ONE PRANK TOO MANY
by
Lynne C.

Sometimes I don't think those boys of mine will ever grow up. Little
Joe does have an excuse, well, a bit of a one, as he isn't out of
his teens, yet, but the other two, well, all I can say is calling
them boys is very apt.

Must be that the sun's been addling their brains, but these past
couple of weeks hasn't seen hardly a day go by, without one of them
pulling some kind of prank, on one of the other two. I've lost count
of the number of times I have come home, from a hard day's work, in
the saddle, to find the washing line full of sheets, because
molasses, or jam, or something even more disgusting, has found its
way into one of the boys' beds. Hop Sing has met me, on a regular
basis, on the porch, with his bags packed, ready to leave for China.
It's taken some mighty persuasive words, and even a pay rise, to
make him change his mind.

I've then spent a good hour, lecturing those `little' boys of mine,
and insisting that the practical jokes are to cease, immediately.
They are always suitably apologetic. I get assurances that the
pranks will stop, things settle down, for a day or two, and then
something else happens.

Even Joe is now past the age when a trip to the barn might solve his
disobedience, but let me tell you I have been tempted to forget that
they are all grown up, on more than one occasion, recently, and have
them all make that trip with me.

I mean, a man gets to a certain time in his life, when he craves the
quiet life. All I want to do, of an evening, is enjoy a good meal, a
cup of coffee and maybe a brandy, and play a few games of cribbage
or checkers, or read a book. Yet, when I get home, most evenings, I
feel like I am entering a war zone, as all three of them vie for my
attention, wanting to be the first to tell me what one of the others
has done to him.
I think we have just about run the gamut of every practical joke
known to man, and I issued a very strong warning that if there were
any more to be found, I did not want them being acted out in my
house. I had just spent more than an hour listening to Joe moaning
about the bird's nest in his new hat and Adam complaining that his
new boots were now not fit to be worn, after being nailed to the
floor. Then, when Hoss got back, he was lamenting the fact that he'd
gone without lunch, when he'd found worms in the sandwiches, which
he'd taken with him, when checking fence on the North range.

"I know you boys are planning a vacation at the end of the summer,
and I think it would be good for you to go away together. But, so
help me, boys, if I come home to another evening like the one we've
just had, then your vacation will be cancelled, and Hop Sing and I
will be using your reservations at the hotel in San Francisco. And
don't think I won't do it, either. You three are not only my sons,
you are my employees, too, and, as your boss, I will cancel your
holiday entitlement. Do I make myself clear?"

"I'm not that sure I want to go on vacation with these two
hooligans, anyway," was Adam's reply. "But I do still want a holiday
and so I agree, no more pranks."

"I guess we have gone fer enough," said Hoss, munching on a sandwich
that Hop Sing had just made for him. "I sure don't wanna go without
lunch no more. My stomach feared that ma throat had bin cut, it was
pure torture."

"Okay, you guys, no more pranks, but I reckon I came out on top, as
the best prankster of the three of us," said Joe, grinning,
cockily. "I caught you two out many more times than you got me."

"I would beg to differ with you, younger brother," said Adam. "Not
that I was keeping a tally, but I think I managed to catch you a tad
more than you caught me."

"You're both wrong," said Hoss, smiling at both of them. "I'm
undisputed champeen of the practical jokes, around here, and doncha
dare think otherwise."

I could see yet another row developing and felt like sending the
three of them to their rooms, but that really isn't an option now,
either. So, I slammed my hand down on my desk and demanded some
peace and quiet.

"Adam, will you please bring the ledger up to date, this evening, as
I have a meeting at the bank, in the morning, and I need to present
our latest accounts. Erik, that mare who foaled this morning, was
looking a bit peaky when I checked her over, earlier. You have a
better eye for these things than I do, please go and see how she is
doing. And Little Joe, you and I have a chess match to finish, so
let's get over to the board."

Peace did reign, for the rest of the evening, and I went to bed,
feeling slightly more relaxed than I had, in a while.

The next morning, Hoss and Joe were going to be working in the yard,
repairing some wagon wheels. Adam was checking out the grazing in
the South Pasture, but was coming home, a little earlier than usual,
as he had a date in town, and wanted to get changed before he picked
up Katy.

