JUST DUCKY
By
K. K. Shaulis
“I don’t know how to thank you and your boys for helping me and all my friends out when you came to visit us a while back, Mr. Cartwright.”
Ben and his boys were always getting some mighty interesting visitors at the Ponderosa and this one was no exception.
“Oh, it was nothing really,” Ben smiled at their visitor who was seated on the settee and sipped his glass of lemonade.
“Yea, it was easy. We’ve had lots of practice here on the Ponderosa counting cows and trees and such. And, Pa, here,” he slapped his father on the shoulder playfully. “Why, he’s real good at counting to 10 thanks to my little brother.”
“And you and Adam, too,” Ben smirked looking back at his middle son who was perched on the arm of his chair.
“Yes, sir,” Hoss gulped and looked appropriately chastised.
“Well, then we really have to thank you a whole lot since you had to count all the way to 20 for us,” the visitor blinked his eyes.
“Oh, we Cartwrights have to count a whole lot higher than that,” Ben laughed.
“Sometimes we have to get up into the thousands.
“Especially with the bad guys,” Hoss added with a grin.
“Bad guys?” the visitor gasped. “There are bad guys on the Ponderosa?”
“On occasion,” Ben answered matter-of-factly.
“There aren’t any bad guys here now, are there?” Concern was evident in the visitor’s voice.
Ben and Hoss exchanged glances.
“Oh, don’t worry your head about that,” Hoss tried to ease his mind. “The only person close to a bad guy here right now is Little Joe and he’s upstairs taking a bath.”
“Oh,” the visitor put his empty glass down on the pier table and suddenly looked very uncomfortable. “Little Joe actually is the reason I stopped by, Mr. Cartwright.”
“Hmmm, I thought you had to be here about something important,” Ben chuckled. “You know, you are a long long way from home for someone so young. So what’s your visit have to do Joe?”
“Well, sir,… Mr. Cartwright … sir …well …” the visitor really was uncomfortable
talking about this.
“Yes?” Ben rose to his feet and, pushing aside the empty lemonade glass,
sat down on the table in front of the visitor.
“Well, this is tough to say, Mr. Cartwright,” the visitor took a deep breath. “We never had any trouble before except for that Bart Simpson episode.”
“So please tell me what’s wrong?” Ben leaned forward to look into the five year old’s troubled blue eyes.
“Well, it’s just that after you all left, a certain item was missing and we thought maybe Joe picked it up accidentally…”
Ben knew exactly what he was talking about. “Excuse me,” he put his lemonade glass down beside the other one on the table, rose to his feet and stormed up the stairs.
**********
“…I’m awfully fond of you…ohhhhhhhhhh...” Little Joe, up to his armpits in a tubful of soapy water, crooned slightly off-key. He paused and smiled to himself. When he was a kid, he really hated being in the tub but now, well, bath time was so much fun that he couldn’t help but sing. “Rubber ducky…you’re the one…You make…”
“Joseph!!!!!!!!!” Ben rapped sharply on his youngest’s bedroom door.
Joe almost jumped out of the tub at the sound of his father’s voice. “Yes, sir, Pa. What do you want?”
“I want you to get out here right this minute!” Ben crossed his arms over his chest and frowned at the door.
“But I’m sort of indisposed now…,” Joe began to panic and looked around for a place to stash…
“Then I’m coming in…” Ben seethed and entered the room to find a very guilty looking Joe holding Ernie’s rubber ducky.
“Oh, hi, Pa…” Joe tried to hide the duck behind his back.
Ben gaped at his youngest in disbelief. Where did I go wrong?
“Don’t – you – dare - move!” his father growled and grabbed the bathtub toy from Joe. “I’ll be right back to discuss this,” he held up the duck, “With you in a minute.”
“Yes, sir,” Joe cringed when his father slammed the door behind him. Suddenly bath time was not much fun, after all.
**********
When Ben was on the other side of the door, he took a deep breath to compose
himself and then descended the stairs. “Here it is, Big Bird,” he said as
he approached the eight foot tall muppet. “Please tell Ernie we’re all sorry
about this and that Joseph will be the ‘sorriest’ of us all when I get back
upstairs.”
“Oh, thank you, Mr. Cartwright,” the tall yellow lanky visitor stood up
to take the little yellow toy from Ben’s hand. “Ernie has been really down
in the dumps since Rubber Ducky’s been missing and he’s starting to get
on Oscar’s nerves.”
“He’s with Oscar?” Hoss looked up at him incredulously.
“Well, Oscar’s can is the closest thing we have on Sesame Street to a dump,” Big Bird explained shrugging his shoulders. “And now I really have to go,” the big yellow bird started toward the front door.
“Well, it was really nice to see you again,” Ben patted him on the back as he and Hoss followed him outside. “Please tell everyone on Sesame Street we said ‘hello.’”
“Oh, I will be sure to do that, Mr. Cartwright,” Big Bird said climbing into his rented buckboard. “But I’m not going back to Sesame Street right now. “I’ve got to return Lisa Simpson’s saxophone to her in Springfield and then I’ve got to talk to Mrs. Simpson about something.”
“Well, have a safe trip,” Ben smiled and turned to go back inside. “I’ve got to take care of a little matter I left sitting in the bathtub upstairs right now,” he winked and was gone.
“And ‘that little matter’ might not be sitting too long if I know Pa,” Hoss laughed handing Big Bird the reins.
“Before, I go, Hoss, do you know what “Eat my Shorts” means?” Big Bird looked at him hopefully.
“Sorry, Big Bird. I can’t help you there,” Hoss scratched his head, “But if you find out them “shorts” are good to eat, let me know and I’ll fix ya up a batch on your next visit.”
“It’s a deal. Goodbye, Hoss!” the muppet waved, squeaked Rubber Ducky for good measure and drove away.
Hoss laughed, stuck his hands in his pockets and started back toward the house. Yep, they really did get some mighty interesting visitors on the Ponderosa.
THE END
____________________
Lorne Green, Dan Blocker and Michael Landon as the Cartwrights counted to
20 on Sesame Street in 1970. The Simpsons appeared in Sesame Street’s “Monster
in the Mirror” in 1990.
© June 17, 2006, “Just Ducky” by K.K. Shaulis. All international rights
reserved. I do not claim any ownership or copyright in the Cartwright characters
created by David Dortort or any of the Sesame Street gang.