WHAT DID I DO?
by
Lynne C.
I still can't fathom it out and I reckon I never will, even if I sit here
until I get to be as old as Roy Coffee. Nope, that's way too old, maybe
as old as Pa. And, of course, I can't sit here that long, cos iffen I did,
Pa would be hightailing it out from the ranch to come and find me. Although,
if I was, by then, as old as he is now, then he would be so old, his hightailing
days would be long gone and it would probably take him all day to ride into
town, from our place.
Anyway, enough of all this speculating, about age and making sense of things.
I just don't think I will ever get it. Women, that is. The weaker sex. Ha!
Don't make me laugh, ain't nothing weak about any of the gals I know. Oh
sure, they bat their eyes at ya, and giggle, and kinda look at you all shy,
but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, those females are tougher than
any fella I've ever had a run in with, yes sirree. And the real annoying
part about it all, is that you can't fight back.
I remember when I started school and my best friends were Mitch and Sarah.
Now Mitch was kinda on the puny side, back then, and there weren't much
of me, either, but Sarah was bigger than both of us were. And she was a
real tomboy, liked nothing better than going on a `coon hunt with us, or
fishing, or climbing trees, but if we had a falling out and Mitch or I laid
a finger on her, we were in big trouble, even though she could knock us
both down, real easy.
And, of course, it hasn't got to be any more acceptable, now that we're
grown up, hitting girls, that is. Mind you, I ain't complaining. I mean,
I don't wanna go around hitting `em; I can think of much nicer things to
do with `em. Trouble is, when I try, that's when they start hitting me,
even if they seem to kinda like what we are doing. And that's one of the
things I don't understand.
I might havta have a word with big brother, Adam, on the subject. I wouldn't
tell him to his face, cos I don't wanna make him more swell headed than
he is, already, but he does pretty well with the ladies, so maybe he can
give me a tip, or two.
My latest trouble started cos Betty Jo couldn't make up her mind iffen she
was gonna go with me to the Spring dance, or not. It wasn't that she didn't
want to, it was just that her older sister, who lives in Carson City, was
about to have a baby, and Betty Jo wanted to be there, when it arrived.
That's another thing I don't understand about gals. Why do they go all gaga
over a baby? After all, they don't do very much, except drink, belch and
poop and, for the most part, gals ain't interested in us fellas when we
do those things. Oh well, yet another mystery that I'll never solve, although
Pa says I might, once I become a father, perish the thought. I mean, what
sane eighteen-year boy, who's as handsome as I am, wants to be tied down
with a baby?
Anyway, I digress. Hey, Adam would be proud of me for remembering that word,
he's always saying I should expand my vocabulary. Although, when I did,
the day that Hoss dropped that log on my foot, I was told by Pa that my
mouth would be in for a meeting with a bar of Hop Sing's soap, if I ever
used such language, again.
Back to the problem with the gals. When Betty Jo said she wasn't sure she
could go with me, I went and asked Susie. Seemed like the best solution,
from where I was standing. I've bin seeing both of them, on and off, but
they don't know about each other, and if one wasn't available, I'd take
the other one. Must admit Betty Jo's the one I like the best, but Susie
ain't no slouch in the good looks department and a young fella like me has
a reputation to maintain. I mean, I never go to a dance, alone, it just
ain't the done thing.
So, it's Saturday night, I go and pick up Susie and we arrive at the dance.
Only managed one quick waltz when who should walk in, but Betty Jo.
"Little Joe," she squeals, making her way across the room. "Ellie
May's had the baby, it's a darlin' little girl, so I was able to get back
in time to join you. Oh, and who might this be?"
Before I can say a word, Susie pipes up, "Not that it's any concern
of yours, but I am Susie, and I am Joe's date for this evening."
"Oh no, you're not," said Betty Jo. "I'm Joe's gal, and he
said if I couldn't go with him, he wouldn't be going at all. But, as I came
past the hall, I saw Cochise outside, so I knew he'd changed his mind."
Well, the two girls glare at each other and I'm pretty sure we're gonna
see fur flying, any minute, well, hair, at least. You see Betty Jo's telling
the truth. I did say if she couldn't go, then I wouldn't, either, but then
I never reckoned on her turning up, like that.
I decided that the best thing to do was to leave and let things calm down
a bit. So, as they began trading insults, I slipped out the back way and
came over to the Silver Dollar, to drown my sorrows. I know that it's very
likely neither of `em will go out with me, anymore, and I'm sure there are
many of you sitting there, hearing this, saying `Serves him right' but I
was trying to be fair to all parties. I mean, when a guy has as much charm
as I do, it only seems fair to share it with as many gals as I can. I don't
call that being bad, I call it being generous, but, like I said, the gals
don't see it, that way, and I don't see why they don't.
Oh well, guess I should head for home. Maybe me and women should steer clear
of one another, for a while, until the dust settles, at least. Although,
wait a minute, I ain't seen that pretty little filly in here, before. Could
just stay and buy her a drink, just to be polite, you understand, before
I go home.
"Evenin' miss, would you like to join me?"
THE END
Little Joe forever
Lynne
April 22nd 2005