The Long Journey Home by Lyn Robinson

Will came into the court house to say that the wagon was ready so the Judge excused himself, reminding Joe to give Adam his message once his brother had recovered. Hoss very carefully lifted his brother, with every possible care for his wounds. Joe followed him, while Jess and Will held the doors open for them. Hoss was able to lift Adam into the wagon and settle him into the blankets without Adam stirring. Joe hovered but his arm was very sore and he was unable to help. He didn’t want to leave Adam but knew that with one arm out of action he wouldn’t be any real help to his brother. Once Hoss and Jess had Adam settled as best they could, Joe suggested “Jess why don’t you ride with him, hold him still?”

 

“Of course I will Joe but don’t you want to?”

 

“Wouldn’t be much use one-handed. You look after him.”

 

“You can be sure of that.” Jess said with feeling and he settled down by his friend gently holding him still as Hoss got up and slowly drove out of town. Will and John arranged the rest of the party into wagons or on horseback and the cavalcade headed for the ranch. The Doc rode alongside the wagon on one side with Joe and Ben on the other. Hoss kept a slow steady pace, watching the road carefully to try and choose the easiest path. Occasionally he couldn’t avoid a rut and Jess was taking care to steady his friend but Adam didn’t stir once. In fact Jess would have felt happier if he had, his friend seemed to have sunk almost into unconsciousness and was running quite a high fever. Jess couldn’t help but be worried although each time Doc checked his patient he seemed reasonably satisfied with his progress.

 

Eventually, even at their slow rate of progress the house was in sight and Will galloped on ahead to make sure that Adam’s bed was warmed and ready, He had a quick word to warn Margaret and Liza what was happening and to arrange for all the children to be removed from Adam’s room and Joe’s.  They already knew that Adam was hurt and for a moment weren’t even interested in the case only in Adam’s health. Will managed a grin, “He’s on his way home, he’s exhausted and out cold but that’s the best thing for him. He needs the rest. At least he can rest now, he’s won.”

 

The girls smiled and Margaret said “That’s marvellous but you’re sure Adam will be alright?”

 

“Yeah I’m sure. Anyway you’ll see for yourself in a few minutes they are nearly here.”

 

Margaret hurried upstairs to make sure that the bed was warmed ready for Adam. Hoss came to a gently stop in the yard and looked round at Jess “How is he?”

 

“Seems to have stood up to the journey well, still out, but guess that’s for the best.”

 

“Alright if you can give me a hand, we’ll get him up to bed.” Between them Hoss and Jess very carefully lifted Adam and Hoss carried him inside and up to bed. Will went over to his youngest cousin and gave him a hand down. “You look all in Joe. Come on lean on me, Bill has your horse.”

 

Joe was glad of the support and let Will help him in, where he sank down on the chair by the fire. Nita hurried over anxiously, noticing just how pale he was, “Are you alright?”

 

Will looked up “Easy Nita. He’s tired out but he’ll be fine. I’ll go fetch him a nice cup of coffee and a brandy. You give him some tender loving care and he’ll soon perk up. I know my cousin.”

 

Joe forced a grin although he didn’t really feel like it, feeling weak and ill himself and very worried about his unconscious brother. Just then Adam was carried in and Joe was about to lever himself to his feet but Will held him down. “Just relax Joe, there’s nothing you can do. Let Doc and Sue get him settled and then Doc will tell us how he is. You’d only be in the way.”

 

Nita added her persuasion “You must rest darling; you’re almost out on your feet.”

Joe knew they were right and he allowed himself to be bullied into staying put which was all he really felt fit for.

 

Upstairs Sue carefully got Adam into bed with Hoss’ help. Ben told her not to bother with the niceties, just cut the coat and shirt off, rather than disturb Adam. Once he was in bed Doc carefully checked his wounds but everything was perfectly healthy. Then he checked his patient’s overall condition, “He’s stood up to the journey remarkably well. Fever’s no worse than it was in town.”

 

“What should we do?” Ben asked.

 

“Just let him sleep. He’s sort of midway between sleep and unconsciousness but that will clear. He’ll slip into a proper sleep and with peace and quiet his temperature should drop. He needs to stay put for at least a week, plenty of fluids and light food. I’ll come back and check tomorrow but if he can survive a day like today he can survive anything.”

 

Ben smiled “I think we can look after him now Doc. I am very grateful for your help.”

 

Doc was heading back to town but he was to have company, Dan had followed them out, wanting to know how Adam was before he returned to Virginia City . He had already written an initial report on the case, after all he had the decision but he was more concerned about his old friend. Dan had been talking to John Chance on the ride out and John had filled him in a little on what had been going on but he wanted a word with one of the Cartwrights.

When Hoss and Ben came down, leaving Carole to watch over her husband, Dan was sitting with coffee, asking concernedly about Joe’s health. Joe was trying to convince Dan that he was perfectly alright without too much success.

 

Dan grinned as Ben came over “Congratulations Ben. I was mighty relieved when the Judge gave his decision. Mind you it had become increasingly obvious that you had to win. Adam did a fine job.”

 

“He did that.” Ben agreed “So what can we do for you?”

 

“I’m heading home this evening but I just wanted to know how they both are. I can see Joe’s fine but how’s Adam?”

 

Ben smiled “Alright Dan. All kidding aside, he’s taken two bad wounds and he is physically and mentally exhausted. I think he’ll sleep for the next two or three days, it’s what he needs, but he will be fine.”

 

“Any comment on what he’s been up to these last few weeks. It was obvious he’s known about this case for a long time, sort of coincidental with his odd behaviour.”

“No comment.”

 

“How about off the record for an old friend?”

 

“It must stay off the record Dan.”

 

“My word.”

 

“Alright. Yes Adam and Carole knew but none of the rest of us did, apart from Jess. His behaviour was calculated to deceive us so that our reactions would convince others. He used the time he gained to prepare that impressive case.”

 

“Why not tell you all so you could all help?”

 

“Because there were threats. If he didn’t allow himself to be distracted that way then he was to be distracted by an accident to one or more of the weaker members of the family, the children or the girls.”

 

“Good God.” Dan said horrified, “Who?”

 

Ben shook his head “I’ve already said more than I should Dan but I don’t want anyone holding his behaviour these last weeks against him. He’s been under one hell of a strain but as you can see it was for a very good cause.”

 

Dan smiled, “I’ll pass the words among our friends but I won’t publish. Tell Adam that I hope he feels better soon and I’ll look forward to a chat when he comes home.”

 

“Thanks Dan I’ll tell him.”  Ben watched his old friend leave as Dan headed back to town on the first step of the journey back to Virginia City .

 

Then Ben turned his attention to his youngest son and combined with Nita to bully Joe into bed, promising to bring him up some food. Once Joe had eaten he was content to settle down and go to sleep, overtired and weaker than he liked to admit, even to himself.

 

Sue took over from Carole and insisted that her sister go down for some food, Carole didn’t argue. She was reasonably happy about her husband, Adam’s fever was beginning to drop slightly and she thought that he was more asleep than unconscious. When she had eaten and went back up Sue confirmed that Adam was resting easily.

 

Sue had taken the children into her own room while Meg took young Adam in with Elizabeth so that the two injured men could rest in peace. Nita and Carole settled next to their husbands and both had surprisingly peaceful nights, with the case over the men could take time to recover.

 

However Ben although very relieved by the outcome of the case and not too worried about his sons, ironically found it even more impossible to settle than he had over the last anxious weeks. Very restless he slipped out of the bunkhouse, feeling the need for some fresh air.

Jess saw someone moving around and worried that there might be an attempt at revenge, he slipped on his pants and boots grabbed his gun and slipped out. He had his gun out and ready but as he recognized his old boss he let it fall, “I’m sorry Mr Cartwright I didn’t recognize you, thought someone might be out for revenge.”

 

“Thanks for being so alert Jess.”

“Is there anything wrong Sir?”

 

“No need for Sir Jess, the name’s Ben.”

 

“What is wrong?”

 

“Just can’t settle. Stupid isn’t it, everything is over, the case won and the boys will soon recover. Yet I keep thinking about these last weeks. Just how did Adam cope?”

 

“With difficulty I think. He had Carole’s full support and they both felt it was so important to protect the children. He coped because he loved you all so much and he’s now going to get the reward he’s earnt.  You are all safe and that ranch that means so much to all of you is safe too With everything he has written into the court record noone will ever be able to challenge your claim to that land again.”

 

“No wonder you were able to help him Jess, you know him very well.”

 

“I owe him so much, he taught me to come back into the human race, when I had decided never to let anyone near me again in case I got hurt again.”

 

“I didn’t know.”

 

“No but even apart from owing him my life on more than one occasion I owe him Liza and my ranch. I would never have had the confidence to go ahead without Adam’s support.”

 

Ben shook his head, “I don’t think you owe Adam anything. From the little you have said and Adam has said, it’s very obvious he wouldn’t have got through these last weeks without you. I’m just thankful he had such a good friend to help him.”

 

“He was very welcome.”

 

“You don’t have to tell me that Jess. That is part of the reason why you were such a good friend. Prepared to give time and understanding, close enough so that he didn’t have to act.”

 

“He’s fine now; he’s home, back with you all, knowing that you understand. Once he’s caught up on his sleep and given himself a chance to recover he’ll be alright. You have to put it behind you or you’ll make it more awkward for Adam.”

 

“You’re right Jess. I think I’m glad you came out; I can see why Adam finds it easy to talk to you. You’ve come a long way since you first joined us on the Ponderosa. I think I’ll be able to sleep now.”

 

“Good idea Ben let’s both get some sleep.” Ben was warmed, as for the first time Jess called him by his given name, and going back to the bunkhouse he was asleep even before Jess.

 

In town Margaret and Michelle had managed to get away from the men. Margaret thought that they ought to warn someone about what was planned for Sauvinet, Vegara and Troy but the Cartwrights had enough on their plates. Michelle felt that the men were getting what they deserved and she wasn’t prepared to stick her head out for them. She was sure that Huntingdon would be watching everyone like a hawk for the slightest hint about who had betrayed him. Margaret had to agree with that and as noone knew where Troy or Vegara were and Sauvinet was in prison and presumably safe, she agreed to do nothing.

In fact Kane had already acted in two of the three cases but he wasn’t using guns, poison was slipped into a whisky bottle and it was easy to give that to Vegara. He had already drunk enough not to query the new bottle in the third class dive where he had taken refuge. Keane   had had him watched ever since he left court, guessing exactly what his boss would want if the case was lost as seemed all too likely.

 

Sauvinet was a bigger problem but not by much. Among his men Keane had one very good looking blond, whose looks belied the cold blooded killer he really was. As soon as Sauvinet was arrested Keane found out which café provided food for the prisoners, not surprisingly it was close to the jail. A rather plain, young waitress usually carried the trays over and she was delighted when the handsome blond chatted and flirted with her. While he did so it was easy to sprinkle some poison on the bowl of stew that she was taking to the only prisoner. His job done the man was on the first train out of town, although probably an unnecessary precaution. Keane was convinced that the waitress would deny anyone had had access to the tray in order to protect herself, if anyone even thought of questioning her.

 

The third problem was Troy and thus far Keane had been completely unsuccessful in tracking him down. Troy’s two men were already transferred to the main State Penitentiary, serving ten years having pleaded guilty to attempted murder, but they couldn’t lead anywhere but Troy. Troy had vanished knowing his men weren’t even denying the charges, seemingly so scared they welcomed the safety of the Pen.

 

Keane had to report back to his Boss that he’d failed to either track down Troy or find any

hint how Cartwright had got his information but he did confirm that Hearst seemed to be right. Adam had been playing a lone hand, his own family fooled along with everyone else until the last few days. He was also able to confirm that he had removed both Vegara and Sauvinet so proof of Huntingdon’s involvement would be unobtainable.

 

Huntingdon had decided to remove himself from the vicinity, just in case, and was planning to return to New York the next morning. He had one final meeting with Hearst and the two men agreed to continue checking to try and find out just who had sold them out. They also agreed to continue the search for Troy until he could be eliminated, but Hearst thought Troy had had the right idea; it was just the execution that was wrong. Adam Cartwright needed to be eliminated, every time they turned round he was there interfering with their plans.

Huntingdon shrugged, “Been tried before, that man has more lives than a cat.”

 

“Yes but usually in the middle of a fight when he’s alert for trouble.”

 

“Alright, just make sure the killer can’t be traced back to you and leave it for a couple of months, until all this has been forgotten.”

 

“I’ll be careful but he’s as vulnerable to a shot in the back as anyone else.”

 

“I seem to have heard that before!”  Huntingdon said cynically. “If you succeed and he’s out of the way and you can come up with some other plan to break the Cartwrights I might still be interested, but it will have to be a good one.”

 

Hearst glared at him, “I have lost to them too often, next time it will be different.”

 

Huntingdon showed his disbelief but made no comment. “Best we stay out of contact for a while until this blows over. That Judge is on the warpath and tomorrow’s news won’t improve his temper. I suggest you concentrate on your affairs outside of Nevada and probably California for a while, keep a low profile.” With that he walked out, preparing to take his own advice and for once travelling with the hoi polloi on the ordinary train, rather than ordering his own special train. Yet another thing to add to the long account with the Cartwrights, which he intended to settle in full. However next time he would work alone, not trust in weaker men, where someone had broken.

 

Hearst was equally eager to get out of town before the news of the two latest murders broke and he hired a coach on the train heading out to Denver . Margaret went along although she had no intention of staying with him much longer. She daren’t leave straight away it would inevitably point the finger of suspicion straight at her. She planned to stay for about six months and to act for the last month or so to give herself a medical excuse to leave.  It wouldn’t take much for Hearst to be relieved to see her go with his fear of illness.

 

Grandison took his wife home, determined to keep out of everyone’s way for a while and equally determined not to get involved with men like Hearst again. He was out of his depth and he hated it, scared by the murders, mainly fearing anyone finding out about his involvement. He had skirted close to the edge many times, breaking the law in small ways but never before anything involving killing.

 

Ben was up early the next morning and once he was dressed went over to the main house.

Carole was up feeding Anne and she smiled at Ben as he came in. “Good morning Pa. Adam is still fast asleep but his fever is well down.”

 

“I think I’ll go up and see him in a minute.”

 

“Go ahead but I don’t think he will wake up for quite awhile, maybe all day.”

 

“Don’t worry Carole I won’t wake him up.”

 

Carole smiled “I know that Pa. ” Ben kissed her forehead and went upstairs. He found his son sleeping very peacefully, still a little feverish but then he had two bad wounds. And had been overdoing things. Ben sat by Adam for more than half an hour occasionally wiping Adam’s face or changing a cold compress. Adam didn’t stir and Ben had time to think, not about the case but about his son and the willpower he’d needed to break away from his family and to shut his mind to them, not for just a day but for weeks. Ben was almost sure that Adam would have a reaction at some stage but at least he would be home with them and they could help.

 

When Carole came back up Ben put his arm round her “I’ve been so worried about Adam and the case I’ve tended to ignore you Carole. It must have been so hard for you these last weeks.”

 

She didn’t attempt to hide it “It was Pa, especially when he had to stay in town.”

 

“I don’t know where you both found the strength.”

 

“We had to protect the children and the ranch….”

 

“And that woman?” Ben bit his lip “I’m sorry Carole it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked.”

 

“It’s alright Pa, I hated every minute of it, the mere thought….”She broke off.

 

Ben held her close “Easy child.”

 

“The thing was Pa; I know he loves me so much that just going to bed with another woman can’t possibly affect us.”

 

“I know that’s true; that was why it was so impossible to believe something was really wrong with your marriage.”

 

“It was so very hard to try and pretend to all of you. So many of you nearly broke me down, especially you, Joe and Hoss.”

 

“You did a good job.”

 

“Only by hiding back in my shell, just as I did before I met Adam.”

 

“Just remember that we are all here now, you don’t have to fight alone any more.”

 

“I know that Pa. ”

 

Ben kissed her “I just want to check on Joe and then I have to go to town and get that written decision.”

 

”Don’t worry about Adam, he’ll be fine and we can all forget the last few weeks.”

 

“I’ll never forget Carole, never forget the strength you and Adam had to act and protect all of us.”

 

Carole was warmed by the thought and sat by her husband very much at peace. Ben went and knocked on the door of Joe’s room. Nita opened it and smiled, “Morning Pa.”

 

“How’s Joe?”

 

“Still asleep but he’s looking very much better.”

 

Ben went over to the bed and very gently brushed his son’s curly hair back off his forehead. “It was a clean wound Nita. He’ll be a lot better when he wakes up.”

 

“I know Pa. I’m not really worried about him. He has been very worried and upset over his brother and then the case. Now it’s all over and he has his brother back, once he’s caught up on his sleep he’ll be fine.”

 

“And you Nita? Adam used your husband harshly.”

 

“To protect our child as well as his own and Johnny. Just because he loves Joe so much that must have been really hard on Adam and he did no real harm.”

 

“You’ve forgiven him?”

 

“Pa I’ve come a long way from that selfish bitch, who first came to the Ponderosa. I love Adam and I always did even when I was furious with him. There’s nothing to forgive.”

 

Ben kissed her head, “All my sons have chosen so very well. Bless you child.” He went back down feeling so very much more content, his family back to normal and his beloved ranch safe. He found most of the rest of the party having breakfast. Johnny Sutherland and some of the others were having to consider getting back to their own busy lives, although intending to hang on for a couple more days just to make sure Adam was alright. Johnny intended to relax on the ranch for one day; he’d always enjoyed the wide, open spaces where his friend lived. John and Bill had a new job to start but they could afford to wait until the following Monday. Will had to get back to San Francisco , as did John, but neither of them expected to be able to budge their wives until Adam was considerably brighter so they had conceded that they would stay another couple of days.

 

When Ben announced that he was going back to town he found the whole party ganging up on him, he wasn’t going alone. The case might be won but the men he had been fighting weren’t good losers and might be looking for revenge. Ben’s mild comment that he had been looking after himself for a good number of years was ignored and a party for town was quickly arranged. Hoss, Will and Jess, with two of John’s hands were going along to ensure Ben got back safely. Ben didn’t mind the company, although he thought it was totally unnecessary, and it was a convivial quartet who rode into town, with John’s men covering the front and rear. The case was won, both Adam and Joe looked better and soon they could go home.

 

That mood didn’t last as they heard the news in town. Even before they reached the courthouse it was obvious that they were the centre of attention. Very puzzled, as he’d expected the attention to cease with the case over, Ben soon discovered why. Judge Harris was hearing the next case but instead of waiting as they’d planned the deputy on duty asked them to go and have a word with the Sheriff. Ben frowned, “Of course, we have to wait for the Judge anyway but can you explain why?”

 

“You haven’t heard?”

 

“I wouldn’t be asking if I knew. We’ve only just ridden into town.”

 

“We lost our prisoner, that guy you were fighting in court.”

 

“You mean Sauvinet escaped?”

 

“Could say that, he’s dead.”

 

“How?” Ben asked shocked.

 

“Reckon the sheriff would rather tell you himself.” Ben led the way over to the jail, shocked by what he’d heard and wondering just what connotation the Sheriff was putting on it.  The Sheriff was pleased to see them and immediately made it clear that he didn’t suspect them in any way, but for the record he needed some questions answered. He smiled “I’d be real grateful for any suggestions you can make, first time I’ve ever lost a man in my own jail and I don’t like it.”

 

Ben said “Anything we can do of course we will but all we know so far is what your deputy said that Sauvinet is dead.”

 

The sheriff poured out coffee for the four men, “Let’s get my questions out of the way first.”

 

Ben nodded, “Certainly.”

 

“When did you last see Sauvinet?”

 

“When your deputy arrested him in court.”

 

“What did your party do then? Lot of you.”

 

“Yes, we have quite a crowd helping out. One or two, James Hunter and the kid Dick Langton, who live in Sacramento , went home as I presume did Marshall Fallon. The rest of us are staying out at John Chance’s ranch about twelve miles out of town. As you know two of my sons were injured and we took them back to the ranch. It took a fair while as we went slowly so that my eldest son came to no further harm. He took two bad bullets.”

 

“Yeah I was real sorry we didn’t stop that but at least those two are where they won’t do no more harm for a good long while.”

 

“We were very grateful for the prompt way you handled that Sheriff.”

 

“Who else went along?”

 

“Your own Doctor to check on Adam and a reporter from Virginia City , Dan de Quille. He’s a long term friend and wanted to see how the boys were before returning home. Those two came back to town together later in the evening.”

 

“Anyone else leave the ranch?”

 

“No not until the four of us rode in this morning.”

 

The Sheriff grinned, “Guess you were celebrating.”

 

“Not really, we were all very tired and rather worried about Adam.”

 

“He’s gonna be okay?”

 

“Yes, but it will take a while.”

 

“Right that’s the routine out of the way. Now then for what happened. We have two bodies not just one. That guy Vegara seemed to have drunk himself to death in a third rate saloon. It happens and from what the barkeep said about the amount he was putting away I wouldn’t have queried it until Sauvinet dropped dead in my own jail cell. Doc checked both of them and reckoned it was poison, potassium cyanide, said the bottle Vegara was drinking had enough of the stuff to kill an army, same with the stew Sauvinet had.”

