A Man Grown
by
Janice Sagraves

ONE

Adam Cartwright left the bedroom that he shared with his younger brothers as he finished doing the last button on his red plaid wool shirt. At nineteen he was already as tall as his father and slim as an oak sapling. His long legs took him farther into the main room of the one story log house. His dark hazel eyes darted from his father’s bedroom to the kitchen at the back. After a second’s hesitation he began to move again.

With the silence of a cougar on the hunt, Adam stepped into the kitchen. The smell of breakfast made his mouth water and reminded his stomach that he hadn’t eaten since supper the previous evening. A smile quirked the corners of his fine mouth as he watched the diminutive Chinese cook work at the stone fireplace, unaware of being observed. Though only ten years apart in age, the little man had become like a second father to him. “Good morning, Hop Sing.”

Hop Sing glanced around and a grin lit his round young face. “Good morning, Mista Adam.”

“I thought I might find Pa in here.”

Bacon sizzled in an iron skillet as Hop Sing turned it with a long tined metal fork. “He go outside to get more wood. Should be back in little minute.”

“Then I’ll just wait.” Adam went to the small work table that doubled as Hop Sing’s dining table. “Maybe I could help out with something.”

“Please to bling ham.”

Adam picked up the plate of sliced meat and crossed to the fireplace with it. “Here ya go.”

The ham’s splutter had just begun to accompany the bacon’s when the side door opened. An icy blast of winter air along with a swirl of dry snow gushed in as a bearish figure entered. Ben Cartwright came in with his arms loaded with kindling and closed out the fury as quick as he could. “Good morning, son.” He swiped a dusting of white from his silver tipped black hair. “I see that you’re up before your brothers, again.”

“They were getting dressed when I left them, and a usual it had become a competition.”

Ben chuckled as he dropped the wood with a jumbled clatter into the box beside the hearth. “And as usual Joe was winning.”

“Of course, though I don’t think he would so easily if he didn’t cheat. Pa, I’ve been thinking about something for the past few days, and I want to talk to you about it before those two come stampeding in here.”

“All right.” Ben added a couple chunks of wood to the fire. “I’m listening.”

“I thought that this year instead of taking Mitch or Del along to get the tree that I’d take Hoss. He is thirteen and almost as big as we are. And since this will be my last Christmas at home before I leave for college, I thought it would be a good chance for us to just be together.”

“I think that’s a splendid idea if you really think he’s ready.”

“I would’ve taken him last year if he hadn’t gotten sick.” Adam leaned back against the table and crossed his arms over his chest. “You know how he’s always saying that he’s a man growed.”

“Yes, I do.” Ben began to peel out of his heavy coat. “And to look at him one would think that you and he are the same age, but he is still just a boy. Of course, he pulls a man’s weight around here. This past summer I caught him working at the anvil after his horse lost a shoe.”

“You havta let the baby birds fly, Pa.”

“I know, it’s just hard to see you and your brothers grow up and away.”

Adam stepped to his father and slapped an arm around his broad shoulders. “We may grow up, but we’ll never grow away.”

The door swung open like it had been hit by a heard of buffalo as seven-year-old Joe Cartwright burst in followed by a flustered Hoss Cartwright in the process of buttoning the fly on his britches. He didn’t even have on his boots.

“Pa, he’s been cheatin’ again. This time he stuffed my britches under the feather bed.”

Joe went straight to the breakfront near the door. He took the lid from the stoneware jar where the cookies were kept and snagged one.

“Joseph, you’ll spoil your breakfast.”

“Ah, Pa, just one’s not gonna hurt.”

“All right but only one.”

The curly headed boy’s teeth sunk into the gingersnap.

Ben’s coffee eyes dropped to his middle son’s feet. “Hoss, you’re barefooted. Get back in there and put on your boots and socks before you catch your death.”

“Okay, Pa.” Hoss turned to go, but not before he shot his little brother a fiery blue glare, then he went out.

When Hoss got back to their room he chunked down on the bed, and it creaked in protest. As he jerked his socks on, he grumbled to himself. He snapped up one of his boots from the floor, and yanked it on. “Durn your ornery hide, Joe.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I come in.”

Hoss tugged on his other boot as he looked around. “You know I don’t, an’ you don’t havta ask since it’s your room, too.”

“I know, but sometimes a man just needs his privacy.” Adam closed the door behind him then went to sit next to his brother. “Little Joe can make a real pest of himself when he wants to.”

“That he sure can, an’ one o’ these days I’m just gonna pure clobber ‘im.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did, but our father might have something to say about it.”

Hoss’ brow fell, and the corners of his mouth crimped. “Yeah, I s’pose he would at that. Still, it’s nice to think on.”

Adam snickered and rested a hand on his brother’s back. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t too riled, but now I’d better let you finish getting ready. We’ll be leaving right after breakfast.”

“I didn’t know we was goin’ nowhere.”

Adam nodded. “You and I are going to get the tree, so don’t you terry.” He gave his brother a smack then left.

Adam had just closed the bedroom door when a loud ‘yippee’ erupted inside. He shook his head and chortled then started back toward the kitchen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A soft white blanket had fallen through the night to add another six inches of snow to the three feet that already covered the ground. Boots swished as two brothers – along with a pack horse – left the yard to begin their trek. Their father, younger brother and one Chinese cook stood just outside the front door and watched until they disappeared into the trees.

Joe’s face scrunched. “I wish I coulda gone with ‘em.”

“You will in a few years, just give it time.” Ben ruffled his young son’s hair. “Now let’s go back inside where it’s warmer. Maybe Hop Sing’ll even let you help him with the decorations like he did last year.”

