“Dog Gone It!”
By K.K. Shaulis
“Isn’t this going a bit too far for your New Wilderness program, Pa?” Adam Cartwright smirked at his image in the full length mirror.
“I told you that mumbo-jumbo worked, Pa,” Hoss, Adam’s younger brother, grinned at his reflection and his other family members.
“I still don’t believe in voodoo,” Ben, the patriarch of the family, grumbled trying to slick down the silvery hair on his head that seemed to be standing straight up no matter what he did with it. He sighed deeply and resolved to talk to the hairstylist after this scene was done.
“Seeing is believin’, Pa,” Ben’s youngest, Little Joe, did a quick turn around and admired his tail in the looking glass. “Hmmm, doggies! Don’t I look fine?”
“What?” His older relatives stopped looking at themselves in the mirror to look at Joe in shock.
Joe shrugged. “Hey, I like me this way.”
“You would,” Adam growled. “You never got over that movie of yours.”
“I still get to feelin’ all furry when I hear “Rock Around the Clock,” Joe admitted, a nostalgic look on his face.
“Well, now you’re furry all over,” Hoss howled. “Especially on your chest.”
“Shouldn’t bother you at all, then. You’re furry all over any way,” Joe sniffed. “Chest and otherwise.”
“Yeah…er…I guess so,” Hoss grinned and looked down at his gorgeous gray coat. “Hey, even the hair on my head looks better,” he grinned patting it.
“Right,” Ben mumbled still trying to get his own hair to lie down – how apropos is that? Maybe some gel, he thought to himself.
Joe giggled recognizing their father’s distress and slapped him on the back. “Anyway, think about all the other benefits there are.”
“Other benefits? In being a wolf? What kind of other benefits?” Ben frowned turning to look Joe in his green eyes.
“Well, girls like dogs…” Joe started to explain.
“We’re not dogs,” Adam stated matter-of-factly. “We’re wolves and mothers always warn their daughters about getting involved with wolves.”
“What about Red Riding Hood? And grandma?” Joe shot back at him.
“And that just worked out peachy for the wolf, didn’t it?” Adam glared at Joe standing toe to toe with him.
“And I ain’t eatin’ no grandmas,” Hoss also glared at Joe.
“That’s a surprise since you eat almost everything else,” Joe snarled back at his biggest brother.
Quiet!!!” Ben snapped stepping between his sons before it developed into a …er…dogfight. “This is getting us nowhere.”
“Maybe if a pretty girl kisses us…” Joe thoughtfully scratched behind his left ear with his paw.
“That only works for enchanted frogs, sonny boy,” Adam rolled his eyes.
“Well, it’s worth a try. I don’t see you coming up with any bright ideas,” Joe snickered at his oldest brother.
“Hey,” Hoss smiled slowly. “Weren’t the gals from Legacy supposed to stop by later today with some stories?”
“That’s right, Pa,” Joe grinned at Ben who was leaning against the frame of the mirror turning something over in his head. “We could probably get a kiss or two from them even in our present condition. They ain’t scared of us one little bit and a couple of them might even enjoy it. What’s the harm in trying?”
Ben took a deep calming breath and then let it out. “Okay, but let’s get something to eat first.” He got to his four feet and started to head out the door.
“Got any Alpo on ya, Pa?” Hoss laughed following along after their parent
out into the hall.
“I’m not eating Alpo even though it’s 100% meat and meat by-products with
not a speck of cereal,” Adam quoted the commercial verbatim.
“Ah, it’s not so bad…” Hoss remarked casually when they reached the top
of the staircase.
“You actually ate some?” Joe raised his eyebrow and looked at him incredulously while Ben stopped in his tracks and gaped at his middle offspring.
“Well, Dadburnit,” Hoss looked slightly embarrassed. “Pa always makes it sounds so good I tried some on some soda crackers once.”
“A recommendation from a guy that likes mesquite beans..,” Adam cocked his head to the side and smirked.
“They’re all right if you season them properly,” Hoss smiled back.
“And you’re starving,” Joe added. “Just remember, brothers, don’t wolf down your food,” he cackled and scooted down the stairs.
His two brothers groaned and raced off after him.
“Young wolf pups,” Ben sighed, hoping that Hop Sing was still around to operate the can opener.
ANY VOLUNTEERS?
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Many thanks to David Dortort for his creation of Bonanza in general and the Cartwrights and the Ponderosa in particular. The author does not claim ownership of any of the aforementioned characters, just the story. © January 6, 2007. This story is not intended to infringe on any known copyrights. ALL INTERNATIONAL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED.