Hope Against Hope:  WHN The Hopefuls

Gretchen Feltes
gf3@nyu.edu
Rating:  G

A “how to mend a broken heart” tale of what happened after Adam said goodbye to Regina.  Based on the episode, The Hopefuls

 

“Are thee well enough to travel?”

Words escaped him. The pain of losing her had silenced him.  He nodded and she reached up to cradle his face one last time.  He looked deep into her eyes.  The sparkle was gone.

The feelings they had shared the last few days were a glimpse of what might have been.  But the violence of the robbery and shoot out crystallized their differences.   Regina and her father insisted on “turning the other cheek” when Sam Bord had betrayed their trust and stolen money from them.  Adam’s sense of justice had led him to try to right a wrong and it ended in a gunfight.  The bullets killed more than Bord and her father.  The recoil of his pistol catapulted Adam and Regina back to their previous lives.  She pushed her feelings for him aside and took up the mantle of her father’s leadership in her small Quaker community.  

Adam took her hand in his and gently kissed it.  There were tears in her eyes as she turned to join the wagon train.  She did not stumble. She held her head high, leading the community out of town.

Adam stood in the street as she walked away.  He willed himself to stay still until she was out of sight.  The sense of loss hit him in the pit of his stomach. 

“I’ll always love her,” he said softly.

Hoss placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.  “We should head out.  Time to go home.”

“Home.”  Adam mounted his horse and winced as he settled in the saddle. 

“You okay?”

“Oh yeah, fine.  This sling’s got me a little off balance is all.”

Hoss looked at Adam’s wan complexion and his pinched expression.  He wondered if his strong-willed brother was up for the long ride home. 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
 
“Adam,” Hoss called out as he caught up to his brother.  “There’s a stream by them trees up ahead.  How ‘bout we water the horses and grab some lunch.”

Adam shook his head.  He gritted his teeth against the stabbing pain in his arm.

“I got the hotel to make us some sandwiches.”

“Not hungry,” Adam mumbled.

“You ain’t had anythin’ since yesterday mornin’”

“I can live without eating a meal or two,” Adam growled.  “And so can you.”

Hoss shook his head.  It wasn’t hunger that made him want to stop.  Adam’s shoulders were hunched and he was swaying slightly in the saddle.  Hoss knew just how dogged his brother could be when he set his mind to something.  Adam was willing himself to ride, but his body was beginning to rebel against his resolve.

 “C’mon Adam.  We’ve been ridin’ near three hours.  These horses could use a drink.”

Adam glared at Hoss, then nodded and headed toward the copse of cottonwoods.  Hoss rode ahead to gather some wood to make a fire.   He’d make some strong black coffee.  He knew Adam wouldn’t refuse that.  Then maybe he could talk that granite-headed brother of his into eating a sandwich or two. 

Hoss was gathering sticks as Adam rode in.   He watched his brother slowly dismount and stumble slightly as he landed.  Adam grabbed the saddle and rested his forehead against it while he waited for his head to stop spinning. 

Hoss walked up behind him and put a helping hand on his shoulder.  

“C’mon Adam, let’s get you settled under these trees and check yer bandage.”

Adam nodded meekly and allowed Hoss to help him.

“Ya got a fever.  Ya know that, don’t ya.” 

Hoss helped him sit and then gently removed the sling from Adam’s shoulder.  The black cloth had concealed the oozing of blood and pus from the wound.  The bloodstained white bandage underneath told the whole story.

“Dagnabbit, Adam.  That don’t look good.  Why didn’t you say somethin’?”

“I just want to get home, Hoss.”

“Yeah, I wanna get home, too.  But we gotta get ya home in one piece, big brother.”

Hoss filled his canteen with cold water from the stream.  He helped Adam take a few sips and then wetted his handkerchief and placed it over Adam’s eyes.

“Now sit still.  I’m gonna make a fire and heat up some water.  Then I’ll clean ya up.”

Adam leaned his head back against a cottonwood and sighed.  “Not goin’ anywhere, Hoss.” 

“Good.”

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Hoss sat on a rock near the stream and nursed a cup of strong coffee. He was worried. Adam’s arm was clearly infected. He’d done his best to clean the wound. Normally stoic, Adam had screamed in pain as Hoss placed his arm back in the sling. His fever was rising. He would need a doctor’s care soon, too soon to risk riding back to Virginia City. They needed to make their way to Carson City, two hours away.

He tossed the coffee dregs aside and rinsed the cup in the stream. He quietly approached his brother under the cottonwoods. Adam was asleep, propped up by his saddle. Even in the sunny early September afternoon, he was bundled in his blanket to stay warm. He was pale and is breath was ragged.

Hoss dowsed the fire and cleared the makeshift camp. He woke Adam at the last possible moment. With slow, deliberate movements he got Adam on his horse. Adam turned Sport due north towards the Ponderosa.

“We ain’t headed that way, Adam. We’re goin’ ta Carson City. That arm of yers cain’t wait another day. Ya need a doctor.”

Adam nodded slowly and turned back to the road. That’s when Hoss said a silent prayer. He couldn’t remember the last time Adam had given in so quickly.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

It was just before sunset when Hoss and Adam slowly rode into Carson City. The first man they saw directed them to a house on North Division Street. There they found the sign hanging from a lamppost. It read, “Wilhelm Baer, M.D.”.  Hoss was relieved that they’d found the house so easily.

“Adam, we’re here. I’m gonna get the doc and I’ll be back to help ya inside. Just sit still.”

Hoss climbed the three steps to the porch and knocked.  A young woman answered the door. Tall and fair, her blonde hair was fastened in a tight, neat bun. Her face was flushed. Her nose was dusted with flour. She had rushed from the kitchen where she was baking biscuits. She wore a black dress with a lace collar and a long faded gingham apron. Her blue eyes widened as she looked at the large stranger on the porch. With genuine concern, she asked, “May I help you?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said as he removed his hat. “It’s my brother. He’s hurt.”

She looked beyond him to see Adam slumped, sitting precariously in his saddle.