The boy spun around, and his emerald eyes glittered. “Oh, Hop Sing, please.”

“Hop Sing not fool to give up best helper.”

Joe shivered, and held himself against the cold.

“Inside, young man, before we all take pneumonia. Now march.”

After they started into the house, Ben stopped long enough to look back to where Adam and Hoss had vanished from sight. For a second Ben thought of this as being a bittersweet Christmas, but pushed it away from him, after all, it wasn’t like Adam was leaving for good.

TWO

The big bay roan tromped along behind Hoss, the halter lead clenched in his mittened fist. A couple of axes jangled from the wooden rig on the animal’s back, and added almost musical notes to the scene as their blades struck against one another. The boy moved along behind his much lither brother, and his stride didn’t take in as much ground since his legs weren’t as long. He was careful to put his feet in Adam’s footprints, and to watch him one could be reminded of a stork.

Adam glanced behind him and grinned. “You haven’t said a bit’s worth of words since we left the house.”

“I just been kinda thinkin’, is all.”

“Well since we aren’t talking about anything, you can tell me what about if you’d like.”

“Oh, it was just somethin’ me ‘n Joe was talkin’ about this mornin’, it ain’t nothin’.”

Adam stopped and let his brother catch up with him then he fell into Hoss’ pace. He rested his rifle in the crook of his elbow. “All right, then let me tell you. It has to do with my leaving for college next year.”

Hoss’ eyes went round as coins as he looked at him.

“I thought so. It isn’t like I won’t be back.”

“Then I don’t even know why you’re goin’. Joe don’t either.”

“From Joe I can understand that, but you’re all of thirteen. This is something that is very important to me. Knowledge and the acquisition of it should be important to any man.”

“I s’pose I do understand why you’re goin’, it’s just that I don’t want you to, and neither do Pa and Joe. An’ even though he don’t say much I know that Hop Sing ain’t keen on it either.”

Adam draped an arm over Hoss’ shoulders. “I know, and the time I’m away I’ll miss you all terribly, and most especially at this time of year, but it can’t be helped. Sometimes we havta be parted from those we love in order to achieve our dreams and goals in life. That, however, doesn’t mean that the separation need be permanent.”

“I guess, but I still don’t like it.”

Adam laughed, and his arm squeezed around his brother. “You wouldn’t be Hoss if you did.” He gave the kid a poke in the ribs then those long legs began to wind him forward again. “Now we’d better get moving faster if we plan on getting the tree and getting home with it before dark falls.”

“I thought it weren’t all that far off.”

“It’s not, in June, but all this snow tends to slow one down. Now get to moving those legs.”

Hoss fell back into his pattern of putting his feet in his brother’s tracks, only faster than before. Adam flicked a fleeting look behind him, but kept his amusement to himself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It took them the better part of ninety minutes to reach the outer banks of Pyramid Lake. A large stand of pines fringed it on one side. They appeared as a flock of shaggy, green sheep against the grayness of the sky, an effect even more pronounced on a sunny day when the heavens were so blue as to hurt one’s eyes.

As they came to a stop, Hoss dropped the rope. The roan moved to the edge of the frozen lake and snuffled at it. Adam used the end of his long gun to punch a hole in the thin ice. He then moved away and made a bigger one. Adam gave the animal a good pat on the withers as it lowered its head to drink. Then the brothers knelt beside each other – the rifle still clutched in Adam’s hand – and braced their hands on the ground as they leaned down and followed the horse’s lead.

Hoss sat back on his legs and swiped one hand across his mouth. “Dang that tasted good.”

“It always seems sweeter when it gets this cold.”

Hoss’ nose crinkled. “An’ it makes you realize that you’re hungry.”

Adam laughed. “You’re always hungry, but we don’t have time for your stomach now. We’ll take a break a little later and get into those sandwiches Hop Sing packed for us. But for now,” Adam scrounged in his coat pocket and came out with a strip of dried meat, “you can chew on this.” He handed it to Hoss.

The sides of Hoss’ mouth curved downward. “Jerky. I s’pose it’s better ‘n nothin’.” He caught it in his teeth and tore off a bite.

They pulled themselves up from the snowy ground, and some of that which adhered to their clothes fell away. Without a word of inquiry, Hoss followed his brother with implicit trust as they headed along the line of trees. They walked until they came to a young pine that appeared to be seven feet tall, give or take.

Hoss whistled. “Wow, Adam, that one’s a real beauty.”

“I discovered it this past spring when I chased a calf out here. The moment I saw it I thought of how good it would look all decorated with some of Hop Sing’s cutouts, and our mothers’ ornaments.”

Hoss’ youthful face fell into a somber mask, and his eyes set on his feet. “I sure do miss Ma. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that she’s been gone a whole year. Christmas just ain’t the same without her.”

“I know, brother, but she left it up to us to make it the best we can. She sure wouldn’t want us to pine away our lives in grief. Just remember how much she loved us and we her. And that she is watching us along with my mother and yours, and they’re happy.” Then his mood changed, and he thumped Hoss on the arm. “Now let’s get at this thing. We have a lot of work ahead of us, and if we don’t get back when Pa thinks we should he’ll have a fit.”

Hoss gulped and went just the color of the snow. “An’ Pa in one o’ his fits ain’t a purty thing.”

“All right, you go bring up the horse, and we’ll get started.”