 

“Where did the stew come from?”

 

“Our usual café, they look after the prisoners pretty well.”

 

“How on earth….” Ben began but the Sheriff said, “It wasn’t difficult. I know how, I can guess why, what I don’t have is any proof. The waitress who brings the grub is a nice kid, but not too bright and not very pretty. She was flattered when this good looking blond guy started to chat, flirt. It would have been easy for him to slip a few grains of something into the stew and according to Doc that’s all it would take.”

 

Hoss whistled softly, “So simple. Any chance of finding him?”

“I have no proof but a guy answering that description caught a train out for Reno , almost before Sauvinet started his meal. Unless I miss my guess he’s long gone. It must have been even easier to give a drunk a fixed bottle.”

 

“So they’ve got away with it.” Ben said bitterly

 

The Sheriff shrugged “I’ve sent out telegrams but he’s gone. What I really want is the man who hired him.”

 

“You said you could guess why?”

 

“Yeah I had a word with Judge Harris and I have a great deal of respect for his opinion. He reckoned that the kid didn’t have the sense to put together such a complicated attempted fraud on his own. You folks are in the clear, you had no reason, not now with the case won but whoever he was fronting for, they’ve got every reason.”

 

Ben nodded, “It was my own first thought, especially with Vegara killed too.”

 

“I hoped you could help. When did you first meet Sauvinet?”

 

“In court here on Monday.”

 

“When did you first know of him?”

 

“That’s a little difficult. My son Adam for very good reasons has been playing a lone hand on this case. It wasn’t until last Thursday that he told us that he’d known about the case for about twelve weeks. We only heard ten days before the case started but I think Adam knew rather earlier.”

 

“I’ll need to talk to him.”

 

“Of course but I’d be grateful if you could leave it until tomorrow. He was totally exhausted mentally and physically and he hadn’t even woken up when we left. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sleeps until tomorrow and I really don’t want to disturb him.”

 

“Sure. I don’t see any great rush. Have you any idea who was behind Sauvinet?”

 

Ben glanced at Hoss, unsure what to answer and the Sheriff frowned suspecting prevarication. Ben said “It’s difficult Sheriff. I don’t want to be awkward and I know you’re only doing your job but the men we suspect are very powerful individuals and there may be other lives at risk.”

 

“I’ll treat what you say in confidence, nothing in writing.”

 

“We have no proof of any description, only hearsay, and with Sauvinet dead I don’t think you could ever prove a case.”

 

“Against who? Tell me and I’ll damn well try.”

 

“The only chance is Troy . He was one of then, that’s why Adam was attacked. If you could find him before they do, he might talk. He’s already dead to rights on attempted murder.”

 

“We are looking for him, both here and in Nevada , no sign so far.”

“He will probably guess and when he hears this news he’ll know that he’s next on the list to be eliminated, so he’ll be hiding.”

 

“Mr Cartwright I still need to know who is behind this.”

 

Ben bit his lip “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be awkward but the men involved are very powerful and I only have hearsay. I think I must take legal advice before I say anymore.”

“You’re going to see Judge Harris anyway, ask him.”

 

“I will but I’m not prepared to say anything until I’ve spoken to my so, as I said earlier he has handled this case virtually single handed.”

 

“You will be prepared to tell me tomorrow?” the Sheriff pressed.

 

“I’m not making any promises but I will give you my final decision tomorrow. I will do all I can, but not at the expense of more lives.”

 

The Sheriff accepted that but he turned to Hoss, Will and Jess, “Are any of you prepared to help me?”

 

Hoss answered for them all. “No. My Pa answers for us all and I think you’ll find the same is true for all members of our party.”

 

Ben said apologetically, “I really don’t think it would make any difference if we did tell you what we suspect. I am sure there is no way that you can bring it home to those really responsible.”

 

The Sheriff didn’t look convinced but he let it go for the time being, he would try again the next day, perhaps Adam Cartwright, weak and ill, would be more easily persuaded to help. He at least seemed to have the most first hand knowledge. He let them go and Ben suggested that all go for a drink, he for one felt they had earned it.

 

Will fetched four beers and they settled at a table in the corner. Hoss asked “What are we gonna do Pa?”

 

“I don’t like keeping things from the law one bit more than you do Hoss, but I’m not doing anything until I’ve talked it over with Adam.”

 

Hoss shook his head “I ain’t sure Pa, maybe we oughta tell the Sheriff.”

 

Jess couldn’t keep quiet, “Look I know it’s really your business, but I’ve been involved since the start.”

 

Ben said “Speak your mind Jess, you’ve earnt the right the hard way these last weeks and on this I think you have a better idea of Adam’s thinking than any of us.”

 

“Thanks. There’s nothing I’d like more than to put Hearst and Huntingdon behind bars, but if we’re realistic we ain’t gonna do it. What we might do it we say anything is put those women at risk, particularly Margaret and Michelle.”

 

Ben sighed, “I know that Jess, it’s the reason I didn’t say anything.”

 

“They took a great risk and I know Adam was very worried, scared they might pay for helping. I don’t think he would risk their loves just for the million to one shot at putting that pair away.” Jess sipped his beer wondering if he’d gone too far but Hoss said, “I think you’re probably right Jess. Anyway I guess we don’t do nothing until Adam makes up his mind and whatever he decides we go along.”

 

Ben finished his beer, “You’re right Hoss. I don’t want to put extra pressure on Adam at the moment but it has to be his decision on this.” The other three could only go along and as it was time for the court to recess for lunch Ben decided that they’d better go over and try and catch Judge Harris.

 

The Judge was expecting them and had a copy of the written decision ready for them. It was just as he’d expected and Ben barely glanced over it. Will and Jess had waited outside but Hoss had gone in with his father and he listened in interest as Ben thanked the Judge and asked him for five minutes of his time. Judge Harris nodded “Certainly. I assume you have heard about the murder of your erstwhile opponent?”

 

“Yes. We have just left the Sheriff. I understand he’s already spoken to you.”

 

“He did. He wanted to know if any of you have a motive.”

 

“You appear to have told him that we didn’t.”

 

“That’s correct Mr Cartwright. Maybe last week you might have but you had no need to resort to violence with the sort of case your Son had put together and I’m sure he knew that. I have a great deal of respect for your son as a lawyer and enough knowledge of the Cartwrights to believe that wouldn’t be your style.”

 

“Thank you Judge.”

 

“Who was behind Sauvinet?”

 

“That is what the Sheriff asked.”

 

“You know he couldn’t have done it on his own and I am sure you have a good idea who was behind him.”

 

“We have no proof.”

 

“The Sheriff might be able to find the proof.”

 

“I doubt it your Honour and we only have hearsay. There are risks involved in even suggesting names and I am very sure the men we think are involved will never pay in a court of law.”

 

“I see.”

 

“The risks aren’t to us but to others. What rights do we have under the law? Do we have to tell the Sheriff what we think?”

 

The Judge frowned “You have no first hand knowledge?”

 

“None at all, it’s mainly third hand and the people who helped us by passing it on aren’t in a position to come forward.”

 

“Legally noone can force you to discuss what you think. Indeed you may be sued for libel although it’s probably doubtful in this case. Morally you must make up your own mind, if as you say people will be put at risk with no prospect of conviction, you may well be morally right in keeping quiet, but that has to be your decision.”

 

“Thank you your Honour. I thought that was the position but I wanted to check.”

 

“How is your Son?”

 

“Better for resting, his fever down but he was still asleep when we left. He was totally exhausted.”

 

“I saw. I know its none of my business but I heard rumours and there were hints in court that more had been happening behind the scenes than came out.” The Judge grinned “Put it down as curiosity but I hate to have only part of the story.”

 

“You said rumours?”

 

“About your son, a drunkard and a womaniser. He didn’t strike me as such in court.”

 

“Adam had been acting a part for the last few months. He learnt that he was to be distracted; those behind Sauvinet feared his ability. It was the same people who warned him of the land grant and this planned distraction. There were two plans either provide a mistress and cause trouble within the family or an accident to one of our young children or my daughters-in-law.”

 

The Judge showed his shock “So you went along with this mistress. I can see why there were rumours.”

 

“He did rather more than that. He fooled everyone apart from his wife and one close friend; sure noone would believe him unless the reactions of the rest of the family rang true. So he cut himself off from us all, which was very hard on him, we are a close family.”

 

“I can see that.”

 

“He developed the case with the help of the friends who testified in court, all the time keeping up an act. That’s why he’s so exhausted.”

 

“A very remarkable man. I asked your other son to pass on a message inviting him to see me before leaving Sacramento . If he is well enough I would be very pleased to have the chance to talk.”

 

“I’ll tell him your honour. I’m sure he will be honoured to take up your invitation.” Ben shook hands and taking the written decision he and Hoss headed out to join the others. Hoss was more than a little annoyed, “Real nosey ain’t he!”

 

Ben chuckled, knowing how protective both his sons were of their brother, particularly at the moment. “He did a good job in court, very fair, maybe he had the right to ask. It’s frustrating to only know half a story. Come on let’s get back and see if your brothers have woken up.”

It was mid-afternoon before the four men got back and as they rode into the yard it seemed totally impossible for anyone to still be sleeping. The yard seemed full of children all yelling at the top of their voices, even Peggy was there, seemingly encouraging them to make more noise.

 

Jess whistled softly, “I should think this lot would wake the dead!”

 

Will grinned “Nonsense, my three girls can make more noise than this on their own when they put their minds to it.”

 

The men went in to find Joe sitting by the fire chatting with his wife and Johnny Sutherland. He looked a lot better for his long sleep and was only wearing his sling under protest. Ben gratefully accepted coffee and sat down by the fire still over tired himself, he felt the cold. “You look better Joseph.”

 

“Feel it Pa, much better. Adam’s still fast asleep.”

 

“With that row going on?”

 

“John was trying to quieten them down earlier but Carole said not to bother that he was dead to the world.”

 

Ben frowned a little anxiously and Sue seeing it came over “He’s resting very much easier and it’s what he needs. He was exhausted, best thing for him. I hope he doesn’t wake up until the morning.”

 

“He is alright?”

 

“ Yes Pa. You have my word he’ll feel different again when he wakes up. Need to take thing easy for the next few weeks of course but you’ve seen Adam recover from far worse.”

 

Everyone was a little on edge waiting for Adam to wake up and it was a subdued gathering once the children had gone to bed. Joe still looked whacked and it didn’t take much effort to persuade him to have another early night. Once he’d gone up with Nita, Laura and Meg went to bed so they would be ready to look after the kids. Will looked round “Anyone would think we’d lost rather than winning a massive victory.”

 

Hoss shrugged “I don’t feel much like we won. I just wish Adam would wake up, I can’t remember when he’s been out so long, apart from when he nearly died with pneumonia or gut shot.”

 

Sue was upstairs with Carole so Hoss felt free to say what he really felt. Will couldn’t help agreeing with him and even Ben wasn’t sure but he forced himself to sound cheerful. “Come on you two cheer up. Doc was pleased with his condition and even more important Sue says he’s on the mend. You know he was totally worn out, physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s hardly surprising that he’s sleeping, best thing for him.”

 

Hoss sighed, “I guess you’re right Pa. I hardly did anything but I still feel whacked.”

 

“It’s been rough on all of us Hoss. Once we’re home and Adam’s up and around we can really celebrate.”

 

In fact most of them opted for an early night and Ben was left on his own by the fire, too restless to go to bed. He was sitting staring into the fire sipping coffee and brandy when Sue slipped down. Hoss was fast asleep but he had found himself telling his worries first and made it clear that his father was still worried. Sue hadn’t heard Ben leave and came down to check. Seeing him by the fire she went over “Pa you look too tired to be sitting up.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“And worried about Adam.”

 

“A little.” Ben admitted, “But I keep remembering what you said earlier, that he’ll be fine.”

 

“He will but I’d expect him to sleep till morning, Carole has settled down and she said his fever was right down.”

 

“That’s good.” Ben said “he kissed her forehead, “Go to bed Sue, you’ve done a hard day’s work. I’m fine and I’ll go to bed as soon as I’ve finished my coffee.” Sue could see he had relaxed and tired she headed for bed. She didn’t understand that it was her own trip down to see him that had relaxed him. Ben was warmed by her concern and when he went to bed he slept well.

 

The next morning Carole had left Adam to go and see to the children and left Joe to sit with his brother. It was just after ten in the morning when for the first time Adam stirred. Joe got to his feet and went over to the bed as Adam moaned, Joe gently wiped his face with a damp cloth and gave him a drink of water, “Easy Adam.”

 

Adam opened his eyes and tried to move but he was very stiff. “Give me a minute.”

 

“I’ll get Carole and Pa. ”

 

“No.” Adam said almost explosively and Joe stopped on the way to the door and came back over “Alright, just take it easy.” Joe lent over and helped Adam to sit up. It caught Joe’s arm but he ignored it and Adam, bit back the moan of pain as he moved. Joe bit his lip “I wish you’d let me get Hoss. I’m not strong enough to lift you one handed.”

 

“Do that and Pa will be up and Carole. I just need a few minutes.”

 

“Alright. I’ve got some coffee over there do you want some?”

 

“Please.”

 

Joe poured some and helped Adam to drink it and slowly Adam relaxed against his pillows. He smiled “Cheer up Joe. I feel a lot better just a mite stiff.”

 

“You look it.”

 

Adam stared out of the window at the sun, way up. “What is the time anyway?”

 

“Just after ten.”

 

“I’ve slept a long time.”

 

“Longer than you think. Its Saturday, you slept right through yesterday.”

Adam was shaken at that and Joe poured him more coffee, “Relax Adam you were worn out, needed some sleep and you look better for it. I slept for about eighteen hours myself. These last weeks haven’t been easy for any of us.”

 

Adam drank the coffee and it eased his dry throat, “Is Carole alright?”

 

“Yes we all are. Sue was pretty convincing that you were on the mend, that a long sleep was exactly what you needed.”

 

Adam relaxed, “Okay I must admit you look better for a rest and you’re right I feel better.”

 

“Let me get Carole and Pa. ”

 

“Just a couple of minutes Joe.” Adam tried to move into a more comfortable position. He found it very hard to move, his whole side was stiff and sore from the bullet in his back. Slowly he relaxed and tried to get his breathing under control. “One thing Joe. I don’t remember much of the last couple of hours in court, did we win?”

 

Joe smiled broadly “We won brother. Pa collected the written decision yesterday; it was everything you could possibly want.”

 

“Thank God.”

 

“The Judge wants to have a word with you if you feel well enough. He was most impressed by how you handled the case and wants to tell you.”

 

Adam smiled “Okay Joe, I’m alright now, go tell them I’ve finally woken up.”

 

Joe gently brushed his brother’s hair back, “Take it real easy brother, you’ve done a hell of a job earnt your rest.”

 

Joe went down the stairs “Pa, Carole, he’s finally woken up.”

 

They ran upstairs with Hoss, Sue and Nita close behind. The others were relieved to know Adam was awake but left it to his immediate family. Joe carried on downstairs well aware that the others had been concerned. He grinned “Take it easy. Adam looks a lot better, rather stiff after his long sleep and thirsty with a headache but much better,”

 

Jess relaxed “I’ll get some more coffee, give him my best will you Joe.”

 

“Once Sue has redressed his wounds and he’s had some food you can tell him yourself.”

 

“I don’t want to bother him if....”

 

“Don’t be daft Jess! He’ll want to see you all once he’s had some food, I told you he’s much better for his long sleep.” Joe took the other coffee pot upstairs and rejoined his family. Adam was doing his best to convince everyone that he was fine but not with very much success. His tentative suggestion that he got up was treated with disdain by all the others. Ben just grinned, “Adam you’ve not even convinced yourself! The Doc said a fortnight in bed. So far you’ve spent two days in court and 42 hours asleep to get over it. Now I’m well aware that you won’t stay in bed for two weeks but for a few days you will.”

 

Adam looked up and for a minute an imp of mischief glowed in his eye, making him look more like his youngest brother, “Well today anyway.”

 

Sue came over and took Adam’s pulse, “More than one day Adam.”

 

“Don’t fuss Sue.”

 

“I won’t but I must redress those wounds,” Adam looked beseechingly at his father and Ben went over to Carole “Come on lets go get some food for him. Hoss and Sue can change the bandages.”

 

Carole knew it was what Adam wanted and she kissed him “I’ll be back up in a few minutes.”

 

Sue with Hoss’ help gently eased off the bandages from Adam’s side and back. She cleaned the wounds as gently as she could while Hoss wiped his brother’s face and held him still. Adam bit back the moan of pain which kept welling up but Hoss was very conscious of the tension and pain in his brother. Sue was equally aware but she had no choice and just worked as swiftly as she could to limit the duration of the pain. Eventually Sue got Hoss to help her rebandage Adam and settling his arm in a sling, she set pillows to support him with the least possible pressure on his back and side. Hoss gently wiped his brother’s face and fed him some water. Adam couldn’t find his voice at first, his breathing very ragged but slowly he got it under control. He forced a smile “Thanks Sue, feels much better.”

 

“Liar Adam.” she said kissing his forehead, “I know I hurt you but it had to be done and at least everything is healing well, nice and clean.”

 

Hoss said “I’ll get you some more coffee and then its time you had something to eat.”

 

Adam tried to settle himself more comfortably, although his back felt on fire “I could do with the coffee Hoss but I’m not hungry.”

 

Hoss looked worried his brother had barely eaten for days but Sue gripped his shoulder. “Alright Adam we’ll heat up some broth or make something light when you’re ready. Just say.”

 

Adam thanked her wordlessly and then tried to get his brain working. “Joe said I’d slept a long time. I’m a mite confused, what day is it?”

 

“Saturday.”

 

“Has anyone left? Johnny Sutherland must be due to go.”

 

“Noone has left yet but several need to go soon.”

 

“I want to see them, try to say thank you.”

 

Hoss frowned, not wanting his brother to overdo thins but knowing he wouldn’t stop him. “Alright Adam I’ll arrange it but just take it easy, please don’t overdo things.”

 

“Stop fussing Hoss I’m fine.” Hoss sighed but he went out to get fresh coffee. Sue moved over and sat down by the bed. She took Adam’s pulse, “I won’t fuss Adam but you must take it easy or you’re going to be stuck here for several weeks.”

“I’m going to be home by Wednesday.”

 

Sue showed her shock at that “Adam there’s noway you’ll be fit enough to travel for at least two weeks. The train will be rough enough even then with those wounds.”

 

“I’ll cope. The twins will be four on Thursday and we’re having a family party for them in their own home. I’ve missed my family these last few months and I promised myself that treat.”

 

Sue kissed him “I won’t argue Adam. I know just how stubborn you are but that makes it all the more important to rest now.”

 

“I will but I have to thank all those who have helped so much, I can’t rest until I’ve done that.” Sue gave up arguing and went and poured him a brandy. She knew he would do what he wanted and maybe that would help. Ben brought the coffee up with Carole and Joe close behind them but none of them were surprised when Adam insisted on seeing Johnny and anyone else who would need to leave soon.

 

Joe went to fetch Johnny and Sue slipped out to help with the children and warn her big husband just what Adam was planning.

 

Johnny came up to see Adam; he had to catch the evening train for New York if he was to catch the boat for England . Adam sipped his brandy and he had firm control of himself, managing to hide his pain and weakness. Ben and Carole were both used to his ability to act but even so they were surprised at how effective it was and when Johnny came in, he was glad to see his old friend looking much better, although very pale.

 

Adam grinned “Come and sit down Johnny I wanted a chance for a chat before you disappeared off home.”

 

“I was hoping you’d be well enough.”

 

“Oh I’m alright I’d get up only this lot are fussing.”

 

“Would it be alright if I bring the family over later in the year, say October sometime? Only my wife was very jealous about this trip.”

 

“You know you don’t have to ask. You’re always welcome.”

 

“I guess I do know Adam. I sometimes think I love that ranch of yours almost as much as you do.”

 

“You’ve earnt the right, it’s only stayed ours because of all the help I got. I just don’t know how to thank you for all you did.”

 

Johnny grinned “Don’t be daft Adam. You know better than anyone just how much you did for me in Cambridge . You stood my friend then, made me grow up and taught me so much about life. It gave me more than I realised at the time. It’s only when I see other people in my position, floundering, confused, that I know what you did. That can never be repaid, at least I could help out a little and I got another enjoyable trip west out of it.”

 

Adam couldn’t help himself blushing, so very obvious as he was very pale, even his tan slightly faded after weeks in town. He swallowed hard unable to answer and Joe came to his assistance, topping up his brandy. “I think I can guess what you mean Johnny but that doesn’t change our gratitude for the marvellous job you and your men did for us in Europe .”

 

Johnny grinned “I enjoyed it Joe, especially seeing those lawyers backtracking. Beats the House of Lords any day.”

 

Adam slowly relaxed and for the next half hour he just chatted with his old friend. Joe stayed in case his brother needed anything but Ben went back down as Johnny Rey had come out to visit before returning to his home in San Francisco . Ben sat and chatted with the old lawyer who had acted for him for so many years. Rey was very eloquent about Adam’s performance in court, he’d never seen a better lawyer and he made that clear. Ben enjoyed the praise of his eldest son and the two men reminisced over past years.

