucky!” the boy declared as he was shocked that Adam would dare ask him a question like that.
It was hard for Adam to hold in his laugh when he saw the looks of horror on the boy’s face.
“I don’t mean now, but when you get older, you will. Trust me,” Adam said as he continued to watch his baby brother as the boy was trying to come up with some kind of answer for his brother.
“Umm, she’s gotta love horses, fishin’, climbin’ trees, swimmin’, havin’ fun, and a sense of humor, oh and she’s gotta be a good cook I s’pose,” the boy replied. Adam had to hide his smile at everything his brother had just told him, but inside he was laughing hard.
Little Joe had told Adam what Hoss’s dream girl would be like. Adam agreed as to Hoss’s dream girl as he too would have thought the same thing for his middle brother.
Knowing that he needed to answer the boy’s question, he motioned for Little Joe to sit next to him, and the boy did.
“Well little buddy, my dream girl would have to be intelligent, have a good sense of humor, love classic literature like Shakespeare, Dickens just to name a couple, and hopefully she would love poetry too,” Adam began.
“She should have a great personality…” “What’s personality mean?” Little Joe interrupted.
“Personality means a person’s characteristics, which makes a person an individual with their behavior, emotions, their attitudes, their habits. You little buddy have an out going personality which means you make friends fast and will talk to anyone, you will help any one who needs help with something. You are also a very sensitive boy and you are fun to be around, well most of the time. You are easy to show your emotion which is good. That means that you are a very special little boy,” Adam lovingly explained as he ruffled up his brother’s hair.
“Boy, personality sure means a lot dun’t it?” the boy declared as he smiled at Adam. “Yes it does little brother,” Adam replied as he too smiled at the boy.
“Let me continue on. She would also have to be a good cook and one of the most important things is that she love and accept my family too,” Adam finished saying. “Guess she has ta like us, cuz it would make it hard ifn’ she dunt like us. Thanks Adam. I hope ya find yer dream girl some day,” Little Joe said as he left the barn. “Me too little buddy. Me too,” Adam replied as he watched his little brother walk towards the house.
He then went back to polishing up his saddle and still thinking about that question from his little brother. “Strange” he thought to himself.
The next day while Hoss and Little Joe were at the lake fishing, Little Joe told Hoss everything that Adam had told him about what his dream girl would be like.
“How are we gonna find a girl with everything big brother wants?” Hoss asked as he knew that he and Little Joe wouldn’t find this as easy as they thought. “I guess we’ll just have ta ask em. I dun’t know if’n there’s anyone ‘round like that ‘cept fer Miss Jones, and big brother sure dunt like her,” the boy suggested as they both started to laugh.
As the boys continued to fish, Little Joe suddenly gasped. “That’s it Hoss! Why dun’t I think of that before!”
“Dadburnit Short Shanks! Ya dun near scared me ta death when ya gasped like that so loud. Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout now?” Hoss nervously asked not sure if he wanted to know or not.
“We could have Miss Jones start up club fer ladies who all love old Shake, Dickens and all that classic book stuff and yucky poetry too. Ain’t that a great idea Hoss?” Little Joe excitedly expressed. He sure did feel proud of himself yet once again for yet another great idea, at least he thought it was a great idea.
“I s’pose, but that means we gotta go and see her and see what she says. What if’n she dunt wanna do that?” Hoss asked hating to ruin his brother’s great idea.
Thinking fast for an answer, the boy opened his eyes wider then they had been and he smiled. “Ummm….We could tell her that our big brother loves all that stuff and we both know that she gets all crazy over Adam,” Little Joe suggested to Hoss, who had to think about what his little brother had just said.
“How ‘bout this one Hoss. Say we go over ta Mrs. Riley’s dress shop and ask her if’n there are any new ladies ‘round that are Adam’s age er ‘round his age? If’n there are we could ask her ‘bout em and take it from there,” Little Joe suggested as he looked up at Hoss with a sweet look on his face.
“I like that idea better than talkin’ ta Miss Jones, but do we have ta go inta a ladies dress shop? Ya know little brother, them shops got stuff in em that ladies wear under their dresses and skirts,” Hoss nervously mentioned as he blushed.
“Humm, I dunt think ‘bout that Hoss. Tell ya what; we won’t look at anythin’ ‘cept Mrs. Riley,” the boy softly said as he too was blushing. “Good idea Punkin,” Hoss replied.
A couple of days later, Hoss and Little Joe rode into Virginia City to pick up the mail, but before they went to the mail office, they slowly walked over to Mrs. Riley’s dress shop.
As they stood in front of the door to the shop trying to get enough nerve to actually enter the shop, they looked at each other and swallowed hard.
“You go in first Hoss and I’ll follow behind ya,” Little Joe suggested. “Huh, why do I gotta go in first?” Hoss asked as he wasn’t looking forward to this. He glared at his young brother.
Thinking fast yet again, Little Joe replied, “Cuz yer older then me!” “DADBURNIT!” Hoss declared as he opened the door and slowly walked in the shop feeling extremely nervous. He was closely followed a very nervous Little Joe who stared straight ahead. Neither boy looked at anything but the desk in the back of the shop.
“Well my goodness! Hoss, Little Joe, what are you two boys doing in a ladies dress shop?” Sara Riley asked as she looked at the two very nervous boys who were blushing. She held in her laugh.
“W…Well ya see ma’am…..Hoss stuttered before Little Joe took over. “Mrs. Riley, we was wonderin’ if’n ya could help us with somethin’ really important,” the youngster began.