“Bring him in,” she said. She turned to call to someone inside the house. “Father, we need your help.”

Doctor Baer quickly came to the front door. He was as tall as Hoss, with massive shoulders. His shirtsleeves were rolled up, revealing strong arms and large square hands. His short brown hair was streaked with gray and his moustache was neat and trimmed. He stepped off the porch and made his way to Hoss’s side.

“Careful, we must not jostle him too much,” the doctor said in a soft German accent.

Together they carried Adam into the house and to the doctor’s office. They laid him on a chaise lounge that the doctor used for treating patients. The doctor washed his hands and approached Adam to begin his examination.

“What is your name?”

“Cartwright,” Hoss answered. “Our name is Cartwright.”

“No, Mr. Cartwright.  I need your brother to answer.”

Adam struggled to find his voice and answered in a whisper. “Adam Cartwright.”

Dr. Baer nodded. “That’s good. Let me see what ails you then, Adam Cartwright,” the doctor said as he carefully removed the sling. He looked into his patient’s eyes. He was relieved that Adam understood what was happening. He was not delirious. The skin around the wound was red and hot and the sutures were weeping. Dr. Baer noted red streaks running down Adam’s arm.  Adam clenched his teeth against the piercing pain.

“It is a good thing that you are here, Adam Cartwright,” he said as he checked the arm closely. “If you waited much longer I would be amputating this arm. As it is, you may yet lose it.” He turned to his daughter. “Lotte, hot water and carbolic soap.  I will wash him and you prepare the surgical kit, ja?”

Adam shivered slightly as Hoss cut away the sleeve and removed Adam’s shirt.  Then he draped a blanket over his brother, placing his hand on Adam’s chest. “Yer gonna be fine, Adam,” he said, trying to convince himself as well as his brother. He met his brother’s worried glance. “You’ve been hurt worse than this. Plenty of times.”

“Mr. Cartwright,” the doctor placed a reassuring hand on Hoss’s shoulder. “We will do our best for him.”

“Ya need me to hold him down while ya work on him?”

“No, we will use ether,” the doctor explained.  “It will best. He is weak from the infection and pain. We want him not to struggle.”

“He ain’t gonna like that,” Hoss replied.  He looked back at Adam lying on the chaise with his eyes shut and grimacing against the pain.

“He’ll have no choice, my friend.”

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hoss and the doctor moved Adam on to the tall table in the small room next door. A large mirror hung on the wall.  Another mirror hung from the ceiling. Dr. Baer referred to the mirrors as his other pair of eyes when he performed surgery. He put Hoss to work gathering lamps and candles to illuminate the room. Then the doctor wrapped a clean towel around the cone to put over Adam's nose and mouth. His daughter moved a small table near the operating table. She draped a clean white cloth over it and lined up the cleaned surgical instruments on top.

"You scrub up as well, Mr. Cartwright.  I may need your help," the doctor instructed Hoss. "When did he last eat?"

"He ain't had anything since yesterday. Drank a little coffee early this afternoon."

"An empty stomach. That's good. Very good." Dr. Baer placed the sponge in the bowl of ether and alcohol. Then he stood behind Adam and brought the cone close to his face. Adam startled. Frightened eyes staring back at the doctor. "Relax, Adam Cartwright. Relax," he said in a soothing voice. "I am only going to help you sleep."

Adam continued to shy away from the cone. He turned his head toward Hoss. His eyes implored his brother to stop the procedure.

Hoss took Adam's left hand in his. "Now c'mon, big brother. Ya gotta let the doctor fix you up."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The surgery lasted just over an hour. Charlotte continued to administer the ether while her father, quickly, expertly, opened the wound. Using a probe and forceps he found and removed bullet fragments and bone chips. He drained the wound and resutured the arm.

"The bullet nicked the humerus. There is a hairline fracture. We'll bind his arm to his chest so he can't move it."

Hoss and the doctor carried the unconscious Adam to a small bedroom down the hall. Charlotte turned down the covers and they settled him in the bed. Hoss pulled the blanket up over Adam's shoulders and turned to the doctor.

"The ether will wear off soon.  He'll start to come around in an hour or so. I will stay with him, Mr. Cartwright. Lotte can make you some dinner."

"No, Doc, I cain't leave him. I'll stay right here." He pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down to keep watch over Adam.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

As the clock struck eleven, Charlotte knocked on the door and entered Adam's room. Hoss's head had dropped to his chest and he was snoring softly. She looked beyond him to Adam who slept fitfully. She put her hand on Hoss’s  broad shoulder and called to him softly. “Mr. Cartwright. Mr. Cartwright.”

Hoss woke with a start. He blinked and rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, ma’am. Must have just dozed off. Did I wake ya with my snorin’"?”

“I’ll stay with him a while. I've made up a bed for you upstairs.”

“No, ma’am. I’ll be just fine here.”

“Mr. Cartwright, I insist. He'll sleep through the night. I promise to get you if he wakes."

Hoss looked at Charlotte dressed in her cream colored nightdress and red dressing gown. Her hair was plaited in one long thick braid. She looked years younger and prettier than she had earlier in  her plain dress. She stood before him resolute. He grinned sheepishly.

"Okay, jest an hour then, ma'am. Thank you."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Around three o'clock Adam was in the throes of a fever dream, muttering and groaning.  His head was thrashing side to side.  Charlotte mixed a small dose of quinine with water and fed it to him, spoonful by spoonful, praying it would reduce his fever.

“Regina, don't go," he muttered in his delirium.

She sat at the edge of the bed and bathed his hot forehead with a cool damp flannel.

"Regina. Regina."

She cradled his cheek with her hand and leaned in to say, "I'm here, Adam.  I'm not going anywhere." She hoped her deception would give him peace. He took her hand in his and rested them on his chest. He relaxed and began to breathe more normally as the quinine began to take effect.

xoxoxoxoxoxxo

"Ma'am, you let me sleep all night," Hoss whispered as he entered Adam's room.

She smiled at the big man as he stepped in, his head hanging low. "I think, Mr. Cartwright, that you needed the sleep more than I did."

