“Oh The Joys of Being A Parent!”
“Oh the joys of being a parent, but then there are some days when I’m not so sure of that!” Ben Cartwright thought to himself with a big sigh as he slowly shook his head. For the life of him he couldn’t figure out what had gotten into his three sons, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe lately as they seemed to be driving each other crazy and “me too!” Ben said to no one but himself yet again.
Ben had a feeling he knew which one of his sons had been causing the most trouble, his youngest boy, ten year old Little Joe.
This boy was so full of mischief and he thoroughly enjoyed tormenting his older brothers, especially Adam the oldest brother.
Adam had recently returned home from being away at college for four years in Boston. Since Adam’s return, he was now Ben’s right hand man, plus when Ben was away from the ranch on business, Adam was left in charge.
Hoss, the middle son and the biggest of the brothers was an easy going boy who could easily do the work of a full grown man and he was as strong as an ox. Hoss was sixteen and half years old.
Hoss and Little Joe had an extremely close relationship and Hoss loved his little brother dearly and would do anything to keep the boy safe. Little Joe could talk poor Hoss into doing just about everything crazy scheme he came up with. The youngster just had a way with getting anything he wanted, well almost everything. All it took was his great smile and batting his long thick eye lashes at his intended victim.
Adam and Hoss were also close, even though Adam was six years older then Hoss. Hoss was six years older than Little Joe.
The relationship between Adam and Little Joe was rocky from time to time, especially when Adam was left in charge. The little boy hated to take orders from Adam and at times Adam would demand too much of the young boy and of course that caused tempers to flare.
One warm day in July, Ben had gone to Carson City on business for the day and he hoped to be back home in time for dinner that evening.
There were a lot of chores that needed doing on the ranch that day. One of them was the many repairs that were needed on the fence line near Rocky Creek.
Adam, Hoss and Little Joe spent most of the morning doing the repairs, but Adam kept getting after Little Joe because he thought the boy was goofing off more than he was working.
The main problem, the little boy wasn’t working fast enough to please Adam. “Listen little buddy, stop being so slow and get your job finished,” Adam suggested as he slowly shook his head at his young brother.
Little Joe glared at Adam and he angrily replied,” I am working as fast as I can Adam, so STOP yellin’ at me!” Adam glared back at the boy, but he didn’t say anything back. The little boy stuck his tongue out at his oldest brother when Adam had his back turned. That made Hoss smile as he slowly shook his head in response.
As soon as the fence line was repaired, the tired Cartwright brothers headed for home and lunch before Hoss passed out from lack of food. That was a standing joke that Hoss complained about if he didn’t eat soon.
After lunch Adam decided to do some bookwork that he had been putting off, while Hoss made repairs to several bridles. Little Joe had to weed Hop Sing’s garden, clean up the tack room and chop some wood.
“That ain’t fair! Why do I gotta do all that when you guys get ta stay in the house? Looking up from his paper work, Adam smiled and replied, “Because I said so, that’s why!” Little Joe grumbled his way out the door, which made Hoss laugh. “Good answer big brother!” Hoss teased. “Thanks Hoss!” Adam laughed.
By the time Little Joe was finished with his chores, he was exhausted. He walked over to the water trough and he quickly washed his hands from the pump and dried them on the one of the legs his jeans. What the boy really needed was a bath, but he would never admit to that. For reasons unknown, Little Joe hated having to take a bath from the time he was around a year old to the present time.
When Little Joe came in the house Adam and Hoss both noticed how dirty he looked and they suggested that he take a bath.
“I ain’t takin’ no bath!” the child declared as he glared at his brothers. “Oh yes you are! Just look at you! What did you do, roll in the dirt or something?” Adam ranted as he couldn’t believe just how dirty his little brother was.
Being very angry now, Little Joe took a deep breath, looked at Adam and he shouted back, “NO, I didn’t, so why dunt ya just shut up Adam ya old meany!” Adam was shocked at his brother’s out burst as was Hoss.
Hoss glared at his baby brother and hoping that Adam would settle down, so he spoke right up, “Why don’t ya just do what Adam says Short Shanks. Ya really are dirty ya know!”
Little Joe was now getting angry at Hoss as well. “I washed my face and hands, so I’m clean enough!” the boy argued as he stood there with his small hands on his hips as he continued to glared at his brothers.
In the meantime, Hop Sing had put warm water in the tub in the washroom and he came out to the dining room and made a motion to Adam and Hoss that the bath water was ready for a certain little boy.