“I’d be happy to if I can Little Joe,” Sara replied as she was very curious as to what the youngster was going to say next. After all it wasn’t very often that two boys came into the shop looking for help and also looking extremely nervous too.
“Ya see ma’am, our big brother Adam is home from college now and we, me and Hoss think that if’n he had a girlfriend then he would be happy and stop pickin’ on Hoss and me all the time. Do ya know of any new ladies in town ‘bout Adam’s age? She’s gotta like old Shake….uh…I mean that man called Shakespeare, ya know the one that writes all them awful stories. She has ta also like all them great classics and poetry too. She’s gotta have a good sense of humor, a good personality, umm. And kinda good lookin’ too,” Little Joe finished explaining. He felt exhausted after all of that explaining plus he was very nervous too.
“My goodness, that’s a tall order. Let me think if I know of anyone like that,” Sara told the boys. It was so hard for her not to laugh at everything that the boy had just told her. She could tell that this was very important to the Cartwright boys.
“Ma’am, what does ‘tall order’ mean?” a very confused Little Joe asked. With a smile on her face, Sara explained what it meant. “Oh, I see. Thank you ma’am,” an embarrassed Little Joe replied as he looked at the floor. He felt as uncomfortable in that shop as did Hoss.
“There’s Miss Abigail Jones, but she isn’t the best looking lady,” Sara mentioned. “OH NO, not Miss Jones. Adam is scared of her and he dunt like her much, but dunt tell no one, cuz she sure does likes Adam though,” Little Joe nervously told Sara. It was hard not to laugh at what the youngster had just said, plus the shocked looks on the faces of Hoss and Little Joe.
As Sara paged through her credit book at the names of her customers, she notice the name of the only lady who did have some of the same interests as Adam did. She and the lady had talked about several of the things that they liked and when Sara a saw the name, she was glad that she and her friend had discussed those subjects.
Looking up at the both boys, who still seemed very nervous, Sara smiled at them and said, “The only lady who might be a possibility is Mary Jane Nelson. Here, let me write down where she lives, and maybe you boys can go and see her. Mary Jane is a lovely young lady and I do think that she and Adam should get along just fine.”
“Thank you Mrs. Riley, Little Joe and me will go and see her. You have been a big help to us,” Hoss happily said as he and his little brother were very anxious to leave the dress shop.
After Hoss and Little Joe had left the shop, Sara started to laugh. “I
hope that Adam appreciates what his younger brothers are doing for him and
for them putting themselves
through this,” Sara said to herself. As she continued to laugh.
“I am so glad to be out of that shop! I hope I dunt ever have ta go in there again!” Little Joe declared as he and Hoss walked down the sidewalk. “Me too little brother. It just ain’t right fer guys ta go into a place like that,” Hoss said agreeing with the younger boy.
As Hoss and Little Joe got a little closer to where Mary Jane lived, Little Joe noticed a lady walking towards the International House.
“Hey Hoss, ya wait here. I gotta talk ta that there lady over there,” the boy said as he ran off towards the new lady that he had seen. “Little Joe get back here now!” Hoss shouted, but his young brother continued on. Little Joe was now on another mission. He felt a little braver now after spending time in a lady’s dress shop. “Dadburnit!” Hoss mumbled as he watched his brother.
“’Cuse me ma’am, but can I talk ta ya fer a minute er so?” Little Joe asked as he was breathing hard from running over to the lady.
As soon as Margo Shuster heard the boy she turned around, smiled and said, “Now aren’t you just the cutest boy I have ever seen. What would you like to talk about Sugar?”
A very nervous Little Joe swallowed, took a deep breath, looked at the tall lady standing there looking down at him who was smiling at him, and he thought to himself, “Maybe this ain’t a good idea after all.” This lady made him nervous.
“M….Ma’am, are ya married?” he mumbled as it was the only thing that popped into his head at that moment. Taken totally by surprise at what she had just heard, Margo continued to smile at the now extremely nervous and trembling youngster.
“My goodness Sugar, are you asking me to marry you?” she teased as she was getting a big kick out of the little boy who looked now as if he just might pass out.
A shocked Little Joe’s eyes just about popped out of his head as he was completely speechless at what Margo had just said. “O….Oh no ma’am. I dunt even like girls cuz they’re yucky,” he mumbled as he swallowed hard again.
Holding her laugh in, she looked at the youngster who had a very sick look on his sweet, but very pale face. “You don’t like girls?” she asked as she was loving this little boy. All Little Joe could do was to shake his head as he yet again had to swallow.
“Sugar, why don’t you explain to me what you want,” Margo suggested as she ran her long fingers through Little Joe’s soft thick curly hair, which made the youngster even more nervous. Margo didn’t think the boy could get any paler looking, but he sure was.
The boy felt like running back to Hoss for protection, but he knew that he needed to explain why he wanted to talk to this lady who scared him.
“Well….ya….ya see ma’am me and my big brother are lookin’ fer a lady who might wanna meet our older brother Adam. He’s twenty three years old and he got back home from goin’ ta college back East and we know that he needs a girlfriend so he’ll stop pickin’ on me and Hoss,” Little Joe explained.
“Hoss? Who’s Hoss?” Margo asked as she continued to look down at the boy. “He’s my big brother standin’ over there,” Little Joe replied as he pointed towards Hoss who still stood across the street looking towards them.
“I see”, Margo said as she looked at Hoss. “Well, tell me what is your name Sugar?” “Ummm, it’s….it’s Little Joe ma’am. “So Little Joe, what does Adam have to say about what you and Hoss are doing?” Margo asked as she was thoroughly enjoying this.