Hoss briefly touched his brother's pale forehead with the back of his hand. It was still warm but not hot. "The fever's down. That's good news."

She nodded. "It broke an hour or so ago." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she stood. She arched her back to relieve the stiffness from sitting in a hard chair all night. "I need a cup of coffee. How about you, Mr. Cartwright?"

He rubbed his eyes a moment and nodded. "Could really do with some. Thanks."

"Ham and eggs all right with you?"

He smiled gratefully. He'd skipped dinner the night before and was hungry. "Can never say no to that, ma'am. And ma'am, the name's Hoss."

She exited and stopped to lean back into the room. "Call me, Charlotte, Hoss." She closed the door quietly as she left. Hoss settled into the chair next to the bed. He dipped the flannel in the cool water on the bed stand and wrung it out. He laid it on Adam's forehead.

"Ya sure do have a knack for finding' trouble, big brother," he said under his breath.

Adam shifted position slightly  and moaned. He opened his eyes and was startled at the unfamiliar surroundings.

"Where am I?" he asked in a dry raspy voice.

"Well, lookie there. Sleepin' beauty is awake." Hoss filled a glass with water and helped his brother take a few sips.

The corners of Adam's mouth curved into a smile. "You here all night?"

"Nope. Ya had a pretty angel named Charlotte watchin' after ya."

Adam looked puzzled.

"Ya don't remember last night at all, do ya?"

Adam shook his head slightly.

“Ya had quite a fever brewin’. We was lucky to make it here ta Carson City. We’re at Doctor Baer’s place.”

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose.  A headache had settled behind his eyes; that, and the harsh morning sun, were making him queasy. He squinted at his brother.

“Yer arm was all red and swelled up when we got here. That dang sawbones in Mottsville did a lousy job fixin’ yer arm. Doc Baer found more pieces of the bullet when he operated on ya. Coulda lost yer arm without the good doc.”

Adam struggled to sit up. His face was pinched and wan with the effort. “Hoss, I need your help.”

“Always, Adam.” He meant it.

“Hoss, the chamber pot. I need help.”

Hoss roared. “Sure, big brother.

xoxoxoxxoxox

The coffee pot was on the stove and Charlotte was slicing bread for toast when Hoss walked into the kitchen. His face reddened as she noticed the chamber pot he carried.

"It's out back, Hoss. There's soap and a towel for washing by the pump."

He nodded gratefully.

"Do you want raspberry or apricot preserves?"

"Apricot," he called out as he walked out the door leading to the backyard.

He emptied the chamber pot and made use of the outhouse. Then he rinsed the pot and began his morning ablutions. He was rinsing soap from his eyes when Dr. Baer handed him a towel.

"Good morning, Mr. Cartwright. I peeked in on your brother. He is sleeping soundly again.  It’s the best medicine for him right now."

"That's good. Said he had a headache and was queasy."

"Ether can do that. It'll wear off soon enough."

"His fever broke though. And his color is better, too, don't ya think?"

"I think that he is a lucky man to have such a good and kind brother. You did well to bring him here."

"We're lucky that we found you, Doc." Hoss held out his hand in thanks. The doctor shook it vigorously. "I gotta wire my pa this morning. When do ya think Adam can leave?"

"I can't say for sure as yet. I'll see how he does today. We must be sure that we have the infection in check. No fewer than three days, maybe a week."

"A week! Pa ain't gonna like that."

"You are welcome to stay here, Mr. Cartwright. You and your family must be patient."

xoxoxoxoxox

Adam willed himself to stay still as the doctor removed the bandages and examined his handiwork.  As Adam's arm was moved a lightening bolt of pain flashed through him. He closed his eyes and groaned. He almost welcomed the pain in his arm. It kept him from dwelling on the pain in his heart. Regina. The look of pity in her eyes as she said goodbye had cut him to the quick.

At her father's instruction, Charlotte mixed a teaspoon of laudanum in a glass of water. Adam watched her and shook his head as she neared the bed.

"Take it, Adam Cartwright," the doctor admonished him. "It was your stubborn nature that put you in that bed in the first place.  You need to sleep.”

He took a few sips to appease the doctor. Charlotte fluffed the pillows behind him and placed another under his injured arm to support it.

xoxoxoxxoxo

Hoss left the doctor's home shortly after Adam's bandages were changed.  The doctor had told him that there was some discharge but the wound looked less fierce. The swelling had reduced. Dr. Baer was satisfied that Adam was beginning to recover.

Hoss wired his father and left word at the telegraph office where they could reach him with a reply. Next he went to the barber shop to soak in a hot tub and get a shave. Conversation in the shop centered on the livestock auction beginning the next day. Word was that there were some bull calves from Fred Stock's Ninety-Six ranch up in Humboldt County. If Adam was stable, Hoss would sure like to see them. Maybe he could make this trip profitable for the Ponderosa.

Lastly he stopped by the mercantile to buy Adam a new shirt. Hoss had him cut off Adam's shirt as they prepared him for the operation. Just to spite his secretive brother, he bought Adam a white shirt. No way he could hide any bloody stains wearing a white shirt.

xoxoxoxxoxo

Hours later Adam heard a soft knock at the door and Charlotte entered carrying a tray. Her black dress, her blond hair and severe bun were so like Regina's. It was disconcerting. Her smile was quick and warm, revealing a dimple in her right cheek. Her eyes sparkled and she greeted him. "Good, you're awake!"

"I'm not hungry, thank you," he muttered.

"It's just black coffee and a piece of dry toast. It might help your headache and queasiness."

He turned his face toward the window. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. He pinched the bridge of his nose. The headache was not abating.

"I'll come back later then," she said softly.

"No, I'll take the coffee."

She put the tray on the bed stand and helped him sit higher. She plumped up the pillows behind him. Then she handed him the cup of coffee. He took a sip and smiled. The hot dark liquid warmed him from the inside. It was just the elixir that he needed.

"It tastes good. Thank you." He smiled a reluctant, crooked grin.

"Will you try the toast?"

He looked up and met her eyes. His left eyebrow arched as he studied at the plain, black dress and blonde hair.