As Adam and Hoss advanced on their little brother, the boy tried to back away from them, but all he managed to do was back up against the front door. The boy had now been captured by his two older brothers and he was carried yelling and wiggling trying with every ounce of energy he had to try to get free, but he was no match against his much stronger and bigger brothers.
Once in the washroom, Hoss put him on the floor. “Get those dirty clothes off and get in that tub NOW!” Adam shouted. “NO!” came the shout right back to Adam. “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?” Adam demanded.
“I SAID NO! I AIN’T TAKIN’ NO BATH AND THAT’S FINAL! SO GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Little Joe shouted as he tried to walk out of the room.
“Ok, if you want to act like a baby then we will treat you like a baby then! Come on Hoss and let’s get the baby undressed and into the tub!” Adam suggested. “Sounds good to me big brother!” Hoss replied.
Little Joe was shocked at what he had just heard. “I AIN’T NO BABY!” he shouted as he tried to run off, but his brothers grabbed hold of him and they began to undress him. “LET GO OF ME! LEAVE ME ALONE! DON’T TOUCH ME!” a very angry Little Joe shouted over and over as loud as he could while trying his best to get out of the hold of his brothers, but there was no way he could get free from them.
After he was undressed, Hoss picked him up and dropped him in the tub. Little Joe just kept trying to kick out at his brothers as they decided to bathe him, since he wasn’t attempting to bathe himself. The boy kept shouting out to his brothers to stop and leave him alone.
Hop Sing just listened to the battle continuing on in the washroom, knowing that there would be water everywhere as Little Joe kept fighting with his brothers.
“Seems like old times doesn’t it Hoss. Remember when we use to bathe him when he was little? Hoss nodded. “Looks like we still need to bathe him,” Adam stated as he and Hoss struggled to bathe their little brother who certainly wasn’t making it easy for them as he kept trying to kick out at them and shouting loudly.
In his mind, the youngster was plotting at how to get even with his so called loving brothers.
As Ben rode into the yard he could hear Little Joe shouting loudly, so he quickly jumped off Buck and he ran to the house to find out why the boy was shouting.
After Little Joe was bathed and his hair washed, Adam told him to get out of the tub, but he refused to do so. Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.
Hoss reached in the tub and pulled out his extremely stubborn little brother. “Get dried off now!” Adam ordered as he was getting very angry with the boy. Again the boy refused to move.
Hop Sing in the meantime had brought some clean clothes in for the boy and he too was a little angry at the way the boy was acting so he slapped him on the side of the head and said, “You bad boy!”
“Mr. Cartlight not be happy at way number three son behave!” Hop Sing added as he glared at Little Joe. “I DUNT CARE!” the boy shouted back as he just stood there with his hands on his hips very very angry indeed.
“Well, it looks like we have to dress him too Hoss,” Adam mumbled as he looked at Hoss. “Looks that way,” Hoss agreed.
As Ben raced into the washroom, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “What is going on in here? What are you two doing to Little Joe?” Ben asked not so quietly. He could see his youngest son fuming.
“Help me Papa please!” Little Joe begged as he looked up at Ben. “Adam, Hoss let your brother go NOW!” Ben shouted. Little Joe quickly ran over to Ben for protection.
Adam and Hoss explained to Ben what was going on. Ben looked down at Little Joe and said, “Is that true Joseph? Did you refuse to take a bath?”
Knowing that he had better be truthful with his father, the boy looked at the floor and answered, “Yup, cuz I wasn’t that dirty Pa. Closing his eyes and slowly shaking his head, Ben replied, “Joseph when you are told to do something, I expect you to do as you are told. If you were as dirty as your brothers said you were, then why didn’t you just take a bath?” Ben demanded.
The boy just shrugged his shoulders as he looked at the floor. He just wished everyone would leave the room so he could finish getting dressed.
“Pa make Adam and Hoss stop bein’ so mean ta me,” the boy nervously asked. “Well maybe if you would do as they say, then maybe they wouldn’t be so angry with you!” Ben tried to explain to his very stubborn son. Of course Little Joe wasn’t very happy to hear that statement.
Over the next several weeks, Little Joe found himself being tossed into the water trough almost everyday and he was being constantly teased by his two older brothers.
Plans had been made to build a new outhouse that had more room in it. The old outhouse had a leaky roof and the wall boards were starting to rot. The new one would be built next to the old one.
As soon as the new outhouse had been built, it still needed a roof which would be added that next day.
In the evening Little Joe wanted to go off by himself so he could read his new dime store novel. The boy loved those books which wasn’t the type of book Ben approved of for a ten year old boy. Adam felt the same way about his little brother’s choice of reading material.
The boy took his book and a candle and he locked himself in the old outhouse so he could do a little reading.