“Ya see ma’am, he dunt know we’s doin’ this. It’s a surprise,” Little Joe told her. “He will be surprised alright! I certainly wouldn’t mind marrying you Little Joe. You are just too cute and so very sweet,” Margo announced. Little Joe opened his mouth to reply but no words came out.
Margo reached out and put her hand on the boy’s chin and she titled his head so she could look him in the eyes. “Sugar, let’s just forget about Adam now, it’s you that I want,” Margo teased as she could see him trembling badly now.
Little Joe was completely speechless and all he wanted to do was to run away from this crazy lady. “Sugar, I’m just teasing you. I am married to a wonderful man, and I am actually on my way home to San Francisco to meet up with him now. If I weren’t happily married and if you were a little older Sugar, then it would be great to have you for my boyfriend,” Margo explained. She couldn’t wait to tell her husband about Little Joe and his request.
Starting to feel a little light headed, Little Joe mumbled, “Well, I gotta go now ma’am. Please have a safe trip home and thank you.” The boy took off running back to the safety of Hoss. “You certainly won’t have any trouble getting a girlfriend Sugar,” she thought as she watched the terrified boy run back to his big brother.
“What the heck are ya doin’ now little brother?” Hoss asked as he had grabbed hold of the very pale and scared looking little boy. “Let’s go home Hoss, I dunt feel so good,” Little Joe told his brother. “Whatcha mean ya dunt feel good?” Hoss asked as he was getting confused at the way his little brother’s mood had changed since he had talked to the lady across the street. The boy was trembling and so pale looking which scared Hoss.
“Hoss,” Little Joe started to say in a very soft voice. “Hoss…..that….that lady wanted….wanted me! She wanted ta….ta…marry….marry me! She said that I was cute. I ain’t cute, horses are cute, not people. We gotta go Hoss ‘fore she comes ta get me!” the scared boy finished saying.
Hoss was surprised to say the least. “She wants you? Why would she want you, you’re just a little boy?” Hoss declared as he looked down at his nervous little brother. “I dunno Hoss, but she did say she was married,” the boy mumbled.
“Oh, I see. Well then Punkin there ain’t nuffin’ ta worry ‘bout then, and oh by the way little brother, you are really cute, almost beautiful!” Hoss replied as he almost had to laugh at the look on his little brother’s face at that moment. “Come on Punkin and let’s go find this Mary Jane Nelson,” Hoss suggested as he put his arm around his brother’s trembling shoulders.
When they reached the home of Mary Jane Nelson, they both stood there looking nervously at the house, and both boys felt a little scared.
“Well, we’re here Hoss. Umm…I ‘spose we should go and see if’n she’s home, Little Joe quietly suggested. Taking a deep breathe, Hoss replied, “Yeah I guess we better.”
As they stood at the front door, Hoss looked down at his baby brother and said, “You knock on the door.” “Huh, why me?” the boy questioned. “Cuz this whole thing is yer idea that’s why little brother!” Hoss stated. “Yah, but yer older than me, and ‘sides ya gotta protect me from danger. ‘Member what happened with that crazy lady a few minutes ago-she wanted me!” the boy explained. Hoss just shook his head at what his little brother had just said to him.
Taking a deep breath, Hoss knocked on the door and he hoped that no one was home. “Please dunt be home,” Hoss thought to himself, but little did he know, his little brother was thinking that same thing.
As soon as the door opened both boys just stood there staring at the very pretty lady standing there looking at them and she had a smile on her face.
Both Hoss and Little Joe were speechless. “May I help you boys?” Mary Jane asked as she looked at them.
As Little Joe stood there with his mouth open he mumbled, “Huh!” Mary Jane continued to smile at them then she repeated, “May I help you boys?”
Hoss was finally able to find his voice. “Yes ma’am, I hope so,” Hoss managed to say as he poked his little brother. “Yes, I hope so too ma’am,” Little Joe mumbled as he was extremely nervous. Mary Jane was very intrigued as to what the boys wanted.
“Please come and sit down and tell me what you want,” she suggested. “Thank you ma’am,” Hoss replied as he took off his hat then he took Little Joe’s hat off of his head and he put the hat in the boy’s hand.
“Ma’am, my name is Hoss and this one is my little brother, Little Joe,” Hoss softly said as he looked at Mary Jane. Little Joe just smiled at her, not really knowing what to say to her.
“My name is Mary Jane Nelson, and I have to say Little Joe, that you are a very cute little boy,” she told the youngster, who wasn’t sure how to respond to that statement. So he just looked at the floor and very softly replied, “Thank you ma’am.” Hoss just shook his head while he looked at his young brother.
“Now, Hoss, Little Joe, just how may I help you boys?” Mary Jane asked. “Well ya see ma’am, we was wonderin’ if’n ya gotts a boyfriend?” Little Joe nervously asked as he finally found the nerve to talk to Mary Jane.
“Strange question for a child to ask,” she thought to herself. “No I haven’t. Do you want to be my boyfriend Little Joe, because if you do, I proudly accept your offer sweetie,” Mary Jane said as she gave the boy a big smile. Of course she was only teasing the boy, but he didn’t know that and he got scared yet once again. She was getting a big kick out of all the expressions Little Joe was getting on his now pale looking face. Hoss started to laugh, knowing that Mary Jane was teasing his baby brother.
Little Joe was shocked at what he had just heard and he began to tremble. He thought how could something that seemed so simple could go so wrong? Why do the ladies want him? Hoss put his hand on his brother’s leg to calm him down.