 

When Johnny Sutherland came down Ben said “I’m sure Adam would like to have a word before you go.”

 

“Is he well enough?”

 

“Yes. Still in some pain and rather weak, more than he’ll admit, but after a long sleep he’s fine as long as he takes it easy in bed.” Adam proved that himself as Ben led Rey in. he was very fond of the old lawyer who had often helped him find his feet when he first too on jobs for the Ponderosa in San Francisco . Adam was very grateful for the amount of time and effort the old man had put in over the last weeks. Despite his retirement he had been prepared to travel miles, check all the old records and give excellent reports. Adam was glad of the opportunity to thank Rey and spent a pleasant quarter of an hour talking over the case. Rey as a lawyer had seen it in a rather different light from everyone else. His knowledgeable comments were good for Adam’s ego and very weak it helped buoy him up so that when Rey left he was bright enough to ask to see Jess.

 

Of all those who had helped Adam knew that his old friend has been the one whom he’d relied on most. Joe went out to find Jess and Ben fetched fresh coffee for Adam “You sure you don’t want anything to eat.

 

“Maybe an omelette if that’s possible and some milk but I really don’t feel hungry.”

 

“Alright Son I’ll go and fetch, you take it easy.”

 

Jess poked his head round the door and Ben said “Come on in Jess. I’m just going to get him some food.” As Jess walked in Ben left, positive his eldest son didn’t need anyone else with Jess there.

 

Jess came and perched on the bed, “You look a bit better for some sleep.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“And a liar, you’re weak as a kitten and in pain so don’t try it on I know you too well.”

 

“You fuss more than my family.”

 

“Hoss said you’re intending to go home on Wednesday.”

 

“That’s right I want to be there for the twins’ birthday by the way you and Liza are invited.”

 

“You’re mad!”

 

“I promised myself a treat, I’ve missed my family.”

 

Jess knew that better than anyone and he grinned “Alright we’ll come to the party and if you’re going home that soon I’ll hang on help get this crowd home.”

 

Adam held out his hand “Jess I hope you know how grateful I am.”

 

Jess took his hand “You know you’re very welcome, repays a little of what I owe. I’ll help out again by persuading Joe not to fuss at your plans.”

 

“How about Pa?”

 

“I’m not that brave, you fight that one yourself.”

 

Adam grinned at that and relaxed, he got Jess to fill in some of the details of the final day in court that he couldn’t remember. As Adam speculated on what would happen to Sauvinet, Jess realised that he didn’t know what had happened to erstwhile opponent. He wasn’t sure whether to tell him and was thankful to see Ben come in with a tray.

 

Very gently Jess eased his friend up and helped him settle, pushing another pillow behind him in support. Adam bit his lip unable to really hide how much it hurt and Ben waited for a couple of minutes before putting the tray ready for Adam.

 

Adam wasn’t hungry but knew he had to eat if he was to get his own way about going home. He forced down most of the omelette and rather more gratefully drank the milk before pushing the tray away, “I could do with some more coffee Pa. ”

 

Ben nodded and as he took the tray out Adam looked at Jess. “What do you have to tell me that you think I’m not well enough to hear?”

 

“You know me too well.” Jess complained.

 

“Explain.”

 

“Alright but take it easy, I think I ought to speak to your Pa first.”

 

“Jess will you just tell me.” Adam said impatiently. Jess sighed but he knew his friend too well to prevaricate any further, that would risk upsetting Adam a lot more than the facts. “Alright. It don’t really affect you but your erstwhile opponent Sauvinet and his friend Vegara are both dead, poisoned.”

 

Adam was shaken by that and bit his lip. Jess hastily poured him a brandy “Come on Adam, relax or your Pa will have my hide.”

 

Adam sipped the brandy and forced himself to breath deeply, trying to relax, “How?”

 

Jess glad to see his friend relaxing filled Adam in on exactly what had happened as far as they knew. Ben came up just as Jess finished and he looked up apologetically “I’m sorry Ben, he knows me too well and knew I was keeping something from him.”

 

“That’s alright Jess we’ve all suffered form his mind reading on occasion.”

Adam just grinned, “Pa! I’m fine so fill me in, was there any suspicion of us?”

 

“No. The Sheriff made that clear, the Judge had spoken for us. He wants to talk to you.”

 

Adam confused asked, “Who? The Sheriff or the Judge?”

 

“Both actually but more immediately the Sheriff. He was planning to come out this afternoon. In fact Jess if he hadn’t bullied you into telling him I’d planned to.”

Adam complained icily “Stop discussing me as though I’m not here.”

 

Ben grinned and poured coffee “I’m glad you are, I need some advice.”

 

Jess asked “Do you want me to go?”

 

Ben shook his head. “You know as much as I do Jess. Check me; remind me if I forget anything.” Jess accepted that and between them they explained exactly how much the Sheriff had found out and his belief that those who had backed Sauvinet’s claim were also behind the killings and his request for information.

 

Adam made no comment at first just sipping his coffee while he considered all he knew. He made a shrewd guess that with Troy on the run and his inefficient gunmen in prison, the efficient killer was probably one of Huntingdon’s men. Hearst remained a possibility but Adam had far less respect for his competence than he had for the railroad king. The problem was regardless of how sure he was he had no proof for a court of law. Eventually he looked up at his father “How much have you said?”

 

“Nothing.” Ben said, “I asked them to wait until I’d spoken to you as my lawyer. The Judge said that if it was just hearsay legally we weren’t under any obligation to speak. Morally the Judge thought we might be justified in keeping quiet, if by speaking we put lives at risk without any real prospect of a conviction.”

 

“I see.” Adam reached out for more coffee but bit his lip as it caught at his back. Ben and Jess were both well aware of his pain but neither said anything Ben just passing him fresh coffee. Adam slowly relaxed “What do you want to do Pa? We’ve always supported the law.”

 

“We talked it over and little though we want to put any more pressure on you, your brothers and I all agreed that it had to be your decision.”

 

Adam smiled “Thanks Pa.” He drained his coffee and weighed the possibilities, deep in thought for five minutes before he looked up. “It’s no use Pa. All I have is hearsay. I won’t ask Margaret or Michelle to testify. They’d end up like Sauvinet. Huntingdon and Hearst are too powerful; their testimony even if it was believed wouldn’t bring them down. Two against two and you know who’ll be believed.”

 

“I know.”

 

“There’s no documentary evidence, they are too clever.”

 

Ben nodded, “So we say nothing.”

 

Adam met his father’s gaze and the weakness and confusion he felt was very clear. “I daren’t Pa, am I being a coward?”

“No Son. You’ve shown throughout this that you’ll take any risks when it’s your own life and peace of mind at risk. It’s not cowardly to protect those who are weaker and have helped us. I agree it’s not worth the risk with such little hope of success.”

 

Adam still looked very unsure, he felt far weaker than he was willing to admit even to himself and he wasn’t sure he could trust his own judgement. He didn’t realise how obvious his feelings were but both Ben and Jess knew him very well. Jess lent forward and gripped his friend’s arm, “You have no choice Adam, they’ll have hidden the trail too well. I don’t like it one bit better than you do, but neither Sauvinet or Vegara is worth the risk of harm coming to those women.”

 

Adam tried to relax thankful for their support and Ben said “Jess is right. You try and relax or you won’t be well enough to see the sheriff.”

 

“I’m alright Pa. ”

 

“Sure you are Adam but try and get some rest.”

 

“I’ve slept for hours.” Adam complained.

 

“I know but I think we can forget all about the case for a while. I’m sure your children want to see you so if you feel well enough....”

 

Adam’s face lit up at that thought, he had missed his children and Carole so much over the last weeks and Ben seeing it smiled. “I’ll go see Carole. Jess can get you anything you need for the minute.”

 

Jess changed the subject totally and told Adam what the twins had been up to that morning as they made the most of having all their favourite people around and taking it easy. Slowly as he chatted Jess was glad to see his friend relax and when Carole came up with the kids he slipped out.

 

Laura came up to help Carole and Adam was pleased to see her. Until the case was finished he had had very little time or attention for his friends and he knew that Will would have to get home soon. His cousin had his own business, his own life to lead. Laura kissed him and then watched as Marie got up onto the bed and gave her father a big hug. All the children had missed him and with Anne in one arm and Marie curled up  with her head on his chest and the twins both chattering away Adam looked and felt more at peace  than he had for months. Carole and Laura both saw that and didn’t comment although sure the children were putting extra pressure on his wounds and causing pain. Adam was largely oblivious of that pain his whole attention on the children, it was almost as though the pain was happening to someone else.

 

Carole let him enjoy the children for half an hour and then with just a glance at Laura she picked up Anne. “Time for food. Come on Marie and you two.”

 

David and Mark hugged their father for a minute but he promised to see them in the morning and so they willingly followed Mummy in search of food.

 

Laura moved over next to Adam, “You look better for some sleep.”

 

“I feel it. I know I’ve rather ignored you these last few days but I just hope you know how much I needed and valued your support and Will’s in court.”

“We knew. It was a very impressive performance Adam.”      

 

Adam stared down at his hands, “Laura you know Carole and I, perhaps better than anyone, certainly any other woman.”

 

She lent forward and kissed his forehead, “Yes and so I know just how hard all of this must have been for the pair of you. I know just how deeply in love you are.”

 

“I was the one getting into arguments and fights, the most visible if you like but at least I was in the position of being able to do something. Carole was in many ways in a far worse position, she had to stay at home and act for those she loves. She has been marvellous but I’m scared she’ll have some sort of reaction.”

 

Laura took his hand, “It will be a miracle if you don’t both have some reaction Adam. Carole is as strong as you are and whatever the reaction you’re together back with your family behind you, everything is going to be fine.”

 

“I guess.” He said doubtfully.

 

“Relax Adam, you’ve been badly hurt, had weeks of strain but its over. In fact since she got you safely back here to bed, the case won, Carole has been very relaxed. You’re just up to your old tricks, the worrier of the family.”

 

Adam smiled, “I said you know me well. Enough of us how is life treating you and Will?”

For the next twenty minutes he relaxed and chatted as Laura brought him up to date on their life since Christmas. She and Will were planning on taking a break in July, if Adam could put up with them for a fortnight so soon. Adam laughed, knowing she had no real doubts. He was delighted and between them they arranged for Will and Laura to bring the kids to the ranch on the 2^nd July ready for the 4^th July celebrations. It would make a pleasant party and Adam was eager to have a real celebration for Independence Day, usually it went a little by default a busy time of the year, but not this time.

 

The Sheriff had arrived and Ben had to fulfil his promise that he could talk to Adam. Ben knew that he had the right, but before taking him up he sent Joe to warn his brother, and spent a couple of minutes trying to warn the sheriff that his son was still weak and ill although he would never admit it. The Sheriff smiled and promised that he only wanted to ask a few questions and had no intentions of trying to bully a sick man. Ben led the way up but despite the reassurances he had no intention of leaving his son’s side.

 

In fact Joe stayed as well to give his brother moral support and Ben sat down by the head of the bed once he’d introduced the Sheriff and got fresh coffee all round. The Sheriff started by hoping Adam was on the mend and apologizing for not preventing the ambush in his town. Adam smiled “I’ll be up and around in a day or so, nothing serious and it’s hardly your fault. Noone can prevent snipers taking their chance; you did very well to catch them.”

 

“I wish we could find Troy .”  The Sheriff said.

 

“So do I.” Adam agreed. “My father explained what you want to know, but without Troy there’s noway of getting at those behind Sauvinet.”

 

“If I knew who they were....”

 

Adam interrupted “I’m sorry Sheriff but it wouldn’t help. By now they will be long gone out of your jurisdiction, out of the State I expect.”

 

“You aren’t going to tell me anything.” The Sheriff said resignedly.

 

“If I knew anything except by hearsay I would, but unfortunately I don’t. I will not put more lives at risk.”

 

“I can understand that, but even so if you feel up to it I’d like to ask a few questions.”

 

“Go ahead you have your job to do.”

 

The Sheriff went through much the same questions that he’d asked Ben. Adam answered easily enough although sometimes refusing to state the source of his information. After half an hour his voice was very obviously weakening but before Ben could intervene the Sheriff stood up, “That’s fine thank you for bearing with me and although I don’t like anyone getting away with murder, I do understand why you feel the need to protect those who helped you.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Take it easy and I hope you feel better soon.” The Sheriff thanked Ben again and then he left. Joe saw him out while Ben helped ease Adam back down in the bed, “Try and rest for a while.”

 

“I slept for hours Pa. ”

 

“You needed it and by the look of you still do.”

 

“Not just yet, see if Carole can come up.”

 

 “Sure.” Ben sent Carole up to her husband. Adam barely spoke just glad to have her with him. For an hour or so they sat close together occasionally commenting and slowly Adam’s eyelids felt heavy. Carole eased another pillow out from under him and said “Don’t fight it sweetheart if you want to go home on Tuesday you must get all the rest you can.”

 

“Who told you?”

 

“Noone had to tell me I know you my love and with the twins birthday coming up, it was obvious. Jess just confirmed it.”

 

“You don’t mind?”

 

“You’re not well enough but that has never stopped you and with the effort I put into persuading Pa that it was a good idea....”

 

Adam grinned, “You’re wonderful.” With that he stole a kiss and then drifted asleep.

Adam took it very easy all day Sunday, he even forced himself to eat an omelette for breakfast and some stew later in the day. Steve Fallon popped out to see him, due to head north on a case and Adam spent time with his cousin, Laura, John and Meg who were all heading back to San Francisco the following day. Bill and John had to head out for their next job soon and were glad to see him more cheerful. Rather to his surprise everyone accepted that he was going home on Tuesday and were planning accordingly without any argument.

When he woke on Monday Hoss was with him and as Adam stirred, very stiff, Hoss was ready with coffee. He helped Adam up and gave him the coffee and once he’d drunk it, Adam insisted “I want to get up.”

 

“But Adam....”

 

“Look I’m going home tomorrow, you’ve all stopped arguing with me, so I need to move around, get rid of this stiffness.”

 

Hoss sighed knowing full well that his brother wasn’t strong enough but knowing that his success rate in changing Adam’s decisions was approximately zero. His brother was going to get up, with or without his assistance, and it would be easier with it. “Alright but on my terms. You take it real easy, let me get you dressed and then I’m carrying you downstairs and you’ll take it real easy.”

 

Adam grinned but he could see the concern and promised “I’ll be good Hoss. Sure I’m a bit weak and sore but it’s not all that bad you know. Nothing important touched, only flesh wounds.”

 

“Adam I saw those wounds, especially that one in your back, that weren’t no flesh wound.”

 

“I’ve had worse!”

 

“I know that too, but it don’t alter the fact that you belong in bed.”

 

“I’m going home tomorrow.”

 

“Sure I know that and so its better you’re up today, but on my terms.”

 

Adam gave in and let Hoss help him get dressed, even submitting to be carried down. Noone made any protest rather to Adam’s surprise, indeed they seemed pleased to see him downstairs, especially the children, Adam settled in a chair by the fire, sitting sideways to try and protect his injured back and side. For a while he was buoyed up by the children and his family but before lunchtime he was obviously wilting, the pain in his back more insistent now he was up and unable to find a comfortably position to relax. He did his best to hide how he felt but his family knew him too well. Nita went over to her husband, “He can’t go home tomorrow, he’s exhausted just sitting in that chair, he’ll never make a twelve mile drive and then two train rides and a long drive home.”

 

Joe was worried too but he had more faith in his brother’s stamina and knowing they wouldn’t dissuade him he tried to think of an easier way. After a few minutes he wandered over to join Hoss and Ben, who were talking concernedly. Joe kept his voice down not wanting to upset his brother, “Pa he’s worn out now, the train will be far rougher, he can’t do it.”

 

“How do you suggest we persuade him?” Ben asked.

 

Joe smiled “I wasn’t going to try! Nita was saying how much was involved starting with a twelve mile drive into town. All I’m suggesting is a split, not trying to do it all in one day. Why don’t you two and Sue, Carole, if she wants, take him into Sacramento this evening and then he can rest before the train journey, at least start fresh. I can bring the rest in, all the children, Jess will help.”

Hoss looked at his father, “Makes sense Pa. It should be safe enough in town now and it we can persuade Adam we might even get him to rest after lunch.”

 

Ben could see the advantages and suggested checking with Carole and Sue. Hoss fetched the two girls while Joe went back over to his brother, Jess was persuading the kids to come out and play with him, sure Adam was worn out and Liza took Anne and Marie. Adam couldn’t help the wince as he tried to find a comfortable spot, “I’m going home tomorrow.” He said defiantly.

 

“No-one’s going to stop you. It’s just too much for one day.”

 

“But the twins.....”

 

“Easy Adam, we’ll get you home tomorrow. All I’m suggesting is that you get as far as Sacramento today so that you start fresh on the train tomorrow.”

 

Adam frowned “But....”

 

“I know you’re tired now, let Hoss take you back to bed and sleep for a few hours and then go to Sacramento with Hoss, Sue and Pa, Carole if she wants. I’ll bring everyone else in tomorrow.”

 

“You’re hurt too.”

 

“Jess will help me.”

 

Adam considered what his brother had said and then slowly he smiled, “Alright Joe guess that makes sense.”

 

“Let me just have a word with Pa. ”. Joe went over to join his father “ Sorry Pa , I’ve sort of jumped the gun, told Adam what I was suggesting.”

 

“That’s okay Joe, Carole agrees and it makes sense anyway.”

 

“Are you going with him?” Joe asked but Carole shook her head, “No I’ll stay with the children. Pa, Hoss and Sue will look after him.”

 

Joe nodded, “Let’s have lunch and then I persuaded Adam to go have a rest.”

 

Adam forced himself to eat rather more than he really wanted and then let Hoss carry him up. Hoss was as careful as he could be but despite his best efforts it was impossible to prevent some pressure on Adam’s injuries and he felt his brother tense against the pain. All Hoss could do was to get him to bed as fast as possible. As he settled his brother Hoss frowned “I suppose it’s a waste of time telling you that you’re not well enough to travel.”

 

“I want to get home; I’ve missed it for too long.”

 

Hoss sighed “Alright you rest and I’ll go pad a wagon get you to town as easy as we can,”

 

“No wagon I’m riding.”

 

Hoss shook his head “You ain’t strong enough.”

 

“I’m riding at least that doesn’t rub on my back.”

 

Hoss was torn sure that his brother wasn’t strong enough but equally unsure they would be able to stop him. He caught Adam’s eye and forced a smile “Do a deal, you get some sleep and I’ll persuade Pa for you.” He got his thanks as he saw his brother visibly relax and within minutes Adam was asleep. Only then did Hoss go back downstairs. Ben looked up “How is he?”

 

“Asleep but he has his own ideas about going to town. Says he’s not going in a wagon, he wants to ride.”

 

Ben shook his head, “He’s not well enough.”

 

“I know that Pa but I also know how stubborn he is. He insists it’s the only way nothing rubs. The only way he was going to sleep was if I gave my word to persuade you.”

 

“I can understand that Hoss. It doesn’t alter the facts, its twelve miles into town.”

 

“You’ve seen Adam stay in the saddle when he was close to collapse.”

 

“Yes and if Joe was fit I might agree, but you and I are both too heavy to ride double if it becomes necessary.”

 

“We’ll have a buckboard along anyway for Sue and Johnny.”

 

“Maybe.” Ben hesitated, “Trouble is will we persuade him to use it?”

 

Hoss shrugged, he was very doubtful. Then Ben sat back. “I know Hoss, Joe isn’t well enough he couldn’t support Adam with his arm but Jess could.”

 

“Joe’s relying on Jess’ help tomorrow.”

 

“I know that but don’t you think Jess would be willing to ride to town and back if it would help?”

 

Hoss grinned “Of course he would. Do you want me to go ask him?”

 

“No thanks I’ll do that myself.” Ben went out to find Jess and Liza playing with the twins. “Jess can I have a word.”

 

Jess straightened up “Sure. I’m glad of an excuse, this pair are wearing me out! How’s Adam?”

 

“Hoss took him back to bed, he’s asleep. You know he wants to go home tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah its gonna be rough.”

 

“Joe’s persuaded him to do it in two stages, go to town later this afternoon and rest there before taking the train.”

 

“Makes sense and it should be safe enough now.”

 

“We need your help Jess.”

“You got it.”

 

“You don’t even know what I’m asking.” Ben said mildly but Jess just grinned “It don’t matter.”

 

“Thanks Jess. Hoss, Sue and I are going with Adam to town but we are both too heavy. Adam insists he’s riding, won’t go in a wagon. Knowing Adam he’ll probably cope but normally I’d have Joe ready to ride double if he couldn’t. Will you come along in case? Adam will accept you as he would his brother.”

 

“Of course I will.”

 

“Only problem is Joe is going to need help to get everyone else to town, he was going to ask you.”

 

“That’s alright I’d have to come back once Adam was settled, Liza will be here.”

 

“I could come back. Liza could come in with us.”

 

“Nope, you stay with Adam, it’s no trouble.”

 

“We seem to have imposed on you a lot these last weeks, I just hope you know how grateful we all are, not just Adam.”

