Little One
by Nanuk
~
"Hoss, I've been thinking..."
Hoss grinned. The little lad sure was a lot like his father. As calm
and well-behaved as he was, he also had the inquiring and curious
nature of another Cartwright son.
"What's it then, Jamie?"
When the boy didn't answer at first, Hoss threw him a glance. He
thought he knew what this conversation was going to be about. Some
days ago, his father had brought up the topic of Christmas
approaching, and since then Jamie had been unusually quiet, even for
him. He had started to watch everyone in the family, his big dark
eyes
following every move and turn.
They had smiled at each other, remembering how Joe at that age had
wanted to find out where his presents had been hidden, and tried not
to let on anything.
"Hoss..."
Hoss grinned to himself. He cleared his throat, then nodded to Jamie
to go on.
Then, as if he had been deciding whether to say anything or not,
Jamie
looked up and met Hoss' eyes straight on. His face was serious.
"If I want something to happen, and I think of it real strong and
am a
good boy...you think it will come true?"
"Sure." Hoss secretly wondered what kind of present Jamie wanted
that
he gave it so much thought. While the boy never really wanted
anything
for himself, he did accept gifts when they were offered to him.
Not wanting to have Jamie brooding too much, Hoss decided to cheer
him
up a bit.
"And know what? We will have a big tree, and lots of presents for
everyone, and HopSing will cook a wonderful meal." At that, Hoss'
stomach rumbled loudly with anticipation, and Jamie grinned.
Hoss laughed good-naturedly.
"Just think o' it, Little One. The pancakes and cookies, and the
goose, and there will be music and singing, and candles everywhere.
Just think of the sweets, and the tree and the reading of the
Christmas story..." Hoss happily chatted on, without noticing that
Jamie's face had become wistful again.
"Music", he muttered quietly, "yeah...", and followed
Hoss home.
~
Ben addressed Jamie that evening after dinner. Seated in his red
chair, he watched Jamie who sat opposite him, the book on his lap
forgotten.
"Jamie, dear, is there something troubling you?" he asked softly.
The
boy lifted his eyes and glanced shyly at Ben. Then he nodded.
Inwardly Ben sighed. Sometimes he wished Jamie to be a bit more like
Joe and just pour out whatever was worrying him, but obviously Jamie
was just like his father, and not only in looks.
"Is it something to do with Christmas?" he ventured carefully.
Again Jamie nodded, but then he clutched the book and looked at
Ben.
"Hoss said ... ", he swallowed, and went on, "Hoss said
there would be
music and ...and singing at Christmas."
Ben smiled encouragingly at Jamie to go on, but he wondered where
this
was heading. They always had music at Christmas, and singing was as
much a part of their tradition as the Christmas dinner.
Jamie clutched the book tighter. "I wanted ...I wanted to ask you to
sing my ...", again he stopped, unsure of how to go on, but Ben
suddenly knew what he wanted to ask. He stared at the fireplace, his
thoughts a million miles away.
In his mind he saw a dark young man, amber eyes sparkling, singing
to
a small boy he held on his lap, his body glowing with joy and life.
The living room had been ablaze then, with hundreds of candles,
filled
with the fragrance of the Christmas tree and HopSing's wonderful
meal,
and his family had been safe. His family had been safe then.
A rough hand suddenly shook his shoulder, and Hoss' concerned eyes
appeared in front of him.
"Pa? You ok?"
Ben blinked once, then looked up at Hoss.
"What...?"
"Just came in as Jamie was heading outside and found you like this.
Everything alright?"
Ben sat up at once and grabbed his son's arm, startling him.
"Jamie is outside? Where did he go?"
"Just getting a breather. Looked a mite down, now that I think of
it."
Hoss cocked his head and regarded Ben who seemed lost in thoughts
again. Then he looked up at Hoss and smiled sadly.
"I had forgotten", he said.
He rubbed a hand over his face, suddenly tired.
"He wants me to sing Adam's song at Christmas." Ben ignored Hoss'
abrupt intake of breath and got up. "I'll go and talk with him."
~
Ben rounded the house and found Jamie at the back, staring hard into
the distance.
He went to sit next to his grandson, and laid a hand on a frail
trembling shoulder. When he spoke, he didn't look at Jamie.
"I remember when your father sang that song. His voice would touch
my
heart, would somehow find a way into it, and before I knew it I felt
like I was going to burst with love and happiness. Then he would
glance up at me, and smile, and I knew that he felt the same that I
did."
Jamie looked at Ben, and if he was surprised to see tears in his
grandfathers eyes, he didn't show it.
"I miss him", he said.
Ben's grip tightened. "So do I."
Then he turned to his grandson.
"I'm sorry that you can't hear him sing, Jamie." He brushed a
soft
cheek with his forefinger. "When he sang for you, the love in his
voice would have made an angel cry."
For a moment, they didn't speak. Then Jamie laid a hand on his knee
and stared at him through his long dark lashes.
"Will you sing it for me at Christmas? Please?"
Ben covered the little hand gently with his own and looked into the
deep golden eyes as he answered.
"I will", he said. "I promise."
He laid his arm around the boy as he felt him snuggle against his
side
and felt the warmth and the tiny heartbeat under his hand.
I promise, he repeated quietly to himself, in the silence of the
night.
And I won't forget.
----
The end