HAIR BY HOSS
'How did I let that little brother of mine sucker me inta yet
another of his crazy schemes?' thought Hoss to himself, as he
styled
the lady's hair. He knew that the young woman was probably
expecting
him to make some small talk, as he worked, but he didn't think that
she would be interested in the kind of things that the barber
discussed with him, when he had his hair cut. The price of a beer,
or the cost of feed for the stock, were hardly things likely to
interest a young lady, and Hoss knew nothing about lady's fashion,
or who was courting who, in this little town where he and Little
Joe
had been spending a few days, checking out cattle in order to
improve their breeding program. So, he just continued with the job
in hand, until he felt he'd done as good a job as he could, and
then
he held up the mirror, so that she could view his handiwork.
"That is lovely, Monsieur Erik," she said, smiling at him.
"When
your colleague said I wouldn't be disappointed with your skill, I
must admit I was rather sceptical, as I don't usually allow just
anyone to style my hair for me, but he was right, you are very
good.
In fact I will recommend you to my friends; that is if you will be
staying here for a while? Although I expect you have a full client
list waiting for your services in your home town?"
Hoss smiled at these words, as his 'client list' consisted of the
horses on the Ponderosa, but he knew better than to say so. If this
young woman knew that his only experience of styling hair was the
horse variety, she might not be so grateful for what he'd done.
"I'm mighty glad you're pleased with what I've done, ma'am," he
said. "I'm not sure yet how long we'll be stayin', but iffen I have
the time, I'd be delighted to gussie up your friends' hair for 'em.
If ya'd like to pay ma br, I mean Monsieur Joseph, and ask him to
send in the next client, please."
"Certainly, Monsieur Erik," she said, rising from the chair.
She made her way out of the hotel room where Hoss had set up his
ladies hair salon, and through to the adjoining room, where Joe was
waiting with the next customer.
"Ah, Mademoiselle," said Joe, adopting a French accent. "You
look
magnifique. Monsieur Erik has done it again, he has created the,
how
you say, the masterpiece."
He took the young woman's money and ushered the next lady through
to
Hoss. This went on for the entire morning, until an exhausted Hoss
called a halt and demanded that he had some lunch.
"It's a good time to stop," said Joe, joining Hoss. "No more
customers, so we either havta wait for more to come, via
recommendation, or go out and drum up some more business on the
street."
"How about we do neither, little brother," said Hoss. "How
about we
jest pack up and get outta here? We can be home by lunch time
tomorrow. We've seen the cattle and so done what Pa wanted us to
do,
and my feet are killin' me, standin' here all day. Ma boots are
made
for ridin' in, not workin' as a hairdresser. Of all the fool things
you've ever gotten me into, this must be the dumbest. I ain't no
hairdresser and sooner or later someone's gonna catch on to that
fact."
"I don't see why they should, Hoss," said Joe, stretching out on
the
bed. "Every woman whose come outta this room has been singing your
praises, you're a natural at this. In fact, I was thinking we
should
rent a shop and stay for a week or so. You'll make a fortune, much
more than what we need. Think of it, we'll go home with more money
than we can make working for Pa for a week; if what we've made in
the last two days is anything to go by."
"But I don't wanna work as a hairdresser, Little Joe," whined
Hoss. "I'm only doing this 'til we've got enough to pay off your
poker debts and then we're going home. And don't think I'm gonna
ferget this in a hurry. You're gonna owe me, big time, shortshanks.
I've bin bailin' you out for jest about all of your sixteen years,
and I'm gettin' mighty sick of it. I warned ya 'bout gettin' into
that poker game, the stakes were too high fer ya, but ya had to do
it, didn't ya? And look what happened? Ya got took fer more than ya
had and the guy only accepted your IOU's cos ya bragged about being
a big cattle buyer for the Ponderosa, instead of tellin' him the
truth, that you're jest the youngest son, with no money of yer own.
If I hadn't arrived, when I did, he'd have pounded you into the
ground and even then we only got out of there, alive, when I
promised to pay him in forty eight hours."
"Yeah,yeah, I know I owe ya heaps, Hoss, but it was a real stroke
of
luck that Madame Yvette broke her arm and had to close up her
salon,
until a replacement stylist could get here, wasn't it? As soon as I
spread the news round town that Monsieur Erik, the renowned ladies
hairdresser, was staying at the hotel, the ladies have been
flocking
to our door."
"But it's a lie, Little Joe," shouted Hoss. "I ain't no
ladies
hairdresser and sooner or later, someone's gonna wise up ta that
fact and then you and me are gonna be in more trouble than even you
can handle."
"Oh, quit your worryin', Hoss," said Joe. "What could
possibly go
wrong? OK, if you don't wanna do this anymore, fine, but please
just
finish out today, and by then we'll be able to pay back that card
shark and then we can head for home, in the morning."
"Fair enough," said Hoss. "Now go get me something to eat,
please."
Joe left the room and headed for a little cafe, just down the
street. As he walked along, he whistled a jaunty tune. He really
had
enough money already, to pay off the debt, but couldn't see the
harm
in making a little bit more, before they went home. Little Joe
should have taken heed of the wise old saying 'pride cometh before
a
fall' but he was impulsive, had a pocket full of money and his
eternal optimism was, once again, clouding his judgment; something
that big brother Adam often took him to task about.