 

Jess grinned “I know, not that it’s needed.” Then as Mark came running over, demanding Jess come play, he went with the little boy.

 

Adam slept for over four hours and Carole was sitting by him when he stirred. She let him come to in his own time and then as he eased himself up, still very stiff, she helped before handing him some coffee. Adam sipped it “Did Hoss say?”

 

“He persuaded Pa to let you ride. Jess is going to go along in case you need some help.”

 

Adam took her hand “Don’t worry about me, I’m just stiff and sore.”

 

“It’s alright my sweet I know you. I’ll stay with kids and tomorrow we’ll be home together.”

 

Adam pulled her close and kissed her, “Thank you darling I love you.”

 

Carole smiled “Love you too, now take it easy while I get you some food and then let Hoss do all the work to get you up.”

 

She went out and collected a light meal and warned the others that Adam was awake. Everything else was ready and Ben went up to his son. Adam was eating and looked up at his father. “Finish your meal and then Hoss will get Sue and Johnny settled before he fetches you.”

 

“I’m riding.”

 

“I know but at my pace, understood?”

 

Adam grinned, “ Sure Pa. ”

Ben couldn’t resist the glint of mischief in his son’s eye and he grinned back, relaxing, “Alright you’ve got your own way, as usual, just take care.”

 

“You’ll be there to make sure I do.”

 

Hoss came up to find his father and brother both grinning broadly “Right ready for you Adam.” he helped Adam into a thick coat to make sure he didn’t get cold on the road. Then Hoss very carefully helped Adam downstairs and outside. Jess had a quiet mare standing over by a mounting block and very gently Ben and Hoss helped Adam into the saddle. Adam was sweating by the time he got there but noone commented. Jess mounted quickly and brought his horse up alongside reaching out to steady his fried. He passed a brandy flask over “Have a drink Adam.”

 

Adam sipped the brandy aware of Bill holding his horse still and slowly he relaxed and took the reins. He looked down at Bill and John, he’d tried during the morning to thank them for all their help but he felt it had been inadequate, “I wish I knew how to thank you two.”

 

“You did Adam.” John said.”

 

“Not adequately.”

 

Bill laughed “Makes a change for it to be this way round! Now you know how John and I have felt for years.”

 

John reached up and patted Adam’s arm, “Bill’s right we were just glad to repay a little of what we owe. You just concentrate on getting better, you’ve done one hell of a job.”

Adam had too big a lump in his throat to answer and just shook hands formally with his two friends his gratitude very clear, written all over his face. Then with Ben in one side and Jess on the other he moved slowly out. Hoss and Sue following on the buckboard. Ben very deliberately set a slow pace and for the time being Adam went along with it, unsure in his own mind how he was going to cope despite his protestations to the contrary.

 

Luckily the mare was a very easy ride quite content to stay alongside the other two horses and slowly Adam relaxed, sure he could cope. It was no less comfortable than sitting in the chair and he began to chat with his father and his friend. At first they thought it was forced, an act, but gradually realised he was coping fine and the conversation became positively light-hearted.

 

Even so it seemed a long way into town and over the last three miles, Adam fell quiet, hunched up over the saddle horn as he tried to ease his back. He made no protest as Ben took his reins and Jess pulled in closer to steady him if necessary. Jess looked questioningly at Ben, should he ride double but Ben shook his head, Adam was coping and they were nearly there.

Bill had had one of his men ride in and book two double rooms with a connecting door at the main hotel and as they stopped out front. Hoss helped Adam down. Then Jess moved in to support his friend as Adam insisted he was walking. Ben hurried ahead to get the keys and then led the way up the stairs to the room. Adam took his time and lent heavily on his friend but even so he was white as a sheet, shaking with the effort, sweat pouring off him by the time Jess got him onto the bed. Hoss followed up with Sue and took Johnny so she could see to her patient. Slowly Adam got control of his breathing “I’m alright just tired.”

 

Sue wiped his face and fed him some water before gently easing him out of his coat. Then Hoss helped his brother get into bed and Adam slowly relaxed as Sue pushed pillows to protect his back. He was obviously worn out and Ben said “Go to sleep Son, one of us will be here if you want anything.” It was all Adam felt fit for and he willingly slipped into that other world where for a while he could forget his pain. Ben sat down by him “I’ll stay and look after Johnny. Hoss you take Sue out for dinner. Jess if you don’t mind when you go back reassure Carole and Joe, the others as well but them in particular.”

 

“Sure I will. I can be honest he’s stood up to the ride better than I expected.”

 

“Me too.” Ben said, “At least I’m sure now he can cope. He’ll be exhausted by the time we get home tomorrow but he’ll be alright, sleep off the worst overnight. Once he’s home he’ll recover fast.”

 

“I know and I’ll stop them worrying. We’ll see you in the morning.” Jess made good time on the way back to the ranch, knowing full well that everyone would be worrying.

 

Carole had kept herself busy with the children since Adam left but she was glad to see Jess ride in. Bill knew exactly how worried Carole was and he went over to take Jess’ horse.

Jess went in to Carole but before he could say anything Joe and Nita hurried over. Joe in particular looked very anxious, wondering if his bright idea had been such a good idea. Jess grinned “Take it easy Joe he’s fine.”

 

Carole frowned “Are you sure?”

 

“He was tired, wilted a little over the last couple of miles and when we got to the hotel he walked up to the room but then went to bed, asleep within minutes. Still he was a heck of a lot better than I expected.”

 

Carole searched his eyes but Jess met her gaze and took her hand. “No kidding Carole.” He passed on what Ben had said and slowly both she and Joe relaxed. Seeing that everyone else relaxed and once the children were in bed the adults had a pleasant evening. They weren’t late to bed wanting an early start the next day.

 

Adam slept through until after seven and for the first time he was hungry. He knew Judge Harris was staying at the same hotel and Joe had passed on the Judge’s interest in meeting. Adam drank coffee that Ben fetched and then suggested his father contact the Judge and invite him for breakfast. Ben wasn’t sure, it was going to be a long day anyway. Adam smiled, “Pa stop fussing I’m only going to sit in here. I’d be doing that anyway until the train leaves. All I’m going to do is talk.”

 

Ben gave way “Alright I’ll ask.” Ben wrote a note  inviting the Judge and got the bellboy to take it along to the Judge’s room The answer came back at once to say the Judge would be delighted to join them for breakfast in half an hour.

 

Very carefully Ben helped his son get dressed and shaved him. Adam finally settled back in a chair and gratefully accepted more coffee. Ben left him alone to recover while he ordered food. Sue popped in to check her patient but she left redressing the wounds until just before they left for the train. so it would hold until they got home. She and Hoss were eating in their own room leaving Adam in peace.

 

Ben met her as he came back and she smiled  “A lot better for some sleep.” Ben nodded but as Judge Harris came along he showed the Judge in. Adam made no attempt to rise but smiled “I’m glad you could join us your honour.”

 

“You look rather better, I hope you will soon be fully fit.”

 

“I will in a week or two, but as we are returning to Virginia City later today, this was my only chance to see you.”

 

The Judge looked at Ben in some surprise, the obvious question on his face but Ben just said “Adam will recover faster at home.”

 

“I see, well I’m glad you could spare me an hour. I was very impressed by the case you put together.”

 

“Thank you your honour. Equally I was impressed by the fair way you handled the case. After the decision in San Diego they thought you were on their side.”

 

“And you?”

 

“I didn’t know but I soon discovered you were on the side of justice.”

 

“The judges should always be.”

 

“True but not all are.”

 

Ben relaxed as he watched Adam begin to eat with more appetite than anytime since he’d been shot and as the two men discussed the background and legal intricacies of the case Ben was sure that his son was enjoying himself.” Ben was basically out of his depth and just left them to it, providing fresh coffee. The time seemed to fly past and much to the amazement of both Adam and Judge Harris, half-past nine arrived and a call for the Judge to remind him he was due in court. Adam invited the Judge to come and visit them at the Ponderosa when he had the time. Judge Harris was pleased at the invitation and promised to take him up on it. Then he had to leave, already late for court.

 

Adam was buoyed up by the meeting; it had been good for his ego, the case he’d prepared so well appreciated by a knowledgeable Judge. He was just finishing his coffee when Sue came back in “Sorry Adam time to change the dressings.”

 

Adam sighed “I suppose it can’t wait until we get home?”

 

Sue shook her head, “No it needs doing. If I do it now you can rest and recover before Carole gets here.”

 

Adam shook his head “Sneaky Sue, okay do your worst.” He forced a smile for her, knowing just how gently she was. Hoss came into help and between them they removed the bandages and then they soaked off the dressings where they were stuck. Sue carefully cleaned the two wounds, glad to see signs of healing on his back although not his side. Still everything was clean and healthy so she reassured Ben that it was only a few days. She redressed the wounds putting a little extra padding to protect the wounds. Despite all her care she knew she had hurt Adam and poured him fresh coffee laced with brandy. Hoss had helped his brother get dressed so now Adam could relax and recover. Hoss knew how his brother felt and for a few minutes he stayed close in front of Adam supporting his brother’s head on his shoulder. Slowly Adam relaxed against Hoss, he was comfortable, supported with no pressure on his wounds and warmed by his brother’s body.

 

After five minutes he sat up and took the coffee and brandy “Okay now thanks Sue.”

“We won’t need to touch it again until you’re home.” Adam forced a grin but he was glad they left him in peace to recover.

 

Joe with help from Jess, Bill and John had everything packed and ready to move quite early. Liza helped Carole get the children organized and after one final check round they were ready to leave, just after nine. Carole was sure that between them something would have been forgotten but John promised to send anything they found on to the Ponderosa.

 

John and Bill were staying put, they had their own final arrangements to make starting a new job the following day. Carole kissed them both and added her thanks to Adam’s for all their help over the last months. Then Joe helped her up into the wagon and Jess passed over his goddaughter. Once Jess was mounted up the cavalcade was ready to head home.

 

In town Jamie and Dick had come over to see Ben and the others, knowing they were leaving later that day. Ben was very proud of the youngster Jamie had done a superb job for them in Mexico and then helped in court. Jamie had gained from it too, partly in self-confidence but more directly in making a name for himself. He proudly announced that he had already got five new clients, all of them hearing of him in court. The general opinion seemed to be that if the Cartwrights could trust him he would do, despite his youth. Adam was genuinely delighted, he knew how hard it was for a young lawyer to get established and although Jamie had the money to wait it out, the wait could be soul destroying. Jamie had always insisted that he could make it on his own, refusing proffered assistance, now indirectly they’d helped, but only because Jamie had dropped everything and come to their aid.

 

Jamie had far too much to do to stay long but he did promise to come for a visit once the court recessed in July and to bring Dick along. Then the two youngsters hurried off to a meeting, as proud as could be. Adam was amused but very pleased for them, Jamie had earnt it the hard way.

 

The train to Reno was due to leave at 12.30 and that would only give a fifteen minute wait before catching the train down towards Virginia City . Ben had already wired home and arranged for their housemen to be notified and for wagons and horses to meet the train at Lake View the nearest station to the ranch.

 

Hoss had everything packed and ready well before the contingent arrived from the ranch soon after eleven. Carole was first up the stairs, Anne in her arms as she came to check for herself just how her husband was coping. For now after a good sleep, breakfast and a pleasant ego-boosting chat with Judge Harris, Adam didn’t even have to act. He put his good arm round her and pulled her close “Soon be home my sweet.”

 

Carole searched his face, trusting what she saw a lot more than anything he might say, but for now at least the benefit of Joe’s plan were obvious. The whole party went for an early lunch before going over to the station and to everyone’s relief Adam ate well even though Carole had to cut his food up for him. He was still wearing a sling to protect his back muscles and much against his will Joe was wearing his, at least until they got home.

 

Ben paid for the meal and ushered his party down to the station in good time for the train. Despite a few going their separate ways with the case over it was still a large party with Jess and Liza as well as the thirteen Cartwrights. Ben had booked a private coach for them, wanting to make it as easy as possible for his eldest son, still sure he would find train travel very uncomfortable.

 

 When the train pulled in Hoss, Ben and Jess concentrated on getting the mountain of luggage aboard while the rest of the adults got the children aboard and got Adam settled. With plenty of room available almost without discussion the women settled themselves at the far end of the coach with the children, leaving Adam in peace near the door. Joe, with one arm out of action, knew he wasn’t strong enough to help Adam directly and went forward to help with the children, sure that was his most useful role.

 

Once all the luggage was aboard Ben and Hoss joined Adam, while Jess headed forward to join his wife and help with the children. Jess was sure that if he could help his friend in anyway then Ben would ask. His erstwhile boss had proved that over the last few days and Jess was more confident of his place in the extended family than he’d ever been. He knew now that all of them trusted him in the way Adam always had done. For now Adam was better off with as few people as possible to see his inevitable pain.

 

Adam knew better than anyone just how trying the journey was going to be but he wanted his own home, his own things so it had to be endured. Unable to lean back he had settled himself sitting sideways leaning on his uninjured side and steadfastly staring out of the window. He was thankful that everyone except his father and Hoss had moved away and knew they would understand if he failed to hide his pain. However he didn’t want to worry any of them and almost by reflex he cut his mind off from them as he had for so long. Once the train started Adam found his worst fears coming true, the continual motion sent waves of pain through his back as the train swayed and juddered along and the pain made him feel nauseous. Adam it his lip and to the best of his ability he ignored the pain and sickness, forcing himself to think just what needed doing this summer, a year so badly affected thus far by outside influences.

Ben and Hoss were both aware he was trying to hide his pain but the mask wasn’t good enough they could see the pain in the tightening of the muscles round his mouth and even more in the loss of colour, even Adam’s lips were pale and despite all he could do he was shivering, so cold, close to shock.

 

Ben looked at Hoss, they had started now and there was little they could do until they got home. The early part of the ride over the Sierras was the roughest and Ben got out the laudanum and tried to persuade Adam to take some but Adam shook his head, for now he could cope. The train had hit the flatter land and for a while the motion was easier but having lured Adam into a false sense of security the train hit a trestle across a small canyon. As the train lurched onto the trestle bridge Adam was thrown off balance and jarred his back. The only evidence of it was a sharp quivering indrawn breath but to Hoss it was eloquent of pain and he couldn’t sit by any longer, “Easy Adam you need the laudanum.”

 

“No need I’m okay.”

 

Hoss reached out and took his brother’s hand “You ain’t alright you’re freezing.”

 

Ben poured out the drug “Hoss is right, drink this Son it’ll help a little.”

 

“I hate drugs.”

 

“We know that but sometimes they are necessary, like taking on a 180 mile journey when you’ve been told to stay in bed for a fortnight!”

 

With a ghost of a smile, Adam capitulated and as Hoss rubbed his hands he admitted to being cold. Hoss promptly took off his own heavy coat and draped it round his brother and then sitting in close he said “Come on Adam lean on me, warm up, we’ve still got a long way to go.”

Adam hesitated not wanting his brother to feel his pain but Ben said “We know it hurts Adam, that you’re in pain and feeling sick. We also know just how strong you and that it will pass. There’s no need for an act, only Hoss and I and our shoulders are broad.”

 

Adam relaxed a little, he had in a way got used to fighting alone, now he had to accept that everyone would do their part and he need no longer try to protect them. It was with a sense of gratitude that he nodded and Hoss slipped in next to him letting Adam rest his aching head on his brother’s shoulder. Slowly Adam warmed up with Hoss’ close presence and as he relaxed the pain became less insistent, helped by the laudanum. By the time they reached Reno he had regained some colour and through sheer will power got down from the train unaided, his back straight.

 

Carole was well aware that it was an act but she went along with it and stopped anyone fussing at him, even when Adam turned down the offer of coffee.

 

The train to Virginia City was very different, it was crowded and there was no chance of a private compartment. Indeed the party had to split up and take seats where they could be found. Jess and Liza joined Carole and the children in one set of six seats with Nita, Sue and Joe further forward in another set of seats. Ben managed to settle Adam in a corner seat with Hoss next to him but then had to move forwards to join his youngest son as the other seats were already taken. Joe looked up in concern as Ben settled next to him. His own arm was very painful and he could feel all too accurately what his brother was going through despite Adam’s attempt to cut himself off.

 

Ben forced a smile “Easy Joseph, Hoss is with him and hell do anything that can be done. We’ll be at Lake View in an hour I have wagons meeting us there, no point in going all the way to town; it’s an easier run home.”

 

Joe could only accept that, knowing that with so many strangers around there would be very little Adam would permit anyone to do. Hoss was already finding that. Adam had found his brother’s support both warming and relaxing but what he would do in private with only family and close friends to see and what he would do in front of strangers were different things. Adam forced himself to sit straight trying to move with the train and firmly looking out of the window. He ignored the whispered comments, first about his sling and then as they were recognized about the ranch, the family and even the case. He wouldn’t even keep Hoss’ coat refusing to act the invalid in front of outsiders.

 

Hoss could understand how he felt but he was all too aware of the creeping cold in his brother’s body again as Adam pushed himself too hard and the minutes seemed to drag by. There was pitiably little Hoss could do except keep as close as he could, giving moral support if not physical.

 

Adam gritted his teeth and endured at least it wouldn’t be for long and he only had himself to blame, noone forced him to head home so soon. Just once on a particularly bad stretch he reached out and gripped Hoss’ arm needing his brother’s strength and reassurance. Hoss could only cover his brother’s hand with his own, very conscious of how cold it was and murmur reassurances “Not far now Adam we’ll soon be home.”

 

At last they reached Lake View, usually a very brief stop, but José was there waiting for them and he had  half a dozen hands to collect luggage and help the children off while he spoke to the train driver promising that the large party would be off as soon as possible. Ben had hurried back to join the brothers as they pulled into the stop. He looked very worried as he took in how pale and close to collapse Adam looked and saw the matching fear in Hoss’ eyes, but as Adam looked up his father hid his fears and smiled “Last leg José is here with a well padded wagon you can curl up and go to sleep and we’ll get you home.”

 

Hoss wasn’t taking any nonsense this time and he firmly picked his brother up and carried him down and settled him in the wagon, glad to see blankets which he pulled round Adam.

José joined his boss, seriously worried with so many rumours flying from Sacramento , even Dan’s reasonably accurate and optimistic story had left him worried. Ben saw the shock on his foreman’s face as Hoss carried his brother past. “Easy José he’ll be fine but it’s been a long day.”

 

“How bad is he?”

 

“He took one in the back and another one made a mess of his ribs but once he’s home and can relax he’ll recover fine. The Doc said a fortnight in bed so he spent two days in court and now a long journey. He’s just worn out.”

 

José smiled “Well we all know just how stubborn Adam is. It’s really all over?”

 

“Yes José thanks to Adam. Once he’s caught up his sleep I think he’ll want to see you and some of the others, a few explanations due.”

 

“He doesn’t owe us anything.”

 

“He knows that as well as I do but you’re his friend and as such I think he wants to explain.”

 

José was touched but just said “Sure Boss” and then hurried to help settle the children in a second wagon.

 

Jess’ foreman was there with the buckboard to meet his boss and Liza and Adam roused himself sufficiently to thank Jess again and to remind him they were coming for the party, midday onwards on Thursday. Jess promised to be there and told Adam to go home and get some sleep. Then Adam snuggled down in the blankets and for once relying on his family he shut his eyes and left them to get him home.

 

Ben helped Carole get the children settled in the third wagon and then considered his family, “Hoss if you take the first wagon with Sue and Nita. I’ll drive the second and José can drive the third. Joe if you get in next to Adam, just be ready to steady him if necessary, but I’ll go slow so you should manage one handed.”

 

 Joe was more than willing and he didn’t want to try and manage a team, his arm still very sore, so he clambered up next to Adam. He tucked the blanket round a little closer and Adam opened one eye. “Joe?”

 

“Right here, just go to sleep, we’ll soon have you home.”

 

Adam smiled up sleepily, “God I missed you all.” And then he closed his eyes, gave into his weakness and dozed off. Ben moved off slowly and at first Adam managed to doze even warming up slightly and buoyed up by the thought that he was nearly home. Then the road became very rutted and it was impossible to miss all the potholes and ruts. Adam started awake and reached out for his brother’s hand for reassurance and bit down and endured but both Ben and Joe were all too aware just how rough it was on the injured man. Adam made no complaint or comment just once a particularly bad stretch he gripped Joe’s hand convulsively and rested his aching head against his brother’s warm thigh. Joe very gently brushed his hair back feeling the growing fever, despite the cold of his brother’s hand. “Easy Adam easy, soon be home now.”

 

It was an immense relief to all of them when they saw the turn off to the three houses and Ben headed along to Adam’s house, pulling up by the door. Hop Sing was over with Kam Su to ensure that everything was ready for the injured man and the house was warm and welcoming, Adam’s bed ready warmed.

 

Hoss was standing waiting as his father drove in and he went round to the back of the wagon, seeing the concern in his little brother’s eyes he smiled ruefully, “Bound to be rough but he’s home and Doc’s here waiting.” Joe nodded, stiff and sore himself he was glad of Hoss’ help to get down.

