Always By Your Side
by
Janice Sagraves

Part II

ONE

He sat propped against the headboard of the bed – a couple of plumped pillows behind his back – and just stared out the window. His times alone, which didn’t happen much these days, gave him time to reflect and remember. It had been just over a week since he had awakened from the surgery that had saved his life. He could feed himself and read a book – a desire which had suffered – and a few other things that weren’t too strenuous. But when it came to some of the necessities of life he needed help. Some were not for a woman to do, and he was glad that his father and brothers were still there, though he knew that they couldn’t remain forever. The Ponderosa beckoned, and sooner-or-later they would have to return home. He looked down toward his legs and felt a slow burn build at the back of his head. An amber fire stoked in his dark hazel eyes, and his fine mouth drew into a hard knot. A fist clenched, and he drove it into his right thigh, and just like before he didn’t feel a thing.

*******

September had ended in a bright blaze of color as the trees put on a show that dazzled the senses. Crimson, bittersweet and ocher painted the landscape with broad strokes that seemed to shimmer against the cerulean of the sky as the breezes played in their limbs. But as October came and with it another windstorm, though not as fierce as the one before it, oaks and poplars and others were stripped almost bare. A few leaves had clung to their perches, but most littered the ground, many to just be blown away.

In recent days, some of Angelica Cartwright’s vigor had returned, though maybe not so much as before her husband’s accident. His wants and needs and those of her children kept her hopping, even with the help of her family and Maggie.

The taffeta of her skirt rustled as she brushed through the dining room of the big log house, a dinner tray balanced in her hands.

Verina Cartwright had just come in from outside with her granddaughter in her arms, when she saw he daughter. Her pale gray eyes dropped to what Angelica held. “I would guess that is for Adam.” She closed the front door.

“I want to get him settled before everyone else comes to table.”

An elfin quirk tipped the corners of Verina’s mouth. “That looks like a lot of food for one person, even our Adam.”

Angelica flicked a glance over her shoulder as she passed the staircase. “I thought we would eat together.”

Verina’s grin broadened. Just like you do everyday, she thought. “All right, dear, Elizabeth and I will help Maggie.” She stroked her granddaughter’s silky red curls. “So you go right ahead.”

Angelica kept right on going as if she hadn’t even heard her mother’s last statement.

A book lay open to only three or four pages upside down in Adam’s lap; his hands crossed on its red leather bound cover. The view beyond the window’s glazed panes had once again taken his attention. A light knock came at the door, but he only continued to stare outside.

Angelica came in all sunshine and rainbows as she tried to ignore another one of his dark contemplative moods. In recent days they had become more prevalent. He hadn’t been out of bed since the surgery, and she knew that it gnawed at him that he couldn’t get up and outside. She also knew that it wasn’t the mere fact that he was bedfast, but that it could be permanent. “I brought you your dinner.” She sat the tray on the bed table. “And I brought enough for both of us.”

“Just like you always do.” But he didn’t look away from the window, and his voice was flat.

It startled her as usual when he answered her after appearing not to even know she was there. “Well mealtime is always a good time for us to be alone together.” She unfolded his napkin and placed it over his chest. “Today we have pork ribs roasted with parsnips and carrots, and Maggie’s famous molasses baked sweet potatoes with plenty of butter melted over the top, and a glass of ice cold milk. We also have a nice big chunk of her soda bread apiece.” She put the tray in his lap.

When he still didn’t look at her, she cupped his chin in her hand and turned his face to her. The faraway look in his eyes unnerved her, just like it always did, but she didn’t let on, just like she always did. She kissed his firm mouth and feared that her lips trembled. She could only hope that he didn’t notice. Her best and brightest smile lit her face with false light. “I was talking with your father this morning, and he made the comment on how much better you’re looking.” She started to cut his meat for him. “Everyone has noticed that your coloring is better.”

“Angel, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times, I can do that. I’m not that helpless, at least not yet.”

Her hands stopped, and her eyes rose to his, but she saw no malice there. He wasn’t angry, but she did catch a hint of annoyance. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way, it’s just that I know how difficult this can be when you’re in bed. I once sent my entire breakfast into the floor.”

He took the utensils from her and laid them on the plate then gathered her hands into his. “I’m the one that should apologize. I have no right to be short tempered with you.” He kissed the backs of her fingers. “You’ve been nothing but nurturing and attentive and alert to my every need.” His gaze covered her face. “I don’t know what I’d do through this if I didn’t have you.”

“Well I dare say that you won’t have to find out because I don’t intend to let you.” She tittered. “You might discover that you can get on just fine without me.”

“Never.” He pulled her down closer to him. “In fact, I don’t know how I ever got along without you, and after having you I know that I couldn’t now. And what’s more, I don’t want to.”

She sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. With his fork, she speared a bite of the tender meat and fed it to him. His gaze linked with hers while he chewed, and the gradual formation of his smile told her that she wasn’t going to be chastised.

They settled down into their meal and idle chitchat, with Angelica doing most of the talking. She chattered like a squirrel and told him all about the boys’ latest antics and that Elizabeth had gained another pound. He paid more attention to her than he did his food and even missed his mouth a couple times. His dark mood – for all appearances – had passed, and it lightened her spirits.

They had just about finished when someone knocked, and Adam bade them come in. The door swung open, and Ben Cartwright stepped inside. His coffee eyes glittered in the light that entered through the window, and it was obvious that he had been up to something. “Good, you’re almost finished.”

Adam’s head tilted to one side, and that lone eyebrow rose. “I know that look, and I’m not sure I want to find out what’s behind it.”

“Of course you do, son.” Ben’s hand tightened on the door knob. “You know, it’s well past time you got up and around. Dr. Montgomery said that there’s no reason for you not to, and it might even speed up your recovery. So your brothers and I went into town this morning and got just what will help you to do that.” He leaned out the doorway. “All right, boys, bring it in.”

A clatter accompanied by the thump of boots made it into the room before anything else. Hoss appeared first, and he pushed a wheelchair. Joe brought up the rear, and they were just as enthusiastic as their father.

“Oh, Adam, look. Now you can go pretty much wherever you want to.”

Everyone was so excited that they didn’t notice the blood drain from Adam’s face or the whitening of his knuckles as his hand squeezed on his fork.

Hoss moved the contraption closer to the bed. “Why now he can even come to table an’ eat with the rest of us.”

Angelica touched Adam’s arm. “This is just wonderful.” But the moment she saw his expression she blanched.

Joe took his hat off and riffled his fingers in his dark brown curls. “And we were lucky to find this one. It belonged to Mrs. Burchett’s husband, and she said you could use it for as long as you need it.”

For a second the room seemed to become a vacuum then Adam’s voice came low and seething. “I don’t need a dead man’s wheelchair.”

To say that Ben, Joe and Hoss were stunned would have been an understatement. They glanced at one another as if they didn’t know what to do next.

It was Ben that took up the reins and forged on. “Adam, that’s no way to look at it.” He placed a hand on the arm of the chair. “You’ll be able to get around on your own. I would think that…”

“I’m not getting in one of those things again, because if I do, this time I’ll never get out.”

Angelica took the tray and put it on the bed table then sat beside him again. “Oh, Adam, you can’t know that. As time passes and your strength improves there’s no reason to believe that you won’t walk again.”

Those fierce eyes turned on her. “Angelica, for once in your life stop living in a dream world. I’ve been too lucky so far, and we need to face it that my luck may have finally run out. Now please get that thing outta here.” He brought his hand up to shield his eyes so that he wouldn’t have to look at it.

Angelica looked back at Ben with pleading eyes, and he nodded. With a wave of his hand Joe and Hoss went out with the chair, and Ben followed and closed the door.

With a tender touch she pulled Adam’s hand away. When she saw that torn and troubled face she wanted to hold him until it passed. “It’s all right, sweetheart.” She caressed his cheek. “We don’t have to do this right now, and maybe it will be better to wait for a few more days.”

His eyes came open, and she thought she would drown in the anguish she saw there. “I know they meant well, and I shouldn’t have jumped at them like that, but when I saw…”

“I understand, and I’m sure they do, too. But I’ll talk to them if you’d like, though I don’t think it is necessary. It just took you by surprise, and you lashed out before you gave it any thought.”

“Maybe you’re right.” He took her hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “When you go out, send Pa in. I think I need to talk to him.”

“All right, sweetheart.” She got up and gave him a peck on the cheek. With a fleeting smile, she picked up the tray and went out.

Adam wasn’t even sure what he would say to his father. Running away from this wouldn’t change what had happened or where his future lay, and could only prolong the inevitable. If he was destined to live the rest of his days in a wheelchair, taking it out on others and making them miserable wouldn’t change it. He snorted. He had never been one to run away from things that cropped up, so why should he start now?

The door opened and a silver head poked inside. “Angelica said that you wanted to talk to me.”

Adam nodded. “I want to get my life started again, and I’m gonna need your help.”

TWO

One of the things that could make Adam Cartwright cringe was being fussed over and only the strategic placement of his teeth could keep his tongue in check. And the fact that this time it was his brothers doing the fussing made it almost comical. Another thing he had to keep control of.

Hoss helped his brother to sit up, and brought his legs around over the side of the bed. Adam hung onto a beefy arm, just in case his body thought it would be hilarious to let him fall over.

Now Joe moved into action. He crouched and – as a father would his child – slid Adam’s feet into the slippers.

As Hoss watched the operation, his brow drew down. “Dadblameit, Joe, you got ‘em on the wrong feet.”

Joe’s nose wrinkled. “Well it’s not like he’s gonna be walking in them.”

It was like someone had just stuck a gigantic straw into the room and sucked out all the air. Nothing seemed to move until little boy green eyes rose to Adam’s face. He had seen that look in his younger brother’s eyes before, and it never failed to touch him. He reached out and took Joe’s arm in a firm grip. “You’re right, Joe, so we just won’t worry about it.” Then he gave one of his signature winks.

Joe grinned then rushed to get Adam’s robe from the foot of the bed. Hoss did the right arm then Joe finished with the left. He started to tie the belt, but Adam slapped his hands away. “I’m not that far gone.”

“Okay, okay, no need to get testy about it.”

“All right now, let’s git ‘im up.”

It had been talked about Hoss picking him up, and just putting him in the chair, but Adam had squashed that plan right now. He wasn’t a complete invalid, and he wanted to do all he could for himself. So, with a brother on each side of him, Adam was eased up into a standing position. It unnerved him that he couldn’t feel anything past his hips and he had to look down to reassure himself that that part of him was still there. As they started to move him around, Hoss caught his foot on one of the chair’s wheels, and his grip on Adam’s arm loosened. Adam’s lifeless legs couldn’t hold him up, and he started to slump to the floor. Hoss moved like lightning to reinstate his hold while Joe’s tightened.

