THE INHERITANCE
By
Christy Gleason
Hoss and Adam Cartwright sat next to one another on a fallen log,
finishing their lunch. They'd spent the morning chopping trees, and
were delighted at the chance of a break--even if the food wasn't
quite what they might have hoped.
Hoss took another bite of his sandwich and chewed thoughtfully. "One
thing you can say for your cookin' Adam. It's a good workout for the
jaw muscles."
Adam snorted. "Like yours is any better."
"At least I don't wander away and start reading a book when I'm in
the middle of cookin' a meal so's everything turns out burnt. Wish
Hop Sing hadn`t gone to Frisco with Pa."
"Well, it's Joe's turn to cook tonight. Maybe he can satisfy Your
Royal Highness` tum. Not that you seemed bothered by the meal last
night. It's a wonder we had anything left for lunch, the way you
were putting it away."
"I was just tryin' to get rid of it, so we wouldn't be saddled with
it as leftovers today."
The two grinned at one another as they finished their break.
"Suppose we ought to get back at it," Adam commented without
enthusiasm.
"Ahh…come on, Adam. Just a little longer. It ain't like Pa's around
to ask us how much we got done."
"The point of things, Hoss, is that the ranch is supposed to run in
his absence the same as if he were here. We shouldn't let things
slide."
Hoss looked thoughtfully at his older brother. "Hey, Adam. What'll
happen when Pa really is gone?"
Adam looked at him blankly. "What do you mean when Pa is really
gone? He's really gone now. He's in San Francisco."
"No. I mean, what happens when he kicks off?"
Adam looked appalled. "You mean, when he dies?"
"Uh huh."
"What on earth made you bring that up?"
"Dunno. Just occurred to me, I reckon."
Adam frowned. "Well, if Pa dies, the title of the Ponderosa goes to
me. You get Hoss Heaven, of course, and Joe's section is held in
trust for him until next year when he turns twenty-one, but the rest
stays in my name."
Hoss scowled. "Well, how come it goes to you? Shouldn't it be split
three ways? That seems more fair."
"It's to keep future generations from carving it up. Assuming Pa
manages to shove us three down the aisle one of these days."
"Well, I still don't think that's fair," Hoss grumped. "And
anyway,
what would happen if you died, too?"
"Aren't you full of cheery thoughts today."
"Well, it ain't like you don't run into trouble now and again.
Remember when that Drummund fella took you hostage? Held a gun right
to your head."
"Yes, thank you." Adam said dryly. "I do recall that occurrence.
But I appreciate your bringing it up, just the same. Wouldn't want
to forget such a pleasant incident."
"I'm just sayin'…"
"Look, if I croak before Pa, or at the same time, then everything
goes to you except Joe's section. It's all spelled out in our
wills. Can we change the subject now, please?"
"What if everyone dies but one of us?"
"Everything goes to the survivor, of course. Now if we could get off
the this morbid subject, I would greatly appreciate it."
"Sometimes you're awful crabby, Adam," Hoss observed.
"Gee, I wonder why that would be. And during such a pleasant
conversation, too. Come on. Let's get back to work."
They rose, and taking their axes in hand, began again working on
felling the large tree.
*****
That night after a highly indigestible meal prepared by Little Joe,
Adam strolled outside to read on the front porch. When Joe had
finished lackadaisically washing the dishes, he wandered out into the
great room and found Hoss staring in abject fascination at the map of
the Ponderosa that hung on the wall behind the desk. He heard Hoss
mumbling softly.
"What'ya say Hoss?"
Hoss jumped as if startled, and turned to his little brother. "Huh?"
"What were you saying? Sounded like 'Someday it's all gonna be
mine'."
"No, no, no. Don't be silly. I said 'Someday it's all gonna be
FINE'."
Joe gave him a blank look. "What's gonna be fine?"
Hoss waved towards the map in a vague sort of way. "Well, you know.
The Ponderosa and such."
"What's the matter with it?"
"With what?"
"The Ponderosa. If you say it's gonna be fine one day, there must
be
something wrong with it now."
"Oh, well, you know…"
Joe looked at his brother strangely. "You feelin' all right, Hoss?"
"Sure I'm feelin' all right." Suddenly a crafty, speculative
look
appeared on Hoss' face. "How YOU feelin' Little Joe?"
"Me? Heck, I'm fine. I'm always fine."
"Yeah, always have been. But you never know about these things.
