Gretchen
gf3@nyu.edu
Rated G

Snowbound and recovering from an injury, Adam recalls his first true love.  The story is told in the present with a series of flashbacks to Adam’s college days.  

After the Snows: A Tale of Remembrances

There had been a tiresome pattern of snow storms since the beginning of the year.  The storms were followed by thawing for a day or two, giving the Cartwrights enough time to dig a maze of pathways to the out buildings, then followed by another snow storm. The dimensions of the ranch house seemed to shrink as the weeks went by. There was a limit to the number of books a man could read, and checkers games and chess matches he could play in the sole company of his family, before cabin fever got the better of oneself.  A month of this routine had driven Adam Cartwright to distraction.

The snow drifts around the house grew exponentially with each storm and were now four feet deep. Icicles, like giant stalactites, hung from the eaves of the house. The latest storm had begun as sleet and now a layer of thick ice rested on the snow. Adam woke in the middle of the night to a creaking sound above his head. The weight of the snow and ice was taxing the roof.

The day dawned sunny and the temperature rose above freezing. At breakfast Adam proposed that he and his brothers work off the pancakes they’d just eaten and clear the ice dams on the roof before it collapsed on them. An hour later they were hard at work breaking the ice and shoveling the heavy snow.

Taking a moment’s pause to stretch his back, Adam checked their progress. The sun was bright and glistened on the ice-crusted snow.

“You tired so soon, Adam?”

“I’m fine, Joe.”

“You sure? Your bones aren't creakin', older brother?” Joe crouched down and picked up a handful of snow hurling it in his brother’s direction.

The bright sunlight blinded Adam and he over compensated trying to avoid the snowball. He lost his footing and slipped, falling off the roof. The very snow drifts he’d been cursing that morning cushioned the fall. He dislocated his shoulder and was bruised badly but nothing was broken.

Adam was a victim of cabin fever before the fall, now he was confined in an even smaller space, his bedroom. He leaned against the pillows trying unsuccessfully to get comfortable. “Perfect,” he thought. “I was craving some privacy and now I’m under greater scrutiny.” As if on cue his father entered the room with a bottle of laudanum in his hand. “I don’t need it, Pa.”

“You’re not hurting?”

“I didn’t say that, but I can handle it.”

“I see that you are ‘handling it’ by not breathing deeply and staying unnaturally still.”  His father remarked. “You won’t sleep without it.”

“It’s the middle of the day, Pa, hours before I need to sleep. I promise, I’ll take it later, but not now. I just want to be alone for a while.”

His father sighed at his son’s stubbornness.  If he wanted to be left alone to brood, Ben thought, so be it.  He closed the door behind him. He met Hoss in the hall.

“How’s he feelin’?”

“He’s sore and he’s chafing under the attention….and a little embarrassed by the whole incident.”

Hoss put his hand on the doorknob. His father mouthed the words, “He won’t like it. He wants to be alone.” Hoss knocked softly and entered.

“You need anything, Adam?”

“Hmm…PRIVACY!,” he snapped.  Hoss was taken aback by the harsh tone and Adam regretted his impatience.  “I’m sorry, Hoss. That’s not fair. Could you fetch me a book? I really want to be a million miles from here, away from the snow, away from this house. The South Seas sound good. How about Typee or Omoo?  They’re on the top shelf.”

Hoss found the books and pulled them from the bookcase. A small portfolio fell at his feet. “Hey Adam, what’s this?” he asked as he handed it to his brother.

Adam gazed at the package and the frayed pale pink ribbons tied around it.  How long had it been since he’d thought of her?  He smiled at the memory of Maggie Price who stole his heart so many years ago.  Her silk hair ribbons had faded in the intervening years. He hoped her beauty had not faded as well. He was lost in thought when Hoss interrupted, “You okay, Adam?”

“Oh yeah,” he sighed.  “I’m fine, just reminiscing a bit.”

“Who was she?  She sure must have been somethin’, ‘cause you’re acting pretty loopy.”

“She was an angel, Hoss, and I loved her.  I nearly stayed in Boston to be with her.”  He coughed to check the sudden emotion in his voice. With his left arm was in a sling to relieve his shoulder, he fumbled with the ribbons.  “Could you untie this?”

“Sure thing,” Hoss answered as he loosened the knots and opened the portfolio.  There were letters written in a neat, delicate hand and poetry in his brother’s bolder handwriting and some folded sheets of music. 

A pencil sketch slipped out and landed in Adam’s lap.  He gazed at a young woman with bright dark eyes and delicate features and irrepressible charm. Her dress was demure with a high collar befitting a school girl.  Her curly hair was casually gathered in back.  What was inescapable was the mischief lurking in her smile. It melted the years away and left him in awe of her again. In the lower right corner Adam had signed and dated his drawing.  “’Maggie, my love.’ Adam Cartwright. Summer 1851”

“She’s a looker, all right.”

Adam looked up from the sketch and smiled warmly at Hoss.  “That she was, brother, with a spirit to match.”

“Hey Adam, what’s this music here?”

“It’s a song by Schubert, Gretchen am Spinnrade.  She was learning it when I drew her portrait.”

“She was a singer?”

“A music student.”

“It’s German, ain’t it? What’s it mean?” he asked as he handed it to Adam.

“Gretchen at the Spinning Wheel. It’s a poem by Goethe. See?” he pointed to her neat handwriting. “She wrote the words in English underneath.”  He squinted and started to read her notes. Soon he took no notice of his brother and was immersed in his memories.  Hoss turned up the lamp and walked quietly out of the room.  He thought it was best to leave Adam alone for a while.

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They met the first warm day of spring in his junior year. Adam and his cousin Jack rented the attic rooms of Prof. Friedrich Henze's house. It was close to the Harvard campus and convenient when he had an early class after a late session of studying in the library. The professor liked the two of them and empathized with the shy, young westerner so far from home. He enjoyed Adam's stories about ranch life and his family. He vowed that he would one day visit Adam and see the mountains out west. Jack and Adam were frequent guests downstairs.

Adam was late for class when he burst out the door, rushed down the stoop and collided with Maggie. Her portfolio flew open and papers scattered over the front walk. He quickly apologized as he crouched down to gather the musical scores. He handed them back to her and their eyes met. They laughed to relieve their shyness.

"Are you here for a lesson with the professor?"

"An audition, actually. Are you a singer?"

"No. I live here." He pulled out his watch and frowned, noting that he was now very late. He quickly added, "I'm sorry, I must go. Professor Henze is great music teacher. Good luck to you." He bowed slightly, "I hope to see you again."

He rushed off. Maggie turned to watch him for a few moments. She smiled and hoped she would see the handsome young man again. Then she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and climbed the stairs to the front door. She heard someone playing Mozart on the piano inside. It was Susanna's aria, "Deh vieni, non trader," from the Marriage of Figaro, her audition piece. She knocked and was greeted by Professor Henze himself.

Professor Henze was reserved and formal. He had trained as a singer in Dresden. His own career was cut short when he suffered a bout of rheumatic fever. He was in his thirties but his genteel European manners and his weakened heart from the fever prematurely aged him. He was a man of great pride and when he was pitied by his family and friends, he came to America to start a new life and teach. He was highly respected now and many vied for the honor learning music from him.

Her audition went well. Maggie sang mostly scales for nearly the entire appointment and then she sang the aria. She remained calm as he interrupted her, having her repeat phrases louder, softer, correcting her pronunciation, slower, faster. She listened to his instructions and tried to apply them. This, he explained at the end of the session, was most important to him. She had a beautiful natural voice but he did not wish to work with someone who could not take instructions and work hard. He invited her to begin her lessons the following Monday at eleven o'clock. She would come to him three days a week for three months and then he would decide whether she would continue.

She thanked him and promised she would work hard to please him. He handed her a number of practice exercises to learn. "Put away your songs and arias. We will start with these for now. I will teach you how to breathe properly and then to sing. I will see you next week. Until then, practice."

She smiled and nodded. When she was outside, she hugged herself in her excitement. The famous music professor, Friedrich Henze, had agreed to teach her! The professor stood in the window watching his pretty new pupil leave. Her enthusiasm was infectious. He thought, "She will bring breath of spring air to this stuffy parlor."

She started walking in the direction of the Harvard campus toward her uncle's house. Her Uncle Charles was a professor of ancient studies. It was her aunt who had heard Maggie sing in school recital and arranged the audition with Professor Henze. Childless, her aunt and uncle invited her to live with them and she eagerly agreed to the arrangement.

She was crossing campus when she spied Adam leaving the Lawrence Scientific School. Waving to him, she caught his eye and he excused himself from his friends to join her.

"Hello. Fancy meeting you here…how was the audition?"

"He agreed to teach me! I start on Monday."

"That's wonderful, congratulations."

She was beaming and her eyes were shining. "That means we shall see each other again," she blurted out. She paused. She was lost in the joy of her good news and hadn't meant to be so forward. She held her hand out and said "I mean, my name is Margaret Price, Maggie Price. I am pleased to meet you…."

"Adam Cartwright," he said as he took her hand. "Miss Maggie Price, it is a pleasure to meet you as well."

They laughed. Years later Adam would remember fondly this first encounter by the way her bright eyes invited him into her world. Her laugh was musical and touched his soul. Her hat tipped back and some dark curls had escaped softening the tight bun she had worn for the audition. And her spirit! It sent him soaring.

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Hop Sing placed the platter of roast beef and roasted potatoes and a bowl of beans on the table and called them to dinner. Adam's place was left empty as they began to tuck into their meal. Hop Sing soon walked out carrying a tray with food for Adam.

"Wait a minute, Hop Sing. I just checked on him 'fore I came down. He's sleeping," Hoss said. "Put the plate on the warmer. I'll take it up to him after supper."

"Better you than me, Hoss. He growled at me like a bear with a sore head when I stopped by," Joe complained between mouthfuls. "When he's sleeping, he can't bite your head off."

"He's never been a good invalid," Ben noted. "I think he hates needing help. He's a proud man."

After dinner, Hoss took the tray up to Adam's room and softly knocked before entering. Adam was still sleeping. Hoss placed the tray on the dresser and walked back to the bed. He put the back of his hand against Adam's pale forehead. "Fever," he said under his breath.

Adam woke and grimaced as he tried to shift positions.

"Let me help ya there, Adam." Hoss leaned his brother forward and plumped the pillows. Then he gently lifted Adam and pulled him back. A sharp pain knifed through Adam's ribcage, causing him to gasp and groan. "Sorry, Adam. There was no other way."

Adam nodded and leaned back on the pillows closing his eyes while he waited out the pain. In a minute his breathing was back to normal. He opened his eyes. Hoss was gathering up the papers from the portfolio.

"I'll jest put these on the table here in easy reach."

"Thanks, Hoss."

"You hungry? Hop Sing made up a plate for you."

"Not really."

"Give it a try, Adam, or he'll threaten to leave for China," Hoss said attempting to lighten his brother's mood.

Adam smiled. "Okay. Bring it here."

"You been dreamin' 'bout that little gal?"

"Not dreaming, remembering. It's been a long time since I thought of her, Hoss. It was a nice way to spend the day."

Hoss sat at the edge of the bed and kept his brother company while he ate. Adam tried his best but he really had no appetite and soon finished his meal. "That's it, Hoss. I can't eat anymore."

"Don't surprise me, you got a bit of a fever. I'll go get Pa and the laudanum." Adam made a face and Hoss added, "Now don't ya be stubborn. I saw how them ribs hurt ya."

