THE MASK OF DESPONDENCY
by
Christy Gleason
Rated: G

Adam Cartwright was an unhappy man. And as he cleaned out the barn
stalls, his constant grumbling under his breath made his state of
mind crystal-clear to anyone who cared to listen.

"Why Pa has to invite every person he meets to stay at the Ponderosa
is beyond my comprehension," he muttered sullenly.

Of course, it wasn't beyond his comprehension at all. Adam knew full
well the reason that Ben Cartwright had extended an invitation to
Aaron Borden despite the relatively short duration of their
friendship. And it had nothing what whatsoever to do with Aaron.
Well, not directly. The real incentive behind Ben's open hospitality
wasn't Aaron at all. It was his daughter Jennifer.

Adam glowered as he thought of her. What Hoss and Little Joe saw in
the girl frankly baffled him. Well, perhaps not Joe. Joe just saw
flaxen hair and all the trimmings and was perfectly happy to sign on
the dotted line and begin presenting Pa with the grandchildren he'd
been becoming more and more vociferous about demanding.

But Hoss! Adam shook his head as he leaned on the pitchfork. Hoss
had always shown more sense when it came to women. Hoss had sense
enough to realize that there was such a thing as having to look at
someone over the breakfast table day after long, miserable day, and
that people's habits could become quite wearying in time.

Adam considered the idea of having Jennifer Borden as a sister-in-law
and shuddered. The Bordens had only been staying with the
Cartwrights for a week, and Jennifer's habits already wearied him.
She talked constantly, and though he had overheard Little Joe telling
her that her voice reminded him of the chirping of a bird, privately
Adam thought it sounded more like the squeaking of a badly-rusted
hinge. In the evenings, when his work was done and ettiquette
demanded that he pay some attention to the guests, Adam listened to
the soupy female droning on and on and more than once had found
himself staring fixedly at the fruit bowl as he fantasized about
shoving an apple down her throat.

Of course, Adam's dislike for Jennifer was equaled only by Jennifer's
dislike of Adam. To her, Adam was everything a man should not be:
grumpy, work-obsessed, and preferring the company of books to
listening to her. Not to mention his bizarre habit of constantly
offering her apples. If all Ben Cartwright's sons had been as bad as
Adam, she'd have insisted that her father take her right away from
the ranch. Fortunately, Mr Cartwright had done a better job of
raising the younger two. Both Little Joe and Hoss hung on her every
word and constantly vied for her attention. She couldn't decide
which one she liked better, and as a result, her father had mentioned
to her last night that if she couldn't make up her mind, they might
as well spend the winter on the Ponderosa so that she could pick.
Jennifer thought of a long winter with Hoss and Joe waiting on her
hand and foot and smiled to herself. Of course, that meant more time
spent with that awful Adam, but there were sacrifices she was willing
to make on behalf of love.

Adam had made cleaning the barn last as long as humanly possible so
that he could avoid sitting in front of the fire being held captive
by Jennifer's inane ramblings—most of which were limited to either
herself or the latest fashion trends from Paris. Adam stared
resentfully at the house and considered taking Sport, his spirited
sorrel, for an evening ride, but knew that Pa would consider ignoring
the guests to be falling far short of the mark of propriety. Pa was
rather strong on propriety.

He dragged his feet slowly across the yard and entered the house. As
he'd suspected, he found Ben and Aaron deep in a game of chess while
Jennifer, Joe, and Hoss sat near the fire. Jennifer was talking, as
usual, and Adam snorted in derision at the twin expressions of rapt
infatuation that lit his brothers' faces. He thought perhaps that no
one had noticed his arrival, so he decided to make a quick sneak up
the back stairs and go to bed. Just as he began sidling towards the
kitchen he heard his father's voice.

"Adam? That you?"

Adam's shoulders sagged. "Yes Pa," he said.

"Did you finish your brothers' chores?"

"Yes Pa."

Adam's instant dislike of Jennifer, coupled with his brothers'
obvious fascination had inspired Ben to award Adam the unmitigated
pleasure of doing all three boys' chores. When Ben had made the
announcement, Adam had been torn between hearty resentment at the
triple workload and deep gratitude at the time it afforded him out of
the house. One week on he still couldn't decide which feeling ought
to win out, so he compromised by constantly walking around in a snit.

"Why don't you bring in the coffee then, Son."

Adam sent a nasty glare towards his father, which, fortunately for
him, went unnoticed. He entered the kitchen and took the tray that
Hop Sing, the family cook, was preparing.

"Got any poison handy?" Adam asked.