About two hours later Ben went outside and shouted for Little Joe that it was time to come back in the house now. He didn’t know that the boy was reading in the outhouse.
“Dadburnit!” the boy said as he stuffed the book under his shirt and he unlocked the door and left the outhouse still mumbling to himself.
About an hour later, Hop Sing raced to the living room shouting in loud Chinese. “Hop Sing, settle down and in English please,” Ben suggested.
“Mr. Cartlight, outhouse on fire!” Hop Sing shouted in English this time. Everyone raced outside to fight the fire, except for one small person who just sat there with wide open eyes and thinking, “Uh oh, I fergot ta put the candle out!” With that thought in his head, the boy raced upstairs and straight up to the attic to hide. Just the thought of the outhouse on fire made him giggle.
Luckily the fire was put out fast so it didn’t damage the new outhouse at all, but the old one was a total loss. “At least there isn’t much to tear down now,” Ben teased as he wondered how on earth the outhouse could catch fire like that.
“I can’t figure out how this happened,” Adam said as he looked at the blacked wood that was the old outhouse. They were all at a loss for words.
“Hey Pa, where’s Little Joe?” Hoss asked as he noticed that his baby brother was nowhere in sight. They all looked around for the missing boy.
“You don’t think Little Joe had something to do with the fire do you Pa?” Adam questioned as look at Ben. “I don’t know son, but I am surprised that the boy isn’t out here now that I think about it,” Ben responded.
When they returned to the house Ben called out for Little Joe, but the boy was nowhere in sight nor did he answer to Ben’s calling out to him.
They searched the entire house for the missing boy, but he was not to be found. “You don’t think he’s in the attic do you?” Adam suggested. “He could very well be son. I am beginning to think that he is responsible for the fire and when we find him his little bottom is going to be on fire!” Ben threatened.
They quickly headed up to the attic to find a certain little boy who was in big trouble now. “Joseph, if you are hiding up here you had better come out NOW if you know what is good for you!” Ben shouted as he, Adam, Hoss and Hop Sing stood in the attic.
From his hiding place a very nervous Little Joe who was now crying didn’t make a sound as he was scared to death. “JOSEPH!”
The boy gulped and slowly stood up and he slowly began the walk towards his family, while he looked at the floor.
With his hands on his hips, Ben took hold of the boy’s chin with his right hand and he raised the boy’s had up so he could look into the sad green eyes of his young son.
“Joseph, did you have something to do with that fire in the old outhouse?” Ben slowly but loudly asked. Through the tears in his eyes, Little Joe looked up at Ben and he very softly said, “It was an accident Pa. Honest, it was just and accident. I fergot ta blow out the candle. I’m really sorry. I really am.” The boy was crying hard now and trembling.
“What did you need a candle for? It wasn’t dark!” Ben demanded to know. “Umm…umm…I….I was…was readin’ sir,” the youngster mumbled very quietly. “You were reading? Why did you think you needed to read in the outhouse for?” Ben asked as he had an idea about what the answer would be.
Taking a deep breath, Little Joe mumbled, “Cuz of what I was readin.” “I see, and what were you reading?” Ben asked as he continued to look at his son. They all knew what the boy was reading.
“My new dime store novel sir,” the boy whispered as he was looking at the floor again and he had his hands behind his back protecting his little bottom.
“I didn’t hear you Joseph! Would you mind repeating what you just said please?” Ben demanded. “My new dime store novel sir,” he said a little louder this time, still looking at the floor.
“That’s what I thought you said! You know I don’t want you reading those kinds of books don’t you! Now give me the book then go to your room NOW!” Ben suggested. The boy took the book out from under his shirt, handed it to Ben then ran down to his room as he knew what was coming next.
Ben made a quick trip to his room to put the book away before heading to his young son’s room.
The next day was spent clearing out all the burnt material from the old outhouse then putting the roof on the new outhouse. The new building was now finished.
“Ya know big brother, when ya think about little brother burning down the old outhouse, it’s kind of funny. Only our baby brother would manage to burn down an outhouse!” Hoss laughed as he looked at Adam. “I guess it is funny now, but it sure wasn’t that night. That boy!” Adam declared as he too was laughing now.
Finally Little Joe had figured out his payback for his two older brothers and he thought it was the perfect way to get back at them for what they had done to him in the washroom.
He had found two cans of white wash in the loft in the barn that were intended to be used on the inside of the new outhouse, but now the cans had been attached to the upper part of the barn just above the doors by a certain little boy.
The boy had partially closed the doors so when his brothers wanted in the barn and they opened the doors fully the cans of white wash would pour out on the intended victims. Then he sat back and waited for his brothers to come out of the house which he knew they would in a couple of minutes.