Adam watched his brother in wonderment as the boy ran off. Inger would be so proud of the person he had grown into, as both he and Pa were and Marie had been. He snickered, but a melancholy light was quick to move in. How he was going to miss his family.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Since his oldest sons had left Ben found he couldn’t pin down any one activity. He would do something for a few minutes then move on to something else. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them – for he did – it was just that sometimes Hoss tried too hard to be grown up. And complications many times ensued. He looked deep down into the flames that danced in the parlor hearth and let the memories come.

The consequences were most often comical, but once in a while they could be quite unnerving. Like the time two summers ago when Hoss had almost drowned himself in saving a calf mired in a bog. If Adam hadn’t shown up, he didn’t like to think of what could have been the outcome.

With his mind only half on the action, he picked up the hammered iron poker and began to jab at the burning logs. Some would call Hoss slow, but he didn’t see it that way, and he knew that Adam didn’t either. A gentle, mild natured boy who would walk a mile out of his way just to keep from stepping on a bug, Ben Cartwright’s middle son made up one of the many facets of his life. Adam was his studious, thoughtful seeker who thirsted for knowledge, Joe was his tempest in a bottle that strained at its confinement, and Hoss, well, Hoss was his safe harbor from the storm. He loved all his sons, and he couldn’t choose one over the other, but when Adam’s stubbornness gave him a headache, and Joe’s effervescent fire gave him dyspepsia, Hoss was his tonic. A warm smile rose to his eyes that glittered with orange sparks.

A crash from the direction of the boys’ bedroom jerked him from his reverie. A cacophonous clatter soon followed it. With an onerous breath he cast his gaze to the ceiling.

“Joseph, I don’t want to even know what you’ve done, but whatever it is clean it up and leave it alone.”

“All right, Pa.”

Ben hung his head, and riffled his fingers in his thick hair. He had better go see what Joe had done before the situation got out of hand. He leaned the poker against the smooth stone, and stomped toward the bedroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The bite of axes into wood filled the clear pristine air with their ring. Chips spread over the whitened ground with each swing as the gap grew in the trunk of the tree. Not as large in circumference as its much more mature brethren, this pine wouldn’t take as much time to bring down. They had already been hard at work for what felt like ages, and with the both of them hacking away; the tree would soon topple from its uneven weight against the large chunk that had been removed.

Hoss brought his axe back to take another swing when – from the corner of his eye – he noticed his brother step away. He stopped and the tool lowered.

“I thought you should have the honor of bringing it down by yourself.”

Hoss’ bright grin near split his full face in two. His arms came around in a full swing, and then another. The tree began to sway, and the wood started to crack and splinter. Hoss gave one more good chop, and the ponderosa lurched forward.

Hoss backed away, but as the tree started to fall it pitched sideways and right toward Adam. Hoss screamed out as his brother turned to get out of the way. Then everything seemed to move in slow motion. Adam tripped in the snow, and fell just as the tree crashed down over top of him.

“Adam!”

THREE

“Adam!”

Hoss dropped his axe and bolted forward as if he had been sent by a giant slingshot. He dropped onto his knees as close as he could get. He jerked off his mittens and – more out of habit – stuffed them into his pocket without notice then began to claw at the snow. The needles bit into his hands, but his digging never stopped or lost impetus.

“Adam, don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.”

Hoss’ heart beat so hard that it hurt. Tears misted his eyes, and he had to blink them away so he could see.

“Adam, please don’t be dead.”

His digging grew more frenetic by the second, and then he just stopped. He could see his brother through the boughs. Adam lay on his stomach – eyes closed – and he wasn’t moving. And then Hoss thought his breathing would cease. A trickle of blood ran from Adam’s hairline and down his forehead.

For a second panic overruled all logical thinking and Hoss wasn’t sure what to do next.

“I gotta git you outta there.”

The boy’s head swiveled in a frantic effort to find a solution, and then his eyes set upon the horse. With a mighty thrust, he pushed himself away from the ground. He rushed toward the animal, but even in his frenzied state he knew not to charge the big roan lest he frighten it off.

“Whoa, easy there, ol’ biggen.” He took hold of the rope and patted the horse on the neck. “I’m gonna need your help.” Hoss gave him another affectionate pat then began to lead him forward.

He got the horse into position and backed him up. He took the long rope intended to lash the tree to the wooden rig so they could drag it home. He made sure the knot was secure so they wouldn’t work loose. But as he bent down to fasten the rope around the trunk; he noticed something that fired a shock of fear through him. His brother’s right foot was caught, and if he tried to move the tree he could hurt Adam even further.

Hoss felt a resurgence of the burn of tears, but he fought them back. There wasn’t time for him to act like a baby. Adam needed his help and blubbering around wouldn’t accomplish anything useful.

Hoss cursed under his breath like he had heard Mitch and Del do many times when things weren’t going right. Then it flitted through his mind that he was glad Pa wasn’t there to hear him.

Now what to do? There had to be something he… He snapped his fingers, but cold had numbed them so that it was a feeble attempt at best. He dashed around the stump, and snapped up the axe from where he had discarded it. If he could chop away the part that held Adam’s foot then maybe he could use the horse without doing any more harm.

The first fall of the axe brought off two boughs at once, then three with the second. The blade moved all around Adam’s snared foot with the deft skill of a surgeon. And by inches the tree began to release its hold.

With Adam’s foot at last liberated, Hoss could go back to his original plan. Once the rope had been tied to the tree, he urged the horse on. With a light swat on the rump, the roan started to pull. “That’s it, boy, keep workin’.” Hoss ran around to the uppermost part, wrapped his arms around it, and, with strength born of fear, he lifted the tree and swung it around as the horse pulled foreword.

Adam was free.