Adam sighed.

Hoss took the tray and walked out into the hall. He hesitated a moment, then turned and stuck his head inside. "And don't give Pa no trouble."

"Good night, Hoss. And thanks."

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The next morning after breakfast Hoss came into Adam's room to check on him. Adam was still warm with a slight fever and his shoulder and ribs were very sore.

"Hop Sing'll bring you some food. It's warmer today so me and Joe are gonna ride into town. You want anything?"

"I'm expecting a package from Jack. Could you see if it has come in?"

"More books and magazines?"

"Yeah, and some music."

"Sure. Now mind Hop Sing and Pa and I'll bring you some peppermints."

Adam tossed a pillow at his brother as Hoss left the room.

Shortly afterwards Hop Sing came in with coffee and some oatmeal. He was straightening up the room as Adam ate a bit.  Soon the bowl was put aside.

"Still no hungry?" Hop Sing asked. "I make you feel better. I help you shave, then change the bed."

"Thanks, Hop Sing. That would be nice."

Hop Sing took away the dishes and returned with a basin of hot water. He first soaked a towel in the water and rung it out. He placed it over Adam's face to soften his beard. The steam of the towel felt wonderful and Adam sighed in relief. Next he took the soap and a stiff brush and whipped up a stiff lather. He removed the towel, spread the lather over Adam's beard, and expertly shaved him in a matter of minutes.

"That feel better?" he asked. Adam nodded and thanked him. Hop Sing fetched the robe from the foot of the bed and helped Adam into it. "You go sit by window. I change sheets."

While Hop Sing went to the linen closet, Ben stepped in. Adam was struggling to shelve the books and felt dizzy from the pain in his ribs. His father steadied him and helped him to the chair.

"Here. Let me do that. You should be in bed."

"Hop Sing wants to change the sheets."

Ben looked at Typee and Omoo and asked, "Tired of the South Seas so soon?"

"Yeah. Could you get me the Dumas Lady of the Camellias? It's next to the Hugo on the third shelf."

"I don't know that one. What's it about?"

"Tragic first love.”

Ben raised his eyebrows and looked askance at his son.

“There is an opera based on it, La Traviata.  I saw it in San Francisco last fall."

Hop Sing returned and shooed Ben away. "Son need rest. You go." He made up the bed and settled Adam. "You rest, Mr. Adam. I make chicken soup for lunch."

Adam leaned back against the pillows and closed his eyes. There was a faint scent of lavender in the sheets and it took him back in time.

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Maggie's lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays were at eleven o'clock, but Professor Henze taught other students on Thursday mornings, so they met in the afternoon that day. The lesson didn't finish until five o’clock. Quickly a routine was established. Adam took to escorting Maggie home on Thursday evenings and their friendship blossomed through the spring. Her Aunt Bess approved of the tall callow westerner and often invited him to dinner.

The semester was nearly over when one Sunday evening, late in April, Adam stayed late at the library. He walked home in a driving rain and was soaked through, shivering as he entered the house. The professor invited him in to the parlor and sat him near the fire.  He poured Adam a whiskey.  When he finished it, the professor sent him up to bed.

The next morning on his way out, Jack told the professor that Adam had a sore throat and a fever. The professor examined him and wrapped a scarf around Adam's throat. "I know the throat, Adam. You stay in bed. Mrs. Benson will bring you some tea with lemon and honey."

Hours later Adam woke to hear Maggie's lesson two floors below. He smiled as she sang the nonsense syllables of the scales. "Mi. Mi. Mi. Mi. Mi. Mi." He could not hear the professor and was surprised when the scales ended and she began to sing a song.

Early one morning, just as the sun was rising
I heard a young maid sing in the valley below
Oh don't deceive me, Oh never leave me

He smiled as he listened to her bright voice. He'd practiced that tune on the guitar the other night. The professor must have heard him. After the lesson, both Maggie and the professor visited him for a few minutes. She held his hand. In a raspy voice, he told her how much he enjoyed the song.

The professor winked at him and admonished him for speaking. "We must go now. You need to sleep."

Maggie kissed his forehead and tiptoed out of the room. He leaned back against the lavender scented sheets and wondered what it would be like to wake to her kisses and her singing every morning.

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As is usual in a young and healthy man, Adam made a quick recovery.  On Thursday afternoon he sat on the stairs listening to the end of Maggie’s lesson.  Once again, the professor had her singing Early One Morning.  It was not going well.

“No. No. No,” he scolded.  “You’re thinking too much.  You’ve lost the charm of the song.”

Maggie took a deep breath.  She was nearly in tears.  She wanted to please Professor Henze and was failing.  He placed his fingers on the keys of the piano and then thought better of it.

“Adam,” he called into the hallway.  “If you’re going to eavesdrop, you might as well help me. Go get your guitar and come in here.”

He ran up the stairs and returned moments later, guitar in hand.  Maggie had collapsed in tears and was sitting on the piano bench with Professor Henze’s handkerchief in her hands.

“Play the song the way you did the other night when I came in.”

Adam blushed and started to softly strum the guitar.  While he was not trained, he had a good musical ear.  In his warm baritone voice, he sang in a gentle melancholic way, allowing the song to touch the heart of the listener.

“Stop, my boy. Thank you. You see Maggie?  You need to think about the words you are singing.  Singing is not just the notes.  Use your imagination. You must be the young maid and tell the story.”

Maggie dried her eyes and nodded.  She began the song again with Adam accompanying her.  This time the music was deeply felt and she floated her high notes to great effect. 

The professor smiled and watched his two young friends.  It was hard to overlook their budding attraction to each other.  She sang to him and he looked directly into her eyes, encouraging her.

“We will have to have Adam sing a duet with you sometime. Yes, Maggie?  He is a good influence on you.  And you, Adam,” he said in a falsely mocking tone, “we will have to teach you some technique.”  Professor Henze waved his hands at them, shooing them out of the room. “Now go. Take her home, my boy.”
 