He didn’t have long to wait as he sat in the rocking chair on the porch. They noticed their young brother sitting there just rocking back and forth and not doing any chores. “Don’t you have something to do little brother instead of sitting there doing nothing?” Adam impatiently asked.
“Who me? Heck no! “’Sides, I’m takin’ a much needed break for yer imfermation big brother!” the boy declared as he continued to rock. “It’s ‘information, not imfermation little brother!” Adam corrected him. Little Joe made a face at Adam as he thought, “You just wait big brother!”
As Adam and Hoss walked towards the barn talking, Little Joe stuck his tongue out at them, but mostly at Adam because he was always correcting his little brother for his bad grammar, even though Little Joe didn’t think he talked bad.
Side by side they opened the double barn doors and as soon as they did, the two cans of white wash poured down all over them.
Loud yelling could be heard all over the yard mixed in with loud giggling coming from the front porch. Adam and Hoss jumped back, but it was too late for that now as they were covered in white wash.
From inside the house, Ben heard his sons yelling while his other son was giggling. “What in the world?” Ben said as he quickly ran to the door, opened it and stared at his two white washed covered sons, while his youngest son was rolling on the porch in fits of giggles.
“What in the world happened to you two?” Ben asked as he had a strange feeling that he knew what had happened and who had done it and it was rolling in fits of giggles on the porch floor.
“I’m going to kill him for this!” Adam shouted as he was beyond angry. “I get him first!” Hoss shouted as he too was very angry. Both boys made a run for their little brother.
Little Joe continued to giggle out of control as tears ran down his face from giggling so hard.
Ben seeing just how angry Adam and Hoss were and about to do damage to their little brother, Ben spoke out, “Adam, Hoss just wait. How do you know Little Joe did this?” He was trying to protect his youngest son.
“All you have to do is to look at him!” Adam shouted as he tried to wipe the white wash off his face. ”Pa, let us kill him so move out of the way!” Hoss shouted as he tried to get past Ben.
Hiding behind Ben, Little Joe replied to his brothers, “Ya can’t kill me cuz Pa wouldn’t like it ya know. He loves me, and ‘sides it ain’t nice ta kill someone-‘specially a little boy like me, who loves ya two!” To add to his innocence, Little Joe blinked his big green eyes at his brothers and he gave them one of his best prize winning smiles
Ben started to laugh at Little Joe’s answer and also because Adam and Hoss looked quite funny covered in white wash.
“Boys, your little brother is right. I certainly wouldn’t be very happy if you killed him. I know you are both extremely angry with him at the moment, but he kept telling you that he was going to get even with the both of you. Now don’t get me wrong, what he did has caused a big mess and both of you are very dirty, but I can’t blame him because both of you have been picking on him a little too much lately,” Ben explained to his older sons.
Glaring at their little brother, Adam loudly threatened, “You just wait boy!” “Yeah like Adam said!” Hoss added.
Feeling relieved, Little Joe came out of hiding, looked up at Ben, smiled and said, “Thanks fer savin’ my life Pa. I’ll go and clean up the mess.” Ben ruffled up the boy’s and he turned and headed back to the house while Little Joe took away the dirt that had the white wash in it. “Oh the joys of being a parent,” Ben thought to himself yet again.
Several days later and after several heavy rainstorms that left rather large mud puddles everywhere in the yard, the Cartwright brothers walked carefully as not to slip and fall in the mud puddles as the mud was very slippery as they were going to do their barn chores.
Little Joe was just slightly walking ahead of his brothers when Adam whispered something into Hoss’s ear that now was the time to get even with their little brother for the white wash prank. Hoss agreed.
Suddenly without any warning, Little Joe was knocked over and he fell face down in the largest mud puddle in the middle of the yard.
Of course that made the boy angry and he quickly jumped up and he mowed down his two laughing brothers who weren’t expecting that to happen. Both Adam and Hoss ended up on their backs in the puddle with their little brother on top of them.
Little Joe was grabbing handfuls of mud and rubbing it all over his brothers, who in turned grabbed hold of the boy and they began to roll him in the mud. Soon there was wet mud flying all over the yard along with loud shouts coming from the three brothers.
“What in the world?” Ben yelled as he jumped up from his chair and he headed straight for the door again closely followed by Hop Sing who really wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what was going now or not.
As soon as Ben opened the door he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Neither could Hop Sing who stood there with his mouth open.
“WHAT ARE YOU THREE DOING FIGHTING IN THE MUD LIKE THIS? ADAM, ERIK, JOSEPH! STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!” Ben shouted, but the boys continued on with their mud fight.