 

Ben came to help too and he insisted that Adam wasn’t to try and do anything just leave it to them. Working together Ben and Hoss eased Adam to the end of the wagon and then Hoss got down and lifted his brother very carefully. His brother was no light weight and it took every ounce of Hoss’ strength to carry Adam up to his own room. Once seated on his bed Adam lent against Hoss for a couple of minutes gaining strength from him before sitting up. He smiled at his father and wife “Stop worrying I’m home, a mite sore and very tired but it’s so good to be home.”

 

Carole kissed him, “I know my love now I’m going to settle the children, leave Doc to look after you.”

 

Doc and Sue moved forward and Adam considered them ruefully. “I’m sorry they dragged you out Paul, I’m on the mend.”

 

“Mmm”

 

“Please no lectures. I know I’ve overdone it but I needed to get home.”

 

“Alright Adam, no lectures on condition that you stay quietly in bed tomorrow, give yourself a chance to recover.”

 

Adam could live with that and nodded. Hoss had come to join his wife and between them they helped Adam get into bed and Doc checked and redressed the injuries. He gave Adam a sleeping powder hoping that would drop his fever and then leaving Sue to watch him Paul went downstairs with Hoss to join Ben.

 

Paul busied himself checking Joe’s arm and was able to report that it was healing fine. Ben asked anxiously “And Adam?”

 

“All clean enough, no infection. I’ve seen him heal faster but then I’ve seldom seen him so rundown, looks near exhaustion.”

 

“It was a rough journey for an injured man.”

 

“True but his exhaustion has built up over weeks, months, not just one trip.”

 

“We know it’s been very hard on him. I understand you knew a little about what he was up to?”

“Yes, things have a habit of coming out when you are ill, but I think I only understand now just how hard it was on him. Guess I should have known, you’re usually so close, it was bound to be worse for him trying to break away than most men.”

 

Hoss queried “Yet you say just one day in bed?”

 

“I know as well as you do Hoss that he needs at least a couple of weeks, if not a month, but I also know it’s the twins’ birthday on Thursday. After all I delivered them and I know Adam. The twins and the rest of his family are the best medicine I know for him. My advice is to let him do exactly what he wants. The one thing he doesn’t need is arguments and as he always wins anyway it’s a waste of time.”

 

Hoss had to grin at that, Doc knew his brother very well and he was probably right that in his own home with his family around Adam would begin to recover.

 

Adam slept late the following day but when he finally woke he seemed much brighter. After Carole had given him breakfast she left plenty of coffee and fresh lemon close at hand, brought up a couple of novels he’d been trying to find time to read and left the door open so that the kids could go in and out.

 

Nita hadn’t had much chance to speak to Adam since all the trouble blew up and she went upstairs hoping for a quiet word. At first that seemed unlikely as Marie, Mark and David were all clambering over the bed, all vociferously demanding their father’s attention. Nita smiled Adam was so obviously enjoying it even at the cost of occasional pain from his wounds. Seeing Nita he grinned “Come sit down. Mark, David down you get. Go and pour your Aunt a coffee, very carefully.”

 

The two little boys brought it over, David as the elder insisting on his right to carry the cup while Mark brought the saucer. Marie not to be outdone brought over the cookies. Nita took one and Adam allowed each of the children one, on condition they went outside to eat them, he didn’t want crumbs in his bed.

 

When they’d gone Nita lent over and kissed him “You look better now you’re home.”

 

“I missed it Nita. All of you most, but the ranch, my home, my books, everything.”

 

“You were very much missed, it wasn’t the same without you.”

 

“You mean with me causing rows and fights.”

 

“I’ve already told you, how grateful we are for that.”

 

“But you were cross at the time?”

 

“Of course. I love my husband, hate to see him hurt. Physically you didn’t do much harm but just because it was you, the elder brother he idolizes, it hurt.”

 

Adam grinned “Given all the lectures he gives me, I don’t think it’s quite true to say he idolizes me.”

 

“Maybe not now Adam but when he was younger he did and in many ways nothing has changed,”

 

Adam shook his head, “No he’s my friend.”

 

“That above all, that’s why it cost you so dearly.”

 

Adam took her hand and kissed it gently “Bless you all for your understanding. Now it’s all over and all we have to do is forget.” rather sombrely he added “and forgive.” He still felt so guilty at the way he’d been forced to act, the hurt he’d caused his family.

 

Nita sipped her coffee “There’s nothing to forgive Adam, except maybe for you to forgive yourself. I’ve heard others say that you’re your own severest critic. Now I understand what they mean.”

 

Adam had to smile at that and he changed the subject to discuss the plans for the following day, the twins fourth birthday. Such a lot had happened in those few short years of their lives that sometimes it didn’t seem possible they were only four. Adam found it very hard to remember a time when he didn’t have a wife and kids. The emptiness and longing that had been part of his life for so long in his late twenties and early thirties had vanished as though it had never been. Now in the last year he’d seen his brothers’ contentment as they had families of their own and he was eager to celebrate to get back to that family life which hard choice had forced him to leave.

 

Nita saw his excitement at the prospect and without any conscious decision she told him what she hadn’t even told Joe yet “I love children and Adam I think I’m pregnant again.”

 

“Nita that’s marvellous what does Joe say?”

 

“I haven’t told him yet, I haven’t told anyone except you. I wanted to slip in and see Doc first.”

 

“I won’t sat anything but I don‘t think you need worry. Joe won’t be as bad this time. He’ll always worry, he loves you, but in young Adam and in your quick recovery he has the living proof you can bear children safely.”

 

“And if he does worry his brothers and father will be there to help. I’d be grateful if you leave me to tell the others apart from Carole of course.”

 

Adam pulled her close and hugged her “Many congratulations Nita. My little brother was so lucky when he found you, thank God he had the sense to recognize what he’d found.”

 

Ben, Hoss and Joe had gathered at the main house to try and re-plan the work for the rest of the summer. All their plans had been thrown into the melting pot by the case and even before that with Adam’s erratic behaviour. The men had done their best but some things had inevitably to be left, pending a decision from one of the Cartwrights personally. Now although very relieved with the outcome of the case they had to pick up the pieces, still with the problem of Joe not fully fit and at least for the next month or so Adam not fit for anything more than paperwork.

 

Slowly the three men argued out the priorities and if fresh flumes on the West Shore would have to wait for the following year, they were all too well aware of how very lucky they were to still have the ranch for that to matter. Two major problems Ben shelved until Adam was well enough to enter into the discussions. One was from Sutro, still forging ahead with his tunnel but needing more cash. The second was caused by the surfeit of cash building up in the banks. Jim Fair had come up with another plan for extending their control over the Mount Davidson mines, but Ben wasn’t sure that was the best investment.

 

Hoss stood up and stretched before pouring himself more coffee, “It’s waited this long Pa, another week or two won’t hurt. If there’s nothing else urgent I thought I’d pop over and see how Adam feels after a night’s sleep in his own bed.”

 

Joe nodded “I’ll come with you.”

 

“Alright boys go ahead, I’ll just finish up these accounts and come over in an hour or two. Give him my best.”

 

Joe offered to help but Ben shook his head “There really isn’t that much to do.”

 

Kirk was waiting with Cochise and Chub “How is Adam?”

 

“Tired and sore, he took two bullets.” Hoss said

 

“We heard.”

 

“Not too serious thank God and now he can spare time for himself he’ll recover quickly as ever.” Joe added.

 

“You be sure to tell him we’re all glad he’s home where he belongs. Ain’t just me, all the men. And you can tell him he’s sure one hell of an actor.”

 

Joe grinned “Thanks Kirk I’ll tell him and I know he’ll be glad to hear that.” As the brothers cantered out Joe turned to his brother “Just how much do you think the hands know?”

 

“More or less everything. They probably knew before we did. It wasn’t Adam’s success in fooling us that was so impressive it was the fact that Hop Sing didn’t know the truth!”

 

Joe had to laugh but there was a large element of truth in what Hoss said. They separated to put their horses away in their own stables as neither intended leaving home again that day and then went over to Adam’s house.

 

Sue and Nita were both there helping Carole with the arrangements while the four Chinese prepared the food. Last time Carole had looked Adam was dozing but she told the brothers to go on up, knowing they wouldn’t disturb him if he was asleep.

 

In fact Adam had just woken up and Joe quickly reappeared sent in search of fresh coffee. Adam seemed much more relaxed now he was home and was obviously looking forward to the following day but even so both his brothers could see he had something on his mind.

Joe put it into words “What’s wrong now?”

 

“I barely exchanged two words with José yesterday.”

 

“You were practically out on your feet and José knew that as well as any of us.”

 

“I owe him an apology, not just him, Roy and Dan in particular but many of my friends.”

 

“Take it easy Adam. “ Hoss advised “You’d be surprised just how much everyone does understand.”

Joe added “We were entrusted with a message from Kirk, He was acting spokesman for all the hands and said to tell you they were glad to have you back where you belonged and to be sure to say that you’re one hell of an actor.”

 

Rather to his brothers’ surprise that penetrated Adam’s  reserve in a way little else had and for a moment they were conscious of his eyes full of tears, before he turned away, not ,wanting to face even them. That probably more than anything else brought it very forcibly home to both men not only how weak he still was, but just how hard the last weeks had been. Neither made any comment Hoss gently gripping Adam’s shoulder while Joe passed him a clean hanky.

 

In a couple of minutes Adam had won control again and he sat up “Sorry.”

 

“No need. “ Hoss said passing him fresh coffee, laced with brandy, “Just as there’s no need to apologize to us or any of your friends for what you did. They will understand, just as we do.”

 

Joe rather more in tune with his brother asked “Do you want me to go into town, ask Roy and Dan to come out for an hour?”

 

Adam’s gaze fell on his brother’s arm, still heavily bandaged although since he got home Joe had dispensed with the sling. It was what he wanted but he wasn’t sure Joe was fit enough. Joe knew him too well to be fooled by his silence “Alright big brother stop fussing, I’m fine and Cochise needs the exercise. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

 

Adam couldn’t hide his feelings so he just put his hand out gripping Joe’s hand, “Thanks.”

 

Joe spared five minutes to contact José and Jack Catfish and ask them to drop by Adam’s house for a few minutes and then headed for town.

 

Jack was the first to arrive, a little uncertain what this strange summons meant but Hoss, who had gone downstairs for fresh coffee and cookies was able to explain. Jack’s immediate reaction was that Adam didn’t owe him anything but Hoss just said “He was acting a part; he just needs to make sure that his friends know he didn’t mean things he said. He’s not fit Jack, go along with him please, he needs peace of mind to get better and at the moment the way he treated his friends is on his mind.”

 

“Sure Hoss. You know I’d do a lot more than that for Adam.” Jack went up with Hoss and if he felt a little uncomfortable that didn’t last, he could see Adam was genuinely pleased to see him. Jack made no attempt to try and stop Adam as he apologized for his rudeness and bad temper over the weeks before the case.

 

Jack held out his hand formally, “Adam there weren’t no need fer you to explain but I’m pleased you did. We hear so many things, only now do they make sense. I always know you are good man, with beloved wife and family. You protect them as ever, just the method strange. We are as we have been for long time, friends.”

 

Adam gripped his hand “Thank you Jack. As you say we are friends. I had to take advantage of that friendship, treat you badly and hope when you knew the truth that you would understand why. I am thankful that I am so lucky in my friends, that they do.”

 

“You rest get better soon. “Jack said “Then you come by sawmill see how we get on.”

“I’ll do that Jack. Thanks for coming, it’s good to see a friend.” The old Paiute smiled and then left as quietly as he’d come. Hoss eased another pillow up behind Adam, sure his brother was tiring but at least he looked more relaxed. “You see we told you everyone understands. Words round the ranch and town, just how you pulled the wool over their eyes and more importantly why.”

 

Adam frowned “Noone knows who else was involved do they?”

 

“Nope nor care, best I can tell, but since Hop Sing learnt why he’s been spreading word and you know how efficient his grapevine is. He didn’t like anyone thinking badly of his family, so made it clear to everyone just what the reason was.”

 

“I guess I snapped at him quite a few times.”

 

“Don’t you start apologizing to Hop Sing. He’ll get mortally offended and disappear off to San Francisco . He ain't no hand or friend, he’s family.”

 

Adam wasn’t going to bet against Hoss on that and slowly relaxed, reading his book for half an hour before José appeared. Unlike Jack he had no hesitation in going up to see his friend and could make a good guess why Joe had called him.

 

Hoss saw José come in and sure Adam would be fine with his old friend he wandered downstairs to see when food was going to be ready. José sat down by the bed “You look considerably more cheerful than yesterday.”

 

“I feel it, I was tired.”

 

“And in pain.”

 

“Don’t start José only flesh wounds, nothing serious I’ll be up tomorrow.”

 

“Not quite what I heard.” José commented and then seeing the flash of anger in Adam’s eyes he put his hand up in a peace sign. “I ain’t arguing.”

 

“Good.”

 

José grinned “Only ‘cos it’s a waste of time, you will as usual do exactly what you want.”

Adam had the grace to grin but then more serious he said “I didn’t invite you here to discuss my state of health.”

 

“Nope but unless I miss my guess you dragged me all the way in for something less relevant.”

Adam frowned “What do you mean?”

 

 “Maybe about the last few months?” José smiled and then reached out to his friend and took Adam’s hand “You do not owe me, or anyone else, any explanations you know.”

 

“I think perhaps you know exactly what I was up to and maybe why?”

 

“Rumour spread fast. Noone was surprised at anything you did when we realised the girls and the kids were under threat.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I take it the rumours were true? It explained what had seemed so inexplicable.”

 

“It was true.”

 

“About settles it then, thank God you were successful.”

 

“Doesn’t quite finish it as far as I’m concerned.”

 

Joe frowned “There’s no more threat is there?”

 

“No, I don’t mean that. No point now they have lost, given up, even killed their front men. No I mean you and various other friends, I can’t forget the past until I’ve had the chance to apologize.”

 

“No need Adam.”

 

“Yes there is José. I was forced into acting as I did but it was my choice. I could have told everyone and turned the Ponderosa into a fortress. Maybe I should have but Carole and I decided and acted alone. We have already apologized to my family for the way I treat them and now I want to say sorry to those friends I treated so badly. I took advantage of our friendship José acted outrageously, knowing you wouldn’t react against us.”

 

“You were forced into it.”

 

“Maybe but sometimes I was just plain irritable it wasn’t furthering any great plan. At least let me apologize, if only to clear my own conscience.”

 

“Alright old friend apology accepted if unnecessary. Now will you relax and allow some of your friends to have the right to understand you. You fought alone and you won that’s great. If you had to rough us up verbally along the way so what? None of us are going to be holding that against you, anymore than Joe holds those fights against you.”

 

Adam smiled “I know José but don’t you see it’s exactly because you don’t hold it against me that for my own sake I need to apologize.”

 

“I do understand but now it’s done in the past, just forget it.”

 

Adam relaxed “I will José thanks for coming in.”

 

“No trouble I wanted to see you were okay.”

 

“If you’re free tomorrow come join the party.”

 

“I’ll try and pop by later in the afternoon, you enjoy yourself.”

 

The two men sat and chatted for another quarter of an hour and then José decided Adam looked tired and excused himself, promising to pop back the next day. Adam relaxed back on his pillows, his back still felt as though it was on fire but he felt much more relaxed to be back on his normal terms with José.

 

Adam had dozed off by the time his father arrived and came up to see how he was. Ben knew that it was the best thing for his son, the more he slept the quicker he’d regain his strength but he hated to see his eldest so obviously weak and in pain, the lines of pain cut deep in his face more obvious as he slept. Carole had followed her father-in-law up and seeing his concern she took his arm “He’s on the mend Pa. ”

 

“I know just hate to se him so ill, seems to happen far too often.”

 

“And he bounces back again. For once he’s being sensible and you know it’s not really those wounds that have laid him up, it’s the last weeks too much strain and too little sleep.”

 

“I know. How about you Carole it was as hard on you if not worse; at least he was doing something.”

 

“I got my sleep. I’m fine Pa. I have him home and in his heart he never left me.”

 

Adam had woken at the sound of their voices and he reached out for Carole “I kept praying you knew that, I think it was only a deep belief that you did that kept me sane.”

 

Carole kissed him “It’s over my sweet, you’re home. How about some dinner?”

 

“Sounds good. I think I’ll get up.”

 

Ben sat down on the bed “Makes more sense if you stay put Adam, just for today. Then you’ll be fit enough to really enjoy the twins’ birthday tomorrow.”

 

Adam looked annoyed momentarily but then seeing Carole’s anxious expression, he did as they wanted. Carole went to get him some food, leaving father and son to chat. Adam was most insistent; he wanted to know the current position around the ranch. Apart from prolonged trips east or to Europe he couldn’t remember a time when he had less idea what was going on and he didn’t like it one bit.

 

Ben wasn’t too sure and at first tried to gloss over things but Adam pushed hard and eventually Ben accepted that his son was determined to know. Adam knew far too much about the running of the ranch to be fooled and so Ben had to tell him the truth. Things could have been far worse and in the past often had, a loyal and hard working crew had taken a considerable measure of responsibility and kept things moving. However with Adam effectively out of it for several months and all the other Cartwrights distracted at least part of the time they were behind schedule on several fronts and development work planned for this year just wasn’t going to be done.

 

Adam accepted that, in fact the picture wasn’t quite as black as the one he’d been painting himself and at least now he could do his share in pulling things round. Ben left problems arising from town, such as the tunnel and cash flow until his son was stronger. Even so Adam had plenty to think about as Carole brought him up some food.

 

He was sitting over coffee having made a reasonable meal when Joe arrived back from town with Roy . Dan was following once he’d put the paper to bed. Adam had felt guilty after asking Joe to do to town, not only was his brother not well enough but both Roy and Dan were busy men and he felt he had a nerve asking them to spend time coming out to the ranch just to salve his conscience after the way he’d treated them. His feelings for once were clear on his face as Joe brought Roy up. Roy was puzzled but Joe just grinned, “It’s alright Roy , he’s just feeling guilty dragging you all the way out. I’ll get the brandy, least we can do is offer you a drink.”

The truth of his brother’s words was clear on Adam’s face and Roy went over to sit by his old friend. “Number of times you’ve dropped everything to help me out! Anyways I needed a word officially soon as you were well enough, kills two birds with one stone.”

 

Ben came up with the brandy, Joe following on and Adam gladly accepted the brandy his brother offered and then turned to Roy . “Whatever you say I am sorry to drag you out here but it seemed important. I know I made your job more difficult these last months and I was exceedingly rude to you on several occasions. I guess you’ve heard the rumours, why I acted that way.” Roy nodded and Adam went on “I didn’t feel I had any choice Roy but now its over I want to apologize. I used you as I used everyone else, without your consent, and I had no right to do that.”

 

Roy shook his head in disbelief, “Over three months you caused less hassle than some guys do in one evening. What you did was to protect women and children and you wanna apologize?”

 

“It was also to keep my ranch. Anyway it doesn’t matter about other people. We are friends you have the right to expect my support. I abused that friendship, okay I did it for what I considered good reasons, but it’s for that abuse of trust that I need to apologize.”

 

Roy reached out and took Adam’s hand shaking it formally “I still don’t think it necessary but if it makes you feel better then apology accepted.”

 

“Thanks Roy .” Adam visibly relaxed and Roy glanced round at Ben wanting to ask questions but knowing from his chat with Joe on the way out that they weren’t going to be well received and unsure if Adam was well enough. Adam grinned “Go on Roy , you said you needed an official word. I can guess what’s coming.”

 

“Okay. As you can imagine I have had word from the sheriff in Sacramento first about Troy wanted for attempted murder with you as one victim and then about two dead men, one in his own cells. He seems convinced you know who did it, but he says you won’t talk. Frankly Adam that seemed very strange; you’ve always supported law and order.”

 

Ben moved forward to intervene but Adam signalled him to be quiet. “ Roy if I had anything that could lead to the conviction of these men I would speak up but all I have is hearsay.”

“We’ve worked from hearsay and guesswork before, found evidence.”

 

“I know and I don’t like being obstructive but there are other lives at stake. People who risked a great deal to help me, warn me what was being planned. As far as I can see the only possibility of moving against those who planned all this is to find Troy and get him to talk.”

 

“How about that... I mean Lady Dinah. She must know.”

 

“As far as I know she has returned to Europe . She’s in enough trouble, not having done the job they hired her for. She won’t return willingly.”

 

“She could make out an affidavit in England .”

 

“And it could cost her life.” Adam stared round at his father and brother, seeing the same thought on each face. He smiled ruefully, “Yes she did come to matter to me. She found me out, saw through my act but she didn’t betray me. When she heard the whole story she acted against her employers and helped me. If she had done anything else one of the children could be dead. I won’t repay that by asking her to put her life on the line.”

Roy nodded slowly “I guess I can understand that but I hate to see them get away with it.”

 

“I don’t have a clue who the actual killer is and those behind him are powerful men. You were going to call Di a whore or a prostitute and so she is, albeit a high class one. Who is going to take her word against that of an important American business man?”

 

Roy frowned “Are we back with Hearst? He worked with Troy before.” Noone would answer him but Roy knew them well enough to know his guess was near the mark. He also knew Hearst well enough to be sure Adam was accurate when he said there was no chance of conviction.

