Gretchen Feltes
gf3@nyu.edu
Rating:  G

A good night’s sleep wasn’t enough for Adam to get over what happened in the episode My Brother’s Keeper.   A WHN story of how he resolves issues and plans for the future.

 

Seed of Doubt:  My Brother’s Keeper WHN

Adam stood beside his father watching the Reardon’s wagon drive out of sight. His mind was still reeling from all that had happened in the last several days. He was worn down from the accidental shooting, tending to Joe, and the debacle getting the medicine. His mind played the scenes over in a continuous loop. He could not shake his feelings of guilt. He looked near collapse from lack of sleep. And then there was Sheila Reardon. Dammit, she had roiled the waters as well. Was she right? Had he left genteel civilization irretrievably behind when he returned from college to rejoin his family in the West? From what she saw, and she made it abundantly clear, men lived like animals out West. Was justice in Virginia City so harsh that only guns, and not words, settled arguments? He hadn’t the strength or the will to fight her when she was disparaging of his family’s life. But she had planted a seed of doubt.

He turned to his father who answered his weary look with a warm smile meant to comfort his eldest son.

“Pa, I need to talk to you.”

“Adam, you can hardly keep your eyes open. Get some sleep and we’ll talk later.”

Ben began to walk toward the ranch house. He assumed that Adam would follow but when the younger man stood his ground, Ben turned to face him. Adam was frowning and his arms were crossed tightly over his chest.

“Pa, what I have to say won’t change with rest. I need some time alone. I need to get away and think.”

“Adam, son, you’re too hard on yourself. It was an accident. The doctor assured me that Joe will be fine.”

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. It was the sure sign of a tension headache. “Pa, please, listen to me.”

“Did you hear Joe? He doesn’t blame you,” Ben said placing his arm around Adam’s stooped shoulders. “He’s right, you know. If you hadn’t been there, the wolf would have done even worse damage. You saved him.”

Adam pulled away from his father and shook his head in disbelief. “Pa,” he entreated quietly. “There’s more to this. I need some time alone.”

“I won’t have you working yourself into a lather of this. You’re making too much of it.”

Adam tried another tactic. “We’ve got a big lumber contract later in the summer. I thought I’d go up and mark the trees for cutting.”

Ben was having nothing of this new argument. “There’s plenty of time for that, Adam. You need to be here.”

“Pa, I’m not asking. I’m telling you,” Adam persisted. His jaw was set and his voice was exaggeratedly calm.

Ben looked into his son’s eyes and reluctantly agreed to his request. When Adam was that unwavering, there was no way to convince him to think differently.

“When are you going?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Adam sighed in relief.

“Two weeks, Adam. I’ll give you two weeks.”

“Thanks, Pa,” he whispered.

xoxoxoxoxxoxo

Adam woke hours before the others. He had slept badly, haunted by dreams of the wolf attack and shootout. Quietly, he made his way downstairs and into the kitchen. He put the coffee pot on the stove and began to pack some supplies.

“I do most of that for you last night, Mr. Adam,” Hop Sing said softly as he entered the room. He pointed to the sack hanging on the hook near the door.

Adam jumped at Hop Sing's voice.

“Oh, Hop Sing, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Sit. Drink coffee. I make you bacon and eggs.”

“I don’t have an appetite. Thank you.”

“I pack you biscuits and ham for later.”

“Okay,” Adam answered, his lips curving in to a smile. “Hop Sing, take care of them for me while I’m gone.”

“I will but no need. They will be fine. I worry for you.”

“I’ll be fine, as well,” he answered and finished his coffee. “I’ll take that food sack now and head out.”

Hop Sing stood on the porch and waved as Adam rode out.

xoxoxoxoxoxxo

Adam made his way up to the high country, passed last year’s lumber camp, to the rough-hewn, primitive line shack that he and Hoss had built at the end of the logging season.  He dropped his saddlebags and pack on the table.  The shack had stood unused for months. It was dusty and cobwebbed.  He found a broom and sneezed mightily as he swept the fireplace and floor.  He found the pail and the large iron pot they had left and drew water from the creek.  He  made a fire and heated the water to wash down the shack.  He scrubbed away the spider webs and mice nests.  Satisfied with his efforts, he spread his bedroll on the cot. Finally he put a pot on for coffee and lit a candle so he might sit at the table and examine his maps. 