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Late in the afternoon Joe came barreling into Adam's room with the mail in his hands.

"Hey Adam, you're a popular fella. There's eight letters, a couple of magazines and a big package from your Cousin Jack for you. I'll bring the box up later." He plopped down hard on the bed and Adam yelped in pain. "I'm sorry, I forget how sore bruised ribs can be."

Breathing hard through clenched teeth, Adam answered slowly and deliberately. "It's okay, Joe. I won't break."

Joe handed the letters to Adam. He started to sort them by the postal date when his brother interrupted him. "Say Adam, you've been cooped up here all alone today. How 'bout I bring up the checkerboard after supper?" It was Joe's way of trying to make things right between them after yesterday's fall and Adam was happy to make amends.

"Sure, Joe. I'd appreciate the company."

As he got up to leave Joe noticed the pencil sketch of Maggie. "Who's this pretty little eyeful?"

"A friend from college, Joe."

"And you let her get away?" Joe asked as he shook his head and left the room.

"Not by choice, Joe. Not by choice," Adam said quietly knowing Joe could not hear him.

Joe went downstairs and found his father at his desk reading a business letter. Hoss was sitting on the settee reading the newspaper. "Hey Pa, Adam ever mention a girl named Maggie to you?"

His father looked up and thought a moment. "No, I don't remember any Maggie."

"He knew her in college."

Hoss glared at his brother, mouthing the words, "It's private."

"Well, she couldn't have meant too much to your brother if I never heard of her."

Under his breath Hoss muttered, "Or she meant everything to him and broke his heart."

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Before heading down to breakfast, Ben knocked and entered Adam's room. He was surprised to find his iron-willed son, clad in his belted black trousers, but struggling with putting on his shirt. The look on Adam's face was of pure vexation.

"I guess that you're feeling better."

Adam harrumphed and held the shirt out to his father. In measured tones he said, "I need your help with this, please Pa."

"Of course, son." And with care not to jostle Adam's sore shoulder, Ben helped his son into the shirt. He began to button it.

"I can get it." Adam turned away slightly and winced as he buttoned the shirt.

Ben held out the sling. "I think you'll still need this. May I?"

Adam rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat. "Yes. Thank you."

"You know, Adam, there's no shame in asking for help."

He smiled. "I know, Pa. You and Hoss seem to be at the ready these last couple of days. I'm just not patient with injuries."

"You never have been," Ben answered smiling back. "Now, are you steady enough to walk down the stairs? Or, would you like a hand?"

"It's probably better not to risk falling," he said as he accepted his father's help.

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After breakfast, Joe and Hoss headed out to do barn chores. Ben lingered over another cup of coffee and the latest newspaper. It was good to have everyone at the table again. Adam graciously endured the good hearted kidding about shirking his work and Hop Sing's scolding about his lack of appetite. He excused himself and walked into the great room.

Adam stood examining the map of the Ponderosa. When he had left for college the ranch was not nearly so large. It had just been his father, brothers and Hop Sing at that time. In his absence Ben had started to hire hands. And at the end of the Mexican War, when most of the West was gained from Mexico, Ben added to the ranch.

Ben approached his son and gently placed a hand on his back. "Penny for your thoughts."

"I was thinking about how the Ponderosa grew. Remember when it was just the cabin and a corral? Did you ever dream, Pa, that we'd have all this?"

"We have been blessed."

"But when you and my mother dreamed of your home….was this what you dreamed?"

"I don't think we were ever so specific, son."

Adam turned to look at his father and smiled wryly. Thinking about Maggie the last several days reminded him of other dreams he had in college, dreams forsaken and not without regrets.

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The summer of 1851 was a time that Adam would remember as the happiest of his college days. Adam and his cousin, Jack, continued to rent the attic rooms in the professor’s house. He worked with the geology professor, Jean Louis Rodolphe Agassiz, sorting and cataloging rock and fossil specimens for the Natural History collection. The professor enjoyed the young man's understated manner and encouraged him to talk about his home and the Sierra Nevada range. Fremont’s book had captured the nation’s imagination about the West but Agassiz appreciated Adam’s subtle, more scientific accounts. Finding a kindred spirit, he invited Adam for a short journey to the White Mountains in New Hampshire.

They hiked up into upper elevations, falling into an easy pace and companionable conversation. Each was a stranger, far away from home. The Swiss Alps had been home to Professor Agassiz. He understood the pangs of separation from family and home that his young friend had. They camped in the woods and, sitting near the fire, the two outsiders discussed Adam’s future.

“You have a natural talent for geology, Adam, would you like to continue your studies? I could recommend you.”

“Thank you, sir, it would be a great honor but, no, I need to get back to my family. We have a ranch and I have been away a long time now. It’s been a sacrifice for them. My brother Joe was so little when I left. I’m not sure that he remembers me.”

“But I have read there was a finding of gold in your Nevada, am I right?”

“Yes, my father wrote to me about it. Emigrant wagon trains are bringing more people every day. He has had a struggle defending our claim.”

"Gold fuels people's imagination and, unfortunately their greed. Still it brings wealth and civilization as well. There will be a need for a geologist there. There will be mines. You should study engineering as well. You can play an important role in the West.”

Adam was flattered by the professor's confidence in him and thanked him.

"And your young woman friend, Adam, will she follow you?"

Adam was taken aback by the question. He could not hide his surprise.

"I have seen her wait for you at lunchtime. She is beautiful. Will she join you in Nevada?"

"I don't know. We have not made plans."

"Do not wait too long.  Do not let her get away, my boy. It's obvious how much you care for each other."

Adam coughed to hide his embarrassment. He stirred the ashes of the fire. "I think I'll go to sleep. Good night, sir."

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Maggie’s lessons continued. Professor Henze had fewer students in the summer and he worked with her more frequently. When the formal lesson ended, the music often stretched into the evening. Professor Henze introduced her to more and more "art songs", as he called them. Brahms and Schubert songs became her favorites. He’d take the time to tell her the stories behind the songs. He found translations of the poetry or translated them for her. These songs of love and broken hearts touched her, transporting her to another world. In turn, she taught him the songs she had sung all of her life.

Late in the afternoon as Adam approached home, he would hear Maggie singing through the open windows. Often he’d sit on the front stairs, listening until the lesson was over. Sometimes he’d fetch his guitar and the three of them would retire to the garden and sing.

Maggie taught them a favorite song from childhood, “The Fox and the Goose”.

Fox went out for a chase one night
prayed to the moon to give him light
for he had many a mile to go that night
before he reached the town-o, town-o, town-o
he had many a mile to go that night
before he reached the town-o.

She let her emotions fly as she sang the song, using different "voices" for the different characters. There was no struggle with technique. She sang with pure joy. When she finished, the professor hugged her. "Maggie, my dear, you have found your voice! That was perfect. We must try to find that in the rest of your music."

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Adam sat on the settee examining the contents of his Cousin Jack’s package. He and Jack had remained close through the years despite the distance. Periodically Jack and his wife Carrie would send a package of new books, music and items not easily found in Nevada, like milled soaps and Earl Grey tea. This package was no different. A child’s drawing of a man on horseback was included. His nephew Paul was quite taken by the very thought of his Uncle Adam riding horses, roping cows and fighting Indians. Adam vowed to send Paul some boots and a Stetson for his birthday.

Carrie’s chatty letter caught him up with her family and mutual friends. She described a recent performance of Don Giovanni, knowing that Adam loved the opera. She praised the Zerlina sung by the young soprano, Isabella Hinckley.

“My dear Adam, hers is a great musical talent. She has such energy and buoyancy of spirits. She puts me in mind of Maggie….”

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Adam looked out from Professor Agassiz’s office window and watched the storm clouds gathering in the west. Lightning could be seen in the distance. If he ran, he might beat the rain. He chanced it and lost, arriving home sopping wet.

Professor Henze and Maggie stopped when they heard the door close. In a moment’s time lightning flashed and thunder crashed very near to the house.

“Adam! Are you all right?” Maggie called out.

He stood in the doorway dripping and a sheepish grin broke across his face. “Nothing a towel and some dry clothes can’t remedy.”

“Maggie, you cannot leave in this storm. Why don’t we teach Adam the duet?”

She nodded and pulled out the music for Mozart’s Là ci darem la mano, a duet for a soprano and baritone from Don Giovanni. It would be perfect to sing with Adam.

“Go change, my boy, and hurry back.”

He returned a few minutes later, his shirt open at the neck, and still toweling dry his wet hair.

“Good. Stand here, near the piano,” the professor instructed. “The duet is sung by Don Giovanni who is trying to seduce the young maid Zerlina. He takes her hand, la mano, and tries to persuade her to leave her fiancé and join him. He succeeds in his conquest and together they sing this verse.”

Andiam, andiam, mio bene
A’ristora le pene
D’un innocent amour!

“It’s in Italian. What does it mean?”

“Let me translate it for you. Don’t be afraid, Adam. Maggie will carry you and soon you will get the knack of it. They sing of their love.”

With thee, with thee, my treasure,
This life is nought but pleasure,
My heart is fondly thine.

“Now, Maggie and I will sing it first, Adam. And then you will sing it without words. ‘La la la,’ and so on. We will teach you the Italian in time.”

In a soft and clear voice, the professor sang the duet with Maggie. Their voices blended beautifully and without effort. It made Adam a little jealous and anxious to learn the song.

The professor played the music several times through so Adam could become familiar with it. And then he signaled Adam to begin. Immediately, he shouted for Adam to stop.

“Adam. You are singing from the throat. You need to breathe deeply and sing from down here,” he said pointing to his abdominal muscles.

Maggie giggled. “Breathe, support and then sing! It is the simplest truth in singing.”

“Show him, my dear.”

Maggie stood behind Adam. She placed her hands above his waist and pressed gently. “Now take a deep breath.”

He blushed. The intimacy of her embrace, her hands holding him so closely, embarrassed him. He was glad she could not see his face. He took a breath and held it.

“No, Adam. Don’t hold your breath. Switch places. Maggie, please show him.”

He stood behind her and placed his hands on her torso. He felt her take a deep breath and felt the muscle push her voice up and out as she sang.

“Voice is breath, Adam. You will learn.”

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Joe burst in the house, disturbing Adam’s reverie. 

“I got the wagon all packed, Pa.  Are you ready?”

“Where are you going?”

“Last night me and Pa were thinking about Mrs. Logan, Adam.  This weather is hard on everybody. With Hank gone, well, we thought she might need some help.”

“And that pretty little gal, Betsy, has nuthin’ to do with it, right Joe?”  Hoss teased.

As he wrapped a scarf around his neck, Ben intervened.  “Now Hoss, there’s no harm in mixing work with pleasure.”  He winked at his older sons. “We’ll be gone until tomorrow afternoon.”  He closed the door behind him and soon Adam and Hoss heard the sleigh bells ringing.

“He’s gonna want to show off for Betsy and take her for a sleigh ride.”

“He’s always thinking, Hoss.” 

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After lunch, Adam walked gingerly to the settee. He settled back against the pillows and began to read Jack’s letter.  Hoss stoked the fire and sat in his father’s leather chair, leafing through a copy of Harper’s Magazine.

Hop Sing quietly entered the room and approached Adam.

“You want hot bath, Mr. Adam?  Make you feel better.”

“Oh sure, Hop Sing, that sounds good.”

“Mr. Hoss help you get in tub.  Not want you to slip.”