Adam’s eyes grew stern, and his voice matched it. “We won’t say anything about this to Angelica.”

“You can rely on us not to.”

Adam’s expression softened as his mouth turned in a smile that rose to his eyes. “I know that, Joe.”

Without further mishap they got him seated, and Adam let out a breath of relief.

“Well I’m glad that operation’s over.”

“That makes two of us, older bother.”

Hoss got around behind and grasped the back of the chair. “All right, I think we’re ready for our grand entry.”

“Just a minute.”

Joe began a very much exaggerated check, and Adam’s teeth clamped. Dark hazel eyes rose and the deep corners of a fine mouth deepened, and Joe stifled a giggle. Joe was on purpose being a pest, and Adam knew it. But he also knew why, and he appreciated his little brother for it so he said nothing. And he had to admit that it did make him feel a bit more at ease.

“There,” Joe straightened the robe’s collar, and brushed away imaginary lint, “now he’s presentable at least with as much as we can get him with what we have to work with.”

That single eyebrow arched again. “All right, Joe, enough with the theatrics.”

The family had gathered before the large stone fireplace that dominated the expansive parlor. Ben and Verina Cartwright sat on the wine-colored settee with their grandchildren and a picture book. Verina held Elizabeth in her lap while the boys clustered around their grandfather. Her mind wasn’t on her reading as her eyes would – on occasion – dart to her daughter. She could see that Angelica was about to burst, but there wasn’t a thing she could do about it.

Angelica had wanted to stay in the room, but her brothers-in-law, with Adam’s backing, had shooed her out. She had gone, not because she wanted to, but because she knew that Adam preferred it that way. And she knew why. If he should fall he didn’t want her to see it. She hadn’t wanted to upset him, so she left without much of an argument. Her fingers dug into the faded arms of the tall-backed blue chair. What was taking so long?

The opening of the bedroom door came as loud as a thunder clap. Verina’s voice ceased as Angelica bounded from the chair.

Joe stopped at the foot of the staircase, and made his announcement in his most commanding voice. “Allow me to present a man who needs no introduction, a man who is…”

Adam’s eyes darted to Joe as he was wheeled past him. “There you go again with the theatrics.”

Adam seemed to be bearing up well, but Angelica took it only at face value. She knew him well enough to believe that what churned inside him wasn’t what he presented to others. And she had no desire to shatter his illusion – it was enough to let him think he had her fooled.

“I hope this meets with your approval.” Adam reached out to her.

Angelica hoped that she didn’t grasp his hands too fast or too tight to give her away. She wanted to look at Hoss, but she feared that Adam might catch something between them. She put forth her best effort to make her smile sincere. “It will do for now.”

“You look fine, son, just fine.”

“I feel pretty good, Pa.” His gaze flitted from brother to brother. “And I did survive these two.”

Hoss’ face scrunched into a scowl. “Now that’s gratitude for you. We work like horses just to see to it he don’t scare nobody an’ that’s the thanks we git.”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t grateful, I just intimated that I was lucky to live through the endeavor.”

As Verina came closer to the chair, Elizabeth began to lean down toward her father.

Adam held his arms up to receive his daughter. “Let me have her.”

Angelica’s ivory coloring bleached. “Oh, Adam, I don’t think…”

“Nonsense, she’s still my child and this won’t change that.” He laughed, and Angelica knew it was every bit forced. “It’s not like this is contagious.”

“Angelica, I can’t see that it will hurt a thing.” Then Verina handed the girl down to him.

Elizabeth’s eyes were round as silver dollars as she nestled herself against Adam’s broad chest. Her soft red curls were a stark contrast to his heavy black hair, and they made a striking pair. And since the children had been taught that what one got, they all got, the boys left Ben and toddled closer. They started to scramble up Adam’s legs, and Angelica went almost into a blind panic.

“It’s all right, Angel, they won’t hurt me, and I want them.”

With help from their grandfather and uncles they climbed into their father’s lap. It made things a tad overcrowded, but the children were happy, and Adam fair glowed from sheer delight.

“Take us to the fire, driver.”

“Sure thing.” Then Hoss brought the chair around and steered it toward the fireplace. He parked them facing the hearth – though not too close – and stepped back with the rest of the family.

Angelica batted away tears. She couldn’t let herself believe that her husband would be confined to that thing for the rest of his days, and it frightened her almost to distraction. But for now she wished she had a picture to keep with her always. The children were happy, Adam appeared happy, and she had to make sure that she did, too.

A spark of inspiration illuminated Verina’s full face, and she went to the settee and retrieved the picture book. She came around the table to where they sat and held it out to Adam. “We were on page nine.”

With only a smile of sublime contentment, he took it, opened it and began to read.

The cadence of his rich baritone tortured Angelica in a way she hadn’t expected. She loved to hear it anytime, but most of all when he read or sang. It could sooth when she was depressed or saddened or upset for whatever the reason, but now she wanted to shut it out, and it made her angry with herself.

While all attention was on him, she backed away, careful that her shoes didn’t sound against the floor, then turned and went outside with as much quiet as she could.

A cold gust caught her as she stepped out onto the front porch. She shivered, and it reminded her that she hadn’t brought a wrap, but she didn’t care. She had escaped – at least for now – and it allowed her a clearer focus.
Her deep violet eyes rose to the clear sky behind the barn, and she wrapped herself in her arms to ward away some of the chill. Behind her the door opened and closed, and she didn’t look around, but she suspected who it was.

Something warm draped over her shoulders, and the voice that came wasn’t the one she expected. “You forgot your cape, Miss Angelica.”

She looked around, and those compassionate blue eyes made her want to cry. “Thank you, Hoss. I thought you were Mother.”

He snickered. “I ain’t quite so purty. She was gonna come, but I told ‘er to stay in where it’s warm an’ I’d git ya.”

“I’m all right,” she pulled the cape closer around her, “especially now.” Her elegant mouth turned at the corners. “And I don’t just mean this. I thought I wanted to be alone, but I’m glad you came.”

“Well I guess there’re different ways to be alone, an’ it ain’t always by ourselves. You know, if’n you wantta talk I got myself some purty good ears.”

“No, I don’t think…” Her head drooped for a second then bottomless eyes rose to his face. “Oh, Hoss, he seems so happy, but I know he’s not, I don’t see how he can be.”

“You cain’t know that for sure, Miss Angelica. We can find happiness even in the bad times. Onct in Virginia City I heard a feller talkin’ about the war an’ laughin’ about some o’ things that’d happened to ‘im. You woulda thought it was the grandest time he ever had. An’ then he turned off more serious.”

“I know that, but Adam has always been so active, and so vivid and alive and now…” Her fingers snarled in the soft fabric of the cape. “Hoss, he could be in that chair for the rest of his life.”

“I know that, an’ so does he. Adam ain’t never been no quitter…”

“And here I am quitting on him.”

“You ain’t quittin’, your life’s just been put in a big ol’ bottle an’ shook all up an’ you ain’t quite sure where to go next. Well anytime you need help all you gotta do is ask for it. Pa an’ me an’ Joe have been down this road before. I ain’t sayin’ we’re no experts, but we might know a thing or two you don’t.” Her head had drooped again, and he put a gentle finger under her chin and raised her face to him. With a thumb he wiped away a tear. “It’s all right; we’ll git through this together, like a family oughtta.”

He could see that she wanted to let go and he figured the best place for that was in his arms. He put them around her and pulled her closer. She rested her head against his massive chest, and he felt her begin to tremble, and he knew it wasn’t from the cold. Angelica had become the sister he never had, and he loved her as much as he did his brothers. To see her this way tormented his gentle heart, and right then and there he strengthened his resolve to always be there for her and Adam and their children, as his older brother had always been for him.

THREE

Angelica came down the stairs as she tightened the belt around her dressing gown. But the first thing she noticed was the coldness of the parlor. Her gaze darted to the hearth, and she could see by the warm glow that the fire hadn’t gone out. Then her attention turned to the front down, and she found it more than just some ajar. Her breath rushed in through her teeth, and she took the last three steps in almost a single bound. Adam had been left alone before the fire as she got the children to sleep, and the emptiness of the room drove her out into the night.

The orange light of the big hanging lamps greeted her as she rushed out onto the porch. She looked first from one end to the other, but found herself quite alone. As her pulse throbbed in her temples she dashed into the yard, and her eyes tried to probe into every shadow. There was nothing to see that hadn’t been there in the daylight. Then she remembered that she had seen something in the quick scan of her surroundings, and she looked back to the barn. The big door on the left stood half way open, and she detected a faint aura of light from inside.

At once her mouth went dry as chalk, and her fingers wound in the folds of the dressing gown. Her slippers scuffed over the hard packed ground as her legs drove her toward the glow.

The second she got inside she froze. “Adam.” She rushed forward to where he sat near one of the stalls. “You shouldn’t be out here, and without even a coat. You could catch your death.”

“I just wanted to visit with Dusty a little bit before turning in.”

“Well the next time you decide to ramble I wish you would let me know. When I saw that you were gone, and then the door open I…”

He reached out and clasped one of her hands. “I didn’t mean to frighten you; I just needed to be outside for a few minutes.” He began to pull down on her arm. “Sit with me.”

Her eyes went wide, and she began to tug back. “Oh, Adam, I don’t think that’s wise.”

“For the hundredth time, it won’t hurt me.” He continued to pull, and she continued to fight against it. “And if a lap full of squirming children won’t do any damage, you certainly won’t.”

Still with hesitance, she allowed him to bring her into his lap. He pushed her back against his broad chest and rested her head on his shoulder then he scooped an arm under her legs and brought them up.

“There, that’s more like it. But you’re freezing.” He wrapped his arms around her like a comforting blanket then leaned the side of his face against her forehead. “Now that’s better.” He felt her nod. “We’ve had ourselves quite a day. I trade in my legs for wheels…” He felt her body tense, and in an instant regretted the careless words. “But it could be worse, I suppose.”

“You could be dead.”

In his mind he wondered if – for his family’s sake – that wouldn’t be for the best. Angelica, however, didn’t need to be privy to this, so he kept it locked away in his head. “I wish Annie and Swede would have stayed a bit longer.”

“I had a long talk with Annie the night before they left. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to stay, but she felt, and Swede agreed with her, that this wasn’t the time for us to be worrying about the comforts and needs of guests.”

He snickered. “That sounds like her.”

“They promised you that they would come back for a visit, and while they may be many things, they aren’t liars.”

“I know that oh so well. They’re fine people, and I consider myself privileged to call them my friends. I think I’ve told you how Annie and I met.”

“You have, but I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.” She snuggled her head under his chin.