The coffee warmed him to the core but the long ride to the new cutting grounds and the cleaning had exhausted him.  He was too tired to eat.  He stretched out on the cot and was soon asleep.  The nightmare came back soon enough, robbing him of desperately needed rest.  In the dream Joe was delirious and crying for Adam to fight the wolf.  He heard someone sobbing and woke with a start.  His cheeks were wet from crying.  Knowing he would not go back to sleep, he rose and walked out in the night air to clear his head.  He watched the night sky for shooting stars. 

As the day dawned he warmed the leftover coffee and finished the biscuits and ham that Hop Sing had packed for him.  He gathered the axe and his rifle and saddled Sport. He headed out to the furthest point on his map. He planned to work his way back to the line shack and scout for the best site for the new camp.  Despite his stated arguments to his father, he meant to work to the point of exhaustion. He wanted to work so hard that he could not think.

Long ago he had convinced his father that selective logging would serve their business better.  The mine owners preferred red fir and ponderosa white pine for timbering. He headed out to the acreage with the best piney stands.  Along the way he noted that there were plenty of scrub trees to winnow out and harvest for cordwood.  He wanted to thin the forest to allow for new growth.  He looked for potential paths for hauling the lumber to Virginia City and began to mark the trail.

In a matter of days he settled into a routine.  He woke early and made coffee and ate a quick breakfast.  Then he headed out and worked until the light was too dim to continue, returning to the shack to collapse and sleep.  It was back breaking work.  Day after day, he selected the trees, calculated the trajectories of their falling, and notched them in the direction that he wanted the loggers to cut. Tree after tree, axe stroke after axe stroke, Adam’s actions soon fell into a natural rhythm and a balance as he notched the trees.  He panted like a steam engine as he whipped his axe into a tree.  His muscles screamed with the effort and still he continued.  If he shrank from concentrating on the disappointments with his life, he purged his angry thoughts with physical work.  He pared his body into an efficient machine hoping that his mind would follow.

A normally a fastidious man, he eschewed all notions of personal appearance.  He let his beard grow unchecked and scraggly.  His hair curled over his ears.  His clothes were torn and tattered from scrambling through the brush.  His arms and legs were scratched and bruised.

He lost his sense of time as two weeks passed and then a third.

xoxoxoxoxox

Three weeks of recuperation had driven Joe crazy.  He suffered through endless games of checkers and read hundreds of pages of dime novels. Hop Sing served him gallons of his special healing teas. He endured his father hiding his boots to make sure he could not escape.  The iced lemon cookies that Hop Sing baked were a bonus but when he noticed his pants were getting tight he steered clear of them. Adam’s absence nagged at him.  He knew the shooting had been an accident, nothing more.  What puzzled him was Adam’s feelings of guilt.

At last the end was in sight.   The doctor came out to the Ponderosa to examine Joe.  He muttered to himself as he looked at the wound.  Finally he folded the sling, tossing it on the settee.  “You don’t need that anymore.  The wound looks good.”  He manipulated Joe’s shoulder and watched the reaction carefully.  “Still a little stiff?”  Joe nodded.  “It’s to be expected.  You haven’t used it since the surgery.”  The doctor announced that Joe was well enough for light ranch work.  Joe whooped and hollered at the thought of his new found freedom from the ranch house.

“Now young man, I said ‘light work’. You’re not to be riding any horse, especially your spirited mare.   If you’re thinking of coming into Virginia City, you’ll need to ride in a wagon.  I don’t want you tearing at those tendons.”

“Yes sir,” he said as he saluted, his mouth turned up in a devilish smirk.

xoxoxoxoxox

Hop Sing cleared away the dishes from lunch as Joe stood and then headed to the door.  Ben called after him. “Joseph, come back.”

Joe rolled his eyes anticipating a warning about doing too much.

“I think that you and Hoss have earned yourselves some time in town.”  

Joe’s jaw dropped at the statement. 

“Really, Pa?”  Hoss asked.  Ben winked at his middle son.

“Hoss, I am relying on you to keep your brother out of trouble.   And don’t be too late.  I’ve got a job for you early tomorrow.”

xoxoxoxoxoxo

“What do ya think Adam is doin’ right now?” Joe asked.  He could hardly sit still as they headed to Virginia City.  He drummed his fingers on the wagon’s bench.