Hop Sing grinned. He'd been with the family since before Little Joe
was born and nothing about the Cartwrights escaped his notice.
Adam's deepening gloom was all too clear to the man.

"For Missy Jennifer or for self?" Hop Sing asked, a twinkle in his
dark, Asian eyes.

"At this point I don't care, just so long as one of us kicks it,"
Adam grumbled.

Hop Sing patted Adam's arm. "They here one week now. Leave soon,
Hop Sing think."

"Not if she hitches up with Joe or Hoss."

"Well, then build other house, and Mr Adam not have to see," Hop Sing
pointed out reasonably.

"But I'll know she's here. I tell you, Hop Sing, the Ponderosa is
only 1,000 square miles. That's not nearly large enough for the two
of us to live peaceable on it."

He gave Hop Sing a wink, picked up the tray, and carried it back to
the living room. He was just in time to hear Jennifer telling his
brothers that she and her father would be staying the winter.

At the announcement, Adam's legs suddenly gave way beneath him, and
he sprawled, face-first, onto the floor, the tray of coffee and
dessert flying from his hands, and the contents coming to rest in
equal amounts on Joe, Hoss, and Jennifer.

The three jumped to their feet and Jennifer began castigating Adam
roundly for his clumsiness. Adam's head began to ache as her high-
pitched squeaking grated on his ears. He dragged himself to his
feet, still shaken by the hideous proclamation, and wanting nothing
more than to shut the blasted woman up.

"Would you care for an apple?" he offered hospitably.

"No I would not care for an apple, Mr Cartwright. I shall retire to
my room!" Jennifer flounced out and Joe and Hoss turned quickly on
Adam.

"Dang, Adam. I ain't never seen you so clumsy!" Hoss started.

"Oh, no. He did it on purpose!" Joe stormed. "He's just mad `cause
Jennifer's sweet on me `stead'a him so he decided to go an ruin it!"

Hoss rounded on Joe, scowling darkly. "It's me she's sweet on Little
Joe, not you, and don't you go fergettin' it!" He poked Joe in the
chest for added emphasis.

Joe's quick temper flared and he shoved his much-bigger brother
back. "Oh no you don't, Hoss! You've been tryin' to horn in ever
since the Bordens got here, and I ain't puttin' up with it! You got
it?"

"It ain't hornin' in when a gal prefers my company," Hoss shot back.

"BOYS!" Ben shouted.

All three turned guiltily to Ben whose eyes were snapping angrily.

"Did I raise sons or wild animals?" he roared. "Is that any way to
act in front of our guests?"

Aaron smiled indulgently at Hoss and Joe. "Now Ben, a young man in
love is apt to act rashly. Let's not hold it against them." He
spared Adam a pained glance. "And I suppose anyone can trip," he
admitted grudgingly.

With an obvious effort, Ben controlled his temper. He smiled at
Aaron. "Thank you for being so understanding. Perhaps we can finish
this game tomorrow. It's getting late, and I'm sure your daughter
would appreciate a moment of your company before bed." He looked
back at his boys. "Hoss, Joe, I think it's time for you two to
say `good-night'. Adam..." he gnashed his teeth, "clean up that
mess!"

"Yes Pa," the three chorused as they hastened off to do his bidding.

*******
The next morning at breakfast, the dark circles under Adam's eyes
attested to the fact that Jennifer's announcement had left him unable
to sleep. He pushed his food around his plate listlessly, showing
little interest in anything except coffee.

Hoss, lovelorn though he was, noticed his older brother's lack of
appetite. "What's the matter, Adam? Ain't feelin' well?"

Adam wasn't feeling particularly disposed to talk to his family at
the moment. It was Pa's fault he had too much work to do, and his
brothers' fault those half-witted Bordens didn't leave. As a result,
he only shrugged when his brother addressed him. Hoss looked at him
in concern. Across the table, Joe watched the exchange and suddenly
a cunning light appeared in his eyes.

When Adam could stand Jennifer's chattering no longer he pushed away
his uneaten breakfast and made good his escape. Hoss' troubled eyes
followed his brother.

Once the rest of the group had finished eating, Hoss and Joe made
their way to the barn. They had made plans with Jennifer the day
before for a nice, long ride in the country and began to saddle the
horses. As they worked, Hoss glanced at Sport's empty stall.

"Hope Adam's okay. He didn't seem too good at breakfast," the big
man remarked.

Joe looked gravely at his brother. "Hoss, if I tell you something,
will you promise not to repeat it?"

Hoss looked at him quizzically. "Sure."

"Well, Adam came to my room last night for a chat. I tell you, Hoss,
I'm worried about him."