Hoss released his heavy load and again fell onto his knees at his brother’s side. With the gentleness that most characterized him, Hoss turned Adam over and eased him into his lap. He cradled his brother in his arms and held him close. “Adam, you just gotta be all right.” The boy scrubbed at his nose, and tears ran from the corners of his eyes, and chilled his face. “Adam.”

Hoss reached down and got a handful of snow, and used it to wash the blood from Adam’s head. He leaned down, and upon examination, found a fair-sized gash along Adam’s hairline. It didn’t look to be too deep, but it was enough to give an already frightened boy a good scare. He scooped up another handful of snow and held against it to stanch the bleeding.

Something touched his cheek, and Hoss sat back with a start. He grasped the gloved hand, and looked down into weary dark hazel eyes. He felt some of the tension leave his muscles, and his pulse quickened in a brief burst.

Adam’s mouth formed a very faint smile. “Hello, brother.” A twinge of pain wrinkled his brow. “We had ourselves a little accident.”

“That we sure did, and I ain’t never been so scared in all my life.”

Adam managed a strangled chortle. “Give it a few years.”

“Adam, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t, but the tree had other ideas.” He snorted, and it caused a streak of pain to run through his temples. “And part of it was my fault. I shouldn’t have been standing so close. I’ve been around trees enough to know that things don’t always go according to plan.” He gave Hoss a reassuring pat. “Now help me to sit up.”

What little color had returned to Hoss’ face drained. “Adam, I don’t know if’n that’s such o’ good idea. You could be real bad hurt.”

“Well, I can’t lie out here all day, and besides, this ground is cold. And if I am really hurt, we need to find out.”

Hoss’ expression gave evidence of his uncertainty, but he did what he had been told to do.

As he sat up, Adam’s head swam like a fish. For several seconds everything reeled around him like a top, but then it settled into a mild undulation. Nausea rose into his throat, no doubt brought on by the intense ache inside his skull. And every inch of him had stiffened up from the cold. He wanted to lie back in the comfort of his brother’s lap, but enough time had already been wasted on him as it stood. “So far, so good.” He groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. “Nothing really hurts except my head, but that could change after I thaw out a bit.”

“I still don’t think you oughtta try to git up too soon. I onct saw a feller git up when he shouldn’t‘ve. He screamed out like a mountain cat an’ dropped like he’d been shot.” He wasn’t about to tell his brother that the man had died later that night. He may be young, but he wasn’t insensitive or stupid.

Adam knew of the incident Hoss referred to, and he knew all too well what had happened to Chit Wagner. And to think of it in light of the current situation did give him reason for pause, but he could do nothing about it. They had to get back home.

“All right, brother, here goes.”

“Lemme help you. You just got knocked in the head by a big ol’ tree.”

As Adam started to get up, his head grew woozier. “Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

Hoss got his feet under him, and held onto Adam as they began to get up. But the moment Adam rested his weight on his right foot, his leg crumpled from the intense agony that ran along the length of his body. He fell over against Hoss from it, and the strong arms caught him in their secure grasp.

“Help me over to the stump.”

With the able assistance of his brother, Adam hopped one-footed over to the stump and sat down. Hoss crouched in front of him and started to remove his boot.

“No, don’t take it off.”

“But I should oughtta find out if’n it’s broke or not.”

“Well something’s going on, that’s for sure.” He massaged his right thigh, but it helped only a modicum. “But whether it’s broken or sprained, the minute it’s out in the open it’ll swell out like a dead cow, and we’ll never get that boot back on. And if it is a break, the boot can act as a splint. No, we’d better just leave well enough alone.” Then Adam’s sight ran to the horse. “Cut off a good long length of that rope and bring it back.”

Without inquiry or equivocation, Hoss bounded up, and went to where the big roan stood on the lake bank. He took his jackknife from his britches pocket, and cut the rope loose from the wooden rigging. It dragged a trail across the snow as he ran back to his brother. He plopped down on the ground. “Here ya go.”

Adam placed a hand on Hoss’ shoulder, and looked straight into those earnest eyes. “I want you to tie it around the top of the boot then wrap it around my ankle and the arch of my foot to hold it in place.” His fingers tightened. “And I want you to do it good and tight.”

“But, Adam, that’s gonna hurt like blazes, an’ I don’t wantta hurt you no more.”

“It can’t be helped, it hasta be done. Hoss, I’m depending on you.”

“All right, I s’pose you know what you’re doin’.”

“I don’t know what gives you that idea.”

Any other time Hoss might have laughed at the remark, but in light of the situation it wasn’t funny. In fact, he’d like nothing better than to not have to do this at all.

Adam leaned back and gripped either side of the stump as his brother started his work. At first it wasn’t so bad, but then Hoss gave his first tug, and Adam’s teeth clamped onto his lower lip so he wouldn’t cry out. The clear eyes flicked to his face, and he fought to keep any trace of pain from it. “You’re doing just fine, keep going.”

Hoss continued to wrap and jerk to tighten it, and each time Adam worked harder not to show the agony that held him in its clutches. Then Hoss brought the rope under his arch and pulled up. Adam’s fingers dug into the rough bark until he thought they would bleed, but still he would not betray his suffering to his brother. Hoss already had enough to bear up on his young shoulders without seeing the pain he was inflicting.

Hoss gave the rope two more turns above the ankle then knotted it good. “There, all done.”

Adam smacked him against the arm. “Good job, now let’s get me on that horse and get started home.” He looked up at the sky. “As it stands, it’s probably gonna be dark by the time we get there. So you go get him and my rifle and hat, and let’s get going.”