Adam rolled his eyes but surrendered to his brother’s assistance.  The steaming water eased the pain in his shoulder and ribs.  He sighed and relaxed for a long soak.

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Jack graduated in May but he stayed through August with Adam. He planned to marry Carrie in September. The two couples were close and spent a lot of time together that summer. Quickly they fell into a routine of Sunday afternoon events. They visited museums and attended outdoor band concerts. In July, they watched the yacht racing in the harbor.

For the first Sunday in August, Jack announced that they would ride the train to Concord and picnic in the woods outside of town. Maggie and Carrie volunteered packed a picnic lunch. They left early and arrived by midmorning. The woods were cool on the hot August day and dense enough to afford them privacy. Jack led the way, heading toward a cold water spring deep in the woods. An hour passed by and they saw no one. Free from scrutiny, Jack took Carrie’s hand and pulled him to her. He kissed her. “Now that’s what I had in mind!”

They laughed and looked back to Adam and Maggie, holding hands, heads bowed and deep in conversation.

“Solving the world’s problems, are you?” Jack called back to them.

They looked up and smiled.

“She’s teaching me Italian.”

Jack removed his jacket and said, “It’s not much longer to the spring.”

They continued on a bit and reached a stream. “If we cross here and walk down the hill a bit, we’ll find the spring,” Jack said.

Water gurgled over rocks in the stream. While it was easy for Jack and Adam to cross, long skirts and daintier shoes hindered Carrie and Maggie.

“Why don’t you go on and we’ll arrange the lunch?” Carrie offered. Adam and Jack left their jackets and rucksacks and headed down the hill.

Carrie laid her blanket under a spreading maple tree, taking care to brush away sticks and pebbles. Maggie chose a spot near the stream. They unpacked the picnic lunches and then sat chatting together on Maggie’s blanket waiting for Jack and Adam to return.

Further in the woods, they reached the spring. “It feeds this small pond, Adam. We can take a quick swim if you’d like.”

With that they looked around to ensure their privacy, stripped and waded into the cold water. There they found a deep pocket of water and dove in.

“Aaaahhhh, that is a bit of heaven, isn’t Adam?”

They stayed long enough to cool down.

Meanwhile, Maggie and Carrie sat eyeing the stream. Assured that they had no audience, they removed their shoes and stockings, hitched up their long skirts and waded into the water. They giggled like little girls and relished the freedom from disapproving eyes. The young men heard the laughing and quietly approached them from behind the brush. Adam removed his shoes, tied the laces and hung them around his neck. Next he rolled up the bottom of his pants. He jumped in the stream and scooped Maggie up as she screamed in mock terror.

“Unhand me, you knave!”

He chuckled as set her on the blanket and plopped down beside her. He was pleased with himself. They were soaked and a bit breathless. Lying side by side, he took her hand and kissed it.

“Forgive me?”

“Always," she answered. "We are so alone out here. I love the wilderness.”

He laughed softly.

“What’s so funny?”

“Well, Maggie, it’s not exactly wilderness. It is a short walk back to Concord and a train ride home to Cambridge.”

“It’s wilderness to me,” she said. “Oh, it’s not like your Ponderosa.”

“No. It’s wide open country out West. The sky doesn’t hang low like it does here. And the air is sweet.”

She sat up and turned to face him. “You miss it, don’t you?”

“Every day.”

His shirt was unbuttoned and she gazed down at his muscled torso. She placed her hand on his chest and felt his heart beating. “Your heart is back on that ranch.”

“Part of it.”

He sat up and kissed her. "Where is your heart, Maggie?"

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"Adam…Adam….ADAM! Wake up. The water's cold. You'll catch your death."

Hoss helped his brother out of the bath and shook his head as he looked at the bruising on Adam's ribs. Adam dressed slowly and deliberately.

"Let me help you with the sling."

"Thanks, Hoss. Maybe I should just go up to my room and rest."

"I don't know, Adam. You been actin' pretty peculiar these last couple of days. Yer as quiet as a settin’ hen. Why don’t you stay down here with me a while?"

"Maybe you're right, Hoss. I've been lost in my thoughts a lot,” Adam said, heading slowly back to the settee. Hoss plumped and arranged the pillows to support his brother's back. With his father gone, Adam put his stocking feet up on the table and relaxed.

"You're thinkin' 'bout that little gal, ain't ya?”

“Like a love-sick school boy,” Adam lamented, “which I was when I knew her.”

“Why don't we know anything 'bout her?"

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At Jack and Carrie's wedding, Adam was the best man and Maggie sang. It was a beautiful early September day that marked the end of summer. The next week classes began and Adam moved back to his grandfather's house to save money. He continued to walk Maggie home on Thursdays and they spent Sunday afternoons together.

He loved his time at Harvard and could easily have remained to make a good life in Boston. With the start of his senior year, however, Adam keenly felt the passage of time and the tug of home. He took the advice offered by Professor Agassiz to heart and enrolled in more geology and engineering classes. If his family were to become involved in mining, he wanted to help. The once callow youth was becoming a man who was concerned about his responsibilities.

As the semester progressed, Professor Agassiz noticed the change in his young friend. There was an anxious look that washed over Adam's face too often. The professor recognized the distress he felt in the separation from family and home. Adam had changed much during his years away. He worried about his father and brothers and whether he could slip back into ranch life easily again.

And then there was Maggie. In which world did she belong? She was integral in his life at Harvard, but her world was centered around music. Lately her talk was about continuing her training and singing professionally. He lay awake late into the night troubled by the thought that their separate worlds would soon spin away from each other.

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Professor Agassiz approached Adam after class and invited him to dinner on Sunday. He hoped that a quiet evening would settle his student’s nerves.

“I’m sorry, Professor.  I ….”

“Mrs. Agassiz and my son, Alexander, would never forgive me if you refused.  Sandy is most interested in hearing about the West.”