He fetched Hoss a sandwich and by the time the big man had eaten
it,
there were two more women waiting for 'Monsieur Erik' to work his
magic.
They were mother and daughter and they both wanted their hair dyed.
"My husband is the chairman of the town council and he manages the
largest bank in the area," said Mrs Riley, to Joe. "We are
hosting a
very important dinner this evening and need to look our best. When
we found out that Madame Yvette was indisposed, we were devastated,
but then we heard about Monsieur Erik being in town. I have brought
along the dye, so would he be able to fit us in, this afternoon?"
"Mais, oui, certainment," said Joe. "Please come thees way,
Madame,
Mademoiselle. Monsieur Erik will be deelighted to 'elp you."
Hoss was not so sure if he could help them, as he hadn't been asked
to dye anyone's hair before, but Joe's smooth tongue once more
convinced him to give it a try and so he went ahead.
The result was disastrous, both women's hair turned a bright green.
"I'm real sorry, ladies," stammered Hoss. "I ain't never
done
nothin' like this before," and the truth came pouring out of the
young man, despite Joe's attempts to shut him up.
Their shrieks could be heard all over the hotel and someone soon
brought it to the attention of the sheriff, thinking that a murder
was in progress.
Sheriff Jim Potter was used to dealing with most things, but two
hysterical women, with green hair, were beyond his capabilities,
and
Mr Riley was asked to come and collect his wife and daughter.
Neither of them would leave the hotel until their heads were
completely covered and until they were assured that the bogus hair
stylist and his assistant were going to be locked up for their
deception.
"Don't worry on that score, ma'am," said Sheriff Potter.
"These two
are gonna be spending some time in my jail, until the circuit judge
arrives. And after that, I should think that they will be paying
dearly for trying to fleece the fair ladies of our town. Come on
you
two."
Hoss and Joe had no choice but to go with the sheriff, but once
they
were in his office, Hoss asked if they could send a wire.
"It's to our Pa, Mr Ben Cartwright, Ponderosa Ranch, near
City
to come as soon as he can."
"He don't havta come that soon," said Joe, not looking forward to
what his father would have to say, and what he might do, when he
got
there, and found out what his two sons had been up to.
It took nearly three days, but eventually Ben did arrive and he
listened, in shocked silence, as Sheriff Potter explained the
reason
why the boys were in jail.
"The circuit judge will be here in the morning, Mr Cartwright, and
your sons will appear before him. Apart from the two ladies who had
their hair dyed green, your sons other clients were very pleased
with their hairstyles and so it's really only a case of working out
some kind of compensation for Mrs Riley and her daughter. I'm sure
the judge will take into consideration the age of your youngest
boy,
when he decides on their punishment. I will leave you to talk to
the
boys now."
"Thank you, Sheriff," said Ben, and he entered the back room,
where
the cells were.
Hoss and Joe both stood up, as their father approached them, and
although there were bars separating them from Ben, Joe immediately
covered his butt, with his hands.
"Erm, hi Pa," he said. "Thanks for coming."
"Sorry about this Pa," said Hoss. "But we did get to see the
cattle,
afore all the trouble started."
"Right now, cattle are the last thing on my mind," said Ben.
"The
Sheriff has informed me of your crimes and that you will be
appearing before the judge, in the morning. Until then, I really
can't comment, as I don't know what he will do with you. I am going
to check in at the hotel, have a meal and then try and get a decent
night's sleep, in readiness for the trial. I suggest you try and do
the same."
"
You'll find him in the Gilded Lily saloon. It's the money I owe
him,
and the reason we're in this mess. I lost to him at poker and Hoss
just did all this, to help me, so I could pay off the debt. So
don't
be mad with him, Pa, it's all my fault."
"We'll talk in the morning, Joseph," said Ben. "But thank
you for
owning up. I will see that Mr Harper gets his money. Goodnight,
boys."
The following morning, Hoss and Joe stood in front of Judge Jones
and listened, as their crimes were read out. Fortunately for them,
several of their clients did come forward and praise Hoss for his
styling skills and this certainly helped their case.
Once he had been given all the facts as to why they had pretended
to
be hairdressers, the judge retired to decide on their punishment.
When he returned to the courtroom, he declared that Mrs Riley and
her daughter should be awarded sufficient costs to enable them to
have wigs made to cover their hair, until such time as the dye grew
out, or until a hairdresser could rectify the problem. They were
also to be compensated for the fact that they had been unable to
host the dinner party or attend any other social functions since
the
unfortunate incident had taken place.
The boys were then released into their father's custody and Judge
Jones warned them not to try and deceive any one else, or they
would
end up in prison.
"Doncha worry, sir," said Hoss. "The only hair I'm gonna be
stylin'
from now on is the horses back on our ranch, 'though I might jest
scalp my little brother fer gettin' me into this mess."
Ben paid the compensation to the ladies and the Cartwright family
headed for home. He didn't say much to the boys, other than to tell
them that they would be expected to pay him back, out of their
wages.
However, both of them knew that once they reached the Ponderosa, he
would be delivering a blistering lecture to the pair of them. And
because it had been Joe's gambling that had caused all the trouble,
in the first place, and Joe knew how much his father frowned upon
him gambling, Joe expected that he would be taking a walk to the
barn with Ben, for 'a necessary talking to', and he wasn't wrong.
THE END
Little Joe forever
Lynne