“Miss Nelson, let me explain this to ya. We have an older brother named Adam. He got back from college not that long ago and we decided, well Little Joe decided that we need to find him a girlfriend,” Hoss began, before he was interrupted by Little Joe.
“Adam is always pickin’ on us, so if’n we found him a girlfriend then just maybe he would be nicer ta us,” Little Joe explained, starting to feel a little braver. “Yeah, just like little brother said,” Hoss added.
As Mary Jane heard what both Hoss and Little Joe had just told her, she smiled and said, “I see. Please tell me more about Adam if you don’t mind.”
Little Joe looked at Hoss and smiled. Then he began to tell Mary Jane about Adam, but before he began he took a deep breath.
“Ya see Adam is tall, good lookin’ and really smart! He loves old Shake, um…. I mean Shakespeare, that Dickens guy, poetry, all them classic books. Dunt tell no one but them books is yucky,” the youngster finished saying. Mary Jane almost broke out laughing a couple of time at what the boy had told her. Again, Hoss just shook his head.
“Well, I must say that Adam sounds like a very interesting man. I also love ‘old Shake ‘. Dickens, poetry and classic books.” She began. She winked at Little Joe when she said, ‘old Shake’ as she thought that nickname was funny.
“I love to cook and love to have fun too. I am also very fond of both of you too,” Mary Jane told them. She was loving both boys very much.
Little Joe felt so relieved in thinking that he and Hoss had found a girlfriend for Adam. “So, would ya like ta meet Adam?” Little Joe excitedly asked. “Yes I sure would sweetie, she replied. “OH GOODIE!” the youngster shouted. We’ll get back ta ya and let ya know what day is good. Thank you Miss Nelson!” both Hoss and Little Joe said.
“I want you both to please call me Mary Jane, alright?” “Yes ma’am, I mean, Mary Jane. That’s a purdy name.” Hoss added as he smiled at her. Little Joe nodded his approval of the name too.
Now on their way home, Hoss and Little Joe couldn’t believe their luck at finding a girlfriend for Adam. “Ya know little brother; Mary Jane was just funnin’ ya when she said that she would love to be yer girlfriend. Yer way to young to have a girlfriend,” Hoss told his brother. “I dunt like girls Hoss, so ya dunt gotta worry ‘bout me havin’ one, ever!” the boy announced. Hoss thought, “Sure little brother. You will like girls when ya get older.”
“Mary Jane sure is nice ain’t she Hoss?” the boy declared. “Yup she sure is Punkin,” Hoss totally agreed. I still dunt like girls, but Mary Jane is really nice,” the boy said again.
“Yeah, now we just gotta figure out how ta get big brother ta like her too,” Hoss explained. “Uh oh, I fergot that part,” the youngster replied as he got a sick look on his face.
The next day while doing their barn chores, Little Joe suddenly spoke up. “Hoss, I got it figured out. We ask Hop Sing ta make a great lunch and tell him why. Then we make big brother take a bath so he smells good, but before that we tell him that a very pretty lady is comin’ ta have lunch with him. Whatcha think ‘bout that Hoss? Huh?” Little Joe asked hoping Hoss would agree to this part of the plan.
“Hey, that sounds good ta me little brother. Just hope old Adam thinks so and we better hope that big brother dunt kill us,” Hoss explained. “Yeah, I sure dunt wanna die yet!” Little Joe declared. Hoss couldn’t help it, but he smiled at what the boy had just said.
That next morning found both Hoss and Little Joe on the nervous side knowing that they were going to have their talk with Hop Sing about a lunch for Adam and Mary Jane.
“Um Hop Sing, can we talk ta ya fer a couple of minutes please? Its somthin’
really important,” Little Joe asked as he gave Hop Sing one of his prize
winning smiles
.
As soon as Hop Sing saw that smile he knew mischief was close at hand. “What you do now? Why you want to talk to Hop Sing ‘bout important thing?” Hop Sing nervously inquired as he continued to look at the little imp standing in front of him with that smile still on his face. Hoss also had a grin on his face, but he seemed a little nervous, unlike his little brother who just smiled. Hop Sing could tell something was up.
“Ah, Hop Sing it ain’t nuffin’ bad,” Hoss mumbled as he continued to grin nervously. “Yeah, it’s somethin’ good Hop Sing, trust me,” Little Joe declared. “Hop Sing trust little boy, that be the day,” Hop Sing replied.
“But Hop Sing, just hear me out ok, cuz it is really good and no trouble. Ya see since yer the BEST cook in the whole wide world, only you can make this perfect,” the boy sort of explained, leaving Hop Sing a little confuse at what was going on with the two youngest Cartwright brothers.
“You tell Hop Sing what you two up too right now!” Hop Sing demanded. Taking a deep breath Little Joe said a quick prayer before going on with his explanation. “Well ya see Hop Sing, ever since old Adam comed home from college he’s always pickin’ on me and Hoss and givin’ us a hard time and bossin’ us ‘round, so we dun figured that if’n big brother had himself a girlfriend then just maybe he’d stop pickin’ on us and he would be nicer ta us. Since we love him so much, Hoss and me found him a really nice girlfriend and we invited her ta come here fer lunch one day and meet Adam. Whatcha say Hop Sing, can ya make a yummy lunch fer Adam and Mary Jane?” Little Joe finished explaining to Hop Sing. “Please Hop Sing?” Hoss added.
“Hop Sing make lunch, but little boy should let big brother find own girlfriend. He not be happy with younger brothers for this,” Hop Sing told the youngster. “Thanks Hop Sing,” a very relieved Little Joe replied. “Thank you Hop Sing, yer the BEST!” Hoss said as he hugged Hop Sing.