“All right, an’ I’ll take the rig off’n his back.”

“You better leave it.”

“But, Adam, that’s gonna be mighty uncomfortable ridin’ all the way to the house.”

“I know, but it’ll give me something extra to hang onto.” He gave Hoss a nudge. “Now get going.”

Hoss wasn’t sure, and it betrayed itself in his face. But that’s what Adam wanted, so he shoved away from the ground and trudged off. It took him less than a minute to return leading the animal with the rifle and hat clutched in his fist.

Adam stuck his hat on his head then let his gaze run over the roan. He didn’t think he had ever seen a bigger horse in all his association with the creatures. Funny, it hadn’t looked so large when they left with it, but now it appeared as a veritable elephant. “Hang on to him good.” Then he pushed up onto his good foot and grabbed hold of the wooden rigging to steady him.

Hoss kept a good, firm hold on the horse’s halter, and at the same time helped his brother to get mounted. It was difficult, and a strain for both of them, but they did it.

As Adam settled his backside into the opening in the center of the wooden framework the pieces along the sides began to cut into his thighs. This would indeed be an uncomfortable ride, but it was too late to do anything about it. Still, he hoped that the discomfort would be enough to keep him alert. His hands closed tighter around the front piece that resembled the pommel of a saddle. “All right, Hoss, let’s go.” He glanced around behind them. “Mitch and Del can come tomorrow to get the tree and the axes.”

Hoss removed his mittens from his coat pocket and put them on. Then, with a click of his teeth and a tug of the lead rope, he started off and the horse followed. He wanted to run, he wanted to work the horse into a gallop, and if it were in his power he would sprouts wings, and fly them all home. He flicked a quick look at his brother. He knew, though, to keep the pace slow and even for the slightest jostle could topple Adam from his precarious perch. So they wouldn’t move any faster than they were now. But he still wished he could fly.

FOUR

The noon hour and dinner had come to pass, and the hands of the big grandfather clock that had come into the family with Marie brushed ever nearer to one. The house had settled into an uneasy quite, at least, uneasy for the father of three boys, two of which were out in all this snow.

The quiet didn’t last.

Ben looked up from the ledger book he was attempting to total his tally in as Joe blustered out of the kitchen. One corner of his mouth turned as the boy came toward him trailing doughnut crumbs.

When his son came to stand in front of him he could see that Joe had something on his mind. “All right, bluster britches sit yourself down and tell me what’s bothering you this time.”

The boy sat down in the floor as close to the fire as he could get without scorching himself. He set those luminous green eyes right on his father’s face. “Pa, tell me again why I couldn’t go with Adam and Hoss.” He took a good chomp out of his doughnut, but his ardent gaze never left his father.

Ben closed the book – the pencil marked his place – and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Because you aren’t ready yet. Why an axe is almost as long as you are.”

Joe swiped the back of one hand at his crumby lips. “But I’m seven-years-old. Why Hoss is just thirteen.”

Ben nodded. “And almost as big as your brother and maybe a little stronger.” He slid out of the chair and got into the floor with his son. “Joe, some of us just grow up faster than others.”

Joe lost interest in the remains of his doughnut, and his dejected eyes cast on his feet. “I don’t know why I hadta be so puny. I’m just a runt, is all.”

Ben put a finger under the child’s chin, and raised his head. “Next to Hoss we all appear to be runts. Don’t worry, you’ll grow. Why one of these days you’ll sprout up and make a fine man.”

“I dunno.”

“I do, now finish with your doughnut, and let’s see what we can get into. I know. We can go get the ornaments out of the barn. When your brothers get here with the tree we’ll have everything just waiting for them.”

The gloominess left the boy to be replaced by a more cheerful, eager mien. Into his mouth he stuffed the last bit of doughnut – a bite calculated to choke an ox – and it puffed out his cheeks as he chewed.

“Joseph, I didn’t mean all at once.” He laughed and tousled the boy’s hair.

Then Ben’s uneasiness returned as his attention went toward the front door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hoss had no idea how long they had been plodding along like this. It felt like it had been an eternity though – by the position of the faint sun – he figured it to be about half an hour. His stomach gurgled again, and again he tried to ignore it. He was so hungry that he could eat a house. When the accident had happened, all thoughts of food had been driven from him by his concern for his brother. But now they were on their way back home, and Adam appeared to be in no real danger. The thought of those cold roast pork sandwiches was torture. He could almost hear them taunting him. “Ha, ha, you can’t have me. Nah, nah, nah.” His arm tightened on the rifle he cradled, and he tried to think of something else. Oh, he was so dadblamed hungry.

Adam could feel his body fighting him. It wanted to lie down, to stretch out somewhere and recuperate, but he was just as determined that he must stay upright. His legs had gone numb from the wooden frame. He couldn’t feel his injured ankle – a small blessing – but the pain that had settled in along his spine made him about half sick to his stomach. He took a deep breath in the hope that the cold air would revive him. It did a little, and he forced himself to sit up straighter. That only augmented the pain, but he wouldn’t give in to it. He couldn’t.

“Adam, I been thinkin’.”

“About those sandwiches, I’d bet.”

Hoss darted a quick look back and snorted. “They ain’t nothin’ nobody can keep from you.”

Adam grimaced, and shifted in an effort to find a more comfortable position. “Let’s just chalk it up to my knowing you so well. That cavernous stomach can only stand so much, and it has been seven hours since we last ate.”

“Oh, you hadta go and remind me.”

Adam sniggered, but it held little mirth. “Sorry about that.”