Hoss looked alarmed. "How come?"

Joe bit his lip. "He swore me to secrecy, Hoss..."

"Now Joe, you know you cain't keep a secret if Adam's sick or
somethin'."

"Well, all right. But you have to promise you won't tell Pa."

Hoss nodded earnestly.

"Well, see, Adam was talkin' last night, and he was might depressed.
Hoss, he said he didn't want to live no more!"

Hoss' eyes opened wide in shock. "No, not Adam! I mean, I know he
can get sorta depressed now and again, but it ain't like he's ever
been suicidal!"

"Well he is now. He said somethin' about nothing matterin' anymore,
and nobody carin' about him and all, and what's the point of livin'?"

"He cain't think we don't care nothin' `bout him!"

"Well, you know, he's been doing the work of all three of us, and it
ain't like we've been payin' any attention to him. Maybe it just
finally got to him."

"What do you think we oughta do?"

"Nothin' we can do. He made me promise not to stop spending time
with Jennifer. Said it's only right that someone ought to be happy.
And it's for sure you can't stop spending time with her, `cause you
ain't s'posed to know how he's feeling."

"But Joe, we gotta do somethin'! Fer all we know, he could be out
there harmin' himself right now."

"I know, Hoss, but he made me take a solemn vow not to change my
plans with Jennifer."

Hoss' face hardened. "Well, he didn't make me take no vow," he said
firmly. "Joe, here's what we're gonna do. You go on and take
Jennifer riding, and I'm gonna go out after Adam."

"But Hoss, he'll know I told!"

"No he won't. I won't say nothin' `bout it. I'll just tell Adam
I've been missin' him and wanted to spend the day with him."

Joe managed not to grin. "Well, if that's what you think is best,
Hoss..." he said slowly. "Just remember. Don't tell him I told. It
might make him do something rash."

"You just make sure Jennifer has a good time. I'll take care of
Adam."

Joe patted Hoss on the back. "You're a good brother, Hoss."

"Yeah, well, I'll see you tonight. And don't worry. I'll keep Adam
safe."

He mounted Chubb and took off quickly in the direction he knew Adam
had gone.

Joe watched his brother ride off and began to laugh delightedly.
Then he turned and went to the house to fetch Jennifer, very much
looking forward to some time alone with her.

******

Adam had been working a rather desultory sort of way, but he was just
so tired. Finally he gave up and decided he'd be more productive
after a nap. Consequently, he lay down in the green pasture and
slipped quickly into sleep. Half an hour later, Hoss rode up and saw
Sport tied next to the fence that Adam had been mending. He
frowned. There was the fence, and there were the fencing materials,
but where was Adam? Suddenly his eye alighted on a dark shape
sprawled on the ground. Hoss' eyes opened wide in fright, and he was
off his mount in a heartbeat, running toward his brother. Adam
wasn't moving, and Hoss could only hope that he wasn't too late. He
dropped to his knees next to the black-clad form and began slapping
Adam roughly across the face to rouse him.

"Adam!" Hoss called frantically. "Adam!"

Adam jerked awake to someone smacking his face. His eyes flew open,
and his hand shot out, grabbing his brother's wrist in mid-swing. He
stared up into Hoss' anxious blue eyes.

"Why are you slapping me?" Adam inquired politely after a long moment
of baffled silence.

"Just makin' sure you was okay," Hoss answered, relieved.

"You have to slap me to ascertain whether I'm all right?" Adam
looked annoyed. "Slap me again, and you'll be the one not okay."
His eyelids dropped shut again, and Hoss panicked. What if Adam had
taken an overdose of laudanum or something?

"Don't go to sleep!" he exclaimed loudly, grabbing Adam by the
shirtfront and shaking heartily.

Adam's eyes popped open again. "Let me alone!" he roared, smacking
his brother's hands away.

"No, I ain't gonna let you alone! Adam, I love you!"

Adam stared up at his brother blankly, wondering if perhaps one of
them had a touch of sun-fever. "Well, if you love me, maybe you
wouldn't mind doing me the favor of letting me get some sleep," he
snapped. "What on earth is the matter with you, anyway?"

Hoss sat down in the grass, and after a long minute of wishing that
once in a while he could just have some peace, Adam rose to a sitting
position beside him. He looked over at his brother. "So. Care to
enlighten me as to why you're here plighting your troth to me,
instead of spending time with Jennifer?"

Hoss squirmed. He'd always been particularly rotten at keeping
secrets. "Now, Adam, promise you won't get mad..."