As Adam began to relate the tale of how he had met – or maybe one should use the term collided – with Annie O’Toole, his voice and the nearness of each other drowned out any miniscule sounds. So they didn’t catch the squeak as the big door was pushed closed.

Verina had just removed her slippers and slid her legs under the covers when Ben came into the room. He closed the door and removed his robe as he came toward the bed.

“You look like you didn’t find him.”

“I found him and Angelica. They’re out in the barn, and I thought it best not to disturb them.”

She propped herself up on one elbow and watched him as he hung his robe on a post at the foot of the bed. “I can’t imagine what they could be doing in the barn at this time of night. And it’s cold as winter out there.”

“They’re getting reacquainted.” He put out the lamp and got in beside her. “Something I don’t think it would hurt us to do.” He took her in his arms and snuggled close to her. “There’s nothing that says the son can’t teach the father a few things.”

*******

Soft gray light filled the room through the half opened draperies when something awoke Adam. He had no idea what time it was or how long he had been asleep. He reached out to Angelica’s side of the bed and found her still there so he guessed that it wasn’t her. His attention turned toward the cradle, and he could just make out a curly-headed figure silhouetted against the window. His daughter was awake.

This wasn’t the first time he had gotten up with her or one of his sons to let Angelica get her much needed rest so he thought nothing of it. He swung the covers back and sat up with as much stealth as possible. The wheelchair had been left beside the bed in case he should need it through the night. As he leaned out to catch it, he lost his balance and pitched forward. He made an unsuccessful grab at the bed table, but all he managed to get hold of was the scarf. As he landed with a dull thud and a grunt everything struck the floor with a frightful crash.

Frightened out of her little wits, Elizabeth began to cry. Angelica, jerked from peaceful slumber, sat straight up, and her eyes went right to where Adam should be. He wasn’t there, and she shifted into panic mode. “Adam.”

“I’m down here.”

In one swift, fluid movement she was up. She raced around the foot of the bed. When she saw him – a dark heap in the floor – her heart picked up speed. “Adam.” She dropped beside him and started to help him up.

“I’ll all right. Get Elizabeth. Go on. I’m all right, just feeling a mite foolish.”

He pushed himself away from the floor and leaned back against the side of the bed as Angelica went to get the frightened child. With a groan, he rubbed at his left elbow. It had been the first part of him to strike the hardwood and it smarted. Now if only his legs would hurt. His attention left his battered body when Angelica returned to his side with the crying little girl.

“Give her to me.” As he took his daughter, someone started to knock at the door and call their names. “My father is not a patient man when he’s frightened,” he began to rub his daughter’s back as she snuggled close to him, “so you’d better go let him in.”

“I’m not leaving you again.” Then she bade her father-in-law enter in a loud, crisp voice.

As Ben came in, lamplight preceded him. When he saw the little family in the floor – the water carafe and glass shattered among a spreading pool – he blanched even further. He handed the lamp back to Verina as they moved on into the room.

Joe, his hair in tousled disarray, appeared in the doorway. “I thought I heard…”

“You did little brother.”

“Joseph, help me get him back into bed.”

“Watch your step, there’s broken glass all over the place.”

“We see it, son.”

“Just stand back, everybody, me an’ Adam can handle this.”

Ben and Joe stepped back out of the way as Hoss came in. Angelica took Elizabeth and joined her mother.

“Looks like you got yourself in a bit of a mess.”

“Nothing much, I just made an idiot of myself.”

“I think most of us is guilty o’ that.” Then with no effort at all, Hoss gathered up his brother and but him back into the bed. “I ain’t even sure I wantta know what happened.”

“I’ve done some stupid things in my time, but this one takes the prize. I’ll tell you all about it in the morning.”

Hoss jabbed an accusatory finger at him. “You just see you do.”

Adam pulled the cover up over his worthless legs. “I do apologize for waking everybody out of a good night’s sleep. It wasn’t planned, but it could have been avoided. Now you all go on back to bed, and I promise no more rude interruptions to your slumber.”

Ben’s eyebrows arched out of concern. “Only if you’re sure you don’t need us any more.”

“I’ll always need all of you, but as far as this goes, we’re fine.”

Angelica had picked up Adam’s back rubbing, and it was in danger of putting Elizabeth to sleep. “Adam’s right. The mess can wait until morning; right now we all need our rest.” Elizabeth yawned as if on cue.

Good-night salutations were exchanged and Verina had to almost drag Ben from the room. But once again the threesome was alone. Angelica started toward the cradle with the half asleep toddler.

“Angelica, just for tonight, let’s have her in the bed with us. And if I didn’t hate to disturb them, I’d have the boys brought in, too.”

Without a word, Angelica came and put the child in beside her father. The little girl nestled as close to him as she could get while her mother got into bed on the other side. Angelica brought up the covers then put an arm around them. Talk was unnecessary, and the late hour negated it. Her lips to his said it all then she rested her head against their baby’s. Tonight’s problems would have to wait until the light of day. For now there was only them.

FOUR

The family could hear the muffle of raised voices through the study door, though they couldn’t make out what was being said. Verina sat at the dining table with the children while they had gingersnaps and milk. And while the little ones ate, their grandmother couldn’t keep her attention away from the other side of the parlor. Angelica sat in the tall-backed blue chair – Buddy’s chin on her knee, and his chocolate eyes set on her face – and stared at where her husband was being berated. Ben, Joe and Hoss stood at the huge stone hearth in the pretense of warming their backsides, but their gaze was fixed where the ladies’ were.

Dr. Graham Montgomery whirled from the floor-to-ceiling bookcases. “You know if your paralysis is caused by swelling it’s never gonna get better at the rate you’re going at it. Children climbing all over you and throwing yourself out of bed.”

“The latter wasn’t exactly what I had in mind either. And when the day comes that I can’t have my wife and children close to me I say just shoot me and get it over with.”

“You know, you’re the kind of patient every doctor has nightmares about. You’re a good friend, the best, but you give me apoplexy. You don’t seem to be inclined to do what I tell you.”

“You’re the one that suggested this contraption.” Adam slammed his hands down on the chair’s arms.

“Sure I did, but acrobatics isn’t what I had in mind. And somewhere along the line I seem to remember myself saying something about plenty of rest. It wouldn’t hurt a thing for you to stay in bed most of the time. There’s nothing wrong with coming to table for your meals, or sitting quite off to yourself. Your mind needs the recuperation as much as your body does.”

Adam’s ever darkening eyes narrowed on the doctor. “In other words, stay away from those that climb on me or could otherwise make my mind work.”

“Not in other words or my words, I’m simply saying take it easy. There’s nothing wrong with holding your daughter or one of your sons, just not all at once. And while I’m sure Angelica makes a delightful lapful, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea right now.”

“I thought it was my back that I had to be careful with not my legs.”

“Well, they are connected.” Graham come to him, leaned down and placed his hands on his friend’s wrists. Some of the fire had left his voice. “All I’m saying is take care of yourself. And if you won’t do it for you then do it for your family.” A mischievous grin rose to his eyes and showed sparkling teeth. “For some reason they seem to care what happens to you even if you don’t.”

Adam snorted and nodded. “All right, you win. But I’m not staying in that bed all the time, why I’d go crazy.”

“Fair enough.” Graham stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest. “All I ask is that you take it easy. We want to do all we can to get you back on your feet.”

The corners of Adam’s mouth deepened, and his gaze lowered for several seconds.

“Adam, we don’t know that you won’t walk again. There’s so much that the medical profession is still very much in the dark about. But if it comes to that we’ll take it from there. I just don’t want you giving up.”

Adam crooked a faint, half-ended smile. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the giving up type. I have too much to work hard for.”

“Good, that’s what I like to hear. Now I suggest that we go back out with the others before Angelica sends your father and brothers in here to rescue you from my evil clutches.”

“Fine but we won’t mention about my not walking, especially to Angelica.”

Graham’s brows dropped into a frown. “I think she already knows that.”

“I know, but she doesn’t need to be beaten with the fact.”

Graham held up his right hand. “I promise. I won’t unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“Good enough.”

A knock came at the door, followed by an anxious feminine voice. “Adam, please let me in.”

The men just looked at each other and grinned.

“We’re coming out, Angel.”

*******

Adam sat in his wheelchair on the front porch. At first he had been so that the sunshine touched his face, but now he had moved back into the shadows. His eyes followed every movement of his father and brothers as they prepared to ride out. His hands wadded in his lap, and the muscles knotted in his jaw. Here he sat – still in robe and slippers – as they made ready to set out to do his work for him.

Angelica stood so that a drapery at the window to the left of the front door concealed her. Since the accident, she had spent much of her time keeping an eye on her husband, and today turned out not to be any different. But until this moment she hadn’t been so certain what she was looking for. Now she knew, for she found herself looking right at it. A soft breath filled her, but left as a mild moan.

“Still just sitting out there, I see.”

Angelica glanced around as her mother stepped next to her. “I saw this coming yesterday when Father Ben announced that he and Joe and Hoss would be helping out around here. Every time they ride out, he just sits out there. He doesn’t say anything; he just wheels back into the shadows in silence and watches with an expression that nearly tears out my heart.” Her fingers dug into the heavy fabric of the drapery.

“He seemed in such good spirits when the doctor was here this morning.”

“I fear that it was for show. All of the smiles and grins and good humor are for the sake of his family.”

“Well if I know our Adam, he hasn’t told you that.”

Angelica gave her head half a shake as her eyes remained on the silhouette close to the wall. “He doesn’t have to. I know him better than I thought I could anyone after only three years, and it isn’t because he’s easy to read. I’ve never felt such an affinity with anyone; I don’t think even with my own family.” Her voice cracked. “Sometimes I feel like one heart beats in both of us.”

“Maybe you should talk to him about it.”

“Don’t think I haven’t tried. He shrugs it off in that way he has, and changes the subject. I love him dearly, but sometimes I could almost strangle him.” She daubed the back of a finger at one eye. “I know that he doesn’t want to worry anyone. I only wish he could see that this only makes things worse.”

“I think you should tell Ben the way you feel, let him talk to Adam. After all, I think he knows his own son.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Angelica’s hand clamped tighter in the drapery. “I’ll talk to him when they get back.”

“I think that’s a very good idea. Now let’s go give Maggie a hand and leave Adam to his privacy.” She pried her daughter’s hand free and began to lead her toward the dining room. “I don’t know why she insists on letting the children help her when she bakes, they always manage to get more flour on themselves and the floor.”

But Angelica’s eyes didn’t leave the direction of the window until they were forced to.

With the thump of hooves Adam rolled to the edge of the porch to watch Ben, Joe and Hoss ride out past the barn. Oh, how he wished he was going with them, to again feel Dusty between his legs, and to have his father and brothers with him. His hands formed into fists as he looked down at his legs, and for a second he hated them.