“You know, I don’t think it’d hurt nothin’ if’n we stopped just longer’nuff to git ‘em out.”

Adam felt a surge of pain from the waist up, and he began to droop. His fingers slackened, and this time he couldn’t seem to fight back. He shook his head, and tried to ignore it, but it was too intense and sapped his strength. Maybe if he concentrated on the sound of his brother’s voice.

“We could eat on the way, an’ like that we’d fill up an’ wouldn’t lose no time.”

Adam pitched to the right, and he was unable to stop it. He had started to fall, and there wasn’t a single thing he could do about it.

“You know, Adam, you could answer me.”

Hoss looked around just in time to see his brother topple from the horse’s back to land in the deep snow. His throat squeezed shut until he couldn’t call out, and his blood went to ice. He stopped the roan and dropped the rope then dashed forward.

When he landed, the snow had pretty much swallowed Adam. Hoss’ hands worked like furious shovels to uncover his brother’s face first. Then he found his voice. “Adam.” An arm rose out of the snow, and Hoss’ eyes went right to it. He grasped the gloved fingers with one hand while the other continued its furious digging. Then Hoss got a jolt when that wonderful visage appeared, and he felt Adam’s grip on his hand tighten. “Adam, say somethin’ to me, an’ I don’t care what. Bawl me out if’n you want to.”

Adam spluttered. “Get me out of this accursed snow.”

Hoss worked until he found the rest of his brother. An involuntary groan escaped from Adam as Hoss helped him to sit up. The hurt that had been blunted by the cold had begun to come back, and he slumped over against his brother’s wide chest. Hoss’ brawny arms closed around him, and Adam didn’t complain.

“You passed out.”

“No, that wasn’t it. The pain in my back just got so bad that I just couldn’t seem to sit up any more.”

Hoss could feel the uncontrolled fear begin to work inside him.

“I don’t know if it was caused by an injury from when the tree caught me, but more than likely it was from riding on that wretched rig for so long that my legs went numb.”

“Well, I’m gonna take it off like I wanted to in the first place. You can just ride bareback, but if’n you start to fall off again, all I ask is you gimmee the high sign before you do. I don’t think my heart can take no more o’ this seein’ you trapped under trees an’ fallin’ off horses, an’ gobbled up by snow.” A gentle smile lit his eyes.

Adam grinned and patted one of the reddened cheeks. “I promise. Now get me up before I finish freezing to death.”

With Hoss’ help, Adam got up onto his good foot and hopped over to the horse. He held onto the halter to steady himself while Hoss went to work to remove the wooden frame. “Hand me that bag of sandwiches.”

“Sure thing brother.” Hoss took the muslin drawstring bag from where it hung on the frame and handed it to Adam, who couldn’t miss the yearning eyes that lingered on it.

“You know, I think you’re right about us needing to eat. When we get started again I think we should go in on Hop Sing’s sandwiches. It won’t help to starve ourselves.”

“I couldn’t agree more, brother.” Hoss unfastened one of the leather straps that held the pack frame in place. “Why my poor belly must think my throat’s been cut.”

Adam sequestered his amusement. Sometimes he had to remind himself that Hoss was only thirteen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It had taken about twenty minutes to get the wooden rig off the horse’s back then get Adam up there in its place. And he had to admit that it made for an easier and much more comfortable ride.

“Here you go.” Adam leaned forward and handed his brother sandwich.

Hoss thanked him and took a man-sized bite out of the side of it.

Adam took one for him then pulled the drawstring to close the bag and let it drop to dangle from his hand as his fingers wound in the black mane. “I know that Hop Sing packed thirteen sandwiches, for I watched him. Now there are only four left, and I’ve only had three, so that means you’ve eaten six.”

“I ain’t been keepin’ count. I don’t wantta eat ‘em up from you.”

“Not to worry, I’m not the cavernous pit you are.”

Hoss chuckled and took another bite. Then he went serious. “Adam, I didn’t mean for you to git hurt.”

“I know you didn’t.” Now Adam started in on his own sandwich.

“It was like that tree just had a mind all its own, an’ nobody coulda knowed what it was gonna do.”

“They do that sometimes. I’m not the only man to ever be trapped when one decided to go the wrong way.”

“I know that, too, but I cain’t help feelin’ that it was part my doin’.”

“Well, you can just stop, because it wasn’t. I knew enough not to stand so close, but I just wasn’t thinking, so if anybody’s at fault it’s me. And while you’re being so thoughtful, try dwelling what would’ve happen to me if you hadn’t been there.”

“You probably wouldn’t o’ been hurt in the first place.”

“We don’t know that and never will, but for the sake of argument let’s say that I was. There would’ve been nobody there to get me out from under that tree, and it’s for sure that I couldn’t have done it by myself. I would’ve laid there and froze to death. To tell the truth, brother, you saved my life, something I’m not apt to forget for the rest of my days on this earth. I’m still alive because of you, and don’t you forget it either.”

“Mitch or Del woulda done the same thing.”

“But Mitch or Del wasn’t with me, you were.”

“If’n you say so.”

“I do, now shut up and eat.”

Hoss looked around and couldn’t miss the mischief that glittered in his brother’s eyes. A broad grin adorned his dark face as he chewed like a cow. Hoss laughed so hard that he almost strangled himself. “Oh, Adam, stop it.” He continued to titter as he turned around, and kept going. Maybe this wasn’t going to be the dark time that he had feared it would. He took another good bite.