Sometimes people never been sick a day in their lives. Then suddenly
they start feelin' sorta poorly, and they next thing you know they've
popped off. Odd how that can happen."
Joe stared at his brother with wide eyes, and didn't respond.
Hoss relaxed and a smile crossed his face. "Wanna play checkers?"
Joe jumped and backed towards the door, never taking his eyes off his
brother. "Uh, no, Hoss. No, I got somethin' I gotta do. Outside.
In the barn. Alone."
He turned and practically fled, slamming the door shut behind him.
On the porch Adam turned at the sound of the door, and saw his little
brother hurrying towards him.
"Can't you ever shut a door quietly, Joe? You about gave me heart
failure."
Joe slid into an empty seat beside Adam.
"Adam…"
"Yeah?"
"You noticed anything strange about Hoss?"
Adam considered carefully. "No more than usual. And he's never as
strange as you."
"This is serious, Adam. I just saw him staring at the map"
"Well then, by all means, in that case, let's have him committed."
"He was talking to himself."
"Wish I was talking to myself."
"You don't understand. It's what he was saying."
"Well, what was he saying?"
"I didn't quite catch it. He told me he said `someday this is all
gonna be fine'."
Adam shrugged. "All right, I admit that comment is sort of odd. But
it's about a thousand times more logical than half the stuff that
comes out of your mouth."
"But see, I don't think that's really what he said. I think he
said `someday this is all gonna be mine'. And then he started asking
me if I felt all right and how you never know when someone's gonna
croak. Adam, do you think he's plannin' to kill me?"
Adam snorted and looked at Joe is exasperation. "When are you going
to get a handle on that overactive imagination of yours? This is
Hoss we're talking about. He doesn't even kill bugs if he can avoid
it. Why would he kill you?"
"To get my share of the Ponderosa, of course. He obviously wants it
all for himself."
"Well, why you? Why not kill Pa and me? He knows the Ponderosa
belongs to Pa now, and after he dies, the majority of it comes to
me. And before you say it, yes, I know very well that he's quite
aware of that, as we were just talking about it this afternoon…"
Adam trailed off, and suddenly looked uncertainly at his little
brother.
"See? He's just startin' with me. Then it'll be you. Then Pa. I
mean it, Adam, Hoss is gonna kill us!"
The look of uncertainty vanished from Adam's face. "Forget it, Joe.
This is Hoss. I can't believe I'm even listening to you and your
ridiculous notions. Now go away, and let me read."
Just then the door opened, and Hoss strolled out. "What're you
fellers doing?" he asked.
"Reading," Adam answered.
"Joe ain't readin'," Hoss pointed out.
"I was reading to him."
"Oh yeah? What'cha readin'?
"Shakespeare."
Joe attempted to look as though the idea of listening to Adam recite
Shakespeare filled him with unfettered delight.
"Well, go on readin'. I like Shakespeare," Hoss announced.
Adam's eyebrow shot up. "Since when?"
"I admit I didn't much care for it in school. But I've sorta looked
through some of your books lately. Shakespeare's pretty fine. Did
you ever notice there's a lot of killin' in his stuff?"
Adam and Joe glanced at one another and then stared blankly at their
brother.
"Yep. Take Hamlet fer example. Or that Macbeth feller. People just
droppin' like flies in them plays. People think someone's a friend,
and next thing they're stabbin' you or poisonin' you, or something.
Good stuff."
Hoss smiled cheerfully at his brothers. "Well, you fellers enjoy
your readin. I'm off to bed."
He strolled back in the house, leaving Adam and Joe gaping at one
another in stunned silence.
*****
Adam was a notoriously light sleeper, so it was no surprise that at
the slight noise in his bedroom he awoke instantly. He opened his
eyes to the sight of Hoss standing over his bed, holding a straight
razor in his hand. Adam shot out of bed so fast it was almost
impossible to follow his movement. He ended up in the corner,
staring at his night-shirted brother.
"What are you doing, Hoss?"
Hoss grinned his gap-toothed grin at him. "Came to borrow your
razor."
"In the middle of the night?"
"Well, I was up, so I thought…"
"What's the matter with your razor?"
Hoss` grin widened. "I like yours."
Adam stared. After a long pause he said, "I guess you can borrow
it. Go ahead and take it back to your room."
"You should get back in bed, Adam. You'll catch cold standing there."
"Take the razor and go back to your room, Hoss."