A shy smile crept across Adam’s face.  “Thank you, sir. It is very kind of you and your wife to invite me.”

“And Adam, please bring your friend.  My wife was quite taken with her singing at your cousin’s wedding.”

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At dinner on Sunday, Mrs. Agassiz took care to seat Adam near to Sandy and her husband.  The three of them were soon lost in talk about the mountains and mining.  Adam relaxed as he told them about the ranch and his family.

Maggie sat next to Mrs. Agassiz and her step-daughter Ida.   Discussion led to music and to Maggie’s training.  Adam listened with half an ear, catching only snatches of the conversation.  Maggie was in her element finding a kindred spirit in Ida.

“Oh, music is my passion!  It is my inner world.  Mama taught us many songs.  She had a fine voice and played guitar.”

Adam looked up at the mention of the guitar.  Maggie smiled sweetly. 

“Do you play guitar, Ida?” Maggie asked.

“Oh, no.  We put it away when Mama died.  I miss it.”

“Adam plays.”

He reddened. “I play at it.  I’m not very good.”

“He sings as well.  We shall have to have an evening of song some time.”

Mrs. Agassiz was pleased.  Ida could be vey shy and was at ease with Maggie.  She caught her husband’s eye and nodded slightly.  He winked back at her. He was delighted to see how well the dinner was progressing. 

There was a lull in the conversation as dessert was served. 

“You must study in Germany, Maggie.  The best training is found there,” Ida declared.

Maggie nodded.  “That is what Professor Henze says as well.  There is talk of forming a music academy in Leipzig. He said he wants to write his friends to find me a music teacher there.”

Adam blanched.  It was the first he had heard of such plans.

Maggie laughed to make light of the conversation.  “Of course, it is just talk.  Papa would never allow me to go to Germany alone.”

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Adam was quiet as he walked Maggie back to her uncle’s house after dinner. The snow crunched under their feet. She slipped on the ice and he took her arm in his to steady her. She nestled close to him, encouraging him to hold her. Instead, he stiffened beside her. The dark moonless night matched his mood. As they neared the house, Maggie pulled him back out of the street light’s glow.

“It’s just talk, Adam. He hasn’t even written yet.”

“But you would go….”

“Oh Adam,” she said softly. She placed her hand on his cheek to comfort him and felt his tears. Startled, she turned and ran to the front door, then disappeared inside. Adam felt his world collapse.

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Even now, ten years later, the pain could still cut him to the quick. Adam sat silently, staring into the fire. Hoss shook his head. "I'm going out to the barn to feed and water the horses."

When he returned a short time later he found his brother in the same position. He sat in his father’s chair, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

“Adam?”

Adam inhaled deeply and let it out very slowly.

"Hoss? Could you go upstairs and get the portfolio?"

With his father and Joe visiting the Logans, Adam was finally ready to confide in his big-hearted brother, Hoss. "It's time to tell you about Maggie."

Hoss returned and handed him the portfolio. Carefully Adam untied the loose knots and selected the pencil drawing of Maggie. He gazed at it, then, handed it to his brother. He laid the rest of the contents on the settee beside him.

"Maggie was my first real love. I met her in the spring of 1851, while I was living with Jack….."

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As the winter waned and the days grew longer, Adam studied with renewed fervor. Most evenings he stayed late at Harvard, studying until the library closed, and arriving at his grandfather’s home long after the old man had retired.

Late in March he found two letters waiting for him on the hall table. He knew the smudged envelope with his father’s familiar handwriting would bring news from home. The cream envelope was addressed in a hand still close to his heart. It held an invitation to a music recital at Professor Henze’s house and a short note.

“My Dear Adam – I hope that you do not think of me unkindly. I have missed you so very much. Please, my sweet Adam, do not abandon our friendship. Please come to hear me sing. I care so much for your opinion. Maggie

He opened his father’s letter but did not read it. He knew what it would say. Adam was missed and was needed at home.

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He arrived at the professor’s house just before the recital began. Professor Agassiz and his family saved a seat for him near the front. Mrs. Agassiz greeted him, kissed his cheek and whispered, “I am glad you came, Adam.” She squeezed his hand and pointed to the chair next to her.

The program on the chair indicated that Maggie would sing a set of Schumann lieder, the "art songs" that had so puzzled her last summer, and then American folksongs. The professor stood by the piano and introduced his prized pupil. His eyes sparkled as he spoke.

Maggie walked into the parlor and up to the piano. She was beautiful. Gone was the girl who collided with Adam on the front steps. In her place was a confident woman, her hair swept up in the current fashion, looking sophisticated. The professor took her hand and kissed it, then held it up as she acknowledged her audience. She nodded to him and he sat at the piano and began to play.

Adam was amazed by what he heard. Her vocal range had grown. Her breath was endless. It supported her high notes, which seemed to float to great effect. He held the card with translated poems but did not need to consult them. Her phrasing and intonation told the stories.

He watched the singer and the music teacher work as one. The German songs were his gift to her. The folksongs were the songs he and Maggie had taught the professor the summer before. They were sung beautifully as well but retained her own style, imbued with her charm and humor. They were her gift to her music teacher.

At the end of the program, the professor took her hand, again kissing it, and holding it out to direct the applause to her. She caught Adam's eye and smiled warmly. She mouthed the words, "Thank you," and nodded to him.

Professor Henze addressed the audience of friends. "We have an announcement before our encore. This shall be my last recital here. I am returning to Germany to teach in Leipzig. And I am pleased to say that my little protégé, Maggie, will be leaving with me to study there. I know that it shall be the beginning of a great career for her. I thank you all for your support and your kind friendship." He sat down and Maggie introduced the song.