“Prob’ly got his nose in a book reading one of them philosophers he likes.  Maybe Socrates.”

“Socrates?” Joe laughed.  “What kinda mumbo jumbo are ya talkin’ about, Hoss?”

“Adam talked to me about him before,” Hoss said in his own defense.  “He was this old Greek fella.  Adam said somethin’ ‘bout…” Hoss screwed up his face in concentration.  “The unexamined life,” he began deliberately.

“The what?” Joe interrupted.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.  Yep, that’s it.”

“Adam talked to you about ‘the unexamined life’?”

“Sure, when I was all worked up over what happened with Miss Regan.  It means a fella’s got take stock of himself sometimes, Joe.  He’s gotta figure out what he needs to do.  I reckon old Adam is up there taking stock of himself.”

“The unexamined life,” Joe said shaking his head.  “I’ll tell ya, Hoss, the only thing I’m gonna examine tonight is Miss Scarlett’s pretty mouth.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

It was late afternoon when Hoss rode within sight of the line shack. From a distance he saw no smoke from the chimney. There was a chill in the air and he pulled his collar up against the breeze. As he neared the shack he saw the makeshift corral Adam had fashioned for Sport to graze. He put Chubb there and removed his saddlebags and food sack, heading inside the shack.

There were signs that Adam had been there, his saddlebags hung near the door and his bedroll was on the cot. But the fireplace was cold and frying pan on the table was greasy. Flies were buzzing around it. Muddy footprints speckled the floor. Adam was staying there but there was little evidence that he spent much time there.

Hoss made a fire and put a pot of coffee on. He swept the floors and cleaned the frying pan. A short while later Chubb whinnied and was answered by another horse. It sounded like Sport. Adam was coming back to the line shack.

Adam was still out of sight when he heard Chubb and reined Sport to retrieve his rifle. For weeks he had not seen another person. He suspected it would be his father or Hoss but needed to be sure. He rode in slowly and saw his big brother standing near the shack. He inhaled deeply and let the air out slowly. He wasn’t ready for company yet.

Hoss watched his brother slowly dismount and corral Sport. Adam turned to face his brother. Hoss shook his head in disbelief.

“Dagnabbit Adam, look at ya. Ya look as crazed as them old mountain men we met when we first come out here. Birds could nest in that beard of yers.”

Adam smiled uneasily at Hoss's teasing, unable to meet his eyes directly.

“This hermit life ain’t good fer ya, big brother. I swear when ya get caught up in yer navel-gazing, ya don’t do yerself any good. I missed ya. Hell, we all missed ya.” Hoss strode up to Adam and grabbed him in a bear hug. His nose wrinkled. “Dammit, Adam, you stink. When was the last time ya washed proper?”

“I guess I wasn’t expectin’ guests, Hoss,” Adam answered sheepishly.

“Got any clean clothes? Ones that ain’t so raggedy?”

Adam nodded in response.

“Go git ‘em and wash yerself in that creek. I’m gonna warm up some water and give ya a good shave. Nothin’ I can do ‘bout yer hair. Pa sure ain’t gonna like them curls.”

xoxoxoxoxox

Adam grabbed his soap and towel and a clean change of clothes and headed to the creek. He stripped down and tossed his filthy clothes aside.  The icy water took his breath away as he waded into the creek.  He sat on a boulder, and lathered up and began to scrub his matted hair. 

“Whew!” Hoss whistled as he caught sight of his brother’s naked body.  “Yer skinnier than a range rabbit.”

Shivering, Adam looked down at his torso.  The small paunch that settled at his waist for the last year had disappeared.  His long arms and legs were sinewy. His muscles were firmly knit.  “I don’t see anything wrong with how I look. I worked hard up here, I lost some weight. ” He shrugged and frowned at Hoss.  “Besides I was going to fat,” he patted his flat stomach, “you should try some logging, big guy.  That belly of yours isn’t gettin’ any smaller.”

“Skinny as a scarecrow and jest about as sociable.  Keep scrubbin’ that dirt ‘til ya hit yer hide. I’ll get the hot water and razor ready.”

Hoss’s back was to the door when Adam entered.  His hair and beard were dripping and he was shaking from the cold.