“Which day should we have the lunch Hop Sing?” the boy asked. “How about next Wednesday?” Hop Sing suggested. He loved to show off his cooking talents.
“That sounds great Hop Sing, thanks. Hey Hoss we need ta let Mary Jane know ‘bout next Wednesday and give her directions how ta get out here,” Little Joe explained to Hoss, who nodded his agreement.
Naturally Hoss and Little Joe didn’t mention any of this to Ben since they knew that he wouldn’t be too happy about them inferring into Adam’s life like that.
On Monday morning, Ben left on a business trip to San Francisco for two weeks. Hoss and Little Joe thought that the trip was perfect timing. They had been wondering what Ben would have done had he been home the day of the luncheon, but now they didn’t have to worry about that.
For some reason, Adam could tell all day on Tuesday that his younger brothers were acting nervous every time he got near them and he couldn’t put a hand on why they were so nervous. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know or not.
After dinner on Tuesday, Adam looked at Little Joe, but when his baby brother quickly looked at the floor, he knew something was up and that it most likely would lead to some kind of mischief-Little Joe style.
“Ok you two, out with it!” Adam demanded. Both Hoss and Little Joe nervously looked at Adam. “Whatcha mean, out with it? Out with what?” Little Joe asked as he tried to seem calm and innocent.
“You know what I mean. What are you two planning up now and I know that baby brother is the leader on this, right Hoss. Speak right up baby brother if you know what’s good for you!” Adam demanded as he watched all the expressions on his baby brother’s face. It was hard not to laugh at those expressions.
“Um…What makes ya think I’m up ta somethin’ Adam? Golly, dunt ya trust me? Ya know big brother, I love ya and me and Hoss want only the best fer ya!” the boy nervously explained. Adam knew that he was in big trouble now, as he pinched the bridge of his nose
Adam took a deep breath while continuing to look at Hoss then back at Little Joe. “Now I know that you two ARE planning something, so I THINK you had better tell me right NOW if you want to continue to LIVE!” Adam declared, this time he was glaring at his brothers.
They knew they were in deep trouble by the way Adam was sounding, and that scared them. They both looked at each other, and then back to Adam, and they both gulped nervously.
“Um….ok Adam, but ya gotta hear me out before ya say anythin’. Promise me that Adam, please,” Little Joe begged as he tried to look innocent with his big green pleading eyes. Adam nodded and said, “Speak!”
Taking another deep breath, Little Joe looked at Hoss hoping that he would explain to Adam what they had done but Hoss shook his head, ‘ no ‘.
“Well ya see Adam….um…um….me and Hoss really do love ya, but since ya got back from college ya been pickin’ on us, ‘specially me and that ain’t nice ya know. Heck, we, I mean me, try really hard ta do everythin’ right, but I’m just a little boy,” Little Joe was at a loss for words momentarily. “Continue on little brother,” Adam interrupted.
“Ummm…..ummmm…I had an idea and it’s very good idea too. Ya know that if’n ya had a….a….girlfriend then just maybe you’d be happier and be nicer ta me and Hoss,” the boy explained.
Adam was getting extremely worried by now. He could see it all now, his brothers had set him up with Miss Jones and he was beginning to feel a little ill.
Little Joe continued on with his explanation. “So tomorrow, Mary Jane Nelson is coming here fer lunch and ta meet ya. Dunt worry, cuz me and Hoss are gonna be gone at the lake fishin’ and havin’ a picnic. She’s really nice Adam, and oh dunt ferget ya need to take a bath before she gets here. Ya know ya gotta smell good fer her,” the boy suggested as he smiled sweetly at his oldest brother.
Completely shocked at what he had just heard, Adam glared at his brothers, especially at Little Joe. “I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU TWO HAVE DONE THIS TO ME! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? I KNOW THAT LITTLE JOE WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING LIKE THIS, BUT NOT YOU HOSS! COULD’T YOU STOP THAT BOY FROM DOING THIS TO ME? MY SO CALLED LOVING BROTHERS YOU ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Adam angrily shouted as loud as he could.
“Adam….please…..” Little Joe started to say before he was interrupted by Adam. “YOU JUST SHUT UP LITTLE BROTHER! YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW AFTER MARY JANE GOES HOME! I’M GOING TO…………!” was all Adam could say at the moment as he held up his right hand which meant, ‘not another word’ from his baby brother.
“Whatcha gonna do Adam?” Little Joe asked without thinking. “Let’s just say that Pa will have one less son to worry about!” Adam declared. He was extremely upset with Little Joe for another one of his big ideas that was sure to be a big failure.
As soon as Little Joe heard that, he raced up to his room and hid under his bed. A very concerned Hoss looked nervously at Adam. “Adam, please dunt take it all out on little brother. He was only tryin’ ta help ya is all. He dunt mean no harm,” Hoss tried to explain to his older brother.
Adam turned and glared at Hoss. Why in the world didn’t you stop him from doing this Hoss? When I want a girlfriend, I can find my own-thank you very much! You two just stay out of my way or else!” Adam replied, none to happy about what had just taken place and he once again held up his right hand signaling to Hoss not to say anymore.
Adam decided that he needed to get away from Hoss and Little Joe for a while, so he rode into Virginia City for a good strong drink or two or maybe three.
Hop Sing stood in the kitchen listening to every word Adam had shouted at his brothers and he felt sorry for the younger boys, but he realized too that Adam should be able to find his own girlfriend if he wanted one.