"Are you a Friend?"

She was puzzled and then laughed when she caught his meaning. She brushed her hand over her skirt. "Oh,  you mean,  am I a Quaker?  No.  These sad rags are a way of observing a mourning period for my mother.  She would have hated seeing this dress, but Father insisted."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," she answered softly.  "I will miss her every day of my life, but wearing this horrible dress does not honor her indomitable spirit.  I will be glad to pack it away and wear the pretty dresses she sewed for me."

"How long ago…forgive me.  That was rude, I shouldn't be so blunt."

"Six months. We hoped the dry air here would help her consumption, and it did the first year.  Last year, however, the harsh winter was too much for her."

"I'm very sorry."

"I thought that I'd hate Nevada for killing her.  Instead Father and I have grown to love it.  It was her last gift to us.  We are needed here."

He emptied the cup and handed it back to her.  "I certainly needed you last night."

"Yes, you did, Adam Cartwright," she said. "Now I think you need some more rest.  I have chores to do." She patted his good arm and exited, leaving the door open. He heard her singing under her breath as she walked toward the kitchen.

xoxoxoxoxox

Hoss turned the corner from Carson Avenue on to North Division Street. As the neared the Baer home, he stopped and took a deep breath. "Chicken and biscuits?" he wondered. His mouth watered. "Not biscuits….cain't place it." His stomach growled and he hoped the tantalizing aroma was not coming from the neighbor's kitchen.  He used the side gate and entered the house by the kitchen door.  There he found Dr. Baer placing a hot deep dish on a trivet in the center of the table.

"Er, I'm sorry.  I hope you don't mind that I used the back door.”

"Hoss, you have returned from a successful morning?” the doctor greeted him kindly.
“You're just in time for lunch.  Charlotte made my favorite chicken pie. Wash up and please join me.”

The doctor cut into the crust releasing a fragrant odor of chicken and tarragon.  Hoss sat opposite and handed his plate to the doctor.

"Sure smells good.  Is Miss Charlotte joining us?"

"She took your brother some soup a few minutes ago. I assume that he needed some help."

xoxoxoxoxox

Adam was awake and sitting up when Lotte walked into his room.  She placed a tray with a steaming bowl of soup in his lap.

"I hope that you like chicken soup."

He nodded slightly and his lips curved into a smile.

She handed him a soup spoon but saw that he was clumsy using his left hand. She took the napkin from the tray and draped it over his chest. "Maybe I should help you before you spill this and burn yourself."

He sheepishly agreed and handed her the spoon. She sat at the edge of the bed and fed him a spoonful.

"That's very good. The dumplings…."

"Spaetzel," she corrected him.

"Hoss's mother used to make them."

"Hoss's mother? You are brothers, yes?"

"Yes, but my mother died when I was born. We are half-brothers."

"And Hoss's mother makes spaetzel."

"Made. She died when Hoss was a baby."

"Oh, your poor father, to be widowed twice."

"Three times.  We have another brother, Joe, whose mother, Marie, was our stepmother for six years."

"Your father must be a strong and big-hearted man to lose his wives and marry again.  I admire that his hopefulness.  He has fine sons from that love."

xoxoxoxxoxoxox

"Doctor Baer, you ain't from here."

"No Hoss, I was born in Germany. My great uncle came here long before I was born. He made his way across Pennsylvania to Pittsburgh and had a good business there,  making beer and running a tavern. As a boy I heard about him and dreamt of coming to this country. So, when my training was done I sailed right away to Philadelphia.  I went to Pittsburgh and then to Cincinnati."

"My pa has kin in Ohio not far from Cincinnati."

"It is a good place.  I found my Catherine there. We made a good life with our children Karl and Lotte until she took ill.”  He looked up and shook his head sadly.  “Consumption. We came out west for her health but it was too late."

"I'm real sorry to hear that, Doc."

xoxoxxoxoxxo

"I never thought of it that way.  That Pa could lose the women he loved and yet still be open to love again,” Adam said.

"It is a rare thing.  We shouldn't dwell on loss too long.  We are meant to live and love," she blushed as she talked to him.   “At least that's what my mother believed." She dipped the spoon into the bowl and found it empty.  "Do you want more soup?"

"It's very good. Yes. I’m hungry."

She stood and smiled. "That's a good sign. I'll go get some more."

xoxoxoxoxoxxo

Hoss stood as Charlotte walked into the kitchen.

"Oh Hoss, how was your morning?" she asked as she ladled more soup in the bowl. "Your brother is awake and hungry.  I'll just feed him this bowl and I'll be back to join you.”

Hoss took the bowl from her and placed it on the counter. "No, ma'am…Miss Charlotte, I'll take care of him.  Ya done enough for Adam last night and this morning." He escorted her to the table and pulled the chair out for her. "Enjoy your lunch."

He walked into the sickroom and laughed at the expression on Adam's face. "I see yer disappointed that I'm here.  Ya want more soup, don't ya?" He sat in the chair next to the bed. "Need me to feed ya?"

Adam frowned and accepted the spoon from Hoss who placed the bowl on the tray in Adam's lap. He began to eat without difficulty.

"I wired Pa.  Doc told me you gotta stay here maybe a week.  I expect I’ll hear back from Pa sometime later today."

Adam looked surprised when he heard the predicted length of his recovery. "A week?"

"Maybe. Maybe shorter if yer a good patient.  Which ya ain't ever been."

Adam chuckled at his brother's comment.

"There's a livestock auction here tomorrow.  Fred Stock's ranch brought some bull calves to sell. I think I'll wander over to look at 'em this afternoon.  Might be a nice peace offering for Pa."

"Good idea, Hoss. But let me pay for the calf, I'm the one at fault."

"You done with that soup?"

Adam nodded and Hoss to the tray.  Adam sunk back into the pillows, stifling a yawn.

"Doc says he'll look at yer bandages again before supper. I'll be back for that.  I might even read to ya a bit."

"Read to me?"