 

Adam could see Roy thought he had hit the nail on the head and scared for all those who had helped he said, “ Roy this wasn’t arranged by any one man. It was a syndicate of powerful but evil men, some of them far more powerful than Hearst. Against them I had a group of insignificant people, who just because they were insignificant and ignored were able to find out what was planned. You push on this and they become known they will be killed and at most you’ll get another hired killer, like those two in the State Pen.”

 

“What do you want me to do Adam?”

 

“The hardest thing of all, nothing. You can’t possibly want them as much as I do but I’m prepared to wait, Three times I’ve had to let Troy go because he was needed, now he’s paying. He’s running scared knowing they want him dead. Either he’ll be killed or he’ll serve a long time in jail. With him we can move. If he dies we wait, those men won’t accept defeat. They’ll move again, sometime, somewhere and maybe next time I can get the proof a court needs but I can’t get it now.”

 

“And this blond killer?”

 

“You know as much as I do there Roy . I swear I have no further knowledge, only what the sheriff in Sacramento said.”

 

Roy sighed, he glanced round at Ben “I suppose Adam’s talking for the whole family?”

 

“Yes, it’s been his show all along. I agree with him Roy there’s no chance of conviction. You’d just be putting innocent lives at risk.”

 

“Well I don’t like it one bit but I guess you don’t either. I’m not making any promises but I will say that I won’t go digging without warning you first and unless we catch Troy don’t look like there’s any point digging anyway.”

 

Adam was satisfied with that, it was as much as he could have hoped for and really more than he had any right to expect. He relaxed and for the next half hour the four men chatted easily and then as Dan appeared Ben took Roy off for a game of chess, Joe hung around just in case Adam needed anything but Adam seemed perfectly relaxed.

 

Dan was glad to see him looking brighter than he had in Sacramento , surviving the long journey home relatively unscathed. “I suppose you still aren’t talking about what you were up to?”

 

“I think you know the outline and the details don’t matter.”

 

“You’re enough to send any good reporter into apoplexy!” Dan complained, “How am I supposed to fill up a newspaper when you sit there saying details don’t matter?”

 

“You’ll make it up like you always do.” Adam said lightly and Dan had to grin. Adam went on “Anyway I’m old news. I’ve done my share of filling your pages this summer.”

 

“I had to report it. Hell your doings were the main topic for gossip.”

 

“I’m not complaining Dan. I set out to cause waves, get everyone gossiping and I was glad of your help.”

 

Dan studied his old friend carefully, unsure how much of that Adam meant. He knew the Cartwrights usually hated to be the subject of gossip, even when it was laudatory, let alone the recent spate. He had done his best to tone things down but the Cartwrights were news and couldn’t let his long friendship with them stop him from doing his job. Adam grinned “For once I mean it Dan but don’t take it as a precedent. I also mean it when I say I’m sorry. All too often to impress others I was driven into being rude and snubbing my friends. It was all part of the act but it was a part I hated. I just want you to know Dan, I didn’t mean the things I said and I’m sorry.”

 

“That’s okay I did feel a little hurt. Oh not at what you said but that you didn’t trust me. Especially when I realised you were using that kid Dick at the livery stable but not your old friends.”

 

“Or his family." Joe added.

 

Adam stared blankly at the ceiling for a monument before he answered “That was the very first decision Dan, enlist help from all of you and try to make this place a fortress or go along and put on an act. Once I’d decided on the act I couldn’t tell my family or my close friends. Just because you were known as my friend meant that your reactions would be watched to check on the truth of my act. A wrong step and one of the kids might pay so the only people I enlisted were those not known as my associates, or if they were known like Jamie they were far away. I had to have one go-between for practical purposes and for my own sanity and I inflicted that burden on Jess.”

 

“It’s alright Adam I did realise I was in good company like your father and better of than Joe at least you didn’t hit me.”

 

Joe grinned “I wouldn’t have minded so much if he’d been less efficient, let me land a few back.”

 

Dan seeing the pain of memories on his old friends face said “Come on Adam its over. Apology accepted all you gotta do is forget.”

 

Adam forced himself to smile and changed the subject but long after Dan had left and Carole was sleeping quietly by his side, Adam lay awake staring blankly into the dark but seeing the past. All his family and friends seemed to feel that there was nothing to forgive, indeed to be grateful for all he’d done leading to a marvellous victory but Adam found it far harder to forgive himself.

 

Eventually in the early hours his bodily weakness released him into sleep and for once his built in alarm clock wasn’t functioning. It was gone ten before he stirred to Carole’s delight

And she even managed to persuade him to rest in bed and have his breakfast while she went to find Hoss and ask his help in getting dressed and downstairs.

 

Despite his late night Adam felt better physically than he had since he’d been shot, without any major problems or long journeys he had relaxed and in so doing the healing processes had been freed to work. Sue came over with Hoss to redress his wounds and was pleased with his progress. When she’d finished as he went down to reassure Carole, leaving Hoss to help his brother dress and then carefully support his brother downstairs. At first Adam dispensed with the sling but found Sue was right  it did pull on the damaged back muscles and tempted him to use his right hand so he begrudgingly allowed her to put it back.

It was enough for his family, including Jess and Liza, just to see him up and around, so obviously enjoying the antics of two very excited little boys. David and Mark had a firm idea of what birthdays meant and they were making the most of all this attention from their favourite people. Marie and Anne weren’t going to be left out either and as young Adam sat pulling at his father’s curly hair, Ben commented that Johnny was the only well behaved member of the family, a trait he must have inherited from Sue.

 

Noone really cared, all thoroughly overfull and relaxed the family complete again, troubles in the past, for the moment at least. It was an idyllic day, even the weather cooperating, a chance for them all to relax and enjoy themselves and they did.

 

Late in the afternoon Jess found himself lying down next to Joe while their wives were playing with the babies, Adam and Anne. Jess had been studying his old friend intently and as he relaxed Joe smiled “Big brother is beginning to relax, look better.”

 

“Yeah but....” Jess broke off, it wasn’t for him to say but Joe just punched his arm lightly “It’s alright Jess I do understand, I know it’s gonna take time. You don’t get over that sort of strain going on for months, in a just a couple of days.”

 

“Something like that. Still as you say he does look better and I need a word with him.” Jess suited the action to the word and went over, “Adam while you’ve been fighting the good fight I’ve been more productive.”

 

Adam stared at his friend for a minute and then he grinned in sheer delight, “You mean Liza is pregnant?”

 

“Sure is and we both want you as godfather.”

 

“That’s marvellous Jess and you know I’d be delighted.” Adam pushed himself to his feet and going over to Liza, to her utter astonishment he firmly kissed her, “Many congratulations.”

 

 She blushed but hugged him “Thank you Adam.”

 

“When is it due?”

 

“Not until about the first week in January. It seems a very long time.”

 

“Let’s Jess get used to the idea of being a father. I’ve seen him with my kids; he’ll be one heck of a Pa. ”

 

The rest of the family had realised what was going on and they joined Adam in  his congratulations. Adam eased over by Nita “When are you seeing Doc?”

 

“Next week.”

 

“Well you’d better hide that self satisfied grin or my little brother will be guessing anyway.” Adam smiled at her affectionately, robbing his words of any edge. Nita took his advice before moving forward to add her congratulations to the other girl of about the same age but such a very different background.

 

Jess’ news was all they needed to give a final touch to the party and even when the children were in bed the adults lazed around enjoying each other’s company, loathe to break it up. Eventually José rose he had to get back to the herd and Jess had a sleepy wife to get home. The Cartwrights watched them leave and then had to think about bed themselves. Adam knew his big brother was heading out to the west shore the following morning and Joe going up to the main timber camp, but he needed to talk to them before they went, despite the lateness of the hour.

 

Ben considered his eldest son “Alright Adam what’s wrong? What do you want?”

 

“I know we have to get back to work tomorrow.” Adam broke off “Its nothing.”

 

Joe met his father’s eye “Pa if you’ll harness up the buckboard and saddle Cochise, I’ll just get Nita and Adam settled.”

 

Hoss nodded “Give me five minutes and I’ll be with you.”

 

Adam stared at them in bewilderment and Ben said “Joe’s right, you’re not riding, not even to the Lake , it’s been a long day.”

 

Carole grinned, “I think they have you read you just right Adam. I’ll get your coat.”

 

Adam just accepted it, it was what he wanted and he didn’t say a word until the four men were sitting up on the point, watching the moon reflected in the lake. Now he had them there on their own Adam couldn’t find the words to say what he wanted. He stared out over the still waters of the lake at the Sierra’s, tension obvious in the way he stood.

 

Joe broke the silence, “Do you remember coming up here at Christmas, the last time the four of us were here together.”

 

Adam turned to his youngest brother, not really surprised to find Joe so in tune with his thoughts. Joe smiled “The peace of God beyond man’s understanding. We lost that peace for a while Adam but that’s in the past.”

 

Adam gripped Joe’s arm, “I deliberately....”

 

Hoss interrupted “You deliberately took the pain and worry on your own shoulders to protect us and the rest of the family. It’s over Adam, in the past and we are all so very grateful. Now you must forget, we’ve won.”

 

Ben nodded “The ranch is safe, the family is safe and we’re together again. We’ve not only won we can get back to that peace Joe spoke of. Let it come Adam, you’ve made your apologies even though everyone understood why you acted as you did. The act is over, in every sense you’ve come home son.”

 

Adam turned away from his family for a moment, close to tears and yet despite their presence, despite the lake unable to give way. He remembered the closeness he’d felt at Christmas, wanting desperately to get back to it and yet feeling separate apart. The barriers he’d built so laboriously, remained intact even now when he no longer wanted them, thoroughly overtired still he was very confused.

 

Ben went over to him “I was paid an enormous compliment after that trial. Johnny Sutherland summed it all up. He said that as he had seen on many other occasions you showed the most extraordinary combination of energy and courage, compassion and wisdom along with unmatched legal and technical expertise.”

 

Adam frowned at that but as Ben put his hand on his son’s shoulder he felt him flinch, the tension so great. “Adam you showed your strength in court but now its time to let go.”

Joe moved forward to reinforce his father’s view and Adam rested his aching head on his brother’s shoulder but he couldn’t do as they wanted and let go. He did manage to relax a little and eventually he straightened up and pulled away. “Joe was right I wanted to go back to Christmas. I had to shut you all out and I hated it.”

 

 Hoss moved closer “It’s over now Adam.”

 

“I know.”

 

 Joe said softly “And yet....”

 

Adam met his younger brother’s eyes “As you say Joe I know its over but somehow I can’t relax.”

 

Ben said gently “You’re expecting rather a lot Adam, it’s only been a few days and you were badly hurt. There’s bound to be a certain reaction over the next few days, even weeks, before you can really relax.”

 

Adam thought about that for a minute but what his father said made sense. “I think I need a few minutes on my own, I’m sorry.”

 

Ben patted his arm “No problem Adam. We’ll be over by the wagon, call if you want us.”

 

Adam went to kneel down by his daughter’s grave he had pinned his hopes on coming to the Lake with his father and brothers, yet somehow he still felt separate and alone. Not from choice any longer but as though he didn’t know the way back. Maybe his father was right and it was just reaction but he hated it. He would have been glad if he could just give in and break down but for now he was just drained and he couldn’t seem to think straight.

 

Joe stared up at his brother in concern, “He needs to give in Pa. ”

 

“We can’t force him Joseph.”

 

Hoss frowned “I thought he probably wanted to talk but....”

 

Ben smile at his younger sons, both of whom looked very concerned. “Take it easy you two, he is home now. There’s nothing really to talk about, it’s just going to take time. Don’t forget he was badly hurt, he needs time to recover his strength and unwind, other things to get his teeth into.”

Neither of his sons looked convinced and Ben put his arm round each of their shoulders “I’ll look after him and he’s home now with Carole. We both know your brother very well and when the reaction comes we’ll deal with it. Don’t let him see you’re worried it will only make him feel worse.”

 

That at least made sense to them and both brothers tried to hide their feelings as Adam came back towards them. He knew them too well and smiled ruefully, “Sorry to worry you two it wasn’t planned. Pa’s right I’ll be fine it’s just gonna take a couple of weeks.”

 

Hoss took his hand “Adam you know we’re only worried ‘cos we love you. You’ve already paid too heavy a price over this.”

 

“Just because I know you all care I know this will pass.” Adam allowed his brother to help him up onto the wagon and they headed home. He couldn’t put ‘this’ into words but it was like an emptiness all round him as though he was apart from everyone, viewing and hearing things from long distance. He didn’t realise just how much that was coming from physical weakness but Ben was beginning to suspect.

 

Ben knew the two bullets has been nasty disabling wounds but he’d seen his son recover from far worse. He was slowly coming round to the belief that the strain of the previous weeks had meant his son was severely run down and on the verge of illness before he had been shot. Even so Ben was less concerned than his sons about the final outcome. He was confident in his eldest’s basic strength and believed that it just needed a little time; once he had regained his physical strength peace of mind would come. Only then would Adam really be able to appreciate the size of victory that he’d won.

 

Ben sent his younger sons home. "Go see your wives, you both have to leave tomorrow and don’t worry about Adam. Carole and I will look after him.” It was hard to accept but both Joe and Hoss knew there was nothing they could do, not yet, and Ben was right they owed it to Nita and Sue to leave Adam to his own wife and their father.

 

Adam was very tired and welcomed his father’s help to get to bed, Carole was seeing to Marie who had woken up with tummy ache, having overeaten during the day. Once Adam was settled in bed, Ben said “Get some sleep I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“I’m sorry Pa. ”

 

“Whatever for?”

 

“Do you remember when I lost my memory? Even when I came home I couldn’t accept you all and yet it wasn’t until I did that I got my memory back.”

 

“I remember but it’s hardly the same.”

 

“I want to forget, get back to normal but somehow it’s not working. I’m still apart and all I’ve done is worry Joe and Hoss.”

 

“Don’t start worrying about your brothers, they just want you to feel better.”

 

“I know.” Adam sighed and Ben gripped his shoulder “Take it easy son. It’s nowhere near as bad as you think now, that’s just your weakness talking. Try and get some sleep, give it a few days and don’t worry. You’re home now and in a little while you’ll be able to accept it.”

Adam relaxed a little, maybe his father was right and it was only weakness. Very tired he settled down and was nearly asleep by the time Carole slipped in next to him.

 

Overtired he slept late and even then it was a real effort to force himself to get up. Over the next four days he slowly regained his strength and working with his father began to take back a little of the detailed running of the ranch. He found it hard to concentrate and when Ben passed over a legal query from the California he slammed it down with disgust, “Don’t they have lawyers at the mine!”

 

He was very angry but not wanting to yell at his father he left the house, walking up past the waterfall behind Hoss’ house. He knew he was being irritable and hated the way he kept taking it out on Carole and his father but somehow he couldn’t help himself. He made good resolutions each morning but they didn’t last, all the petty detail seemed so unimportant and whereas he normally took them in his stride, now he seemed bogged down getting nowhere fast and he had no patience at all.

 

Ben noticed the resigned expression on Carole’s face as Adam slammed out of the room. She smiled and sent Marie out to join her brothers. Anne was asleep and Carole poured fresh coffee and joined Ben by the fire. Ben asked “This isn’t the first time he’s walked out in a temper is it?”

 

“ No Pa , but he’s still not strong.”

 

“Its not just that though is it?”

 

“Somehow its as though he can’t relax. The only time he looks like himself is with the children, but they tire him.”

 

“I still think there was bound to be some reaction. He was under a strain for a very long time.”

 

“I know that Pa and I agree with you but at the moment he is getting more and more tense, annoyed with himself every time he snaps at me. I can’t make him believe that it doesn’t matter.”

 

Ben put his arm round her “Easy Carole, he’s only upset because he loves you.”

 

“I know that Pa. ”

 

“Maybe this paperwork isn’t the best thing for him. How is he physically?”

 

“Stronger, his back and side both seem to be healing well.”

 

“Is he up to going for a ride?”

 

“What are you suggesting Pa?”

 

“I need to take a swing round the ranch, pay some of the men, settle a few problems but mainly just to check up, show my face. You know the sort of thing.”

 

“How long?”

 

“Three days probably if I don’t push too hard.”

“You’re suggesting that Adam goes along.”

 

“When they were younger and things went wrong, trouble arose and I needed to talk to one of them I used to take them along on the swing, a chance to talk. It’s been a long time but just maybe it would help.”

 

Carole kissed him gently “I think it would Pa. You and the ranch and some time sound like exactly what Adam needs just now.”

 

Ben wandered outside looking for his son and found him sitting staring over the waterfall, totally despondent. Ben sat down next to him “Fed up with paperwork Adam?”

 

Adam sighed deeply, “I’m sorry Pa, I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

 

“That doesn’t matter and that paperwork can all wait too. Do you feel up to a ride?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You won and saved this ranch, maybe its time you spent a while renewing your acquaintance with it. How long is it since you took the swing?”

 

Adam turned to face his father, sudden eagerness on his face, “Far too long.”

 

“I have to make the swing starting in the morning, will you join me?”

 

Adam smiled “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do Pa. ”

 

Ben helped his son up and back into the house. Adam felt guilty and found it hard to explain to Carole that now he was home, she and the kids weren’t enough. He needed the wide open spaces of the ranch so badly that he could almost taste it. Carole laughed at him; she hadn’t known him all those years without knowing the physical hold the ranch had on him. It didn’t make her position in his life any less important. As long as his father was going along she wouldn’t even worry about his physical well being. With her backing Adam slowly relaxed and during the afternoon he made more progress than he had done in the last three days and during the evening he concentrated on Carole.

 

Early the next morning Carole redressed his wounds, padded them well to make sure that his clothes didn’t rub and packed up food and first aid equipment for him. Adam was ready and eager to go when Ben came over to collect him.

 

Sue watched them ride out and in some concern she went over to see Carole, sure that Adam wasn’t well enough for a long ride. His wounds were closed over on the surface but the muscles deep down were barely knitting together. Carole smiled “Easy Sue I know he’s still weak, more importantly so does Pa. He’ll look after Adam and if he can get my husband to relax he’ll heal far quicker.”

 

“He’ll be exhausted.”

 

“Pa will take it easy. Just the prospect helped Sue. He slept far better last night than he has for months. You know what this ranch means to all of them.”

 

Sue gave in, not wanting to worry Carole and aware that there was nothing she could do to change things but she couldn’t stop worrying. In fact Adam was beginning to feel much stronger and although Blackie was very fresh he made no demands on his master, doing exactly as Adam asked. The horse’s gait was so familiar Adam felt more comfortable than he did the chair by his own fire. Ben let his son set the pace and Adam headed out at a steady lope, knowing Blackie could keep it up all day if necessary.

 

Ben moved Buck alongside his son and they headed up to the sawmill first. Adam didn’t speak just luxuriating in the fresh mountain air with the scent of pines. As they rode in to the sawmill Jack Catfish came over, glad to see his friend up and around and looking better.  Adam accepted his proffered assistance to dismount and was glad of the coffee that Jack offered. Adam just relaxed leaving his father and Jack to complete the business. Ben had to check up on the current position and take the paperwork he needed to calculate bonuses, besides paying the men. After five minutes Adam got to his feet and wandered around checking things for himself and having a word with the men, thanking them for a job well done, with the mill ahead of schedule on all fronts. The men were all glad to see him back to normal after so many rumours over the last months and Adam always enjoyed listening to the men, feeling it was time well spent if he got to know them a little better.

 

As he was chatting one of the men, a big Swede Swensson, who had gone to town for supplies, arrived back, obviously full of news and waving a newspaper. Adam joined the others as they clustered around Swensson and for the first time heard of the massacre at the Little Bighorn and the death of Custer.

 

There was a long article in the paper and Adam, scanned it rapidly as the rest cross-questions Swensson but neither the paper nor the Swede had anything more than the basic fact. Somehow the army had been heavily defeated by the Sioux in Montana and Custer and all his men were dead. Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse and Gall were mentioned as leading the Sioux but the rest was almost hysterical reaction from prominent political and military figures demanding the annihilation not only of the Sioux but all Indians.

 

According to Swensson people in town were even talking about the Paiutes and Washoe Indians rising up to massacre the whites. Luckily he had enough sense to look over at Jack Catfish and say, “I did tell them it didn’t seem too likely to me!”

 

Jack smiled but he was worried. Here on the Ponderosa for months at a time he forgot there were differences between the Paiutes and the white men, but something like this brought home forcibly how unique a haven of peace the ranch was.

 

Adam moved over to his friend “ Montana is a long way away and the Paiutes have nothing to do with the Sioux.”

 

“We know that Adam but too many feel an Indian is an Indian.”

 

“I know Jack. Custer will do more harm by the method of his dying than he ever inflicted in life. Round here we’ll work to minimise it, it’s all we can do.”

 

It was obvious that despite the news no trouble would arise amongst the sawmill crew, Paiute and white had been working together far too long and here at least there weren’t sides just a group of friends. Even so Ben and Adam headed for the mine in sombre mood. Both had seen the effect before when the Indians won a victory, it was as though such audacity from people thought of as inferior by many, was an insult which had to be avenged.

 

At first they rode in silence, then Ben asked “What do you think?”