"Sometimes a cold can even turn into pneumonia. Boy, then you've had
it."
"Take the razor and go back to your room, Hoss."
"Yep. One day you're fine, the next day you've got pneumonia, and
then you're pushin' up the daisies."
"Go back to your room, Hoss."
Hoss grinned at his brother a little longer, and then turned and
left. Adam stood still for a long moment, then moved rapidly to the
door and did something he didn't recall ever doing before. He bolted
his door.
*****
The next day Adam rousted Joe out of bed early and prepared a quick
breakfast for them before Hoss got up. Adam hustled Joe out of the
house, and on the way to their work area, he filled his little
brother in on the visit he'd received the night before.
Joe looked at his brother in fear. "I told you! I told you! Didn't
I tell you? He's gonna kill us all. You, me, Pa. He's gonna murder
us!"
"All right. He's acting strange, I admit that. But, honestly, this
is Hoss we`re talking about! He'd never murder anyone."
"Yeah? Doesn't sound like you were so sure of that last night when
he was waving that razor around."
Adam flushed. "Shut up. Besides, things always seem strange at
night. It's daytime now, and I realize I just overreacted. Hoss
isn't going to kill us." He paused then added somewhat
uncertainly, "He isn't, is he?"
"All I know is I'm glad I'm working with you today instead of him.
And I've never said that before in my life, and before today, I'd
have given good odds I never would."
Joe ducked as his brother reached out to cuff him.
As the two worked, by unspoken agreement, they remained silent about
their suspicions about Hoss. The whole idea was simply too
preposterous. Hoss simply was not a killer. That was clear to the
most woolly-headed of individuals. He couldn't kill a fly. It was
impossible.
After a long day of hard work, they returned to the ranch house,
tired and famished.
"Hope Hoss managed to fix something eatable for supper," Joe
commented as they walked in the house. "I'm starved.'
Adam sniffed deeply. "Smells good, whatever it is."
Hoss walked out of the kitchen just then and grinned as he saw
them. "Hey Brothers," he called out cheerfully. Wash up and sit
down. I really worked hard on dinner."
Adam and Joe sank gratefully down at the table, as Hoss reappeared,
setting a heaping plate down in front of each of them, with a
distinct flourish. Then he sank down in his usual seat and picked up
his water glass, watching his brothers closely.
""Where's yours?" Adam asked, raising a forkful of greens
to his
mouth, as he noticed that Hoss didn`t have a plate.
"Oh, I ain't hungry."
Adam and Joe froze, their food halfway to their mouths.
"You're what?" Joe asked.
"I ain't hungry. I ate a lot while I was cookin', so this here's all
for you two."
Adam and Joe looked at one another, and slowly returned the food to
their plates.
"Hey. Ain't you gonna eat? Do you know how hard I worked on that?
Least you could do is eat it."
Joe smiled nervously and shifted his chair a few inches away. "I…uh…
I just realized I ain`t real hungry neither, Hoss."
"Now, Joseph, you're still a growing boy. You pick up your fork this
instant and clean your plate," Hoss lectured sternly.
Joe turned pleading eyes on his oldest brother.
Adam was busy sniffing his plate suspiciously.
"Now what's the matter with you, Adam?"
Adam speared a piece of meat and examined it closely. "I'm allergic
to this."
"Pork chops? Since when? You've eaten more pigs in your life than
half the people in the Territory put together."
"That the problem. Doc Martin told me last week that `d eaten too
much pork in my life and, I wasn't supposed to eat any more. Said if
I did, I'd likely break out in hives and then just up and stop
breathing."
"Well, you ate bacon for breakfast yesterday."
"I forgot what he told me. Fortunately I got away with it, but I'd
better not tempt fate."
Hoss frowned. "Well at least eat the potatoes. I added a special
ingredient to them. Try 'em and tell me what you think."
"What ingredient?" Adam asked warily.
"Uh-uh. It's a surprise. Just try `em. Eat `em up and tell me
what you think." Hoss grinned happily.
Joe and Adam exchanged a look and jumped up from the table in tandem.
"Hey, where you fellers goin'? You ain't even touched your food."
"We have to go to the barn. We forgot to take feed the horses when
we got back," Adam answered. He grabbed Joe, and the two backed away
and left the house quickly.
"Now he's trying to poison us!" Joe wailed frantically. "What
are we
gonna do?"