After Adam had left the ranch, Hoss ran upstairs to find his little brother. Once in the boy’s room Hoss called out for the boy. “Hey Punkin, old Adam is gone. Ya can come out of hiding now. I won’t let him hurt ya,” Hoss called out. “Ya sure he ain’t here Hoss?” the youngster asked softly from under his bed. “Yup, he rode out of the yard a couple of minutes ago,” Hoss replied as he watched the boy crawl out from under the bed, looking very nervous.
“Man, I didn’t think he would get so mad at us Hoss, and he wants ta kill me too!” Little Joe mumbled as he sat down on his bed. Hoss sat down next to him and he put his arm around the boy’s trembling shoulders. “Just give him time to settle down Punkin, ok?” Hoss suggested. “I’ll try Hoss,” the boy replied.
The next morning not a word was spoken by the Cartwright brothers. Little Joe was scared that Adam was going to kill him later that day. Hoss didn’t want to say anything that would make Adam even angrier than he already was. After breakfast and as soon as their chores were finished, Hoss and Little Joe got their picnic basket and quickly rode out of the yard.
Adam was trying his best to calm down and he knew that a nice soaking in the tub would help. He wasn’t sure if he could forgive his brothers, especially Little Joe for all of this. “That boy needs to be put in a cage for his own good and for my own good too,” Adam thought to himself.
Hop Sing hoped and prayed that today would turn out good for the Cartwright brothers, plus he was anxious to meet Mary Jane, even if Adam wasn’t looking forward to lunch with a lady he had never met before.
About an hour before lunch, Mary Jane drove her buggy into the yard of the Ponderosa. She was very nervous as she looked at the large log home. It looked very friendly to her.
As soon as Adam heard the buggy arrive in the yard he took a deep breath and slowly walked towards the front door. “Guess it’s now or never,” he said to himself as he walked out in the yard.
“You must be Mary Jane Nelson. My name is Adam Cartwright. Welcome to the Ponderosa. “She sure is pretty,” Adam thought to himself.
“Yes, I am, and it is very nice to meet you Adam. I must say that you have a beautiful home,” Mary Jane nervously said, as Adam helped her down from the buggy. “Thank you,” she said as they walked towards the house. “Thank you too Mary Jane,” Adam replied as he led her to the settee.
At first neither of them said anything. They felt slightly awkward. “He sure is handsome,” she thought to herself.
“I’m sorry about those two brothers of mine. I tell you, that when my baby brother gets an idea in his head, there’s no stopping him. I know you must feel as awkward as I do. I have to say that you are a very beautiful lady Mary Jane,” Adam told her.
“Thank you for saying that Adam and you are a very handsome man. Yes, I do feel awkward too. You should have seen Hoss and Little Joe when they came to see me. They were both scared to death, especially Little Joe. That boy has to be the cutest little boy I have ever seen Adam,” Mary Jane began.
“Adam, please don’t be upset with them. They love you very much and they just wanted to help you,” Mary Jane finished saying as she smiled at Adam.
“Thank you Mary Jane. You should have seen how nervous the boys were yesterday and then again last night when they finally told me about today. The expressions my baby brother gets on his face are just priceless,” Adam said as he smiled at Mary Jane.
“He has the face of an angel Adam, and it was so hard not too laugh at all those expressions he had on that sweet face,” Mary Jane laughed as she told Adam about the day that Hoss and Little Joe had come to see her. By now, Adam was laughing right along with her.
“I know what you mean. That boy is full of mischief, and he certainly keeps us all on our toes at all times. We wouldn’t want him any other way, even though he can be a big pain sometimes,” Adam added.
Looking around the large open room, Mary Jane asked, “By the way, where are Hoss and Little Joe?” “They went to the lake to do some fishing and have a picnic. I’m sorry that my father isn’t here to meet you, but he is away on a business trip to San Francisco for a couple of weeks. I get the pleasure of keeping my younger brothers out of mischief for two weeks. Hoss isn’t a problem, but Little Joe….Let’s just say he can be a big problem at times,” Adam teased as he shook his head and he told Mary Jane some Little Joe mischief stories, which made them both laugh. “He’s priceless Adam,” Mary Jane declared.
Both Adam and Mary Jane were enjoying each others company very much. They did have a lot in common. Mary Jane was the oldest of four sisters. They were from Kansas City. Her sisters were all married and they lived in New York and in Boston. She went on to tell Adam that she too loved Shakespeare, Dickens, poetry and classic books. She even told Adam how Little Joe had said, “Old Shake” for Shakespeare, which made them both laugh.
At the lake, Hoss and Little Joe were having a good time fishing, but they were also nervous and wondering how Adam and Mary Jane were getting along.
“Hoss, do ya think it will be safe ta go back home when we gets enough fish fer dinner? I hope Adam dunt kill us cuz Pa wouldn’t be too happy ‘bout that ya know,” the boy nervously stated as he looked up at his big brother with big green eyes.
“Nah, big brother wouldn’t really kill us, but he might yell awful loud at us though. I’m kinda nervous too Punkin,” Hoss replied as he smiled at his little brother.
After the boys had finished their picnic lunch, they cleaned the fish so Hop Sing wouldn’t have to do it, which they usually did anyway.
“Them fish sure look good and they are really big too, bigger than the ones we caught last time Hoss,” Little Joe proudly said as he looked at the fish. “They sure are Punkin. Can’t wait ta eat em too!” Hoss replied as he licked his lips which made Little Joe giggle.