 

“It’ll be disastrous for the Sioux. They’ve won the battle but in doing so they’ve ensured they’ll lose the war. I hope it doesn’t have much effect round here.”

 

“I’d guess not. A few hard heads will sound off but Wohome has enough sense to keep his people out of the way until things calm down.”

 

Adam nodded and his father asked what he knew of Custer. Adam shrugged “Not very much. I saw him once in the theatre in New York , lording it over adoring crowds. I’ve read his publicity in the papers but according to Phil Sheridan he was far better at publicity than either fighting or leading men. Phil was disgusted by at least one ’fight’ at Sand Creek. Said the dead were women and old men with a number of kids. From what I’ve heard elsewhere I’d say Phil was right and I should think he was well out matched by Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse.”

 

“Did the paper have any details?”

 

“No, just a lot of self righteous indignation, how dare those Indians kill our men.”

 

“Not really surprising if it only occurred a day or so back. I suppose there’s no chance it’s over pessimistic?”

 

Adam shook his head, “The basic fact seems clear, appears to have been telegraphed back by a relief column under General Terry which arrived too late and found Custer and all his men dead.”

 

“I guess we’ll hear more about it once the army have sorted themselves out.”

 

“Far too much I’d guess Pa, all we can do is be ready to stamp on any nonsense around here.”

Ben nodded and deciding that his son looked tired he changed the subject suggesting they stopped for lunch in a clearing just ahead. Adam was willing and was glad of coffee even though he wasn’t very hungry. Once he had settled back against a rock and had hot coffee he asked his father just what he was planning on doing over the next few days, after they had been to the mines.

 

Ben settled down next to his son “I want to check on the horse herd and then head down to the East ranch, check on the herd and pay the men. Check the fences and the hay meadows, then head up to see José.  Is there anything else you think we ought to do?”

 

“You seem to have covered it Pa and anyway you’re much more up to date with events round the ranch than I am at the moment.”

 

“Probably but you’ll soon catch up.” Ben agreed. “Do you feel well enough to go on up to the mine or do you want to rest for a while?”

 

“Don’t start coddling me Pa. I’m okay and I’ll let you know when I’m tired.”

 

“Fair enough Adam as long as you do. There’s no great rush to get back.”

 

“Just as long as we’re back by Friday. Edwin and Jim are due.”

 

Ben admitted that he’d forgotten that but as he said they should be comfortably back by then. He helped Adam to remount but then father and son headed on in a companionable silence. At the mine Adam checked the work and the shoring, while Ben dealt with money and arranged for the next load to go down to the stamp mill. The miners were pleased with themselves, two weeks before they had picked up a new seam which was considerably richer than the norm. Compared to the ore in town it wasn’t that rich but Adam confirmed it was about five times richer than the usual for that mine and it would mean hefty bonuses all round. The miners were delighted and work went smoothly so Ben and Adam were able to get away in the late afternoon and head on to the horse herd.

 

Ben wasn’t sure it was a good three hours ride and although on his own he wouldn’t have hesitated, he felt Adam ought to rest. On the other hand Adm had said he would speak up and he felt the worst thing he could so was to fuss at his son. At least Adam was still sitting his horse easily and seemed fairly relaxed. Adam was grateful for his father’s forbearance and they made good time. Even though he was tired by the time they reached the valley where the breeding horses were kept Adam had no trouble controlling his stallion. Blackie reared and trumpeted his challenge to all the other horses, remembering his time as the chief stallion. Adam sat still as the horse reared, enjoying the sheer strength and exuberance of the stallion. Ben looked anxious but at a word from Adam the stallion settled down, even though he quivered with excitement.

 

Adam smiled more freely than Ben had seen for months “I think Blackie remembers what he used to do before I took him to ride.”

 

“Pity he didn’t pass on his looks.”

 

“I don’t know Pa. I think I’m glad he didn’t, he’s one heck of a ride.”

 

“That I can imagine.” Ben agreed “Still we’d better keep him away from the mares or he’ll be forgetting his master.”

 

Adam stroked the neck of the black stallion and as Blackie relaxed in pleasure and looked round at his master Adam flattered himself, that even with the mares, his horse would retain it his loyalty to him. As they pulled up in the camp the two men who tended the horses came out to greet them. Ben helped his son down but Adam didn’t want to show his weakness to strangers and moved over to the corral.

 

Ben had to speak to the two men but Adam didn’t need his father for the moment. As Adam lent on the corral bars his attention was caught by two colts. Both were bays the get of the Arabian stallion Adam and Joe had imported and both showed signs of developing his magnificent lines. The two colts were beginning to vie for superiority and both came to see if this newcomer had anything for them, pushing and shoving at each other. Adam fed them some apple and made a fuss of them but as they pushed one caught his arm, pushing it sideways and he felt it tear at the muscles in his back.

 

For a minute Adam could only grab the fence and lean on it to retain his balance, sweat breaking out from the sharp pain. Slowly he won control and eased his right arm round supporting it with his left, trying to ease the sharp pain in his back. One of the colts as though sensing something was wrong, came closer nuzzling him gently. That more than anything gave Adam the strength to gain control and hide his pain. By the time Ben came over to join him Adam was feeling better and had hidden all sign of pain although he was very pale.

Ben noticed that but it was obvious that Adam didn’t want comment and he let Adam lead the conversation. Like his eldest son Ben was impressed by the colts, Adam warned the men to watch the pair closely and if the friendly rivalry showed any sign of getting more serious, then separate them. For the time being he felt the competition was probably good for them.

As they went over to join the others for food Ben asked a little anxiously “Are you alright?”

“Sure.”

 

“Maybe I ought to redress your back and side.” Ben felt his son shudder at the thought but Adam was calm enough as he said quietly, “Carole did a good job, it will last until morning at least. Leave it until we’re on our own.”

 

Ben could only go along and at least Adam was eating even if he only took a small helping and refused seconds. After sitting around chatting for a couple of hours over coffee, checking on just which mares were due to be covered next, what and when foals were due, everyone settled down for the night fairly early. Ben was planning on an early start although if Adam would sleep in he was quite prepared to delay it. The men had taken the opportunity when Ben was on his own to ask what had been going on and how fit Adam was. Ben had outlined the basic facts and taken the chance to ask them to leave Adam, alone and if possible let him sleep in. Knowing his son’s built in alarm clock Ben wasn’t overly optimistic but it was worth a try.

 

At first as they settled down Ben thought his son was asleep but just after midnight he woke up to see Adam getting up and heading over to the corral. Ben hesitated, wanting to check that his son was alright and yet knowing Adam hated anyone seeing signs of weakness, even his own family. In his own time if he thought his father could help he would ask, until he did then Ben knew it was best to let his son work it out alone. In theory that was fine but when an hour had passed and Adam was still leaning on the corral fence Ben couldn’t stay put any longer and he slipped out of his blankets going over to join his son.

 

Adam wasn’t even aware of his father approaching until Ben gently put a hand on his arm, alarmed by the pain and near despair he could see on Adam’s face. “Do you want to talk Adam?”

 

Adam shook his head, he couldn’t even put into words this emptiness he felt. It made no sense, logically he knew that but somehow he couldn’t shake the depression or begin to explain it. Ben tried again “I know you hurt your back earlier; if it’s bothering you I have some laudanum in my saddle bag. You must get some sleep.”

 

At that Adam turned to his father, a ghost of a smile on his face at his father’s concern. “You never miss much. I just moved a little too fast jarred my back. It soon passed and I’m fine, just not sleepy. Go back to bed Pa, I’ll come over in just a few minutes.”

 

Ben had to accept that knowing he’d only upset Adam more if he pushed. He went back to lie down but not to sleep, very conscious of his son. Adam stood by the corral watching the horses, restless in their sleep and he considered the superb scenery, serene and glinting in the moonlight. It was a view he’d always loved but here and now it meant nothing. It was as though he was staring at a painting and it wasn’t reaching the cold knot inside him. He was beginning to wonder if anything ever would again, even the children and Carole only held it a bay for a few minutes. Eventually Adam went back to settle down not wanting to keep his father awake. Ben was glad to see it but it was nearly three quarters of an hour before Adam’s physical weakness released him into sleep. Ben only settled himself when Adam’s even breathing testified that for now his eldest son had found peace. Ben was seriously worried by the depth of depression he had seen in Adam. He didn’t know how to help and although he had expected some reaction after the previous months, this was more than he’d thought. He had hoped the breeding herd would help, always Adam’s favourite part of the ranch operation, but so far there was no sign that it was getting through to his son. Eventually Ben slept too but despite their late night they were both awake by dawn at five a.m.

Adam was eager to move on and Ben went along with him. After a hasty breakfast they moved out making good time for the next two hours. Then Ben decided to take advantage of the stream they reached and stop for coffee. Adam was agreeable and he made no protest when Ben suggested it was time he redressed his wounds. It was only what Adam had suggested himself and he went along. Ben very carefully eased the dressings away but apart from one small spot on his side which was still weeping, the rest was all sealed over. It was still inflamed and sore but no real sign of infection and Ben consoled himself that it really wasn’t very long, just two weeks. The time that Doc had said Adam needed in bed and yet his son was well enough to ride round the ranch without obvious signs of weakness. Ben made no comment, gently cleaning and applying soothing ointment before redressing and padding the wounds. Adam was in some pain despite his father’s gentleness but he hid it, just thankful that he hadn’t reopened the wound in his back as he had feared the previous afternoon.

 

Once Adam was dressed again Ben handed him coffee, “Looks healthy Adam, just don’t over do things.”

 

“Sure Pa. ”

 

Adam was still very quiet as they made their way on but Ben could only wait for him to be ready to talk and pray that the ranch would work its magic. They made it to the East Ranch for lunch and while Ben checked on his breeding herd Adam spent a busy couple of hours sorting out problems with two short flumes he’d designed over the winter. They were taking water to the outlying reaches of the ranch but after a long dry spell the head of water was insufficient and Adam swiftly designed a back up supply from the main flume system to overcome the problem. The men were glad as they had been moving water by hand, a time consuming and laborious task. Adam designed his flume with cut off facilities so it only needed to be used in an emergency. He wrote out details of exactly what wood was needed and sent one man with the list to Jack Catfish, sending another man to town for the other stores needed. Then he sat down and prepared a detailed work plan, it should only take two days to erect. The man in charge at the East Ranch Jud Goring had worked on the other flumes and once Adam had talked through the work plan with him, he pronounced himself perfectly capable of building the flume. Adam was satisfied with his competence and just asked for a report on efficacy of the new set up once it was built to be sent to his house.

The hours of work concentrating on a job he could do well, yet so far removed from any of the problems of the last months, had done him good. Ben knew that his son was more relaxed as they headed out again. Ben intended to swing down to the farms along the Carson valley just to check the winter hay and then head up to camp by the witness tree marking their southern boundary. Adam was content to ride along but to his father’s eye his son was tiring faster than he had the previous day. As Ben had no intention of separating, sure his son was too weak to be alone, he had no choice but to complete his business as fast as possible and head up to the camp.

 

By the time they arrived it was nearly 8 p.m. and Adam was so stiff and tired he had to accept his father’s help to dismount but he brusquely shrugged off Ben’s concern. Ben busied himself getting bacon and beans cooked and coffee on. Adam accepted food but he was reduced, after a couple of mouthfuls, to pushing it around on his plate. Ben took the plate and passed him coffee, without comment. Adam got to his feet and went over to the witness tree, He slowly traced his own names and those of his brothers carved into the tree so many years before. The oldest, his own, carved nearly twenty years ago when he’d first made this swing with his father. To his surprise memories of those long forgotten days came back as clear as yesterday and he felt a strange kinship with that confused and worried sixteen year old boy, whom he’d so long outgrown. He rested his aching head against the old tree and Ben came over gently gripping his shoulder “Do you remember when you carved that Adam?”

 

Adam nodded, not even surprised to find his father’s thought so in tune with his own. “The first time you brought me on this swing. I’d done it all wrong made a mess of everything and I felt you’d never be able to trust me with anything again.”

 

“You were only sixteen.”

 

“That’s easy to say now Pa, but then I felt I was grown up. Hoss and Joe were the kids. I should be your right hand man and I failed you.”

 

“Two of us feeling so guilty. I trusted you Adam relied on you even then. Maybe put too big a burden on young shoulders, I know I thought so then.”

 

“I revelled in it Pa, or at least I did until I made a mess of everything.”

 

“Even then you were adept at taking responsibility on your shoulders for things that weren’t your fault!” Ben commented dryly. “If it was anyone’s fault it was mine, leaving you alone to take care of things for what ten weeks. A long time!”

 

“I don’t even remember where you’d been?”

 

“Down to San Diego to bring back horses and a bull to improve our stock. It seemed important at the time.”

 

“That’s right, but it was important Pa. The start of all our efforts to improve the stock here and that has paid off handsomely in all ways. You only have to look at those colts.”

 

“I’m not arguing that Adam but it was a hell of a responsibility to leave on a sixteen year old boy. Although I quickly became convinced that the things that happened would have happened even if I had been there. Convincing you was another matter, then as now.”

 

“It’s funny Pa, at first everything went so well. I was getting quite blasé, nothing to this business of running a ranch. I felt so grown up and then everything fell round my ears. First that tutor guy Kraft announced he’d had it and was leaving.”

 

“You could thank your brothers for that. They’d decided they didn’t like him and made his life a misery.”

 

“I should have stopped them but I didn’t like him much either. He never knew the answers when I asked questions and he made my questions sound stupid.”

 

“You were already far better informed and far more intelligent than he was. Anyway stopping those menaces was a lot easier said than done. They drove off every tutor in time whether I was there or not.”

 

“Yeah but I ought to have been able to keep him around at least until you got back. Then he wouldn’t have been killed.”

 

“You had no way of knowing that the Indians were on the rampage, you didn’t start it or even find out about it until after he’d gone.”

Adam sighed, “I guess not but at the time, I mean all three of us were glad to see him go and then word came that he’d been killed and scalped. I should have done something.”

 

“He was a grown man, who broke his contract and abandoned three kids, the eldest only 16. I never felt any great sympathy for him.”

 

“I didn’t have time to think much about him at all right then. The Indians moved in on the ranch within hours of us hearing about him. Stole two mares and burnt down the barn, while I was till trying to decide what precautions to take.”

 

“You had no hands at the house, they were with the herd, just Hop Sing and two kids. Just what do you think you could have done to stop them?”

 

Adam shrugged “I don’t know but I wasted several hours doing nothing, trying to decide whether I ought to send Hoss and Joe into Eagle Station or Genoa and by then it was too late.”

 

“You drove them off before they did any more damage.”

 

“Not quite. When the barn went up Joe decided to slip out and put the fire out. I didn’t even notice him go. Then he fell from the porch roof and broke his leg. Hell Pa , he was only eight years old.”

 

“As impulsive and adept at finding trouble as he’s been ever since. Way I heard it from Hop Sing you ran out into the yard under a barrage of arrows and carried him in. He reckoned it was a miracle that you weren’t hit and according to Wohomé that act of bravery decided the Indians to call off their attack.”

 

“Of course I went to get him. I had no choice, I had to stop Hoss going he was on his way to the door. I’d already got one brother hurt I couldn’t risk the other one.”

 

“How were you supposed to be responsible for Joe’s behaviour. I never did work that out.”

“You left me in charge. Little Joe was only eight.”

 

“And disobedient as ever, you’d told him to stay down in the corner. He was lucky to get away with a broken leg.”

 

“I was scared he was dead. Even as I went out I was wondering just how I would break it to you that in your absence I’d let your youngest son die. To be honest I wasn’t even scared of the Indians, I never gave them a thought, I just had to get to Little Joe.”

 

“Well he wasn’t badly hurt, a clean break.”

 

“Yeah. That was the first time I ever set a bone, with Hop Sing’s help. I mean I’d done it for animals but this was my own little brother. He was so brave, never murmured, just bit down on Hoss’ belt and then passed out. Hoss held him still for me and then when we’d finished he was desperately sick.” Adam stared into the fire, very bleak, remembering those long ago days. “I couldn’t leave them and go for a Doctor and I had noone to send. I was so scared that we hadn’t dealt with it properly and Joe would be crippled. It seemed forever before the army came by to say that they had the Indians on the run. They had a surgeon with them and at least he was able to check Joe and say that he would be alright. They also brought word that our herd had been scattered, although the men were okay. As far as I could see I’d failed on every side. The only consolation was that you were due home in a few days.”

“I didn’t see it that way.”

 

“No I realised that by the time we reached this tree. I was grateful but....”

 

“Unconvinced.”

 

“A little. It seemed odd that we should leave Hoss and Joe. I thought they needed you more even though there were several men back at the ranch, Kirk and the others.”

 

“I didn’t want to leave the boys, especially Joe, but I had to do this trip and just then I thought you needed me most. I’d put a horrendous pressure on you and events had made it worse. At least now I was home and I could try to help. Its strange, you’ve said far more now about the way you felt back twenty years ago than I could get out of you then.”

 

Adam looked up at his father, the intensity of his feelings very clear in his dark hazel eyes, “You helped so much Pa. ” Suddenly his eyes filled with tears and he murmured “then and now.”

 

Ben moved quickly to his son and as though the flood gates had opened Adam buried his head on his father’s shoulder and sobbed out his confusion and depression. Ben was glad to see it, knowing it was what Adam needed to decrease the growing tension over the long weeks while he fought alone. He just held his son close, making no attempt to stop him or to talk to him. Very slowly he felt Adam relax but Adam made no attempt to sit up or pull away, needing his father’s warm strength.

 

It was well over half an hour before Adam stirred and Ben gave him a clean hanky while he poured out fresh coffee, lacing both their mugs heavily with brandy. Adam took the drink gratefully and sipped it. Having relaxed he felt desperately tired, “You’re right Pa, it’s easier to talk about the distant past than about now. I do need to talk about the case, Di, everything, but not now.”

 

“Whenever you want son. I’ll be here.”

 

“I know Pa, you always are.” Adam drained his cup. “I’m so tired. I think I can sleep now.”

Ben helped tuck the blanket round him “Best cure there is Son.”

 

For more than two hours Ben sat by his sleeping son remembering so many occasions over the years since that first time, when he’d sought to help Adam. When the responsibilities he carried out so superbly had drained his son or when Adam blamed himself for things he’d been unable to change, ever his own harshest critic. At last Ben settled down to sleep, confident that now the dam had burst Adam would allow him to help and between them they’d find a way to finally release Adam from the burden he’d carried so long.

 

Joe was up at the main lumber camp and despite his sore arm he’d been making good progress. Johnny, who had grown in confidence over the years, had kept things moving well with Peter Curtis keeping the paperwork up to date. There were the usual problems on which they wanted advice from one of the Cartwrights but nothing catastrophic. Joe went over each in turn and made decisions but in many ways he felt superfluous. Johnny and Peter had gradually formed an excellent working partnership, complementing each other and getting the work done. After two days Joe had settled all the outstanding problems and collected all the information he needed to settle bonuses. There was nothing else for him to do and as Ben and Adam headed for the East Camp. Joe went on over to the West Shore to see if Hoss needed any help.

At least that was the excuse Joe gave himself but in reality he knew that he just needed to talk to his brother, very worried about Adam. Most of the time now Joe could feel his brother, that barrier Adam had erected was down, although Joe was well aware that Adam was hiding behind it on occasion almost as a reflexive action. The trouble was that when Joe could reach his brother he had an overwhelming sense of confusion and pain. He was more conscious of Adam’s depression and hurt than he had been for a very long time. Joe needed to talk and Hoss was the only one he could talk to, assuming that their father was with Adam. Much as he loved Nita she had never experienced this strange telepathic communication and however much he tried to explain it was inevitably alien to her.

 

Hoss was equally concerned about his eldest brother and needed no explanation for Joe’s unexpected arrival. He rightly discounted Joe’s story of having finished his own job more rapidly than expected and therefore coming to help out. Hoss suggested they got food and coffee, taking it down to the lake where they could talk. Joe was very willing and Hoss led the way along the lake side to the site where Joe had nearly lost his life. The brothers settled themselves by the lake overlooking the point where too many loved ones were buried.

Slowly Joe relaxed, he’d always loved this spot and the brothers ate their food in silence. Then over coffee Hoss said “Time to spit it out Joe. You didn’t ride all this way just ‘cos you thought I couldn’t cope.”

 

“You know I don’t think that.” Joe protested.

 

“Yeah. It’s Adam.”

 

“You feel it too?”

 

“Sure, he’s upset and confused, tense as hell. We knew that when we left Joe. It’s bound to take a while to unwind and he was badly hurt. Pa and Carole will look after him.”

 

“I keep telling myself that Hoss but....” Joe sighed heavily, “It seems to be getting worse not better. I thought that by now he might have begun to relax. He did for a while at the twins’ party.”

“It’s bound to take time.” Hoss reiterated, “Maybe it has to get worse before it gets better. You know well as I do just how strong Adam is, he’ll come through this.”

 

Joe nodded but talking didn’t really help. There was noway they could help Adam and he knew that even if they were there he had no words which would help his eldest brother. He moved closer to Hoss without really thinking, wanting the reassurance of his placid big brother’s presence.