Ben ran over towards his sons, but he slipped and landed in the puddle too. Hop Sing stood there staring and he kept mumbling, “Family not normal!”
Adam and Hoss stopped rolling their baby brother and they were shocked to see their Pa sitting in the puddle with them looking extremely angry.
Little Joe sat there in the puddle and he stared at Ben and he said, “Hey Pa, ya joined us huh? See, ain’t this fun?” Finding his voice and coming out of shock at finding himself sitting in the middle of a rather large mud puddle with his three sons in the middle of the yard, Ben shouted, “NO I DID NOT JOIN YOU! I SIMPLY SLIPPED AND FELL IN THE MUD!”
Ben started to yell again before Little Joe interrupted him. “Golly Pa, I dunt know that ya like ta sit in mud puddles too!”
A very angry Ben stood up and pointed towards the creek behind the house. “You three please go and get in that creek and get that mud off of you before you set one foot in the house before you each take a much needed bath! NOW GO!” Ben shouted.
“Um…um Pa, ya sorta need ta go ta the creek too, cuz ya got mud all over ya too ya know!” Little Joe suggested as he smiled at Ben. “He’s right Pa because Hop Sing won’t let any of us in the house covered in mud,” Adam told Ben as he gave Ben a slight smile. Hoss nodded at Ben.
Without a single word, Ben slowly walked down to the creek closely followed by Adam and Hoss while Little Joe simply took off running for the creek and he jumped in the water.
“Oh boy this is fun right Pa?” the boy shouted as he was trying hard to get all the mud off his clothes and head. He even had mud in his ears too. Ben continued to be silent. He just couldn’t believe that he had slipped and fell into that puddle, and now here he was in the creek trying to get all the mud off of his clothes too. “Oh the joys of being a parent!” he thought to himself.
Finally Ben, Adam and Hoss got out of the creek and happy to have all the mud off of them. “Joseph, get out of the creek NOW!” Ben loudly suggested as it was a cold windy day. “Yes sir,”
Finally after the Cartwright’s had their baths and in clean dry clothes, Ben wanted answers as to what happened and why there had been a big mud fight and he wanted to know now, not later.
“Ok now, will one of you please explain to me as to why the three of you were having that mud fight? Adam, Hoss you two surprise me, but not Little Joe. I’m waiting for an answer boys!” Ben loudly asked.
Looking at his brothers, Little Joe decided to answer the question. “Ya see Pa, it’s all their fault! Heck all I was doin’ was just walkin’ ta the barn ta do my chores just like ya asked. The next thin’ I know them two had knocked me inta that big old puddle, so I just had ta knocked em backwards in the puddle-ta get even ya know.”
“But they dun ganged up on me and they was rollin’ me in the puddle. Then we was throwin’ mud at each other, but golly Pa, cuz I’m so small I got the worse of it!” Little Joe finished explaining to Ben as he gave Ben one of his prize winning smiles.
Ben stood there thinking about what his youngest son had just explained. “I see. So tell me Adam, Hoss, why did you two push your little brother in the mud for in the first place, when he didn’t do anything to deserve it. He was simply going to the barn to do his chores just as you two should have been doing and NOT starting a mud fight!” Ben angrily asked his two older sons as he looked at each of them.
“Well Pa, we decided to get even with that little trouble maker for that white wash prank he pulled on us,” Adam explained. Hoss just smiled while Little Joe looked as totally innocent as possible.
Slowly counting to ten in his head and taking a deep breath, Ben looked at all three of his sons with a very serious look on his face. “There will be NO MORE pranks pulled. Do you three understand me? NO MORE PRANKS!” Ben shouted as he was getting a headache. His three sons just cringed when Ben shouted at them.
“Sorry Pa, we’ll try, but with Little Joe around, that might be almost impossible!” Hoss sheepishly announced. “Me? What ‘bout them?” the boy spoke up. As he looked from Adam to Hoss and back again.
“Joseph, that means you too son. No more pranks,” Ben told his youngest son, but with that boy, it would be impossible for him not to pull pranks on everyone.
“Golly Pa, I’ll try, but ya know that mischief makes me do stuff. I’m totally innocent ya know!” Little Joe tried to convince Ben as he looked up at Ben with his big puppy dog eyes pleading his case. It was hard for Ben not too laugh at that statement as it was for Adam and Hoss.
Later that night as Ben lay in his bed, he again thought about the joys of being a parent. The more he thought about that the more he thought how dull his life would be without his three sons. His sons were his life and he thanked God for them especially for the biggest mischief maker of all, Little Joe.
The End.