THE CAMERA NEVER LIES (UNFORTUNATELY)
by
Lynne C
I guess Hoss and me oughta have been more careful, but I never
reckoned on us getting caught out, in this way.
Guess I'd better start from the beginning. I suppose I was feeling a
little bit cocky, as I'd just finished with school and begun working,
full time, on the ranch. I never thought I'd have anything more to do
with Miss Jones, my school teacher, as I didn't go out of my way to
socialise with her, and Adam was positively against her coming out to
the ranch, as she made no secret of the fact that she liked him, and
he did not return her feelings.
Anyway, Hank, one of our hands, fell in love with ole Jonesy, and he
asked her to marry him, but she turned him down.
This made ole Hank mighty mad, and although he's a real good worker,
when he gets mad, he's a force to be reckoned with, and even my big
brother Hoss doesn't like having to tangle with him.
So, one day when me and Hoss got back from work, we found Hank
breaking up the bunkhouse. Well, we managed to stop him, and when we
asked what the matter was, he told us of his love for Abigail.
None of us wanted to fire Hank, as he'd worked for us for five years,
and so, to protect the furniture and the bunkhouse, I decided to
appoint myself as Hank's personal cupid and get Miss Jones to accept
his proposal.
Hoss agreed to help, but Adam and Pa thought we were crazy.
Well, like they say, the path of true love never runs smooth (I'm not
sure who said that, but `they' were right) and it took a while, but
eventually we got Hank and Abigail to the altar (by the way, don't
tell Pa I referred to her as Abigail, but I am an adult now, so I
reckon I should be allowed to call her by her first name, but Pa
disagrees, on both counts. He reckons that I'm not an adult, yet, on
account of the fact I'm only sixteen, and he insists on me calling her
Miss Jones, though she's actually Mrs Meyers, now)
Anyway, they were getting married and we were all invited to attend,
and that was only fair, cos if it hadn't been for Hoss and me, there
wouldn't have been a wedding. After the service we were all standing
about outside the church and Pa was consoling Mrs Jones, who, although
she'd bin nagging her daughter to get married, was now crying, cos she
had (I don't think I'll ever understand women)
Adam was supposed to be keeping an eye on us (Lord alone knows why,
cos Hoss is bigger than Adam and I can take care of myself) and then
we were gonna go to the church hall for the wedding breakfast (not
sure why it's called a breakfast, as it happened at two in the
afternoon, but there you go)
During the service, Hoss and I had shared a bottle of whisky that my
friend Seth was passing along the pew. Pa was escorting Mrs Jones, so
was sat in one of the front pews, and Adam was Hank's best man, so he
was in the other front pew. Therefore, neither Pa nor Adam knew about
the whisky.
When we got outside, I guess I was acting the big man, cos I'd had a
drink, and I completely forgot where I was, and lit up a cigarette.
Now, Pa don't know I smoke, and he'll be real mad if he finds out,
but, like I say, he was taking care of Mrs Jones, and didn't see me.
Adam did, though, and he told me to put it out, before Pa saw me, and
I did as he said.
"Phew," I said. "I guess I got away with that, cos Pa didn't
see me,"
and Adam promised not to say anything, as long as I promised to give
them up.
I did promise, but I had my fingers crossed, behind my back, when I
said it.
The rest of the day was okay; I got to dance with a few of the gals
from school, and we had a fun time.
A couple of weeks later, when I rode into the yard, after checking the
fences in the back forty, I saw a buggy tied to the hitching post. It
was Mrs Jones, visiting Pa, to show him the wedding photographs.
As I walked into the house, Pa said, "Ah, Joseph, there you are.
Perhaps you would like to come over here and explain this to me?"
He was holding up a picture of Adam, Hoss and me, taken outside the
church. Hoss and I were pulling silly faces, on account of the drink
we'd consumed, and you could see, quite clearly, that I was holding a
cigarette in my hand.
It had never occurred to me that George and her uncle (from the ep A
Girl Named George) would have taken our photograph, as well as that of
the bride and groom.
I couldn't very well deny that I'd been smoking, when the evidence was
there, in Pa's hand (as well as being in my hand) and the silly faces
proved that we'd been drinking more than fruit punch.
At least Pa waited until Mrs Jones had left, before he let me have it.
I got both barrels; I expect you can guess what I mean? But Hoss and
Adam also got a barrel each, once they got home. Adam got it, for not
telling Pa about me smoking, and Hoss got it for drinking in church,
himself, and for allowing me to do it, too.
I'm not that sure I'm very keen on this new fangled photography, if
it's gonna mean that Pa's likely to find out about my sins.
THE END
Little Joe forever
Lynne
May 10th 2007