THE LONELY HEART
By
Lynne C

"Sorry for rushing in here, like I did, Sam," said Ben Cartwright,
patriarch of the Ponderosa ranch, the biggest spread in the Utah
territory, father of three sons, and one of the richest, and most
eligible men, in the area. "I don't know what's going on, out there,
but I needed to get away, and fast. I think the female population of
this town, and all the other towns, within a hundred miles, have been
struck down by Cupid's arrow. All I've done is walk down the main
street and I've had five women practically throw themselves at me, and
two of them I've never met before. And, as the stage pulled in, three
women got off, and I heard one of them ask Frank where they could find
Ben Cartwright."

"And you are complaining?" said Sam. The owner of the feed and grain
store, and one of Ben's best friends, began to laugh. "Have you
recently changed your brand of soap, or your cologne? If so, please
tell me what you are using, so I can get some. I'd sure like to have
women throwing themselves at me."

"I haven't changed either of them, Sam, and this isn't funny. No
sooner did I get into town, this morning, than women have been jumping
out of stores, alleyways and buggies, just to grin at me and say
hello. Now, I like women, just as much as the next man, but I'm
beginning to feel rather suffocated by all this attention."

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like the kind of attention
that most men would be pleased to be receiving. But, if it's all too
much for you, Ben, just send `em on to me."

Just then Ben was aware of some activity, outside the store, and he
dove into the back room.

"I'll go out the back door, Sam. If anyone asks, you haven't seen me."

Ben only just made it, out of the back door, before several women
burst into the store.

"Wasn't that Ben Cartwright I just saw in here, Sam?" asked Mrs
Wilson, a matronly widow, who owned the dress shop a few doors down
from Sam's store.

"No, ma'am, I think you must've been mistaken," said Sam. "I haven't
seen Ben in a while."

"I could have sworn it was him," said Mrs Wilson. "Oh well, sorry to
have troubled you, Sam. Come on, ladies, he must be around somewhere,
as his horse is tied up, outside the barber's shop."

Buck was, indeed, tied up outside the barber's, as that was the reason
Ben had ridden into town, that morning, with Little Joe. He'd seen
that the boy got to school on time, and then planned to get a haircut
and do a few errands. But no sooner had he dismounted, than several
women had surrounded him, and so he hadn't yet had the haircut.

Upon leaving Sam's, Ben made his way to the sheriff's office. Roy
Coffee was one of his oldest friends and right now, Ben felt in need
of a cup of Roy's strong, black coffee and a chat. He didn't want to
risk using the main street and so went the back way. He managed to get
to the jailhouse, without being seen, and knocked on the back door.
Fortunately, Roy was there, and he soon let him in.

"Hi, Ben, what's with the cloak and dagger routine? You don't usually
use the back door."

"Lock it, please," said Ben, once he was inside.

He didn't go into Roy's office, but entered an empty cell, and sat
down on the cot, with his head in his hands, looking the picture of
despair.

"I always do," said Roy. "That's why you had to knock to get in.
What's the matter with you? You look like you're on the run."

"In a manner of speaking, I am, Roy. May I have a cup of coffee, and
I'll tell you all about it? But I'm staying in this cell to drink it,
in case anyone comes into your office. This way, I'll be out of sight,
and if they ask for me, you can say you haven't seen me."

Roy was rather concerned, seeing his friend acting this way, but went
and poured out two mugs of coffee and then joined Ben in the cell.

"Here you go, now what's this all about? And why do you want me lying
for you?"

Ben explained about the women, and Roy, just as Sam had done, began to
laugh.

"And you wanna hide? I'd say you were the luckiest son of a gun in the
territory, Ben. Most bachelors would give a lot to be in your shoes,
right now."

"Well, they can have my shoes, and it really isn't funny," said Ben.
"I don't know what's the matter with them all. I've known some of
them, for years, and they've never seemed that interested in me, and
now it's like I'm the Pied Piper and they're the rats; they won't
leave me alone."

"I don't think that our esteemed ladies would like to be compared to
rats, Ben, but I get the gist of what you're saying. I guess it does
seem a bit strange that so many ladies are in town today, and they are
all looking for you. Cos now I think on it, there were a couple in
here, earlier, asking me if you were likely to be in town, today."