*******

For the first ten minutes or so of the ride, Ben and his sons rode without a word. It wasn’t like they had nothing to talk about – for goodness knew they did – it was just that they didn’t seem to want to. It was Hoss who broke the prevailing silence.

“Pa, I’ve noticed something about Adam that’s got me bothered, an’ I know I ain’t the only one.”

“How quiet he’s gotten, even more than’s natural for Adam.”

“Yeah, Joe, that’s it. An’ he just sets back in the shadows without makin’ a sound an’ watches us git ready an’ ride out. It’s kinda spooky.”

“Your brother has been through a lot recently, and I don’t think we should expect him not to react to it.”

Joe’s eyes went to his father. “It’s not that we don’t expect it, and he’s handling it a lot better than I would. But, Pa, this is so different than the last time he wound up in one of those things. No wonder he blew up when we first took it in on him. Still, this isn’t…”

“Joe, this time he has a wife and children and his own ranch. He has heavier responsibilities, and any man worthy of those responsibilities is going to react to it when he feels he can no longer live up to them.”

Hoss gave his brother a nudge. “Joe, tell him what you told me last night.”

The green of Joe’s eyes almost seemed to fluoresce.

“Yes, Joe, do tell me.”

“All right, Pa, but it’s gonna shake you up just like it did us.” Joe shifted in his saddle. “Yesterday, not long after dinner, I went looking for him. There was something I needed to ask him, and now I don’t even remember what, but that doesn’t matter. I’d just come out of the kitchen with some of Maggie’s gingersnaps when I saw him sitting in front of the fireplace. He was talking to himself, and I could tell that he didn’t know I was there.”

Ben’s hand tightened on the reins. “People do that all the time, I’ve even done it – it doesn’t mean anything.”

“It’s not that he was talking to himself but what he was saying.” Joe darted a quick glance at Hoss. “I couldn’t make out all of it, but what I did hear disturbed me. He wanted to know what good he was, but that’s not what jarred me the most.”

Ben’s eyebrows formed into a heavy frown. “All right, drop the other boot.”

Joe took a deep breath and sat up straighter. “He wondered if his family wouldn’t be better off without him if he can never get out of that wheelchair.”

Ben went pure white and pulled his horse to a halt. Joe and Hoss stopped on either side of him. For an eternal minute no one said a thing then Ben looked from one son to the other. “You should’ve told me sooner.”

“We know, Pa,” Joe reached out and took hold of his father’s arm, “but we wanted to wait until there wasn’t any chance of Adam’s or Angelica’s overhearing.”

Ben just sat, his gaze directed ahead. “You two go on ahead; I’ll catch up later if I can.” Then he tugged back on his horse’s head. “I need to get back to the house.”

FIVE

As he came up onto the porch, Ben stopped. He would have to be careful how he approached his son. He would need a valid excuse for his return alone, without implicating Joe. These days he feared that Adam might jump all over his youngest brother if he found out what Joe had relayed to their father. Ben didn’t like to lie, especially to his sons, but these were extenuating circumstances.

Ben found himself greeted just inside the front door by a curly-haired little girl munching on a cookie.

“Well look who we have here. This just may be the nicest welcoming committee I’ve ever had.” He removed his gun belt and hung it with his coat on the rack near the window then put his hat with them. His eyes traced about the room. “I don’t see your parents. You must’ve gotten away from somebody.” He scooped her up and nestled her against his chest. She held the cookie out to him, and he took a tiny bite. “Um-um, that’s so good. Thank you, sweetheart.” He started to move deeper into the room. “Now I need to find your father.”

“So that’s where she got to.” Angelica swished from the dining room and met him near the foot of the staircase. “I had just put the last loaf of bread on the table, turned around and she was gone.”

“They can get away so fast. I lost mine more times than I care to think about, and Adam seemed to be the worst. There has always been something about the allure of solitude that makes him difficult to keep track of, even to this day.” He glanced around to his left. “I assume that he’s in his study.”

“No, I had to practically browbeat him into lying down on the bed. He objected just like he always does, but I managed to convince him that it would be beneficial to his healing if he got out of the chair for a bit.” Purple lights began to take life in her eyes as she looked behind him. “I don’t see Joe and Hoss.”

“I sent them on ahead with the promise that I would rejoin them.”

The lights started to glitter. “You weren’t gone long so you must have had a very good reason for coming back.”

“It’s always a good reason where our children are concerned.” One side of his mouth crooked. “And before you get upset, it was nothing more than a whim. We were talking, and I just all at once felt that I needed to come back. I think we all tend to worry more about Adam these days, and I just wanted to see him I guess for no other reason that to reassure myself.”

Ben got the impression that she didn’t altogether believe what he had just told her.

“Here, let me take her.” She reached out and took her daughter, who offered her mother a bite. “The last time I looked in on him he wasn’t asleep. You can go right in.”

He thanked her and went on. Elizabeth touched the cookie to her mother’s lips, and Angelica took an absentminded nibble though her gaze never left Ben.

Adam lowered the book as someone knocked at the door. “Come in.”

When he entered he tried to catch any difference in his son’s demeanor without being obvious about it. “I hope I’m not disturbing you too much.”

“Nah,” Adam laid the book open upside down on the bed, “I thought that I’d do a little reading to pass the time while I’m in forced exile. I welcome the company.” He frowned. “You weren’t gone long, and I know that it takes longer than twenty minutes to get to Lilac Meadow and back.” The corners of his mouth crimped. “You’re checking up on me.”

Ben pushed the door together and came in. “Of course I am, I’m not gonna lie about it.” He came to stand at the foot of the bed. “It just struck me, and I knew I couldn’t get any work done until I assured myself that you were doing all right.”

“I have been for the past few days so I don’t understand what’s so urgent.” One eye narrowed as he scrutinized his father. “I hope Joe and Hoss haven’t been talking out of turn.”

Ben swallowed hard and hoped that Adam hadn’t noticed. “We were just talking in general, and I knew that I just had to see you. Don’t think that we haven’t noticed the way you sit back and watch us while we’re getting ready to leave. Something is bothering you, and I guess I thought it was time we talked about it.”

“That was rather abrupt. You could have done it at any time, but you wait until you ride out then turn around and come back.” The lone eyebrow rose. “Will Reagan once called you a terrible liar, and I havta put in with him that you’re not the best at it. And don’t ever let anybody convince you to try to bluff in poker; you’d lose your shirt.”

Ben made a decision, and came around closer. “All right, I do have a reason. I saw you sitting in front of the fireplace yesterday, and I heard most of what you were saying to yourself.”

Adam took on the pallor of chalk, and the blackness of his eyes and hair became more pronounced. “You always taught us that eavesdropping just isn’t done.”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping. I just walked out of the kitchen and…”

“Then I don’t understand why you didn’t confront me with it then.”

“I suppose I dreaded to bring it up to you.” Ben sat down on the side of the bed. “Son, you’re worth everything to us, we wouldn’t be so concerned if you weren’t. We certainly don’t want to hurt you, and if in our zeal to do what we can to help we should, please know that it wasn’t intended that way.”

If possible Adam became even more pallid. His hands wadded on the covers on either side of his legs.

Ben reached out and grasped his arm. “There’s no need to be angry.”

“It’s not anger; I’ve just never liked to be lied to. I know you mean well, but I do wish that you would have enough confidence in me to at least tell me the truth. I know it wasn’t you that overheard me, if it had been you would’ve said something to me right then and there. And even if you had decided to wait, you wouldn’t have waited to do it after riding out so that you would havta turn around and come back.”

“It doesn’t matter who saw you.” Angelica closed the door behind her. She shifted Elizabeth – who crunched on the remains of her cookie – in her arms and came to stand beside her father-in-law. “And it doesn’t help to be so sensitive over things. No harm was meant, and you weren’t being spied upon.”

“All right,” he nodded, “I’ll let it go this time, but I do wish in future that people would give a bit more consideration to my privacy. Now if you don’t mind I would like to get back to my reading.” He picked up the book and made a point of focusing his attention on it. “I am, after all, supposed to be resting.”

Ben sat there for a few seconds then stood. He had known this one long enough to know when the conversation had been terminated and it would be useless to try to restart it. He watched as Adam gave a page a pronounced, methodical turn, his gaze set right on it. Out of pure obstinacy no further words would be forthcoming.

“Adam, I don’t think…”

Ben took her arm and gave it a firm squeeze. “He’s right, and I think we should go and let him do just that. We can talk about things later.”

Ben sensed Angelica’s reluctance as he led her from the room. But he knew it would do no good to stay. When Adam made up his mind to something, one could sooner move the mountains with a twenty mule team.

Angelica sat in the tall-backed blue chair while her daughter polished off her goodie, and crumbs sprinkled into her lap. Her violet eyes set on the flicker of the flames, and it didn’t take much guesswork on Ben’s part to deduce what was running through her mind.

“He’ll be all right, it’s just gonna take some time, is all. We just need to remind ourselves of what he’s going through.” Her doleful eyes turned on him, and they almost took his breath.

Before he could give her any comforting words – platitudes if one preferred – Joe and Hoss came in.

“I thought you had gone on without me.”

“We thought to, Pa.” Hoss took his hat off, “but we got to worryin’ about Adam just like you was. So we decided we’d just come on back.”

No one had noticed Adam come in. “I want to know which one of you saw me yesterday at the fireplace and told Pa about it.”

Hoss opened his mouth to speak, but he didn’t get the chance to.

“I did, and I heard most of what you were saying.”

“And so you thought it was a good idea to upset Pa with it.”

Angelica handed Elizabeth to her grandfather and came around the chair. “Adam, this isn’t necessary. Joe was only doing what he thought was right.”

“It’s high time my family stopped treating me like my legs are the only thing that doesn’t work. I can still see and hear, and my feelings function just fine. I have sense enough to know when I’m being treated as if I were five again.” Adam wheeled closer to his youngest brother. “And I don’t care for you presuming to even know what I was going on inside my head.”

By this time Verina and Maggie had come from the kitchen into dining room with the boys.

“You seem to forget, older brother, I heard what you said, and it doesn’t take a sharp mind to know what you meant.” Joe’s temper flared, and he jerked an arm in Angelica’s direction. “Maybe you should ask her if she thinks she’d be better off without you whether you ever get out of that blasted chair or not.”

“Joseph.” Ben’s arms tightened on Elizabeth, and her lips puckered, and her chin began to quiver.

The pupils engulfed Adam’s eyes, and his hands knotted on the arms of the chair. He glared at Joe for what felt like a century then he spun and went back into the bedroom. The door slammed and reverberated through the parlor like an explosion.

“Oh, Joe.” With a shake of her head, Angelica rushed after her husband.