“I hear yer teeth chatterin’ ,” Hoss said as he sharpened his razor on his strop.  “Pull a chair close to the fire and warm up a bit.  I’ll be a few more minutes.”

Adam sat, leaning forward, and stretched out his hands toward the flames.  The heat felt good.  He was content for the first time in…well he couldn’t remember. 

“Pa send you up here?”

“Yep.  He was worried ‘bout ya.  Yer late.  You was due back near two weeks ago.”  He tested the razor’s edge and stropped it a few more times.  “Put a towel ‘round yer shoulders and lather up yer beard.  It’s gonna take a couple of tries ‘fore we can get ya respectable again.”

Adam gave Hoss a sideways glance.  The corners of his mouth curled up slightly.  His big hearted brother was determined to restore the balance of order again.  Adam poured hot water into a basin and soaped his beard.  It took three bowls of hot water and Hoss had to sharpen the razor two more times before Adam was finally clean shaven.  He rubbed his hand over his smooth cheeks.

“There ain’t no bay rum for ya,” Hoss teased.

“No one here but you to impress, Hoss,” Adam answered grinning. “Do I pass muster?”

“Ya look a damn sight better’n when I first seen ya.  Pa’s gonna hate that long hair.”

Together they laughed and recited, “Makes you look like a riverboat gambler.”

“Thanks, Hoss.” Adam swallowed hard, trying to compose himself.

Hoss smiled warmly and shook his head .

“Why don’t ya clean up this mess and I’ll get some supper together.  Hop Sing sent up some biscuits and sweet butter and jam.”

“Blackberry jam?” Adams’ mouth was watering.  For the first time in weeks he looked forward to eating.

“And what makes ya think he’d pack anything but yer fav’rite.”

“He’s a good man.”

“You think that way ‘cause he sent blackberry jam.   I think he’d be a better man if’n it was cherry. Go on, clean up, I’m hungry.”

xoxoxoxoxxoxo

Adam cleaned up the mess and washed the basin in the creek.  He watered the horses and settled them for the night.  He turned to face the line shack.  The door was open and a soft light spilled out into the yard.  It looked homey and  inviting.  He peered inside to see that Hoss was making dinner.  The table was set.  Adam grinned at his brother’s nod to gentility. 

“Smells good, Hoss.”

“It ain’t nothin’ but Hop Sing’s baked beans and some bacon and biscuits.”

“Maybe it’s the company,” Adam said.  “It seems like a feast to me.”

As they ate, Hoss filled Adam in on Joe’s recovery and the doings at the ranch.  He kept the tone as light-hearted as he could.  The truth of the matter was Hoss was worried about his older brother.  Adam could be introspective and moody at times but his appearance had shocked Hoss.

Adam took the last bite of beans and placed his fork beside his plate. He sighed contentedly and stood to clear his plate.

“You want some coffee, Hoss?”

“That’s all yer gonna eat?  One plate full?  There’s plenty more.”

“I’m full,” he said, rubbing his midsection.  “Coffee?”

“No thanks.  I brung some whiskey.  We can have it later.”

Adam’s eyebrow rose at the mention of the whiskey. 

“I thought it might loosen yer tongue a bit,” Hoss said with a low chuckle.

Adam smiled awkwardly. 

“Sit down, Adam, ya need to talk.”
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hoss poured a measure of whiskey in Adam’s cup and then in his own. He sat opposite his troubled brother and looked directly into Adam’s eyes.

“Now first things, first. Yer done with bein’ alone,” Hoss told his brother. “I can see you been thinkin’ yer way into a hole, and ya gotta stop it. Pa sent me up here to fetch ya back.”

Adam winced at Hoss’s bluntness. He took a sip of the whiskey and felt it warm his insides. He looked down at his cup.

“Adam, what’s wrong with ya? I wanna help.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he muttered. .

“That don’t make sense. Yer wound up tighter than an eight day clock.”

“All right, Hoss.” Adam took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “When I shot Joe,” he began.

“That was an accident,” Hoss interrupted.

“Yes, but I nearly killed him, Hoss. It haunts me. I wake up in a cold sweat most nights.”

“He’s fine, Adam. When ya see him, ya’ll know that.”

“I hope so, Hoss," he said. "Then there’s what Sheila Reardon said.”

“Sheila Reardon is a ninny and you know it.”

“She was right about some things," Adam said. "For one thing, I don’t want to wear a gun on my hip anymore. I’ve been too quick to shoot and kill.”

“Dagnabbit Adam, yer talkin’ crazy,” Hoss objected. “Use yer head. We needed the medicine for Joe. There was no choice but to shoot back at them bandits.”

Adam stared into his cup and started again.

“Hoss, Sheila is right. It is violent out here and I’m not proud that I take part in it so easily.” Hoss frowned and Adam answered. “Peter Kane, Sam Bord and my best friend, Ross. I live with the consequences of my part in their deaths every day.”

“Ya think ev’rything is all hunky dory in Philadelphia?” Hoss countered. “No stealin’ or lyin’ or fightin’ happens there? And what about the war, Adam, that’s goin’ on back in yer civilized East, ain’t it?”

Adam glared at his brother’s argument. “I know that Hoss,” he seethed.

“What do ya wanna do then, Adam, if’n ya don’t wanna carry a gun? Ya wanna be a banker or preacher? ‘Cause ya know ya need to protect yerself on a ranch.”

Adam sighed and took a moment to regain his composure. “I’ve had one foot off the Ponderosa for a long time. I’m just admitting it to myself.” In a calmer voice he added, “I love you and Pa and Joe. I am proud of what we built together. But maybe I want to live in a world bigger than this ranch.”

“Ya wanna leave?”

Adam nodded.

“San Francisco?”

“Maybe,” he smiled at his brother. “Maybe far beyond there. You remember Brett Cassidy?”

“Sure. He’s that lawyer friend of yers from college that lives in San Francisco.”

“That’s right, Hoss. Last time I was there he invited another friend from Harvard, Horace Davis, for lunch. We spent an afternoon on Brett’s porch watching the clipper ships in the bay and talking.”

“Ya figure yer gonna swap the Ponderosa for the sea?”

“Some day,” Adam said. “Horace grows wheat near to San Francisco and has a big flour mill. He’s betting on selling wheat to China.”

“China? C’mon Adam, no Chinaman’s gonna buy wheat. They eat rice.”

“He’s already done it, Hoss. He sent wheat to Hong Kong last year. Some 12,000 barrels on the first clipper ship. It got there in 89 days.”

“Whew!”

“He figures he can double or triple that easily. He’s got the wheat. He needs more ships. He’s got back orders in Maine for down-easters to be built when the war ends. They’re faster than clipper ships.” He looked up at Hoss and smiled coyly. “Brett and I bought shares Horace’s fleet.”

“It’s like ya bought bank shares, then. Ya ain’t gonna sail on the ships, right?”

Adam added more whiskey in their cups. He took a sip before he answered.

“Not to start, but some day I want to sail. Brett and I want to start an import/export business in China and Japan. We sell wheat and gold in the Orient and bring back tea and spices and silk to San Francisco. Brett’ll do the legal business and I’ll act as the agent.”

“Like yer Grandpa Stoddard,” Hoss said. “Ya got some salt water in yer veins.”

“I guess I do,” Adam said.

“But yer not leavin’ the Ponderosa right away.”

“Not for a year or two at least. We need more ships and I need to learn a lot more. I’ll have to travel to California more.”

“Part of why ya came up here was ya don’t know how to tell Pa about this.”

“He’s gonna think I’m rejecting him and all that he worked for.”

“Maybe, but ya gotta know he done that to his family. He had his own dream jest like you.”

“How do I to tell him, Hoss?” Adam asked, tracing his finger around the rim of his cup.

“All that education ya got and all them books ya read and ya ain’t got the words.” Hoss was bemused by his brother’s dilemma. “Adam, it’s like when ya take off a plaster-bandage. Ya pull it right off. It stings bad but not like if ya pull at it real slow.”

Adam smiled sheepishly at his brother’s straightforward and wise advice.

“Just tell him, plain and simple. Say ‘Pa, I have a dream,’ and tell him what ya told me. He ain’t gonna like ya goin’ anymore than I do, but we ain’t got any right to stop ya from doin’ what ya wanna do.”

Adam grinned a lopsided grin and met his brother’s eyes. “Thanks, Hoss.”

“Now, finish up that whiskey. We gotta get an early start tomorrow morning. I ain’t missin’ another of Hop Sing’s suppers.”
 