"There were? Well, why on earth would they all be so keen to see me,
today? What's the date?"

"May 5th, and as far as I know there ain't anything significant about
it. No, they didn't say why they wanted to see you, but they were
acting kinda coy."

"Well, I don't think there is anything special about the date, either.
I'll just drink this coffee and maybe it'll clear my head enough, in
order to make some sense of it all."

The two men sat drinking the strong brew, in silence. Both were trying
to understand why Ben was suddenly in such demand.
They both heard the front door opening and Ben looked over at Roy,
like a cornered animal.

"Go and see who it is, and remember, you haven't seen me," whispered Ben.

Roy nodded and stepped into his office. He exchanged a few words, with
whoever it was, and then returned to the cells, carrying a copy of the
Territorial Enterprise.

"It's okay, Ben, it was just young Charlie, with the newspaper. Maybe
there'll be something in here to shed some light on your sudden
popularity."

"I sincerely hope not," said Ben. "I don't want to be discussed in the
paper."

Once again, silence reigned, as Roy leafed through the newspaper and
Ben paced up and down the cell.
Suddenly, Roy burst out laughing and it took him a good while to be
able to stop, long enough, to tell Ben what was amusing him.

"It's this ad in the paper, Ben. No wonder the town is overrun with
ladies all lusting after you."

"What does it say?" And Ben tried to take the paper away from Roy, in
order to put an end to his quest to find out why he was suddenly so
popular.

"No snatching, Ben, I'll tell you what it says," said Roy, sounding
every inch the law enforcer. "You are in the lonely hearts section,
and it says that any lady interested in becoming the next Mrs Ben
Cartwright, should be in Virginia City, today, and you will be making
your selection."

"How did that get in the paper?"

"Now, there's no need to be shy about it with me. We've been friends
for a good many years and I know you're fond of female company.
Marie's been gone nigh on seven years, now. It's about time that a
good looking man like yourself found someone to love."

"I didn't place that ad. What do you take me for? I'm not that
desperate. If I wanted to marry again, I could find myself a bride,
without resorting to an advertisement. Somebody else must have placed
it, although I can't think why, unless it is to embarrass me."

Over in the schoolyard, 12 year old Little Joe was pacing, too, in
much the same way as Ben was, in the jailhouse.
It was lunchtime, but he didn't feel like eating and his nervousness
didn't go unnoticed by his friends.

"What's the matter, Little Joe?" asked Mitch. "You ain't been with us
at all, today. No wonder ole Jonesy had you standing in the corner,
half the morning. It was obvious you weren't paying attention."

"Since when did you care if I was in trouble with Miss Jones?" replied
Joe, more harshly than he intended to. "And nothing's bothering me."

Mitch wasn't at all put out by Joe's tone, as the two boys had known
each other since they were babies.

"Aw, come on, Joe, I know you too well. There is definitely something
on your mind."

Miss Jones was also concerned about Joe's behaviour. She knew that the
boy wasn't that keen on school, and that he often failed to pay
attention in class, but today he had seemed really worried about
something.
She was making her way across the yard, to talk to him, and as she got
closer, she realised that Joe and Mitch were discussing the same
thing. Although she told her students it was wrong to eavesdrop, she
decided to listen in to their conversation. She justified this, by
convincing herself that the reason she did so, was to help Joe with
whatever was bothering him. She had a soft spot for the youngest
Cartwright boy, and it wasn't only because she had a huge crush on his
eldest brother, Adam.

"Well, yeah, there is something on my mind, but if I tell you, then
you gotta promise not to tell anyone else, okay?" said Joe, unaware
that Abigail was standing behind the trunk of the tree, under which
the boys were now sitting. "A few weeks ago, my Pa was feeling a bit
poorly, and had to spend a couple of days in bed. When Doc Martin came
out to see him, I wanted to find out what was the matter, but I got
shooed out of Pa's bedroom, while they talked. So, I hung around, by
the door, and I heard Doc Martin say that Pa could use the love of a
good woman. Pa laughed, and said could Doc Martin write out a
prescription for one, but I didn't hear the doc's reply. Anyway, it
gave me an idea and I put an ad in the paper."

"What kind of ad?" said Mitch.

"One of them lonely heart ads," said Joe. "I said that Pa was rich,
handsome and not that old, and that he was looking for a wife. I said
anyone interested should be in Virginia City, today, and he would
choose one. Pa rode in with me, this morning, so I reckon he's had the
chance to pick one, by now, but I ain't so sure it was such a good
idea, after all."

"Why not? Sounds like a great idea to me. If your Pa wants a wife,
this is a good way of him getting one."

"But that's just the point," said Joe. "Does he really want one? Or
was he just joshing with Doc Martin? And even if he does want one, I
ain't so sure I want a Ma."

"Having a Ma is great, Joe."

"Well, your Ma is lovely, Mitch, but she's your real Ma. Maybe if Pa
marries again, the lady he marries might turn into one of those wicked
stepmothers you read about in stories."

"I guess she might, but your Pa ain't likely to marry no one who don't
like his boys. I mean, he married Hoss' Ma, and then your Ma, and they
were both stepmothers to Adam, and they were nice to him, weren't they?"

"Yeah, I guess so," but Joe still wasn't that convinced he'd done the
right thing.

When Miss Jones heard the full story, she wasn't sure what to do, but
before she had time to think about it, she saw Ben heading towards the
school. He'd spent most of the morning with Roy, trying to figure out
who could've placed the ad, when it suddenly dawned on him that the
best way to find out was to visit the newspaper office.
He made his way down the street and only encountered two hopeful
ladies, whom he managed to put off, by promising to talk to them, in
an hour's time, in the Sheriff's office.

"If you should meet any other ladies who have come here, in answer to
the advertisement, please invite them along, as well, and I will
explain everything, then," he said.

At the Territorial Enterprise, he introduced himself to the man in the
office.

"I am Ben Cartwright, and I would like to know who placed this lonely
hearts ad, using my name, and, by doing so, has caused me an awful lot
of embarrassment."

The young man, who was from Carson City, and was standing in for the
editor, who was visiting his elderly mother, in Sacramento, explained
that a boy had brought in the ad.

"He said he was your son, and you'd asked him to bring it in. He paid
over the money and so I thought it was all right to print it. I do
apologise if I've done anything wrong."

Ben could see that the young man was genuinely sorry and so just asked
him to print an apology and explain that the ad was a mistake.

"Of course I will, sir, and I'm really sorry about this, but the boy
was so sure it was what you wanted."

Ben couldn't wait until school was over for the day and decided to go
and have a talk with Little Joe, straightaway.

When Joe saw his father enter the schoolyard, all his doubts about
placing the ad, returned.
Before Ben had a chance to speak, Joe began to apologise and explained
why he'd done what he had.

"Doc Martin said you needed the love of a good woman, and as you were
feeling poorly, at the time, I wanted to do anything I could, to make
you feel better. I couldn't really see how getting married again would
do that, but if the Doc said it would, then I thought I'd try and help
you find someone. I realise now that it was a pretty dumb thing to do.
Sorry Pa, but I really was only trying to help you."

Ben was extremely angry when he'd found out that it was Joe who had
placed the ad, but as the boy explained, he felt his anger melting
away. Joe really had only been trying to help, even though his idea
was a bit misguided.
He could see that Joe was very concerned as to what his father was
going to do to him, and so wasted no time in reassuring the boy.

"It's all right, son, I forgive you, although you shouldn't have been
listening at my door, in the first place. I'm going to ask Miss Jones
if I can take you out of school, early today, and then you can come
over to the sheriff's office and help me explain this to a group of
rather irate ladies."

That thought didn't exactly fill Joe with joy, but it wasn't too bad,
and some of the ladies were quite moved by the story of how Joe was
only trying to help his father.

Ben was also pleasantly surprised by the number of women, who turned
up in response to the ad, and he did, in fact, go out with a couple of
them, but he was very discreet about it. He didn't want Joe to think
that what he'd done was a good thing, as it had been a rather
embarrassing experience, and Ben wasn't too happy about being
described as `not that old', either.

THE END
Little Joe forever
Lynne
July 8th 2005

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