Hoss stepped next to his brother. “Maybe one o’ these days, little brother, you’ll learn to keep a harness on that temper o’ yours. Although I cain’t hold my breath for that long without goin’ pure blue.”

Elizabeth had leaned her head on her grandfather’s shoulder and was getting her back patted when he stepped to his third-born. “Joseph, I know that in the past few days your brother has gotten difficult to live with, but I don’t think that it’s necessary for you to make it worse. Twice in his life he has found himself confined to one of those damnable chairs with the prospect of never leaving it staring him in the face. I don’t think he needs for us to make things worse.”

“I know, and I could kick myself for saying what I did.”

“Bend over, little brother, an’ I’ll save you the trouble.”

Joe’s eyes flicked to Hoss. “I wouldn’t care if you did.” He looked beyond the staircase. “I think I should try to tell him I didn’t mean it. The worst he can do is to throw something at me.”

“That ain’t the worse he can do. He keeps a gun in the bed table drawer.”

A spark of ironic humor lit Joe’s face. He gave Hoss a thump then started past the stairs.

Angelica’s soft voice was interrupted by a knock.

Adam pivoted the chair so that he faced the bedroom door. “Come in, Joe.”

Joe could see the sharpness in Angelica’s eyes when he came in. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, but when it came to Adam, she didn’t care to fight him, and Joe knew it. “I think we need to talk a little bit, brother.”

Angelica stood from where she knelt in the floor and put herself in front of Adam. “Well whatever you have to say, you can say with me right here.”

Adam took her hand. “It’s all right, Angel. I think I’ll be safe enough, though I can’t vouch for his safety.”

Knowing Adam as he did, Joe couldn’t be sure if that was a joke or a dig. But he had no reason not to feel safe around his brother, no matter the situation.

She turned her back to Joe, and put a hand against Adam’s cheek. “All right,” she threw a menacing glance back Joe’s way, “but if you need me I’ll be just right outside.” She smoothed back the heavy black hair then started out.

Joe couldn’t miss the cutting look he received as she passed him. He smiled at her, but it wasn’t returned. When they were alone, he just shook his head. “I don’t know why I can’t find a woman like that.”

“I don’t think you came in here to talk about my wife. You know, because of what you blurted out there I had to do some fast explaining.”

“I shouldn’t have said that in front of her, I know, but sometimes you…”

“Make you mad enough to spit.”

“True, but that’s not what I was gonna say.” Joe moved closer to the foot of the bed. “Sometimes you worry me when you say these things that convince me that you don’t realize your worth to others. It wouldn’t make any difference to Angelica if you never took another step. As long as she has you around, it doesn’t matter, and it’s the same with the rest of us. It’s what makes you Adam Cartwright that we care for, not whether you can walk or not.”

“Oh, so now you’re a philosopher.”

“No, just somebody whose concerned about a brother that he cares an awfully lot for.”

“Well, little brother, you had an odd way of showing it. I was worried about how Angelica was taking this before, but now you’ve only added kindling to the fire.”

“I said I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

Adam just sat and directed his gaze to his feet. Joe could almost see the cogs turning inside his brother’s head.

“Adam, you know that I would never deliberately hurt you or Angelica. As Hoss puts it, she’s our sister now, and you don’t go out of your way to hurt family, not if you’re any kind of a man.” He sat on the side of the bed. A hand he rested on Adam’s knee, but from his brother’s lack of reaction, he knew it hadn’t been felt, and it hurt worse than being shot. “You know I’m a hothead, and sometimes it runs away with me, I’m sorry to say, and any harm I cause isn’t intentional. I know that’s no excuse, but I’m afraid it’s the best I can do.” He reached out and grasped Adam’s arm, but his brother didn’t look at him. “Anything I can do to help or make amends, you know that all you havta do is ask.”

When those eyes did rise, for a second Joe found himself reminded of that first night in the Haymes’ barn so many years ago. His grip tightened. “Talk to me, brother.”

SIX

It was a quarter past midnight when two figures emerged from the house. The big lamps illuminated the length of the porch so they stayed well back in the shadows along the wall lest they be seen from the bunkhouse. A thin squeak melded into the stillness as the only thing to give away their presence. No words were spoken until they came into the yard and started off.

“You know, if Pa catches us we’re dead men.”

“No, just maimed, it’s Angelica that’ll kill us, and take great delight in it.”

They stopped near the end of the barn, and the one on foot came around in front of the one seated.

“Oh, stop fussing over me, Joe, I’m warm enough. Let’s just get going before we get caught.”

“I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”

“Because you owed me one.”

They started out past the corner of the barn.

“I don’t know what for.”

“I didn’t shoot you today when I had the chance.”

They moved along the road with stealth. Somewhere off in the distance a mournful wolf howled to the night while two brothers made good their escape.

“You know, since you came home you’ve done some things that give me the idea that you aren’t exactly right in the head. I mean, what man in his right mind would rather be out parading around in the dark than in a warm bed with a warm wife.”

“I told you why today.”

“Well tell me again so I’ll know for sure why I’m out here freezing something off wheeling a mad man around.”

“Since the accident I haven’t been any farther than the barn, and Angelica, bless her, goes all to pieces if she doesn’t know where I am every second.”

“And your college education told to that the best time to get away with something was when she was asleep.”

“You’re catching on, little brother. Now let’s just hope that Hoss does his job in case she should get up.”

Joe groaned. “Better him than me. I’d sooner face an angry cougar. She’s the feistiest little woman I think I’ve ever met in my life.”

“I think I told you about her using the shotgun on that man who came to kill me.”

“You did, and I don’t care to hear it again.”

“Keep pushing, Joe.”

*******

Angelica reached out to Adam’s side of the bed as she turned over. He wasn’t there, and her heart flipped. She sat up, but in the time it took she awoke enough to remember that he had fallen asleep in his chair in front of the fire. It had been Ben’s suggestion that they leave him where he was rather than disturb him. Hoss had even volunteered to stay in the room with him and sleep on the settee.

Her eyes went to the cradle, but the child was quiet. She thought about just lying back and trying to go back to sleep, but she knew better. Until she got up and checked on him she knew not to even waste her time. Her feet patted the floor, and she snared her dressing gown from wing chair on her way out. She saw no sense in fooling with her slippers, and if Hoss hadn’t been on the settee she wouldn’t have worried about covering up so much.

The parlor was dark save for a faint glow around the hearth. Angelica stopped at the foot of the staircase as she pulled the dressing gown close around her. She could make out the form of the chair – its back to her – and she couldn’t miss the bulk on the settee. Hoss’ snoring added its own comforting reassurance, and it made her smile.

Satisfied and since she didn’t want to disturb them, she turned to head back to the bedroom. As she did, however, something caught her sight that begged for closer scrutiny. Her eyes set on Adam’s chair, and as she drew closer she noticed something peculiar.

The huge grizzly bear pummeled him with its immense paws, even when he turned his back to it. It growled in his ear, and he just couldn’t seem to escape its rampage. Then it started to slap him in the face. Now its voice changed and became a rasping imitation of a human. It snarled his name, but then it softened and became more feminine. “If you don’t wake up, I’ll dump a bucket of water right on you.”

Blue eyes batted against the faint yellow glow of lamp light. He rubbed away the fuzz, and became aware of someone standing over him. Fortunate for him she didn’t have a bucket. “Angelica.”

“That’s right, Angelica,” her arm swept back in a wide gesture behind her, “and I demand to know the meaning of this, and I demand to know now.”

Hoss’ sleep-fogged brain had trouble making sense of the whole thing. “I don’t know whatcha mean.”

She pointed behind her again. “That.”

His sight followed the length of her arm to the end of her finger, and his mouth went dry. He came wide awake, and pushed himself up on his elbows. “Oh, that.”

“Yes, that and you are going to tell me what is going on. And don’t you dare try to convince me that it’s Adam. A two-year-old could see that it isn’t.” She stomped over to the fireplace and jerked away a blanket to reveal one of the dining table chairs. Built up pillows – an obvious attempt to feign the form of a person in the dark – toppled to the floor. “After three years I think I should know my own husband, and that certainly isn’t him.”

Hoss gulped and sat up on the edge of the settee. His fingers dug into the horse hair filled cushion, and he wished he were back on the Ponderosa. It was against his better judgment that he had let his brothers wheedle him into this, and now it was coming back to bite him where he sat in the saddle. “Well, now, Angelica, I can explain.”

“Then do it, and it had better be good.” She crossed her arms in front of her, and cocked back onto her heels. The toes of one foot began to tap against the floor. “I’m waiting.”

“I want to know what in the world is going on down here.”

Hoss looked up as his father and step-mother came down the stairs. With a grunt he dropped his head into his hands and closed his eyes. The Ponderosa wasn’t far enough – he wished he was on the moon.

*******

Joe pushed the chair around the side of the barn. “I can’t believe you. In the middle of the night you want to go watch some skunks. Now I know you’re crazy.”

“You havta admit that they’re cute little rascals.”

“Yeah, sure, in broad daylight, put it’s probably pushing in on one o’clock in the morning. I should be relishing in the comforts of my bed, and so should you.”

They came into the yard.

“Ah-oh.”

Joe froze in his tracks, and his head shot up. His eyes went straight to soft light that peaked through the cracks of the draperies on the front parlor windows. “We’re dead.”

“Well we might as well go on in and get it over with.”

When the front door opened and Adam and Joe came inside, they became the instant center of attention. Angelica went white as paper when she saw them. Her hands bunched on the sides of her dressing gown, and her eyes went pure purple, a definite warning sign.

Angelica dashed around the settee to Adam and took his face in her trembling hands. Then those purple eyes flashed on Joe, and he paled.

“I’m all right, Angel. We’ve just been out for a little night stroll and some fresh air. Next time you can come, too.”

“There’ll be no next time. This was a foolish thing to do.”

“Angelica’s right, son, you could have really hurt yourself out in the dark. And you, Joseph, I would have thought you knew better than to do something like this.”

“This isn’t Joe’s fault or Hoss’. It was all my idea, and I talked them into it, so if you want to come after somebody’s hair then come after mine. I just had to get out of and away from this house for a while, and my brothers were helping me to do it.”

Verina came to stand beside Ben. “Adam, dear, if our attention has been a trifle tight-handed it’s only because we love you, and want to protect you.”

“I love all of you the more for it, but I don’t need protecting. And what everybody needs to understand is that this was something I needed. I’m not a prisoner, though a lot of the time I feel like one. I feel like I’ve committed some kind of crime.”

“No, son, the only crime was in your getting hurt.”

Angelica huffed, and she gave Joe another nasty glower. “I don’t know what you were thinking, Joe Cartwright. You know he shouldn’t…”

Joe’s hands gripped tighter on the back of the chair. “Forgive me for interrupting, Angelica, but what I know is that a man, any man, but especially my oldest brother, will smother and die if he doesn’t have some freedom. It may not happen in a day or overnight or in a week, but it will happen.”

Now Hoss came forward, emboldened by his younger brother’s brashness. “We ain’t none of us meant nothin’ wrong, but if’n you step on a thing harder’nuf you’re for sure gonna kill it.”

A quick breath ran into Angelica. Tears glistened in her eyes. She clutched his hands as tight as she could. “I never meant…” Her lips began to quiver.

“I know you didn’t.” He wiped a thumb over her cheek and grinned. “And I don’t hold it against you, but Angel, you need to let go a little, not just for me but you too.”

The clock struck the half hour and put an end to the debate.

“It’s late, and I think we should just go back to bed.” Ben took his wife by the arm. “We can talk some more about at a more decent hour.”

Adam agreed with the others, but he knew this was far from over. And Angelica would be his biggest obstacle. It wasn’t that she was grasping or meant to stifle him, but when something threatened him she tended toward a strong reaction to said threat. Of course if she didn’t, a man who had been sent to kill him back in June would have in all probability succeeded. He glanced back at her as she wheeled him toward their bedroom. His beautiful Angel. His hands clenched in his lap. He feared that he had let her down. He feared that he had let them all down.

SEVEN

The advent of the young man who delivered wires for the telegraph office in Bantree had sparked tension in the big log house. Not by his presence or even his departure, but by the contents of what he had brought.

Ben Cartwright stalked back-and-forth – the piece of paper crushed in his right hand – while his family watched. No one dared to ask him about what distressed him so, but it didn’t take a whole lot of thought to figure out what had caused it.

When Ben turned to go back in the direction of the dining room, he found himself face-to-face with his oldest son. Neither said anything, and words were unnecessary. Adam reached out and took hold of the telegram, and Ben’s grip tightened on it. The paper crinkled. Adam tugged and continued to until his father’s hand opened.

Adam’s eyes ran over the lines scribbled before him. And each word drove home the reason for the upset. His gaze returned to his father’s face. “I thought this had been settled a long time ago.”

“So did I.” Ben turned to stare down into the flames that danced among the charred logs. “But it wasn’t, not according to that.”

“I’ve known Roy too long not to trust in his judgment, we all have, and he wouldn’t have sent this if he hadn’t thought it important.”

Joe stepped next to the wheelchair, and Adam handed him the wire. As he read it face set like granite, and his eyes rose as green fire. “They’re out of their minds. Pa, you bought that land through a fair deal and now, after four years to come and say that you cheated them,” Joe’s hand wadded on the piece of paper. “I don’t know where they got that from. You never cheated anybody in your life.”

“Not knowingly.” His shoulders slumped some. “If that were only it I could fight the allegation, but the fact that the man who sold it may not have had any right to…” Ben riffled his fingers in his silver hair. “This couldn’t have come at a worse time.”

Adam snorted. “I’d say any time is a bad time for something like this. Well it looks like you’ll just have to go back home and get it straightened out.”

Those coffee eyes shot to Adam. “I can’t leave you, not like this.”

Adam reached out and took his arm. “I think I can manage for a little while until you get back. I mean, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

Hoss came around by his brothers. “Pa, this don’t mean we all gotta go. You an’ Joe could go on back to the Ponderosa an’ me ‘n Miss Verina’ll stay here.”

Verina stood from the settee with Elizabeth. “I think that is a splendid idea, Erik. We’ll be all right, Ben, dear. You just concentrate on going back and taking care of this.” She darted a look at her daughter. “We can manage.”

Adam glanced at his brothers. “I think you should rest up for your trip today and leave on tomorrow’s stage. It’ll give us a chance to talk this over and come up with a strategy.”

Ben nodded, took a heavy breath and set his gaze back into the hearth. He still didn’t like it, but he knew that he had no choice. When troubles came, so many times they came in clusters. He hated the idea of going off and leaving Adam for this, but he couldn’t do anything else. A fire left unattended could burn out of control and turn into a full blown conflagration, and that was one thing none of them needed.

*******

Adam sat on the porch until he couldn’t hear the sound of the buckboard’s wheels any longer. He hated to see Pa and Joe leave, but it was just one of those things that couldn’t be avoided. Everybody else had gone back into the house, though he had been aware of Angelica’s lingering eyes. He still expected to have problems with her fawning and constant hovering. His lips curved. It really wasn’t so bad, even though it could be maddening. What would be worse, however, was if she didn’t love him enough to care.

“Well, I guess we’re on our own, brother.”

Adam looked around as Hoss stepped next to him, a piece of apple pie in hand. “I think Angelica and Verina would have something to say about that.”

Hoss tittered and took a man-sized bite. As boys they had been raised not to talk with their mouths full, but with him it hadn’t taken as well as with his brothers. “An’ don’t forget Maggie. She’d have our hides if’n you did.”

“I guess she would.” Adam set his sight across the yard, and went more somber. “Hoss, I’m sorry I got you and Joe into that mess the other night.”

“Me an’ Joe ain’t worried about it none, so you shouldn’t be neither.” He took another bite.

“I’m just sorry that my need for a late night roam got you both into trouble.”

“Ah, shaw, I wish that were the worst I hadta worry about. You know, Joe never took it into his head to tell where you two went.”

Adam leaned back in the chair. “Down by the duck pond.”

Hoss’ concentration set on his brother as he continued to work on his pie.

“A mother skunk with a litter of babies has a nest close by, and I just decided that I wanted to see if they would come out.”

“Well now, I’ve always been kinda partial to fuzzy young’uns.” He stuffed the last of the pie into his mouth, and did a lot of serious chewing so he could talk. Then he wiped his hands on his britches legs and took hold of the back of the chair. “Joe got to see ‘em an’ I think you oughtta do me the same courtesy.”

“It would be my pleasure, and you can do the driving.”

“Sure thing, brother.”

Angelica came from her secret place by one of the draperies, and started for the front door, but someone grasped her arm and stopped her.

“No, sweetheart, let them go. There are times when men just need to be alone and talk. And I don’t think that Erik will let anything happen to Adam.”

Angelica glanced back out the window. Her breathing shuddered and she looked back to her mother. “I suppose you’re right, but that doesn’t make me like it.”

Together they stepped to the window and watched as Adam and Hoss disappeared around the barn.

A day like this made a man glad to be alive. The chatter of squirrels mingled with the song of what birds hadn’t headed south to carry on the spicy air. Playful clouds floated overhead through a sky as blue as a field of cornflowers in summer. And the voices of brothers – engaged in earnest conversation of nothing in particular – added their own special touch.

It took about fifteen minutes to reach the pond, not as long as it had the other night when they didn’t have the sun to light the way. Hoss parked his brother near a small pile of rocks then sat down in the grass close by.

“The nest is under those dead tree limbs.” Adam sat back and adjusted the lap robe over his legs. “I’ve been watching them for a while now, and they always take the same path to the water.”

Hoss rested his arms on his bent knees, and his eyes drilled into his brother to catch any sign of weakness.

Adam watched the familiar spot for several seconds longer then turned his attention to Hoss. “I’m all right; you don’t need to watch me so close.”

“I don’t mean nothin’ by it, I guess since this is the second time you’ve been in one o’ those things,” Hoss removed his hat and riffled his fingers in his thin brown hair, “I dunno, I…”

Adam put a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t havta to finish. I’ve gotten used to being stared at these days. I imagine that everybody is waiting for the same thing I am.” He took a deep inhalation and let his eyes go to the crystal sky. “Any sign that I won’t spend the rest of my life confined to a wheelchair. But whether I will or not isn’t the important thing.”

“I don’t gitcha, brother.”

“It’s what it’ll do to my family. I can already tell a difference in Angelica. She needs to know where I am, what I’m doing and my needs every moment. And I don’t know if anybody else has noticed, but some of the sparkle has left her. It’s like…” his eyes drifted from one cloud to another, “damping a candle. The flame has gone out, and I don’t know what to do to rekindle it.”

“First off, don’t sell Angelica short. She just may be one o’ the strongest ladies I’ve ever known.”

Adam chortled. “She’d havta be to be married to me. I know that I can be difficult at times, and, like Pa’s always put it, too stubborn for my own good.”

“Well, now there I think that little lady can match you at every turn. An’ when those eyes go purple it’s a wise man that knows to dodge.”

Adam laughed. “Or head for the mountains.” Several wild ducks flew over, and his eyes went with them. “Still, she doesn’t handle it well when something happens to me or children. Last month when she was going through those terrible dreams, the boys got into a minor skirmish like boys will do, and Addy accidentally hit Elizabeth in the mouth. But, always a plucky little thing, she just hit him back. It was when she saw the blood that the world caved in. Angelica went all to pieces. To tell the truth, I felt sorrier for Addy than I did his sister. Before it was over he was in tears, too. And Benjy and Hiram – I think more out of sympathy for their brother than anything – decided that they should cry. But I cleaned away the blood, soothed hurt feelings, and garnered a promise of no more hitting, which went out the window that very night.”

Hoss sniggered and scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, I’ve heard Pa talk about such things.”

“All I’m saying is, that if it comes to it, I’ll adapt better than Angelica will.”

“I dunno, brother, I think she’s got more grit than she’s give credit for.”

“I just hope we don’t havta find out in this case.” Adam’s head lowered, and he looked to his feet. He leaned down and picked up a baby skunk. “Well, little fella, it looks like you’re lost. I just bet your mother’s looking for you, and if she found us together I don’t think she’d understand.” He put the tiny creature on the ground and gave it a gentle nudge. “There you go.”

Hoss’ eyes had darkened, and the color had drained from his face. He was so rattled by what had just occurred that he couldn’t think of anything else. Adam continued to talk, his attention still focused on nature, but Hoss didn’t really hear it. If asked later, he wouldn’t be able to recall a single word or subject matter. He looked at his brother’s feet then to his face. Adam wasn’t aware of what had just happened or what Hoss hoped had just happened.

EIGHT

Hoss Cartwright’s boots thumped on the steps as he went up onto the porch of the small weathered clapboard house on the edge of town. He could only hope that what he was doing was right, but as it concerned his brother he couldn’t understand how it could be wrong. He could hear a low murmur of voices inside. The doc had company, which provided the perfect excuse to back out. “No, dadgumit, this is Adam.” His hat came off, and he knocked.

When he saw his visitor, Graham Montgomery’s expression ran from pleased to wary in one swift moment.

“I hope I ain’t interruptin’ nothin’, Doc.”

“Not at all, especially if it’s about Adam.”

Hoss fingered the brim of his hat. “It is, but they ain’t no need to be in no hurry.”

The doctor invited the big man inside and closed the door. Hoss’ gaze ran to Doc’s company as Reverend Jonathon Fordyce rose from a chair near the hearth, a cup and saucer in hand.

“The doctor and I were just having a little visit and a nice chat over tea.” He sat the cup and saucer on a small table by the arched doorway that led into the parlor. “I’ve been here for a while, so maybe I should go and leave you two to talk.”

“No, Reverend, I wish you’d stay.”

Doctor and minister glanced at each other.

Graham reached out and took Hoss’ arm. “Let’s go in and sit down. I’m sure Jonathon won’t mind sharing the fire with you. It’s a cold long ride from the Angel on a day like this.”

“That it sure is, an’ if’n I hadn’t thought this real important I wouldn’t be disturbin’ you on a Sunday.”

They trooped into the small but comfortable parlor, nothing fancy but it suited the needs of a southern gentleman and country doctor. Jonathon relinquished his place in the more substantial rocking chair, and it creaked under Hoss’ weight.

Hoss crossed his legs and hung his hat on his right knee as his eyes floated about the room. “This is a right nice place you got here, Doc.”

“It’s not as big as what I had back home, but after all those years in an army tent it’s a palace to me. But I don’t think you came all the way out here to talk about my accommodations, Mr. Cartwright.”

“No, I right purely didn’t, an’ I don’t even know if’n I should be here. Nobody knows I come to see you, they think I just come into town to pick up some things for Miss Maggie, which I gotta do or she’ll go over my head with a skillet. An’ if’n I’m wrong they cain’t never know.”

“I assume this has something to do with your brother not being able to walk.”

“Yes, Doc, it does, an’ I hope I’m right in what I think I saw.”

Jonathon’s eyebrows dropped into a studious frown. “Then by-all-means go on.”

“This mornin’ me an’ Adam took a walk,” Hoss’ cheeks flushed, “er, rather I did all the walkin. Anyway, we was just talkin’ when this baby skunk ups an’ gits on his foot. Adam just plucked it up like it wasn’t nothin’ an’ put it down. Now that’s where things git a might tricky, I don’t know if’n Adam seen the little critter…”

Graham sat up straighter. “Or felt it.”

“That’s right. Now Adam’s got better eyesight ‘n I do, shoot, he’s got better eyesight ‘n most eagles, but I cain’t be sure that’s how he knew, an’ I’m afraid that if’n I bring it up it could only cause false hopes if’n I’m wrong.”

Graham got up from the settee and crossed to the stone hearth. In an absentminded manner he picked up a log, laid it on the fire and watched as the flames licked at it. “You were right to come here first. We want to handle this as gently as we can.” He leaned his wrists against the mantle and looked around at Hoss. “If Adam did indeed feel it that’s a good sign but if like you suggest, he saw it…” His eyes lowered back to the fire. “I’m afraid there’s no easy way around this.”

Jonathon left the settee and joined them. “I would think that he would know if he felt it or not.”

Graham shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck but never looked away from the burning logs. “That’s a simple assumption to make, but I’ve seen men so sure that they’re crippled that they aren’t aware they felt anything, even when the supposedly paralyzed limb reacts to stimulus.”

Hoss’ face scrunched. “Stimu-what.”

“Motivation or a reason for it to react, like when you tickle the bottom of someone’s foot with a feather and their toes curl down.”

“Oh. Then what you’re sayin’ is that Adam coulda felt it only didn’t know he felt it.”

“Something like that. I don’t understand it myself, and I wish somebody would explain it to me, but until they do we’ll just have to go on what I’ve observed.”

“Doc, I do wish you’d quit usin’ all them big words, it’s hard for me to wrap my head around so many at onct.”

Graham grinned as his eyes flicked to the big man. “I do apologize; I’ll try to watch that from now on.”

“Maybe if I went back with Mr. Cartwright I could pick up on something. I haven’t been out to the ranch in about a week due to being so busy, but that is a sorry excuse for neglect, and I do need to.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea, Jonathon, but you’ll need to be careful what you say and how you handle it. You don’t want to let him know what you’re doing, and we certainly don’t want to betray Mr. Cartwright’s confidence.”

The minister’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “I’ll be the soul of discretion.”

*******

Adam didn’t think he had ever been so observed in his life, not even by his beloved Angelica or his father. And at least they made no pretenses about it. The Reverend Mr. Fordyce he found to be subtle and unobtrusive, but Hoss was about as much so as an axe-handle against the side of someone’s head. Unless otherwise engaged in conversation, those blue eyes were always on his brother’s legs.

“Hoss, my face is up here.”

Startled, Hoss almost jumped out of his hide. “Oh, I ain’t lookin’ at your legs.”

With a stifled groan, Jonathon turned his attention to his cup, and he began to stir its contents with a vengeance.

Just like he thought. They were up to something, and he figured that the best one to worm it out of was his brother. Unlike Joe, Hoss had never been one to be able to keep a secret unless under their younger brother’s influence. And with Joe back on the Ponderosa with Pa, said influence wasn’t there so he had made a slip. “Let me stab a guess and say that your being here has nothing to do with being social. I’ve been watching both of you almost as closely as you’ve been watching me, and I’ve never seen two people try so hard not to be noticed.”

“Honestly, Adam…,”

Adam held up one hand. “Please, Reverend, let me go on.” He turned to Hoss. “And if I had to make another guess, it would be that my brother brought you here for some reason. For all I know, it was his suggestion.”

Hoss’ eyes turned into perfect black discs as they went to his brother. “Now, Adam, it weren’t nothin’ like that.”

“Please, Mr. Cartwright, let me handle this.” Jonathon sat his cup and saucer on the table. “I am here out of our concern for you wellbeing. I have been neglectful, and not been out here as much as I should. It was unintentional, I assure you, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have been lax. So now here I am.”

“At my brother’s suggestion, no doubt.”

“As a matter of fact, it was mine. I was visiting with Dr. Montgomery when he…”

Sparks came to life in Adam’s eyes as they turned on Hoss. “You went to Graham. You went to Graham behind my back.” His fingers dug into the arms of the wheelchair, and his teeth clamped down on the insides of his mouth. “I don’t suppose it ever occurred to you to come to me.”

Hoss looked like a whipped child. “Adam, I thought I seen…” His gaze dropped to his hands as they fumbled with each other in his lap. “I thought you…”

“I see, and I understand. We’ll talk about this later. Now, Reverend, as it is getting late I suppose that you would like to get back to town. Of course, since it will be dark long before you get there, my home is open to you if you would like to stay the night. I’ll have Maggie make up a room for you, and you can head back in the morning, after breakfast, of course.”

Jonathon didn’t need to be struck with it to know that he had just been invited to leave, tactful though it had been. He glanced at the big man beside him on the settee. He cringed to think about what awaited his partner in this artifice after he had left. He had heard about Adam Cartwright’s spurts of temper before, though he had never witnessed them firsthand. “That’s a very kind offer,” he came to his feet, “but I really do need to get back. As it stands, I’ll probably be burning the midnight oil.”

“Very well, I won’t keep you.” Adam just glared at them for a few seconds then turned to face the fire. “Good night, Reverend Fordyce.”

“Good night, Adam.”

“I’ll see you out, Reverend.”

Adam never bothered to turn back around or even look as they went out. He seethed inside like a roiling volcano as it prepared for an eruption. His long, tapered fingers clenched and unclenched on the lap robe as his eyes followed the flicker of the flames. To say that Adam Cartwright was angry would be the same as to call Lake Tahoe a puddle of water.

Jonathon rose into the saddle, but his eyes remained directed toward the house. He adjusted his coat collar against the onset of the evening chill. “I’m sorry to leave you to face your brother’s ire alone.”

“Oh, he ain’t gonna kill me or nothin’ like that, an’ it ain’t like he’s never blowed up on me before. It’s just that he was kinda rude to you, I mean makin’ it plain that he didn’t want you to stay no longer.”

Jonathon looked at him with a soft smile. “I can’t and don’t blame Adam for his reaction, after all, we were rather underhanded about it.”

“Yeah, an’ we don’t know a bit more ’n we did.” Hoss glanced behind him, and went rather wan. “But I think I’m about to find out more ‘n I wantta know.”

For several seconds only the soft rustle of the breeze in the trees surrounded them. At this point, neither knew what else to say.

Jonathon looked up at the ever darkening sky. “Well, I had better be on my way. It’s going to be late when I get in as it is now.”

“Maybe I should come with you.”

“No, I’ll be fine. It’s not like I haven’t been out at night before.”

“But it ain’t so good ridin’ alone in the dark.”

Jonathon’s smile deepened. “I won’t be alone.”

“Nope, I s’pose you won’t at that.”

They wished each other a good night then shook hands, and Jonathon turned his horse and headed out past the barn. When he had gone, Hoss turned back to the house. It was like he had just swallowed a rock.

“I guess I might as well go face the lion in his den.”

He gave his vest a tug then started across the porch with purposeful stride. When he went inside, however, he froze at the sight of his brother, who still had his back to him. How he wished Pa was there.

NINE

Angelica sat on the bed in her and Adam’s room as she got the boys in their night clothes. The door had been left open a crack and she could hear most of everything the raised voices said.

“Next time just come to me and don’t go slipping around like a chicken thief in the middle of the night. I could’ve told you that I saw that skunk crawling over me.”

“But you was lookin’ up at the sky so’s I thought…”

“And by this time so does everybody in town.” Adam spun the chair so that he faced the hearth again. “You know how I hate it when people go behind my back.”

“Adam, I wasn’t goin’ behind your back.”

Adam reeled the chair around to face him. “Well, I would like to know what you call it. You didn’t tell anybody here your real reason for going into town, in fact, you let us think it was for some other reason altogether. In short, you lied to us.”

“Adam, you know that Hoss would do no such thing. Maybe he didn’t tell us everything, but he never said one thing that wasn’t the truth.” Angelica dashed around the staircase – an empty cup in one hand – and came to stand beside her brother-in-law. “He was only thinking of you, and he knew that this was exactly how you would react if you found out.”

“Angelica, this has nothing to do with you. Go on back into the bedroom and finish getting the children ready for bed. This is between me and Hoss.”

Angelica’s eyes went purple, and Hoss flinched.

“I have been led to believe that I have been a part of this family for three years, or have I been lied to.”

Hoss’ face pinched, and he sucked in a breath.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

“Then by-all-means explain it to me. If I am laboring under a misconception I would like to know it.”

Hoss began a slow backup for the front door. “Maybe I should just go outside an’ let you two talk.”

Adam’s eyes flashed on his brother. “Yes, go out to the barn and play with the horses. You’ve done enough in here today. Go do something useful.”