"Yeah, the auction listings," Hoss chuckled.

xoxoxoxoxxoxo

Hoss found Dr. Baer at the kitchen sink washing the lunch dishes.  He handed the bowl to the doctor.

“Where’s Miss Charlotte?”

“I sent her upstairs for a nap.  She nearly fell asleep while eating.”

“That’s my fault, I guess. She was up most of the night with Adam.”

“Not at all.”   The doctor handed Hoss a towel.  “You dry and we shall make short work of this.”

xoxoxoxoxox

Lotte sat at the piano after dinner as the sun cast its last golden rays into the parlor.  It was the first time since last winter that she dared to play the piano.  She played from Schumann’s Kinderscenen.   Her father smiled as she played. 

“That’s right pretty, Miss Charlotte,” Hoss said. 

“Thank you, Hoss, but I don’t do it justice.  It was my mother who played these songs beautifully.  Right, Father?”

“You play them well enough, Lotte.  She would be proud.”

“Six months tonight.  The time has gone quickly.”

“Ja,” her father answered soberly.  He took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes. “I still look for her every morning.”

Hoss stood and quietly excused himself, sensing that father and daughter needed to be alone.

The door to Adam’s room was open and he sat up, listening to the muted piano.  His eyes were closed as he took in the simple and gentle pieces. 

“Lotte, the Moonlight Sonata, please.”

“Her favorite. Yes, Father.”

xoxoxoxxoxox

Hoss carried the breakfast tray into Adam’s room and placed it on the top of the dresser.  He gently woke his brother and helped him sit up.

“Got some toast and coffee for ya,” Hoss said.  “Ya need some help?”  He winked at his brother.

Adam chuckled softly.  “Maybe if the help came from a certain pretty young lady.”

“Oh, oh, you must be on the mend if you finally mentioned her.”

“Just give me the coffee, would you?   I’ve still got a headache.”

“You could use a shave, ya know, Adam.  Want me to do that for ya?”

Adam rubbed his hand over the rough stubble on his cheeks and jaw.  “No thanks, I value my good looks too much.  Last time you shaved me I nearly lost my upper lip.”

Hoss grinned broadly.  “Yeah, I guess I did make a mess of it, didn’t I?  Maybe Miss Lotte can help ya.”

Adam winked at his brother.  “Miss Lotte?”

“That’s what her pa calls her.  Lotte.”

“Weren’t you heading to an auction this morning?”

“Yeah, but I told the Doc I’d help him with you first.”

On cue, Doctor Baer walked into the room, drying his hands on a clean white towel.  He sat at the edge of the bed and looked into Adam’s eyes.  “Still a little dull.  Do you have a headache?”

Adam nodded.

The doctor then touched the back of his hand to Adam’s forehead.  “A little warm.”

“It’s the morning sun shining in on the bed,” Adam posited.

“Perhaps,” the doctor said under his breath.  Gently and carefully he removed the sling from Adam’s right arm.  Adam winced and his breath hitched as the doctor unwound the bandages.

“Still pretty sore,” Hoss observed.  “Color’s better though and them stitches look dry.”

Adam swallowed hard, trying to find his voice.  “Glad you approve, Hoss.”

“The arm does look better,” the doctor agreed.  “The headache may still be from the ether.  It sometimes can take a day or more to clear.”  He patted Adam’s shoulder to reassure him and began to bandage Adam’s arm.  “You should stay in bed today.  No getting up.  I hear that you can be impatient.”  He rose and walked to the doorway. “Lotte,” he called out.  “Please bring some Dover’s powder in a glass of water for Adam.”

Hoss turned to see his brother scowl.   He smiled warmly.  “I’ll see ya later, then Adam.  Don’t know how long the auction’ll be.”  Hoss picked up the breakfast tray and the two men left Adam alone with his frustration and boredom.

xoxoxoxoxxo

“Drink it up fast and you won’t taste the bitterness,” Charlotte advised as she walked in the room.  “I’ve got a peppermint for you as well.”

Adam looked up and smiled.  “Where are your sad rags?”  Charlotte no longer resembled a Quaker. She was clad in a champagne and green striped dress.  Her hair was softer with curly wisps framing her face.  She looked younger and prettier without her former dour attire.

“Father and I had a talk last night.  I told him about your father and coping with grief.  He agreed that it was time for me to start living again, to celebrate Mother and not just mourn her.”

“You look very pretty,”  he said with an approving smile.

“Thank  you,” she blushed in reply. “Now drink this.”  She held the glass out for him to take.

He grimaced and took it reluctantly.  He gulped the medicine, frowning at the bitter aftertaste.  Then he handed the emptied glass back to her.

“I’ve seen five year old boys take their medicine with more grace than that,” she teased. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a peppermint candy.   “Still a promise is a promise. Here’s your treat.”

He popped the candy in his mouth and grinned at her wryly.

She moved the chair away from the bed and placed in under the window.  “If I help you, do you think that you can sit in the chair while I change the linens?”

He nodded and pushed the covers off. He turned as he sat up and placed his feet on the floor. The world spun as he started to stand. He plopped back on the bed. “I guess I stood too fast.” He closed his eyes to regain his equilibrium.

She shook her head. “Let me help you this time. We’ll go slowly.”

She placed her arm around his waist and supported him as he stood and walked to the chair.  He sat watching her strip the bed and change the linen.  She smoothed the fresh sheets and plumped the pillows.  The medication was taking effect and he yawned as she helped him back to the bed.

“Now, if you are a very good patient, I’ll read to you later.”

He raised his eyebrow and said, “I’ll hold you to that, Miss Charlotte.”
xoxoxoxxoxo

“Lotte, Mrs. Harris is in labor,” Dr. Baer said as he entered the kitchen with his medical bag in his hand.  “I may be gone for most of the day. Can you manage Adam by yourself? I can send someone to fetch Hoss back from the auction.”

“I’ll be fine, Father.”

xoxoxoxxo

“Now folks, the bid is at $500 for this fine Durham bull calf.   It’s a steal at twice the price.  500, 500, going once, going twice.”  The auctioneer called out,  “Sold to Hoss Cartwright for $500.”