Uh-oh, Adam thought. Must be worse than I believed...

"Joe only told me what you said `cause he's worried about you."

Adam's eyes narrowed. "Oh? And just what did our little brother
say?"

"He done told me how you was feelin' sad and all, and didn't want to
live no more, but how you wouldn't stand fer us not spendin' time
with Jennifer so's we could be happy at least. Adam, why didn't you
tell me? You know how you always help me when I'm feelin' low. Don't
you think I'd wanna help you, too?"

Adam closed his eyes and shook his head. He'd known Hoss to swallow
some of Joe's bigger lies, but this one took all the prizes.

Suddenly inspiration struck, and he looked up at his brother with
large, mournful eyes. "But I know how you fret over the family,
Hoss, and I didn't want to worry you."

Hoss put his arm around his brother's shoulders. "Now that ain't any
way t'talk. That's what family's fer. Anyways, if you'd a told me
you was feelin' low, I could have cheered you up."

Adam sighed deeply. "I don't think that's possible."

"Sure it is. Why look at these here surroundings. We've got
towerin' mountains with beautiful pines on `em, and here we are
sittin' in green pastureland as far as the eye can see!"

Adam looked around himself. "But the grass will be dead in a few
months, Hoss. Everything dies, even people. It's so sad..." His
voice trailed off.

Hoss looked at his brother in alarm. "Now that ain't any way to be
thinkin'. Come on. Let's take a break today and go back to the
house. Or maybe to town."

Adam shook his head. "You go ahead. I don't want to see anybody.
I'm too depressed," he said pitifully.

"Aw come on, Adam. As a favor to me?" Hoss wheedled.

Adam dragged himself sorrowfully to his feet. "I suppose so. For
you," he said in a doomed, hopeless sort of voice.

Hoss beamed. "That a-boy," he said cheerfully. "We'll have you
feelin' right as rain in no time."

Adam gazed at his brother with sad yet hopeful eyes. "Do you really
think so?" he asked.

Hoss slapped him on the back. "Sure thing. Here, let me get your
horse."

"You don't have to," Adam said, disheartened. "I can walk."

"No, no. You just let ol' Hoss take care of his big brother."

Adam looked up at the blond, blue-eyed man. "You're a good brother,
Hoss. I'll miss you when I'm gone."

Hoss looked at his brother in alarm. "Now you won't be missin'
me, `cause you ain't goin' no place. Just to town." He moved
quickly to Sport and brought him over to Adam. "Need some help
getting up?"

Adam looked at the large animal despondently. "Have you ever thought
how unfair it is that we ride horses? What right have we got to make
them work for us, anyway? Maybe I should walk."

Hoss was becoming more and more agitated. How could anyone be so
depressed over riding a horse? Adam loved riding horses. "I think
Sport'd be right sore if you didn't ride him. Don't you?" he asked
hopefully.

Adam shook his head. "No. I think he'd appreciate a break. I've
been riding all over this ranch the last week, and it's not fair.
I'll just walk." He took Sport's reins and began walking dejectedly
in the general direction of the ranch house.

Hoss watched him, wanting to scream with frustration. Finally he hit
on a solution. "Chubb ain't been rode much lately. Why don't you
ride him? It'll make him feel better. He's been wanting some
exercise."

Adam looked at his brother. "Well, what about you?"

"I'll walk," Hoss said firmly, though distinctly without relish.

Adam gave Hoss a tired smile. "You're a good brother, Hoss. Did I
tell you that already?"

"Yeah, Adam ya did. Now you just get up on ol' Chubby there, and
I'll lead the horses."

Adam managed to swing into the saddle, and then sat back, grinning
evilly as he watched Hoss take both horses by the reins and lead them
back to the house.

Over an hour later Hoss strolled tiredly into the yard, still leading
the horses. Adam, who had been sitting up cheerfully taking in the
sights, now slumped down in the saddle, the picture of despondency.
Hoss tied the horses to the hitching post and then turned to his
brother. "Come on down, Adam. Let's go on in."

Adam slid from the horse's back and managed to remain on his feet
despite his crushing depression. "I need to take care of the
horses."

"No, no. I'll do that. You go on in and change into somethin' nice
and we'll head to town."

Adam nodded sadly and shuffled brokenly towards the house. Once he'd
closed the door behind him he ran smartly up the stairs and changed
into his good clothes. If he was going to town, he should look his
best.
Out in the barn, Hoss was putting the horses away when Joe came in
leading Cochise and the horse Jennifer had been riding. Hoss looked
at his brother in surprise. "What're you doin' back so soon?"