Hoss’ face crumpled then, with a dip of his head, he turned and went out. If possible Angelica’s eyes grew even purpler. She slammed the cup down onto a side table and stomped over to Adam.

“You should be ashamed of yourself. That man loves his brother so much that he was willing to put himself in this position. And your behavior is abysmal. Just because you can’t walk doesn’t give the right to behave like a tyrant.”

“Angelica, I told you to go back into the bedroom.”

Her wadded fists went to her hips. “Adam, I have never been one to defy your wishes, and I have never really had a need or desire to until now. No, I won’t. I’m going out to the barn, and I’ll be back when I’m ready. The only thing I ask is that you watch after the children until I get back.” She got as far as the door then whirled back on him. “Self-pity doesn’t become you.” Then she flounced out and slammed the door.

Adam sat in stunned silence, anger intertwined with it. With a groan, he jerked the chair around to face the fire.

Hoss stood at Dusty’s stall when Angelica came to him. She placed a tender hand in his back as he continued to stroke the perfect white star between the black’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, Hoss. He shouldn’t have jumped at you that way. And what he said was hurtful to you, I know that.” She began to rub between his shoulder blades. “But we also know that he has been through a lot lately, and it has to weigh on his mind all the time. Still, that doesn’t excuse treating another human being this way, especially family.” She stepped around, and put herself in front of him. “Just wait and see. Tonight or tomorrow he’ll come to you all contrite and sorry for the way he acted.”

“I dunno, Miss Angelica. Since what that man Decker done to him, an’ that time when he was somebody else named Stretch,” he heaved a heavy sigh, “it’s like sometimes he ain’t nobody I know. I mean, it ain’t like he’s never yelled at me before when I done somethin’ dumb, but this is different.”

“Tell me how it’s different.”

“I dunno really, but when he was goin’ over me I saw somethin’ in his eyes like maybe he wanted to hit me. An’ as long as I’ve knowed ‘im he ain’t never raised a hand to me. He did with Joe not long before he met you, but he was goin’ through hard times then too. ” He snorted. “I found myself thinkin’ I was glad he didn’t have a gun.”

“No, nothing could ever make me believe that, and you should know better.”

“I s’pose I do, but you know how these things go through your mind when you’re in a tussle like that.”

She put a hand against his cheek and smiled. “We’ll get through this, and we’ll get him through it.” Her lips spread wider. “And I think I owe him the apology that you don’t.”

She leaned her head against his chest, and he put an arm around her while he continued to rub the horse’s face.

While Benjy and Hiram were content in the middle of the bed Addy had gotten a bad case of the fidgets. Even though they had been told not to, he decided that he wanted to get down. And what Addy did, his brothers did.

As Benjy – the smallest of the three – clambered down he caught on the side of the bed table. As he did, his hand grabbed the scarf and gave it a tug. It wasn’t enough to knock everything off, but it was enough to dislodge the lamp. It crashed to the floor, and the flame caught in the pool of kerosene as it spread.

Adam had pulled himself out of his angered stupor and had just reached the foot of the staircase when he heard it. But before he could react Benjy and Hiram bolted from the bedroom.

“I’m not even sure I want to know what you boys have been up to.”

They ran to the chair, grabbed their father’s hands and began to pull.

“Dahdee come. Dahdee come.”

“Burny, burny.”

Adam went cold inside as his eyes rose to where a thin wisp of smoke had begun to issue from the bedroom. “Elizabeth, Addy.” There wasn’t time to waste, so he got the boys to sit on the first step. “Now you stay there and don’t you move.”

The wheels of the chair moved as fast as he could make them. His heart thumped so hard that he thought it would asphyxiate him. But he couldn’t stop.

Flames had begun to lick up the wall by the time he made it to the doorway. Addy was trying to get his little sister out of the cradle, but he wasn’t having any luck. Adam wheeled over to them and took the frightened little girl out and stood her on the floor. He clasped her small hand in his son’s. “Addy, take your sister to your brothers. Take her out and stay there.” He watched as his babies toddled out then gave the spreading fire his full attention.

He gave the chair a spin. As he tried to maneuver into a better position, one of the smaller front wheels snagged on the bed leg as he tried to move forward. It pitched over to throw him only inches from the fire. The heat scorched his face, but there wasn’t time to feel it. He pushed himself up and managed to scoot so that he could get hold of the bedspread. He tried to pull it off, but he couldn’t get enough leverage from where he was. And if he didn’t do something quick, he could lose this house just like he did the other one. But he wouldn’t worry, because he would go with it.

When Angelica and Hoss came in she noticed the children first, but he noticed something else.

“I smell smoke.”

Just then Verina and Maggie came down the stairs.

“We were putting linens away when we realized that we smelled something burning.”

Angelica’s eyes ran about the room as they became more frantic. “Oh, Mother, Adam.”

Now they all realized that he wasn’t there.

Angelica screamed. “Adam!”

Hoss went into immediate action and burst toward the bedroom, Angelica right behind him.

The room was filled with a cloud of smoke so dense that that it made it difficult to see. Hoss called out to his brother, but got no answer. He called again. A second passed. Angelica’s hands flew to her mouth, and she gasped. “Adam!”

*******

Ben grew more anxious as the buckboard Joe had rented in Bantree drew closer to his oldest son’s house. It had been just over a week since they had returned to the Ponderosa to take care of some unpleasant business, and he hadn’t heard a thing. He had made Hoss promise to wire him if anything came up, but if he knew Adam as well as he thought he did he wouldn’t allow it. And maybe it was true that no news was good news.

“We’re almost there, Pa, and then you can settle down.”

“I’m sorry, son, but to be away all this time without hearing anything. And I didn’t want to go in the first place.”

“I know, but it’s something that just had to be taken care of. Before we left Adam told me that you needed all your concentration on this problem and not worrying about him. But I know that if anything bad had happened Hoss would’ve let you know, even if he hadta ride all the way home.”

“I know he would have. But for days I’ve had an uneasy feeling that I can’t explain.” He shifted in his seat. “Joe, make them go a little faster.”

Joe knew enough about his father’s ‘uneasy feelings’ not to take it serious. “All right, Pa.” He gave the reins a jerk, and the team picked up speed.

It took another twenty or so minutes before they drove into the yard. They didn’t even bother with the luggage, and Joe had to sprint to keep up with his father. Just inside the front door they stopped, and two sets of fretful eyes covered the room and found it uninhabited.

“Father Cartwright, Joe, we didn’t really expect you this soon.” Angelica finished her descent down the stairs. “You should have let us know you were coming home.” She kissed Ben on the cheek, and gave Joe her best smile.

“We didn’t want everybody making a fuss.” Ben’s eyes made another circuit of the room. “I don’t see Adam.”

“He’s in his study. He had some paper work that he needed to catch up on.” She took Ben’s hand and began to lead him toward the other side of the room. “I know that Adam will be anxious to hear how things worked out.” She stopped and gave them a concerned frown. “I trust that everything went well.”

“Everything turned out fine. Sheriff Coffee was a great help,” Joe slapped a hand on his father’s shoulder, “and Pa was a master.”

“Wonderful, you can tell Adam all about it, and he can fill in the rest of us later. But I know that you are eager to see him.”

Ben got an impression of Angelica that disturbed him – she seemed to be different in a way that he couldn’t quite pinpoint. His heart began to beat harder, and the inside of his mouth went pasty. “Angelica, if there’s something you’re not telling, I wish you would…”

“Oh, no, there’s nothing. But Adam does have something for you. We had no idea when you would be back, and he didn’t know if it would get here in time. Now I’ll be in the kitchen if you should need me.” She snickered. “The children are helping Maggie frost a cake, so you can just imagine how much is actually going on the cake.” She knocked then gave them each a peck and started for the dining room.

Adam sat at his large mahogany desk, his dark head bowed over an open ledger book. “Come in.” He dipped the pen in the crystal ink well, and the nib scratched over the page.

Feelings of relief as well as disappointment mingled inside Ben as he and Joe entered. His son was just as he had left him: alive, well, and seated.

“Pa, Joe, I didn’t hear you come in.” Adam gestured to the two chairs at the front of his desk. “Sit down and tell me everything that happened. You know, I really didn’t expect you back this soon. I know how legal matters can drag on for what seems like forever.” He laid the pen on the blotter and tented his hands in front of him. “And I want every detail. Don’t leave anything out.”

Ben gave Joe a wary glance then they both sat down.

“By the time we got there Roy had been hard at work digging up what he could find out about this man Harden Claypool. He’s the one that was claiming that I had cheated his family. As I’m sure you remember it was a member of the Claypool family that sold the land in the first place.”

Adam scratched the side of his neck. “Vaguely, and I also seem to recall that he had a legal document granting him the power to sell it.”

“Everything was as it should be then and now. This man turned out to be a fraud. Roy found out that he wasn’t even a Claypool, just a former employee after money. Now Adam, I want to know what you and Angelica are hiding from me. And please don’t insult my intelligence by saying it’s nothing, I know you both too well. And I never told you that I wanted any gifts.”

A sneaking grin turned Adam’s mouth. “Oh, I think you’ll want this one. Just wait a minute while I get it.” He pushed the chair back, and acted as if he were about to open a drawer. And then he stood up.

Ben and Joe sprang from their chairs as he came around the end of the desk.

“Adam, son,” Ben grasped his shoulders, “you, you’re, you’re not in…” He swallowed hard. “You can walk.”

“I’ve been out of the chair since that day you left.” Adam looked around at his brother. “Well, say something, Joe.”

“I knew you had it in you.” Joe gave him a slap on the arm. “Welcome back, brother.”

“But I still don’t understand, son. At the time it was beginning to look as if…”

“Let’s just say that my sons had other plans. I’ll fill you both in on the whole thing over supper.”

The study door opened and the rest of the family entered. Hoss had all three boys, and Verina held Elizabeth. Traces of white frosting lingered around small mouths, and stiffened hair into spikes in places. Angelica came forward and stepped next to Adam.

“I hope you can pardon me my little white lie.”

Ben took her hand. “After this I could pardon anything, daughter.” He looked around at those gathered about him. “After this I think I could fly.”

*******

The horses topped the crest of the small rise and came to a halt. Ben looked to his left down the line. Adam, Hoss and then Joe, just as it had always been, and he had never been happier in his life. He knew he needed to return to the Ponderosa, but he had wanted to wait until Adam could ride again. He wanted the four of them to be like this as it had been before Adam had moved away. The way life went, he knew that this could be the last time, so as soon as Dr. Montgomery had given his eldest a clean bill of health they had taken off. Ben looked back to Adam and met with those dark hazel eyes, and a warm smile. It wasn’t needed to say anything. His sons were with him – whole and healthy – and all was right with his world.

THE END

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