FIVE

Ben snapped his watch shut and put it back into its pocket. Adam and Hoss had been gone for close to eight hours. He pulled his coat collar up around his neck and looked to where the sun would set before long. He had been to get the tree many times, and he knew well the myriad things that could slow you down. And while many were nothing more than a nuisance, some could be more than just a bother. Ben looked around as the door opened behind him.

Hop Sing crossed his arms in front of him and put his hands into the opposite sleeves as he came to stand beside Ben. “Still not back.”

Ben shook his head. “And I’m worried. Any number of things could have gone wrong, and I’m not so sure that Hoss would know what to do in a crisis. Sure, he’s a fine, big strong boy, but sometimes it’s so easy for him to get rattled, especially when he’s frightened.”

“You talk about child. Mista Hoss grown man.”

“He’s still only thirteen. I know that they have to grow up fast out here, but Hoss is…”

“Velly special, like all Cartlight sons.”

“Yes, he is, but sometimes he’s tries too hard to be a man, and when you do that anybody can make a mistake.”

“Even fathas.”

Ben looked around into those enigmatic obsidian eyes. He grinned. “Yes, even fathers.”

The door opened again, and Ben and Hop Sing looked around.

“Joseph, you aren’t wearing your coat and hat so get back into the house.”

“Hop Sing isn’t wearing his coat and hat.”

“And he was just coming back in with me. Now scoot, young man.”

“All right, Pa.” The boy’s head drooped along with his shoulders, and he went back into the house.

After Joe had gone, Ben snickered. “It’ll be a miracle if I live long enough to get that one raised.”

“You say same thing about Mista Adam.”

“That’s how I came by this gray in my hair.” He slapped an arm over Hop Sing’s shoulders. “Now let’s get in there before he comes back out.”

They crossed the porch and went in, but as Ben started to close the door he looked off in the direction his sons had gone. Maybe he was overreacting, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t as it should be.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Adam put his watch back and glanced up at the sky. “It’s twenty-five after four o’clock. It’ll be dark by the time we get back to the house. I can just image what our being gone so long is doing to Pa.”

“Kinda like a chicken on a hot rock.”

“That’s an apt description. He’s always been overprotective, but after Mother got killed he’s gotten even worse.”

“Well it don’t take no stretch to figure out why.”

“No, it doesn’t. And I’ve heard others say that the worst thing that can happen to a parent is to lose a child.” Adam shifted on the horse’s back.

“I heard Mizz Cutwater tellin’ him that you ain’t s’posed to outlive your young’uns.”

“She tells that to everybody, but after losing five before they even reached the age of six, who can blame the poor soul.” Adam looked up at the sky again, and his expression gave away his concern. “I don’t know if it’s because it’ll soon be dark or if we have something to worry about.”

Hoss looked up. “Yeah, I been thinkin’ the same thing. I don’t mind a little snow, but the way my luck runs it’d be a full blowed blizzard.”

“Then maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea if we moved a little faster.”

Those disturbed blue eyes shot around. “You could fall off again.”

Adam’s teeth shone in a puckish grin. “I’ll hang on tight, and it isn’t like I’ve never been on a horse before.”

Hoss snorted. “I’ll say. All right, brother, you squinch your legs in tight and git a good hang on his mane ‘cause here we go.”

Adam’s legs squeezed against the big horse’s sides, and his hands got a better hold on its mane. “All set.”

Hoss pulled his hat down tight on his head, leaned into the wind that had begun to pick up, tightened his grip on the gun and the rope and set to it. His brawny legs plowed through the snow fast as he could make them. And it didn’t take long for a burn to set into his muscles. But they couldn’t afford the luxury of a rest break. If Adam was right about the possibility of a coming snow – and he had no reason to doubt him – then they had to move as swift as they could. I’d rather outrun what don’t come, he thought.

Adam’s eyes went to the back of his brother’s head as he leaned down closer to the animal’s neck, and felt a glow of pride grow in his chest. Of all the people he had to be out here with, if it couldn’t be his father he was glad it was Hoss. For, while their father still had the penchant to think of him as a child, this had shown the middle Cartwright son to be a reliable man, albeit a very young one. And when they got home – and Adam had no doubt that they would – he would make sure that Pa got a full account of his grownup son’s coolheaded actions.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time full darkness had fallen, snow in the form of large, feathery flakes had begun to drift to earth, though not enough to impede one’s vision. The wind had increased to swirl them around, but nothing major. The light was scant, but the white that covered the ground amplified what existed and made it easier to see.

Ben got up from his aged rocking chair before the fire and went to the front window for what must have been the hundredth time since supper. Joe sat in the floor close to the hearth with one of his books. His emerald eyes followed his father’s every movement as the curtains were drawn back.

“Pa.”

But Ben didn’t seem to hear the small voice. Joe put the little volume down and went to his father. Still, Ben didn’t notice him until a warm hand took his. He looked down into fretful little boy eyes, and they echoed his own anxious feelings.

“I’m worried; Pa. Adam said they’d be home before it got dark.”

Ben reached out and locked his fingers in the soft unruly curls. He didn’t want to upset the boy any more than he already was. “So am I, but then I’m a father, and it’s our job to always worry about our children. And many times it turns out to be nothing at all.” He gave the wispy hair a tousle and smiled. “Now you go on back to your book, and I’ll just watch here for a little bit longer.”

“I’m not really interested in it any more, and it’s not like I haven’t read it before.”

“I know, son, but it’ll keep your mind busy until your brothers get home.”

The child’s face scrunched, and his nose wrinkled. “All right, Pa, but I still don’t want to.”

Joe returned to his spot in the floor and picked up the little book and opened it again. He thumbed through the pages to find his place and resumed his reading.