Hoss felt a heavy hand rest on his shoulder.

“If I’d known you were here,” Fred Stock, of the Ninety-Six Ranch, began.

“You’d have bid me up to twice the price,” Hoss said and grinned broadly.  “How ya doin’, Fred?”

“Fine, Hoss, fine.  Always good to see ya.”  He held out his hand to his friendly rival.

Hoss pumped Fred Stock’s hand. “Since yer takin’ my money,  how ‘bout ya treat me ta lunch?”

“And have you eat up all my profits?” Fred teased.   “The St. Charles Hotel, good for you? They serve nothing but my beef there.”

“I guess I can manage to swallow that.  Not like Ponderosa stock, but it’ll do.”

Both men laughed heartily and headed toward the hotel.

x0x0x0x0x0x

Adam woke hours later. He blinked against the bright summer sunlight.  By his estimate it was the mid afternoon.  His headache had finally vanished and he was famished.  The sweet aroma of an apple pie baking made his stomach growl.   A bell was on the bed stand. He leaned over and rang it.

“I was wondering if you’d wake soon,” she said, poking her head in the doorway.  “How do you feel?”

“The headache is gone at last,” he sighed in relief.

“That’s good.”

“How long did I sleep? What time is it?”

“You slept right through lunch.  It’s after two.  Are you hungry?”

“Ravenous.”

“I can do something about that,” she said.  “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”  She walked away and then turned back toward the room.  She caught Adam sitting up at the edge of the bed. “And don’t get up without help!”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a guilty expression.

Minutes later she returned with an herb omelet and a buttered piece of bread. His mouth watered as he smelled the warm, buttery eggs.

“Do you need help?”

He shook his head and grabbed the fork from the tray.  Steam rose from the plate.  He tasted the eggs silently, savoring their delicate flavor.  He sighed with pleasure.

“I take it that you approve.”

He smiled and nodded and took a sip of hot black coffee.  “It’s delicious. Thank you.”

xoxoxoxoxo

“Fred, that was a mighty fine meal,” Hoss said as he patted his full belly.  “Them short-horn Durhams look strange but they sure make a tasty steak.”

“Their bloodline’ll be good for your stock, you’ll see,” Fred replied.

Hoss looked out the window toward the telegraph office.  “I’ll just walk over and wire the bank to transfer the money right now.”

“No need to hurry, Hoss.  Matter of fact, it’s been a while since I’ve seen your place.  I think maybe I’ll help you get that bull calf home.”

“Pa would be pleased to see ya.   Irene and the girls with ya?  Joe would sure like to see Bonnie again.”

“Not this trip, Hoss.”

“If Adam’s feelin’ better,  I’d like to leave fer home tomorrow.”

“Good with me, Hoss.   Just send word to me here at the hotel.”
xoxoxoxxo

Hoss stood outside the bedroom and listened as Charlotte read to Adam.

“The man sat down again and said, without raising his voice: "I am at an inn. I am hungry, and I shall stay."

The host bent down to his ear, and said in a voice which made him tremble:"Go away!"

At these words the traveller, who was bent over, poking some embers in the fire with the iron-shod end of his stick, turned suddenly around, and opened his mouth, as if to reply, when the host, looking steadily at him, added in the same low tone: "Stop, no more of that. Shall I tell you your name? your name is Jean Valjean, now shall I tell you who you are? When I saw you enter, I suspected something. I sent to the mayor's office, and here is the reply. Can you read?" So saying he held towards him the open paper, which had just come from the mayor. The man cast a look upon it; the innkeeper, after a short silence, said: "It is my custom to be polite to all: Go!"

The man bowed his head, picked up his knapsack, and went out.”

He peeked into the room.   Charlotte’s back was to the door.   Adam was sitting up, listening, and admiring the way the breeze from the open window slightly tousled her hair.

“Yer lookin’ like ya feel better,” Hoss said. His voice startled both Adam and Charlotte. Charlotte blushed in response.  She closed the book and set it on the bed stand.

“I am.”
 
“He even ate a real meal,” Charlotte said.

“How was the auction?” Adam asked.

“Bought one of them Durham bull calves.  Ya owe me $500.   Fred Stock was there.”

Adam smiled at the mention of the big rancher.   “You make him pay for lunch?”

Hoss grinned from ear to ear.  “Yep. I had the biggest juiciest steak the St. Charles serves,”  he said as he held his fingers an inch or more apart.  “It was darn good. Good enough for two helpings.”

“I don’t know how you do that.”

“Say Adam, Fred offered to help me take that little bull calf back to the Ponderosa.  I won’t go if yer feelin’ poorly.  It’s jest that Pa is lookin’ fer me to get home soon.”

Charlotte stood and touched Hoss’s arm. “I’ll leave you two to talk.”

Hoss sat down in the chair near the bed and picked up the book Charlotte had been reading. “Les Miserables.  Funny name.  Is Les the main character?”

“Lay-mee-zay-rahbl, Hoss.  It’s French.”

“Yeah, Adam.  I kinda knew that.”

xoxoxoxxo

That evening, Dr. Baer assured Hoss that Adam was clearly out of danger from the infection and on the mend. He could stay if he liked but his presence was no longer necessary.  Hoss was relieved. His father’s reply to his wire had reminded him of obligations at the Ponderosa.  The doctor encouraged Hoss to take Adam’s horse Sport with him.  Adam would return to Virginia City by stage early the next week.

“Now ya listen to what the good doc says, ya Missouri mule,” Hoss warned his brother as he sat watching Adam eat dinner.  “I ain’t gonna be here to make ya behave.  Pa don’t want any more wires ‘bout ya bein’ too poorly ta come home.”

Adam nodded and sipped his coffee.

“And get somebody to shave ya.  Ya look like on of them banditos in them silly books Joe reads.”

Adam rubbed his scratchy cheeks and jaw.

“Adam, be good to Miss Lotte.  If I hear ya led her on for the fun of it and ya hurt her… well, ya’ll have to answer to me.”

Adam was surprised at the mention that he would be interested in Charlotte.   When Hoss frowned, he answered guiltily.  “Of course.”