 

For a while the brothers sat close together looking over the lake but not really seeing it, as aware of their older brother as if he was there in front of them. Then Joe stirred and turned to Hoss very puzzled, just as Adam finally broke down.

 

Hoss frowned he could feel it too, a strange mixture of pain, despair and yet relief. “I’m not sure Joe.”

 

“I think he’s finally broken down.”

 

“Could be, it's what he needs.”

 

“I wish we were with him.”

“Yeah but he ain’t alone Pa’s with him.” Hoss said with absolute certainty. “And Pa’s calm enough or we’d know.”

 

“Are you sure?” Joe queried “Pa was planning on making the swing this week.”

 

“Yeah I’m sure. Maybe he took Adam along.”

 

Joe considered that idea but dubiously asked “With those wounds? Adam wouldn’t be strong enough.”

 

“Wanna bet Joe?” Hoss frowned “I don’t understand how I know but Adam is with Pa. Jest let yourself feel for a minute.”

 

Joe lazed back and tried to reach out to his brother, not thinking, clearing his mind. Slowly he came to the conclusion that Hoss was right. More importantly he felt the sense of relief growing and the pain easing. “You’re right Hoss. Wherever they are Pa’s managed to break through that wall, Adam will be better for it.” Gradually the brothers lost contact as Adam went to sleep but they were both aware that Adam was feeling better, far less tense and relaxing themselves they slept better than they’d done for several nights.

 

Adam slept like a log, more relaxed than he’d been for months, not even aware of the pain in his back as he rolled over. He didn’t stir until gone 8 a.m. and for the first time freely admitted he was stiff and sore, asking for his father’s help to get up. Despite his stiffness Adam felt like a new man, the cold knot in him had finally melted. While Ben cooked food Adam took his coffee and went over to the witness tree, tracing once again his own and his brothers’ names. He smiled “Maybe I ought to cut mine again, I feel as though I’ve finally come home.”

 

 Ben grinned “You look better for a good sleep.”

 

“You mean better for finally giving in. Thanks Pa. ”

 

“I didn’t do anything.”

 

“Oh yes you did. As always you were there when I needed you, not pushing just there.”

 

“Come and eat,” Adam moved over and took the plate, he grinned “I’m even hungry enough to eat your cooking.”

 

“Hark whose talking!”

 

“I freely admit its better than eating my own, but you must admit Hop Sing you ain’t.”

 

Despite his rudeness Adam cleared his plate and even came back for more before settling contentedly full with coffee. “Pa you said there was no great rush to get back?”

 

“No, we’ve made better time than I expected. I just want to go up to the high country and see José. What did you have in mind?”

 

“It wouldn’t be far out of our way to go to José’s camp via Spring Peak .”

 

“Barely three miles further.” Ben sipped his coffee “I thought it was Joe who loved that view down across the lake.”

“He does and just sometimes my little brother has a point.”

 

Ben nodded and began to pack up their things. The two men rode in silence but to Ben it seemed a more companionable silence, the tension he’d been so aware of in his eldest son was no longer apparent.

 

Adam was trying to get his thoughts in order so that he could talk over what he’d done with his father but somehow it seemed impossible to organize them. All too soon they were at the spot he’d had in mind and Ben pulled up, For several minutes father and son sat their horses in silence looking down over the azure jewel of the lake. The point so very clear with its special grove of Ponderosa pines stretching tall and proud to heaven. On the far side of the lake a thin plume of smoke was testimony to the work gang but from this vantage point they could have been the only human beings on God’s Earth.

 

Adam soaked up the beauty and the peace and then he turned to his father, “That was part of it Pa, I couldn’t let the spoilers desecrate all of that.”

 

Ben knew exactly what he meant, all too conscious of the denuded hills north of the ranch, their very soil washed away in flash floods once the trees were stripped, so that it would take generations for them to recover. “Once when you were in Europe we fought loggers in that grove. Hoss was shot and nearly died, Jim Willy had already been killed and I said to your youngest brother that this land wasn’t worth one drop of their blood. Little Joe insisted that neither Hoss nor Jim would have had it any other way. He was right, this land is part of us, without it we wouldn’t be the people we are. Each of us have come to know the hold this land has on us. You did in Europe , Joe when he came north to join you on your honeymoon,. Hoss I think always knew. It’s our strength but also our responsibility.”

 

“Pa lets make some coffee. I said I needed to talk and I think now is the time.”

 

Ben did as he was asked and Adam sat down, his arms hugging his knees as he stared into the fire. “When Jess first told me what was happening or rather Margaret, Marcy and Michelle did, my first instinct was to warn them not to say anything to anyone else. I think I made my mind up then and there to act alone and go along with their plan. It had to be Carole’s decision too. I knew I was asking a hell of a lot from her and maybe I over persuaded her. She has always supported me in anything I wanted. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her to support me in taking a mistress.”

 

Ben said gently “She knew why and more importantly she knew she still had all your heart. As she said, all the time that was true, what your body got up to really didn’t matter.”

“I know, she’s said the same to me but then she will back me all the way, you know that. Maybe she doesn’t say what she really feels. When all is said and done I was unfaithful.”

“Forced on you by circumstances, just as much as it was on Carole. I remember after that ordeal when we weren’t sure if she would recover you swore that if necessary you would be celibate for the rest of your life, just thankful that Carole was alive.”

 

Adam bit his lip, looking into the fire. Ben lent forward and gripped his shoulder, “I remember once when Joe felt guilty, he was happy with Nita and he was going to have his own child. His happiness seemed almost disloyal to Marie. You said then that if Marie had survived your brother would have been so very thankful and settled into being a doting Uncle. You said that Joe was loyal.”

 

 “He is, you know that Pa. ” Adam said, instinctively defending his younger brother.

Ben smiled “Of course I do Adam, but equally I know that his elder brothers are loyal too. You as well as Hoss.”

 

“I don’t know Pa. ”

 

“I do just as Carole does.”

 

“Maybe I should have gone with the French girl not Di.” Adam rubbed his hand across his mouth, “I knew from the start Di was more risky. She was far more intelligent than Suzanne Fauré. Both were well read but I got the impression Suzanne was produced, taught an act but with Di it was inbred.”

 

“You liked her didn’t you?” Ben asked gently

 

“I found her more attractive than Suzanne and persuaded myself that I might make a mistake coping with the nuances in a foreign language. In fact I think I just preferred Di and so I risked everyone.”

 

Ben said “You had to spend a lot of time with whichever woman you chose. I think a foreign language would just have been an extra trial.”

 

“That’s what I said to myself but it was just an excuse, Di was more .... desirable.”

 

Ben frowned, wanting to help “You knew you had to take this woman to bed, whichever one you chose. It would obviously be necessary to find her desirable. That after all was their stock in trade and you are only human.”

 

“Maybe, but as you say both woman were only there because they’d proved desirable. I knew I was taking a risk with Di, knew she was far brighter. She proved it, she saw through my masquerade. Only thank God at that stage she changed sides when she heard what was planned so I didn’t have to pay for my folly.” Adam turned to face his Father for the first time. “Don’t you see I didn’t have the right to take the risk, to ask all  I did of Carole and then....”

 

Adam reached out again to grip his son’s arm, “You were always your harshest critic. Don’t you see Suzanne Fauré might have seen through your act too. After all in the end it was delirium with that flu that proved to her what you were up to, wasn’t it?”

 

“I think she’d already guessed, it just gave her the final proof.”

 

“Even if she hadn’t guessed in illness you would have revealed it. If you had chosen the French girl without liking her she might well have given you away.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Noone ever can Adam but what you did worked so why worry about it?” His son didn’t look convinced and Ben very tentatively asked “How did you feel about this Lady Dinah?”

 

Adam bit his lip and Ben said “If you don’t want to answer you don’t have to.”

 

“I think I need to Pa. I can’t talk this over with Carole, I won’t hurt her anymore.”

 

“Easy son. I did see rather more than I wanted, she was very attractive.”

Adam smiled a little ruefully “Yeah well I’m sorry about that Pa. I set it up quite deliberately. I needed an excuse to force an argument with you, a nice public one.”

 

“I realised that, much later. It wasn’t very fair to her was it?”

 

“Di is an exhibitionist Pa and very proud of her body.” Adam rolled over onto his stomach and picked a long stem of grass to chew, not wanting to face his father. “Before my marriage I wasn’t exactly inexperienced in sex. It was something none of us talked about much but I guess you knew. I don’t think I ever harmed anyone.” He broke off but Ben didn’t say anything leaving his son to go on in his own time. Eventually Adam said, “Even so Di came as a total surprise. I’d never known any woman so uninhibited even insatiable. She enjoyed sex, even more than that she needed it.” Adam fell very quiet again and Ben gently squeezed his shoulder “And you being a normal red-blooded male enjoyed it too.”

 

Adam rolled over on his side and faced his father. “Yes. I’d been worried that I might not be able to perform that Carole might.... You know thought of infidelity..... But that was never a problem, she was so .... And as you say I enjoyed it.” There was an edge of almost defiance in his last words and Ben smiled gently. “She was chosen because she was good in bed and you wouldn’t have been human if you hadn’t enjoyed it. I’m not too old to remember how bodily pleasures can for a brief while blot out everything else.”

 

Adam sighed “She was a strange woman Pa. She needed sex and that meant she needed men but she hated them, the whole sex. That’s really why she took the job, just one more man to trick and a lot of money for doing so. She’d caused one too many scandals in London and her parents were going to marry her to a rich man, a merchant in Bristol , get her out of the way. He was nearly sixty and sounded a very unsavoury character but she’d burnt her bridges with more eligible partners. Meanwhile her brother, who seems to be just as highly sexed, was also having affairs all over London , even less discreetly. He was looked on indulgently as a wild rake, while she was a disgrace to be hidden away. It isn’t too surprising that she hated our sex.”

 

“Double standards aren’t exactly new Adam.”

 

“I know. I guess I hadn’t thought of them from a woman’s point of view before. Anyway the money she was earning would, when invested, give her some independence.”

 

“You liked her?”

 

“I grew fond of her.”

 

“How about her? She ended up risking a lot for you.”

 

“I know. She came to like me I think, which for a man was something new.” Adam turned away again to study the grass “She said that she didn’t think she could fall in love like other women but that she’d come closer to loving me than she’d felt possible.”

 

“That’s why she helped son.”

 

“I guess but as I grew fond of her it got harder to .... I felt more guilty.”

 

“You never felt for her the way you do for Carole?”

 

Adam turned at that “Oh no. Carole is part of me, she’s ....”

Ben patted his arm gently “I  know Son and all the time that’s true you are not really being unfaithful  Carole said that first evening when you explained that your heart belonged to her and while that was true nothing else mattered. She’s right.”

 

Adam stared at his Father, searching his eyes as though looking for the truth. Ben met his son’s gaze squarely and slowly Adam relaxed a little and eventually he lazed back and stared up at the sky.

 

Ben asked quietly “Is there anything else really worrying you?”

 

Adam was slow to answer but then he closed his eyes as he said “I know Joe couldn’t hold a grudge and Nita’s been marvellous.”

 

“But?”

 

Adam shook his head “It wasn’t just once Pa. I hurt my little brother on three different occasions. Only once did I lose my temper but that just makes it worse.”

 

Ben smiled “As you said Joe can’t hold a grudge and if you lost your temper it’s not too surprising. You taught your brother to fight, I’d bet he landed a few good ones.”

 

“He did Pa but it wasn’t losing my temper that was wrong, it was hitting him without losing it. Marking him, hurting him just for show, that was wrong.”

 

“Don’t you think Joe would have volunteered if he’d known what was at stake?”

 

“Yes but I didn’t have the right to ....”

 

Ben interrupted, “Adam you chose to save all the family by taking the whole burden on yourself and Carole. To do that you had every right to do what was needed. You said Joe couldn’t hold a grudge, I don’t think I do either but I was furious when you hit me in town.”

 

“I’m sorry Pa. ”

 

“That wasn’t exactly what I meant Adam. Did Carole or Joe ever tell you what he said after that fight in town, the last one?”

 

“No, why?”

 

“Joe was remarkably unworried by that fight, calmed me down. He was convinced that it proved you were up to something. He said he knew you too well and was absolutely sure that you hadn’t lost your temper. He said that you’d been very careful, done a lot of showy damage without really hurting him and then knocked him out. He was sure that it was part and parcel of your other odd behaviour, that you were putting a show on for someone else and that in time you’d come home and explain. He was right wasn’t he?”

 

“Yeah. Guess he knows me pretty well.”

 

“He also said that he was sure you hated every minute of it, that the blows hurt you more than they did him.”

 

“When did Joe say that?”

 

“That same day when he came home from town.”

 

Adam whistled softly “Quite a man, my little brother.”

 

“Yes but at least partially it was because he cares for you, very much.”

 

“I know that Pa. It was strange. I knew you all loved me and in an odd way that made it both easier and more difficult.” Adam turned away again but Ben wasn’t prepared to let it go, now he had Adam talking he wanted to clear things up once and for all so his son could begin to forget. He reached out and touched Adam’s shoulder, “Can you explain what you mean Adam?”

 

“I’m not sure I can.” Adam got to his feet restlessly but to Ben’s relief he didn’t try to pull away from his father turning to face him. “It was easier because I knew whatever I was forced to do, however badly I treated you all, and you would forgive me. I needed that conviction Pa, the knowledge that when it was over I could come home.”

 

“I can understand that, but why harder?”

 

“Partly because it was so difficult to block my mind, to stop any of you reaching out to me, learning things you couldn’t know. At first it was almost necessary to concentrate continually and then in some ways it was worse, it became a habit. Even when I didn’t need it, after I’d told you, I found myself slipping back into it.”

 

“I can understand that. I think Joe was most concerned; he’s always been the closest to you in thought. I shouldn’t worry, that habit now it’s broken will slowly fade completely.”

 

“I know.” Adam went to move away but Ben forced him to turn and face him “You said that was one reason why it was harder. What was the other?”

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“I think it does.” Ben waited but his son made no attempt to carry on, so Ben said “Or is it just what Joe said that day. Each time you had to hurt one of us, it hurt you far more?”

 

Adam couldn’t, wouldn’t, answer but the truth of his father’s statement was written all over his face. Ben took his son in his arms and Adam rested his aching head on his Father’s shoulder. He felt totally drained but talking it over had, as Ben had hoped, relaxed him. He hadn’t planned to go as far as he had but he felt a lot better for doing so, just very tired.

It took five minutes before Adam pulled away from his father but although he still looked very tired he was more at peace than he’d been in a long time. “I’m okay now Pa, thank you.”

 

Ben knew that it was unlikely Adam would ever say anymore about the events of that year and his feelings over the last weeks but at least his son looked more relaxed. Maybe in ten years time he’d learn the detail just as he’d finally learnt how Adam had felt at sixteen and trying so hard to be grown up. For now it was enough that Adam was at peace.

 

Adam stared over the lake for five minutes allowing the beauty of the view and peace to seep into his body. Then he went over to Blackie “Time to go and see José.” Ben went along with his son and Adam lapsed back into silence but Ben thought he looked better, although very tired. In fact Adam was enjoying the scenery, seeing the Ponderosa almost as though with new eyes’ He was more aware of the sheer beauty of the land they’d made their own than he’d been in a very long time. As they slowly made their way into the high country Adam had need of the strength that beauty gave him, feeling weak and tired.

 

Ben deliberately kept a steady pace but even so by the time they reached José’s camp, he had to help Adam down from Blackie. José hurried over, pleased to see his old friend back on his feet, although worried at how drawn and tired he looked. Ben helped Adam over to the fire and Adam grinned at José, “Cheer up old friend; I’m fine just a little tired. I could do with some coffee.”

 

José took the hint and brought coffee and then Ben signalled him to come away and for the next half hour he went over the various items of business he needed to cover. Adam sat quietly drinking his coffee and began to feel a little better, his innate strength coming to his aid. Eventually he got to his feet and wandered over to join his father and José. He grinned at them and then joined in the discussion, checking on the current calf crop and the numbers they planned shipping in the main autumn drive. It didn’t take very long to complete their business and then José offered food. Anyone’s cooking was preferable to their own and Adam was quick to accept.

 

Stevens came back for food and after all the rumours he was pleased to see Adam looking very much better. The two men similar in many ways and with a great deal of mutual respect had become good friends over the last few years. The two men with José sat and chatted very freely while Ben sat back watching, so very glad to see his son relaxed, his normal self.

José concerned about his friend suggested they stay over night but with Edwin’s arrival the following day Adam was keen to at least make a start for home and Ben went along with his son.

 

Adam reminded José that there was a big party at his house on the 4^th July and told Stevens he was invited too. Promising to be there José and Stevens watched Adam and Ben ride out. Both were sure that Adam was in pain and a lot weaker than he was admitting but at least he seemed to be back to his normal self and both men knew how quickly he recovered from wounds, some far worse than those he’d got in Sacramento .

 

Ben had gone along with his son’s desire to get home but he wasn’t letting Adam overdo it. They stopped for the night about two hours after leaving the herd. Ben made a fire and heated up coffee. Adam took it gratefully, he was very tired but not yet sleepy and after draining the cup and refilling it he stared at the coffee, far away and deep in thought. For a few minutes Ben let him be but then rather concerned he moved over to sit close to his son and gently touched his arm “Is there anything wrong Adam?”

 

“Not really.”

 

Ben smiled “Come on Adam, you’re not on your own now, explain.”

 

Adam looked up at his father and slowly relaxed “Thanks Pa. I know I’m home but there isn’t anything wrong. I was just thinking about all those who helped me so much. There’s so little I can do to say thank you, the mere words don’t seem enough.”

 

His father considered him a little ruefully, “Adam have you stopped to think why they helped?”

 

“I don’t know what you mean.”

 

“Those who helped you, us, did so because over the years you had helped them.”

“They didn’t owe us anything.”

 

“I’m not saying that they did. Just that many times over the years they have been in the position you are now. Very grateful and yet only able to say thank you, or in some cases not even that. Don’t you think Margaret felt mere words insufficient when you tended Sam while he was dying?”

 

“He was my friend.”

 

“Equally they are your friends Adam.”

 

Adam drank his coffee “You’re right Pa. With Jess I even realised, he said once that we were long past owing each other anything. Carole did cancel the loan we’d made him to get started but that was minor. It was her way of thanking him. I think Jess knows how I feel. It’s the others. Strangely the only one I could really help was Di.”

 

Ben frowned, still finding it hard to accept that this woman, this whore, had mattered to his son. Adam smiled, reading his father easily. “I sprung it on her when she had no real chance to argue. Men had used her because she was dependent. She had a good mind and a need to use it; with money she can have that independence. Something men take for granted but women can’t.”

 

“It would need a fair amount of money.”

 

Adam grinned “I learnt one thing these last months. Even without the Ponderosa we wouldn’t starve. I made thousands of dollars at the poker table. An investment in the future of someone I cared for seemed worthwhile.”

 

“Very worthwhile.”

 

“I just wish I could do more for the other girls. I’ve cancelled the loan Marcy had and she knows that any time we can help she only has to ask but even that is only minor. It seems so little and I daren’t do even much for Margaret or Michelle in case a connection is traced between us.”

 

“What are they planning?”

 

“Margaret is staying with Hearst for a while, then she intends to feign illness he’s so scared of it, any hint of ill health and he’ll do the rest. Then she wants to go back East and I can at least get her a job and a home in Boston or wherever she wants.”

 

“Good, how about Michelle?”

 

“She’s leaving her husband, she was on the verge of it anyway but she will wait for a few weeks. She wants to join her parents in San Francisco , where they are opening a French restaurant. I have bought some land and buildings, one of which will be the restaurant, but it’s covered by all the others.” Adam looked a little defensive “It’s a good investment anyway.”

 

Ben chuckled “I’m sure it is Son, I’m equally sure that was the last thing that mattered and quite rightly so. We have more money than we’ll ever need, what better use for it than helping our friends?”

Adam smiled, totally relaxed, “Thanks Pa.” He was tired and soon settled to a peaceful sleep, feeling much better in himself, despite his wounds which were rather more painful after the exertions of the past days. Ben was glad to see his son so peaceful. While awake Adam could put on an act but in sleep he couldn’t. Although the lines of pain were still obvious, so was his son’s peacefulness and Ben knew that at last Adam had really come home.

 

Adam was awake early the next morning and Ben woke to the smell of coffee. Adam grinned at his father as he started up. “Take it easy Pa. I know I’m no good at cooking but even I can manage coffee.”

 

Ben relaxed and on Adam’s insistence made no effort to examine his wounds or change his bandages until they reached home. Ben took it easy and it was nearly lunchtime before they rode into Adam’s house.

 

Carole had been expecting them back, knowing Edwin was due late that afternoon and Adam would want to be there. She hadn’t been particularly surprised when they weren’t back the previous evening, knowing that Ben would take it easy. All the time Adam was with his father she knew she needn’t worry about him, he would have the best of care and the ranch might relax him. Even so she was very glad to see them ride in and hurried out to greet them with the twins and Marie in hot pursuit.

 

Ben helped Adam down but he didn’t need any help to head straight for his wife and pull her close. Carole could see he was at peace even before he got down, it was written all over his face and she smiled at Ben in gratitude. He had brought her husband back in every sense.