“Adam, I want to thank you for being so nice and understanding at what your brothers did. I really enjoyed being with you and you are everything your brothers said about you and much more too. They are very lucky to have such a wonderful brother like you. Lunch was excellent. If you would like, I would love to see you again,” Mary Jane softly said as she looked at Adam and smiled.
“Mary Jane, I would also love to see you again too. I thoroughly enjoyed being with you too. Don’t worry, I’m not one bit upset with my younger brothers, but I think I will tease them for a while though,” Adam told her as he laughed. “Please let me know how that goes,” Mary Jane replied as she too laughed. “I will,” Adam added as he walked her to her buggy. Just before he helped her climb aboard, he gave her a kiss on her face.
After Mary Jane had left, Adam stood in the yard with a big smile on his face. “You two just wait until I get finished with you,” Adam said out loud as he went back in the house softly chuckling.
“Mr. Adam, Hop Sing wonder what you think of Missy Mary Jane?” Hop Sing asked, not sure if he should have asked that question in the first place, but he was very curious to know.
Smiling at Hop Sing, Adam replied, “Well Hop Sing, I really enjoyed being with her. She is very nice and we have quite a lot in common. I hope to see her again.”
Feeling very relieved, Hop Sing smiled at Adam and replied back, “Very happy to hear that. Miss Mary Jane very nice and very pretty lady. You not upset at brothers then?”
“No, I’m not upset with them, but don’t let them know that because I plan to have some fun with those two match makers,” Adam said as he started to laugh and with a twinkle in his eyes.
“Hop Sing glad you not upset with brothers. Hop Sing look forward to fun with brothers, especially Little Joe. He sure seemed nervous when he and Hoss left to go to lake,” Hop Sing told Adam. Adam just grinned at Hop Sing. “Now all we have to do is to wait for my two victims to get home,” Adam teased. Hop Sing nodded his agreement with Adam.
Hoss and Little Joe took their time heading back home, both dreading having to face their older brother. As soon as they reached the yard, they stopped and stood there both staring at the house.
Neither boy wanted to move. “Umm….You go first Hoss,” the boy suggested. “No way little brother, we go in together, but by way of the kitchen, so we can give Hop Sing the fish. Then it might be a good idea ta get our barn chores done early and just maybe old Adam will be a little easier on us,” Hoss explained. Little Joe nodded back at Hoss and both boys headed to the kitchen.
As soon as Hop Sing heard the kitchen door open he knew it wouldn’t be long now until the fun would start, as he laughed to himself.
Little Joe quietly peeked in the kitchen and when he didn’t see Adam, he let out his breath that he had been holding just seconds before. He was extremely relieved that his oldest brother wasn’t in the kitchen at that time, so he felt a little safer for the time being.
“Hi ya Hop Sing, we brung ya the fish we caught fer dinner,” the youngster announced softly as he continued to look around the kitchen. Of course Hop Sing was getting a big kick watching all the expressions Little Joe was getting on his dirty face. “Fish look very nice and will taste good for dinner,” Hop Sing declared as he took the fish from Little Joe.
“Hop Sing ,um….um how’d it go with Adam and Mary Jane?” Hoss asked sheepishly, as too looked around the kitchen for any sign of Adam. It was very hard for Hop Sing not to laugh out loud, but inside he was laughing at the nervous looks and the actions of Hoss and Little Joe.
“Hop Sing not know. You ask Mr. Adam,” Hop Sing suggested. Both boys gulped and told Hop Sing that they were going to the barn to do their barn chores.
As soon as the boys left the kitchen, Hop Sing started to laugh out loud. Just thinking about the looks on Hoss and Little Joe’s face were absolutely priceless. Hop Sing then walked out to the living room to tell Adam how nervous his brothers were. Adam decided to give his ‘victims ‘a few more minutes together before he made a little trip to the barn so he could begin his little prank on them.
“Oh Hoss, I can’t stand it anymore. Why dunt Adam just come out here and kill us now?” Little Joe mumbled as his eyes filled up with tears and his young body began to tremble.
Hoss seeing the distress on his baby brother smiled and put his arm around the nervous boy. “Dunt worry Punkin, like I said before, Adam won’t kill us, but he sure might yell at us real loud like. I’ll keep ya safe little brother,” Hoss explained as too was very nervous at how Adam would treat them once they had to face him.
Adam heard what was being said in the barn since he was standing next to the door and he smiled. “So they think I’m going to kill them do they? Well this should be fun,” Adam said to himself.
Adam slowly walked in the barn and he cleared his throat which startled Hoss and Little Joe. Little Joe gasped and quickly hid behind the safety of Hoss hoping that his oldest brother hadn’t seem him.
“I want you both in the house NOW! I see you hiding behind Hoss baby brother, so you had better come out NOW!” Adam almost shouted, but inside he was laughing hard. Those words by Adam was all it took for Hoss and Little Joe as they raced out of the barn and straight for the house. Adam stood there laughing as he watched his brothers run towards the house.
Hoss and Little Joe sat on the settee very nervously waiting for Adam and when they heard the front door open, then slammed shut, they both jumped and gulped deeply.
Adam had walked slowly towards the house knowing that it would make his younger brothers even more nervous. Once he reached the house he opened the front door then slammed it shut just in time to see his brothers’ jump up. He was still laughing deep inside.
Adam walked over to the settee and he stood there looking at his brothers with his hands on his hips, looking very much like their father.
No one said anything for a couple of seconds. “Umm….um….Adam, listen big brother… we didn’t mean any harm. We just wanted ta find ya a nice lady so you could…. Could go out with her and have a good time,” Hoss nervously explained.