I spent the day in town, even though I could have gone home, sooner.
But once my meeting at the bank was over, I went to visit my old
friend, Sheriff Roy Coffee and stayed a bit longer than I intended
to.

"Honestly, Roy, an Apache uprising couldn't have been any more
stressful than the last two weeks have been, with the boys. I don't
know what gets into them, sometimes. Usually, they get on so well,
together, but every now and then, it's like a huge chasm opens up
between them and they want nothing more than to hurt each other."

"Well, Ben, from what you've told me, I don't think it's that bad,"
said Roy. "If they were really out to hurt each other, they'd be
using more'n molasses and bird's nests, now wouldn't they? I think
it's jest a touch of high spirits, coupled with a bit of brotherly
rivalry. It'll calm down, soon, of that I'm sure. After all, if
there's one thing I'm certain of, those boys of yourn think mighty
highly of each other, and of you."

"I hope you're right, Roy, or I just might have to forget how old
they are and nail their hides to the barn, before I either lose a
cook, or my hair turns any greyer."

When I did finally arrive home, the sight that greeted me, made me
want to mount up and return to town.
Adam was sat in the horse trough, fully clothed, and Joe and Hoss
were standing watching him, laughing fit to burst.

On catching sight of me, both Hoss and Joe set off to return to the
task of repairing the wheel they had been working on. However, I
called them back to the trough and demanded an explanation.

Joe began to laugh some more, despite the fact that he could see how
angry I was.

"We ain't quite sure what's going on, Pa," said Joe, when he could
speak, coherently. "Adam came home, went inside to get changed and
then came outside again. He was just about to ride off in the buggy,
when he started acting real strange."

"Ain't that the truth," said Hoss. "He jumped down off that buggy
seat and began runnin' round scratchin' hisself, like a dog plagued
with fleas."

"Then he started using language that I wouldn't dare repeat, Pa,"
said Joe, looking for all the world as though butter wouldn't melt
in his mouth.

"Next thing we know, he's sat in the water trough," added Hoss.

"Adam," I said. "Will you please explain to me why you are sitting
in the water trough?"

"It was the only place where I could get some relief from the
itching, Pa," said Adam. "When I got home, I went up to my room to
wash up and get changed for my date. I put on my clean clothes and
came out here and readied the buggy. I was beginning to feel a bit
itchy, but it wasn't too bad, at first. However, by the time I was
ready to leave, it had become intolerable and the only way I could
get any relief was to douse my body in cold water."

"Whatever could it be?" I said, and then I caught sight of the
expression on the face of my youngest. "Joseph, do you know anything
about this?"

"Huh? Who me, Pa? Why do ya reckon I know anything about it? Unless,
of course, Adam's had the misfortune to pick out the clothes that I
kinda rubbed some itching powder into. I did it several days ago,
when we were still playing pranks on each other, and I completely
forgot I'd done it. I'm real sorry, Adam, hope your skin ain't too
sore. If you hurry up, you can get changed and still be in time to
meet Katy."

Adam stood up and stepped out of the trough. I could see how red his
skin was, even through the material of his shirt.

"I can't go and meet Katy, looking like this," he said. "Just you
wait, Joe, I'm going to get even with you, if it's the last thing I
do," and he headed for the bathhouse.

I sent one of the hands over to Katy's house to deliver a note from
Adam, informing her that he was indisposed. Once Adam was dry and
dressed, I called all three boys into the main room.

"I did warn you what the consequences would be, if I had to witness
any more practical jokes, didn't I? And one thing you boys can rely
on, is the fact that your father never breaks a promise. So, at the
end of the summer, Hop Sing and I will go to San Francisco, at your
expense, and you three will stay home and work. Understood?"

"But, Pa, that ain't fair," said Joe. "I played the joke before you
told us not to do anymore."

"And why should Hoss and I suffer, because Joe disobeyed you?" said
Adam, but I stood my ground.

"I said that if there was one more prank, then none of you would go.
I didn't say that you all had to be involved. Now, let that be an
end to it, and if you have any plans to get back at Joe for what he
did to you, Adam, then please wait until after Hop Sing and I have
left for San Francisco."

And whether Adam did get back at Joe, while Ben and Hop Sing were in
San Francisco, is a story for another day.

THE END
Little Joe forever
Lynne
April 28th 2005

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