Joe looked pained. "Jennifer said it was too sunny out. So I took
her to the shade and she said it was too shady."

"Huh." Hoss dismissed Jennifer from his mind. "Joe, you was sure
right about Adam."

"Oh yeah? What about?"

"About him bein' suicidal."

Joe looked astonished. "I was? What on Earth makes you think
something like that?"

"Sure was. I was just talkin' to him, and he was sayin' how
everythin' dies, and then he wouldn't even ride Sport. Joe, we gotta
cheer him up."

Joe was becoming concerned. Come to think of it, Adam really hadn't
been himself lately. Maybe he really was depressed. "Really gloomy,
huh? Well, how you plan to cheer him up?"

"I'm taking him t'town. Maybe you should come to. You know how good
you are at cheerin' people up."

"But what about Jennifer?" Joe asked, affronted

Hoss frowned at his brother. "What's more important? A girl or our
brother?"

Joe considered this for a long moment, until Hoss glared hard at
him. "I reckon Adam is..." Joe finally offered, though somewhat
reluctantly.

"Dang right, he is. Now he's in the house changin'. I'll hook up
the buggy and you go get him."

Joe shrugged affably. He was always happy to go to town. Besides,
Jennifer might enjoy it. She might have proven herself to be a bit of
a pill on the ride today, but there was always that flaxen hair to
think about. "Okay," he said agreeably as he headed towards the
house. He headed up the stairs and knocked on Adam's door.

"Come in," a mournful voice answered. Joe frowned and swung open the
door. He saw his brother wearing his best suit and a very long face.

"Uh, hey, Adam. You look nice. I like that suit."

Adam glanced down at his dark-blue go-to-meeting jacket. "This would
be a good suit to be buried in," he commented dolefully.

Joe stared at his brother. "Umm...Hoss said we're going to town..."

Adam nodded slowly, the slight movement almost too much for his
melancholy soul to bear. "I suppose so. At least, I promised Hoss
I'd go. Maybe it should just be the two of you. I'll just stay home
and do some work. You know, put everything to rest..."

"No!" Joe replied quickly. "No let's all go. It'll be fun."

Adam turned dejected eyes on his little brother. "But what about
Jennifer?"

"Oh, I expect she'll enjoy going to."

If possible, Adam looked even more downcast. "You three go. In
fact, you can take Pa and Mr Borden. I'll just stay here...alone..."

"NO!" Joe replied, truly alarmed now. Jennifer meant nothing compared
to his beloved, and apparently suicidal, brother. "How `bout just us
three. Like always. We can have us a real good time!"

Adam looked positively weepy. "You're a good brother, Joe," he said,
plaintively. "A good, good brother."

Joe helped Adam down the stairs and out the door, never thinking to
mention to Ben where the three were going. Although Adam didn't seem
to have the energy to get in the buggy unaided, in no time the
brothers found themselves seated around a table at the Silver Dollar
Saloon. Joe, still terrified for his brother, dug deep into his
pockets and managed to find enough money for beers.

"To brothers!" he toasted happily.

"To brothers," Hoss echoed, raising his own glass.

Adam looked despondently down into his beer. "To brothers," he
whispered softly, the weight of the world clearly on his shoulders.

Joe and Hoss exchanged a look. Tonight Adam was going to have the
time of his life, even if it cost them each a month's salary. After
all, they were brothers.

*****

At approximately three o'clock in the morning the buggy pulled slowly
back into the front yard of the ranch house. Three very loud, very
intoxicated Cartwright boys managed, without too much stumbling and
toppling about, to make it to the front porch where Hoss began
laughing boisterously, and the other two shushed him in equally loud,
strident voices. The three teetered towards the front door when it
suddenly burst wide, and to their surprise, out popped a very large,
very red-faced father.

"JUST WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Ben Cartwright demanded of his sons.
Adam, Hoss, and Joe stared silently at their father like three
criminals caught red-handed with the goods, before, almost as one,
they dissolved into helpless laughter.

"You think this is funny, do you?" Ben stormed. "I hope you know
that your rudeness has cost us our houseguests! Jennifer was so
infuriated that you ran out on her, that she insisted that her father
take her right away. I expect they're half way to San Francisco by
now."

Adam cheered even more. "She's gone?" he asked in utter delight.

"Yes, Adam she is. I hope you three are proud of yourselves! I
don't know what woman any of you think will ever marry you, behaving
like drunk cowhands on a bender. I'm ashamed of you!"

The three boys looked at one another. "TO BROTHERS!" they whooped as
trooped past their father to make their way unsteadily to bed.

END
July 2005

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