"Come on. We'll go to town and get some dinner. As a matter of fact
we'll just stay in town until Pa gets back next week. I don't know
what's gotten into Hoss, but he can just stay here alone until he
gets over it."
The two saddled their horses and led them out of the barn. They
walked back towards the ranch house to get their guns, but stopped
suddenly, halfway across the yard. Hoss was standing on the porch
staring at them, a gun held casually in his hand.
Joe yelped and dodged behind Adam.
Adam glowered at Hoss. "What do you think you're doing? Put that
gun down."
"You know, Adam, I don't think I've ever cared too much for the way
you order people around."
"I don't care if you like it or not. Put that thing down. What's
gotten into you?"
"Nothin's gotten into me. I just realized a few things the last
couple days."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Fer example, I realize you got yourself a bad habit of
struttin' around like you own the place. And now I know why. You
think you are gonna own all this one day."
Adam glared, but Hoss dismissed him, his gaze shifting to his little
brother who was peeking out from behind Adam.
"And you got a mighty bad habit of gettin' out of chores, Joe. You
seem to figure that ol' Hoss is just gonna come along behind you and
fix everything, and do more`n my share. That ain't nice."
"I'm sorry, Hoss," Joe pleaded. "I won't do it anymore.
Please
don't kill me!"
Adam snorted as he looked over his shoulder at Joe. "Stop being
ridiculous, Joe. Hoss isn't going to kill you. That thing is full
of blanks."
Hoss smiled a cold, calculating smile. "That right, Older Brother?
Always thinkin' you're the smart one and ought to be in charge, ain`t
you? Well, you ain't as smart as you think you are."
Hoss pointed the gun at one of the porch supports and pulled the
trigger. A bullet whined off it, spraying splinters in every
direction.
Adam and Joe blanched as they looked at the damaged beam.
"Get out from behind Adam, Joe," Hoss ordered.
"Hoss…" Joe pled.
"Don`t make me tell you again."
Joe reluctantly moved out from behind his big brother, despite Adam's
attempt to remain in front, shielding him.
"Stand still," Hoss snapped at Adam.
Adam froze.
"With the two of you gone, I inherit everything. No more swelled-
headed Adam. No more self-absorbed Little Joe. Just me. I'm
finally going to get what I've always deserved."
"Hoss," Adam said hoarsely. "You can't do this. How will
you
explain it to Pa?"
The cold smile still played around the corners of Hoss'
mouth. "That's easy. I just tell him that you two finally had it
out and got so mad you shot each other. How could he not believe
that? `I tried to stop `em, Pa, but you know they way they was.
Just couldn't get along in the same room. One minute they're sittin'
there playin' checkers, just fine as frog`s hair, the next they're
both layin' there bleedin' on the living room floor. I'm awful
sorry, Pa. If only I'd known, I could have stopped them. But it was
all so sudden`."
"Hoss, please…" Joe attempted.
"Say good-bye, Little Joe. Been nice knowin' you."
There was a long silence as the three stared at one another.
Suddenly two shots rang out in quick succession. Adam and Joe yelped
in dismay, reeling back from the sound, their hearts pounding in
their ears.
After a long, frozen moment of staring at Hoss, both suddenly
realized that they hadn't been shot at all.
Hoss started chuckling, and slowly it built into uproarious
laughter. He bent over with the force of it. Adam and Joe stared at
him in shock.
"They were blanks," Adam accused his brother, angrily. "The
first
bullet was just to make us think there was live ammunition in the
gun. The rest were all blanks!"
Hoss nodded vigorously, still laughing, holding his stomach and
wiping tears from his eyes.
"The razor. The dinner. Shakespeare. Everything. This has all
been nothing but a huge practical joke!"
Hoss managed to gasp out a response. "Yeah, and a what great one it
was too! Whooee! Y'all should have seen your faces! Yer eyes was
as big as flapjacks!"
Hoss laughed harder, unable to stop at the delicious memory of the
look of abject terror on his brothers' faces. He was so out-of-
breath he could hardly stand upright.
Adam and Joe looked unbelievingly at one another and then, after a
long moment, began to walk slowly and very deliberately towards Hoss.
Hoss' head was thrown back with his belly-aching laughter, when he
caught a glance of his brothers. His smile died away, and a look of
uncertainty crossed his face, suddenly replaced by fear at the view
of Adam and Joe's steely-faced advancement. Bit by bit, Hoss began
to back away.
END
July 2006