Adam didn’t say anything yet as he looked closely at Hoss then over at Little Joe, and he could tell by looking at his baby brother that this had been another one of his crazy ideas, but then he had already figured that out earlier.
“A….A…..Adam…..please dunt be mad at us big brother, ‘specially at Hoss cuz this was my idea and not his. Ya see, we really love ya and we, I mean me wanted ta find the perfect lady ya could go dancin’ with and ta go on fun picnics too. Ya know Adam, she loves that ‘Old Shake ‘guy and poetry too,” Little Joe nervously explained to his older brother.
“So you two think that you can be my match makers do you, and you just told me that you baby brother are the brains behind this….this set up….” Was all Adam had planned to say at that moment. He was finding it harder and harder not to start laughing out loud at all the expressions on his brother’s faces especially Little Joe’s. Hop Sing was laughing in the kitchen as he could hear what was being said in the living room.
Little Joe knowing he had been found out, raised his hand slowly as being the guilty one and he slightly smiled. “I KNEW IT!” Adam shouted as both Hoss and Little Joe slid down on the settee.
“JOSEPH, I want you to go to your room NOW!” Adam declared. Without another word being said, the youngster jumped up and ran for the stairs, tripping on the stairs several times as ran up the stairs and straight for the safety of his room. .When Adam heard the door to his baby brother’s room close he turned to look at a very nervous Hoss, which caused Hoss to swallow deeply.
“Hoss, so you decided to let our little brother talk you into another one of his crazy schemes again I see. I can just picture that boy interviewing ladies for me,” Adam said as he continued to look at Hoss with a smile on his face.
“Are ya upset Adam?” Hoss softly asked. With a chuckle, Adam replied, “Not really. I have to say that I really like Mary Jane. She told me how nervous you both were and she also said that I was very lucky to have two brothers who wanted to show how much they loved me.” Adam began as he smiled at Hoss, which made Hoss feel much better.
“I still want to have some fun with our little brother, so will you help me out for a while?” Adam asked Hoss. “I will Adam, but don’t let it go too far. That boy is a nervous wreck, and he thinks that you are going to kill him. I just wish he would stop planning these kind of things and getting me involved,” Hoss replied as he looked at his older brother. “But if he didn’t get you involved, he wouldn’t be our little imp would he, and besides, that boy sure makes life around here very interesting,” Adam teased. Hoss nodded and smiled.
“Adam, ya should have seen little brother before we went to meet Mary Jane. He saw a lady walkin’ down the sidewalk, so he went over to her, so he could talk to her. Well, when that boy came running back to me, he hid behind me and he was so pale that I thought he might pass out. He mumbled that she wanted him. That boy was scared to death!” Hoss told Adam which made both of them laugh.
“I wish I could have seen that little drama taking place,” Adam teased.
After about an hour or so, Adam shouted for Little Joe to please come downstairs. It didn’t take long before one very nervous little boy to slowly walk down the stairs while looking at the floor.
Hoss was sitting in Adam’s chair while Adam stood there watching their very nervous young brother who was now standing in front of his oldest brother, not looking at him at all, but still staring at the floor. The boy was hoping the floor would open up and swallow him.
“Well little brother, what do you have to say for yourself?” Adam asked trying to sound angry, but inside he was laughing at the sick look on the boy’s pale face.
Hoss was finding it very hard not to start laughing, so he coughed several times. Of course Adam knew why Hoss was coughing, so he wouldn’t laugh out loud.
“I’m waiting for an answer Joseph!” Adam reminded his brother. Still looking at the floor, and with a deep breath, Little Joe mumbled, “Umm, ummm….not much I guess. Golly Adam, I….I….just wanted ta make ya happy and ta find ya girlfriend is all. Please believe me Adam, please!” Little Joe looked up at Adam with the saddest look on his face.
Adam was dying inside, wanting so hard to let his laugh to come out. “Oh you did, did you?” he questioned the boy who nervously stood in front of him looking scared to death. Little Joe just nodded at his big brother.
“Tell me something baby brother, what should I do with you for what you have done? I just might have to kill you, you know,” Adam replied as he continued to look at the boy in front of him. He noticed that his young brother had started to tremble.
Taking a deep breath and with a big gulp, Little Joe looked up at Adam and he said, “Now Adam, ya can’t kill me cuz Pa wouldn’t like that, cuz he loves me and ‘sides ya dunt wanna get in that kinda big trouble. Pa and Hoss would miss me somethin’ awful!”
That declaration from the boy was all it took for both Adam and Hoss to burst out in loud laughter. Of course Little Joe didn’t think what he had just said was funny at all.
“That ain’t funny ta wanna kill me Adam,” Little Joe mumbled as he was getting a little angry at how his brothers could think something like that could be so funny.
“Oh little buddy,” Adam began as he put his arms around the youngster, “I’m not going to kill you. In fact, I’m not even upset with you. Mary Jane is a lovely lady and we had a nice afternoon. You certainly found a wonderful girlfriend for me. Thank you, you little imp!” Adam finished saying as he was happy to let his baby brother off the hook now. Little Joe was very relieved indeed to know that he wasn’t in trouble.
“Well ya know Adam, it was either Mary Jane or Miss Jones!” the boy teased. “Miss Jones, indeed!” Adam declared. With that said, both Adam and Hoss ganged up on their little brother and they began to tickle him non-stop. Loud giggling and cries for help could be heard all over the house.
Hop Sing stood in the kitchen listening to the giggling and cries for help from the living room and he had to laugh. “Brothers back to normal again,” Hop Sing said to no one but himself as he continued to laugh.
The End.