“I mean it, Adam.  She’s a wonderful gal,” Hoss added.  “Better for ya than that Regina gal would ever be,” he said under his breath.

“What did you say?” Adam asked.  “You mumbled that last part.”

“Never mind. Come home soon.”

xoxoxoxxo

Hoss’s early morning leave-taking was on the front porch.

“I thank ya both,” the big man said as he doffed his hat. “We was so lucky to find ya that horrible day.”

“Hoss Cartwright,  you are a fine and gentle man.  And you are a good brother.  I will miss you,” Doctor Baer replied.

The two big men shook hands.

“Ya ever get over Virginia City way,  ya have to stay with us at the Ponderosa.  I won’t have it any other way, neither will my pa.”

“Hoss,” Charlotte said as she touched his arm.  “You are so dear.  Please travel safely.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.  “We will take good care of Adam and send him home to you soon.”

Hoss blushed at her attention and doffed his hat again.  He turned and joined Fred Stock to head back to the Ponderosa.

xoxoxoxox

The doctor finished his examination and placed a lighter bandage on Adam’s wound.  Still he retied the sling tightly to protect the injured arm.

“Hoss said that you might like a shave.   If so, I can help you.”

Adam thanked the doctor.  He watched as Charlotte brought a pitcher of hot water, towels, and her father’s kit.  She laid them on the bed stand.

“Let me help you up,” the doctor said.  He carefully guided Adam into the chair.  He soaked a towel in the basin of hot water and wrung it out tightly.  He placed it over Adam’s face to soften his dark whiskers.  It felt comforting and blissful.  Methodically, the doctor sharpened the razor while Charlotte raised a lather with the soap and brush.

“Thank you, Lotte. I can do the rest.”

She smiled and left the bedroom,  closing the door quietly behind her.

xoxoxoxxo

Poised with the razor above Adam’s neck, the doctor addressed his patient.

“Adam Cartwright, I am not so blind to the ways of young people.  You have a look in your eye when Lotte is around.  And she has a look in her eye when she sees you.”

Adam blinked and swallowed hard.

“She is not so naïve.  She has loved and been hurt before.  I will not allow you to hurt her.”

“Doctor Baer?”

The doctor began to shave Adam expertly.  He continued his warning.

“My wife and I wanted Lotte to have “opportunities.”  That was her mother’s word, opportunities.  We sent her to Antioch College.  There she studied to be a teacher.  And there she fell in love with a young man.”

“Yes, sir.”

“They wanted to start a school for freed slaves, but it was not to be.  Young Emerson was killed in a steamboat accident on the Mississippi.  We left Ohio and came out here for Lotte’s sake as much as for her mother’s health.  She needed to grieve her fiancé and start again.”

“So my father is not the only hopeful one,” Adam said.

The doctor was puzzled by the remark.  Adam explained how Charlotte had admired his father for continuing to try to find love after the deaths of Adam and Hoss’s mothers. “She said she admired his hopefulness.”

“Yes, she would.  You should not take advantage of that hopefulness in her unless you are serious. I will not have a callous young man break her heart.”  Dr. Baer rinsed the razor and wiped it on the towel around his neck.  “There, I am done.”

Xoxoxoxo

“Father offered to help you with a bath after your lunch,” Charlotte said as she placed the breakfast tray in his lap.

Adam took a sip of his coffee and savored it.

“It means he will let you get dressed and leave this bedroom.”

Adam smiled broadly in triumph. “That would be wonderful.  Please thank him.”

xoxoxoxxo

“Don’t I get to wear my boots?”

“Your brother warned me about your willfulness as a patient.  He suggested that I hide them as your father has done when you are sick,” the doctor explained.  “You may borrow my old slippers.”

“Do I have no secrets that Hoss didn’t divulge?”

Doctor Baer laughed softly. “None,” he joked. “He said you cheat at chess.”

With the doctor’s help, Adam left the bedroom and spent the afternoon propped up by pillows on settee in the parlor, reading Les Misérables.

“Adam….Adam?”

Adam started and looked up to see Charlotte holding a glass of lemonade.

“If you can possibly tear yourself away from France,  I’ve got some lemonade for you,” she teased.

“Thank you,” he said as he sat up.  “I guess I was lost in the story.  It’s remarkable.”

“It will keep your mind off your arm and you should be entertained for a good long while. I have oatmeal cookies if you’d like some.”

“This is fine, thanks.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have your brother’s appetite," she observed.

“No,” he said as he patted his flat stomach, “and that’s a good thing. You’ve had enough of my brother eating you out of house and home.” He finished the glass and handed it back to her.  “Thanks.”

xoxoxoxxo

Having dinner sitting at a proper table did wonders for Adam’s morale, even if Charlotte cut his meat for him and the doctor chastised him for not cleaning his plate.  At least the conversation did not infantilize him.

They compared stories about coming west.

“Your brother said you have relatives in Ohio.”

“We do, in Chillicothe.  My uncle Owen lived there when Pa and I journeyed west.  We stayed a short time.  Pa was anxious to keep moving.  He got a job on a steamboat to Missouri.  That’s where we met Hoss’s mother, Inger.”

“The one who made the spaetzel?” Charlotte asked.

Adam grinned.  “Yes, she was a kind and warm hearted woman.  She made a lonely five year old boy feel very loved.”

“How did she die?” Charlotte asked.

“An Indian attack.”

“Do you hate them for her death?” the doctor asked.

“No, in time I came to see that they were defending their land.  I would fight as hard to defend my family and the Ponderosa.”

xoxoxoxxo

After dinner Charlotte played the piano again.  Her father sat at his desk reading a medical journal and making notes.  Adam was propped up on the settee, listening, aware that he was being scrutinized.

Charlotte finished a piece and paused to rest.

“I don’t know this music. Who are you playing?”  Adam asked.

“Chopin,” Doctor Baer replied.  “Lotte’s favorite.”

She began to play the “Minute Waltz” and Adam smiled in recognition.

“My cousin’s wife played that often when I was in school in Cambridge.”

“In England?” the doctor asked.