Ben turned back to the window, and he must have stood there for all of five minutes until he couldn’t stand it any longer. With an easy stride, so as not to disturb Joe, he went to one of four hooks by the door and took down his coat and hat. With a quick glance at his son, he put on his hat then slid his right arm into the sleeve.

Joe must have caught the movement for his eyes rose from the page. This time the book got put down harsher as he scrambled to his feet. He rushed to his father and started to reach for his own coat on the lowest hook. “I wantta go look for ‘em, too.”

“I’m not going anywhere other than just outside so I can greet them when they get here.”

“Well I wantta greet ‘em, too.”

“Joseph, I don’t…”

But a knock at the door interrupted him. With his coat still hanging by the one sleeve, Ben opened it. He was greeted by a slim, red-haired, freckle-faced young man. “Mitch.”

“Mr. Cartwright, you’d better come out here. Your boys are back.”

Ben felt his heart swell into his throat. Without even realizing it, he stuck his other arm into the remaining sleeve and rushed out after the ranch hand. Joe, who didn’t even bother with a coat, dashed out after his father. The door was left to stand wide open.

Hoss and Del, a husky, dark, middle-aged man, were in the process of helping Adam off the horse when Ben and Joe left the porch.

Ben’s gaze went straight to his oldest son’s right foot. “Adam.”

“I’m all right, Pa, just a slight mishap with the tree.” He hopped around to face his father, his arms over Hoss’ and Del’s shoulders. “I really don’t think it’s too bad, but it could’ve been so much worse if Hoss hadn’t been there.”

Ben looked at his middle son and caught a glint of light in those self-effacing blue eyes. The boy ducked his head and tugged down the brim of his hat. “It weren’t nothin’.”

“I beg to differ, brother, and I’ll tell you and Joe all about it, but right now I’d like to get off my good leg while it’s still my good leg.”

“All right, Hoss, you and Del help him into the house. Put him in my rocking chair.”

Hoss and Del started toward the house with Adam while Mitch took care of the horse. Joe followed with his father.

The boy’s voice came low as he glanced back to where the horse was led away. “Pa, they didn’t bring the tree.”

“That is not our concern now, Joseph.”

“No, sir. I’m sorry.”

But the melancholy green eyes still flicked back as Mitch disappeared into the barn with the big roan.

EPILOGUE

Christmas morning – three days after the accident – came as Joe bounded from his warm bed. He had started to rush out without even getting dressed until his oldest brother admonished him to put on his cloths. And it was a funny thing to watch as shirt got tucked into britches and part hung out, boots were put on the wrong feet and had to be switched, and curly hair got a lick and a promise. So when the boy at last flew from the room his brothers couldn’t help but laugh.

“Joe sure does git a bug about Christmas mornin’.”

“I don’t know what child doesn’t. I can still remember you at that age. A couple times you got so excited that you almost turned the tree over.”

Hoss blushed and concentrated on buttoning his shirt. “Aw shucks, Adam.”

Adam tittered as he buckled his belt. “I’m just glad we went early this year instead of going on Christmas Eve like usual. It would’ve been a shame not to have a tree, especially for Joe.”

Hoss sat on the side of the bed next to his brother and began to put his socks on. “Yeah, and this ’n turned out to be one o’ the purtiest we’ve ever had, even with me cuttin’ off some o’ the branches.”

“With our mothers’ decorations, the candles and Hop Sing’s cutouts you don’t even notice.” Adam took hold of his brother’s arm. “Hoss, I want you to do something for me.”

“Sure, whatever.”

“I want you to go over to my cot and bring me the box you’ll find under my pillow.”

“Sure thing, Adam.” Hoss got up – only one boot on – and started to the small bed near the door. His right foot clomped while the other padded. He pushed back the pillow and found a flat box of about the same size. It was wrapped in brown paper, and had Hoss’ name written in bold, familiar script in one corner. His eyes raised but they were more a boy’s than a man’s.

“I wanted to give you that before we joined the family.”

Hoss’ eyes sparkled in the lamplight as he rejoined his brother on the side of the bed. His fingers hovered and trembled over the wonderful box.

“Go ahead and open it before Joe bursts back in.”

Without any further hesitation, Hoss ripped away the paper and let it fall to the floor. He gave his brother one last look then he removed the lid. His eyes widened to the size of wagon wheels.

Inside, lying in a bed of sweet, clean straw was a hand tooled gun belt, and in the holster a shiny, new pistol.

“If a man is gonna work out here in this wild country he needs the proper tools.”

Hoss held the gun in his hands and run a thumb over its hard contours. He looked to Adam and unshed tears glittered. “I want you to teach me how to use it.”

“I will just as soon as this broken ankle knits, but until it does just go to Pa.”

“I will.” His fingers squeezed on the weapon then he eased it back into its holster. “I wantta show this to Pa, Joe and Hop Sing.”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Thanks, Adam.” A gentle smile softened his face even further. “This is the nicest thing anybody ever give me.” Then he stuck the lid back on the box and bounded up and out of the room with it.

Adam snickered and shook his head as he put his boot on his good foot. Hoss was a man now, but he knew there was a part of his brother that would always remain the boy, as he often suspected would be the case with Joe. Pa, in his over protectiveness, had still seen Hoss as the child, but Adam had never doubted the man, and his brother’s actions after the accident had only strengthened that conviction. He snickered again as he pulled himself up with his crutches. Now he had better join his family. Since their father didn’t allow any presents to be opened until they were all together, he didn’t want to be the reason Joe busted his gussets. Then he propelled himself out, his family and Christmas waited.

THE END

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