"I will sing Schubert's Gretchen am Spinnrade, or Gretchen at the Spinning Wheel. from Goethe's Faust. I would like to dedicate this lied to my dear friend Adam Cartwright. He, with Professor Henze, taught me so much in the last year. Thank you."

Mrs. Agassiz squeezed his hand, waking him from his reverie, and offering him her support.

Maggie continued to introduce the song. "Gretchen is a young girl who has fallen in love for the first time. You will hear how the music mimics the action of a spinning wheel, especially as she remembers her first kiss. It is a tragic love and the refrain is, 'My peace in gone, my heart is heavy.' It is sad and very, very beautiful. I hope that you enjoy it."

She sang the hauntingly beautiful song. The warmth of her personality shone through. The final lines were whispered and not exaggerated. The guests stood to applaud. No one noticed when Adam slipped out quietly.

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Hours had passed as Adam told Hoss the story of Maggie. His shoulders relaxed and the tension in his face eased as he unburdened himself. Now his voice was dry and raspy as he recalled the recital and his reaction to news of Maggie leaving the country.

Hoss poured him a brandy. He sat silent for a few moments, warming the brandy snifter in his hands, and composing himself.

“Was that the last time you saw her?”

“No. There was one last time….”

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Late in the afternoon, the day after graduation, Adam was in Professor Agassiz's office, packing up his belongings. The professor walked in and greeted his protégé.

"I thought that I might find you here, Adam." He placed his hand on Adam's shoulder. "I am very proud of you, my boy. Your hard work paid off very well yesterday. Winning the science prize is quite an honor. Your father should be pleased."

"Thank you, sir. It has been an honor working with you."

"You sail tomorrow?"

"The day after."

"Good. You have a little time.” He took Adam’s arm and pulled him toward the door. “Come with me."

"Sir?"

"Don't ask, Adam. For once I am telling you not to analyze anything. Just follow my lead." He took Adam's jacket from the peg near the door and handed it to him. They left the Lawrence Science School and headed across campus. There they caught a hansom cab and made their way to the harbor.

At the end of the pier the ship, the Deutschland, was docked. She was due to set sail to Hamburg with the high tide. The pier was crowded with passengers and their friends and families there to see them off for Europe. Professor Agassiz, with Adam in tow, pushed his way through the swarm of people to find his family.

“Papa! Here we are!” Ida shouted and waved her hand.

Ida hugged Adam, crushing him in her enthusiasm. “Can you believe it? We’ll be in Germany for the whole summer! I have missed my friends and the music there. It will be so grand!”

Mrs. Agassiz greeted Adam with a kiss on the cheek. She whispered to him, “It was good of you to come. I wanted to say goodbye to you and wish you well before you left. You will be missed. Maybe one day we will send Sandy to see your Ponderosa. He is so taken with you and the idea of the West.”

Adam felt a tug at his sleeve and turned to face Maggie. She smiled shyly.

“Oh Adam,” she placed her hand on his cheek. “This is not how I meant for us to part.” Tears streamed down her face. “I never meant to hurt you. My dear Adam, forgive me. With all my heart, I hope that we can part as friends.”

He straightened his shoulders and swallowed hard. “Maggie….I will always love you.” He leaned down and kissed her gently. He felt a hand clap him on the back. He turned to face Professor Henze.

“Adam, my boy, you have come to see us off! Good man!” The professor shook Adam’s hand vigorously. “You have been a good friend to us both. We will think of you often. Go and do good things, Adam.”

Adam nodded and thanked the professor for his kindness.

“Maggie, liebchen, we should go.”

Maggie wiped the tears from her eyes. “One moment, please, Friedrich, I have something to give to Adam.” She handed him a portfolio, tied in pink ribbons. He recognized them as the ribbons she had worn the day they met. “Remember me.”

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“That was it. You never saw her again?”

“No.”

“Never heard from her?”

“A letter came from Leipzig. It took nearly a year to get here. Her name and address were smudged but I knew the handwriting. She was thrilled with her life in Germany. She planned to start singing professionally within the year. She hoped that I was well and happy.”

“Nuthin’ more.”

He shook his head. “Not directly. Two years later, Carrie wrote when she saw a wedding announcement in the newspaper. Maggie married the professor. She was to be known as Marguerite Henze and was engaged to sing at the opera house in Dresden in the role of Zerlina the following spring.”

“She married the professor! He was too old for her.”

“Well, I thought of him as old when I met him." He smiled, a little bemused, and added "He was the age I am now.”

"So why didn't you tell us about her?"

"Oh Hoss, I was young and I came home with my tail between my legs. You and Pa and Joe were so happy to see me. How could I tell you I wanted to be thousands of miles from here?" Without thinking, he shrugged his shoulders and then winced in pain. "It hurt too much to tell you then."

"And now? Does it hurt now?"

He looked at his brother sheepishly. "She was my first love, Hoss….I'll always wonder what would have happened."

"The song she sang, that's the one in that folder, ain't it?"

"Yes."

"Can I see it?"

Adam passed the music to Gretchen at the Spinning Wheel to Hoss.

"The words in English. She wrote 'em for you."

"Yes."

"Then she wanted to give you a message."

"Yes." Adam yawned and stood up gingerly. "I think I'll sleep late tomorrow. You comin'?"

"In a minute. I'll take care of the fire and lock up. 'Night, Adam."

"Good night, Hoss. And thank you."

Hoss stirred the embers and added some logs to the fire. He picked up the music and began to read the neat handwriting.

His tall walk,
His noble figure,
His mouth's smile,
His eyes' power,
And his mouth's
Magic flow,
His handclasp,
and ah! his kiss!

My peace is gone,
My heart is heavy,
I will find it never
and never more.

My bosom urges itself
toward him.
Ah, might I grasp
And hold him!
And kiss him,
As I would wish,
At his kisses
I should die! *

*translation by Lynn Thompson,
http://www.recmusic.org/lieder/get_t...l?TextId=17757