Xoxoxoxoxox

Adam woke to the comforting aroma of coffee brewing. He yawned and looked around the line shack surprised to see the sun streaming in from the open door. Hoss entered carrying a pail of water.

“I’m glad yer awake.”

Adam stood and stretched. He pulled on his trousers and staggered to the table. Hoss handed him a cup of steaming black coffee. Adam smiled gratefully.

“Guess ya needed the sleep. Ya were out like a light last night.”

“It’s been weeks since I’ve slept so soundly.”

“Clear conscience’ll do that.” Adam looked at Hoss puzzled. “Ya talked it all out last night,” Hoss explained, “so ya could sleep easy.”

“When did you get so wise?”

“Pa says I got good ‘horse sense’.” Hoss shrugged.

They closed up the line shack quickly and rode out side by side toward home. They chatted companionably. Hoss was relieved that Adam was more like himself. He pointed out tracts where he had marked trees for cutting and explained how he would build the road to deliver the lumber to Virginia City. When they got within sight of the ranch house Adam reined Sport and stopped. Hoss rode up beside him to talk.

“Ya scared?”

Adam turned in his saddle to answer his brother. He had a crooked grin on his face that betrayed his uneasiness.

“Wouldn’t you be, Hoss?”

“Yea, a bit. Pa can be fearsome, but you ain’t no wallflower.”

The brothers laughed and Hoss put a hand on Adam’s shoulder. Hoss sat erect in his saddle and took a deep breath. He beamed from ear to ear. “C’mon big brother, if I’m right, Hop Sing’s bakin’ a cherry pie.”

xxoxoxoxoxo

Hoss took the reins from his brother and headed to the barn. Adam walked slowly to the house and quietly opened the door. Joe was sitting in his father’s chair with his feet on the table. “Well, look what the cat dragged in,” he teased.

Adam removed his gun and placed it on the sideboard. He smiled sheepishly at his brother as he removed his hat and hung it on the peg near the door.

“How are you, Joe?”

“Never better, big brother,” Joe answered, flexing his shoulder to demonstrate his recovery. “But you look worse for wear.”

Ben rose from his desk and greeted Adam with a bear hug.

“It’s good to see you, son. You’ve been missed.”

“I don’t get it,” Joe said. “If I came home two weeks late, with long curls like his, and as skinny as he is, you’d be yellin’ to high heaven.”

“What makes you think I won’t?” Ben teased. He inspected his oldest son’s appearance and raised his eyebrows. “He’s right, you know, Adam.”

“So I’ve been told. Hoss did your scolding for you.”

xxoxoxoxoxoxo

That night after dinner, Adam asked them all to remain at the table. He invited Hop Sing to join them. Hoss winked at his brother as Adam began to tell them his plans.

Hours afterwards he sat alone on the top porch step sipping whiskey and watching the stars. The door opened and Hoss stepped out on to the porch.

“Ya gonna eat yer piece of cherry pie from dinner?”

“No thanks, Hoss, it’s yours. I’m still full.”

“Ya don’t know what yer missin’, big brother.”

Adam chuckled softly and patted his trimmer waist. “Oh I do, Hoss. I’m missing that paunch I had.”

Hoss took a bite of the pie and walked back into the house. “He seems all right to me, Pa. Even teased me a bit.”

Ben grabbed a glass and the whiskey bottle and headed outside. “Son, mind if I join you?”

“You bring the whiskey, Pa?”

Ben passed Adam the bottle and sat down beside him. Adam poured the whiskey and they clinked their glasses.

“You remember teaching me the stars?”

“Sure, when we were crossing the plains with Inger, you’d lie on the ground reciting the constellations I taught you.”

“Sometimes you’d pull out your sextant and calculate our progress.”

“That’s right,” Ben said, smiling at the memory. “I have it packed away upstairs. I should lend it to you.”

“You’ll need to show me how to use it.”

Ben put his arm around Adam’s shoulders and squeezed. “It’s a good and ambitious plan, Adam. I can’t say that I’m entirely happy about it.”

“Pa.”

“Let me finish, son. A father never wants to see his son leave, God willing you’ll learn that yourself one day, but I can’t stop you anymore than my pa could stop me. Just promise that you won’t leave too soon.”

“I promise, not for a year or so, Pa.”