“Massachusetts, at Harvard.”

“You are an enigma, Adam Cartwright. A gun-toting, Harvard education, rancher in the wild west,” Charlotte laughed. “What else should we know about you?”

Adam shook his head. “I’d rather hear you play.”

xoxoxoxoxxo
Adam woke the next morning to the enticing aroma of coffee brewing.  No one had come to wake him.  He heard muffled voices from the hall and the the sound of the front door closing.  He looked his clothes folded on the chair under the window and happily decided to give up of the role of invalid.  He dressed himself with some difficulty but was pleased when he looked at himself in the dresser mirror.  He walked into the kitchen barefoot and carrying his sling.

He greeted Charlotte with a warm smile. "Good morning."

"Morning," she answered as she stirred a pot on the stove.

"Where's your father?"

"He was summoned to the Double R Ranch."

"I see." He held out the sling. "I need some help with this, please."

"Of course, sit down."  She wiped her hands on her apron and approached him.  She took the sling and folded the cloth.  Then she gently placed his arm into it, securing it tightly to prevent his arm from being jarred.

He looked up, grateful for the help, but somehow uneasy.  "Charlotte, I'd like my boots."

She frowned. "Father said…."

Adam stood and looked down directly into her eyes.  "My boots, Charlotte. Please."

She shook her head.  "He said that you would try this when he was gone."

"Oh he did, did he?"

She nodded.  "I shouldn't give them to you."

"Then I will just walk out that door without them," he said matter-of-factly.  He turned to the kitchen door and looked back at her.  "I've had enough with being confined in the house.  I'm not an invalid.  And I have certainly had enough of using that damn chamber pot.  Now, I'm gonna walk out of here in my boots or not, which is it?"

She walked slowly to the larder and opened the door.  She picked up the boots and carried them to Adam.

"Be my guest."

He sighed. "Thank you, Charlotte."

He returned shortly afterwards with water dripping from his hands and chin.  "There is no towel by the pump."

She handed him a clean dish towel.  "You didn't ask."  She laughed as he rolled his eyes at her.  "Sit down. I've made your breakfast, unless you want to do that on your own as well."

"Lady, I'm like to burn your kitchen down if I try to cook." He smiled sheepishly.

xoxoxoxxoxo

"Adam,  who is Regina?"  Charlotte asked as she poured him another cup of steaming coffee.

"Regina?" he asked.  He avoided making eye contact and stared at the remains of his breakfast.

"You called out for Regina when you had a fever."

He paused to gather his wits before answering.  "She was a friend.  No, more than a friend."

"Was?"

"Is, I guess, 'though I'll probably never see her again."  He shrugged.  "It was my fault.  I ended things badly."  He rubbed his face with his good hand.

"You don't have to explain if it's painful."  She reached across the table and took his hand.

"I do need to explain, to you and to myself," he said as he placed his hand over hers. "When I met her,  my emotions all came rushing in on me.  I could see our lives before us, but we were from two different worlds."

He explained to Charlotte how he met Regina and her father,  and how he had inadvertently caused trouble for the wagon train by befriending a thief and bringing him into the camp.

"I don't understand Adam."

"Regina and her father were willing to forgive Sam Bord for stealing their money. They wanted to turn the other cheek.  I couldn't abide by that.  I needed to avenge the wrong.  I took the law into my own hands and our worlds spun out of control.  There was a gunfight.  Sam Bord killed Regina's father and I killed Sam Bord."  Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. “I may as well have shot her father myself.  I ruined her life.”

"Last night at dinner you told me that you forgave the Indians who killed Hoss's mother because they were defending their families and homes."

"Yes," he said softly.

"Weren't you defending Regina and her family?"

"I acted against their wishes. I had no right to do that."

She squeezed his hand.  “You judge yourself too harshly.”  He sat mum, staring at her hand, willing himself not to meet her eyes.

"Adam, your wound, it was from the gunfight with Sam Bord, wasn't it?"

He nodded. Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes. He stood slowly and walked out the door.
xoxoxoxoxoxox

She was waiting on the front porch when he returned two hours later.  He was pale and looked weary.

"I'll be leaving tomorrow," he said as he climbed the stairs. "There's an early stage at eight."

"Now, why would you leave on that stage?" she asked.  She patted the empty space next to her on the porch swing.  "Sit with me a bit, won't you?"

"Charlotte…Lotte, don't," he whispered.

"Please Adam. Sit with me before you fall down." She took his hand and pulled him closer. Reluctantly, he joined her.

"I can't stay, Lotte."

"The way you look Father won't let you on that stage tomorrow, even if he has to hide all of your clothes."

"Then I'll stay at the St. Charles hotel.   I shouldn't bother you any longer."

"That's just silly, Adam."

"Lotte, I don't want to hurt you as well."

"I'm not a china doll, Adam Cartwright." She pinched his good arm.  "And what makes you think that I'm interested in you that way.  I have more ambitions than to settle down with the first handsome, aristocratic cowboy that I meet,” she said smiling.  “Even if he knows Chopin waltzes and has a Harvard education."

He chuckled softly. "You're really somethin', Lotte Baer."

They sat in the porch swing, not saying a word, letting the late summer sun warm them. Autumn was coming. He dreaded the shortening of the days. He stretched his long legs and closed his eyes, letting his mind go blank.

"Penny for your thoughts," she said after a while.

Adam sat up.

"Penny for your thoughts," she repeated.

"I was just enjoying the sun," he said. His mouth curved into a crooked grin. "And thinking how lucky I am to have met you. Hoping we can be friends."

She looked up and met his eyes. She felt she could see straight into his soul looking in those eyes.

"Maybe even more than friends some day," he added.

She squeezed his good arm. "I promised Father that I would stay for one year after Mother died. It will be one year in February."

"Six months from now. The snow can be deep in February. You might not be able to leave."

She grinned and shook her head. She opened her mouth to reply but he placed a finger on her lips to stop her. "A  man can hope, Lotte." He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips.  He kissed the palm of her hand.  "Six months is a long time.  A man can always hope."

~finis~